Original subtitles

IS EVERYBODY READY ? YES, JUNE.

I'LL THREAD IT UP.

OKAY, REFRESHMENTS ON THE TABLE. EVERYBODY COMFORTABLE ?

YES. ♪♪

NO REMARKS THIS YEAR, OKAY ? JESUS !

OH, NO. THE CAMERA IS READY TO ROLL.

AND LOOK AT MY BOY ! IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY--

AAH ! OH, FUCK IT.

YEOW ! HEE HEE HEE !

LIGHTS ! CAMERA !

♪♪ ACTION !

♪♪ OHH ! HERE'S JOSH !

♪♪ THERE'S MY BUDDY. ALL RIGHT.

♪♪ LOOK AT THAT SMILE. I WAS A REALLY CUTE KID.

♪♪ THERE'S GRANDPA.

OH, HEY, HEY. HERE'S WHERE WE FIRST MET, IVAN. REMEMBER THAT ?

GIVE ME THAT.

SORRY, GUY.

THERE ARE THOSE TWO NEGRO PERFORMERS, THE STINKY MOATS.

SWANKY MODES ! OH, YEAH.

I GOT IT. THE SWANKY MODES.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THEM, ANYWAY ?

THEY'RE LEGENDS, JUNE.

TIPS OUT, TIPS OUT, SLAP ME, UNDERNEATH !

DON'T DO THAT !

OH, TOUGH BREAK.

BABE RUTH PLAY-OFFS. COME ON, JOSH, GET THAT BIG HIT.

THIS IS WHEN HE STRUCK OUT.

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, BASES LOADED. WE LOST THE SECTION 3 DIVISION.

FOUR-C REGIONALS.

STRIKE THREE ! YOU'RE OUT ! GET OVER IT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU BUNT ? YOU STRUCK OUT ! SWUNG AWAY !

I TOLD YOU TO BUNT ! YOU SAID SWING AWAY.

SECOND PLACE. WHAT WAS THAT, HONEY ?

A HIGH-GAIN RADIO FREQUENCY ELECTROSTATIC STORAGE UNIT.

CAN YOU SEE IT ? LOOK.

WHAT WAS YOURS, IVAN ? AN EDIBLE TUBER.

A POTATO. A POTATO.

DENISE TRATTAGLIA, MY FIRST LOVE.

SHE'S A PHYSICAL THERAPIST NOW. DID YOU KNOW THAT ?

I REALLY LIKED PEGGY CORNISH.

HOW MANY STITCHES DID SHE GET, JOSH ?

HEY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. IT COULD'VE HAPPENED TO ANYBODY.

PROM NIGHT IN THE EMERGENCY WARD HAVING HER BREAST STITCHED UP.

WHAT A DATE. SHUT UP !

LOOK AT THESE CLOWNS.

WATCH, WATCH. WATCH THE CAR. WATCH !

I'M WATCHING ! I'VE SEEN IT.

THIS IS THE PART-- THIS GETS ME EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I JUST FEEL LIKE CRYING.

HERE'S THE PART THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME WANNA PUKE.

NOT A HALF BAD FILM, JOSHIE BOY. GETS BETTER EVERY YEAR.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY.THANKS, MOM.

NOT HALF BAD ? IT'S CRAP ! CRUMMY, LOUSY SENIOR CLASS PROJECT !

WHAT'S HE DONE SINCE ? NOTHIN' !

SIDNEY !ZERO.

DAD. SIDNEY.

- HAVE YOU CALLED STU BEAUMONT ? - DAD, I DON'T THINK I'D REALLY BE HAPPY AT H&R BLOCK.

HAPPY ?SIDNEY, DON'T START.

- I GOTTA GO, MOM. COME ON, IVAN, WE'RE LATE. - I'LL SAVE THE CAKE FOR YOU.

DAD PUT HIS FINGERS IN IT !

YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET HIM HAVE A PIECE OF HIS BIRTHDAY CAKE.

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS STARTING THINGS ?

I ASKED HIM TO CALL STU BEAUMONT.

JOSH, AFTER SEEING THAT FILM OF YOURS FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN FOUR YEARS,

I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING I'M DOING.

YOU GOT ME THIS SECURITY JOB.

BUT THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME.

I GOT A SHITTY JOB, BUT I KNOW IT'S A SHITTY JOB.

YOU, YOU GOT NO AMBITION.

YOU'RE CONTENT JUST EXISTING.

- YOU NEED WHAT I GOT, MAN. - HERPES ?

NO. BALLS.

- YOU BOYS ARE 3 MINUTES LATE. - I KNOW, SIR, BUT JOSH HAS A VERY GOOD EXCUSE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HIM, JOSH ?

YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME.

YOU SEE, IT'S, UM--

THREE MINUTES IS FIVE PERCENT OF AN HOUR.

UH, YEAH, UM--

IT'S KIND OF UNBELIEVABLE, UH--

ANYBODY ELSE WHO HAD SAVED PABLO CASALS,

PERHAPS THE GREATEST CELLIST IN THE WORLD, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF YO-YO MA,

FROM A FIERY CAR WRECK ON SUNSET BOULEVARD WOULD BE BRAGGING ABOUT IT.

BUT NOT JOSH. HE DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL THE 11:00 NEWS FOR YOU.

DON'T BULLSHIT ME. I'M A BIG CELLO FAN !

CASALS DIED YEARS AGO !

NOW GET OUTTA HERE, BOYS, AND MAN YOUR STATIONS.

MOVE IT !

ARE YOU CRAZY ?MM-HMM.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT OUR STATIONS.

DON'T WORRY. I GOT IT COVERED. COVERED ? NORTON CAN SEE EVERYTHING.

NO, HE CAN'T. I DID THAT WIRE-SWITCHING THING YOU SHOWED ME.

YOU REPATCHED THE DIGITAL FRAME STORER WITH THE RECYCLE PROGRAM ? YEP.

- DID IT WORK ? - I HOPE SO.

IVAN !

IVAN, WHAT'S GOING ON ?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

LET'S GO !

HERE HE IS ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSH !

WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE ?I GUESS THEY SAW THE AD.

NO, YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE. THIS IS A HIGH-SECURITY COMPLEX.

IVAN !

THE LATEST CASUALTY IN A RASH OF HOSTILE TAKEOVERS...

IS THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE.

- IT WORKS. - WHAT ?

WHAT WORKS ?

OH, UH, WE WORK.

RIGHT, SIR ?

TAKE OVER.THANK YOU.

...AND IS SPIRALING TOWARD EARTH AT INCREDIBLE SPEED.

NASA ADVISES US, HOWEVER, THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR ALARM--

OH, NO.

OH, GEEZ.

THE DJ HAS ARRIVED !

IVAN, DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND ?

YEAH, DON'T MENTION IT.♪♪

SWANKY MODES !

♪♪F-TAK !

♪♪ UNO, DOS, QUATRO !

♪♪YEAH ! SUCK ON THIS, STU BEAUMONT !

♪ I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND THAT SPECIAL GIRL ♪

♪♪ VERY IMPRESSIVE, J.T.

♪♪BUT HERE'S MY CHANCE ! I GOTS TO DANCE !

♪♪IS THIS RECORDING ? IS THIS THING RECORDING ?

♪ IN A GOLDFISH BOWL

♪ THAT'S WHEN YOU HOOKED ♪ HOOKED

♪ ON ME, BABY

♪ THREW A NET AROUND MY HEART ♪

♪ I SAY, YOU HOOKED ♪ HOOKED

♪ ON ME, LADY

♪ NOW WE'LL NEVER, EVER

♪ NEVER, NEVER DRIFT APART

♪ YEAH

HAH ! ♪ THAT LADY KISSED A FROG

♪ AND HE TURNED INTO A PRINCE ♪

♪ THEN SHE KISSED PEPE LE PEW ♪

♪ AND THAT SKUNK START SPEAKIN' FRENCH ♪

♪ I'LL BE WAITIN' WITH MY LIPS ALL PUCKERED ♪

♪ I WANNA BE YOUR LOVER

♪ AND NOT YO' SUCKER

♪ THAT'S WHEN YOU HOOKED ♪ HOOKED

♪ ON ME, BABY

♪ THREW A NET AROUND MY HEART ♪

♪ I SAY, YOU HOOKED ♪ HOOKED

♪ ON ME, LADY

♪ NOW WE'LL NEVER, EVER

♪ NEVER, NEVER DRIFT APART ♪ DRIFT APART

♪ OOH-HOO

♪ YEAH-YEAH-YEAH YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ HOOKED ME, BABY ♪ I SAID, I SAID

♪ I SAY, YOU HOOKED ME, BABY ♪ I SAY YOU HOOKED ME, BABY ♪♪

DID YOU SEE ANYTHING STRANGE ?

NO. STRANGE ? NO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO ?

I SAW A U.F.O.P.

U.F.O.P. ?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE ON PREMISES.

OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T SEE NOBODY--

BAIL, PIG DICK. I'M COMMANDEERING THIS PUPPY.

♪♪ IVAN !

HOLD IT ! EVERYBODY LISTEN UP !

LET'S ALL SHOW JOSH WHAT WE THINK OF HIM.

LET'S PITCH IN AND HELP CLEAN UP.

THEY LOVE YOU, MAN ! OW !

AW, SHIT !

♪ RVTV

CLOSIN' TIME.

LOSING THOSE JOBS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US.

WE'RE FREE TO PURSUE OUR DESTINY.

WHAT, ABYSMAL FAILURE ?

NEGATIVITY FESTERS IN YOU, MAN.

HOW'D YOU EVER GET TO BE MY FRIEND ?

OOH, CHECK THIS OUT.

♪ I FEEL YOUR LOVE ATTACKIN' ME ♪

STUPID, INANE,

VAPID, MIND-ROT,

STENCH, PABLUM.

YEAH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU COULD DO THAT.♪ I FEEL YOUR LOVE ATTACKIN' ME ♪

I COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT.

YOU'RE RIGHT ! YOU COULD !

WHERE'S THAT VIDEO YOU MADE TONIGHT ? QUICK, GIVE IT TO ME.

EASY, EASY.

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE A CREATIVE GENIUS ?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, MAYBE HE'S NOT A GENIUS, BUT HE CERTAINLY IS CREATIVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ? HE'S AN ARTIST.

I'M UNEMPLOYED.ALL GOOD ARTISTS ARE UNEMPLOYED.

UNTIL THEY FIND A MANAGER, A GUY LIKE ME WHO WILL MOLD THEIR TALENTS INTO COLD CASH,

A GUY WHO WILL TAP INTO THAT VAST STORE OF POTENTIAL...

THAT LIES DORMANT BENEATH THAT GRUBBY LITTLE EXTERIOR.

YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHIT.

YEAH, WELL, THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE FULL OF SHIT MAKING MONEY,

AND I'M NOT GONNA BE THE EXCEPTION.

THIS IS OUR TICKET, AND YOU ARE GONNA START MAKING MUSIC VIDEOS.

ME ?

WE'LL CALL OURSELVES-- WE'LL CALL OURSELVES THE VIDEO GUYS.

WE'LL CALL OURSELVES--BOTTOMS UP, ACE.

VIDEO ACES. THAT'S WHAT WE'LL CALL OURSELVES.

VIDEO ACES. WOULD YOU LIKE THAT ?

WE ARE GOING TO BECOME THE MOST SOUGHT-AFTER TEAM ON EARTH.

YOU GAVE UP JOBS WITH SECURITY...

FOR SHOW BUSINESS ?

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, SHOW BUSINESS IS A--

LOUSY BUSINESS. RIGHT.

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE IN SHOW BUSINESS.BUT THAT'S DIFFERENT.

I'M CONAN FROM THE UNIVERSAL STUDIO TOURS. THAT'S A GREAT JOB.

AND FOR EVERYBODY IN THIS BUSINESS THAT MAKES IT LIKE ME, THERE'S A HUNDRED THAT DON'T.

LOOK, DAD, VIDEO IS THE FUTURE.

WE CAN'T LOSE.

HA !

I'M GONNA MAKE HIM EAT THAT SYLLABLE.

ROSES ARE RED,

VIOLETS ARE BLUE.

THE RUSSIANS HAVE SATELLITE LASER WEAPONS.

WHY CAN'T WE TOO ?

OKAY, KIDS.

HIT IT !♪ RING AROUND THE ROSIE

♪ POCKETFUL OF POSIES

♪♪ ♪ ASHES, ASHES WE ALL FALL DOWN ♪♪

VOTE FOR NORMAN MART FOR PRESIDENT.

HERE'S WHAT THE PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY.

THE MAN KNOWS SOMETHIN' ABOUT FOREIGN POLICY.

THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A WINNER.

HE'S HONEST, HE'S A GOOD POLITICIAN, AND HE KNOWS ABOUT THE BOMB.

BE LIKE ME-- VOTE FOR NORMAN MART AND REPAVE AMERICA.

SIDNEY !

AAAAH !

JOSH--

WELCOME TO THE WORLD CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS OF VIDEO ACES.

SORRY ABOUT THE APPEARANCE. IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.

HOW MANY PHONE LINES DO YOU HAVE ? HI, MOM.

WHAT IS THAT CABLE DOING IN MY LIVING ROOM ?

THAT'S JUST UNTIL WE GET 220 INSTALLED IN THE HOUSE, DAD.

STU BEAUMONT TOLD ME YOU FORGOT TO CALL HIM TODAY ! DAD, I--

I FINALLY REALIZED WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME.

I'M HAPPY. YOU HAPPY, MOM ?

I DON'T THINK SO, SON.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

SID, JOSH IS A VISUAL VISIONARY.

HE COMMUNICATES IN IMAGES, NOT ANTIQUATED VERBOSITY.

THAT COULD BE THE REASON HE'S BEEN SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA BE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE GETTING THAT CRAP OUT OF HERE NOW !

NO ! THIS IS MY BIG OPPORTUNITY, AND I'M NOT GONNA BLOW IT !

SIDNEY--OUT !

COULD THIS BE DANGEROUS ? OUT !

COME ON.

ENCINO TOWN HOUSE.

NINETEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS.

FUCK THAT.

YOU KNOW, IN PRIMITIVE SOCIETIES AFTER THEY SEVER THE UMBILICAL CORD,

THEY EAT THE PLACENTA IN A RITUALISTIC CEREMONY.

WANT A BITE ?

LET'S HEAD DOWNTOWN.

WE'LL FIND SOMETHING THERE THAT'S CHEAPER.

SMOGGY, HARSH, UGLY, RAT-INFESTED.

THIS PLACE LOOKS PRETTY WEIRD, IVAN.

HI ! THE DOOR WAS OPEN !

WE'RE HERE ABOUT THE LOFT.

YOU GUYS WANNA SHARE THIS SPACE ?

UH--

WELL, WE DID.

BUT WE HAVE SOME VERY SPECIFIC NEEDS.

THERE IS OUR CORPORATE IMAGE TO THINK ABOUT, SECURITY-- I MEAN, THAT DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN.

POWER-- ACCESS TO POWER. YOU UNDERSTAND.

OF COURSE, WE ALSO WOULD'VE HAD TO WORK OUT...

SOME KIND OF MUTUALLY SATISFACTORY RENTAL AGREEMENT, SO--

IS THAT IT ? THIS PLACE IS FREE. MY DAD OWNS IT.

FREE ? WE'LL TAKE IT ! THAT SOUNDS GREAT !

GREAT.DON'T WANT THIS.

CONGRATULATIONS. JOSH.

COME MEET OUR NEW FRIEND.

HI. I'M BELINDA.

YOU LIKE IT ?

LIKE IT ? WHAT IS IT ?

I CALL IT DESTRUCTION OF ART.

UH-HUH.

THINK OF THAT LITTLE TRAIN WHEN YOU WERE A KID IN SCHOOL AND YOU READ THAT BOOK:

"I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN."

BUT NOW THE TRAIN'S NOT SAYING, "I THINK I CAN."

IT'S SAYING, "CASH FLOW, CASH FLOW, CASH FLOW, CASH FLOW."

SHOULDN'T YOU BE ON THAT TRAIN,

GOING UP THAT MOUNTAIN TO PERSONAL FREEDOM ?

THE BOOK PROSPERITY THROUGH EXPLOITATION I WROTE WHEN I WAS BROKE.

IT'S LIKE HOLDING THE KEYS TO MY BRAIN,

LIKE HAVING THE ABILITY TO REACH IN, OPEN UP MY HEAD AND DIVING IN,

BUT WITHOUT ALL THE MESS.

IVAN, WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING JOSH SET UP THE EQUIPMENT ?

HE'S AN ARTIST. HE'S HANDS-ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO ?

I USE MY SELLING TECHNIQUES TO GIVE MY ARTIST FRIEND THE PERSONAL FREEDOM HE NEEDS.

FREEDOM, CHOICES, POSSIBILITIES. THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT.

BORING ADMINISTRATIVE STUFF, YOU KNOW.

I ENVY HIM.

I'M NOT JUST ANY GET-RICH-QUICK GUY.

COULD YOU GET ME ANOTHER DRINK ?

LOOK, IVAN, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT PUTTING TOO MUCH FAITH IN ME.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I-- "IF" ?

INSTANT FAILURE, FEAR, FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

NOW'S NOT THE TIME FOR DOUBT. NOW'S THE TIME FOR ACTION.

SHIT, MAN.

YOU'RE A GENIUS.YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU ARE.

THANKS.

THANKS FOR LISTENING. THANK YOU, DON.

- COULD YOU MOVE ? - WHAT ?

I CAN'T SEE.I'M ROSCOE FROM ROSCOE'S CHICKEN AND WAFFLES.

OH. SORRY.

WE'VE GOT THE LOWEST WAFFLE AND CHICKEN PRICES IN TOWN.

WE HAVE GOT THE COMPETITION SCARED CHICKEN WITH OUR LOW PRICES.

WHAT A GEEK. I DON'T THINK HE'S SO BAD.

HE'S A MORON.

HERE'S OUR DRUMSTICK ECONOMY DINNER.

HE'S EVOCATIVE WITHOUT BEING TOO EXPANSIVE.

BELINDA, THAT'S CRAP.

YOU COULD DO BETTER ?

YEAH.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I COULD.

TAKE THE LADYBIRD JOHNSON OFF-RAMP AND CUT A LEFT.

HI, ROSCOE. IVAN ALEXEEV, VIDEO ACES.

YO, FRIENDS, CHECK THIS OUT.

♪ ROSCOE'S THE NAME AND THEY CALL ME THE KING ♪

♪ GRANDMASTER OF THE CHICKEN AND THE WAFFLE THING ♪

♪ I SAID, NOW READ MY LIPS

♪ AND, FRIENDS DON'T MISS A WORD ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE GRANDMASTER'S GONNA ♪

♪ GIVE YOU THE BIRD

♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪ YO !

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪

♪ NOW, I'M THE BADDEST DJ ON THE FAST-FOOD SCENE ♪

♪ AND MY FOOD'S SO CHEAP

♪ YOU'LL LICK YOUR PLATE CLEAN ♪

♪ WHEN I THROW DOWN THE LADIES ALL BEG ♪

♪ ROSCOE, LET ME TASTE YOUR CHICKEN LEG ♪

♪ COME ON, FLY GIRLS AND WIGGLE DEM DERE BOTTOMS ♪

♪ WAFFLES JUST PANCAKES WITH LITTLE SQUARES ON 'EM ♪

♪ NOW, WHEN YOU SALIVATE

♪ AND HEAR PAVLOV'S BELL

♪ DON'T GO TO NO PLACE WHERE THEY SERVE YOU ILL ♪

OOH !

♪ ROSCOE'S

♪ THAT'S THE PLACE TO BE

♪ JUST LIKE YOU SEE IT

- ♪ ON THE TV

♪ COME ON, ALL YOU HOMEBOYS AND BRING YOUR FREAKS DOWN ♪

♪ AND TOSS THEM CHICKEN AND WAFFLES AROUND ♪

♪ YOU MAY BE UGLY

♪ OR SMELL REAL FUNNY

♪ BUT 'SCOE DON'T CARE

♪ 'CAUSE HE SAVE YOU CASH MONEY ♪ I AIN'T LYIN' !

♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪

♪ WE MAKE THE BADDEST WAFFLES AND CLUCK ♪

♪ AND YOU GET GOOD VALUE FOR YOUR BUCK ♪

♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪

♪ WE MAKE THE BADDEST WAFFLES AND CLUCK ♪

♪ AND YOU GET GOOD VALUE-- ♪♪WELL, THAT'S IT.

YEAH !

THAT'S REALLY GREAT, MAN.

I TOLD YOU YOU WERE A GENIUS.

IT'S JUST A COMMERCIAL. WHEN AM I GONNA DO ROCK VIDEOS ?

PATIENCE, MAN. IT'S ALL PART OF MY MASTER PLAN."MASTER PLAN."

MY MASTER PLAN. YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SO YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA.

WE DO SHITTY LITTLE JOBS LIKE THIS, RIGHT, SO WE CAN MAKE MONEY.

MONEY TO DO ART. MONEY TO DO YOURART.

LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. THEY GOTTA DO WHAT THEY DON'T WANNA DO ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, BUT NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T GET PAID IN CHICKEN AND WAFFLES.

HEY, EAT UP, MAN. THIS STUFF'S GOOD.

SEE, NOW WE GOT, LIKE, A REEL OF OUR WORK.

I CAN GET US THOSE BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG MONEY GIGS.

YOU WON'T BE RESTING BECAUSE YOU WILL BE OUT ON THE STREETS BRINGING IN JOBS WITH THESE.

WE START TOMORROW. YOU LIKE PETS.

NOW, FLUFFY, CONCENTRATE WITH ME, IF YOU WILL.

COME FROM YOUR HEAVENLY POUND OUT OF PURGATORY.

WE WILL HELP YOU MAKE THE TRANSITION NOW.

FLUFFY, COME HOME NOW.

COME ON, FLUFFY. COME, LITTLE FLUFFY.

HERE'S A BONE. COME, FLUFF-- I FEEL FLUFFY COM--

MY DEAR,

OUR FLUFFY IS IN TROUBLE.

HI, I'M IVAN ALEXEEV FROM VIDEO ACES. WE MAKE ROCK VIDEOS.

IF YOU COULD FIND TIME TO LOOK AT THIS OR CALL ME-- YOUR NAME WAS ?

SKIP.IVAN. GIVE US A CALL.

WEIRD AL ! I KNEW IT. MR. YANKOVIC, MY NAME IS IVAN ALEXEEV.

I WORK FOR VIDEO ACES. WE MAKE ROCK VIDEOS.

LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD.

REMIND ME TO GET SOME HOLLOW POINTS. OKAY ?

YOUR 3:30 WITH KEN KRAGEN HAS BEEN CANCELED.

MR. NUGENT, I WAS GOOD TO MEET YOU.

M-M-MY BRIEFCASE-- AAH.

VIDEO ACES. WE MAKE ROCK VIDEOS.

I'M LEAVING THE COUNTRY, SO CALL ME TODAY. IVAN.♪♪

LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD. I TRUST YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS, SIR.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

"FUZZBALL RECORDS."

FUCK IT !

I MEAN, THE GUY WAS ALL HANDS.

GET THIS. HE COMES IN. FIRST THING HE DOES-- HE GROPES ME.

HI, I'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH THE DIRECTOR OF ARTIST DEVELOPMENT AND PROMOTION,

VIDEO DEPARTMENT, PLEASE.

SO WOULD I.

NO, I'M KIDDING. MO FUZZ, PRESIDENT. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?

SIR, MY NAME IS IVAN ALEXEEV.

TAKE IT DOWN !

SO YOU WANT TO MAKE VIDEOS FOR MO FUZZ.

YES.

I WANT YOU TO.

WHAT KIND OF EQUIPMENT DO YOU GOT ?

TOP OF THE LINE. WE GOT OUR OWN STUDIO.

HOLD MY CALLS.

I BROUGHT IN A REEL OF OUR WORK.

IT'S A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES, BUT IT CAPTURES THE ENERGY OF OUR COMPANY--

KID, I DON'T NEED TO SEE IT TO KNOW I'M ALREADY CRAZY ABOUT IT.

I'VE GOT A SENSE ABOUT YOU, AN INSTINCT.

AND I'VE GOT JUST THE BAND.

CUBE SQUARED. THIS GROUP IS HOTTER THAN HOT.

THEY'VE SOLD MORE RECORDS IN SWEDEN THAN ABBA.

GREAT ! I WANT TO THANK YOU, SIR, FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY.

I'LL HOOK UP WITH MY PARTNER,

WE'LL DRAW UP A STORYBOARD, COME UP WITH SOME CONCEPT-TYPE THINGS,

AND WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU IN A COUPLE DAYS.

THE CUBE WILL BE TOURING THE CONGO IN A COUPLE DAYS. I NEED IT TODAY.

OKAY. OKAY, GREAT.

WE'LL DO IT.

WHAT'S THE BUDGET LIKE ?BUDGET ?

I'M GONNA LET YOU DO THIS ONE ON SPEC.

W-WHAT IS "SPEC" ?

IT MEANS YOU DO THIS ONE FOR FREE.

IT'S THE WAY EVERYBODY STARTS OUT.

OH, SPEC.

YEAH, RIGHT, RIGHT. SPEC.

I KNOW ABOUT SPEC.

LET'S GET INTO TROUBLE, BABY.

MY BROTHER.

LET'S DO IT. CUBE SQUARED, "BABY DOLL."

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ DOLL, BABY DOLL ♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ BABY, BABY, BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ DOLL, BABY ♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ BABY, BABY, BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ MY BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ MEN FALL FOR BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL ♪♪

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪♪ ♪ BABY DOLL

- ♪ MEN FALL FOR BABY DOLL - ♪ BABY DOLL

♪♪ ♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL ♪♪

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ MEN FALL FOR BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ BABY DOLL

♪ MEN FALL FOR BABY ♪

AM I CRYING ?

N-NO.NO.

WELL, IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF I WAS.

I WAS MOVED.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH THIS.

WHY NOT ?

I NEED PRODUCTION VALUE.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF PRODUCTION VALUE DID YOU HAVE IN MIND FOR NO MONEY ?

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT ADDS REAL PRODUCTION VALUE.

WHAT'S THAT ?

TITS... AND ASS.

DAMN.

TITS AND ASS.

I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING I DON'T NORMALLY DO BECAUSE I LIKE YOU GUYS.

YOU CAN DO ANOTHER ONE.

AND THIS TIME I'LL GIVE YOU THREE DAYS...

TO SHOOT ON--

ON SPEC.

- SPEC ? LOOK-- - DON'T THANK ME.

I KNOW. I'M TOO NICE.

LET'S GET INTO TROUBLE, BABY.

SPEC. IT'S THE WAY EVERYBODY STARTS OUT.

YEAH, BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

HEY !WE DON'T EVEN HAVE GAS IN THE CAR.

- SOMEBODY CALLED ABOUT THE FLYER. - YEAH ?

YEAH. YOU GOT A GIG AT THE HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN.

- IS IT ON SPEC ? - NO, IT'S ON WILSHIRE AND VERMONT.

"AND THE REST OF MY ESTATE...

"TO BE...

"DIVIDED, UH,

EQUALLY AMONG MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN."

CUT.THAT WAS GREAT. LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

NO. REWIND THE TAPE.

AGAIN ?

MERLIN, WORK WITH US. IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED ?

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A LIVING WILL.

LET'S TRY TO GIVE THAT DIALOGUE SOME LIFE.

BUT I'M NOT AN ACTOR. I'M IN THE GARMENT BUSINESS.

THIS WAS MY WIFE MIRIAM'S IDEA.

I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT I THINK MIRIAM WAS RIGHT. I THINK SHE HAD AN INSTINCT--

MERLIN, WORK WITH US, GODDAMN IT !

HEY, HEY, HEY ! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ACTORS THAT WAY.

NOW, I KNOW YOU GOT IT IN YOU.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR MONEY.YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE.

SO I WANT YOU TO FEEL THE MOMENT.

I WANT YOU TO SHOW US THE GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT THAT IS MERLIN HINKLE,

THE PASSION, THE PATHOS.

TRUST YOURSELF. TRUST ME. YOU CAN DO IT.

PASSION ! HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO ! PASSION !

AND FROM THE TOP.

MERLIN HINKLE LIVING WILL, TAKE 14.

GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME, HINKLE !

AND ACTION.

ACTION. THE PASSION.

"I, MERLIN HINKLE,

"BEING OF SOUND MIND AND BODY,

"DO HEREBY BEQUEATH TO MY LOVING WIFE MIRIAM...

THE SUM OF 5,000--"

DOLLARS. FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS AND ALL MY WORLDLY POSSESSIONS.

IS HE IMPROVISING ?

NO, JOSH. HE'S DEAD.

OH, SHIT.

NO, NO, NO. COME ON ! DON'T DIE ON ME ! YOU CAN DO IT !

JOSH ! JOSH ! THE MAN IS DEAD !

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET A DIFFERENT LINE READING.

- THIS IS HORRIBLE. - YEAH. WE'RE NOT GONNA GET PAID.

ARE YOU GUYS ROLLING ? OKAY.

"AND THE REST OF MY ESTATE SHALL BE DIVIDED EQUALLY...

AMONG MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN."

OKAY ?

OH, AND BE SURE TO PAY VIDEO ACES,

MY FAVORITE VIDEO COMPANY.

THEY'RE TERRIFIC GUYS. YOU GET A LOT FOR YOUR DOLLAR.

GETTIN' LATE. I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP NOW.

GREAT. THAT'S A WRAP. NICE WORKIN' WITH YOU, MERLIN.

NICE CRIB !

HOW'D WE GET THIS JOB, IVAN ?

SHREWD MARKET PENETRATION. WHAT ?

BELINDA. FLYERS. ADVERTISEMENTS.

WE'RE SINKING PRETTY LOW, IVAN.

THAT'S WHERE YOU GOTTA GO TO CATCH THE BIG FISH.

I DON'T LIKE THIS NORMAN MART GUY.

THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY, MAN.

WHAT ?WHERE ARE THE OUTLETS HERE, MAN ?

AN ELEVATOR. YEAH, I GOTTA GO UPSTAIRS. LET ME GET MY ELEVATOR.

OH, PLEASE LET THE PRINCE DANCE WITH ME !

OH, PLEASE, FAIRY GODMOTHER !

LET THE PRINCE PICK ME !HE'LL PICK YOU ! HE'LL PICK YOU !

WHEE !

YOU MUST BE THE VIDEO GENTLEMEN. I'M KAY MART.

ENCHANTE.

I NEED MORE MONEY, NORMAN.

MY CONDO NEEDS NEW DRAPES.

OKAY, NIKKI.

I'M TIRED OF YOU SNORTING DRAPES UP YOUR DAMN NOSE.

BUT YOU'RE NOT TIRED OF GOING TO THE BALL,

ARE YOU, NORMAN ?

HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S LIMBO TIME !

♪ COME ON AND JOIN THE JAM ♪

♪ A GRAND SLAM FOR UNCLE SAM ♪

♪ ANTE UP AND PLEASE DONATE ♪

♪ NORMAN MART'S YOUR CANDIDATE ♪♪

OH, MY GOD !

YOU FOOL. YOU'VE KNOCKED OUT MY CONTACT LENS.

FREEZE ! IT'S PROBABLY STUCK TO YOUR BODY.

I'LL FIND IT.

IVAN.SAMANTHA GREGORY.

SAMANTHA GREGORY. YEAH. YOU WRITE FORROCK GOSSIP.

THAT'S JUST A SIDE GIG.

FIND ANYTHING ?NO.

NOT YET. BETTER TAKE ANOTHER PASS.

WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HAND ?OH, GOOD EYE, GOOD EYE. THERE IT IS.

YOUR IMAGE PROBLEMS ARE JUST BEGINNING, NORMAN.

NIKKI, YOUR INDISCRETION IS REALLY STARTING TO BOTHER ME.

OOH, I'M NOT JOKING, NORMAN. I'VE GOT THE GOODS ON YOU.

SOMETIMES IT'S DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE A SLUT.

C.B. TURKIN. EVERYBODY THOUGHT HIS COMPANY WOULD CLOSE DOWN.

BUT THE PREZ PUT HIM BACK IN BUSINESS.WHAT DOES HE MAKE ?

NERVE GAS.

IF MR. MART WANTED PUBLICITY PICTURES TAKEN,

HE WOULD'VE INVITED RICHARD AVEDON.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE ! YOU CAN'T DO THIS ! HELP !

VIDEO ACES ! WE'RE IN THE BOOK !

YOU CAN DO THIS TO ME !WHERE IS BELINDA ?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT SHE ASKED ME TO ASK YOU FOR THAT TEN BUCKS YOU OWE HER.

TWENTY.

THANK YOU.

THEY MAY NOT BELIEVE ME, NORMAN,

BUT THEY'LL BELIEVE A VIDEOTAPE.

OF WHAT ?

REMEMBER YOUR SNOW WHITE PERIOD ?

I'VE GOT SOME AWFULLY NASTY FOOTAGE OF YOU AND THOSE ELVES.

AS OF THIS MOMENT, MY DEAR NIKKI,

YOU CEASE TO EXIST.

GET HER.

♪ RICH AND PHILANTHROPIC

♪ WHEN THE THIRD WORLD IS THE TOPIC ♪

♪ IT'S THE MAGIC IN THE NATION ♪

♪ IT WAS JUST SENSATIONAL MOVE IT !

- ♪ EVERYBODY LIMBO

♪ VOTE YOUR PARTY LINE

OOH, I'M SORRY. CAN I HELP YOU ?

HERE. THERE YOU GO.IT'S OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I GOTTA GO, OR MY BOYFRIEND'S GONNA KILL ME.

♪ LIMBO HOW LOW CAN YOU GO ♪♪RIGHT !

YOU IDIOTS.

YOU'RE ALL GOING BACK TO TRAINING GUERILLAS IN HONDURAS...

IF I DON'T FIND THAT FUCKING TAPE.

SIR, WE SEARCHED HER. SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE TAPE ON HER.

WE SCOURED THE GROUNDS. THAT TAPE JUST ISN'T HERE.

I THEORIZE THAT, IN ALL PROBABILITY, NORMAN,

SHE SLIPPED THE TAPE TO AN ACCOMPLICE...

WHO WILL SHORTLY BE CONTACTING YOU WITH A TIDY BLACKMAIL NOTE...

HOPING TO EXTRACT SOME EXORBITANT PAYMENT IN EXCHANGE FOR--

NOT FRYING YOUR ASS.

♪ THE WAY YOU WALK

♪ THERE AIN'T NO MISTAKE

♪ MY FINGERS START TO SHAKIN' ♪

♪ KNEES START TO QUAKE

♪ AND I BEEN LOVIN' YOU, BABY ♪

♪ AND I'M COMPLETELY SPENT

♪ TURN AROUND, JACK BACK UP AND GIVE A HUNDRED PERCENT ♪

♪ I'M OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THERE'S A WRONG AND THERE IS RIGHT ♪

♪ AND I JUST GOT TO KNOW IF THAT THING ♪

♪ IS OPEN ALL NIGHT ♪

NOW, THAT'S PRODUCTION VALUE.

I'VE GOT GOOSE BUMPS ALL OVER MY BODY.

NOW WE START MAKIN' THE BIG MONEY. RIGHT, MO ?

RIGHT, BABE. AS SOON AS YOU COMPLETE YOUR TRILOGY.

TRILOGY ? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

I'M TALKING ABOUT A PACKAGE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WAY THINGS WORK IN NATURE.

ALL GOOD THINGS COME IN THREES.

IT'S NOT GOOD THINGS. IT'S CELEBRITY DEATHS THAT COME IN THREES.

I NEED ONE MORE VIDEO.

- ON SPEC ? - RIGHT.

- FORGET IT. WE'RE OUTTA HERE. - FUCK THIS.

BABES. BABES. AM I CRYING ?

MANGOTTI FUNERAL, TAKE ONE.

JOSH. JOSH, ARE YOU ROLLING ?

IF YOU GUYS HAD LOTS OF MONEY, I KNOW YOU'D BE DOING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL.

WELL, THANKS. YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, TOO, BELINDA.

I MEAN, I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ONE OF THE GUYS.

BUT I'M NOT A GUY.

I KNOW THAT.

SO, WHY ARE YOU SO SHY ?

ALL RIGHT, BELINDA.

YOU WANNA KNOW ? ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU.

MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND REALLY FUCKED ME OVER.

I'M SORRY.

YEAH, SO WAS I.

WHEN DID YOU BREAK UP WITH HER ?

KINDERGARTEN.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY ?

SWANKY MODES !

♪♪JOSH, ME AND YOU GOT THE MOVES !

♪♪WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?DANCIN', MAN.

♪♪WITH VIDEO ACES.WHAT WE ALWAYS DO.

♪♪COME ON, MAN. GIMME SOME STEPS. GET THE STEP, MAN.

♪ WHAT ARE WE DOING WHAT ABOUT THE MASTER PLAN ? HUH ?

♪♪ DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO SO YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO.

WHEN ARE WE GONNA DO WHAT WE WANNA DO ?

I DON'T KNOW.GREAT.

SO WE DO BULLSHIT JOBS SO WE CAN KEEP OUR EQUIPMENT,

SO WE CAN DO JOBS ON SPEC, SO THAT MAYBE ONE DAY WE CAN DO A MUSIC VIDEO ?

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE POINT ?

THE POINT IS TO TRY, MAN.

COME ON !

ALL RIGHT.

BUT HOW LONG CAN WE STAVE OFF THE INEVITABLE ?

TILL THEY RINSE THE BLOOD FROM OUR BLOODY HANDS.

♪ OHH-OH-OH-OH SHOUT IT LOUD ♪

♪ THAT'S ENOUGH OF THIS WAR STUFF ♪♪

IT'S GONNA BE TOMORROW.

♪♪MODES !

AAAAH !

AAAH !PROBLEM ?

THE GUY'S A WANKER.

I BROUGHT YOU THE SEVEN BEST DIRECTORS IN THE BUSINESS.

GIVE ME SOMEBODY WHO'S JUST GONNA PUSH BUTTONS, WILL YA ?

DICK, DON'T BE A CUNT.

I THINK I HAVE JUST THE TWO FOR YOU.

TWO WHAT ?DIRECTORS.

MISS GREGORY, YOU LOOK GREAT.

MWAH !GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

VIDEO ACES REPORTING FOR DUTY.

YOU'VE TRIED THE BEST. NOW TRY THE REST. ♪♪

WOW ! SO COOL !

SORRY, GIRLIE. NO GROUPIES.

OH, I WORK WITH VIDEO ACES.

BET THAT'S NOT ALL YOU DO.

WHAT'S THAT ?

PRODUCT PLACEMENT, MAN. BACKBONE OF MUSIC VIDEOS.

UH-UH. NO WAY. TAKE IT OFF THE STAGE.

YOU GUYS ALL GOT YOUR VISORS ?

FUCK OFF ! WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL BLOODY DAY !

IVAN, WHAT'S GOING ON ?

IS THERE AN OPERATING MANUAL WITH THAT ?

STANDARD CRANE, RIGHT ?YEAH.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY READY. IVAN, LET'S GO !

ROLL FILM.ROLL FILM ?

I'M POINTING TOWARDS THE WALL.

OKAY, LET'S MAKE SOME MONEY. THEY PAYING YOU FOR THIS ?

YEAH, I WALKED OFF A GAME SHOW. PLAYBACK !

♪ MY NAME IS MR. MX-7

♪ GO AHEAD AND DROP THE BOMB ♪

♪ YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE

♪ YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE TO LIVE ♪

♪ GO AHEAD AND KILL YOURSELF ♪

♪ YOU LIVE IN A LIVING HELL

♪ RADIATING ALL YOUR LITTLE FEARS ♪

♪ HERE I COME

♪ MISSILE APPROACHIN'

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BLOW ♪

♪ HIDE YOUR HEAD KILL YOU DEAD ♪

♪ SEE YOUR PREACHER TILL YOU GLOW ♪

♪ I WANNA BE DISENGAGED ♪

♪ I WANNA BE DISENGAGED ♪

♪ I WANNA BE DISENGAGED THIS YEAR ♪♪

GOOD, IVAN !

ENOUGH, IVAN ! NOW, IVAN !

HOW, IVAN ?

STOP, IVAN !

- NOW, IVAN !

- THIS CRAZY BASTARD'S TRYING TO KILL ME ! - NO, STOP--

HE'S MENTAL ! HE'S AN ASSHOLE !

IT'S SABOTAGE, MAN !

THIS IS JUST DANDY ! I PUT MY BUTT ON THE LINE FOR YOU GUYS, AND YOU BLEW IT !

WE'LL FIX IT IN THE EDITING !FORGET IT ! YOU SUCK !

IVAN !JUST A SECOND !

ARE YOU GUYS FAMOUS ?HOW DID I LOOK ?

SIGN MY BUTT.TEACH ME TO READ.

IVAN !

♪ OH ♪ OH-OH-OH

♪ OH ♪ OH-OH-OH

♪ OH

♪ OH

♪ WELL, THE OVERLORDS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD DEED ♪

♪ TO MIX THE BLACK WITH THE WHITE ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU'RE A FLY IN THE BUTTERMILK ♪

♪ THEY CHASE Y'ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪♪ COWBOYS ?

THIS AIN'T NEVER HAPPENED IN MY DAY.

♪ YOUR CREAM-COLORED DAUGHTER WILL BE MY WIFE ♪

♪ RIDIN' AROUND AND AROUND THEY GO ♪

♪ THE BUS IS GOIN' MIGHTY SLOW ♪

♪ DRIVER'S IN THE BACK SEAT TALKIN' TO THE FRONT ♪

♪ PEOPLE GETTIN' HOSTILE WANNA KILL ♪♪ OH

I THINK WE KILLED 'EM, AND I THINK WE GON' GET THE GIG.

OH, COME ON, LESTER.

WHO WOULD WANT THIS GIG ANYWAY,

WHEN THE WHOLE PLACE IS FULL OF LOSERS AND WHITE TRASH ?

♪♪ MAN.

HOW'D WE GO WRONG ? WHAT DID I DO ?

WE HAD EVERYTHING SET.

TRIANGLE OF SUCCESS, MAN: SKILLS, ATTITUDE, KNOWLEDGE.

I GOT THE ATTITUDE, HE'S GOT THE SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE.

EVERYTHING WAS COOL, MAN. I HAD PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

GET ON DOWN. AIN'T THIS A SHAME ?

GIRL GAVE ME A DEFECTIVE CRANE. NOW WHAT DO I GOT ?

CHECK IT OUT, MAN. BILLY AND LESTER, THE SWANKY MODES.

DID YOU HEAR ME ? BILLY AND LESTER.

THOSE GUYS ARE LEGENDS.

WITH THE CONTRIBUTION THEY HAVE GIVEN TO MANKIND, THEY SHOULD BE LIVING LIKE KINGS.

NAY, GODS !

THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS, BRO.

YEAH, RIGHT.

ASSHOLES LIKE THE BLENDER CHILDREN GET TO BE BIG STARS ?

I MEAN, WHERE'S THE JUSTICE ? HUH ? THERE'S NO JUSTICE.

NONE, MAN.IT'S FUCKED UP.

LET'S BUY 'EM A BEER.GET WIT' IT.

TWO MORE.

SORRY, GUYS.

BROTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING,

THEY BEEN BUSTIN' MY ASS.

CARE TO PERFORM A SOBRIETY TEST ?

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. - CLOSE YOUR EYES.

REAL TIGHT. NO PEEKING.

NOW RECITE THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS, SKIPPING ALL THE VOWELS,

AND GIVE ME THE SIGN LANGUAGE FOR EACH LETTER AS YOU PASS BY.

Z, Y, X, W, V, T, S, R, Q,

P, N, M, L, K, J, H, G, F,

D, C, B.

YOU PASS. I'LL GET THOSE BEERS FOR YA.

♪ THE OLDER BOYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD DEED TO MIX THE BLACK WITH THE WHITE ♪

WHAT THE FUCK ?WHERE'D THEY GO ?

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

♪ SO GO AHEAD BURN YOUR CROSS ♪FUCK THIS.

♪ AND WAKE THE WOMEN IN THE NIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE TABLES'LL TURN WHEN YOUR CREAM-COLORED DAUGHTER IS GON' BE MY WIFE ♪♪

HERE'S A KPLP REAL NEWS UPDATE.

TRAGEDY HIT THE GREEK THEATER TONIGHT...

WHEN A FRAGMENT OF SPYLAB 14 STRUCK THE STAGE,

KILLING THE SURPRISED MEMBERS OF THE UP-AND-COMING ROCK BAND THE BLENDER CHILDREN.

WE GO LIVE NOW TO THE SCENE.

A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE TRAGEDY AT THE GREEK TONIGHT,

WHERE THE ONLY THINGS CONSTANT ARE CHAOS AND BEDLAM.

WE HAVE WITH US A PERSON WHO SAW WHAT HAPPENED. SIR, WHAT DID HAPPEN ?

MAN, DICK SLAMMER WAS HAMMERIN' ON HIS AX,

DOIN' THIS BLAZING SOLO,

WHEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN THIS THING THAT LOOKED LIKE A FIREBALL FROM HELL...

JUST SLAMMED INTO HIM !

IT WAS THE MOST EXCELLENT EFFECT I'VE EVER SEEN.

I'M HERE FRONT ROW, NEXT SHOW, DEFINITELY !

UGH ! SIR, THERE WON'T BE A NEXT TIME. THEY'RE ALL DEAD.

AWESOME !

BLENDER CHILDREN WERE RECORDING A ROCK VIDEO FOR THEIR NEXT SINGLE.

NO DOUBT THEIR FANS WILL BE CLAMORING TO VIEW THAT LAST MEMENTO.

AWESOME !

OH, PLEASE, FAIRY GODMOTHER.

I NEED A CARRIAGE TO TAKE ME TO THE BALL.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. OOOH !

HOP ON.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ? - I'M ABOUT TO DO VIDEO ACES A BIG FAVOR.

JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE. YOU'RE JUST GONNA WRECK THEM. THEN THEY'LL BE WORSE OFF.

THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.

BELINDA,

ARE YOU BALLING JOSH ?

THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

TOO BAD.

RIGHT NOW I NEED THE BLENDER CHILDREN VIDEO.TOUGH.

OH, YEAH ?

HYAH !

OOOH.

HYAH !

HAH !

TWO NINJA BITCHES...

ABOUT TO KILL EACH OTHER.

THE BLENDER CHILDREN ARE MULCH. THEY JUST BOUGHT THE FARM.

AND RVTV WANTS TO PREMIERE THE VIDEO NOW, LIVE AND EXCLUSIVE.

DO YOU GET IT ?

WELL, SAMANTHA, EVEN OUR SHIT IS NOT WITHOUT SOME ENDEARING QUALITIES.

PERFECT FOR RVTV.

BELINDA, LET'S MAKE A COPY.

FUCK YOU.I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL AROUND HERE ?

I THINK I'LL TAPE OVER THIS RED ONE.

- DON'T DO THAT ! - YEAH, THAT'S VERY UNPROFESSIONAL.

TAPE OVER THE MANGOTTI FUNERAL.

THEY DIDN'T PAY US.

I'M GONNA MEET YOU GUYS AT THE RVTV STUDIOS IN HALF AN HOUR.

OKAY. VIDEO ACES WORLD-TELEVISED PREMIERE, LIVE EXCLUSIVE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING ?

YEAH.

♪ RVTV

I HOLD IN MY HAND THE LAST-- AND FIRST-- VIDEO...

MADE BY THE BLENDER CHILDREN...

JUST BEFORE THEIR EXPLOSIVE FINALE AT THE GREEK THEATER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE SCREENING THIS NATIONWIDE, SIGHT UNSEEN.

THIS IS A DISASTER. WE'RE NEVER GONNA WORK AGAIN.

WE'RE NOT WORKING NOW.SHH. IT'S STARTING.

MANGOTTI FUNERAL, TAKE ONE.

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP THIS YEAR.

YOU WON'T LEARN TILL IT'S OVER AND DONE.

THERE'S NO REASON FOR THIS TYPE OF FEAR.

BUT YOU KEEP BUILDING ME ONE BY ONE.

ALL I WANT IS TO BE A PART THIS YEAR.

NO MORE THREAT TO ANYONE.

♪ THY WILL BE DONE

♪ GO AHEAD AND DROP THE BOMB ♪

♪ YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE ♪

♪♪ BRILLIANT. JUST BRILLIANT.

AN ASTONISHING EXAMPLE OF POSTMODERNISM.

A "PERSPICIOUS" PORTENT.

THE EMOTIONS. RAW. SO RAW.

INTERESTING THING ABOUT THAT VIDEO:

THEY CHOSE TO WORK WITH THE VIDEO PRODUCTION TEAM OF VIDEO ACES.

YOU'VE HEARD THAT NAME BEFORE.

HOW'S IT GOIN' ?

OKAY.

DID YOU WATCH RVTV TONIGHT ?NO.

♪♪ MISSED IT.

WE'RE HOT !

I MEAN, I-- WE HAVE CLIENTS LINED UP FOR VIDEO ACES.

WE'RE GONNA DO NONSTOP VIDEOS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

LOOK AT ALL THESE BUSINESS CARDS.

CONGRATULATIONS.

♪ REPAVE AMERICA

DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS ?

THAT YOU GUYS'LL BECOME EXACTLY LIKE SAMANTHA.

TO US, IVAN, AND TO OUR SUCCESS.

TO YOU, SAMANTHA,

FOR HELPING MAKE VIDEO ACES WHAT IT IS,

AND FOR MAKING ME FEEL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE LIKE I'M ON FIRE--

TAKE MY WATER.

- YOU WERE SAYING ? - YOU LOOK RAVISHING.

I'D LIKE TO CHEW ON YOUR THIGHS.

I THOUGHT WE HAD A PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

SO I'LL PAY.

SERIOUSLY, IVAN,

I THINK WE SHOULD START PLANNING ABOUT OUR FUTURE FAME AND FORTUNE.

I'D THROW ALL OF THAT WAY FOR ONE CHANCE TO FLAMBE YOUR FLESH WITH MY TONGUE.

ONLY ABSOLUTE SUCCESS CAN BRING TOTAL FULFILLMENT.

WANT YOUR CHERRY ?

POWER IS HAPPINESS,

AND THE MEDIA IS THE KEY TO POWER.

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY IS WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

FUCK !

BILL HEARST, OTIS CHANDLER, RUPERT MURDOCH,

TED TURNER,

CONNIE CHUNG.

THESE PEOPLE SEDUCED THE MASSES...

AND IN TURN BECAME LEGENDS IN THEIR OWN TIME.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT, IVAN,

AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA GET.

ANY WAY I CAN.

WANNA DANCE ?

I'LL LEAD.

SAMANTHA !

IT'S AWFULLY HOT OUT HERE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT REPRESENTATION ?

AH, IT LOOKS GOOD.

YOU KNOW, IVAN,

IN BUSINESS...

ITS THE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS...

THAT MAKE IT ALL...

WORTHWHILE.

WHATEVER.

FROM THERE THEY'RE OFF TO UTAH...

TO DO THE OSMONDS' CHRISTMAS SHOW.

THEY'RE SPENDING THE MONTH OF JANUARY WITH PIA.

BUT I LIKE YOU A LOT, SO I'M GONNA TALK TO MY CLIENTS.

YOUTALK TO THEM ?

I'LL TALK TO THEM.

WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IS A LIVE TELEVISED CONCERT...

TO 30 MILLION PEOPLE.

EVERYBODY LOVES MENUDO.

MENUDO ?

AND YOU KNOW THAT. YEAH, WE LOVE MENUDO.

TO THE LAST ALBUM.

IVAN.

THIS IS A SMALL TOWN.

OH, NO, IT'S NOT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. THEY'LL BE THERE.

IN A SURPRISING UPSET TONIGHT,

TWO VIRTUAL UNKNOWNS HAVE SNATCHED TOP HONORS AT THE U.S. VIDEO AWARDS...

FOR THE BLENDER CHILDREN'S MR. MX-7.

WE'VE GOT AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW NOW...

WITH THESE TWO SIZZLING-HOT GUYS.

WE ARE LIVE BACKSTAGE AT THE U.S. VIDEO AWARDS--VIDEO ACES: 555-6957.

YOU'LL GET PLENTY OF TIME TO SELL THAT.

NORMAN, AREN'T THOSE THE BOYS I HIRED TO VIDEOTAPE THE BALL ?

THEY NEVER SENT ME THE TAPE.

I GOT A LEAD. I THINK I KNOW WHO HAS MY TAPE.

TERMINAL BAR, NORT.ROGER. THAT'S A 10-4.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

- ♪ IT WOULD TAKE A MIRACLE

♪ TO EASE MY TROUBLED MIND

♪ I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP ME ♪

♪ TRYING HARD TO BE SO KIND

♪ BABY, YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO BE

♪ JUST AN AUDIENCE FOR MY PAIN ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' IN A PRISON

♪ THOUGH YOU CAN'T SEE THE BARS ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN WOUNDED SO MANY TIMES, HA ♪

♪ THOUGH YOU CANNOT SEE THE SCARS ♪

♪ I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME NOW ♪

♪ AND THE REASON IS PLAIN

♪ BABY, YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO BE

♪ JUST AN AUDIENCE FOR MY PAIN ♪

♪ AUDIENCE FOR MY PAIN

♪ I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME THAT WAY ♪GO !

♪ OHH, NO

♪ NO, NO, NO

♪ NO, NO, NO

♪ NO, NO, OHH

♪ NO, NO, NO, OHH ♪

THAT IS MUSIC ! SWANKY MODES ! ALL RIGHT !

ALL RIGHT ! THAT IS MUSIC !

THE FABULOUS BROTHERS DIAMOND.

OHH !

♪ YOU HURT ME, BABY ♪ BABY

♪ YOU THREW A NET AROUND MY HEART ♪GOOD SET, BILLY.

SHOW'S OVER, BOYS. DRINKIN' TIME'S BEGUN.

♪ I SAID YOU HURT ME-- ♪HERE YOU GO, LESTER.

WE HAVEN'T SUNG THAT TUNE IN 15 YEARS.

AND I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER BACK THAT FAR.

- NUMBER THREE ON THE CHARTS.

YEAH, YOU PERFORMED ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW OCTOBER 12, 1970,

8:22 EASTERN STANDARD TIME RIGHT AFTER THOSE DANCING ELEPHANTS.

YOU BOYS BUYING ?

YEAH ! YEAH, SURE.YEAH !

WE LOVE THE SWANKY MODES ! SET 'EM UP, JACK.

EXCEPTING NOW WE'RE THE BROTHERS DIAMOND.

JACK, TWO COURVOISIERS.

THE HOTTEST ACTS IN SHOW BUSINESS TODAY ARE OFFSHOOTS OF YOU GUYS.

- YEAH. THEY RIPPED YOU OFF. - YEAH, WELL, IT'S A KNOWN SKINNY.

MAYBE WE CAN HELP YOU GUYS.

YEAH ! WE'LL DO A VIDEO, MAN !

A MUSIC VIDEO WOULD BROADEN YOUR DEMOGRAPHICS...

WHILE RETAINING YOUR INTEGRITY.

YEAH. WE CAN GET YOU ON RVTV.

TV ? WHO'D WANNA SEE US ?

LOOK AT HIM. HE'S UGLY.

THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE UGLY WHO ARE MAKING SERIOUS MONEY.

SEE, WE CAN PACKAGE YOU SO THE PUBLIC WILL FIND YOU PALPABLE. PACKAGE ? NO.

PALPABLE ? PALPABLE.NO, NO ! I GOT IT !

WE'RE GONNA GIVE THESE GUYS THE REAL THING.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE'RE GONNA START TOMORROW NIGHT WITH A LIVE SIMULCAST OF 20--

NO. THIRTY COUNTRIES ! YEAH !WE ARE ?

WHY ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS ?

WHY ? BECAUSE WE HAVETO !

IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR INFLUENCE IN OUR LIVES, WE'D KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT SOUL.

WE'D BE FAMILY MEN WORKING FOR MULTINATIONAL--

EARNING SIX FIGURES, DRIVING LeBARONS !

HEY, YOU CAN'T PIN THAT ON US. WE HAVE LAWYERS.

OH, IT'S TOO LATE. WE OUTTA THE GATE, BUT THAT'S OUR FATE !

THAT FUNKY TRAIN ! YEAH !

UH, HEY, BIG SPENDER. PAY THE MAN, IVAN.

HERE. I GOT SOME CHANGE HERE SOMEWHERE.

WE'LL BE IN TOUCH, MAN.

NOW, WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT ?

NOTHIN'.

WHOO !

YEAH !

I AM TOTALLY PSYCHED, MAN !

AS OF THIS MOMENT, WE ARE CANCELING ALL OUR JIVE-JOB VIDEOS.

WE ARE ?EXCEPT MENUDO.

MENUDO ?YEAH. THE MASTER PLAN HAS COME TO FRUITION, BUD !

AH ! OH !AH, YES !

WATCH OUT ! DRIVE SAFELY !

ANYBODY THERE ?

YEAH. CAUCASIAN FEMALE.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE AGES OF FIFTEEN AND THIRTY-S-- FIVE.

RIGHT. LET'S MOVE.

SHH. ALL RIGHT. THERE'S SOME TAPES.

ADMISSION OF FEAR. FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.

WHAT'S THE DEFINITION OF "IF" ? BUT WHY M-- WHY MENUDO ?

BEAT IT, YOU HOODLUMS.

- LINDA, WHAT'S HAPPENING ? - I DON'T KNOW.

BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME.

DAMN. I'M OUT.

OUT OF BULLETS, HUH ?

- MY VIDEO PROTECTOR.

THANKS, SKIP. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS ?

GENTLEMEN, WE ARE THE, UH--HITMEN.

WE NEED A VIDEOTAPE RIGHT AWAY.

IT'S 2:00 IN THE MORNING, WE'RE TIRED,

AND WE'RE NOT DOING ANY MORE JIVE-JOB VIDEOS.

THE ONLY WAY WE'D DO A VIDEO WITH A BAND LIKE YOU...

IS IF WE GOT PAID THE BIG BUCKS, YOU KNOW ?

WILL 90 THOU IN NONSEQUENTIAL 50s BE ACCEPTABLE ?

LET'S NOT HAGGLE. 100 THOU.WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

WE HAVE TO SET UP FOR THE MODES CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT.

THIS IS THE CAPITAL WE NEED TO KEEP OUR EQUIPMENT.

CASH FLOW EQUALS PERSONAL FREEDOM.

THE FREEDOM TO DO THE VIDEOS YOU WANT. CAPISCE ?

YOU CAN'T PASS THIS UP.

THINK ABOUT IT.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL DO IT DURING OUR COFFEE BREAK TOMORROW.

YOU BRING THE DOUGHNUTS. NOW GET OUT OF HERE !

GENTLEMEN, LET ME SHOW YOU TO YOUR CAR. RIGHT THIS WAY.

YOU PICKED A FINE COMPANY.YEAH ?

I'VE SEEN YOUR RECORDS, AND I THINK-- I REALLY RESPECT YOUR WORK.

I'M FLATTERED.WE'RE CURRENTLY WORKING WITH BONNIE RAITT.

- NOT THEBONNIE RAITT. - YEAH. BONNIE RAITT WITH NIGEL HARRISON.

WHAT KIND OF CAR ARE YOU DRIVING ?

JOSH, THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

YOU SEEM SO CHANGED.

YOU'RE SO COMMITTED, SO RECKLESS,

SO PASSIONATE.

IT'S THE MODES. MY BLOOD IS BOILING.

WHEN THEY STIR UP THE THOUGHTS AND SENSATIONS THAT ARE PENT UP INSIDE ME,

I-I FEEL LIKE I'M READY TO EXPLODE.

COME HERE, YOU LITTLE FILLY.

SHOULD I GET MY DIAPHRAGM ?DAMN STRAIGHT, WOMAN.

WE'RE GOING FOR A RIDE ON THE LOVETRAIN.

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP ?

I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIND OUT.

HEY. LOOK WHO I RAN INTO DOWNSTAIRS.

HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S LIMBO TIME !

HONEY, LOOK.

SEE ? THAT WAS JUST A FRONT. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.HEY. YEAH.

THAT'S JOSH ! AREN'T YOU PROUD ? LOOKY THERE.

YEAH. THERE'S IVAN.

LET'S SURPRISE 'EM.YEAH.

- WHOOP. - HI.

HI, MOM. HI, DAD.

UH, THIS IS BELINDA. SHE'S A GIRL.HI.

DON'T SAY A WORD. NOT ONE WORD !

LET ME HAVE SOME.ALL RIGHT. OVER HERE. MOVE IT !

ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, LISTEN UP.

WE'LL DISTRACT THEM WHILE YOU FIND THAT RED TAPE.

AND REMEMBER, THERE'S A BONUS FOR THE MAN WHO PUTS IT IN MY HAND.

HOLD ON A SECOND. WHERE'S THE DOUGHNUTS ?

STANDARD GOVERNMENT ISSUE.GOOD.

- RIGHT THIS WAY. WE'LL BE WORKING IN STUDIO "D."

WATCHING ? ONE, TWO, THREE, STEP. OKAY. LET'S GO.

ONE, TWO, THREE, BACK. ARMS LIKE WINDMILLS. LET'S ROLL.

IVAN ! LET'S GO ! OPPOSITE HANDS, OKAY ?

TOUCH, STEP. TOUCH, STEP. SING.

OKAY. TEN MINUTES. TEN MINUTES. GOOD LUCK.

COME ON ! GET TO WORK !

♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS IT

♪ 'CAUSE THE MESSAGE IS CLEAR

♪ WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR LOVING EYES ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU WANT ME NEAR HERE. THIS IS IT. NO.

SHIT ! ♪ HUSH

♪ BABY DON'T MAKE A SOUND ♪SHH !

♪ WE'RE ONLY WASTING PRECIOUS TIME ♪

♪ I KNOW IN MY HEART AND SOUL

HUH. MM. RED TAPE.

HERE. GIVE IT TO ME.HEY ! GIVE ME THAT !

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU.I FOUND IT !

♪ DON'T NEED NO 1-2-3s ♪ 1-2-3s

♪ THERE'S NO NEED TO SPEAK WHEN YOUR KNEES GET WEAK ♪

♪ IT'S THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

GIVE IT BACK !GIVE IT !

♪ DON'T NEED TO HEAR YOU SING

♪ OH, THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY ♪ THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY

♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME WE KISS OUR LIPS WILL NEVER MISS ♪

♪ THAT'S THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

♪ THAT'S THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE ♪

HEY ! GIMME THAT THING !GIMME IT !

THAT'S A WRAP.

PATRICK. THAT'S A FINE IRISH NAME.

AS YOUR PARTY'S LEADING PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER,

YOU ARE A STAUNCH ADVOCATE OF NUCLEAR PROLIFERATION ?

- THAT'S RIGHT. - NOW, DOES WANTING MORE AND BIGGER MISSILES...

STEM FROM PENIS ENVY OF THE RUSSIANS ?

UH, NO, I-I-- THAT'S NOT THE CASE, SON.

UH, THAT'S-- MATTER OF FACT, THAT'S PRIMITIVE THINKING.

BUT, I WILL ADD,

I'LL THROW MY SLAB UP ON THE YARDSTICK AGAINST GORBY ANY DAY OF THE GODDAMN WEEK.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. MR. MART.

MR. MART, I HEAR THAT YOU'RE AN AVID VIDEO ENTHUSIAST.

UH... VIDEO ?

WELL, YEAH. I-I MEAN, I-I-I DABBLE.

I'VE SEEN YOUR WORK. IT'S VERY PROVOCATIVE.

AND IF I REFUSE ?

AMERICA WOULD LOVE TO TUNE IN...

TO SEE ITS PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BEING SPANKED BY A GIRL IN A WET SUIT.

ALL RIGHT.

TEN DAYS.

YOU'LL BE PUBLISHING IN TEN DAYS.

NOW, WHERE'S MY TAPE ?SOMEPLACE SAFE.

NO ! IT'S MINE ! SHH !

- HERE'S THE TAPE FROM THE VIDEO ACES. - ENTERTAIN US, MR. G.

I'M SURE MISS GREGORY HERE WOULD LIKE TO SEE MY PROVOCATIVE WORK...

ONE LAST TIME.

YOU HAVE 24 HOURS, MART.

RVTV JUST CONFIRMED THE SATELLITE HOOKUP.

MENUDO'S GONNA BE PISSED. THEY'RE YOUNG. THEY'LL GET OVER IT.

HEY ! NOW, THESE ARE THE SWANKY MODES I REMEMBER.

YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. THE MODES ARE COMING BACK IN A BIG WAY.

KINDA LIKE OLD TIMES, EH, BILLY ?

NOT R-REALLY.

WHY DON'T YOU GO INTO THE VIDEO LOUNGE AND JUST RELAX ?

THERE'S A REFRIGERATOR WITH WINE COOLERS IF YOU WANT A DRINK.

WE JUST GOTTA DO A COUPLE MORE STRAIGHT-TYPE THINGS BEFORE THE SHOW.

LET'S WARM UP, BILLY.OKAY.

ONE, TWO. ONE, TWO, THREE.

♪ BET YO' BOTTOM DOLLAR ON ME

♪ I'M AS GOOD AS GOOD CAN BE ♪

HOLY SHIT.

SOME MEN ARE AFTER ME.COUNT ME IN.

IVAN, I'M SERIOUS. THESE GUYS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.

SOMEBODY ON THAT ROOF ! YOU ! ON TOP OF THAT CAR. BACK HIM UP.

- HEY. IT'S THE HITMEN ! - THAT'S THEM.

- THEY'RE COMPLETELY HARMLESS. WE JUST DID THEIR LAST VIDEO. - FIRE.

NO REFUNDS !

OH, SHIT !

GOD ! JOSH, GIVE THEM THE MONEY BACK.

I'M NOT GOING DOWN THERE. NO WAY !YOU SHOULD ! YOU SHOULD !

SAMANTHA ! SAMANTHA ! NO ! HEY.

IF IT'LL HELP YOU GUYS OUT, WE'LL TAKE IT TO 'EM.

- GET IT, BILLY. - WE CAN DO THAT MUCH FOR YOU.

WE LOVE THE SWANKY MODES.

NO PROBLEM.

COME ON, LESTER. LESTER ! COME ON !

HOLD YOUR FIRE !

COME ON, LESTER. NO PROBLEM, OFFICER.

GIVE ME THAT CASE. NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM.

THEY'RE OPENING THE CASE.

- THEY'RE LOOKING INSIDE THE CASE. - IT'S NOT HERE.

THEY'RE GIVING THE CASE BACK. THE MODES ARE WALKING AWAY.

NO, THEY'RE RUNNINGAWAY.NOW THEY'RE POINTING A MACHINE GUN AT US.

THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US AGAIN !

- NO SHIT ! - THEY DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY ! THEY'RE MART'S MEN !

WHAT ?WHAT ?

OH, GOD. BELINDA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

- HOLD IT ! HOLD IT !

THEY'RE TALKING TO HER.

WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING HERE ? YOU ALMOST KILLED ME.

ARE YOU OKAY ?YOU BOZO ! I LIVE HERE. GET OUT OF HERE !

- GET DOWN OFF THAT CAR ! - THEY'RE PUTTING AWAY THEIR GUNS.

GET IN THE CAR AND GET OUT OF HERE ! GET OFF THAT ROOF !

COME ON ! LET'S GO ! SNAP IT UP ! GO ON ! GET OUT OF HERE !

THEY'RE GETTING IN THEIR CAR.

THEY'RE DRIVING AWAY. WE'RE SAFE.

WE'RE SAFE !WE'RE SAFE !

- WE'RE SAFE !

SAMANTHA, WHY DID THEY WANNA KILL US ?

- HOW DID YOU GET THEM NOT TO KILL US ? - WHERE THE FUCK...

DID THE MODES GO WITH OUR MONEY ?

THEY'LL BE AT THE CONCERT.

WELCOME TO RVTV'S EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE OF THE MENUDO CONCERT,

BEAMING OUT TO OVER 30 MILLION HOUSEHOLDS ACROSS THE WORLD !

SO STAY TUNED TO RVTV.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS ! MENUDO ! MENUDO !

AY ! MENUDO ! JOHNNY-- OHH !

BAMBINOS. HEY. ¿ QUE PASO ?

MI LLAMO IVAN. ESE ES EL DIRECTOR SENOR JOSH TAGERMEISTER.

HI, GUYS. GONNA BE GREAT WORKING WITH YA.

LISTEN, UM, I GOTTA SEE YOUR GREEN CARDS.

LEFT THEM AT THE HOTEL. MY, MY.

HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED ?

THIS PUTS US IN AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION.THE NEW IMMIGRATION LAW AND ALL.

WE COULD BE FINED UP TO $1,000 PER MENUDO.

WHY DON'T YOU JAM BACK TO THE BUNGALOW AT THE HOTEL, PICK 'EM UP, COME RIGHT BACK ?

SORRY. THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO. PULL IT OUT.

LET'S GO.GO, GO ! VAMOS ALA CHINGADA.

I HATE TO WAIT.

WHAT TIME IS IT ?

WHAT TIME IS IT ?

GOD !

WHERE ARE THEY ?THERE'S NO PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT ?

THEY'RE GOING TO BE HERE. THE MODES ARE GOING TO OPEN FOR THEM.

THE MODES ? WHO THE HELL ARE THE MODES ?

THE SWANKY MODES. THEY'VE BEEN LEGENDS FOR 20 YEARS. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN ?

I'M ONLY 17 !

ANYBODY WANT THESE TICKETS ?

TWENTY-FIVE BUCKS APIECE IS ALL I'M ASKING FOR. MENUDO, YOU KNOW ?

IVAN. IVAN, WHAT IF THEY DON'T SHOW UP ?

WHAT IF WE WANTED THIS MORE FOR THEM THAN THEY WANTED IT FOR THEMSELVES ?

THAT'S AN INTRIGUING PREMISS, JOSH.

MEANS WE GOT A BIG PROBLEM.

IT MEANS YOU REALLY FUCKED UP !I-- ME ? IFUCKED UP ? ME ?

ME ! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS IMITATED THE MODES.

YOULEARNED THEIR ROUTINES. YOU WANTED US TO BE LIKE BILLY AND LESTER !

LISTEN, I DELIVERED ON THE BUSINESS END.

NOW YOU CAN'T DELIVER ON THE CREATIVE END.

SO I'M GONNA TAKE THE BLAME ? SCREW YOU !SCREW YOU !

SCREW YOU ! SCREW YOU !SCREW YOU ! SCREW YOU !

IF THE MODES DON'T SHOW UP, WE'RE BOTH SCREWED ! YOU UNDERSTAND THAT ?

HEY ! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT. - WHAT DID YOU SAY ?

I SAID, "MOVE IT."THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID.

OHH.

I'LL PARK IT.

MOVE IT.

NOTHING BETTER THAN THIS CONCERT.

YOU SURE THIS IS THE PLACE ?THIS LOOKS LIKE IT.

YOU SURE ?THIS SEEMS TO BE THE BACKSTAGE AREA.

- PEOPLE ARE GOING BACK THERE. - THAT'S HIM ! THAT'S THE GUY !

HEY, HEY ! OH, JESUS. OHH, SHIT !

HEY ! HEY, STOP THAT, YOU BIG APE !COME ON ! OOH !

WE WERE GONNA PAY TO PARK HERE !

NBC NEWS ? LISTEN, I'VE GOT A VIDEOTAPE SHOWING...

A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE ENGAGED IN DEVIANT SEXUAL ACTIVITIES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I NEED A RELEASE ? THIS IS NEWS !

$15.99 ! COME ON, WHO WANTS 'EM ? YOU WANT THIS ?

- TAKE THE SHIRT, ALL RIGHT ? JUST TAKE THE SHIRT.

EVERYBODY RUN ! RUN !

HERE !GUN.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ?UNH. LOOK OUT.

OH ! OOH ! SHIT !

GO, BABY !

♪ DON'T NEED NO A-B-Cs

♪ DON'T NEED NO 1-2-3s

♪ THERE'S NO NEED TO SPEAK--

THE TENSION'S REALLY BUILDING UP HERE BACKSTAGE AT THE BIG CONCERT.

LOTS OF SURPRISE-- WHOA THERE !

LOOK WHO SNAGGED SAMANTHA GREGORY FROM ROCK GOSSIPFANZINE !

SHE'S THE FACE THAT DISCOVERED THE ACES !

WHERE ARE JOSH AND IVAN HIDING ?UPSTAIRS IN THE OUT-OF-CONTROL BOOTH !

WHAT'S THE NEW WHAMMY, SAMMY ?

HUH ? MART. NORMAN. CONGRESSMAN. SHEEP.

IT'S ANOTHER RVTV EXCLUSIVE !STEP ON IT.

SATELLITE UPLINK STARTS IN ONE MINUTE.

WHICH SHOT DO YOU WANT TO START WITH, IVAN ?

ANY ONE WILL DO. THAT ONE. THAT ONE.

- THERE SHE IS.

AAH !

AWESOME !

IVAN, MART'S GOONS ARE AFTER ME AGAIN.

WHY DID YOU COME IN HERE ?

GIVE ME THE TAPE, SAMANTHA.

GAAAH !

WAAH !

BLACKMAIL IS NOT FOR THE NOVICE, MISS GREGORY.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR FILTHY LITTLE TAPE, MART.

WHY DON'T YOU CRAWL BACK INTO YOUR HOLE ? SHE DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

SHE'S BEEN UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.

LADY, THIS BETTER BE THE RIGHT FUCKING TAPE.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ? THAT CHARITY BALL WAS A DUD.

YOU IDIOTS. THIS ISN'T A CHARITY BALL. THIS COULD RUIN ME.

IT COULD ?OH, YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT COULD.

I COULD BE REDUCED TO AN INSIGNIFICANT PISSANT--

JUST LIKE YOU.

WELL, THEN, UH, LET'S CHECK AND MAKE SURE IT'S THE RIGHT TAPE.

WHAT ?I'LL THREAD IT UP FOR YOU.

MAYBE HE'D LIKE TO WATCH IT AT HOME.

NO. NO, I--

I THINK MR.-- MR.--JOSH.

MR. JOSH IS RIGHT.

UH, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

NOW, THIS IS NOTHING FANCY. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT ?

I MEAN, IT'S JUST A LITTLE HOME CAMERA.

AND IT'S JUST-- I MEAN, IT'S ALL RIGHT, BUT, YOU KNOW--

YEAH, WE UNDERSTAND.

DON'T. OH, NO ! AH ! OH, NO !

OH. DON'T. DON'T ! NO !

NO ! AH ! AAH ! AAH ! NO !

CHARLES, CALL MY LAWYER !

STOP IT ! AAH ! AH ! OH ! NO ! NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO, NO. NO ! AAH ! NO ! DON'T DO IT ! NO !

WELL, MOMMY, CANCEL MY APPOINTMENT WITH--

WHAT'S HIS NAME ? NORMAN MART.

CAN YOU MAKE THE PICTURE LESS FUZZY ?

- WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON ? - WELL, THE TAPE IS INTERLOCKED WITH A SATELLITE,

AND IT'S BEING TRANSMITTED TO DOWNLINKS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.

PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, HUH ?

WELL, STOP IT !

TOO LATE, MAN.

YOUR ASS HAS JUST GONE OUT HIGH SPEED...

TO THOUSANDS OF AFFILIATE STATIONS,

AND EACH NOW HAS THEIR OWN COPY.

- SAY, "GOOD NIGHT," NORMAN.

NO MORE POLITICS. NO MORE KICKBACKS.

NO MORE MEET THE PRESS.DAD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

DAD ? THIS SLIME DOG IS YOUR FATHER ?

- I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU. - WELL, THANKS.

HEY ! WHERE'S MENUDO ?

MENUDO !

MENUDO ! MENUDO !

I WON'T GET TO BE PRESIDENT ! I WANT TO BE PRESIDENT !

OH, MY ! OH, MY !

- I'VE LOST EVERYTHING, BELINDA ! - NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ! I HATE TO BREAK THIS UP, HEIDI,

BUT WE GOT A SATELLITE THING HAPPENING IN, LIKE, SIX SECONDS.

- DID YOU FIND THE MODES ? - NO.

AWW. MENUDO ! MENUDO !

MENUDO ! MENUDO ! MENUDO ! MENUDO !

MENUDO ! MENUDO !

I LOVE THESE GUYS.

MENUDO ! MENUDO !

COME ON. LET'S GO.

DUDE !HOMEBOYS ! YEAH !

OPEN UP ! LET 'EM THROUGH.

THIS WAY. RIGHT UP THIS WAY.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY ! GIVE THEM SOME SPACE !

COME ON. MOVE ! OUT OF THE WAY ! YOU'RE ON.

ATENCION, DAMAS Y CABALLEROS.

ATENCION !

PRESENTAMOS...

LOS SWANKY MODES !

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ♪

♪ TAKIN' HIS CHANCES AND ROLLIN' THE DICE ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ WORKIN' THIS JOB YOU GOTTA BE CRAZY ♪

♪ FIFTY PERCENT OUT OF YOUR MIND ♪

♪ THEY SAY FORGET IT, BOY THEY CALL YOU LAZY ♪

♪ THEY TAKE THE CREDIT WHEN YOU HIT BIG TIME ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ NOW, NOW, NOW NOW, NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ♪

♪ TAKIN' HIS CHANCES AND ROLLIN' THE DICE ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT TO SACRIFICE YOU'VE GOT TO SUFFER ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT TO REALLY PAY YOUR DUES ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THERE THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT YOU'LL BE DISCOVERED ♪

♪ ONE DAY YOU'RE UP ONE DAY YOU'RE LAST WEEK'S NEWS ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ♪

♪ TAKIN' HIS CHANCES AND ROLLIN' THE DICE ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ OOH

♪ OOH

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ WELL

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ NOW, NOW

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ♪

♪ TAKIN' HIS CHANCES AND ROLLIN' THE DICE ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ I WANNA SAY IT ONE MORE TIME NOW ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ♪

♪ TAKIN' HIS CHANCES AND ROLLIN' THE DICE ♪

♪ ANY ORDINARY MAN WOULD'VE GIVEN IT UP BY NOW ♪♪

YOU REALLY GOTTA HAND IT TO THOSE TWO.THEY PULLED IT OFF.

I WOULD LIKE A CHAMPAGNE, AND MY FRIEND WOULD LIKE A WINE COOLER.

YOU GUYS THE VIDEO ACES ?YEAH.

WE'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.OH, WHO YOU GUYS WITH ? NBC ? CBS ? MCA ?

NO. FBI.IT'S AGAINST THE LAW...

TO BROADCAST PORNOGRAPHY.

YOU BOYS SHOULD'VE READ THE MEESE COMMISSION REPORTS...

BEFORE YOU TAMPERED WITH THE AIRWAVES.

WHAT ?YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

NO FUCKIN' WAY ! HELP !REMEMBER WHAT WE DID TO JELLO BIAFRA ?

YO, FRIENDS, CHECK THIS OUT.

♪ HOLD ON A MINUTE DON'T LEAVE YET ♪

♪ ROSCOE'S END CREDITS ARE YOUR BEST BET ♪

♪ THEM VIDEO ACES WENT FROM RAGS TO RICHES ♪

♪ NOW THEY'RE IN THE CAN WITH NO CASH OR BITCHES ♪

♪ WHEN THEY SERVE THEIR TIME THEM SUCKERS WILL SEE ♪

♪ 'SCOE'S DONE EXPANDED VERTICALLY ♪

♪ TAPEHEADS OF THE WORLD TAKE A TIP FROM ME ♪

♪ YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA BUT DON'T DO IT FOR FREE ♪

♪ WINGS AND WAFFLES WAS JUST A START ♪

♪ NOW I'M MAKING MORE MONEY THAN NORMAN MART ♪

♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪

♪ WE MAKE THE BADDEST WAFFLES AND CLUCK ♪

♪ AND YOU GET GOOD VALUE FOR YOUR BUCK ♪

♪ HAMBURGERS ARE GREASY AND PIZZA'S PLAIN NASTY ♪

♪ AND THEM LITTLE TACOS IS MESSY AND RASPY ♪

♪ BUT MY CHICKEN'S SO FINE IT'LL BLOW YOUR MIND ♪

♪ IT'LL SHAKE YO' HIPS IT'LL PAD YOUR BEHIND ♪

♪ NOW, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A WING WITH A WAFFLE ♪

♪ WELL, THAT'S TOO LONG IT OUGHTA BE UNLAWFUL ♪

♪ POULTRY AIN'T YOUR BAG WELL, THAT DON'T MATTER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M DOWN BY LAW WITH MY WAFFLE BATTER ♪

STIR IT UP !♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪

- GO ON. ITCH THAT SCRATCH !

♪ EVERYBODY TOLD ME HOW GOOD I WAS ♪

♪ SO I GOT ME A CONTRACT WITH MO FUZZ ♪

♪ ANYONE CAN BE WHAT THEY WANNA BE ♪

♪ IF THEY WATCH DON DRUZEL ON THE TV ♪

♪ IF YOU JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH OF ME ♪

♪ PICK UP THE RECORD ALBUM TAPE OR CD ♪

♪ NOW THAT I'VE COME TO THE END OF MY TUNE ♪

♪ DROP ANOTHER SIX BUCKS AND COME BACK SOON ♪

SHELL THEM OUT. ♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪ WE GOT IT !

♪ WE MAKE THE BADDEST WAFFLES AND CLUCK ♪

- ♪ AND YOU GET GOOD VALUE FOR YOUR BUCK ♪ - OHH ! YOU KNOW IT !

♪ COME TO ROSCOE'S FOR DELICIOUS FOOD ♪ I AIN'T LYIN'.

♪ WE GOT FUEL FOR YOUR ATTITUDE ♪ ALL RIGHT !

♪ WE MAKE THE BADDEST WAFFLES AND CLUCK ♪

♪ AND YOU GET GOOD VALUE FOR YOUR BUCK ♪SPANISH FLY GIRLS, SING !

- ♪ CHICK-CHICKEN

♪ OOOOOOH

♪♪ SCRATCH !

♪♪ ♪ CHICK-CHICK-CHICK-CHICK CHICKEN, CHICKEN ♪

♪ FUNKY CHICKEN DO THE FUNKY CHICKEN ♪

♪ FUNK, FUNK, FUNK FUNKY CHICKEN ♪♪