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1
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Fixed & Synced by bozxphd.Enjoy The Flick
2
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There he is again.
3
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,906
Almost two decades
and he still comes.
4
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:21,707
So sad.
5
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,881
How you doing, buddy?
6
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,133
Brought you all your
favorite candies.
7
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:37,006
Come on, Lloyd, you
gotta get over her!
8
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:39,021
Mary samsonite was just a girl.
9
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:42,775
Besides, she's married.
10
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And even if it had worked out,
11
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,068
would you really want
ginger babies? Ugh.
12
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:48,654
Gross.
13
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,606
Man, you gotta
give me something!
14
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:08,382
Lloyd, I got something
important to tell you.
15
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,465
I can't come here anymore.
16
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:17,180
I got kind of a serious
medical problem.
17
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,477
It's sort of complicated.
18
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:27,145
Basically, I'm gonna be pretty
busy for the next few months.
19
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:30,686
Anyway...
20
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,611
You're in good hands here. So...
21
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,696
Take care, buddy.
22
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,786
Lloyd, did you say something?
23
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,923
I got you.
24
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,589
That's it, kid. You can do it.
25
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,342
Come on, come on, come on!
Spit it out!
26
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,185
Got ya!
27
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,641
What?
28
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,601
You should see the
look on your face!
29
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,766
I got you so good!
30
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,977
- Wait a second!
31
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:14,738
Are you telling me that you
were faking for 20 years?
32
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,068
Uh-huh.
33
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:19,823
So you mean that you just wasted
the best years of your life?
34
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,615
Out the window!
35
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,962
And you let me come here every
Wednesday for, like, a thousand weeks,
36
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,253
and it was all just for a gag?
37
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,129
Uh-huh.
38
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,499
That's
39
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,417
- awesome!
40
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,705
I know!
41
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,878
You gotta admit, I totally
had you suckered, didn't I?
42
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,395
Hook, line and sphincter!
43
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,062
- Oh, oh. -Oh!
Oh, oh. Oh.
44
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,767
Legs are a little rubbery after
all that time sitting here.
45
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,015
Why don't you roll me inside?
46
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,603
We'll get the nurse to take
the catheter out of me.
47
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,686
Oh.
48
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,022
I wanna see if my lizard's
still spitting straight.
49
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,568
We don't need nurses for that.
I know how to do it.
50
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:56,817
- But don't you have to...
51
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:00,987
Oh, God!
52
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,701
That thing's really taken root!
53
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,662
--Hey, fellas!
54
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,085
-Give me a hand over here.
-Sí.
55
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,580
Yankos Los pee-pee.
56
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,957
Are you sure about this, har?
57
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,498
Usually, doctors like to
do this sort of thing.
58
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,458
Oh, that's just for
insurance purposes.
59
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,678
On three. Three!
60
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,768
You are a fricking
genius, Lloyd!
61
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,693
I mean, nobody else could
have pulled that off!
62
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,730
-Eh!
-Nobody!
63
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:36,324
I mean, the shock treatments,
the partial lobotomy!
64
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:38,282
-That's commitment!
-Yeah.
65
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,783
It broke up the monotony.
66
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,034
One thing I don't get, though.
67
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,157
Why did you play it out
for 20 whole years?
68
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,665
Because it wouldn't have been
funny if I stopped too soon.
69
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,495
Comedy is all about timing, har.
70
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:52,214
Yeah, but wouldn't it still have been
funny if you quit after 10 years?
71
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,381
Oh, definitely. But not as!
72
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,089
--Whoa!
73
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:57,882
Pretty bird.
74
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,716
- Crap on toast!
- Pretty bird.
75
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,262
-Is that grown-up Billy in 4-c?
-Uh-huh.
76
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,641
Come on, siskel, give
me a movie quote.
77
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,511
What did they say
in Jerry Maguire?
78
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:08,222
"You had me at hello."
79
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,427
Um, Titanic?
80
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,020
"I'm king of the world."
81
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,561
Good job!
82
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,228
We better
tiptoe past him.
83
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,226
Oh, no, you can't
tiptoe past a blindy.
84
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,905
Their hearing's too good.
85
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,073
-What?
-Mmm-hmm.
86
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,896
That's just an old wives' tale.
87
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,196
Like women shouldn't
smoke during pregnancy.
88
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:26,277
I turned out fine. My mom
smoked like a chimney.
89
00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,237
Especially when she was drinking!
90
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:29,412
Whatever. Doesn't matter.
91
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,754
Billy's over the
whole petey thing.
92
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,081
You should see his apartment.
93
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,747
He's got the best rare
bird collection in rhody!
94
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,588
I gotta see this.
95
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,256
Hey, Billy!
96
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,301
I hear you got a lot
of flocking birds.
97
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,272
- Is that you, Lloyd?
98
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,430
Very good.
99
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,232
I didn't think you'd recognize
me after all these years.
100
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,936
So what have you been
up to, buddy boy?
101
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,436
Seen any good movies lately?
102
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:02,236
I mean, you know, like...
On the radio?
103
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,242
- What was that?
104
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,619
Did you just feed
them something?
105
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:07,742
Relax.
106
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,044
It's just a little candy.
107
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,579
You can't feed candy to birds!
108
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,001
Their stomachs will explode!
109
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,620
Even if it's just
a few pop rocks?
110
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,959
Are you crazy? Pick those up!
111
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,964
-Pick them up!
-All right, all right!
112
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,673
Sheesh.
113
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,173
Well, nice catching up.
114
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:24,835
See you later.
115
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,592
Not if I see you first!
116
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,137
Ha-ha! Good one!
117
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,313
No, no, no, it's okay, siskel.
118
00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,437
Daddy's not gonna let him
get anywhere near you.
119
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,811
- Booga!
120
00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,899
See? I told you
that hearing thing
121
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,282
- was a wives' tale.
122
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,820
Oh, yeah!
123
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,614
-Hey, who's this?
-Ah.
124
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,282
That's butthole.
125
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,785
I found him out in the
alley a couple years ago.
126
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,486
-Why did you name him butthole?
-Oh.
127
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:54,505
Because of this.
128
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,045
Oh, yeah. Good name.
129
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,500
Totally fits.
130
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,302
I like what you've
done with the place.
131
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,633
--Nice
cappuccino machine.
132
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:03,878
Who's the astronaut?
133
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,177
Oh, that's my roommate.
134
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:06,894
Roommate?
135
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,552
You got a new roommate?
136
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:11,009
I had to get somebody to
pay your half of the rent
137
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,306
while you were in the hospital.
138
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,523
How's it going, ice pick?
139
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,396
Best day ever. Greatest
day of my life, really.
140
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,689
Pick cooks up a rock candy
141
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:21,984
that will make you dizzy.
142
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,025
Folks come from all over
the city to buy it.
143
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:25,823
It's burning my eyes.
144
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:27,661
Must be cajun style.
145
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:32,156
So what's this serious medical
problem you've been blabbing about?
146
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:33,911
And it better be good.
147
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,366
Lloyd, there's something...
148
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:39,542
I've known about
this for a while,
149
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:41,045
but I didn't wanna worry you.
150
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,168
- Mmm-hmm?
151
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,514
I need a kidney transplant.
152
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:49,052
No way! Really?
153
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:50,551
Wow.
154
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:52,008
So what do you wanna
do for dinner tonight?
155
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,564
Wanna hit haven brothers?
156
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:56,061
I could eat the mud-hole out
of a dead skunk!
157
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,188
Are you not listening
to me, Lloyd?
158
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,727
Getting a new kidney
is a really big deal.
159
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:04,072
There's waiting lists, lots and
lots of forms to fill out,
160
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,776
and if I can't find another
kidney real soon, I'm dead meat.
161
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,446
Yeah, well,
162
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,616
maybe, just maybe,
163
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:17,205
there's a person out there
who cares about you so much
164
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,792
that said person
would be willing
165
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,634
to give up a little piece of
himself to save your life.
166
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,251
Really, Lloyd? You'd do that?
167
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:28,258
Me? Yeah, right!
Nice try!
168
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,085
-The nerve!
-Oh.
169
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:35,064
I mean, I would, in a
New York heartbeat.
170
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,927
- I'm just not a urine match.
171
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,060
My wizz doesn't get
all sudsy like yours.
172
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,268
Ow.
173
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,399
- Wait. Don't panic.
174
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,110
- I know exactly what we gotta do.
175
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:51,405
I don't know about this, Lloyd.
176
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,988
I haven't been home
in over 20 years.
177
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,578
Come on, Harry!
178
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:56,448
You need a genital organ match.
179
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:57,747
They're your parents.
180
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,456
I'm not gonna go crawling
back to them, Lloyd.
181
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,960
Not after what they did to me.
182
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,079
What did they do?
183
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,671
They threw me out of the house.
184
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:06,086
-Why?
-Just because I told them I was gay.
185
00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:07,962
Why did you tell them that?
186
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,470
I was sick of mowing the lawn.
187
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:10,628
Oh, yeah.
188
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,886
Well, I don't see
what choice you have.
189
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:14,512
You either go home
and face the music
190
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,636
or you suffocate
in your own pee.
191
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,475
Yeah, I guess you're right.
192
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:19,639
Okay, let's do this.
193
00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,145
All right. Hop on.
194
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,943
Engage super thrusters!
195
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:26,272
Don't, Lloyd!
196
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,863
Pardon me, Harry.
197
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,672
Here we are.
198
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,632
Place looks smaller
than I remember.
199
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:47,877
Oh, yeah.
200
00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:49,015
Wow.
201
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:51,343
Lot of memories on this street.
202
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,676
Yeah.
203
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,513
Remember when we
pulled up on the bike
204
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,053
and parked it a
couple seconds ago?
205
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,220
Yeah, that was cool.
206
00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:59,216
Oh, those were the days.
207
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:00,891
I remember one afternoon,
208
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,346
it was the first day of spring,
209
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,649
the flowers were blooming,
the sun was shining
210
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,268
and you and I were
doing cartwheels
211
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:07,686
right down that hill over there.
212
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,073
Yeah, I remember that!
213
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,153
-We were in your dad's Lincoln, right?
-Yeah.
214
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,821
You totally lost it when
I yanked the wheel.
215
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,377
Come on! Pick it up!
216
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,881
Show a little hustle in there!
217
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,103
Wow. Rong time, Harry!
218
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,351
Oh, sorry. We'll
come back later.
219
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,558
-Hey!
-No, no, no! I mean,
220
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,685
rong time, no see.
221
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,559
- Oh.
222
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,564
Where you been?
223
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,941
Come! Come in!
224
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,897
- Oh!
- Thanks, dad.
225
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:55,278
So you see,
226
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,905
my best hope for a donor match
is with a blood relative.
227
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,081
Family.
228
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,749
Harry, you not touch
your peanut butter.
229
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,422
Oh, that's okay. I'm
not very hungry, dad.
230
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,089
When Harry young,
231
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,881
oh, boy, he loves
the peanut butter.
232
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,089
Oh.
233
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,129
Three jar a week disappear!
234
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,299
Good to know.
235
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,636
So anyway, which one of you
two's gonna cough up a kidney?
236
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,102
What? What was that?
237
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,059
Wait!
238
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:29,985
I know! You're the
gopher from caddyshack.
239
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,440
Look at her! She's got it down!
240
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,236
We love you, Harry.
241
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,990
- Do you love him long time?
242
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,662
But you know you're not
our real son, right?
243
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,237
You adopted.
244
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,463
Ouch.
245
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:53,796
- Dad, what are you saying?
246
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,131
Sorry, Harry.
247
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,796
We thought you know.
248
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:00,353
Wow.
249
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:01,930
What a nut punch.
250
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:03,469
Don't be glum, har.
251
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,270
All this means is that your real
parents are out there somewhere.
252
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,985
And I will go to the
ends of the earth to...
253
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:09,270
Real parents dead.
254
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:10,483
You're boned.
255
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:14,860
James boned.
256
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,282
Harry, Harry.
257
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,379
No idea what you're saying,
ma, but right back at you.
258
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:34,302
Harry, before you go, your
mail piling up for many year.
259
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:36,338
-Oh.
-We saving for you.
260
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,472
Huh. Junk mail, junk mail.
261
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,179
I got accepted to Arizona state.
262
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,308
- Hmm?
263
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:48,731
Oh, look at this.
264
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,190
It's a postcard from
fraida felcher.
265
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:52,862
The chick from cranston?
266
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,735
Ooh!
267
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,526
So, what'd she have to say?
268
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,410
"Harry, I'm pregnant.
Please call me."
269
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:03,701
Lloyd, I'm
gonna be a dad!
270
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,042
No way!
271
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,206
Look at the postmark.
272
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,709
1991.
273
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,379
Do you know what
this means, Harry?
274
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,594
-You have a grown kid.
-Oh.
275
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,550
With grown kidneys.
276
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,260
But, Lloyd, we don't have a
phone number or address,
277
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,558
or nothing. And who we fooling?
278
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:29,175
Even if I find him, my
kid's never met me.
279
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,271
Why would he wanna
give me a kidney?
280
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,438
Are you serious?
281
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,360
After all you've done for him?
282
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,187
It's the least he can do.
283
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:38,938
What have I ever done for him?
284
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,775
You gave him his space.
Kids love that.
285
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,581
I didn't wanna be a
helicopter parent.
286
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,405
And you filled him with wonder.
287
00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,247
-Wonder?
-Yeah.
288
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,919
Like, "I wonder who
my deadbeat dad is?"
289
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,590
Oh, it's okay, Lloyd.
290
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,424
I've had a full life.
291
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,295
I was a paperboy for a week.
292
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:04,136
I fathered a child.
293
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,765
I've seen every episode
of full house.
294
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:08,257
Wow!
295
00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:09,637
Every episode?
296
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:11,734
Okay, okay.
297
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:13,064
So how are we gonna do this?
298
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,059
If we find fraida,
we find your kid.
299
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,686
If we find your kid,
we find your kidney.
300
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,110
Simple.
301
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,403
Yeah, but I never even
knew where fraida lived.
302
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:24,450
I didn't have a car. She always
had to pick me up in her van.
303
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,778
Didn't you meet her
through Pete stainer?
304
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,788
-Who?
-Pee-stain!
305
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,452
He'll know how to reach her.
306
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,620
Yeah, but I haven't talked to
pee-stain in a hundred years!
307
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,790
I can't drop by his house
in the middle of the night
308
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,745
and ask him for some
chick's number.
309
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,337
Sure you can!
310
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:45,005
Oh, okay. But we gotta
be sub-tull about it.
311
00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:48,812
The word is pronounced
"subtle," Harry.
312
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:49,929
It's a silent "b."
313
00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:54,694
What was that for?
314
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,648
You had a gah-nat on you.
315
00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,651
Maybe we should catch a
bus to pee-stain's house.
316
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,244
We can't. We got the bike.
317
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:05,029
Oh, that's okay. They got bike
racks on the front of buses now.
318
00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:06,661
Cool.
319
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,035
Perfect.
320
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,581
That's very convenient.
321
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:19,095
Hey, guys!
322
00:15:19,378 --> 00:15:20,838
You forgot your bike!
323
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:24,166
Oh, it's not ours. Somebody
abandoned it in front of our place.
324
00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:28,013
Yeah. Just left it there
double-chained to a tree.
325
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:32,972
Hey, har.
326
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,926
You wanna hear the second most
annoying sound in the world?
327
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,098
Sure.
328
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,357
Yeah, that's pretty annoying.
329
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:46,614
No, not that.
330
00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:47,857
What the
hell are you doing
331
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,026
ringing our doorbell like that
in the middle of the night?
332
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,410
That!
333
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,746
Mr. stainer. Mrs. stainer.
Nice to see you.
334
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,710
Harry, Lloyd.
335
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:01,206
To what do we owe the honor
at this late hour, gentlemen?
336
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,715
We were just wondering
if pee-stain
337
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,206
wanted to come out
for some suds.
338
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,175
And maybe have his
ass handed to him
339
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,586
in a couple of games of dig dug.
340
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,392
Lloyd.
341
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:12,720
Peter is dead.
342
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,428
Yeah, right. Since when?
343
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:20,484
Since 1991. Remember?
344
00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:22,566
The motorcycle accident?
345
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,573
But I thought he pulled through.
346
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,662
The obituary said he was
survived by his parents.
347
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:31,988
Uh, no. He did not pull through.
348
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:34,447
Are you sure?
349
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:36,584
Yes.
350
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,289
Oh, yeah.
351
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,745
You guys are right.
352
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,841
Anyway. Sorry about
that whole thing.
353
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,132
Pee-stain and I were
very close friends.
354
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,341
Yeah, we know.
355
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:53,014
You're the one who sold
him the motorcycle.
356
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,893
And if I recall, I
made him a sweet deal.
358
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:58,103
My bike for his
helmet, straight up.
359
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,145
That
thing was a rocket.
360
00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:01,861
A little squirrelly
on the corners,
361
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,269
but when you got it
on a straightaway...
362
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:05,481
Good night, Lloyd.
Good night, Harry.
363
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:11,781
That was awkward.
364
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,155
You're not kidding.
365
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:15,874
When somebody comes to
your door at 3:00 A.M.,
366
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,036
- put some pants on!
367
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,331
Hey, wait a second.
368
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,118
That's where I met
fraida felcher.
369
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:25,171
She worked at the funeral parlor
where they buried pee-stain.
370
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,169
Wow.
371
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,668
Think about it.
372
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:33,053
If I hadn't sold that
crotch rocket to pee-stain,
373
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,640
you wouldn't have
a bastard child
374
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,470
who's gonna save your life.
375
00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:40,485
God's got a pretty warped
sense of humor, huh?
376
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:43,154
Yeah. I bet he smokes weed.
377
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:46,317
Otherwise, why would he put our
testicles outside our bodies
378
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:47,528
where someone could do this?
379
00:18:03,876 --> 00:18:05,836
- Ow!
380
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:06,998
Bush club!
381
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:10,259
What are you doing, Lloyd?
382
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:12,928
I'm about to meet my kid!
383
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,183
Sorry, har.
384
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,389
Bushes like that don't
come along every day.
385
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:25,016
Excuse me, sir. Is
fraida working today?
386
00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:29,318
- I'm fraida.
- Oh.
387
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,529
Sorry for the confusion.
388
00:18:30,611 --> 00:18:32,781
We meant your smoking-hot
daughter, fraida junior.
389
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,870
There is no fraida junior.
390
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:38,375
I'm the only fraida
in the family.
391
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:41,540
That little hottie
must have given us a fake name.
392
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,789
Look, guys, it's me,
fraida felcher.
393
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:45,957
Yeah, right.
394
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:48,293
Like we'd be fighting over
those blowfish jowls.
395
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:50,960
No offense.
396
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:52,421
Harry.
397
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:54,090
Lloyd.
398
00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:56,225
I'm gonna say this
one more time.
399
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,887
I'm fraida.
400
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,640
Tattoo.
401
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:03,726
Oh, yeah?
402
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,520
-Then show us your tattoo.
-Mmm-hmm.
403
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:08,152
Because fraida had a cute
little smiley face on her back
404
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,115
right above her bikini line.
405
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,125
Well?
406
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,459
Hmm.
407
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,752
-It's close.
-Mmm.
408
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,762
Oh. Hi, fraida.
409
00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:35,299
Oh, hey! How you been?
410
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:36,682
Have you been doing yoga?
411
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,889
Yeah, I'm kind of busy. Is there
a reason you guys are here?
412
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,601
Yes.
413
00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:46,523
I just received this postcard
that you sent me 22 years ago.
414
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,520
- Talk about snail mail.
415
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:54,565
You better come in.
416
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:03,576
So, did you, uh,
ever have the baby?
417
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:06,332
- I had a daughter. Named her Fanny.
418
00:20:06,415 --> 00:20:08,215
You hear that, har?
A little girl.
419
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,825
-Fanny felcher!
-Ow!
420
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:12,249
-Are you all right?
-Uh, bad back.
421
00:20:12,421 --> 00:20:14,921
Oh, I have so many
questions for you.
422
00:20:15,007 --> 00:20:16,047
Like?
423
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:18,133
For starters,
how was the pregnancy?
424
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:21,138
Was it a tough one? Did
they have to saw you open?
425
00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,395
Whoa, har. Dial it down!
426
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,725
We're talking about the
miracle of childbirth here.
427
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:28,139
What my insensitive
friend meant was,
428
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,598
did you have a c-section
429
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:33,108
or were you able to have
the baby au snatch-urel?
430
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,283
It went smoothly.
431
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:44,538
So, uh, where is she?
432
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,250
Can I meet her?
433
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,536
I gave her up for adoption.
434
00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,247
What?
435
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:57,262
-Why?
-Because I was broke and scared.
436
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,676
I regretted it as
soon as I did it.
437
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,797
But it was too late.
438
00:21:02,054 --> 00:21:04,144
I'd already signed
away all my rights.
439
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:06,771
Then a couple years ago
440
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,440
I wrote her a letter.
441
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:11,153
But she never wrote me back.
442
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,020
Wait here.
443
00:21:14,525 --> 00:21:16,325
What do we do now?
444
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,737
What do you mean,
"what do we do now?"
445
00:21:19,238 --> 00:21:21,448
I mean, at this exact moment
in time, what do we do?
446
00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:23,125
Harry, don't you hear that?
447
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,910
It's the fat lady singing.
448
00:21:25,077 --> 00:21:26,327
It's over!
449
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:28,712
I need something to drink.
450
00:21:29,081 --> 00:21:30,541
-But...
-Harry, enough!
451
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,379
We tried and we failed!
452
00:21:32,543 --> 00:21:34,133
As Vince lombardi used to say,
453
00:21:34,211 --> 00:21:35,341
you gotta know when to quit!
454
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,921
Hey, you should pick out one of
those coffins while we're here.
455
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,547
-What if...
-Darn it, har!
456
00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:43,764
I cannot live on this emotional
roller coaster any longer.
457
00:21:43,929 --> 00:21:45,719
I feel bad saying it,
but you're slunk meat.
458
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:47,886
Here's a picture I found
of my daughter online.
459
00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:01,736
Or, we could suck it up,
460
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,065
pick ourselves up
by our bootstraps
461
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,366
and go find that little girl!
462
00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:08,042
Hold on.
463
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,080
You wrote her a letter. You
must know where she lives!
464
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:14,043
Yeah. I tracked her down through
this adoption search site.
465
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,586
She was raised by this
hotshot scientist.
466
00:22:16,795 --> 00:22:19,375
Why didn't you just go
find her in person?
467
00:22:19,423 --> 00:22:20,763
If she doesn't want to meet me,
468
00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:23,129
I am not going to
force myself on her.
469
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,800
Maybe she didn't
get your letter.
470
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:26,640
She got it, all right.
471
00:22:28,724 --> 00:22:30,184
What if we go
track her down for you?
472
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:32,057
There's no lawsuit against that.
473
00:22:32,436 --> 00:22:33,646
Are you guys serious?
474
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:34,984
You'd help me out?
475
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,360
Of course we'll help you out.
476
00:22:37,441 --> 00:22:38,441
We're gonna need some wheels.
477
00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:39,607
I'll lend you a car.
478
00:22:39,693 --> 00:22:40,743
Then it's done.
479
00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:43,569
Yeah, using this address and
our superior instincts,
480
00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:45,369
you and your little girl
are gonna be having
481
00:22:45,449 --> 00:22:46,909
a family reunion in no time.
482
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:48,195
Cheers!
483
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:50,200
Whoa! Wait. Where
did you get that?
484
00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,081
The slurpee machine in the back.
485
00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:53,747
That's embalming fluid.
486
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:55,635
Oh.
487
00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:57,540
Does it have aspartame?
488
00:22:58,003 --> 00:22:59,093
No.
489
00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:00,508
Cool.
490
00:23:12,935 --> 00:23:14,895
Hey, guys, check this out!
491
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:37,669
What about the blue roads
with the big numbers?
492
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:39,041
Those are rivers.
493
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,167
-They're rivers?
-Yeah.
494
00:23:40,254 --> 00:23:41,714
We could get a boat.
495
00:23:45,551 --> 00:23:47,141
Boats are dangerous.
496
00:24:01,859 --> 00:24:03,109
This is it.
497
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:05,857
6765 elmwood.
498
00:24:14,288 --> 00:24:15,368
You look nervous.
499
00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:17,165
I am nervous! I'm
about to meet my kid
500
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:18,417
and I don't know
what to say to her.
501
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:19,750
That's real easy, har.
502
00:24:19,835 --> 00:24:22,215
You make a little small talk about
why you missed all those birthdays,
503
00:24:22,296 --> 00:24:23,956
holidays and graduations.
504
00:24:24,047 --> 00:24:26,007
Maybe a couple of dick
jokes to put her at ease.
505
00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:27,550
And boing, you hit her
up for the kidney.
506
00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:29,474
Okay. What if she says no?
507
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:30,636
She's not gonna say no.
508
00:24:30,721 --> 00:24:32,141
She's the fruit of your loom.
509
00:24:37,853 --> 00:24:40,153
Suck me sideways.
510
00:24:40,898 --> 00:24:41,898
You're the spitting
image of your mother.
511
00:24:43,233 --> 00:24:44,823
You morons.
512
00:24:46,111 --> 00:24:48,571
This is the return address.
513
00:24:49,031 --> 00:24:52,871
Hers is on the side
with the stamp.
514
00:24:54,328 --> 00:24:55,328
Oh.
515
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,079
But it's still uncanny!
516
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:22,022
Oxford, Maryland, huh?
517
00:25:22,105 --> 00:25:25,025
So that's where my little girl's
been living all these years.
518
00:25:25,859 --> 00:25:27,069
Hey, har!
519
00:25:27,152 --> 00:25:28,152
Look it. Giant nutcracker.
520
00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:31,026
- Oh.
521
00:25:32,032 --> 00:25:39,254
I want
your nuts, Harry!
522
00:25:42,292 --> 00:25:45,922
Boy, I sure wish I could have been
there for her when she was little.
523
00:25:46,004 --> 00:25:47,094
Whatever.
524
00:25:47,172 --> 00:25:49,552
That's all water under
the fridge now, har.
525
00:25:49,716 --> 00:25:50,756
Think of the bright side.
526
00:25:50,801 --> 00:25:52,091
You're finally
getting to meet her
527
00:25:52,261 --> 00:25:54,471
and you never had to change
all those poopie diapers.
528
00:25:54,596 --> 00:25:56,676
That's called being
a parent, Lloyd.
529
00:25:56,807 --> 00:25:59,927
Besides, I changed your
poopie diapers for 20 years.
530
00:26:11,655 --> 00:26:13,825
I totally sucked you in.
531
00:26:14,283 --> 00:26:16,333
Half the time, it
wasn't even my poop.
532
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:26,955
I wonder what it would have
been like to raise a child.
533
00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:33,546
Maybe I couldn't afford to send
her to the best public schools,
534
00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:36,547
but I'll bet I would have
been a pretty good dad.
535
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:46,400
You don't need training wheels.
You can do this.
536
00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:48,015
Here we go!
537
00:26:48,108 --> 00:26:49,608
Come on, come on!
538
00:26:53,447 --> 00:26:54,447
No way!
539
00:26:54,531 --> 00:26:55,951
That was awesome!
540
00:26:56,366 --> 00:26:57,406
Awesome!
541
00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:00,657
Perfect. Okay.
542
00:27:00,996 --> 00:27:02,036
One,
543
00:27:02,372 --> 00:27:03,502
two,
544
00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:05,711
three.
545
00:27:35,447 --> 00:27:36,567
Hey, Mr. dunne.
546
00:27:36,657 --> 00:27:39,027
Hello, Baxter. How are you?
Good to see you.
547
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:40,237
Here you go, honey.
548
00:27:40,327 --> 00:27:41,787
-Thank you, Mr. dunne!
-Bye, dad!
549
00:27:43,121 --> 00:27:44,501
-Isn't that good?
-Mmm-hmm.
550
00:27:45,958 --> 00:27:47,578
Mr. dunne!
551
00:27:50,212 --> 00:27:52,262
Mr. dunne!
552
00:27:52,548 --> 00:27:54,798
Hey, Mr. dunne!
553
00:27:56,176 --> 00:27:57,636
Do you mind?
554
00:27:57,719 --> 00:27:59,099
Bon appétit, kid!
555
00:28:14,695 --> 00:28:15,785
Lloyd!
556
00:28:16,697 --> 00:28:17,907
What are you doing?
557
00:28:18,115 --> 00:28:20,085
I was trying to clean
off this smudge!
558
00:28:20,117 --> 00:28:21,237
But you know what?
559
00:28:21,660 --> 00:28:23,950
I think it might be on the inside!
560
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,290
This type of
evening always provides
561
00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:30,456
nonstop surprises.
562
00:28:30,544 --> 00:28:32,134
Ah, look who's arrived.
Tom Brady
563
00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:35,302
with his gorgeous wife,
Gisele, by his side.
564
00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:38,505
Doesn't she look radiant?
Tom's in agreement, I think.
565
00:28:40,053 --> 00:28:42,143
Now that is hot.
566
00:28:42,723 --> 00:28:43,853
Yep.
567
00:28:44,183 --> 00:28:46,523
That's why he gets
all the girls.
568
00:29:01,617 --> 00:29:03,617
It sure would be nice.
569
00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:05,541
What would be nice, Lloyd?
570
00:29:05,996 --> 00:29:07,746
Oh! You know,
571
00:29:07,831 --> 00:29:09,581
if she introduced me to one
of her hot girlfriends.
572
00:29:09,875 --> 00:29:11,675
Girlfriends.
573
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,090
She's 22!
574
00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:14,630
So?
575
00:29:14,713 --> 00:29:17,133
So, that's a lot
younger than you.
576
00:29:17,716 --> 00:29:18,716
Don't worry, when we get home,
577
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,800
I'm gonna fix you up with
someone your own age.
578
00:29:20,969 --> 00:29:23,049
My age? Gross!
579
00:29:24,181 --> 00:29:25,681
I mean, what would
we talk about?
580
00:29:26,225 --> 00:29:28,315
I don't know. Same stuff you
talked about in high school
581
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:30,353
when you took chicks down
to oyster swallow cove.
582
00:29:31,813 --> 00:29:33,403
Oyster swallow cove.
583
00:29:34,149 --> 00:29:35,779
There's a trip
down mammary Lane.
584
00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:42,618
Oh, crap!
585
00:29:42,699 --> 00:29:44,029
We gotta get back to Providence!
586
00:29:44,368 --> 00:29:45,538
What? Why?
587
00:29:45,619 --> 00:29:46,999
Remember I told you
ice pick had to make
588
00:29:47,037 --> 00:29:48,367
that rock candy run
down to Maine?
589
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:49,535
Yeah.
590
00:29:49,623 --> 00:29:50,673
I forgot to get someone
to feed butthole.
591
00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:53,955
Relax. I took care of it.
592
00:29:54,503 --> 00:29:55,633
You did?
593
00:29:55,712 --> 00:29:58,172
Yeah. Billy in 4-c's
gonna feed him.
594
00:29:58,757 --> 00:30:00,627
Oh, great!
595
00:30:00,801 --> 00:30:02,391
Did you give him the
key to our apartment?
596
00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:03,509
No.
597
00:30:03,595 --> 00:30:05,425
You think I want wheel
marks all over the rug?
598
00:30:05,514 --> 00:30:07,024
I just wrote him a
note, left some food
599
00:30:07,099 --> 00:30:09,389
and threw butthole inside his
place when we were leaving.
600
00:30:10,686 --> 00:30:14,396
But, Lloyd, Billy has over a
hundred rare birds in there!
601
00:30:14,982 --> 00:30:16,072
So?
602
00:30:16,316 --> 00:30:18,736
They're not gonna mess
with a 30-pound alley cat.
603
00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:20,072
Sheesh!
604
00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:23,531
Hey, gang! I'm home!
605
00:30:24,950 --> 00:30:26,080
Guys?
606
00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:29,125
You sure are quiet.
607
00:30:32,165 --> 00:30:34,035
--Speak to me, siskel.
608
00:30:34,209 --> 00:30:36,459
The horror! The horror!
609
00:30:44,094 --> 00:30:45,804
Are you sure you don't
wanna come, dad?
610
00:30:45,888 --> 00:30:48,258
It's not gonna be nearly
as much fun without you.
611
00:30:48,348 --> 00:30:50,098
Oh, of course I
wanna come, monkey,
612
00:30:50,142 --> 00:30:51,432
but it's out of the question.
613
00:30:53,395 --> 00:30:54,555
I'm way too flu-ey to travel.
614
00:30:54,646 --> 00:30:57,316
But all the geeky science guys
are gonna be so disappointed.
615
00:30:57,399 --> 00:30:59,819
They were finally gonna get
to meet you in person!
616
00:30:59,902 --> 00:31:00,942
So sorry, honey.
617
00:31:00,986 --> 00:31:03,236
Ms. pinchelow, your car is here.
618
00:31:03,447 --> 00:31:04,567
Thanks, Travis!
619
00:31:05,490 --> 00:31:06,660
Okay!
620
00:31:06,742 --> 00:31:08,372
Take care of my dad, Adele.
621
00:31:09,244 --> 00:31:10,254
Oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa!
622
00:31:10,370 --> 00:31:12,120
Penny, do you have the
speech I wrote for you?
623
00:31:12,289 --> 00:31:13,369
I do.
624
00:31:13,457 --> 00:31:14,537
Good. Oh!
625
00:31:14,666 --> 00:31:15,956
I almost forgot. There's
one more thing.
626
00:31:17,002 --> 00:31:19,132
I want you to take this box
627
00:31:19,463 --> 00:31:22,673
and personally give it to the head
of the conference, Dr. walcott,
628
00:31:22,841 --> 00:31:25,761
and say how sorry I am
that I can't be there.
629
00:31:25,844 --> 00:31:26,934
Got it.
630
00:31:26,970 --> 00:31:28,890
-Oh, what's in the box, honey?
-Mmm.
631
00:31:29,014 --> 00:31:30,854
Just a small gift.
632
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:32,894
Wow, penny. You're
giving a speech?
633
00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:35,598
Oh, it's only a couple of
sentences on the last day,
634
00:31:35,812 --> 00:31:37,942
but then I'm picking up
a reward for my dad.
635
00:31:38,023 --> 00:31:39,273
Award, honey.
636
00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,781
Did you remember to bring
the atm card I gave you?
637
00:31:41,944 --> 00:31:45,614
Yes. But what's my pin number again?
I keep forgetting.
638
00:31:45,781 --> 00:31:47,571
It's 11-11.
639
00:31:49,576 --> 00:31:51,576
I thought it had to
be four numbers.
640
00:31:52,704 --> 00:31:53,914
There are four numbers.
641
00:31:54,331 --> 00:31:57,001
One-one-one-one.
642
00:31:58,252 --> 00:32:00,632
Time to go! Come on, penny.
643
00:32:13,058 --> 00:32:14,268
Aw!
644
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:19,811
Are you smiling at me?
Are you smiling at me?
645
00:32:20,023 --> 00:32:22,193
He's a good boy! Yes, he is!
646
00:32:22,276 --> 00:32:23,816
Let me see your purty teeth!
647
00:32:23,902 --> 00:32:25,202
Oh! Say it, don't spray it!
648
00:32:37,082 --> 00:32:39,962
We're almost there. The guy told
me to get off at the next exit.
649
00:32:40,043 --> 00:32:41,753
Shh. They're picking
the lottery balls.
650
00:32:42,045 --> 00:32:45,415
Here's today's mega-lottery
picks, worth 34 million dollars.
651
00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:48,724
The first number is 44.
The next is 2.
652
00:32:49,011 --> 00:32:52,971
38, 24, 21 and 54.
653
00:32:53,265 --> 00:32:56,565
Cripes! I was so close!
654
00:32:56,935 --> 00:32:59,095
I had all the right numbers,
but in the wrong order.
655
00:33:03,317 --> 00:33:05,487
Honey, my
stomach is killing me.
656
00:33:05,652 --> 00:33:07,152
Can you bring me
some more pepto?
657
00:33:07,321 --> 00:33:09,241
I'm making you some
nice warm oatmeal.
658
00:33:09,615 --> 00:33:11,165
It will settle your tummy.
659
00:33:24,546 --> 00:33:25,756
What are you doing?
660
00:33:28,550 --> 00:33:30,550
I'm fixing lunch for my husband.
661
00:33:41,063 --> 00:33:42,523
That's not enough.
662
00:33:44,566 --> 00:33:47,236
We gotta pick up the pace a little bit.
We want him dead
663
00:33:47,361 --> 00:33:50,161
before dumbelina gets back from
that egghead convention, remember?
664
00:33:50,239 --> 00:33:51,909
Slow it down.
665
00:33:51,990 --> 00:33:54,870
If we put too much in at once,
it could show up in an autopsy.
666
00:33:54,952 --> 00:33:56,082
Not this stuff.
667
00:33:56,495 --> 00:33:58,715
I got it from my twin brother.
He's special ops.
668
00:33:58,872 --> 00:34:00,422
It's totally undetectable.
669
00:34:01,542 --> 00:34:03,592
Now come on. Let's
hurry this up.
670
00:34:04,127 --> 00:34:05,877
That way we have a few
extra days to ourselves,
671
00:34:05,963 --> 00:34:07,633
to enjoy our inheritance.
672
00:34:08,006 --> 00:34:10,176
Oh, there's gonna be
plenty of time for that.
673
00:34:10,843 --> 00:34:14,013
Five million dollars
buys a lot of champagne.
674
00:34:19,393 --> 00:34:20,523
Give it to me.
675
00:34:27,860 --> 00:34:29,190
You like that, don't you?
676
00:34:29,486 --> 00:34:31,236
Yeah. It's all right.
677
00:34:32,948 --> 00:34:34,618
I'll be honest. It's
not my favorite thing.
678
00:34:36,994 --> 00:34:38,414
Who the hell is that?
679
00:34:41,331 --> 00:34:43,121
Boy, this is quite
a shack, huh, har?
680
00:34:43,292 --> 00:34:45,632
Yeah, but I bet if you pulled
the weeds off the walls
681
00:34:45,752 --> 00:34:48,592
and slapped up some aluminum
siding, it wouldn't be half bad.
682
00:34:48,672 --> 00:34:51,222
Yeah. Those things
are rat ladders.
683
00:34:51,758 --> 00:34:52,928
Please stop that.
684
00:34:53,010 --> 00:34:55,760
There's a very sick man in
here who's trying to rest.
685
00:34:55,929 --> 00:34:59,389
I'm sorry, lady! We're
looking for Fanny felcher!
686
00:35:00,475 --> 00:35:01,685
The one with the kidneys.
687
00:35:01,768 --> 00:35:02,888
Is she there?
688
00:35:03,103 --> 00:35:05,443
There is no one here
by that horrible name.
689
00:35:05,731 --> 00:35:06,861
Now go away.
690
00:35:06,940 --> 00:35:09,610
Is this 6765 elmwood Avenue,
691
00:35:09,693 --> 00:35:11,443
cranston, Rhode Island?
692
00:35:12,237 --> 00:35:13,657
You're in Maryland.
693
00:35:13,989 --> 00:35:15,489
The side
with the stamp!
694
00:35:15,616 --> 00:35:18,576
I mean, uh, is
this 1111 foothill road?
695
00:35:18,660 --> 00:35:19,790
That's right.
696
00:35:19,870 --> 00:35:21,080
But there are no felchers here.
697
00:35:21,163 --> 00:35:22,833
This is the pinchelow residence.
698
00:35:22,998 --> 00:35:25,078
Wait a second. My
friend Harry here
699
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:27,710
gave his daughter up for
adoption 20-something years ago
700
00:35:27,878 --> 00:35:29,878
and we were told this
is where she lives.
701
00:35:29,963 --> 00:35:31,423
It's kind of a medical
702
00:35:31,507 --> 00:35:32,627
emergency that we find her.
703
00:35:32,716 --> 00:35:34,546
- As long as she doesn't have aids.
704
00:35:34,635 --> 00:35:36,145
Adele, darling,
whoever they are,
705
00:35:36,220 --> 00:35:37,640
they must be talking
about penny!
706
00:35:37,721 --> 00:35:38,971
She was adopted.
707
00:35:39,348 --> 00:35:40,388
I'll see them. Let them in.
708
00:35:43,602 --> 00:35:45,022
What the hell was that?
709
00:35:45,687 --> 00:35:47,687
That's exactly the kind of
random crap we don't need!
710
00:35:47,773 --> 00:35:48,863
Relax.
711
00:35:53,278 --> 00:35:54,948
Would you like some
hot tea with lemon?
712
00:35:55,364 --> 00:35:57,824
Oh, no. I can see why
you might think that.
713
00:35:58,116 --> 00:35:59,866
Two gentlemen
traveling together.
714
00:35:59,952 --> 00:36:01,122
But we're straight.
715
00:36:02,996 --> 00:36:04,366
I must
tell you, Harry,
716
00:36:05,249 --> 00:36:07,079
this is an unexpected treat.
717
00:36:07,668 --> 00:36:08,878
Yeah! Me, too.
718
00:36:09,336 --> 00:36:13,166
You know, I always wondered what
penny's natural father was like.
719
00:36:13,507 --> 00:36:15,047
When my late wife
and I adopted her,
720
00:36:15,133 --> 00:36:17,343
we weren't given much information
about her birth parents.
721
00:36:17,511 --> 00:36:20,931
We were only told that her mother
was single and that she was...
722
00:36:22,850 --> 00:36:24,230
You can say it, dear.
723
00:36:24,726 --> 00:36:26,726
She was rumored to
be a Titanic whore.
724
00:36:26,895 --> 00:36:30,185
That's a lie! Fraida never
stepped foot on the Titanic!
725
00:36:30,566 --> 00:36:32,566
They must be talking about the
time she did the night crew
726
00:36:32,651 --> 00:36:34,321
on the block island ferry.
727
00:36:35,487 --> 00:36:36,567
That's good!
728
00:36:37,739 --> 00:36:39,739
So, is penny here?
729
00:36:39,908 --> 00:36:41,118
Unfortunately, no.
730
00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:42,659
She flew out this
morning to El Paso.
731
00:36:42,828 --> 00:36:44,498
She's going to the
Ken conference.
732
00:36:44,621 --> 00:36:46,961
What? Who's this Ken guy?
733
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,210
No. No.
734
00:36:48,917 --> 00:36:51,087
The Ken conference
is a symposium
735
00:36:51,253 --> 00:36:52,553
where the year's
newest technologies,
736
00:36:52,629 --> 00:36:53,959
creative concepts and ideas
737
00:36:54,047 --> 00:36:55,757
are introduced and discussed.
738
00:36:56,049 --> 00:36:57,219
Wow.
739
00:36:57,301 --> 00:37:00,261
That's the single most boring
sentence I ever heard.
740
00:37:00,387 --> 00:37:03,007
Adele, what do you say
we call penny right now
741
00:37:03,098 --> 00:37:05,478
with the news that her biological
father is looking for her?
742
00:37:05,601 --> 00:37:06,981
She'll be so excited.
743
00:37:07,769 --> 00:37:10,859
She might not be as excited
as you think, doc.
744
00:37:10,981 --> 00:37:13,111
When her mother tried to
get in touch with her,
745
00:37:13,275 --> 00:37:15,195
she sent this letter right back.
746
00:37:17,154 --> 00:37:18,154
Mmm.
747
00:37:18,530 --> 00:37:19,860
That's interesting.
748
00:37:20,157 --> 00:37:21,527
What's that, dear?
749
00:37:21,950 --> 00:37:23,370
Uh, nothing.
750
00:37:23,452 --> 00:37:24,832
She just, uh, never
mentioned it.
751
00:37:26,163 --> 00:37:27,463
But that was a
couple of years ago.
752
00:37:27,539 --> 00:37:29,959
I'm sure she'll appreciate all
the trouble you've gone to
753
00:37:30,042 --> 00:37:32,132
to find her. Let's call her.
754
00:37:37,674 --> 00:37:39,264
- It's ringing!
755
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:46,180
Whoever this is,
756
00:37:46,266 --> 00:37:47,766
we're in the middle of
something really important.
757
00:37:47,935 --> 00:37:49,065
Can you call back later?
758
00:37:49,144 --> 00:37:50,564
No, I can't call back later.
759
00:37:50,646 --> 00:37:53,936
I have something to tell you that
might freak you out a little bit,
760
00:37:54,733 --> 00:37:56,113
but this is your dad.
761
00:37:56,610 --> 00:37:58,320
What? Hold on.
762
00:37:58,737 --> 00:38:01,657
Hey, guys, I know this is weird
timing, but I gotta take this.
763
00:38:01,740 --> 00:38:02,910
It's my dead dad.
764
00:38:02,991 --> 00:38:04,241
She's got me on hold.
765
00:38:05,702 --> 00:38:07,702
Dad, what did you do with
all those penthouses?
766
00:38:07,788 --> 00:38:08,828
Did you throw them out?
767
00:38:08,956 --> 00:38:10,576
No, they're under my mattress.
Why?
768
00:38:10,749 --> 00:38:12,919
You idiot, that
is penny's phone!
769
00:38:13,043 --> 00:38:14,043
Oh.
770
00:38:14,127 --> 00:38:15,667
Oh, no. No.
771
00:38:15,754 --> 00:38:17,674
No! This is awful!
772
00:38:18,006 --> 00:38:19,376
She forgot the package!
773
00:38:19,466 --> 00:38:21,296
What are you doing?
You shouldn't be up!
774
00:38:21,844 --> 00:38:23,554
Just relax. We can
overnight it to her.
775
00:38:23,637 --> 00:38:25,307
No! No. We can't.
776
00:38:25,472 --> 00:38:28,022
The culmination of my
life's work is in this box.
777
00:38:28,183 --> 00:38:29,733
It's much too valuable to ship.
778
00:38:30,394 --> 00:38:32,104
I thought you
said it was just a gift.
779
00:38:32,396 --> 00:38:34,226
Oh, it is.
780
00:38:34,314 --> 00:38:36,324
A gift to all humanity.
781
00:38:37,317 --> 00:38:39,107
- I wanted it to be a surprise, Adele.
782
00:38:39,194 --> 00:38:41,454
That's why I was unveiling
it at the Ken conference.
783
00:38:41,530 --> 00:38:42,610
Wow.
784
00:38:42,698 --> 00:38:44,528
Something like that's gotta
be worth millions, huh?
785
00:38:44,950 --> 00:38:47,330
-Try billions.
-Billions?
786
00:38:47,452 --> 00:38:50,002
Oh, yes. But
I won't get a dime.
787
00:38:50,289 --> 00:38:52,579
It would be morally wrong
to profit from this.
788
00:38:53,083 --> 00:38:54,083
Huh?
789
00:38:54,376 --> 00:38:56,956
This box contains one
of the most important
790
00:38:57,045 --> 00:38:58,875
discoveries in human history
791
00:38:58,964 --> 00:39:01,934
and all mankind deserves
free access to it
792
00:39:02,009 --> 00:39:04,589
and that is why I
have relinquished
793
00:39:04,845 --> 00:39:06,765
all proprietary rights.
794
00:39:07,514 --> 00:39:08,934
Wait, when did you do that?
795
00:39:09,016 --> 00:39:10,476
It's all in the speech
796
00:39:10,559 --> 00:39:13,019
that penny's going to read
at the award ceremony.
797
00:39:13,729 --> 00:39:15,649
Oh, my God, that's so nice!
798
00:39:18,525 --> 00:39:20,685
What in God's name?
799
00:39:20,861 --> 00:39:23,531
You guys sounded busy, so
we built a couch-fort.
800
00:39:24,406 --> 00:39:25,816
You wanna come in, Dr. p?
801
00:39:25,991 --> 00:39:27,451
Sorry, no girls allowed.
802
00:39:28,076 --> 00:39:29,696
Boys rule, girls drool.
803
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,330
Wait a minute.
804
00:39:33,749 --> 00:39:35,329
I have an idea.
805
00:39:35,834 --> 00:39:37,754
Why don't we have
Harry and Lloyd
806
00:39:37,794 --> 00:39:39,634
- hand-deliver the box to penny?
807
00:39:39,713 --> 00:39:42,673
That way Harry will get to
meet his daughter in person
808
00:39:42,758 --> 00:39:45,088
and you'll be assured the
box gets there safely.
809
00:39:48,055 --> 00:39:49,435
Are you insane?
810
00:39:49,598 --> 00:39:53,058
You think I'm just going to hand over
my invention to these 10-year-olds?
811
00:39:53,143 --> 00:39:54,813
Oh, don't you worry. We'll
have Travis go with them.
812
00:39:54,978 --> 00:39:56,598
He won't let anything
happen to the box.
813
00:39:56,772 --> 00:39:58,522
And he will lead them
straight to penny.
814
00:39:59,107 --> 00:40:00,227
You can count on us, sir.
815
00:40:00,776 --> 00:40:02,106
Our word is our bond.
816
00:40:03,820 --> 00:40:05,450
James Bond.
817
00:40:10,911 --> 00:40:13,501
I'm going with them? Why the
hell did you tell him that?
818
00:40:13,664 --> 00:40:15,834
Do you not realize what
just fell into our laps?
819
00:40:15,999 --> 00:40:19,039
Our five million just
turned into a billion.
820
00:40:19,211 --> 00:40:20,341
What's wrong
with this thing?
821
00:40:20,504 --> 00:40:22,344
Yeah, but he said he was
gonna give it all away.
822
00:40:22,506 --> 00:40:25,466
Not if we get to penny before
she reads that speech.
823
00:40:38,564 --> 00:40:39,654
Hey,
824
00:40:40,107 --> 00:40:42,027
when is this Ken thing, anyway?
825
00:40:42,109 --> 00:40:43,439
It actually starts today,
826
00:40:43,610 --> 00:40:45,700
but penny doesn't give her speech
until the night of may 2nd.
827
00:40:45,779 --> 00:40:47,449
So that gives us...
828
00:40:47,698 --> 00:40:48,948
How many days are in April?
829
00:40:49,116 --> 00:40:50,826
"Thirty days have September,
830
00:40:50,868 --> 00:40:52,618
"all the rest I can't remember."
831
00:40:52,911 --> 00:40:55,251
Must be 31 because nothing
rhymes with August.
832
00:40:55,414 --> 00:40:56,874
No, I think it's 32, har.
833
00:40:57,207 --> 00:40:58,417
April's a leap month.
834
00:40:58,584 --> 00:41:00,544
-31.
-32.
835
00:41:00,586 --> 00:41:01,706
-31.
-32.
836
00:41:01,753 --> 00:41:03,923
-31. 31, 1, 1, 1!
-2, 2, 2!
837
00:41:04,006 --> 00:41:05,416
30! There's 30!
838
00:41:05,549 --> 00:41:06,629
Thank you!
839
00:41:07,551 --> 00:41:08,641
You said 31.
840
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:10,219
Yeah, but I was closer.
841
00:41:10,596 --> 00:41:12,216
Hey, guys,
where's the box?
842
00:41:12,639 --> 00:41:13,769
What box?
843
00:41:14,641 --> 00:41:16,891
The box with the billion-dollar
invention in it.
844
00:41:18,478 --> 00:41:19,978
Lloyd, what did you
do with the box?
845
00:41:20,147 --> 00:41:21,977
Me? You had it.
846
00:41:22,065 --> 00:41:24,105
No, remember we stopped
at that truck stop
847
00:41:24,234 --> 00:41:25,744
and we were kicking
field goals with it
848
00:41:25,819 --> 00:41:27,149
- out in that parking lot?
- Yeah.
849
00:41:27,237 --> 00:41:29,487
I remember I kicked one over the
telephone wires, and you said...
850
00:41:29,573 --> 00:41:31,913
You know what, you're right.
I did have it.
851
00:41:36,830 --> 00:41:38,250
- Look at that!
852
00:41:38,582 --> 00:41:40,672
I just
saved humanity!
853
00:41:41,335 --> 00:41:43,295
You know what? Maybe I
should hold on to that box.
854
00:41:43,462 --> 00:41:45,342
I don't think so, mister.
855
00:41:45,422 --> 00:41:47,172
Dr. p encrusted that to me.
856
00:41:47,341 --> 00:41:49,431
And I'm gonna make sure it gets
to my daughter, safe and sound.
857
00:41:50,177 --> 00:41:52,847
Yeah, well, you're doing
a great job so far.
858
00:41:53,263 --> 00:41:54,933
You guys wanna play
"he who smelt it"?
859
00:41:55,015 --> 00:41:56,135
Yeah.
860
00:41:56,433 --> 00:41:57,523
What's that?
861
00:41:57,601 --> 00:41:59,771
It's complicated,
so pay attention.
862
00:41:59,853 --> 00:42:03,443
We put the windows up, first one
who smells a fart gets a point.
863
00:42:03,607 --> 00:42:06,477
If you say who dealt
it, double points.
864
00:42:06,610 --> 00:42:07,940
But if you say you
smelled a fart
865
00:42:08,028 --> 00:42:09,028
and nobody farted,
866
00:42:09,112 --> 00:42:10,282
like if we were just passing
a slaughterhouse...
867
00:42:10,322 --> 00:42:11,452
False fart!
868
00:42:11,490 --> 00:42:14,950
...you lose a point. And you can't
smell your own farts, either.
869
00:42:14,993 --> 00:42:17,123
Are you guys kidding? No! No!
870
00:42:17,287 --> 00:42:20,287
I'm not gonna sit around sniffing your
farts like some kinda truffle pig.
871
00:42:20,332 --> 00:42:21,422
- Forget it!
872
00:42:21,458 --> 00:42:23,338
Okay, fine. Lloyd and I
will play one-on-one.
873
00:42:23,460 --> 00:42:24,500
Yeah, head-to-head.
874
00:42:24,586 --> 00:42:26,206
How can you play one-on-one?
875
00:42:26,547 --> 00:42:27,877
If you smell a fart,
and you didn't do it,
876
00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:29,635
isn't it obvious
the other guy did?
877
00:42:32,219 --> 00:42:33,969
I thought you said you
never played before.
878
00:42:34,137 --> 00:42:36,177
Yeah. Sounds like he
wrote the rulebook.
879
00:42:36,723 --> 00:42:38,223
I think we might have
a hustler here, har.
880
00:42:38,308 --> 00:42:39,308
Uh-huh.
881
00:42:46,984 --> 00:42:48,154
What are you doing?
882
00:42:49,736 --> 00:42:50,856
I forgot.
883
00:42:51,154 --> 00:42:52,494
Uh, you know what?
I'm going to make a rule.
884
00:42:52,698 --> 00:42:55,028
There will be no fart games
while I'm in the car, got it?
885
00:42:55,158 --> 00:42:56,198
Wow.
886
00:42:56,326 --> 00:42:57,696
Who made you king of the car?
887
00:42:58,829 --> 00:43:00,079
I know how to settle this.
888
00:43:00,247 --> 00:43:02,207
I'm thinking of a number
between one and three.
889
00:43:02,332 --> 00:43:04,002
Whoever guesses it gets
to be king of the car.
890
00:43:04,084 --> 00:43:05,214
-One!
-No.
891
00:43:05,335 --> 00:43:06,665
-Three?
-Nope.
892
00:43:08,338 --> 00:43:09,508
Okay, what is it?
893
00:43:11,008 --> 00:43:12,008
Two.
894
00:43:13,302 --> 00:43:14,342
I swear I
was gonna say that!
895
00:43:15,345 --> 00:43:17,885
All right, so it's agreed,
I'm king of the car, right?
896
00:43:18,515 --> 00:43:19,675
Fine.
897
00:43:19,725 --> 00:43:20,775
Excuse me, your highness,
898
00:43:20,851 --> 00:43:23,231
would you grab me a slim
Jim out of the back?
899
00:43:23,854 --> 00:43:25,024
One of the long ones.
900
00:43:25,856 --> 00:43:27,606
Yeah.
901
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:31,700
Oh, hey, what the hell?
902
00:43:33,864 --> 00:43:35,244
Oh, God! Hey!
903
00:43:35,365 --> 00:43:36,865
No! Hey!
904
00:43:40,370 --> 00:43:42,040
What is that? Oh, God!
905
00:43:44,458 --> 00:43:45,708
Look, Harry.
906
00:43:45,876 --> 00:43:47,246
He's hooked on crack.
907
00:43:49,463 --> 00:43:52,093
For the love
of God, have mercy!
908
00:43:52,633 --> 00:43:54,803
Hello, you've
reached Herbert felcher
909
00:43:54,885 --> 00:43:56,975
at felcher and felcher
funeral parlor.
910
00:43:57,137 --> 00:43:59,057
- Please leave a message at the beep.
911
00:43:59,097 --> 00:44:02,057
Hi! This is a private
message for fraida felcher.
912
00:44:02,142 --> 00:44:04,482
Would you please tell
fraida that Harry called?
913
00:44:04,561 --> 00:44:05,771
Harry dunne.
914
00:44:06,063 --> 00:44:08,733
The guy who knocked her up
20-something years ago.
915
00:44:08,982 --> 00:44:12,152
Um, pleasure finally meeting
you all, by the way.
916
00:44:12,903 --> 00:44:16,663
Anyway, would you tell her that
I've located our daughter.
917
00:44:17,824 --> 00:44:21,204
She's at a thing called the
Ken conference in El Paso.
918
00:44:21,745 --> 00:44:23,745
The town named after
the bean dip.
919
00:44:52,150 --> 00:44:53,780
Oh, that's sweet!
920
00:44:55,946 --> 00:44:57,026
Bye, grandma!
921
00:44:57,114 --> 00:44:58,374
Have fun, sweetie.
922
00:45:02,035 --> 00:45:03,285
Now, there's a real man.
923
00:45:03,787 --> 00:45:06,037
I bet you he don't
pee sitting down.
924
00:45:23,515 --> 00:45:25,225
- Don't touch that joystick!
925
00:45:30,355 --> 00:45:31,815
Wow, look!
926
00:45:35,485 --> 00:45:36,645
Let my people
927
00:45:37,154 --> 00:45:38,244
- go!
928
00:45:38,322 --> 00:45:39,412
Harry!
929
00:45:43,076 --> 00:45:45,536
It hurts, Lloyd.
It hurts so bad.
930
00:45:45,704 --> 00:45:47,124
Which one hurts, Harry? This one?
Or this one?
931
00:45:48,707 --> 00:45:51,577
Stop it! Lloyd, please,
932
00:45:51,877 --> 00:45:53,087
save my daughter.
933
00:45:53,170 --> 00:45:54,340
And then
934
00:45:54,588 --> 00:45:57,548
I want you to bone her
like a chicken cutlet.
935
00:45:57,674 --> 00:45:58,934
You hear me, mister?
936
00:46:13,482 --> 00:46:14,482
Huh?
937
00:46:39,216 --> 00:46:40,716
Looking for these?
938
00:47:15,919 --> 00:47:17,299
Oh!
939
00:47:19,590 --> 00:47:21,010
What are you doing?
940
00:47:22,092 --> 00:47:23,642
Oh. Uh...
941
00:47:26,346 --> 00:47:27,596
She's all clean, sir.
942
00:47:28,182 --> 00:47:29,602
You're good to go.
943
00:47:30,142 --> 00:47:31,432
Nutcase.
944
00:47:34,021 --> 00:47:35,441
Hey, guys.
945
00:47:40,903 --> 00:47:42,783
Let's call a truce, huh?
946
00:47:43,113 --> 00:47:44,613
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.
947
00:47:44,948 --> 00:47:47,448
I don't wanna argue with you guys
all the way down to El Paso.
948
00:47:47,868 --> 00:47:49,658
So what do you say? Peace?
949
00:47:51,413 --> 00:47:53,293
Come on, bring it in!
950
00:47:53,999 --> 00:47:55,749
Yeah, why not?
951
00:47:57,794 --> 00:47:58,844
Hmm.
952
00:47:58,921 --> 00:47:59,961
Okay.
953
00:48:00,088 --> 00:48:03,008
-Hey, all right. All right, that's good.
-Mmm...
954
00:48:03,300 --> 00:48:04,930
-All right, all right, all right.
-Aw.
955
00:48:05,344 --> 00:48:07,304
Hey! Have you guys ever
played "funnel nuts"?
956
00:48:07,638 --> 00:48:08,678
What?
957
00:48:08,805 --> 00:48:11,015
Oh, come on. You guys have
had to play funnel nuts.
958
00:48:11,308 --> 00:48:12,978
This is the best
game ever invented.
959
00:48:13,143 --> 00:48:14,193
Check it out, you
take the funnel,
960
00:48:14,311 --> 00:48:15,851
you put it in the front of
your pants like that, right?
961
00:48:16,271 --> 00:48:19,691
Okay? Then you put a peanut
on your nose like this,
962
00:48:19,858 --> 00:48:21,358
and then when you're ready...
963
00:48:22,110 --> 00:48:23,610
No way!
964
00:48:23,654 --> 00:48:24,864
You gotta be kidding!
965
00:48:25,155 --> 00:48:26,485
- That's not right!
966
00:48:27,324 --> 00:48:29,374
The person who gets
the most nuts wins.
967
00:48:29,493 --> 00:48:30,663
Now, who's gonna play me first?
968
00:48:31,161 --> 00:48:32,541
I'll do it. I got it.
969
00:48:33,038 --> 00:48:34,708
-This is mine!
-You always go first!
970
00:48:34,873 --> 00:48:36,003
I got it first!
971
00:48:36,124 --> 00:48:37,964
Guys, hold on, all right? Look.
972
00:48:38,293 --> 00:48:40,303
You guys play each other first,
and then I'll play the winner.
973
00:48:41,630 --> 00:48:42,710
All right.
974
00:48:43,006 --> 00:48:45,126
All right. Here you go.
975
00:48:46,009 --> 00:48:47,339
Take your time. It takes time.
976
00:48:47,386 --> 00:48:48,676
Get a good balance on that.
977
00:48:48,846 --> 00:48:49,966
-Okay.
-Look way up high.
978
00:48:50,848 --> 00:48:53,518
Good. Okay, keep looking at the sky.
When you're ready.
979
00:48:53,642 --> 00:48:55,352
Now don't drop it until
you're ready, guys.
980
00:48:55,477 --> 00:48:56,637
I got it!
981
00:48:58,689 --> 00:48:59,809
-That's weird.
-Ooh!
982
00:48:59,857 --> 00:49:02,527
-The smell of peanuts makes my weenie cold.
-Ooh!
983
00:49:03,652 --> 00:49:04,692
It shrank mine.
984
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:07,280
Oh!
985
00:49:07,531 --> 00:49:08,701
Hey!
986
00:49:11,159 --> 00:49:14,079
Do you believe that? Did
you see what he did?
987
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:16,660
It's on!
988
00:49:17,666 --> 00:49:18,746
Oh, yeah.
989
00:49:18,876 --> 00:49:20,206
He's going down!
990
00:49:20,878 --> 00:49:23,418
Right after we finish
playing funnel nuts.
991
00:49:35,601 --> 00:49:36,641
Shh.
Don't wake him up!
992
00:49:36,727 --> 00:49:37,767
I know.
993
00:49:41,523 --> 00:49:42,773
How many did you put in there?
994
00:49:42,941 --> 00:49:44,941
Just enough to get
a rise out of him.
995
00:50:02,127 --> 00:50:03,547
No! Oh, God!
996
00:50:04,421 --> 00:50:06,261
No! Oh, my God!
997
00:50:17,601 --> 00:50:18,731
Oh, my God!
998
00:50:20,103 --> 00:50:22,313
Wait, Lloyd. I think
he might be hurt.
999
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,280
Man, you okay? It
was just a goof.
1000
00:50:28,570 --> 00:50:31,280
Yeah. By the way, we're even.
1001
00:50:32,282 --> 00:50:34,912
I want them dead, now!
Now! Do you hear me?
1002
00:50:35,452 --> 00:50:36,622
Calm down.
1003
00:50:36,787 --> 00:50:38,787
No! No, I can't
take it any longer!
1004
00:50:39,289 --> 00:50:40,789
If you don't
let me kill them now,
1005
00:50:40,874 --> 00:50:42,254
I am quitting, and I mean it!
1006
00:50:42,417 --> 00:50:44,997
Okay. Give me some
time to think.
1007
00:50:45,170 --> 00:50:46,300
I'll come up with a plan.
1008
00:50:46,463 --> 00:50:49,473
Plan? You don't need a plan!
These guys are morons!
1009
00:50:49,633 --> 00:50:52,093
Besides, I told you, my
brother's in special ops.
1010
00:50:52,261 --> 00:50:53,601
I know how to get stuff done!
1011
00:50:54,304 --> 00:50:57,684
All right. But make sure nobody
knows they paid us a visit.
1012
00:50:57,850 --> 00:50:59,520
I don't want this
coming back to us.
1013
00:50:59,685 --> 00:51:01,145
- God, shut up!
1014
00:51:09,695 --> 00:51:11,115
I wonder what's in this sucker.
1015
00:51:12,322 --> 00:51:13,822
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1016
00:51:14,283 --> 00:51:16,163
That thing is worth a fortune!
Be careful!
1017
00:51:16,285 --> 00:51:17,665
Give it to me.
1018
00:51:18,161 --> 00:51:20,461
It would be nice to know
what's in it, though.
1019
00:51:20,622 --> 00:51:22,752
I've been racking
my sack about that.
1020
00:51:22,833 --> 00:51:24,043
I have a theory.
1021
00:51:24,376 --> 00:51:25,496
Oh, yeah?
1022
00:51:25,627 --> 00:51:28,167
He said it was something that would
help everybody in the world, right?
1023
00:51:28,338 --> 00:51:29,458
Yeah.
1024
00:51:29,548 --> 00:51:31,968
I think it might
be a baked potato.
1025
00:51:33,177 --> 00:51:35,347
How does a baked potato help
everybody in the world?
1026
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,850
That's the only part I
haven't figured out yet.
1027
00:51:39,850 --> 00:51:41,230
You'll get it, Lloyd.
1028
00:51:41,351 --> 00:51:44,651
We should pick up some sour
cream and chives, just in case.
1029
00:51:45,731 --> 00:51:47,021
Do you guys have any
idea where we are?
1030
00:51:47,399 --> 00:51:48,399
Not really.
1031
00:51:48,483 --> 00:51:51,033
You're the one who told us to take
the shortcut off the highway.
1032
00:51:51,069 --> 00:51:53,859
Yeah. It's like you wanted to get
us alone, so you could kill us
1033
00:51:53,989 --> 00:51:55,819
and take the billion-dollar box.
1034
00:51:55,866 --> 00:51:57,656
- But what would be the motive?
1035
00:51:58,160 --> 00:51:59,200
Yeah.
1036
00:52:00,204 --> 00:52:01,254
Yeah.
1037
00:52:02,206 --> 00:52:03,746
I better get a map
out of the bag, huh?
1038
00:52:03,874 --> 00:52:05,544
-Sure.
-Okay.
1039
00:52:07,336 --> 00:52:10,166
So, guys, who else is
helping you look for your daughter?
1040
00:52:10,214 --> 00:52:11,304
- No one.
Mmm-hmm.
1041
00:52:11,381 --> 00:52:12,381
Nobody?
1042
00:52:12,508 --> 00:52:14,878
-Not even some friends to lend a hand?
-Mmm-mmm.
1043
00:52:15,219 --> 00:52:16,589
Nope, just us.
1044
00:52:16,720 --> 00:52:18,560
- What about your wives?
- Wives?
1045
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:20,310
How stupid do we look?
1046
00:52:21,892 --> 00:52:23,062
Harry?
1047
00:52:23,101 --> 00:52:24,561
Easy.
1048
00:52:28,857 --> 00:52:31,027
-Close one.
-Any girlfriends?
1049
00:52:31,068 --> 00:52:32,398
Been there, done that.
1050
00:52:32,861 --> 00:52:35,701
See, we don't want to be tied
down by anything or anyone.
1051
00:52:35,739 --> 00:52:37,449
We don't even have
social security cards.
1052
00:52:37,574 --> 00:52:39,584
We sold them for 30 bucks
to two Brazilian guys.
1053
00:52:40,077 --> 00:52:41,577
And the good thing about
having no identity
1054
00:52:41,703 --> 00:52:44,213
is that you never have to
worry about identity theft.
1055
00:52:44,248 --> 00:52:46,418
He can't even be
identified by his teeth
1056
00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:48,385
because he's never even
been to a dentist.
1057
00:52:48,794 --> 00:52:51,054
And I've never joined anything.
Ever.
1058
00:52:51,588 --> 00:52:53,128
That's how you keep a low-pro.
1059
00:52:53,257 --> 00:52:56,087
Yep, there's no actual
proof that we even exist.
1060
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,100
If we died, no
one would even miss us.
1061
00:52:59,429 --> 00:53:01,559
We are truly blessed.
1062
00:53:17,114 --> 00:53:19,074
What the
hell happened, Harry?
1063
00:53:19,616 --> 00:53:20,776
What?
1064
00:53:21,076 --> 00:53:23,406
What the hell happened?
1065
00:53:23,453 --> 00:53:24,703
Whoo!
1066
00:53:24,830 --> 00:53:26,120
I can't hear you!
1067
00:53:26,331 --> 00:53:27,711
So long, boys.
1068
00:53:42,806 --> 00:53:46,016
We may have been involved in
an alien abduction, Harry.
1069
00:53:46,310 --> 00:53:47,770
Is your butt okay?
1070
00:53:50,272 --> 00:53:51,482
Harry!
1071
00:53:51,648 --> 00:53:53,018
Holy crap!
1072
00:53:53,108 --> 00:53:54,608
He took off on us!
1073
00:53:54,985 --> 00:53:56,155
What?
1074
00:53:56,486 --> 00:53:59,816
He took off on us.
1075
00:54:00,699 --> 00:54:01,949
What?
1076
00:54:03,118 --> 00:54:05,948
I can't believe that
douchebag stole our hearse.
1077
00:54:06,622 --> 00:54:08,792
I hope something really
bad happens to him.
1078
00:54:08,957 --> 00:54:11,537
No, but I tried ostrich once.
1079
00:54:12,169 --> 00:54:14,339
Harry, holy cow.
1080
00:54:14,713 --> 00:54:16,173
I'm worried about you.
1081
00:54:16,215 --> 00:54:17,635
You're as deaf as a bat.
1082
00:54:18,133 --> 00:54:20,723
That's not exactly how
it happened, Lloyd.
1083
00:54:20,886 --> 00:54:23,636
Your mother got
into bed with me.
1084
00:54:25,557 --> 00:54:28,017
That's it. We're getting
you hearing aids.
1085
00:54:31,980 --> 00:54:33,360
May I help you?
1086
00:54:34,358 --> 00:54:35,358
Um...
1087
00:54:35,692 --> 00:54:38,742
My friend here would like to
visit his sweet ol' grandma.
1088
00:54:39,488 --> 00:54:40,528
What's the name?
1089
00:54:40,697 --> 00:54:41,867
I'll give you a hint.
1090
00:54:42,407 --> 00:54:44,697
She's the one with the
biggest hearing aids.
1091
00:54:49,581 --> 00:54:52,331
Ms. snergle, your grandson
and his friend are here.
1092
00:54:55,212 --> 00:54:56,382
This is stupid, Lloyd!
1093
00:54:56,421 --> 00:54:58,511
I'm not gonna steal an
old lady's hearing aid!
1094
00:54:59,716 --> 00:55:00,926
Relax!
1095
00:55:01,093 --> 00:55:05,223
We're just looking
for a backup pair.
1096
00:55:05,764 --> 00:55:07,774
There's gotta be
some around here.
1097
00:55:12,688 --> 00:55:13,898
Mikey?
1098
00:55:15,065 --> 00:55:16,395
Yeah, gran.
1099
00:55:16,567 --> 00:55:17,687
It's Mikey.
1100
00:55:17,734 --> 00:55:19,904
Oh, thank
God you're here.
1101
00:55:20,237 --> 00:55:22,027
I've got the diamonds.
1102
00:55:22,865 --> 00:55:24,245
Did she say diamonds?
1103
00:55:26,577 --> 00:55:29,077
Go ahead, granny.
Mikey's listening.
1104
00:55:29,246 --> 00:55:32,416
I want you to take all the
diamonds with you when you go.
1105
00:55:32,583 --> 00:55:35,593
I've been hiding them from
those thieving lawyers.
1106
00:55:35,752 --> 00:55:36,922
That's good.
1107
00:55:37,087 --> 00:55:38,757
Granny did a good thing!
1108
00:55:38,922 --> 00:55:41,052
So, where are the rocks?
1109
00:55:41,258 --> 00:55:42,928
They're underneath me.
1110
00:55:42,968 --> 00:55:44,088
You mean, under the bed?
1111
00:55:44,219 --> 00:55:46,219
-No, under the blanket.
-Oh.
1112
00:55:51,894 --> 00:55:53,064
I'm not finding anything.
1113
00:55:53,228 --> 00:55:55,058
Go up more.
1114
00:55:56,565 --> 00:55:58,155
-Up here?
-Keep going.
1115
00:55:59,735 --> 00:56:01,325
Did you hide them
inside this Turkey?
1116
00:56:01,653 --> 00:56:02,783
Yeah, right.
1117
00:56:03,030 --> 00:56:04,780
--Wait.
1118
00:56:05,073 --> 00:56:06,453
There's no diamonds here!
1119
00:56:06,617 --> 00:56:09,157
And you're not my grandson!
1120
00:56:09,620 --> 00:56:11,120
Harry, she's got me.
1121
00:56:11,747 --> 00:56:13,077
She's really clamping down!
1122
00:56:14,625 --> 00:56:16,085
- Ahhh!
1123
00:56:18,086 --> 00:56:19,246
Lloyd?
1124
00:56:20,547 --> 00:56:21,627
I think that was her gran-Gina.
1125
00:56:21,673 --> 00:56:22,843
That's right!
1126
00:56:23,008 --> 00:56:25,968
So you can cross that one
off your bucket list!
1127
00:56:29,681 --> 00:56:32,811
Hey, goldfinger!
1128
00:56:33,310 --> 00:56:35,060
Here.
1129
00:56:35,312 --> 00:56:37,312
You've earned them.
1130
00:56:46,365 --> 00:56:47,825
Are you serious?
1131
00:56:48,116 --> 00:56:49,776
Travis is dead?
1132
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,200
That's right.
1133
00:56:51,328 --> 00:56:53,198
The Kansas state police
informed me this morning.
1134
00:56:53,330 --> 00:56:55,000
- I thought you'd want to know.
1135
00:56:56,166 --> 00:56:58,666
Thank you, captain lippincott.
1136
00:56:59,044 --> 00:57:02,214
I know it's never easy to
relay this kind of sad news.
1137
00:57:02,548 --> 00:57:04,588
But I want you to know
that your brother, Travis,
1138
00:57:04,675 --> 00:57:06,515
was more than just
a handyman to us.
1139
00:57:06,677 --> 00:57:07,837
He was
1140
00:57:08,512 --> 00:57:09,802
family.
1141
00:57:10,347 --> 00:57:11,467
Really?
1142
00:57:11,974 --> 00:57:15,194
Do you suck the toe jam
off mommy and daddy, too?
1143
00:57:16,311 --> 00:57:18,481
Um, I beg your pardon?
1144
00:57:19,189 --> 00:57:20,899
My brother told me everything.
1145
00:57:24,653 --> 00:57:26,073
I don't know what
you're talking about.
1146
00:57:26,238 --> 00:57:28,658
Look, lady, I know you're
terminating your husband.
1147
00:57:28,699 --> 00:57:30,739
I'm the one who supplied
you with the untraceables.
1148
00:57:31,076 --> 00:57:32,656
Remember? I also know
1149
00:57:32,703 --> 00:57:35,373
that my brother was supposed
to eliminate those two idiots,
1150
00:57:35,706 --> 00:57:37,826
but somehow they turned
the tables on him.
1151
00:57:39,001 --> 00:57:40,211
Relax.
1152
00:57:40,377 --> 00:57:41,707
I'm not here to turn you in.
1153
00:57:42,588 --> 00:57:44,008
I'm here to help you out.
1154
00:57:49,344 --> 00:57:50,604
So how are those things working?
1155
00:57:50,721 --> 00:57:52,511
Not bad. I can
hear you a little.
1156
00:57:52,681 --> 00:57:53,891
Here, let me turn them up.
1157
00:57:57,728 --> 00:57:59,768
Honey, would you
like some pancakes?
1158
00:58:00,397 --> 00:58:01,727
Yeah, I'd love some pancakes.
1159
00:58:01,899 --> 00:58:02,939
- What?
1160
00:58:04,276 --> 00:58:06,396
- Stop yelling!
- I'm not yelling.
1161
00:58:06,695 --> 00:58:08,105
Why would you say I'm yelling?
1162
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:09,910
This is yelling!
1163
00:58:13,243 --> 00:58:14,453
Harry!
1164
00:58:16,413 --> 00:58:18,623
I think I might have
turned them up too high!
1165
00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:23,093
Oh, look! Barbara hershey highway.
1166
00:58:24,630 --> 00:58:25,800
Wait a minute.
1167
00:58:26,757 --> 00:58:28,797
I think I know where we are.
1168
00:58:29,134 --> 00:58:30,434
Follow me.
1169
00:58:37,935 --> 00:58:39,645
Are you sure about this, Lloyd?
1170
00:58:39,811 --> 00:58:43,611
Positive. The kid worked at the
hockey rink just past the museum.
1171
00:58:45,442 --> 00:58:46,652
Come on, Harry!
1172
00:58:48,278 --> 00:58:50,158
He drove a zamboni!
1173
00:58:58,956 --> 00:59:02,076
Oh, my God. I never thought
I'd see her again.
1174
00:59:02,793 --> 00:59:04,673
I don't know if I
told you this, har,
1175
00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:07,795
but that kid kinda porked me when
I traded him for the mini bike.
1176
00:59:08,465 --> 00:59:10,965
And he only gave me a
quarter-tank of gas.
1177
00:59:13,512 --> 00:59:15,312
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
1178
00:59:41,331 --> 00:59:42,541
Yeah!
1179
00:59:59,558 --> 01:00:00,678
Bush club!
1180
01:00:00,726 --> 01:00:01,976
Bush club! Bush club! Bush club!
1181
01:00:16,909 --> 01:00:18,539
I feel really good, har.
1182
01:00:18,577 --> 01:00:19,697
Me, too!
1183
01:00:19,745 --> 01:00:21,205
Really good!
1184
01:00:21,538 --> 01:00:23,668
You might want to
step on it, har!
1185
01:00:50,359 --> 01:00:51,899
Wow, look at all the brains.
1186
01:00:52,069 --> 01:00:54,069
They're
blinding me with science!
1187
01:00:54,238 --> 01:00:56,568
Okay, Lloyd. I'm gonna find out
what time this thing starts.
1188
01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:57,950
You keep an eye out for penny.
1189
01:00:58,075 --> 01:00:59,245
Roger that.
1190
01:00:59,785 --> 01:01:02,585
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is an Amber alert.
1191
01:01:02,746 --> 01:01:06,616
Has anybody seen this
lovely, delicate angel?
1192
01:01:06,792 --> 01:01:09,252
Have you seen her?
Lovely and delicate.
1193
01:01:09,419 --> 01:01:11,129
This girl is slammin'.
1194
01:01:12,714 --> 01:01:14,264
Oh, yeah, sure, I know her.
1195
01:01:14,299 --> 01:01:15,429
I got a hit.
1196
01:01:15,467 --> 01:01:16,507
It's, uh, penny pinchelow.
1197
01:01:16,593 --> 01:01:17,723
I met her at the bar yesterday.
1198
01:01:17,886 --> 01:01:18,966
What's that supposed to mean?
1199
01:01:19,054 --> 01:01:20,764
Whoa! Easy, hoser!
1200
01:01:20,848 --> 01:01:21,888
We just hung out a little.
1201
01:01:22,432 --> 01:01:23,602
Oh.
1202
01:01:24,935 --> 01:01:26,565
Do you happen to know
where she is right now?
1203
01:01:26,979 --> 01:01:29,399
Yeah, my, uh, friends just went
to meet her at her hotel room.
1204
01:01:29,565 --> 01:01:30,575
They're walking her over here.
1205
01:01:30,607 --> 01:01:31,647
She's giving a speech tonight.
1206
01:01:31,942 --> 01:01:33,072
When you see her,
1207
01:01:33,110 --> 01:01:35,280
tell her that Lloyd and her
dad are looking for her.
1208
01:01:35,445 --> 01:01:37,655
And get her to call me on this.
1209
01:01:39,157 --> 01:01:40,277
There you are!
1210
01:01:41,827 --> 01:01:42,987
I've been looking
all over for you.
1211
01:01:43,745 --> 01:01:44,905
Cool!
1212
01:01:44,955 --> 01:01:46,795
I just ran into a Mexican
guy who knows penny.
1213
01:01:46,874 --> 01:01:47,924
He said she's on her way!
1214
01:01:48,125 --> 01:01:49,465
Come on, let's get in line.
1215
01:01:49,501 --> 01:01:51,001
Dressed like this?
1216
01:01:51,253 --> 01:01:53,593
Harry, people who come to
these things are smart.
1217
01:01:54,423 --> 01:01:56,633
We can't go in there looking
like a couple of goofballs.
1218
01:01:56,842 --> 01:01:59,222
Oh, yeah. Let's go buy
some smart stuff.
1219
01:02:17,863 --> 01:02:19,073
How's your day?
1220
01:02:19,740 --> 01:02:21,160
Living the dream.
1221
01:02:24,870 --> 01:02:28,670
Ooh, that Mac and
cheese looks good!
1222
01:02:32,503 --> 01:02:35,843
Um, I think I'm gonna
need some chopsticks
1223
01:02:35,881 --> 01:02:38,681
or a really, really skinny fork.
1224
01:02:39,009 --> 01:02:40,509
You got it.
1225
01:02:42,221 --> 01:02:43,431
It's open!
1226
01:02:43,764 --> 01:02:44,894
Hey, penny!
1227
01:02:45,015 --> 01:02:47,095
Hey, tom! Hey, Gus!
1228
01:02:47,184 --> 01:02:49,354
Hey, uh, penny. Um...
1229
01:02:49,895 --> 01:02:51,155
What are you doing
in your undies
1230
01:02:51,188 --> 01:02:52,358
in front of the room
service guy here, eh?
1231
01:02:53,732 --> 01:02:54,862
You don't know him.
1232
01:02:54,900 --> 01:02:58,030
Oh, no. Someone told me this great
trick about how not to get nervous
1233
01:02:58,070 --> 01:02:59,450
when you're giving a speech.
1234
01:02:59,613 --> 01:03:01,873
All you do is imagine that
you're in your underwear.
1235
01:03:02,199 --> 01:03:04,369
So I've been practicing
all afternoon.
1236
01:03:04,535 --> 01:03:05,915
Will there be
anything else, ma'am?
1237
01:03:06,036 --> 01:03:07,906
Oh, no. Just that skinny fork.
1238
01:03:08,372 --> 01:03:09,462
Right.
1239
01:03:09,790 --> 01:03:11,210
Okay. Burning daylight.
1240
01:03:11,291 --> 01:03:13,791
Yeah. Oh! Great news. Your dad
showed up for the conference.
1241
01:03:14,253 --> 01:03:15,303
What?
1242
01:03:15,420 --> 01:03:16,420
Yeah, gordy just called us.
1243
01:03:16,547 --> 01:03:18,877
He ran into some guy named Lloyd
who was with your father.
1244
01:03:18,924 --> 01:03:21,554
They were looking for them out
front of the convention hall.
1245
01:03:26,807 --> 01:03:28,727
Oh, my goodness.
1246
01:03:29,226 --> 01:03:31,266
Are you absolutely certain?
1247
01:03:32,062 --> 01:03:33,612
And there's no way
you're mistaken?
1248
01:03:34,565 --> 01:03:36,695
All right, um, yes,
then I'll have someone
1249
01:03:36,733 --> 01:03:38,073
meet him at the door in a hurry.
1250
01:03:38,151 --> 01:03:39,941
Yes, okay. Goodbye.
1251
01:03:40,070 --> 01:03:41,280
What is it?
1252
01:03:41,405 --> 01:03:42,995
Dr. pinchelow is coming.
1253
01:03:43,073 --> 01:03:45,663
What? Are you certain?
I thought he was sick!
1254
01:03:45,742 --> 01:03:46,912
Apparently he's better.
1255
01:03:46,994 --> 01:03:48,454
I just spoke with his
daughter, penny, on the phone
1256
01:03:48,579 --> 01:03:49,949
and she's headed right
over here to meet him.
1257
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:52,080
Oh, the man didn't even show
up for his nobel ceremony.
1258
01:03:52,291 --> 01:03:55,131
He showed up for us.
Go find him.
1259
01:03:55,419 --> 01:03:56,799
Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm on it.
1260
01:04:03,677 --> 01:04:04,757
Lloyd, look!
1261
01:04:05,220 --> 01:04:06,600
Penny is speaking soon.
1262
01:04:07,639 --> 01:04:09,519
- That's so hot.
1263
01:04:19,109 --> 01:04:20,359
Is it done?
1264
01:04:20,485 --> 01:04:21,775
No.
1265
01:04:22,112 --> 01:04:24,662
Some Canadian douchebags barged
in before I could finish her.
1266
01:04:26,783 --> 01:04:27,953
Okay.
1267
01:04:28,035 --> 01:04:31,625
You follow penny, and the next
chance you get, kill her.
1268
01:04:31,788 --> 01:04:33,498
I'll take out the
guys, get the box.
1269
01:04:33,874 --> 01:04:35,794
What if they have already
gone into the Ken conference?
1270
01:04:35,834 --> 01:04:37,004
Not a chance.
1271
01:04:37,127 --> 01:04:40,297
The event's been sold out for over a
year, and the security is insane.
1272
01:04:40,339 --> 01:04:41,629
Tickets, please.
1273
01:04:41,882 --> 01:04:43,302
No, thank you.
1274
01:04:43,342 --> 01:04:45,142
We're not much for
boring speeches.
1275
01:04:45,302 --> 01:04:48,052
We just have to make sure that
his daughter gets this box.
1276
01:04:48,305 --> 01:04:51,525
No tickie, no entry.
No exceptions.
1277
01:04:53,644 --> 01:04:55,154
Have you found Dr.
pinchelow yet?
1278
01:04:55,229 --> 01:04:57,229
No. I don't even know
what he looks like.
1279
01:04:57,397 --> 01:04:58,397
This is ridiculous.
1280
01:04:58,482 --> 01:05:00,192
How am I supposed to find
the man in this throng
1281
01:05:00,317 --> 01:05:03,067
when all I know about him is
that he wears hearing aids?
1282
01:05:03,237 --> 01:05:06,157
Great. It's sold out. I'm dead.
1283
01:05:07,324 --> 01:05:09,034
So much for higher education.
1284
01:05:12,162 --> 01:05:13,252
Relax, har.
1285
01:05:13,330 --> 01:05:16,420
We're gonna find her. Don't get
that dying kidney all worked up.
1286
01:05:16,500 --> 01:05:17,920
Oh, it's not the kidney.
1287
01:05:18,001 --> 01:05:19,421
I think I gotta pinch a loaf.
1288
01:05:19,670 --> 01:05:22,380
Pinchelow? Did someone
say pinchelow?
1289
01:05:22,673 --> 01:05:24,513
Oh, my goodness, it is you!
1290
01:05:24,675 --> 01:05:27,055
You're really here!
I'm Dr. meldmann.
1291
01:05:27,177 --> 01:05:28,427
How was your trip from Maryland?
1292
01:05:28,720 --> 01:05:29,760
Not so great.
1293
01:05:29,847 --> 01:05:32,217
Somebody stole our car and he
finger-bombed an old lady.
1294
01:05:34,184 --> 01:05:35,274
Sounds terrible.
1295
01:05:35,352 --> 01:05:37,022
We'll take really good care
of you now that you're here.
1296
01:05:37,104 --> 01:05:38,484
Uh, would you like
to go into the foyer
1297
01:05:38,522 --> 01:05:40,112
for the cocktail reception, Dr.
pinchelow?
1298
01:05:40,607 --> 01:05:42,317
-Oh.
-Yes, Dr. pinchelow would love to go
1299
01:05:42,359 --> 01:05:44,109
to the foyer for the
cocktail reception.
1300
01:05:44,278 --> 01:05:46,198
Yeah, cool. Let's get ripped.
1301
01:05:47,614 --> 01:05:49,744
Uh,
this way, please.
1302
01:05:50,367 --> 01:05:52,037
I'm sorry, your name is?
1303
01:05:52,244 --> 01:05:54,044
I'm his associate, Dr.
Christmas.
1304
01:05:54,121 --> 01:05:55,711
Ah, Christmas like the holiday?
1305
01:05:55,789 --> 01:05:57,709
No. Like the tree.
1306
01:05:59,543 --> 01:06:00,793
May I ask you a
question, doctor,
1307
01:06:00,878 --> 01:06:02,378
and I don't mean
to be insensitive,
1308
01:06:02,421 --> 01:06:05,301
but, uh, does Dr. pinchelow
have asperger's?
1309
01:06:05,465 --> 01:06:06,715
Probably.
1310
01:06:06,884 --> 01:06:09,054
I know he doesn't
wipe real well.
1311
01:06:13,307 --> 01:06:15,227
Why don't you gentlemen
make yourselves at home.
1312
01:06:15,267 --> 01:06:17,727
I'm gonna go fetch the, uh,
director of the conference,
1313
01:06:17,769 --> 01:06:19,189
Dr. Barbara walcott.
1314
01:06:19,229 --> 01:06:20,899
She can't wait to meet you.
1315
01:06:20,981 --> 01:06:24,321
Dr. Barbara? A lady doctor?
Seriously?
1316
01:06:24,401 --> 01:06:26,571
Lady doctor, that
always cracks me up.
1317
01:06:26,653 --> 01:06:28,663
Yeah, doctor of doing
the laundry, maybe.
1318
01:06:28,739 --> 01:06:29,739
Am I right?
1319
01:06:31,783 --> 01:06:32,993
I'll be right back.
1320
01:06:34,745 --> 01:06:36,125
What were you thinking, Lloyd?
1321
01:06:36,205 --> 01:06:37,585
Now he thinks we're doctors.
1322
01:06:37,623 --> 01:06:39,253
At least we're in the door.
1323
01:06:39,416 --> 01:06:41,376
Now all we gotta do is act intelligent.
We'll fit right in.
1324
01:06:41,418 --> 01:06:42,418
Okay.
1325
01:06:45,255 --> 01:06:46,585
Hi, barkeep.
1326
01:06:46,757 --> 01:06:48,967
-How much for a beer?
-It's gratis.
1327
01:06:49,051 --> 01:06:50,181
Ooh.
1328
01:06:50,302 --> 01:06:51,682
That sounds expensive.
1329
01:06:52,596 --> 01:06:54,176
Can you give us a moment?
1330
01:06:54,973 --> 01:06:57,103
Lloyd, we blew our money
on the graduation robes.
1331
01:06:57,142 --> 01:06:58,312
Maybe we shouldn't drink.
1332
01:06:58,435 --> 01:07:00,185
No way. I need booze, man.
1333
01:07:00,437 --> 01:07:01,937
If I meet your daughter
without a buzz on,
1334
01:07:01,980 --> 01:07:03,150
she'll think I'm an idiot.
1335
01:07:05,609 --> 01:07:06,859
Hey, wait a minute!
1336
01:07:07,528 --> 01:07:09,858
What about the old stinkeroo?
1337
01:07:10,113 --> 01:07:12,033
- Yeah, I'm in.
1338
01:07:31,468 --> 01:07:33,178
-Excuse me, ma'am.
-Yes?
1339
01:07:33,303 --> 01:07:34,473
This beer smells funky.
1340
01:07:34,555 --> 01:07:35,855
Can I have a new one, please?
1341
01:07:36,473 --> 01:07:37,563
What do you mean "funky"?
1342
01:07:38,225 --> 01:07:39,485
Go ahead, take a sniff.
1343
01:07:39,518 --> 01:07:40,808
Ew!
1344
01:07:43,564 --> 01:07:44,654
I'll get you a freshie.
1345
01:07:44,731 --> 01:07:46,361
Mine is stinky, too.
1346
01:07:53,532 --> 01:07:55,412
Yours smells even worse!
1347
01:07:56,660 --> 01:07:57,660
I'll be right back.
1348
01:07:58,328 --> 01:07:59,868
"Yours smells even worse."
1349
01:07:59,997 --> 01:08:01,157
- Thanks!
1350
01:08:01,373 --> 01:08:02,713
You're really good
at that, Lloyd.
1351
01:08:03,167 --> 01:08:04,377
I learned from the best.
1352
01:08:04,835 --> 01:08:06,175
Thanks, mom.
1353
01:08:06,587 --> 01:08:08,337
I can't wait to see
what's in this.
1354
01:08:08,672 --> 01:08:10,762
-Yeah. Hey, har?
-Mmm?
1355
01:08:10,924 --> 01:08:12,014
Do you know how long
you have to wait
1356
01:08:12,092 --> 01:08:14,092
after kidney surgery
to have sex?
1357
01:08:14,178 --> 01:08:15,848
I don't think I'll
have to wait too long.
1358
01:08:16,013 --> 01:08:18,263
No, not you. I meant
the donor chick.
1359
01:08:19,224 --> 01:08:21,394
-What are you talking about?
-Okay! Fine!
1360
01:08:21,518 --> 01:08:22,768
Let's just drop it!
1361
01:08:22,853 --> 01:08:24,233
Here you go, doctors.
1362
01:08:24,521 --> 01:08:25,691
Fresh beers.
1363
01:08:25,856 --> 01:08:29,526
And I also brought you some
hydroponically grown goji berries
1364
01:08:29,610 --> 01:08:31,030
with vegan barbecue sauce
1365
01:08:31,111 --> 01:08:33,411
and some organic pumpkin chips.
Enjoy.
1366
01:08:33,530 --> 01:08:34,910
-Why, thank you!
-Mmm.
1367
01:08:36,783 --> 01:08:38,123
Mmm.
1368
01:08:40,037 --> 01:08:41,037
Mmm.
1369
01:08:41,246 --> 01:08:42,956
-These are salty.
-Mmm-hmm.
1370
01:08:43,081 --> 01:08:44,291
Try these.
1371
01:08:47,544 --> 01:08:48,714
Mmm.
1372
01:08:49,087 --> 01:08:50,587
Yours are super tangy.
1373
01:08:51,381 --> 01:08:52,881
I like it a lot.
1374
01:08:53,884 --> 01:08:55,094
Gentlemen.
1375
01:08:55,219 --> 01:08:56,679
I'd like you to meet the
director of the conference,
1376
01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:57,800
Dr. Barbara walcott.
1377
01:08:57,888 --> 01:08:59,808
And, Barbara, this is Dr.
pinchelow
1378
01:08:59,973 --> 01:09:02,103
and his associate, Dr.
Christmas.
1379
01:09:02,267 --> 01:09:05,727
Wonderful. It is a high
honor to meet you both.
1380
01:09:05,812 --> 01:09:08,272
Wow. Great accent, doc.
Where you from?
1381
01:09:08,398 --> 01:09:09,728
England. Surrey.
1382
01:09:09,942 --> 01:09:12,402
Oh, no need to apologize.
That was years ago.
1383
01:09:12,444 --> 01:09:15,034
We kicked your butt anyway,
so we're cool with it.
1384
01:09:18,492 --> 01:09:19,662
Oh, you're
a leg-puller!
1385
01:09:21,119 --> 01:09:22,329
Let's get you both
to your seats.
1386
01:09:22,412 --> 01:09:24,752
Professor garabedian's Ken
talk is about to begin.
1387
01:09:24,915 --> 01:09:28,845
Now, the existence of dark
matter is largely inferred
1388
01:09:28,919 --> 01:09:32,169
from the gravitational
effect on visible matter
1389
01:09:32,589 --> 01:09:36,379
and the gravitational lensing
of background radiation.
1390
01:09:36,426 --> 01:09:38,426
We saved two seats for you at
the end of the second row.
1391
01:09:38,512 --> 01:09:39,512
Just there.
1392
01:09:41,431 --> 01:09:45,021
...because they were trying to
figure out the discrepancies...
1393
01:09:45,102 --> 01:09:46,442
You could actually
go in the front.
1394
01:09:46,478 --> 01:09:48,188
- Coming through.
- My bad!
1395
01:09:48,438 --> 01:09:49,808
Here we go. Oops!
1396
01:09:49,940 --> 01:09:51,780
Wow. Is that silk?
1397
01:09:54,319 --> 01:09:55,529
That sucks!
1398
01:09:56,154 --> 01:09:57,954
That's good. Sorry.
1399
01:09:58,532 --> 01:09:59,702
Watch my knee.
1400
01:09:59,783 --> 01:10:01,283
We make a better door
than a window, don't we?
1401
01:10:02,536 --> 01:10:04,446
I hope this isn't
your favorite part.
1402
01:10:04,830 --> 01:10:06,660
There are a couple
of hotties over here.
1403
01:10:06,790 --> 01:10:08,210
- I got it!
- Oh!
1404
01:10:10,127 --> 01:10:11,797
That was easy!
1405
01:10:12,546 --> 01:10:15,336
That Dr. pinchelow is certainly
a fascinating character.
1406
01:10:15,507 --> 01:10:17,627
Of course he is. He's a genius.
1407
01:10:17,968 --> 01:10:22,348
Indeed, the large hadron
collider has already shown us
1408
01:10:22,514 --> 01:10:24,474
that dark matter is likely...
1409
01:10:24,641 --> 01:10:26,141
Especially when you eat prunes!
1410
01:10:27,978 --> 01:10:29,018
Yes.
1411
01:10:29,646 --> 01:10:32,316
That dark
matter is likely...
1412
01:10:35,068 --> 01:10:37,398
...the missing piece
of the puzzle
1413
01:10:37,571 --> 01:10:41,161
that physicists have been
searching for, for years.
1414
01:10:41,700 --> 01:10:44,080
Nerd!
1415
01:10:44,161 --> 01:10:46,041
- Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!
1416
01:10:46,163 --> 01:10:48,083
Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!
1417
01:10:48,165 --> 01:10:49,425
Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!
1418
01:10:49,499 --> 01:10:51,839
Excuse me, gentlemen.
1419
01:10:52,252 --> 01:10:53,632
Holy crap!
1420
01:10:53,670 --> 01:10:55,010
Did
that come from you?
1421
01:10:55,088 --> 01:10:58,548
Dr. garabedian is a
world-renowned astrophysicist
1422
01:10:58,884 --> 01:11:01,854
and many of us are interested
in hearing his findings.
1423
01:11:01,929 --> 01:11:04,179
-I'm reading his mind. Mmm-hmm.
-I'm picking it up, too.
1424
01:11:05,349 --> 01:11:07,059
Who is that?
1425
01:11:07,226 --> 01:11:08,846
It's Dr. pinchelow!
1426
01:11:10,521 --> 01:11:11,731
Bernard pinchelow?
1427
01:11:13,106 --> 01:11:14,146
Dark
matter is not a joke.
1428
01:11:15,859 --> 01:11:18,609
Your antics are proving
to be disruptive.
1429
01:11:18,695 --> 01:11:21,195
Thank you, Dr. dilbeck,
1430
01:11:22,533 --> 01:11:23,783
but Dr. pinchelow is right.
1431
01:11:24,576 --> 01:11:25,866
My dark matter data
was insufficient.
1432
01:11:28,038 --> 01:11:29,078
What the fuck?
1433
01:11:30,415 --> 01:11:32,205
My methods were sloppy.
1434
01:11:33,710 --> 01:11:35,250
- I'm a hack.
1435
01:11:36,380 --> 01:11:38,260
I'm really sorry.
1436
01:11:41,927 --> 01:11:43,087
See?
1437
01:11:43,303 --> 01:11:44,893
-Eat me.
-Suck it!
1438
01:11:45,264 --> 01:11:47,474
-You wish.
-Lloyd. Lloyd.
1439
01:11:47,558 --> 01:11:49,888
Thank you, Professor garabedian.
1440
01:11:50,435 --> 01:11:52,645
That's what the Ken
conference is all about.
1441
01:11:52,729 --> 01:11:53,769
Truth.
1442
01:11:53,897 --> 01:11:55,897
But I will ask that
everyone please behave
1443
01:11:55,983 --> 01:11:57,733
in a professional
and dignified...
1444
01:11:57,776 --> 01:11:59,396
Show us your tits!
1445
01:12:00,612 --> 01:12:02,242
- Both of them!
- Yeah!
1446
01:12:03,448 --> 01:12:05,778
We're just gonna take a short
two-minute break. Thank you!
1447
01:12:07,786 --> 01:12:08,906
Man.
1448
01:12:08,996 --> 01:12:10,246
Hey, this is great!
1449
01:12:10,289 --> 01:12:12,499
We're learning so much
about dark matter.
1450
01:12:14,585 --> 01:12:15,635
Yes, indeed.
1451
01:12:15,752 --> 01:12:16,922
Uh, I'm sorry, Dr. pinchelow,
1452
01:12:16,962 --> 01:12:19,962
but we can't seem to find Dr.
Christmas on the roster.
1453
01:12:20,090 --> 01:12:21,760
Oh, that's okay. He's with me.
1454
01:12:22,092 --> 01:12:26,012
Due to security concerns everyone
must be on the list to get in.
1455
01:12:26,430 --> 01:12:27,970
It's all right, doctor.
1456
01:12:28,932 --> 01:12:31,102
I think I know a shakedown
when I see one.
1457
01:12:31,310 --> 01:12:32,480
I'll tell you what.
1458
01:12:32,603 --> 01:12:35,943
I'm gonna write an iou and
I'm gonna leave it blank.
1459
01:12:36,481 --> 01:12:37,611
Anybody have a pen?
1460
01:12:37,691 --> 01:12:40,281
There are no exceptions.
1461
01:12:40,694 --> 01:12:41,954
Really?
1462
01:12:41,987 --> 01:12:43,197
I'll tell you what, warden.
1463
01:12:43,530 --> 01:12:44,780
If I'm leaving,
1464
01:12:44,948 --> 01:12:47,328
then my steamed colleague
is leaving with me.
1465
01:12:47,451 --> 01:12:48,661
No, he's not.
1466
01:12:50,787 --> 01:12:51,957
Quick conference.
1467
01:12:55,459 --> 01:12:56,959
What
are you doing, har?
1468
01:12:57,211 --> 01:12:59,461
-You're killing me!
-Lloyd, I can't leave.
1469
01:12:59,505 --> 01:13:02,385
Penny is gonna be speaking soon.
I wanna meet her!
1470
01:13:02,466 --> 01:13:03,546
What?
1471
01:13:03,634 --> 01:13:05,304
How come you get to
meet her before I do?
1472
01:13:06,345 --> 01:13:08,475
Lloyd, this is about me.
1473
01:13:08,514 --> 01:13:10,024
Me, my daughter and my kidney.
1474
01:13:10,140 --> 01:13:11,640
That's why we're here, remember?
1475
01:13:11,975 --> 01:13:13,685
How can I forget? It's
all you ever talk about.
1476
01:13:13,810 --> 01:13:15,310
Penny and my kidney.
My kidney and penny.
1477
01:13:15,354 --> 01:13:17,024
To tell you the truth, I'm
getting a little sick of it.
1478
01:13:17,814 --> 01:13:18,904
Wait a minute.
1479
01:13:18,982 --> 01:13:20,692
I know what you're
up to, mister.
1480
01:13:22,194 --> 01:13:24,654
You wanna stay because
you're hot for my daughter!
1481
01:13:24,696 --> 01:13:25,816
-What?
-Am I right?
1482
01:13:25,864 --> 01:13:27,074
-What?
-Am I right?
1483
01:13:27,157 --> 01:13:28,577
That's insane!
1484
01:13:28,659 --> 01:13:29,739
Don't deny it, Lloyd!
1485
01:13:29,826 --> 01:13:31,196
You have been drooling over her
1486
01:13:31,286 --> 01:13:33,246
ever since you first
saw her picture.
1487
01:13:33,330 --> 01:13:34,410
So what?
1488
01:13:34,498 --> 01:13:36,998
I'm not gonna apologize for letting
nature take its course, har.
1489
01:13:37,167 --> 01:13:39,337
I hate to burst your
butthole, mister.
1490
01:13:39,378 --> 01:13:40,498
It ain't gonna happen.
1491
01:13:40,671 --> 01:13:42,881
It's my job to
protect my daughter.
1492
01:13:43,006 --> 01:13:44,046
Protect her?
1493
01:13:44,508 --> 01:13:46,008
Look who's talking!
1494
01:13:46,051 --> 01:13:47,841
You're trying to swindle
her out of a kidney!
1495
01:13:48,011 --> 01:13:49,511
At least I'm gonna marry her.
1496
01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:52,677
Marry her? No.
1497
01:13:52,724 --> 01:13:54,604
-You're not gonna marry.
-Why not?
1498
01:13:54,685 --> 01:13:57,445
No! Lloyd, you are not going
to marry my daughter.
1499
01:13:57,688 --> 01:14:00,398
Why? Because she's a tick younger than me?
Get over it.
1500
01:14:00,566 --> 01:14:01,726
Age is just a letter, man.
1501
01:14:01,859 --> 01:14:05,069
It's got nothing to do with age!
It's got to do...
1502
01:14:06,446 --> 01:14:07,566
With what?
1503
01:14:11,535 --> 01:14:13,875
I'm her father, Lloyd,
1504
01:14:15,622 --> 01:14:16,962
and, frankly,
1505
01:14:19,877 --> 01:14:21,377
I think she can do better.
1506
01:14:23,172 --> 01:14:24,342
Oh...
1507
01:14:28,635 --> 01:14:30,045
Okay.
1508
01:14:42,316 --> 01:14:44,726
-Time to go, doctor.
-All right, buddy.
1509
01:14:44,776 --> 01:14:46,236
- Harry?
- Let's go.
1510
01:14:48,906 --> 01:14:50,066
Harry?
1511
01:14:52,576 --> 01:14:53,616
Harry?
1512
01:14:56,496 --> 01:14:58,786
Dr. walcott just had
a wonderful idea.
1513
01:14:58,916 --> 01:14:59,996
How would you like
to come with us
1514
01:15:00,083 --> 01:15:02,093
and judge the young
inventors competition?
1515
01:15:04,671 --> 01:15:06,511
Yeah, cool. Let's judge shit.
1516
01:15:07,174 --> 01:15:08,804
Hey! Hey!
1517
01:15:16,350 --> 01:15:18,440
So this is what rock
bottom feels like.
1518
01:15:20,354 --> 01:15:22,614
Mmm, not that bad.
1519
01:15:28,195 --> 01:15:29,365
Hello?
1520
01:15:29,530 --> 01:15:31,360
Hello? Hello?
1521
01:15:31,448 --> 01:15:32,698
Hello?
1522
01:15:32,991 --> 01:15:34,121
Penny?
1523
01:15:34,284 --> 01:15:36,294
I can't hear you,
you're breaking up.
1524
01:15:36,453 --> 01:15:37,623
Penny?
1525
01:15:38,789 --> 01:15:41,499
Penny! How's this?
1526
01:15:41,875 --> 01:15:44,835
Just hang on.
Don't go anywhere.
1527
01:15:49,633 --> 01:15:50,683
Can you hear me now?
1528
01:15:50,801 --> 01:15:52,301
Yes, I can hear you now.
1529
01:15:52,469 --> 01:15:55,309
Good! I can hear
you loud and clear.
1530
01:15:55,848 --> 01:15:58,058
This is Lloyd, your
dad's good buddy.
1531
01:15:58,559 --> 01:16:01,389
Unfortunately, I don't
have him at the moment,
1532
01:16:01,854 --> 01:16:05,324
but, uh, he wanted me to ask you
to find a nice, romantic place
1533
01:16:05,357 --> 01:16:06,897
where we can all meet.
1534
01:16:08,652 --> 01:16:10,902
No, by "romantic" I
meant convenient.
1535
01:16:11,488 --> 01:16:14,488
And it has to be some place
outside the convention center.
1536
01:16:17,202 --> 01:16:20,542
The fountain? On main street?
In 10 minutes?
1537
01:16:20,706 --> 01:16:21,996
Perfect!
1538
01:16:23,167 --> 01:16:24,377
Yes!
1539
01:16:24,835 --> 01:16:26,885
It's marvelous to meet you, Mrs.
pinchelow.
1540
01:16:27,004 --> 01:16:28,674
I trust you had a
safe journey in?
1541
01:16:28,755 --> 01:16:29,875
It was lovely.
1542
01:16:30,007 --> 01:16:32,337
Great. We have a seat saved
for you in the front row.
1543
01:16:32,426 --> 01:16:35,096
We're just about to introduce
your charming husband.
1544
01:16:35,429 --> 01:16:36,889
My husband?
1545
01:16:38,015 --> 01:16:39,895
So let's
give a warm, Ken welcome
1546
01:16:39,975 --> 01:16:41,855
to our very distinguished judge,
1547
01:16:41,894 --> 01:16:43,944
Dr. Bernard pinchelow.
1548
01:17:29,942 --> 01:17:31,072
Hi!
1549
01:17:31,318 --> 01:17:32,438
Hello!
1550
01:17:34,279 --> 01:17:35,659
How about a hug?
1551
01:17:35,906 --> 01:17:37,156
Sure!
1552
01:17:41,245 --> 01:17:42,255
Oh!
1553
01:17:43,413 --> 01:17:44,793
I love hellos.
1554
01:17:45,123 --> 01:17:46,793
Oh, me, too.
1555
01:17:51,088 --> 01:17:52,088
Wow!
1556
01:17:52,172 --> 01:17:53,422
You're really sweet, mister,
1557
01:17:53,507 --> 01:17:56,927
but I'm waiting for my dad and his
friend, so if you'll excuse me.
1558
01:17:57,970 --> 01:18:01,260
No, it's me, Lloyd!
1559
01:18:01,431 --> 01:18:02,931
Hi, Lloyd, I'm penny.
1560
01:18:03,267 --> 01:18:04,267
Oh! Lloyd! Hi!
1561
01:18:05,602 --> 01:18:08,152
It's so nice to meet you!
1562
01:18:08,230 --> 01:18:10,150
Um, where's my dad?
1563
01:18:10,941 --> 01:18:14,651
Uh, he was delayed, so, uh,
he asked me to come by
1564
01:18:14,778 --> 01:18:17,164
and entertain you...
1565
01:18:19,658 --> 01:18:21,278
...until he can meet up with us.
1566
01:18:22,035 --> 01:18:24,035
I think he wanted us to
have a chance to bond.
1567
01:18:25,622 --> 01:18:26,962
James Bond.
1568
01:18:27,499 --> 01:18:28,629
Great!
1569
01:18:28,709 --> 01:18:30,539
Are you hungry? Can I get
you something to eat?
1570
01:18:30,627 --> 01:18:32,417
- Sure!
1571
01:18:32,462 --> 01:18:33,712
Awesome!
1572
01:18:38,468 --> 01:18:39,508
Wow!
1573
01:18:39,678 --> 01:18:40,968
We can go somewhere nice.
1574
01:18:41,138 --> 01:18:42,218
Sounds yummy!
1575
01:18:43,891 --> 01:18:45,231
Here, try this.
1576
01:18:45,392 --> 01:18:47,022
This is incredible popcorn.
1577
01:18:47,186 --> 01:18:50,226
And I know popcorn. I'm the
second-best popcorn maker I know.
1578
01:18:50,397 --> 01:18:52,477
All right, I'll take the bait.
Who's the third-best?
1579
01:18:52,524 --> 01:18:55,534
I know, right? I've
always wondered that!
1580
01:18:57,988 --> 01:19:00,448
Shrub club!
1581
01:19:00,490 --> 01:19:01,660
Sorry!
1582
01:19:01,742 --> 01:19:04,412
It's just this game that I play
with my friends back home.
1583
01:19:05,245 --> 01:19:06,745
I love you!
1584
01:19:07,414 --> 01:19:08,584
What?
1585
01:19:09,249 --> 01:19:10,379
Um...
1586
01:19:10,667 --> 01:19:13,707
That's a direct
quote, from your dad.
1587
01:19:14,171 --> 01:19:15,261
"I love you."
1588
01:19:15,506 --> 01:19:16,586
His words.
1589
01:19:16,673 --> 01:19:18,093
Hey, wait a second.
1590
01:19:18,342 --> 01:19:20,092
How do I even know
that you know my dad?
1591
01:19:20,219 --> 01:19:22,219
You could be one of those foreign
guys who always calls me up
1592
01:19:22,346 --> 01:19:23,926
and makes me get undressed
in front of the computer
1593
01:19:24,014 --> 01:19:25,604
because he lost his
passports and money.
1594
01:19:25,682 --> 01:19:27,352
No, no, that's not me.
1595
01:19:27,851 --> 01:19:29,771
Look, I can prove it.
1596
01:19:30,354 --> 01:19:31,734
I have your cell phone.
1597
01:19:31,855 --> 01:19:35,105
Oh, my gosh! No wonder no
one's been calling me!
1598
01:19:36,318 --> 01:19:37,318
Oh.
1599
01:19:38,278 --> 01:19:40,358
I, uh, plugged
my number in there
1600
01:19:40,447 --> 01:19:42,367
in case you need
me late at night.
1601
01:19:43,867 --> 01:19:47,197
Oh, and we brought your box. You left
it at the house, you stupid idiot.
1602
01:19:48,705 --> 01:19:49,865
Hey, you wanna see
something neat?
1603
01:19:49,915 --> 01:19:51,125
Okay!
1604
01:19:56,630 --> 01:20:00,220
Wait, are you sure that it's okay
for birds to be eating pop rocks?
1605
01:20:00,634 --> 01:20:02,644
I mean, you'd think it would
be bad for their teeth.
1606
01:20:03,095 --> 01:20:06,145
Nah! That's just a
suburban legend.
1607
01:20:06,223 --> 01:20:07,473
- Oh.
1608
01:20:09,101 --> 01:20:10,271
Shit!
1609
01:20:14,481 --> 01:20:17,821
Spontaneous combustion,
however, totally real.
1610
01:20:17,901 --> 01:20:18,901
Oh.
1611
01:20:22,948 --> 01:20:25,328
- What?
- You gotta get back here right now.
1612
01:20:25,450 --> 01:20:26,870
One of those idiots
is in the building
1613
01:20:26,910 --> 01:20:28,750
and he's pretending
to be my husband!
1614
01:20:28,996 --> 01:20:31,076
Why don't you tell them
he's not your husband?
1615
01:20:31,123 --> 01:20:32,793
Because I don't even
know what they're up to.
1616
01:20:33,417 --> 01:20:35,127
He must be trying
to sell the box.
1617
01:20:35,419 --> 01:20:37,459
Just get back here!
1618
01:20:37,671 --> 01:20:40,971
This microscopic
robot, or nanobot
1619
01:20:41,341 --> 01:20:43,011
can be injected
into the human body
1620
01:20:43,177 --> 01:20:46,257
to detect and cure cancer.
1621
01:20:47,931 --> 01:20:49,181
Interesting.
1622
01:20:49,933 --> 01:20:51,603
- Can it sing?
1623
01:20:52,644 --> 01:20:53,654
Uh...
1624
01:20:53,937 --> 01:20:54,977
What?
1625
01:20:55,105 --> 01:20:57,605
They got a large-mouth bass now
that you hang it on the wall.
1626
01:20:57,649 --> 01:21:00,489
When you walk past it, it
sings take me to the river.
1627
01:21:05,365 --> 01:21:07,655
-Are you saying...
-What I'm saying is,
1628
01:21:07,826 --> 01:21:09,446
you're this close,
1629
01:21:09,620 --> 01:21:11,660
but there's a drawing board you
should be getting back to.
1630
01:21:11,830 --> 01:21:12,960
- Next!
1631
01:21:14,458 --> 01:21:16,538
But it cures cancer.
1632
01:21:26,136 --> 01:21:27,296
Ni hao.
1633
01:21:31,475 --> 01:21:32,685
Listen to this.
1634
01:21:32,809 --> 01:21:34,849
"You will do important
things in the world."
1635
01:21:35,312 --> 01:21:36,352
--That's so weird
1636
01:21:36,480 --> 01:21:39,150
because I actually want to do
important things in the world.
1637
01:21:39,233 --> 01:21:41,233
Wow. That's neat.
1638
01:21:41,818 --> 01:21:44,028
Someday, I wanna do
important things, too.
1639
01:21:44,154 --> 01:21:45,324
Oh, yeah? Like what?
1640
01:21:47,658 --> 01:21:49,738
I'm thinking about
getting new speakers.
1641
01:21:49,826 --> 01:21:51,196
- Oh.
1642
01:21:52,204 --> 01:21:53,664
I've always wanted
to go to India
1643
01:21:53,747 --> 01:21:56,327
and volunteer at one of
those leprechaun colonies.
1644
01:21:56,583 --> 01:21:58,213
I think you mean Ireland.
1645
01:21:58,752 --> 01:21:59,962
Oh.
1646
01:22:00,170 --> 01:22:01,880
So what does your cookie say?
1647
01:22:03,841 --> 01:22:05,681
"You will have an
amazing romance
1648
01:22:05,759 --> 01:22:08,349
"with the person sitted
across from you."
1649
01:22:10,347 --> 01:22:12,517
It's a good thing
I'm not your Uncle.
1650
01:22:12,558 --> 01:22:15,188
"And don't be concerned
about the age difference.
1651
01:22:15,269 --> 01:22:17,019
"Just shut up and make out.
1652
01:22:17,062 --> 01:22:19,862
"It will all sort itself out later.
You'll see!"
1653
01:22:20,274 --> 01:22:23,494
That's ridiculously specific.
Let me see that.
1654
01:22:24,236 --> 01:22:26,236
If you don't eat it,
it doesn't come true.
1655
01:22:29,700 --> 01:22:30,910
Hey, where's my dad?
1656
01:22:31,034 --> 01:22:32,544
Do you know if Adele
came with him?
1657
01:22:32,578 --> 01:22:34,038
She's probably the one
slowing him down.
1658
01:22:34,413 --> 01:22:35,713
Adele?
1659
01:22:35,873 --> 01:22:37,043
His wife.
1660
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:39,126
Harry doesn't have a wife.
1661
01:22:39,376 --> 01:22:40,746
Who's Harry?
1662
01:22:41,378 --> 01:22:42,548
Your father.
1663
01:22:42,588 --> 01:22:43,798
My father's name's not Harry.
1664
01:22:43,881 --> 01:22:44,881
It's Bernard.
1665
01:22:44,923 --> 01:22:47,303
Oh, yeah, but I'm talking
about your real dad.
1666
01:22:47,384 --> 01:22:48,554
Harry dunne!
1667
01:22:48,594 --> 01:22:51,144
The guy who abandoned you when
you were a little, tiny baby.
1668
01:22:51,471 --> 01:22:52,761
You're gonna love him!
1669
01:22:53,432 --> 01:22:54,722
Wait a second.
1670
01:22:55,100 --> 01:22:56,690
So you're saying we're
supposed to be meeting
1671
01:22:56,727 --> 01:22:58,477
my biographical father?
1672
01:22:58,562 --> 01:22:59,602
Yes.
1673
01:22:59,813 --> 01:23:00,943
Here.
1674
01:23:01,231 --> 01:23:04,441
This is a letter from your real mother,
fraida, that you sent back to her.
1675
01:23:04,610 --> 01:23:05,740
Nice.
1676
01:23:05,903 --> 01:23:07,823
"Do not contact again."
1677
01:23:08,238 --> 01:23:09,488
This isn't my handwriting.
1678
01:23:09,573 --> 01:23:11,413
I don't even know cursive.
1679
01:23:13,911 --> 01:23:16,911
"Dear daughter, I gave you
up for adoption 18 years ago
1680
01:23:16,997 --> 01:23:19,077
"because I thought it was
the right thing to do.
1681
01:23:19,249 --> 01:23:21,459
"I hope and pray I made
the correct decision.
1682
01:23:21,627 --> 01:23:24,247
"You were conceived in Rhode
Island on a chilly autumn night
1683
01:23:24,338 --> 01:23:26,458
"in the parking lot at
oyster swallow cove.
1684
01:23:26,590 --> 01:23:29,430
"We were young and
stupid, especially him."
1685
01:23:29,510 --> 01:23:30,970
Oyster swallow cove?
1686
01:23:38,560 --> 01:23:40,190
Are you ready, baby?
1687
01:23:43,732 --> 01:23:44,902
Mmm-hmm.
1688
01:23:45,025 --> 01:23:46,185
Whoa! Whoa!
1689
01:23:46,568 --> 01:23:47,738
Slow down.
1690
01:23:47,778 --> 01:23:49,108
Let's be responsible here.
1691
01:23:49,821 --> 01:23:51,491
I brought some protection.
1692
01:23:56,453 --> 01:23:58,083
Let's do this.
1693
01:24:02,751 --> 01:24:05,591
"So, if you ever wanna get in
touch, I would love to meet you.
1694
01:24:05,629 --> 01:24:08,419
"All my love, fraida
felcher, your mom."
1695
01:24:10,551 --> 01:24:12,141
That means I'm your...
1696
01:24:13,303 --> 01:24:16,975
And we almost... Lloyd?
Are you okay?
1697
01:24:18,600 --> 01:24:20,810
I'm sorry, Lloyd, but I gotta
get back to the convention.
1698
01:24:20,894 --> 01:24:23,814
I'm supposed to be giving a big
speech for my dad any minute.
1699
01:24:23,897 --> 01:24:25,477
But, wait. We have so
much to talk about.
1700
01:24:25,566 --> 01:24:26,606
It's an emergency!
1701
01:24:26,650 --> 01:24:28,820
It's all a big misunderstanding!
I've gotta go!
1702
01:24:28,902 --> 01:24:30,322
Not dressed
like that, you're not!
1703
01:24:30,404 --> 01:24:31,824
You're grounded!
1704
01:24:35,701 --> 01:24:36,991
Wait a minute.
1705
01:24:37,160 --> 01:24:38,830
If she's my kid,
1706
01:24:39,955 --> 01:24:42,005
then she's not Harry's kid,
1707
01:24:42,082 --> 01:24:44,002
and he can't take her kidneys.
1708
01:24:45,878 --> 01:24:47,338
What have I done?
1709
01:24:55,387 --> 01:24:56,717
Hi, I need to get in.
1710
01:24:57,055 --> 01:24:58,255
Credentials, please?
1711
01:24:58,348 --> 01:24:59,888
Oh, I'm giving a speech.
1712
01:25:00,559 --> 01:25:02,139
Credentials, please.
1713
01:25:02,436 --> 01:25:03,476
What is that?
1714
01:25:03,520 --> 01:25:06,110
Is it that thingy that they
gave me to get in here?
1715
01:25:06,940 --> 01:25:08,530
I think I've got it
here, somewhere.
1716
01:25:08,692 --> 01:25:12,572
Mister, I am appealing to
your sense of God and family.
1717
01:25:12,779 --> 01:25:13,949
I got a message
that my daughter,
1718
01:25:14,031 --> 01:25:16,281
who I have not seen in 22 years,
1719
01:25:16,450 --> 01:25:17,530
is in there.
1720
01:25:17,701 --> 01:25:19,411
The event will be
letting out soon.
1721
01:25:19,494 --> 01:25:22,754
After 22 years, what's another
couple of hours, right?
1722
01:25:23,081 --> 01:25:24,331
Okay, buddy.
1723
01:25:25,667 --> 01:25:27,587
There's got to be a, uh,
1724
01:25:27,669 --> 01:25:29,299
broom closet around
here somewhere, huh?
1725
01:25:30,172 --> 01:25:33,052
I'm sure we could
work something out.
1726
01:25:34,718 --> 01:25:37,758
I didn't take 34 years to
come out of the closet
1727
01:25:37,888 --> 01:25:40,636
just to go back
into one with you.
1728
01:25:41,934 --> 01:25:45,814
Okay, this device will give us a visual
rendering of your cognitive processes.
1729
01:25:46,563 --> 01:25:48,233
- Could you repeat the question?
1730
01:25:48,649 --> 01:25:51,109
This device will show
us what he's thinking
1731
01:25:51,401 --> 01:25:52,741
right on this screen.
1732
01:25:53,904 --> 01:25:55,414
Yeah, really.
1733
01:25:55,447 --> 01:25:56,947
Go ahead, Dr.
pinchelow.
1734
01:25:57,533 --> 01:25:58,743
Think of a pleasant memory
from your childhood.
1735
01:25:59,910 --> 01:26:01,660
Okay.
1736
01:26:19,012 --> 01:26:20,062
Oh!
1737
01:26:20,097 --> 01:26:21,177
Here, biscuit!
1738
01:26:21,932 --> 01:26:22,972
Biscuit, come here, boy.
1739
01:26:24,935 --> 01:26:26,105
The door, buddy. Get the door.
1740
01:26:34,903 --> 01:26:36,283
Oh, okay.
1741
01:26:38,657 --> 01:26:40,777
No! This gadget is way off!
1742
01:26:42,286 --> 01:26:43,616
First of all, my
bedspread was orange.
1743
01:26:58,677 --> 01:27:00,177
Are you okay, honey?
1744
01:27:00,345 --> 01:27:01,675
No, not really.
1745
01:27:01,889 --> 01:27:03,139
Boyfriend trouble?
1746
01:27:03,348 --> 01:27:05,478
No. I need a ticket to get in
1747
01:27:05,517 --> 01:27:08,307
and I lost the ticket that they
need to take, plus, I lost my pass.
1748
01:27:08,353 --> 01:27:09,443
And I thought that I grabbed it,
1749
01:27:09,479 --> 01:27:10,479
but when I looked in my purse,
1750
01:27:10,564 --> 01:27:12,404
all I saw was the toothbrush.
So maybe I took...
1751
01:27:12,482 --> 01:27:13,862
Okay, okay, okay.
1752
01:27:15,152 --> 01:27:16,322
All right.
1753
01:27:16,987 --> 01:27:18,067
What's going on?
1754
01:27:18,238 --> 01:27:20,528
My father's supposed to
be getting a huge reward,
1755
01:27:20,657 --> 01:27:22,157
and I'm supposed to
be making the speech,
1756
01:27:22,409 --> 01:27:23,869
and the speech is supposed
to start right now,
1757
01:27:23,994 --> 01:27:26,374
and there's no way they'll
let me in without a ticket.
1758
01:27:27,998 --> 01:27:29,328
Oh, honey.
1759
01:27:30,250 --> 01:27:32,750
There is always a way.
1760
01:27:36,048 --> 01:27:37,838
I admit, it's thought-provoking.
1761
01:27:38,008 --> 01:27:40,178
An invention that
ends world hunger.
1762
01:27:40,219 --> 01:27:42,429
But, have you considered this,
1763
01:27:42,763 --> 01:27:44,353
where does all the
extra poop go?
1764
01:27:45,516 --> 01:27:46,676
What? No.
1765
01:27:46,767 --> 01:27:48,227
The point is that
there's no more hunger.
1766
01:27:48,352 --> 01:27:49,352
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
1767
01:27:49,394 --> 01:27:50,694
We're gonna take a
very brief break.
1768
01:27:50,771 --> 01:27:51,861
Uh, please stay in your seats
1769
01:27:51,897 --> 01:27:53,857
and we will resume, uh, shortly.
1770
01:27:53,941 --> 01:27:55,031
Why?
1771
01:27:55,067 --> 01:27:56,397
We're gonna have to take a walk.
1772
01:27:56,568 --> 01:27:58,068
-Come on.
-I'm judging.
1773
01:27:58,195 --> 01:27:59,575
-You're out of here.
-Okay!
1774
01:27:59,696 --> 01:28:00,906
You're out.
1775
01:28:01,198 --> 01:28:03,366
Mrs. p, what are you doing here?
1776
01:28:03,450 --> 01:28:06,580
Do you always call your wife Mrs.
p?
1777
01:28:07,204 --> 01:28:08,544
Oh, uh...
1778
01:28:09,706 --> 01:28:11,616
How you doing, sugar tits?
I missed you.
1779
01:28:11,708 --> 01:28:13,378
This man is a fraud.
1780
01:28:13,544 --> 01:28:15,554
And that box belongs
to my husband.
1781
01:28:15,879 --> 01:28:16,919
He stole it from us.
1782
01:28:17,047 --> 01:28:18,087
Hand it over, buddy.
1783
01:28:18,173 --> 01:28:20,553
Uh-uh. I swore I'd only
give this box to penny.
1784
01:28:20,592 --> 01:28:22,592
-Give me the box!
-Here you go.
1785
01:28:27,891 --> 01:28:29,641
- What's happening?
- I have no idea.
1786
01:28:30,060 --> 01:28:31,100
Hey!
1787
01:28:31,228 --> 01:28:33,228
Hey, hey! Get back here!
1788
01:28:33,564 --> 01:28:35,074
Out of my way!
1789
01:28:37,317 --> 01:28:39,067
Thanks a lot, lady!
1790
01:28:39,570 --> 01:28:40,990
It's the least I could do.
1791
01:28:49,246 --> 01:28:51,076
There's something I
need to tell you.
1792
01:28:51,290 --> 01:28:52,580
You're my...
1793
01:28:55,002 --> 01:28:57,501
Okay. The reason I'm here is...
Fraida!
1795
01:28:57,796 --> 01:28:59,166
- Harry?
1796
01:28:59,298 --> 01:29:00,508
-You made it!
-Oh!
1797
01:29:02,259 --> 01:29:03,839
Oh, and you found penny.
1798
01:29:04,803 --> 01:29:06,763
Hey, how do you know my...
1799
01:29:06,847 --> 01:29:09,097
Oh! You're Harry?
1800
01:29:09,183 --> 01:29:11,563
Yes! And I'm your mother!
1801
01:29:14,021 --> 01:29:15,651
- He's got a gun!
1802
01:30:10,077 --> 01:30:11,537
Why you standing in the toilet?
1803
01:30:12,162 --> 01:30:13,662
So you wouldn't see my feet.
1804
01:30:14,331 --> 01:30:15,751
Why not just stand on the rim?
1805
01:30:15,874 --> 01:30:17,834
There's ball hairs
all over that thing.
1806
01:30:17,918 --> 01:30:19,038
I'm not stupid.
1807
01:30:20,921 --> 01:30:23,131
Get out of there! Move it!
1808
01:30:23,173 --> 01:30:24,383
Now!
1809
01:30:25,342 --> 01:30:27,092
Please don't hurt penny, Mrs. p.
1810
01:30:27,177 --> 01:30:30,387
She's young and still has most
of her future ahead of her.
1811
01:30:30,514 --> 01:30:31,854
Get the box.
1812
01:30:34,226 --> 01:30:37,016
Harry! There you are!
1813
01:30:37,437 --> 01:30:40,017
Good
thing you're loud.
1814
01:30:40,858 --> 01:30:42,358
What are you doing, Mrs. p?
1815
01:30:42,442 --> 01:30:43,612
I'm about to kill you.
1816
01:30:43,861 --> 01:30:45,531
Wait, wait, wait!
1817
01:30:46,029 --> 01:30:47,359
Can't you kill someone else?
1818
01:30:47,447 --> 01:30:48,867
My daughter, penny,
needs me now.
1819
01:30:49,283 --> 01:30:51,373
What are you talking about, Lloyd?
Penny's my daughter.
1820
01:30:51,702 --> 01:30:53,412
-No, Harry, she isn't.
-Mmm-mmm.
1821
01:30:53,620 --> 01:30:54,700
What?
1822
01:30:54,788 --> 01:30:56,958
Why would you think that
she's your daughter?
1823
01:30:57,457 --> 01:30:59,537
Because of the postcard.
1824
01:31:00,043 --> 01:31:02,553
I was about to be a single
mom and I needed money.
1825
01:31:02,713 --> 01:31:04,263
And you owed me 40 bucks
1826
01:31:04,339 --> 01:31:07,129
from that stupid worm farm loan.
1827
01:31:08,051 --> 01:31:09,471
It's true, har.
1828
01:31:10,387 --> 01:31:12,717
I'm the deadbeat dad, not you.
1829
01:31:13,974 --> 01:31:15,644
I'm penny's baby-papa.
1830
01:31:17,144 --> 01:31:18,944
But don't judge me
till you see this.
1831
01:31:19,229 --> 01:31:22,109
Oh, yeah, like a cooler
of cold brewskies
1832
01:31:22,191 --> 01:31:23,901
is gonna make everything okay!
1833
01:31:23,942 --> 01:31:25,612
It's not beer, it's my kidney!
1834
01:31:29,114 --> 01:31:30,414
Your kidney?
1835
01:31:31,408 --> 01:31:32,618
I figured
1836
01:31:33,744 --> 01:31:36,084
since you can't get
one from penny,
1837
01:31:36,830 --> 01:31:38,250
I'd give it to you myself.
1838
01:31:38,957 --> 01:31:40,287
Holy shit.
1839
01:31:41,502 --> 01:31:42,922
- How did you get this?
1840
01:31:43,337 --> 01:31:45,917
I crossed the
border into Mexico.
1841
01:31:46,340 --> 01:31:49,630
Turns out, the medical regs are
a little more chill down there.
1842
01:31:49,927 --> 01:31:52,757
Pardon me for bringing this
up, but I don't give a shit!
1843
01:31:52,804 --> 01:31:56,024
Yeah, but, Lloyd, she isn't
your daughter either.
1844
01:31:56,683 --> 01:31:58,443
Nice try, fraida,
1845
01:31:58,477 --> 01:32:00,597
but penny read me the letter.
1846
01:32:00,646 --> 01:32:02,856
I know all about
oyster swallow cove,
1847
01:32:02,940 --> 01:32:04,770
which is exactly where
you took me in the van!
1848
01:32:04,816 --> 01:32:05,856
So?
1849
01:32:06,026 --> 01:32:07,856
That was my spot.
1850
01:32:08,278 --> 01:32:11,028
I must have taken
hundreds of guys there.
1851
01:32:12,032 --> 01:32:13,202
What can I say?
1852
01:32:14,493 --> 01:32:16,293
I was a Titanic whore.
1853
01:32:16,870 --> 01:32:18,620
That's enough bullshit.
1854
01:32:19,039 --> 01:32:20,619
Go ahead, lippincott, kill them.
1855
01:32:21,792 --> 01:32:22,962
Oh, I will.
1856
01:32:23,669 --> 01:32:26,339
But first, why don't
you join them.
1857
01:32:26,463 --> 01:32:27,513
What?
1858
01:32:27,631 --> 01:32:29,301
You heard me. Drop it!
1859
01:32:29,383 --> 01:32:31,053
Get over there! Get over there!
1860
01:32:31,134 --> 01:32:34,224
You're kidding. She's
on our team now?
1861
01:32:34,304 --> 01:32:35,644
Don't do this, lippincott.
1862
01:32:35,681 --> 01:32:36,811
You're a military man.
1863
01:32:37,140 --> 01:32:38,980
I know you've got more
integrity than this!
1864
01:32:41,979 --> 01:32:43,149
What is this?
1865
01:32:43,397 --> 01:32:44,397
Huh?
1866
01:32:44,815 --> 01:32:46,195
Two cupcakes?
1867
01:32:46,817 --> 01:32:48,647
Actually, there were
four cupcakes, sir.
1868
01:32:48,735 --> 01:32:50,645
-I ate the two chocolate ones.
-Lloyd!
1869
01:32:50,737 --> 01:32:52,987
It's okay. I left the
vanilla ones for humanity.
1870
01:32:53,073 --> 01:32:54,663
Where's the invention?
1871
01:32:55,158 --> 01:32:57,658
Where's the goddamn
billion-dollar invention?
1872
01:32:58,871 --> 01:33:00,711
Put the gun down! Freeze!
1873
01:33:00,831 --> 01:33:02,501
Put the gun down, lippincott!
1874
01:33:07,671 --> 01:33:09,551
Well! Hello.
1875
01:33:09,673 --> 01:33:10,723
Dad!
1876
01:33:10,841 --> 01:33:13,681
Bernard. Oh, thank
God you're here.
1877
01:33:13,719 --> 01:33:15,179
God, and you're okay!
1878
01:33:15,345 --> 01:33:16,675
Stop right there.
1879
01:33:16,763 --> 01:33:17,853
What?
1880
01:33:17,890 --> 01:33:19,220
I appreciate your
concern, Adele,
1881
01:33:19,308 --> 01:33:21,138
but it's a little late for that.
1882
01:33:21,226 --> 01:33:23,519
You see... I couldn't
stop wondering
1883
01:33:23,562 --> 01:33:25,862
why every time I ate your
cooking, I was getting sicker.
1884
01:33:26,190 --> 01:33:27,570
And then when Harry
and Lloyd showed me
1885
01:33:27,649 --> 01:33:29,029
the letter from
penny's birth mother,
1886
01:33:29,151 --> 01:33:30,691
I recognized that
the handwriting
1887
01:33:30,777 --> 01:33:32,647
sending it back was yours.
1888
01:33:32,863 --> 01:33:35,033
And the cruelty of this
got me to thinking.
1889
01:33:35,073 --> 01:33:38,703
So I laid a little trap, and lo
and behold, you took the bait
1890
01:33:38,869 --> 01:33:41,749
like the toe-sucking
rat that you are.
1891
01:33:41,830 --> 01:33:43,040
After you left for El Paso,
1892
01:33:43,081 --> 01:33:45,501
I called the FBI to make
sure penny was protected.
1893
01:33:45,584 --> 01:33:47,884
I thought those Canadian
accents were a little shaky.
1894
01:33:48,003 --> 01:33:49,883
Yeah? You try it.
1895
01:33:50,547 --> 01:33:52,217
But what about the invention?
1896
01:33:52,549 --> 01:33:54,679
It was just cupcakes.
1897
01:33:55,010 --> 01:33:57,050
A gift for Dr. Barbara walcott
1898
01:33:57,137 --> 01:33:59,057
for my having canceled
at the last moment.
1899
01:33:59,097 --> 01:34:00,387
This is great, dad!
1900
01:34:00,432 --> 01:34:03,232
Now you can pick up your lifetime
achievement reward in person!
1901
01:34:03,352 --> 01:34:05,562
It's "award," you stupid bitch!
1902
01:34:06,063 --> 01:34:07,113
No!
1903
01:34:15,405 --> 01:34:17,065
Break it up! Get off!
1904
01:34:17,157 --> 01:34:18,237
Hands behind your back.
Hands behind your back.
1905
01:34:19,576 --> 01:34:21,616
-I'm the good guy here!
-All right.
1906
01:34:22,788 --> 01:34:24,578
Are you okay, har?
1907
01:34:24,873 --> 01:34:26,083
I think so.
1908
01:34:32,089 --> 01:34:34,379
Oh, yeah, it's just
a little graze.
1909
01:34:34,925 --> 01:34:36,935
Uh, har?
1910
01:34:37,094 --> 01:34:39,554
You might wanna put a
dab of bactine on that.
1911
01:34:43,308 --> 01:34:44,428
Hurry, he's been shot!
1912
01:34:44,518 --> 01:34:45,558
We need a trauma room.
1913
01:34:45,602 --> 01:34:47,272
You're gonna be okay.
What have we got?
1914
01:34:47,396 --> 01:34:49,306
Gunshot wound, left shoulder.
1915
01:34:49,815 --> 01:34:51,075
Lloyd, the kidney!
1916
01:34:51,108 --> 01:34:52,278
Kidney?
1917
01:34:52,317 --> 01:34:53,437
Oh, yeah.
1918
01:34:53,527 --> 01:34:55,607
Would you, by any chance,
have time this evening
1919
01:34:55,821 --> 01:34:57,241
to swap out a kidney?
1920
01:34:57,281 --> 01:34:59,071
I'm sorry, sir. What is this?
1921
01:34:59,491 --> 01:35:01,621
It's a kidney. My kidney.
1922
01:35:02,077 --> 01:35:04,662
It's for him, my best pal.
1923
01:35:04,746 --> 01:35:06,786
- Ah!
- He needs it.
1924
01:35:08,250 --> 01:35:10,500
Gentlemen, this is not a kidney.
1925
01:35:11,295 --> 01:35:12,505
What is it?
1926
01:35:12,963 --> 01:35:15,473
- Better not be my heart.
- No.
1927
01:35:15,507 --> 01:35:17,967
I believe it's a pork chop.
1928
01:35:18,302 --> 01:35:19,842
- In a baggie.
1929
01:35:20,929 --> 01:35:24,349
I wondered why my
kidney had grill marks.
1930
01:35:24,933 --> 01:35:26,603
And a bone.
1931
01:35:27,352 --> 01:35:28,482
Hey, wait.
1932
01:35:28,645 --> 01:35:31,015
Does that mean I still
have all my kidneys?
1933
01:35:31,857 --> 01:35:32,977
Let's have a look.
1934
01:35:33,901 --> 01:35:34,901
Ah.
1935
01:35:36,153 --> 01:35:37,783
I'm going to say probably not.
1936
01:35:39,489 --> 01:35:40,659
That's it.
1937
01:35:40,824 --> 01:35:43,374
I am gonna give that
quack an earful
1938
01:35:43,535 --> 01:35:45,825
at my follow-up
appointment next Tuesday.
1939
01:35:47,164 --> 01:35:49,004
I'm sorry, Harry.
1940
01:35:49,208 --> 01:35:51,328
I failed you again!
1941
01:35:52,711 --> 01:35:54,301
It's okay, Lloyd.
1942
01:35:55,506 --> 01:35:56,506
I forgive you.
1943
01:35:59,676 --> 01:36:01,006
What's so funny?
1944
01:36:01,678 --> 01:36:03,008
Got ya!
1945
01:36:05,182 --> 01:36:07,232
I never needed a kidney!
1946
01:36:10,187 --> 01:36:11,187
What?
1947
01:36:11,355 --> 01:36:13,525
Oh, you should have seen
the look on your face!
1948
01:36:13,649 --> 01:36:16,029
I got you so good!
1949
01:36:17,528 --> 01:36:19,028
Wait a minute.
1950
01:36:19,196 --> 01:36:23,739
You mean, I had
my kidney removed
1951
01:36:24,243 --> 01:36:26,873
in the backseat of
a Toyota tercel
1952
01:36:26,912 --> 01:36:29,792
-and you were faking?
-Uh-huh.
1953
01:36:30,707 --> 01:36:32,327
That is awesome!
1954
01:36:34,878 --> 01:36:36,498
That is a good one.
1955
01:36:38,423 --> 01:36:40,223
Totally worth it!
1956
01:36:41,677 --> 01:36:43,887
Gentlemen, I hate to break
up this mensa summit,
1957
01:36:43,929 --> 01:36:45,509
but we've gotta get this
man's shoulder cleaned out.
1958
01:36:45,556 --> 01:36:46,716
Do you remember,
you've been shot?
1959
01:36:47,558 --> 01:36:49,558
That was a good gag, Harry.
1960
01:36:50,936 --> 01:36:53,186
But don't you think it still
would have been funny
1961
01:36:53,397 --> 01:36:56,777
if you had told me you were kidding
before I lost my vital organ?
1962
01:36:56,900 --> 01:36:59,690
Oh, definitely. But not as!
1963
01:37:04,575 --> 01:37:06,035
That's true.
1964
01:37:18,422 --> 01:37:20,382
You guys are so cool.
1965
01:37:20,424 --> 01:37:22,804
How can I ever thank you
for what you did for me?
1966
01:37:22,926 --> 01:37:24,426
Got any cash?
1967
01:37:24,761 --> 01:37:27,256
Oh, yeah, I think
I've got a couple...
1968
01:37:27,806 --> 01:37:28,886
Thanks.
1969
01:37:29,433 --> 01:37:30,893
Score.
1970
01:37:39,359 --> 01:37:40,489
Oh, uh...
1971
01:37:40,986 --> 01:37:42,977
I'm sure those janitors
will thank us later.
1972
01:37:42,989 --> 01:37:43,656
Mmm.
1973
01:37:43,947 --> 01:37:45,697
We were just straightening
up their broom closet.
1974
01:37:46,200 --> 01:37:47,530
Penny, wonderful news!
1975
01:37:47,951 --> 01:37:51,121
Your father has invited me to
come stay with you for a while,
1976
01:37:51,288 --> 01:37:53,458
so we can really get
to know each other.
1977
01:37:53,707 --> 01:37:55,377
That's fantastic!
1978
01:37:56,126 --> 01:37:57,956
So let me ask you
something, fraida.
1979
01:37:58,295 --> 01:38:01,135
If I'm not penny's father
and Lloyd's not her father,
1980
01:38:01,256 --> 01:38:02,876
then who's her father?
1981
01:38:03,300 --> 01:38:04,760
Funny you should ask.
1982
01:38:05,052 --> 01:38:06,222
Honey,
1983
01:38:06,386 --> 01:38:09,386
how would you like to
meet some relatives?
1984
01:38:12,976 --> 01:38:14,596
Mr. stainer?
1985
01:38:15,103 --> 01:38:16,403
Oh, I should have known.
1986
01:38:16,563 --> 01:38:18,733
You horny, old goat!
1987
01:38:18,815 --> 01:38:20,435
No, Lloyd!
1988
01:38:20,984 --> 01:38:23,494
Mr. stainer is
penny's grandfather.
1989
01:38:23,654 --> 01:38:24,954
Come on.
1990
01:38:26,990 --> 01:38:30,410
So, you mean pee-stain
is the dad?
1991
01:38:31,411 --> 01:38:32,621
Duh!
1992
01:38:39,336 --> 01:38:40,796
Hi!
1993
01:38:40,838 --> 01:38:42,008
Oh...
1994
01:38:42,673 --> 01:38:44,423
She's beautiful!
1995
01:38:45,092 --> 01:38:46,682
Sweet Jesus, look at her.
1996
01:38:47,594 --> 01:38:49,224
She's got Peter's eyes.
1997
01:38:49,304 --> 01:38:50,314
You're kidding!
1998
01:38:50,430 --> 01:38:52,020
He donated them?
1999
01:38:53,100 --> 01:38:54,350
Hi, pee-stain!
2000
01:38:54,518 --> 01:38:55,978
Stainy!
2001
01:38:56,436 --> 01:38:58,766
Hey, sorry you got killed!
2002
01:38:59,523 --> 01:39:02,533
Let's get you away from these guys, huh?
Let's go.
2003
01:39:02,693 --> 01:39:03,863
Yeah.
2004
01:39:05,362 --> 01:39:08,952
Guys, there's still one
thing I don't understand.
2005
01:39:09,533 --> 01:39:13,293
How could either of you
have possibly thought
2006
01:39:13,370 --> 01:39:15,290
that you were penny's father?
2007
01:39:16,039 --> 01:39:17,209
Why wouldn't we?
2008
01:39:17,291 --> 01:39:18,381
Yeah!
2009
01:39:18,709 --> 01:39:20,379
Because we never had sex.
2010
01:39:20,586 --> 01:39:21,876
Oh.
2011
01:39:26,133 --> 01:39:27,883
You could have fooled us.
2012
01:39:28,010 --> 01:39:29,470
Yeah, nice try, snow white.
2013
01:39:29,553 --> 01:39:32,063
Does the word "hot
tub" jog your memory?
2014
01:39:32,222 --> 01:39:33,262
If I recall,
2015
01:39:33,348 --> 01:39:35,678
I played with your boobies
for a long time that night.
2016
01:39:35,726 --> 01:39:38,064
The motor boat, the
windshield wipers,
2017
01:39:38,145 --> 01:39:39,405
the punching bag.
2018
01:39:39,563 --> 01:39:40,653
You know, Harry,
2019
01:39:40,731 --> 01:39:43,731
you can't get a woman pregnant
by man-handling her breasts.
2020
01:39:43,901 --> 01:39:44,901
Oh, really?
2021
01:39:44,985 --> 01:39:46,155
Then why did your
doorbells get so hard?
2022
01:39:47,654 --> 01:39:49,994
Yeah. And did you forget
about the French tickler,
2023
01:39:50,073 --> 01:39:51,373
in the back of the van?
2024
01:39:51,408 --> 01:39:55,158
Putting a frilly, glow-in-the-dark
condom on your finger
2025
01:39:55,245 --> 01:39:57,245
is not the same as having sex.
2026
01:39:57,414 --> 01:39:58,504
But what if I go like this?
2027
01:40:00,209 --> 01:40:01,249
No.
2028
01:40:01,335 --> 01:40:04,715
Okay, Dr. Picasso, what's
your definition of sex?
2029
01:40:09,676 --> 01:40:11,086
No way!
2030
01:40:11,345 --> 01:40:14,063
That's just... Not my mom!
2031
01:40:14,181 --> 01:40:15,431
But that's where she pees!
2032
01:40:15,516 --> 01:40:18,766
It's in my head and
I can't unlearn it!
2033
01:40:19,019 --> 01:40:20,439
You're bad!
2034
01:40:20,521 --> 01:40:21,601
Can you show us?
2035
01:40:21,688 --> 01:40:23,268
I call sloppy seconds!
2036
01:40:27,277 --> 01:40:30,237
Looks like everyone else
ended up with someone.
2037
01:40:30,781 --> 01:40:31,911
Yep.
2038
01:40:31,949 --> 01:40:33,409
And I got this pork chop.
2039
01:40:34,910 --> 01:40:36,580
So let me get this
straight, har.
2040
01:40:36,912 --> 01:40:39,462
When you visited me in the
nuthouse the last time...
2041
01:40:39,540 --> 01:40:40,960
-Uh-huh.
-...You knew about penny already?
2042
01:40:41,124 --> 01:40:43,424
No, I found out about her
when we visited my parents.
2043
01:40:43,460 --> 01:40:46,300
But I had finally figured
out that you were faking.
2044
01:40:46,463 --> 01:40:47,883
-Really? How?
-Mmm-hmm.
2045
01:40:47,965 --> 01:40:48,975
What gave it away?
2046
01:40:49,091 --> 01:40:51,721
A few months ago, I was changing
your diaper before bedtime
2047
01:40:51,802 --> 01:40:54,802
and you just seemed a
little too upbeat.
2048
01:40:56,640 --> 01:41:00,231
Lloyd, even though
it's Christmas Eve,
2049
01:41:00,602 --> 01:41:03,442
I want you to know that there's
no place I would rather be
2050
01:41:03,480 --> 01:41:06,400
than right here, wiping
my best friend's dookie.
2051
01:41:08,527 --> 01:41:09,527
Oh.
2052
01:41:09,653 --> 01:41:11,953
Looks like we got another
stocking stuffer.
2053
01:41:16,118 --> 01:41:17,618
I remember that.
2054
01:41:17,995 --> 01:41:20,465
That was the night I had all
that eggnog and lamb, right?
2055
01:41:20,622 --> 01:41:22,122
Yeah. Whoa!
2056
01:41:22,165 --> 01:41:23,245
Lloyd!
2057
01:41:26,837 --> 01:41:29,257
Check out the hotties
at 12 o'clock.
2058
01:41:29,590 --> 01:41:31,300
That's almost three hours away.
2059
01:41:31,341 --> 01:41:33,011
Can't I check them out now?
2060
01:41:41,685 --> 01:41:42,765
Okay, Lloyd,
2061
01:41:42,853 --> 01:41:45,983
this time we're not gonna be
stupid and pass up a sure thing.
2062
01:41:46,023 --> 01:41:47,483
I hear you, har.
2063
01:41:48,275 --> 01:41:49,945
We'll never get another
chance like this.
2064
01:41:50,027 --> 01:41:52,357
Our time has finally come.
2065
01:41:59,953 --> 01:42:01,373
Bush club!
2066
01:48:47,277 --> 01:48:48,447
Oh, crap!
2067
01:48:48,904 --> 01:48:51,364
I ordered a vanilla shake and
they gave me a chocolate one.
2068
01:48:51,448 --> 01:48:53,408
Tell me about it. I ordered
a chocolate shake.
2069
01:48:53,492 --> 01:48:55,372
Those dopes gave
me a vanilla one.
2070
01:48:55,494 --> 01:48:57,124
They do that a lot.
2071
01:48:59,289 --> 01:49:00,579
What the hell?
2072
01:49:02,501 --> 01:49:04,091
Kick his ass, seabass!
2073
01:49:04,503 --> 01:49:05,673
Arr, the dirty
sons-of-bitches!
2074
01:49:05,697 --> 01:49:45,697
Hope it helped -> bozxphd
144168
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