Original subtitles

[announcer] The Adventures of Batman with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo against crime and corruption,

whose real identities as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne

and his young ward, Dick Grayson,

are known only to Alfred, the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave deep beneath Wayne Manor,

they roar out to protect life, limb and property

as Batman and Robin, caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin, scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin, pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains, here come Batman and Robin.

[tires squealing]

[narrator] In the library of stately Wayne Manor…

This, Dick, is a faithful rendering of the fabulous Trojan horse.

I know, Bruce. The old Greeks hid in it to conquer Troy.

Right, chum. Well, a valuable replica of that

is on its way right now to the Gotham City Museum.

- A gift of the Wayne Foundation? - Yes.

But I'm worried about its safe arrival.

- Why, Bruce? - I don't know, really.

But I'd just feel better if it were guarded by—

- Batman and Robin? - You know it.

Come on. To the Batcave.

[narrator] A little while later, the fabulous replica on a big freighter

plowing toward Gotham Harbor. And in the sky,

the fantastic umbrella ship of that wily bird of crime.

Birdie, fire one.

[narrator] Can this be a hijack on the high seas?

It certainly appears to be.

But suddenly, coming out of the horse's hollow belly…

Can it be? Yes, it is.

The Dynamic Duo? On Whirly-Bats?

Whoopee!

[Batman] Steady as you go, Robin.

Batman again.

Will my life never be free of that interfering crime spoiler?

Lucky thing Pengy didn't know about the Greeks hiding in the original horse, Batman.

Yes. Now let's get it to Gotham City before any more pilfering pirates appear.

- What's up, commissioner? - Batman. Thank the stars you're here.

The Riddler cut in on the police network with a message for you.

We taped it. Listen.

[Riddler on recording] Mairzy doats and dozy doats and little lambs eat ivy.

Any fool knows a horse eats oats, and where it's stashed is jivey.

[Riddler laughing on recording]

Jivey. Isn't that silly, Batman?

Another of The Riddler's rattling riddles.

- Let's see. - [Robin] Any fool knows a horse eats…

Oats. He found the horse.

- Right. - [Gordon] I don't get it.

Explain later. Come on, Robin.

There's not a batsecond to lose.

[narrator] At this moment, at a towering grain elevator near the Gotham Docks…

Hold it. If we open those doors, we'll be swamped in breakfast cereal.

Okay, Robin, pour it on.

- [man 1] Hey. - [man 2] Hey, watch out, will you?

- [man 3] Help. - Here's your mairzy doats, Riddler.

Ha, ha. Okay, turn them off.

Now let's get this antique equine to Gotham Museum.

[narrator] Meanwhile, back in the bizarre hideout of The Penguin…

It's your own stupid fault, Riddler.

You're always sending him clues.

It's a habit I can't break.

Well, perhaps Batman is one bad habit we can both lose.

Forever. Listen, I have got a plan.

Gee whiz, Batman, why in the world are we going to visit The Penguin

in that buzzard's own nest?

Because he's invited us, Robin, under a flag of truce.

[computer beeping]

Ah! The Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder. Heh!

Welcome. This is my surprise.

Into this computer, I have programmed all your vital statistics, Batman,

together with the vital statistics of all your logical alter egos.

Now, this electronic wizard

is going to answer the big question of our time:

Who is Batman?

[laughing]

- Batman, is he—? - Cool it, chum.

[Penguin] Let the computer speak.

[Penguin laughing and computer beeping]

[Robin] Holy Toledo.

That's a picture of—

[Penguin] Millionaire Bruce Wayne.

Ha, ha! Batman is Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne is Batman.

[narrator] Swiftly, Batman's hand moves to a tiny button on his utility belt.

Look, now it— It's Commissioner Gordon?

No, it can't be.

Something's wrong.

The circuits have been jammed.

Obviously, that computer just can't make up its electronic mind.

You tricked me, somehow, Batman,

and I'm going to get even.

[Robin] Batman, do you think Penguin really knows who you are?

Of course not, Robin.

Just cool it. It'll pass.

[narrator] What's this? An assailant?

With poison dart?

[Robin] Look, a tiny paper umbrella. Must be The Penguin's calling card.

[Batman] Read it, Robin.

"Since Batman's birthday is nigh, we are tossing a big party for him

at Polk's Pavilion tomorrow afternoon.

The Penguin and The Riddler." What next?

[Batman] That's one party I have no intention of attending.

[narrator] But as the Dynamic Duo

resume their everyday identities at Wayne Manor…

My word, Mr. Wayne.

Another of Penguin's calling cards.

Open it, Alfred.

[Penguin on recording] Greetings, residents of Wayne Manor.

Penguin speaking.

A tape recorder in the handle.

[Penguin] Since Bruce Wayne has the same birthday as Batman,

they had both better show up

or provide proof they don't have the same identity.

[Penguin laughing on recording]

Oh, dear.

[Dick] Holy dilemmas.

How can Bruce Wayne and Batman both go when you're one and the same man?

No question about it now, chums.

Batman and Bruce Wayne must both attend that birthday party.

But— But how? How can you?

You'll know soon enough. To the Batcave.

[narrator] A birthday party for Batman and Bruce Wayne.

But how can they both go?

Don't miss the conclusion of this exciting story.

Coming up next.

[narrator] To steal the priceless replica of the Trojan horse,

The Penguin and The Riddler arranged a big birthday bash

for Batman and Bruce Wayne,

claiming evidence that they are one and the same.

But the Caped Crusader has a plot of his own.

Now, at Polk's Pavilion, a pagoda-like structure in Gotham Park…

We're all set now, Riddler, for our honored guests.

But the riddle, Penguin, is which will arrive first?

Batman or Bruce Wayne? Ha, ha.

Now, can Batman be far behind? Ha, ha.

Boys, greet Mr. Wayne now.

Well, this is quite a party.

No millionaire fights so well. He must be Batman. He must be Batman.

I'll find out.

Have a party favor, Mr. Wayne.

Now we'll see if he's wearing a face mask.

Hee-hee. Ooh, he's the real Bruce Wayne, all right.

Now, if Batman does not make an appearance…

Someone mentioned Batman?

- The Dynamic Duo. - Get set to unmask Batman.

[singing] ♪ Batman's a jolly good fellow Batman's a jolly good fellow ♪

[laughing]

Holy flat notes.

Uh, perhaps a piece of cake

will be more to your taste, Boy Wonder?

Surprise! Surprise! Ha, ha!

[Robin] Penguin's punks.

Riddler's rowdies.

Watch out, Batman, this is my party now.

Let's make this bash really swing.

[narrator] If this is Bruce Wayne, can this be Batman?

As the villains ponder, millionaire Wayne hurls himself at the Caped Crusader,

plunging off the pavilion.

And now, Batman reveals his clever ploy.

Quickly, Alfred. While Robin keeps my guests happy, let's make a switch.

Good show, Mr. Wayne.

[narrator] Meanwhile, Robin keeps things swinging.

Get Robin, you birdbrains. Grab him.

Come on, come on, let's get going.

[punching]

Excellent, Alfred.

You continue as Bruce Wayne to keep fooling Penguin and Riddler.

Gone. Robin?

Here, Batman.

Are you okay, old chum?

- Never better. - [Batman] Good.

Where'd everybody go?

Last I heard, Penguin was cackling something

about corralling the old Ulysses caper.

Hmm. Ulysses was the Greek general who dreamed up the Trojan horse.

You mean Penguin and Riddler pulled a double-ploy on us

- to grab the horse from the museum? - [Batman] I'm afraid so.

Great balls of fire, what happened here?

A bit of a fracas, commissioner.

So Penguin and The Riddler

could sneak out to steal the Trojan horse.

Great guns.

You must stop them or I'll lose my job, my reputation, my pension.

Don't worry, commissioner. Let's go, Robin.

If Batman and Robin can use this trick, so can Birdie.

[explosion]

[Penguin] We may not have unmasked Batman—

[Riddler] But we pulled the caper of the century.

[Riddler chuckles]

Look, Batman, they've got the horse.

Easy, Robin. I took the precaution

of planting a homing transmitter in the horse, just in case.

- All we've got to do now is follow it. - Crazy.

[Batman] According to my calculations,

the police helicopter should arrive in just three minutes. So let's go now.

[Riddler] The Dynamic Duo. Again.

[Penguin] Get them. Get them.

[shouting and grunting]

Ha! Some pun.

Let's wrap them up, Robin.

Riddle me this, Riddler.

What puffs and puffs but makes you get out of breath?

You smart aleck kid.

- I'll— - [Robin] Smoke. Aha!

[coughing]

- [Batman] Robin, where's Penguin? - Look up there.

The police will take these characters. Let's ground that bothersome buzzard.

[Robin] I'm with you.

Blast that Dynamic Duo.

I'll get them yet.

- There he is. - Ready Batapult.

Batapult ready.

Speed, wind direction, altitude, angle.

Got them lined up?

Lined up and locked on.

[Batman] Okay, let fly.

Roger.

Yikes!

Good shot, chum. Now haul him in with the Bat-winch.

Roger.

Stop. I demand you, stop.

This is unlawful, undignified.

[narrator] Not much later, in stately Wayne Manor,

a happy gathering.

Happy birthday, Mr. Wayne.

[both] Happy birthday, Bruce.

Oh, thanks, Alfred, Dick, commissioner,

but a single candle?

I'm, uh, ha, ha, slightly older than that.

Oh, go ahead. Light it, Bruce.

[Bruce] Okay.

"Happy birthday, Bruce 'Batman' Wayne"?

[stammering] What?

Ha, ha! What a wonderful joke.

Imagine Bruce Wayne as Batman.

How incredible.

[both laughing]

[narrator] The big circus comes to Gotham City,

and everybody who loves a parade, even the National Guard

has turned out to welcome the performing animals

and the beloved clowns.

Okay, gentlemen, let's get this show on the road.

[Joker laughs]

[animals growling and roaring] [people screaming and shouting]

Get those animals under control.

Use weapons if necessary.

Bruce, look at this, quick. The circus parade.

The animals have stampeded and the crowd is in a panic.

We'd better lend a hand, chum.

Oh, I do so love circuses.

They're such fun.

[Joker laughs]

I've done my job. Now you do yours.

Have no fear. The Penguin's here.

[chuckles]

I beg your pardon, sir, but you're standing on my tank.

Your tank? What are you talking abo—?

In you go, gentlemen.

I've, uh, concluded my negotiations with the National Guard.

[chuckles]

- What do we do now? - Since these are trained animals,

if we get the leader of each group under control, the rest will follow. Come on.

[Robin] You look like the boss, all right.

I'd better come up and have a talk with you.

[roars]

Easy now, Jumbo.

[whip cracking]

Come on now, Tabby. Set a good example for the rest of the boys.

Sit.

That's it. Now make a right turn.

[elephants trumpeting and lion growling]

Now the rest of you guys, get in line.

All right, pussycat, do your stuff.

Okay, you cats, follow the leader.

Now let's find out what happened here.

[penguins squawking]

What's that funny noise?

[henchman] I can't hear nothing over this rattle trap.

- Hey, Pengy, we're being followed. - What?

Well, two wonderful little birds. How delightful.

[Penguin chuckles]

[henchman] They might give us away. Maybe I'd better blast them, huh?

Are you kidding? Let them come along. Then I'll have someone intelligent to talk to.

- Much damage, commissioner? - No, Batman, surprisingly little.

But there were two rather strange occurrences, Mr. Mayor.

- Such as? - One, the National Guard tank is missing.

- What else, commissioner? - Also missing are two circus penguins.

Penguins, eh?

[penguins squawking]

I tell you, Pengy, with this baby,

we're going to pull the biggest bank job since Bonnie and Clyde.

[all shouting indistinctly]

[Joker] For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, this is a holdup.

[Gordon] The tank was used to rob the Prairieview National Bank.

[Robin] That's just a few miles outside Gotham.

Right. Now I think the picture is in focus for me, commissioner.

Yes?

This is the work of the Joker and the Penguin.

- How do you figure that, Batman? - First,

who could better impersonate clowns than the Joker and his bunch?

Second, it's my hunch that in the confusion, the two trained birds

mistook the Penguin for their leader and followed him when he stole the tank.

And now we know what they wanted the tank for.

What now, Batman?

Please call the circus and ask them to lend us a baby penguin.

We'll take it from there. Come on, Robin.

- We're coming to the hideout, Joker. - [Joker] Drive right in.

Then go back and clean up our tracks to the highway.

It's easy to follow the tank tracks, but I still don't get this Penguin.

- What's he for? - He takes over when we run out of tracks.

What's your hurry to divide the loot? Don't you trust me?

Do you want an honest answer?

[baby penguin squawking]

Oh, look, a baby bird.

You imbecile, do you think the woods are full of wandering penguins?

This one was sent out to track us.

Hey, Joker, I seen the Batmobile outside.

[Joker] So, the Dynamic Dodos found us.

Well, we'll make them sorry they did.

Man the tank.

Do you think they're in that cave, Batman?

[Batman] That answer your question, chum?

They're trying to ram us.

No use, Joker. They'll drive circles around this tank.

[Joker] Only if they can see it.

[Joker laughs]

A smoke bomb!

[Robin coughs]

- I can't see! - [Batman] Watch out. Here it comes.

[Robin] We're going over!

Pull the chute. Ride her down.

We did it.

[Penguin chuckles]

We've done in the Dynamic Duo.

Sort of makes our day, doesn't it?

[laughs]

[henchman] Hey, look. Batman.

[Joker] Run him down.

[Batman] This ought to choke him up.

[Robin] Come on, baby.

[grunts]

You pinheaded Penguin.

Of all the fat-headed fowl, you are the—

Why is this my fault?

[Joker] You and those idiotic birds of yours.

[penguins squawking]

[theme music playing]