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Kids, when I first
moved to New York,
2
00:00:02,811 --> 00:00:04,669
it was dingy, disgusting,
3
00:00:04,769 --> 00:00:06,195
dirty, ugly,
4
00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:07,637
flea-ridden,
stinky
5
00:00:07,737 --> 00:00:09,963
and all together,
terrifying.
6
00:00:10,212 --> 00:00:10,976
But then,
7
00:00:11,076 --> 00:00:12,028
sadly...
8
00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:14,013
the whole city
started to go...
9
00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:14,961
uphill.
10
00:00:15,895 --> 00:00:17,240
The streets got a little cleaner,
11
00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:18,637
the rents got a little higher,
12
00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:19,922
and one by one,
13
00:00:20,022 --> 00:00:21,480
the crappy old places
we loved
14
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,378
began to disappear.
15
00:00:23,478 --> 00:00:25,881
The Elbow Room,
an old punk rock club,
16
00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:27,682
became a drugstore;
17
00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,529
McHale's, a working-class
watering hole,
18
00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:32,553
became a fast-food place;
19
00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:35,555
and Fez, this awesome
lounge in 95th in Broadway,
20
00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:37,174
became a bank.
21
00:00:37,274 --> 00:00:38,407
And not just any bank.
22
00:00:38,662 --> 00:00:40,749
Goliath National Bank.
23
00:00:40,849 --> 00:00:43,082
The world leader
in credit and banking.
24
00:00:43,228 --> 00:00:45,853
God, I love Goliath National Bank!
25
00:00:46,582 --> 00:00:49,045
Okay, first of all, you look like
the last pick in the draft.
26
00:00:49,364 --> 00:00:51,706
And... second, why are you so excited
about some bank?
27
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,769
Our company just bought them out
in a ruthless takeover.
28
00:00:54,869 --> 00:00:58,607
Took two months.
Cost 2,000 jobs.
29
00:00:58,972 --> 00:01:00,385
It was brutal.
30
00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:02,426
Who wants a T-shirt?
31
00:01:03,474 --> 00:01:06,072
Hey, Marshall, they're hiring
in the legal department.
32
00:01:06,263 --> 00:01:07,317
I could get you a job.
33
00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:10,908
Barney, Marshall didn't quit
his last soul-sucking corporate job
34
00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:12,229
just to go work at a bank.
35
00:01:12,575 --> 00:01:14,790
He's gonna be
an environmental lawyer.
36
00:01:15,146 --> 00:01:16,643
That was the plan, anyway.
37
00:01:16,862 --> 00:01:19,451
Over the next few weeks,
Marshall went on a lot of interviews.
38
00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:20,908
You are confident,
39
00:01:21,078 --> 00:01:22,789
you are energetic,
40
00:01:22,889 --> 00:01:24,464
you are focused!
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00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:26,029
A lot of interviews.
42
00:01:26,257 --> 00:01:28,153
You are flexible on salary,
43
00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:30,370
you're willing to compromise,
44
00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:32,737
you're not gonna cry this time.
45
00:01:33,439 --> 00:01:34,735
Too many interviews.
46
00:01:34,876 --> 00:01:36,145
You are sad,
47
00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:38,399
you are beaten down,
48
00:01:38,568 --> 00:01:40,136
you will get through this,
49
00:01:40,236 --> 00:01:41,457
come home,
50
00:01:41,557 --> 00:01:43,328
get in your big underpants
51
00:01:43,428 --> 00:01:44,893
and take a nap.
52
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:48,371
Which brings us
to September 29,
53
00:01:48,471 --> 00:01:50,219
the night of the burger.
54
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,169
So... what do you guys
want to do for dinner?
55
00:01:52,948 --> 00:01:53,878
We just got a new cook.
56
00:01:53,953 --> 00:01:55,859
You have to try the burger...
it's amazing.
57
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,570
Oh, great...
we'll take five of those.
58
00:01:57,710 --> 00:01:58,471
Five burgers.
59
00:01:58,621 --> 00:02:00,668
Whoa... really?
You... want to eat here?
60
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,682
Yeah, I'm freaking starving.
I just finished a seven-day cleanse.
61
00:02:03,869 --> 00:02:05,156
I thought you just started that
yesterday.
62
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,696
I finished early, okay?
63
00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:08,965
- Five of those.
- Five burgers.
64
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,805
Whoa... wait.
What about sushi?
65
00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:12,870
- We had sushi last night.
- Italian.
66
00:02:12,955 --> 00:02:13,941
I had Italian for lunch.
67
00:02:14,026 --> 00:02:15,970
- I can come back.
- No. We always do this.
68
00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:17,970
We spend an hour arguing
about where to eat,
69
00:02:18,035 --> 00:02:19,618
and then we end up
eating here anyway.
70
00:02:19,693 --> 00:02:21,373
I haven't eaten
for two days.
71
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:25,355
Can we please, for the love of God,
just order something now?
72
00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:28,491
Chinese?
73
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,269
I don't like Chinese.
74
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,141
Indian?
75
00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:33,114
I just said
I don't like Chinese.
76
00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:34,419
Indian isn't Chinese.
77
00:02:34,729 --> 00:02:36,598
Weird meats, funny music, side of rice.
78
00:02:36,682 --> 00:02:37,987
Why are we splitting hairs?
79
00:02:39,011 --> 00:02:39,753
Mexican?
80
00:02:40,128 --> 00:02:41,889
I just said
I don't like Chinese.
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00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:43,324
Oh, God.
82
00:02:43,614 --> 00:02:46,759
Traduction : MiniBen314,
Eomyn, Kabaka, Spiff94
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00:02:46,891 --> 00:02:48,534
Synchro : Mickeyte
84
00:02:48,647 --> 00:02:50,910
Relecture : MiniBen314
Transcript : www.shooter.cn
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How I Met Your Mother
4x02 - The Best Burger In New York
86
00:02:54,224 --> 00:02:56,365
par la "Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com
87
00:02:56,632 --> 00:02:57,384
one hour later
88
00:02:57,484 --> 00:02:59,190
Robin, yours will be right out.
89
00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:02,232
Of course, mine comes last.
90
00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:06,439
Go ahead, start without me.
91
00:03:06,608 --> 00:03:09,265
- Sweet!
- That's so kind of you.
92
00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:14,851
Oh, my God.
93
00:03:15,218 --> 00:03:16,974
This burger is so good.
94
00:03:17,358 --> 00:03:20,710
It's like Christmas in my mouth...
meat Christmas.
95
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,358
It's like an angel from heaven
96
00:03:23,710 --> 00:03:25,621
landed in the kitchen at MacLaren's.
97
00:03:26,189 --> 00:03:28,886
Where the chef killed it and ran it
through the meat grinder.
98
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,584
I love this burger so much,
99
00:03:31,684 --> 00:03:33,713
I want to sew my ass shut.
100
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:36,680
It's okay.
101
00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:39,153
- Are you kidding me?
- Guys, guys, guys.
102
00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,538
When you've had the best burger
in New York City,
103
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:44,421
every other burger tastes
like my grandpa's feet.
104
00:03:44,627 --> 00:03:47,621
But you guys eat up,
enjoy, my grandpa's feet.
105
00:03:48,006 --> 00:03:50,348
And you've had the best burger
in New York.
106
00:03:51,653 --> 00:03:53,319
It was eight years ago,
107
00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:55,234
my first week in New York,
108
00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:56,897
and for a kid from Minnesota,
109
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:59,620
the big city
was a scary place.
110
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,010
Thank God it's just you.
111
00:04:06,198 --> 00:04:08,020
You are being ridiculous.
112
00:04:08,329 --> 00:04:10,592
- Tell me you left the apartment today.
- Why would I have to leave?
113
00:04:10,692 --> 00:04:13,794
I can have anything I want delivered,
and New York City cable is awesome.
114
00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:16,575
Have you seen this public access show
with the old Jewish lady in a bikini?
115
00:04:17,014 --> 00:04:18,091
It's, it's disgusting.
116
00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:20,443
Marshall, you have to
get over this paranoia.
117
00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:21,852
You are not gonna get mugged.
118
00:04:22,105 --> 00:04:24,464
Well, what if I do, Ted, all right?
I don't have a switchblade.
119
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,219
I don't, I don't know how to,
how to break-dance
120
00:04:26,285 --> 00:04:28,144
and win the begrudging respect
of a street gang.
121
00:04:28,271 --> 00:04:30,365
That's it, you're taking a walk.
Come on, go.
122
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,403
No. Look, the old lady
in a bikini is back on.
123
00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,181
I'm just gonna lie back
and get comfortable.
124
00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:36,209
Go! Go outside, go, go.
125
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:37,249
Okay.
126
00:04:41,230 --> 00:04:43,680
- Leave the bat.
- Fine.
127
00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:47,148
So I went for a walk
in the big, scary city.
128
00:04:47,571 --> 00:04:48,946
And I discovered
something amazing,
129
00:04:49,545 --> 00:04:50,877
it wasn't scary at all.
130
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:51,993
All right.
131
00:04:52,951 --> 00:04:54,190
What's the word?
132
00:04:55,158 --> 00:04:57,015
Your search is over!
133
00:04:57,203 --> 00:05:00,082
And then, right when I started
to get a little hungry,
134
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,636
I turned a corner...
135
00:05:04,245 --> 00:05:05,485
and there it was.
136
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,508
The tiniest little
burger joint you ever saw,
137
00:05:08,752 --> 00:05:11,381
tucked between a taxidermist
and a triple-X bookstore.
138
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:14,930
Name two places
where things get stuffed.
139
00:05:15,954 --> 00:05:18,129
So, I went inside.
140
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,237
And I ordered...
the burger.
141
00:05:22,251 --> 00:05:23,218
Thank you.
142
00:06:05,523 --> 00:06:07,532
Ted. Ted, you got to wake up.
Ted, wake...
143
00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:12,408
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
144
00:06:12,511 --> 00:06:13,300
I'm all right.
145
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:18,414
Ted. Ted, I've just had the most
amazing burger of my life!
146
00:06:18,484 --> 00:06:20,954
It's this awesome little place,
Regis Philbin eats there,
147
00:06:21,019 --> 00:06:22,520
so it's sort of like
a celebrity hot spot.
148
00:06:22,606 --> 00:06:25,038
But the burger, Ted. The burger.
149
00:06:25,188 --> 00:06:27,455
Dude. I want one of those burgers
right now!
150
00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:28,844
Do you think they're still open?
151
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,253
I don't know. Does stuff in New York
stay open past... 9:30?
152
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,957
So we went out to get another burger.
153
00:06:35,239 --> 00:06:36,752
But after hours of searching...
154
00:06:37,011 --> 00:06:39,086
Damn it!
Where is this place?
155
00:06:39,612 --> 00:06:40,410
You couldn't find it?
156
00:06:40,541 --> 00:06:41,630
We didn't know our way around.
157
00:06:41,715 --> 00:06:43,048
Just getting back
to the apartment took us
158
00:06:43,114 --> 00:06:45,292
three hours
and one very helpful drag queen.
159
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,217
Wait, Betty Noir was a drag queen?
160
00:06:48,869 --> 00:06:50,203
Well, where do you think it was?
161
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,902
Probably tucked between her legs.
162
00:06:54,015 --> 00:06:55,029
You know what's not a drag?
163
00:06:55,339 --> 00:06:57,482
Getting a home equity loan
at Goliath National Bank.
164
00:06:57,735 --> 00:06:58,533
I'm just saying.
165
00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:01,529
Anyways... we never found the place.
166
00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:03,848
Now, eight years have passed, still...
167
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,194
no burger.
168
00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:09,818
I couldn't help but overhear.
169
00:07:10,175 --> 00:07:11,734
Okay, here we go.
170
00:07:12,053 --> 00:07:13,208
I know the place you're talking about.
171
00:07:13,293 --> 00:07:14,401
No, you don't.
172
00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:16,645
It's a place called the Corner Bistro.
173
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:18,236
Great burger.
174
00:07:18,452 --> 00:07:21,504
Oh, the Corner Bistro!
175
00:07:22,245 --> 00:07:24,011
It's amazing,
I spent a quarter of my life
176
00:07:24,114 --> 00:07:25,863
searching for the best burger
in New York City,
177
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,633
but silly me, it never occurred to me
178
00:07:28,717 --> 00:07:31,384
to check the highest-rated burger
in the Zagat guide.
179
00:07:31,478 --> 00:07:33,093
Wow, thanks a lot, guy.
180
00:07:33,271 --> 00:07:34,323
Let me return the favor.
181
00:07:35,102 --> 00:07:36,534
Great cup of coffee,
182
00:07:37,744 --> 00:07:38,723
Starbucks.
183
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:45,168
So I take it you've tried
the Corner Bistro.
184
00:07:46,751 --> 00:07:48,901
I've tried every so-called best burger
185
00:07:48,995 --> 00:07:51,155
in New York City
trying to find that burger.
186
00:07:52,826 --> 00:07:54,300
Or at least forget about her.
187
00:08:11,766 --> 00:08:12,799
We're going.
188
00:08:14,357 --> 00:08:16,357
But none of those places
even came close.
189
00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:18,960
Hey, there was that one time we thought
we had a break in the case, remember?
190
00:08:19,912 --> 00:08:20,694
Get this.
191
00:08:20,772 --> 00:08:21,890
You know who works out at my gym?
192
00:08:22,265 --> 00:08:23,336
Regis Philbin.
193
00:08:24,190 --> 00:08:25,383
The autographed picture.
194
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:27,703
Of course I remember the place.
195
00:08:28,013 --> 00:08:29,863
It was the best burger I ever had.
196
00:08:30,304 --> 00:08:32,492
I still have dreams about this burger.
197
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:34,773
Beautiful, haunting dreams!
198
00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:39,517
I wake up at night screaming,
"Get out of my head, burger! Get out!"
199
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,959
That's the one, Mr. Philbin.
200
00:08:41,109 --> 00:08:42,020
Do you remember where it is?
201
00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:43,898
No! I never wrote it down.
202
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:47,796
But not a day goes by
that I don't regret it.
203
00:08:48,369 --> 00:08:49,993
Why? Why? Do you know where it is?
204
00:08:50,253 --> 00:08:52,300
And if you tell me
it's at the Corner Bistro,
205
00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:53,830
I'm gonna smack you right in the face!
206
00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:55,220
We don't, we don't know where it is.
207
00:08:55,304 --> 00:08:57,633
Listen, Blondie!
Don't mess with me!
208
00:08:58,159 --> 00:08:59,804
Daddy needs his meat.
209
00:08:59,861 --> 00:09:02,142
I don't know where it is,
Regis, I swear!
210
00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:04,650
What about you, Lurch?
211
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,119
And what about you, satchel-mouth?
212
00:09:09,094 --> 00:09:10,212
This is my cell.
213
00:09:10,522 --> 00:09:13,235
You find that burger,
you call me day or night.
214
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:15,038
Okay, Regis, we will, we will.
215
00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:17,094
All right, so what are you waiting for?
Get out and find the burger!
216
00:09:17,151 --> 00:09:18,644
- All right, all right.
- Let's go, all of you!
217
00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:22,664
That's where my story ends.
218
00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:26,701
Now I'm doomed to walk the earth
forever searching for that green door
219
00:09:27,237 --> 00:09:29,631
and that red neon sign
that says "Burger."
220
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,531
Green door, red neon sign
that says "Burger?"
221
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,770
- Yeah.
- I know that place.
222
00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:36,887
I've walked by it a million times.
It's on West 12th, right off of 7th.
223
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,127
I knew it was on a numbered street!
224
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,657
- Finally.
- No! Robin!
225
00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:44,648
If any of us is gonna eat
a burger tonight,
226
00:09:44,732 --> 00:09:46,695
it's gonna be the best burger
in New York.
227
00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:48,535
We're going downtown!
228
00:09:55,914 --> 00:09:58,392
I cannot believe
we're finally gonna have this burger.
229
00:09:58,561 --> 00:10:00,458
Honey, I'm so excited for you.
230
00:10:00,693 --> 00:10:02,070
After all these interviews,
231
00:10:02,175 --> 00:10:03,783
after all these disappointments,
232
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:06,364
you deserve a triumphant
mouth full of meat.
233
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,430
You know what else is a mouthful?
234
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,899
All that double-talk other banks
give you.
235
00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:14,336
At Goliath, customer satisfaction
is our most important investment.
236
00:10:14,861 --> 00:10:18,476
Barney, I hate to break this to you,
but working for a bank's kind of lame.
237
00:10:18,598 --> 00:10:19,349
Oh, yeah.
238
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,260
How lame is free automatic bill pay,
Lil?
239
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:25,340
How lame is 3. 3% APY online savings?
240
00:10:25,574 --> 00:10:27,092
Yeah! That's right.
241
00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:28,529
Hate to make you look stupid
242
00:10:28,604 --> 00:10:30,848
in front of your friends,
but you left me no choice.
243
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,144
We should probably call Regis.
244
00:10:34,407 --> 00:10:37,311
Reg... Oh, that guy scares me.
245
00:10:37,509 --> 00:10:38,767
I think I'll leave him a text.
246
00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:41,349
Now, Kathy, your last flip was heads.
247
00:10:41,678 --> 00:10:43,020
The one before that was tails.
248
00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:44,259
You polled the audience,
249
00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,430
they came out split,
50/50.
250
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,730
No help at all there.
251
00:10:48,265 --> 00:10:52,725
So, for $258,000...
252
00:10:53,063 --> 00:10:54,575
I have to ask you, Kathy,
253
00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:56,038
what's it gonna be,
254
00:10:56,196 --> 00:10:58,796
heads... or...
255
00:11:00,151 --> 00:11:01,090
Excuse me.
256
00:11:01,968 --> 00:11:05,526
Oh, boy. I-I've got to go.
I've got to go!
257
00:11:07,618 --> 00:11:11,449
Green door, red neon sign.
Guys, this is the place.
258
00:11:12,115 --> 00:11:14,181
No, I've actually, I've actually...
I prepared a few words.
259
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:15,364
I will eat your hand.
260
00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:17,572
All right, well,
let's just go inside then. Shall we?
261
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,589
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
262
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:20,793
Yours will be right out.
263
00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:25,578
Please, go ahead, start.
264
00:11:26,712 --> 00:11:28,412
- Just shut up and eat.
- All right.
265
00:11:32,355 --> 00:11:33,088
Oh, my God.
266
00:11:33,689 --> 00:11:35,231
I'm never brushing my teeth again
267
00:11:35,832 --> 00:11:37,888
unless it's with a toothbrush made
from this burger.
268
00:11:39,203 --> 00:11:42,029
I think I just had my first burg-asm.
269
00:11:43,081 --> 00:11:44,131
I want...
270
00:11:44,817 --> 00:11:46,807
to take this burger out to dinner,
271
00:11:47,342 --> 00:11:48,770
then maybe a movie,
272
00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:51,014
then take it back to my place,
273
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,706
put on a little Terence Trent D'arby,
and then I would just...
274
00:11:55,419 --> 00:11:56,640
fool around a little bit.
275
00:11:57,006 --> 00:11:59,110
Nothing serious...
just take it slow, you know?
276
00:12:00,405 --> 00:12:01,872
- This isn't it.
- What?
277
00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,440
It's not it.
278
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,938
Okay, Marshall, you might not want
to hear this, but...
279
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,151
is it at all possible this is the same
burger you had eight years ago,
280
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,789
only it could never live up
to your ridiculously high expectations?
281
00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:13,293
I mean, it is just a burger.
282
00:12:13,368 --> 00:12:14,330
Just a burger?
283
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:16,996
Just a burger?
284
00:12:17,916 --> 00:12:21,578
Robin, it's so much more
than just a burger.
285
00:12:22,179 --> 00:12:25,204
I, I mean, that first bite...
286
00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:28,387
Oh, what heaven that first bite is.
287
00:12:28,763 --> 00:12:31,574
The bun, like a sesame freckled,
288
00:12:31,674 --> 00:12:34,164
breast of an angel,
resting gently on
289
00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:35,611
the ketchup and mustard below.
290
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:38,906
Flavors mingling in a seductive
pas de deux.
291
00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:40,484
And then...
292
00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:43,311
a pickle...
293
00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:47,460
the most playful little pickle,
294
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,031
and then a slice of tomato,
295
00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:51,483
a leaf of lettuce, and a,
296
00:12:51,783 --> 00:12:54,709
a patty of ground beef so...
297
00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:56,745
exquisite...
298
00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:58,902
swirling in your mouth,
299
00:12:58,968 --> 00:13:00,947
breaking apart and combining again
300
00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,898
in a fugue of sweets and savories so...
301
00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:06,001
delightful.
302
00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:09,814
This is no mere sandwich
of grilled meat
303
00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:11,276
and toasted bread, Robin.
304
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,496
This is God...
305
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:16,520
speaking to us through food.
306
00:13:18,205 --> 00:13:21,024
And you got our wedding vows
off the Internet.
307
00:13:22,255 --> 00:13:25,766
Okay... look, so, so this,
this isn't the place.
308
00:13:25,954 --> 00:13:27,050
All right, it's no big deal.
309
00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:29,096
It's another place
with a green door
310
00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:31,235
and a red neon sign that says "Burger."
311
00:13:31,487 --> 00:13:33,882
I'll just... I'll call every restaurant
in Manhattan
312
00:13:33,957 --> 00:13:36,502
and ask 'em what color their door is.
313
00:13:36,962 --> 00:13:39,320
No big deal, right? Let's do this.
314
00:13:44,077 --> 00:13:47,570
I'm going to go out on a limb here
and say this isn't just about a burger.
315
00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:49,767
Marshall's not doing so well, guys.
316
00:13:49,889 --> 00:13:51,740
He really needs to get a job.
317
00:13:51,881 --> 00:13:53,289
Tell them about the underpants.
318
00:13:53,421 --> 00:13:54,914
What about the underpants?
319
00:13:56,538 --> 00:13:58,435
It started a couple of weeks ago.
320
00:13:59,383 --> 00:14:01,740
Heads! It's going to be heads.
321
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,662
It's almost usually heads.
322
00:14:04,704 --> 00:14:06,376
- Hey, baby.
- Hey...
323
00:14:07,719 --> 00:14:09,380
Did you put on pants today?
324
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:10,557
Nope.
325
00:14:12,545 --> 00:14:16,241
It was funny at first,
but then it became a daily thing.
326
00:14:16,457 --> 00:14:19,631
I thought, "Okay, well, at least
he's not leaving the house like that."
327
00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:23,395
Then, one day, he opened the door
to get the paper.
328
00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:27,648
Day after that,
went downstairs to get the mail.
329
00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:30,512
Everyone's got an underpants radius.
330
00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:34,055
For most of us, it's the distance
from the bedroom to the bathroom,
331
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,975
but as your self esteem gets smaller,
332
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,839
your underpants radius gets bigger.
333
00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:42,798
How big is Marshall's
underpants radius?
334
00:14:44,141 --> 00:14:45,221
We're going.
335
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,715
Come on, Lily,
he'll find a job eventually.
336
00:14:54,222 --> 00:14:55,846
You know, Lil, when times are tough,
337
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,458
I like to remember the uplifting words
of my favorite song.
338
00:14:59,558 --> 00:15:03,189
We'll be on your side
when you need a friend
339
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:07,624
Through thick and thin
you can always depend
340
00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:12,950
On the world leaders
In credit and banking...
341
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:16,670
Goliath National Bank.
342
00:15:17,102 --> 00:15:18,127
Member FDIC.
343
00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:21,367
We've got to find Marshall that burger.
344
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:23,301
Lily, I think we're all
eating that burger.
345
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,494
I'm not eating that burger.
346
00:15:24,944 --> 00:15:28,015
No, if Marshall says this isn't
the burger, this isn't the burger.
347
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:28,840
Finally.
348
00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:29,839
- Excuse me.
- Yes.
349
00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:32,184
Did you guys change cooks or something?
350
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,223
Because my husband was here
five years ago,
351
00:15:34,287 --> 00:15:36,158
and he's pretty sure
he had a different burger.
352
00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:37,380
Yeah, we get this a lot.
353
00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:39,858
This place is modeled
after this other place uptown
354
00:15:39,952 --> 00:15:41,398
with the same green door
and "Burger" sign.
355
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,806
What? Uptown? Where?
356
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,088
106th and Manhattan Avenue.
357
00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:51,008
Damn it.
358
00:15:51,929 --> 00:15:55,037
106 a numbered street.
Of course.
359
00:15:57,053 --> 00:15:57,791
Barney Stinson.
360
00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:00,034
Barney, where the hell are you?
361
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,259
I'm sorry, this is...
362
00:16:02,353 --> 00:16:03,912
Regis. I'm at the place.
363
00:16:04,306 --> 00:16:05,890
Oh, Regis, of course.
364
00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:08,334
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I forgot to call you.
365
00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:09,184
That's not the place.
366
00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:11,320
The real place is on 106th
and Manhattan Avenue.
367
00:16:11,394 --> 00:16:12,340
We're headed there right now.
368
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:14,348
What? Uptown?
369
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,841
Fine, fine, I'll be there in 20.
370
00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:23,846
If you get there first, medium rare.
371
00:16:24,081 --> 00:16:25,489
- Onions?
- Onions?
372
00:16:25,696 --> 00:16:28,240
- Okay, no onions.
- Stop the cab!
373
00:16:32,981 --> 00:16:35,403
Wait.
This is it.
374
00:16:35,939 --> 00:16:37,507
Your search is over.
375
00:16:37,723 --> 00:16:41,330
- We got girls taking off their clothes.
- This is it.
376
00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:54,116
One of 9,000 convenient locations.
377
00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:00,884
It was ri...
it was right here.
378
00:17:01,128 --> 00:17:03,815
It was,
it was right on this very spot.
379
00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:06,332
I don't understand.
Where is the burger place?
380
00:17:06,576 --> 00:17:07,891
It's not a burger place anymore,
it's a...
381
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:09,272
Goliath National Bank ATM.
382
00:17:09,365 --> 00:17:11,360
Well, that's fine.
Let's just eat here.
383
00:17:12,042 --> 00:17:14,014
We can't eat here.
It's an ATM.
384
00:17:14,455 --> 00:17:15,939
But, food.
385
00:17:17,554 --> 00:17:18,474
Hey, what the...?
386
00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:21,065
This is your fault,
you and your stupid bank.
387
00:17:21,263 --> 00:17:22,974
- You did this.
- It's not my... stop, okay.
388
00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:24,908
Stop that, Lily.
389
00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:28,223
I will never use a
Goliath ATM ever again.
390
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:30,664
Goliath National Bank sucks.
391
00:17:30,748 --> 00:17:33,353
It's the worst bank on
the face of the earth.
392
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:37,578
Attention, New Yorkers,
this bank sucks! They suck!
393
00:17:38,254 --> 00:17:40,583
- Marshall, will you just tell her already?
- They suck, suck, suck!
394
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:42,209
Tell me what?
395
00:17:44,415 --> 00:17:45,326
Tell me what?
396
00:17:46,162 --> 00:17:47,157
I got a job.
397
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,988
What? Where?
398
00:17:50,096 --> 00:17:51,467
Goliath National Bank.
399
00:17:52,227 --> 00:17:54,772
That's why Barney's been going on and
on about how, how great Goliath is.
400
00:17:54,857 --> 00:17:56,227
He wanted you
to be excited for me since
401
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,115
we're going
to be working there together.
402
00:17:58,350 --> 00:18:00,246
Well, technically not together.
403
00:18:00,368 --> 00:18:02,378
You won't have access to my floor.
404
00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:06,347
But you want to be
an environmental lawyer.
405
00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:08,685
Yeah, you know, and I also want to be
a Harlem Globetrotter
406
00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:10,084
and get paid in candy, but...
407
00:18:10,629 --> 00:18:14,985
in the meantime, I need a job, and
this is, this is a really good one.
408
00:18:15,239 --> 00:18:18,114
It's great pay
and there's good benefits,
409
00:18:18,149 --> 00:18:20,161
and to be honest,
410
00:18:20,816 --> 00:18:22,816
it gives me a reason
to put on pants in the morning.
411
00:18:23,539 --> 00:18:26,023
You know, I have my whole life
to save the planet, but right now,
412
00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:28,502
I'm kind of really excited
to wear pants again.
413
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,746
You've got great pants.
414
00:18:31,966 --> 00:18:33,957
- I love you.
- I love you.
415
00:18:35,046 --> 00:18:36,087
Robin, no.
416
00:18:36,294 --> 00:18:37,569
- They're unopened.
- Give it.
417
00:18:37,711 --> 00:18:39,270
- They're barbecue.
- Give it!
418
00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:42,012
I'm sorry you didn't get your burger.
419
00:18:42,726 --> 00:18:43,542
It's stupid.
420
00:18:43,608 --> 00:18:46,078
I think about that first week
in New York. You know?
421
00:18:46,308 --> 00:18:47,848
I was 22 years old.
422
00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:50,270
I had my whole future ahead of me.
423
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,850
I guess I just kind of thought that if
I could have that burger one more time
424
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,921
and feel that way for one more night,
425
00:18:57,259 --> 00:18:58,921
that I might be able
to check that off the list,
426
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,209
and grow up,
427
00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:03,319
go work for the stupid bank,
and just...
428
00:19:03,454 --> 00:19:04,291
be happy.
429
00:19:05,204 --> 00:19:06,706
You know, that burger place isn't gone.
430
00:19:06,988 --> 00:19:08,659
It just moved to a new location.
431
00:19:09,486 --> 00:19:11,974
And I can tell you where that is
for a hundred bucks.
432
00:19:12,162 --> 00:19:14,444
A hundred bucks?
That's crazy.
433
00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:17,232
Let's pay the man.
434
00:19:17,430 --> 00:19:19,167
- I paid for the cab.
- I don't have any cash.
435
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,387
I haven't worked since March.
436
00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:23,512
Wow, if only there were an easy,
437
00:19:23,605 --> 00:19:26,967
convenient way
to get some cash right now.
438
00:19:36,114 --> 00:19:37,428
Member FDIC.
439
00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:41,805
So we paid the guy,
and 20 minutes later...
440
00:19:43,364 --> 00:19:44,885
All right, Marshall, remember.
441
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:46,341
It might not taste as good.
442
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:49,195
This place has changed, you've changed,
New York has changed.
443
00:19:49,402 --> 00:19:52,308
Just... don't get your hopes up
too high, okay?
444
00:20:02,738 --> 00:20:04,541
- This is it.
- Yes!
445
00:20:05,292 --> 00:20:06,503
It's exactly the same.
446
00:20:07,048 --> 00:20:08,841
It's the best burger in New York.
447
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,907
Go ahead, eat up, eat up.
448
00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:13,625
And so, after finally tasting again
449
00:20:13,725 --> 00:20:16,091
the burger he'd craved
for so many years,
450
00:20:16,268 --> 00:20:17,752
Marshall got up the next morning,
451
00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:20,466
put on some pants,
and went to work,
452
00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:23,043
and he never looked back.
453
00:20:27,551 --> 00:20:30,330
I want to get tiny fitted sheets
for this burger,
454
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:35,193
and just crawl into this bun,
get all cozy, and die there.
455
00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:39,587
Oh, my God.
I just want you inside of me.
456
00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,329
This feels so good.
457
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,183
I'm worried
I'm gonna get this burger pregnant.
458
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,634
If he does get that burger pregnant,
459
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,704
I have dibs
on the delicious burger babies.
460
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,696
- This isn't it.
- What?
461
00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:56,546
No, Regis Philbin. Come on.
462
00:20:56,687 --> 00:20:59,522
That's outrageous.
That is unbelievable.
463
00:21:00,846 --> 00:21:03,838
Wait. This is it, yes!
464
00:21:04,739 --> 00:21:07,331
You were just freakin'
teasing us, Philbin.
34538
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