Original subtitles

- Hi, I'm home.

- Hey. How was dinner with the girls?

- Yeah, it was-- - anybody look fat?

What? I thought you liked that.

- You know, ray, ever since the kids were born,

I've been just stuck in this house.

I feel like I'm missing out. I need a change.

- You're leaving me?

- Eventually, but anyway--

You know, the girls were talking about all, like,

The exciting things that they're doing, you know?

Gail's biking through thailand,

And amy got a promotion,

Linda's getting her master's degree,

And, like, all I could talk about is,

"oh, the twins can pronounce their 's's now, and"--

[sighs] ray?

- What? Yeah.

You had thai food,

And linda's playing in the masters.

- Could you turn that off?

- The remote's broken.

- I think I might go back to work.

- What?

What do you-- where is this coming from?

- This is what I've been trying to tell you.

Just part-time. You know, in p.R.,

Like I used to do.

Amy said she's always hearing about openings.

- You want to work?

- It sounds even better when you say it.

- I'm not--I'm not-- no.

I'm not saying, I'm asking.

- Yes, I actually want to get out and do something.

- W-what about-- what about--

- The house will be fine.

- Well, how about-- how about--

- Yeah, yeah, look, the twins are in preschool

Five days a week.

And you did great tonight.

Everybody's asleep, house looks great.

- No, I didn't do great.

My mother cleaned up, there's--

The kids aren't even home.

They're at a racetrack.

- All right, we got milk, ginger ale, and...

Something pink.

- Pink, please.

What?

- I, uh--I sense a great disturbance in the force.

- Hello, dear.

- You got to teach me how you do that.

- I-I made some ravioli for the kids.

They look so skinny compared to the other children.

- Oh, my god. Oh, my god. I have to iron.

- Don't panic, dear. I'll walk you through it.

- What's going on? What are you doing?

- I got to iron my blouse for my interview.

- Oh, you're finally interviewing cleaning services!

- No, no, no, marie.

I've decided to look for a job.

Yeah, I got a call about an opening in p.R.

Can you believe that, ray?

- No, I cannot.

- Hey, deb, I think it's great.

- Yeah. It's exciting, huh?

Me going back to work?

- Oh, yes, dear.

But I can't help wondering about the children, though.

They're already so thin.

- Ray, that reminds me--

You're going to have to pick up the twins from preschool.

- And I'll wait for them here.

Someone has to be home now that they're latchkey children.

- Please, marie, don't make me feel guilty about this now.

- Oh, no, dear. I-I respect your ambition.

I mean, most women would just settle for having...

Everything.

- What are you nodding at?

- No, that's not nodding.

I was just--I'm thinking of a song, that's all.

- Don't pay attention to 'em, deb.

This is the family of dream squashers.

- Dream squashers? - That's right.

Everything I ever dreamed of, they said I couldn't do.

The--the drums.

- Oh, please. The drums were the worst.

- Major league baseball. My career in space.

- You were 6 feet tall in the third grade.

They'd have to fold you in half

To stuff you into the capsule.

- Mission control, man. I could have been houston.

You go for it, deb.

Strap a rocket on your back and fly.

Fly from the dream squashers.

- Thanks, I think I'll just take the train.

- Train? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is this job?

- If I get it, it's in manhattan.

- But that's a long commute.

It's an hour there and an hour back.

- Oh, yeah, the commute.

Gosh, I hadn't thought about that.

I'll be able to read

Or just sit quietly.

- And watch public urination.

- Dream squasher.

- Whew, forgot my blouse.

[laughs] look at me, I'm so nervous,

And I don't even know if I'm going to get the job.

- Yeah, well, let's cross our fingers.

- No, all right. Geoffrey, no.

Guys, come on, guys, I'm trying to work.

Hey.

Hey, mommy's good spoons aren't for banging.

Hey. No. You know what?

Take them outside and dig for worms.

Yeah. Huh? Ally, a little help here.

Take your brothers outside.

- Hi, mommy. - Hello.

- Oh, mommy's here! - Hi, mommy.

- Hey, hey. Oh, yeah.

Listen, the guys want to take the spoons outside--

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I got the job!

- What? - Yeah. I got the job.

Two days a week, I'm going to be a copywriter

At the charlotte sterling agency.

- They just gave it to you, like that?

- Yeah. I had to fill out a w-4 and everything.

- So there was no drug testing or anything like that?

- Oh, ray, I'm going to get to do so much there.

It's a small agency.

It's just charlotte and me and the receptionist.

God, I never had a woman boss before.

- Yeah. It's not that great.

- Oh, man, we're going to be able to bond

Over stuff like bad hair

And have little private meetings

In the ladies' room, and--

What is it?

- Nothing, nothing. No. You got the job.

Congratulations.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing. I--

I just-- I always thought

That I would make enough money to support all of us.

All right? And I am.

Aren't I?

- Oh, yes.

Oh, honey, you're a great provider.

No, no, we don't need the money.

I just need to do this for myself, you know?

And, hey, wouldn't it be nice

To have a little extra money?

I mean, what if one of the kids wants to go to harvard?

- Eh.

I think that kid might be a little disappointed.

- Okay, listen. Can I use your office?

- My office? - Yeah, 'cause my boss wants

Me to create a new identity for a pizza restaurant.

- Well, hold on. How about the kids, though?

I know you had them for a couple of hours already,

But I really need to get a head start on this.

And you said you'd help out more.

- Yeah, I didn't know by helping out, you meant...

Really helping out.

- Oh, so this is not really about you

Losing your place as the wage earner.

You just don't want to do any work around here.

- Why is that so wrong?

- You know what? Complain all you want.

I'm doing this.

Dream squasher.

- How about my dream, huh?

The--the wife who doesn't want to go to work

'cause she's too tired from all the sex.

Okay, guys, come on. What'd you do, huh?

Yeah, you like that.

You like it on the face, don't you?

What's wrong with you? Oh!

That's good enough, you guys.

You're going to get dirty again tomorrow, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah. Go play.

[sighs]

Stupid cheese.

Hey, there, cat ballou.

So how was your first day?

See, I'm asking you just like you asked me to.

- Terrible, it was just a terrible, horrible day.

- Oh.

All right, well, it'll go better tomorrow.

- No, it won't, ray. I was fired.

- On your first day?

- Yes, ray, on my first day!

- Have you lost weight?

You got fired? That's terrible.

- Oh, don't pretend you care.

You're getting exactly what you want.

- I want you to yell at me?

- You want me to stay at home, so I can take care of the kids

And cook and clean and have absolutely no life.

So how was your day, dear?

- I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to answer that, right?

Come--why did they fire you?

- Embezzlement.

I doctored the books and stole millions of dollars.

Is chicken okay?

- Well, if we're millionaires,

I think we're going to order out.

Come on. What ha-- what'd you do?

- Nothing!

Ally forgot her permission slip for the zoo,

So then I had to deal with the school

And fax something over there,

And then my boss just freaked out!

God.

- Well, that's...Not nice. It's not nice.

- To think I was excited to work for a woman.

God.

I'm telling you,

These career women are just the worst, man.

You know, they sacrifice all their happiness

To get where they are,

And then they want everybody else to do exactly the same.

- Women. Yeah.

- Oh, don't try to be supportive now, ray.

It's way too late for that.

- Oh, come on, debra. What? I'm just trying to help.

- Okay, okay. All right. All right.

It's-- it's me.

It's not you. It's me.

God, why did I think I could even do this?

- You know, even though

I was really trying to be supportive,

I was thinking maybe I could have been

Even a little bit more, probably.

- No. It's okay.

Thanks for helping out around here today.

- Oh, there it is.

[phone ringing] - charlotte sterling agency.

No, charlotte's not here.

We're set for paper clips. Uh-huh.

Thank you. I'll give her the message.

Can I help you?

- Yeah, I was hoping to talk to charlotte sterling.

- Are you here to sell her something?

- No.

- Then I'm charlotte sterling.

My receptionist is taking another mental health day.

- I'm ray barone. - Yes?

- Um, my wife worked here until yesterday.

Well, she worked here yesterday.

- Oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

Are you here for her mug? I rinsed it.

- "have a nice day."

- Thank you. You too.

[telephone rings] - no.

No, no, no. The mug.

About debra-- listen,

But I just can't help feeling that this is partly my fault.

- What are you talking about?

- See, you fired debra

'cause my daughter had to go to the zoo.

- No. I'm-- I'm sorry.

Look, I had to let debra go because, uh--

Listen, why don't I show you

Her campaign on our pizza account?

I, um--

Uh, she created a character

That was supposed to go on all their packaging and ads--

The man who invented pizza.

- Professor pete za. - Yes.

- It's cute.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is cute,

But, you know, our clients aren't paying us for cute.

They don't want a guy with a pun name

And a mozzarella hat.

- Okay, but, I mean, this is just one thing.

You fired her for one thing?

- I really didn't want to fire debra,

But she just wouldn't let go of it.

I mean, I told her, I said,

"I don't really think that this is what the clients want,"

And she argued with me.

Now, I really hate to say this,

But I think she's a little stubborn.

- Really? That doesn't sound like my debra, though.

She was probably nervous, you know,

'cause it was her first day and--

Do you think you could give her another shot?

- No. I'm sorry. I-I really can't.

It was really nice meeting you.

- All right. Okay.

I'll get out of your way. I'm sorry.

I'm just sorry that you didn't get

To see debra at her best.

You know, it's just hard for her

To be at her best all the time

'cause she's got so much to put up with.

You know, there's me.

I'm a much bigger problem than I look.

And then, I don't know if she told you this,

But my parents live right across the street.

Coming over every day for the rest of your life.

And she's already-- she's juggling the kids

And the school and the gymnastics and--yeah.

All right, well, anyway, I'm sorry.

You know what? You can refile that.

- Gosh, I had no idea.

How many kids do you have?

- Seven.

- Hey, puka shell.

- [giggles]

- Hi. - Hi.

A gift for my wife.

- Oh. Great.

I could use it to carry juice boxes to gymboree.

- Or to the charlotte sterling agency

If you like your juice with lunch.

You got your job back, ta-da!

- What?

- I talked to charlotte.

- Charlotte? When did you talk to charlotte?

- Today. Today. I skipped lunch.

- How could you do that?

- I had a big breakfast.

- Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

- Happy?

- Who do you think you are? How dare you?

- What do you mean? I'm being supportive.

- You groveled for my job?

- Not for long. I just--

Charlotte's a very reasonable person.

I just--I told her that, you know, pete za was--

- She told you about pete za?

- Professor pete za.

Wow.

What were you thinking?

- Oh, it was good! I thought it was good.

- But his hair was cheese.

- That was his hat, ray, all right?

I was trying to reach a wide demographic.

It was for teens and adults and--

You know what? You wouldn't understand.

- See, now, that's the kind of attitude

That might get people fired.

- Hey, I--

I--

[crying] I thought it was funny.

Ally liked it!

- Oh, honey.

Ally's six.

- I know, but she's the only one I have

To run things by.

- I'm here.

- [exhales]

- You know what you should try tomorrow?

Lynn guine.

[chuckles]

Lynn guine.

That'd be funny.

You know, like, spaghetti hair

And meatballs, you know--

[chuckles]

- God, look--

I can't go back there.

It's just too humiliating.

I mean, I just-- oh, god.

I don't know what happened to me.

The whole time I was arguing with charlotte,

I was thinking,

"come on. What are you doing? Stop talking!"

But I just had to keep fighting for pete za.

- You know, I know why you fight.

It's 'cause you're surrounded by barones.

It's a jungle here. It's survival of the fittest.

If you didn't learn how to hold your own,

My mother would be wearing you as a coat.

- Look, I'm not going to blame your family

For me losing my job.

- Why not?

- Because that's a big cop-out.

- I'm doing it when I get fired from my job.

- Look, it was nice, you know,

What you tried to do.

- Well, I'm, you know, just being supportive.

- I appreciate it.

[door opens]

- I brought you comfort food.

Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry you got fired.

But, you know, it's probably for the best.

If you need--if you want to expand your horizons,

How about taking up gardening?

I mean, your yard could use a lot of work.

- And gardening is fun.

You-- you have lost weight.

You look good. You look really good.

Doesn't she-- she looks good.

- Yes, we do have an opening,

And I'm sure that you're a really fast learner,

But I--I really need someone with more p.R. Experience.

- You don't understand.

I have to get out of the house.

My husband drives me crazy.

- Okay, uh, thank you for your interest.

- Before you make any final decisions,

Why don't you taste this lasagna?

- Right now?

- Oh, please, dear.

You're-- you're so thin.