Original subtitles

[MOUSE SQUEAKS]

[PENGUINS CHIRP]

[ALL CHEERING]

[SCREECHES]

♪ Adventure Time ♪

♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the dog

and Finn the human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ It's Adventure Time ♪

The goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!

Shush!

You guys can't live without me, right?

BOTH: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

You got problems, man.

Bah!

[SMACK!]

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

♪ Wands are for wimps! ♪

[GRUNTING]

You may have beaten me this time, but --

Ow!

BOTH: Ha ha! Yeah!

[POOR!]

And stay out, muffin top!

ALL: [CHEERING]

[CHANTING] Finn and Jake!

Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake!

Nyah, great job, warriors.

You've freed us.

I am Gummy, Royal Goblin Chief of staff.

Nice to meet you.

Nyah!

I-I-I'm sorry.

I have not known a friendly touch in some time.

You see, Xergiok loved to be a jerk to us.

It's spankin' time!

Yea-a-a-a-h!

Yeah!

[SIGHS]

Yea-a-a-a-a-h!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Aw, heck, Maria.

I need to ask you something.

Do you want to do this marriage thing with me?

ALL: Aww!

Oh, my love, the answer is yes.

Boom!

[LAUGHS]

Congratulations.

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

W-we need a good King to rule us, like you, mayhaps?

Oh, yeah!

You should do it!

Yeah, be their King.

No, man.

I'm an Adventurer fo' life.

If there isn't a King to tell me not to start a riot,

I-I could start a riot, then.

No rules, baby!

Start that riot!

[ALL CHEER]

Riot! Flip this table!

No one can tell me no!

[WHAM] Aah!

Please, Finn. We need a King!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Stop the riot!

[ALL GASP]

I'll become your King... to save y'all from yourselves.

We have a new King!

[ALL CHEER]

Hey, Finn's gonna need a Queen.

I'll do it.

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

Allow me to show you the grounds, your Majesties.

Show me what we got, Gummy.

Show it to me!

Dude, I'm psyched!

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

The Goblin Birthing Pits, your majesties.

I'm being born!

That's pretty neat.

The Garden of Living Fountains.

Whoo! Awesome!

The Royal Game Archive, complete with controller hats.

BOTH: Ooh!

The Royal Dragon Stables.

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

Whoa.

And, finally, the royal bedroom, with king-sized bed for

the royal couple.

Could you make that a bunk bed?

Yes, my Queen.

Whisper Dan!

[CRANK! CRANK! CRANK!]

[SHING!]

I call the top!

And I call --

GUMMY: Wait!

For you, great King, the book of royal rules.

Mm. Sounds boring.

Oh, no worries, my Liege.

I'll read it to you.

Hey, Jake.

You want to stay awake and hear some rules?

[SNORES]

[WHIMPERING]

[HONK! GROWL!]

All right, lay it on me, Gummy.

"Introduction, colon, the 623 royal rules were established

in Moon Year 16, in response to elder Gorflox's repeated request

for an organized response..."

GUMMY: Awaken, your highness!

No way, dude.

[FARTS]

Your Excellency, let's go.

We have much to do.

Whoo!

This is where you may perform your daily processes, my King.

Whoa!

Look at that huge mirror!

And it's painted baby blue -- boys style!

Come, Sire.

It is time to brush your teeth

in front of the "boys style" mirror.

Whoo! Awesome!

BOTH: [GASP]

Oh, no, no, no, your majesty!

Please! Let us brush your teeth!

Kyah!

Whoa, ease up, dudes.

Finn access only.

Aah! He's a rule breaker!

Don't spank us too hard!

Spare them, your majesty!

Spank me instead!

Set my buttocks ablaze!

Guys, what are you talking about?

Rule one, "the King shall not brush his own teeth,"

in the book of royal rules I read to you last night.

Oh! Oh.

Guys, put your hams away.

ALL: Wha?!

I'm not gonna spank your hams.

I'm not that kind of King.

So, then, we may brush your teeth, my Lord?

You can brush my teeth I guess.

ALL: Yay!

Oh.

This brunch looks great.

Can't wait to dig in.

Uh, I will out that, your highness.

Gummy, as King, I order you to let me out it.

I'm sorry, Sire.

The royal rules don't allow it.

I'm cutting it, Gummy!

No!

Thank you, Gummy.

Uh, a thousand pardons, my Lord.

You're not going to chew that, are you?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Sire.

The royal rules don't allow it.

Gummy, just let me do this.

No one will know.

I would know.

[MUNCHING]

[GAGS]

Uh, Jake, this is nuts.

Maybe, but rules are rules.

[GAGS]

GUMMY: Master, eat your food.

I chewed it thoroughly and heated it to goblin body

temperature.

I'm not hungry, Gummy.

You look a little bit down.

Would you like me to weep for you?

No, Gummy. It's just --

[SLAM!]

GOBLIN: Sire! Sire!

There's trouble in Town Square!

A thief!

A thief? [LAUGHS] Yes!

I'll handle it!

No, sire!

The King is not allowed to fight.

He must give a speech to the thief.

That is the royal rule, my Liege.

There's the thief!

Give me them hot buns, Lady!

Hey, thief!

[ALL GASP]

I got a speech for yo-- no!

The royal speaker must give the speech.

What?!

You see?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Since the dawn of time, the balance of what is right and

what is wrong has come into question...

[LAUGHS] I'll take this.

Yes, you can feel it slowly working, eh?

LADY: Oh, no! Aah!

I can't let this go on!

Gimme!

Hands off, thief!

[GASPS]

Ha!

Here you go, old lady.

Oh, no! The new King!

Just as cruel as the last King.

Hi -- Yo. . .what?

Oh, King, we beg you not to slay the old lady.

ALL: Don't hurt us!

No, wait!

Don't slay me!

You may keep the hot buns, your majesty!

I'm ready for my spanking,

Mr. Xergiok part two.

ALL: We're ready for our spanking, Sire!

[SIGHS]

♪ I just want to help y'all as much as I can ♪

♪ And y'all just keep showing me your goblin hams ♪

♪ When I became King ♪

♪ I didn't think y'all would show me your rears ♪

♪ But I'll accept my boring fate and shed this tear ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't seem to cure you of your groundless fears ♪

No! No more spankings!

[DOOR OPENS]

Aah!

Gummy, don't be afraid.

I'm gonna stick to the rules now, okay?

My Lord, I'm sorry, y-you haven't heard?

Xergiok is returning with an evil army!

Come look -- through the scope.

You see?

[MARCHING FOOTSTEPS]

Prepare to destroy them all!

Oh!

[GASPS]

If I defeat Xergiok as King, I can prove to the goblins that an

active King can be a good King.

But I can't let them know until it's all over.

Stay fainted, Gummy.

Oh!

Whisper Dan, have you seen Jake?

[CRANK! CRANK! CRANK!]

JAKE: I'm in here.

Xergiok's back with an army of earclopses.

Let's bust them up!

[SIGHS]

All right, man.

How do we do this?

Hmm.

What if they figure it out?

No way, man.

I'm going to be honest with you, King Finn.

When I'm scared, I feel most safe in your lap.

Line up for your spankings, Goblins!

Oh! Too late -- in my pants!

Jake, the goblins can't see me being un-Kingly.

I need a disguise.

Jump in my mouth!

[CHOMP!]

Yah!

Who among you has the courage to face Xergiok?!

Shut your kissing hole, Xergiok!

It's time for a beating!

I salute you, foolish warrior!

You can be my personal sla--

[CLAP!]

Whoa! Whoa!

[CLAP!]

[CLAP!]

Wow-wow-wow-wow- wow-wow-wow!

How in the world?!

Dude, no one uses earclopses in battle without earplugs.

[GRUNTS]

[POOR!]

Eat this!

[GRUNTS]

Pow! Pow! Pow!

Whoa!

Ha ha! You missed me!

[MUNCHES]

[GULP!]

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, great King.

With the help of a brave soldier,

you thwarted the evil Xergiok.

Huzzah!

[ALL CHEERING]

Come on, dude.

Let's get out of here.

JAKE: [MUFFLED] Aww.

All right.

Well, looks like they got the King they wanted, buddy.

JAKE: Yup.

And we're going home to adventure.

JAKE: Mm-hmm.

High five us, dude.

Hey, Jake?

JAKE: What?

FINN: Why do the insides of you smell like vanilla?

JAKE: Oh. A wizard put a curse on me.

FINN: Huh. Neat.

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

♪ We can wander through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪