Original subtitles

It was almost time for Princeton to announce its decision,

and Devi was feeling eerily calm.

Maybe it was because she'd done

everything humanly possible to help her chances.

All right, boys, make us proud out there.

Or maybe it was because she'd matured a little.

Did you actually apply to Yale?

Her fight with Fabiola had been kind of a wake-up call about her temper.

And her letting go of Paxton

proved that she'd evolved beyond the desperate nerd she once was.

But maybe she was just calm

because she was distracted by something else.

You see, last week, this went down.

What are you doing?

Oh, baby.

This may not look like much to an adult,

but an unsolicited "what are you doing" text

at 11 p.m. from a boy was pretty loaded.

Especially a boy who hasn't texted you in almost a year.

Hmm.

And they'd been texting every day since.

Saw this and thought of you.

As a man who's signed his fair share of women's chests,

I know flirting when I see it.

Hmm.

And I see it right now in the kitchen.

Wait, was that an arm touch?

And a hair tuck?

Stop it.

A playful slap?

Holy shit, did Devi's mom have a crush on Margot's dad?

What the hell's going on here?

Devi drifted through the day in a daze,

trying to process the sight of her mom down bad

for that Property Brother-looking ass.

She assumed any minute she would go absolutely batshit

over her mom fraternizing with her enemy's kin.

But as the day wore on, no insane reaction came,

and Devi realized...

I think I'm cool with it.

Like, initially, I was kind of freaked out,

but I was thinking about it, and I feel like I wanna do...

What's that word opposite of sabotage?

You mean help?

Yes, that's it. I wanna help my mom get him.

You know, I just don't want her to be all alone after I'm gone next year.

I'm moving on to a cool new life and so should she.

I get it. My parents can't survive without each other.

It takes two of them to clip my dad into the Peloton.

I don't know what he's gonna do when we go look at colleges this weekend.

Oh. You're looking at other colleges?

Just to make sure Princeton's the best fit,

which it probably is.

So don't worry, we'll still be roomies. Oh, and also prom dates.

I was talking to Addison, and they'll be out of town for prom,

so I thought the three of us could go together.

Yes! I love that.

I mean, you two are the best relationship I've had in high school.

- So it's only fitting that we go together. - I know. Eleanor, are you in?

Huh? Uh...

I agree with Devi.

- She said something, right? - Eleanor, come on.

We're talking about prom.

We hardly ever get to see you now,

and when we do, you're always so distracted.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm just reading the script for the movie I'm working on tomorrow.

- Oh. - Did you get a line this time?

No, but I heard that one of the extras might get to be a corpse on the poster.

Well, that sounds cool.

So what about going to prom with us?

I mean, this is gonna be the last high school thing

that we get to do together.

I know, but my agent really wants me to network.

The producers on this movie I'm doing tomorrow night

are also the producers for the new marble movie.

Oh, you mean Marvel movie.

No, it's a movie about marbles.

But maybe they'll see me and think, "Hey, that corpse has something special."

So I just can't commit to prom right now.

Hmm.

Okay, Nirmala Mami, tomorrow we're taking care of you.

So what would you like to do for your birthday dinner?

Oh, I'm a simple woman. I don't need much,

just my family and loved ones,

and maybe a catered dinner from a Michelin-star restaurant.

- Wow, only that? - Yes.

But don't worry about dessert because Len is taking care of it.

Hmm.

Well, I'm off to call Verizon about a rebate.

There's no better way to end the day.

Everyone be warned, Len is definitely planning to bake a cake himself.

Kamala, how do you know that Len is planning to bake a cake by himself?

You're not still following him around, are you?

- Maybe? - Kamala.

Okay, well, you would follow him around too, if you saw what I saw.

Ooh, you mean when he was F-boying around with that Eurotrash thot?

Devi.

I don't know what you just said,

but I believe it is language I do not want in this house.

Let me talk to your cousin.

I swear he is hatching a plan with his mistress to steal Pati's money.

If Len were a con man,

you would have found something out, and you haven't.

But I just know that he's up to something.

And Pati's too trusting.

She writes back to every piece of spam that she gets.

How are you remotely keeping up with your research with all this going on?

I'm a little behind.

Come on. You really have to let this Len stuff go.

So Margot's dad has done quite a bit of work around the house.

It's almost as if once one project is done,

you happen to find another one for him.

What are you getting at, Devi?

I just wanted to let you know

that if you happen to have a crush on him, I'd be cool with it.

What? I'm a grown woman.

The only things I crush are garlic and the crossword.

Are you sure? I mean, I heard a lot of giggling this morning.

- Just admit it, you like him. - I do not.

Mom, you do, and you should ask him out.

For heaven's sake, Devi, I'm not gonna ask him out.

Just invite him to Pati's birthday dinner.

It's barely romantic. He'll probably end up finding her teeth in a napkin.

Come on, Mom. You know you want to.

- Fine. - Yay!

I guess it's not a horrible idea

to invite a nice man to a respectable family dinner.

Great. Okay, so should we text him now?

Chi. 9 p.m.

You think I'm some Jennifer Coolidge character?

I'll just talk to him in the morning.

- Okay. - Out.

Oh my God. Mom, he's here.

- Okay. - Mom, come here.

Wait, hold on. Devi, what are you... What are you doing?

We are playing to your strengths, Mom. Take it as a compliment.

And let those slut strands breathe.

Will you just get out of here? And... And don't listen, okay?

Hmm.

- Andres, hello. Hi. - Hi. Hi.

You look... Are you going somewhere?

No. No. I mean, yes, I... I gotta work.

Um...

But before I leave, I was just, um...

I was wondering what you were doing tonight.

Um, we're just having a birthday dinner for Nirmala,

and it is absolutely nothing fancy, but I was just, um...

May... Maybe you'd like to come?

Oh.

- I'd love to come to dinner. - Okay, good.

But... I'm not sure I should.

You know the situation with our daughters is... complicated,

and Margot understands me working here,

but I'm not sure if she'd be okay with anything more than that.

Mmm.

- I'm sorry. - Oh my goodness, it's okay.

It was a silly idea.

And with that, Devi knew she had to find a way to make up with Margot.

But how do you win over someone who detests you?

Probably by just being yourself...

Hey, girl. What's good?

- Uh, okay, sorry. Uh, let me start over. - What do you want, Devi?

I know we had our issues back in the fall,

but we're cool now, right?

No, I deeply hate you and think you're a bad person.

But what about your dad?

You love him, right?

Are you feeling okay?

Yeah. Yeah. Never better.

I just think that my mom and your dad might make a cute couple.

I doubt it.

My dad mostly dates, like, yoga teachers, aestheticians, flight attendants.

- You get what I'm saying. - Uh... My mom is very hot.

The greeter at Costco winks at her every time we go.

And I think that your dad would be into her

if he thought you and I were friends.

Well, we're definitely not friends,

and I don't really want my dad to date your mom.

But my mom isn't me.

She's a completely reasonable super smart doctor.

And when you go off to school,

do you want your dad to just be sad and lonely,

falling asleep every night on his La-Z-Boy?

I'll even throw in some In-N-Out to sweeten the deal.

Fine.

But I want a shake too.

Mmm.

Alrighty, sista...

No?

No.

Yo, Big Ben. Can I sit?

- Uh, sure. - Sweet.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Pardon my interruption, but why are you even doing homework anyway?

Didn't you get into some good school?

Yeah, but I still have to do my assignments.

- Why? - Because I have to.

If I let my grades slip, Columbia might take back my acceptance.

No, that's a myth.

- No, it's not. - Yeah, it is.

You think admissions officers

are double-checking the grades of over 1,000 kids?

No, they're on vacation, baby.

And you know who else needs a break?

You, my nerdy little homie.

I wouldn't even know what to do with a break.

I'm not, like, a chill person.

I can teach you how to chill.

And that's... I mean, that's everything.

- Is it? - Yeah.

See? Look at them.

What?

Margot?

What are you doing here?

I'm, uh... hanging out... hanging out with Devi.

What? Really?

Yup. We are friends now.

Mm-hmm.

And I was thinking maybe she could come to Pati's dinner tonight?

Oh my God, Mr. Ramos, you should come too.

Oh no, no. No, actually, he cannot come...

Actually, I... I'd love to.

Dude, send me that TikTok of the shark dancing on the stripper pole.

All right, everyone. Here you go.

Dinner is served.

Please dig in.

I'll take that.

Pati, Manish sent these for you. He apologizes for missing your dinner.

Ooh, Godiva Seashell Collection.

It will hurt to regift this one.

Thank you all for letting us join you this evening.

This is actually the longest job I've ever done.

Hmm.

But it's also been my favorite.

Uh, so, Devi and Margot, how did you two make up?

Ah...

Well, we realized that our little misunderstanding earlier

was just silly, you know?

Hmm.

Yeah, I... I also thought it was silly how I almost got kicked out of school,

so I just told Devi,

"Sure, I forgive you for being such a reckless psycho."

And that is how we are friends, and we both like it.

Len, it seems like someone's trying to call you. You should pick it up.

I don't wanna distract from Nirmy's special day,

so I'm gonna take it upstairs.

Wow. That is a real loud ringtone.

Ugh. Just be happy he changed it from "why you gotta be so rude?"

- No, that sucks. - Mm-hmm.

You know what? I also have to go upstairs.

To use the washroom.

You can hear everything downstairs.

IBS runs rampant in our family.

Oh.

Is everything all right?

I can't talk right now.

It's Nirmala's birthday dinner.

Of course you can't come here.

We gotta stick to the plan and wait till after the wedding,

or we're gonna blow it.

They're already getting suspicious.

Hello. Eleanor Wong.

Featured background. Shall I report to hair and makeup?

Uh... no, you can have a seat.

We'll call you when it's time to be laser-beamed to death by aliens.

Thank you.

Eleanor?

Mom?

Now, as you may remember, the last time Eleanor saw her mom,

she abandoned her and left her in shambles.

Since then, there had only been a few phone calls and texts between them.

Well, and also one invitation for Eleanor to be on Joyce's podcast,

The Joyce of Acting.

Wow. You're back in town.

I am.

Uh, for a minute.

I was just about to call you.

So how are you, sweetie?

Uh, I'm actually doing great.

I graduated early, and now I'm acting full-time.

Ooh, following in my footsteps.

But maybe now that you're acting professionally,

you'll see why I've done some of the things I've done.

You mean how you flaked on me my whole life?

Oh, honey.

I know I upset you the last time we saw each other,

and I am so sorry about that.

It's just that when you're an actor,

you don't have control of where or when you're gonna work next.

But if you stick to it long enough, you'll get your big break.

For instance, I booked my first national commercial last week.

I play "depressed woman at fun pool party."

Congratulations, Mom.

Hey, I need someone to be a corpse for our publicity stills.

I played dead three times in SVU.

As Eleanor saw the desperation in her mother's face

to play a dead body on a poster,

she was filled with deep pity.

Okay, fine. You.

You know what? Actually, I think my daughter should do it.

Yeah, I don't care who it is.

It's okay, Mom. You take it.

You sure?

I think your scheme is working.

Your mom just listened to my dad

describe an entire episode of Yellowstone in detail.

I know. And normally, she's like,

"serialized TV is for society's laziest workers."

Tonight hasn't been as annoying as I thought it would be.

Like, if Ben didn't exist, I could see us being friends.

Me too.

But hey, you gotta give it to him. He's got great taste in girlfriends.

Ah. Speak of the devil.

- Huh? - Uh, Ben just texted me.

Oh. You guys still text?

Yeah, it's kind of random.

He just started texting me out of nowhere recently.

Little fancy boy did what now?

Sorry, is... is this weird to talk about? I...

No, no, no, not weird at all. Ben and I are just friends.

Yeah.

Yeah, I assumed so 'cause if you were gonna get together,

you probably would've done it right after we broke up.

Right.

'Cause that's when that would happen, if it were going to.

So, what's the deal with you guys?

Ah! A teen girl classic,

pretending to not be interested in the person you're interested in

to find out if he's actually interested in the other girl interested in him.

I don't know.

I guess I still have some feelings,

but I can't tell from his texts what he's thinking.

Maybe if you showed it to me, I can help you figure it out.

While Ben had been texting Devi about stripping sharks,

he'd been asking Margot about her hopes and dreams

and hearting all her texts.

Sure, he was texting them both,

but Devi was clearly in the friend zone.

Yeah, it seems like the feelings are mutual.

Really?

Margot, you're our guest. You should relax. I'll help Devi tidy up.

- Oh, uh, I don't mind... - Go sit.

Are you okay? Your eyes are seriously bugging out.

I stole Len's phone. I need you to help break into it.

Holy shit. You've gone full insane.

- Hurry up. - Uh...

Len, what's your passcode?

Four-three-two-one.

- It's smart because it's backwards. - Awesome.

I'm gonna download an app that makes your hair purple.

- Okay. - Love it.

Make it my profile picture.

He calls her "baby."

Ew.

W-W-Wait. What are you doing?

It's time to get some answers.

The student becomes the master.

So when's this gummy supposed to kick in?

Do you not feel anything?

Maybe you have, like, a super high tolerance.

Hmm, that's not surprising. I'm always really hydrated,

and my personal trainer says that I have less body fat than The Rock.

Well, you could always eat another.

There's no such thing as too high.

Okay.

So, what we do now?

Well, some people like to watch weird cartoons,

but I prefer to share.

- Share what? - Our lives, our stories, our truths.

But we can start small. Who do you love?

Wha... What?

I don't... I don't know. No one.

I said our truths, Ben.

We are the only two people in this dimension right now.

- We cannot lie to each other. - Fine, yeah. Um...

There... might be someone.

Okay. Tell me more.

Fine.

- I had a dream about her. - Oh, a dream?

Tell me about this dream.

Well, it... it all started out pretty normal, then...

Hey, handsome.

Devi?

I am so much better at school than you.

- Hey, where's my shirt? - Oh, this old thing?

Oops.

Just sit back and let me take charge.

You know you like it better that way.

♪ Back to heaven ♪

Whoa.

I had that exact same humiliating dream about Eleanor,

which means you really love her.

You must go to her.

What? What are you talking about? Right now?

Yes, Benjamin. You must tell her how you feel. There's no time to waste.

I can't. What if she doesn't feel the same way?

Doesn't matter. You must speak your truth.

She needs to know.

Now go.

Does everyone want tea?

Oh.

I got it! I got it!

Hey, you know what goes great with tea?

Cake.

Wait till you see what I made for you, Nirmy.

Oh, it's you.

Hi. I'm looking for Devi.

Ben?

Margot. What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Oh my God, I'm... I'm so dumb. Is something going on between you two?

Were you lying to me when I stupidly opened up to you?

No, no, no, Margot, I promise. Ben and I are just friends.

- Right, Ben? - Uh... Um...

Um...

- Then why is he holding flowers? - I don't know.

Is that, like, a present for my grandmother?

Okay. Look, Margot, Ben and I are not remotely a thing.

He's the one that said we should never be together

because we're both too insecure and competitive.

And he's right.

He's too mean, and I'm too crazy.

Together, we're just two otters trying to dunk each other.

Then what is he doing here?

I have no idea.

Ben, why are you here?

- Because I'm on drugs. - What?

Hey, hey, everybody.

Be prepared to be amazed by my gorgeous cake.

Get it?

Nirmy is the apple of my eye.

Wouldn't this be more like the eye of your apple?

Oh God.

What's wrong with that apple?

- Oh my God! - Oh my God.

Hey, man, what the...

My cake.

- Dude! - Oh. I'm... I'm so sorry.

You should be. That cake looked fabulous.

Gyah.

Can everyone else see the British woman?

- I'm actually Australian. - It's her. It's Len's other woman.

What? That's not another woman. That's our real estate agent.

No, no, no, no. He calls her "baby."

Oh, Baby's actually my given name.

I was named after the lead character in Dirty Dancing.

My parents were quite stupid.

I actually do think that there's such a thing as too high.

Dad, can we go? This all just got a little too weird.

Um...

Yeah. Okay, honey.

Thank you all for... an interesting evening.

Pleasure to meet you, Baby.

Likewise.

Can you please drop me off at home?

Margot, wait. Please don't go. Our lonely parents need this.

Okay, if she's your "real estate agent,"

then why is she pressuring Len for money?

For a down payment on a family vacation condo.

We were going to surprise everyone with it at the wedding,

but Baby's been a little pushy.

Darling, places get snatched up,

and to be honest, I really need the commission.

I'm deep in debt.

What can I say? I love to play the ponies.

Okay, well, this has been a very exciting night.

Uh, why don't we just clean up this mess and say goodnight to Len and...

- Baby. - Baby. Uh-huh.

Hey, Kamala...

I love your grandmother, and I would never do anything to hurt her.

I hope to convince you of that someday.

Bye.

Well, tonight was certainly a strange one,

and the running theme seemed to be

that you two, however misguided,

were trying to look out for us.

Devi, you don't have to worry about me.

I am going to be just fine when you leave.

But...

...sometimes when I see you eating a Lean Cuisine alone,

I get sad.

Oh, don't be. Microwave fettuccine Alfredo brings me nothing but joy.

- Oh. - And you know what else brings me joy?

That you're okay with me dating.

Because you don't wanna die without hitting it again?

Oh God, no.

We were just trapped in that dark place for so long,

and this all made me realize that we're coming out of it.

Although, I don't think I'll be moving on with Andres.

I heard his tires screech as he peeled out of the driveway.

Hmm. And now, Kamala, should we be worried?

No. I'm sorry.

I just really thought that Len was a con man.

Len's no con man.

He does not have the organizational skills to con.

He keeps all his files in his guest bathtub.

What is this really about, Kamala?

I don't know.

I turned down this incredible job recently,

and maybe this is all just me distracting myself

from feeling regret about it.

And why did you turn this job down?

Because it's in Baltimore, and I can't move to Baltimore.

I've never lived without family.

I mean, I think Manish would come,

but this little family unit has become particularly precious to me.

But we are always here for you.

And if you're feeling enough regret

to pull the sting operation you did tonight,

then maybe you need to take this job.

And hey, you can always visit me.

I'll probably be up the coast.

You can get a new ID. I'll take your old ID, uh...

I know. It's scary.

Our lives are changing.

But... change is good.

Change is necessary.

Go to Baltimore, Kamala.

Now, how about we dig some cake out of the trash

and sing a proper "Happy Birthday" to your grandmother?

I prefer the Stevie Wonder version.

So you down to pick up corsages after school?

- I'm down to. - Hey, El, what are you doing here?

I want you both to know that you're more important to me than acting,

and I'm absolutely in for prom.

Really?

- Yes. - Dope.

Um, hey, can you guys give me a sec?

I'll be right back, and then we can buy our tickets.

- Okay, sweet. Talk to you later. - Okay, bye.

Hey. Margot.

Um... listen. I am really sorry about last night.

I don't know what that was with Ben,

but I really, really promise that I did not put him up to it.

I know.

Uh, he told me Trent got him high and sent him over to your house.

Sounds like it was a dumb prank.

Oh. Okay.

So then why do you still seem mad?

Um, I'm... I'm not mad. I'm embarrassed.

After we left your house,

we took Ben to Popeyes, where he ate like ten drumsticks.

And he told me he was just texting me

because he wanted to end the year as friends.

Damn. Maybe that's what he's doing with you, Devi.

- I'm really sorry. - Yeah.

I just feel a little mortified that I showed you all our texts and stuff

thinking that he might like me.

Would it make you feel better to know

that I kind of still have feelings for him too?

But he doesn't like me either.

When you guys broke up, I hoped that he'd ask me out, but nada.

Wait, so... we're just two rejects?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

You know, that actually does make me feel better.

Hmm.

Well, we may never be besties,

but I would be happy if my dad dated your mom.

Hmm.

Well, I've always wanted an evil stepsister, so...

Bitch, I'm obviously Cinderella.

You're that rat that makes all her dresses.

Andres.

- H... Hi. - Hi.

Come on in.

- Sorry, um... - Yeah.

I'm just, uh...

I'm just surprised to see you after Birthdaygate.

Yeah. Well, last night made me realize

that I... I can't build my life on the... on the whims of a teenage girl.

I don't know what the hell was going on with our girls and Ben,

but, uh, I do know that it's kids' stuff, and, uh... and I'm a grown-up.

And, uh...

I've been wanting to do something for... quite a while now.

I've been wanting you to do that for a while too.

Why do you think I had the cabinets replaced?

Why do you think it took me two weeks to fix the faucet?

Change was in the air for the Vishwakumar clan.

Scary as it was, Nalini was right. Change was good.

And now it was time to welcome the exciting New Jersey change

that lay ahead for Devi.

Waitlisted? What?

- Devi sat in disbelief. - Damn.

After everything she'd done, Princeton had waitlisted her.

But she decided to remain calm.

Maybe this was just the gods telling her that her path was elsewhere,

like New Haven.

...and we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place.

Or not. What about you, Harvard?

Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you admission.

...the Committee for Columbia Admissions...

We are genuinely sorry to say that we did not find a place for you.

After carefully reviewing for Dartmouth,

we are sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you...

You may be wondering what was lacking in your application...

The Admissions Committee for Brown University...

...regretfully unable...

- Cornell University... - Unfortunately...

- We denied... - All decisions are final.

Best of luck with your college career.

One waitlist and seven rejections?

That means that Devi Vishwakumar got in...

nowhere.

♪ You'd do better than me ♪

♪ I bet you thought I'd be dead in the streets, no where ♪

♪ Look what you done ♪

♪ You know you were wrong Tell me who's the don ♪

- ♪ I bet you thought ♪ - ♪ I bet you thought ♪

- ♪ I bet you thought ♪ - ♪ I bet you thought ♪

- ♪ I bet you ♪ - ♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Tell me who's the don Tell me who's the don ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Put my people on Yeah, my people strong ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Don't be calling on my phone Now that I be on ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Tell me who's the don Tell me who's the don ♪

♪ I be putting in, putting in the work ♪

♪ Just like there's no tomorrow ♪

♪ I be earning them, burning them bills ♪

♪ No need to beg and borrow ♪

♪ And I know it's gonna make you sick ♪

♪ Ego is the hardest pill to swallow ♪

♪ Best know when I'm taking shots ♪

♪ This shit will get rocky, no Apollo ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Tell me who's the don Tell me who's the don ♪