All language subtitles for License.to.Drive.1988.1080p.BluRay.x264.AC3-ETRG.English

Remember, the driver must
always see the big picture.

When driving through puddles
or in heavy rain,

your tires may begin
to hydroplane...

actually ride on the water
rather than the pavement.

If this happens to you,
don't panic

and especially don't
jam on your brakes.

In this actual
scientific demonstration,

we see that in as little
as a quarter inch of water,

your tires may lose contact
with the surface completely.

Does your brother have mono
or something?

He slept through
the entire course.

No.

He's just brain dead.

Mr. Anderson,

it's punks like you
that paramedics end up

scraping off the road
at 4:00 in the morning.

For your sake
and the safety of others,

I hope you fail
your driving exam.

Wait up! Wait up, my bus!

You know, Dean,

I can't help wondering: is it ever
going to get that good for me?

Anderson, the only difference
between you and that greaseball

is that he has a license
and you don't.

Whoa whoa whoa!

Scumbag!

Get on. I'll drive you home.

No way, man. Look, I have
a driver's exam to take Saturday.

I don't want to get killed.

Les, your license is just as important
to me as it is to you.

I'll take it easy.

Trust me.

Whoo whoo whoo! Yeah!

- Watch out, watch out!
- Dean, Dean!

I'll get you, you little brat!

Ah, Dean!

Whoo! Ha ha!

- Whoa!
- Whoo-hoo!

There you go...
front-door service.

Great, thanks.

Wow.

- Whose Caddy?
- It's my grandfather's.

16 years old, man.

It only has 20,000 miles on it.

Wow, what's it doing here?

Well, my granddad's
afraid to take it on long trips,

so he borrowed my dad's car
for a week.

Do you know this boat
would kick ass up at Archie's?

Do you think there's any chance
we could get it Saturday night?

- Not a chance in hell, Dean.
- No way.

Hey, Dad, what's up?

Well, I'm just cleaning
out the garage here,

making some room
for the old boat.

What do you think, Dean?
As long as you're here,

- you want to give us a hand, huh?
- Yeah, Deano.

- Dean?
- You know, I'd love to, Mr. Anderson,

but I just remembered...

I'm allergic to dust
and cardboard boxes.

I gotta go.

- See you tonight, Les.
- See you tonight, Deano.

- Take care of that cough, Dean.
- Oh yeah!

- Dad?
- Yeah?

Do you think that there's any way
you could tell me for sure

if I could borrow Mom's car
Saturday night?

Here's the deal, Les...
first get your license, then we'll talk.

You want the broccoli?

Yes. You want the broccoli.

All right, what nice happened
to who today?

What interesting news?

For your information,
this is exactly what I ate

when I was pregnant with all of you.
You turned out okay.

- Dad?
- Yeah?

Did you, um, look at
the brochure I gave you?

- You bet.
- What'd you think?

Well, a $23,000 BMW
for a 16-year-old kid

who's never had a job
a day in his life?

I think it's a great idea.

Look, Dad, the car
wouldn't only be for me.

I mean she can use it too.

Don't include me
in your obsession.

Les, isn't it premature to be talking
about getting a car?

You just finished your driver's ed
course two hours ago.

Karl says that in America
people are misled to believe

that a car represents
freedom and individuality.

- Right.
- When in essence,

it is more oppressive
than anything else,

burdening the individual
with such materialist costs as...

Wait, who cares what
your commie boyfriend thinks?

I see it's great
to be an American.

- I agree.
- Yes.

This is the most oppressive
environment a child could be raised in.

Natalie, one day soon
it will all be over.

You'll go away.

All right, I'm out of here.

Hey, buddy, down!

Come on!
Yo, Les, let's go!

Les, come on,
get your butt down here!

Les!

Get down here, Les.

- Get out!
- Out!

Right. I'll see you later.

Mom, what are you doing?

Wait. Duck down, duck down!
Mom! Mom!

No, don't stop here. Go go.

Is something wrong
with the car, Dean?

No, it's not the car, it's you.
You're driving.

- Please just go.
- All right.

Thanks, Mom. Drive safely.

Hey, dweebs! Does Mommy
hold your dicks when you piss?

I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't introduce you.
Those are my friends.

- Oh, okay.
- We'll call. Good night, Mom.

Good night.

Thanks, Mom.

Good night, honey.

- ignore him.
- Bye, Mom!

- Be careful!
- Hey, guys!

Hey hey, guys.
Where are you going? Guys?

Hey, guys, it's me, Charles!

Oh baby.

Hey, do you ever wonder
what kind of car

some of these babes
would lose their virginity in?

You never cease
to amaze me, Deano.

No, seriously. Okay, look at
Cheryl Lieberman, for instance.

A VW convertible.

Cheryl Lieberman? Trans Am.

Okay, Beth McLain.

A Volvo. No, wait wait.
A station wagon.

Okay, I got one for you...
Bonnie Dupa.

A cargo van.

A garbage truck.

Mercedes.

Mercedes Lane.

Oh, I've bumped into her
a million times.

She's never bumped
into me once.

- Come here.
- No, listen, you don't own me.

Women have rights
in this country.

Not like Kuwait or Pakistan
where they worship their men.

Mercedes, it has nothing
to do with worship.

It has to do with going
to parties with kids.

I happen to go to school
with these kids.

- I have friends here.
- Friends, yes.

Friends, okay.
But this... this is children.

They can do nothing for you.

Mercedes,
I'm beginning to, um...

uh, perspire.

Now, you know
that I hate to perspire.

Now let us go, huh?

I think that I can find
my own way home, thank you.

Don't do this, Mercedes.

And Paolo, if you're wondering
about Saturday night,

I just remembered
I already have a date.

You have a date? With who?

- With him.
- With me?

Didn't we make arrangements?

Yeah, I... I believe so.

But nothing was final.

Well, now they're final.

Ciao.

Hey, watch it!

Thanks.

I can't believe Brian
dropped the ball.

Les, I have the answer.

Why don't you just ask
her to make sure?

Look, I'd love to, Charles,
but I can't talk to something

I can't see, right?
I mean, come on, guys.

Last night was the closest any
of us have ever been to her.

Well, you're in luck, lover boy,

'cause she's sitting down
right over there.

Wait, wait, Dean,
I can't do it, man.

Go on, ask her.

If you're lucky she'll bite.

Go for it!

Les!

Les?

Les, it's me, Papa.

Les, wait up.

Where you going?

Les.

Les, what's the matter?

Is there something wrong
with having a father these days?

Dad, what are you doing here?

I had to run some errands
for your mom after work

and I thought I'd stop by
and take you driving.

I figure if you can handle this cruiser,
you can handle anything.

What about Grandpa?

What about Grandpa? Who knows
what he's doing with my car?

- Get in.
- Yeah!

- Uh, Dad, here comes a stop sign.
- Nice call.

That's a good one.

Why don't we make a right turn
right here?

What?

Dad, I have to ask you for a favor
and you can say no,

but I will never ever ask you
for another favor as long as I live.

Les, you know that's a lie.

Okay, you see that girl
over there walking?

Dad, that is the girl
of my dreams.

Okay okay.
Let's give her a cruise.

Dad! Dad, shh. Look.

She just asked me
out last night, Dad.

- Yeah.
- Okay?

Now if I drove by her

with you in the car with me...

no offense, it just wouldn't work.
You understand.

Les, you're asking me to let you
drive this car alone

without a license.
Are you crazy?

Dad, I'm just gonna go up to her,
circle around,

maybe at the least say hello to her
and come right back to you.

Two minutes.
I'll be careful, Dad.

- Sure.
- Thanks.

- Be careful.
- I will. I promise I will.

- I trust you.
- Thanks, Dad.

- Oh, and Dad? Dad?
- Yeah?

Would... would you mind?

Mercedes.

Mercedes? Les Anderson

from the party last night?

Oh. Oh hi.

I'm sorry.
L didn't recognize you.

Hop in, I'll give you a lift.

- Sure.
- Hold on.

After you, madame.

Okay, so which house is yours?

- Third one on the left.
- Okay.

But I'm not going home.

Where are you going?

To a friend's house in Cedarwood.

You don't mind, do you?

Not at all.

Les?

Les!

Thanks a lot.

Wait wait. Mercedes. Mercedes.

Last night at the party,

well, you kind of mentioned
something about, um...

me and you maybe going out
Saturday night.

Anyway, I was just wondering

if it was still on.

Sure, call me tomorrow.

Wait wait, let me give you my number
in case something comes up.

- Here, write it on this.
- Great.

Thanks a lot for the ride, Les.

No, um, problem.

How could you do it, Les?

What were you thinking about?
I don't believe it.

I mean, not only did you break
your explicit promise to me,

but you used up
your last favor.

I suppose you know
where this leaves you, don't you?

- Not in good shape?
- That's right.

Look, Dad, just let me
explain it to you, okay?

Look, Dad, she told me that she
lived three houses down.

I thought I was
taking her home.

Why didn't you just
tell her the truth?

Tell Mercedes Lane the truth

that Les Anderson
doesn't have a license?

Yes.

And risk her having a heart attack
from laughing so hard at me?

Her? Her having a heart attack?

Look, Dad, please please
just put yourself in my shoes.

Look, you're upsetting
your mother.

She's pregnant, you know?

Do you understand what happens

if you get caught
driving without a license?

They make you wait two years
before you can take the test again.

That's 24 months.
That's an awful lot of bus rides.

Relax, Deano.
Look, I didn't get caught.

And you know what? You would have
done the exact same thing that I did.

Now did you guys come over here
to ask me some questions or what?

Ah, here's one.

"How can you identify
a blind pedestrian

to whom you must yield
the right of way?"

This is a complete waste of time.

I mean it's not like you just moved
here from Bedrock or something.

You've been a passenger
in a car all your life.

And what is this shit?

Natalie!

Hey, Natalie, I was wondering,

if you're driving
55 miles per hour

and you collide
with a runaway train,

would it make any improvements
on your face?

Aha ha ha!

Good luck on your exam
tomorrow, Einstein.

Good afternoon, children.

In the next 20 minutes,
you will be given 30 questions.

Anything over five mistakes
will be considered a failing grade.

We'll begin at the sound
of the bell.

Begin.

Welcome to the Department
of Motor Vehicles Drivers' Test.

Press start to begin.

- Ha!
- Question 1 :

What should you do if you
miss your exit from an expressway?

A: Jam on the brakes
and back up;

B: Make a quick U-turn;

C: Go on to the next one.

Correct.

Ha!

Question 2: Which is usually
the smoothest lane of traffic?

Why don't they just
give licenses away?

Incorrect.

What?

Ahem.

Question 3: You must look
for bicycle riders

in the same lanes used by
motor vehicles because they:

A: Must ride facing
oncoming traffic;

B: Are entitled to share
the road with you;

C: Always have
the right of way.

Incorrect.

When driving through
fog or rain, it is advisable...

Question 9:

When backing out of
an angled parking place...

Incorrect.

- ...blink your turn signals regularly.
- Continue looking through your...

- Question 21 ...
- ...turn on your headlights...

...blow your horn...

- ...shoulder and back slowly...
- C: Stop.

Incorrect.

Warning. One more wrong
and you fail.

Finished.

Question 26:

At 55 miles per hour, you come
upon a large puddle of water.

Do you A: Pump the brakes;

B: Gently ease your foot
off the gas pedal;

C: Accelerate?

Incorrect.

You have failed.

Damn!

What happened?
- I lost my screen.

What's going on?
- Excuse me, but...

What about the test?

Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson.
Mr. Anderson.

Oh, Mr. Anderson.

You can thank your sister
for this one.

- I can?
- Uh-huh.

Due to a computer malfunction,

we are unable to search
the system's memory

for your test results.

However, since your sister
received a perfect score,

we are going to pass you
and allow you to take your road test.

I mean how different can you
and your twin sister actually be?

Wait a minute.

Stand back, children. Don't crowd me.
I'm a living time bomb.

- Okay.
- Hi.

Last name first,
first name last.

Anderson... Les Anderson.

Buckle up, son.
This is the real world out here.

Now, Anderson,

I want you to take
a long hard look

at this cup of coffee.

Now, I love my coffee.

It's probably the one thing
I truly do cherish

on this god-forsaken mudball
called Earth.

Now, what I'm trying to say

is that most examiners
use a clipboard.

I don't believe in 'em.

What I do believe in
is my cup of coffee.

Now that coffee's hot,
filled right to the brim.

If it spilled on me,
it'd probably burn me, huh?

- Speak up, son!
- Yeah yeah.

- Nobody likes to get burned, do they?
- No.

So it's real simple.

You burn me, you fail.

You don't, you pass.

It's as simple as that.

All right, Anderson,

let's start off
with some light traffic.

Now I want you
to get over in that lane. Now.

Very good, Natalie.

Now why don't you
head up to the left here?

Let's see how you
handle this hill.

Very good.

Anderson, let's pull
to a stop right here.

Here?

What the heck's wrong with him?

Every time I come up this road,
there's some idiot kid.

Come on, you little moron.

What are you waiting for,
son, Christmas?

I have a strobe light for you
to get that thing moving.

Ha ha!

Okay, Natalie, I'd like you
stop right next to this car here.

Good.

Now why don't you
parallel park right here?

Very, very, very good.

Okay, Anderson, I want you to
make a parallel park right in here.

- In there?
- What am l, speaking Greek?

In here.

Ha!

Congratulations,
here's your license.

- Please drive safely.
- Thanks.

- Good morning, how are you?
- Lousy.

I got it! I got it!

Slow down.

You're in luck, Anderson.

The cup was empty.

See you on
the battlefield sometime, soldier.

Congratulations.
Here's your license.

And please drive safely.

Uh, Mr. Anderson,
just a minute.

Someone wants
to speak with you.

Well, Mr. Anderson,

we were able to retrieve your test
results from the computer.

And I suppose you already know,

you failed.

God giveth
and the DMV taketh away.

You mustn't fuck with the Department
of Motor Vehicles, Mr. Anderson.

We can make your life
a living hell.

Next.

Hi!
- Hi, we're home.

- Where's Les?
- Where is everybody?

- Please, we'll keep the classic...
- Yeah, no.

- Mom? Dad?
- Yeah, in here.

In here. Shh.

Mom, Dad? Hi.

Yeah. Hi, sport.
What's the good word?

Um...

I have to tell you
guys something.

Oh no, you put a dent
in the car already, huh?

What is it, honey?

Um...

- I...
- What?

- What?
- Oh, mmm.

Whoo!

- Yes.
- Yay!

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

So tell me about it.
Was it murder? Was it tough?

Murder? No, not at all, Dad.
Lt was like taking candy from a baby.

That's great. Look, I filled
your mom's car up with some gas

just in case you felt like
taking it for a little spin.

- Oh, how sweet.
- Huh?

Well, Dad, I was kind of thinking
about maybe going to my room

and taking a little nap.
I'm exhausted.

Honey, what is wrong with you?
Say, "Ahhh!"

Mom, come on,
what could be wrong with me?

- This is the greatest day of my life.
- L know.

So why don't you want to take
advantage of your father's senility

and take my car out
for a little spin?

- Go ahead.
- Go ahead.

I don't know if you guys
remember or not,

but 16 years of waiting
and dreaming is a lot of pressure.

And I'm not sure that
being behind the wheel of a car

is the right place for me
to be right now.

Hello?

Did you hear that?
You did it, man. How does it feel?

Dean, baby.
Hey, what's going on?

Hold on a second,
I'm looking for my car keys.

Found 'em right here
next to my AAA card.

Great. Now come over
and pick us up.

Uh, I can't.

Of course you can.
You can do anything, Les.

- You have a license.
- What?

See that, Dean?
My mom's calling me.

They're already asking me
to run errands. I have to go.

Okay? Goodbye.

"Test failed"?

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Robert?

All right, Mercedes!
Ha ha! Yeah.

Well, you know.
Lower it, lower it. It's ringing.

Lower it. Come here.

Hello?

Rudy, Mom's got brownies
in the kitchen.

- Go, hurry. Quick quick quick.
- But...

- Dad, what do you need?
- Les, my boy,

we're drinking a toast to you.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Dad, you know,
that's really thoughtful of you,

but you know I shouldn't be
drinking and driving.

I know that, Les. I know that.

Have a drink.
You just saved me $26,000.

What?

First raise your glass.

To saving me
26,000 buckaroonies.

- Huh?
- How'd I do that, Dad?

It's simple...
$23,000 for the BMW,

$3,000 for the insurance.

- I don't get it.
- No?

- No.
- Get it?

He failed?

He failed and he lied.

Look, Dad,

I just figured that I could
get through the weekend

and then take it over Monday,
you know?

I know what you figured.

Listen, you're grounded
for two weeks.

It's not the end of the world.

Feels like it.

- Good evening, Karl.
- Good evening, Mrs. Anderson.

Is Natasha at home?

She'll be down in a second.

- How are you feeling?
- Fine, fine.

- Fine, thank you.
- L admire you.

I really admire
you for having the courage

to bring a child
into this oppressive world.

- And let me just say...
- Natalie!

Hmm.

Natasha, we're going to a protest.

Do we have to take your mother's
imperialist gas-guzzler?

Would you rather take
my grandfather's Cadillac?

Hello?

Hi, is Les in, please?

Yeah, this is Les.

Hi, this is Mercedes.

Do you remember me?

Remember you? Yeah, of course.
Hi. How are you?

Actually I'm a little lonely.

I thought that we had
a date tonight

and I figured I'd call you
since you hadn't called me.

Oh, um...
well, I was out all day.

I was, um, deep-sea fishing.

So you haven't changed your mind
about tonight, have you?

Tonight? Now?

No.

Great. So you can pick me up
in 20 minutes?

- Les?
- Hang on.

An innocent girl,
a harmless drive...

what could possibly go wrong?

Mercedes?

I'll be there in half an hour.

Oh man.

No, no, no.

No, no, not the bush.

God.

Oh.

Ah, shit.

Oh. Ow.

Oh. Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmmm.

Don't worry, Robert.
It was nothing. Go back to sleep.

Mmm, that's nice.

Let's go.

- Thank you.
- Take good care of my car, pal.

Yes sir.

Come on, man, open up.
Let's go.

- Open the door, Les.
- Come on, man, I don't have all night.

Did you see that?

If I let him park my car,
he's gonna ruin my transmission.

- No way.
- Hey!

Hey, what about my tip?

Here we are.

Wait, we can't park here.
It's a tow-away zone.

On a Saturday night?

Les, you're acting like
it's the first time you've ever driven.

- Hey, baby.
- Hi.

Hey hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you going?

I'm with her.

You wouldn't be with her
if she was your Siamese twin.

- Lose yourself, kid.
- Mercedes.

Hi.

- Nice to see you.
- How are you?

Yeah, baby, that's cool.

Damn it.

- Paolo.
- Mercedes.

What a lovely surprise
it is to see you.

Paolo, I have to talk to you.

By the way, this is Veronique.

She's going to be
moving in with me.

Is this the one you told me about?

Mmm. Would you like a drink?

Paulie, give her a drink.
What are you having?

Nothing.

- Hey!
- Mercedes.

Hey, hey, are you okay?

Oh, my god. My car!

Whoa! Jesus!

Wait, wait!

Wait, hold up!

Get off my truck, boy!

Look, mister, you can't do this
to my car.

Boy, I've driven with deer,

antelope, even bear
strapped to that bumper.

Ain't no 65-pound sack
of fly shit like you

gonna shake me
a hell of difference.

Look, I'll pay you.
I'll give you everything I've got.

Ah!

Just how much
you talkin' about?

Please, sir, be gentle.

For 80 bucks?

80 bucks?

Would you like some champagne?

It might help.

No thanks.
L already had some tonight.

I'm really sorry about the car.

- I feel like it was all my fault.
- Oh, don't be silly.

I should have given the car
to the valet in the first place.

I'm sorry about your friend.

Oh, he was a jerk anyways.

I don't know why
I even hung around him.

- Let's get out of here.
- And go where?

I mean with the amount
of money I have in my pocket,

we have two choices:

We can either sit in front
of a parking meter for 20 minutes

or go buy ourselves
a newspaper.

Let me tell you, I know a quiet spot
with plenty of free parking.

Are you sure
there's a road here?

God.

Hey, it's amazing up here.

How'd you ever find this place?

Someone I know
used to take me here.

Not a boyfriend.
My father used to take me here

to show me how beautiful
the world could be

if you could step away
and see it at a distance.

I haven't been here
in a long time.

No no no, not on the car.

I mean, I'll get you a blanket.

You sure come prepared.

Like a Boy Scout.

- Les?
- Yes?

I'm sorry I dragged you
into all this.

I don't usually act like this.

No, it's okay. I don't mind.

Here you go.

I'm really glad
I called you tonight.

Yeah? I'm...
I'm really glad too.

All we're missing now
is some soft romantic music.

Hold on.

Oh, man.

Oh great, grandpa's top 10.

Ugh.

Wait.
Aren't you drinking rather heavily?

Do you want to dance?

To this? Uh, yeah. Where?

Right up here. You couldn't pray
for a more romantic setting.

Yeah, I guess so.

Maybe I should
take my shoes off.

Yeah, good idea.

Get up! Get off!

- Get off the car!
- What's the matter, Les?

The hood, it's caving off.
Get off quick.

But, Les, I love this song.

Yeah, well then you've definitely
had too much to drink.

Come on, get off.

Wow, stay here.

Come on, get in.

- Oh.
- Shh.

Look, we've got to get this
thing fixed. Slide over.

Mercedes, please.

You have such baby soft skin.

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry
about the noise, man.

My parents are vampires.

And I'll tell you something...
you have balls.

You definitely have balls
for snagging this car.

I'm impressed.

All right, Les,
let's see the license.

No way.
Forget it, guys, it's ugly.

- Of course it is. Big deal.
- Come on, Les.

- No way.
- Please let me take a picture of it.

Forget it.

Don't you think he should
let me take a picture of it?

- Okay, Charles, okay.
- All right.

- Say cheese.
- Cheese.

Great.

Well, take a look, Les.
What do you think?

- Excellent work, Dean.
- Thank you.

I mean, this is spectacular.

You saved me, man. Thanks.

So I guess we can go
to Archie's now?

Look, Deano, pal,
I promise you next weekend, yeah.

Fine okay, we can go to Archie's.
But not tonight.

Look, Mercedes doesn't have to be
home for a couple hours.

Les, let me explain
something to you here.

Unless you're into some
intense kinky shit,

and you never know after tonight,

this Mercedes has a dead battery.

Les, we're talking about
Archie's Atomic here, Les.

You can't get there without a license.
It's in the middle of nowhere.

No buses, no trains, no planes.

Only the slickest,
most intense driving machines

you've ever seen in your life.

I have the directions my brother
gave me in my back pocket.

You won't regret this.
There's five girls for every guy.

And we're not talking dogs,
we're talking bunnies.

Dean, did you wipe your feet off?

Yes, I wiped the concrete
off my feet.

Hey, Charles, push in the lighter.
I got a surprise for everybody.

No way, man.
Not in here. Nuh-uh.

What's the matter with you, Les?

This is a car,
it's not an oxygen tent.

Look, Dean, if there's any evidence
at all that I took this car tonight,

my dad's going to slaughter me first
and ask questions later, okay?

- What?
- Stop it.

Hey, Les, this is great and all,

but could you take the car
out of neutral?

We just got passed
by a street sweeper.

Hey, girls, whose car
are you driving, Grandma's?

Come on, race 'em.

Yeah, mess with
the faggots, man.

Get that...

Go!

Les, what's the matter with you?

Are you 16 or 60?

I mean you could have given
those gearheads a run for their money.

Look, Dean,
this is my grandfather's car.

I tell you what... give me a car
that I'm not genetically related to,

I promise things
will change, okay?

- Honey!
- What? Okay!

Okay okay. Okay, I'm coming.

Do your breathing.

Okay.

Is it hot in here?

Is it hot or is it just me?

Hot?

It's like a sauna in here. Oh.

Want me to go down to the garage
and turn on the air conditioning?

No, that's okay.

I like to just sit here and sweat.

I'll go down and turn on
the air conditioning.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hey, Robert?

Robert?

Yes?

I'm not hot anymore,
I'm hungry.

Will you make me
a sandwich, please?

Okay, honey.

Sardines and pickles, okay?

- Mmm.

You asshole, do up her shirt!

No way, Les, forget about it.
I mean look at us...

we're three wild animals
bombing down the highway

with the cruise control
set at 55 miles per hour.

I don't need a ticket
on my first night out.

God damn it, stop that.

And what is this crap
we're listening to?

I mean my parents don't even
listen to this stuff.

All right, that's enough.

- Dean, give me that camera.
- No!

- Give me it.
- No.

God damn it, Dean,
it's not your camera.

- Give me the camera.
- No, no!

- Guys?
- Give me it.

- No, no!
- Give me it.

- Jesus.
- Watch out!

Oh, we're gonna die.

Man, I told you
this was gonna happen.

Shit!

- Oh!
- Les, stop the car.

Uh-oh.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

- Get her out of the car quick.
- Help!

Help! Help, get her off of me.

- Not in the car, please.
- I'm trapped.

Not in the car.

Hoo!

Les, I apologize for everything,

but that ride was definitely
worth the price of admission.

I mean that makes up
for a whole life of boredom.

There's a scratch on my car.

Where?

Right there! Right here
there's a big old scratch on my car.

- Hold on, let me see.
- My dad's gonna murder me.

- Look at this.
- There is no scratch on your car.

- There is a scratch, Dean.
- A teeny little scratch.

Your dad is not going
to see that scratch.

Your dad's a 40-year old guy
who wears glasses,

not an eagle, okay?
Now listen to me.

We are two seconds away from
Archie's, do you understand that?

- Deano, you listen to me.
- Two seconds...

Two seconds or not two seconds,
watch my lips.

We're not going to Archie's.

We're not driving
in my grandfather's Cadillac anymore.

We are, in fact,
going home, okay?

No, it's not okay!
Look at this...

You don't look too good.

We cannot turn around now!

We'd better get you a soda.

You have worked really hard

for that license in your wallet.

I mean, you have had 16 years
of humiliation,

begging for lifts from people who
couldn't give a shit about your image.

Les, you've had
to stand and watch

as all the pretty girls drove off
in some older jerk's car.

Humiliation... I know.
I've been through it.

But that's all over now.

Les, that thing in your wallet,

that's no ordinary
piece of paper.

That is a driver's license.

And it's not only
a driver's license,

it's an automobile license.

And it's not only
an automobile license,

it is a license to live,
a license to be free,

to go... to go
wherever, whenever,

and with whomever you choose.

Archie's, man. Let's do it.

Deano, I don't know.

Les, to live in fear

is not to live at all.

What about Mercedes?

I don't think that this
is such a good idea, okay?

Of course it's a good idea.

In half an hour,
there's gonna be babes all over us.

She'll kill it for us.

Wow. Did you ever imagine
in all your life

that you would see a Mercedes
fit inside the trunk of a Cadillac?

Look, I feel bad about this.

You feel bad for her?

I mean, this trunk is bigger
than the size of my bedroom.

Let's go.

Nighty night.

Whoo!

- Oh, honey.
- Oh, babe.

I love you!

- Hey, eyes front.
- Whoo-hoo!

Look at her.

Whoa, hey, come back here.

Hi.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, guys. Hey, guys?

Wait... wait up for a second.

Hey don't you guys
go get some dinner?

I'm gonna get dessert.

All right? Go, go, go, go, go.

Hi.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Guys, it's all set up.

I took care of everything.

They're gonna be here in a few minutes.
There's one for each of us.

- Dean, I will never doubt you again.
- L know you won't!

My dreams never get this good.

My fantasies never
get this good, man.

And this is only the beginning.

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

Yeah, let's eat.

Sorry.

Quick, roll up the windows.

Those assholes again.

Charles, you spazticated idiot!

It was an accident.

Roll up the windows.

Hey, my hamburger.
Hey, give me my hamburger.

Ow! Ow, ow!

Roll the window down.
- No, keep it up.

- No, roll it down.
- No, keep it up.

Hey, come here.

Hi.

God damn it!

Wait, you can't leave now.
What about the girls?

Dean, there's a maniac
on the hood of the car.

- Get us out of here!
- Don't worry about the maniac.

Oh, shit.

Archie's! Come back.

Come back.

Come back!

I'm standing outside

the gates of Allied Technology

where a group of peaceful
protesters are gathered

to demonstrate against
the late-night transportation

of military hardware
through our city streets.

Now, Jim, as you can see,
there's a wide range of people here...

Karl! I don't know.
I don't know.

I don't think this is such a good idea.
Can we go home?

Look, Dean, we're going home.

And if you don't like it,
you can jump out right here,

wherever the hell we are.

Hey, that looks like
my mom's Audi.

Holy shit!
I think we're being invaded.

Here they come!

Karl!
- This is an illegal assembly.

Come on!

You will be arrested

- if you do not disperse the area.
- Hey.

No, no, no, not on my car.
What are you doing?

My car! My car!

Hey, I know that guy.

He looks like
my sister's boyfriend.

Les?

Shit, my sister! Duck.

- What are you doing?
- Natalie, don't tell Dad on me!

- I'll do anything.
- You don't even have a license.

Natalie, don't... don't tell Dad.

All right,
let's round these people up.

Put them in the wagon.

Excuse me.

Shit.

As you can see behind me,

what started as
a peaceful protest

has now mushroomed into
a substantial demonstration.

It seems that tempers flared when
executives from Allied Technologies

refused to speak to rep...

Oh, my god.
- What the hell was going on back there?

I don't know, man,
but Les, I'll tell you something...

this Caddy sure can
take a beating.

Yeah, well, not half the beating
you're going to get

unless you clam up, Dean.

Oh, this is great.
This is real classic.

They must be
checking for drunk drivers.

Yeah, no shit.

Don't sweat it.
Think of your license as a credit card.

Sooner or later
you gotta break it in.

Pull over to the curb,
right over there.

And besides, Les,
what are you worried about?

We're sober. They're here to catch
drunks like that dick.

Have you had anything to drink
tonight, sir?

Take it easy.

License and registration.

License and registration, son.

Um, sir,
I forgot my license at home.

But, um, I could give you this.

All right, sit tight.

Why didn't you show him
your license?

What was that thing you flashed
in front of us at the house?

My school ID.

Are you telling us
that you left the house

on your first night out with
a license without a license?

No, Dean,
I'm not telling you that.

I... look, guys,

I failed my exam.

You what?

Proper grammar is...

This punk doesn't even
have a license.

All right, sir,
what I'd like you to do

is I'd like you to try
to walk this line here, all right?

- All right.
- Come here.

You just keep walking, all right?
I'll be right back.

We may have to call a wagon
to pick this guy up.

This is gonna go on our records.

We're gonna be
locked up in a cell

with men who have
murdered and raped

and robbed convenience stores.

Will you take a pill or something?
Will you just relax?

Nothing's going to happen to us.
We're juveniles.

Nice call, Dean.

All right, Anderson,
let's have a look inside the trunk.

Come on, I ain't got all night.

Come on, come on.

Hi, how you doin'?

What the hell is this?

My date?

We gotta roll. There's a riot
going on at Allied Tech.

You just got lucky, pal.

Let's go.

- Excuse me, officers?
- Yes! Perfect! Yes.

See, Les, what'd I tell you?
Piece of cake.

Deano, shut up, huh?
Help me with her.

Do something useful in life,
would you?

Oh, looks like a line. Oh yeah.

Oh, a Maserati.

Oh, this is much
nicer than mine.

Keys?

This chick is no paperweight.

So where's our next stop?

There are no stops, Dean.
We're going home.

Oh, I'm dead.

I'm so dead they're gonna
have to bury me twice.

Let's go.

Looks like I'm in for the night.

You can't take this car!

Yeah, well, he took our car.
We're gonna take his.

And go. What a waste.

Oh, I'm swinging!

Go, go!

Where the hell am I?

- He's going left. He's going left.
- I see him. I see him.

Whoa!

Where the hell
is this guy going?

Yeah, go, Sammy!

Oh, oh!

- Shit.
- Don't worry about it.

I can fix that.
It's only the right side.

My life's no bed of roses,
that's for sure.

People are the problem.
People pushing me around!

I don't care what you say to the guy,
just get him to pull over.

The man is a drunk lunatic.

Don't you think this is
a little bit dangerous?

You're telling me about dangerous?

Charles, you want to know
what's dangerous?

Me going home
and having to explain to my father

that this piece of shit
is my grandfather's Cadillac.

Now, Charles, here he is
and you'd better talk to him.

- Be tough!
- Excuse me, sir?

Sir, pardon me. Excuse me.

I believe there's been
a slight mix-up here.

It seems you've mistakenly
driven off with our car.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You're very kind.
- What the hell?

Come on! Get the juicehead
to pull over.

Sir?

Les, he just vomited
in your car.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Whoo! What airline is this?

Come on, go! Yeah, come on.

Shut up, Deano.

Hey, check it out... spongehead
is actually driving straight.

What did he do, sober up?

Holy shit! He's out cold.

Oh, shit.

Charles, you take the gas.
Deano, you take the wheel.

- I'm going out there.
- No, no, wait a minute. No, no.

- Les, it's just a car!
- You try telling that to my father.

Les. Be careful, Les.

- Hold it steady.
- Wait a minute, Les!

Dean, hold the car steady.

Come on.

Keep it straight, would you?

Shit.

Stop it! You're losing control.

Les! Wait a minute, wait.

Whoa! Whoa!

I'm gonna fall.
Deano, wait a minute.

- Holy shit!
- Shit! Whoa!

Deano, whoa!

Mister, wake up, would you?

Come on.

Wake up. Please, wake up.

Will you get your hands
off the god damn...

Shit.

Whoa! Deano, help.

We're losing him. Look.

Hi, Les.

Stop it, Dean!

God, I hate drunk drivers.

What?

No! No!

Watch the road, come on.

Oh, shit!

No! No!

- Come on, get out of the car!
- Stop stepping on my face!

Hey, will you stop complaining?
Oh, you're alive!

- We thought you were dead.
- Oh, my god.

Did you see what you did?
Did you see what you did?

Honey, I'm home.

- Who is this guy?
- L don't know.

Who are you?

Well, my friend, you're a little thief.
Give me those keys.

Yes, yes, but see, friends
don't let friends drive drunk.

You call yourself a friend?

Wait, look, you were incredible.

You are an animal.

I mean nobody's
going to believe this.

Yeah, not too bad for a kid
without his license, huh?

Les, I gotta tell you,

license or no license,

that was one intense display
of driving.

Yeah, and as far as a first night out
on the town with a car is concerned,

that one definitely
sets the standard.

Hey, thank god you don't get your
license for a couple months, buddy.

What are you going
to tell Sleeping Beauty?

I don't know.

Shh. Go, go.

Good night, Les.

See you later, Les.

- Robert.
- Hmm?

This is it.

That's nice, honey.

This is it.

I'm up! I'm up! I'm up. I'm up.

Okay okay, do your breathing.

Okay, how far apart
are the contractions?

Five minutes? Fine.
Plenty of time.

The dream was so bizarre, Les.

As if I was trapped
in the trunk of a car

and suddenly the trunk
flipped open,

and there you were,
rescuing me.

- It was so weird.
- Sounds crazy.

Oh, I know it sounds
unbelievable,

but somehow you're always
there to hold me

like you are right now.

I felt so safe and so warm.

I'm sorry I was such
a sleepyhead tonight.

You must have been so bored.

Oh, no, don't be silly.

Tonight for me was like
non-stop action.

Oh. When can we go out again?

Honestly, Mercedes,
tonight might be the last night

anybody ever sees me alive.

Why? What happened?

It's a long complicated story.
You don't want to hear about it.

Does it have a happy ending?

Mm-hmm. It has so far.

Hopefully one day
I'll get to tell you how it ends.

I'll be here.

Bye.

- Ow!
- The baby?

No, the laces are too tight.

- Okay, honey.
- Robert?

Honey? Whoa.

Okay. Oh, wait,
let me get my jacket.

- Where's my jacket?
- Okay, okay.

- Where's my jacket? Where is it?
- Okay.

Oh, I forgot the bag.
L forgot the bag.

Okay, I'm gonna wait here.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Calm down, honey.
- You okay?

- You okay?
- Good. Yeah, I'm fine.

- I'm fine.
- Ow.

- Wait. Oh, no. Okay.
- Another one.

- Okay.
- Uh-oh.

Okay, yeah, put your arm on me.
Put your arm.

Oh, man.

Here we go.

- Uh, uh-oh.
- What?

What? What?

Oh, gosh, I'm fine.

- I'm sorry. I'm fine now.
- What do you mean you're fine?

I think it was air bubbles
from the pickle or something.

- Honey, are you sure?
- Oh, gosh.

- The car's right here.
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm fine.

Oh, man.

Why is the garage door open?

Oh, Natalie probably
left it open.

No, honey,
Natalie took the Audi.

Where the hell is the Audi?
- Ow.

- Oh, Robert!
- What in the?

Robert!

Honey, keep breathing.

Whoa! Whoa!

What?

Something wrong
with your bed, Les?

Mind explaining to me what size
shark was responsible for this?

- Well, it...
- Don't!

I don't want to know.
L don't want to know.

Save it for the judge.

Do you have any idea
what you've done tonight, Les?

What this means to your future
in this house

- and on this planet?
- L have an idea.

No, you can't possibly!
You can't even begin to imagine.

We had a college fund
set aside for you.

That's gone now.

You had free room and board,
two trusting parents,

and a social life.
It's all gone.

You had a TV, a stereo,
a baseball mitt,

a tennis racket, a skateboard,

a bicycle... all gone.

And you even had sunlight
and a window in your room.

Robert!

Let me tell you something,
buddy boy,

you are damn lucky your mother
didn't go into labor tonight.

Robert, I am in labor!

Damn lucky!

What?

Honey, you okay? How far apart
are the contractions?

- I don't know.
- You don't know?

Is it one minute, two minutes?
How close?

- Too close.
- Too close. No handle!

No handle! No handle.

Okay, honey, okay, we'll be
at the hospital in a minute.

Okay, watch your head.

Oh, Robert, I want you
in the backseat with me.

No, honey, I can't.
I have to drive.

- Les can drive.
- What?

Les who? Not that Les. No no.

No, he stays here.
Rudy, you drive.

- Rudy, get in the car!
- Dad, Dad.

Dad. Dad, let me drive.

- I can do it, Dad.
- Oh! Oh, Robert.

Please stay with me.

I need you. Ah!

- Dad?
- Okay, you drive.

But try and do it
like you have a license!

Let me open the door.

Ew!
It smells like puke in here.

Shut up, Rudy.

What are you doing?

- Robert.
- Dad, sorry, it's a red light.

Are you crazy?
There isn't a car in sight.

We're rushing your mother to
the hospital, not to a bridge game.

- Come on, go through it.
- Okay. Okay.

What are you doing? Come on.

Dad, I'm pushing the gas down.
It ain't moving. I don't know...

It sounds like the transmission.
Try another gear.

Come on.

- Mom?
- Try low.

Don't worry,
I'm just having a baby.

What was that?

Reverse works, Dad.

Honey?

Let him drive backwards.

Let him drive sideways.
I don't care.

Just get me there!

All right, but be careful.

I will.

Whoa!

Baby.
- Throw the golf clubs.

Oh, okay.

No, go right! No, left.

No, go right. No.

What are you doing?
Get off the sidewalk.

Okay, that's it.
I'm driving, pull over.

- Look out!
- Hold it!

What are you doing?
Les, you're going the wrong way.

Look out!
Where'd you people learn to drive?

Okay, we're good.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Oh! Ow! God!

Anderson! Whoa, goddamn car.

Ahh!

- How are you, honey?
- I'm wet.

Hey, slow it down there, buddy.
Hey, stop!

Stop, stop, stop!

This is it. Okay.

- Woman in labor!
- What the hell's the matter with you?

Woman in labor! Woman in labor!

Come on, honey.
Okay okay. Keep breathing.

- Keep breathing.
- Robert.

- Come on!
- Mom?

- Ow, ow, ow.
- Careful, she's in labor.

- I'm fine.
- Rudy, go with Mom.

I'll be right there, honey.

Come here, I want to talk to you.
Come here.

Come here.

Where'd you learn
to drive like that?

I guess last night, Dad.

Yeah? Must have been
one hell of a crash course.

Look, don't worry about Grandpa.
The damage isn't that bad.

We'll get the car fixed.
Maybe he won't notice.

It's slipping!
Look out, the beam! Stand clear!

Oh, shit!

I'm losing it! Look out!

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody home?

It's Grandpa.

What are you
gonna tell him, Dad?

Well, the truth could kill him,

but I guess he's getting
kind of old, huh?

What's everybody
sweating about?

He's been away a long time.
He'll want to come in, relax.

- Come on, damn it, open up.
- He hasn't seen the twins yet.

I know my father.
Last thing in the world

he's going to be worried about
is his car.

Hi, Dad.

- Where's my Caddy?
- Les did it!

It was Les. I didn't...

What in the hell is that?

- Uh...
- Son of a bitch.

What in the hell is that?

It's your car, Grandpa.

Your car.

- Dad?
- What is it?

- What?
- What's the matter?

Dad, what... what is it?

Why are you laughing?

Here, I had a little trouble
with your car too.

My BMW?

Son of a bitch!

Yo.

Les, you know how you said
when you got your license,

you wanted a BMW?
Well, here you go. It's all yours.

Take good care of it.

Thanks, Dad,
that's very generous of you.

But, you know,
I don't need the BMW anymore.

Les?

I already have a Mercedes.

Don't wait up, guys.