All language subtitles for The.Wedding.Party.2016.WEB-DL.XviD.MP3-FGT

- Dearly beloved.

We're gathered here today to celebrate

the holy union of Paul and Margene.

In first Corinthians it's written...

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast,

and it ain't proud.

It don't dishonor, yo.

And it never looks for itself.

Love doesn't have anger problems,

and it forgets the bad stuff.

Love is rad, love never fails.

So yo, what's being said here in the
first shout out to the Corinthians,

is that love is perfect.

And now, Paul and Margene
will declare their love

for each other.

So please, face one another.

Margene, do you take Paul

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

- I do.

- And Paul, do you take Margene

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

- I do.

- By the power vested in me

by the state of Oklahoma, and Jesus...

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

I'm presenting for the first time

as a married couple...

Mr. and Mrs. Paul Harrison, give it up!

- We did it!

- I know!

- You look a little shellshocked.

- Well, I don't know if you know this

but I just got married.

- I know, and it was perfect.

And tonight, everything's
gonna be perfect.

You'll see.

- Wife.

- Husband.

- How hard did you try to get it off?

You don't understand, she's gonna kill you
when she finds out, it's unforgivable!

- Whoa, lady!

Chill out, all right?

At least I didn't lose a cake.

- It's not lost, it's just not here yet!

- Man, why has it been so long
since we have caught up?

- I don't know, it's probably my fault.

- No, no, it is Facebook's fault.

Because instead of keeping me informed,

it's just curating posts
for my transphobic aunt.

- Yeah, when it's not
selling our identities

to corporations.

- Right.

- In any case, we should catch up.

- Well tell me, how's your
life, what's going on?

- I mean, a lot, I...

- oh, doinked ya!

- Okay.

I saw so much talent
walking down the aisle.

We are gonna do some damage tonight.

- Okay, so we have to get going because

you know our language...

- oh yeah, must make the trains on time.

Remember that, Jim?

Still funny!

- Still Jewish!

- Skyler has clearly changed a ton.

- Yeah, it's like being
back in high school.

- Ow, I can't walk

that fast in these shoes!

- Wait, who are they again?

- College friends.

- Oh yeah, new people, I'm good.

No thanks.

Oh, I feel like we should get in there.

- Yeah, just get ready for a lot

of hopping and giggling.

- Game face?

- This is it.

- That's terrible, that
will convince no one.

There we go.

- All right, let's do this.

- So much happier.

- And he's the one telling
everyone what to do,

and saying that I'm in hysterics.

- Some one needs to slap her,

I would, but I'm a man.

- Oh, that's really...

- Bethanie, will you slap her?

- Okay, now yous are
telling me different things,

what do you want me to do?

- Do not slap her!

- What the hell's going on?

- Greta's freaked out because
the cake's not here yet.

- I taste tested over 350 cakes

to find this one, that
is like 18,000 calories.

- Also, I have no wedding ring.

And I can't use my pockets
cause there's holes in them.

- Why?

- Magic tricks.

- Right, right.

And because of Colton's magic tricks

we had to spend forever
trying to pry it off,

- which means we have half the
time to finish our reception

and get out of here in time

to make our flight to Hawaii tonight.

- This is one of Greta's
more appropriate freakouts,

I'm just saying.

- Hey Paul, why
can't you just miss the flight

- because I can't, I can't,
and I won't, I won't,

we won't lose this break.

- They won't, this is their
special night, Skyler!

- Okay, somebody please get something

to calm Greta down, please.

- Oh, I have Xanax!

- Oh god.

- I mean, I have Xanax
guys, stop looking at me.

- We can't lose Greta,

she's running the entire reception.

- I know, but she's a friend not a...

I told you, professional wedding planners

don't usually have nervous breakdowns.

- Greta's usually a big anal machine

I never thought we'd break her.

Look, if we need to leave tomorrow

my dad can just...

- no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I got the tickets, I wanna
do this, we're gonna do this.

Greta's gonna lock this down, okay?

We will make this right, okay?

Promise.

- Hey, Paul.

- Yeah?

- Small problem.

She took them all.

- Hey Greta, how many pills were in here?

- Listen.

This situation is infinitely more complex

than you realize and I
get more stressed out...

- how many?

- I don't know, like seven or eight...

- Nice!

- So Greta's out.

Alex?

- Hi, yeah.

- Yes, yes, great idea, and
condense it down to one hour.

- No, no, no, no, why are you picking me?

Why?

- Because you were next in line, honey.

- Margene, I don't know
shit about weddings.

And it's Greta, she will be fine,

she'll snap out of it.

Hey Greta, do you wanna tell them...

- everything is ruined, and I'm gonna die!

- Oh fuck me, okay!

You know what, I'd love to, I'd love to!

- Grab her instruction
manual and get started.

- Manual, what?

- Yeah, it's pretty expensive.

- Shit.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Thanks for talking to me before.

- Yeah, yeah, of course.

- Seriously.

I hate asking these things but,

I need you for one more thing.

- What's up?

- Since you're great with planning,

and you picked out great tuxes by the way.

Can you help Alex out?

- Why don't you ask your best mn?

- Get it off.

- I can't get it off.

- Pull harder.

- Yeah, I just feel like
you'd be a lot more effective.

Look I cannot miss this flight, okay?

The honeymoon she deserves, and...

You know, the wedding night
that she has longed for.

- I don't know.

- I didn't tell you?
- No.

She's gonna put on white cotton panties,

go really slow Paul, oh my god, oh my god,

I'm a real woman.

It's gonna be awesome.

Unless I miss the flight.

- Look, I...

- What?

- I just...

- Come on.

- Wedding stuff right now, you know?

It's...

- I totally forgot, I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

- Thank you.

- Oh call animal control,

I see a dog pack forming.

Ba, ba, ba, ba!

We ready to get some of that
prima nocta pussy tonight!

- Yeah, I think I am.

- I don't think so.

- I don't think so, come on Jim,

don't leave me hangin'!

I already got my eyes on this hot little

11th grade girl, Katie Samuels.

- From our 11th grade?

- Yeah.

What did I say?

What the fuck's wrong with you?

Katie Samuels, 11th grade French.

Think she'd go for me?

- Yeah, yeah, sure.

- What?

Is it my hair?

- No, no, no, your hair looks great,

- yeah, cause I have a very
consistent barber, Jim.

- Attention!

- Coming.

- Hey ya'll, so...

Eyes up here.

So you're probably
wondering what is Alex doing

holding my reception procedure manual...

We lost our fearless leader.

No.

I have decided to share my duties

with my deputy bridesmaid asslicks.

- Asslicks?

- No...

- Okay, yeah, enjoy that trip.

Listen up people, we have an hour to

get all of this shit done,

so please just do what i say when I say it

or I'll kick your ass.

Secondly, big smiles everyone

because it's time for
the grand entrance, yeah!

Let's see it!

Fine, okay, first up we
have Quentin and Lisa

followed by Skyler and bethanie,

Jim and myself, then Colt.

- Yeah, hey.

Am I flying solo now or do I have to

bring this bird?

- That is all yours.

Then the lovely bride
and groom, we got this.

Let's do this, people.

All right.

- Ladies first.

- Don't tell me what to do, Quentin.

- Hey, Lisa.

- Oh no I see, if she
tells you, then you know.

- Can you just smile?

Just smile.

- God, I hate you.

- Look at this.

- Yeah.

- Are you kidding me?

First reception as a
groomsman, it is awful.

- Gosh, I've been to a million of these

and they are all the same.

Just a bunch of people
asking you questions,

and I don't know why they ask you,

it's none of their business.

And then the cake comes out
and I want a second piece

is it the right thing to
do to have another piece?

I don't know, it just makes me...

- no, no, I know, i know, I know,

you hate these things,

but this one's gonna be different,

you know, we're together.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

You can be my wingman.

Skyler and bethanie!

- I just can't believe
they actually got married.

- I know, it's crazy.

- No, no, like really married, with a ring

and a cake and a house.

- Actually they have none of things.

- Okay true, but they have that

- and now, Jim and Alex.

- Things have just changed a lot.

- Not all things.

- I said Jim and Alex!

- Okay.

- There we go.

- Hey, let's stick together tonight.

- Yes.

- Awesome.
- Absolutely.

- Great.

- Oh shit, be right back.

- What?

- And now, the best man, Colton.

And the maid of honor, Greta.

Come on, Colt and Greta,
yeah, there we go, nice!

And now, I proudly present
our bride and groom.

Paul and Margene, yeah!

Nice!

- Nope, fuck it.

- Hello everyone...

- Whoa!

- Hi.

Hi, sorry.

It is time for the buffet,

so if you can just line up
in an orderly fashion please.

Thank you.

- That was good.

- Shut up.

- Yeah.

- Shut up.

Okay wait, don't shut up, I'm lying.

Can you please continue
to tell me about this

la life of yours?

You are editing movies?

- Yeah, well more like corporate videos,

the occasional web series, but yeah.

- That's great, and i heard that you were

dating somebody?

- Absolutely, I actually
proposed like two weeks ago.

- Jim, that's amazing.

- Oh no, she said no so I'm single again.

- Best thing about getting married?

- Seriously, we just skip the whole line?

Things are turning around.

- Paul?

- Hey, aunt Sylvia, i want you to meet

my new wife, Margene.

- We were hoping to speak with you.

- We're just starving, maybe
once we sit down to eat.

- Do you know the ceremony started

an hour and five minutes late?

So I had gout last year.

- Oh, wow.

Hey Colton, can i please get some food?

- Yeah, workin on that bro.

- How do you plan on
eating all of that salami?

- With my mouth.

- Oh.

- Well, that rapunzel.

- That's...

- I don't think we got a chance to meet

at the rehearsal.

I'm Skyler.

Probably heard that name tossed around.

You're Margene's friend, from college.

- Yeah, Lisa.

- Lisa.

- Don't believe anything she says.

- Not even her name?

Sorry, you guys know each other?

- Yeah, we used to date.

- Oh.

That's cool, you guys are...

Still friends and doing that and...

Well you still talk, that's something.

- We actually haven't spoken since

we broke up three months ago.

- Okay, I'm gonna let you guys catch up...

- oh, three months, wow.

I guess time only flies
when you're having fun.

- Okay.

- To make a long story short, you know,

she shows up at the Meadow,

both our families are there,

my grandmother wheels herself out,

looks up at the sky and is like

"oh my god, what the hell is that?"

I come down in a parachute,
i rip off my gear,

and I'm wearing a tux.

Thanks, this tux, actually.

Anyway, she moved out the next day,

said I was moving too fast.

Now she is Facebook official with some guy

named Weston hancock.

God, I hate Facebook.

That was also the last
time I ever saw my memaw.

You and Timmy have been going out, hm?

I'm sure he'd like to know.
- No need to do that, okay.

- Really don't care.

- Okay, fine, four months.

- Four months?

But that doesn't make mathematical sense...

- more perfect than you, yeah.

- Hey, what's going on up there?

- Your little porn addiction?

- No, it's erotic cinema,
and I'm an aficionado.

- It's erotica, what?

- Dude, let's go, what's the hold up?

- The chicken's not out yet,

and I don't do well with fish,

and it's a weird color, and if I can't...

- this girl's talking a lot!

- Hey, hey, bethanie,

what's going up there?

- Hey, I'm waiting for the chicken.

- What?

Just get the fish, it's healthier.

- It's healthier.

- It's good for you.
- Shit's good for you.

- Please, would you get the
fish for me, bethanie, come on.

- Okay, okay, fine, I'll get the fish.

- Please.

- Fish, yeah!

- Thank you.

- Hold on, one more slice.

- Pollo, no you missed out, pollo.

- Excuse me, is that chicken?

- There we go.

- Hi.

- Hey, you got the fish.

- I got the fish.

I love fish.

- I don't know how you do it.

- Thanks.

- Thank you.

Damn Jim, I'm really sorry.

- Yeah, thanks.

- No, no, it really sucks.

It's like you think your life
is going in one direction

and then all of a sudden...

I'm just gonna say it, your ex-girlfriend,

she's a cunt, she is.

- Did you just use the c word?

- Ms. Sylvia, hi!

I did, yeah, you know,

it's actually a term of endearment now

that us young people use.

Yeah, we reclaimed it so it's super hip.

And let me tell you,

you look great tonight you cunt, so great.

I also broke up with
my boyfriend recently.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- No, he was a liar and
i couldn't trust him

and we shouldn't focus on those people.

We should focus on this reception,

so do you wanna maybe help
me with all this tonight?

- I...

I should probably work on my toast, so...

- You wrote a toast?

- Yes I did.

- Oh, okay.

Well, I can't wait to here it cause it'll

probably be pretty perfect, so.

- Colt, I am famished, where's my food?

- Oh, too late baby bro.

- Hey, garcon.

Hi, do you think I could
get like a dinner plate

with some food?

- It's buffet style, man.

- Seriously man, I'm the
groom, I just got married.

- That's your problem.

- Got an imaginary friend?

- Hey, no, sorry, just
going over my speech.

- I totally forgot to tell you.

- What?

- I'm so sorry...

We decided to only go with speeches from

the best man and maid
of honor to save time.

- Oh...

- You know what?

If you have something you want to say,

- no, no, no, it's not a big
deal, I get it, it's fine.

Don't worry about it.

What are you doing, Colt?

- Uh, making wine out of...

I mean wine out of water.

- Okay, you're just like
pouring your wine into your...

- it's the last supper Jim, look.

- Yeah, I get it.

- Well it took you a long time.

- Hey, what do you have for a speech?

- Oh, yeah, speech.

I don't know, probably wing it.

That's what I'm good
at, tell a few stories

about how paulito and i
used to get schwasted.

- Right.

Look.

Just try this on for size.

- Thanks, apostle Jim.

- Lifetime of that.

Where is the food?

- Oh, okay.

Speeches, hey, Greta.

It's time for speeches.

Maybe eat something first?

- Am I gonna eat something first?

- Yeah, nevermind.

- Oh!

Hello!

Margene is one of my oldest friends.

She's very, very old.

At William Jennings Bryant high

we were in every club together.

Yearbook, right.

Mathletes.

Drug free youth.

But it wasn't until we got to ou

that her and with...

Mr. Paul.

Paul.

I love Margene so much.

And Paul.

I never wanna feel...

So much love.

And...

As they come together we
gotta be there, right?

To maul and pargene!

- Oh!

- Oh!

- Okay!

- Bullhorn!

I guess we are not all cut
out for the stage now, are we?

When my little half bro
asked me to be his best man,

I was like "hell no!"

Sike!

Ya mama rides a motorbike!

And then you know, we'd hang
out a lot and then we'd...

It goes a little something like this.

I always knew a day would come

when Paul and i would have to move on

from being such close friends.

And today as he's married, it's clear his

world's changed forever

as he moves on to married life.

Here's a confession.

I always secretly wanted to
hate Paul's wife, future wife.

How dare she take away my best friend!

But when Paul and Margene began dating

senior year of high school,

I knew if there was a woman perfect enough

to be Paul's new best
friend, it was Margene.

And on this...

And on this...

- Auspicious.

- Au what?

- Auspicious.

- Fuck you.

And on this auspicious day,

we raise our glasses
high to Paul and Margene,

to best friends everyone.

Guys, best friends!

Don't take it for granted, you don't know

how long you have them for.

- Thank you, love you bro.

- Yeah, love you too.

- And thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

If I could just have everyone's attention.

- Calm it down people.

- My very, very good friend Jim

has some words for us this evening.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- So without further adeu...

- Dude, I don't wanna do it.

- Jim.

- Jim, Jim, Jim.

- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.

♪ He's a wordsmith

- okay!

Wow, that's gonna be a hard one to follow.

- Obvi.

- You know...

Paul and I, we've known each other for...

I don't know, since middle school and...

I remember the first
time we got schwasted.

- Best friend memories, yes Jim.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You know, I too used to
get schwasted with Margene,

in her parents basement.

Okay, little secret.

Mike's hard lemonade and this girl?

Pro, sucks them down, she's amazing.

And you know, we bring this up as a...

As a...

- Segway.

- A Segway to inform you that...

Although the bar is an open bar,

we should really still tip the staff.

- Yes, and you know if you get a beer...

You don't have to.

- Nope.

- But if you get a mixed
drink, it's just what's done.

- Super polite.

- On that note, to everlasting love!

- Everlasting love, yeah great, bye.

- Thank you.

- That sucked.

- Why would you say that?

- Thank you.

- Hi guys, time to dance.

- Oh no.

- No, no, you have 70 minutes,

you wanna get out of here,

you gotta do the romantic shit.

- Okay, okay, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

You look beautiful.

- Got everything.

- I have it for you right here.

- Yep, I'm fine.

- I got it.

- Okay.

- How about a spin, huh?

- I could take a spin.

You all right?

- I'm great.

The speeches were a little weird.

- We're still running late.

I'm just worried about the flight.

- Paul, we're married.

- I know.

- Everything's great.

Everything's perfect.

- And now for the father daughter dance.

- We just...

- Daddy.

Thank you for all this.

And for talking earlier,
and being so understanding.

Without mom, I'm lucky
i have you to listen.

And I know it freaked you out.

Plus there's Paul's job and everything.

Look.

Everything's turning out just right.

Right?

- And everyone, dance floor!

Let's get on it, yeah!

- What did you eat?

- Nothing yet.

Oh, I'm hungry.

- Steady, steady.

- Oh, great speech by the way.

- My oration on getting schwasted.

Thanks, I actually wrote
it a couple weeks ago.

You know, thanks.

- I have officially
thrown Greta's schedule

out the window and
let's see, I now have...

Oh, 68 minutes to finish all of this.

- When's the cake?

- Uh, when it gets here finally?

- Wrong, no, no, no.

Most people wait for the cake to leave,

and you don't early exits.

I know this, cause I've
been planning my wedding

since I was a little...

- girl.

Since you were just a little baby.

- Okay, all right, very funny.

You now have...

67 minutes, you're just wasting time.

- Thank you for that, mhm.

- You need me.

I'm in.

- Do not fuck with me.

- I'll take it back.

- No, you said it, you're in.
- All right, let's do this.

- Really?

- Oh thank you so much for coming.

- Yeah, you enjoying yourself?

- You know, we was outside with the bugs

for over an hour waiting
for the service to start.

- Ow, well.

We thank you and everyone
for your Patience.

- And...

I got walking pneumonia ya'll,

I'm here sick as a dog.

- Oh, oh, should you be out of bed?

- It's walking pneumonia.

Let me see this wedding ring.

- Oh, well that's a very funny story,

and it all starts with a
very stupid man named Colton.

- Colt hired this band and when he did

he just kept screaming "it's gonna be 1998

all over again!"

Poor guy, he's just, he's
nostalgic for nostalgia.

- Hey, I agree with him.

I like swing.

We did that kick ass routine.

In show choir, the
swing one, you remember?

- Uh huh.

- Oh wait, are we
pretending like you didn't

do show choir for four years of your life?

- Uh huh.

- Okay, great, so then...

Moving on to the binder there.

- All right, let's see.

In case of male shirt disaster...

I.E. Wine spilling or colored
armpit stain, et cetera,

contingency tuxedo shirt
taped underneath the dance...

- No, she did not.

- Okay that's crazy, it's under...

- It's under there?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- She taped it?

Tampons are taped underneath table seven.

Note the following bridesmaids
are on their period.

- Oh my, ew, no, Greta!

- Greta, Greta this is...

- Terrible.

- This is my 8th wedding this summer.

Do you know the financial
and psychological toll

that eight bridesmaids
dresses has on a person?

And Greta, it's got me
thinking about settling down.

About settling, you know?

I want Skyler.

I know.

- And you are...

- His best friend?

I know.

And only delusional people think their

best friend's gonna fall
madly in love with them.

I mean...

But maybe my best friend will
fall madly in love with me.

Oh, honey.

Don't swallow your tongue.

- Okay.

That man wore a no fear, no
fear like half sleeve t-shirt

to my wedding.

Your family's crazy.

- Wait, my family?

- Uh huh.

- I thought he's with your side.

- Ah, it's gonna take forever
to greet all these people.

But we have to.

- Yeah, we do.

Or else we face a lifetime
of guilt from everybody.

Including, and especially your father.

You know what, we gotta
get out of here on time

so we can make our flight.

- Yeah.

So that we can consummate
our love together.

- I am both excited and anxious

at the thought of being
physically intimate.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Then I got a plan for us.

Ready for it?

You go take your side, i will take mine,

we meet back in one hour,
and off to our honeymoon.

- Great idea.

- You know, like only if you're into it.

- No, if that's what we need to do

to make tonight perfect, then...

That's what we'll do.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Now break.

- Pull my finger.

Pull my finger.

- No I really needed you
to pull my finger, but...

Out of rolls.

Yo, homeslice!

You got any butter?

- It's buffet style man!

I can't get everything!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

- Butter.

- Yeah.

- You should cut it off.

- Aw dude, tried man.

The ring's too thick.

- Not the ring, the finger.

I once chopped a finger
clean off, making cannoli.

Blood gushing all over
the caramel and shit,

fucking disgusting.

And then, I just took that
sucka to the hospital...

Gave it to the docs,

and they just re-attached it later.

- What kind of knife did you use?

- Colt, don't chop your finger off.

- And do not use butter,
olive oil is way better.

- Olive oil.

So nice of you to finally join us,

I mean, this cake was only
supposed to be here oh,

this afternoon.

- I have a really good excuse, all right?

I forgot the wedding was tonight

and I had to pull an all nighter.

- So you're just a professional Baker

and you forgot you had a job today?

So glad that Greta's doped out

and did not hear that.

- Is that the girl that ate 900 dollars

worth of samples?

- There's been a mistake.

- Yeah, hiring this guy as their Baker.

- No, no, no, no, no.

This is the wrong cake.

- No, first of all, our cake's
supposed to be red velvet,

and secondly...

This has a black couple on top.

- So?

- So our bride and groom is white people.

- Here I thought we live
in a post racial society.

- No, no, no, no, no, we
will keep the cake because

thanks to you we don't
have any other choice,

and you know I'm sure
it's still delicious,

and it costs them...

Holy shit man.

- That's robbery.

- Robbery, that's crazy.

- Cake is art.

- Look, this isn't a racial thing,

we just want a white cake topper.

- I only brought will and Jada.

- Of course you did.

Okay, we will improvise,

we'll find some wite-out and we will

make them Caucasian, yeah.

- You want white face?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- So, you were saying you
teach hot yoga or something?

- I also mentioned that I'm in engineering

management and information
sciences consulting,

but yes I teach hot yoga on Saturdays.

- Do you think you'll
stay in Tulsa long or...

- Uh no, I feel like a
big city's kind of always

called my name.

- Big city, la is a big city.

London has shitty food, Chicago...

Chicago's actually awesome but...

I'm in la.

- Okay, well consider it considered then.

- All right.

- Could we see what's
next because I just wanna

go to the bar.

Ooh, cancel a flash mob, yes.

- Hey.

Hey bethanie.

What you girls up to, huh?

Running from boys?

- Oh no, pastor Kyle.

We are here to celebrate the holy union

of two pious christians, so, here we go.

- And Greta, huh?

- Well she's stoned, excuse me.

- On Jesus I hope.

- Well...

All right, here we go.

Stand up straight, Greta.

- Look, it's really not that complicated.

We all go out on the dance floor,

perform the routine that i
sent you on YouTube, yeah,

and we wear these masks.

- That is terrifying.

Yeah, no, Sean, i don't think that anyone

is gonna actually do any of that, yeah.

- Okay, so you're gonna
force me to do like

a one man flash mob, what do you...

- At that point I think
it's just called a flash.

- Oh, flash.

- All right, took that
easy, all right what's next?

- Let's see, next we
are going to make sure

that the alcohol inventory is stocked

and then smell check the staff.

- That's exactly what i got from that, so.

- Hey, just honing in on Katie
Samuels, 11th grade French.

How's my breath?

Not ready yet, okay.

- That poor, poor girl, okay.

Serious question about Skyler.

- About his hair?

- So that is his hair?

- Yeah it's his hair.

He bought it online and
glued it to his head,

it's his hair.

- Shut up.

No, you're not serious.

- I mean I've never got
100 percent confirmation,

yet I am 100 percent sure.

- So wait, wait, wait,

how does it work when he's
trying to take a girl home?

Does he tell her on the date or like

they get in the bedroom and he's like

"surprise, look, I'm bald,
look at my head, hey."

- It's like he lives in
the golden age of bald men.

- Total social acceptance
to buzz your head.

- Willis, statham, fucking Matt lauer.

Head buzzing pioneer.
- He looks amazing.

He looks great.

- I would go on a date with him...

- I'm ready nerds, out of my way.

- Okay.

- Katie Samuels?

11th grade French, gotcha.

- Skyler, right?

Yeah?

Yeah, you...

You look...

Wow.

- Thank you.

Wow, I mean...

That's great, but you, I mean you...

Look absolutely stunning.

- Oh thank you.
- Katie.

Hey.

- Pastor Kyle.

Hey.

Sorry about missing Bible
study the other night,

it's just that I had this...

- hot date?

- No.

Come on.

- Yeah, come on.

- Well...

So um...

Yeah, I'm super thirsty.

So I'm gonna hop up and
just go get myself a...

- beer?

- Can I...

No.

Soda water would be like,

exactly what I want.

Ow.

Can I please, thank you.

Yeah, you guys just go and have a good...

- What the fuck, Kyle?

You just cockblocked me man.

- Whoa, whoa, hey.

It's pastor Kyle now.

That's some language
you're using there man,

what's going on?

- What's going on?

What the fuck is going on with you, Kyle?

All right, I once saw you, yeah,

at a frat party in a hot
tub with your whole...

I guess I can't even repeat it, can I?

- No need.

I was actually with Katie Samuels, so.

- Oh...

- I'm praying for you man!

- Save it!

- Hey.

What's going on?

- I don't know why, but...

I was just thinking about...

I was just thinking about
when you left for college.

You know, at the time I figured

our friendship would be over,
fall outta touch, whatever.

But then...

But then when you were
getting in your car to leave,

you remember what you said?

You said "I'll see you in a few weeks."

- Yeah, that was technically true.

- No, yeah, but then at
the end of fall break

you said the same thing again.

"See you in a few weeks."

The holidays came, and spring break.

You keep saying the same thing,

"see you in a few weeks",

the time between would get
longer and longer in between,

but you just always would
say "see you in a few weeks."

It's got me thinking...

Now that I'm settled
here, you're out there...

We probably won't see each
other much at all anymore.

- Come on, things aren't gonna change.

- I already have, man.

Anyway.

You know, I think we're pretty lucky

Colt got that ring stuck on
his big stubby finger, right?

Seriously, if you hadn't talked to me...

I was gonna bolt.

- Dude, it was just cold feet.

- No.

No, it was more than that.

It was me thinking about like...

All the marriages i know that have failed.

- Your parents are in
functional marriages.

- Not to each other.

Plus, on top of that...

Margene's dad paid for everything here.

I can't afford to give
her a perfect wedding,

I could barely afford the plane tickets

for the honeymoon.

Now with the merger, i
don't even know if my job...

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

The same reason you wouldn't of left.

You know how lucky you are, man.

Look, all you have to do
is make Margene happy.

- Sorry, I didn't mean
to interrupt I just...

- no.

- I have your beer.

- Perfect timing.

- Sorry.

- I actually just saw some second cousins

from lawton over there that...

I should go bond with.

- Okay, so let me guess.

He was bugging you as to when
you plan on settling down

because Margene asks me
like literally every day.

- Why are they always
trying to get single people

to get married?

It's like do you just
wanna drink the booze

at my wedding as payback or...

You know, the more i think about it...

I feel like married people
were actually recruited

themselves into getting married

and then they settle down,

they realize it's super boring,

and it doesn't actually work unless

they have other married
friends around to watch like

homeland and shit with.

Marriage is...

Marriage is a pyramid scheme, it is.

- Oh my god, i fucking hate you!

- Sorry, she's got tourette's.

Sexually contracted tourette's.

You arrogant, neurotic, self
centered, immature, homophobic.

- No, no, no, not true,
I'm not afraid of them.

- Needy, childish, jealous...

- Which is warranted
because you're a skank!

- A misogynist!

- I am not.

- You laughed at me when I told you

I was sexually harassed at work.

- You said it in a funny voice.

- You know what, Quentin?

I think the worse thing about all of this

is that you're obviously not over me.

- Oh, no, no, no, I'm over you.

- Yeah, I'm so over
you I wouldn't fuck you

with your 10 foot dick.

- Okay well, at least one
of those has one of those,

fuck you Quentin!

Oh, I thought this was over.

- It wasn't over.

It still isn't over.

- I think actually the animal that

I identify with the most...

Is the wolf.

- Oh.

Because it's half wild
animal, part domesticated dog.

Cause a part of me like...

Tries to hunt.

The other part of me is loyal,
likes my tummy scratched.

- Oh, are you a lone wolf?

- Hungry like the wolf.

- And you are adorable.

But I am married.

- Oh.

Look at that.

- Yup.

Ring on the finger usually means married.

- Yeah, I guess unless
you're Margene, right?

- What?

- Oh, no, not like she's
loose or anything...

Just saying because the ring...

- What?

- Nevermind, nevermind,
just forget I said that,

and forget, I'm sorry, you're married.

- Well you give up awfully easily.

I didn't say no.

I said I'm married.

Thought you were a bad boy.

- I am, it's just...

You're married, so.

- Yeah, well, suit yourself.

But fyi, my pussy tastes real good.

And my husband and I have
a certain arrangement.

I mean, if you're interested.

- Yeah.

Wow, okay, yeah let me...

Let me just use the little
boy's room for a second,

and when I get back, we'll have an answer.

- I'll be here.

- Okay.

- Occupied!

- I'll just go this way, it's easier.

That's fine.

Oh shit I'm sorry,

I didn't know anyone else was in here.

- The more the merrier.

- I just need a place to think

for a second.

You know, actually, i would appreciate

the advice of a total stranger.

You see...

This married woman just told me

what her vagina tastes like.

- How would she know what
her vagina tastes like?

- That...

I'm just wondering like
you know, do I go for it?

That's taboo, like how often do these...

- stop, look.

I'm you, from the future.

- No, I was just like you,
i was always chasing tail...

And then one day, my hair fell out.

- No.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, your standards have
dropped, the screwing...

Won't sedate the the loneliness.

You'll end up bald with a prostate

the size of a mandarin orange,

and the only sexual adventure you'll have

is when your wife brings a young man home.

So...

I don't know.

Go for it!

Oh, this woman...

Is she a redhead in a purple dress?

- Yeah?

- Wow.

You'll do just fine.

- Yeah.

I will do just fine.

Oh shit.

God.

Damn it.

Watch it, dumb broad!

Hey, sorry.

- Gosh.

Wow, I was just about to
head to the dance floor,

you wanna join me?

- You know what?

It wasn't as cool as
i thought it would be.

- Oh right.

- Come here.

But yeah, later, you know,

show those jokers how it's done.

- Oh, oh, you mean some of this?

- A little lesson in
that, you remember that?

- A little of that, a little of that 2008.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bring it back.

And bring it back, and bring it back.

- And then I'll do this like we used to...

Hi.

Don't cry bethanie, don't cry.

You left me without my medicine.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

- The millennials for Christ.

- Hey, hey, hey!

Have you seen Paul?

- Um...

I thought that he would be with you.

- Yeah...

We're trying this whole
divide and conquer thing

to save time, you know, so.

Can I ask you something?

- Yes?

- Was my wedding perfect, was it?

- Oh my gosh, you look like an angel.

And these dresses that you
picked, they're beautiful,

they're gorgeous, like
you would think that

somebody would actually notice,

that guys would actually
take notice of you, but no.

Just, you look everything...

Everything is perfect.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

- Okay, well, I gotta run.

Uncle Pete's not gonna greet himself, so.

- And to me, I find christianity

is the real social media...

- pastor Kyle, thank you.

It was such a wonderful ceremony.

It was just so...

It was stunning, thank you, perfect.

- I refuse to be a
slave to a trapper keeper,

we are throwing rice.

If a pigeon comes down and
eats it, it will explode.

- That can't possibly be true...

- it is.

- Hello, throwing rice, it's a tradition.

- Oh, I forgot what a romantic you are.

Do you remember how you asked me to prom?

- Yeah, in a night tub put on a pony.

- Okay, fine.

I will admit it...

High school dances were kind of the best.

Oh, we would get so dressed up

and then we would dance
to the best songs of 2006.

Oh wait, do you remember...

♪ You don't know me

♪ you don't even care

oh, that was good.

- That was a good song.
- That shit was my jam.

- That was a good one.

- And then you'd be on the dance floor

dancing cheek to cheek with your crush,

and you'd get those shivers
up your spine, so cute.

- Yeah, when we weren't grinding

to lil Jon or n'sync.

- Oh god, and sweating...

Profusely because the 100...

- yeah, we were like
disgusting sweaty teenagers.

- So gross.

Hundred of us would be on that dance floor

just packed in, and you'd look around

and the guys would be like grinding away,

just all in the hips.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Like ugh, what's up Kyle?

Kyle was one of these.

He was like oh my god, you're here.

You're here, and i just gotta go.

I gotta go, I gotta go.

- You're just missing
that awkward erection

we all had.

- True, true, I am missing that.

- We never danced though.

In all the craziness, i lost you.

- Well, I wanted to dance with you.

- When I found you, you were
dancing with zeb buckman.

- Oh, zeb.

- I didn't have my pony, so you know,

how was I supposed to ask you to dance?

- You should've just cut in.

- Yeah, but...

That guy.

- Zeb.

- Yeah, football playing douchebag.

- Zeb.

- Yeah, zeb.

- No, no, zeb.

- What the f...

Why is he, no one talks to that...

- You have to hide me.

Right now.

- What, why?
- We have to go.

Nope, gimme the binder,
bye, bye, bye, bye,

bye, bye, bye.

- Where are we, what
is happening right now?

Do you still talk to this guy?

- Hi, how's it going?

Everybody looks so lovely tonight.

Okay bye, bye.

Take this, take this.

I'm gonna take this.

- What, okay.
- So you take this.

- He has no idea who I am,

- god, he's coming this way.

- Okay, yep.

Buffet, buffet, buffet, buffet.

- Nope.

Gonna just not be okay.

- All right, nope, nope, nope.

Yup.

- Is he behind us?

He knows my ass, we have to go.

- We have to go, we have
to go, we have to go,

we have to go, okay bye, bye, bye.

- Kitchen.

- Oh my god, why?

Are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm good.

- Oh my god, I uninvited him.

- Wait, wait, wait.

- Why is he here?

- You were dating zeb buckman?

- Okay, do not judge me.

It was college and it's like this

on again off again thing
we just, we've always...

- Okay, and now you're...

- Off again.

No, he is a lying, non-committal flirt

who gets way too many
medically necessary massages.

We are on a break.

It's buffet style people,
buffet style, get it yourself!

Jesus!

Nobody respects me, man!

- I hear ya, Maximiliano.

I hear ya man.

Blaze on.

Yeah.

- Thanks bro.

- Dude.

Everybody thinks that I'm a fuck up.

- Is it getting any looser?

- Not at all, man.

I mean yeah, sure, big whoop.

I have screwed up in the past.

You know.

Maybe the old saying is true.

There are no second acts
in American history.

Wait, who said that?

- Uh...

F. Murray Abraham.

- Oh yeah.

- Dude, I got hopes.

I got dreams.

I haven't told anyone this.

I auditioned for the band out there.

- What?

- Yeah.

Dude, it would be like
1998 all over again.

The glory days of swing

before the fucking gap commercialized it.

- Mhm.

- Sexy horn, maxi!

You're in the band!

- Oh yeah.

- Dude, give me a chance,
I'll bring back swing.

Dude, it'll be the swing revival...

Revival.

I didn't even get a callback.

- Good talk bro.

- So, what is he here to like

win you back or something?

I'm not gonna say that it
like hasn't worked before,

but I mean god, haven't you seen the man?

He just, he looks like a
fucking Ken doll and I can't...

Sorry, that's weird.

It sounds stupid, I know,
i know but it's just...

It's been going on since college,

and it's always just been super
fucking casual and it's...

Fuck!

Okay, how long into
casual does something like

cease to be casual.

- Hey.
- God!

- What's up?

- Hey, just hiding, you?

- Hiding.

Throw rice or bubbles during the...

- oh, we talking about
the myth that if you give

rice to a bird they'll explode?

- Not a myth guys, that will happen.

- Okay, you know what?

I'm gonna grab a bag of rice
right now, bust this myth.

Hey, can I get a bag of rice?

- You okay?

- Yes.

Nope, yeah, I'm good, so good.

We just, you know,

haven't seen each other
since everything so it's...

- You wanna like, ignore him?

We can stay in here...

- no, no, ignore him?

Please, absolutely not.

I just, am waiting for the courage to come

so that I can just go out
there and just fuck with him.

And you know what?

You, ooh.

You said that you would
stick by me all night,

so you're gonna help me fuck with him.

Yep, come on, let's go, uh huh.

- I...

Okay.

Wait, Alex.

Alex.

- No, no, no, not ready.

No, no, no, no, no.

- I was never fingered in high school.

I also never went out on a date.

But for some reason, this bothers me more.

I was too busy with clubs
and grades for boys,

so I didn't kiss a boy 'til college,

and by the time a boy
had sex on top of me...

My...

Junior year...

It was too late.

I realized I missed out on something.

That time when it was new and exciting.

But no.

No boys wanted to finger me,

let alone do me.

I didn't even have a date for prom.

The prom I planned.

I wanted to dance, have fun.

To be fingered.

Fingered with love.

- God, is that buckman?

- The whores at orpha's
lounge are gonna freak out.

You're my fuckin' hero, man.

- Okay.

- One, two, three!

- There it is, all right.

Thanks hombre.

You have a great night, okay?

- You too man.

- Thanks for coming out.

You've got to be kidding me.

- No, no, no, let's go.

He's right there.

Let's go.

He's getting taller as we get closer.

- Zebediah buckman.

- Hey, there you are.

- Hi, okay, what's...

Why are you here?

- Uh, I'm your plus one.

- No, see you were my plus one but then,

you know, remember, we went on a break,

so now that actually
makes you my minus one.

- Yeah, I was actually hoping
we could talk about that.

- Jim, you remember Jim right?

From high school?

Oh, we have just been talking
and catching up all night.

- Hey zeb, how's it going?

Heard you weren't playing ball anymore,

what's up now, like
coaching little league?

- Aw, jokes!

No, actually.

Turns out mark hyduke over at peakmore,

he's a big sooner fan.

So the Duke's got me doing the whole

natural gas, land acquisitions thing.

Now look, I don't really get it...

But I make a lot of money,
so I won't complain.

I won't, I won't.

- I heard you were out in
Hollywood making like...

Movies and shit.

- He is.

- Yes, yeah I am.

In fact an editor.

We're off to the language of film.

You know, it's hard work,
it's important work.

- Yeah.

- It's thankless work.

- Okay.

- Mostly I'm at a computer for hours

just like sifting through footage

trying to make that perfect
scene in a dark room, alone.

Oh god, this guy, he's so stinking humble.

You know, he was actually
just voted by Hollywood

as one of the top creative minds.

- Shit.

- Shit's right, who you texting?

Michelle?

She still part of your rotation?

You know what, i don't give a shit.

I don't give a shit.

We're gonna go dance, bye.

- Alex...

- Do you think that made him miss me?

- Yeah, how could it not?

I don't really, i didn't plan on dancing.

No seriously, I didn't...

I'm just not in the mood to...

- No, you planned this, this is crazy.

♪ Baby, baby, looks like it's gonna hail

- this is crazy.

All right, what do we do?

- Oh, ah, turn, yes.

Kick, yes.

Oh!

- Jump!

Oh wait, I like these.

- Remember yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh!

♪ But a man ain't nothing but a man

♪ yeah a woman ain't a woman

♪ but a man ain't nothing but a man

♪ one thing about 'em

♪ he knows how to jive and wail

♪ yeah, you got to jump and jive

♪ then you wail

♪ you gotta jump and jive

♪ then you wail

♪ you gotta jump and jive

♪ then you wail

♪ you gotta jump and jive

♪ then you wail

♪ you gotta jump and jive

♪ then you wail, you
wail, you wail, you wail

♪ you wail, you wail, wail, wail, wail

- why do we...

- how did that just happen?

That was crazy.

- It was terrible.

We just, we can't let it go.

We can't let show choir go, that's good.

- That's amazing.

Okay, I'm gonna go to the bar.

Yeah, I'm gonna get us a beer, you...

- you sure you good?

- All right, yeah, no, give
me a beer, please, please.

- Yeah, I'll be right back, all right?

- Okay.

- Come on little buddy.

Hey Jim, almost busted that bird myth.

- Okay!

- Come on little buddy, eat the rice.

Eat it, come on.

- Yep.

- Hey, can I get two beers

when you have a second?

What the hell just happened?

- Bubbles.

Go bubbles.

Hey, can I get a...

Do you want anything?

- No, I'm good thanks.

- Can I just get five
shots of absinthe, neat.

What's got...

- I just, I don't know,
thought a part of me was gone,

but it's not.

Oh it's back.

- That's so good champ.

That's so good, thank you.

- Did the pigeon really just...

- for the love of god, bubbles!

Thank you.

- Why?

- For the bird.

- Thank you so much, sir.

- Two shots of jager!

Have a shot of jager with me, will ya?

- I'm good, honestly.

- Nah, you'll drink it.

- Okay.

- Hey, to cobras and condoms.

Two things I don't fuck with.

- Whatever.

I haven't had jager since college.

- Oh, that's the yeah.

Best part about getting the redshirt.

Another year of college, of football.

Of jager.

Look at that.

And of Alex.

- Yeah, yeah.

I heard you two split up, huh?

- No, no.

This is a game we play.

She gets pissed, and she takes me back.

That's why I bought you a drink.

- Oh no, it's open bar actually.

- Because I...

I remember you, Jim...

As a nice, harmless show
choir, Billy Elliot dance boy.

And I just don't want you
getting your hopes up.

You know?

- I think she actually
moved on, so, sorry.

- Okay.

Yeah, come here.

- I'm good.

- No, come here.

Alex knows me, okay?

She knows what she's
getting, and she likes it.

She likes it.

- Okay.

- She'll always take
me back, you got that?

- Sure.

- So I will see you out there!

All right?

- Yeah!

- Byah!

I'm fuckin' with you, dude.

I'm fuckin' with you.

What a goober.

What have we got here?

Boomer!

Yo, you won't believe
this hick shit wedding

Alex brought me to.

- Your beer.

- Bless you child.

Thank you.

- Yeah, cheers.

- Cheers.

Their first date was prom, too.

- Yeah, he asked her
with the marching band.

Hell of a big gesture.

Ugh, and now they are
Mr. and Mrs. Harrison.

- I hope she doesn't
change her name on Facebook.

- Please, she will.

They all do, like, immediately,

and then I'm going through
my feed and I'm like...

Because nobody has the same name anymore.

You know, giving away your
last name is just, it's weird.

You're losing a part of yourself

which is completely unnecessary.

Frankly, like marriage itself.

- Come on, you don't believe that.

- Yeah, I do.

I don't know, maybe, but i
mean look at Tim Robbins,

Susan sarandon, never got married.

- Yeah, they split up a few years ago.

- No, they...

- Yeah.

- Shit.

Shit, I have been using
that example for so long

that I completely forgot.

- When did you become a cynic?

- I have to be very logical in my job,

thank you very much.

- Hot yoga?

- Fuck you.

Fuck you, I'm not cynical okay?

I'm just, I...

I'm cautious.

I like to weigh the pros and cons

of all aspects of my life
and when it comes to men,

I just need them to be like sweet mostly,

nice enough, dependable
ish, and you know...

That's enough for me, and i
don't really need much more

and that way I don't get in too deep

and I never get hurt,
and it's great, I win.

So great.

We should get back to the binder...

- I feel like it's probably
around 40 minutes, so.

- Do it.

- Yeah, cool, thank you.

- Yeah, of course.

- Hey, couple words?

Yo, just a few words.

Just a few words.

Yo, can I get a word.

- Oh, it's you.

- Yeah.

Listen, daddio.

You were aces in the audition.

- Yeah, thanks.

- But you lack true star power.

The charisma to get a clip joint jumpin'.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey man.

I've been working on
some groovy new moves.

Come on, give me another chance.

Another chap, another chance.

Even swing music had another
shot at swing revival.

- Hey, I find the term
"swing revival" offensive.

It's as if it ever went anywhere.

- Sorry about that, not sorry.

You know what?

Maybe I'll just start my own band

and I will be at every
wedding destroying it

better than you.

Hey, guess what?

- You got the ring off?

- Balls!

- Colt!

Buddy.

- Hey, newlyweds!

- Hey, Kyle!

Pastor Kyle.

- That's as promised,

I will introduce you to
your marriage mentor.

Ned, ned, come here.

Ned and his wife have
the strongest and
dopest relationship

of anyone I know.

He can answer all your questions, man.

Actually, I just need a
minute alone with Margene.

- No, I couldn't help overhearing

you're having some anxieties.

- A little, yeah.

I mean I love Margene, of course...

But it's just such a big step forward.

- Well, it's normal to be nervous

about making love for the first time.

- I'm sorry?

- See, the key to pleasuring your wife

is orgasm via stimulating both the g spot

and the clitoris.

The clitoris is the bean shaped knob

at the top of the vagina...

- hey uh, Kyle?

- Pastor Kyle.

- Pastor Kyle?

Do you think we should be
talking about this right here?

- Married sex is a godly thing,
it's where Jesus thrives.

Ned, go on.

Pay attention, okay?

- Oh, great.

He used to go down on me for
25 or 30 minutes at a time.

You know, about the
length of a night court.

But...

- Oh, nice to see you.

- But no more.

So, I just wanted to warn you that

over time the rule of thumb is generally

the amount of attention your
husband lavishes on you now,

eventually that's just
gonna be cut in half.

You know, it's kind of a shame but...

What can we do?

If we love them, we just
have to find a workaround

which I've done cause, you know.

I've got a thing for bald guys.

So, tell me about your friend Skyler?

- Um...

- We get our personal
massagers from walgreens,

it's very inexpensive.

But don't get the penis shaped kind,

that's for homosexuals.

Well!

Good luck tonight!

- You chill.

- Finally we're together.

- And now time for the garter toss!

- It's what's next, I'm sorry,
i don't know, I don't know.

- Let's keep it going.

Let's just...

Oh, hey.

I've just been doing a lot of thinking.

Tonight, you know, it's just like...

And hear me out here, it's like...

I don't know, the whole
weight of everything

is just like hitting me now.

- I know, also we've
only been married about...

- okay.

- Looks like I'm gon' get married now,

I caught the underwear thingy.

- Don't you have pneumonia?

- No?

- Yes you do.

- No, must've got me mixed
up with somebody else.

Now come on, let's get that picture.

- What is your last name?

- Johnson.

- I was saying, we've
only been married an hour

and yet things aren't perfect.

They aren't okay, they aren't anything.

- The future's looking bright.

- Hi, ladies, sorry.

I don't know why you
would've gotten it earlier,

but I heard that the fish went bad,

so we should avoid that tonight.

- This is why I never eat fish.

- Yeah, okay, great.

- You're so lucky that you're married.

- Oh just tell him you like him already!

Wow look, there's Skyler!

- Life, it's fragile.

- Hey dude.

- Hey.

- How's your night?

- Booze is strong, the girls suck.

- And inevitably end up
hanging out with you all night.

It's like college all over ago.

- Well, I don't mind hanging out with you.

- Really?

- You're telling me there's no guys here

that you want to have
had your pipes laid in,

laid to the...

- What?

- Sorry.

- That doesn't even make
sense, and it was confusing...

- I'm drunk.
- And kinda graphic.

And who here would i lay pipe with anyway?

Colt?

- No.

God no.

You deserve much...

Much better.

All right.

I'll see you around, bethy.

- Ow.

Kinda got my boob on that one.

- Tried pretty hard to catch that bouquet.

- Oh, yeah, I don't know what that was.

I'm just confident this is gonna last.

- Don't pressure me into anything, okay?

We'll just keep it cool.

What we'll do.

- You know, I think
god had creator's block

you are a walking fucking stereotype.

- Well obviously Satan
didn't have the same

problem with you.

You're creatively evil!

- Idiot!

- The elon musk of hatefulness...

- oh good one!

- The inception of
sluttiness, just layers...

- so creative!

- And layers of whorish behavior.

- You know what, Quentin?

Every single time we get close...

- you fuck a dude in prison?

- No, he was on trial.

- For murder!

- For manslaughter!

If we go back in there,
i will hate myself.

- Oh please, if we go back in there

it's because I hate myself.

- Ow.

- Get in!

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Now, go, go, go.

Faster, faster, faster.

- Bethanie?

Don't go on this dance floor!

Gonna find a dude to finger me!

What are you doing?

Come with me.

- Oh god.

Not feeling so good.

Ugh, god.

I'm sorry, excuse me, hi.

Excuse me, sir...

- What, what?

- Do you have like tums or bab...

- it's buffet style, senorita!

- What?
- I can't get everything!

- Why would that be on the buffet table?

Why are you yelling at me?

- Want a salami sensation?

- Oh god Colt, get out of my way.

- Man!

Everybody keeps taking a hot dump on me.

- Yeah, yeah.

Everybody keeps shitting on me too,

and still expects so much, right?

- Yeah!

I don't even have big dreams, you know?

Just little mini, miniature size ones

and everyone still
squashes them, you know?

My future, my life.

Bro.

I'm a fuckin' joke.

- I know dude, I know.

- I know you know, everybody knows.

Colt the fuck up, we get the message.

You know?

But you know...

Shit's gotta change.

- Yeah.

- Know what I'm saying?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you know what?

He's right.

He's right.

- I am right!

- Yeah, listen to this guy!

- Listen to me, people.

- We have to unionize!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- We have been persecuted for too long,

today we go on strike!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What about the reception?

- Fuck the reception, man.

We're occupying the kitchen,

we are the 99 percent.

- Actually, they far
outnumber you out there.

- We have been treated
unfairly for too long,

we will be paid equally at a rate fairly.

Solidarity, my brothers!

- Stop it!

What are you doing, maxi?

- You did it!
- No, you did this!

- You did it, you're the man, revolucion!

- We're not friends!

- Strike, strike, strike, strike!

- We're done.

- You're the man!

- Oh my god.

Damn it!

How'd that happen?

Hey, Greta, where's
Jim, have you seen Jim?

What are you doing, have you see Jim?

Whoa, hey, you dipping?

You dip, I dip, we dip.

- Get low.

You dip, I dip, we dip.

- Ah, Jim.

Jim!

Jim!

Jim!

- So what do you wanna sing?

- I don't know the name
of it but it's like...

♪ You don't know me

♪ you don't really

- please stop?

Why do you wanna sing that?

- It was just a certain
girl's favorite song from 06

and I'm a big believer
in grand gestures, so.

- Sorry, but...

We just play swing, jazz, big band...

And mid aughties ballets.

So you're in luck.

- Thanks man.

Fuck.

- Let's get serious for a second.

Does jet fuel get hot enough to...

- excuse us for one...

- Hey...

Jim!

- Hey, what's up buddy?

- I'm talking to this
pretty lady right now.

- How much you got to drink in the

last like hour and 20 minutes?

- Um, I don't know.

Have you checked your pussy?

Gotcha.

- Right, okay.
- Roasted.

- You notice anything peculiar about her?

- Oh, yeah, Jim...

I checked, first thing.

No ring.

- Okay, look again.

- Pretty hot.

- Look again.

- She's fat as shit.

- I'm pregnant.

- Hey lady...

Shh!

Can she hear us?

- Every word.

- So, you're not seeing anyone then?

All right.

Where was I?

Tower seven.

- He's flirting with literally
every single woman here

except for me.

How do I get him to see me that way?

- You're trying too hard.

- See, my mother taught me not to act

like some desperate schoolyard floozy.

- Am I a floozy?

- You want a boy's attention?

Give him as little as possible.

In my day we called that
playing hard to get.

You might wanna write that down.

- I think I'm okay.

- It drives the boys wild.

It's how I got my Sully here.

Isn't that right, honey?

- Oh you are just so
sweet, thank you so much.

- And you're a real cunt!

- Jim!

Jim!

You sir, have a beautiful home.

I love the parties here,
back in high school...

We used to dry hump all
over your tennis court.

Sometimes wet.

We all did.

Not her.

That's a child.

Margie's dad.

Or can I call you Tobias?

Spit it to me straight, tobester.

How much easier was it to
get laid back in the day?

Cause today...

Sucks.

I mean, I tried it all.

I tweet, I swipe, I snap.

Feminism.

Best case scenario...

I get a Hummer in the
back seat of my camry.

Good.

Paul's got the right idea, you know.

He's just...

Lock and park Margie down now,

so every night he can just fucking cuddle.

And procreate, respectively.

In the marital bed, so you
can have grandchildren.

I'm sorry.

That's potpourri.

My grandpa, he used to
take me to feed the birds.

And now...

I have no grandpa,

no girlfriend,

and no pigeon.

It doesn't matter how much I try.

I can't get the blood off my hands.

You've been to war,

you know what it's like.

It was like...

Like a balloon full of spaghetti.

And the beak?

The beak is barely on there, man.

I've been holding on to it

I can't let it go.

- All right, we have...

- Where's the beak?

- 24 minutes to get...

- I lost the beak!

- Out the door, that's up to the cake.

- Speaking of which,
once we cut the cake...

That's it, we're done, like this is over.

- That deserves a celebratory dance.

- Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Yeah.

- I'm in, I'm in.

- All right, let's try this.

♪ Ever since that girl

♪ said hello to me

♪ I'm in as dizzy

♪ as a lovesick fool could be

♪ on my face you see a smile

♪ where there used to be a frown

- why do you have this like dra...

- no, no, no, no, don't,
don't, don't, stop.

- Okay, wow.

What the fuck is this, Jim?

- It's...

It's an engagement ring.

- Yeah.

- Look, this looks weird okay,

but this is weird.

Okay, all right, the past few weeks

it's just been a haze,

and I proposed and I forgot
it was in there until tonight,

so I've been carrying around this ring

like a depressed Frodo Baggins.

Look...

- Yeah, come here.

Look, Jim.

We have had a lot of fun tonight

but you clearly still have some things...

- no, no, no, no.

There's something that i
want to show you, okay?

There's something i want to do for you.

There's something I'm
gonna do in front of you.

Jesus Christ, this couldn't get any worse.

- Oh my god, thank god I found you.

- No, no, no, not now.

- No, no, no, this is important.

- What?

- Here's a list with our demands.

- Oh, are you a die hard villain now?

- Yippee-ki-yay...

- motherfucker, you're going on strike?

- Mhm, yeah.
- What?

- And it's long overdue.

Colt here helped us see that.

- Don't touch me?

- Seriously, Colt?

Okay, how's it going?

Can you just do me a favor?

Get the cake, bring it out,

then you can do whatever
the fuck you want.

How's that sound?

- Yeah, not until our demands are met.

- Okay, I can't get you
dental insurance right now.

- Then I can't get you
your cake right now.

- Let me see this.

I got it.

I know what this means.

- Okay, sorry.

So where was I?

We should definitely focus on the cake.

Yeah, I feel like the crowd is probably

starting to get restless, and you know...

- where's the wedding cake?

This is bullshit!

- See, see, they want the cake, so...

Uh, maybe go into the kitchen

and help Colt bring it out,

and I will stay out here
and just distract everyone.

Okay, yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Great, awesome, thank you.

Okay, Alex.

Distraction, distract...

Sean.

Hey, Sean?

Sorry about earlier,
but you're still ready

to dance right, yeah?

- No, sweetheart.

I was born ready.

Yeah, move.
- Great, oh.

- Okay, move.

Play the tape.

Play the tape.

Move bitch.

- Hey, come here!

Forget those stinking
signs, forget everything,

we're gonna go global.

We're gonna go global because we have been

treated like second class
citizens for too long

by these people.

Throw the fucking tray away, right now!

Yes, Cesar Chavez died for
our privilege to unionize.

Let's exercise that privilege, people!

Revolucion!

- Hey, where's that wheelie thing?

- Hey sorry scout, I can't help you.

Union rules!

- Okay, there's no
union, you made that up man.

- Can you handle your side, bro?

- Yeah I'm fine, Jesus.

- I saw you and Alex had
a little tiff earlier.

Don't you worry, I got you.

All right, chin up.

I'll drive her home.

To my home.

Where we'll fuck.

- You don't deserve her, man.

- What, and you do?

Really?

Why, tell me.

- Cause I'm a nice guy.

- Oh fuck, Jim.

"I'm a nice guy?"

And what, I always
finish last, is that it?

Wanna know why you finish last?

Because you bitch and
moan about finishing last.

Jimmy...

Okay, you know what Alex does all day?

She works.

Now do you really thinks
she wants to come home

and work some more fixing your sad life?

No, dude, no.

But you see, me.

I'm easy.

And until she decides she
wants something better,

I am a-okay finishing first.

- Need help?

Why'd you, bro...

What?

No!

No, no!

- What is...

- No!

- What is your problem, Colt?

- What?

My problem?

I found the wheelie thing,
i was just trying to help.

- You stopped trying!

I really should've been the best man.

- Jim, come on man.

Jim, Jim I found the wheelie thing.

Don't throw the cake...

- Oh god Jim, what happened to the cake?

- It's gone, it's pulverized.

- My art!

- Okay, let me, let me, can I...

Oh wait, I got it.

Greta, she prepared for this.

Nope, tampons.

- No, no, Jim, what,
we'll juts get some water

and we'll just dab it.

- Look, there's something I need to do.

Thank you, Sean.

That was a thing.

Look, there's something that...

I wanted to say.

- Hey!

When we doing cake?

I'm diabetic, and I took
an extra Insulin shot

in preparation.

- Yeah, we did it already.

It was over there and
it was delicious, so.

Isn't that right, Margene?

And Paul, where's Paul?

So...

I...

I wanted to sing a song
for you guys, so here goes.

- I understand that you
probably have your reasons,

you usually do.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- Hey, Margene.

I really need to talk
to Paul, where is he?

- I don't know.

And it's not that big
of a backyard, so yeah.

Where the fuck is he?

- Try not to say Timmy's
name while we're fucking.

Because I associate that name with you.

You won't have to, cause
we're never having sex again.

- Fine.

After this time though, right?

- Obviously.

- Okay, great.

- That's fine, you can just spin me around

and live out your prison rape fantasy.

- What exactly are you implying?

- I don't know, let's ask some of the boys

- that was at camp, and i
told you that in confidence,

that's it, we're over!

- No, I hope you die alone then!

- And I hope you get your mother's hitch!

- Okay!

God damn it!

Okay.

You wanna play games, Quentin?

Oh god, that's so strong.

Hey Skyler, no, okay.

Do you wanna make out?

- I don't know, I've
been doing some thinking.

- What is there to think about?

I'm way hotter than you.

Are you crying?

- No.

Same ballpark, maybe.

Same parking lot, okay.

- Okay, stop that.

Third base, all access, under the dress,

but you have three seconds to decide.

While he's looking, Skyler!

- All right.

- Okay great, let's go.

Let's go have sex then!

- I'm already wearing a
condom, just so you know.

- You're what?

- I put it on before because it's hard.

- Easy, I got you.

This song sucks.

It does, it sucks my balls.

- Does it, does it suck, really?

- Yeah, cause they played
this shit at prom, right?

- They did, yup.

- Now that, that was a dance,

and I wasn't even your date.

Right?
- No, Jim was.

- Jimmy, um...

Yeah, he's a bit of a chump though.

- Don't, okay.

- Can I borrow you for a moment, perhaps?

- I would love that,
thank you for it, okay.

- Are you back with zeb?

- Margene, I don't know I mean he's...

He's not that bad when you're
like having sex with him,

it's, you know.

- God damn it, Sean!

- Hey, what, look at me,
what is going on with you?

- Can I be honest?

- Okay, come here.

Come, come with me.

- Do you think he's gonna be upset at me?

- No it's, who cares, it's Sean.

He's fucking fine.

Okay, talk to me.

- On our honeymoon people
are gonna ask to see my ring.

And I'll have to just explain that

my brother-in-law's wearing it.

- I'm gonna chop off Colt's finger,

it'll solve everything...

- it's not just that
though, I want my husband,

who I love, so where the hell is he?

What chance does our marriage have?

- Aw babe, don't think that.

- One more thing.

I love you, and I say this
as your closest friend.

Stop going back to zeb, okay?

He is a creep, and you
deserve better, look at you.

There's better here tonight.

- I'm fine, but i would like to know

what you mean by that, so.

- Finding someone to
stick with you all night

is harder than it looks.

Trust me.

Do I look okay?

- You don't leave until you...

Come here.

I love you.

- I love you.

- It's gonna be okay, okay?

Find your husband.

- I will.

- Go.

- Hey Alex.

Did I overhear you say that...

- cut off your finger?

Colt, yes, i definitely will, mhm.

- Gotcha.

Maxi, I gotta talk to you.

Max, I gotta talk.

Hey.

You end the strike?

- Yeah man, I talked to
Mr. zebadiah buckman,

and he game me three box
seats to the next ou game.

He did what you couldn't do, Colt.

He appeased the masses,

and he signed my forearm.

- Okay, that wasn't on your
list of shitty demands.

- Hey Colt.

I bet you had fun in high school.

- You kiddin' me?

Best five years of my life.

Only human voted prom king twice.

Look it up.

- I was fuckin' miserable in high school.

I was trying so hard to
get into a good college,

I never experienced anything.

- And then when you got into college

you probably didn't have any fun

cause you were just trying to get a job.

- And I got a job.

And a house and car and a cat and...

That's it.

- Cool.

- I was never fingered in high school.

- Makes sense.

I mean...

No offense, but i could only imagine

getting fingered by a teenage
boy is just like, you know...

- What?

- Well...

It's like getting your vagina
played with by a chimpanzee.

- Oh my god.

Get out!

- No, I wanna touch your...

But I wanna be the chimpanzee that does.

- Stop!

- Hey you know what?

At least you have a job.

- What happened?

- Well I lost it because I got fired

from the cherokee casino,
dealing Blackjack wrong.

- For cheating?

- No, I wish.

Just counting the cards too slow.

Cause sometimes there's
like a lot of cards

that equal 21,

and sometimes there's like an Ace

and the Ace is worth two or one,

different point values.

- Shh, it's boring.

- I'm boring?

- Yeah, you're boring.

- I'm boring?

I like that you eat
food off the floor cause

I don't trust people that
don't eat food off the floor.

How do you do it?

How do you keep your shit together?

You know, besides now...

Now you're little miss loaded lady face.

- I could help you.

- With what?

- Basic addition.

- Is that a joke?

- But you have to teach
me how to have fun.

- Sign me up, where do I sign up,

I'm the president of...

Okay well this isn't fun, this is more...

Just fuckin' weird.

Whoa.

Nevermind, this is fucking awesome.

Oh!

How deep is my...

Greta.

Greta, look at this!

Look!

What is missing from my finger?

The fucking ring!

You did it!

Hey, you did it!

What was that?

What'd you just do?

Spit it up, no spit it up.

Greta, spit it up,

we're not fucking around right now.

What was that, that was bullshit!

Come on, no!

Fuck me!

- Okay!

- Fuck me, no don't fuck me,

fucking, are you serious?

Oh my god, I gotta get
Jim, I gotta get Jim,

put your fuckin' head
on the cape and pillow.

I gotta find Jim, i gotta find Jim again.

Oh dear god.

Pastor Kyle, pray me a good one brother.

- Yo Jesus, help this bro...

- that's terrible.

- Oh, fucking Jim.

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.

Where are you Jim!

- Hey Tobias.

Dad.

Yeah, I notice you've
been quiet all evening.

I'm sorry I haven't really been around,

I've just been running
around, greeting folks.

- You are a fucking moron.

- How's that?

- You know...

When little Margene was born,

my life changed forever.

- Wait, I can't believe
you just said that.

Seriously, that's exactly how
I've been feeling tonight.

Like everything is changing
like with my friends...

- yeah, well your friends are also morons.

- I know that because I've
been listening to them

all god damn night.

- They mean well if you just give them...

- would you just shut
up and let me finish?

- Yes sir.

- Now being her father.

Probably the most important
and fulfilling thing

I've ever done in my life.

But...

Now I gotta let my little girl go.

Which brings me to why you
are such a fucking moron.

- Um...

- Well son, because I've been
sitting here all night long

feeling all depressed because

I'm not gonna see little Margene as much.

But you.

You get to spend the rest
of your life with her.

- And I've barely seen her all night.

- Do you love her?

- Love her?

Sir...

She's my favorite person, my every thought

is consumed with trying to make her happy,

trying to take care of her.

- Well there, you have a
problem right there son

because we don't take care of Margene,

Margene takes care of us.

But you know, when her momma
died last year, well...

She started coming to me
with her issues and...

Believe you me, she's got some
mighty god damn big issues.

Well...

I'm not her mother and i
didn't know what to say,

didn't know what to do...

Until I realized.

You see...

All Margene ever needs
is someone to listen.

And someone to let her know

that she is not alone.

- I am a fucking moron.

- Well, we agree on something.

So I tell you what son,
you got a choice to make.

Now, you can either man
up in the next 10 minutes

and become a real husband,

or I tell you what...

I'll shove my hand so far up your ass

and drag you down to the courthouse

and sign the annulment
in your god damn blood,

you got me?

- Yes, yes sir.

- You "feel" me?

- I do.

Sir, I'll just keep it at sir.

Glad we had this talk.

- Yo, yo, yo.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- You see Jim?

- No, have you seen Margene?

- No.

- Have you guys seen Lisa?

- No, maybe she's with Margene.

- No, I think she's with Skyler.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay,

so maybe Margene is with Greta.

- No, no, no, Greta's
face down in the cake,

maybe Margene's with Quentin!

- I'm Quentin.

- Oh sweet, right on man.

Hey, I gotta find Jim.

Good luck Paul, good luck...

- Quentin.

- Jesus Christ, you guys,
are you fucking kidding?

Everyone could see you.

- Hey Jim, what's up dog?
- Hey Jim!

- Bout to get a game going, man.

What are you doing, you interrupted.

- Hey, is Quentin with you?

Is he looking for me though?

Is he following you, is he looking for me?

Quentin!

Quentin?

Is he behind the bushes?

- I don't know.

Who's back there?

Hey, Quentin.

- No, I'm sorry guys.

Hi, it's just me.

- Bethanie, what are you doing back here?

- Just being sad mostly.

And then you guys showed
up, started making out,

I freaked out, i jumped into the bushes.

I'm sorry, I've just been throwing up

for unrelated, food related reasons.

- Why you hiding from us?

- I like you.

Like more than just a friend,

I think that you're
the coolest, cutest guy

that I know.

- Really?

- Really?

- And I don't wanna see
you with another girl,

I wanna see you with me.

I'm sorry, I just had to say it.

- Okay I'm sorry, but that's my man

that you're talking about there.

- Okay, Lisa.
- No, no, no.

For all you know, Scott
and I have something

very special going on...

- Skyler and I have something
very special going on here.

- You do, huh?

- Oh no, Quentin's found us.

- Hey, okay.

We've all...

- Quentin, calm down.

- I'm gonna kill you,
you slutty piece of shit!

- Hey, hey!

Whoa!

- Oh my god!

Oh my god!

He just pulled off my...

Actual real hair!

- Okay, all right.
- Is there blood, Jim?

- No, no.
- Is there?

I'll kill you!

- No, no!

- All right come on!

You guys, we're adults
with college degrees

for Christ's sake.

- Not I!

- Ged.

- What do you want, Colt?

- Coming in warm with some hot news,

and a little bit of cold.

Sizzling stuff first, the ring is off.

Woo!

All right, ice cold...

Greta swallowed it.

So, we're working with...

- I'm gonna fucking kill you!

You fucking idiot!

- Hey!

This is the first day
of the rest of my life!

And you are all supposed
to be here to support me.

To be my wedding party, but instead

the boys are fighting,
Lisa's whoring around again,

and bethanie...

I don't even know what's up with you.

Now obviously I expected
more from tonight,

but I really expected more from me to you.

I never asked you to be perfect,

but I had hoped that when times got tough

and when I was feeling vulnerable

that someone would be here for me.

Have I not been here for each of you?

- Wait, wait.

Margene, wait.

Look, I'm sorry.

Okay?

We're all sorry.

We're gonna do better.

Quentin and Lisa.

You two can fight or fuck
or whatever verb you choose,

just do it to each other
and leave us out of it.

Skyler...

You look great, man.

- Thanks James, appreciate it.

- I think you need to throw up.

Bethanie, I think you
need to throw up again,

so maybe you guys can help each other

find a bathroom.

What, Colt?

- Well you left me out, so...

I'm ready.

Don't touch anything, don't
fuck anything else up.

- Come on man, hey.

Hey, hold on, hear me out Jim.

Can I go on Greta duty?

I wanna go on Greta duty.

- You'll do that?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna do that.

Day and night until i find that ring.

- What?

I'm gonna roll my sleeves up
figuratively and literatively,

until I find that ring.

- Don't worry about it,
that'd be awesome man.

- Scrubbed in, ready for surgery.

- Great, okay, well.

Look, let's just go find Paul.

- Thank you.

So...

You know Paul better than anyone.

What's going on with him?

- I think he's just freaked
out about the future, his job,

losing his friends.

- You guys have lost touch.

- I still should've been the best man.

- Oh come on.

He had to choose his brother.

So you're not his best man,
you're his best friend.

- Nah, you are.

- Like you said in your
toast, you're caught.

- My toast?

- Come on, I am a 4th
grade English teacher,

I know when boys cheat
off each other's homework.

- Look, in the future if Paul does

anymore stupid shit...

- If...

Paul does.

- All right, when he does...

You can come to me for
advice, I'd like that.

- I have some advice for you.

Alex is amazing.

Don't give up on her.

Promise?

- So, Paul could be anywhere.

- Hey.

- Oh jeez.

- We have to talk.

- I know, just...

Not right here.

- Okay.

- I'm cutting in.

Look, I'm crazy about you,
and I think you know that.

- Okay, Jim...

- no, I was gonna make
a big show of it too,

but grand gestures, they're not real.

Didn't matter how i asked you to prom

if I didn't dance with you.

- So what, you're trying to
make up for the past or...

- no, no, I can't go back and edit life,

it just keeps moving
forward, never pausing.

And zeb...

- Oh, I'm what?

- Zeb's an asshole.

If you cared about him at
all, you would leave him.

His douchebaggery is
just a byproduct of you

validating his behavior.

- Oh, big words.

- What do you want from me?

- I want a dance, and i want to take you

to dinner tomorrow night,

and I want you to not be
afraid of what's ahead

because love doesn't disappoint, he does.

- Alex.

- We should be together.

That's all.

- Well that guy's a dick.

- I need to be alone for a while.

- Wait, babe.

Babe, wait!

Alex!

- Hey...

Can I just get like, one water?

- Make that two.

Hi.

What?

- Oh, you don't wanna...

Let's just say I'm lucky

you can't get diseases from a bird.

- Okay, um...

So about before.

I know, that must've been
quite the shock for you,

and I can explain.

- Oh, and I knew.

And we all knew, like literally everybody

that you know knew.

But you could've told me.

- Cause you're my best friend.

- Yeah.

Which is why...

I am so sorry that i said that I liked you

because that was really weird.

- No, hey, hey, bethanie don't do that.

No, no, no, I thought that was sweet,

and honestly I need to tell you that...

- okay Skyler hey
listen, I don't like you.

I mean, I can't like you.

I was hung up on you
for a really long time,

but I think that i had to get it out loud

to finally realize that
we want different things.

You want to sleep with
random girls and that's okay.

But I want a man.

I want a man that wants me.

Cool.

All right.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go throw up now.

So...

- Oh hey, bethanie.

- Yeah?

- Everyone knew?

- Everyone but you.

- Thanks.

- We need to make time for each other.

- I know.

- Paul...

Where were you tonight?

- Just had to do some thinking.

- And?

- And I decided

that I want to spend the
rest of my life by your side,

and making you happy...

And praying those are the same things.

- I can't have you running off...

- I know.

- I know, I know.
- Because I'm pregnant.

And I've really...
- Just wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Paul.

- Wait.

Please just wait.

That...

That is the greatest thing
I've ever heard in my life.

We're gonna be a family.

I'm gonna be a father...

You're having a baby?

- No, no, no, no, I am
absolutely terrified, trust me.

But good, this is the single
greatest moment of my life.

Right here.

I mean I get to...

And can you download the baby
books on kindle right now?

And can you fly?

We haven't thought about this,

I don't think we should fly,

here's what we're gonna do.

I got a new plan listen
to me, no I'm serious.

We're gonna go home, we are going to eat,

we're gonna eat again,
some more, a lot of food,

on kindle because I have
this Amazon gift card

that my uncle Sully...

and I think we should go
and spend some time together

on our honeymoon.

Also, we're gonna need to pretend like

we made this there...

- right, right.
- So.

- Conceived.

Conceived the first time we made love.

- How poetic.

- How perfect.

- Hello.

- What is...

- Oh...

- Your chariot.

- Where did you...

Wait, I thought we're like waiting

for all like the guests and the rice and...

- bubbles, and it's not about them,

it's about you guys and it
is exactly time for you guys

to hit the road, so get out of here.

- Listen.

Thank you for everything tonight.

I'm sorry it all went to shit.

- No, you know what?

The honeymoon will be perfect.

- Yeah.

- Hey.

I don't really need this anymore, so...

Why don't you take it for the honeymoon?

I will have yours ready and sanitized

when you get back.

- What?

- No, don't worry about it.

- Okay.

- Wife.

- Oh my gosh.

Husband.

- I don't even...

Know how to...

- I'll see you in a few weeks.

- All right.

- Have fun.

- Will do.

- Thank you.

- Of course.

- Go get her.

- They grow up so fast, don't they?

- Hey.

So...

I feel like we're not
done with this binder

and there's some things
in here that we missed

and should you know, go back and...

- So, where's zeb?

With a very nice large
to go order of fish.

Sometimes we just have to move on.

- Have I turned you into a romantic?

- Man I don't know, two hours ago

you definitely were not.

- Yeah, that's...

It's been a weird night.

- Yeah.

- Oh my god, you weren't
on the tennis court.

And then Quentin showed up
and pulled off his toupee.

- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.

Shut the fuck up, kiss my face.

♪ I

♪ come into me

♪ my darling

♪ a moonlight serenade

♪ yeah, that's what I said

♪ let us stray until the break of day

♪ in love's valley of dreams

♪ just you and I

♪ and the summer sky

♪ and a heavenly breeze
kissing the trees

♪ so don't, don't let me wait

♪ come to me, tenderly

♪ in the June light

♪ I stand at your gate

♪ and I sing you a song in the moonlight

♪ a love song

- what kind of song?

♪ My darling

- to who?

♪ A moonlight serenade

♪ a moonlight serenade

- ladies and gentlemen.

Let me introduce our newest backup singer,

Colt Harrison!

I'm on stage, I did it, I'm
in the band like for real!

Like, we got a gig next week!

Hey, screw you f. Scott Abraham.

There are second acts in American history!

Bop it, hey!

A one, a two, a one, two, three!

♪ Some folks call it a jubilee

♪ some say a festival

♪ some folks call it a jamboree

♪ others say a carnival

♪ don't matter what you call it

♪ gonna have ourselves a ball

♪ ain't nothing but a party

♪ party all night long

♪ ain't nothing but a party

♪ party loud and strong

♪ yeah, it ain't nothing but a party

♪ and a party's where we all belong

♪ amen

♪ all right, do it to it

♪ ain't nothing but a party

♪ ain't nothing but a party

♪ ain't nothing but a party

♪ ain't nothing but a party

♪ yeah, it ain't nothing but a party

♪ gonna party party all night long

♪ amen

- there it is!

Here we go!

Yeah!