Original subtitles

(WHOOSHING)

(METALLIC CLANGING)

(GROANS)

Dude, dude. No.

I was like, "Yes, we do have nuclear missiles."

And he was all like, "No, you don't."

And I was all like, "Yes, we do.

"Whatever."

(COMPUTER TRILLING)

And then I was like, "Well, what part of 'whatever'

"do you not get?"

Whoa.

(SCREAMS)

(FIZZING)

WOMAN: Josh?

Josh?

(DOOR OPENING)

(WOMAN GASPS)

(GROANS)

Hey!

How many times have I told you kids

not to play ball in this alley?

Mom!

Oh!

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

It wasn't a baseball.

There was...

this thing. It came from space.

It almost hit me.

A thing came from space?

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

You have...

the biggest imagination, mister.

But...

Come here.

I'm glad you're all right.

But...

No buts. It's time

to get ready for bed, please.

Here.

And don't walk over there until I pick up that glass, okay?

Awesome.

(DEBRIS CLATTERING)

(BIRD CALLING IN DISTANCE)

(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)

(HORN BLOWING)

SERGEANT: Knox, Dooley. Got a report

on some kind of fireball or something like that

over on Liberty Island.

Check it out.

No way. A fireball. Cool. Get right on it.

Sarge, can't you get somebody else to handle it?

Come on, we just pulled an all-nighter.

Aw, I'm so sorry, Mr. Knox.

Tell you what. Lay down in my office,

and then I'll come by with your blankie

and you can get yourself a nice nap.

Come on, this is gonna be great. A fireball?

How often do we get a call like that?

Do me a favor, okay?

Act like a cop and stop caring.

♪ Wu-Tang Clan comin' at ya

♪ Watch your step, kid

♪ Watch your step, kid Watch your step, kid

♪ Watch your step, kid Watch your step, kid

♪ Danger! Deep in the dark

♪ With the art to rip they charts apart, the vandal

♪ Too hot to handle yo battle

♪ You're saying goodbye like Tevin Campbell

♪ Roughneck Inspectah Deck's on the set, the rebel

♪ I make more noise than heavy metal

♪ The way I make the crowd go wild

♪ Sit back, relax, won't smile

♪ Rae got it goin' on, pal, call me the rap assassinator

♪ Ow! Here comes my Shaolin style

♪ True beat in the B-Y-U

♪ To my crew with the... Zoo!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on

♪ Baby, baby, come on, baby, come on

♪ Baby, baby, come on

♪ Watch your step, kid!

♪ You best protect your neck, you best protect your neck

♪ You best protect your neck ♪

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh, my God. Oh!

Oh. Oh... my God!

Are you all right?

Hello! Please, don't be dead.

Oh, did you see that? He came out of nowhere.

It kind of looked like you sped up to hit him.

I was going for the parking spot! Oh, my...

(BYSTANDERS GASPING, EXCLAIMING)

Are you all right?

Are you okay?

Hello. Please say something.

(GASPS)

Oh, my God. His foot.

I'll call an ambulance.

Oh, God.

Please stay alive. Please stay alive.

Please stay alive. Please stay alive.

This is such bad karma.

Uh...

Where did he go?

Mr... Guy?

(AIR WHOOSHING)

(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)

(ROBOTICALLY) This will take some time.

(ROBOTICALLY) Copy that.

(STEAM HISSING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: All clear.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

MAN: Repairs underway, sir.

Damage report.

Right Arm, all well.

Left Arm ready.

CAPTAIN: (OVER RADIO) Casualties, Doctor?

Abrasions, contusions. Nothing significant, Captain.

CAPTAIN: (OVER RADIO) Engineering.

Running diagnostics, sir.

CAPTAIN: Lieutenant Buttocks, what is your status?

Captain, we had a small gas leak.

It was silent, but not deadly.

Well, crew, it seems our ship has survived the impact.

ENGINEER: Actually, diagnostics are not encouraging, Captain.

This collision was unexpected,

so our impact shields weren't activated.

CAPTAIN: How long can we operate at full capacity?

48 Earth hours at most.

After that, system functions will fail.

And our tracking computer?

Down, sir.

That means we only have the last known coordinates of the orb.

It can be anywhere within 10,000 square meters

of our current location.

No. 2. Options.

Hmm.

We could continue on the mission, sir, but it's extremely risky.

The prudent course would be to return to our home planet Nil

and repair the ship.

Assemble the crew.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for an address

by your esteemed captain.

This... is it.

This is the moment that we've all been training for.

We all know what's at stake.

Our planet is on the verge

of a catastrophic energy crisis.

The device we sent to this world to drain its oceans

has been knocked off-course

and is lost somewhere in this city.

Once it is found and deployed,

the salt from this world

shall power our home world for ages to come.

Without it,

our people will perish in less than one generation.

I will not permit that to happen.

We must succeed.

For Nil.

ALL: For Nil. For Nil. For Nil.

Back to your posts.

No. 3.

Do we have sufficient

linguistic information to help communicate with these natives?

Yes, I tapped into their central

planetary databank named Google.

What a frivolous name for such a vital function.

Well, if you prefer, there is another called Yahoo.

Baffling. What about...

Cultural and historical references?

Already on it, Captain.

Good.

No. 4, is security prepared?

Yes, sir. My team can handle any threat

posed by these gargantuan savages.

Good.

Initial reports confirm

that draining this planet's oceans

would have a catastrophic effect on existing life.

We have orders, No. 3.

Our entire home world is depending on us.

Agreed.

We should not lament the fates

of these inferior creatures.

If the orb has fallen into their hands,

who knows for what nefarious purpose

they could be using it at this very moment?

Mom, there's a drunk guy in the alley again!

(GASPS) That's him.

JOSH: Who?

The guy I just hit with my car.

You're kidding. Again?

Oh, I barely clipped that other guy.

Sir, coronal gas readings just spiked.

The orb must be nearby.

Hello? Hello, sir? Hi. Hello.

Hi, there. Hello, sir?

Hi. Are you all right?

Contact, everyone.

Because you just ran off.

No. 17, return to the ship.

Copy.

I'm worried. I really feel terrible

about what just happened. Can I call you

an ambulance or something?

Any medical attention for... for your foot?

Your foot.

Our first verbal encounter.

Uh...

Thank you for your concern.

(HIGH, SQUEAKY VOICE) Thank you for your concern.

It's way too high. More bass!

(LOW, RUMBLING VOICE) Thank you for your concern.

CAPTAIN: Level the frequency.

I'm all better now.

How hard did you hit this guy?

Um... it's time for you to go to school

before you're late, okay? (KISSES)

JOSH: Mom...

NO. 2: See how she squeezes

the smaller one's skull despite his protests.

JOSH: Stop... stop!

Such brutality!

Go on. Goodbye.

Stop.

Hey, safety first.

And, if those bullies are after you, tell me.

I'm calling their parents.

JOSH: Okay.

Would you like to come upstairs

for a glass of water maybe? Anything?

I can help clean you up.

No, thank you. I am fine.

I am in position.

Are you sure?

Okay, but, see, that's not fine.

(CHUCKLES)

So maybe you should come upstairs,

or I can call an ambulance.

Sir, we cannot let her contact the authorities.

Agreed. We will go in long enough

to put her mind at ease.

Yes, I will accompany you.

Thank you for your hospitality.

WOMAN: Good.

The thing about my car is you got to pump the brakes.

I mean, I just got it back from the shop,

and I'm seriously considering suing my mechanic,

because that was just crazy about what happened.

Oh, sorry, right here. Oh, sorry. Right here.

Hey.

WOMAN: Hey.

How you doing?

How are you?

Good. Good timing.

I got something for you.

(GASPS)

Three tubes of cerulean blue.

I just ran out.

Hi. Mark Rhodes.

Why does he thrust his arm towards us?

Probably best to imitate him.

Hi. Mark Rhodes.

Lefty, huh? Hey.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Right.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

(LAUGHING) Okay.

Thanks again.

MARK: Yeah.

We're going right inside.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Okay. Here you go.

Sorry about the mess, you know.

This is sort of a... a work space-home combo thingie thing.

Oh!

Right Arm, this is unacceptable.

Sorry! The liquid shifts the equilibrium.

I still seem to be a bit shaken up.

Oh, crap.

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

There. I feel much better now.

Oh, good! That is great. Great news. Good.

So, then, you don't need to call your lawyer

or anything crazy like that,

because that would be just pointless, wouldn't it?

Good.

Oh, I'm Gina, by the way.

Gina Morrison.

And you are?

Three?

This is a list of the most common names on this planet.

My name is...

Ming Chang.

Ming Chang?

(LAUGHS) Uh, sorry. Sorry.

You just struck me more like a Dave or something.

Which happens to be my other name.

Dave... Ming Chang?

Dave Ming Chang.

Dave Ming Chang. All right. Well, Dave,

um, I feel so terrible about

this whole thing,

and I was going to have some breakfast.

Would you like to join me?

No. I really have to be going now.

Are you sure?

I mean, I sort of have a rule that

when I hit somebody with my car,

I need to make them breakfast.

(LAUGHS)

That was a joke.

(FAKE LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

So where are you from?

Do you live around here?

Yes, of course. I am just a regular person

from right here on Earth, just like you.

Huh.

I just don't get out that much.

Yeah. Judging from your suit,

I'd say since about 1978.

(GINA LAUGHING)

Note: All-white apparel is not as standardized

as we thought.

You late for a Bee Gees concert or something?

The Bee Gees. Barry, Robin and Maurice...

the Brothers Gibb.

Winning ten Grammy awards,

and selling over 100 million records.

♪ Oh, you can tell by the way I use my walk

♪ I'm a woman's man, no time to talk

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, staying alive

♪ Hey! ♪

Wow!

That's some impressive love for the Bee Gees, man!

I'm sorry. I had no idea. You know? Foot in the mouth.

Listen. Do you mind whipping these up for me?

That would be so great. Just a little help.

I'm so used to making breakfast for Josh.

And all he wants is waffles.

Anyway, he's off to school now.

Yeah. I don't know. He's got these bullies

after him right now.

You don't have any kids, do you?

I mean, you don't hardly seem like a kid person,

but, anyway, I just... I try to be there for him,

but I don't really know how to deal with it.

You know, this single mom thing.

You have to do everything.

Oh, my God, I am talking your ear off.

All is well.

Okay, uh, why don't you just take a seat?

And, um, I can finish this.

Would you like ketchup?

Oh, thank you.

(CHUCKLING) You're welcome.

(GULPING LOUDLY)

Refreshing.

I feel much better now.

Huh.

That's a new one.

(SETS BOTTLE DOWN)

(MEOWS)

(CAT PURRING)

Oh, that's our cat, Boris.

I hope you're not allergic. Are you?

Cats.

Here we go, sir.

(ROARING)

(SCREECHES, THUDS)

Boris, what are you up to?

Captain.

Yes?

Yes, my husband

was a captain with the navy.

I am a captain.

Really? A captain of what?

(TYPING)

I am a captain of crunch.

(CHUCKLES)

Where is your captain now?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, Frank died

four years ago, so it's just me and Josh now.

It's been rough sometimes, but we're okay.

There is a strength to this one.

Captain, the orb.

Where was this image captured?

GINA: That's Josh at school, in the science fair.

He, uh, he always walks around with this thing.

See? He thinks

(LAUGHING) it fell from outer space.

We must locate the boy.

We're on it, sir. 729 East 44th Street.

I really have to be going now.

Thank you for the ketchup.

Oh, uh, okay. Oh.

Um... you know, the eggs are just another...

Uh, that's the...

closet.

Sorry about hitting you with my car.

(DOOR CLOSES)

KNOX: A couple frat punks get drunk, miss the last ferry,

stick a rag in a bottle of Stoli, and then, kaboom.

Suddenly my morning roll in the hay

with Tracy gets canceled.

(SNIFFING)

I think this is explosive residue.

Don't.

Don't do this, Dooley.

I see you getting interested in this.

I see that wacko X-Files gleam in your eye.

(HORNS HONKING, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

That might be the boy there.

In that group of Earth children.

What structure is this?

It appears to be some sort of shrine to technology.

NO. 2: This is the best they have to offer?

(CHUCKLING) Their mini-computers are gigantic.

MAN: And a slamming home page means more online buddies.

Dude, while you're waiting, check these out.

Awesome surround sound headphones,

seven ounces,

left and right quad. The sound will blow you away.

♪ Shake, shake your moneymaker...

MAN: Is that insane?

It's like the subwoofers are actually inside your head.

(SONG PLAYING LOUDLY) ♪ Nine months to make you...

(RUMBLING)

Damage reports coming in from all parts of the ship, Captain.

Sir, structural integrity weakening.

(SCREAMING)

♪ I keep my mind on my money, money on my mind

♪ But you's a hell of a distraction

♪ When you shake your behind... ♪

We have got to get out of here!

Whoa!

(HORNS HONKING)

NO. 2: The sign clearly indicates "Do not walk,"

and yet, they keep walking

and walking and walking.

Apparently, chaos is the order of the day here.

Doctor...

is Two all right?

This is a big planet.

There might be contaminants we've never encountered before.

I'll keep an eye on it.

Mmm.

(IMITATES KISSING)

Why don't you take a picture?

It lasts longer.

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

KID: It's the ice cream man!

Ice cream man, over here!

Hey, look,

it's the Good Humor Man!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

It's the suit again.

How in Nil did we wind up with this wardrobe debacle?

We must have missed something.

I can't see how, sir.

We carefully studied the only signal

ever intercepted from Earth.

TATTOO: The plane! The plane!

(BELL TOLLING)

When we enter the boy's school,

we must not draw any undue attention to ourselves.

Yes. We must rid ourselves of this inappropriate attire

and replace it with clothing

that is the epitome of both hip and now.

Welcome to Old Navy!

Any ideas?

Likely a ritual greeting, sir.

Welcome to Old Navy!

Welcome to Old Navy.

Welcome to Old Navy.

Welcome to Old Navy.

Welcome to Old Navy.

Welcome...

to Old Navy.

Welcome to Old Navy.

(QUIETLY) Welcome to Old Navy.

(CHUCKLES)

Can I help you find your size?

I am obviously the same size as everyone else.

I just meant, are you a small or...

I believe he simply wants to know

the dimensions of your clothing.

Oh.

Yes, you can help me find my size.

Welcome to Old Navy.

Crew, prepare for an unrehearsed maneuver.

Come on!

What the...

Sorry, sir, it won't happen again.

(GRUNTING, PEOPLE GASPING)

I can help you if you...

Oh, how about I help you take that...

All right.

DAVE: Yes, this is my size.

Welcome to Old Navy.

Excuse me, do you have a private chamber where I can try on these garments?

WOMAN: Changing room back there behind hoodies.

Welcome to Old Navy.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

(COINS CLINKING)

(BELL DINGS)

Sir, we have arrived at the school.

This can't be right.

ALL: ♪ One

♪ Singular sensation

♪ Every little step she takes

♪ One

Uh...

♪ Sterling combination...

Apologies, sir.

Apparently, we are on West 44th Street.

♪ ...makes

♪ One smile and suddenly

♪ Nobody else

♪ Will

♪ Do

♪ You know you'll never be...

Let's get out of here. Double time.

♪ Who

♪ One...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey!

What do you got here, little freak?

That's mine!

What do you use it for, playing nerd ball?

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Whatever it is, it's mine now.

Give it back!

Or what, you're gonna tell your mommy again?

(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, can I help you?

I am here for the fifth grade classroom.

Okay, all right, you're very late, but you're here, at least.

It's been a madhouse.

Half the teachers are out with the flu.

I'm just gonna...

(LAUGHS) I'm gonna have to throw you to the wolves.

Don't say a word. I will mess you up.

Josh Morrison.

What are you doing here?

Are you the sub?

You would know the sub, loser.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

I don't know him... my mom hit him with her van.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

The sub.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

What is your name?

Smell-my.

Smell-my what?

Smell-my Buttcrack.

(LAUGHTER)

I am sure the other butt cracks

would disapprove of your behavior.

You don't look like a teacher.

I'm going to report you.

Vaporize the child at once!

Delay that order.

I am indeed your temporary instructor,

which I shall prove to you now.

Observe.

Let's teach them something simple, shall we?

What the...

The Unified Field Theory,

the ultimate pearl of wisdom in all of the universe.

Now you are educated.

What is your destination?

I'm gonna sharpen my pencil.

Here, let me assist you.

(WHIRRING)

There.

Thanks.

I think.

Josh Morrison.

Come with me.

What are you doing here?

You're not really the sub, are you?

You have something that is mine.

It is a small spherical device, 2.7 inches in diameter.

How'd you hear about that?

And how can it be yours if it came from outer space?

Are you an alien?

(GASPS)

We've been compromised!

I'm just messing with you.

(SIGHS)

Ha-ha. That's very funny.

(BELL RINGS)

It's very important that I find it.

Do you know where it is?

Let me guess, it's, like, top secret or something.

Yes. It is top secret or something.

Will you help us...

I mean, me... find it?

Look, I don't have it anymore.

This jerk took it.

Well, we have to get it back.

Where is this jerk?

His name is Rich.

Him and his buddies are probably headed for the deli.

Lead and I will follow.

Okay. Come on.

Such disturbing images.

Rich isn't here.

Do you know where Rich lives?

No, but sometimes I run into him in the neighborhood.

MAN: Everybody on the floor now!

Empty the register,

and no one gets hurt.

This planet continues to reveal its ugly nature.

It deserves its fate.

He said on the floor now!

I am already on the floor.

Gravity prevents me from floating off of it.

Get down now!

(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

(YELLS)

(SODA FIZZING)

Big mistake, man.

(WHIMPERS)

Hey. You have forgotten your weapon.

Dave, wait!

That was awesome.

I mean, you totally threw that guy across the room.

I was very fortunate not to be injured.

And the gun... no normal person could've done that.

Do you have, like, superpowers or something?

Do you know what would be very pleasant?

If we were to change the subject of our conversation.

Did you see last night's sports competition.

JOSH: You see? There's another thing.

You talk so weird.

Come on, tell me, what's your secret.

I have no secret.

Oh, yeah?

Quick, where are you from?

I am from right here in this city.

Where exactly? Give me an address.

The Statue of Liberty.

You live at the Statue of Liberty?

Yes, the Ming Changs have lived

at the Statue of Liberty for many generations.

Now, let us locate the orb.

JOSH: Look, I don't know where Rich is now.

But tomorrow's my mom's birthday.

We're going to our neighborhood street fair.

Everybody goes.

I'm sure he's gonna be there.

You know, if you want,

you could come with me and my mom.

Sir, we can't wait until tomorrow.

Our power supply is dwindling.

This child is useless.

We must find the orb on our own.

I disagree.

Without guidance, we might not find it in time.

Contrary to expectations,

Josh has been quite helpful to us.

We will stick with him.

JOSH: Man, you are awesome at this.

It's like you've got super video game powers, too.

Are you sure you're not a superhero?

Absolutely.

Fine, I give up.

I'm just happy to be able to play with somebody besides Mom.

Interacting with your mother makes you unhappy?

No, I don't mean to complain.

She tries. It's just that Dad was a lot better.

You know, my dad was a hero in real life.

He saved, like, a million people one time.

That is impressive.

Yeah, we miss him... especially Mom.

Now she spends all her time smothering me.

She cuts off your air supply?

(DOOR OPENS)

Josh, I am home.

Oh, hey!

What are you doing back here?

Some guys with a gun tried to rob the store,

and Dave stopped 'em and saved everyone.

It was awesome!

What? What gun?

Mom!

Are you all right?

Mom, I'm fine. It was so cool!

Dave just took 'em out.

Man, I wish I could do that.

But look at me. I'm the smallest fifth-grader in New York City.

You are not small. You are a giant.

Yeah, right.

Josh, the most powerful force in all the universe

often comes from the smallest star.

Dave, would you like to stay for supper?

Sir, the longer we're in their presence,

the greater the danger of exposure.

Yes, I will stay.

Good.

Although, if you thought my driving was dangerous,

wait till you try my meatloaf.

Meatloaf?

♪ Like a bat out of hell! ♪

What are you looking for?

DOOLEY: I don't know.

I'll tell you when I find it.

You know something, Dooley, we got to find you a new hobby.

Please, just hold the insult. Please?

Oh, I forgot today was arts-and-crafts day.

Dave, would you mind helping me clear the table?

(SHATTERING)

Oh. You know...

(LAUGHS) Don't worry about it.

I got it. I'm... This is something I do all the time.

Constantly dropping stuff.

Don't even worry about it.

"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."

Oh, uh, yeah,

that's, um, my... I would... My sister got that for me.

I would never, um...

(SIGHS) She just thinks I need to get back

in the game, and... (LAUGHS)

Tell your sister there's no life on Mars. Believe me.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

This rendering, what is it?

Oh, that's, uh, just something I felt.

You felt this?

Yeah, I did.

I did.

I don't really paint like that anymore.

And why not?

Well, things have changed.

What is the... feeling demonstrated here?

Well, how does it make you feel?

Feel...

It makes me feel...

off balance.

Off balance, yeah.

That's, uh, that's close.

I remember when I painted this, I just felt, um, love.

Huge and exciting and crazy,

just... love.

How do you know

when you... feel love?

GINA: Oh, I think when you feel love,

you don't need to ask that question.

I see.

Time for me to exit into the night.

Oh, uh, okay.

Well, um, thank you again

for being there for Josh today,

and, um... And, uh, yeah, I think tomorrow will be fun.

I'm glad you're coming with us.

So am I, Gina Morrison.

Okay.

Good night, Dave.

Good night, Gina.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Do you mind if I rest here?

Sure.

This appears to be a safe port.

We'll join this urban camper.

You ain't crazy, are you?

The last guy who was here, he said he was from outer space.

What planet?

And the party continues.

Here, here you go.

It gets a little chilly at night.

Did you see that?

This man has nothing,

yet he offers to share his sole source of warmth.

Why?

It seems they are a more complex species than we imagined.

Yes?

My findings are incomplete, but I have noted

more atypical behavior spreading throughout the ship.

Is that so?

Well, I think we all just need a good night's rest, Doctor.

(HUMMING ONE FROM A CHORUS LINE)

Dang!

Excuse me?

Working rather late, No. 3.

I was just doing some additional cultural research.

And what have you found?

I stumbled onto an interesting file

in the alien database, sir.

Every man, woman and child is forced to view it once a year.

It could be helpful in understanding them.

Show me.

You have not changed since our days at the academy.

I remember the late nights studying together

and the nutritious protein squares you prepared for us.

I would not have been able to graduate without your help.

(COMPUTER TRILLING)

And yet, here you've become

our generation's most renowned captain.

Yes.

Here it is.

(BELL TOLLING)

GEORGE: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want?

You want the moon?

Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it

and pull it down.

Hey, that's a pretty good idea.

I'll give you the moon, Mary.

I'll take it.

♪ For auld lang syne, my dear

♪ For auld lang syne

♪ We'll take a cup of kindness yet

♪ For auld lang syne

♪ We'll take a cup of... ♪

Lasso the moon?

(SNIFFLES) Physically impossible!

Absurd.

(SONG ENDS)

Good night, Captain.

Yes, yes, Three. Good night.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I must say, sir,

these Earth creatures keep surprising me.

Most confusing place.

It makes my head spin.

I guess I'd better hold on then.

DOOLEY: We want to send this out to every precinct,

every security company and every hospital in the city

until we ID this guy right here.

This is incredible.

Just amazing.

Amazing that two idiots like you could have passed the police exam.

See, I tried to tell him, Sarge.

Hold on. It is a fact,

a fact that some thing or someone has landed here.

Now, we could be making the biggest

scientific discovery of all time.

I don't want to hear another word about E.T., Bigfoot,

or the Tooth Fairy, unless they're jacking

some old lady's car.

(CRUMPLES PAPER)

You got that?

Yes, sir.

That's good aim, Sarge.

Shut up!

Dooley.

What?

What are you doing?

I'm sending it anyway, Knox.

It's just a guy who shoved his face in the dirt.

No, wrong. It is an alien.

An alien who shoved his face in the dirt,

and I am gonna find him.

(COIN CLINKS)

Power reserves at 20%, sir.

That only gives us about 12 hours.

Then every minute counts.

Remember our mission, crew.

We must find the boy with the orb.

No distractions.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

This is not acceptable!

(AIR HORN BLARING)

ANNOUNCER: And here we go, ladies and gentlemen.

Chuck starts out fast out the gate

eating down those dogs, but Earl and Homer are right behind him.

Look at them go. Look at them go...

(ANNOUNCER'S VOICE FADES)

JOSH: Come on, Dave, please.

Put it in your mouth.

Put one in your mouth, Dave.

JOSH: Put it in. Come on, Dave!

Put one in your mouth, Dave.

Oh, you never should have signed him up for this.

JOSH: What are you doing, Dave? Eat!

Eat it, Dave!

Eat, Dave!

GINA: Put it in your mouth, Dave.

(SCREAMS)

Yeah, All right! Yeah!

A little heads-up might be nice.

Hey...

(LIPS SMACKING)

Can a brother get some hot sauce with that?

(CROWD CHEERING)

Whoa.

(SCREAMS)

(AIR HORN BLARING)

Our champion. 85 delicious

all-beef hot dogs.

Yeah, whoo!

Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Yeah, boy, yeah!

Wha...

Well-executed, Captain.

Dave, that was amazing.

You are a wiener-eating champ.

Here's the grand prize.

We're under attack.

It's the creature from Thanos 7.

(ALARM BLARING)

Battle stations!

You have menaced us for the last time, you beast.

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

(BLARING CONTINUES)

It seems that this is an inanimate creature.

At ease.

The question is what are we expected to do with this...

plush amphibian?

Give it to her, Captain.

The female... give it to her.

Silly goose.

(LAUGHS)

You are such a goofball.

For me?

Thanks, Dave.

That was, uh... That's very sweet.

CREWMAN: Red alert, Captain! Red alert!

We need to dispose of the large quantity

of processed meat tubes.

Excuse me.

My colon is impacted.

Okay.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

(PLOPPING)

(PLOPPING CONTINUES)

Show-off.

(BELL RINGING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

We met yesterday. Mark Rhodes.

Mark Rhodes.

Right. The left... (CHUCKLING)

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

So you here by yourself?

No, I am not.

I am accompanying Josh and Gina.

All evening we have been screaming with fear and delight.

Look, you and I should get something straight.

And I'm not trying to step on your toes here.

If you're serious about Gina, then that's great.

Because she deserves a decent guy in her life.

But if I find out that you're just trying to take advantage of her,

and you're using Josh to do it,

you and I are going to have a serious problem.

You understand what I'm saying?

Yes, I understand completely, Mark Rhodes.

Does anyone here understand what this man is talking about?

He's trying to discern if you intend on becoming Gina's mate.

What an absurd notion.

I intend on becoming Gina's mate?

She's the size of our science pavilion.

These primitive creatures and their silly speculations.

Wait. What's that?

What do you want, midget?

Rich, you got to give me my rock back.

Oh, really? Why?

Because it's really important to me and my friend Dave.

It's the jerk we seek.

Rich, you've got to give me my rock back.

Boy, it's like you're asking me to punch you.

So, Smell-my, we meet again.

Dave.

(WHIMPERING)

(YELLING)

(FROG CROAKING)

Stop, you're giving me a wedgie.

(THUD)

RICH: (SOBBING) Please, put me down already.

Smell-my, are you crying because you are sad,

or because your undergarments

are lodged so cuttingly deep in your rectum?

I'm telling my mom.

Mom!

Mom!

Dave, that was unbelievable.

High five.

They don't high five where you're from?

No, but they should.

There you two are.

What kind of trouble you getting into?

Nothing. Dave was just about

to try out his pitching arm.

GINA: Come on, Dave.

JOSH: Go, Dave. Go, Dave.

Just got to hit three. Here we go.

JOSH: Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Go, Dave, go, Dave.

Sir, the orb is ours.

This charade is no longer necessary.

It's time to throw it in the ocean and head home.

You're absolutely right, Two.

But...

I really think I can do this.

Ooh, he looks very serious.

Looking good, looking good.

Come on, you can do it.

Here you go. He's gonna do it.

Wind up...

Oh!

All right, well...

Spectacularly unsuccessful!

Why was my wrist so limp?

I was, uh, in the bathroom.

On my command.

JOSH: Come on, you can hit it.

GINA: Two more. Come on.

JOSH: Come on, come on.

Fire!

Incoming!

(GINA GASPS)

CAPTAIN: Engineer, report.

All sensors are down, and the sun shields deployed upon impact.

(MACHINES POWERING DOWN)

Sir, we're blacked out.

(NO. 2 SCREAMING)

The sun is exploding in my face!

MALE DOCTOR: I still didn't get a pulse.

Give me the paddles, stat.

Oh, God.

Clear.

(PADDLES THUMPING)

(SCREAMING)

Come on. Give me more juice.

Clear.

(MACHINES POWERING UP)

Whoa!

Power has been restored.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, God, is he going to be okay?

We'll do an MRI just to be safe.

Oh, he's okay.

He's okay. (LAUGHING)

FEMALE DOCTOR: How we doing?

Have to warm it up first, but just to double-check,

they took your keys, watch, coins?

Yes.

Good.

People always forget the "M" in MRI stands for magnetic.

This will just take a second.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

I guess I still have a few pennies.

So sorry to have ruined your birthday.

Oh, thanks for letting the cat out of the bag.

Cat? Where's the cat?

You know, it's okay, because I'm not really one for celebrating anyway.

Well, perhaps you will reconsider and let us take you out for dinner.

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

Sir, with all due respect, have you lost your mind?

They've helped us, the least we can do is try to help them.

You have become a fool.

Treating these lumbering giants as if they're our equals.

You've made a mockery of our entire mission.

You get out of my face.

Now!

Dave? Dave?

Hello?

Hey, where'd you go?

Right here.

I am here.

I am so curious sometimes what's going on in that head of yours.

I was just pondering which would be the best place to take you

to commemorate your birthday.

Josh, do you have any suggestions?

Perhaps a nice Cuban place.

I know a great salsa restaurant.

(GINA LAUGHING)

All right, well, si, amigos.

Let's go party.

Everyone, we're going to go and party.

(ALL CHEERING)

(SALSA BEAT PLAYING)

(SINGING IN SPANISH)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CHEERING)

Okay, three mojitos.

One virgin.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

DAVE: Thank you.

Here you go. Enjoy.

Cheers.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Thank you.

Now careful, these go straight to your head.

(ALARM BLARING)

(GASPS)

(SCREAMING)

(GASPS)

This is not acceptable!

Whoo! Slow down, cowboy.

(ENGINEER LAUGHS)

ENGINEER: This is the best.

Cougar46 just added me as a friend. Yeah.

MAN: Yeah.

He walked out about an hour ago

with a nice looking lady and a kid.

Oh, really? Nice looking? She pretty hot, huh?

Please.

Please. You sure it's him?

Absolutely.

Said they were going to a Cuban salsa place.

(SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

You got to try this.

It's like space travel...

only in your head.

(GIGGLING)

Whoo!

I've been having...

strange feelings

since we've arrived on this planet.

It seems you are, too?

Absolutely not.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm recalibrating our weapons systems.

Just a second.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

♪ This is a song

♪ For the lonely! Can you hear me?

Exactly what weapon are you recalibrating?

♪ For the broken-hearted

Okay, let's talk.

♪ Battle-scarred... ♪

I'm feeling a little busted.

(LATIN RHYTHM)

(MAN SINGING IN SPANISH)

Whoo!

You know, pretty soon you're gonna be too old to dance with your mom.

Excuse me, while I run to the restroom.

DAVE: Josh.

I will be going home soon.

What is the matter with you?

When you're gone, everything's just gonna go back to the way it was.

I'm not like other kids.

I can't even fight for myself.

My dad was a hero.

Me?

I'm just...

different.

Josh.

Listen to me.

We would never have been able to find the orb without you.

Not everyone would have helped us, but you did,

because you are different.

I am very lucky to have a friend like you.

You're just saying that.

No, I am not.

You have helped us greatly. We are all in great debt to you.

I did?

Yes, we are saved, Josh.

♪ You looking good in them jeans, I bet you

♪ Look even better with me in between

♪ I keep my mind on my money, money on my mind

♪ But you's a hell of a distraction

♪ When you shake your behind ♪

She thinks she's so hot. She's not hot.

Have you seen her butt?

It's like the size of our moon.

You are so bad.

Bad...

(IN SING-SONG VOICE) And gorgeous.

Shh.

(GINA SIGHS)

Hey, everyone, I took the liberty.

(MAN SINGING IN SPANISH)

Oh! I love this song.

Need anything...

Captain?

CAPTAIN: Yes.

I may need some music references for...

Mmm-hmm.

Dave. Will you do me the honor?

Come on.

It'll be fun.

Uh, yes, yes, I would, I'd love to dance with you.

GINA: Oh, you're gonna love it.

Okay, really easy.

Just let the music take you.

All hands stay alert

and obey my commands to the letter.

Captain, might I have a word?

Make it brief.

There are emotional dangers on this planet we did not foresee.

We are on the brink of anarchy.

Not now, I'm trying to let the music take me.

All right, crew. Everyone, let's get it together now.

All together...

Precision.

Right foot. Left foot.

♪ Un, dos, tres

♪ Un pasito pa'lante, Maria

(LAUGHING) Okay.

Here. Just follow my lead.

♪ Un, dos, tres... ♪

We should be fulfilling our mission,

trying to save our planet,

not beeping around like some sort of idiot,

attempting to woo a gigantic strumpet.

This captain has become a joke.

This is over the line, sir.

The captain still deserves our respect.

CAPTAIN: Shake my hips like this!

More hips! Hips!

Yes, that's it! More hips.

Look, I'm dancing!

All right, I'm in.

(WEAPON WHIRRING)

The dancing stops now.

(LAUGHING)

Here, here.

Hand... here. Okay?

I need more wiggle in the posterior region!

(CLEARS THROAT)

Captain, if I may?

You think you can do better?

Nothing personal, sir, but that won't be hard.

Take charge.

Okay, boys and girls, everybody listen up.

You're gonna give me a basic,

stepping forward with the left and back with the right.

Don't bounce and do not overthink it.

(TRILLING)

Whoo!

Gonna put your accoutrements right up against her.

Drop down.

♪ Un, dos, tres

(GASPS)

♪ Un pasito pa'lante, Maria ♪

This is salsa, people, let's make it spicy.

Whoo!

(CHEERING)

Follow me!

Whoo!

Oh!

Whoa!

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

Whoo!

I knew you were holding out on me. Whoo!

Come on.

Come on, girl.

I'm about to show you how to do the forbidden dance.

Whoo!

(SCREAMS)

It's my birthday.

And dip her like a cookie in milk.

NO. 17: I feel good! I feel loose.

I feel good.

I feel loose. I feel good.

(GASPS)

I feel g...

My leg!

(YELPS)

(GASPS)

♪ Asi es Maria

♪ Tan caliente y fria

♪ Que si te la bebes, de seguro te va a matar ♪

DOOLEY: Police!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

Everybody stay calm.

Hands up! Hands up!

(GASPS)

Should we power up blasters?

No.

Too many innocent civilians.

MAN: Easy, folks. Easy.

Step back, please.

Dave?

Hey.

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING)

Welcome to Earth.

Greetings.

We don't want to hurt you.

We...

don't want to hurt you.

We're your friends.

All we want to know is why you've come down

to our planet.

Oh, for God sake.

Stay calm.

They can't prove anything.

What is your purpose here?

What is your purpose here?

The mystery is what your purpose here is.

Okay, you know what?

I'm trying to do a thing here.

You're not helping me out, so please stop.

I'm not...

Greetings.

No. 2, what are you doing?

You can't do this, Two.

Excuse me?

We're playing by my rules now, ex-Captain!

Seize him!

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

You cannot do this, No. 2!

Can and will.

You brought this on yourself.

What are we supposed to do?

You do what you took an oath to do and protect me, your Captain, Four.

Stay back, Four.

I don't want to see anyone get hurt.

You'll never get away with this, Two.

The rest of the crew will not support you!

Oh, yes, they will.

Because they have a mission to complete.

Three? You're supporting this.

Yes, I see no other way.

That's because there is no other way.

(SPEAKER SQUEAKING)

Whoa!

Who left the speaker on?

Shut that off.

(SPEAKER TURNS OFF)

Officer Dooley, can I speak to you outside?

Just for a moment.

CAPTAIN: You will regret this.

Something has been awakened in all of us!

Something you will never be able to stop.

Looks like I just did.

Confine him to his quarters!

Attention, crew,

as of this moment,

un-Nilian behavior will no longer be permitted.

In fact it will be punished.

Severely.

A new era has begun with me as your leader.

You know, we just met him a couple of days ago,

like I said five times...

MARK: Hey.

Hey!

You guys all right?

Yes.

It's been a long night.

What do they want with him?

GINA: I don't know.

He didn't do anything wrong.

Stand and engage blasters.

Sir?

I gave you an order.

Yes, sir.

Did you not just hear those voices?

Yes, I heard the voices.

What, we got a nut job living in New York City.

What are the odds?

So what are you saying, we should just let him go?

Yes, I think we should let him go.

That's what I'm saying.

That's the most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard in my entire life.

(WHIRRING)

Hey!

Oh! Oh!

(GASPS)

Activate heat shields.

Freeze!

Down!

NO. 17: This guy is crazy.

Somebody's about to get killed.

I'm out!

Son of a...

(SCREAMING)

OFFICER: Take cover!

(GROANS)

Get him! Come on!

(GASPS)

You.

Woman and child.

You have wasted enough time with your pathetic emotional distractions.

Dave?

NO. 2: Your undisciplined human frailty

causes nothing but chaos.

And one other thing.

Your so-called artwork is both pretentious and sophomoric.

(GIGGLES)

I could do this all day.

(SIREN WAILING)

Freeze!

Whoa!

Three, find me the fastest route to the landing site.

Three, I...

Guards!

No. 12,

have you been working out?

Ah, you can tell?

(CLANKS)

No.

(CAPTAIN GASPS)

Yes.

Thank you, Three.

I didn't do this to help you.

I did this to stop that lunatic!

What have I done to hurt you so?

(GASPS) You really can't be that oblivious.

Listen to me, whatever I have done to hurt you, I apologize.

But right now, we have to get to the engine room,

and shut down the ship.

Fine.

Let's just go.

What in Nil is your problem?

Are you all right, Josh?

Mom, I'm fine, but something's wrong.

That can't be Dave.

You have to trust me.

We need to go after him.

No, Josh, we're not doing that.

I know you want to protect me...

Of course.

...but Dave is my friend,

and I need to protect him right now.

Josh...

If we don't help him,

something terrible's gonna happen.

I know it.

I was just making conversation

to ease the apparent tension between us.

Don't, you're making it worse.

You know what...

No. 3, didn't take you long to betray me.

This is not the answer, Two.

You weren't Nilian enough to do your duty,

so you left me no choice.

CAPTAIN: Listen to reason.

We thought that Earth was not worth preserving, we were wrong.

There's much we've learned from this place.

You must not hurt these people.

Yes, we must!

And since you two seem

to love these gargantuan beasts so much,

have fun living among them.

(SNIFFING)

I have a little tickle in my nose.

(SNEEZES)

(SCREAMING)

(THUD)

(NO. 2 AND CAPTAIN GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

CAPTAIN: Whoa, whoa, follow me!

No, follow me!

Three, I'm so sorry

that you're out here with me.

Not half as sorry as I am.

Please, we'll have the entire journey back home to argue.

(GASPS)

This may not be the best spot, sir.

And why not?

(DOG PANTING)

(SNIFFING)

Mother of Nil!

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

Three!

I'm coming, Three. Don't move.

Great advice, Captain,

because I can't!

Whoa!

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

Are you all right, Three?

Please, you have no concern for me.

All you care about is Gina, your big, fat girlfriend.

You think that she's fat?

If she wears a size infinity...

...then she's fat!

Oh, it takes me almost getting run over

for you to even notice me.

I'm practically invisible to you.

(GRUNTING)

Whew. Come on.

Invisible? Quite the opposite.

When I look at you, what is see is... The ship!

I love New York. Let's go.

Help me, Three. Jump.

Ah!

(GRUNTS)

It's working.

Ah, you see?

Just as I planned.

(BOTH SCREAM)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

CAPTAIN: Look, if we let go at precisely the right moment,

we'll be propelled to the ship.

On three.

One.

Two.

Three!

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Three...

I asked for you to be assigned to this mission

because you are kind,

intelligent and beautiful.

More so than anyone I've ever known in my life.

And without you,

I would be nothing.

Why have you never spoken to me of this before?

Because I was too Nilian to express it.

I should have lassoed the moon for you long ago.

(THUDDING)

But now, let's turn the ship around.

We'll never get there at this rate.

Give me full power to the legs.

I told you, our power is nearly depleted.

Crew, prepare to hail a cab.

Taxi! (WHISTLES)

(CAR DOOR OPENING)

What, an alien cannot get a cab in this town?

Hey, buddy, this is my cab!

What are you doing?

Liberty Island Ferry.

Make haste... or die.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Yes, every available cop in the city and the feds.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

I knew we were not alone in this universe.

Look, I'm not convinced he's an alien.

Oh, you're not?

(IMITATING SHOOTING NOISES)

Ah, so what?

So what? So, who you calling?

Homeland Security.

Don't do that, they're gonna overreact.

We don't even know why he's visiting yet.

Well, it's obviously not a peace mission!

NO. 17: Get those big slobbery lips away from me!

Now, while you suckers are sitting here talking,

he about to go suck your planet dry.

KNOX: I need somebody from Homeland Security, please.

I don't have the extension.

Are you with Dave?

NO. 17: No.

Ah, no, no, I... I come free with a venti latte.

Of course, I'm with Dave, stupid!

I need... Hey, you got a comment?

Huh? No.

I need the extension from you guys, 'cause I don't have it.

(WHISPERING) Do you know where he went?

Yes, I do. I need a ride, though.

Okay.

Well, what you waiting for?

Uh, okay.

NO. 17: Whoo! Wait, wait, wait.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Don't shake me!

(BLOWS)

(SCREAMS)

Ooh, sorry.

I apologize.

Don't be blowing on me.

I don't know you that well.

Slow down... slow... wait, wait.

I said slow down now.

It's dark in here... I'm in.

Please, hurry!

Dooley, where you going?

Hey, Sarge, you got a little schmutz right here.

Shut up!

MARK: How many tickets you got?

I've never been caught speeding.

(JOSH CLEARS THROAT)

In New York.

(CLEARS THROAT)

This year.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Long live Nil.

Sorry, Earth, sometimes No. 2 happens!

(HATCH OPENING)

Captain! Thank goodness you're back.

No. 2's become a raging lunatic.

Not to worry, kind friend.

I'm back and I'm taking over.

(TYPING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome, Captain.

Whoa!

NO. 2: Right Arm!

What the devil is this?

RIGHT ARM: Someone's overriding the system!

Only the captain has the code to over...

The captain!

(MURMURING)

You are in my chair.

Guards!

Put down your weapons.

Seize him!

Guards, I said seize him.

You've seen what a fool he's been.

CAPTAIN: We all know

I am the only one qualified to get us home.

NO. 2: Is this what you want?

This chaos?

We choose our captain.

(GRUNTS)

This planet rocks. Deal with it.

Get out of my chair.

Captain, the orb is in the water.

The siphoning process is getting stronger by the minute.

Right on. Summon the orb.

ENGINEER: (OVER SPEAKER) Captain.

The fight drained our power below one percent.

I... I can reroute booster energy,

but there won't be enough for takeoff.

(NO. 2 LAUGHS)

Well, Captain, it seems you have a choice:

save this planet or save yourself.

I choose this planet.

And what of your beloved crew?

You willing to condemn them

to the same fate, stranded

here in a world of behemoths?

I believe it is the right thing to do,

but I cannot make this decision for all of you.

I say we save Earth...

and its moon.

My life began on this planet.

I no longer feel like No. 3.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I have 443 new friends on MySpace

and a Jdate next week with a woman named Sheila Moskowitz.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I am Dave Ming Chang.

I am Johnny Dazzles, and I am fabulous.

(OTHERS MURMURING)

What?

Not everybody has to be Dave Ming Chang.

NO. 2: Ah!

You've all gone completely mad.

Take him, and put him...

in my butt.

Engineer, divert all remaining power to Right Arm.

(DEEP WHIRRING)

(RUMBLING)

(WHIRRING, CRACKLING)

(WIND WHISTLING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WHOOSHING)

(ZAPPING, RUMBLING)

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)

Way to go, Right Arm!

Yes!

(WHIRRING WINDING DOWN)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

JOSH: Dave!

Are you okay?

Dave! What is happening?

How can we help you?

Thank you, but it is too late.

We are out of power.

We'll never get back now.

It is over.

KNOX: Hands behind your head!

Understand?

Step away from that thing!

No!

DOOLEY: Hey, let us

handle this, folks, okay?

GINA: You don't need your guns!

All right? Don't hurt him.

We're not gonna hurt anybody, we're just gonna talk.

Dooley, enough!

You've seen what that thing can do.

Hands behind your head!

Captain, with no shield and no power,

the projectile from his weapon will breach the hull.

We'll take casualties.

JOSH: He can't move!

He doesn't have any power left!

KNOX: Hands behind your head!

He can't move!

MARK: Josh!

(ZAPPING)

(RUMBLING)

Josh!

(ENGINE POWERING UP)

We have power. We have been saved.

All hail Josh the hero!

(CHEERING)

(LAUGHING)

KNOX: Stay right where you are!

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

Yeah, if you're trying to freak me out, it's not gonna work.

(GASPS)

BOTH: Oh!

All right, that's going to freak me out a little.

Do you see that?

I do.

KNOX: Is that a guy?

DOOLEY: Looks like it.

KNOX: Like a really little guy?

DOOLEY: Like a really little guy. On his tongue?

DOOLEY: What'd I just say?

Hello.

You hear... You see that, right?

There's a little guy in there?

He's talking.

Yeah.

Dave.

I apologize to all of you.

It was my second in command who took control of my ship by force,

and it was he, not I, who performed these

unspeakable acts of cruelty.

Will you put that thing down, would you please?

I mean, the guy's an inch tall.

You look like a wuss. Huh, right?

Josh, my friend.

You helped save two worlds today.

And you taught me the true meaning

of friendship and courage.

Your father would have been proud of his young captain.

Promise me you'll always take pride in being different.

I promise.

High five.

Uh, perhaps that's not such a great idea.

(EXHALES)

Gina.

Yeah. Yeah, hi.

You're... you're really tiny.

And I should have known you were an alien,

because no straight man is that good a dancer.

I think I'm finally able to understand

how your painting makes me feel.

(LAUGHS)

I feel love.

Okay, I guess she's not... that fat.

(SOTTO VOCE) Told you.

NO. 17: Hey!

Hey, man. Hey, don't forget about me.

Ooh.

No. 17: Yeah.

I'm not trying to stay in here.

Ow! You're squeezing my brain!

You're going to make it pop. Stop!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(LAUGHING)

NO. 17: Eh, slow down.

I don't want you messing up my sexy, okay.

Easy, almost, almost, almost, almost.

Ooh, okay.

Hey! (LAUGHS) Yeah.

Yeah, that... that looks good.

Time for us to go home.

I'll miss you, Dave.

And I you.

Remember... I'll never be that far away.

Good friend.

A little room, please.

(SPARKING)

(RUMBLING)

Whoa!

(RUMBLING)

(WHIRRING)

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

What? No!

(THUD)

(CROWD MURMURS)

Dave!

Mom!

(ALARM BLARING)

MAN 1: FBI!

MAN 2: Out of the way! NYPD!

Move! Move! Move!

No! No!

What is going on?

(CLICKING)

(WHIRRING)

(CLAMORING)

Mom, look!

What?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

He's okay.

(WHOOSHING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I didn't think we'd make it out of there.

Good thing you have such big feet, Captain.

We'll have much to explain when we return home.

We'll find another way to save Nil.

There are plenty worlds out there for us to explore.

Yes, No. 3.

But what we learned on Earth

is more valuable than all the salt in the galaxy.

And when we do return,

it looks like I'll be needing a new No. 2.

I think you'll be needing more than that.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Get it, Captain!

Get in there, Cap!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

(WHOOSHING)

Cue the new anthem.

(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)