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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,254 Previously on Resident Alien... 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,923 How could I not remember? 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,758 When people experience a loss of time, 4 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,927 it's often because they've been abducted by aliens. 5 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,011 I'm an alien. 6 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,430 We are very good at changing people's memories. 7 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,850 FBI. The murderer is not Harry Vanderspeigle. 8 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,685 Guess what, you're not getting your ball back. 9 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,896 I've hidden it where you'll never find it. 10 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,857 Abigail Hodges, you're under arrest for the murder of Sam Hodges. 11 00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,026 I have built a radio. 12 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,238 The signal will tell my people not to come and kill everyone... 13 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,115 For 50 years. 14 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,201 We need to stop it! No! 15 00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,246 It's receiving a signal. 16 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,541 It's a phone number from New York City. 17 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,751 Sunny went into labor all of a sudden. 18 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,170 I can fix it. Let the doctor do his job. 19 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,799 I've held a lot of babies since Jay was born. 20 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,885 I understand now why you feel guilty. 21 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,151 Go after him. Flush him out. I'll meet you on the other side. 22 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,319 I got it. 23 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,363 Police, drop the weapon! 24 00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,282 Shit. 25 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,076 Dispatch, this is unit 92. I got shots fired. 26 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,286 Need backup at my location. 27 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,205 - Jesse! Jesse! - Copy that. 28 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,665 Backup en route. 29 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,791 Jesse? 30 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:25,836 Jesse? 31 00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,676 I got an officer down. 32 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,269 Mike. 33 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,482 Come on, man, I know you're in there. 34 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,865 Bill, I can't do that, man. 35 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,785 Mike, you're the only one he would have trusted with him. 36 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,548 You take care of yourself, okay? 37 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,009 Thanks. Thanks, man. 38 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,141 I miss him, too, Cletus. 39 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,353 Welcome to your new home. 40 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,867 One thousand nine hundred miles, 41 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,578 that's how close I am to New York City, 42 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,413 to one of my people. 43 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,792 One thousand nine hundred miles from standing in front of a being 44 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,418 who knows what I know 45 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,880 who has stood in the ice wind desert as a child. 46 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,674 I am different now. 47 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,967 ASTA knows this version of me, 48 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:59,388 but I am I,900 miles from being with someone 49 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,807 who knows the alien part of me, 50 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,266 the real me. 51 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,398 So why can I not dial this number? 52 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,402 Hoodoos 53 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:20,242 Do not take their shape for you 54 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:25,122 Trace your eye down their rocky spire 55 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,251 Laced with limestone and wind and fire 56 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:31,837 Hey. 57 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,381 Hey. 58 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,093 It was nice to talk to you last night. 59 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,847 Kind of felt like old times again. 60 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,349 What? 61 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,017 What... What are you upset about? 62 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,102 Nothing happened. 63 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,520 All we did was talk about Jay. 64 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,564 Yeah, I know. ASTA. 65 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,983 I shouldn't have come here. I did... 66 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,446 Please, you don't have to go. Yes, I do. 67 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:01,116 It lives in a fistful of sky 68 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:06,705 Just beyond your reach 69 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,752 Nice seeing you at Laurant's last night. 70 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,712 Mmm. 71 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,973 I saw you left pretty quickly. 72 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,935 You know, if there's ever anything 73 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,687 you want to talk about, like, no big deal, 74 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,522 but you can talk to me. 75 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,735 Thank you, Deputy. 76 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,905 Now that you mention it, 77 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,365 I'd like to know what you've been scribbling down 78 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,784 in your little notebook there. 79 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,869 You doing another solo investigation? 80 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,665 Do you remember my dress you picked up from the cleaners? 81 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:53,043 The one I don't remember dropping off? 82 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,128 And what dress you talking about? You talking about that green dress, 83 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,880 or you talking about that dress you talk about every day 84 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,882 like it's some kind of government conspiracy? 85 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,051 You have to admit it's weird. 86 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,805 Basically, the whole day is a blank. 87 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,431 Do you remember it? I mean, no. 88 00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,266 But I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning. 89 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,893 You know, ask me what color socks I'm wearing. 90 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,813 What color socks are you wearing? 91 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,397 Well, actually, I'm wearing black socks 92 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,857 'cause that's all I own is black socks. 93 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,400 But if I did own socks that was a different color, 94 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,069 I wouldn't remember what color I was wearing. 95 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,237 You know why? It don't matter. 96 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,280 Sir, you might want to look at this. 97 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,577 What the hell she doing? That's Miss Taylor bike. 98 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,038 Oh, shit. Hell, no. Hell, no! 99 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,625 Hey, get off that bike! Get off that damn bike! 100 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,502 That ain't your bike. Come on, Sheriff! 101 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,379 Hey, I can outrun that bike! 102 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:40,590 Ellen? 103 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:45,929 Hey, Ellen, can you cover for me? 104 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,389 I got to take care of something. 105 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,933 Sure. Okay. Thanks. I won't be long. 106 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,233 Close call. 107 00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,651 Almost as close as you were 108 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,028 to getting your eye poked out by a tree. 109 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:05,532 In my defense, I had just had dinner with my parents. 110 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,451 Also, that tree was waving pretty wildly. 111 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,538 Listen, as a medical professional, 112 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,123 I suggest you drink a little less. 113 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,711 But as a single bitch living in this dead-ass town, 114 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,338 I suggest you invite me out next time. 115 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,132 Wow. 116 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,758 All right. 117 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,844 Yeah, there's more of that. Okay. 118 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,643 What do you mean you got a phone number from an alien? 119 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,645 Why didn't you tell me sooner? What did they say? 120 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:39,149 Well, I did not call. It might be a trap. 121 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,984 It's not a trap. 122 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,777 If you worried more about traps, 123 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,946 then you would still be in the ocean 124 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,866 instead of in a box of water in the mountains. 125 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,869 Does this thing have to keep popping into my head? 126 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,370 You think I like it in there? 127 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,247 It's darker than the woods in a Tim Burton movie. 128 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,082 You shut the hell up about what's in my head 129 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,293 and stop putting the TV on in front of this thing. 130 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,961 He's not calling 131 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,589 because he's afraid his people will reject him. 132 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,757 He's worried he's too human. 133 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,425 That is a lie! 134 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,803 Liars do not get food. I'm kidding. 135 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,513 Can't you take a joke? It's obviously a trap. 136 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,640 Good octopus. 137 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,601 Okay. We don't have any other leads. 138 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,354 And if we don't do anything, everyone is going to die. 139 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,522 So, if you don't call that phone number, I will. 140 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,358 Fine. 141 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,152 Okay. 142 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,279 Hmm. 143 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,033 Hello. Can I talk to the alien, please? 144 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,244 Mmm. 145 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,163 He hung up. 146 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,998 He knows my mother. 147 00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,793 And they had intercourse. 148 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,172 Demelio's Pizzeria, East Third Street. 149 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,508 Pack your bags. We're going to New York. 150 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,636 I cannot go to New York. The octopus is right. 151 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,846 I have changed. I am too human. 152 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,807 What if the alien will not help me? 153 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,767 I heard that. He just admitted it. 154 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,686 Get out of my head. 155 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,235 Well, answer it. It might be them. 156 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,155 Hello? 157 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,907 Morning, Doc. It's the Sheriff. 158 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,248 Hi, Dad. 159 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:19,749 Hmm. 160 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,300 This is weird... She looks like me, 161 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,387 if I fell face-first into a pile of metal. 162 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,390 At first, I thought she was just some hippie drifter from Boulder, 163 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,351 but, uh, then she showed me this right here. 164 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,521 Mmm. 165 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,483 I remember this. 166 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:50,071 This was the day she sat on my knee, and we looked at the camera, 167 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,531 and that person took our photograph. 168 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,534 Yes, the daughter you've been telling me so much about, 169 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,745 from your first wife before Isabelle, 170 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,121 and her name is 171 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,290 right on the tip of my tongue. 172 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,463 Um, I think she said Liza. 173 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,798 Liza is her name. 174 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,884 Liza is her name. 175 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,761 I'm very fertile. 176 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,930 This is my sweet little girl. 177 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,893 Well, we caught your sweet little girl trying to steal a bike. 178 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,271 It turns out she's got a record for shoplifting in, uh, New Mexico. 179 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,982 Her mama sent her to a camp for troubled teens, 180 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,318 but she ran away 'cause she's troubled. 181 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,695 She also pulled my hair. 182 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,490 It didn't hurt, though. I have strong roots. 183 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,533 Are you even aware of what's going on 184 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,826 - with your daughter, Doc? - Yes. 185 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:41,081 Thank you for arresting her and throwing her in jail. 186 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,249 Well, hold on, I don't think there's any need for that, 187 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,542 at least not yet. 188 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,628 I'm all right with releasing her into your custody. 189 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,463 No, you throw her in jail. 190 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,802 He's joking. He'll take her home. 191 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,932 Is this how humans feel when they have a child 192 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:03,103 angry and resentful for having to care for a tiny thing? 193 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,979 If she were a pet bird, 194 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:07,273 I would leave the cage door open 195 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,609 and the ceiling fan on. 196 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:13,738 So, Liza, boot camp, huh? Why were you sent there? 197 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,448 Murder. Cool. 198 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,700 Maybe we should call your mom, have her come pick you up. 199 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,078 Good luck, my mom is in Italy right now, 200 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,538 getting fingered on a Vespa. 201 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,832 Good talk. 202 00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:27,210 It's a bad... It's a bad talk. That was bad. 203 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,046 Why are you acting so weird? 204 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,633 Wait, are you high? 205 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,510 Yes. 206 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,388 Yes, he is. Ugh. 207 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,390 It's legal in Colorado. 208 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,017 Do not bum my stone, man. 209 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,687 Go home to your mother. 210 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,730 ASTA will take you to the airport. 211 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,024 That was quick. 212 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,693 You usually at least pretend 213 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,486 for a few days before you tell me to leave. 214 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,698 I'll make it real easy for you. Have a nice life. 215 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:57,991 Okay, I will. 216 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,828 Where is the bacon, lady? 217 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,372 You can't just let her leave. Hmm? 218 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,082 She wants to go. 219 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,085 She wants her father. We have to help her. 220 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:13,214 An hour ago, you wanted to go to New York to save the rest of the humans. 221 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,510 You are flip-floppy. She happens to be one of those humans. 222 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,304 You killed her father, 223 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,932 so we are staying here until we get her safely home. 224 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,479 She does not need our help. 225 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,565 She's already making friends. 226 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,358 Shit. 227 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,904 I think we can make that happen, yeah. 228 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,530 You ever been on one before? Oh, yes. 229 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,115 Let's do this thing. 230 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,284 Hey, nice bike. Thanks. 231 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,785 I had the same one in high school. 232 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,954 She's 16, so get the hell out of here. 233 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,791 Faster. 234 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,213 You're not my mother. 235 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,631 I know. She's doing the Vespa thing. 236 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,382 Look, I want to help you. 237 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,635 Because you're my dad's newest sex toy? 238 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,595 Oh, my God, knock it off. We just work together. 239 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,972 Yeah, you're a little too old for him. 240 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,893 Look, my mom left me when I was a baby, 241 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,979 so I know a few things about being abandoned. 242 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648 So now I'm your therapist? 243 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,815 You know what? Eat shit. 244 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,026 Yeah. Laugh it off. 245 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,861 And have a little pity party while you're at it. 246 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,655 I'm not going to let you get on a motorcycle 247 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,616 and get beat up by some asshole biker, okay? 248 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,507 Did you really used to have that motorcycle? 249 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,134 No, my asshole biker boyfriend did. 250 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,142 I don't think my mom even wanted to go to Italy. 251 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,521 I think she just needed an excuse to ship me off. 252 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:56,818 I figured... 253 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,404 I hadn't seen my dad in a while. 254 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:05,034 I was just borrowing that bike to get to the cabin. I'm not a thief. 255 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,662 Not really. 256 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,374 I mean, I do steal a lot of shit. 257 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,880 Something's different. 258 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:23,136 At least he used to go through the motions of being a father. 259 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,055 Yeah, well, 260 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,226 he's not the same man you used to know. 261 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,437 Maybe just give him a chance. 262 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,402 I really miss you, Aunt Cathy. 263 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:44,490 You were the only one I ever told about the UFO I saw when I was a kid, 264 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,200 except John. 265 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:50,163 He thinks I'm crazy, but loves me anyway. 266 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,000 God, I really hope you can hear me. 267 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,045 Aunt Cathy, if you're listening, 268 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,671 please give me a sign. 269 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,381 Liv! Oh. 270 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,675 Hey, Liv. Hey. 271 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,177 Just bringing Max by. 272 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,262 His first father-son trip to the cemetery. Wow. 273 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,889 What is that tall thing? Ah. 274 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,434 That is a monument honoring the 59. 275 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,146 The star on top represents the man that they went back to save. 276 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,106 It's more than a monument. 277 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,734 They're all actually buried under there. 278 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,861 It's a mass grave kind of thing. 279 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,112 Awesome. 280 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:24,947 Really? 281 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,035 Huh. Well, uh, you'll be happy to hear this year 282 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,829 at Patience Family Day the theme is "Remember When." 283 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,999 So we'll be honoring the 59... Max stop digging. 284 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,753 I'm trying to rebrand the whole narrative, you know, just remind people that 285 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,130 these aren't just 59 dead men. 286 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,299 You know, these are... These are heroes. 287 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,759 That sounds great. 288 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,386 Yeah. We're going to have mining-themed games. 289 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,639 Kids are putting on a play written by yours truly. Ah. 290 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,599 Hey, maybe even get real authentic, 291 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,267 swap out the toilet paper in the porta-potties 292 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,895 for corn husks. Yeah, maybe not that one. 293 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,146 I already started shucking. 294 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,981 Well, uh, good to see you. Yeah. 295 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,316 Okay. Come on, Max. 296 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,277 Hey, Max, I've been meaning to ask you something. 297 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,196 You know that sketch you had me do... 298 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,656 The... The one of the alien? 299 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,659 Oh, um, yeah, I made all that stuff up. 300 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,328 Aliens aren't real. 301 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,466 Well, it looks like she's been here before. 302 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,635 Nice talking with you. 303 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,513 This is a bad idea. I do not like children. 304 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,848 Yes, you do. 305 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,474 I saw the way you looked at Sunny's baby. 306 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,602 That is different. A baby is tiny. 307 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,020 And it doesn't speak. 308 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,273 Well, every baby grows into a Liza. 309 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,316 Then why do you feed them? 310 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,360 'Cause if you don't, they will die. 311 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:48,322 No. Mmm-mmm. Don't even think about it. 312 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:49,866 Anything happens to her or if she leaves, 313 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,367 we will have much bigger problems. 314 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,953 Okay, keep her alive and happy 315 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,830 until her mom comes home in a few days 316 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,624 and we go to New York and save humanity. 317 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,005 Also, try to act as normal as possible 318 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,507 and keep the door to your alien bunker locked 319 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,051 and the talking octopus in your room. 320 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,221 I have got this. 321 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,931 I can be a good father. 322 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,808 I've seen a lot of television. 323 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,060 Ugh, what happened to the Wi-Fi? 324 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,896 And it smells like dead people up here. 325 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,023 Then you should take a shower 326 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,443 my darling daughter. 327 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,454 Adiós, mi amigo, adiós 328 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,456 Hey, hey, hey! 329 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,834 Seems like a long time I've known you 330 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,503 But I still don't 331 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,966 Buddy, you took my spot. 332 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,969 Glad to see you got a new truck. 333 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,347 It was the, uh, problem with the emergency brake 334 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,182 on the last one, right? Oh, you're real funny. 335 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,517 You could have killed someone. 336 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,227 Now you're pretending to care about other people. 337 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:02,355 Hey, maybe show me how much you care with your fist. 338 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,065 That's you do things, right? 339 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,650 Looks like you already lost one fight today. 340 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,568 But keep playing with me, and we'll make it two. 341 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,363 It would be the honor of my life to lay your ass out. 342 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,782 In fact, I'll do it twice... Once for me, once for ASTA. 343 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:13,866 Well, if she's so upset, 344 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,785 why did she stay at my house last night? 345 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,788 Mmm. 346 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,373 Bullshit. 347 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,884 Yeah, good to see you. 348 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:34,887 Hey, hey. 349 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,099 Got some good news. 350 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,184 Oh, yeah, the Nats won four in a row. 351 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,769 I'm not talking about the Nationals. 352 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,397 My biopsy came back negative. 353 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,982 Biopsy? What biopsy? 354 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,734 You're the one who kept nagging me to get my mole checked. 355 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,444 You drove me to the clinic. 356 00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,613 What? When? 357 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,948 Two weeks ago. 358 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,492 Well, obviously you didn't tell me it was for a biopsy, 359 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,785 or I would have remembered. 360 00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,453 Of course I told you. 361 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,874 You ain't been the same since D.C. 362 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,209 You got to deal with that. 363 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,211 See a doctor, psychiatrist, 364 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,879 - hell, anybody. - Mmm-hmm. 365 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,382 Tell me, why exactly should I take mental-health advice 366 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,426 from somebody who stayed holed up in the house, 367 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,429 refusing to speak to anybody for six months when Mama died? Huh? 368 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,931 Yeah, well, I'm not the one carrying a deadly weapon. 369 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,266 Okay, all right, you know what? 370 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,143 Is this... Is this what we have now? Is this us? 371 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,936 We just gonna fight all the time? 372 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,313 I got friends. They got dads. 373 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:26,731 They go to games. They go fishing and shit. 374 00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,441 We ain't done nothing like that since I was a kid. 375 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,401 Instead, all I got is you sitting across from me 376 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,570 telling me all the things you think are wrong with me. 377 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,113 You're a young man. 378 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,741 It's not normal to forget stuff like that. 379 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,002 What are we eating? Mmm. 380 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,548 This is missing something. What is it? 381 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:55,301 Oh, right, flavor. 382 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,971 Have you ever heard of salt or a vegetable maybe? 383 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,932 I did have some vegetables, 384 00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,018 but they grew organisms on them. 385 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,436 You know I can't eat gluten. 386 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,855 Did you forget that, or are you purposely trying to kill me? 387 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,940 Would gluten kill you? 388 00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,484 I'll just starve. 389 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,528 You need to call my boot camp and tell them that I'm with you 390 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,113 and I'm too sick to go back. 391 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,365 That would be lying. 392 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,661 Lying is bad, young lady. 393 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,163 I will now discipline you 394 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,249 by sending you to bed without supper. 395 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,671 I already told you... 396 00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,339 I'm not going to eat your shitty gut-bomb pasta. 397 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,634 Fine. Fine. Fine. 398 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,261 More... More gluten for me. 399 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,763 Enjoy. 400 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,431 I am. 401 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,228 I know you feel like you're different. 402 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,563 You are different. 403 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,316 You can see what's going on. 404 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,318 Aliens are real. 405 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,903 Hey, uh, Deputy, where are you? 406 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,114 That car was supposed to be back an hour ago. 407 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,952 Uh, just at the market picking up supplies 408 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,662 for the break room. Hey, uh, Dep. 409 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,331 You know what? While you're there, go ahead and pick me up a lotto ticket. 410 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,291 Go ahead pick up one for Cletus, too. 411 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,751 Sure thing, Sheriff. 412 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,211 You want a lotto ticket? 413 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,508 You spent the night at Jimmy's? 414 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,970 It's not what you think. What is wrong with you? 415 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,763 How do you even get within ten feet of that creep 416 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,515 without ripping his face off? 417 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,478 We had to deliver my cousin Sunny's baby, okay? 418 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,604 It messed with my head. 419 00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:33,315 Okay, great. So call your friends. 420 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:36,861 You don't understand. No, I really don't. 421 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,739 Well, Jimmy does, so it's not a terrible surprise 422 00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,532 that I want to talk to him about it and not you. 423 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,577 I guess I'm just somebody who doesn't like watching 424 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,911 their best friend ruin their life. 425 00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,455 Oh, really? 426 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,707 And that's just something for me to do? 427 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,084 What is that supposed to mean? 428 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,920 You think I don't know that you come in here for hangover IVs? 429 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,255 Sorry, D'Arcy. 430 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,507 You want to talk about watching friends ruin lives? 431 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,551 Let's talk about it. You know, it's weird. 432 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,095 You didn't seem worried about this until I started helping Jay. 433 00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,181 Oh, is that what you're doing? 434 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,433 You're "helping" her? Yes. 435 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,061 She needs somebody to talk to. 436 00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:12,772 Maybe she'll listen to my dating advice. 437 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:15,900 I'm not so sure you're the best person to be giving advice about men. 438 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:17,985 Wow. 439 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,780 D'Arce. Okay. 440 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:38,672 Where's Murphy? 441 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,345 "If you ever want to see your dog again, 442 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,597 "return my alien ball... Alien." 443 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:48,599 It's not even your dog. 444 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,185 We win again. No, we don't. 445 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,437 Murphy's my responsibility. 446 00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,439 Her owners pay me to walk her. 447 00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,066 We have to get her back. 448 00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:00,194 Humans are obsessed with pets. 449 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:02,863 If I give Liza this slobbering lump of fur, 450 00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,950 she will become so distracted taking care of the dog, 451 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,077 I won't have to take care of her. 452 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,414 Liza, dear child, I have a gift for you. 453 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,212 A dog? 454 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:20,297 What am I supposed to do with that thing? 455 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:21,674 You know Mom's allergic. 456 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:29,139 This will be more difficult than I first thought. 457 00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:37,481 Can't you see me smiling, baby? 458 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,861 Can't you see this face of mine? 459 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:45,906 Can't you see I'm getting tired? 460 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,577 Even though I seem all right 461 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:55,040 It's not my life I'm worried about 462 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:59,420 Or my health if it's weak or strong 463 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:03,382 Ooh, it's just who I need, girl 464 00:23:03,507 --> 00:23:04,717 Ew! 465 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,928 It's who I touch and who I hurt 466 00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:10,472 Go on by 467 00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:13,017 No, there's a... 468 00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:14,268 You... 469 00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:16,687 Got the balloon arch going. 470 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:20,065 This guy, old prospector... Looking great, everyone. 471 00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,859 Hi, Kayla. Hey, Kate. 472 00:23:22,526 --> 00:23:25,362 Uh, isn't the booth supposed to be just back a couple feet? 473 00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:26,614 Yeah, there was a rock there. 474 00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:30,242 See, all the booths are supposed to be 30 feet apart. 475 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:34,038 Did you know that the human brain gets pleasure from symmetry? 476 00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:36,040 Did you know that the human ankle gets pain 477 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,291 from breaking itself on a rock? 478 00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:39,752 Oh, no. 479 00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,754 Why is there a murderer here? 480 00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,882 Innocent until proven guilty. Innocent? 481 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:46,383 She's holding a weapon. 482 00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:49,428 Honey, it's a paintbrush. That's a weapon. 483 00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:51,764 "Hi. What would you like me to paint on your face, 484 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:53,265 "a nice little birdie?" 485 00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:54,433 "Take that kid." 486 00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:59,271 Keep an eye on her. 487 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,400 It's good to see you. 488 00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:07,529 - This is stupid. - It is not stupid. 489 00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:09,573 This is Patience Family Day. 490 00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,116 We are a family in Patience, 491 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,453 and this is what families in Patience do on this day. 492 00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,497 If she were home with me for one more second, 493 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:19,500 I would kill her and feed her to my hungry octopus. 494 00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:20,834 Can I at least drive? 495 00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:23,087 Will you stop complaining? Yes. 496 00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,799 Okay. Yes! 497 00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:36,850 Hurry. 498 00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:38,394 Okay. 499 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:46,318 Okay. Try not to kill us. 500 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,445 Calm down. It's fine. 501 00:24:48,529 --> 00:24:50,072 This is a nightmare. 502 00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,408 How do human parents teach driving to their children 503 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,118 without being terrified? 504 00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:56,453 The truck sounds like it wants you to shift now. 505 00:24:59,039 --> 00:25:00,708 Oh, let's put on some tunes. 506 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,210 Wait, watch out! 507 00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:08,048 Stop being a backseat driver. There is no back seat. 508 00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:09,675 It is a truck. 509 00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:13,595 It is a nice day, and... 510 00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,723 That is a beautiful stop sign approaching. 511 00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:17,224 You see it? Where? 512 00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:18,559 There. 513 00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:21,020 Watch it, asshole! 514 00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:23,313 Stop! That's it! Get out of that truck! 515 00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:25,524 You are the worst driver I've ever seen! 516 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:28,527 You're a jerk. I was finally having some fun. 517 00:25:33,824 --> 00:25:35,034 Damn it. 518 00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:39,288 Come on, we got to hurry. We'll be late for the play. 519 00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:40,956 I don't want to give the ball back. 520 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,249 We have no choice. 521 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:46,170 Do you know what a kidnapping review will do to my whole dog-walking business? 522 00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:49,423 Wait. 523 00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:52,342 Someone's been here. The satellite dish is gone. 524 00:25:54,595 --> 00:25:55,596 Oh, no. 525 00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:07,066 The ball. 526 00:26:09,443 --> 00:26:10,819 Who took it? 527 00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,781 There's only one possibility. 528 00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:47,397 ASTA. 529 00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:49,024 Hey, Harry. 530 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:51,610 Thank you so much again for helping Sunny with her baby. 531 00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:54,446 You were amazing. They are easy when they are babies. 532 00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:58,867 They cannot run away yet or almost kill you in a car accident. 533 00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,369 Run away? Did Liza leave? 534 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,954 Oh! Uh... 535 00:27:02,037 --> 00:27:04,873 Found her. Oh, yep, teenage daughter. 536 00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:07,793 Oh, Harry, maybe you should... 537 00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:09,795 No. That's it. 538 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:12,673 You are as bad at throwing 539 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:14,466 as you are at driving! 540 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:17,803 Well, I must be a pretty good driver, then, 541 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,138 because you're soaking wet. 542 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,476 You are the worst daughter that I have. 543 00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,728 I am your only daughter, you idiot! 544 00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:31,650 If I had another daughter and she was bad, 545 00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:33,026 you would be worse! 546 00:27:34,778 --> 00:27:35,904 Please stop, you guys. 547 00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:38,532 Uh, we only have a limited number of balloons. 548 00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:42,077 And, Judy, uh, I appreciate you dressing on theme, 549 00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:43,579 but could you cover up the cleavage? 550 00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:45,873 There are children here. There's a theme? 551 00:27:48,417 --> 00:27:50,085 Not okay! No! Hey! 552 00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:52,546 Not... Not okay. Hey! Get him. 553 00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:54,381 Summer fun, summer high jinks. 554 00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:56,675 Listen, you got to take it down here. 555 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,093 Hey! 556 00:27:58,177 --> 00:27:59,303 Okay, all right. 557 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:00,721 Not okay! Oh! 558 00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:10,230 I know you didn't kill Sam. 559 00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,735 You have no idea how much that means to me. 560 00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:20,532 Okay. Bird or butterfly? 561 00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:26,079 Uh, I was thinking more of a Ziggy Stardust-type thing. 562 00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:28,916 Oh, okay, I like it. Let's see now. 563 00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:47,643 Does the food you eat ever get caught in your lip metal? 564 00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:53,273 You're different than before, 565 00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,067 like, head-injury different. 566 00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,779 You've changed. Yes, I know. 567 00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:01,573 You ghosted me for, like, three years. 568 00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:04,076 I thought you hated me. 569 00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:06,245 Then why did you come here? 570 00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,705 To be honest, I was afraid to. 571 00:29:08,789 --> 00:29:09,790 I mean... 572 00:29:10,874 --> 00:29:12,626 I've changed, too, obviously. 573 00:29:12,709 --> 00:29:15,128 I'm not the little girl you used to take fishing. 574 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,340 But you're my family. 575 00:29:18,799 --> 00:29:20,300 I was hoping that'd be enough, 576 00:29:20,968 --> 00:29:22,177 'cause if it wasn't enough, 577 00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:26,056 I would have had to go back to that hellhole camp. 578 00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:28,267 Dial their phone number. 579 00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:39,736 Hello, my name is Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle, 580 00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:42,990 and my daughter Liza isn't going to come back 581 00:29:43,073 --> 00:29:46,368 to your stupid camp. 582 00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:48,036 It is stupid. 583 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,538 You are stupid. 584 00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:54,334 If you contact her again, I will find you and your family. 585 00:29:54,418 --> 00:29:55,794 That should cover it. 586 00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:58,255 Mmm-hmm. 587 00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:03,635 Hey, win me a prize? 588 00:30:07,848 --> 00:30:11,768 I will win myself a prize and consider giving it to you. 589 00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:13,395 Fair enough. 590 00:30:19,901 --> 00:30:23,238 All right, time for the 52nd Annual Family Day 591 00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:24,865 Hot Chili Pepper Eating Contest. 592 00:30:25,282 --> 00:30:26,366 You should eat more. 593 00:30:26,867 --> 00:30:29,244 No. Need to line the stomach. 594 00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:31,788 Trust me, I've won this contest every year since I was 13, 595 00:30:32,456 --> 00:30:34,082 except the year that Ethiopian exchange student 596 00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,250 threw me for a loop. 597 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:37,794 Biniyam! You're so gonna win. 598 00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:39,796 Have you seen everyone else at the table? 599 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,006 They're all, like, adults. 600 00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:42,341 I'm an adult. 601 00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:45,510 Shut up. No, you're not. Okay. 602 00:30:45,594 --> 00:30:48,055 Will all remaining entrants please make their way to the table? 603 00:30:48,138 --> 00:30:49,264 Let's get started. Let's go, D'Arce! 604 00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:52,934 I've been practicing with, like, hot things, 605 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:56,772 like, getting, like, big, hot things in my mouth. 606 00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:58,940 I mean, this is the first time it's pepper. 607 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:01,318 Okay, we are just about to start. 608 00:31:01,401 --> 00:31:04,529 What are you doing? What? I love spicy food. 609 00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:06,239 This isn't spicy food. 610 00:31:06,323 --> 00:31:09,618 This is the stuff they put a tiny bit of in to make spicy food. 611 00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,746 Afraid I'm going to beat you? I'm afraid you're gonna die. 612 00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:14,623 You're going down this year, skank. 613 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:17,125 Not as often as you. True, true. 614 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,795 First up is a very mild banana pepper. 615 00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:21,463 Eat! 616 00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:30,514 I'm on fire! 617 00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:33,892 Nope, nope, nope, I'm out! I'm out! 618 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,728 Oh, no, no, no. 619 00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:40,857 Oh, hey, Doc, uh, 620 00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:43,235 can I talk to you in private for a minute? 621 00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,695 Nice alien. 622 00:31:46,029 --> 00:31:47,572 Thanks. My dad stole it for me. 623 00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:50,117 Oh, that... That's a little bit illegal. 624 00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:52,244 It's, like, super cheap, so... 625 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:54,287 Yeah, doesn't really... It's more the principle. 626 00:31:54,371 --> 00:31:56,331 - Okay. - Here. 627 00:31:58,625 --> 00:32:01,002 Look, uh, I'll make this quick. 628 00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:04,923 All right, two weeks ago, I took my dad to get a biopsy, 629 00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,341 except I don't remember taking him. 630 00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:08,343 I don't remember anything... As a matter of fact, 631 00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:10,429 I don't remember anything about that day at all 632 00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:11,972 except talking to the FBI. 633 00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,306 That's not normal, right? 634 00:32:13,390 --> 00:32:15,559 He is right. It is not normal. 635 00:32:15,642 --> 00:32:17,561 And it is also very bad for me. 636 00:32:17,644 --> 00:32:19,521 All right, now get this... It gets weirder, right? 637 00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:22,315 Now, I haven't told Deputy Liv anything about me forgetting that day 638 00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:23,525 'cause I don't want her to freak out, 639 00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:26,528 but she's got gaps in her memory for that exact same day, too. 640 00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:28,864 You think if I came by the office, you could check me out? 641 00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:30,490 This is bad. 642 00:32:30,574 --> 00:32:33,827 If he starts investigating this, he might remember that I'm a murderer 643 00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,787 and possibly a werewolf. 644 00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:36,872 Yes. 645 00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:39,708 I will do what I can to help with your memory. 646 00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:40,876 I appreciate it. 647 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:43,670 You know, my dad... He tells me it's emotional, right? 648 00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:45,005 That it's in my head. 649 00:32:45,922 --> 00:32:48,008 I lost a friend a few years back, and... 650 00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:51,219 Truth is, I don't think I've had a good day since. 651 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:53,180 Does that make sense? 652 00:32:53,263 --> 00:32:54,723 Yes, that makes sense. 653 00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:57,934 All I got left now is my dad, 654 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,270 and who knows for how long, right? 655 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,647 If I can't remember the time I'm spending with him, then... 656 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:05,066 Sit down. 657 00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:07,444 Right here? Okay. 658 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:12,949 Let me lead you through a meditation 659 00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:15,202 that will help with your grief. Okay. 660 00:33:15,285 --> 00:33:18,497 And put a memory in your head so you leave me alone. 661 00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:19,664 All right. 662 00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,671 We are getting up there now. 663 00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:31,510 Next is the Trinidad Scorpion at 1.2 million Scoville units. 664 00:33:31,593 --> 00:33:33,178 This is gonna turn out bad. 665 00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:36,389 Why are you doing this? Take your milk. 666 00:33:36,473 --> 00:33:37,474 I feel great. 667 00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:40,519 All right, D'Arcy! You can do this, ASTA! 668 00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,066 Whoo! ASTA! Yes. 669 00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:50,612 Oh, God, that's not the way you're supposed to eat that. 670 00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,614 I'm fine, I'm fine. No, you're not. 671 00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:55,116 You're not gonna be fine. Oh, God. 672 00:33:56,576 --> 00:33:57,869 All right. 673 00:33:57,953 --> 00:33:59,371 Oh, oh! 674 00:33:59,454 --> 00:34:01,331 I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. 675 00:34:01,831 --> 00:34:04,626 And the winner and new champion is 676 00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:06,086 Ellen Cho! 677 00:34:11,091 --> 00:34:13,969 Bow to me! Bow! 678 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:15,971 The play's about to start. I saved you guys some seats. 679 00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:18,223 Oh, I'm excited. I don't do no plays. 680 00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:19,599 I don't play. I don't watch plays. 681 00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:21,142 I don't want... I ain't want to do no plays. 682 00:34:21,226 --> 00:34:22,644 Oh, come on, come on, come on. 683 00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:23,728 Come on, let's go. 684 00:34:24,521 --> 00:34:25,981 - Did you write it? - I did. 685 00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:28,275 Wow, a pickax for my tenth birthday? 686 00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:29,484 Thanks, Dad! 687 00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:32,112 We're all miners now. 688 00:34:32,195 --> 00:34:34,489 Mining built the town of Patience, Colorado. 689 00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:38,410 At one time, every able-bodied man who lived here worked the mine. 690 00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:42,330 Then one cold January day in 1884, 691 00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:43,748 heroes were born. 692 00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:49,796 Oh, no! It could be a cave-in! 693 00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:51,506 Run for your lives! 694 00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:55,343 Help! Help! 695 00:34:55,885 --> 00:34:57,512 There's one man still in the mine! 696 00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,264 We must go back for him! 697 00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:03,101 Fifty-nine brave men refused to leave one man behind. 698 00:35:03,184 --> 00:35:04,728 They were heroes. 699 00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:07,188 How much of the town budget did you spend on this play? 700 00:35:07,939 --> 00:35:09,566 Eight percent. Eight perc... 701 00:35:11,735 --> 00:35:14,696 What happened in the mine after it collapsed. 702 00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:19,034 We're boulders, and we're here to kill miners. 703 00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,702 All must die. 704 00:35:50,607 --> 00:35:52,984 All my organs are hemorrhaging. 705 00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:57,572 My leg, my leg. 706 00:35:57,656 --> 00:36:01,034 Fifty-nine men succumbed to their crush injuries that day. 707 00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:04,245 And one man, who was trapped in an air pocket, 708 00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:07,707 died of loneliness and thirst three days later. 709 00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:11,461 I'm so thirsty and so lonely. 710 00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:16,716 To the 59 and to Air Pocket Pete. 711 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,968 I don't think his name was actually Pete, 712 00:36:19,052 --> 00:36:21,930 but, you know, it works, and it works well. 713 00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:27,769 Where have all the daddies gone? 714 00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:31,648 Where did they all go? 715 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:36,778 My uncle is my daddy now 716 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:40,240 And soon there will be snow 717 00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:45,537 Where did Mommy's happy go? 718 00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:48,915 She drinks wine all day 719 00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:54,045 My uncle daddy gets real mad 720 00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:57,632 I don't think he will stay What are you thinking? 721 00:36:57,716 --> 00:36:58,800 Terrible, man. 722 00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:09,894 Stop, stop, stop. 723 00:37:22,282 --> 00:37:24,242 Here, this'll help. 724 00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:27,370 Thanks. I need, like, six or seven more of these. 725 00:37:33,460 --> 00:37:35,962 I shouldn't have said what I said about you and Jay. 726 00:37:36,629 --> 00:37:37,630 I didn't mean it. 727 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,883 No, you meant it. 728 00:37:41,176 --> 00:37:42,385 Okay, I meant it. 729 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:46,055 I was mad, and I was wrong. 730 00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,182 No, you weren't. 731 00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:49,100 You were right. 732 00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:51,186 My parents took me out to dinner, 733 00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:53,396 and my response was to go get blackout drunk. 734 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,648 Your parents are assholes. 735 00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,193 I mean, I love them, but come on. 736 00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:01,196 I should be better at dealing with them by now. 737 00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:02,363 I'm not 15. 738 00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:06,659 I'm a mess. No. 739 00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:08,828 I'm a mess. Look at me. 740 00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:12,957 I don't want to be messy. Mmm. 741 00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:14,375 I don't want that either. 742 00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:16,586 We can't both be messes at the same time. 743 00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:17,921 Otherwise, it's chaos. 744 00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,634 Going to Jimmy's was so dumb. 745 00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:25,929 I just... 746 00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:30,517 He just went through it, you know? 747 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,728 I mean, he was an asshole, but he was there when Jay was born, 748 00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:36,314 and he was there for me through all the freakouts 749 00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:37,732 after I gave her up. 750 00:38:41,778 --> 00:38:43,988 I guess I'm so used to being sad with him, 751 00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,241 something about it feels normal. 752 00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:50,620 I don't think that's supposed to feel normal. 753 00:38:52,205 --> 00:38:54,624 You know, I wasn't around when all that stuff went down, 754 00:38:54,707 --> 00:38:55,792 but I'm here now. 755 00:38:56,793 --> 00:38:58,962 And I always will be. 756 00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:00,964 You know that, right? 757 00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:03,758 Right. 758 00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:09,556 When I woke up on his couch... 759 00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:12,517 I saw that picture of us from the senior year 760 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,562 where I'm wearing that stupid football sweatshirt. 761 00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:20,275 That thing is still in my trunk. 762 00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,320 I think you should go get that sweatshirt. 763 00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:29,701 Yeah. Yeah. Why? 764 00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:30,869 Yeah. Why? 765 00:39:30,952 --> 00:39:31,953 Yeah. Why? 766 00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,081 What are you gonna do? 767 00:39:35,164 --> 00:39:36,332 What are you gonna do? 768 00:39:42,005 --> 00:39:43,631 And we 769 00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:49,762 We are the same 770 00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:03,943 We'll only be gone a couple of days. 771 00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:05,737 You're sure you're okay here alone? 772 00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,030 Of course. 773 00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:09,449 Who cares if everyone hated the play 774 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,117 and me for writing it? 775 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,661 Not everyone in the audience hated it. 776 00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:15,747 And that woman who screamed at you 777 00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:17,040 is one of those complainer moms from school. 778 00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:19,459 Where have all the daddies gone? 779 00:40:19,751 --> 00:40:22,629 Where did they all go? 780 00:40:23,046 --> 00:40:24,756 You're singing the song. 781 00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:26,883 Yeah, it's the best song ever. 782 00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:30,261 And the play was awesome. The blood looked so cool. 783 00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:31,971 See you in a couple days. 784 00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:36,100 Where did Mommy's happy go? 785 00:40:36,476 --> 00:40:39,103 Wow. Did you see that? Max loved it. 786 00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:41,731 See? You got yourself all worked up over nothing. 787 00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:44,359 By next year, everyone will have forgotten all about it, 788 00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,027 and you can do another play. 789 00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:48,863 No way. I mean, you heard Max. The play worked. 790 00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:52,075 No, we'll... We'll do it even bigger next year. 791 00:40:52,158 --> 00:40:54,494 You know, bigger boulders, maybe... Maybe even more blood. 792 00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:57,622 Great. 793 00:40:58,915 --> 00:41:00,833 Okay. Bye, honey. Okay, bye. 794 00:41:00,917 --> 00:41:02,377 Bye-bye. Okay. 795 00:41:03,127 --> 00:41:04,420 Have fun at your mom's. 796 00:41:09,092 --> 00:41:11,177 - Bye, Dad! - Bye, honey! 797 00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:28,403 Thanks. 798 00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:30,530 Just take care of yourself. 799 00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:34,242 At the end of the day, you can't depend on anyone else but you. 800 00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:37,120 My mom would never say something like that. 801 00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:40,498 But I think you're right. 802 00:41:41,416 --> 00:41:42,750 Thanks. 803 00:41:44,752 --> 00:41:45,753 I... 804 00:41:53,594 --> 00:41:54,762 Hmm. 805 00:41:56,723 --> 00:41:58,433 You're a better father than I remember. 806 00:41:58,808 --> 00:42:00,685 I'm glad we got to spend time together. 807 00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:03,730 I might even miss you a little. 808 00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:05,898 I am glad. 809 00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:08,568 I miss my family, too. 810 00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:09,736 All right, folks. 811 00:42:10,987 --> 00:42:12,697 I have also changed. 812 00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,157 Ticket, please. 813 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:16,909 But the alien in New York is my family. 814 00:42:18,494 --> 00:42:20,538 So maybe they will help me anyway. 815 00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:25,293 I have to try. 816 00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:27,295 I am ready to go to New York now. 817 00:42:30,923 --> 00:42:32,508 I am not worried. 818 00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:35,762 I know I am much more alien than human. 819 00:42:39,766 --> 00:42:41,809 Sheriff, can I tell you something? 820 00:42:41,893 --> 00:42:43,770 All right, go ahead. Lay it on me. 821 00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:46,856 You know that day the FBI guy came, 822 00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:49,776 the day that neither of us can remember? 823 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:54,155 I think an alien erased our memory. There, I said it. 824 00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:56,282 Well, I can't speak for you, Deputy, 825 00:42:56,365 --> 00:42:59,744 but, um, I remember exactly what I was doing that day. 826 00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:02,997 It was a good day. Actually, a very good day. 827 00:43:05,792 --> 00:43:06,793 Okay. 828 00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:15,635 Only an alien would have been able to put a memory 829 00:43:15,718 --> 00:43:17,053 in the sheriff's head. 830 00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:26,687 And if that memory gave him a good day, 831 00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:30,650 then that is just a coincidence. 57814

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