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1
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,926
MALCOLM: Help me get her
in the car, Ray!
2
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,720
RAY: Okay, but this bitch
heavy as hell, cuz!
3
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,221
MALCOLM: Nigga,
get your hands off her ass!
4
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,140
RAY: Let me finger
gangbang her at least, homie!
5
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,391
MALCOLM: Just help me
get her to the hospital !
6
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:00,517
RAY: Okay, one finger then !
MALCOLM: Ray!
7
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,643
(ENGlNE STARTS)
8
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,437
RAY: All right, but we
ain't goin' inside, homie.
9
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,230
We gonna go around
the emergency loop,
10
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,940
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies
11
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,567
that get shot
in the hood, homie.
12
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,570
Why you snuff her fine ass
anyway, homie?
l wanted to bone, cuz.
13
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,739
She was possessed, Ray!
Possessed?
14
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,449
Possessed like head
spinnin' around
15
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,742
vomitin' everywhere,
possessed?
16
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,285
Or like possessed like Kanye
17
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:19,495
when you take
a picture of him?
18
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,246
Just drive like
you got warrants, please!
19
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,331
Nigga, l do got warrants!
20
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:25,417
Look! These right here!
Jaywalkin'!
21
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,920
For eating grapes
in the grocery store
without payin' for 'em !
22
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,047
Shavin' my dog's
balls in public.
23
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,840
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, cuz.
24
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,425
l be ghost-ridin'
my whip, cuz.
25
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,927
l like doin' that shit, homie.
26
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,554
An altercation with
my moms, homie, but
she provoked me, cuz!
27
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,890
Ray-Ray,
l think she's waking.
All right, here! Take this
28
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,850
and pistol-whip her
with the butt of the gun.
29
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,477
l'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend !
30
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:46,021
All right, nigga, well,
you drive and l'll
pistol-whip that bitch !
31
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,314
(GROWLS)
(GROANlNG)
32
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,816
Kisha, resist!
33
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,442
(lN DEMONlC VOlCE)
But you didn't!
34
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:53,946
l've seen you for the bitch
that you are, Malcolm.
(SHUSHlNG)
35
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,533
What's she talkin' about,
homie?
Booty pirates!
36
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,702
Nothing,
she's possessed, man.
That's right, you fucker!
37
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,913
He's a Ghostbuster!
38
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:04,706
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.
39
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,333
Was you in juvie, cuz?
40
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,460
lf you don't cry,
you ain't no bitch
in there, homie.
41
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,755
l didn't cry.
Doodles on they dick.
Joke's on them, cuz.
42
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,216
By the powers vested to me,
43
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,552
that somebody gave me
while I was locked up...
44
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:19,388
Who are you?
lt's Father Williams, homie.
45
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,390
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, cuz.
46
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,559
l do a mean impression
of The Butler. Check it.
47
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,894
"l'm here for the boss.
l'm here to serve the boss."
48
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,188
Who are you?
l'm Forest Whitaker, homie.
49
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,356
From the movie
that's like The Help,
50
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,024
but he didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.
51
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,401
Ray, l'm not talkin' to you !
l'm talkin' to Kisha.
52
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,485
(GROANS) Ray!
53
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,529
Are you gonna let that bitch
choke you out, cuz?
54
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,656
You a bitch, homie. . .
(GROWLlNG)
55
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,032
Get the fuck off me!
56
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,993
(PANTlNG) Kisha! Kisha!
57
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,870
Oh, shit, she breathed
in my face, homie.
58
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,830
l'll get the bird flu,
it's contagious. . .
59
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,123
She blacked out, Ray.
60
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,207
Hurry, we don't have
much time!
61
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,959
Get us to the hospital.
Hurry!
(SEATBELT WARNlNG BEEPlNG)
62
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,545
Ray? Ray?
(ACCELERATlNG)
63
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,547
(HORN BLARlNG)
Oh, shit!
64
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:54,631
(SCREAMlNG)
(CRASHlNG)
65
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:06,268
Oh, my God !
Kisha? Kisha!
66
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,813
Ray?
67
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,648
(SOBBlNG) Ray!
68
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,358
(SCREAMS)
69
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,529
lt's a good thing l drank
that Hennessy earlier.
70
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:18,947
l can't feel shit, homie!
71
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,407
l think Kisha's dead.
72
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,534
Good ! Let's get the fuck
outta here, homie!
73
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,121
Listen.
We were never here.
74
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,625
l'm with you, cuz.
All right. Deuces!
75
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,835
We ghost hunters!
76
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,503
(ELECTRlClTY CRACKLlNG)
77
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,096
MALCOLM: l don't know
about this place, baby.
78
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,307
MEGAN: You've said that about
every house we looked at.
79
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,392
There's just something creepy
about this place, like. . .
80
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,560
Give me the heebie-jeebies. . .
81
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,771
Like somethin' bad
happened in here.
82
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,399
Well, l love it.
And l love you.
83
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,819
There you go,
bribin' me with vagina.
Whatever works.
84
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,446
Know when l'm weak.
85
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:00,906
Disgusting.
86
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,243
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it,
87
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,203
but when you kissing
the whole entire
sophomore class,
88
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,287
it's cool, huh?
89
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,581
Give me that damn camera,
you little gnat!
90
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,166
Oh, finger.
Real creative. Wow.
91
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,334
MEGAN: Cut her some slack.
92
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,627
She's just goin'
through a phase.
93
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,504
MALCOLM: Yeah, a phase.
lt's called "whore."
94
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,757
Look at that.
Last a lifetime.
Malcolm, stop!
95
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,425
MALCOLM: No, see,
that's a phase.
96
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,677
MEGAN: Looks like
he met an imaginary friend.
97
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,803
lt's normal.
98
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,471
What you doin' there, buddy?
99
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:25,931
Want to help me
load some boxes?
100
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,016
Cool !
All right. My man !
101
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,686
(GRUNTlNG)
Sorry, Malcolm. l can't.
102
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:31,937
MALCOLM: Why not?
103
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,856
Tony says, "Aw, hell no!
l ain't yo' slave!"
104
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,902
ls it me or does his
imaginary friend sound black?
105
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:39,987
Pretty progressive.
106
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,822
MEGAN: Why don't you
and your friend go play?
107
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:42,948
Okay.
108
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,450
That game sounds like fun !
109
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,827
(GROANS)
MALCOLM: Oh !
110
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,955
l don't like
the tripping game, Tony.
111
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,960
Look at all that sexy.
Come here. Give me a kiss.
112
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,629
Let's piss off
your forefathers.
113
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,257
(CHUCKLES)
114
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:03,885
Malcolm, it's 201 3.
lnterracial relationships
are not a big deal anymore.
115
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,304
Yeah, you tell that
to the sistas.
116
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,471
(BOTH CHUCKLlNG)
117
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,974
You know, they be like,
"l know he didn't!"
118
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,644
"He did not kiss that
pasty ass white bitch !"
Pasty?
119
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,813
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips.
120
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:17,399
"Look at them,
look like baloney slices!"
121
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,443
"Uh-uh.
See he straight scrippin'
122
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,902
"and it don't make
no damn sense."
123
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,029
(DOG BARKlNG)
Come here, Shiloh Junior.
124
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,238
There's my baby boy.
125
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:24,781
MEGAN: (CHUCKLES)
l still can't believe
126
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,658
you named our dog
Shiloh Junior.
127
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,120
Well, l was gonna
name him Shiloh Two
or Shiloh the Sequel,
128
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,749
but he wouldn't
answer to those, so,
Shiloh Junior it is.
129
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,751
C'mon ! Hey, come on,
Shiloh Junior.
130
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,002
Hey, babe,
are you gettin' this?
131
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,128
MEGAN: l really don't
understand
132
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,504
your obsession
with all these cameras.
133
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,757
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?
134
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,009
Hey, Shiloh ! Come on, baby.
(DOG WHlMPERlNG)
135
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,886
You ready to go see
your new house, Shiloh Junior?
136
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,847
Come on, Shiloh Junior.
Shiloh Junior!
Hey, get inside.
137
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,140
Don't make me put bass
in my voice.
138
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:51,975
Hey! Shiloh !
(BARKlNG)
139
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,977
God, l don't know
what's wrong with him.
140
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,937
(SCREAMS)
141
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:57,397
Oh, fucking. . .
142
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,358
Oh, shit!
Oh, breathe!
143
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,735
Come on, Shiloh !
Don't go towards the light!
144
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,487
Call 9-1 -1 .
145
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,655
Tell 'em the dog is white!
Tell 'em the dog is white!
146
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,783
Oh, God. l got a pulse.
147
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:10,202
Breathe! Shiloh, like this.
(PANTlNG)
148
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:11,620
(STRAlNlNG)
149
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:12,954
(BACK CRACKS)
150
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,624
Fuck! Oh, my back!
Oh, my fuckin' back!
151
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,250
Please, help me!
152
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:18,585
(STRAlNlNG)
153
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:20,879
(SCREAMlNG)
154
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,216
My fuckin' dog is a pancake!
155
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,717
(BLOWlNG)
156
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,302
Get me a goddamn pump!
157
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,304
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)
158
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,894
lt's working ! Come on !
159
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,479
(CHUCKLlNG)
160
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,523
(SCREAMlNG)
161
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,194
Meet me at the hospital !
162
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,489
The hospital's that way!
163
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,159
MALCOLM: So young, never had
a chance to lick his balls.
164
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,995
l'm okay. l'm fine. l'm good.
165
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,040
You know, l'm just so happy
l got to spend time with. . .
166
00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,585
lt's just every time l try
and say the name. . . (SOBS)
167
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,713
(PANTlNG)
168
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,549
(BREATHlNG DEEPLY)
169
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,594
(SOBBlNG) Shiloh !
170
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:14,182
Oh, God, it hurts!
Oh, God !
171
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,268
lt's tingly in. . .
172
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,103
(SCREAMlNG) Oh, God !
173
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:24,693
l'm goin' with you ! Oh, God !
lt's time to go bye-bye.
174
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,949
(SCREAMlNG) Shiloh !
175
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,124
Junior. (SPlTS)
176
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,503
Hey.
177
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,380
l bet you could put
a whole lot of
birth control in that.
178
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,798
l really hate you.
179
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,051
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.
180
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,678
What've you got there?
181
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,805
Just an old box
that l found in the basement.
182
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,057
Don't you think
we should return it
to the prior owners?
183
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,434
lf they wanted it,
they would've taken it
184
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,311
in the first place.
Ooh. (SlGHS)
185
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,397
Okay, look, Becky,
l'm not your dad.
186
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:06,067
l'm just the guy
that's like. . . Your mom.
187
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,653
So l'll make you a deal.
l'll let you keep the box
188
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,823
if you promise to try
and make this work
between me and you, okay?
189
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,409
lt's for your mom.
Fine.
190
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,872
l think
we're gettin' somewhere.
191
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,041
(LAWNMOWER WHlRRlNG)
(SPEAKlNG SPANlSH)
192
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,089
l'm just messin'
with you, bro.
193
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,257
Oh, shit!
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
194
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,843
l just do that when
l'm talkin' to negritos.
lt's all good.
195
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,345
Did he just call me a nigger?
What's goin' on, bro?
196
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,514
l just moved in with
my girl right here
197
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,765
and we was
just wonderin'
MEGAN: Hi.
198
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:37,849
maybe if you want
to add us to your route?
199
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:41,019
Are you serious?
Dude, l live here, puto!
lt's my house!
200
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,979
Oh, shit! l'm sorry.
MEGAN: Oh, my God.
201
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,357
l just assumed. . .
You got the gloves
and the hat,
202
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:46,858
and the lawnmower
and the truck.
203
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,320
Oh, 'cause l'm Mexican
l must be Jose!
Are you?
204
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,863
No, fool !
My name is Miguel !
205
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:52,948
ls that your truck?
206
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,659
Yeah, that's my truck!
MALCOLM: Then who's Jose?
207
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:57,661
That's my middle name.
You wanna guess my last name?
208
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:58,870
No, no, no.
Oh, come on.
209
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,205
You guys are here,
you might as well.
210
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,289
l don't know. Rodriguez?
211
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,374
That's racist, bro.
212
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,042
You asked. . .
Did he ask me or what?
213
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,127
(LAUGHlNG)
l'm just fuckin' with you !
214
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:10,465
For the record, my name is
Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez. . .
215
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,175
Smith.
216
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,593
Wait, wait, wait.
MEGAN: What?
217
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,804
Your last name is Smith?
218
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,348
Yeah, l'm Mexican
on my mom's side.
219
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,726
So, why is there
Gonzalez on your truck?
220
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,354
Shit, would you trust
your garden to
a guy named Smith?
221
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:25,814
True. True.
Huh?
222
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,732
Hey, my name is Malcolm, bro.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
223
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,317
l bet your last name
is Johnson.
224
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,902
See, that's
some racist shit!
225
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,905
Am l right?
But you're right!
226
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,866
Nice to meet you, man.
Yeah, it's a pleasure
meeting you !
227
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,327
MEGAN: Nice to meet you.
Tuesdays. l can cut
your grass on Tuesdays.
228
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,663
What can l say,
l'm a gardener
by ethnic default.
229
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,747
(LAUGHlNG)
230
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,082
Be good, negrito!
231
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,251
(MACHlNE STARTS)
Watch out, güera! (LAUGHlNG)
232
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,752
MALCOLM: Hey. What?
233
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,920
You gon' try
and tease a brother?
234
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,088
That's an invite?
235
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,256
Come here,
let's do the quickie.
236
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,924
One, two,
(GRUNTS) l'm done.
237
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,926
What's that?
What?
238
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,970
Oh ! That's Abigail.
Ew.
239
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,930
l found her in the wardrobe
that was left here.
240
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,098
Yeah, well, put it back.
241
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:02,017
Hey, stop! She's creepy!
242
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,144
We look alike.
Yeah, same eyes and pigtails.
243
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,354
Wait, no, no,
don't put it on the bed !
244
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,648
(PANTlNG)
245
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:19,951
Hey.
246
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,454
How you doin'?
247
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,040
You ain't gonna
say nothin', huh?
248
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,500
(CHUCKLES) Girl, you stupid.
249
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:31,379
You don't want none of this?
Come here.
250
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,757
Oh, l can't play with it
but you can.
251
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,386
You gonna bite my lip?
Take that!
252
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,513
You fuckin' like this!
253
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,307
Uh-huh. lt was gonna come.
254
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,017
(CHUCKLlNG)
lt was gonna come!
255
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,435
(MOANlNG)
256
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,731
Just wanna put the tip in.
l'm gonna put the tip in. . .
257
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,650
Ah ! Ahh ! Ahh !
258
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,068
(GROANlNG)
259
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,112
Look at that.
Mmm. Uh-huh.
260
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,031
Mmm, yeah.
261
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:01,493
You got that goody.
Bite the pillow,
bite that fuckin' pillow.
262
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,286
(MOANlNG)
263
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,288
(SLURPlNG)
264
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,333
You gonna eat
my butt now. Oh, shit!
265
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,253
(LAUGHlNG)
Nigga, she. . .
She lickin' that.
266
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,174
You taste like doo-doo.
But l love it!
267
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,676
You on the pill?
l don't want to
get you pregnant.
268
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,010
You wanna make
little doll babies?
269
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,345
They gonna have my eyes
with your eyes. . .
270
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,263
Oh, you gonna
give me splinters!
271
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,473
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)
272
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:24,849
(GRUNTlNG)
273
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:28,353
Fuck this shit.
l wanna cry! lt feels so. . .
274
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,771
(SCREAMlNG)
275
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,109
(GASPlNG)
276
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,403
Don't look. Don't look.
Hold on a second.
277
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:40,949
This side is wet with soap,
this one is dry.
278
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,409
l'll clean you up, baby.
279
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:46,037
l mighta leaked in you.
l don't know if l came,
l leaked a little bit.
280
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,707
That's all right.
You ain't even ovulatin'.
281
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,458
Why you trippin'?
Come on, stop worrying.
282
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,043
(SNORlNG)
283
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:59,217
MEGAN: Honey, we're home!
Oh, shit! You gotta go!
284
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,220
Shit! No!
MEGAN: Malcolm !
285
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,723
Hi, honey! Um. . .
286
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,057
MEGAN: Hey, where are you?
(PANTlNG)
287
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,226
You gotta go!
We. . . l'm just upstairs!
288
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,395
You gotta get outta here.
289
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,399
(BlRDS CHlRPlNG)
290
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,151
Fuck!
291
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,111
Ah ! Shit!
292
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,159
(ELECTRlClTY CRACKLES)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHlNG)
293
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,786
Mmm.
294
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,582
"Hanging out."
295
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:35,336
Sounds a little soft
for my taste, but. . . Fuck it.
296
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,219
Yeah, l don't think
this is right.
297
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,347
Maybe l should
download the manual.
298
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,730
(lNAUDlBLE)
299
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,234
(GRUNTS)
300
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,361
What the...
301
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:03,948
(GROWLlNG)
302
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,576
Great. Get up here.
303
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,372
(STRAlNlNG)
304
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,540
(EXCLAlMS lN PAlN)
305
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,042
(GROANS)
306
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,212
Can't breathe.
Can't breathe.
307
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,963
Cut the camera.
Turn the camera off.
308
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,674
(GASPS) Wow.
309
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:26,221
l seen some shit,
but that was. . .
That was crazy!
310
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:30,558
A demonic figure tried to
hang a family in the backyard.
311
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,144
I gotta keep this from
Megan and the kids.
312
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,646
Is it weird that
I was aroused by this?
313
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,648
Why is my dick
bending in my Jeans?
314
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,274
(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)
315
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,159
Hello? Hello?
(GlRL SlNGlNG FAlNTLY)
316
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,245
Twinkle, twinkle little star
317
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,497
Who is this? Hello!
318
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,582
It's a nigger.
319
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,177
MALCOLM: Oh,
that's a ugly motherfucker.
320
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,137
ls that Steven Tyler?
321
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:10,807
(SlGHS)
322
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,893
What the hell? Same tree!
323
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,437
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
324
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,525
Shit! Kisha?
325
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,654
(BOTH SCREAMlNG)
326
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,075
Megan, what you doing?
l almost dumped
the fuck out you !
327
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:33,037
You got to holler at me!
You can't just be walkin' up.
328
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,499
You gotta give me
like a "whoop-ti-whoo,"
a "kakow!" or a "tsh-tsh"!
329
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,002
Just make your own up.
Please announce yourself!
330
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,045
Honey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
331
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,964
l think l did.
332
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:46,259
Wait. So now
l look like a ghost.
333
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:47,802
Excuse me,
where you goin' with this?
334
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,179
So now l'm too pasty for you?
335
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,223
Malcolm, l can't do
anything about that!
What do you mean?
336
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,559
Unless you want me
to get skin cancer
from the sun.
337
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:57,228
And deep nasty wrinkles,
and then they'll have to
give me chemo
338
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,856
and l'll lose all my hair,
and then l'll look like
a nasty bald raisin !
339
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,399
ls that what you want?
ls that what you want?
340
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:04,027
No! l don't want you
to look like a raisin !
341
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,029
l don't like the raisin !
l don't like to date raisins!
342
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,989
l don't like the raisins
on Morgan Freeman's face!
343
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,240
l just don't like raisins.
344
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:10,992
l don't like the new ones
that Obama got,
345
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,410
the young raisins on his face!
346
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,912
l don't like raisins.
347
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:17,206
So please,
don't look like a raisin.
348
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:21,836
l need to go meditate and
get my chi back in alignment.
349
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,339
What chi? You were just. . .
350
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:28,927
(SlGHS)
351
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,433
Ah ! Ahh !
352
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:38,019
Walk to the light!
lt's bedtime.
353
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,354
What you all dressed up for?
354
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,647
We goin' to a club?
Mmm-mmm.
355
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,148
Foam party?
No.
356
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,108
We goin' to a pajama
jammy jam?
Just bed.
357
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,193
Come on, Megan.
358
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,070
You gotta be more
comfortable
with this relationship. . .
359
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:50,365
You're right.
Put on some sweat pants
and some. . .
360
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:53,660
Oh, my Jesus Lord !
Um, you're naked !
361
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,411
l am.
Oh, wow.
362
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,998
l like being naked, though.
l could be naked all day.
363
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,210
All day? But come on,
that's not practical, hon.
364
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,461
You got a job.
365
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,547
You don't wanna be
on the bus naked
or in Starbucks naked.
366
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,217
Why not?
'Cause that coffee
spill on you, it's hot!
367
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,677
lt's gonna leave a scar.
368
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:11,886
Melt one of your
nipples off or somethin'.
369
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:12,971
Hey, hey, hey.
370
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,556
The camera's on, baby.
371
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:19,560
Good. Just make sure
you film my good side.
372
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,897
What the fuck?
Are you serious?
373
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:26,234
We gonna get all angles
on that. . . Oh, shit.
374
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,570
Baby, your creepy doll
is makin' my dick scared.
375
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,197
Just let her watch.
376
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:34,242
You just said
the right type
of nasty shit!
377
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,785
(TAPE FASTFORWARDlNG)
378
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:41,249
(PANTlNG) Oh, God !
l gotta replenish my fluids.
379
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,920
After round two.
380
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,422
(TAPE FASTFORWARDlNG)
381
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,509
(PANTlNG) Whoo! Ah ! Whoo!
382
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,095
That was wild.
MEGAN: Come on, Malcolm.
383
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,431
(PANTlNG) What,
aren't you done yet?
384
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,266
(MEGAN MOANlNG)
385
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:04,230
l am now.
Ready for round three?
Seriously. . .
386
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:05,815
(TAPE FASTFORWARDlNG)
387
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,110
(PANTlNG)
388
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,194
(SPEAKlNG SPANlSH)
389
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,362
Oh, my God !
390
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,281
Baby, you gotta train
for some shit like this!
391
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,907
Come on, Malcolm,
bell's ringing.
392
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,117
Time for round four.
393
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,953
No, no, baby.
My ding-ding is
knocked out cold.
394
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,121
l can't do it.
395
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,372
Corner's throwin' in
the towel !
396
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:22,457
Let's go, Malcolm.
397
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,250
l gotta get some Enswell
if we keep goin'!
398
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,626
Malcolm.
Wait, no, baby!
399
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,711
(SCREAMlNG)
400
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,590
Right now
she is tearin' me up!
401
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,258
(MEGAN MOANlNG)
Oh, my God !
402
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,802
Aw!
403
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,095
Want me to choke you?
(CHOKlNG)
404
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,472
ls that what you like?
Huh? Huh?
405
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,307
Stop being a bitch !
(GROANS)
406
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,725
Yeah ! Come on !
407
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,977
Oh ! You want some of this?
(LAUGHlNG EVlLLY)
408
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,313
You like that?
lt's kind of like a blindfold
409
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,900
except you can't
fuckin' breathe! Huh?
Are you crying?
410
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,485
That thing just moved !
411
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,487
MEGAN: Except you can't
fuckin' breathe!
412
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,489
Thing was watching !
413
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:57,992
You little. . .
Who was watching?
414
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,161
Oh, baby, come here.
Check this out!
415
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,497
Oh, my God !
416
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:03,706
Did you see it?
417
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,084
How could l not?
l thought l was trippin'!
418
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,211
l am so fat!
Look at me!
419
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:10,171
l look like a huge
blubber ass!
420
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,839
l'm like Miss Piggy
in there!
421
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,174
What're you talking about?
422
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,926
You said you were gonna
shoot my good side.
423
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:16,260
l did shoot your good side.
424
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:17,845
Look, l got all that
ass up in. . .
425
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,180
Look at all that ass, girl.
426
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,265
l'm black,
brothers like an ass.
427
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,352
You know l do mean that
as a compliment, right?
428
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,270
l see what's going on.
429
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,606
You hate my vagina!
You think it's too loose!
430
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,274
lt's not!
lt's only on the outside,
431
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,360
but once you choose a wall,
it's pretty damn tight.
432
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,320
You know what, Malcolm,
l have had two kids!
433
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:36,280
l mean, do you think
the stork just dropped 'em off
434
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,365
on the doorstep?
435
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,284
No!
You're knocked up
for nine months
436
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,286
and then your lady parts
are stretched to limits
437
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,622
you cannot even fathom !
438
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,291
Okay, baby.
l think your vagina's cute.
439
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,211
Erase the tape
or we are never
having sex again.
440
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,380
Well, since
you put it that way.
Erase the tape!
441
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,549
Okay, l'm erasin' the tape!
l want to see you do it.
442
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,093
l'm erasing the tape.
l'm erasing it.
Erase it right now! Do it!
443
00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:00,680
lt's erasing. Baby,
l like the way it sounds.
Erase the tape!
444
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,849
lt's not loose!
l like the way it sounds!
445
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,267
Sound like a blown speaker.
Just. . .
446
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:05,893
(BLOWlNG RASPBERRY)
447
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:08,563
You know, it's kinda like
Doug E. Fresh's beatbox.
448
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,774
When l'm hittin' it.
lt's just. . . (BEAT BOXlNG)
449
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,488
Mmm. . .
(MESSAGE DlNGS)
450
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:21,242
Who the hell's hittin' me?
Abigail? (GASPS)
451
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,743
You got a page?
452
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,788
"ln a relationship
with Malcolm Johnson"?
453
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,417
l only hit it once!
27,000 views?
(CELL PHONE BUZZlNG)
454
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,419
What in the hell?
455
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:32,503
(GASPS)
456
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,755
l think l might've
fucked the wrong bitch.
457
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,426
Now she's blowin' up
my cell phone? Look at that.
458
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:42,180
Straight up stalker!
She's crazy!
459
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,766
Listen, it's time to turn
my camera game up a level.
460
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:49,103
l'm talkin' bathrooms,
countertops, computers,
461
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,023
stuffed animals,
mouths and asses!
462
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:55,401
lt's goin' down everywhere!
l'm gonna live.
463
00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,448
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, l see you.
464
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:04,785
Uh-huh. Perfect.
Yeah, and l got the ass, too.
465
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,704
All inconspicuous.
466
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:07,788
(CHUCKLES)
467
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,334
Told you, cameras everywhere.
468
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,420
Hey, Becky,
wanna play Hide and Clap?
469
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:15,796
BECKY: Fuck off!
470
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,506
That's, "No, thank you."
471
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,926
Let's do this.
Oh, lady's blindfold.
472
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,594
You got this out
your momma's room, right?
473
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,305
Oh, boy. Things me
and your momma do with this!
474
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:29,310
Sometimes she ties my hands
and flip me over
and toss that. . . Salad.
475
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,479
Tony likes salad.
Anyway.
476
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,814
l'll put this on.
Let's do it!
477
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:38,110
One, two, three.
First clap!
478
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,237
(CLAPPlNG)
479
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:42,490
Come on. Give me a clap.
480
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:43,824
Okay.
481
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,495
Yeah, l'm gettin' close.
l smell you. l smell you.
482
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:51,666
You smell like kids,
like worms, coins
and doo-doo. Like. . .
483
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,334
(SCREAMlNG) Shit!
484
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,127
(COUGHlNG)
485
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,756
Can we just play Tag
next time?
l just wanna play Tag.
486
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,968
Wyatt? Wyatt?
487
00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:05,179
Where you at, you little shit?
488
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,350
(CREAKlNG)
489
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,354
Third clap.
490
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:17,191
A-ha!
491
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:18,609
(LAUGHS)
492
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:21,696
l got you, Wyatt.
493
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,030
(WYATT CHUCKLlNG)
494
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,534
l win !
You took your blindfold off.
495
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,869
You're right, Tony.
Malcolm is an idiot.
496
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,205
Take your camera, loser.
497
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,208
Yeah, l wanna learn
how to start a fire.
498
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:39,714
What the hell was that?
499
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,383
l coulda swore. . .
500
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:47,888
Shit!
501
00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:50,224
Fucked you up!
502
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,396
Fuck, are you crazy?
You know who the fuck l is?
503
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,398
MEGAN: Malcolm !
Baby?
504
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:58,774
Oh, my God !
505
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:00,943
You can't be jumpin' out
on brothers like that.
506
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,737
You'll get knocked
the fuck out every time.
507
00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,573
lt was supposed to be a joke!
You okay?
508
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,199
'Cause l fucked you up!
509
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:09,493
Like, l hit you with
the force,
like with the follow-through.
510
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:12,330
l wanna instant replay
that shit. Damn !
511
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,415
'Cause you got froze.
You went. . .
512
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:25,051
"Please help me."
513
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,554
God, l hope this works.
514
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,099
What is that thing?
515
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:36,103
That is not human.
516
00:22:49,284 --> 00:22:50,785
That was weird.
517
00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:18,896
(WHlSTLlNG)
518
00:23:23,860 --> 00:23:24,860
A-ha!
519
00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:26,070
l caught your ass!
520
00:23:26,154 --> 00:23:27,655
No, you didn't.
521
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,490
Oh, shit!
522
00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:45,631
MALE VOlCE: Becky...
It's your box.
523
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:47,007
What?
524
00:23:47,342 --> 00:23:51,011
I want you to touch me.
525
00:23:51,721 --> 00:23:52,847
Mmm.
526
00:23:54,349 --> 00:23:56,350
Okay.
527
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:02,273
Not that box.
528
00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:10,698
You know l love you
and those kids, right?
Yeah.
529
00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,950
And l'm gonna do
everything in my power to
keep you guys protected.
530
00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:14,326
Yeah.
531
00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:19,081
What was that?
What?
532
00:24:19,374 --> 00:24:20,374
(CREAKlNG)
533
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:23,544
That!
The wind?
534
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:27,298
Nigga, the windows
are closed ! Okay?
535
00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:29,550
l'm tellin' you,
that was either
a ghost or a demon.
536
00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:31,760
Or maybe it was a demon
pregnant with a ghost.
537
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,389
Oh, this is cute!
538
00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:39,810
l will so wear this,
all day, every day.
539
00:24:41,062 --> 00:24:42,271
(GASPS)
What if it's a burglar?
540
00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:44,899
Why the fuck
are you excited?
lt's a burglar!
541
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,984
Either way it goes,
it's some scary shit!
542
00:24:47,068 --> 00:24:48,986
Okay,
not all burglars are scary.
543
00:24:49,112 --> 00:24:51,572
lt is a burglar or a ghost!
lf you talk to him,
he'll leave.
544
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,325
You shoot it in the face!
lf you talk to him,
he'll leave.
545
00:24:54,409 --> 00:24:56,827
And if the motherfucker's
foot do this, you shoot him
in the face again !
546
00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:59,580
That is way too harsh.
What're you gonna do?
547
00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:02,082
l know what l'm gonna do.
What're you gonna do?
548
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:03,417
Shoot him.
549
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:05,711
You are not allowed
to shoot anyone
in the face, mister!
550
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:17,723
Becky?
551
00:25:18,433 --> 00:25:21,101
What in the. . .
Becky! Oh, God !
552
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:24,146
Becky! Becky!
553
00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:26,524
Megan !
Oh, my God !
554
00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:29,360
Get me somethin',
Megan ! Becky!
555
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:35,407
(VACUUM WHlRRlNG)
556
00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:36,867
(SLURPlNG SOUND)
557
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:39,787
That shit's gross.
That fuckin' sound,
it bothers me.
558
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,163
Gimme!
559
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:46,377
(GRUNTlNG)
560
00:25:47,295 --> 00:25:48,295
Oh !
561
00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:50,214
That's all l got!
Okay, gimme!
562
00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:57,471
Get that thing outta here!
l got an idea!
563
00:25:57,639 --> 00:26:01,809
Come on ! Bitch,
why ain't you movin'? Fuck!
564
00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:04,645
See, now this
is a good idea.
565
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:07,815
All right.
Goodnight, Becky.
566
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:10,651
MEGAN: Night, sweetheart.
(ELECTRlClTY CRACKLES)
567
00:26:15,991 --> 00:26:17,700
MALCOLM: Hey, buddy,
what you doin'?
568
00:26:17,784 --> 00:26:19,326
Havin' a tea party.
Oh.
569
00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:22,079
You wanna go outside
and do somethin'
a little bit more masculine?
570
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:25,916
Like play some football?
No, not really.
571
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:30,170
Hey, don't sit there!
That's Tony's seat!
572
00:26:30,463 --> 00:26:32,047
MALCOLM: Oh, sorry.
573
00:26:32,215 --> 00:26:34,174
My bad, Tony.
574
00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:39,013
Tony says, "No problem,
bee-yotch." Want some tea?
575
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:42,182
Uh. . . Yeah. Sure.
576
00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:47,354
Um, you know, Wyatt,
about your little buddy, Tony.
577
00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:52,192
l don't think he's
such a good influence
on you, know what l mean?
578
00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:58,782
What the. . .
That's straight vodka!
Tony calls it tea.
579
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:02,411
He drinks a lot of tea.
580
00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:05,289
l really think you guys
need to stop this friendship.
581
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:07,374
Tony doesn't think
that's such a good idea.
582
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:09,627
You know what,
you tell Tony
583
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:13,714
that l said you and him
ain't gonna be friends
no more, and that's final !
584
00:27:14,674 --> 00:27:16,091
(SHRlEKS)
585
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:19,637
On second thought,
you and Tony have
a beautiful friendship.
586
00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:23,390
Okay, l'll be downstairs
doin' somethin' with
less spooky shit. (SCREAMS)
587
00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:27,061
This isn't good.
lt's happening again.
588
00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,897
lt's really fuckin' happening.
589
00:27:30,231 --> 00:27:31,398
(POUNDlNG ON DOOR)
590
00:27:31,566 --> 00:27:33,317
MALCOLM: What the fuck?
591
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:36,695
Who is it?
592
00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:42,660
(POUNDlNG ON DOOR)
(SCREAMS)
593
00:27:45,246 --> 00:27:46,538
Hello?
594
00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:50,959
That's a spooky knock.
595
00:27:52,587 --> 00:27:54,338
Oh, you better run !
596
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:56,590
Knock on my door,
come out there and slap you. . .
(POUNDlNG ON DOOR)
597
00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:57,675
(SCREAMS)
598
00:27:57,759 --> 00:27:59,343
What the fuck!
599
00:27:59,928 --> 00:28:01,512
l got a knife!
600
00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:05,599
(YELLS)
601
00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:11,271
What the. . .
602
00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:17,069
"Miss me?" Abigail !
603
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,659
Oh, hell no!
Look, we gotta talk.
604
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:27,287
This is a mistake, okay?
This shit gotta stop.
lt's gone too far.
605
00:28:27,622 --> 00:28:31,875
You see this? "Miss me?"
ln the house with Megan,
are you fuckin' crazy?
606
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:35,921
l take full responsibility,
all right? This is my bad.
607
00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:38,799
l don't mean to sound cliched.
lt's not you, it's me.
608
00:28:38,967 --> 00:28:40,718
Don't play fuckin'
innocent with me,
609
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,094
you knew l had a girl !
610
00:28:42,262 --> 00:28:43,971
l'm just being
selfish right now.
611
00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:46,390
l would love to have you
and Megan and. . .
612
00:28:46,474 --> 00:28:48,392
To be honest with you,
my stuffed animals.
613
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:49,977
l'd like to bring them
in the mix.
614
00:28:50,061 --> 00:28:51,687
l'm tryin'
to make this work.
615
00:28:51,771 --> 00:28:53,647
You're just not
makin' it easy.
616
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,900
l swear to. . . Ah ! Fuck!
617
00:28:56,985 --> 00:28:58,318
(SCREAMlNG)
618
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,072
You see what you made me do?
Only you do this to me!
619
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,160
Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky
my momma told me
don't hit bitches!
620
00:29:08,663 --> 00:29:09,872
Fuckin' yeah, bitch.
621
00:29:09,956 --> 00:29:11,457
(SOBBlNG)
622
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,001
True enough. (LAUGHlNG)
623
00:29:16,004 --> 00:29:19,506
Fuck, you scare my. . .
l didn't touch you !
l didn't touch you !
624
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:23,010
You get outta my life,
l'll get outta yours.
l'm done.
625
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:25,095
(SCREAMlNG)
626
00:29:28,683 --> 00:29:30,684
Make no mistake.
627
00:29:30,852 --> 00:29:33,729
After this, it's over.
628
00:29:33,897 --> 00:29:36,356
You ready to go again? Yeah.
629
00:29:42,155 --> 00:29:43,781
Hello, Malcolm?
630
00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:45,949
Hey, hey, Professor Wilde,
how you doing?
631
00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:47,576
Malcolm, l'm glad
you reached out.
632
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,036
What exactly
am l dealing with here?
633
00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:51,747
Well, the being
you described to me
634
00:29:51,831 --> 00:29:53,040
is a demon.
635
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,458
MALCOLM: Fuck, l knew it!
636
00:29:54,542 --> 00:29:56,084
A rare and obscure one
637
00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,921
from Babylonian times
named Aghoul.
638
00:29:59,672 --> 00:30:01,048
And he's a trickster!
639
00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:04,218
And chances are this is
not your first encounter
with this demon.
640
00:30:04,385 --> 00:30:07,221
Have you had paranormal
experiences in your past?
641
00:30:07,388 --> 00:30:09,389
Actually, yeah.
About a year ago.
642
00:30:09,766 --> 00:30:12,851
This is way worse
than l had thought. . .
643
00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:14,436
(LOUD FARTlNG)
(TOlLET FLUSHES)
644
00:30:14,521 --> 00:30:16,939
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck!
645
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,065
(FARTlNG)
Ah !
646
00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,235
Nigga, l thought somebody
was shootin'!
Thai food !
647
00:30:21,402 --> 00:30:24,404
lt's spicy going in,
but it's twice as spicy
going out!
648
00:30:24,739 --> 00:30:26,323
That's scientifically
impossible!
649
00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:29,451
l smell you in here!
What in the hell?
650
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:31,370
Ah, excuse me.
(TOlLET FLUSHES)
651
00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:32,913
(GRUNTS)
652
00:30:34,749 --> 00:30:36,583
l hire based on skill level.
653
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:37,918
Are those titties?
654
00:30:38,086 --> 00:30:39,211
Ladies, remember,
655
00:30:39,295 --> 00:30:41,088
we're making meth,
not baby aspirin.
656
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:44,758
All the stories revolve around
Aghoul's attempts
657
00:30:44,926 --> 00:30:47,761
to trick people into
bringing him into our world
658
00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:50,305
and it can come through
the form of a possession,
659
00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:52,182
a spirit that
only a child can see
660
00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:56,353
or an ancient object that
lures in the impressionable.
661
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:59,147
So what you're saying is,
something is coming after me
and my family.
662
00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:00,607
Malcolm, that's exactly
what I'm saying.
663
00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:02,943
Damn it, Jessica,
you've got your tit
in the pseudoephedrine!
664
00:31:03,111 --> 00:31:04,611
Sorry, Malcolm.
l wish you good luck.
665
00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,154
Gotta get my Breaking Bad on.
666
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:20,961
AGHOUL: (LAUGHS)
Tonight you drown.
667
00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:23,171
(LAUGHS)
668
00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:25,465
Not again.
669
00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:32,139
Sink. Sink. Sink.
670
00:31:32,807 --> 00:31:33,849
(EXHALES)
671
00:31:33,933 --> 00:31:36,143
Ruined a perfectly good
leather jacket!
672
00:31:36,311 --> 00:31:39,980
That's it. (LAUGHlNG)
Now we drown. Drown !
673
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:41,273
Drown !
674
00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:43,901
(LAUGHlNG)
675
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:45,986
Prepare to meet Hell.
(GRUNTS)
676
00:31:46,946 --> 00:31:48,655
Ow! God, that hurt!
677
00:31:49,157 --> 00:31:50,157
Ow!
Oh !
678
00:31:51,409 --> 00:31:53,994
My balls.
This isn't over!
679
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:58,332
MALCOLM:
Is Aghoul the same demon
680
00:31:58,416 --> 00:31:59,583
that possessed Kisha?
681
00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:01,418
(EXHALES)
682
00:32:01,502 --> 00:32:04,838
When are the Republicans
gonna slip
683
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:07,299
and caII Obama the N-word?
684
00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:11,511
When are they gonna
stop makin' Scary Movies
without the Wayans?
685
00:32:11,846 --> 00:32:13,472
They fuckin' suck!
(CLATTER)
686
00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:23,857
MALCOLM: What the hell?
687
00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:28,028
(MALCOLM GASPS)
688
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,283
What the heck. . .
689
00:32:41,584 --> 00:32:43,377
(SCREAMlNG)
690
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,672
Steroids, bitch !
691
00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:48,882
(GRUNTlNG AGGRESSlVELY)
692
00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:50,717
(SCREAMlNG)
693
00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,554
(WHlRRlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
694
00:32:58,017 --> 00:33:00,227
You messed with
the wrong nigga today!
695
00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:02,646
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
MEGAN: Oh, my God !
696
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:07,317
Baby, put it down !
What are you doing?
697
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:10,070
l come in the hallway,
this fuckin' creepy box
698
00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:12,239
with some weird
fuckin' lighting on it!
699
00:33:12,573 --> 00:33:15,909
And l knew that it was
death in the box!
So l killed it!
700
00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:17,494
Baby, it was a gift!
701
00:33:17,578 --> 00:33:19,371
But it ain't Christmas.
702
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,249
MEGAN: Baby, no.
Kwanzaa?
703
00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:25,252
You were so upset
when Shiloh Junior died
704
00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:27,879
that the kids and l thought
we would get you. . .
705
00:33:30,925 --> 00:33:32,175
(GROANS)
706
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,677
BECKY: Don't look. Don't look.
707
00:33:33,761 --> 00:33:36,680
Oh, my God ! Wyatt,
go upstairs. Go to your room !
708
00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:38,849
l killed a baby.
709
00:33:38,933 --> 00:33:40,517
(SNlFFLES) Oh, God,
l think it's still breathing.
710
00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:42,894
You're so fucking crazy.
711
00:33:42,979 --> 00:33:44,104
He's still breathing.
712
00:33:44,313 --> 00:33:45,981
l gotta take him
out of his misery.
713
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:47,607
l gotta kill him !
MEGAN: Oh, my God !
714
00:33:48,484 --> 00:33:50,527
No! Malcolm !
(BECKY SCREAMlNG)
715
00:33:53,239 --> 00:33:54,781
(BlRDS CHlRPlNG)
716
00:33:58,953 --> 00:34:00,620
Becky?
717
00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:02,289
Yoo-hoo.
718
00:34:02,623 --> 00:34:05,625
All right, let's see
what's in this box now.
719
00:34:05,793 --> 00:34:06,835
Yeah.
720
00:34:08,504 --> 00:34:10,547
(SNlFFS) Oh, God ! Whoo!
721
00:34:11,174 --> 00:34:12,883
Wow! That is rancid.
722
00:34:12,967 --> 00:34:15,719
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing. Just, uh. . .
723
00:34:15,803 --> 00:34:17,888
You know your pillows
have blue faces on 'em?
724
00:34:18,056 --> 00:34:19,056
Stay away from my box!
725
00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:20,932
Calm down !
Would you calm down?
726
00:34:21,100 --> 00:34:23,310
l don't wanna calm down,
l want you to stay away
from my box!
727
00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:27,105
Do you have to
say "box" so loud?
What is going on in here?
728
00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:28,857
Nothing.
We just, uh, playin'.
729
00:34:28,941 --> 00:34:30,817
Dolls 'n stuff. (lNHALES)
730
00:34:30,985 --> 00:34:33,403
Malcolm came into my room
and touched my box.
731
00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:35,530
Malcolm, is this true?
732
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,699
Yes, but l only touched it
for like two seconds.
733
00:34:37,825 --> 00:34:40,160
lt was stinking !
Like, it was rancid !
734
00:34:40,328 --> 00:34:42,996
Here, smell this. l don't know
how she play with that!
735
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:46,083
He had two fingers
in my tight little box, Mom.
736
00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:48,001
Stop lyin'.
lt is. . . (SCOFFS)
737
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,462
Baby, there's nothin'
tight about her box.
738
00:34:50,671 --> 00:34:53,340
lt's fuckin' huge!
l could put my
whole fist in it.
739
00:34:53,549 --> 00:34:56,676
Like, l almost was
up to here for a second.
lt's crazy big.
740
00:34:56,803 --> 00:35:00,097
You said, "No means no!"
And that is exactly
what l said. l said, "No!"
741
00:35:00,181 --> 00:35:01,181
l did.
Whoa.
742
00:35:01,307 --> 00:35:03,517
Time the fuck out.
Hold up.
(SOBBlNG)
743
00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:06,978
She's trying to
Dateline Special a nigga!
744
00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:09,189
Where's Chris Hansen?
Chris! Chris!
745
00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:11,191
Chris, come on, l know you
out here somewhere!
746
00:35:11,359 --> 00:35:13,902
l know he's in here somewhere.
You tryin' to set a nigga up!
747
00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:15,862
Can l talk to you
for a second?
Right now.
748
00:35:16,030 --> 00:35:16,988
There's something
really strange
749
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:18,073
goin' on
in this house.
750
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:20,367
Wyatt? Wyatt, see,
Wyatt used to be my boy.
751
00:35:20,701 --> 00:35:23,370
Like that was my lil' nigga,
like we was like, boom, boom.
752
00:35:23,746 --> 00:35:26,123
When my dog died,
that lil' nigga held me down !
753
00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:28,875
But lately, he hasn't even
talked to me! Like,
he won't even play with me!
754
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:30,460
His little imaginary friend,
Tony?
755
00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:31,962
l don't think he's really. . .
756
00:35:32,046 --> 00:35:33,046
(WYATT LAUGHlNG)
757
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:36,716
WYATT: You're crazy, Tony.
. . .imaginary.
758
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:37,968
Did you see that shit?
759
00:35:38,052 --> 00:35:40,053
Look! You missed it!
760
00:35:40,221 --> 00:35:42,848
Okay, look, forget him. Becky.
761
00:35:43,015 --> 00:35:46,309
There's something in that
old box she carries around
that's making her go crazy!
762
00:35:46,477 --> 00:35:48,270
She sleeps with it,
she eats with it,
763
00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:49,896
she even goes
to the bathroom with it!
764
00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:53,733
Who takes a shit
with a box in their hand?
lt's fuckin' weird !
765
00:35:53,901 --> 00:35:57,487
And by "weird" you mean
l'm a terrible mother.
766
00:35:57,655 --> 00:36:00,699
What? No. Wait.
Where did you go?
Hold on. Hold on a minute.
767
00:36:00,783 --> 00:36:02,909
lf you were just
a little bit less judgmental,
768
00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:05,787
she wouldn't feel like
she needs to carry her
pain around in a "box"!
769
00:36:05,955 --> 00:36:09,082
This is not about me!
lt is always about you,
Malcolm !
770
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,501
"You're too fat,
you're a terrible parent,
771
00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:13,336
"you like black guys 'cause
they have bigger cocks!"
772
00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:16,756
That sounds like you !
Do you see this?
773
00:36:16,924 --> 00:36:21,303
That's not fuckin' normal !
Okay, she is just trying
to get attention !
774
00:36:21,470 --> 00:36:25,432
When she was a baby,
she would cry and cry and cry
all damn day in her crib
775
00:36:25,766 --> 00:36:28,768
until finally she realized
l wasn't gonna come
and pick her up!
776
00:36:28,936 --> 00:36:32,189
lf you were a parent
you'd know it's called the
"cry it out method," Malcolm !
777
00:36:32,356 --> 00:36:34,441
Just pick the little bitch up!
778
00:36:34,775 --> 00:36:38,111
She needs to learn
to self-soothe.
See what l'm saying?
779
00:36:38,279 --> 00:36:42,782
That is called parenting.
Wow! Mother of the year.
780
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:44,284
MEGAN: Thank you.
781
00:36:45,286 --> 00:36:47,954
MALCOLM: (PANTlNG)
That crazy doll keyed my car!
782
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:51,249
(LAUGHlNG) Whoo! Bro,
somebody fucked your car up!
783
00:36:51,334 --> 00:36:53,376
Yeah. You wouldn't know
anybody with an auto body
shop, would you?
784
00:36:53,461 --> 00:36:54,544
Are you serious, bro?
785
00:36:54,629 --> 00:36:57,589
Why, contrary to popular
belief, all Mexicans
don't have body shops, man.
786
00:36:57,798 --> 00:36:59,132
What, you think
we all have low riders
787
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:00,425
with a bunch
of primer all over it
788
00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:01,509
with a frickin' Mexican horn?
789
00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:02,802
You think l have like six kids
790
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:04,012
and all my relatives
livin' there, huh?
791
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,680
Probably chase Chihuahuas
and make burritos,
792
00:37:05,765 --> 00:37:06,723
is that what you think?
Dude. . .
793
00:37:06,807 --> 00:37:08,225
Look at the neighborhood, man !
794
00:37:08,309 --> 00:37:09,309
l didn't think any of that!
795
00:37:09,477 --> 00:37:10,977
l just want my
fuckin' car fixed !
796
00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:13,438
(LAUGHlNG) l'm just
fuckin' with you, bro!
797
00:37:13,814 --> 00:37:15,732
You're so easy, man.
Oh, shit.
798
00:37:15,816 --> 00:37:18,401
Man, l got a cousin,
his name is Chucho,
he can hook all that shit up.
799
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:19,986
Stop fuckin' with
the crazy bitches, man.
800
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:22,239
l gotta go,
l got the family waiting.
All right? Be good, man !
801
00:37:22,323 --> 00:37:24,491
MALCOLM: (GASPS)
Where did she go?
802
00:37:24,825 --> 00:37:25,825
(HORN HONKlNG)
803
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:28,328
Take it easy, vato!
MALCOLM: Where you goin'?
804
00:37:28,537 --> 00:37:30,914
Goin' to the swap meet.
We're gonna get
some Chihuahuas.
805
00:37:30,998 --> 00:37:32,874
MALCOLM: Wow.
Now that's racist!
806
00:37:34,543 --> 00:37:36,920
MEGAN: So l moved into
the house across the street
807
00:37:37,004 --> 00:37:38,171
and l just love it.
808
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,174
The streets are so quiet.
lt's perfect for a haunting.
809
00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:42,759
(BOTH CHUCKLlNG)
810
00:37:43,386 --> 00:37:46,471
You know something,
l never got your name.
811
00:37:46,555 --> 00:37:49,766
Kisha? What in the fuck!
812
00:37:49,850 --> 00:37:52,852
You two know each other?
Oh. Well, yeah.
813
00:37:53,020 --> 00:37:58,024
You know the boyfriend
that l told you abandoned me
and left me in a ditch to die?
814
00:37:58,192 --> 00:37:59,818
That's him.
(MALCOLM LAUGHlNG NERVOUSLY)
815
00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:04,364
Awkward !
Yeah !
816
00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:07,200
l think l'll let you two
have at it.
817
00:38:07,368 --> 00:38:10,370
And thank you so much, Megan,
for the coffee, really.
818
00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:14,040
And, Malcolm,
it was great seeing you.
819
00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,166
(MALCOLM GASPS)
820
00:38:15,251 --> 00:38:17,377
See you around, Malcolm.
821
00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:18,878
Um. . .
822
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:21,506
(DOOR CLOSES)
Really?
823
00:38:22,216 --> 00:38:24,384
How come you never
told me about her?
824
00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:27,220
Well, it was just
a time in my life
l just wanted to forget.
825
00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:30,223
Okay, well you need to
start remembering.
She was fucking beautiful !
826
00:38:30,391 --> 00:38:33,393
She was aight.
"Aight"?
827
00:38:33,561 --> 00:38:36,229
l mean, she got nice legs.
Legs.
828
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:40,900
Little ass, but. . .
Ass. How 'bout all this?
829
00:38:41,068 --> 00:38:44,404
lt's fuckable.
Okay? But that's the. . .
lt's all this. . .
830
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:48,074
She's crazy!
She was crazy, baby,
like she was possessed !
831
00:38:48,242 --> 00:38:51,244
You mean she was possessive.
No, the bitch was possessed.
832
00:38:51,412 --> 00:38:52,996
What?
Yes!
833
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,748
First of all,
she was verbally abusive.
834
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:56,708
MALCOLM: Hey, baby,
what's for dinner?
835
00:38:56,792 --> 00:38:59,377
(lN DEMONlC VOlCE)
Eat your mother's pussy
you fucking fuck!
836
00:38:59,462 --> 00:39:00,670
(GROWLS)
MALCOLM: Okay.
837
00:39:00,755 --> 00:39:01,796
(SlGHS)
838
00:39:01,922 --> 00:39:04,132
l don't know.
lt was like she gave up.
839
00:39:04,216 --> 00:39:06,509
Eventually l was able to
drag her to couples' therapy.
840
00:39:06,594 --> 00:39:08,511
Well, Dr. Rousch,
me and my girlfriend,
841
00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:10,847
we're kinda goin' through
a little rough patch.
842
00:39:10,931 --> 00:39:12,766
l mean, she won't
communicate with me.
843
00:39:12,892 --> 00:39:15,393
No matter what l do,
she just sits there.
844
00:39:15,478 --> 00:39:16,770
(GROWLlNG)
845
00:39:16,937 --> 00:39:20,273
Okay, and she'll growl
a little bit.
Yes, l can hear that.
846
00:39:20,441 --> 00:39:24,486
And the smallest things
just set her off.
Like crucifixes, or questions.
847
00:39:24,653 --> 00:39:26,571
ls that right, Kisha?
848
00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,074
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
849
00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:31,785
You got a prescription
for "crazy bitch"?
850
00:39:31,911 --> 00:39:34,454
Malcolm, l'm so sorry.
851
00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:39,125
lt sounds horrible.
Well, it wasn't all bad.
852
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,463
Wait, l'm gonna come.
Shut up,
you sound like a bitch!
853
00:39:43,547 --> 00:39:44,964
Oh !
(GROWLlNG)
854
00:39:45,132 --> 00:39:47,467
l think you just
knocked out a tooth !
855
00:39:47,551 --> 00:39:49,344
(GROWLlNG)
856
00:39:49,470 --> 00:39:51,971
Whose ass is this, huh?
Whose ass is this?
857
00:39:52,139 --> 00:39:54,140
The DeviI's!
(LAUGHS)
858
00:39:56,143 --> 00:39:58,311
See, now you just
made it weird.
859
00:39:58,479 --> 00:40:01,314
Look at me,
God damn it!
860
00:40:01,482 --> 00:40:03,108
(GROANlNG)
861
00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:06,986
Oh, my God,
that was awesome!
862
00:40:08,322 --> 00:40:11,658
Baby, you're makin'
my toes do this.
863
00:40:11,992 --> 00:40:13,993
You're makin'
my toes do this.
864
00:40:14,161 --> 00:40:15,453
Really, Malcolm?
865
00:40:15,538 --> 00:40:18,498
You know what they say
about the crazy ones.
866
00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:21,418
What? Too soon?
(SlGHS)
867
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:29,759
There's something
goin' on with this box.
868
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:32,011
l'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.
869
00:40:33,013 --> 00:40:35,682
What the heck
is this little pervert doing?
870
00:40:35,850 --> 00:40:37,016
(SNlFFS)
MALCOLM: Ah !
871
00:40:37,226 --> 00:40:41,020
Oh, dude, that is just weird !
872
00:40:41,647 --> 00:40:42,689
(FARTlNG)
873
00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:44,274
Oh, really? (CHUCKLES)
874
00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:46,901
Oh, wow.
875
00:40:47,111 --> 00:40:50,697
What kind of sweet
tooth fairy is this?
876
00:40:51,031 --> 00:40:53,366
This nigga need a daddy.
WYATT: "Dear Diary.
877
00:40:53,534 --> 00:40:55,869
"l lost my virginity
to Joey today.
878
00:40:56,036 --> 00:40:58,204
"Actually,
that's not totally true.
879
00:40:58,372 --> 00:41:03,209
"l mean, l've only
had sex with 1 7 guys
880
00:41:03,377 --> 00:41:05,670
"but only in the butt,
so it doesn't count.
881
00:41:05,754 --> 00:41:07,255
(VOCALlZlNG)
882
00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:10,175
"l mean, l've sucked
a lot of dicks, Diary.
883
00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:13,052
"l stopped counting
after the blowjob party
at Ashley's house.
884
00:41:13,220 --> 00:41:15,138
"There must've been
30 or 40 guys there."
885
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,516
She ain't got no bone
in her neck.
She got that Plastic Man.
886
00:41:18,642 --> 00:41:22,395
"PS: Diary, l'll never
stop sucking dicks. Ever!"
887
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:23,688
Wow.
888
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:27,484
MALCOLM: Oh,
would you look there?
889
00:41:27,568 --> 00:41:29,736
A mood ring.
So, what mood is that?
890
00:41:30,070 --> 00:41:31,696
lt's called,
"You're not my father."
891
00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:33,406
Oh, yeah, that's bitchy
lil' white teenager.
892
00:41:33,574 --> 00:41:36,576
See, that'll get you slapped
in most black neighborhoods.
893
00:41:36,744 --> 00:41:38,077
(RETCHlNG)
894
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:42,582
Are you okay?
895
00:41:43,751 --> 00:41:45,627
Becky? Hey.
896
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:47,420
MALCOLM: Ouch !
897
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:48,838
(GAGGlNG)
898
00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,591
(SPlTS) Ugh.
899
00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:55,428
That is some serious
meat-mouth you got
goin' on there.
900
00:41:55,596 --> 00:42:00,266
lt's easier going down
than it is coming up.
Yeah, it's weird.
901
00:42:01,435 --> 00:42:03,603
Breath smell like sirloin.
902
00:42:03,771 --> 00:42:06,439
l hope that hole cold
ain't contagious.
903
00:42:07,858 --> 00:42:08,900
(RETCHlNG)
904
00:42:08,984 --> 00:42:10,026
PROFESSOR: Malcolm!
905
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:11,861
Professor,
it's kinda loud there. Um. . .
906
00:42:11,946 --> 00:42:13,571
Did l catch you at a bad time?
907
00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:15,323
(COUGHlNG)
908
00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:18,576
lndica? l'm a sativa man.
l got important shit to do!
909
00:42:18,744 --> 00:42:21,496
Hold on ! l'm at a party.
910
00:42:21,664 --> 00:42:23,456
I need some of my medicine.
911
00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:25,124
(SNlFFS)
912
00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:26,668
(LAUGHlNG)
913
00:42:26,835 --> 00:42:29,879
Professor! How do l
get rid of the demon?
914
00:42:30,130 --> 00:42:31,214
(MUFFLED LAUGHlNG)
915
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:33,299
Professor! Professor!
916
00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:35,134
Malcolm, that demon's
tryin' to get to you
917
00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:37,303
through your family
and he's not gonna stop!
918
00:42:37,471 --> 00:42:38,888
You've got the
paranormal equivalent of
919
00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:40,056
a perfect storm, my friend !
920
00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:41,140
(SlREN WAlLlNG)
921
00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:42,809
Oh, shit! The po-po!
922
00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:44,602
Professor, please!
What's goin' on?
923
00:42:44,812 --> 00:42:46,020
l got 1 2 ounces
of crystal meth
924
00:42:46,105 --> 00:42:47,397
jammed up my anus.
l gotta get outta here!
925
00:42:47,481 --> 00:42:49,566
Police!
Oh, fuck!
926
00:42:49,733 --> 00:42:51,776
Professor! Professor, please!
927
00:42:51,944 --> 00:42:54,654
Hands up now!
l can't go back in !
928
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:57,532
Professor! How do l
get rid of the demon?
929
00:42:57,658 --> 00:42:58,992
(SlREN WAlLlNG)
(STRAlNlNG)
930
00:42:59,076 --> 00:43:00,076
Oh, fuck.
931
00:43:00,661 --> 00:43:03,621
You're under arrest!
You on the screen, freeze!
932
00:43:08,419 --> 00:43:09,627
MALCOLM: Hey, knothead !
933
00:43:09,795 --> 00:43:13,339
Oh, no, not my favorite shirt.
That bitch.
934
00:43:13,507 --> 00:43:15,174
What the. . .
935
00:43:16,176 --> 00:43:19,178
Oh, my God !
Are you fucking kidding me?
936
00:43:19,346 --> 00:43:21,598
No, no, no!
Not my clothes! No!
937
00:43:22,182 --> 00:43:23,182
Phew.
938
00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:25,184
(SCREAMlNG)
939
00:43:25,978 --> 00:43:28,104
Oh ! Shit!
940
00:43:28,188 --> 00:43:31,524
This crazy wooden bitch !
She's burning my clothes!
941
00:43:31,692 --> 00:43:34,902
Oh, my God !
It's Fatal Attraction.
942
00:43:35,195 --> 00:43:37,947
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
943
00:43:38,949 --> 00:43:39,949
(SlGHlNG)
944
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,201
Can l get you
something to drink?
Sure, man.
945
00:43:42,369 --> 00:43:43,620
Tequila?
Really, bro?
946
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:45,288
What, you bring
the Mexican into your house
947
00:43:45,372 --> 00:43:47,707
and, "He must want tequila,
we should give him tequila.
948
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:51,544
"l'm glad he parked his burro
so now l can offer him
some of his beverage."
949
00:43:51,712 --> 00:43:53,212
l bet you this shit
has a worm in it, too, huh?
950
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:55,798
l should've walked in here
with a serape and a sombrero
for you, too, huh?
951
00:43:55,883 --> 00:43:57,425
That's what you wanted
really, wasn't it?
952
00:43:57,509 --> 00:43:58,718
You get me all worked up, man !
953
00:43:58,886 --> 00:44:01,721
Look, l could use a drink now.
954
00:44:01,847 --> 00:44:03,806
What kind of tequila is it?
ls it silver?
955
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:05,600
'Cause l can't drink that
gold shit. That's for cholos.
956
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,728
Thank you, man.
lt's nice, man.
We're becomin' friends, right?
957
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:10,605
Uh, now we are.
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
958
00:44:11,398 --> 00:44:13,274
l could trust you
with things, right?
959
00:44:13,359 --> 00:44:14,567
l mean,
l can keep a secret, man.
960
00:44:14,735 --> 00:44:16,819
l'm good at that shit.
The neighbors next door to me
961
00:44:16,904 --> 00:44:18,571
don't even know there's
a black guy living here yet.
962
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:21,324
So, what do you
wanna talk about?
Um. . .
963
00:44:21,408 --> 00:44:24,243
Okay, you know the people
that lived in this house
before me?
964
00:44:24,328 --> 00:44:25,328
Mmm-hmm.
965
00:44:25,412 --> 00:44:29,248
Was there anything strange
goin' on, like were they
actin' weird or anything?
966
00:44:29,416 --> 00:44:32,919
You saw something a little. . .
967
00:44:33,253 --> 00:44:36,964
Spooky or supernatural?
l seen some shit.
968
00:44:37,132 --> 00:44:39,008
Come on, man,
you don't believe in that,
do you?
969
00:44:39,093 --> 00:44:40,635
'Cause if you did, you know,
you'd have been like,
970
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,595
"Nigger, l'm out!
The deuces."
971
00:44:42,721 --> 00:44:44,764
You mean to tell me
you don't believe
in the paranormal?
972
00:44:44,932 --> 00:44:47,934
Of course l believe
in that shit!
l'm half Mexican, bro!
973
00:44:48,268 --> 00:44:50,311
l believe in all that shit
people don't believe in.
974
00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:56,275
Freakin' La Llorona,
EI Cucuy, Chupacabra,
Bigfoot, Obamacare.
975
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:58,027
lnterracial dating.
Nuclear war.
976
00:44:58,404 --> 00:45:02,907
You name it, l'm all for it.
Me personally, l wouldn't
stay one night in this house.
977
00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:06,452
Shit!
Look, l'm gonna be
honest with you, bro.
978
00:45:06,620 --> 00:45:09,789
When l first found out that
there was a black guy
movin' in the neighborhood,
979
00:45:09,998 --> 00:45:11,124
l was like, (lNHALES)
980
00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:12,792
"There goes
the property value.
981
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,962
"l'm gonna have to
keep the kids inside,
there's gonna be gangs,
982
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:19,132
"l'm gonna have to
cover up graffiti,"
but you turned out to be okay.
983
00:45:19,299 --> 00:45:23,386
You're really cool !
You're very accommodating.
l think l can help you.
984
00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:24,595
Really?
985
00:45:24,805 --> 00:45:25,805
(CLUCKlNG)
986
00:45:25,889 --> 00:45:27,849
l need you to
cut the chicken's neck.
987
00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:31,310
Oh, hell fuckin' no!
You wanna get rid
of the demon or not?
988
00:45:31,478 --> 00:45:34,439
l know, but can't we just
go down to the store
and just like, buy a chicken?
989
00:45:34,606 --> 00:45:37,608
No, man !
You need a blood sacrifice.
990
00:45:37,776 --> 00:45:40,319
Right. Come here.
Let's do it.
991
00:45:40,487 --> 00:45:42,655
Hold on !
Hold up, wait a second !
Let me get my shit together.
992
00:45:42,823 --> 00:45:46,492
You gonna shit in
my baby's cereal,
chicken?
993
00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:50,163
You wanna piss on my momma?
ln her face?
994
00:45:50,664 --> 00:45:51,998
(GRUNTlNG)
995
00:45:52,374 --> 00:45:53,499
(SCREAMS)
996
00:45:53,667 --> 00:45:54,834
MALCOLM: l'll fuck. . .
Don't you. . .
997
00:45:54,918 --> 00:45:56,002
(CLUCKlNG)
998
00:45:57,504 --> 00:45:59,714
Where did you get
this chicken?
Your uncle's farm?
999
00:45:59,882 --> 00:46:01,758
No! A cock fighting ring.
1000
00:46:01,925 --> 00:46:03,092
That's a dead motherfucker.
1001
00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:04,177
(CLUCKlNG)
1002
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,181
(GRUNTlNG)
1003
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,726
(SCREAMlNG)
1004
00:46:12,686 --> 00:46:14,812
Whassup, chicken?
You scared? Whassup?
1005
00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:16,939
You don't want none of this,
motherfucker!
1006
00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:18,107
(CLUCKlNG)
1007
00:46:18,192 --> 00:46:19,901
MlGUEL: Oh, shit!
(SCREAMlNG)
1008
00:46:20,527 --> 00:46:22,737
MlGUEL:
Bite him back, Malcolm !
Bite him back!
1009
00:46:23,739 --> 00:46:25,823
(SCREAMlNG)
(CLUCKlNG)
1010
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,828
Drown, bitch !
l'm gonna kill you.
1011
00:46:32,706 --> 00:46:35,666
Watch what l do
to your fuckin' baby!
(SCREAMlNG)
1012
00:46:36,251 --> 00:46:38,377
(PANTlNG)
(LOUD THUDDlNG)
1013
00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:41,214
MlGUEL: What you doin', man?
What'd you do?
1014
00:46:41,381 --> 00:46:42,715
(BEEPS)
(GASPlNG)
1015
00:46:44,426 --> 00:46:46,052
This pollo is loco!
1016
00:46:46,553 --> 00:46:48,387
(SCREAMlNG)
1017
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:53,559
MlGUEL: (LAUGHS) You got him,
Malcolm ! That's right!
1018
00:46:53,685 --> 00:46:54,644
(SPlTS)
1019
00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:57,480
Yeah, you fucked
that chicken. (LAUGHS)
1020
00:46:58,482 --> 00:46:59,482
Malcolm. . .
1021
00:46:59,566 --> 00:47:01,275
(CLUCKlNG)
1022
00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:03,236
(SCREAMlNG)
(CLUCKlNG)
1023
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:05,071
Yeah !
1024
00:47:05,155 --> 00:47:07,907
You about to go to
that great bucket in the sky!
1025
00:47:08,075 --> 00:47:10,159
Tell the Colonel l said hi !
1026
00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:11,828
(CROWlNG)
1027
00:47:14,540 --> 00:47:15,915
MlGUEL: Oh, shit!
1028
00:47:15,999 --> 00:47:18,501
That was like an intense-ass
game of Angry Birds, man !
1029
00:47:18,585 --> 00:47:21,462
Fuck, bro, you did it!
l think this house is clean !
1030
00:47:21,630 --> 00:47:23,923
Well, maybe not clean,
but the demon's gone for sure.
1031
00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:26,926
What the hell are we gonna do
with all this chicken,
Malcolm?
1032
00:47:27,094 --> 00:47:28,970
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy.
1033
00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:30,888
(BOTH MUMBLlNG)
1034
00:47:30,973 --> 00:47:33,349
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm. Hey.
1035
00:47:33,433 --> 00:47:35,142
Cheers.
Right on !
1036
00:47:37,312 --> 00:47:38,729
(PANTlNG)
1037
00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:41,148
What in the fuck?
1038
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:42,942
(GASPS)
1039
00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:46,779
You ! This ends now!
1040
00:47:46,947 --> 00:47:50,783
You hear me, you googly-eyed
wooden bitch ! Come on !
1041
00:47:50,951 --> 00:47:54,829
You're making me
bury your fuckin' ass!
1042
00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,038
(PANTlNG)
1043
00:47:56,123 --> 00:47:57,415
(GRUNTS)
1044
00:48:00,627 --> 00:48:02,086
Get in there! (GRUNTS)
1045
00:48:02,212 --> 00:48:04,630
Die, you stink bitch !
1046
00:48:04,798 --> 00:48:07,800
B-l-T. . .
1047
00:48:07,968 --> 00:48:09,969
Fuckin' bitch ! (FARTS)
1048
00:48:11,805 --> 00:48:13,264
You want some of this?
1049
00:48:13,473 --> 00:48:14,473
(PANTlNG)
1050
00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:16,225
(SCREAMlNG)
1051
00:48:16,810 --> 00:48:19,812
All right,
prepare to meet your maker!
1052
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:24,150
That's right, l'm sending
you back to Taiwan !
1053
00:48:24,484 --> 00:48:26,652
You smell like piss and shit!
1054
00:48:26,820 --> 00:48:29,155
Come on ! You make me sick!
1055
00:48:31,491 --> 00:48:32,909
(DOORBELL RlNGS)
1056
00:48:32,993 --> 00:48:35,161
You know what brown
can do for me? Take this!
1057
00:48:35,495 --> 00:48:37,830
You sign !
Get the fuck outta here!
1058
00:48:38,332 --> 00:48:39,415
(SCREAMS)
1059
00:48:40,667 --> 00:48:43,169
Oh, see, l tried to do it
the easy way.
1060
00:48:43,503 --> 00:48:45,671
Now you're gonna
make me violent.
1061
00:48:45,839 --> 00:48:48,883
Come on, you. . .
Get the fuck over here!
Shut up!
1062
00:48:49,676 --> 00:48:50,801
(LAUGHlNG EVlLLY)
1063
00:48:52,512 --> 00:48:54,889
How you like that, bitch?
l want you to watch.
1064
00:48:55,057 --> 00:48:57,725
Let's see you write it now!
(LAUGHlNG EVlLLY)
1065
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,728
Miss me? This is fun.
1066
00:49:00,896 --> 00:49:03,856
Oh, we about to have
a barbecue.
Get in there.
1067
00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:06,525
Yeah ! Hey, how you doin'?
(HORN HONKlNG)
1068
00:49:06,693 --> 00:49:09,153
You gonna fuckin'
burn today, baby!
1069
00:49:10,614 --> 00:49:11,989
(LAUGHlNG EVlLLY)
1070
00:49:12,074 --> 00:49:15,034
That's what fucking
hell feels like!
1071
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:19,372
(LAUGHlNG EVlLLY)
1072
00:49:19,957 --> 00:49:21,374
(CHEERlNG)
1073
00:49:22,125 --> 00:49:23,626
(SOBBlNG)
1074
00:49:24,586 --> 00:49:26,170
(MUTTERlNG lNCOHERENTLY)
1075
00:49:26,254 --> 00:49:27,588
(SOBBlNG)
1076
00:49:35,013 --> 00:49:36,305
(POUNDlNG ON DOOR)
1077
00:49:38,058 --> 00:49:39,558
(SCREAMlNG)
1078
00:49:40,018 --> 00:49:42,436
You fuckin'. . . Fucking die!
1079
00:49:42,604 --> 00:49:47,066
l will watch your life
come out of you.
Just die, you little. . .
1080
00:49:47,234 --> 00:49:50,319
l'll fuckin' cut your
goddamn eye out, you bitch !
1081
00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:52,154
Malcolm !
(SCREAMlNG)
1082
00:49:52,864 --> 00:49:56,075
Malcolm !
What did you do to our room?
(WHlSPERS) Say fucking nothing.
1083
00:49:56,243 --> 00:49:58,160
Honey, it's not
what it looks like, okay?
Really?
1084
00:49:58,245 --> 00:49:59,787
lt's not what it looks like.
Really?
1085
00:49:59,871 --> 00:50:04,041
Listen, listen to me.
She's crazy!
lt's not me, she's crazy!
1086
00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:05,710
You're crazy.
No, honey! Megan !
1087
00:50:05,794 --> 00:50:07,294
You're crazy.
lt's not what it looks like!
1088
00:50:07,379 --> 00:50:09,505
Get away from me.
l'm not done with you,
1089
00:50:09,589 --> 00:50:11,424
you fuckin' home-wrecker!
1090
00:50:11,883 --> 00:50:13,384
God !
1091
00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:17,221
See, nobody will
listen to the black guy
till everybody dead !
1092
00:50:17,389 --> 00:50:19,390
l see how you lookin' at me.
Let me tell you something.
1093
00:50:19,474 --> 00:50:22,018
This house. . .
This house is haunted.
1094
00:50:22,185 --> 00:50:24,520
You know that little doll
that you like so much?
Abigail?
1095
00:50:24,896 --> 00:50:27,481
Yeah, well, let me tell you
something about Abigail.
She's alive!
1096
00:50:27,649 --> 00:50:29,650
That's right, she's alive!
1097
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:33,529
Not like "alive" alive,
but alive as in
"is possessed."
1098
00:50:33,905 --> 00:50:37,241
You know how l know?
'Cause it made me have
sex with it! Repeatedly!
1099
00:50:37,409 --> 00:50:41,078
Upstairs, downstairs,
in the kitchen, in the yard !
1100
00:50:41,246 --> 00:50:42,955
While you were sleepin'
next to us!
1101
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,623
Right there
where you're sitting, twice!
1102
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:47,418
And that's why,
when you came upstairs
and you caught me
1103
00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:50,171
and l was killing the doll,
because l was just like,
1104
00:50:50,255 --> 00:50:51,547
"You're fuckin' up
my relationship!"
1105
00:50:51,923 --> 00:50:54,258
And that box? lt's cursed !
1106
00:50:54,426 --> 00:50:57,928
That box and that box.
That's haunted with a demon.
1107
00:50:58,096 --> 00:51:00,264
That box, cursed with dudes.
But that's a whole
other story.
1108
00:51:00,432 --> 00:51:03,559
And your son, his little
imaginary friend that
teaches him curse words
1109
00:51:03,935 --> 00:51:05,936
and gets him crunk off vodka!
1110
00:51:06,104 --> 00:51:08,314
Yeah, yeah,
l'm blowing your spot,
little man.
1111
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:11,442
Well, he's not so imaginary!
He's cray!
1112
00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:13,861
No, no, no.
You cray! You cray-cray!
1113
00:51:13,945 --> 00:51:17,323
You and your whole lot
of other ethnic words
that's going out of style.
1114
00:51:17,491 --> 00:51:20,576
You ain't funky fresh or dope.
So, how about that, cray-cray?
1115
00:51:20,952 --> 00:51:23,120
Mom, he's scaring me.
1116
00:51:23,288 --> 00:51:26,457
(LAUGHlNG) ls this the nigga
whose room exploded?
1117
00:51:26,625 --> 00:51:30,002
l'm scaring you !
Opie, you something else!
1118
00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:34,465
You know what, that's it.
l've had enough of this whole
haunted house craziness!
1119
00:51:34,633 --> 00:51:37,093
lt's bad enough
that you think it's real,
1120
00:51:37,177 --> 00:51:38,761
but now you're
scaring the kids!
1121
00:51:38,845 --> 00:51:41,222
l'm scaring the kids!
Yes!
1122
00:51:41,306 --> 00:51:44,225
Ain't that the pot
callin' the kettle a nigga!
1123
00:51:44,392 --> 00:51:48,729
No, no, no, baby!
Your kids are scaring me!
(CHUCKLES) Okay?
1124
00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:51,148
Look at this one!
She's Marilyn Manson
in the skin
1125
00:51:51,233 --> 00:51:54,318
and Charlie Manson
in the eyes!
Her eyes look crazy, okay?
1126
00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,904
That's a crazy woman
carrying around a box
1127
00:51:56,988 --> 00:51:58,322
like fuckin' Lionel
from the Peanuts,
1128
00:51:58,406 --> 00:52:00,074
and he's hangin' out
with dead niggas
1129
00:52:00,242 --> 00:52:03,285
and l'm crazy?
Oh ! So, what am l supposed
to do with all this?
1130
00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:05,996
Maybe you weren't ready!
Maybe we moved in too soon.
1131
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:08,124
Maybe you're not
ready for a family!
1132
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:10,084
But we come as
a package deal, okay?
1133
00:52:10,168 --> 00:52:12,253
This ain't about you
or them, okay? You. . .
1134
00:52:12,337 --> 00:52:13,295
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
1135
00:52:13,380 --> 00:52:16,340
Oh, shit. No! Hey!
Don't touch that shit!
1136
00:52:16,508 --> 00:52:18,801
Don't touch it!
That's a demon ring.
1137
00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:20,803
Don't you answer that,
you hear?
1138
00:52:20,887 --> 00:52:22,429
That's the devil
callin' right there.
1139
00:52:22,514 --> 00:52:25,015
That is an evil ring !
You hear that?
1140
00:52:25,183 --> 00:52:27,101
Yeah, l said it,
a demon ring !
1141
00:52:27,227 --> 00:52:30,062
And you can insta-tweet
that on your gram-o-vine!
1142
00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:32,189
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)
Nobody touch it!
1143
00:52:32,357 --> 00:52:34,358
Stop ringing !
1144
00:52:34,442 --> 00:52:36,026
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)
1145
00:52:37,028 --> 00:52:40,197
Stop ringing ! Stop!
1146
00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:42,575
(SCREAMlNG)
1147
00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:46,245
Oh, that's a demon callin'.
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
1148
00:52:46,329 --> 00:52:48,205
BECKY: Uh, Malcolm?
Your pocket.
1149
00:52:50,709 --> 00:52:52,751
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)
Huh. Oh.
1150
00:52:53,128 --> 00:52:55,379
We gotta change my ringer.
1151
00:52:55,547 --> 00:53:00,217
Why do we even have
home phones anymore?
l mean. . .
1152
00:53:00,343 --> 00:53:01,552
(POUNDlNG ON DOOR)
1153
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,929
Yeah? Who is it?
1154
00:53:04,055 --> 00:53:07,933
What the hell?
Hey, how you doin', officer?
Come on in.
1155
00:53:09,728 --> 00:53:11,937
We got a call about
a domestic dispute.
1156
00:53:12,022 --> 00:53:13,230
Are you Malcolm Johnson?
1157
00:53:13,398 --> 00:53:15,608
Uh, yeah, that's me,
but there's no dispute.
1158
00:53:15,692 --> 00:53:16,984
l mean, l threw the phone,
but. . .
1159
00:53:17,068 --> 00:53:19,028
You're under arrest.
Hey! For what?
1160
00:53:19,112 --> 00:53:21,697
Oh, my God !
Just raised my voice
a little bit!
1161
00:53:22,073 --> 00:53:24,074
Malcolm, our phone is broken.
l know what. . .
1162
00:53:24,242 --> 00:53:27,286
lt's the doll ! lt's the doll !
lt was the doll, brother,
listen !
1163
00:53:27,454 --> 00:53:28,662
This is all
a misunderstanding.
1164
00:53:28,747 --> 00:53:29,914
lt was this doll. l was
fuckin' this doll, right?
1165
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,208
He's on PCP.
Let's take him.
No, l'm not on PCP!
1166
00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:33,542
MALCOLM: You fuckin' bitch !
(MEGAN SCREAMlNG)
1167
00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:34,710
You fuckin' bitch !
1168
00:53:34,794 --> 00:53:36,128
You fuckin' bitch !
(SlREN WAlLlNG)
1169
00:53:36,296 --> 00:53:38,214
Malcolm, maybe
this is for the best.
1170
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:39,715
(MALCOLM SHOUTlNG)
1171
00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:41,258
(SCREAMlNG)
1172
00:54:17,462 --> 00:54:18,963
(AGHOUL LAUGHlNG)
1173
00:54:20,423 --> 00:54:23,384
Can't escape my wrath,
for l am death.
1174
00:54:27,639 --> 00:54:31,475
Now you burn. Fire.
1175
00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:34,353
(EXCLAlMlNG lN ALARM)
1176
00:54:38,358 --> 00:54:39,441
Help!
1177
00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:43,737
(SlGHS)
1178
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:47,032
(SCREAMlNG)
1179
00:54:56,209 --> 00:54:58,043
(YELLlNG)
1180
00:55:05,510 --> 00:55:07,678
What is. . .
1181
00:55:09,681 --> 00:55:11,515
Malcolm?
1182
00:55:18,356 --> 00:55:19,982
Malcolm?
Mmm. . .
1183
00:55:20,066 --> 00:55:21,108
(GROANS)
1184
00:55:21,192 --> 00:55:23,360
Damn, son,
you look fucked up!
1185
00:55:23,528 --> 00:55:26,989
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me!
1186
00:55:27,073 --> 00:55:30,617
Mom, your man's in here pukin'
like a little bitch !
1187
00:55:30,702 --> 00:55:31,952
See that shit, Tony?
1188
00:55:32,037 --> 00:55:34,038
(CHURCH BELLS RlNGlNG)
1189
00:55:36,541 --> 00:55:39,835
Sometimes the victim
may be tormented
by more than one demon.
1190
00:55:40,211 --> 00:55:42,129
These cases lead
to transference.
1191
00:55:42,255 --> 00:55:44,173
Trans-who?
What the fuck is that, dog?
1192
00:55:44,257 --> 00:55:45,549
Father Williams!
Mind your tongue.
1193
00:55:45,633 --> 00:55:46,925
You are a man of the cloth !
1194
00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:50,262
Damn, man,
ain't like l'm rapin'
motherfuckers no more,
1195
00:55:50,347 --> 00:55:51,597
you know what l'm sayin'?
1196
00:55:51,723 --> 00:55:54,433
Shit. Keep on wit' your
little lesson, brother.
1197
00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:56,143
Victims have also
been known to break
1198
00:55:56,269 --> 00:55:57,853
their own bones
during the possession.
1199
00:55:58,229 --> 00:55:59,772
WlLLlAMS: True.
That happened to me.
1200
00:55:59,939 --> 00:56:02,566
l was first in prison,
l was tryin' to
give myself head, right?
1201
00:56:02,734 --> 00:56:04,276
'Cause l ain't know nobody.
1202
00:56:04,444 --> 00:56:06,820
lf l woulda knew somebody,
l wouldn't have had
to do it to myself.
1203
00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:09,448
And it wasn't no gay shit.
First get that out your head.
1204
00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:11,867
That's enough !
l've had enough
of your insolence!
1205
00:56:12,243 --> 00:56:14,578
My what?
My insolence?
1206
00:56:14,746 --> 00:56:17,581
Dog, you going to bring up
my condition right now?
1207
00:56:17,749 --> 00:56:19,875
You gonna bring up
my diabetes, dog?
1208
00:56:19,959 --> 00:56:21,418
Talkin' about my insolence.
1209
00:56:21,586 --> 00:56:24,755
'Cause l like cake?
Yeah, l like cake, guys.
1210
00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:27,132
l like cake, birthday cake,
all kinds of cake.
1211
00:56:27,258 --> 00:56:29,426
l'm talking about,
cake, cake, cake!
1212
00:56:30,136 --> 00:56:31,220
Man, you know what?
1213
00:56:31,304 --> 00:56:32,304
l'm sick of your shit!
1214
00:56:32,389 --> 00:56:33,389
(GROANlNG)
1215
00:56:34,516 --> 00:56:37,267
Get outta here!
Everybody break out.
Take your boy with you.
1216
00:56:37,435 --> 00:56:40,104
Yeah. l mean really, man.
1217
00:56:41,022 --> 00:56:42,022
Ooh.
1218
00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:43,482
Malcolm?
1219
00:56:43,983 --> 00:56:45,234
Hey, Father Williams!
1220
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,902
Fuck, nigga, what'd l tell you
about callin' me that?
1221
00:56:46,986 --> 00:56:48,445
l'm sorry. Hey, Doug !
1222
00:56:48,530 --> 00:56:49,988
Roll down, man !
1223
00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:54,701
l'm sorry you
caught that, man.
l'm so stressed out, man.
1224
00:56:54,786 --> 00:56:56,912
l had to shank a muthafucka.
You saw that, right?
1225
00:56:57,288 --> 00:56:58,372
l didn't see nothin'.
1226
00:56:58,456 --> 00:57:00,707
That's a good answer.
That's a good answer.
1227
00:57:00,875 --> 00:57:02,292
lf you saw it. . .
'Cause l was gonna say
1228
00:57:02,377 --> 00:57:03,919
if you woulda said yes,
l woulda. . .
1229
00:57:04,003 --> 00:57:05,879
(SCREAMS) Oh, shit!
1230
00:57:05,964 --> 00:57:08,173
That's all right,
l don't have nothin'.
That's the only one l had.
1231
00:57:08,341 --> 00:57:10,426
l used to have two shanks,
but l don't keep
that anymore.
1232
00:57:10,510 --> 00:57:11,802
l stopped doin' two shanks
1233
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:13,262
'cause it just
was a thang, and
1234
00:57:13,346 --> 00:57:14,680
everybody was like,
"Two shanks."
1235
00:57:14,973 --> 00:57:17,433
Yeah, so, how you doin'?
1236
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:20,644
l, uh. . . l need your help.
1237
00:57:20,812 --> 00:57:22,521
lt's happenin', Doug.
1238
00:57:22,647 --> 00:57:24,314
Hell no!
1239
00:57:24,482 --> 00:57:26,483
You know l'm not
comin' over there
1240
00:57:26,568 --> 00:57:28,485
and fuckin' with you and your
creepy lil' bitch again !
1241
00:57:28,570 --> 00:57:29,820
l ain't even with
that bitch no more!
1242
00:57:29,904 --> 00:57:31,530
l'm beggin' you, man,
l just need your help.
1243
00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:32,948
l just don't know
who else to go to.
1244
00:57:33,032 --> 00:57:35,200
Let me just explain to you
why l became a priest.
1245
00:57:35,368 --> 00:57:38,328
Now, obvious one is
for the little boys. Yes.
1246
00:57:38,496 --> 00:57:40,247
What're you talkin' about?
1247
00:57:40,331 --> 00:57:42,374
lt's a joke, Malcolm !
1248
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:45,502
Oh, God, no, it was a joke.
l did that, you know,
1249
00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:47,588
for the other priests
and we laugh, that's all.
1250
00:57:47,755 --> 00:57:51,758
But l don't know if
l can help you with
your demon situation
1251
00:57:51,926 --> 00:57:54,470
because l haven't
been stayin' steady
1252
00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:57,389
on my demon fightin' skills,
is what l'm
tryin' to tell you.
1253
00:57:57,557 --> 00:58:00,809
So Malcolm, day after day,
1254
00:58:01,686 --> 00:58:07,524
when you know you can't win,
you're just
prolonging the inevitable!
1255
00:58:07,692 --> 00:58:10,486
All you gotta do
is let them in.
1256
00:58:10,570 --> 00:58:11,987
Are you talkin'
about the Devil?
1257
00:58:12,113 --> 00:58:14,740
Worse. The Kardashians.
1258
00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:16,074
(GASPS)
Yeah.
1259
00:58:16,367 --> 00:58:18,744
Yeah, did you see 'em?
lt's the crazy mama,
1260
00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,871
it's Kim, Khloe, Kourtney,
crazy, the two little ones. . .
1261
00:58:21,039 --> 00:58:24,374
They gonna be freaks.
They got Lamar,
they got Scott. . .
1262
00:58:24,542 --> 00:58:25,959
Rob, fat as a motherfucker,
1263
00:58:26,044 --> 00:58:27,586
Bruce with the acne.
Oh, Bruce. . .
1264
00:58:27,754 --> 00:58:30,005
What the fuck is wrong
with Bruce Jenner face?
1265
00:58:30,089 --> 00:58:31,381
He look like a monster!
1266
00:58:31,549 --> 00:58:34,635
He scares me at night!
And he on in daytime.
1267
00:58:34,802 --> 00:58:36,887
He don't look like
the nigga that was on
the Wheaties box!
1268
00:58:36,971 --> 00:58:39,890
And Kanye! And Kanye!
And Julianne Hough !
1269
00:58:40,058 --> 00:58:44,186
l love it and l hate it.
They took Kanye
and they changed him.
1270
00:58:44,270 --> 00:58:46,396
Doug, you know. . . Doug. . .
(POUNDlNG ON WlNDOWS)
1271
00:58:46,481 --> 00:58:47,814
You have to let
go of me, Doug.
1272
00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:49,316
You can't. . .
1273
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:50,776
Doug, you gotta let go of me!
1274
00:58:50,944 --> 00:58:54,655
There's no place you can hide.
He has a plan for you.
1275
00:58:54,822 --> 00:58:56,490
Doug, get off of me.
He will get you !
1276
00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:58,408
Doug, get your hands off me!
1277
00:58:58,493 --> 00:59:00,744
What the fuck is
wrong with you?
1278
00:59:00,828 --> 00:59:02,871
(POUNDlNG ON WlNDOWS)
1279
00:59:04,582 --> 00:59:05,582
Ow!
1280
00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:08,669
Oh, you're the one
that got us out here
in the hot heat!
1281
00:59:08,836 --> 00:59:11,588
Making me bang all
on the windows with my
good church hat!
1282
00:59:11,756 --> 00:59:14,341
Hon, l could be at
home watchin' that new
Madea movie!
1283
00:59:14,425 --> 00:59:15,467
What's the name
of that Madea movie
1284
00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:17,302
with the little girl
from The Fresh Prince?
1285
00:59:17,387 --> 00:59:20,347
You know the one, she played
the head of NASA!
With the aliens!
1286
00:59:20,431 --> 00:59:21,431
Madea Goes To Mars!
1287
00:59:21,516 --> 00:59:23,267
Boom !
Madea Goes To Mars, that's it!
1288
00:59:23,476 --> 00:59:26,562
(MUMBLlNG) Hold up,
ain't you that brother
1289
00:59:26,646 --> 00:59:29,273
that just moved
into old Burton place?
1290
00:59:29,941 --> 00:59:32,192
Yeah, it's just. . .
With a white woman !
1291
00:59:32,569 --> 00:59:33,902
Well, she's not
all the way white.
1292
00:59:33,987 --> 00:59:36,572
She's a white woman,
damn near clear!
1293
00:59:36,739 --> 00:59:40,993
Come on now, it's 201 3.
lnterracial relationships
is not a big deal.
1294
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,288
What? You need to
tell that to the lonely sista.
1295
00:59:44,372 --> 00:59:45,998
Look at this one right here.
Right here!
1296
00:59:46,082 --> 00:59:48,542
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!
1297
00:59:48,626 --> 00:59:51,837
Whoo! Hold up, Bertha,
hold up. Hold up.
We ain't got no defibrillator.
1298
00:59:52,463 --> 00:59:53,630
Oh, you know what it is
with the white girl?
1299
00:59:53,715 --> 00:59:56,466
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.
1300
00:59:56,634 --> 00:59:58,927
What is it, the fellatio?
MALCOLM: Uh. . .
1301
00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:00,554
That's what it is,
they go deep.
1302
01:00:00,638 --> 01:00:01,888
You know they
ain't got no insides.
1303
01:00:02,056 --> 01:00:03,682
l think that's my cue to go.
1304
01:00:03,808 --> 01:00:06,602
Excuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.
1305
01:00:06,769 --> 01:00:08,186
Where you goin'?
1306
01:00:08,271 --> 01:00:09,605
MALCOLM: Love is love.
You're so bitter.
1307
01:00:09,689 --> 01:00:10,897
See?
MALCOLM: You angry.
1308
01:00:10,982 --> 01:00:14,735
Brothers be trippin'.
That's why l got me
a white man at home.
1309
01:00:14,819 --> 01:00:16,778
Yeah, girl.
WOMAN: Vanilla my flavor.
1310
01:00:20,074 --> 01:00:21,074
PROFESSOR: Hello, Malcolm.
1311
01:00:21,159 --> 01:00:22,409
Oh, Professor Wilde,
thank God.
1312
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:23,994
l've been tryin' to reach you !
1313
01:00:24,162 --> 01:00:25,954
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
I've been a bit tied up.
1314
01:00:26,122 --> 01:00:28,915
l haven't been able to find
any more on Aghoul,
1315
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,043
though my resources
are a bit limited.
1316
01:00:31,210 --> 01:00:33,629
Uh, Professor?
Where the hell are you?
1317
01:00:33,796 --> 01:00:36,131
Ooh, doin' a stretch
of five to 1 0.
1318
01:00:36,507 --> 01:00:38,592
Apparently, the authorities
frown on sellin' meth
1319
01:00:38,676 --> 01:00:40,636
to college students.
1320
01:00:40,845 --> 01:00:42,220
Yeah, apparently.
1321
01:00:42,513 --> 01:00:43,472
You need to hang up
1322
01:00:43,556 --> 01:00:44,598
that computer call,
1323
01:00:44,682 --> 01:00:47,059
come over here and kiss me
on my hot mouth.
1324
01:00:47,518 --> 01:00:49,811
l'm feelin' romantical.
1325
01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:52,981
Well, Malcolm,
l suppose l should get going.
1326
01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:54,816
But l will be
e-mailing you the contacts
1327
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:55,984
of associates
who'll be able to help.
1328
01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:57,653
l don't mean to be pushy,
but any way
1329
01:00:57,737 --> 01:00:59,279
you could do that
before you get raped?
1330
01:00:59,656 --> 01:01:01,531
What part of mandingo party
1331
01:01:01,616 --> 01:01:03,700
do you not understand?
1332
01:01:03,868 --> 01:01:06,161
lt's time to power
the white rabbit.
1333
01:01:06,537 --> 01:01:09,122
You know. Dirty the snow.
1334
01:01:09,874 --> 01:01:10,957
Oh, l'm screwed.
1335
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,417
PROFESSOR: Don't!
That's not that bad.
1336
01:01:14,212 --> 01:01:16,588
Lights, please. Thank you.
1337
01:01:18,049 --> 01:01:20,717
So after several
exhausting days
of the exorcism,
1338
01:01:20,885 --> 01:01:24,054
l threw some
holy water on her,
read an incantation
1339
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:27,683
and the demon left
the woman's body.
1340
01:01:27,767 --> 01:01:31,103
(CHUCKLlNG) l suppose l just
sat back and watched.
1341
01:01:31,270 --> 01:01:34,481
l mean, l'm just
the medium who puts her
life in danger
1342
01:01:34,565 --> 01:01:37,067
every time she reaches out
to demonic forces.
1343
01:01:37,235 --> 01:01:39,778
But you've got a Bible
and a bottle of holy water,
1344
01:01:39,862 --> 01:01:41,071
so you make
the world a safer place!
1345
01:01:41,155 --> 01:01:43,490
The fact is, people,
is that God is real,
1346
01:01:43,574 --> 01:01:46,785
the Devil is real,
and monsters exist.
1347
01:01:48,079 --> 01:01:50,956
Well. . .
They're vicious,
terrifying entities!
1348
01:01:51,124 --> 01:01:53,750
But the good news is,
Santa Claus doesn't exist
1349
01:01:53,918 --> 01:01:55,419
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy
1350
01:01:55,503 --> 01:01:56,920
coming down your chimney.
(ALL SOBBlNG)
1351
01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:58,046
Okay. . .
Got your nose!
1352
01:01:58,131 --> 01:02:00,799
So, what exactly are you guys?
And who the fuck hired you?
1353
01:02:00,967 --> 01:02:03,301
You can call us
Ned and Noreen.
1354
01:02:03,636 --> 01:02:06,096
See?
This is why you don't
hire from Craigslist.
1355
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:07,556
(SCHOOL BELL RlNGlNG)
Asshole!
1356
01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:13,520
l don't understand
why you always
have to take the credit!
1357
01:02:13,604 --> 01:02:15,981
l mean, even your
name comes first
on our book cover,
1358
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:17,691
and l am the one with a gift!
lt's not my fault
1359
01:02:17,775 --> 01:02:20,235
that Ned comes before
Noreen in alphabetical order!
1360
01:02:20,611 --> 01:02:22,946
ls that why Ned
comes before Noreen
in the bedroom?
1361
01:02:23,114 --> 01:02:24,823
Just once l'd like
you to do that thing
1362
01:02:24,907 --> 01:02:26,074
with your thumb
and your forefinger.
1363
01:02:26,159 --> 01:02:27,534
l think they
call it the shocker?
1364
01:02:27,618 --> 01:02:31,413
Yeah, well,
l would like you to do that
thing with my balls and the. . .
1365
01:02:31,622 --> 01:02:33,623
Hi !
Hi ! Can we help you?
1366
01:02:33,791 --> 01:02:36,668
Yes. Um, there's
something horrible happening
in my house.
1367
01:02:36,836 --> 01:02:39,129
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but l do!
1368
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:41,548
l'm sure that there's
a rational explanation. . .
1369
01:02:41,632 --> 01:02:42,716
Please! They're white!
1370
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:44,926
Oh, my God !
Why didn't you say that?
1371
01:02:45,011 --> 01:02:46,261
Yeah,
you should lead with that!
1372
01:02:46,637 --> 01:02:49,973
l mean, if you're
black we just assume
that your hauntings are
1373
01:02:50,141 --> 01:02:52,851
bill collectors or
racist police officers.
1374
01:02:53,019 --> 01:02:54,853
But 99% of all hauntings
1375
01:02:54,979 --> 01:02:56,813
happen to white people,
that's a fact.
1376
01:02:56,981 --> 01:02:59,649
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.
1377
01:02:59,817 --> 01:03:01,026
Thank you so much.
1378
01:03:01,194 --> 01:03:03,111
So we're here to
help you people.
1379
01:03:03,196 --> 01:03:05,655
And before you get worked up,
l mean "you people"
as a couple.
1380
01:03:05,823 --> 01:03:07,449
lt wasn't racist
till you explained it.
1381
01:03:07,533 --> 01:03:08,658
Yeah.
1382
01:03:08,826 --> 01:03:11,161
The bad news is
you have
a demon in your house.
1383
01:03:11,245 --> 01:03:12,245
Here we go again.
1384
01:03:12,330 --> 01:03:15,665
Okay, wait. So the house
really is haunted?
1385
01:03:15,833 --> 01:03:19,169
Megan, it's not
the house that's haunted.
1386
01:03:19,337 --> 01:03:22,172
A-ha! l knew it! l knew it!
lt's always
the little white girl.
1387
01:03:22,340 --> 01:03:25,133
Think about it. The Exorcist,
The Last Exorcism,
1388
01:03:25,218 --> 01:03:27,302
The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
All white girls.
1389
01:03:27,386 --> 01:03:28,637
'Cause there ain't no black
parents gonna have
1390
01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:29,971
no little white girl
talkin' like that.
1391
01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:31,431
"Bitch, who are you?
Who're you cursin' at?
1392
01:03:31,516 --> 01:03:33,099
"And turn
the fuckin' air down in here!"
1393
01:03:33,184 --> 01:03:35,602
Malcolm, Malcolm,
just listen for a second.
Yes.
1394
01:03:35,686 --> 01:03:39,356
When we first met you,
there was something
attached to you.
1395
01:03:39,732 --> 01:03:42,025
Oh, that was a hemorrhoid.
That was. . . lt's good now.
1396
01:03:42,193 --> 01:03:44,736
This dark entity has
attached itself to him
1397
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:46,905
and now it's
feeding off of all of you.
1398
01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:49,866
So what you're
saying is that this is
all Malcolm's fault.
1399
01:03:49,951 --> 01:03:51,952
That's right.
Your family could've
left here at
1400
01:03:52,036 --> 01:03:53,954
any time,
but now you're stuck.
1401
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:55,956
Like a piece of
toilet paper
1402
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,791
stuck on your shoe
when you leave the bathroom.
1403
01:03:57,917 --> 01:04:00,043
And your wife
knew the whole time,
but she didn't tell you
1404
01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:03,046
because she wanted
you to walk around
and look like an idiot.
1405
01:04:03,214 --> 01:04:06,508
Oh, get over it!
l'm not the one who
had an affair
1406
01:04:06,592 --> 01:04:08,844
with some low-rent
palm reader from Akron !
1407
01:04:09,011 --> 01:04:11,054
And you never
would've known if you
weren't a psychic!
1408
01:04:11,222 --> 01:04:12,889
But l am psychic, Ned !
1409
01:04:12,974 --> 01:04:14,140
BOTH: Oh !
Ow.
1410
01:04:14,267 --> 01:04:16,226
Shit!
What is that for?
1411
01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:18,562
What you'll be
thinking about doing
to Megan in two seconds.
1412
01:04:18,688 --> 01:04:20,981
"Thinking about
doing to Megan?"
One, two, see?
1413
01:04:23,776 --> 01:04:25,735
Uh, guys,
we came on short notice.
1414
01:04:25,820 --> 01:04:27,445
We may need
an extra pair of hands.
1415
01:04:27,905 --> 01:04:29,406
Anyone you trust to help?
1416
01:04:29,615 --> 01:04:31,575
l know a guy. He's Mexican.
1417
01:04:33,744 --> 01:04:35,620
Megan,
let's go to your contacts.
1418
01:04:39,083 --> 01:04:40,625
Hey, nice camera.
Right?
1419
01:04:40,710 --> 01:04:42,919
l take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.
1420
01:04:43,087 --> 01:04:45,338
Eh, somethin' like that.
He sells them out of
the back of his truck.
1421
01:04:45,423 --> 01:04:47,924
lt's a mobile operation.
Let me know if you want one.
1422
01:04:48,092 --> 01:04:50,051
Hey, Ned, something weird.
1423
01:04:50,136 --> 01:04:53,263
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.
1424
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:57,517
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on CP time.
1425
01:04:58,269 --> 01:05:00,937
The demon will manifest itself
in many ways.
1426
01:05:01,105 --> 01:05:03,064
To your son,
it's his imaginary friend.
1427
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:05,317
To your daughter
it's the voice inside the box.
1428
01:05:05,443 --> 01:05:07,777
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.
1429
01:05:07,945 --> 01:05:11,114
See? lt's a manifestation !
You think l'd bang
a doll for no reason?
1430
01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:13,408
Malcolm ! Shut up.
What we're about to do
1431
01:05:13,618 --> 01:05:16,328
is the first step in
banishing the demon
to the netherworld.
1432
01:05:16,871 --> 01:05:18,455
Oh, what is that?
1433
01:05:18,539 --> 01:05:21,291
This helps me communicate
with the demon.
1434
01:05:21,459 --> 01:05:24,669
Organic,
hydroponically grown OG Kush.
1435
01:05:24,754 --> 01:05:26,004
Very strong.
1436
01:05:27,465 --> 01:05:30,467
This is some good shit.
1437
01:05:30,676 --> 01:05:31,676
(CHUCKLES)
1438
01:05:31,802 --> 01:05:33,511
Well, pass the mask, shit.
1439
01:05:33,679 --> 01:05:35,430
NOREEN: We grow it ourselves.
1440
01:05:35,806 --> 01:05:37,390
NED: High water bill.
(COUGHlNG)
1441
01:05:37,516 --> 01:05:39,142
That's that shit right there!
1442
01:05:39,310 --> 01:05:41,019
Let me get another hit.
l'm goin' to the Further.
1443
01:05:43,856 --> 01:05:46,232
Tony, where are you?
1444
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:48,360
(CREAKlNG)
1445
01:05:48,694 --> 01:05:51,363
Smells like that OG Kush.
1446
01:05:58,204 --> 01:05:59,371
WYATT: Mom !
1447
01:06:01,707 --> 01:06:03,667
What. . .
Becky!
1448
01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:07,629
Cool !
Wyatt, get upstairs!
1449
01:06:07,713 --> 01:06:09,714
MALCOLM: Wyatt, come on !
DEMON: Fuck you, you bitch!
1450
01:06:11,717 --> 01:06:13,259
Why are you tying
my baby to a chair?
1451
01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:14,928
Because the bitch
got a demon in her!
1452
01:06:15,304 --> 01:06:16,721
BECKY: Make it stop!
(GROWLS)
1453
01:06:16,889 --> 01:06:19,808
This is some scary
Cucuy shit right here, man.
1454
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:21,476
l don't know who Cucuy is.
1455
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,395
A Cucuy is a
ghetto Mexican bogeyman.
1456
01:06:23,562 --> 01:06:25,146
Oh, like George Lopez.
1457
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,398
(CHUCKLES) l know, huh?
1458
01:06:26,565 --> 01:06:29,275
l agree,
it is scary as fuck.
1459
01:06:29,443 --> 01:06:31,736
(GROWLlNG)
This spirit is more powerful
than l thought.
1460
01:06:31,904 --> 01:06:34,572
We're gonna need
to get a priest
and perform a real exorcism.
1461
01:06:34,740 --> 01:06:37,909
l know a guy!
He's a little unconventional.
1462
01:06:39,745 --> 01:06:41,538
l don't know, Malcolm.
(SCREAMlNG)
1463
01:06:41,664 --> 01:06:43,415
l know, that bitch
don't look right.
1464
01:06:43,582 --> 01:06:45,000
No, why you gotta
call her a bitch?
1465
01:06:45,084 --> 01:06:46,501
You disrespecting
the little ho.
1466
01:06:46,669 --> 01:06:48,336
Nigga,
did you just sell me out?
1467
01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:50,422
There's certain words
that trigger white folk.
1468
01:06:50,589 --> 01:06:53,717
l mean, bitch, ho, slut.
No offense.
1469
01:06:53,801 --> 01:06:55,719
You can't say those words.
That's like our. . .
1470
01:06:55,803 --> 01:06:56,803
Hey!
1471
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:57,929
What the hell are
you talking about?
1472
01:06:58,097 --> 01:06:59,097
Are you out your damn mind?
1473
01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:01,474
We would never say that.
1474
01:07:01,559 --> 01:07:03,685
Oh, we would
behind closed doors.
1475
01:07:03,853 --> 01:07:06,104
l mean,
l wouldn't say it in a bus
or a waffle house.
1476
01:07:06,188 --> 01:07:07,313
At the Atlanta Airport
1477
01:07:07,481 --> 01:07:10,316
1478
01:07:10,484 --> 01:07:12,318
Hey, l ain't your boy. . .
l got your back.
1479
01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,070
This is a lovely
scarf you're wearing.
1480
01:07:14,155 --> 01:07:15,780
lt's a sash,
you know what l'm sayin'?
1481
01:07:15,948 --> 01:07:18,533
l'm selling these.
This a part of my
new clothing line,
1482
01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:20,201
"Jesus Pieces,"
and l got, like,
1483
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,786
the shoe that
the Pope be wearin'.
1484
01:07:21,954 --> 01:07:25,623
ln leather,
suede, in green, brown,
and the Pope hats!
1485
01:07:25,791 --> 01:07:28,793
l can't keep that shit,
you know
niggers love big hats.
1486
01:07:28,961 --> 01:07:30,962
Okay, you know what,
that's enough.
Thank you so much.
1487
01:07:31,297 --> 01:07:34,466
That's right.
Can we help my daughter,
please?
1488
01:07:34,633 --> 01:07:36,593
Hell, she went
really white girl on me.
1489
01:07:36,677 --> 01:07:38,470
"Oh, my God !"
l was like, "Whoa."
1490
01:07:38,637 --> 01:07:41,473
Speaking of white. . .
Are you doin' cocaine again?
1491
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,558
Cocaine?
No, man, this stuff's molly!
1492
01:07:43,684 --> 01:07:46,394
ALL: Oh !
Can l try?
1493
01:07:46,562 --> 01:07:47,979
lt's all good.
NOREEN: Oh, wow.
1494
01:07:48,481 --> 01:07:49,898
(TEETH CHATTERlNG)
1495
01:07:49,982 --> 01:07:51,399
l'm gonna take
a little pinch for later.
1496
01:07:51,525 --> 01:07:52,984
He's just bringing drugs?
1497
01:07:53,319 --> 01:07:54,652
lt's molly.
Wrap it up!
1498
01:07:54,737 --> 01:07:56,071
Yeah, l'm sorry. l told you
he was unconventional.
1499
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:57,906
(GROWLlNG)
1500
01:07:57,990 --> 01:07:59,032
All right.
1501
01:07:59,116 --> 01:08:00,158
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
1502
01:08:00,326 --> 01:08:01,785
Hey, chill. Calm down, man.
1503
01:08:01,869 --> 01:08:03,495
Doug ! Doug ! Doug ! Whoa.
1504
01:08:03,579 --> 01:08:05,205
Y'all some crazy
ass motherfuckers.
1505
01:08:05,289 --> 01:08:06,831
Y'all thought l was
gonna shoot this bitch?
1506
01:08:06,999 --> 01:08:09,584
l'm just gonna pistol-whip her
until she weakens.
1507
01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:11,753
You're not
pistol-whipping
my daughter!
1508
01:08:11,837 --> 01:08:13,088
l am not
pistol-whipping
my daughter.
1509
01:08:13,172 --> 01:08:15,465
He know's what he's doing.
The man is a genius.
1510
01:08:15,549 --> 01:08:16,758
(GROWLlNG)
1511
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,971
ln the name of the Father
and the Holy Ghost. . .
(GROWLlNG)
1512
01:08:22,139 --> 01:08:23,890
l need three
other white people.
1513
01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:25,350
Peyton Manning !
1514
01:08:25,518 --> 01:08:26,810
Peyton Manning,
Kristen Stewart.
1515
01:08:26,977 --> 01:08:28,353
Paula Deen !
(GROWLlNG)
1516
01:08:29,855 --> 01:08:33,274
Where's Doug?
l can't find his
black ass in this dark!
1517
01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:34,359
MlGUEL: Where the hell is he?
1518
01:08:34,443 --> 01:08:35,443
Look for eyes!
1519
01:08:35,528 --> 01:08:38,696
Like a forest
creature in a cartoon.
Father Doug !
1520
01:08:38,864 --> 01:08:41,533
He's over here!
He's over here!
(WHlMPERlNG)
1521
01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:43,493
Doug ! Nigga, please, don't.
1522
01:08:43,661 --> 01:08:45,662
MEGAN: Father, please don't!
1523
01:08:45,830 --> 01:08:48,289
No, wait!
lt's better if he points the
gun at himself and not at us.
1524
01:08:48,374 --> 01:08:49,874
Just talk to him, Malcolm.
1525
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:52,293
Listen to my voice,
okay, Doug?
Listen to my voice.
1526
01:08:52,753 --> 01:08:55,380
This is not what niggas do!
We don't do suicide!
1527
01:08:55,548 --> 01:08:58,883
Murder, yes! Suicide?
That's what they do.
1528
01:08:59,051 --> 01:09:02,554
Yeah, we do that.
l've tried at least 20 times.
1529
01:09:03,556 --> 01:09:05,932
Motherfucker got
me acting all crazy,
actin' the fool !
1530
01:09:06,100 --> 01:09:08,059
You know damn well l wouldn't
peel my own cap!
1531
01:09:08,394 --> 01:09:09,394
(CHOKlNG)
1532
01:09:09,895 --> 01:09:12,564
l can't stop it! l can't
stop it! Man, it keeps. . .
1533
01:09:12,731 --> 01:09:14,983
There's somethin' in my head
that's tellin' me
to blow off my head.
1534
01:09:15,067 --> 01:09:16,985
ls it in here? ls it in there?
1535
01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:20,572
No, no, no! Yeah, up there!
(ALL TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)
1536
01:09:20,739 --> 01:09:23,116
Demon break.
Who wants a mojito?
1537
01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:24,868
Oh, the black guy's
still got a gun.
1538
01:09:24,994 --> 01:09:27,954
Oh, God !
This demon is
a son of a bitch, man !
1539
01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:30,748
Father,
why have you abandoned me?
1540
01:09:30,916 --> 01:09:34,502
ls it because l cuss a lot,
even during prayer?
1541
01:09:34,670 --> 01:09:36,754
"Amen, motherfucker,"
sounds dope.
1542
01:09:36,922 --> 01:09:39,090
ls it because. . .
(CHOKlNG)
1543
01:09:39,592 --> 01:09:42,051
l don't get Ryan Seacrest.
l don't get him.
1544
01:09:42,219 --> 01:09:45,430
l know what it is,
'cause l dressed up as
a foreclosure sign
1545
01:09:45,598 --> 01:09:47,932
when people was getting
kicked out of their house.
1546
01:09:48,100 --> 01:09:50,226
On Halloween l just
stood in the yard.
1547
01:09:50,352 --> 01:09:52,437
l knew it was wrong,
but it was funny to me.
1548
01:09:52,605 --> 01:09:54,981
Out of all of
the people on the Brady Bunch,
1549
01:09:55,107 --> 01:09:57,483
it was Alice that
l wanted to fuck.
1550
01:09:57,651 --> 01:10:01,404
ln the station wagon,
on top of Mr. Brady's
architect desk.
1551
01:10:01,488 --> 01:10:03,573
Just used it for
protractors and rulers.
1552
01:10:03,741 --> 01:10:06,284
ls it because l
actually kinda thought
1553
01:10:06,410 --> 01:10:08,953
that it was okay that
Chris Brown hit Rihanna?
1554
01:10:09,121 --> 01:10:11,664
l know that bitch
hit him first, man !
She talk too much shit!
1555
01:10:11,832 --> 01:10:13,917
She an lsland Girl.
"What you doin', Chris?
1556
01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:15,960
"Where you goin'?
Who's this bitch talkin'
"about Chris?"
1557
01:10:16,045 --> 01:10:17,462
Shut the fuck up, bitch !
1558
01:10:17,630 --> 01:10:18,796
Somebody help me.
1559
01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:19,964
MALCOLM: Doug ! Fight it, Doug !
1560
01:10:20,132 --> 01:10:23,635
No!
Nigga, that's a bigass gun !
That's gonna hurt, nigga.
1561
01:10:23,802 --> 01:10:26,512
Malcolm,
he has a message for you.
1562
01:10:27,806 --> 01:10:29,515
He says. . .
1563
01:10:29,642 --> 01:10:30,892
"Hi, bitch."
1564
01:10:31,477 --> 01:10:32,477
(SCREAMlNG)
1565
01:10:32,603 --> 01:10:34,229
MEGAN: Oh, my God !
No!
1566
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:35,980
(BECKY GROWLlNG)
1567
01:10:36,815 --> 01:10:39,150
We're gonna need
another priest!
lt's too late.
1568
01:10:39,485 --> 01:10:40,735
l have to
perform the exorcism.
1569
01:10:40,819 --> 01:10:41,819
lt's true.
1570
01:10:41,987 --> 01:10:43,905
Although Ned's only
formal training was at
1571
01:10:43,989 --> 01:10:45,823
Ghostbusters summer
camp back in 1 988.
1572
01:10:45,991 --> 01:10:47,533
Never cross the streams.
Never cross them.
1573
01:10:47,618 --> 01:10:48,660
And he is dumb!
1574
01:10:48,827 --> 01:10:51,162
l mean, dumb, dumb, dumb!
1575
01:10:51,497 --> 01:10:53,998
The point is,
you can do this!
1576
01:10:54,166 --> 01:10:55,875
Do you remember
what you said to me
on our wedding night?
1577
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:57,961
"l have whiskey dick
and l'll make it up
to you in the morning."
1578
01:10:58,045 --> 01:11:01,506
No! You said God
brought us together
for a reason.
1579
01:11:02,216 --> 01:11:04,592
That doesn't sound like me.
Must've been really drunk.
1580
01:11:04,718 --> 01:11:07,553
Just fucking do it, dummy!
Okay.
1581
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:10,014
(CHANTlNG FAKE LATlN)
1582
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:11,266
(GROWLS)
1583
01:11:19,858 --> 01:11:21,276
Becky!
Did it work?
1584
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,528
BECKY: Please help me.
l'm sorry for everything !
1585
01:11:23,612 --> 01:11:25,029
MlGUEL: l think you did it!
1586
01:11:25,364 --> 01:11:26,864
(LOUD THUD)
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
1587
01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:28,449
(GROWLlNG)
1588
01:11:29,827 --> 01:11:32,203
NED: Full inversion.
We got a full inversion.
1589
01:11:34,206 --> 01:11:35,999
Oh, fuck!
1590
01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:37,875
MEGAN: Oh, my God !
1591
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:40,545
Time to die!
1592
01:11:41,547 --> 01:11:42,839
lt was him ! lt was him !
1593
01:11:42,965 --> 01:11:44,215
No, don't do me like that!
1594
01:11:44,550 --> 01:11:46,050
lt actually was him.
1595
01:11:46,719 --> 01:11:48,052
MlGUEL: Better him than me.
1596
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:50,013
NOREEN: That looked like
it hurt, shit.
1597
01:11:50,556 --> 01:11:52,181
(SHRlEKlNG)
1598
01:11:54,727 --> 01:11:56,644
Whoo! Now, that's what
you call a blowjob.
1599
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:57,770
A leaf blower?
1600
01:11:57,938 --> 01:11:59,689
Don't judge me.
MEGAN: Malcolm !
1601
01:11:59,857 --> 01:12:03,318
Demon, you leave
our daughter alone!
1602
01:12:03,819 --> 01:12:04,819
(GROWLS)
(DOOR SLAMS)
1603
01:12:04,903 --> 01:12:06,446
That's not your
daughter anymore!
1604
01:12:06,572 --> 01:12:08,072
l didn't mean like
a daughter-daughter. . .
1605
01:12:08,198 --> 01:12:11,492
l was just saying that. . .
Seriously?
Malcolm, help her!
1606
01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:12,869
Okay. God damn it!
1607
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:14,287
Go get 'em, buddy.
1608
01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:17,081
Wyatt, are you okay?
1609
01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:18,583
Yeah, but Becky?
1610
01:12:18,751 --> 01:12:20,752
She looks pretty fucked up.
1611
01:12:20,919 --> 01:12:22,420
(ROARS)
1612
01:12:22,588 --> 01:12:24,005
Demon, l'll make you a deal.
1613
01:12:24,089 --> 01:12:26,799
How about you leave,
and we'll pretend
none of this ever happened?
1614
01:12:26,967 --> 01:12:28,760
The bitch is mine!
1615
01:12:28,927 --> 01:12:30,720
You heard the man,
the bitch is his. l tried.
1616
01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:31,888
Seriously?
1617
01:12:31,972 --> 01:12:33,681
She said the bitch is his.
That's pretty emphatic.
1618
01:12:33,766 --> 01:12:36,434
Malcolm, please help me.
l'm so sorry.
1619
01:12:37,978 --> 01:12:41,647
Becky will rot in hell!
1620
01:12:41,815 --> 01:12:44,609
Okay, which one is it?
Go rot in hell or you
want me to help you?
1621
01:12:44,777 --> 01:12:45,860
Malcolm, help her!
1622
01:12:45,944 --> 01:12:47,028
The bitch is confusing me!
1623
01:12:47,196 --> 01:12:51,991
Okay. Demon,
you leave her alone!
You take me instead !
1624
01:12:52,618 --> 01:12:53,618
DeaI.
1625
01:12:53,786 --> 01:12:56,079
Wait, no, no, no.
Here, take him instead !
1626
01:13:01,001 --> 01:13:02,502
l haven't heard
a demon scream for a while.
1627
01:13:02,586 --> 01:13:03,961
l think it's safe
to go back up there.
1628
01:13:04,129 --> 01:13:05,463
l still have a bad feeling.
1629
01:13:05,547 --> 01:13:07,256
For God's sake,
come on, guys!
1630
01:13:07,633 --> 01:13:09,884
Come on !
All right.
1631
01:13:11,136 --> 01:13:14,847
Oh, my God ! Wyatt,
get upstairs right now!
1632
01:13:15,015 --> 01:13:17,058
NED: They're cuddling !
The demon's gone!
1633
01:13:17,226 --> 01:13:20,144
l did it! This house is clean !
1634
01:13:20,312 --> 01:13:23,314
Look at his eyes!
They're rolling to
the back of his head !
1635
01:13:23,649 --> 01:13:24,649
l think he's possessed.
1636
01:13:24,733 --> 01:13:26,651
That's the face that he makes
when he has an orgasm.
1637
01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:28,444
l think he's okay, you guys.
1638
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:30,113
This is not over.
1639
01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:31,697
NED: Are you guys
watching this?
1640
01:13:31,782 --> 01:13:33,741
Yes, we're watching it, dummy!
1641
01:13:33,826 --> 01:13:35,743
l'm so intrigued by this.
1642
01:13:35,911 --> 01:13:39,997
MlGUEL: Oh, man !
He's all twisted up
like a chocolate pretzel !
1643
01:13:40,165 --> 01:13:42,583
Such flexibility
and the dexterity!
1644
01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:45,086
Oh, my God.
This is
making me queasy!
1645
01:13:45,254 --> 01:13:47,088
lt's like he could
suck his own dick.
1646
01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:49,006
l don't wanna suck my. . .
Please help me!
1647
01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,843
lf l could do that,
l don't think
l'd ever talk to you again.
1648
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:54,470
Stop it, you unholy demon !
1649
01:13:54,555 --> 01:13:58,182
Oh ! Oh ! That is greasy shit!
Probably Murray's.
1650
01:13:59,726 --> 01:14:01,310
The power of
Christ compels you !
(SlZZLlNG)
1651
01:14:01,687 --> 01:14:04,021
(SCREAMS) lt burn
like bum piss!
1652
01:14:04,189 --> 01:14:05,648
That means it's working !
1653
01:14:05,732 --> 01:14:07,358
Pour the whole thing,
like l just won
the Super Bowl !
1654
01:14:07,609 --> 01:14:08,609
Go!
Oh, my God.
1655
01:14:08,694 --> 01:14:09,902
MEGAN: Are you crazy?
1656
01:14:09,987 --> 01:14:11,863
(SCREAMlNG)
1657
01:14:12,614 --> 01:14:13,614
(GROWLS)
1658
01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:16,117
Is that all you got, bitch?
1659
01:14:18,203 --> 01:14:19,454
Oh !
1660
01:14:19,538 --> 01:14:20,913
(SCREAMlNG)
1661
01:14:22,749 --> 01:14:24,417
(ALL GRUNTlNG)
1662
01:14:32,050 --> 01:14:34,218
Wait, guys!
Stop! Everybody, stop!
1663
01:14:34,386 --> 01:14:36,012
Malcolm, are you okay?
1664
01:14:36,138 --> 01:14:37,722
No, l think l'm gonna be sick.
1665
01:14:37,890 --> 01:14:39,223
What?
Hold up.
1666
01:14:39,391 --> 01:14:42,059
NOREEN: Oh, God. Oh, God.
1667
01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:44,896
Oh, my God, l can't. . .
1668
01:14:45,230 --> 01:14:46,230
Oh.
1669
01:14:47,858 --> 01:14:49,567
Puking like a runway model.
1670
01:14:49,693 --> 01:14:52,028
l'm good. l'm good.
MEGAN: Are you done?
1671
01:14:52,196 --> 01:14:54,280
You're gonna want to
Febreze all of this.
1672
01:14:54,364 --> 01:14:56,407
You're gonna
wanna just clean this.
1673
01:14:56,742 --> 01:14:58,784
l feel so much better now.
1674
01:14:58,869 --> 01:14:59,952
Whoo!
1675
01:15:00,245 --> 01:15:01,245
ALL: Oh !
1676
01:15:02,414 --> 01:15:03,414
(PANTlNG)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1677
01:15:03,749 --> 01:15:07,168
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit.
1678
01:15:07,252 --> 01:15:08,419
l gotta get the
hell outta here.
1679
01:15:08,754 --> 01:15:10,713
Once they see a black
guy in a pool of blood,
1680
01:15:10,797 --> 01:15:12,089
you know who they're
gonna come after next.
1681
01:15:12,257 --> 01:15:14,258
l gotta go. Hey, watch out!
1682
01:15:14,426 --> 01:15:17,011
Now this place is clean.
1683
01:15:17,095 --> 01:15:18,221
lt sounded
better when l said it.
1684
01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:20,306
Get the box.
1685
01:15:20,390 --> 01:15:21,682
Thank you guys so much.
1686
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:23,267
No need to thank us.
We're happy to help.
1687
01:15:23,435 --> 01:15:24,936
Come on, Ned.
1688
01:15:25,103 --> 01:15:27,688
And we'll just take
Abigail with us as well,
for safekeeping.
1689
01:15:27,773 --> 01:15:29,440
Yeah, l know what
you plan on doing
with that doll.
1690
01:15:29,525 --> 01:15:32,235
What? No, l'm a professional.
She's a freak bitch.
1691
01:15:32,319 --> 01:15:33,569
Stop it.
Trust me.
1692
01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:36,113
Hey. How come Noreen ain't
pickin' up on the vibes?
1693
01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:37,698
You know how
when you're trying
to last longer,
1694
01:15:37,783 --> 01:15:38,950
you think about baseball?
Mmm-hmm.
1695
01:15:39,117 --> 01:15:41,702
lt's kind of like that.
Throws a haze in their head.
1696
01:15:41,787 --> 01:15:44,121
lt's the only way to
survive when you're
married to a psychic.
1697
01:15:44,289 --> 01:15:48,292
Come on, Ned.
l know you're thinking
about fucking that doll.
1698
01:15:48,794 --> 01:15:50,253
Hey, hey, hey.
1699
01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:57,260
You've had enough.
Bye, doll.
1700
01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:01,556
(TELEVlSlON PLAYlNG)
1701
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:05,059
lt's so nice
being able to just
relax on the couch
1702
01:16:05,143 --> 01:16:07,436
and watch The Bachelorette.
Yeah.
1703
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:09,480
(RUMBLlNG)
1704
01:16:09,648 --> 01:16:11,023
Huh?
1705
01:16:11,817 --> 01:16:13,276
(STAMMERS)
You didn't hear that?
1706
01:16:13,402 --> 01:16:14,819
What?
(HlNGES CREAKS)
1707
01:16:14,987 --> 01:16:18,823
My nigga senses is tinglin'.
lt's like my Spidey senses.
1708
01:16:18,991 --> 01:16:21,993
Oh, would you hush?
lt is fine!
1709
01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:25,162
My white senses
say we're fine.
(LAUGHS)
1710
01:16:25,330 --> 01:16:27,498
Everything's okay.
lt's over.
1711
01:16:27,833 --> 01:16:29,667
Okay? lt's over.
1712
01:16:29,793 --> 01:16:31,627
Okay, okay. l'm trippin'.
That's right.
1713
01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:35,798
(SCREAMS) . . .dead white bitch !
1714
01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:46,517
You already know
how it's going down,
motherfuckers, all right?
1715
01:16:46,852 --> 01:16:48,936
l looked on my
Dora the Explorer app,
1716
01:16:49,021 --> 01:16:50,521
this the motherfuckin'
correct address.
1717
01:16:50,731 --> 01:16:53,691
This ain't a drive-by,
homie, okay?
This a walk-in, homie.
1718
01:16:54,026 --> 01:16:56,319
So ain't no escape plan !
My cousin is in here, cuz!
1719
01:16:56,486 --> 01:16:58,195
Y'all ready?
1720
01:16:58,905 --> 01:17:03,367
Hey, yo, Malcolm !
Whassup, my niggie?
l'm here, cuz!
1721
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:05,036
RAY: Oh, shit!
1722
01:17:05,871 --> 01:17:08,372
(SHRlLL VOlCE) What the fuck
are you doin', man?
l gotta run for it!
1723
01:17:08,540 --> 01:17:12,918
This is bullshit!
Oh, my God !
l'm scared as fuck!
1724
01:17:13,003 --> 01:17:14,420
(SOBBlNG)
1725
01:17:15,213 --> 01:17:16,797
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)
1726
01:17:16,882 --> 01:17:20,676
l'm good, dog.
Let me get my motherfuckin'
bearings together, homie.
1727
01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:22,219
(HUFFlNG)
1728
01:17:22,888 --> 01:17:24,889
(WHlSPERS) All right,
let's go up in there, cuz.
1729
01:17:25,223 --> 01:17:27,183
lt smell like
dead ass,
1730
01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:29,226
baloney and sweat socks
up in there, homie.
1731
01:17:29,394 --> 01:17:31,437
lt smell like
Honey Boo Boo's boo-boo,
homie!
1732
01:17:31,605 --> 01:17:33,230
Malcolm?
1733
01:17:33,398 --> 01:17:35,441
Where you at, cuz?
1734
01:17:39,321 --> 01:17:40,905
Ain't nobody in here, cuz.
1735
01:17:41,073 --> 01:17:44,033
Oh, shit!
Megan got fucked up!
1736
01:17:44,201 --> 01:17:46,619
Head twisted all
backwards, niggie.
1737
01:17:46,995 --> 01:17:49,914
Now, upon further
examination, my niggie,
1738
01:17:50,082 --> 01:17:53,084
this white bitch
smell like she been dead
about a week, maybe two.
1739
01:17:53,251 --> 01:17:56,587
l watch Dexter,
niggie, CSl: New York,
Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta.
1740
01:17:56,922 --> 01:17:59,048
Don't nobody get
killed on there,
but they need to, my nigga.
1741
01:17:59,132 --> 01:18:00,424
Stevie J. ,
you know what l'm sayin'?
1742
01:18:00,550 --> 01:18:03,219
This bitch smell
like poverty, cuz!
1743
01:18:03,387 --> 01:18:06,430
Yah ! Taekwondo! Oh, shit!
1744
01:18:06,932 --> 01:18:09,517
They done killed
the little mini
white bitch, too, cuz!
1745
01:18:11,436 --> 01:18:14,271
Fuck happened down here, cuz?
1746
01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:19,902
Hello?
1747
01:18:19,986 --> 01:18:22,697
Oh, shit! There's another
dead body, cuz.
1748
01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:26,617
Who the fuck is it,
though, huh?
Who the fuck is it?
1749
01:18:27,119 --> 01:18:29,453
Oh, God, it's Malcolm !
1750
01:18:29,621 --> 01:18:31,956
(SOBBlNG) They done
kill my cuz, cuz!
1751
01:18:32,124 --> 01:18:34,458
lt's like Boyz n the Hood,
he's supposed
to go to college!
1752
01:18:34,626 --> 01:18:37,628
Why the fuck they
let Doughboy live
and Ricky dead?
1753
01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,922
Doughboy was
the evil nigga, cuz!
1754
01:18:40,424 --> 01:18:41,424
Oh !
1755
01:18:41,550 --> 01:18:43,342
l can't believe this!
1756
01:18:43,468 --> 01:18:46,053
See if the nigga got
some money, though.
1757
01:18:46,430 --> 01:18:47,972
(SCREAMS)
1758
01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:51,892
(GROANS)
1759
01:18:51,977 --> 01:18:53,978
What you hit me for, brah?
1760
01:18:54,146 --> 01:18:56,647
You know better
than to be poppin' up
on me like that, cuz!
1761
01:18:56,982 --> 01:18:59,150
You get knocked out
every motherfuckin'
time, homie.
1762
01:18:59,317 --> 01:19:01,986
World star! World star!
1763
01:19:02,487 --> 01:19:03,738
MALCOLM: (GROANS)
You hit me with a brick!
1764
01:19:03,822 --> 01:19:05,406
Where's my family?
Are they okay?
1765
01:19:05,490 --> 01:19:06,866
Nigga, they dead as fuck!
1766
01:19:06,950 --> 01:19:08,701
All of them?
Even the little boy?
1767
01:19:08,785 --> 01:19:11,162
He's on the back
of a motherfuckin'
milk carton, niggie!
1768
01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:13,414
Good. He may have lived.
1769
01:19:13,665 --> 01:19:14,999
(HOUSE CREAKlNG)
Where's Kisha?
1770
01:19:15,167 --> 01:19:17,001
Nigga, l don't know
where the fuck Kisha
is at, cuz!
1771
01:19:17,085 --> 01:19:19,754
Shh ! Shh !
She did this shit!
1772
01:19:19,838 --> 01:19:20,838
Kisha did this shit?
1773
01:19:20,922 --> 01:19:22,256
The white girl's neck,
snapped it back.
1774
01:19:22,340 --> 01:19:23,591
Kisha did that shit?
1775
01:19:23,675 --> 01:19:25,426
Nigga, that bitch
is gangsta, cuz!
1776
01:19:25,510 --> 01:19:26,761
l need to jump
her in my shit, cuz!
1777
01:19:26,845 --> 01:19:28,971
Shh ! l came down to
the basement on some
creep shit, like. . .
1778
01:19:29,681 --> 01:19:32,349
l was just sittin' here
waitin' for this bitch,
like, "Nigga, what?"
1779
01:19:32,517 --> 01:19:33,684
"Bitch, you want
some of this?"
1780
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,269
So l'm gonna sit
here incog-negro
1781
01:19:35,353 --> 01:19:37,438
up under this blanket like,
nigga, like what.
1782
01:19:37,606 --> 01:19:40,524
Let my sneakers be all,
so she be like,
"That nigga dead."
1783
01:19:40,692 --> 01:19:44,069
The throat, like,
"Bitch, you want
some of this?"
1784
01:19:44,237 --> 01:19:48,032
You can't kill me!
l'm like a roach !
l don't die, l multiply!
1785
01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:51,702
l got God on my side, bitch !
1786
01:19:52,037 --> 01:19:56,040
(SlNGlNG)
Twinkle, twinkle little star
1787
01:19:56,208 --> 01:19:58,209
She's right
behind me, isn't she?
1788
01:19:58,376 --> 01:20:01,378
How I wonder...
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
128282
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