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1
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Previously on
Resident Alien...
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,923
How could I not remember?
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,758
When people experience
a loss of time,
4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,927
it's often because they've
been abducted by aliens.
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,011
I'm an alien.
6
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,430
We are very good
at changing people's memories.
7
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,850
FBI. The murderer is not
Harry Vanderspeigle.
8
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,685
Guess what, you're not
getting your ball back.
9
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,896
I've hidden it where
you'll never find it.
10
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,857
Abigail Hodges, you're under
arrest for the murder of Sam Hodges.
11
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,026
I have built a radio.
12
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,238
The signal will tell my people
not to come and kill everyone...
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,115
For 50 years.
14
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,201
We need to stop it!
No!
15
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,246
It's receiving a signal.
16
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,541
It's a phone number
from New York City.
17
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,751
Sunny went into labor
all of a sudden.
18
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,170
I can fix it. Let the
doctor do his job.
19
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,799
I've held a lot of
babies since Jay was born.
20
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,885
I understand now
why you feel guilty.
21
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,151
Go after him. Flush him out.
I'll meet you on the other side.
22
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,319
I got it.
23
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,363
Police, drop the weapon!
24
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,282
Shit.
25
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,076
Dispatch,
this is unit 92. I got shots fired.
26
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,286
Need backup at my location.
27
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,205
- Jesse! Jesse!
- Copy that.
28
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,665
Backup en route.
29
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,791
Jesse?
30
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:25,836
Jesse?
31
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,676
I got an officer down.
32
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,269
Mike.
33
00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,482
Come on, man,
I know you're in there.
34
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,865
Bill, I can't do that, man.
35
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,785
Mike, you're the only one he
would have trusted with him.
36
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,548
You take care
of yourself, okay?
37
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,009
Thanks. Thanks, man.
38
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,141
I miss him, too, Cletus.
39
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,353
Welcome to your new home.
40
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,867
One thousand
nine hundred miles,
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00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,578
that's how close
I am to New York City,
42
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,413
to one of my people.
43
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,792
One thousand nine hundred miles
from standing in front of a being
44
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,418
who knows what I know
45
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,880
who has stood in the ice wind
desert as a child.
46
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,674
I am different now.
47
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,967
ASTA knows this version of me,
48
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:59,388
but I am I,900 miles
from being with someone
49
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,807
who knows
the alien part of me,
50
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,266
the real me.
51
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,398
So why can I not dial
this number?
52
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,402
Hoodoos
53
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:20,242
Do not take their shape
for you
54
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:25,122
Trace your eye
down their rocky spire
55
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,251
Laced with limestone
and wind and fire
56
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:31,837
Hey.
57
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,381
Hey.
58
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,093
It was nice to talk
to you last night.
59
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,847
Kind of felt like
old times again.
60
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,349
What?
61
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,017
What... What are you
upset about?
62
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,102
Nothing happened.
63
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,520
All we did was
talk about Jay.
64
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,564
Yeah, I know.
ASTA.
65
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,983
I shouldn't have come here.
I did...
66
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,446
Please,
you don't have to go. Yes, I do.
67
00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:01,116
It lives in a fistful of sky
68
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:06,705
Just beyond your reach
69
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,752
Nice seeing you
at Laurant's last night.
70
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,712
Mmm.
71
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,973
I saw you left pretty quickly.
72
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,935
You know,
if there's ever anything
73
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,687
you want to talk about,
like, no big deal,
74
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,522
but you can talk to me.
75
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,735
Thank you, Deputy.
76
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,905
Now that you mention it,
77
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,365
I'd like to know what
you've been scribbling down
78
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,784
in your little notebook there.
79
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,869
You doing another solo
investigation?
80
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,665
Do you remember my dress
you picked up from the cleaners?
81
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:53,043
The one I don't remember
dropping off?
82
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,128
And what dress you talking about?
You talking about that green dress,
83
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,880
or you talking about that
dress you talk about every day
84
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,882
like it's some kind
of government conspiracy?
85
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,051
You have to admit it's weird.
86
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,805
Basically, the whole day
is a blank.
87
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,431
Do you remember it?
I mean, no.
88
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,266
But I can't remember what I
had for breakfast this morning.
89
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,893
You know, ask me
what color socks I'm wearing.
90
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,813
What color socks
are you wearing?
91
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,397
Well, actually,
I'm wearing black socks
92
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,857
'cause that's all I own
is black socks.
93
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,400
But if I did own socks
that was a different color,
94
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,069
I wouldn't remember
what color I was wearing.
95
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,237
You know why?
It don't matter.
96
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,280
Sir, you might want
to look at this.
97
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,577
What the hell she doing?
That's Miss Taylor bike.
98
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,038
Oh, shit. Hell, no.
Hell, no!
99
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,625
Hey, get off that bike!
Get off that damn bike!
100
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,502
That ain't your bike.
Come on, Sheriff!
101
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,379
Hey, I can outrun that bike!
102
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:40,590
Ellen?
103
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:45,929
Hey, Ellen,
can you cover for me?
104
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,389
I got to take care
of something.
105
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,933
Sure. Okay. Thanks.
I won't be long.
106
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,233
Close call.
107
00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,651
Almost as close as you were
108
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,028
to getting your eye
poked out by a tree.
109
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:05,532
In my defense, I had just
had dinner with my parents.
110
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,451
Also, that tree was waving
pretty wildly.
111
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,538
Listen, as a medical
professional,
112
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,123
I suggest you drink
a little less.
113
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,711
But as a single bitch
living in this dead-ass town,
114
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,338
I suggest
you invite me out next time.
115
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,132
Wow.
116
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,758
All right.
117
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,844
Yeah, there's more of that.
Okay.
118
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,643
What do you mean you
got a phone number from an alien?
119
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,645
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
What did they say?
120
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:39,149
Well, I did not call.
It might be a trap.
121
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,984
It's not a trap.
122
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,777
If you worried
more about traps,
123
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,946
then you would
still be in the ocean
124
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,866
instead of in a box of water
in the mountains.
125
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,869
Does this thing have to keep
popping into my head?
126
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,370
You think I like it in there?
127
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,247
It's darker than the woods
in a Tim Burton movie.
128
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,082
You shut the hell up
about what's in my head
129
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,293
and stop putting the TV on
in front of this thing.
130
00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,961
He's not calling
131
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,589
because he's afraid
his people will reject him.
132
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,757
He's worried he's too human.
133
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,425
That is a lie!
134
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,803
Liars do not get food.
I'm kidding.
135
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,513
Can't you take a joke?
It's obviously a trap.
136
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,640
Good octopus.
137
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,601
Okay. We don't have
any other leads.
138
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,354
And if we don't do anything,
everyone is going to die.
139
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,522
So, if you don't call
that phone number, I will.
140
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,358
Fine.
141
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,152
Okay.
142
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,279
Hmm.
143
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,033
Hello. Can I talk
to the alien, please?
144
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,244
Mmm.
145
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,163
He hung up.
146
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,998
He knows my mother.
147
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,793
And they had intercourse.
148
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,172
Demelio's Pizzeria,
East Third Street.
149
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,508
Pack your bags.
We're going to New York.
150
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,636
I cannot go to New
York. The octopus is right.
151
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,846
I have changed.
I am too human.
152
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,807
What if the alien
will not help me?
153
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,767
I heard that.
He just admitted it.
154
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,686
Get out of my head.
155
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,235
Well, answer it.
It might be them.
156
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,155
Hello?
157
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,907
Morning, Doc.
It's the Sheriff.
158
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,248
Hi, Dad.
159
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:19,749
Hmm.
160
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,300
This is weird...
She looks like me,
161
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,387
if I fell face-first
into a pile of metal.
162
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,390
At first, I thought she was just
some hippie drifter from Boulder,
163
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,351
but, uh, then she showed me
this right here.
164
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,521
Mmm.
165
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,483
I remember this.
166
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:50,071
This was the day she sat on my knee,
and we looked at the camera,
167
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,531
and that person
took our photograph.
168
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,534
Yes, the daughter you've
been telling me so much about,
169
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,745
from your first wife
before Isabelle,
170
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,121
and her name is
171
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,290
right on the tip of my tongue.
172
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,463
Um, I think she said Liza.
173
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,798
Liza is her name.
174
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,884
Liza is her name.
175
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,761
I'm very fertile.
176
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,930
This is my sweet little girl.
177
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,893
Well, we caught your sweet
little girl trying to steal a bike.
178
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,271
It turns out she's got a record
for shoplifting in, uh, New Mexico.
179
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,982
Her mama sent her to a camp
for troubled teens,
180
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,318
but she ran away
'cause she's troubled.
181
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,695
She also pulled my hair.
182
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,490
It didn't hurt, though.
I have strong roots.
183
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,533
Are you even aware
of what's going on
184
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,826
- with your daughter, Doc?
- Yes.
185
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:41,081
Thank you for arresting her
and throwing her in jail.
186
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,249
Well, hold on, I don't think
there's any need for that,
187
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,542
at least not yet.
188
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,628
I'm all right with releasing
her into your custody.
189
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,463
No, you throw her in jail.
190
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,802
He's joking.
He'll take her home.
191
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,932
Is this how humans feel
when they have a child
192
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:03,103
angry and resentful for having
to care for a tiny thing?
193
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,979
If she were a pet bird,
194
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:07,273
I would leave
the cage door open
195
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,609
and the ceiling fan on.
196
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:13,738
So, Liza, boot camp, huh?
Why were you sent there?
197
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,448
Murder.
Cool.
198
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,700
Maybe we should call your mom,
have her come pick you up.
199
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,078
Good luck,
my mom is in Italy right now,
200
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,538
getting fingered on a Vespa.
201
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,832
Good talk.
202
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:27,210
It's a bad... It's a bad
talk. That was bad.
203
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,046
Why are you acting so weird?
204
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,633
Wait, are you high?
205
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,510
Yes.
206
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,388
Yes, he is. Ugh.
207
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,390
It's legal in Colorado.
208
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,017
Do not bum my stone, man.
209
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,687
Go home to your mother.
210
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,730
ASTA will take you
to the airport.
211
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,024
That was quick.
212
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,693
You usually at least pretend
213
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,486
for a few days before
you tell me to leave.
214
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,698
I'll make it real easy
for you. Have a nice life.
215
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:57,991
Okay, I will.
216
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,828
Where is the bacon, lady?
217
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,372
You can't just let
her leave. Hmm?
218
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,082
She wants to go.
219
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,085
She wants her father.
We have to help her.
220
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:13,214
An hour ago, you wanted to go to
New York to save the rest of the humans.
221
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,510
You are flip-floppy. She happens
to be one of those humans.
222
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,304
You killed her father,
223
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,932
so we are staying here
until we get her safely home.
224
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,479
She does not need our help.
225
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,565
She's already making friends.
226
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,358
Shit.
227
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,904
I think we can make
that happen, yeah.
228
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,530
You ever been on one before? Oh,
yes.
229
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,115
Let's do this thing.
230
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,284
Hey, nice bike.
Thanks.
231
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,785
I had the same one
in high school.
232
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,954
She's 16, so get the hell
out of here.
233
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,791
Faster.
234
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,213
You're not my mother.
235
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,631
I know. She's doing
the Vespa thing.
236
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,382
Look, I want to help you.
237
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,635
Because you're my dad's
newest sex toy?
238
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,595
Oh, my God, knock it off.
We just work together.
239
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,972
Yeah, you're a little
too old for him.
240
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,893
Look, my mom left me
when I was a baby,
241
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,979
so I know a few things
about being abandoned.
242
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648
So now I'm your therapist?
243
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,815
You know what? Eat shit.
244
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,026
Yeah. Laugh it off.
245
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,861
And have a little pity party
while you're at it.
246
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,655
I'm not going to let you
get on a motorcycle
247
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,616
and get beat up
by some asshole biker, okay?
248
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,507
Did you really used to have
that motorcycle?
249
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,134
No, my asshole biker
boyfriend did.
250
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,142
I don't think my mom
even wanted to go to Italy.
251
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,521
I think she just needed
an excuse to ship me off.
252
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:56,818
I figured...
253
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,404
I hadn't seen
my dad in a while.
254
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:05,034
I was just borrowing that bike
to get to the cabin. I'm not a thief.
255
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,662
Not really.
256
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,374
I mean, I do steal
a lot of shit.
257
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,880
Something's different.
258
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:23,136
At least he used to go through
the motions of being a father.
259
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,055
Yeah, well,
260
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,226
he's not the same man
you used to know.
261
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,437
Maybe just give him a chance.
262
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,402
I really miss you,
Aunt Cathy.
263
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:44,490
You were the only one I ever told
about the UFO I saw when I was a kid,
264
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,200
except John.
265
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:50,163
He thinks I'm crazy,
but loves me anyway.
266
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,000
God, I really hope
you can hear me.
267
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,045
Aunt Cathy,
if you're listening,
268
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,671
please give me a sign.
269
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,381
Liv!
Oh.
270
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,675
Hey, Liv.
Hey.
271
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,177
Just bringing Max by.
272
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,262
His first father-son trip
to the cemetery. Wow.
273
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,889
What is that tall thing?
Ah.
274
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,434
That is a monument
honoring the 59.
275
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,146
The star on top represents the
man that they went back to save.
276
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,106
It's more than a monument.
277
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,734
They're all actually buried
under there.
278
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,861
It's a mass grave
kind of thing.
279
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,112
Awesome.
280
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:24,947
Really?
281
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,035
Huh. Well, uh,
you'll be happy to hear this year
282
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,829
at Patience Family Day
the theme is "Remember When."
283
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,999
So we'll be honoring the 59...
Max stop digging.
284
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,753
I'm trying to rebrand the whole narrative,
you know, just remind people that
285
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,130
these aren't just 59 dead men.
286
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,299
You know, these are...
These are heroes.
287
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,759
That sounds great.
288
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,386
Yeah. We're going to have
mining-themed games.
289
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,639
Kids are putting on a play
written by yours truly. Ah.
290
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,599
Hey, maybe even
get real authentic,
291
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,267
swap out the toilet paper
in the porta-potties
292
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,895
for corn husks.
Yeah, maybe not that one.
293
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,146
I already started shucking.
294
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,981
Well, uh, good to see you.
Yeah.
295
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,316
Okay. Come on, Max.
296
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,277
Hey, Max, I've been meaning
to ask you something.
297
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,196
You know that sketch
you had me do...
298
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,656
The... The one of the alien?
299
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,659
Oh, um, yeah,
I made all that stuff up.
300
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,328
Aliens aren't real.
301
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,466
Well, it looks like
she's been here before.
302
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,635
Nice talking with you.
303
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,513
This is a bad idea.
I do not like children.
304
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,848
Yes, you do.
305
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,474
I saw the way you looked
at Sunny's baby.
306
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,602
That is different.
A baby is tiny.
307
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,020
And it doesn't speak.
308
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,273
Well, every baby grows
into a Liza.
309
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,316
Then why do you feed them?
310
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,360
'Cause if you don't,
they will die.
311
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:48,322
No. Mmm-mmm.
Don't even think about it.
312
00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:49,866
Anything happens to her
or if she leaves,
313
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,367
we will have
much bigger problems.
314
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,953
Okay, keep her alive and happy
315
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,830
until her mom comes home
in a few days
316
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,624
and we go to New York
and save humanity.
317
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,005
Also, try to act
as normal as possible
318
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,507
and keep the door
to your alien bunker locked
319
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,051
and the talking octopus
in your room.
320
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,221
I have got this.
321
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,931
I can be a good father.
322
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,808
I've seen a lot of television.
323
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,060
Ugh,
what happened to the Wi-Fi?
324
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,896
And it smells like
dead people up here.
325
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,023
Then you should
take a shower
326
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,443
my darling daughter.
327
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,454
Adiós, mi amigo, adiós
328
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,456
Hey, hey, hey!
329
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,834
Seems like a long time
I've known you
330
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,503
But I still don't
331
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,966
Buddy, you took my spot.
332
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,969
Glad to see
you got a new truck.
333
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,347
It was the, uh, problem
with the emergency brake
334
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,182
on the last one, right?
Oh, you're real funny.
335
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,517
You could have killed someone.
336
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,227
Now you're pretending
to care about other people.
337
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:02,355
Hey, maybe show me how much
you care with your fist.
338
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,065
That's you do things, right?
339
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,650
Looks like you already lost
one fight today.
340
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,568
But keep playing with me,
and we'll make it two.
341
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,363
It would be the honor of
my life to lay your ass out.
342
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,782
In fact, I'll do it twice...
Once for me, once for ASTA.
343
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:13,866
Well, if she's so upset,
344
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,785
why did she stay
at my house last night?
345
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,788
Mmm.
346
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,373
Bullshit.
347
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,884
Yeah, good to see you.
348
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:34,887
Hey, hey.
349
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,099
Got some good news.
350
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,184
Oh, yeah, the Nats
won four in a row.
351
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,769
I'm not talking about
the Nationals.
352
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,397
My biopsy
came back negative.
353
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,982
Biopsy? What biopsy?
354
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,734
You're the one who kept nagging
me to get my mole checked.
355
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,444
You drove me to the clinic.
356
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,613
What? When?
357
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,948
Two weeks ago.
358
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,492
Well, obviously you didn't
tell me it was for a biopsy,
359
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,785
or I would have remembered.
360
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,453
Of course I told you.
361
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,874
You ain't been
the same since D.C.
362
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,209
You got to deal with that.
363
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,211
See a doctor, psychiatrist,
364
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,879
- hell, anybody.
- Mmm-hmm.
365
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,382
Tell me, why exactly should
I take mental-health advice
366
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,426
from somebody who stayed
holed up in the house,
367
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,429
refusing to speak to anybody for
six months when Mama died? Huh?
368
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,931
Yeah, well, I'm not the one
carrying a deadly weapon.
369
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,266
Okay, all right,
you know what?
370
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,143
Is this... Is this what
we have now? Is this us?
371
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,936
We just gonna fight
all the time?
372
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,313
I got friends. They got dads.
373
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:26,731
They go to games.
They go fishing and shit.
374
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,441
We ain't done nothing
like that since I was a kid.
375
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,401
Instead, all I got
is you sitting across from me
376
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,570
telling me all the things
you think are wrong with me.
377
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,113
You're a young man.
378
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,741
It's not normal
to forget stuff like that.
379
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,002
What are we eating?
Mmm.
380
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,548
This is missing something.
What is it?
381
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:55,301
Oh, right, flavor.
382
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,971
Have you ever heard of salt
or a vegetable maybe?
383
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,932
I did have some vegetables,
384
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,018
but they grew
organisms on them.
385
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,436
You know I can't eat gluten.
386
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,855
Did you forget that,
or are you purposely trying to kill me?
387
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,940
Would gluten kill you?
388
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,484
I'll just starve.
389
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,528
You need to call my boot camp
and tell them that I'm with you
390
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,113
and I'm too sick to go back.
391
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,365
That would be lying.
392
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,661
Lying is bad, young lady.
393
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,163
I will now discipline you
394
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,249
by sending you to bed
without supper.
395
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,671
I already told you...
396
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,339
I'm not going to eat
your shitty gut-bomb pasta.
397
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,634
Fine. Fine. Fine.
398
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,261
More... More gluten for me.
399
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,763
Enjoy.
400
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,431
I am.
401
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,228
I
know you feel like you're different.
402
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,563
You are different.
403
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,316
You can see what's going on.
404
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,318
Aliens are real.
405
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,903
Hey,
uh, Deputy, where are you?
406
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,114
That car was supposed to be
back an hour ago.
407
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,952
Uh, just at the market
picking up supplies
408
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,662
for the break room.
Hey, uh, Dep.
409
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,331
You know what? While you're there,
go ahead and pick me up a lotto ticket.
410
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,291
Go ahead pick up one
for Cletus, too.
411
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,751
Sure thing, Sheriff.
412
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,211
You want a lotto ticket?
413
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,508
You spent the night
at Jimmy's?
414
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,970
It's not what you think.
What is wrong with you?
415
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,763
How do you even get
within ten feet of that creep
416
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,515
without ripping his face off?
417
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,478
We had to deliver
my cousin Sunny's baby, okay?
418
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,604
It messed with my head.
419
00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:33,315
Okay, great.
So call your friends.
420
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:36,861
You don't understand.
No, I really don't.
421
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,739
Well, Jimmy does,
so it's not a terrible surprise
422
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,532
that I want to talk to him
about it and not you.
423
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,577
I guess I'm just somebody
who doesn't like watching
424
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,911
their best friend
ruin their life.
425
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,455
Oh, really?
426
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,707
And that's just something
for me to do?
427
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,084
What is that supposed
to mean?
428
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,920
You think I don't know that you
come in here for hangover IVs?
429
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,255
Sorry, D'Arcy.
430
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,507
You want to talk about
watching friends ruin lives?
431
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,551
Let's talk about it.
You know, it's weird.
432
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,095
You didn't seem worried about
this until I started helping Jay.
433
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,181
Oh, is that what you're doing?
434
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,433
You're "helping" her?
Yes.
435
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,061
She needs somebody
to talk to.
436
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:12,772
Maybe she'll listen
to my dating advice.
437
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:15,900
I'm not so sure you're the best
person to be giving advice about men.
438
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:17,985
Wow.
439
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,780
D'Arce.
Okay.
440
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:38,672
Where's Murphy?
441
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,345
"If you ever want
to see your dog again,
442
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,597
"return my alien ball...
Alien."
443
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:48,599
It's not even your dog.
444
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,185
We win again.
No, we don't.
445
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,437
Murphy's my responsibility.
446
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,439
Her owners pay me
to walk her.
447
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,066
We have to get her back.
448
00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:00,194
Humans are obsessed with pets.
449
00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:02,863
If I give Liza
this slobbering lump of fur,
450
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,950
she will become so distracted
taking care of the dog,
451
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,077
I won't have to take
care of her.
452
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,414
Liza, dear child,
I have a gift for you.
453
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,212
A dog?
454
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:20,297
What am I supposed
to do with that thing?
455
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:21,674
You know Mom's allergic.
456
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:29,139
This will be more
difficult than I first thought.
457
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:37,481
Can't you see me smiling,
baby?
458
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,861
Can't you see this
face of mine?
459
00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:45,906
Can't you see
I'm getting tired?
460
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,577
Even though I seem all right
461
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:55,040
It's not my life
I'm worried about
462
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:59,420
Or my health
if it's weak or strong
463
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:03,382
Ooh, it's just who
I need, girl
464
00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:04,717
Ew!
465
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,928
It's who I touch
and who I hurt
466
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:10,472
Go on by
467
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:13,017
No, there's a...
468
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:14,268
You...
469
00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:16,687
Got the balloon
arch going.
470
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:20,065
This guy, old prospector...
Looking great, everyone.
471
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,859
Hi, Kayla.
Hey, Kate.
472
00:23:22,526 --> 00:23:25,362
Uh, isn't the booth supposed
to be just back a couple feet?
473
00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:26,614
Yeah, there was a rock there.
474
00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:30,242
See, all the booths are
supposed to be 30 feet apart.
475
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:34,038
Did you know that the human
brain gets pleasure from symmetry?
476
00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:36,040
Did you know that
the human ankle gets pain
477
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,291
from breaking itself
on a rock?
478
00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:39,752
Oh, no.
479
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,754
Why is there
a murderer here?
480
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,882
Innocent until proven guilty.
Innocent?
481
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:46,383
She's holding a weapon.
482
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:49,428
Honey,
it's a paintbrush. That's a weapon.
483
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:51,764
"Hi. What would you like me
to paint on your face,
484
00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:53,265
"a nice little birdie?"
485
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:54,433
"Take that kid."
486
00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:59,271
Keep an eye on her.
487
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,400
It's good to see you.
488
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:07,529
- This is stupid.
- It is not stupid.
489
00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:09,573
This is Patience Family Day.
490
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,116
We are a family in Patience,
491
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,453
and this is what families
in Patience do on this day.
492
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,497
If she were home with me
for one more second,
493
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:19,500
I would kill her and feed her
to my hungry octopus.
494
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:20,834
Can I at least drive?
495
00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:23,087
Will you stop complaining?
Yes.
496
00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,799
Okay.
Yes!
497
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:36,850
Hurry.
498
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:38,394
Okay.
499
00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:46,318
Okay. Try not to kill us.
500
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,445
Calm down. It's fine.
501
00:24:48,529 --> 00:24:50,072
This is a nightmare.
502
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,408
How do human parents teach
driving to their children
503
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,118
without being terrified?
504
00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:56,453
The truck
sounds like it wants you to shift now.
505
00:24:59,039 --> 00:25:00,708
Oh, let's put on some tunes.
506
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,210
Wait, watch out!
507
00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:08,048
Stop being a backseat driver.
There is no back seat.
508
00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:09,675
It is a truck.
509
00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:13,595
It is a nice day, and...
510
00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,723
That is a beautiful
stop sign approaching.
511
00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:17,224
You see it?
Where?
512
00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:18,559
There.
513
00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:21,020
Watch it, asshole!
514
00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:23,313
Stop! That's it!
Get out of that truck!
515
00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:25,524
You are the worst driver
I've ever seen!
516
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:28,527
You're a jerk.
I was finally having some fun.
517
00:25:33,824 --> 00:25:35,034
Damn it.
518
00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:39,288
Come on, we got to hurry.
We'll be late for the play.
519
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:40,956
I don't want to give
the ball back.
520
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,249
We have no choice.
521
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:46,170
Do you know what a kidnapping review
will do to my whole dog-walking business?
522
00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:49,423
Wait.
523
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:52,342
Someone's been here.
The satellite dish is gone.
524
00:25:54,595 --> 00:25:55,596
Oh, no.
525
00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:07,066
The ball.
526
00:26:09,443 --> 00:26:10,819
Who took it?
527
00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,781
There's only one possibility.
528
00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:47,397
ASTA.
529
00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:49,024
Hey, Harry.
530
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:51,610
Thank you so much again for
helping Sunny with her baby.
531
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:54,446
You were amazing. They
are easy when they are babies.
532
00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:58,867
They cannot run away yet or
almost kill you in a car accident.
533
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,369
Run away? Did Liza leave?
534
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,954
Oh! Uh...
535
00:27:02,037 --> 00:27:04,873
Found her.
Oh, yep, teenage daughter.
536
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:07,793
Oh, Harry,
maybe you should...
537
00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:09,795
No. That's it.
538
00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:12,673
You are as bad at throwing
539
00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:14,466
as you are at driving!
540
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:17,803
Well, I must be
a pretty good driver, then,
541
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,138
because you're soaking wet.
542
00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,476
You are the worst
daughter that I have.
543
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,728
I am your only daughter,
you idiot!
544
00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:31,650
If I had another daughter
and she was bad,
545
00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:33,026
you would be worse!
546
00:27:34,778 --> 00:27:35,904
Please stop, you guys.
547
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:38,532
Uh, we only have a
limited number of balloons.
548
00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:42,077
And, Judy, uh,
I appreciate you dressing on theme,
549
00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:43,579
but could you cover up
the cleavage?
550
00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:45,873
There are children here.
There's a theme?
551
00:27:48,417 --> 00:27:50,085
Not okay! No! Hey!
552
00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:52,546
Not... Not okay. Hey!
Get him.
553
00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:54,381
Summer fun,
summer high jinks.
554
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:56,675
Listen, you got
to take it down here.
555
00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,093
Hey!
556
00:27:58,177 --> 00:27:59,303
Okay, all right.
557
00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:00,721
Not okay! Oh!
558
00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:10,230
I know you didn't kill Sam.
559
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,735
You have no idea
how much that means to me.
560
00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:20,532
Okay. Bird or butterfly?
561
00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:26,079
Uh, I was thinking more of
a Ziggy Stardust-type thing.
562
00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:28,916
Oh, okay, I like it.
Let's see now.
563
00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:47,643
Does the food you eat ever
get caught in your lip metal?
564
00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:53,273
You're different
than before,
565
00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,067
like, head-injury different.
566
00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,779
You've changed.
Yes, I know.
567
00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:01,573
You ghosted me for,
like, three years.
568
00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:04,076
I thought you hated me.
569
00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:06,245
Then why did you come here?
570
00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,705
To be honest,
I was afraid to.
571
00:29:08,789 --> 00:29:09,790
I mean...
572
00:29:10,874 --> 00:29:12,626
I've changed, too, obviously.
573
00:29:12,709 --> 00:29:15,128
I'm not the little girl
you used to take fishing.
574
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,340
But you're my family.
575
00:29:18,799 --> 00:29:20,300
I was hoping that'd be enough,
576
00:29:20,968 --> 00:29:22,177
'cause if it wasn't enough,
577
00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:26,056
I would have had to go back
to that hellhole camp.
578
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:28,267
Dial their phone number.
579
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:39,736
Hello, my name is
Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle,
580
00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:42,990
and my daughter Liza
isn't going to come back
581
00:29:43,073 --> 00:29:46,368
to your stupid camp.
582
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:48,036
It is stupid.
583
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,538
You are stupid.
584
00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:54,334
If you contact her again,
I will find you and your family.
585
00:29:54,418 --> 00:29:55,794
That should cover it.
586
00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:58,255
Mmm-hmm.
587
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:03,635
Hey, win me a prize?
588
00:30:07,848 --> 00:30:11,768
I will win myself a prize
and consider giving it to you.
589
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:13,395
Fair enough.
590
00:30:19,901 --> 00:30:23,238
All right,
time for the 52nd Annual Family Day
591
00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:24,865
Hot Chili Pepper
Eating Contest.
592
00:30:25,282 --> 00:30:26,366
You should eat more.
593
00:30:26,867 --> 00:30:29,244
No. Need to line the stomach.
594
00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:31,788
Trust me, I've won this contest
every year since I was 13,
595
00:30:32,456 --> 00:30:34,082
except the year that
Ethiopian exchange student
596
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,250
threw me for a loop.
597
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:37,794
Biniyam!
You're so gonna win.
598
00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:39,796
Have you seen
everyone else at the table?
599
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,006
They're all, like, adults.
600
00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:42,341
I'm an adult.
601
00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:45,510
Shut up. No, you're not.
Okay.
602
00:30:45,594 --> 00:30:48,055
Will all remaining entrants
please make their way to the table?
603
00:30:48,138 --> 00:30:49,264
Let's get started.
Let's go, D'Arce!
604
00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:52,934
I've been practicing
with, like, hot things,
605
00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:56,772
like, getting, like,
big, hot things in my mouth.
606
00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:58,940
I mean, this is the first time
it's pepper.
607
00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:01,318
Okay,
we are just about to start.
608
00:31:01,401 --> 00:31:04,529
What are you doing?
What? I love spicy food.
609
00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:06,239
This isn't spicy food.
610
00:31:06,323 --> 00:31:09,618
This is the stuff they put a
tiny bit of in to make spicy food.
611
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,746
Afraid I'm going to beat you?
I'm afraid you're gonna die.
612
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:14,623
You're going down
this year, skank.
613
00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:17,125
Not as often as you.
True, true.
614
00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,795
First up is
a very mild banana pepper.
615
00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:21,463
Eat!
616
00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:30,514
I'm on fire!
617
00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:33,892
Nope, nope, nope,
I'm out! I'm out!
618
00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,728
Oh, no, no, no.
619
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:40,857
Oh, hey, Doc, uh,
620
00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:43,235
can I talk to you in
private for a minute?
621
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,695
Nice alien.
622
00:31:46,029 --> 00:31:47,572
Thanks.
My dad stole it for me.
623
00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:50,117
Oh, that...
That's a little bit illegal.
624
00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:52,244
It's, like,
super cheap, so...
625
00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:54,287
Yeah, doesn't really...
It's more the principle.
626
00:31:54,371 --> 00:31:56,331
- Okay.
- Here.
627
00:31:58,625 --> 00:32:01,002
Look, uh,
I'll make this quick.
628
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:04,923
All right, two weeks ago,
I took my dad to get a biopsy,
629
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,341
except I don't remember
taking him.
630
00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:08,343
I don't remember anything...
As a matter of fact,
631
00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:10,429
I don't remember anything
about that day at all
632
00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:11,972
except talking to the FBI.
633
00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,306
That's not normal, right?
634
00:32:13,390 --> 00:32:15,559
He is right.
It is not normal.
635
00:32:15,642 --> 00:32:17,561
And it is also
very bad for me.
636
00:32:17,644 --> 00:32:19,521
All right, now get this...
It gets weirder, right?
637
00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:22,315
Now, I haven't told Deputy Liv
anything about me forgetting that day
638
00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:23,525
'cause I don't want her
to freak out,
639
00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:26,528
but she's got gaps in her memory
for that exact same day, too.
640
00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:28,864
You think if I came by the office,
you could check me out?
641
00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:30,490
This is bad.
642
00:32:30,574 --> 00:32:33,827
If he starts investigating this,
he might remember that I'm a murderer
643
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,787
and possibly a werewolf.
644
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:36,872
Yes.
645
00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:39,708
I will do what I can
to help with your memory.
646
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:40,876
I appreciate it.
647
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:43,670
You know, my dad... He
tells me it's emotional, right?
648
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:45,005
That it's in my head.
649
00:32:45,922 --> 00:32:48,008
I lost a friend
a few years back, and...
650
00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:51,219
Truth is, I don't think
I've had a good day since.
651
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:53,180
Does that make sense?
652
00:32:53,263 --> 00:32:54,723
Yes, that makes sense.
653
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:57,934
All I got left now
is my dad,
654
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,270
and who knows
for how long, right?
655
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,647
If I can't remember the time
I'm spending with him, then...
656
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:05,066
Sit down.
657
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:07,444
Right here? Okay.
658
00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:12,949
Let me lead you
through a meditation
659
00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:15,202
that will help with
your grief. Okay.
660
00:33:15,285 --> 00:33:18,497
And put a memory in
your head so you leave me alone.
661
00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:19,664
All right.
662
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,671
We are getting up there now.
663
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:31,510
Next is the Trinidad Scorpion
at 1.2 million Scoville units.
664
00:33:31,593 --> 00:33:33,178
This is gonna turn out bad.
665
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:36,389
Why are you doing this?
Take your milk.
666
00:33:36,473 --> 00:33:37,474
I feel great.
667
00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:40,519
All right, D'Arcy!
You can do this, ASTA!
668
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,066
Whoo! ASTA! Yes.
669
00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:50,612
Oh, God, that's not
the way you're supposed to eat that.
670
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,614
I'm fine, I'm fine.
No, you're not.
671
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:55,116
You're not gonna be fine.
Oh, God.
672
00:33:56,576 --> 00:33:57,869
All right.
673
00:33:57,953 --> 00:33:59,371
Oh, oh!
674
00:33:59,454 --> 00:34:01,331
I'm out, I'm out,
I'm out.
675
00:34:01,831 --> 00:34:04,626
And the winner
and new champion is
676
00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:06,086
Ellen Cho!
677
00:34:11,091 --> 00:34:13,969
Bow to me! Bow!
678
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:15,971
The play's about to start.
I saved you guys some seats.
679
00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:18,223
Oh, I'm excited.
I don't do no plays.
680
00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:19,599
I don't play.
I don't watch plays.
681
00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:21,142
I don't want... I ain't
want to do no plays.
682
00:34:21,226 --> 00:34:22,644
Oh, come on,
come on, come on.
683
00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:23,728
Come on, let's go.
684
00:34:24,521 --> 00:34:25,981
- Did you write it?
- I did.
685
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:28,275
Wow, a pickax
for my tenth birthday?
686
00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:29,484
Thanks, Dad!
687
00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:32,112
We're all miners now.
688
00:34:32,195 --> 00:34:34,489
Mining built the town
of Patience, Colorado.
689
00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:38,410
At one time, every able-bodied
man who lived here worked the mine.
690
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:42,330
Then one cold
January day in 1884,
691
00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:43,748
heroes were born.
692
00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:49,796
Oh, no!
It could be a cave-in!
693
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:51,506
Run for your lives!
694
00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:55,343
Help! Help!
695
00:34:55,885 --> 00:34:57,512
There's one man
still in the mine!
696
00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,264
We must go back for him!
697
00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:03,101
Fifty-nine brave men refused
to leave one man behind.
698
00:35:03,184 --> 00:35:04,728
They were heroes.
699
00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:07,188
How much of the town budget
did you spend on this play?
700
00:35:07,939 --> 00:35:09,566
Eight percent.
Eight perc...
701
00:35:11,735 --> 00:35:14,696
What happened in the mine
after it collapsed.
702
00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:19,034
We're boulders,
and we're here to kill miners.
703
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,702
All must die.
704
00:35:50,607 --> 00:35:52,984
All my organs
are hemorrhaging.
705
00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:57,572
My leg, my leg.
706
00:35:57,656 --> 00:36:01,034
Fifty-nine men succumbed
to their crush injuries that day.
707
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:04,245
And one man,
who was trapped in an air pocket,
708
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:07,707
died of loneliness
and thirst three days later.
709
00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:11,461
I'm so thirsty
and so lonely.
710
00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:16,716
To the 59
and to Air Pocket Pete.
711
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,968
I don't think his name
was actually Pete,
712
00:36:19,052 --> 00:36:21,930
but, you know, it works,
and it works well.
713
00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:27,769
Where
have all the daddies gone?
714
00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:31,648
Where did they all go?
715
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:36,778
My uncle is my daddy now
716
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:40,240
And soon there will be snow
717
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:45,537
Where did Mommy's happy go?
718
00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:48,915
She drinks wine all day
719
00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:54,045
My uncle daddy gets real mad
720
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:57,632
I don't think he will stay
What are you thinking?
721
00:36:57,716 --> 00:36:58,800
Terrible, man.
722
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:09,894
Stop, stop, stop.
723
00:37:22,282 --> 00:37:24,242
Here, this'll help.
724
00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:27,370
Thanks. I need, like,
six or seven more of these.
725
00:37:33,460 --> 00:37:35,962
I shouldn't have said
what I said about you and Jay.
726
00:37:36,629 --> 00:37:37,630
I didn't mean it.
727
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,883
No, you meant it.
728
00:37:41,176 --> 00:37:42,385
Okay, I meant it.
729
00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:46,055
I was mad,
and I was wrong.
730
00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,182
No, you weren't.
731
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:49,100
You were right.
732
00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:51,186
My parents took me
out to dinner,
733
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:53,396
and my response was
to go get blackout drunk.
734
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,648
Your parents are assholes.
735
00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,193
I mean, I love them,
but come on.
736
00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:01,196
I should be better
at dealing with them by now.
737
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:02,363
I'm not 15.
738
00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:06,659
I'm a mess.
No.
739
00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:08,828
I'm a mess. Look at me.
740
00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:12,957
I don't want to be messy.
Mmm.
741
00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:14,375
I don't want that either.
742
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:16,586
We can't both be messes
at the same time.
743
00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:17,921
Otherwise, it's chaos.
744
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,634
Going to Jimmy's was so dumb.
745
00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:25,929
I just...
746
00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:30,517
He just went through it,
you know?
747
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,728
I mean, he was an asshole,
but he was there when Jay was born,
748
00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:36,314
and he was there for me
through all the freakouts
749
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:37,732
after I gave her up.
750
00:38:41,778 --> 00:38:43,988
I guess I'm so used
to being sad with him,
751
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,241
something about it
feels normal.
752
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:50,620
I don't think that's
supposed to feel normal.
753
00:38:52,205 --> 00:38:54,624
You know, I wasn't around
when all that stuff went down,
754
00:38:54,707 --> 00:38:55,792
but I'm here now.
755
00:38:56,793 --> 00:38:58,962
And I always will be.
756
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:00,964
You know that, right?
757
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:03,758
Right.
758
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:09,556
When I woke up
on his couch...
759
00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:12,517
I saw that picture of us
from the senior year
760
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,562
where I'm wearing that
stupid football sweatshirt.
761
00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:20,275
That thing is still
in my trunk.
762
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,320
I think you should
go get that sweatshirt.
763
00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:29,701
Yeah. Yeah.
Why?
764
00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:30,869
Yeah.
Why?
765
00:39:30,952 --> 00:39:31,953
Yeah.
Why?
766
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,081
What are you gonna do?
767
00:39:35,164 --> 00:39:36,332
What are you gonna do?
768
00:39:42,005 --> 00:39:43,631
And we
769
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:49,762
We are the same
770
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:03,943
We'll only be gone
a couple of days.
771
00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:05,737
You're sure
you're okay here alone?
772
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,030
Of course.
773
00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:09,449
Who cares if everyone
hated the play
774
00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,117
and me for writing it?
775
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,661
Not everyone
in the audience hated it.
776
00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:15,747
And that woman
who screamed at you
777
00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:17,040
is one of those
complainer moms from school.
778
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:19,459
Where have all
the daddies gone?
779
00:40:19,751 --> 00:40:22,629
Where did they all go?
780
00:40:23,046 --> 00:40:24,756
You're singing the song.
781
00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:26,883
Yeah, it's the best
song ever.
782
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:30,261
And the play was awesome.
The blood looked so cool.
783
00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:31,971
See you in a couple days.
784
00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:36,100
Where did Mommy's happy go?
785
00:40:36,476 --> 00:40:39,103
Wow. Did you see that?
Max loved it.
786
00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:41,731
See? You got yourself
all worked up over nothing.
787
00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:44,359
By next year, everyone will
have forgotten all about it,
788
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,027
and you can do another play.
789
00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:48,863
No way. I mean, you heard Max.
The play worked.
790
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:52,075
No, we'll... We'll do it
even bigger next year.
791
00:40:52,158 --> 00:40:54,494
You know, bigger boulders,
maybe... Maybe even more blood.
792
00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:57,622
Great.
793
00:40:58,915 --> 00:41:00,833
Okay. Bye, honey.
Okay, bye.
794
00:41:00,917 --> 00:41:02,377
Bye-bye. Okay.
795
00:41:03,127 --> 00:41:04,420
Have fun at your mom's.
796
00:41:09,092 --> 00:41:11,177
- Bye, Dad!
- Bye, honey!
797
00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:28,403
Thanks.
798
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:30,530
Just take care of yourself.
799
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:34,242
At the end of the day,
you can't depend on anyone else but you.
800
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:37,120
My mom would never say
something like that.
801
00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:40,498
But I think you're right.
802
00:41:41,416 --> 00:41:42,750
Thanks.
803
00:41:44,752 --> 00:41:45,753
I...
804
00:41:53,594 --> 00:41:54,762
Hmm.
805
00:41:56,723 --> 00:41:58,433
You're a better father
than I remember.
806
00:41:58,808 --> 00:42:00,685
I'm glad we got
to spend time together.
807
00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:03,730
I might even
miss you a little.
808
00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:05,898
I am glad.
809
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:08,568
I miss my family, too.
810
00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:09,736
All right, folks.
811
00:42:10,987 --> 00:42:12,697
I have also changed.
812
00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,157
Ticket, please.
813
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:16,909
But the alien
in New York is my family.
814
00:42:18,494 --> 00:42:20,538
So maybe they will
help me anyway.
815
00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:25,293
I have to try.
816
00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:27,295
I am ready to go
to New York now.
817
00:42:30,923 --> 00:42:32,508
I am not worried.
818
00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:35,762
I know I am much more alien
than human.
819
00:42:39,766 --> 00:42:41,809
Sheriff, can I tell you
something?
820
00:42:41,893 --> 00:42:43,770
All right, go ahead.
Lay it on me.
821
00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:46,856
You know that day
the FBI guy came,
822
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:49,776
the day that neither of us
can remember?
823
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:54,155
I think an alien erased
our memory. There, I said it.
824
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:56,282
Well, I can't speak
for you, Deputy,
825
00:42:56,365 --> 00:42:59,744
but, um, I remember exactly
what I was doing that day.
826
00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:02,997
It was a good day.
Actually, a very good day.
827
00:43:05,792 --> 00:43:06,793
Okay.
828
00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:15,635
Only an alien would
have been able to put a memory
829
00:43:15,718 --> 00:43:17,053
in the sheriff's head.
830
00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:26,687
And if that memory
gave him a good day,
831
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:30,650
then that is just
a coincidence.
57814
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