1 00:00:00,842 --> 00:00:02,711 Kids, when I first moved to New York, 2 00:00:02,811 --> 00:00:04,669 it was dingy, disgusting, 3 00:00:04,769 --> 00:00:06,195 dirty, ugly, 4 00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:07,637 flea-ridden, stinky 5 00:00:07,737 --> 00:00:09,963 and all together, terrifying. 6 00:00:10,212 --> 00:00:10,976 But then, 7 00:00:11,076 --> 00:00:12,028 sadly... 8 00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:14,013 the whole city started to go... 9 00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:14,961 uphill. 10 00:00:15,895 --> 00:00:17,240 The streets got a little cleaner, 11 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:18,637 the rents got a little higher, 12 00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:19,922 and one by one, 13 00:00:20,022 --> 00:00:21,480 the crappy old places we loved 14 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,378 began to disappear. 15 00:00:23,478 --> 00:00:25,881 The Elbow Room, an old punk rock club, 16 00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:27,682 became a drugstore; 17 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,529 McHale's, a working-class watering hole, 18 00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:32,553 became a fast-food place; 19 00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:35,555 and Fez, this awesome lounge in 95th in Broadway, 20 00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:37,174 became a bank. 21 00:00:37,274 --> 00:00:38,407 And not just any bank. 22 00:00:38,662 --> 00:00:40,749 Goliath National Bank. 23 00:00:40,849 --> 00:00:43,082 The world leader in credit and banking. 24 00:00:43,228 --> 00:00:45,853 God, I love Goliath National Bank! 25 00:00:46,582 --> 00:00:49,045 Okay, first of all, you look like the last pick in the draft. 26 00:00:49,364 --> 00:00:51,706 And... second, why are you so excited about some bank? 27 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,769 Our company just bought them out in a ruthless takeover. 28 00:00:54,869 --> 00:00:58,607 Took two months. Cost 2,000 jobs. 29 00:00:58,972 --> 00:01:00,385 It was brutal. 30 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:02,426 Who wants a T-shirt? 31 00:01:03,474 --> 00:01:06,072 Hey, Marshall, they're hiring in the legal department. 32 00:01:06,263 --> 00:01:07,317 I could get you a job. 33 00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:10,908 Barney, Marshall didn't quit his last soul-sucking corporate job 34 00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:12,229 just to go work at a bank. 35 00:01:12,575 --> 00:01:14,790 He's gonna be an environmental lawyer. 36 00:01:15,146 --> 00:01:16,643 That was the plan, anyway. 37 00:01:16,862 --> 00:01:19,451 Over the next few weeks, Marshall went on a lot of interviews. 38 00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:20,908 You are confident, 39 00:01:21,078 --> 00:01:22,789 you are energetic, 40 00:01:22,889 --> 00:01:24,464 you are focused! 41 00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:26,029 A lot of interviews. 42 00:01:26,257 --> 00:01:28,153 You are flexible on salary, 43 00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:30,370 you're willing to compromise, 44 00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:32,737 you're not gonna cry this time. 45 00:01:33,439 --> 00:01:34,735 Too many interviews. 46 00:01:34,876 --> 00:01:36,145 You are sad, 47 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:38,399 you are beaten down, 48 00:01:38,568 --> 00:01:40,136 you will get through this, 49 00:01:40,236 --> 00:01:41,457 come home, 50 00:01:41,557 --> 00:01:43,328 get in your big underpants 51 00:01:43,428 --> 00:01:44,893 and take a nap. 52 00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:48,371 Which brings us to September 29, 53 00:01:48,471 --> 00:01:50,219 the night of the burger. 54 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,169 So... what do you guys want to do for dinner? 55 00:01:52,948 --> 00:01:53,878 We just got a new cook. 56 00:01:53,953 --> 00:01:55,859 You have to try the burger... it's amazing. 57 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,570 Oh, great... we'll take five of those. 58 00:01:57,710 --> 00:01:58,471 Five burgers. 59 00:01:58,621 --> 00:02:00,668 Whoa... really? You... want to eat here? 60 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,682 Yeah, I'm freaking starving. I just finished a seven-day cleanse. 61 00:02:03,869 --> 00:02:05,156 I thought you just started that yesterday. 62 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,696 I finished early, okay? 63 00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:08,965 - Five of those. - Five burgers. 64 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,805 Whoa... wait. What about sushi? 65 00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:12,870 - We had sushi last night. - Italian. 66 00:02:12,955 --> 00:02:13,941 I had Italian for lunch. 67 00:02:14,026 --> 00:02:15,970 - I can come back. - No. We always do this. 68 00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:17,970 We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, 69 00:02:18,035 --> 00:02:19,618 and then we end up eating here anyway. 70 00:02:19,693 --> 00:02:21,373 I haven't eaten for two days. 71 00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:25,355 Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now? 72 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:28,491 Chinese? 73 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,269 I don't like Chinese. 74 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,141 Indian? 75 00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:33,114 I just said I don't like Chinese. 76 00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:34,419 Indian isn't Chinese. 77 00:02:34,729 --> 00:02:36,598 Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. 78 00:02:36,682 --> 00:02:37,987 Why are we splitting hairs? 79 00:02:39,011 --> 00:02:39,753 Mexican? 80 00:02:40,128 --> 00:02:41,889 I just said I don't like Chinese. 81 00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:43,324 Oh, God. 82 00:02:43,614 --> 00:02:46,759 Traduction : MiniBen314, Eomyn, Kabaka, Spiff94 83 00:02:46,891 --> 00:02:48,534 Synchro : Mickeyte 84 00:02:48,647 --> 00:02:50,910 Relecture : MiniBen314 Transcript : www.shooter.cn 85 00:02:50,985 --> 00:02:54,168 How I Met Your Mother 4x02 - The Best Burger In New York 86 00:02:54,224 --> 00:02:56,365 par la "Have You Met Team" pour www.forom.com 87 00:02:56,632 --> 00:02:57,384 one hour later 88 00:02:57,484 --> 00:02:59,190 Robin, yours will be right out. 89 00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:02,232 Of course, mine comes last. 90 00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:06,439 Go ahead, start without me. 91 00:03:06,608 --> 00:03:09,265 - Sweet! - That's so kind of you. 92 00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:14,851 Oh, my God. 93 00:03:15,218 --> 00:03:16,974 This burger is so good. 94 00:03:17,358 --> 00:03:20,710 It's like Christmas in my mouth... meat Christmas. 95 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,358 It's like an angel from heaven 96 00:03:23,710 --> 00:03:25,621 landed in the kitchen at MacLaren's. 97 00:03:26,189 --> 00:03:28,886 Where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder. 98 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,584 I love this burger so much, 99 00:03:31,684 --> 00:03:33,713 I want to sew my ass shut. 100 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:36,680 It's okay. 101 00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:39,153 - Are you kidding me? - Guys, guys, guys. 102 00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,538 When you've had the best burger in New York City, 103 00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:44,421 every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. 104 00:03:44,627 --> 00:03:47,621 But you guys eat up, enjoy, my grandpa's feet. 105 00:03:48,006 --> 00:03:50,348 And you've had the best burger in New York. 106 00:03:51,653 --> 00:03:53,319 It was eight years ago, 107 00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:55,234 my first week in New York, 108 00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:56,897 and for a kid from Minnesota, 109 00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:59,620 the big city was a scary place. 110 00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,010 Thank God it's just you. 111 00:04:06,198 --> 00:04:08,020 You are being ridiculous. 112 00:04:08,329 --> 00:04:10,592 - Tell me you left the apartment today. - Why would I have to leave? 113 00:04:10,692 --> 00:04:13,794 I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. 114 00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:16,575 Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? 115 00:04:17,014 --> 00:04:18,091 It's, it's disgusting. 116 00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:20,443 Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. 117 00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:21,852 You are not gonna get mugged. 118 00:04:22,105 --> 00:04:24,464 Well, what if I do, Ted, all right? I don't have a switchblade. 119 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,219 I don't, I don't know how to, how to break-dance 120 00:04:26,285 --> 00:04:28,144 and win the begrudging respect of a street gang. 121 00:04:28,271 --> 00:04:30,365 That's it, you're taking a walk. Come on, go. 122 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,403 No. Look, the old lady in a bikini is back on. 123 00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,181 I'm just gonna lie back and get comfortable. 124 00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:36,209 Go! Go outside, go, go. 125 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:37,249 Okay. 126 00:04:41,230 --> 00:04:43,680 - Leave the bat. - Fine. 127 00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:47,148 So I went for a walk in the big, scary city. 128 00:04:47,571 --> 00:04:48,946 And I discovered something amazing, 129 00:04:49,545 --> 00:04:50,877 it wasn't scary at all. 130 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:51,993 All right. 131 00:04:52,951 --> 00:04:54,190 What's the word? 132 00:04:55,158 --> 00:04:57,015 Your search is over! 133 00:04:57,203 --> 00:05:00,082 And then, right when I started to get a little hungry, 134 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,636 I turned a corner... 135 00:05:04,245 --> 00:05:05,485 and there it was. 136 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,508 The tiniest little burger joint you ever saw, 137 00:05:08,752 --> 00:05:11,381 tucked between a taxidermist and a triple-X bookstore. 138 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:14,930 Name two places where things get stuffed. 139 00:05:15,954 --> 00:05:18,129 So, I went inside. 140 00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,237 And I ordered... the burger. 141 00:05:22,251 --> 00:05:23,218 Thank you. 142 00:06:05,523 --> 00:06:07,532 Ted. Ted, you got to wake up. Ted, wake... 143 00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:12,408 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? 144 00:06:12,511 --> 00:06:13,300 I'm all right. 145 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:18,414 Ted. Ted, I've just had the most amazing burger of my life! 146 00:06:18,484 --> 00:06:20,954 It's this awesome little place, Regis Philbin eats there, 147 00:06:21,019 --> 00:06:22,520 so it's sort of like a celebrity hot spot. 148 00:06:22,606 --> 00:06:25,038 But the burger, Ted. The burger. 149 00:06:25,188 --> 00:06:27,455 Dude. I want one of those burgers right now! 150 00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:28,844 Do you think they're still open? 151 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,253 I don't know. Does stuff in New York stay open past... 9:30? 152 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,957 So we went out to get another burger. 153 00:06:35,239 --> 00:06:36,752 But after hours of searching... 154 00:06:37,011 --> 00:06:39,086 Damn it! Where is this place? 155 00:06:39,612 --> 00:06:40,410 You couldn't find it? 156 00:06:40,541 --> 00:06:41,630 We didn't know our way around. 157 00:06:41,715 --> 00:06:43,048 Just getting back to the apartment took us 158 00:06:43,114 --> 00:06:45,292 three hours and one very helpful drag queen. 159 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,217 Wait, Betty Noir was a drag queen? 160 00:06:48,869 --> 00:06:50,203 Well, where do you think it was? 161 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,902 Probably tucked between her legs. 162 00:06:54,015 --> 00:06:55,029 You know what's not a drag? 163 00:06:55,339 --> 00:06:57,482 Getting a home equity loan at Goliath National Bank. 164 00:06:57,735 --> 00:06:58,533 I'm just saying. 165 00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:01,529 Anyways... we never found the place. 166 00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:03,848 Now, eight years have passed, still... 167 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,194 no burger. 168 00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:09,818 I couldn't help but overhear. 169 00:07:10,175 --> 00:07:11,734 Okay, here we go. 170 00:07:12,053 --> 00:07:13,208 I know the place you're talking about. 171 00:07:13,293 --> 00:07:14,401 No, you don't. 172 00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:16,645 It's a place called the Corner Bistro. 173 00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:18,236 Great burger. 174 00:07:18,452 --> 00:07:21,504 Oh, the Corner Bistro! 175 00:07:22,245 --> 00:07:24,011 It's amazing, I spent a quarter of my life 176 00:07:24,114 --> 00:07:25,863 searching for the best burger in New York City, 177 00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,633 but silly me, it never occurred to me 178 00:07:28,717 --> 00:07:31,384 to check the highest-rated burger in the Zagat guide. 179 00:07:31,478 --> 00:07:33,093 Wow, thanks a lot, guy. 180 00:07:33,271 --> 00:07:34,323 Let me return the favor. 181 00:07:35,102 --> 00:07:36,534 Great cup of coffee, 182 00:07:37,744 --> 00:07:38,723 Starbucks. 183 00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:45,168 So I take it you've tried the Corner Bistro. 184 00:07:46,751 --> 00:07:48,901 I've tried every so-called best burger 185 00:07:48,995 --> 00:07:51,155 in New York City trying to find that burger. 186 00:07:52,826 --> 00:07:54,300 Or at least forget about her. 187 00:08:11,766 --> 00:08:12,799 We're going. 188 00:08:14,357 --> 00:08:16,357 But none of those places even came close. 189 00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:18,960 Hey, there was that one time we thought we had a break in the case, remember? 190 00:08:19,912 --> 00:08:20,694 Get this. 191 00:08:20,772 --> 00:08:21,890 You know who works out at my gym? 192 00:08:22,265 --> 00:08:23,336 Regis Philbin. 193 00:08:24,190 --> 00:08:25,383 The autographed picture. 194 00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:27,703 Of course I remember the place. 195 00:08:28,013 --> 00:08:29,863 It was the best burger I ever had. 196 00:08:30,304 --> 00:08:32,492 I still have dreams about this burger. 197 00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:34,773 Beautiful, haunting dreams! 198 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:39,517 I wake up at night screaming, "Get out of my head, burger! Get out!" 199 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,959 That's the one, Mr. Philbin. 200 00:08:41,109 --> 00:08:42,020 Do you remember where it is? 201 00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:43,898 No! I never wrote it down. 202 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:47,796 But not a day goes by that I don't regret it. 203 00:08:48,369 --> 00:08:49,993 Why? Why? Do you know where it is? 204 00:08:50,253 --> 00:08:52,300 And if you tell me it's at the Corner Bistro, 205 00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:53,830 I'm gonna smack you right in the face! 206 00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:55,220 We don't, we don't know where it is. 207 00:08:55,304 --> 00:08:57,633 Listen, Blondie! Don't mess with me! 208 00:08:58,159 --> 00:08:59,804 Daddy needs his meat. 209 00:08:59,861 --> 00:09:02,142 I don't know where it is, Regis, I swear! 210 00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:04,650 What about you, Lurch? 211 00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,119 And what about you, satchel-mouth? 212 00:09:09,094 --> 00:09:10,212 This is my cell. 213 00:09:10,522 --> 00:09:13,235 You find that burger, you call me day or night. 214 00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:15,038 Okay, Regis, we will, we will. 215 00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:17,094 All right, so what are you waiting for? Get out and find the burger! 216 00:09:17,151 --> 00:09:18,644 - All right, all right. - Let's go, all of you! 217 00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:22,664 That's where my story ends. 218 00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:26,701 Now I'm doomed to walk the earth forever searching for that green door 219 00:09:27,237 --> 00:09:29,631 and that red neon sign that says "Burger." 220 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,531 Green door, red neon sign that says "Burger?" 221 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,770 - Yeah. - I know that place. 222 00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:36,887 I've walked by it a million times. It's on West 12th, right off of 7th. 223 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,127 I knew it was on a numbered street! 224 00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,657 - Finally. - No! Robin! 225 00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:44,648 If any of us is gonna eat a burger tonight, 226 00:09:44,732 --> 00:09:46,695 it's gonna be the best burger in New York. 227 00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:48,535 We're going downtown! 228 00:09:55,914 --> 00:09:58,392 I cannot believe we're finally gonna have this burger. 229 00:09:58,561 --> 00:10:00,458 Honey, I'm so excited for you. 230 00:10:00,693 --> 00:10:02,070 After all these interviews, 231 00:10:02,175 --> 00:10:03,783 after all these disappointments, 232 00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:06,364 you deserve a triumphant mouth full of meat. 233 00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,430 You know what else is a mouthful? 234 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,899 All that double-talk other banks give you. 235 00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:14,336 At Goliath, customer satisfaction is our most important investment. 236 00:10:14,861 --> 00:10:18,476 Barney, I hate to break this to you, but working for a bank's kind of lame. 237 00:10:18,598 --> 00:10:19,349 Oh, yeah. 238 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,260 How lame is free automatic bill pay, Lil? 239 00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:25,340 How lame is 3. 3% APY online savings? 240 00:10:25,574 --> 00:10:27,092 Yeah! That's right. 241 00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:28,529 Hate to make you look stupid 242 00:10:28,604 --> 00:10:30,848 in front of your friends, but you left me no choice. 243 00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,144 We should probably call Regis. 244 00:10:34,407 --> 00:10:37,311 Reg... Oh, that guy scares me. 245 00:10:37,509 --> 00:10:38,767 I think I'll leave him a text. 246 00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:41,349 Now, Kathy, your last flip was heads. 247 00:10:41,678 --> 00:10:43,020 The one before that was tails. 248 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:44,259 You polled the audience, 249 00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,430 they came out split, 50/50. 250 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,730 No help at all there. 251 00:10:48,265 --> 00:10:52,725 So, for $258,000... 252 00:10:53,063 --> 00:10:54,575 I have to ask you, Kathy, 253 00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:56,038 what's it gonna be, 254 00:10:56,196 --> 00:10:58,796 heads... or... 255 00:11:00,151 --> 00:11:01,090 Excuse me. 256 00:11:01,968 --> 00:11:05,526 Oh, boy. I-I've got to go. I've got to go! 257 00:11:07,618 --> 00:11:11,449 Green door, red neon sign. Guys, this is the place. 258 00:11:12,115 --> 00:11:14,181 No, I've actually, I've actually... I prepared a few words. 259 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:15,364 I will eat your hand. 260 00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:17,572 All right, well, let's just go inside then. Shall we? 261 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,589 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 262 00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:20,793 Yours will be right out. 263 00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:25,578 Please, go ahead, start. 264 00:11:26,712 --> 00:11:28,412 - Just shut up and eat. - All right. 265 00:11:32,355 --> 00:11:33,088 Oh, my God. 266 00:11:33,689 --> 00:11:35,231 I'm never brushing my teeth again 267 00:11:35,832 --> 00:11:37,888 unless it's with a toothbrush made from this burger. 268 00:11:39,203 --> 00:11:42,029 I think I just had my first burg-asm. 269 00:11:43,081 --> 00:11:44,131 I want... 270 00:11:44,817 --> 00:11:46,807 to take this burger out to dinner, 271 00:11:47,342 --> 00:11:48,770 then maybe a movie, 272 00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:51,014 then take it back to my place, 273 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,706 put on a little Terence Trent D'arby, and then I would just... 274 00:11:55,419 --> 00:11:56,640 fool around a little bit. 275 00:11:57,006 --> 00:11:59,110 Nothing serious... just take it slow, you know? 276 00:12:00,405 --> 00:12:01,872 - This isn't it. - What? 277 00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,440 It's not it. 278 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,938 Okay, Marshall, you might not want to hear this, but... 279 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,151 is it at all possible this is the same burger you had eight years ago, 280 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,789 only it could never live up to your ridiculously high expectations? 281 00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:13,293 I mean, it is just a burger. 282 00:12:13,368 --> 00:12:14,330 Just a burger? 283 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:16,996 Just a burger? 284 00:12:17,916 --> 00:12:21,578 Robin, it's so much more than just a burger. 285 00:12:22,179 --> 00:12:25,204 I, I mean, that first bite... 286 00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:28,387 Oh, what heaven that first bite is. 287 00:12:28,763 --> 00:12:31,574 The bun, like a sesame freckled, 288 00:12:31,674 --> 00:12:34,164 breast of an angel, resting gently on 289 00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:35,611 the ketchup and mustard below. 290 00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:38,906 Flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. 291 00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:40,484 And then... 292 00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:43,311 a pickle... 293 00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:47,460 the most playful little pickle, 294 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,031 and then a slice of tomato, 295 00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:51,483 a leaf of lettuce, and a, 296 00:12:51,783 --> 00:12:54,709 a patty of ground beef so... 297 00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:56,745 exquisite... 298 00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:58,902 swirling in your mouth, 299 00:12:58,968 --> 00:13:00,947 breaking apart and combining again 300 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,898 in a fugue of sweets and savories so... 301 00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:06,001 delightful. 302 00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:09,814 This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat 303 00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:11,276 and toasted bread, Robin. 304 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,496 This is God... 305 00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:16,520 speaking to us through food. 306 00:13:18,205 --> 00:13:21,024 And you got our wedding vows off the Internet. 307 00:13:22,255 --> 00:13:25,766 Okay... look, so, so this, this isn't the place. 308 00:13:25,954 --> 00:13:27,050 All right, it's no big deal. 309 00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:29,096 It's another place with a green door 310 00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:31,235 and a red neon sign that says "Burger." 311 00:13:31,487 --> 00:13:33,882 I'll just... I'll call every restaurant in Manhattan 312 00:13:33,957 --> 00:13:36,502 and ask 'em what color their door is. 313 00:13:36,962 --> 00:13:39,320 No big deal, right? Let's do this. 314 00:13:44,077 --> 00:13:47,570 I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just about a burger. 315 00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:49,767 Marshall's not doing so well, guys. 316 00:13:49,889 --> 00:13:51,740 He really needs to get a job. 317 00:13:51,881 --> 00:13:53,289 Tell them about the underpants. 318 00:13:53,421 --> 00:13:54,914 What about the underpants? 319 00:13:56,538 --> 00:13:58,435 It started a couple of weeks ago. 320 00:13:59,383 --> 00:14:01,740 Heads! It's going to be heads. 321 00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,662 It's almost usually heads. 322 00:14:04,704 --> 00:14:06,376 - Hey, baby. - Hey... 323 00:14:07,719 --> 00:14:09,380 Did you put on pants today? 324 00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:10,557 Nope. 325 00:14:12,545 --> 00:14:16,241 It was funny at first, but then it became a daily thing. 326 00:14:16,457 --> 00:14:19,631 I thought, "Okay, well, at least he's not leaving the house like that." 327 00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:23,395 Then, one day, he opened the door to get the paper. 328 00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:27,648 Day after that, went downstairs to get the mail. 329 00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:30,512 Everyone's got an underpants radius. 330 00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:34,055 For most of us, it's the distance from the bedroom to the bathroom, 331 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,975 but as your self esteem gets smaller, 332 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,839 your underpants radius gets bigger. 333 00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:42,798 How big is Marshall's underpants radius? 334 00:14:44,141 --> 00:14:45,221 We're going. 335 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,715 Come on, Lily, he'll find a job eventually. 336 00:14:54,222 --> 00:14:55,846 You know, Lil, when times are tough, 337 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,458 I like to remember the uplifting words of my favorite song. 338 00:14:59,558 --> 00:15:03,189 We'll be on your side when you need a friend 339 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:07,624 Through thick and thin you can always depend 340 00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:12,950 On the world leaders In credit and banking... 341 00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:16,670 Goliath National Bank. 342 00:15:17,102 --> 00:15:18,127 Member FDIC. 343 00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:21,367 We've got to find Marshall that burger. 344 00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:23,301 Lily, I think we're all eating that burger. 345 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,494 I'm not eating that burger. 346 00:15:24,944 --> 00:15:28,015 No, if Marshall says this isn't the burger, this isn't the burger. 347 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:28,840 Finally. 348 00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:29,839 - Excuse me. - Yes. 349 00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:32,184 Did you guys change cooks or something? 350 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,223 Because my husband was here five years ago, 351 00:15:34,287 --> 00:15:36,158 and he's pretty sure he had a different burger. 352 00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:37,380 Yeah, we get this a lot. 353 00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:39,858 This place is modeled after this other place uptown 354 00:15:39,952 --> 00:15:41,398 with the same green door and "Burger" sign. 355 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,806 What? Uptown? Where? 356 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,088 106th and Manhattan Avenue. 357 00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:51,008 Damn it. 358 00:15:51,929 --> 00:15:55,037 106 a numbered street. Of course. 359 00:15:57,053 --> 00:15:57,791 Barney Stinson. 360 00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:00,034 Barney, where the hell are you? 361 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,259 I'm sorry, this is... 362 00:16:02,353 --> 00:16:03,912 Regis. I'm at the place. 363 00:16:04,306 --> 00:16:05,890 Oh, Regis, of course. 364 00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:08,334 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I forgot to call you. 365 00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:09,184 That's not the place. 366 00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:11,320 The real place is on 106th and Manhattan Avenue. 367 00:16:11,394 --> 00:16:12,340 We're headed there right now. 368 00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:14,348 What? Uptown? 369 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,841 Fine, fine, I'll be there in 20. 370 00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:23,846 If you get there first, medium rare. 371 00:16:24,081 --> 00:16:25,489 - Onions? - Onions? 372 00:16:25,696 --> 00:16:28,240 - Okay, no onions. - Stop the cab! 373 00:16:32,981 --> 00:16:35,403 Wait. This is it. 374 00:16:35,939 --> 00:16:37,507 Your search is over. 375 00:16:37,723 --> 00:16:41,330 - We got girls taking off their clothes. - This is it. 376 00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:54,116 One of 9,000 convenient locations. 377 00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:00,884 It was ri... it was right here. 378 00:17:01,128 --> 00:17:03,815 It was, it was right on this very spot. 379 00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:06,332 I don't understand. Where is the burger place? 380 00:17:06,576 --> 00:17:07,891 It's not a burger place anymore, it's a... 381 00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:09,272 Goliath National Bank ATM. 382 00:17:09,365 --> 00:17:11,360 Well, that's fine. Let's just eat here. 383 00:17:12,042 --> 00:17:14,014 We can't eat here. It's an ATM. 384 00:17:14,455 --> 00:17:15,939 But, food. 385 00:17:17,554 --> 00:17:18,474 Hey, what the...? 386 00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:21,065 This is your fault, you and your stupid bank. 387 00:17:21,263 --> 00:17:22,974 - You did this. - It's not my... stop, okay. 388 00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:24,908 Stop that, Lily. 389 00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:28,223 I will never use a Goliath ATM ever again. 390 00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:30,664 Goliath National Bank sucks. 391 00:17:30,748 --> 00:17:33,353 It's the worst bank on the face of the earth. 392 00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:37,578 Attention, New Yorkers, this bank sucks! They suck! 393 00:17:38,254 --> 00:17:40,583 - Marshall, will you just tell her already? - They suck, suck, suck! 394 00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:42,209 Tell me what? 395 00:17:44,415 --> 00:17:45,326 Tell me what? 396 00:17:46,162 --> 00:17:47,157 I got a job. 397 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,988 What? Where? 398 00:17:50,096 --> 00:17:51,467 Goliath National Bank. 399 00:17:52,227 --> 00:17:54,772 That's why Barney's been going on and on about how, how great Goliath is. 400 00:17:54,857 --> 00:17:56,227 He wanted you to be excited for me since 401 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,115 we're going to be working there together. 402 00:17:58,350 --> 00:18:00,246 Well, technically not together. 403 00:18:00,368 --> 00:18:02,378 You won't have access to my floor. 404 00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:06,347 But you want to be an environmental lawyer. 405 00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:08,685 Yeah, you know, and I also want to be a Harlem Globetrotter 406 00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:10,084 and get paid in candy, but... 407 00:18:10,629 --> 00:18:14,985 in the meantime, I need a job, and this is, this is a really good one. 408 00:18:15,239 --> 00:18:18,114 It's great pay and there's good benefits, 409 00:18:18,149 --> 00:18:20,161 and to be honest, 410 00:18:20,816 --> 00:18:22,816 it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. 411 00:18:23,539 --> 00:18:26,023 You know, I have my whole life to save the planet, but right now, 412 00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:28,502 I'm kind of really excited to wear pants again. 413 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,746 You've got great pants. 414 00:18:31,966 --> 00:18:33,957 - I love you. - I love you. 415 00:18:35,046 --> 00:18:36,087 Robin, no. 416 00:18:36,294 --> 00:18:37,569 - They're unopened. - Give it. 417 00:18:37,711 --> 00:18:39,270 - They're barbecue. - Give it! 418 00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:42,012 I'm sorry you didn't get your burger. 419 00:18:42,726 --> 00:18:43,542 It's stupid. 420 00:18:43,608 --> 00:18:46,078 I think about that first week in New York. You know? 421 00:18:46,308 --> 00:18:47,848 I was 22 years old. 422 00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:50,270 I had my whole future ahead of me. 423 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,850 I guess I just kind of thought that if I could have that burger one more time 424 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,921 and feel that way for one more night, 425 00:18:57,259 --> 00:18:58,921 that I might be able to check that off the list, 426 00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,209 and grow up, 427 00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:03,319 go work for the stupid bank, and just... 428 00:19:03,454 --> 00:19:04,291 be happy. 429 00:19:05,204 --> 00:19:06,706 You know, that burger place isn't gone. 430 00:19:06,988 --> 00:19:08,659 It just moved to a new location. 431 00:19:09,486 --> 00:19:11,974 And I can tell you where that is for a hundred bucks. 432 00:19:12,162 --> 00:19:14,444 A hundred bucks? That's crazy. 433 00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:17,232 Let's pay the man. 434 00:19:17,430 --> 00:19:19,167 - I paid for the cab. - I don't have any cash. 435 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,387 I haven't worked since March. 436 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:23,512 Wow, if only there were an easy, 437 00:19:23,605 --> 00:19:26,967 convenient way to get some cash right now. 438 00:19:36,114 --> 00:19:37,428 Member FDIC. 439 00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:41,805 So we paid the guy, and 20 minutes later... 440 00:19:43,364 --> 00:19:44,885 All right, Marshall, remember. 441 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:46,341 It might not taste as good. 442 00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:49,195 This place has changed, you've changed, New York has changed. 443 00:19:49,402 --> 00:19:52,308 Just... don't get your hopes up too high, okay? 444 00:20:02,738 --> 00:20:04,541 - This is it. - Yes! 445 00:20:05,292 --> 00:20:06,503 It's exactly the same. 446 00:20:07,048 --> 00:20:08,841 It's the best burger in New York. 447 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,907 Go ahead, eat up, eat up. 448 00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:13,625 And so, after finally tasting again 449 00:20:13,725 --> 00:20:16,091 the burger he'd craved for so many years, 450 00:20:16,268 --> 00:20:17,752 Marshall got up the next morning, 451 00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:20,466 put on some pants, and went to work, 452 00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:23,043 and he never looked back. 453 00:20:27,551 --> 00:20:30,330 I want to get tiny fitted sheets for this burger, 454 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:35,193 and just crawl into this bun, get all cozy, and die there. 455 00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:39,587 Oh, my God. I just want you inside of me. 456 00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,329 This feels so good. 457 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,183 I'm worried I'm gonna get this burger pregnant. 458 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,634 If he does get that burger pregnant, 459 00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,704 I have dibs on the delicious burger babies. 460 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,696 - This isn't it. - What? 461 00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:56,546 No, Regis Philbin. Come on. 462 00:20:56,687 --> 00:20:59,522 That's outrageous. That is unbelievable. 463 00:21:00,846 --> 00:21:03,838 Wait. This is it, yes! 464 00:21:04,739 --> 00:21:07,331 You were just freakin' teasing us, Philbin.