All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S03E12.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing:

I'm seeing Amy
again tonight.

Second date?

First date, really.

Last night was
more of a, you know...

Scheme.

You know
Amy's seeing somebody?

I do know that.

Congressman.
Josh.

Great night for us.

We'll see.

I'm just saying...
That he's using me.

I was saying that.

How'd it go?
Not at all well.

You know whose fault
that is?

John Tandy's.
No.

Hers.
Yours.

He's about to be censured,
and then he's going

to deliver
the State of the Union

and then he's going to run
for reelection.

My guess is that there are
some things on his mind.

( intercom buzzes )

( blankets rustling )

( groans )

( buzzing insistently )

( groans )

( pushes intercom )

NEWSCASTER 1:
The Supreme Court has issued
its annual report.

Details in this report...

NEWSCASTER 2:
Voters in Iowa will pass
the first ballots

as the presidential primary
season officially gets underway.

President Bartlet, unchallenged
in the Democratic caucus

will be flying
to Cedar Rapids today.

While on the Republican side,
Governor Ritchie looks to be

the front-runner
in the primaries.

The official campaign season
begins today in Iowa...

Why would I put it back?

...There will only be one
candidate in the kickoff...

( lid clatters )

...President Jed Bartlet.

President Bartlet is the first
elected democratic incumbent

since Franklin Roosevelt

to go unchallenged
by his own party.

With no opposition, he could
easily bypass the Iowa caucus...

( knocking on door )

..."The President feels that
in the spirit of true democracy

"he must present himself...
( knocking continues )

to the American people
as the candidate."

Having an unchallenged
Republican...

Hello.

Hello.

You let anybody up
without asking who it is?

I thought you
were breakfast.

You know what?

What?

John's never asked to see
the WLC's high donor database.

What?

He's never asked to see
the high donor database.

Or any other mailing list.

So how do you like
them apples?

I just went to sleep
about two hours ago.

You think he's using me.

Is the sun even up?

I just thought
you should know.

No, not so much.

Those pajamas are
too big for you.

What makes you
say that?

Well, you've got
the bottoms all...

I know they're
too big for me.

What are you doing here?

Demonstrating,
once and for all

that John's not using me
to get the women's vote.

You're flaky,
you know that?

You're quite
the flake.

Not once has he asked
to see the database...

I was done with this
fight a month ago.

...never asked us to sponsor
a fund-raiser for him.

It's early.

It's January.

You think it's too early
to start raising money?

No, I'm saying it's
5:00 in the morning.

I offered him a slot to speak
on Safe Haven laws; he declined.

He hardly ever takes
photo-ops with me.

He always takes
photo-ops with you.

Yes, yes, he does,
but he never runs them

in his Congressional
Newsletter.

How do you like
them apples?

We're going to stop
with the apples soon, right?

Admit that you're wrong

and that his relationship
with me

has nothing to do
with politics.

I admit it.

Do you mean it?

No, of course,
I'm right

and his relationship
with you

has everything
to do with politics.

He's a power dater;
that's what power daters do.

You know how I know?

'Cause you're a power dater?

That's right.

Well, you know how
I know that you're wrong?

'Cause you looked in
his eyes, saw his soul

and confronted him in a
moment of human honesty?

That's right.

Then he was sure
to tell you the truth.

Well, he didn't have to.

Why?

'Cause he asked me
to marry him.

...was greeted by more than
40 protesters

who had cut through fences...

How do you like them appl...

No.

...Navy, which owns...

He asked you to marry him?

Yes.

And you want me
to talk you out of it?

You don't have to talk me
out of it, I said no.
Good.

And then I told him
I thought we should

stop seeing each other
for a while.

Really?
Yes.

Okay.

Now you're nervous.

No, I'm not.

Josh, you and I
have spent

four nights
with each other.

I didn't break up
with him for you.

I'm not pathetic-stalking-woman

who, you know....
does things.

We spent six nights
with each other.

What are you counting?

I'm counting them all.

It was four.

He just upped and proposed?

Yes, Hamlet,
it's called being decisive.

No, Ophelia, it's called
a political asset.

What does it matter now?

It doesn't.

And that's all
you're going to say?

I'll say more when you call me
in 30 seconds

from your cell phone.

...and a consultant has
recommended background checks

on employees...

You know, for the most
insecure guy I've ever met

you're pretty sure of yourself.

You'll call me
from your cell phone

that's where the real
conversation always takes place.

You can't afford
pajamas that fit?

It's laundry day.

I'll see ya.

( door opening and closing )

...with aides in Governor
Ritchie's campaign

hopeful that a large turnout
will help...

( phone ringing )

Time number one was on the steps

in front of my apartment
when you kissed me.

It was snowing.

Time number two was
when you came over

after the State of the Union.

Time number three was
at your house

when you put on your bootleg
tape of the Stones

at Wembley Stadium
and put on your feather boa

and sang "Honkey Tonk Woman."

Time number four involved
a variety of hosiery...

Josh, I'm going to stop you
right here, okay?

Leo?

Yeah.

Anybody else in the office?

Hey, Josh.

Hey, Margaret.

LEO:
We've got a problem in Vieques

and a caucus in Iowa.

Why don't you come
on in to work, hmm?

Yeah.

as the presidential primary
season officially gets underway.

President Bartlet, unchallenged
in the Democratic caucus

will being arriving
to Cedar Rapids today.

While on the Republican side,
Governor Ritchie looks to be

the front-runner in the primary.

C.J.:
I'm on the plane.

No, I'm on the plane.

I'll be coming back tonight;
it's just for the day.

No, it's just for the day, Dad.

We're coming back tonight.

I won't be tired.

I'll sleep if I'm tired,
but I won't be tired.

Because we're coming back
at 8:00

and I don't get tired at 8:00.

Plus I won't be the one
flying the plane.

Oh, my God.

Dad, because this is how it is.

If it's in the 48 states,
we come back the same day.

The taxpayers paid for a very
comfortable and fast airplane

and this is what they had
in mind when they did.

Am I going to...?

No.

Because I don't live in Iowa;
I'm not allowed to vote there.

Ah, see, there's always a catch.

Well, he's unchallenged
in the Iowa caucus

so I like our chances.

No, Dad, I'm on the plane.

All right,
I'll try and call you later

if there's anything interesting
to report.

Talk to you later.

( bell chimes )

MAN:
Mr. President,
ladies and gentlemen

good morning
from the flight deck.

This is
Lieutenant Colonel Gantry.

We're passing through some
turbulence

on our way to a cruising
altitude of 41,000 feet.

Our flight plan this morning's

going to take us
over Wheeling and Toledo

the south shore
of Lake Michigan

then over Aurora, Illinois

before we make our final
approach

into the Eastern Iowa
Airport in Cedar Rapids.

Our flight time today is 1:52.

C.J.:
Excuse me.

Is it possible
that we're riding

into town in a
soy-diesel bus?

There was talk of it

but that idea got killed off
pretty quick.

Yeah, okay.

I'm going to go back there.

Have you guys zeroed in
on a message for the day?

How to reform
the Freedom to Farm Act.

Ritchie's pulled into single
digits in the overnights.

I saw.

What a gift from heaven
it would be if he won.

Hmm? Yeah.

So the Four-H Convention?

We're not going.

I don't get it, how can you not
want to see the butter cow?

I'm that way.

You understand
it's a life-sized cow

made entirely of butter.

We're not going.

There's also a butter Elvis
and a butter Last Supper

which has,
I swear to God, Toby...

Butter on the table?

It's got butter on the table

right there between butter James
and butter Peter.

An almost mind-blowing
vortex of art and material

that dares the viewer
to recall Marcel Duchamp.

How do they keep it
from melting?

How indeed.

Toby, you have a phone call
in the staff cabin.

Thank you.

C.J.:
Butter, butter, butter,
butter, butter, butter.

MAN:
Mr. Ziegler, this is
Signal Operator 41.

I have a call from Mr. Seaborn
at the White House.

Thank you.

Duchamp was
the father of Dadaism.

I know.

The dada of Dada.

It's like there's nothing
you can do about that joke.

It's coming, and you just
have to stand there.

The cow, made
out of butter?

That's how I like my
irony served, my friend.

I have a phone call waiting
that's being relayed

through four satellites.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Hey. I'm going to guess
where you are right now, okay?

Okay.

Wheels-up was 5:35, heading

west northwest.

You're not at your cruising
altitude yet

so I'm going to say
an average of 400 knots

with a light head wind.

I'm going to go ahead and guess

Cumberland, West Virginia.
Am I right?

I have no idea.

Well, then, we'll say I'm right.

Listen, do you remember
Bob Engler?

No.

I met with him a few years ago
from U.S. Space Command.

He told you they were tracking
a UFO in the skies over Maui?

Yes. Do you have any idea

why I have another appointment
with him today?

I don't.
Okay.

Listen, Ritchie made a statement
last night in support

of the Pennsylvania Referendum
banning any use

of race in college admissions.

I think the President should say

something at the U.I. campus.

About affirmative action?

Yeah.

He shouldn't.

Why?

Because Ritchie's not
going to be

the Republican nominee
for President.

Write up a few sentences,
would you?

Send it up to the plane
right away?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hi.
Good morning.

I'm a little
tired today.

Really?
Yeah.

From the lovemaking?

I'm supposed to see Leo.

Yeah, listen,
I need a favor.

I need you to get me
out of jury duty.

Why?

Because I have jury duty.

When?

Tomorrow.

Well, why don't you wait
till we're a little closer

and ask me again.

Can you do it?

No.
Why not?

What kind
of legal authority

do you think
I'm empowered with?

But you're a powerful man.

You get...
Yes, thank you.

You get deferrals,
don't you?

Only four.

And?

I've used them all up.

Then it looks like justice is
finally in your hands.

I don't want it in
my hands right now.

I'm kind of
seeing somebody.

Yes, well, there's nothing
I can do for you.

I'm surprised
to hear that

'cause you're
such a powerful man.

All the girls say so.

Have you been zapped
of your power

by the lovemaking?

She's... I don't...

He's waiting for you.

Hey.

What's going on in
Vieques? Protesters?

Yeah, listen, something
like five ships

out of the USS Thurman Battle
Carrier steamed in yesterday.

What they need is
final combat certifications

before then can be deployed
to the Indian Ocean

where they're needed
right now.

Yeah.

You understand they need
to do ship-to-shore gunnery

and air-to-ground bombing
exercises

before they're certified

and they can't go
until they're certified.

Okay.
All right.

So some forty protesters have
planted themselves

in the live-target range.

I don't... I'm sorry,
why am I...?

This is national security.

One of the protesters,
in fact, the leader apparently

is a friend of yours.

Billy?
Yeah.

Arrest him, it's what he's
waiting for you to do.

This is a well-known actor.

This well-loved young man
in the Hispanic community.

He's with other well-loved men
in the Hispanic community.

Wait 'em out.

They've got supplies,
and we don't have the time.

He's got a cell phone;
we've got the number.

No.

Yeah.

Leo, if I wasn't
working here

I'd probably be
with him down there.

Yeah, but you're working here.

This is a crappy thing
to do with friendship.

These things aren't supposed
to be personal.

We're at DefCon 4, I'm sorry,
we're arranging the call.

You can check a whip count

but I don't think we get 60
votes on a cloture motion.

WOMAN:
We think we lose
eight democrats

who don't want to spend capital
on the foreign aid budget.

I think we lose
eight democrats

once they find there is
a foreign aid budget.

Anything else?

Thank you,
Mr. President.

What's up?

Uh, well, Ritchie made
a statement last night

in support of the referendum
in Pennsylvania.

Sam's going to work
on a few lines in response.

Look, he's going to make
statements during the primary

that force me to move
to my left

it's not like I've got to swing
at every pitch, right?

You know, everybody still thinks
it's going to be Simon.

You and I know different.

The overnights have Ritchie
inside single digits.

Every candidate's
dream opponent, huh?

Yeah.

I'll take a look
at what Sam does.

We should respond.

I'll take a look at it.

Thank you, Mr. President.

( door opens and closes )

NEWSCASTER:
...the race
officially began today

as the Iowa caucus got
underway...

( knocking )

Come in.

SAM:
What's going on?

I'm waiting
for a phone call.

Billy Molina and some people
ran the Coast Guard line.

They're camped out
in the live target range.

There's a carrier that has
to fire in the live target range

or they can't be certified.

If they're not certified,
they can't be deployed

and they have to be deployed.

So they're hooking
you up with Billy?

Yeah.

It's a strange day

when I'm involved
with national security.

I was just thinking
the same thing.

You know
what else?

What?

Tandy asked Amy
to marry him.

Seriously?

Yeah.

She said no.

Yeah.

That happened fast,
don't you think?

No, no.

Don't do this.

What?

I-I recognize this.

As what?

She didn't break
up with him for you.

I guarantee it.

She is a fully
independent woman.

She's the real thing.

Stop looking at
her different

than you did
yesterday.

I just said
it was a little fast.

you find a reason
to be mad at her.

You're wrong.

Guys like you?

Yeah?

I'm one of them.

DONNA:
Josh?

Yeah.

He's on.

Billy, it's Josh.

Okay, just tell me
a couple things first.

Is everybody okay?

Is anybody hurt?

TOBY ( reading ):
"The American dream
is opportunity

"and together
we must give every child

"the chance to reach
for his or her dream.

"This is why we must ensure
the opportunity is real

"that the dream is neither
deferred nor denied

"that hope is not a privilege

for the few..."

This is Sam's?

No. I reworked it.

"...but a promise for all
generations... to follow."

Sir, I've read it twice

and I don't even know where
you stand on affirmative action.

Yeah, I was trying
to avoid a quote.

As well as nouns and pronouns.

It's purposefully nonspecific.

I don't even know
what we're talking about.

We get the word out
to our friends

that I was obviously
nodding in the direction

of affirmative action.

How about if we oppose
affirmative action

then get the word out
to our friends

you were just kidding?

Nobody's questioning
where we stand.
Sir...

I don't want to campaign today.

What happened
to writing a new book?

We will, but we don't...

Man, we don't have
to piss people off every day

in order to demonstrate
that we're not...

Yes.

Look, we're going to Iowa
where we already won.

I'm not ignoring the state,
and I say thank you

for getting me elected
in the first place

and we're back
on the plane.

And I'll tell
you what else.

I don't think it's a good idea

for us to be fighting
for news coverage

with three governors,
two senators

and the head of the Church
of I Hate You.

Let's just get in
under the radar.

Yes, sir.

I'll say a few words.

Yes, sir.

That's it.

Thank you, Mr. President.

( door opens )

What did he say?

They say something
in the primary

that forces us
to the left

so that we
have to...

Is that how it works?

Yes.

Tell me more, Obi-Wan.

I'm saying...

He's going
to a college campus.

It's a pretty good time
to talk about affirmative action

when it comes to admissions.

Yeah.

What?

Your father didn't need
affirmative action

and neither did mine

and they were both
children of immigrants.

Your father needed the GI bill,
and so did mine.

I'm the wrong Democrat
to talk to about this.

Why?

Because...

After my father fought in Korea

he became what this government
begs every college graduate

to become.

He became a teacher

and he raised a family
on a teacher's salary

and he paid his taxes,
and always crossed at the green.

And anytime there was
an opportunity

for career advancement,
it took him an extra five years

because invariably there was
a less-qualified black woman

in the picture.

So, instead of retiring
as superintendent

of the Ohio Valley Union
Free School District

he retired
head of the Math Department

at William Henry Harrison
Junior High.

How is he these days?

Who?

Your dad.

He's fine.

We got cut off.
LEO:
We know.

The cell phone went dead,
and they have to recharge it.

They're going to need to use
a solar recharger

and that's going to take
a few hours.

Why a few hours?

For the weather
to clear.

Look, when you get back
on the phone with him

we'd like you to stand
a little tougher.

Excuse me?

I said, we'd like you
to stand...

Then you get on
the phone with him.

Look, we...
This isn't a
hostage situation.

It's a legitimate
protest.

One where...
You're free...

Excuse, me, sir,
you're free

to arrest them
or shoot them

but we won't because
it's bad politics.

Let's just remember
what the thing is here.

This is not the time
for people to be protesting.

Puerto Rico lived
under Spain

for four centuries;
under the U.S. for one.

In 500 years

it hasn't determined
its own destiny

for five minutes.

They're using

depleted
uranium shells...
A lecture about...

...napalm, cluster bombs.

Vieques has a cancer rate

25% higher than the rest
of Puerto Rico.

When is the time
to be protesting?

Tell me.
I'll tell them.

They'll do it.

We'll need you
in a few hours.

Thank you.

100 antichoice votes.

I'm not fine with it.

A Congress that votes
to ban late-term abortions

even when a woman's life
is in danger.

"Affordable day care" is
a contradiction in terms.

Gag rules and old men
who think women's issues

should be the subject
of PTA meetings

and not the U.S. House
of Representatives.

I'm not fine with it.

The WLC's not fine with it.

Women aren't fine with it.

( applause )

It's really something.

Every two years we get

to overthrow the government.

( applause )

And guess what's coming up
in November?

In ten months,
we can make the difference.

Let's get out the vote.

Let's get ourselves organized.

Let's get the Congress
we deserve.

Thank you very much,
and may God bless America.

( thunderous applause )

( cheering )

Hi.

Hi.

Did you hear
the whole thing?

I heard you overthrow
the government.

That's always money in the bank.

Tell me about it.

Hey, guys

could I have the
room for a minute?

Is there someone

who can take care of Henry?

What do you have against Henry?

Nothing.

I... love Henry.

Is there someone who takes care
of him when you go away?

I leave him with my sister.

What do you think about
going away for a few days?

Where?

Tahiti or Paris.

Venice.

We can go to Epcot if you want.

Tahiti?

Lie on the beach,
dance at night

reggae, a little UB-40.

Reggae's the Caribbean.

They don't have reggae
in Tahiti?

I think we should find out.

I'm sorry?

I said, I think
we should find out.

We should.

When?

Day after tomorrow.

Okay.
Okay.

Okay.

I'm buying
plane tickets

right now.

I'm making reservations.

Go.
I'm going.

You're not going fast enough.

I'm saying when I walk out that
door, I'm buying plane tickets.

I'm saying
when I walk out that door

I'm buying new bikinis.

I'm going fast now.

WOMAN ( on TV ):
Mr. President, can you speak

on the environmental impact
on the water, sir?

PRESIDENT:
Well, farming isn't
the only cause

or even the main cause

but it's a significant land use
in watersheds

and runoff
from dairy operations

from hog and poultry operations.

They can be carried
into drinking water

by rainfall and snowmelt.

It's what's called
"nonpoint source pollution."

Yeah, over here.

Mr. President,
Donald Atwell

Iowa City Standard.

Governor Ritchie
came out this morning

in support of
the Pennsylvania
referendum

banning affirmative
action with regard

to college admissions

and I was wondering
if you'd comment.

Well, you know what

now that we've abolished
discrimination in our laws

we need to abolish it
in our hearts and minds.

But specifically,
with regards to...

Thanks a lot, everybody.

It's great to be back in Iowa.

Sam?

Sam, ol' man.

Yes.

I need you to give me
some voir dire coaching.

You want to be
chosen for a jury?

I want to not be chosen
for a jury.

All right, well,
the lawyers are going

to ask you some general
questions and...

For instance?

Do you know any reason
why you can't render
an impartial verdict?

I hate criminals.

Do you have any prejudices
or feelings

that might influence the jury
in rendering a verdict?

I hate criminals,
and I assume

if you're in
this courtroom

you did something
wrong, so...

Yeah, the judge is going
to throw you in jail.

Sam?

Here I go.

Bob?

Sam.

How've you been?

I've been well.

Hey, you know what?

You remember that UFO
you were tracking over Maui?

Turned out to be
an abandoned Russian satellite.

One of its rockets didn't fire,
so it couldn't reenter.

So you would have us believe.

No, really.

Yes, of course.

Why don't we get to it, Bob?

Absolutely, Sam.

On behalf
of two different Congressmen

I would like permission to tour
the US Bullion Depository.

Where's that?

Fort Knox, Kentucky.

Talk to the
Treasury Department.

We have, and not at all
surprisingly, they've said no.

Why do you want
to tour Fort Knox?

It's been brought
to our attention

that of the 8,500 metric tons
of gold that are stored there

only 1,000 remain.

Really?

Yes, sir.

Who brought it
to your attention?

Let's just say a friend of ours.

A human friend?

Sam, I know what you think of me
and the work I do.

I've lived with this attitude
my whole life.

My father lived with it, too.

I'm seeking a
presidential order

for the depository
to be audited.

Well, I'll pass that along.
I'm sure
you will.

Bob...
Has the President
ever toured the vault?

No.

No, only two Presidents have:

Roosevelt and Truman.

You think there's
something funny going on?

I and two Congressmen think
the gold has been replaced.

With what?

I won't get sucked into this.

Sam...
I won't get
sucked into this.

The Papoose Lake Spacecraft...

There's no such thing.

...taken from Roswell
to Groom Lake in 1947.

A little piece of land
called Area 51, my friend.

This is like Dungeons
and Dragons Camp all over again.

We tested U-2 planes at Area 51.

Which is why in '57

they had to take Papoose
to Fort Knox.

I've got news for you.

Ten years ago,
the Secretary of the Air Force

concluded an exhaustive search
for records.

Oh, I read it and
my father read it

and the report concluded

that the activities
in the desert

were balloon research.

It was balloon research.

A crew was retrieved!

They were
anthropomorphic dummies.

Sam, patronize me,
laugh at my work

but please don't minimize

the lifetime
my father spent in this pursuit.

The man had three PhDs.

There were bodies at Roswell
Army Air Field Hospital.

( knocking )

Excuse me.

When did your dad pass away?

Pardon?

When did he pass away?

Three months ago.

Excuse me.

Listen...

I'm sorry, but
I'm in there
with this guy...

You wouldn't
believe it.

He insists the government
is concealing evidence

of extraterrestrial contact

and that we've got it
at Fort Knox.

We were able to make a deal
with Billy.

They'll pull off
the island right away.

In exchange, we meet
with a delegation--

political affairs, Navy...

It's not going to look
like we caved?

We'll get slapped by the right

but they won't want
to piss off the Latinos.

Good.

You know what else?

I'm going to Tahiti with Amy.

You're kidding.
Day after tomorrow.

So this, this guy...

Yeah, the
thing is...

he kind of inherited
the family business.

I-I-I got to go online
and buy Tahitian things.

Okay.

Bob?

Yes?

I was just talking to...

Let's just say I talked
to an associate.

This associate
has higher clearance than I do.

And?

You can keep pursuing this,
and I imagine you will

but we can't give you
the proper paperwork

you'll need
to audit the vault.

You understand?

Oh, I think I understand.

Do you?

Wink's as good as a nod
to a blind man?

Yeah.

Listen, these two Congressmen,
they're Democrats?

I'm not at liberty to say.

I understand.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Sam.

PILOT:
Well, Mr. President,
ladies and gentlemen

from the flight deck

this is
Lieutenant Colonel Gantry.

We'll reach our cruising
altitude of 37,000 feet

in approximately 20 minutes

as we pass over Elgin, Illinois,
Detroit, Akron

and McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania

before we begin
our final descent into Andrews.

Enjoy the flight.

It's happening again.

Toby...
It is.

He was good.
No, he wasn't.

He was what he
was supposed to be.

He was Uncle Fluffy.

It's Dr. Jekyll
and Uncle Fluffy
all over again.

He said he wasn't going
to respond to Ritchie

and I totally agree
that it's too early.

He was asked the question,
he was asked the question.

( rumbling )

No word on
the Republicans?

There's a poll
that has Ritchie pulling even.

Oh, that'd be too
much to hope for.

There's an old expression:

"Quando dio

vuole castigarci ci manda
quello che desideriamo."

"When the gods wish
to punish us

they answer our prayers."

Anyway, he's doing it again.

( rumbling )

JOSH:
You wanted me?

Yeah, it's all set up.

The meeting?
Yeah.

This is great.
Good is going
to come from this.

LEO:
Maybe.

Maybe, yeah,
but how often
do you get to...?

Yeah.

When's the meeting?

Day after tomorrow.

You're kidding.

No.

Perfect.

We wanted
to do it right away.

Yeah.
What's the problem?

Nothing.

What's the problem?

There's a woman I've been...

Amy Gardner.

Yeah.

I hear things.
I know.

I try to forget them quickly,
but...

We were supposed to--

this is ridiculous--
but we were supposed to go away.

Where?
It doesn't matter. We just...

we've been having trouble
getting together on...
Day after tomorrow?

Go.

I can't.

Go.

I need to be
here for this.

No, you don't.

Don't worry about it.

My wife lives in my house

I live in a hotel

and this is why.

Yeah, okay.

Well, I-I'm glad
it's taken care of.

I'm glad we got the meeting.

Okay.

Listen.

Yeah.

The trick, obviously,
is appearing unsuitable

not just for this,
but for any jury

while avoiding
a contempt citation.

So you wouldn't think
if I just explained to them

that my boss is a lawyer,
my lawyer's a lawyer

and I'm dating a lawyer,
that that ought to...

It's jury duty, it's not
an appendectomy. It's jury duty.

Do it, don't do it,
but if you don't do it

you don't get to complain
about the O.J. verdict.

( door closes )

( dialing )

( ringing )

AMY:
Hello?

Amy.

Josh?

Yeah.

Ia yo-rah-nah. My-tie oh-ay.

I've just said, "Hello,
how are you?" in Tahitian.

Now you say

"My-tie vah-oo,"
which means "I am fine."

I can't go day after tomorrow.

Yeah.

I mean, I can go

another time, but I can't go
the day after tomorrow.

Well, it was pretty sudden
for you.

It was pretty sudden
for anybody, Amy.

You're the one who asked me.

There was a problem
in Vieques today

and we came to a good resolution

and it involves a meeting
day after tomorrow.

And Leo's making you stay
for the meeting?

Yeah.

No... he's not.

I want to stay.

Okay.

For one thing,
it involves a friend of mine

and he did something
he didn't want to do, and...

Look, I just want to make sure
his back is covered.

Look, don't get angry at me.

I'm not.

You're getting
preemptively angry with me

which assumes I'm other people

and frankly, I'd rather be
a political asset

if you know what I mean.

I do, and when you're done
comparison shopping

give me a call.

Well, I'd definitely

be waiting by your phone, Josh.

Take it easy.

( beep )

DONNA:
Josh?

Yeah.

I don't know
if you care

but you officially won
the Iowa Democratic Caucus.

if you the occasional Caucasian
loses a promotion...

I think we're going
to have to agree to disagree.

I don't like doing that.
Ginger, you got it?

Right here.

You phoned ahead
for research?

Sure. This
is Washington

on the need for a
national university.

I'm pretty tired.
It's brief.

Toby, please.

"In the general juvenile period
of life

"when friendships are formed
and habits established

"that will stick by one,
the youth from different parts

"of the United States
would be assembled together

"and would, by degree, discover
that there was not just cause

"for those jealousies
and prejudices

which one part of the union
imbided against one another."

He said, "We banished
discrimination from our laws

"now let's banish
discrimination

from our minds
and hearts."

Who?
The President.

In Iowa. He said,
"Let's banish discrimination

from our minds and hearts."

How is affirmative
action doing that?

I'm talking about
college admissions.

I'm talking about my father.

Why?

'Cause he's not doing fine.

He forgets things.

He forgets things.

He's not
a young guy anymore.

I'm not talking about
dates and phone numbers.

I know.

He forgets
what's going on.

He thought this was
the general election today.

And then he snaps
back in, but...

And I...

I think sometimes
that if he'd...

lived...

( voice breaking ):
the life he wanted to...

And he's got to watch me
bopping around on Air Force
One.

SAM:
Hey!

Welcome back.

Sam, have you ever seen
the butter cow

at the Four-H convention?

I have.

And the butter
Last Supper

with the butter?

Yes.

You know what
the Bob Engler meeting

turned out to be?

This is the UFO guy?

Yeah. He thinks
the government's
keeping alien bodies

at the Bullion Depository
in Fort Knox.

What are we keeping

in the Bullion Depository
at Fort Knox?

Soup?

Seriously,
there used to be

8,500 metric tons
of gold there.

Now most of it's been moved out.

Yeah.

What's there now?

I wouldn't ask a lot
of questions, Sam.

( chuckling ):
What do you mean?

Don't worry about it.

Okay, I'm going back
to my office.

Call him.

( knocking )

JOSH:
Coming.

Donna told me
to come over.

What's going on?

Thanks for coming.

Something's wrong
with the lights.

Let me feel around
for a switch here.

( music plays ):
* Red, red wine

* Goes to my head

* Makes me forget that I...

You did this?

A little piece of Tahiti
right here in Georgetown.

Would you like
a Samoan Fog Cutter

or a Navy Grog?

A Samoan Fog Cutter has
three kinds of rum

including
Bacardi 451, and...

* All I can do, I've done...

The difference between that
and a Navy Grog is--

Did you ask me over
to exchange recipes?

Should I change?

Into what?

I remember a pair
of big pajamas.

Yeah, good thinking.

You can turn on
the news, you know.

I don't want
to turn on the news.

Just to see how
they're covering Iowa.

NEWSCASTER:
...by 12 points...

* Red, red wine

* Stay close to me

* Don't let me be alone...

NEWSCASTER:
President Bartlet lost...
by 12 points...

Sir?

PRESIDENT:
Yeah.

Can you see Toby?

No.

Yes, sir.

Charlie?

Send him in.

Good evening, sir.

I thought you'd gone home.

I was just watching
some of the coverage.

It's going to be Ritchie.

Yeah.

I mean, it's going
to be Ritchie.

I know.

It would've been, I don't know

it would have
seemed obnoxious.

It would've seemed
like grandstanding.

You want some bourbon?

Thanks.

What do you think?

I was a telemarketer
for about a week.

I can't remember
what we were selling

but you worked off a script.

"Hi, good evening,
my name is..."

And "Toby Ziegler" was okay
for New York

but once I got into
the other time zones

I needed a name that wasn't
going to bother anybody.

Toby, if you have
something to say

please say it.

Ritchie's good
for all time zones.

My family signed
the Declaration
of Independence.

You think I've got
an ethnicity problem?

Well, the line
isn't between

light skin
and dark skin.

Yeah?

It's between educated
and... masculine.

Or Eastern Academic
Elite and Plain Spoken.

It's always been
like that.

Yeah, but a funny
thing happened

when the White House
got demystified.

The impression was left
that anybody could do it.

You're not telling me
anything I don't know.

It's one thing that
Ritchie came out

for the Pennsylvania
referendum today.

But the manner in which
he articulated it

his presence,
the clear sign

he wasn't personally
engaged with the facts...

Toby...
His staff
was cringing

I promise you,
and we let it go.

It wasn't the moment to go...

You were asked the question.

Do you have anything else?

( sighs )

Sir, I don't think
I need to tell you

that the level of respect

with which the staff speaks
of you doesn't change

depending on whether or not
you're in the room.

But?

Well, there's
always been
a concern

about the two Bartlets.

The absent-minded
professor

with the "Aw, Dad"
sense of humor.

Disarming,
unthreatening

good for all
time zones.

And the Nobel Laureate

still searching
for salvation.

Lonely, frustrated.
Lethal.

You going to sing
a country-western song?

The one whose father
never liked him

'cause he was too smart.

This stopped being fun for me
a little while ago.

Sir?

It was actually never
fun for me.

I was just being polite.

( glass slams )

Your father used to hit you,
didn't he, Mr. President?

Excuse me?

Your father used to hit
you, sir?

Yeah.

Not like a spanking?

He hit me. Why?
He punched you.

I'm done being polite now.
He did it
because you

made him mad,
but you didn't know why.

Toby, it was
a complicated relationship.

Can I help you?

It was because
you were smarter
than he was.

It was a complicated
relationship.

He didn't like you, sir;
that's why he hit you.

That's why people
hit each other.

He didn't like you.

You were smarter
than he was.

Why are we talking about this?

So, maybe if you
get enough votes

win one more election

you know, maybe
your father'll...

You have stepped
way over the line

and any other President
would have your ass

on the sidewalk
right now.
Yes, sir.

They'd have had you
on the sidewalk a long time ago.

I don't know
what the hell goes on

in a Brooklyn shrink's office

but get it the hell
out of my house.

( clock ticking )

Thank you, Mr. President.

...unchallenged
by his own party.

With no opposition, he could
easily bypass the Iowa caucus.

But according
to a White House spokesman...

( clock ticking )