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[♪ Big Pig: "I Can't Break Away"]
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Hi. Welcome to the future.
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00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:21,681
San Dimas, California, 2688,
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00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:24,183
and I'm telling you,
it's great here.
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00:02:24,351 --> 00:02:26,769
The air is clean.
The water's clean.
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00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:29,730
Even the dirt is clean.
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Bowling averages are way up.
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Mini-golf scores are way down.
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00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:36,445
And we have more
excellent water slides
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than any other planet
we communicate with.
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I'm telling you this place is great.
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But it almost wasn't.
13
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You see, 700 years ago, the two
great ones ran into a few problems.
14
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:53,129
So now I have to travel
back in time to help them out.
15
00:02:54,131 --> 00:02:56,716
If I should fail to keep these two
on the correct path,
16
00:02:56,884 --> 00:02:58,968
the basis of our society
will be in danger.
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00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:02,054
Don't worry, it'll all make sense.
I'm a professional.
18
00:03:02,222 --> 00:03:05,933
- [Plays chord]
- I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
19
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:07,602
And I'm Ted "Theo..."
20
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:11,772
- Bill, here, you take it.
- OK.
21
00:03:14,151 --> 00:03:15,985
[Plays chord]
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00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:19,280
- And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
- Yeah!
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00:03:23,076 --> 00:03:24,118
[Both play chord]
24
00:03:24,286 --> 00:03:28,122
[Together] And we're Wyld Stallyns!
25
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:33,628
- [Playing discordant guitar solos]
- [Static, fizzling]
26
00:03:37,507 --> 00:03:39,133
- [Ted] Dude!
- [Coughing]
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00:03:39,301 --> 00:03:40,468
[Bill] Let's bail.
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We blew it.
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00:03:52,856 --> 00:03:54,941
Guess we used too much power.
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00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:57,109
I liked it.
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00:03:58,153 --> 00:04:03,950
Ted, while I agree that in time
our band will be most triumphant,
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00:04:04,117 --> 00:04:07,036
the truth is, Wyld Stallyns
will never be a super band
33
00:04:07,204 --> 00:04:09,247
until we have
Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
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00:04:09,831 --> 00:04:13,668
Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe
we will get Eddie Van Halen
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00:04:13,835 --> 00:04:15,503
until we have a triumphant video.
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00:04:16,088 --> 00:04:18,339
Ted, it's pointless to have
a triumphant video
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00:04:18,507 --> 00:04:21,175
before we even have
decent instruments.
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00:04:21,343 --> 00:04:24,387
How can we have decent instruments
when we really don't know how to play?
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00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:27,139
That is why we need Eddie Van Halen.
40
00:04:27,307 --> 00:04:30,184
And that is why
we need a triumphant video.
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00:04:32,312 --> 00:04:33,646
- Excellent!
- Excellent!
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[Guitar solo plays]
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[Clock chiming]
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00:04:36,858 --> 00:04:38,359
Uh-oh.
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00:04:38,527 --> 00:04:40,319
- We're late.
- For what?
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00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:43,239
- For school, dude.
- Oh, yeah.
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00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:54,375
Bill, I'm waiting.
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00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:59,463
- He's dead?
- [Laughter]
49
00:04:59,631 --> 00:05:02,049
So Bill, what you're telling me,
essentially,
50
00:05:02,217 --> 00:05:07,221
is that Napoleon was
a short, dead dude.
51
00:05:07,389 --> 00:05:10,057
- [Laughter]
- Well, yeah.
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00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:12,727
[Whispering]
You totally blew it, dude.
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00:05:12,894 --> 00:05:15,021
- Ted, stand up.
- Stand up?
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00:05:15,188 --> 00:05:16,647
Yes, son, stand up.
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00:05:19,484 --> 00:05:22,903
Now... who was Joan of Arc?
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00:05:25,657 --> 00:05:27,908
- Noah's wife?
- [Laughter]
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00:05:28,076 --> 00:05:29,660
[School bell rings]
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00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:35,750
Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow,
final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK?
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00:05:41,631 --> 00:05:43,174
Hey, guys.
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00:05:46,261 --> 00:05:49,638
Mr. Ryan, before you say anything,
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00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:55,102
my distinguished colleague Ted and I
wish to express to you our thanks
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00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:57,688
for all the things
we have learned in your class.
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00:05:58,690 --> 00:05:59,940
And what have you learned?
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00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:04,695
We have, uh...
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00:06:04,863 --> 00:06:07,782
We've learned that the
world has a great history.
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00:06:08,408 --> 00:06:11,952
Yes, and that thanks
to great leaders
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00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,039
such as... Genghis Khan,
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00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:17,792
Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method,
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the world is... full of history.
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00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,967
It seems to me that
the only thing you have learned
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00:06:27,135 --> 00:06:32,848
is that Caesar...
is a salad dressing dude.
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00:06:34,309 --> 00:06:36,477
Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.
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00:06:36,645 --> 00:06:38,854
You have flunked
every section of this class.
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00:06:40,315 --> 00:06:44,068
Now unless you get an A-plus
on your final oral report tomorrow...
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00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:48,280
...guys, I have no choice
but to flunk the both of you.
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00:06:49,324 --> 00:06:52,785
Now you know your topics,
so I would suggest that you at least
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00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:57,081
cover those areas
if you want to pass the course.
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00:06:57,791 --> 00:07:00,042
- Understand?
- [Both] Yes, sir.
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00:07:00,627 --> 00:07:01,877
[Mr. Ryan] OK.
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00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:05,381
Guys.
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00:07:05,549 --> 00:07:10,344
Your report had better be
something very special.
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00:07:13,181 --> 00:07:14,515
Ah, man.
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00:07:16,852 --> 00:07:19,854
[Ted] Well, what are we
supposed to know for our report?
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00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:21,147
[Bill] I'm not sure.
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00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:24,567
One thing I know is that
Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.
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00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:27,570
[Ted] Well then, who is Noah's wife?
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00:07:27,737 --> 00:07:29,321
[Bill] I don't know, Ted.
88
00:07:30,031 --> 00:07:32,283
But I do know
we're in serious trouble.
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00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,660
Listen to this: [clears throat]
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00:07:34,828 --> 00:07:37,830
"Express to the class how
an important historical figure
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00:07:37,998 --> 00:07:43,502
from each of your time periods would
view the world of San Dimas, 1988."
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00:07:45,213 --> 00:07:48,591
We're in danger of flunking
most heinously tomorrow, Ted.
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00:07:48,758 --> 00:07:49,717
[Car horn honks]
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00:07:49,885 --> 00:07:51,594
Hi, Bill.
Want a ride?
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00:07:51,761 --> 00:07:52,761
Sure, Missy.
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00:07:54,014 --> 00:07:55,181
I mean, Mom.
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00:07:58,226 --> 00:08:00,436
- Your stepmom's cute.
- Shut up, Ted.
98
00:08:00,604 --> 00:08:02,313
Remember when she was
a senior and we were freshmen?
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00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:03,856
Shut up, Ted!
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00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,776
[Rock music playing on radio]
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00:08:10,906 --> 00:08:13,157
I'll be right back,
as soon as I get my books.
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00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:25,920
Ted.
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00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:28,589
What are you doing home, Dad?
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00:08:28,757 --> 00:08:30,633
- I'm looking for my keys.
- Oh.
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00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,760
You haven't done anything
with them, have you?
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00:08:34,137 --> 00:08:35,429
No, sir.
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00:08:35,597 --> 00:08:37,765
I spoke to your principal today, Ted.
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00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:39,725
He said you're failing history.
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00:08:39,893 --> 00:08:41,727
- Me and Bill...
- He also said
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00:08:41,895 --> 00:08:44,480
that if you fail history,
you flunk out of school.
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00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:48,442
You know what that would mean,
don't you, Ted?
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00:08:49,194 --> 00:08:52,613
That I would have to go
to Oates Military Academy, sir.
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00:08:52,781 --> 00:08:56,116
Uh-huh.
I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning.
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00:08:58,495 --> 00:09:01,455
He's anxious to meet you, Ted.
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00:09:11,258 --> 00:09:13,092
[Car starts]
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00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:20,516
Dude, we gotta pass.
Otherwise there's no more band.
117
00:09:20,684 --> 00:09:21,850
Why?
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00:09:22,018 --> 00:09:24,895
My dad's sending me to military school.
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00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:26,647
Where?
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00:09:27,983 --> 00:09:29,483
Alaska.
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00:09:30,819 --> 00:09:32,319
Alaska...
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00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:35,990
[♪ Shark Island: "Father Time"]
123
00:09:39,327 --> 00:09:40,327
It is time.
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00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:43,372
Their separation is imminent.
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00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:14,945
Be excellent to each other.
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00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:18,657
[Together] Party on, dude.
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00:10:31,254 --> 00:10:33,881
[Electrical fizzling]
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00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:49,104
[Bill] OK, Ted.
George Washington.
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00:10:49,272 --> 00:10:51,607
One: The father of our country.
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00:10:51,775 --> 00:10:54,568
Two: Born on President's Day.
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00:10:54,736 --> 00:10:57,571
Three: The dollar bill guy.
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00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:59,490
Bill, you ever made a mushroom
out of his head?
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00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,909
Ted... Alaska.
134
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,414
OK. Um...
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00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:10,959
Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
136
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:14,254
That's Captain Ahab, dude.
137
00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:19,760
Oh, wait. Remember Disney World,
the Hall of Presidents?
138
00:11:19,928 --> 00:11:21,762
Yeah, good, what'd he say?
139
00:11:23,056 --> 00:11:25,307
"Welcome to the Hall of Presidents."
140
00:11:25,475 --> 00:11:26,517
[Knocking, door opens]
141
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:29,812
Hi, I brought you guys some food.
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00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:32,731
[♪ Shark Island: "Dangerous"]
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00:11:41,449 --> 00:11:43,450
It's your mom, dude!
144
00:11:44,494 --> 00:11:45,744
How's it going, guys?
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00:11:47,122 --> 00:11:48,414
Bad!
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00:11:49,249 --> 00:11:52,459
We are destined to flunk most
egregiously tomorrow.
147
00:11:52,627 --> 00:11:57,548
And I am destined to end up
at Oates Military Academy.
148
00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:00,134
And then we will never start our band.
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00:12:02,053 --> 00:12:05,431
Good.
150
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,230
- What are you guys studying anyway?
- History.
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00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:15,315
- Mr. Ryan?
- Uh-huh.
152
00:12:15,483 --> 00:12:17,443
Tell him, "hi."
153
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:20,696
Why don't you guys take a dinner break?
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00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:23,157
Thanks, Dad.
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00:12:37,464 --> 00:12:40,716
Now your dad's going for it...
in your own room! [chuckles]
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00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:42,676
Shut up, Ted.
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00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:45,846
- Your stepmom is cute, though.
- Shut up, Ted.
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00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:47,431
Remember when I asked her
to the prom?
159
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:49,183
Shut up, Ted!
160
00:12:51,352 --> 00:12:55,647
Twelve-seventy-five, 1275, 1275...
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00:12:58,026 --> 00:13:00,235
OK, the lady in that car over there
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00:13:00,403 --> 00:13:04,072
said that Marco Polo
was in the year 1275.
163
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,867
So it's not just a water sport,
I knew it.
164
00:13:08,036 --> 00:13:11,538
Excuse me,
when did the Mongols rule China?
165
00:13:12,415 --> 00:13:14,416
I don't know.
I just work here.
166
00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:21,590
Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart?
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00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:22,716
Sure.
168
00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:26,553
[Thunder rumbling]
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00:13:33,937 --> 00:13:37,189
[Lightning crackling]
170
00:13:38,107 --> 00:13:39,650
Whoa!
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00:13:44,989 --> 00:13:46,865
[Both] Not bad.
172
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,747
Greetings, my excellent friends.
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00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,543
Do you know when
the Mongols ruled China?
174
00:13:57,710 --> 00:14:01,922
Well... perhaps we could ask them.
175
00:14:05,134 --> 00:14:08,136
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
176
00:14:09,681 --> 00:14:11,765
...and Ted "Theodore" Logan.
177
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:16,353
Gentlemen, I'm here to help you
with your history report.
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00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,438
What?
179
00:14:18,982 --> 00:14:19,940
How?
180
00:14:20,108 --> 00:14:22,776
[Bill and Ted yelling] Whoa!
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00:14:22,944 --> 00:14:24,862
- Whoo!
- I hate that part.
182
00:14:26,322 --> 00:14:28,282
- Bill?
- What?
183
00:14:28,449 --> 00:14:32,035
Strange things are afoot
at the Circle K.
184
00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:40,460
Dudes, you guys
are gonna go back in time.
185
00:14:40,628 --> 00:14:41,587
Yeah!
186
00:14:41,754 --> 00:14:45,883
You are going to have a most excellent
adventure through history.
187
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:49,553
- Who are you guys?
- We're you, dude!
188
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:53,432
No way. No way!
189
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,810
- Yes way, Ted!
- Look, we know how you feel.
190
00:14:56,978 --> 00:14:59,187
We didn't believe it either
when we were you
191
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:02,107
and we-us said what we-us
are saying right now.
192
00:15:02,275 --> 00:15:06,987
OK wait, if you guys are really us...
193
00:15:08,489 --> 00:15:10,324
...what number are we thinking of?
194
00:15:11,492 --> 00:15:13,535
[Both] Sixty-nine, dudes!
195
00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:16,622
[Both] Whoa!
196
00:15:17,957 --> 00:15:20,334
[All imitating guitar solos]
197
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:22,127
Look, we've gotta go.
198
00:15:22,295 --> 00:15:25,005
Yeah, we gotta get back to the report.
199
00:15:25,173 --> 00:15:26,840
Rufus!
200
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:30,719
Listen to this dude, Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.
201
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:34,598
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
202
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:38,143
- Who?
- You'll see.
203
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,647
Gentleman... is everything all right?
204
00:15:41,814 --> 00:15:44,524
Yeah, except, how come...
[continues indistinctly]
205
00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:48,278
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
206
00:15:50,573 --> 00:15:52,783
[Both] Thanks, Rufus.
207
00:15:54,243 --> 00:15:56,370
[Both] Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
208
00:16:08,007 --> 00:16:10,759
Dude, are you sure
we should be doing this?
209
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:14,888
Ted, you and I have
witnessed many things,
210
00:16:15,056 --> 00:16:19,017
but nothing as bodacious
as what just happened.
211
00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:21,561
Besides we told ourselves
to listen to this guy.
212
00:16:23,022 --> 00:16:24,564
What if we were lying?
213
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,152
Why would we lie to ourselves?
214
00:16:35,076 --> 00:16:36,743
How are you gonna help us?
215
00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:39,287
Yeah, are you gonna call someone
and get the answers?
216
00:16:39,455 --> 00:16:41,790
Gentlemen, we're gonna do
a lot more than that.
217
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,418
[Dialing]
218
00:16:44,585 --> 00:16:47,421
[Both] Whoa. Excellent.
219
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,925
Brace yourselves, amigos.
220
00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:57,264
[Electrical fizzling]
221
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:58,765
[Gulps nervously]
222
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:02,102
Gentlemen...
223
00:17:04,272 --> 00:17:05,230
...we're history.
224
00:17:05,398 --> 00:17:09,776
[Bill, Ted shouting]
225
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:17,200
Rufus, where are we, dude?
226
00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:20,120
[Rufus] These are the circuits
of history, gentlemen.
227
00:17:20,288 --> 00:17:22,914
They'll take us to
any point in time we wish.
228
00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:24,958
How?
229
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:27,627
Modern technology, William.
230
00:17:27,795 --> 00:17:30,130
[Both] Whoa!
231
00:17:33,468 --> 00:17:36,511
[Yelling]
232
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:44,811
[Sighs]
233
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,441
- That was most unprecedented, Rufus.
- Yeah.
234
00:17:51,319 --> 00:17:52,944
But where are we, Rufus?
235
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:59,159
Austria, 1805,
the French have just invaded.
236
00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:02,120
- [Gunfire, booming]
- [Men speaking French]
237
00:18:02,288 --> 00:18:04,581
Bill, check it out!
238
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:07,834
We're in the middle of a war, dude!
239
00:18:10,296 --> 00:18:11,838
[Explosion]
240
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:16,676
[Speaking French]
241
00:18:19,889 --> 00:18:23,100
Amigos, time to depart.
242
00:18:25,478 --> 00:18:27,521
[Both] How's it going, dude?
243
00:18:28,064 --> 00:18:30,023
[Speaking French]
244
00:18:41,077 --> 00:18:45,205
[Screaming]
245
00:18:45,373 --> 00:18:49,334
[Shouting, gasping]
246
00:18:54,715 --> 00:18:58,718
- [Cat yowls]
- [Electrical fizzling]
247
00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:03,557
Now where are we, dude?
248
00:19:04,892 --> 00:19:06,726
Oh, it's my house.
249
00:19:06,894 --> 00:19:11,398
Rufus, can we go anywhere we want,
at any time?
250
00:19:11,566 --> 00:19:14,693
Gentlemen, you can do anything you want,
as long as you remember this:
251
00:19:14,861 --> 00:19:18,905
No matter what happens,
you must get to that report. Got it?
252
00:19:19,073 --> 00:19:22,617
All right, amigos, that book
will give you the number
253
00:19:22,785 --> 00:19:27,247
of any place you want to go.
Now, most important,
254
00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:30,000
no matter what you do,
no matter where you go,
255
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:35,797
that clock, the clock in San Dimas,
is always running. Got it?
256
00:19:35,965 --> 00:19:39,217
- Yeah.
- All right, time for me to go.
257
00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:40,844
What do you mean, Rufus?
258
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:42,762
Yeah, aren't you coming with us?
259
00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:45,765
Gentlemen, you're on your own.
260
00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:51,897
[Electrical fizzling]
261
00:19:59,947 --> 00:20:02,991
- Ted?
- What?
262
00:20:03,159 --> 00:20:05,827
This has been a most unusual day.
263
00:20:15,004 --> 00:20:18,548
- [Whispers] Ted, it's Napoleon.
- Who?
264
00:20:18,716 --> 00:20:21,635
The short, dead dude
from our history review.
265
00:20:22,887 --> 00:20:25,096
Ted, I have a most excellent idea.
266
00:20:25,264 --> 00:20:27,557
Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside.
267
00:20:29,602 --> 00:20:32,062
I think I've figured out a way
to pass our report.
268
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,313
How?
269
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:35,607
Well, we've got one
historical figure here.
270
00:20:35,775 --> 00:20:37,984
Maybe we can go back
and get some more.
271
00:20:38,152 --> 00:20:39,361
[Ted] Yeah!
272
00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:42,864
[Ted] Deacon,
you have to watch this guy.
273
00:20:43,032 --> 00:20:47,535
His name is Napoleon.
He's a very famous French dude.
274
00:20:47,703 --> 00:20:50,372
We have decided to collect other
important figures from history
275
00:20:50,539 --> 00:20:52,290
for an oral report we are doing.
276
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:55,877
While we are gone, you are
not to let him out of your sight.
277
00:20:56,045 --> 00:20:57,921
Here is some money.
278
00:20:58,089 --> 00:21:00,006
Take him to the movies or something.
279
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:11,518
Napoleon, I am Bill.
280
00:21:13,145 --> 00:21:16,314
We'll take you back to France after you
tell us what you think of San Dimas.
281
00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:19,943
- This is Ted's little brother, Deacon.
- Hi.
282
00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:21,611
He'll take care of you.
283
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,659
- Ready, Ted?
- Ready, Bill.
284
00:21:27,827 --> 00:21:32,080
- Let's go back into history.
- [Guitar solo plays]
285
00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:37,294
This should be most triumphant.
286
00:21:38,587 --> 00:21:40,171
I want to speak with you, son.
287
00:21:41,674 --> 00:21:43,383
Alone please, Bill.
288
00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:47,762
All right, sit down.
289
00:21:50,975 --> 00:21:53,101
[Father] What am I gonna do with you?
You can't... [voice fades]
290
00:21:53,269 --> 00:21:54,352
Great.
291
00:21:54,729 --> 00:21:57,772
You lose my keys.
You fail history.
292
00:21:57,940 --> 00:21:59,774
You spend all your time
with your loser friend
293
00:21:59,942 --> 00:22:01,860
planning a band that'll never happen.
294
00:22:02,028 --> 00:22:04,362
Now you're not to leave this house again
until tomorrow morning.
295
00:22:04,530 --> 00:22:06,531
[Phone rings]
296
00:22:09,577 --> 00:22:11,369
- Yes?
- [Bill, deep voice] Captain Logan?
297
00:22:11,537 --> 00:22:14,748
This is Deputy Van Halen
down at the station.
298
00:22:14,915 --> 00:22:16,041
Deputy Van Halen?
299
00:22:19,211 --> 00:22:22,881
- [Guitar solo plays]
- I'm new, dude... sir.
300
00:22:23,049 --> 00:22:25,717
Look, we found your keys,
301
00:22:25,885 --> 00:22:29,596
and if you want 'em,
you better come and get 'em.
302
00:22:29,764 --> 00:22:31,765
[Dial tone]
303
00:22:32,641 --> 00:22:36,269
When I get back from the station,
I want you packed and ready to go.
304
00:22:36,437 --> 00:22:37,437
Got it?
305
00:22:44,695 --> 00:22:46,571
We are in serious trouble.
306
00:22:46,739 --> 00:22:49,949
My dad already signed me up,
my plane leaves tomorrow night.
307
00:22:50,951 --> 00:22:53,078
Only if we fail, dude.
308
00:22:57,541 --> 00:22:59,125
[Both] No way!
309
00:23:00,628 --> 00:23:04,464
[Ted] OK, we got Sigmund Freud,
Beethoven... Uh...
310
00:23:04,632 --> 00:23:09,010
[Bill] Is there one for Western Movement
in America in the 19th Century?
311
00:23:10,179 --> 00:23:11,304
Yeah.
312
00:23:11,472 --> 00:23:13,014
Well then...
313
00:23:14,809 --> 00:23:16,768
...let's reach out
and touch someone.
314
00:23:18,145 --> 00:23:20,480
[Dialing]
315
00:23:24,151 --> 00:23:28,321
[Electrical fizzling]
316
00:23:39,708 --> 00:23:42,127
[Bill, Ted shouting]
317
00:23:42,294 --> 00:23:45,338
[Man humming]
318
00:23:48,509 --> 00:23:50,760
- [Continues humming]
- [Passes gas]
319
00:23:50,928 --> 00:23:56,099
- [Humming]
- [Passes gas]
320
00:23:56,267 --> 00:23:59,185
[Rumbling]
321
00:24:06,193 --> 00:24:08,027
How's it going, Old West Dude?
322
00:24:10,281 --> 00:24:13,199
[Ted] Hey, Bill,
this is just like Frontierland.
323
00:24:13,367 --> 00:24:15,702
[Bill] Yeah,
but you can get shot here, Ted.
324
00:24:15,870 --> 00:24:17,203
[Ted] Oh.
325
00:24:17,371 --> 00:24:20,039
- [Bill] Just try to act natural.
- [Ted] OK.
326
00:24:23,752 --> 00:24:25,295
- [Bill] Howdy, partner.
- [Man] Howdy.
327
00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:27,088
[Bill] Watch out
for the horse crap, Ted.
328
00:24:27,256 --> 00:24:29,340
[Ted] Ugh. Thanks, dude.
329
00:24:29,508 --> 00:24:31,759
- Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty.
- [Bill] Me too.
330
00:24:43,731 --> 00:24:46,232
[Up-tempo piano plays]
331
00:24:47,568 --> 00:24:48,943
Two beers, please.
332
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,910
Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude!
333
00:24:57,077 --> 00:24:59,746
Yeah, we have to
remember this place.
334
00:25:05,002 --> 00:25:08,254
So, who should we take with us?
335
00:25:09,423 --> 00:25:10,757
[Gunshot]
336
00:25:10,925 --> 00:25:12,800
[Shouting]
337
00:25:19,433 --> 00:25:21,976
- Who's he?
- He's Billy the Kid.
338
00:25:23,479 --> 00:25:26,940
He's famous, dude.
Let's bag him.
339
00:25:30,027 --> 00:25:31,903
I need two men.
340
00:25:33,447 --> 00:25:34,781
Who's with me?
341
00:25:35,658 --> 00:25:37,367
We're with you, Billy the Kid.
342
00:25:46,502 --> 00:25:51,297
Here's the deal.
What I win, I keep.
343
00:25:51,465 --> 00:25:54,551
What you win, I keep.
344
00:25:55,427 --> 00:25:58,137
[Both] Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.
345
00:26:12,486 --> 00:26:16,447
Dude, you gotta have a poker face,
like me.
346
00:26:21,495 --> 00:26:23,454
Whoa! Three aces!
347
00:26:24,832 --> 00:26:27,166
What the hell's going on here, Billy?
348
00:26:28,836 --> 00:26:30,878
Are you cheating us, Kid?
349
00:26:32,798 --> 00:26:33,965
Cheatin'?
350
00:26:34,842 --> 00:26:37,760
Me? [yelling]
351
00:26:49,315 --> 00:26:50,857
Billy!
352
00:26:54,653 --> 00:26:56,029
[Both] Excellent!
353
00:27:03,621 --> 00:27:06,414
Look, we're totally weak.
354
00:27:06,582 --> 00:27:08,708
We can't possibly fight you.
355
00:27:08,876 --> 00:27:12,462
However, how would you gentlemen like...
356
00:27:13,047 --> 00:27:17,592
...free passes to Waterloo.
Home of excellent water slides.
357
00:27:18,469 --> 00:27:20,511
Nice try, dude.
358
00:27:21,597 --> 00:27:27,935
Whoa!
359
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,230
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
360
00:27:31,398 --> 00:27:32,523
What?
361
00:27:34,568 --> 00:27:35,777
Come on.
362
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,907
- Look!
- It's the Goodyear blimp.
363
00:27:41,075 --> 00:27:42,033
Huh?
364
00:27:43,077 --> 00:27:44,369
[Grunting]
365
00:27:44,536 --> 00:27:45,745
- [Yelps]
- [Gunshot]
366
00:27:45,913 --> 00:27:47,747
[Yelling]
367
00:27:47,915 --> 00:27:50,333
[Bill] I can't believe
they fell for that!
368
00:27:52,252 --> 00:27:53,836
Yeah!
369
00:27:55,214 --> 00:27:56,839
- Let's get 'em!
- Kill 'em!
370
00:27:58,592 --> 00:27:59,425
Come on!
371
00:28:01,428 --> 00:28:04,514
- You guys saved my life.
- Nothing doing, Billy the Kid.
372
00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:07,308
- Where we going?
- The Golden Age of Civilization.
373
00:28:07,476 --> 00:28:09,602
- Where?
- Ancient Greece, dude.
374
00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:12,814
Don't worry, we'll bring you back
as soon as you talk in our report.
375
00:28:12,981 --> 00:28:14,607
- [Yelling]
- [Electrical fizzling]
376
00:28:14,775 --> 00:28:15,608
What?!
377
00:28:21,824 --> 00:28:23,116
What the?
378
00:28:37,172 --> 00:28:41,384
[Speaking foreign language]
379
00:28:50,519 --> 00:28:52,103
Socrates.
380
00:28:52,813 --> 00:28:54,814
- Hey, we know that name.
- Yeah!
381
00:28:54,982 --> 00:28:57,150
Hey, look him up.
382
00:28:57,818 --> 00:29:01,320
- Oh. It's under So-crates.
- Oh, yeah.
383
00:29:05,284 --> 00:29:07,160
"So-crates:
384
00:29:07,327 --> 00:29:12,081
'The only true wisdom consists
in knowing that you know nothing."'
385
00:29:14,501 --> 00:29:17,503
- That's us, dude!
- Oh, yeah!
386
00:29:18,338 --> 00:29:20,089
- Let's bag him.
- Yeah.
387
00:29:20,841 --> 00:29:21,841
[Speaking foreign language]
388
00:29:36,398 --> 00:29:37,857
How's it going?
389
00:29:46,658 --> 00:29:49,619
I'm Bill, this is Ted.
390
00:29:49,787 --> 00:29:51,120
We're from the future.
391
00:29:53,290 --> 00:29:55,875
Socrates. Hm...
392
00:29:56,627 --> 00:29:58,044
Now what?
393
00:29:59,213 --> 00:30:00,630
I don't know.
394
00:30:01,924 --> 00:30:03,841
Philosophize with him.
395
00:30:07,387 --> 00:30:09,222
[Clears throat]
396
00:30:09,389 --> 00:30:14,393
All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
397
00:30:22,486 --> 00:30:23,611
Dust.
398
00:30:25,531 --> 00:30:27,824
- Wind.
- Dude.
399
00:30:29,159 --> 00:30:31,244
[Gasps]
400
00:30:38,252 --> 00:30:39,919
Ha! [laughs]
401
00:30:40,087 --> 00:30:41,712
Let's get out of here, dude.
402
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,215
[Laughing]
403
00:30:46,635 --> 00:30:48,886
- [Rumbling]
- [Shouting]
404
00:30:49,054 --> 00:30:51,430
- [Electrical fizzling]
- Whoa!
405
00:30:51,598 --> 00:30:52,974
[Ted] All right!
406
00:30:53,767 --> 00:30:55,935
[Socrates exclaiming]
407
00:30:57,521 --> 00:30:58,938
[Billy the Kid] Yee-ha!
408
00:30:59,106 --> 00:31:00,982
Not bad, eh, So-crates?
409
00:31:02,609 --> 00:31:06,696
- Where are we, dude?
- England, 15th century.
410
00:31:06,864 --> 00:31:09,532
We are in most excellent shape
for our report.
411
00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:12,285
Yeah, all we need
is one more speaker from medieval.
412
00:31:12,452 --> 00:31:13,786
Excellent.
413
00:31:13,954 --> 00:31:17,248
Billy, you are dealing
with the oddity of time travel
414
00:31:17,416 --> 00:31:19,292
with the greatest of ease.
415
00:31:20,878 --> 00:31:22,628
Excuse me.
416
00:31:22,796 --> 00:31:26,007
Do you know where there are any
personages of historical significance
417
00:31:26,174 --> 00:31:27,800
around here?
418
00:31:30,971 --> 00:31:32,597
[All] Whoa!
419
00:31:34,766 --> 00:31:36,309
[Ted] Check it out.
420
00:31:38,186 --> 00:31:40,146
It must be the castle of King Henry.
421
00:31:41,023 --> 00:31:42,648
Let's go, dude!
422
00:31:44,443 --> 00:31:46,485
Billy, guard the booth.
423
00:31:47,154 --> 00:31:48,988
And watch So-crates.
424
00:31:51,825 --> 00:31:53,159
[Billy the Kid] So-crates.
425
00:31:53,327 --> 00:31:56,746
So, who should we get from medieval?
426
00:31:58,999 --> 00:32:01,500
How about that gnarly old goat dude?
427
00:32:03,003 --> 00:32:04,503
Ted?
428
00:32:05,839 --> 00:32:07,089
I'm in love, dude.
429
00:32:11,053 --> 00:32:12,970
Whoa!
430
00:32:13,889 --> 00:32:18,559
Those must be the princesses you
told yourself about at the Circle K.
431
00:32:20,395 --> 00:32:24,148
We gotta go, it's a history report,
not a babe report.
432
00:32:24,942 --> 00:32:26,359
But Bill...
433
00:32:27,194 --> 00:32:30,404
...those are historical babes.
434
00:32:31,615 --> 00:32:35,368
OK, you're the ladies man,
435
00:32:35,535 --> 00:32:37,328
how we gonna meet 'em?
436
00:32:46,797 --> 00:32:48,464
Excellent.
437
00:32:48,632 --> 00:32:50,967
[Both grunt]
438
00:32:56,515 --> 00:32:58,557
- [Ted] Bill?
- [Bill] What?
439
00:32:58,725 --> 00:33:02,395
- [Ted] These are heavy.
- [Bill] Yeah, heavy metal.
440
00:33:02,562 --> 00:33:05,064
- [Laughing]
- [Guitar solo plays]
441
00:33:05,232 --> 00:33:07,483
[Laughing]
442
00:33:08,318 --> 00:33:10,319
[Ted] We gotta go find the princesses.
443
00:33:10,487 --> 00:33:12,405
- [Bill] Yeah.
- [Grunting]
444
00:33:12,572 --> 00:33:13,739
[Bill] Watch it!
445
00:33:14,616 --> 00:33:16,409
[Ted] Who turned out all the lights?
446
00:33:16,576 --> 00:33:18,786
- Hey, Bill?
- [Bill] What?
447
00:33:18,954 --> 00:33:21,247
[Ted, deep voice] I'm Darth Ted.
448
00:33:22,457 --> 00:33:25,751
[Bill] Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill.
And you're not my father.
449
00:33:25,919 --> 00:33:28,629
[Mimicking sound effects]
450
00:33:28,797 --> 00:33:30,006
Come on!
451
00:33:37,764 --> 00:33:39,056
Hey!
452
00:33:39,224 --> 00:33:41,600
I totally conquered you, dude!
453
00:33:41,768 --> 00:33:43,227
No way!
454
00:33:43,395 --> 00:33:45,104
Come on!
455
00:33:46,606 --> 00:33:48,482
I'll never rule the universe with you.
456
00:33:48,650 --> 00:33:50,317
[Laughing]
457
00:33:51,403 --> 00:33:52,445
- [Ted] Hey, Bill.
- [Bill] What?
458
00:33:52,612 --> 00:33:54,113
[Ted] We totally
know how to sword fight.
459
00:33:54,281 --> 00:33:56,699
Yeah!
460
00:33:56,867 --> 00:33:59,618
Ah! Whoa!
461
00:33:59,786 --> 00:34:00,953
[Grunting]
462
00:34:07,919 --> 00:34:20,973
Ted.
463
00:34:23,143 --> 00:34:25,436
[Man] Search the castle,
there might be more of them.
464
00:35:00,514 --> 00:35:03,682
- Get out of here!
- [Whimpering]
465
00:35:07,979 --> 00:35:09,146
Bogus.
466
00:35:11,691 --> 00:35:13,067
Heinous.
467
00:35:16,613 --> 00:35:19,115
Most non-triumphant.
468
00:35:23,203 --> 00:35:28,499
Ah, Ted... don't be dead, dude.
469
00:35:37,926 --> 00:35:41,053
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
470
00:35:42,389 --> 00:35:44,682
[Shouting]
471
00:35:52,816 --> 00:35:54,358
[Man laughs]
472
00:36:02,784 --> 00:36:04,493
Whoa!
473
00:36:05,871 --> 00:36:08,581
- Ted, you're alive!
- Yeah!
474
00:36:08,748 --> 00:36:11,000
I fell out of my suit
when I hit the floor.
475
00:36:13,879 --> 00:36:15,087
[Both] Fag.
476
00:36:16,214 --> 00:36:18,257
Dude, you totally
boned that dude in the head.
477
00:36:18,425 --> 00:36:19,592
Yeah!
478
00:36:19,759 --> 00:36:21,427
He's a total bonehead.
479
00:36:21,928 --> 00:36:24,930
...that fat old man. I must find
a way to escape before the night.
480
00:36:25,098 --> 00:36:26,765
But how?
481
00:36:28,268 --> 00:36:30,561
- What's that?
- Whoa...
482
00:36:31,479 --> 00:36:32,771
Boys.
483
00:36:32,939 --> 00:36:35,065
I can't believe they're here.
484
00:36:37,944 --> 00:36:40,446
[Both] How's it going, ladies?
485
00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:43,532
You're the ones we saw
in front of the castle.
486
00:36:46,036 --> 00:36:49,288
I am Ted of San Dimas.
487
00:36:50,165 --> 00:36:54,126
And, uh... I bring to you
a message of love.
488
00:36:54,294 --> 00:36:56,295
[Giggling]
489
00:36:56,463 --> 00:37:01,091
- From who?
- From... from myself.
490
00:37:01,259 --> 00:37:04,053
And what is this message you speak of?
491
00:37:05,263 --> 00:37:07,014
Uh...
492
00:37:07,182 --> 00:37:10,184
[whispers] Lyrics, dude.
Recite 'em some lyrics.
493
00:37:14,481 --> 00:37:18,192
Oh, you beautiful babes from England,
494
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,361
for whom we have traveled through time.
495
00:37:21,947 --> 00:37:24,365
Will you go to the prom
with us in San Dimas?
496
00:37:24,532 --> 00:37:28,285
- We will have a most triumphant time.
- Way to go, dude.
497
00:37:28,453 --> 00:37:32,164
- [Man] Joanna! Elizabeth!
- It's father!
498
00:37:42,092 --> 00:37:44,593
- What does your father want?
- We're to be married
499
00:37:44,761 --> 00:37:48,013
- to horrible old men today.
- No way!
500
00:37:48,181 --> 00:37:50,057
Will you help us escape?
501
00:37:51,351 --> 00:37:53,477
[Both] Of course, babes.
502
00:37:58,191 --> 00:38:00,526
How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
503
00:38:04,197 --> 00:38:06,699
I am the Earl of Preston.
504
00:38:06,866 --> 00:38:10,536
And I am the Duke of Ted.
505
00:38:23,883 --> 00:38:27,219
Put them in the iron maiden.
506
00:38:27,387 --> 00:38:29,096
Iron Maiden?
507
00:38:29,264 --> 00:38:30,681
[Both] Excellent!
508
00:38:30,849 --> 00:38:32,850
- [Guitar solo plays]
- Execute them!
509
00:38:33,727 --> 00:38:35,394
[Both] Bogus.
510
00:38:37,772 --> 00:38:39,148
We'll save you, babes!
511
00:38:42,694 --> 00:38:44,737
[Man] Witches! Heretics!
512
00:38:44,904 --> 00:38:47,948
I saw them!
They fell from the sky!
513
00:38:48,116 --> 00:38:50,451
Heretics!
514
00:38:50,618 --> 00:38:52,453
They fell out of the sky!
515
00:38:53,371 --> 00:38:57,416
They had fire in their eyes,
and they had horns!
516
00:38:57,709 --> 00:39:00,252
[Fanfare plays]
517
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,135
Off with their heads!
518
00:39:08,303 --> 00:39:09,470
Oh, no.
519
00:39:14,267 --> 00:39:16,143
- Bill?
- What?
520
00:39:16,311 --> 00:39:21,190
I believe our adventure through time
has taken a most serious turn.
521
00:39:24,944 --> 00:39:27,529
[Grunting]
522
00:39:28,406 --> 00:39:30,115
- Huh?
- [Murmuring]
523
00:39:32,660 --> 00:39:34,328
- Billy!
- So-crates!
524
00:39:34,496 --> 00:39:35,954
Let's go!
525
00:39:37,832 --> 00:39:39,792
- Guards! After them!
- Ah!
526
00:39:39,959 --> 00:39:42,795
- So-crates!
- Bye, babes!
527
00:39:44,798 --> 00:39:46,799
[Bill] Catch you later, medieval dudes.
528
00:39:47,425 --> 00:39:49,635
Kill them! Guards!
529
00:39:53,932 --> 00:39:55,808
- [Man] Stop them! Stop them!
- [Shouting]
530
00:39:58,103 --> 00:39:59,478
[Ted] Hurry up, Billy!
531
00:40:00,814 --> 00:40:01,772
Get out of the way!
532
00:40:01,940 --> 00:40:04,316
Move out of the way!
Come on, get out of here!
533
00:40:06,486 --> 00:40:08,654
[Laughs]
534
00:40:17,539 --> 00:40:20,499
[All shouting]
535
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,765
[Socrates shouting]
536
00:40:36,933 --> 00:40:39,810
Whoa!
537
00:40:47,861 --> 00:40:49,194
Dial fast, dude!
538
00:40:52,198 --> 00:40:54,867
[Woman] I'm sorry, the number you have
dialed is not in service at this time.
539
00:40:55,034 --> 00:40:56,869
Please check your directory
and dial again.
540
00:40:57,036 --> 00:40:58,996
- Oh, no.
- Party on, dude.
541
00:41:02,709 --> 00:41:05,502
- Bill!
- [Dialing]
542
00:41:05,670 --> 00:41:07,671
OK, I got one, let's go!
543
00:41:10,508 --> 00:41:13,594
[All shouting]
544
00:41:13,761 --> 00:41:16,263
[Electrical fizzling]
545
00:41:17,515 --> 00:41:19,892
[Shouting]
546
00:41:32,071 --> 00:41:35,324
[Slow electric guitar music playing]
547
00:41:41,998 --> 00:41:43,999
You guys stay here.
548
00:41:46,586 --> 00:41:48,587
[Whispers] Where are we, dude?
549
00:41:49,797 --> 00:41:51,215
I don't know.
550
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,260
They sure do play excellent music.
551
00:41:55,428 --> 00:41:57,513
Most outstanding.
552
00:42:17,033 --> 00:42:19,743
- It's you.
- Yeah!
553
00:42:19,911 --> 00:42:21,537
It's us!
554
00:42:21,704 --> 00:42:23,330
Who are we?
555
00:42:23,498 --> 00:42:26,500
[♪ Robbie Robb: "In Time"]
556
00:43:13,089 --> 00:43:16,008
Bill, I think they
want us to say something.
557
00:43:17,218 --> 00:43:18,844
What should I say?
558
00:43:20,013 --> 00:43:21,263
Make something up.
559
00:43:29,981 --> 00:43:32,691
Be excellent to each other.
560
00:43:32,859 --> 00:43:37,195
[Gasping, murmuring]
561
00:43:39,324 --> 00:43:40,991
Party on, dudes!
562
00:43:41,784 --> 00:43:44,036
- Good one, dude.
- [Chuckles]
563
00:43:48,916 --> 00:43:52,169
Well, we gotta get back to our report.
564
00:43:52,337 --> 00:43:54,129
Yeah, we'd take you with us,
565
00:43:54,297 --> 00:43:58,175
but it's a history report,
not a future report.
566
00:44:01,679 --> 00:44:03,055
Later.
567
00:44:03,765 --> 00:44:05,140
[All] Later.
568
00:44:08,394 --> 00:44:10,395
Let's get back
and do our report.
569
00:44:10,563 --> 00:44:12,356
Good idea.
570
00:44:18,196 --> 00:44:21,156
[Electrical fizzling]
571
00:44:29,248 --> 00:44:32,084
- Dude, where're we going?
- I don't know.
572
00:44:32,251 --> 00:44:33,627
I think the booth's broke.
573
00:44:33,795 --> 00:44:37,673
We gotta keep going to San Dimas
until we get back and get Napoleon.
574
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:39,966
[Bells ringing,
video game sound effects]
575
00:44:40,134 --> 00:44:41,426
Behold.
576
00:44:41,594 --> 00:44:43,762
Behold, the Ziggy Pig.
577
00:44:43,930 --> 00:44:47,516
The single greatest ice cream spectacle
known to man.
578
00:44:47,684 --> 00:44:49,810
[Chanting] Eat the pig.
Eat the pig.
579
00:44:49,977 --> 00:44:52,312
Ziggy, ziggy, ziggy, zig!
580
00:44:53,314 --> 00:44:55,607
Whoo-hoo!
581
00:44:55,775 --> 00:44:58,026
[Speaking French]
582
00:45:00,279 --> 00:45:03,740
It's ice cream.
You eat it.
583
00:45:05,451 --> 00:45:06,493
It's good.
584
00:45:08,913 --> 00:45:10,080
[Speaking French]
585
00:45:11,165 --> 00:45:12,624
Whatever, just eat it.
586
00:45:16,546 --> 00:45:17,546
[Napoleon] Hm...
587
00:45:26,889 --> 00:45:28,682
[belches]
588
00:45:30,017 --> 00:45:32,936
[Whooping, bells ringing]
589
00:45:33,104 --> 00:45:36,148
All behold, he ate the pig.
590
00:45:36,315 --> 00:45:40,318
Thus proving that he's a Ziggy Piggy,
591
00:45:40,486 --> 00:45:44,156
Ziggy Piggy, Ziggy Piggy.
592
00:45:44,323 --> 00:45:46,700
[Snorting]
593
00:45:59,338 --> 00:46:00,881
What's that?
594
00:46:05,011 --> 00:46:06,344
I don't know.
595
00:46:10,683 --> 00:46:13,018
- Shit!
- Whoa!
596
00:46:13,186 --> 00:46:16,313
[Yelling]
597
00:46:29,327 --> 00:46:32,370
[Rumbling]
598
00:46:32,538 --> 00:46:35,373
[Electrical fizzling]
599
00:46:36,125 --> 00:46:37,626
Where'd we land now?
600
00:46:39,128 --> 00:46:41,254
Dude, it's Sigmund Freud.
601
00:46:41,422 --> 00:46:43,632
How much time have we got left?
602
00:46:44,383 --> 00:46:46,259
Tons! Why?
603
00:46:46,427 --> 00:46:48,637
Extra credit, dude!
604
00:46:52,391 --> 00:46:53,975
How's it going, Freud dude?
605
00:46:56,062 --> 00:46:57,854
[Speaking German]
606
00:47:04,946 --> 00:47:07,072
Let go of me.
What are you doing?
607
00:47:10,076 --> 00:47:12,369
[Classical piano playing]
608
00:47:39,313 --> 00:47:41,022
[Electrical fizzling]
609
00:47:41,190 --> 00:47:43,608
[Crashing]
610
00:47:45,945 --> 00:47:49,906
- [Crowd murmuring]
- [Speaking German]
611
00:47:50,074 --> 00:47:51,449
[Bill] Come on, So-crates.
612
00:47:51,617 --> 00:47:53,076
[Man shouting in German]
613
00:47:53,244 --> 00:47:55,495
[Electrical fizzling]
614
00:48:18,394 --> 00:48:21,146
- [Rumbling]
- [Whispering in French]
615
00:48:21,314 --> 00:48:24,816
- [Electrical fizzling]
- [Crashing]
616
00:48:24,984 --> 00:48:27,152
[♪ Power Tool:
"Two Heads Are Better Than One"]
617
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,237
[Gasps]
618
00:48:41,334 --> 00:48:43,418
[Ted] Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc.
619
00:48:44,170 --> 00:48:46,880
My name's Ted, and this is Bill.
620
00:48:47,048 --> 00:48:48,840
[Rumbling]
621
00:49:01,812 --> 00:49:03,355
[Spits]
622
00:49:07,026 --> 00:49:09,861
- [Rumbling, electrical fizzling]
- Oh!
623
00:49:13,866 --> 00:49:15,533
Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?
624
00:49:15,701 --> 00:49:17,243
Say "please."
625
00:49:17,411 --> 00:49:20,372
Mm...
626
00:49:20,539 --> 00:49:22,040
Come on, guys! Jump him!
627
00:49:22,208 --> 00:49:23,750
- [Thunder cracking]
- [All gasping]
628
00:49:23,918 --> 00:49:25,251
[Electrical fizzling]
629
00:49:25,419 --> 00:49:27,212
[Knocking]
630
00:49:27,380 --> 00:49:28,380
[Billy the Kid] Candygram.
631
00:49:39,350 --> 00:49:42,686
- Yes, what can I...
- [grunting]
632
00:49:44,522 --> 00:49:48,441
- [Electrical fizzling]
- [Shouting]
633
00:49:48,609 --> 00:49:52,779
We've got plenty of time,
but we don't have any more room left.
634
00:49:52,947 --> 00:49:55,073
- [Bill] Ted, we're outta control.
- [Ted] What?
635
00:49:55,241 --> 00:49:58,827
The next place we stop we gotta try and
figure out what's wrong with the booth.
636
00:49:58,995 --> 00:50:01,246
[All shouting]
637
00:50:03,416 --> 00:50:05,417
[Fizzling]
638
00:50:07,294 --> 00:50:10,964
Bill, I think I got an idea
what's wrong.
639
00:50:11,132 --> 00:50:12,298
What?
640
00:50:12,466 --> 00:50:15,010
[Ted] The antenna's broken.
641
00:50:17,096 --> 00:50:20,098
[Both screaming]
642
00:50:22,977 --> 00:50:24,769
Yeah! All right.
643
00:50:53,966 --> 00:50:55,884
[Speaking French]
644
00:51:12,651 --> 00:51:15,779
[Yelling in French]
645
00:51:17,907 --> 00:51:18,990
Come on, let's ditch him.
646
00:51:25,331 --> 00:51:35,006
[Speaking French]
647
00:51:35,174 --> 00:51:37,008
Hold on there.
Not so fast, buddy.
648
00:51:37,176 --> 00:51:40,553
- Buddy?
- You ain't paid yet.
649
00:51:40,721 --> 00:51:43,056
- Pay?
- Pay.
650
00:51:47,686 --> 00:51:50,271
I don't want to see you
around here anymore! Beat it!
651
00:51:50,439 --> 00:51:51,898
[Speaking French]
652
00:51:52,066 --> 00:51:53,691
Beat it, buddy!
653
00:51:55,194 --> 00:51:56,486
Idiot!
654
00:52:13,420 --> 00:52:14,420
Deacon!
655
00:52:19,385 --> 00:52:22,011
[Birds calling]
656
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:29,227
Here is a treat
to make a minor prehistoric pit stop
657
00:52:29,395 --> 00:52:31,271
a bit more enjoyable.
658
00:52:33,524 --> 00:52:34,524
Thank you.
659
00:52:43,617 --> 00:52:44,909
Uh-oh.
660
00:53:03,095 --> 00:53:04,554
Thanks, guys.
661
00:53:08,392 --> 00:53:09,934
I sure hope this works.
662
00:53:18,152 --> 00:53:20,945
[Electrical crackling]
663
00:53:24,742 --> 00:53:26,492
I think it's working, dude.
664
00:53:27,244 --> 00:53:29,996
[Grunting]
665
00:53:31,207 --> 00:53:33,875
[Shouting]
666
00:53:39,632 --> 00:53:41,174
Just a little farther...
667
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:42,967
...I hope!
668
00:53:49,934 --> 00:53:52,560
Hey! That's us.
669
00:53:52,728 --> 00:53:54,187
We're back in San Dimas.
670
00:53:54,355 --> 00:53:58,524
[Bill] Yeah, only now it's not now.
It's last night.
671
00:53:58,692 --> 00:54:00,235
- Dude.
- What?
672
00:54:00,402 --> 00:54:02,237
Let's go talk to ourselves.
673
00:54:02,404 --> 00:54:03,863
Excellent.
674
00:54:04,031 --> 00:54:05,323
What do we say anyway, anyways?
675
00:54:05,491 --> 00:54:08,618
I don't know.
Let's go find out.
676
00:54:09,536 --> 00:54:11,537
[Both] Sixty-nine, dudes!
677
00:54:11,705 --> 00:54:14,165
[Both] Whoa!
678
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,709
[Ted] Look dudes, we've gotta go.
679
00:54:16,877 --> 00:54:18,670
Rufus!
680
00:54:19,797 --> 00:54:22,757
Listen to this dude Rufus,
he knows what he's talking about.
681
00:54:22,925 --> 00:54:27,262
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
682
00:54:28,180 --> 00:54:30,848
- Who?
- You'll see.
683
00:54:32,184 --> 00:54:34,560
Gentlemen, is everything all right?
684
00:54:34,728 --> 00:54:38,022
Yeah, except how come
the number we dialed for San Dimas
685
00:54:38,190 --> 00:54:40,817
brought us here
instead of to tomorrow, Rufus?
686
00:54:40,985 --> 00:54:43,987
Because in San Dimas
it is tomorrow, William.
687
00:54:44,154 --> 00:54:46,531
You have to dial one number higher.
688
00:54:46,699 --> 00:54:50,201
Oh, yeah. Thanks Rufus.
689
00:54:50,369 --> 00:54:52,870
And you better hurry,
because you don't have much time.
690
00:54:53,038 --> 00:54:55,957
What do you mean, Rufus?
We got ten hours left.
691
00:54:56,875 --> 00:54:59,419
You got two hours.
692
00:54:59,586 --> 00:55:02,213
Ted, you forgot to wind
your watch again.
693
00:55:02,381 --> 00:55:04,549
Even after you reminded yourself not to.
694
00:55:04,717 --> 00:55:06,718
Well, I better remind myself again.
695
00:55:06,885 --> 00:55:10,013
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
696
00:55:11,056 --> 00:55:13,016
[Both] Thanks, Rufus.
697
00:55:15,352 --> 00:55:16,894
[Both] Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
698
00:55:18,856 --> 00:55:21,858
That conversation
made more sense this time.
699
00:55:22,026 --> 00:55:23,943
Ted, you're too tall, man.
700
00:55:24,111 --> 00:55:27,447
- [Grunting]
- [Muttering]
701
00:55:31,243 --> 00:55:33,911
- [Humming]
- [Electrical crackling]
702
00:55:34,079 --> 00:55:36,080
[Shouting]
703
00:55:36,248 --> 00:55:38,583
- [Bill] Great, we made it!
- Huh?
704
00:55:38,751 --> 00:55:39,751
[Billy the Kid] Whoa!
705
00:55:39,918 --> 00:55:44,797
- Who's the señorita? She's cute.
- [Ted] It's his mom, dude.
706
00:55:48,427 --> 00:55:52,013
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy. I mean Mom.
707
00:55:52,181 --> 00:55:56,642
Uh, Mrs. Preston, we'd like you
to meet some of our friends.
708
00:55:56,810 --> 00:56:00,271
Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beethoven.
709
00:56:00,439 --> 00:56:02,231
Ah. [speaking German]
710
00:56:02,399 --> 00:56:06,778
And, uh... Maxine of Arc.
Missy.
711
00:56:07,571 --> 00:56:09,197
Herman the Kid.
712
00:56:09,365 --> 00:56:11,282
Bob Genghis Khan.
713
00:56:12,368 --> 00:56:14,702
- So-crates Johnson.
- Hi.
714
00:56:14,870 --> 00:56:17,997
Dennis Freud and, uh...
715
00:56:20,959 --> 00:56:22,502
...Abraham Lincoln.
716
00:56:23,337 --> 00:56:25,671
Well, it's nice to meet you all.
717
00:56:25,839 --> 00:56:27,382
There are sodas in the fridge.
718
00:56:29,259 --> 00:56:31,052
Mom, can you give us a ride someplace?
719
00:56:31,220 --> 00:56:34,389
Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere
until you do your chores.
720
00:57:10,968 --> 00:57:12,468
[All] Done!
721
00:57:14,304 --> 00:57:16,597
This is the San Dimas mall.
722
00:57:16,765 --> 00:57:19,892
And this is where people
of today's world hang out.
723
00:57:21,103 --> 00:57:23,438
All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off.
724
00:57:23,605 --> 00:57:26,190
Beethoven, make sure you
don't get sucked under.
725
00:57:29,027 --> 00:57:31,696
Everybody get together,
remember who your buddy is.
726
00:57:33,031 --> 00:57:35,366
So-crates, watch out
for your robe, dude.
727
00:57:38,704 --> 00:57:42,081
OK, follow me.
728
00:57:42,374 --> 00:57:45,585
You've got your Broadway down here,
and got your Sears over here.
729
00:57:46,503 --> 00:57:48,504
The stratification of our society
730
00:57:48,672 --> 00:57:50,715
is much like Marie Antoinette's.
731
00:57:50,883 --> 00:57:53,384
The few possess much,
while the masses
732
00:57:53,552 --> 00:57:55,803
possess little
but their television sets.
733
00:57:55,971 --> 00:57:58,264
This dichotomy led to a revolution
734
00:57:58,432 --> 00:58:01,184
in which Antoinette
and her husband were beheaded.
735
00:58:01,351 --> 00:58:04,103
Today, leaders are impeached
rather than beheaded.
736
00:58:05,230 --> 00:58:09,400
Still, while in her day, Marie
Antoinette said "Let them eat cake,"
737
00:58:09,568 --> 00:58:12,361
perhaps today she would say,
"Let them eat fast food."
738
00:58:12,529 --> 00:58:15,198
[Applause]
739
00:58:18,911 --> 00:58:22,288
- Enjoy.
- OK, look around, see what you think.
740
00:58:22,456 --> 00:58:25,208
We'll be back as soon
as we find Napoleon. OK?
741
00:58:25,375 --> 00:58:28,002
Come on, dude, we don't got much time.
742
00:58:28,754 --> 00:58:30,588
Yes, but what do we...
743
00:58:31,089 --> 00:58:32,924
You ditched Napoleon?!
744
00:58:33,091 --> 00:58:36,636
Deacon, do you realize you've stranded
one of Europe's greatest leaders
745
00:58:36,803 --> 00:58:38,930
- in San Dimas?
- He was a dick.
746
00:58:42,142 --> 00:58:44,810
Well... how are we gonna find him?
747
00:58:48,232 --> 00:58:53,319
OK, wait, if we were one of
the greatest generals in history,
748
00:58:53,487 --> 00:58:59,242
and we were stranded in San Dimas
for one day, where would we go?
749
00:59:02,871 --> 00:59:04,622
[Both] Waterloo!
750
00:59:04,790 --> 00:59:06,624
[Rock music plays]
751
00:59:06,792 --> 00:59:08,251
[Children laughing]
752
00:59:17,344 --> 00:59:19,262
Eleven children, please.
753
00:59:19,429 --> 00:59:21,180
Are you OK?
754
00:59:32,651 --> 00:59:34,110
[Speaking French]
755
00:59:34,278 --> 00:59:36,153
[Screaming]
756
00:59:48,458 --> 00:59:50,501
[Child] This is fun!
757
00:59:50,669 --> 00:59:52,962
[Speaking French]
758
00:59:53,714 --> 00:59:55,464
Buddy, you're holding up the line!
759
00:59:59,803 --> 01:00:01,053
[Speaking French]
760
01:00:01,221 --> 01:00:02,388
Come on, buddy.
761
01:00:02,556 --> 01:00:04,515
[Screaming]
762
01:00:04,683 --> 01:00:07,101
[♪ Vital Signs:
"The Boys And Girls Are Doing lt"]
763
01:00:21,450 --> 01:00:22,992
[Giggling shout]
764
01:00:27,247 --> 01:00:29,707
[Laughing]
765
01:00:35,005 --> 01:00:38,132
[Shouting in French]
766
01:01:13,085 --> 01:01:14,585
[Inaudible dialogue]
767
01:01:25,138 --> 01:01:26,722
[Speaking French]
768
01:01:26,890 --> 01:01:29,934
Come on, Napoleon.
Everybody's waiting for us.
769
01:01:30,102 --> 01:01:32,853
- No, no, no!
- Yes, yes, yes!
770
01:01:36,358 --> 01:01:40,611
[Woman] Why be soft and flabby
when you can be firm and trim?
771
01:01:40,779 --> 01:01:44,240
When you can have a body that cries out,
"Look at me, admire me."
772
01:01:44,408 --> 01:01:47,326
With our specialized weight training
and aerobics program,
773
01:01:47,494 --> 01:01:51,205
we can help you attain the kind of body
you've only dreamed of having.
774
01:01:51,373 --> 01:01:54,500
- All right, let's go ladies!
- [Up-tempo music plays]
775
01:01:54,668 --> 01:01:57,294
You guys are looking great!
776
01:01:57,462 --> 01:02:01,424
OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump!
777
01:02:06,471 --> 01:02:08,180
You a musician?
778
01:02:10,851 --> 01:02:13,018
Well here, try this.
779
01:02:13,186 --> 01:02:15,229
[Electronic tune plays]
780
01:02:27,325 --> 01:02:29,910
[Laughing]
781
01:02:31,955 --> 01:02:33,664
[Playing random notes]
782
01:02:36,626 --> 01:02:38,502
[Woman] What is?
783
01:02:39,838 --> 01:02:42,173
- What are they doing?
- [Inaudible dialogue]
784
01:02:42,799 --> 01:02:44,633
Look at his sandals. Ooh!
785
01:02:46,136 --> 01:02:48,387
- [Woman 1] I don't know.
- [Woman 2] He's creepy.
786
01:02:48,555 --> 01:02:51,098
- Weird, huh?
- Oh, they're coming over.
787
01:02:54,352 --> 01:02:59,398
Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates.
788
01:02:59,566 --> 01:03:01,776
- Socrates.
- We're from history.
789
01:03:01,943 --> 01:03:02,902
[Girls laughing]
790
01:03:03,069 --> 01:03:04,904
[Chuckles nervously]
791
01:03:05,071 --> 01:03:09,241
Hello, I'm Dr. Freud.
But you may call me Siggy.
792
01:03:09,409 --> 01:03:11,535
- Oh, my God!
- [Laughing]
793
01:03:12,579 --> 01:03:16,916
You both seem to be suffering
from a mild form of hysteria.
794
01:03:17,834 --> 01:03:20,085
You are such a geek.
795
01:03:23,507 --> 01:03:25,424
Way to go, egghead.
796
01:03:27,260 --> 01:03:30,805
- Geek! [laughs]
- What is a "geek"?
797
01:03:33,558 --> 01:03:34,725
Huh...
798
01:03:35,894 --> 01:03:37,394
Oh...
799
01:03:40,357 --> 01:03:41,774
Oh.
800
01:03:49,449 --> 01:03:51,367
[Grunting]
801
01:03:54,204 --> 01:03:55,579
[Shouting]
802
01:03:56,164 --> 01:03:59,583
- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Grunting]
803
01:03:59,751 --> 01:04:01,418
[Shouting]
804
01:04:03,380 --> 01:04:05,256
I need some help.
I've got a live one here.
805
01:04:09,511 --> 01:04:10,636
- OK...
- Thank you.
806
01:04:10,804 --> 01:04:12,638
...I need the Lincoln hat
and the stupid beard back.
807
01:04:12,806 --> 01:04:16,642
You don't understand,
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
808
01:04:16,810 --> 01:04:18,394
Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha.
809
01:04:18,562 --> 01:04:19,645
Now, come on, mister...
810
01:04:19,813 --> 01:04:22,481
This is my hat and my beard.
I am!
811
01:04:22,649 --> 01:04:24,525
[Up-tempo classical music plays]
812
01:04:26,611 --> 01:04:29,113
[Classical and rock styles combined]
813
01:04:30,907 --> 01:04:33,117
Keep it up!
You're looking great!
814
01:04:48,300 --> 01:04:50,801
Yah!
815
01:04:52,178 --> 01:04:53,679
[Man] Hey! That crazy there!
816
01:04:53,847 --> 01:04:55,764
- Son, hold it right there.
- Get that guy off there.
817
01:04:55,932 --> 01:04:56,932
Oh!
818
01:05:00,145 --> 01:05:01,812
[Man] Stop him!
819
01:05:02,647 --> 01:05:04,148
[Shouting]
820
01:05:06,234 --> 01:05:08,319
- Yee-haw!
- [Gunshot]
821
01:05:08,486 --> 01:05:10,446
- Ya-ha!
- [Gun clicking]
822
01:05:10,614 --> 01:05:13,198
[Rock mix continues]
823
01:05:14,659 --> 01:05:16,785
- No, Sig, over here.
- Sorry, miss.
824
01:05:16,953 --> 01:05:17,912
Excuse me, miss.
825
01:05:18,079 --> 01:05:20,623
- Move, move.
- Pardon me.
826
01:05:21,708 --> 01:05:23,125
[Freud] Oh, no.
827
01:05:23,293 --> 01:05:25,002
I demand a lawyer.
828
01:05:25,170 --> 01:05:27,004
Don't get smart with me, buddy.
Let's go.
829
01:05:32,010 --> 01:05:34,178
[Indistinct chatter]
830
01:05:39,476 --> 01:05:41,101
[Indistinct protests]
831
01:05:43,480 --> 01:05:45,022
Hey, there they are!
832
01:05:46,650 --> 01:05:49,944
[All shouting]
833
01:05:51,529 --> 01:05:53,697
Ah!
834
01:05:53,865 --> 01:05:55,908
[Man] All right, come on, Grandpa.
835
01:05:56,201 --> 01:05:58,160
[Grunting]
836
01:06:00,413 --> 01:06:01,747
[Both] Bogus!
837
01:06:01,915 --> 01:06:04,500
[All shouting]
838
01:06:04,668 --> 01:06:06,126
That's enough.
839
01:06:14,761 --> 01:06:17,054
Mom, can't you go any faster?
840
01:06:17,222 --> 01:06:20,057
[Tires screeching]
841
01:06:22,519 --> 01:06:24,770
[Phone ringing]
842
01:06:28,358 --> 01:06:30,859
[Speaking foreign language]
843
01:06:32,737 --> 01:06:36,448
I want to know why
you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
844
01:06:36,616 --> 01:06:39,201
Why do you claim
I'm not Sigmund Freud?
845
01:06:39,369 --> 01:06:42,121
Why do you keep asking me
these questions?
846
01:06:43,123 --> 01:06:44,748
Tell me about your mother.
847
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:48,335
- Oh, God.
- Would you like a couch to lie on?
848
01:06:48,503 --> 01:06:50,546
No, I don't want a couch to lie on.
849
01:06:50,714 --> 01:06:53,382
[Shouting in German]
850
01:06:57,929 --> 01:06:59,555
All right, what's your name?
851
01:06:59,723 --> 01:07:01,098
Abraham Lincoln.
852
01:07:01,266 --> 01:07:04,768
That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
853
01:07:04,936 --> 01:07:07,187
I know how to spell Lincoln.
854
01:07:09,941 --> 01:07:11,900
What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
855
01:07:12,068 --> 01:07:15,988
February 12th, 1809.
856
01:07:19,242 --> 01:07:22,119
[Boy] Everything is different,
but the same.
857
01:07:22,287 --> 01:07:26,248
Things are more moderner than before,
858
01:07:26,416 --> 01:07:30,669
bigger, and yet smaller.
859
01:07:30,837 --> 01:07:32,463
[Laughter]
860
01:07:34,799 --> 01:07:36,216
It's computers.
861
01:07:39,846 --> 01:07:42,639
- [Indistinct shouts]
- [Boy] Take your time!
862
01:07:43,683 --> 01:07:45,976
San Dimas High School football rules!
863
01:07:46,144 --> 01:07:48,312
[Cheering]
864
01:08:00,325 --> 01:08:02,993
[Ted] I can't believe
my dad arrested them all.
865
01:08:04,662 --> 01:08:06,038
What are we gonna do?
866
01:08:06,206 --> 01:08:09,333
OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad.
I'm gonna scope the place out.
867
01:08:09,501 --> 01:08:13,128
Missy, I mean Mom,
please keep an eye on Napoleon.
868
01:08:15,632 --> 01:08:16,632
Stay!
869
01:08:21,513 --> 01:08:23,555
All right, lock him up
with the rest of those wackos.
870
01:08:23,723 --> 01:08:25,557
- I am a lawyer, you know...
- Dad!
871
01:08:25,725 --> 01:08:28,393
- You pack your bags, Ted.
- What?
872
01:08:28,561 --> 01:08:29,686
You're going to military school.
873
01:08:29,854 --> 01:08:31,522
- But, Dad...
- No, I don't want to hear it, Ted.
874
01:08:31,689 --> 01:08:33,357
- But...
- Ted, you go home
875
01:08:33,525 --> 01:08:35,442
and you pack your bags, now!
876
01:08:43,076 --> 01:08:44,701
- How'd it go?
- Bad.
877
01:08:44,869 --> 01:08:48,539
Our historical figures are all locked up
and my dad won't let them out.
878
01:08:49,624 --> 01:08:51,041
Can we get your dad's keys?
879
01:08:51,209 --> 01:08:54,086
I could steal them,
but he lost them two days ago.
880
01:08:54,254 --> 01:08:58,215
If only we could go back in time to
when he had them and steal them then.
881
01:08:59,134 --> 01:09:01,552
Well, why can't we?
882
01:09:01,719 --> 01:09:03,053
'Cause we don't got time.
883
01:09:03,221 --> 01:09:05,222
We could do it after the report.
884
01:09:06,182 --> 01:09:07,975
Ted, good thinking, dude!
885
01:09:08,143 --> 01:09:10,811
After the report, we'll time travel
back to two days ago,
886
01:09:10,979 --> 01:09:13,397
steal your dad's keys,
and leave them here.
887
01:09:13,565 --> 01:09:15,232
- Where?
- I don't know.
888
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:17,568
How about behind that sign?
889
01:09:17,735 --> 01:09:20,988
That way, when we get here now,
they'll be waiting for us.
890
01:09:23,241 --> 01:09:25,576
- See?
- Whoa! Yeah!
891
01:09:25,743 --> 01:09:29,872
So, after the report we can't forget
to do this, otherwise it won't happen.
892
01:09:30,039 --> 01:09:33,917
But it did happen!
Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys!
893
01:09:34,085 --> 01:09:36,086
Exactly, Ted.
Come on.
894
01:09:36,254 --> 01:09:39,673
[Horn honking]
895
01:09:39,841 --> 01:09:41,049
- Mom?
- Yes?
896
01:09:41,217 --> 01:09:43,177
Can you please
bring the car around back?
897
01:09:43,344 --> 01:09:44,178
Sure.
898
01:09:45,805 --> 01:09:49,933
Come on, Ted. We've got
some historical figures to rescue.
899
01:09:50,101 --> 01:09:51,518
Over and out.
900
01:10:07,702 --> 01:10:09,786
How are we gonna get past my dad?
901
01:10:11,247 --> 01:10:13,207
You got a tape recorder at home?
902
01:10:13,374 --> 01:10:15,751
- Yeah.
- OK.
903
01:10:16,586 --> 01:10:18,629
- Remember to get the tape recorder.
- Yeah.
904
01:10:18,796 --> 01:10:23,300
Set a timer on it for, uh... 2:13.
905
01:10:23,468 --> 01:10:25,344
- Got it?
- Got it!
906
01:10:28,014 --> 01:10:29,806
What am I gonna say on it?
907
01:10:29,974 --> 01:10:32,935
[Ted on tape recorder] Dad! Hey, Dad!
908
01:10:33,102 --> 01:10:35,187
It's you, dude.
909
01:10:39,692 --> 01:10:40,734
Ted?
910
01:10:40,902 --> 01:10:42,152
[Ted] I'm over here.
911
01:10:44,447 --> 01:10:46,865
Yeah, this way.
912
01:10:47,033 --> 01:10:49,993
[Guitar solo plays]
913
01:11:08,554 --> 01:11:10,472
Whoa. Check it out.
914
01:11:12,558 --> 01:11:15,686
"Dear Bill and Ted,
good luck on the report.
915
01:11:15,853 --> 01:11:20,399
Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire
and Ted "Theodore" Logan."
916
01:11:20,566 --> 01:11:21,984
That was nice of us.
917
01:11:22,151 --> 01:11:25,362
"P.S. Duck!"
918
01:11:31,035 --> 01:11:32,828
- Excellent work, dude.
- Way to go!
919
01:11:32,996 --> 01:11:34,162
Come on.
920
01:11:42,213 --> 01:11:46,008
- [Speaking foreign language]
- Shh!
921
01:11:46,175 --> 01:11:50,554
- [Speaking French]
- Time is of the essence.
922
01:11:50,722 --> 01:11:53,765
May I ask that you all work together
so that we can get down to the car.
923
01:11:53,933 --> 01:11:55,892
Very quiet now. Quiet.
924
01:11:57,812 --> 01:12:00,564
Against the wall.
Single file.
925
01:12:01,399 --> 01:12:03,567
- Hurry up, Billy.
- How do we get out of here?
926
01:12:04,610 --> 01:12:06,611
[Ted] Over here, Dad.
927
01:12:06,779 --> 01:12:07,904
Down here!
928
01:12:08,072 --> 01:12:10,157
[Bill] Way to go, dude.
We stalled him.
929
01:12:10,325 --> 01:12:12,075
[Ted] What else do I say?
930
01:12:12,243 --> 01:12:15,078
And now, opening for Iron Maiden...
931
01:12:15,246 --> 01:12:17,748
[Bill and Ted]... Wyld Stallyns!
932
01:12:20,793 --> 01:12:23,628
- Come on, Bill, put your back into it.
- Ted?
933
01:12:23,796 --> 01:12:25,964
What in the hell
do you think you're doing?
934
01:12:26,132 --> 01:12:29,426
Trash can.
Remember a trash can!
935
01:12:29,594 --> 01:12:31,261
Trash can?
What are you talking about?
936
01:12:31,429 --> 01:12:34,556
- Get this thing off me, Ted!
- Sorry, Dad,
937
01:12:34,724 --> 01:12:37,100
but we've got to go pass
our history report.
938
01:12:37,268 --> 01:12:40,604
- Oh, by the way, I found your keys.
- Ted!
939
01:12:40,772 --> 01:12:43,815
Ted, where are you?
Get this off me! Ted!
940
01:12:50,281 --> 01:12:53,283
In conclusion,
I think Abraham Lincoln
941
01:12:53,451 --> 01:12:56,620
would be most impressed
with the world of San Dimas.
942
01:12:56,788 --> 01:13:00,791
- I know I am.
- [Laughter, applause]
943
01:13:08,591 --> 01:13:12,469
- Down the hall, to the left.
- Quiet.
944
01:13:13,805 --> 01:13:18,225
And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward
and Mrs. Rowe when I say
945
01:13:18,393 --> 01:13:20,811
that your reports were very entertaining
946
01:13:20,978 --> 01:13:23,105
and very informative for all of us.
947
01:13:23,940 --> 01:13:28,443
So, it seems we may be one report short
today, so we'll leave just a bit early.
948
01:13:28,611 --> 01:13:30,987
[Cheering]
949
01:13:31,155 --> 01:13:34,324
But once again, I want to thank you
all for your very hard work...
950
01:13:34,492 --> 01:13:38,036
- [all gasping]
- Hey, who turned out the lights?
951
01:13:38,204 --> 01:13:39,913
[Overlapping chatter]
952
01:13:41,165 --> 01:13:43,375
[Bill] Hello, San Dimas.
953
01:13:43,543 --> 01:13:48,046
Please welcome,
for the final report of the afternoon,
954
01:13:48,214 --> 01:13:49,923
from all throughout history,
955
01:13:50,091 --> 01:13:53,218
some of the greatest people
who have ever lived,
956
01:13:53,386 --> 01:13:57,973
in their 1988 World Tour!
957
01:13:58,141 --> 01:14:01,101
[Up-tempo guitar music plays]
958
01:14:05,857 --> 01:14:09,151
How's it going?
I'm Billy the Kid.
959
01:14:09,318 --> 01:14:11,403
[Overlapping chatter]
960
01:14:17,493 --> 01:14:19,369
[Indistinct shouts]
961
01:14:22,623 --> 01:14:25,417
I'd like you all
to put your hands together.
962
01:14:32,133 --> 01:14:35,260
And now, my good friends,
963
01:14:35,428 --> 01:14:39,139
Bill S. Preston, Esquire,
964
01:14:39,307 --> 01:14:43,226
and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Whoo!
965
01:14:43,394 --> 01:14:45,562
- Thank you! Thank you!
- [Applause]
966
01:14:46,314 --> 01:14:49,065
[Both] Hello, San Dimas High!
967
01:14:49,233 --> 01:14:55,113
Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished
classmates, teachers, babes.
968
01:14:55,823 --> 01:14:57,699
Our first speaker was born
969
01:14:57,867 --> 01:15:01,286
- in the year 470 B.C.
- Hi, long time no see.
970
01:15:01,454 --> 01:15:03,580
A time when much of the world
971
01:15:03,748 --> 01:15:07,083
looked like the cover of the
Led Zeppelin album Houses ofthe Holy.
972
01:15:07,251 --> 01:15:08,793
We were there.
973
01:15:08,961 --> 01:15:12,797
There were many steps and columns,
it was most tranquil.
974
01:15:12,965 --> 01:15:16,718
He is sometimes known
as the father of modern thought.
975
01:15:16,886 --> 01:15:20,764
He was the teacher of Plato, who was in
turn the teacher of Aristotle.
976
01:15:20,932 --> 01:15:26,436
And like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly
accused of corruption of the young.
977
01:15:26,604 --> 01:15:29,606
And since he doesn't speak English,
my friend Ted here,
978
01:15:29,774 --> 01:15:31,608
is going to interpret for him.
979
01:15:31,776 --> 01:15:34,569
So please welcome,
to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas,
980
01:15:34,737 --> 01:15:38,406
the most bodacious philosophizer
in Ancient Greece...
981
01:15:38,950 --> 01:15:40,617
[both]... Socrates!
982
01:15:40,785 --> 01:15:43,119
[Applause]
983
01:15:43,287 --> 01:15:46,540
...is totally out of control. I got
a good idea where he gets it from.
984
01:15:46,707 --> 01:15:49,668
I mean if you and that wife of yours
would show a little discipline
985
01:15:49,835 --> 01:15:51,753
maybe your son wouldn't be
such a bad influence.
986
01:15:51,921 --> 01:15:53,713
Is discipline your key
to the success with Ted?
987
01:15:53,881 --> 01:15:56,633
Yes, it is! He's going to an
Alaskan military school.
988
01:15:56,801 --> 01:16:00,136
[Ted] He loves you best...
989
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:04,307
...in all the world.
990
01:16:05,268 --> 01:16:06,685
What are they doing up there?
991
01:16:08,229 --> 01:16:09,312
He also loves...
992
01:16:10,773 --> 01:16:12,107
...baseball!
993
01:16:13,150 --> 01:16:16,820
[Freud] Therefore, Ted's father's
own fear of failure
994
01:16:16,988 --> 01:16:19,114
has caused him to make his son
995
01:16:19,282 --> 01:16:21,658
the embodiment of all of his own
996
01:16:21,826 --> 01:16:26,162
deepest anxieties about himself.
997
01:16:26,330 --> 01:16:31,167
And, hence, his aggression
transference onto Ted.
998
01:16:33,546 --> 01:16:36,590
- Whoa!
- OK, Ted?
999
01:16:38,843 --> 01:16:41,928
Yes, thank you very much,
Sigmund Freud.
1000
01:16:43,347 --> 01:16:44,681
Hm?
1001
01:16:45,725 --> 01:16:48,560
Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex.
1002
01:16:50,688 --> 01:16:53,315
It is indeed a pleasure
to introduce to you
1003
01:16:53,482 --> 01:16:58,737
a gentleman we picked up in
Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
1004
01:16:58,904 --> 01:17:02,365
Please welcome
the very excellent barbarian...
1005
01:17:02,533 --> 01:17:05,160
[both]... Mr. Genghis Khan.
1006
01:17:05,328 --> 01:17:07,871
[Cheering]
1007
01:17:08,456 --> 01:17:13,793
[Ted] This is a dude who, 700 years ago,
totally ravaged China.
1008
01:17:13,961 --> 01:17:15,837
And who we are told, two hours ago,
1009
01:17:16,005 --> 01:17:18,632
totally ravaged
Oshman's Sporting Goods.
1010
01:17:21,052 --> 01:17:24,679
A most bodacious soldier,
and general,
1011
01:17:24,847 --> 01:17:28,516
Ms. Of Arc totally rousted
the English from France.
1012
01:17:28,684 --> 01:17:32,187
And then turned this dude,
Dauphin, into a king
1013
01:17:32,355 --> 01:17:35,065
and all this
by the time she was 17.
1014
01:17:36,192 --> 01:17:39,027
[Speaking French]
1015
01:17:45,076 --> 01:17:46,951
...waterslide.
1016
01:17:48,120 --> 01:17:51,247
The music of Ludwig van Beethoven.
1017
01:17:54,752 --> 01:17:57,504
[Bill] As you can see,
Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies
1018
01:17:57,672 --> 01:17:59,756
because of the excellent sugar rush.
1019
01:17:59,924 --> 01:18:02,801
He also loves billiards.
1020
01:18:05,096 --> 01:18:08,390
[Bill] Beethoven's favorite works
include Mozart's "Requiem,"
1021
01:18:08,557 --> 01:18:12,894
Handel's "Messiah,"
and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet.
1022
01:18:13,062 --> 01:18:15,438
[Ted] To improve on the condition
of her armies,
1023
01:18:15,606 --> 01:18:19,776
Joan of Arc plans on instituting
a full scale aerobics program
1024
01:18:19,944 --> 01:18:21,778
on her return to France.
1025
01:18:21,946 --> 01:18:23,988
I don't think it's gonna work.
1026
01:18:24,615 --> 01:18:25,615
No?
1027
01:18:28,494 --> 01:18:30,120
[Speaking French]
1028
01:18:30,287 --> 01:18:32,956
[Classical and rock]
1029
01:18:36,877 --> 01:18:38,169
He loves...
1030
01:18:39,797 --> 01:18:42,006
He loves San Dimas.
1031
01:18:42,174 --> 01:18:44,467
[Cheering]
1032
01:18:51,434 --> 01:18:54,185
And now, for our last speaker.
1033
01:18:55,479 --> 01:19:00,316
One of the greatest presidents
in American history...
1034
01:19:01,235 --> 01:19:05,196
...Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
1035
01:19:05,364 --> 01:19:07,782
[Cheering]
1036
01:19:25,342 --> 01:19:27,343
Four score and...
1037
01:19:29,513 --> 01:19:31,556
...seven minutes ago,
1038
01:19:31,724 --> 01:19:36,019
we, your forefathers,
1039
01:19:36,187 --> 01:19:41,232
were brought forth
upon a most excellent adventure.
1040
01:19:42,651 --> 01:19:46,488
Conceived by our new friends...
1041
01:19:47,573 --> 01:19:49,073
...Bill...
1042
01:19:50,993 --> 01:19:52,535
...and Ted.
1043
01:19:54,371 --> 01:19:57,916
These two great gentlemen
1044
01:19:58,083 --> 01:20:01,461
are dedicated to a proposition
1045
01:20:01,629 --> 01:20:04,005
which was true in my time,
1046
01:20:04,173 --> 01:20:07,217
just as it's true today.
1047
01:20:10,888 --> 01:20:14,724
Be excellent to each other...
1048
01:20:16,477 --> 01:20:21,397
...and... party on, dudes!
1049
01:20:21,565 --> 01:20:24,567
[Cheering]
1050
01:20:29,740 --> 01:20:31,241
- No...
- Way!
1051
01:20:41,752 --> 01:20:44,879
[Both] Thank you, San Dimas High!
1052
01:20:45,047 --> 01:20:47,340
[Cheering]
1053
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:56,933
[Electrical fizzling]
1054
01:21:00,521 --> 01:21:03,940
[Gasping, murmuring]
1055
01:21:05,818 --> 01:21:07,485
[Microphone feedback]
1056
01:21:12,449 --> 01:21:16,578
[Chanting] We want more! We want more!
1057
01:21:20,207 --> 01:21:23,418
[Electric guitars playing]
1058
01:21:23,586 --> 01:21:25,128
[Ted] Intro.
1059
01:21:25,296 --> 01:21:28,339
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
1060
01:21:38,559 --> 01:21:41,060
- Bill?
- What's up, Ted?
1061
01:21:43,063 --> 01:21:47,442
Well... we traveled through time.
1062
01:21:47,610 --> 01:21:50,320
I mean, we met lots of great leaders,
1063
01:21:50,487 --> 01:21:53,323
and we got an A-plus
on our history report...
1064
01:21:54,408 --> 01:21:57,911
...but look at us, nothing's different.
1065
01:22:00,497 --> 01:22:02,206
Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen.
1066
01:22:04,084 --> 01:22:06,377
Maybe we should start
learning how to play.
1067
01:22:07,963 --> 01:22:09,339
Maybe you're right, Ted.
1068
01:22:12,134 --> 01:22:13,843
[Rumbling, electrical crackling]
1069
01:22:14,011 --> 01:22:16,095
- [Electrical fizzling]
- [Crashing]
1070
01:22:24,855 --> 01:22:28,066
Hello, again, my excellent friends.
1071
01:22:28,859 --> 01:22:29,901
Whoa!
1072
01:22:30,069 --> 01:22:33,237
Congratulations on passing
your history report.
1073
01:22:34,198 --> 01:22:35,281
Rufus.
1074
01:22:35,449 --> 01:22:37,033
The babes!
1075
01:22:37,201 --> 01:22:39,369
We looked all over England for you.
1076
01:22:39,536 --> 01:22:42,246
Where'd you get those savory clothes?
1077
01:22:43,248 --> 01:22:46,376
Rufus introduced us
to a place called the mall.
1078
01:22:46,543 --> 01:22:49,253
And something called credit cards.
1079
01:22:50,422 --> 01:22:52,632
I got them out of England
just before they had to marry
1080
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:54,717
those royal ugly dudes.
1081
01:22:54,885 --> 01:22:56,719
Way to go Rufus.
1082
01:23:06,438 --> 01:23:08,564
How can we ever thank you, Rufus?
1083
01:23:08,732 --> 01:23:12,402
Well, you can start
by signing this for my kids.
1084
01:23:13,320 --> 01:23:14,570
Why?
1085
01:23:14,738 --> 01:23:16,572
They're big fans of yours.
1086
01:23:16,740 --> 01:23:19,075
- What?
- Everyone is.
1087
01:23:19,243 --> 01:23:23,913
Wyld Stallyns' music has become
the foundation of our whole society.
1088
01:23:25,791 --> 01:23:27,291
[Both] No way.
1089
01:23:27,459 --> 01:23:29,293
Yes way.
1090
01:23:29,461 --> 01:23:32,088
In fact, I believe you were there.
1091
01:23:32,256 --> 01:23:34,882
That futuristic place with the domes?
1092
01:23:35,050 --> 01:23:38,553
And the totally excellent music.
1093
01:23:38,721 --> 01:23:40,638
They totally worshipped us there, Rufus.
1094
01:23:40,806 --> 01:23:42,015
I know.
1095
01:23:42,182 --> 01:23:45,810
That's why I was sent to make sure
you passed your history report.
1096
01:23:45,978 --> 01:23:50,314
If you guys were separated it would have
been disastrous for life as we know it.
1097
01:23:50,482 --> 01:23:56,154
You see, eventually your music will help
put an end to war and poverty.
1098
01:23:56,321 --> 01:23:59,949
It will align the planets and
bring them into universal harmony,
1099
01:24:00,117 --> 01:24:03,077
allowing meaningful contact
with all forms of life,
1100
01:24:03,245 --> 01:24:08,207
from extraterrestrial beings
to common household pets.
1101
01:24:08,375 --> 01:24:12,795
And... it's excellent for dancing.
1102
01:24:12,963 --> 01:24:16,174
- [Laughing]
- Whoa.
1103
01:24:16,341 --> 01:24:18,885
Why don't you have the ladies
sign as well, would you please?
1104
01:24:19,053 --> 01:24:21,971
- After all, they are in the band.
- They are?
1105
01:24:22,139 --> 01:24:24,807
- Excellent.
- Excellent.
1106
01:24:24,975 --> 01:24:27,143
Where are you going, Rufus?
1107
01:24:28,228 --> 01:24:30,188
I got a surprise for you.
1108
01:24:39,156 --> 01:24:41,491
- Here.
- [Gasping]
1109
01:24:41,658 --> 01:24:43,826
That's to help you
as you start your new band.
1110
01:24:43,994 --> 01:24:45,661
[Both] Thanks, Rufus.
1111
01:24:45,829 --> 01:24:49,624
Now I just have one further
humble request.
1112
01:24:49,792 --> 01:24:53,336
If I might be so honored
to jam with you?
1113
01:24:54,338 --> 01:24:58,091
- Do you know how to play, Rufus?
- Well, I play a little.
1114
01:25:00,344 --> 01:25:04,430
[Playing heavy metal solo]
1115
01:25:17,861 --> 01:25:20,071
- Whoa!
- [Laughing]
1116
01:25:21,698 --> 01:25:23,991
Most outstanding, Rufus.
1117
01:25:24,159 --> 01:25:25,368
Let's jam.
1118
01:25:33,710 --> 01:25:36,087
- Bill, my friend?
- Yes, Ted, my friend?
1119
01:25:36,255 --> 01:25:38,965
This has been
a most excellent adventure.
1120
01:25:40,259 --> 01:25:41,300
- One...
- Two...
1121
01:25:41,468 --> 01:25:43,052
One, two, three, four!
1122
01:25:43,220 --> 01:25:46,222
[Playing discordant rock music]
1123
01:25:50,394 --> 01:25:51,727
They do get better.
1124
01:25:52,563 --> 01:25:54,939
[♪ Power Tool:
"Two Heads Are Better Than One"]
1125
01:29:43,585 --> 01:29:44,585
English - US - PSDH
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