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1
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,300
So he'll be here at eleven.
2
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:09,250
That's great.
Am I excited?
3
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,060
Of course I'm excited.
4
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:13,520
When I get off the phone,
I may even click my heels.
5
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:18,380
God, I hate that I saw that.
6
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:22,380
Yeah, that's just something I can't do.
All right, listen up, everybody.
7
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Everybody big announcement.
Listen up.
8
00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,820
Chuck Ferguson is coming here today.
Chuck Ferguson.
9
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:27,920
Everybody,
10
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,500
can you all hear me?
11
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:36,420
Hockey legend Chuck Ferguson six
times scoring leader, 1980 MVP.
12
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,460
And my personal hero is coming here today
13
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,500
to talk about joining
the Sunshine Centers.
14
00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:45,600
Very own San Diego Destroyers
as head coach and co owner.
15
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:52,620
How many of you actually know
that we own a hockey team?
16
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,740
You know what this place is?
17
00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:55,260
It's a well oiled machine.
18
00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:57,900
Don't you have another
announcement you have to make?
19
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:58,380
Oh, yes.
20
00:00:58,410 --> 00:01:01,920
For those of you who don't know,
Gerard Depardieu passed away.
21
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,260
I'm talking, of course, of Crystal's Dog,
22
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,660
not the French actor
who everyone thought was sexy.
23
00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:09,540
In 1991.
I fell for it myself briefly.
24
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,900
But in retrospect,
that's just a fat French man.
25
00:01:12,930 --> 00:01:14,460
Anyway, Crystal is very upset.
26
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,380
So do yourself a favor and avoid
her more than you usually do.
27
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,740
But don't you have even another
announcement you have to make?
28
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,740
Oh, yes.
Commercial will be shooting
29
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,140
at the Sunshine Center for the next
two days meeting insurance.
30
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,490
It's Alonzo.
31
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,900
He's starring in his own commercial.
32
00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:33,540
You are looking at the new face
of Ocean City Auto Mall.
33
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,620
Come on.
They do not want to hear me say:
34
00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:39,334
Where you'll think you're in heaven,
but you're actually in El Cajon.
35
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,340
I love your voice.
36
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It's like warm milk in my ears.
37
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Alonzo.
38
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,320
A word of caution.
39
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,820
People get confused when they see
a person on TV, they feel close to them.
40
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,820
Write them letters, knit dolls.
41
00:01:53,850 --> 00:01:55,900
And they're like this with human hair.
42
00:01:55,930 --> 00:01:58,480
If those feelings are reciprocated,
43
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they can get angry.
44
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,440
Thank you again for bringing
her into the workplace.
45
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,820
I have a question about
Alonso getting a commercial.
46
00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:12,020
Why did Alonso get a commercial?
47
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,820
He missed a shot that lost the playoffs
and then cost San Diego or NBA franchise.
48
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:16,450
Oh, I don't know.
49
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,610
Maybe because he's
a former basketball star.
50
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,020
He's a pillar of the community.
51
00:02:20,050 --> 00:02:22,060
He's handsome, he's charismatic.
52
00:02:22,090 --> 00:02:25,780
And look at that Tushy.
No, I just looked at it.
53
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,280
I just looked at it.
Hello, everyone.
54
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,610
Glad to see we're all moving back
into the light after shutting ourselves
55
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,060
in our rooms and screaming
at God in the darkness.
56
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,890
Yes, we were all just saying
that I'm still a little fragile.
57
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,260
So I'd appreciate everyone refraining
from using the term hair of the dog.
58
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,800
Wag the dog.
Or don't leave your dog in a hot car.
59
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,860
Is one of those dead?
60
00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:50,660
Yes, this one is stuffed.
61
00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,280
No, this one
62
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,660
know this one.
63
00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,520
Well, it's one of them.
64
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,340
Today I'm holding an optional,
65
00:02:57,370 --> 00:03:00,940
totally optional Memorial
service for Gerrard dip are due.
66
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:03,820
And tomorrow, in the spirit of moving on,
67
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,180
I'm taking a new family photo
because after all.
68
00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:09,100
I have a new member of my family.
69
00:03:09,130 --> 00:03:13,320
Everyone, please meet Javier Bardem.
70
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,180
Oh, I'm sorry, son.
71
00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:19,460
I met my dog family, right?
Of course.
72
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,380
Your dog family.
That one's on me.
73
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,960
What was I thinking?
74
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,760
I'm a presumptuous little boy.
75
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,860
I don't want to embarrass you, Mr.
Ferguson.
76
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,980
But the only thing that will
embarrass me is if you call me Mr.
77
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:36,980
Ferguson, call me Chuck Ferguson.
The whole thing.
78
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,540
Chuck Ferguson.
That'd be great.
79
00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:40,740
Okay, well, Chuck Ferguson.
80
00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:42,740
I was in Chicago and 77 the night you
81
00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:45,900
scored the hat trick against
the Blackhawks heck of a night.
82
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,140
We were on the road.
I had just found out my wife had been
83
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,100
rushed to the hospital
back home to give birth.
84
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,380
Scored three goals,
one for each of my new baby.
85
00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:53,820
Triplets Chaz, Chuck Jr.
86
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:54,860
And Charlene.
87
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,340
That was a very big night for me, too.
88
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,220
One of your slap shots
went into the crowd.
89
00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,340
Hit a little boy in the head.
90
00:03:59,370 --> 00:04:01,380
That little boy was me.
91
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,580
It never really healed, right?
92
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,560
I'd like you to feel it.
93
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,420
Oh, got a nice hole in your noggin.
Here.
94
00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:10,040
Feel this one here.
95
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,380
Don't be shy.
Get on in there.
96
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:15,500
Hey, look at me.
I got my finger in Chuck Ferguson's head.
97
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:16,980
Ever since Crystal Cohen brought
98
00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:21,020
the Destroyers to the Sunshine Center,
they've been near and dear to my heart.
99
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,820
Here's why I think you'd
be perfect for the team.
100
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:23,900
You're a winner.
101
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,340
And they're winners.
102
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,020
You lost 56 games last year.
103
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,060
Yes, but we won four,
so technically, I'm not lying.
104
00:04:30,090 --> 00:04:32,460
Look, Ben, I like you.
I like you, too.
105
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,020
Chuck Ferguson.
Here's the thing.
106
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,780
The name Chuck Ferguson
means something to people.
107
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,220
It's a brand brand.
108
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:40,460
That means honesty, hard work.
109
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,860
Saving a little baby in a well
with some duct tape and a hockey stick.
110
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,420
Good story.
I'll tell it to you sometime.
111
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,220
I think you just did.
But you could tell me again.
112
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,680
My point is,
113
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,140
Chuck Ferguson is synonymous
with family values.
114
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,460
Why kids want my autograph
and why my Jersey still sells.
115
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,140
Not to mention the signature
line of barbecue myths.
116
00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,220
People love me bad.
117
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,340
What can I say.
118
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:03,180
I want to partner with an organization
119
00:05:03,210 --> 00:05:07,060
that values family as much as I do.
120
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:10,540
Well, this is just spooky
because we're all about family.
121
00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:16,440
Crystal Cohen just recently brought in her
son to work at the arena in an undefined.
122
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,180
I did say I just said it.
123
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,260
You know what?
124
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,540
I think my family could be very happy.
125
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,140
That is so great.
126
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,700
But before we get the lawyers involved,
I want to meet the cones first.
127
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,620
They are lovely people.
128
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,120
Look at that.
129
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,900
That's one of the many garbage cans
we have here at the Sunshine Center.
130
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,660
We keep them around so the garbage
doesn't pile up on the floor.
131
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:38,820
Are the cows here?
132
00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:40,500
No, they are not.
133
00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:43,600
And that is certainly not
them having a dog funeral.
134
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,460
Crystal, I need to bring you up
to speed on the Chuck Ferguson deal.
135
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,180
Not now.
136
00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:04,700
I'm consumed with guilt about Gerard,
although I don't know why.
137
00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:07,120
He's the one that rolled out the window.
138
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,020
He's ready to come aboard.
139
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,660
He just wants to make sure we're
the kind of people he approves of.
140
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:14,660
He wants to meet the family
behind the Sunshine Center.
141
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,220
Those people in that creepy van.
142
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,100
I was wrong to not be clear.
My fault.
143
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:20,740
I'm talking about you and Roman.
144
00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:23,860
He wants to see you and Roman
together as a family.
145
00:06:23,890 --> 00:06:25,540
Oh, I don't know.
146
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,820
You saw what happened
with Roman and me this morning.
147
00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:29,780
It was very uncomfortable.
148
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,140
It's been like that since he was a boy.
149
00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:34,100
I got preoccupied running this place.
150
00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:36,280
And then he went off to school.
151
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,940
At least I think it was school.
152
00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:39,580
He didn't come back any smarter.
153
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,260
Maybe it was just a building.
154
00:06:41,290 --> 00:06:44,420
The point is, we barely know each other.
155
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,820
Chuck Ferguson is my friend.
156
00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:48,340
This finger has been inside his head,
157
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,220
and he is willing to put up a lot of money
to be a part of your hockey team.
158
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:55,180
A team that's won 14 games in five years.
159
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,020
And all you have to do to make that happen
160
00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:00,220
is to get to know your son
really quickly, though.
161
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,900
Like, now you'd have to get
to know him right now.
162
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,700
Well, how much money are we talking about?
163
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,000
This much?
164
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,540
This much? That much?
165
00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:09,560
That's very impressive.
166
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,600
Give me my son.
167
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,160
My human son.
168
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,140
I wonder what it would have been like
if we dated when you were in the NBA.
169
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,180
No, it was actually kind
of boring for the ladies.
170
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,540
You'd find me lots of bling.
171
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,540
And I'd sit in the stands with the other
girlfriends, like astronaut wife.
172
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,580
But prettier.
173
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,620
And every time you'd make a three,
you'd make a little sign like you'd point
174
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,900
to your heart and then up at the sky
like you're pointing to God.
175
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,660
But I know it's me, right?
176
00:07:42,690 --> 00:07:43,740
You start cheating
177
00:07:43,770 --> 00:07:48,220
and I leave you for a rock star and we
live on the bus and have a kick ass life.
178
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:51,553
But then, after all the drugs,
booze and casual sex...
179
00:07:51,658 --> 00:07:52,536
ready, though?
180
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,160
Thank God.
Yes.
181
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,580
Have you seen Roman Shh.
182
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,100
The director is talking to his star.
183
00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:02,940
I mean, the guy in the fishing
desk is talking to Alonso.
184
00:08:02,970 --> 00:08:05,580
So here's my vision.
185
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,240
You got the ball.
186
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,960
You shoot the ball, you miss the shot.
187
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,460
You talk, boy talks.
You talk.
188
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,060
Wait.
Lance is going to miss the shot.
189
00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:19,840
That's so humiliating.
190
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,340
I probably shouldn't say this,
191
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,080
but this may be the happiest I've been
since we stopped sleeping together.
192
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:29,960
Okay,
193
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,020
let's use this as an opportunity
194
00:08:32,050 --> 00:08:35,380
to show Chuck that we have
a real family business.
195
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,980
Now,
I know there hasn't been a lot
196
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,180
of communication between the two
of you for these past ten years.
197
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,500
I lost my phone.
I moved.
198
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,580
I lost my phone again.
199
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,260
I moved back to the place I moved from.
200
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,300
All very strong excuses.
201
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:50,500
But Chuck Ferguson needs to know that we
have a loving and connected family.
202
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,540
So let's talk about a happier time
203
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:56,160
when you actually used to be
in each other's lives.
204
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,720
I'm frightened,
205
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,720
but I'm ready.
206
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,480
Roman likes
207
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,600
television.
208
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,000
I do like television.
209
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,580
Fantastic.
210
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,260
Maybe there's something more specific,
though, to the two of you.
211
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,220
Perhaps a memory you both shared.
212
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:22,420
I remember one Christmas.
213
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,520
Perfect.
214
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:24,960
Andno, that's it.
215
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:27,460
I remember one Christmas.
216
00:09:27,490 --> 00:09:30,220
Okay, why don't I thank you.
Get the ball rolling.
217
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,460
And I'll tell you a story about
my childhood as an example of the kind
218
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,376
of thing I'm talking about,
maybe it'll spark something.
219
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:42,060
When I was twelve, my dad took me camping,
and I caught my first fish.
220
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,360
That's scary.
221
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,005
We cooked it up over a fire,
and we ate it.
222
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:47,820
Oh, yeah.
223
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,460
And then after dinner, he told me that he
and my mom were getting a divorce.
224
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:54,421
And then he went into my tent
and drank all my allergy medicine.
225
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,517
What a sad night.
226
00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:59,293
So your father's single.
-my turn.
227
00:10:00,409 --> 00:10:04,069
When I was little, I had a huge
mole on my shoulder.
228
00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:07,969
Turns out, I was initially twins,
and it was an underdeveloped head.
229
00:10:08,089 --> 00:10:10,489
My body ate my twin's body.
230
00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:16,409
So far, the mole sister
is the one to beat.
231
00:10:16,529 --> 00:10:19,089
Where can we find a normal person?
232
00:10:19,169 --> 00:10:20,789
And just like Papa promised.
233
00:10:20,819 --> 00:10:24,269
When I woke up, the snowstorm
was over, my fever was gone.
234
00:10:24,299 --> 00:10:25,469
The pond was frozen.
235
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,389
And we were able to skate again.
236
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:30,989
And five minutes later,
the pony just stood up.
237
00:10:31,019 --> 00:10:35,309
Her breath was steaming out her
sticky little adorable nose.
238
00:10:35,339 --> 00:10:37,269
Right then I knew my brother Buck was
239
00:10:37,299 --> 00:10:40,229
a hero, and I didn't even
want to be prom Queen.
240
00:10:40,259 --> 00:10:44,529
And the next thing I knew,
Duran Duran was singing to me.
241
00:10:45,809 --> 00:10:48,989
I think we have our
heartwarming stories, people,
242
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:52,449
you are a beautiful flower.
243
00:10:54,969 --> 00:10:58,069
Pond, Buck Duran.
244
00:10:58,089 --> 00:11:00,349
I got it.
Okay.
245
00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:03,069
One more time. Who made the best
Apple pie in the family?
246
00:11:03,099 --> 00:11:04,869
Grandma fella.
And where was she from?
247
00:11:04,889 --> 00:11:05,589
Beaver Dam.
248
00:11:05,619 --> 00:11:08,029
And how did she die in her
sleep with no regrets.
249
00:11:08,059 --> 00:11:08,989
Very nice.
250
00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:11,509
And Congratulations to both of you
for not laughing at Beaver.
251
00:11:11,529 --> 00:11:12,849
That time,
252
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,549
I thought our presentation
could use a visual aid.
253
00:11:23,579 --> 00:11:27,689
So I had Heather Photoshop, a picture
of you and Roman at the Grand Canyon.
254
00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:30,459
I remember this trip.
255
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:31,949
No, you don't.
256
00:11:31,979 --> 00:11:33,739
Benjamin, I want to thank you.
257
00:11:33,769 --> 00:11:35,509
I haven't wanted to delve into my past
258
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,549
with Roman because it
was too uncomfortable.
259
00:11:37,579 --> 00:11:39,459
But now we don't have to.
260
00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:43,069
So much easier to forget
everything and make new stuff up.
261
00:11:43,089 --> 00:11:44,149
You're welcome.
262
00:11:44,179 --> 00:11:46,549
This was quite an adventure.
263
00:11:46,579 --> 00:11:49,099
I wrote a borough named El Diablo.
264
00:11:49,129 --> 00:11:50,969
No, you didn't.
265
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,269
I don't see you in this picture.
Hey, Ben.
266
00:11:54,299 --> 00:11:56,499
We should get a beer sometime.
Shock.
267
00:11:56,529 --> 00:11:57,339
I would love it.
268
00:11:57,369 --> 00:11:59,909
You know, beer was originally
fermented by monks.
269
00:11:59,929 --> 00:12:00,989
Hang out.
270
00:12:01,019 --> 00:12:03,989
Do you have a SEC? Yeah.
What's going on?
271
00:12:04,019 --> 00:12:07,589
Well, I have had a lot of fun
pretending to be myself.
272
00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:09,499
Well, only someone else.
273
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,269
But listen, Roman, for the last time.
274
00:12:11,289 --> 00:12:13,669
I don't think Chuck's going
to make you do the bird calls.
275
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:16,589
No, I've discovered I'm
extraordinary bird calls.
276
00:12:16,609 --> 00:12:18,339
Well, then what could
possibly be the problem?
277
00:12:18,369 --> 00:12:19,409
Well,
278
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:24,809
isn't that weird that none
of the memories were using ours?
279
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,029
Yes, a little.
280
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:32,069
But you wanted to get closer to your mom,
and you are sure none of it's real.
281
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,629
But that's part of the fun.
282
00:12:33,649 --> 00:12:34,889
I guess.
283
00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:41,409
I've been trying to find my own memory,
and I can't think of one.
284
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,749
Well, look, Roman, if this makes
you uncomfortable, we can.
285
00:12:45,769 --> 00:12:48,009
Chuck Ferguson.
I see Chuck Ferguson.
286
00:12:49,609 --> 00:12:50,649
Chuck,
287
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,149
what are you doing here?
288
00:12:52,169 --> 00:12:53,549
I thought of that story you told me
289
00:12:53,579 --> 00:12:56,909
earlier today,
and I couldn't wait to give this to you.
290
00:12:56,929 --> 00:12:59,229
You didn't have to come all
the way down here for that.
291
00:12:59,249 --> 00:13:02,589
I didn't.
But that's what Chuck Ferguson does.
292
00:13:02,619 --> 00:13:04,109
You know what it is?
293
00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:05,949
I think it's a hockey stick.
294
00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:07,049
Yes,
295
00:13:07,249 --> 00:13:08,969
but there's more.
296
00:13:09,449 --> 00:13:11,669
Is that the stick that slapped
the puck that hit my head?
297
00:13:11,699 --> 00:13:14,469
The one and only straight from my garage.
298
00:13:14,499 --> 00:13:17,049
I was using it to kill Weasels.
299
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,089
So much history.
300
00:13:19,489 --> 00:13:22,749
It's nice that Ben likes
the big old hockey man.
301
00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:26,609
He does, doesn't he?
I'm not going to let him down.
302
00:13:26,929 --> 00:13:28,629
I love you, Chuck Ferguson.
303
00:13:28,659 --> 00:13:30,149
I just fell in love with you.
304
00:13:30,169 --> 00:13:31,499
You don't have to say it back.
305
00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:33,129
I'm not going through.
306
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:40,749
This is so exciting.
307
00:13:40,769 --> 00:13:42,309
I haven't had a boyfriend who wore makeup
308
00:13:42,339 --> 00:13:45,229
since that poetry major
I dated in College.
309
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:46,909
He was into the cure.
310
00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:48,909
And ultimately, guys, baby.
311
00:13:48,939 --> 00:13:53,269
Sometimes a little mystery
is nice in the relationship.
312
00:13:53,289 --> 00:13:54,549
Maybe we can go over my life.
313
00:13:54,579 --> 00:13:56,229
I can run lines with you.
314
00:13:56,259 --> 00:13:57,829
What's my motivation?
315
00:13:57,859 --> 00:13:59,709
I'd like to play it sexy.
316
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:01,549
He's a twelve year old boy named Timmy.
317
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:04,669
I'm a sexy twelve year
old boy named Timmy Goo.
318
00:14:04,689 --> 00:14:07,549
Okay, so I take the court, shoot the ball.
I miss.
319
00:14:07,579 --> 00:14:09,529
And you say boo.
320
00:14:09,609 --> 00:14:14,409
I may have missed a shot,
but don't you miss a shot at savings?
321
00:14:14,649 --> 00:14:18,169
Buying a car anywhere else
would be a career killer.
322
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,709
Wait, you really have to say that.
323
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,709
Well, after a couple of takes,
if Timmy and I are groove.
324
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,149
I'll probably try a little improv.
325
00:14:25,169 --> 00:14:26,509
But that's the gist.
326
00:14:26,529 --> 00:14:29,629
You have an amazing career. Honey, don't
you think this is a little demeaning?
327
00:14:29,649 --> 00:14:31,309
No.
They want to make fun of me.
328
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,109
I can take it.
I know who I am.
329
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,629
And it'll be fun to be on TV again.
330
00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:38,229
Besides that guest spot
I did on Silk Stockings.
331
00:14:38,249 --> 00:14:42,289
I guess it would be nice to have
something to show my family
332
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,409
that's not sexy.
333
00:14:47,249 --> 00:14:50,109
And I don't know the fact that Roman and I
334
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:55,549
milked those cows ourselves or that
there was a rainbow in the sky that day.
335
00:14:55,579 --> 00:14:59,809
But we had never churned such sweet butter
336
00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:01,309
that really happened.
337
00:15:01,339 --> 00:15:02,509
See, right there.
338
00:15:02,539 --> 00:15:05,389
That's what's important to Chuck Ferguson.
339
00:15:05,419 --> 00:15:07,989
Butter and rainbows.
I like rainbows.
340
00:15:08,009 --> 00:15:09,429
I like butter.
341
00:15:09,449 --> 00:15:11,989
Ben, I think we're going to have
a winning season this year.
342
00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:13,149
That is so great.
343
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,309
I love you so much.
344
00:15:15,339 --> 00:15:19,309
Okay, well, I'll send
the paperwork over tomorrow.
345
00:15:19,329 --> 00:15:20,369
Wait,
346
00:15:21,009 --> 00:15:23,409
this just reminded me of something.
347
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,049
A memory, like a real memory.
348
00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:28,709
Bob, do you remember that night in Omaha?
349
00:15:28,739 --> 00:15:33,829
So many nights in Omaha? How can you
pick just one? Let's stop talking now.
350
00:15:33,859 --> 00:15:38,149
No, there was a straw thing
just like this at a diner.
351
00:15:38,179 --> 00:15:41,189
It was when we were
hitchhiking across the country
352
00:15:41,219 --> 00:15:44,749
and you had just divorced
your third husband.
353
00:15:44,779 --> 00:15:47,389
Remember that we couldn't pay because we
354
00:15:47,419 --> 00:15:51,229
had spent the last of our money
at the motel on sodas
355
00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:55,069
and that Bert Reynolds movie
with him and that kid.
356
00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:56,669
And they were big city detectives.
357
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,249
Cop and a half.
358
00:15:58,449 --> 00:15:59,669
That's right.
359
00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:03,169
He was half a cop because he was a child.
360
00:16:03,409 --> 00:16:04,829
Third husband.
361
00:16:04,849 --> 00:16:06,709
I thought you married your
high school sweetheart.
362
00:16:06,729 --> 00:16:08,549
Yes, she did.
Three times.
363
00:16:08,579 --> 00:16:12,029
They love love and family and little cops.
364
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:13,069
Let's go.
365
00:16:13,099 --> 00:16:15,029
And we let all those napkins on fire
366
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:18,469
at that diner. Did you strap that top
heavy waitress with a cheap highlight?
367
00:16:18,489 --> 00:16:20,069
Hey, we ran out without paying.
368
00:16:20,099 --> 00:16:23,449
It's called dining
and dashing, sweetheart.
369
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:28,589
Then somehow she got us
a free ride with a trucker.
370
00:16:28,619 --> 00:16:31,149
Clarence, listen to this.
371
00:16:31,179 --> 00:16:32,789
These two guys,
372
00:16:32,809 --> 00:16:36,789
they disappear into the gas station
bathroom for, like, 20 minutes.
373
00:16:36,809 --> 00:16:40,269
They come out free ride to California.
Never stop once.
374
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,549
That was our deal time.
375
00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:43,709
And it all began to unravel.
376
00:16:43,729 --> 00:16:45,149
What's going on?
377
00:16:45,179 --> 00:16:47,409
You've been lying to me the whole time.
378
00:16:47,849 --> 00:16:49,029
I like rainbows.
379
00:16:49,059 --> 00:16:50,709
And I did milk a cow.
380
00:16:50,739 --> 00:16:52,869
Well, I thought it was a cow.
381
00:16:52,899 --> 00:16:54,569
How was I milking?
382
00:16:58,169 --> 00:16:59,689
Sorry, Ben.
383
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,749
I don't think this is going to work out,
okay?
384
00:17:02,769 --> 00:17:03,849
Yes,
385
00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:05,389
we lied.
386
00:17:05,419 --> 00:17:07,629
And it was my idea.
387
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:11,269
But they came together
in this moment to help me.
388
00:17:11,299 --> 00:17:13,629
They are loyal and real.
389
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:15,829
And what more can you
ask for in a partner?
390
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,469
Ben, let's cut through all this.
391
00:17:17,489 --> 00:17:19,989
I've gotten to know you, and I like you.
I like you.
392
00:17:20,009 --> 00:17:21,709
Let me finish.
You want real?
393
00:17:21,729 --> 00:17:23,589
I'll tell you real.
The triplets.
394
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:26,149
They hate me.
I haven't seen them in ten years.
395
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,909
And I love hookers like a lot.
396
00:17:28,929 --> 00:17:31,309
And that hockey stick I gave
you just a weasel stick.
397
00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:32,349
Weasel stick.
398
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:34,629
This isn't about real.
It's about image.
399
00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:35,749
These people are not good
400
00:17:35,779 --> 00:17:39,189
for the Chuck Ferguson brand,
so they're not good for Chuck Ferguson.
401
00:17:39,209 --> 00:17:40,629
Well, let me tell you something.
402
00:17:40,649 --> 00:17:43,549
The day that puck hit me was not
the greatest day in my life.
403
00:17:43,579 --> 00:17:47,569
I can't see Green,
and I laugh out of context.
404
00:17:47,769 --> 00:17:49,749
I'll see you, Ben.
Ever want to go?
405
00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:51,649
Horring, give me a call.
406
00:17:55,009 --> 00:17:57,149
You see that's puck damage right there?
407
00:17:57,179 --> 00:17:59,309
I'm sorry we couldn't
show my boyhood hero.
408
00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:01,409
Ben, it's okay.
409
00:18:02,329 --> 00:18:05,149
I was being a selfish moron.
I'm sorry.
410
00:18:05,179 --> 00:18:06,689
I'm sorry,
411
00:18:07,009 --> 00:18:12,689
but the good news is, you guys have a real
memory now, and that is just great.
412
00:18:14,889 --> 00:18:16,249
Damn it.
413
00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:17,649
All right.
414
00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:22,909
Before we do this.
I had a brilliant idea.
415
00:18:22,939 --> 00:18:24,349
After you missed the shot.
416
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:26,549
Timmy here is going to say it's so easy.
417
00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:28,229
Even a kid can do it.
418
00:18:28,259 --> 00:18:31,229
Then Timmy's going to make the shot.
That fantastic.
419
00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:33,929
Or what?
You're a man with a headphone
420
00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:35,629
now it's one done.
421
00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:36,709
We're back in our cars.
422
00:18:36,729 --> 00:18:37,769
Okay,
423
00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:40,849
let's roll.
424
00:18:41,769 --> 00:18:43,369
All right. Ready?
425
00:18:49,969 --> 00:18:51,309
Wait.
Sorry.
426
00:18:51,329 --> 00:18:52,589
Got lucky on that one.
427
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:53,909
Not a problem.
428
00:18:53,939 --> 00:18:56,329
And action
429
00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:00,309
again.
I'm Rusty.
430
00:19:00,329 --> 00:19:02,049
I guess I got this.
431
00:19:12,529 --> 00:19:14,169
What's the deal, though?
432
00:19:16,129 --> 00:19:17,949
Went too late. Did I miss the miss?
433
00:19:17,969 --> 00:19:19,289
Not yet.
434
00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:22,249
He's making it. Why is he making it?
435
00:19:22,389 --> 00:19:25,239
Because he's awesome and he can't miss.
436
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:41,853
Ho, that was for me.
437
00:19:41,936 --> 00:19:45,699
that was for me,
or he suddenly weigh into gods.
438
00:19:48,859 --> 00:19:51,559
Okay, so he's really good at basketball.
439
00:19:51,589 --> 00:19:54,619
But other than that,
what does he have that I don't have
440
00:19:54,979 --> 00:19:57,539
me.
You're killing me, though.
441
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,619
Close your mouth.
442
00:20:01,859 --> 00:20:03,579
Unbelievable.
443
00:20:06,059 --> 00:20:08,359
I hear you are taking a new family photo.
444
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,359
I think things are going
better with Roman.
445
00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:12,159
Roman and I have entered a new phase.
446
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:16,159
I'll do my best to spend a little more
time with him and treat him like my son.
447
00:20:16,189 --> 00:20:17,439
I am happy to hear that.
448
00:20:17,459 --> 00:20:19,389
I'm actually very proud of you.
You should be.
449
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,979
I'm a special lady.
450
00:20:27,099 --> 00:20:29,875
There's peanut butter in here.
How do I get it?
34528
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