Original subtitles

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♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE CARLIN: (NARRATING) In my personal little world,

I can't worry about offending someone

because that's flinching. You can't flinch.

If you mean what you're saying.

GEORGE: (ONSTAGE) A lot of these cultural crimes

can be blamed on the baby boomers.

Whiny, narcissistic,

self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy,

-"Give me that, it's mine!" -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"Give me that, it's mine!"

(NARRATING) The line exists.

(ONSTAGE) These people were given everything.

(NARRATING) There'll always be taboos.

(ONSTAGE) Everything was handed to them.

(NARRATING) Always be things that if you don't handle them

a certain way, people will reject you.

And they took it all. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

And they stayed loaded for 20 years

and had a free ride.

But now, they're staring down the barrel of middle-age burnout

and they don't like it, so they turn self-righteous.

And they want to make things hard

on younger people.

As for the rock and roll, they sold that

for television commercials a long time ago.

But I always mean what I'm saying,

and I just go for it.

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) -They're cold, bloodless people.

It's in their slogans, it's in their rhetoric,

"No pain, no gain." "Just do it."

"Life is short, play hard." "Shit happens. Deal with it."

"Get at a life." These people went from, "Do your own thing,"

-to, "Just say no." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

They went from, "Love is all you need,"

to, "Whoever winds up with the most toys wins."

And they went from cocaine to Rogaine.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING) -They did.

Fuck these boomers. Fuck these yuppies,

and fuck everybody now that I think of it.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

♪ (EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Here's George Carlin!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

CHIEF JUSTICE: I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear...

RONALD REAGAN: I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear...

-How you doing, doc? -I'm doing great there, Georgie.

REAGAN: ...that I will faithfully execute the office

of President of the United States.

We just got back from the, uh,

inaugural festivities in Washington.

Thank God for a president who agrees in totality

of what we morally stand for here.

MAN: We must have not only a government

that defends freedom.

We must have a government that defends the right to life.

(CHANTING) Fight back, fight AIDS!

REPORTER: Falwell's July issue of Moral Majority Report

charges the American family

is now threatened by the AIDS epidemic.

REAGAN: Protect and defend the Constitution

of the United States.

Well, it's a wait-and-see for some folks,

you know, but he's the only one we got.

That's what I keep hearing people say,

"Well, he's the only president we have."

-So help you God. -So help me God.

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

♪ (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

KELLY CARLIN: In the early '80s,

he was still very disconnected as a human being.

He was fully aware that he was always compartmentalizing

his head from his heart.

Like he'd say, "I live from here up," you know.

I think in some ways it's all he knew how to do

was go on the road and get on a stage.

After Mom was sober, she said to my dad,

"You cannot bring cocaine in the house ever again."

And he absolutely abided by that rule.

But my dad wasn't quite ready to quit

and didn't quit.

And he would have these binges.

He would disappear for two or three days.

Twice I remember that happening.

A terrifying two or three days, him gone,

have no idea where he is.

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

JERRY HAMZA: He had to have a buzz going all the time.

But he always got through his shows.

He got through his shows. Sometimes he would stop on stage

and forget a line,

but the people were always very forgiving with him and...

God, you'd look at the stage afterwards,

there'd be 20 joints on the stage.

They'd just throw them up on stage. (LAUGHS)

He took them sometimes too.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

JERRY: He loved his work,

and that's where he really lived, in the trees.

He lived in his own head.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is George Carlin,

and I am a professional comedian.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

As opposed to the kind you run into at work

-all day long. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JERRY: Even though the albums

in that time period were subsiding,

he used to do the Johnny Carson Show maybe

six days a year, you know, as a fill-in.

What you do is you pump out 30 pounds of pressure.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -And then you keep, you see--

And it keeps... You see what it does.

-I love that. -And it keeps the--

I want one of those.

JERRY: And between that and what was left of the albums,

-we could do business. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JERRY: But I thought there was a lot more there.

I always thought there was a lot more there.

Say, that doesn't feel bad, you know?

-Oh, yeah. Yeah. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And what's really funny is, I think about George

so many times telling me, "I'm really practical."

And every time he'd say that,

I almost laughed right in his face.

I think a lot of us

who sat in the movie theaters of America as kids,

when we decided we wanted to be in show business,

-we thought of movies... -JERRY: Anyway,

what had happened was this. He had been trying to do a movie

called The Illustrated George Carlin.

So now I'm finally taking that step for myself.

I, uh, I have a film idea,

it's called The Illustrated George Carlin.

We're doing it outside of the studios.

We're not-- We haven't fooled with them.

We have money independently.

And I says, "Well, how much money have you raised so far?"

And he says, "None."

When are you going to have this together?

Should take another eight months or so.

(CHUCKLES) This was after three years of paying salaries

and everything that goes with it.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JERRY: And then he didn't pay his taxes properly

for like three years.

Well, let me tell you something.

You figure it out with your accountant,

and you start adding the penalties and interests

and everything else.

Plus, the new money and the taxes on that.

Plus, he was supporting three families.

He was supporting his daughter's family,

his brother's family, and, uh, his own family.

So it was a struggle.

♪ (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE: I think Jerry didn't tell me the awful truth.

Boy, it really looks fucking bleak

and it's getting worse.

And I have walked away

from this Illustrated George Carlin thing.

That whole thing collapsed in flames,

and I cried on the phone to Brenda.

"I said, "It's over, I can't do this.

It's not going to work."

And I'm driving down to Dayton from Toronto,

and I drank a lot of beer on the way.

And I finally crashed my car into a fucking pole,

completely demolishing my nose.

I'm working on a new nose. You might have heard that.

I redesigned a Volvo last month.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: I never did quite get through that windshield

like they said in the paper.

But, uh, they're working on the nose for me.

Next year, they're gonna shine it and buff it

-and do something to it. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: It's my new nose

and I promise this time not to blow it. Okay?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

JERRY: By now, the business was in the sewer.

So, shit, we were lucky to go out and pay for the flights

and pay the opening act.

And I'd get on the phone to get an interview,

and what do you think they wanted to talk about?

Only one thing. Drugs.

HOST: You made a reference earlier

-to your drug history. -Yeah.

HOST: Are you... Is that all gone completely?

Absolutely. Yeah. And, uh,

well, it was only the one drug, you know. (CHUCKLES)

-The cocaine. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Uh, and occasionally, you'd take a little something else with it,

but I was never, uh, a person who did anything

but as much cocaine as there was

in the immediate three-county area

-at that time. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: But, you know, all you can do

is talk about the truth because it happened to you.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

COMMENTATOR: As he sort of checked himself,

David Huff at the defense.

JERRY: I had tickets to see the Mets,

who George loved, play the Dodgers, who he hated.

I need one. Fernando!

JERRY: And Fernando Valenzuela was pitching.

"George told me, "Jerry, I got a little something in my chest.

I don't know what the hell it is.

"Maybe it was those hot dogs. We better get out of here."

Los Angeles fans are notorious for leaving early,

but because they were winning, they stuck around.

And I'm glad they did.

'Cause we went downstairs, got in a limo,

and by now, George is going like this.

He's stretching his chest. He's opening his shirt.

And the driver, I says,

"You better go like hell to the hospital in Santa Monica."

We were doing 110 miles an hour.

And he got us there, thank goodness.

He was almost dead.

KELLY: They were really not sure those first 48 hours

what was going to go down, what was going to happen.

And my mom was told to go say goodbye to my dad.

I think that scared the shit out of him.

That heart attack really put the cocaine in its place.

Because he knew he had a ticking time bomb

in his chest

His father did drop dead.

JERRY: It was pretty horrible

because he was taking all these blood thinners.

He'd show up on a plane and, you know,

his hands would be purple.

And he had a hammer hanging over his head.

HOST: Here's George Carlin.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

(CHEERING STOPS)

-(DEVICE CLICKING) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

This is one of the new artificial hearts,

which I was given following my recent illness.

They just... (CLICKS TONGUE) ...put them right in.

And for those of you at home who are do-it-yourselfers,

these are available at RadioShack.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I just thought I'd bring you up to date

on the comedian's health sweepstakes.

I am now ahead of Richard Pryor in heart attacks. Two to one.

And Richard is ahead of me on burning yourself up.

Richard is leading on that.

See, the way it happened was, uh,

first, Richard had a heart attack,

uh, then I had a heart attack,

and then Richard burned himself up.

And then I said, "I think I'll have another heart attack."

-(CHUCKLES) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Are you happy, George Carlin, at, what is it, 45?

GEORGE: Well, I'm happier than I was, say,

a year ago, or even six months ago.

Uh, since the heart attack,

I've had to take a very close look

at how I manage stress, how I handle it,

and apparently, not very well in the past.

I'm one of those people who denies feelings.

"No, that's not happening. Couldn't be. No, never mind."

"What, they did that to me? No sweat."

"There's another day tomorrow."

And I never expressed my anger or my sadness.

You really did feel it.

I mean, all of that stuff coming out

was just so much of a guise?

I got so good at it. No, but you get so good at it

that you don't know you're doing it.

Do you ever look back at the George Carlin

that was eight years ago and wonder who he was? No?

Well, he's great. He was fine. He was just a little crazier.

Just a little... Didn't know what he was doing.

Didn't know what he needed, you know.

We had-- We had tough years to go through together.

I'm talking for my wife and me now, together.

And I was just responding to being a hit, an overnight.

You know, suddenly, here's all this stuff happening to me,

and I had this money.

And that takes some adjustment, you know, so...

He was fine. He was who he needed to be at that time.

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

HOST: You've got some dates coming up.

GEORGE: Yeah, well, I'm gonna do Carnegie Hall

and we're taping it that night for my own production company.

And it's going to be our first cable release.

-HOST: Fantastic. -GEORGE: So I'm in business

for myself with my partner, Jerry Hamza.

For a change, I'm going to get to keep some of this stuff.

I just want to say

I'm really happy to be here in Carnegie Hall.

Andrew Carnegie is dead, but I figure fuck him.

We've just found out

that everyone is in the wrong seat.

Would you please change places with the person two seats over

and four seats down?

Now, there are also you people that are sitting

in what is known as the boxes.

I don't want you to get horny on anything,

'cause... Work out something about the word boxes.

You'll think of it, George, you're a clever guy.

Do a stand-up about--

Take the thing about a place for your stuff,

your house, your home. And take it from there

and do a whole thing about what's in the house

and what's in the home. That's where keep your stuff,

that's where you keep your stuff.

And you start in talking about what stuff is in what room

and how you keep it.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

-Hi there. How are you? -(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

How you doing?

How are you doing? Good evening, everybody.

Hello there. Thank you.

KEVIN SMITH: I remember when we finally got HBO

in our neck of the woods,

and they announced Carlin at Carnegie.

It was so early in the days of HBO and having cable

that we didn't have the terminology for it.

My father one day came in to me and he goes,

"George Carlin is going to be telling jokes

on HBO for over an hour."

I'd like to begin our show with a prayer.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

A little prayer that I wrote myself.

Our Father who art in Heaven

and to the republic for which it stands.

(LAUGHS)

Please God, let me do a good show tonight.

-Don't let me be an asshole. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Don't let anyone yell, "too late."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Let the people really enjoy my jokes tonight.

Let me arrive safely back at my hotel.

Help me find some shoes I really like.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection

who owns a Ferrari dealership.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

KEVIN: Nobody was allowed to curse in our house,

but George Carlin was allowed.

And when he was laughing with George Carlin,

Dad went away and there was Don Smith,

some motherfucker I didn't know,

but then my mother fucked. You know?

So in those moments, I really got to see

who he was, and what he found funny.

I was, uh, gonna say to you,

in fact, I'm going to say that I was awfully nervous

and a little tight too.

I guess that's the same thing, you know.

I'm just glad to be home and I'm glad to be...

(VOCALIZING) ...in New York and back in the borough...

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) -...and saying, "Hello!

How are you?"

This is my office. That's what it is, my office.

Let's face it. If this is my job,

shit, this has gotta be my office.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: Actually, this is just a place for my stuff.

It's all you need, really is a place for your stuff.

That's what life's all about, when you think about it,

trying to find a place to keep your stuff.

Everybody's got to have a little place

to keep their stuff. That's why you have pockets.

That's why you have glove compartments.

That's why they have lockers at the bus station.

That's all your house is, really, when you think about it.

That's all your house is, it's a place for your stuff.

Hey, if you didn't have so much goddamn stuff,

-you wouldn't need a house. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: Sometimes, you go to someone else's house,

first thing you notice in someone else's house

is you don't quite feel a 100 percent at home.

You know why?

-No room for your stuff. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Someone else's shit is on the table.

Have you noticed that their stuff is shit

-and your shit is stuff? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

-"Get it off!" -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

"Get that shit off of there and let me put my stuff down."

JERRY SEINFELD: A place for my stuff

is highly intellectual if you look at the skill level,

the brainpower it takes to break that down.

That is, you know, I don't know, maybe to some comedians,

that's just a... observational comedy bit.

To me, it's the elevation of the ordinary

and the disassembling of the ordinary.

And that's... There's no better example of that than that bit.

In essence, it seems like this light-hearted,

superficial analysis of, like, the way people value

their own belongings

and how they display them and those types of things.

But, "My shit is stuff, and your stuff is shit"

really is the through-line

for the lack of empathy of people.

Like, even when you think about cancel culture,

things like that, "My opinion is valid

but your opinion is cancel culture and bullshit,"

like, "My thoughts are stuff and your thoughts are shit."

And it's just this little bit that he did

on shit you put on your dresser.

-Thank you very much. Goodnight. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

And I hope I see you another time.

Good night, all. Have a good time, you. Bye-bye.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) -Thank you.

-Thank you very much. -JERRY: After the show,

George was in tears in the dressing room.

See you later.

JERRY: Because he thought, "Oh, it could have been

so much better if I could've had two shows."

"There were so many little things

that I could have changed."

But the show came out and it exploded.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JERRY: And that's what got it going again.

GEORGE: Hello, good morning. How are you?

What's going on? What's new? What's happening?

Good evening. Hello. How is it going?

And what the fuck's new with you?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JERRY: But he still was the guy whose back

is up against the wall with the government.

And I used to get a call every Tuesday

from this guy at the IRS,

"How did we do over the weekend?"

I think a lot of you know that I've been through

-several changes in my career. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JERRY: He couldn't catch up.

I'm just hoping you'll hang in there

with me one more time.

A lot of comedians tell you what they did.

Well, you know, I went-- I was down...

HBO fed the box office

all across the country.

You can tell by listening,

this guy has never been near a psychiatrist.

So, I was able to keep touring, and earn money.

If I tell you something happened,

-it fucking happened, okay? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: And slowly,

I was just learning how to produce more material,

because I had a need, I had to stay out there.

Have you ever been talking to someone

and a little bit of spit flies off your tongue...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

...and lands right on the man's nose?

Do you ever pour glue on a bird?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Of course not. You don't have to.

You ever been sitting in the movies?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: But I wasn't really going anywhere in my thinking.

Here's something you don't know. I never fucked a ten,

but one night, I fucked five twos.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: I had to find my voice.

Some guys will fuck anybody. Not me. Not anymore.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Not since herpes and AIDS are going around.

In fact, just to be on the safe side,

I'm not even jerking off anymore.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Well, I don't know where I've been.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

KELLY: He was a road comic till the day he died.

It was his art form. It's how he made his living.

And he had an enormous amount of financial pressure.

So he really had no choice.

Because the IRS threatened to take their house away

all the time. That was the leverage.

And that house was everything to my mother.

And then my mom was alone all the time.

She didn't have her life partner.

She didn't have her guy.

And she was like,

"You need to figure this out differently

because we need to have a life together."

So they started going out on dates

and having lunches together.

And then he actually began taking vacations.

GEORGE: I'm coming in on you now.

-Zeroing in. -I am too.

GEORGE: Just perfect.

Brenda.

What?

GEORGE: Looks great. What a good shot.

KELLY: When all of the noise of the drugs and alcohol left

and all of the noise of the career stuff...

GEORGE: Hey, Brenda.

KELLY: ...there was this really nice

little honeymoon period for them,

where they got to know each other again.

GEORGE: Okay, that's nice.

KELLY: We had survived so much,

and there was this incredible love

and an incredible adventure we'd been through together.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

KELLY: And the three of us,

were the only people on the planet

who really fucking got it.

GEORGE: I am very disturbed that my actions in the 1970s

concerning my money and other behaviors

have put me in the position

where I have to be away from Brenda.

That Brenda is left alone so much.

I tell her, I say, "I'm working on our retirement."

I'm trying to set some things in place

"that will put us ahead of this game."

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

PATTON OSWALT: Comedy is about the present and the now.

And then life changes and you hopefully,

as a comedian, change and evolve with it.

But if you solidify and calcify and go,

"This is as far as I'm going to go

and damn it I'm still going to say these words,"

then you're not engaging with the world anymore.

You're engaging with a certain moment in time

that you have decided to live in forever.

And George ran that risk for a while in the '80s

of becoming irrelevant.

KLIPH NESTEROFF: Carlin saw some of the trends

that were happening in stand-up.

Other comedians are coming along,

they're starting to do laps around him.

Comedy clubs are opening up.

He paved the way, but they're not booking him.

He's getting older.

I'm like anybody else on the planet

I'm very moved by world hunger...

KLIPH: Sam Kinison bursts onto the scene

loud and angry.

Yeah, I watch these things on TV and I see those commercials

and I look at it, I go, "God, how cruel," you know.

To see a little kid out there, and I go, "Fuck,"

I know the film crew could give this kid a sandwich.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

PATTON: So, part of Sam Kinison inspired George Carlin,

but part of him scared him a little bit.

But, like any true artist,

if something scares you, you have to run towards it.

There's a director five feet away going,

-"Don't feed him yet!" -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"Get that sandwich out of here!

It doesn't work unless he looks hungry!"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You want to send them something? You want to help?

Send them U-Hauls. Send them U-Hauls, some luggage.

Send them a guy out there that goes, "Hey!"

(CHUCKLES) "You know, we've been driving out here every day with your food

for the last, I don't know, 34 years."

"We've been driving out here every day across the desert

and it occurred to us there wouldn't be world hunger

if you people would live where the food is!"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-"Get out of the desert!" -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"You understand that you live in a fucking desert?"

GEORGE: I remember consciously thinking,

"This motherfucker is good, and he's got ideas."

Without wanting to wipe him out, I want to raise my level

to where I'm not lost in his dust.

I've always been very competitive about this.

And I know that it gave me the feeling

of run a little faster, work a little harder.

You know, it's not accumulated credits here, George.

It's what did you do last week?

♪ (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(GEORGE VOCALIZING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

♪ Cherry, cherry pie... ♪

The sanctity of life. Abortion has always been wrong.

It will always be wrong.

GEORGE: And those Reagan years really represented the rise

to supremacy of darkness in a way,

the ascendancy of ignorance.

Rock lyrics have turned from, "I can't get no satisfaction"

to, "I'm going to force you at gunpoint to eat me alive."

(SHOUTING, CHEERING)

GEORGE: So, my reaction to the climate

was one of storing up ammunition.

And the notes began to almost be exclusively about issues.

RUDOLPH GIULIANI: The misuse of federal funds,

the embezzlement of funds, and the stealing...

Shocked by the fact that a former Secretary

of the Treasury of such high standing

had failed to file his tax returns. (SCOFFS)

GEORGE: (SINGING) ♪ Like little Jack Horner ♪

♪ Just sittin' in that corner ♪

♪ Oh, he was eatin' his cherry Cherry, cherry, cherry pie... ♪

OLIVER NORTH: Absolutely no recollection

of destroying any document which...

A few months ago, I told the American people

I did not trade arms for hostages.

My heart, to my best intentions, still tell me that's true.

GEORGE: So now, I said, I'm beginning to find

my own way to say these things and to let loose.

My mind wanted now to produce this other stuff.

My mind just called all the shots.

My mind and heart said, "This is what we're doing now."

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Hello, Union City, New Jersey!

Without any further ado,

it gives me a great deal of pleasure

to introduce a gentleman who needs no introduction.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

BILL BURR: In 1988, one of the guys I worked with

was into stand-up. And we heard on the radio

that they were advertising George Carlin.

So we ended up going to the show.

We got tickets because we were going to go there

to actually, I can't believe this,

to laugh at him.

That he was this older comic

who is still doing all these old bits that we heard

and I remember the whole week, he just kept going,

"More stuff!" And I kinda bought into it.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -Hey there, we doing all right?

Thank you. Thank you, everybody.

BILL: And George Carlin came out...

Hello. Hiya. Thank you.

...with like a howitzer.

I really haven't seen this many people in one place

since they took the group photographs

of all the criminals and lawbreakers

in the Ronald Reagan administration.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -BILL: It was like...

Two-hundred and twenty-five of them so far.

"...Who is this guy?"

See, that's what you got to remember.

This is the Ronald Reagan administration

we're talking about. These are the law-and-order people.

These are the people who are against street crime.

They want to put street criminals in jail

to make life safer for the business criminals.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

They're against street crime.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Keep in mind, these Reagan people

are the ones that were going to get government off our backs.

Remember that? That was the rhetoric

of the 1980 campaign.

We'll get government off your backs

and out of your lives. Yeah, but they still want to

tell you what magazines you can read.

And they still want to tell you

what rock lyrics you can listen to.

And they still want to force your kids to pray in school.

And they still want to tell you what you can say on the radio.

So, these Reagan people, these right wingers, in general,

they're against homosexuality.

They're against pornography. They're against sex education.

They're against abortion.

Yeah, they're going to get government off your back,

but they're going to tell you how to live your sex life.

And let me ask you this,

how would they know anything about it?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Have you ever taken a look at those people?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

No wonder they're afraid of their bodies.

Take a look at them.

Doesn't it strike you as mildly ironic

that most of the people who are against abortion

are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?

Does that strike you a little strange?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

Hey, I'm the first one to say

it's a great country, but it's a strange culture.

This is a country where gun store owners

are given a list of stolen credit cards,

but not a list of criminals and maniacs.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And now they're thinking about banning toy guns

and they're going to keep the fucking real ones!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

BILL: I would say it was like a Miles Davis thing.

George has like, one, two, three, four,

five distinct periods of growth

where he would leave a segment of his audience behind.

Like-- When he was, like, working clean from a team

to then becoming the counterculture guy,

to then being that guy in the '80s,

then that dude in the '90s, and each time,

it was like a boa constrictor.

It just got more pointed and more like,

"Fuck, man. This guy is scaring the shit out of me.

Where's this country going?"

Um, the courage that that takes to do that,

that is like, "Hey, man, I'm going in this direction."

You either come along with me or you don't.

And I don't give a shit if there's 3,000

or three people listening to this.

This is what I believe.

"This is what I want to say and I'm saying it."

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

JERRY: He developed a style

and he started talking about things

that were more serious and more meaningful.

First, he would come out with a hard joke

right in the beginning.

Don't you think it's just a little bit strange

that Ronald Reagan had an operation on his asshole

and George Bush had an operation on his middle finger, huh?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

He always had something

where he used to call for the audience.

You know, "We're going to blow up America,

but now, here are a few fart jokes."

They were always in there.

Have you ever been in a serious social situation

when you suddenly realize

you have to pull the underwear out of the crack in your ass?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"You take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"Huh? Who? Her? Oh, hell yeah."

JERRY: When it got about 20 minutes out,

he had a piece that was a hammer.

And it was what he was really doing the show for.

Sanctity of life. You believe in it?

Personally, I think it's a bunch of shit.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Well, I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God?

Hey, if you read history, you realize that

God is one of the leading causes of death.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Has been for thousands of years.

Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians,

all taking turns killing each other

because God told them it was a good idea.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"The sword of God, the blood of the lamb,

vengeance is mine." Millions of dead motherfuckers.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Millions of dead motherfuckers

all because they gave the wrong answer

to the God question.

"You believe in God?" "No." (BLOWS) Dead.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"You believe in God?" "Yes."

"You believe in my God?" "No." (BLOWS) Dead.

"My God has a bigger dick than your God."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

We watched the arc of a creative person

that just stayed with it

until they broke through

to that next evolution that he went through,

because it felt like, "Yes, I'm a--"

"You know me as this goofy guy

that is a wonderful wordsmith

and I can always find ways to say things, and I'm now,

I have been pushed to the point, by what I have seen in my years,

where none of that is there anymore,

"and I need to tell you exactly what is going on."

We can't get rid of this war mentality

from our public life. We got a war on poverty,

war on crime, war on cancer, war on litter, war on drugs.

Did you ever notice we don't have

a war on homelessness?

No war on homelessness. You know why?

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) -You know why?

I'll tell you why, because there's no money in it.

There's no money in that problem.

Nobody stands to get rich off of that problem.

You find a solution to homelessness

where the businessmen and the politicians

can steal a couple of million dollars each,

you'll see the streets of America

begin to clear up pretty fast.

It seemed he had another goal in mind,

which was to push your thinking.

These people need physical, tangible structures,

low-cost housing. But where are you going to put it?

I think that was the biggest thing

that attracted me to him, especially young,

because your critical thinking

is starting to really, like, tick up a bunch.

And you're starting to really be like,

"Why do I have to take off my hat in class?

What's that have to do with me learning?

It's not blocking my brain."

We got a thing in this country called NIMBY.

N-I-M-B-Y, "Not In My Backyard."

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -That's what they call it.

People don't want anything near them,

especially if it might help somebody else.

To then be introduced

to another, like, critical thinker who's like,

"Hey, society, what's up with these rules?"

"What's up with these standards? What's up with trying to

inflict this stuff on everybody?"

Once you hear another perspective,

you can't unhear it,

so you do have to then decide who you are after that.

It's just the facts.

Well, I got an idea where we can put some low-cost housing,

golf courses.

This is just what we need. Golf courses.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -Plenty of good land.

Plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods,

land that's devoted now to a meaningless,

mindless activity engaged in primarily

by White well-to-do male businessmen

who use the game to make deals to get together

to carve the country up a little finer among themselves.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Golf is an arrogant--

an arrogant, elitist game

and it takes up entirely too much room in this country.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -Entirely too much room.

Listen to me. You know much room it takes up?

Seventeen thousand golf courses, about 150 acres each.

That's three million acres. That's 4,800 square miles.

Two Rhode Islands and a Delaware you could build for the homeless

on the land that's currently devoted

to this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist game.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) -Racist game, racist game.

♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE: The reason I believe in blunt,

almost violent presentation of my ideas these days,

is because what is happening to everyone...

it is not gentle, it is not subtle.

It is direct, hard, and violent

what is being done to the lives of people.

The real violence goes on every day unheard, unreported,

and it is not sufficient to have a clever riposte,

a clever line, huh?

"Fuck you, cocksuckers," is my approach.

The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought,

all based on religious hatred, which is fine with me.

Any time a bunch of Holy people wanna kill each other...

♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪

GEORGE: One of the problems of Americans

is they can't face reality.

And that's why when it comes crashing down,

no one's going to be prepared to handle it,

because they're not used to it anymore.

I mean, everything is glossed over.

"Oh, that's not happening." Feel-good presidents.

"That's not happening. That's not happening.

Let's make believe this isn't happening."

And suddenly, we're going to have to face it.

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

I remember one time Carlin said to me...

"I'm not in show business. I'm a comedian."

It's like, "Oh, this is gangster."

I took it to mean that comedians,

you know, we're thinkers,

but when you think about, you know, the history of man,

you know, man used to love philosophers.

We don't really have philosophers anymore,

but we have comedians.

So, Carlin encompassed all those things.

That's what he meant.

Like, "This is what we do. This is the life we've chosen."

We're, you know, kind of a secret society, in a sense.

I think... I was talking to Seinfeld last night

and it's kind of like the same thing.

Okay, fine. Fine.

You want the comedian to be your lens on society?

Go. Enjoy it. But for me...

I've never heard a comic bit

that changed my opinion on anything.

Except a great bit changes my opinion of that comedian.

♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey, look out there. It's these meaty guys.

Wayne! How ya doing, Wayne?

People sometimes say to me,

"Are you trying to make people think?"

"I say, "No, no. That would be the kiss of death.

What I want to do is to let them know I'm thinking."

You have to be somewhat of an egotist

to stand up all your life and say,

"Listen to me. Please pay attention."

And that's fine. I can live with that about myself.

But if I'm going to call attention to myself,

I want to show them something

a little different from time to time.

I want to find a voice that isn't like all the others.

So I like to find out where their line may be

and deliberately cross it,

and then make them glad they came.

Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya,

you got some Brown people in your country.

Tell them to watch the fuck out or we'll goddamn bomb them.

(IMITATES EXPLOSIONS)

That's-- If they're laughing

or at some point when they extend the laugh,

or they begin to applaud one of those lines,

I'll be filling that time

by going... (IMITATES EXPLOSIONS)

HOST: If you were a new comic today,

if you came along right as you are right now,

you had never made a record, no one had ever heard of you.

GEORGE: I'd kill. I'd absolutely kill.

I'm doing my very best work right now.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -Yeah. Okay.

It's been a little while.

It's been a little while since I've been here,

and a couple of things have happened in that time.

I'd like to talk a little bit about the war

-in the Persian Gulf. -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Big doings in the Persian Gulf.

You know my favorite part of that war?

It's the first war we ever had

that was on every channel plus cable.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And the war got good ratings too, didn't it?

Got good ratings. Well, we like war.

We like war. We're a war-like people.

We like war because we're good at it,

and it's a good thing we are.

We're not very good at anything else anymore.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Huh? Can't build a decent car.

Can't make a TV set or a VCR worth a fuck.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Got no steel industry left. Can't educate our young people.

Can't get healthcare to our old people,

but we can bomb the shit out of your country, all right.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

We can bomb the shit out of your country, all right.

-(CHEERING) -(GEORGE IMITATING EXPLOSIONS)

Especially, if your country is full of Brown people.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Oh, we like that, don't we? That's our hobby.

That's our new job in the world, bombing Brown people.

Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya,

you got some Brown people in your country.

Tell them to watch the fuck out...

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -...or we'll goddamn bomb them.

Well, when's the last White people

you can remember that we bombed?

Can you remember the last White...

Can you remember any White people

we've ever bombed?

The Germans, those are the only ones,

and that's only because they were trying to

-cut in on our action. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

They wanted to dominate the world.

Bullshit, that's our fucking job.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) -That's our fucking job!

(IMITATES EXPLOSIONS)

Well, you know, Jammin' In New York,

he always-- When he talked about Jammin' In New York,

he said the reason that it was so profound for him

was that it was the first time

that he felt like he was a real writer.

That show was a life changer for me in 1992.

It made me realize I was more of an artist than a performer.

You know, for another comedian to hear that,

it's like, "Wow. Okay, sure.

Whatever you say, you weren't a real writer until then. Okay."

I'm a stand-up comic. It's a vulgar art.

It's the people's art. I'll always be that.

I'm nothing but a vulgar, stand-up comedian performer,

show business guy,

but I'm a writer, too.

There's an artist at work in here.

There's an artist at work alongside the performer,

and that made me feel different.

Jammin' In New York was the first time

that those values showed in the piece called,

The Planet is Fine. The People Are Fucked.

We're so self-important. So self-important.

Everybody's gotta save something now. Save the trees.

Save the bees. Save the whales. Save those snails.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And the greatest arrogance of all, save the planet. What?

Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet?

We don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet.

We haven't learned how to care for one another.

We're going to save the fucking planet?

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) -I'm getting tired of that shit.

Tired of that shit, tired. I'm tired of fucking Earth Day.

I'm tired of these

self- righteous environmentalists.

These White bourgeois liberals

who think the only thing wrong with this country

is there aren't enough bicycle paths.

People trying to make the world safe for their Volvos.

Besides, environmentalists

don't give a shit about the planet.

They don't care about the planet.

Not in the abstract, they don't. Not in the abstract, they don't.

You know what they're interested in?

A clean place to live. Their own habitat.

They're worried that someday in the future,

they might be personally inconvenienced.

Narrow, unenlightened self-interest

doesn't impress me.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet.

Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine.

-The people are fucked. -(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Difference. Difference. The planet is fine.

Compared to the people, the planet is doing great.

It's been here four and a half billion years.

Do you ever think about the arithmetic?

The planet has been here four and a half billion years.

We've been here what, 100,000? Maybe 200,000,

and we've only been engaged in heavy industry

for a little over 200 years.

Two hundred years versus four and a half billion,

and we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat.

That somehow we're going to put in jeopardy

this beautiful little blue-green ball

that's just a-floating around the sun.

The planet has been through a lot worse than us.

Been through all kinds of things worse than us.

Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics,

continental drift, solar flares, sunspots, magnetic storms,

the magnetic reversal of the poles.

Hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets

and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves,

worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays,

recurring ice ages and we think some plastic bags...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

...and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference?

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) -The planet... the planet...

the planet isn't going anywhere. We are.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

We're going away. Pack your shit, folks.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -We're going away

and we won't leave much of a trace either.

Thank God for that. Maybe a little Styrofoam, maybe.

A little Styrofoam. Planet will be here.

We'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation.

Just another closed-end biological mistake,

an evolutionary cul-de-sac.

The planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

A surface nuisance.

-(BLOWS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

That haunting sound effect

of the Earth just shaking us off, he goes...

(BLOWS) And I remember I-- I-- like--

I felt like a jolt in my chest,

you know, when you lean back on a chair or something,

when he did that,

of the way he so brutally and eloquently

showed the insignificance

of human beings and humanity.

To be fair, the planet probably sees us as a mild threat.

Something to be dealt with,

and I'm sure the planet will defend itself...

BILL: A lot of the stuff that he was saying,

it was hard for some people to listen to it,

because it was so searingly and brutally honest.

What would you do if you were the planet

trying to defend against this pesky,

troublesome species? "Let's see. What might... Hmm, Viruses."

Viruses might be good.

They seem vulnerable to viruses.

And viruses are tricky, always mutating

and forming new strains,

"whenever a vaccine is developed."

The thing that is so key with George

is he's not afraid of silence. And so I think

when your comedian has a specific agenda,

especially one that is so explicitly political,

and so explicitly, like,

"I'm going to confront the things

that you think you don't want me to confront,"

you have to be able to keep your back stiff.

Because if the audience sees you back off,

then they got you.

Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with a fetus

from conception to nine months.

After that, they don't want to know about you.

They don't want to hear from you. No nothing.

No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start,

no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing.

If you're preborn, you're fine. If you're preschool,

-you're fucked. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

-You're fucked. -(LAUGHING, CHEERING)

Conservatives don't give a shit about you

until you reach military age.

Then they think you are just fine.

Just what they've been looking for.

Conservatives want live babies

so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

Pro-life, they're not pro-life. You know what they are?

They're anti-woman. Simple as it gets,

anti-woman. They don't like them.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Here's another question I have.

How come when it's us, it's an abortion,

and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet?

Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden?

Name six ways we're better than chickens.

See, nobody can do it.

You know why? Because chickens are decent people.

Is a fetus a human being?

This seems to be the central question.

Well, if a fetus is a human being,

how come the census doesn't count them?

Just looking for a little consistency here

in these anti-abortion arguments...

No one is ever more himself

than at that moment when he laughs

because it's very Zen-like, that moment.

You are completely yourself

when the message hits that brain and you understand it

and then the laugh begins.

If a new idea slips into that moment,

it gets in and has a place to start to grow a little.

At the same time,

you've had to surrender yourself to that moment,

and it's a perfect union.

It's a genuine, momentary communion.

They wouldn't have experienced it without you,

and you wouldn't have experienced it without them.

Maybe it's one of the things

that you seek by following this path

is to have some power like that. To be able to say,

"Stop in your tracks and consider me."

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

I'm speaking to my friends, the Catholics,

when John Cardinal O'Connor of New York

and some of these other cardinals

and bishops have experienced their first pregnancies

and their first labor pains

and they've raised a couple of children on minimum wage,

then I'll be glad to hear

what they have to say about abortion.

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) -I'm sure it'll be interesting.

Enlightening, too. But... but...

in the meantime, what they ought to be doing

is telling these priests who took a vow of chastity

to keep their hands off the altar boys.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

When Jesus said, "Suffer the little children,

"come unto me," that's not what He was talking about.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

This will be the best fair ever!

-Mr. Conductor? -Look what I won at the fair!

Besides winning all these prizes,

I had a whole baked bean.

HASAN MINHAJ: Like most kids,

my introduction to comedy was my freshman year of college.

I was one of those kids where I only knew Carlin

as the dude from Shining Time Station.

Honestly, he was just the dude

from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Greetings, my excellent friends.

ALEX WINTER: The Rufus that you see

is the Carlin that we knew off-camera.

Right, it was this gentle, paternal...

It wasn't like, "Hey, now I'm doing my thing." You know.

And I think everyone expected that.

Like, no one complained about this.

I'm not like going to create some mythology.

I'm only telling you what the set vibe was.

And that was what the set vibe was.

♪ (MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ALEX: One of the things I respected about him so much,

and I think one of the things

that drew me to him when I was young,

there was a kind of open-heartedness to him.

-Gentlemen... -ALEX: And front and center

-were his values. -...we're history.

Whoa!

Hi, Tom. Hot baked goods.

KELLY: I don't think he ever gave up

on the Danny Kaye dream.

Well, hello, Susan.

You look fabulous this morning. I'm so glad you both got laid.

He loved doing Shining Time Station.

He loved being Rufus.

Then he calls me up. He said, "I got a TV show."

I said, "Oh, how cool is that?"

Hey, don't buy any book by a stand-up comedian

who's got a sitcom.

They don't know what they're talking about.

He says, "Yeah, you're on the payroll."

I said, "What's my job?"

And he says, "To help maintain my New York attitude."

With a broomstick!

HOST: George Carlin stars in The George Carlin Show

on Sunday nights. He plays George O'Grady.

If I was willing to apologize,

I could have stayed in the altar boys,

the Boy Scouts, the choir, three Catholic schools,

and the Air Force.

First of all, my acting bug has never been satisfied,

and I had Sam Simon. Sam's credentials include Taxi,

Cheers, Tracy Ullman, and The Simpsons.

I thought at 56, maybe I owe Brenda, my wife,

and me a shot at a real home run.

♪ (PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE: I've always been an outsider

and a loner, in my life and in my career.

Onstage, out there alone,

you've written everything yourself,

you deliver it yourself,

you're directing and producing. It's a complete solo act.

And I just think there's a part of me

that wants to belong,

that wants to be a part of a group

that wants to collaborate.

And that's what acting is, the ultimate collaborative art.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

My dad did it... because he wanted to stay at home

and spend time with my mom and get off the fucking road.

He was tired. He was sold the idea

that you can stay home and have a life.

But Dad started working 14-hour days

and realizing that he was not home with my mom.

And he was exhausted. And irritated and at war

with his other executive producer.

SAM SIMON: At the time, this is when Seinfeld

was looking at 250 million dollars from his show.

And he said it, he felt he owed it to his family

to hit a home run,

but they wanted to change the tone of the network.

So, in spite of pretty good numbers,

the show was canceled.

He's a guy that wrote all his own material

and got on the stage by himself,

and just the nature of what we were doing isn't that.

So it's just weird that he considers it

this black mark and this failure

'cause you just go, "Well, that's TV."

That's why most comedians fail. We're not good collaborators,

obviously. (CHUCKLES)

Why the hell are you up there by yourself?

Because that's how you feel comfortable.

I remember somebody asking me once,

"Would you ever consider doing a Broadway play?"

And I went, "You mean where I would have to wait"

till someone else finishes talking before I talk?

"Why would I do that?"

That's when you have to melt yourself down

and pour yourself into a different bottle,

to collaborate.

Hey, the streets are safer with you behind bars.

GEORGE: When they called me...

Well, I won't be in here long!

...and told me it had been canceled...

They haven't made the jail that can hold George O'Grady.

...I said, "Thank you."

It was a detour that I had to make one final time.

And there'll be a trial of dead screws behind me.

CALLER: Hi, George. I'm a big fan of yours.

I loved your show. It didn't make it.

Are we going to see you on TV again?

No, I'm very happy that it didn't make it

because I really didn't fit

in that kind of commercial comedy setting.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

GEORGE: Trouble is it was fun on the stage,

it wasn't fun in the offices, and that's fine.

I'm happy to be doing what I love

and that is my stand up.

This next piece of material is real simple.

It's called "Free-Floating Hostility."

Cultural items I'm bored with, tired of, and pissed at.

People who make quote marks in the air with their fingers.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -What about these people

who tell you their needs aren't being met?

What about these guys who tell you,

"I heard that." Too many vehicles.

White guys who wear their baseball hats backwards?

What is all this shit about angels?

What the fuck do White people have to be blue about?

Something else I don't understand,

-motivation tapes. -(AUDIENCE LAUGH)

Banana Republic ran out of khakis?

Now suddenly, everyone is walking around

with their own personal bottle of water.

When did we get so thirsty in America?

Three out of four people now believe in angels.

-What, are you fucking stupid? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Besides, if you're motivated enough to go to the store

to buy a motivation book,

aren't you motivated enough to do that?

So you don't need the book. Put it back, tell the court,

"Fuck you. I'm motivated. I'm going home.

-I'm going home." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I'm getting a little tired of hearing

that after six policemen get arrested

for shoving a floor lamp up some Black guy's ass

and ripping his intestines out, the Police Department announces

they're going to have sensitivity training.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I say, "Hey, if you need special training to be told"

not to jam a large cumbersome object

up someone else's asshole, maybe you're too fucked up

to be on the police force in the first place.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING) -Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe not. I don't know. You know what they oughta do?

They oughta have two new requirements

for being on the police, intelligence and decency.

You never can tell. It might just work.

It certainly hasn't been tried yet.

(CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

REPORTER: George Carlin, the hippy-dippie weatherman,

turned 60 this month, 60, and this ninth-grade dropout...

Yeah, Cardinal Hayes...

REPORTER: ...I know. I didn't believe it either,

somewhere along the way fell in love with ideas

and words and has just written his first book,

Braindroppings, which questions some of the major issues

of our time.

When it comes to bullshit, truly Major League bullshit,

you have to stand back in awe,

in awe of the all-time heavyweight champion

of false promises

and exaggerated claims, religion.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Organized religion, it's no contest.

Religion easily, easily,

has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it.

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man

living in the sky who watches everything you do

-every minute of every day. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And the invisible man

has a list of ten specific things

-he doesn't want you to do. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And if you do any of these things,

he will send you to a special place...

of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish

for you to live forever and suffer and burn and scream

until the end of time.

-But he loves you. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-He loves you. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

He loves you and he needs money.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

He always needs money.

He's all-powerful, all-present, all-knowing, and all-wise.

-Just can't handle money. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Do you feel your place in comedy now?

Do you feel that place? Is that...

That is growing on me.

I think longevity is a wonderful thing.

Sometimes you get applause just for not being dead

-when you say... -(LAUGHS)

It's true. When you say, "I'm going to be 60,"

they applaud that. Wonderful, he's not dead, 60.

Uh, so, but, but I'm getting a sense of it.

You know, when you're in planes three days a week.

I go out every Friday, I come home every Monday.

It's three different cities, three different nights,

airports, hotel lobbies, and people are wonderful.

People-- I love individuals. I hate groups of people.

I hate people who have

a group of people with a common purpose,

because pretty soon they have little hats...

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -...you know, and armbands,

and fight songs, and a list of people

they're going to visit at 3:00 a.m.

So, I dislike and despise groups of people,

but I love individuals. And so, cumulatively,

I have gotten the feeling that I'm in this big family.

A family life I never had, by the way,

this so to say, extended family

of people who feel like you're their cousin.

Just like, "Georgie, in 1961, I saw you.

Hey, remember that?" "Yes."

"Oh, and you know what you said?" I said, "Did I?"

"Oh, yes." It's just great. And so, cumulatively,

you say, "Well, I guess I'm in the family.

I guess it's okay."

JOURNALIST: He's there, George! George.

GEORGE: I met my wife, Brenda, 35 years ago in a nightclub

in Dayton, Ohio.

And she has taken every step of this trip with me.

In the beginning,

she sat back of those bad nightclubs

and had to watch my second show

when the 12 people in the audience

had already seen my first show

and I was forced to do the B material.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

She gave birth to our miraculous daughter, Kelly,

who once slept on the stage right near me

all through a show I did at a college in Georgia.

She was nine years old. Kelly, not Brenda.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Then, in 1970, when I discovered I had to follow my heart

and go from a suit and tie to a beard and jeans,

and take a pay cut of about 80 percent,

Brenda never blinked. Never blinked.

Even though it meant walking away

from the purchase of our very first home,

which was in escrow at the time. And you know what she said?

When I told her what I wanted to do,

she said, "I'm going to make up your new press kit."

She's the best I could ever have wished for.

So, Brenda, thank you.

-Thank you. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

And Brenda, as they say on these occasions,

half of this belongs to you.

I promise you, later on, when we sell this thing...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

...I'll split the money with you.

Thanks, everybody, very, very much. Thank you.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

CROWD: Surprise!

(CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

HOST: You've had a long, successful,

-happy marriage. -GEORGE: Yes, sir.

HOST: In a society where that's unusual,

in a profession where it's very unusual.

GEORGE: Brenda and I were lucky to have found one another.

We had our problems as everyone has.

We had to get past some bad things,

but we always had our senses of humor.

And we always had a kind of loyalty to each other.

"I think there's a little aspect of, "You know,

we did this and here we are.

"It's us. It's not you and me. It's us."

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

KELLY: When my mom got sick... from liver cancer,

the oncologist said to us

she has maybe three months to live.

And so he was in denial a bit about it. I certainly was.

We have a family meeting, and we were going to have

a big 60th birthday for my dad. And my dad says,

"We're not going to do this birthday party.

Let's do it when Mom stabilizes in a few months."

And none of us are talking about what's actually going on,

which is my mother's not going to be alive in six months.

Nobody's talking about it.

And then my dad says,

"I have to go on the road."

And it's like a ten-day trip he's got to go on the road.

And I'm like, "What?"

I'm furious inside, and at the same time,

stupefied by my own inability to say, "You have to stay home."

JEFF ABRAHAM: You know, he had his first book

coming out, Braindroppings. And he had this press tour.

You know, we had started probably about a month or so

just prior to that. And he would go out,

do a couple dates, race home, see Brenda.

And he was all set to do Letterman.

You know, he flew to New York

"and he got the call, "Brenda's probably not going to make it

through the weekend."

JERRY: I don't know if she was dead

when he walked in the room or not,

but I do remember that she had a teardrop.

And George took a Kleenex and wiped her eye

and saved that Kleenex till the day he died.

Brenda.

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

KELLY: She died on Mother's Day.

But to watch my dad...

take her, um... face in his hands,

and he was just like, "Oh, Brenny. Oh, Brenny.

I'm so sorry." And it was just like...

you know, they loved each other so much,

and, um...

it was such a fucked way for it to end.

I just pretty much after that dedicated myself, you know,

"I'm not going to pretend anymore.

I'm not pretending with my dad anymore."

My dad and I actually, after that, we were like,

"All right, we need to learn how to talk to each other."

Because we got how fucked up it all was.

LARRY KING: Tragedy came into George Carlin's life recently

after a long and very happy marriage,

the death of his wife. And this book wasn't--

-You didn't time it this way. -GEORGE: No.

So you're committed to this tour.

I'm sure you wouldn't be out on it.

Brenda was ill at the time the book tour was being booked.

And I like to say,

Brenda not only was the light of my life,

she was the keeper of my dreams.

How do you deal with it, George?

Well, you just have to get each day done

a little bit at a time.

And you go from emotion to logic.

During the first few weeks,

there's so many things to do and think about

that you bounce back and forth between feeling and thinking.

And there are times when you hit a low.

And there are times when you're okay, sort of.

Do you live lots of memories

-when you have that many years? -Oh, yes.

Every city that I've been in on my own,

I've been in with Brenda. Almost every one.

We drove every mile of this country together.

Early in the marriage, we lived out of our Dodge Dart.

It's not just sorrow and loss. It's savoring what you had.

♪ (SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Excuse me.

Fill them pews, people. That's the key.

Grab the little ones as well. Hook them while they're young.

So, in 1998, we get ready to make this picture, Dogma.

When we were casting, they were like...

All right. Mistakes were made.

..."Who do you see as Cardinal Glick?"

And I said, "George Carlin."

Now, we all know how the majority and the media

in this country view the Catholic Church.

KEVIN: One day he came up to me on set,

"he goes, "As you know, my wife just passed away.

I'm not ready to take off my wedding band yet."

So what I came up with is, if it's okay with you

and if it's okay for the movie, if I put a Band-Aid,

if Cardinal Glick has a Band-Aid on his finger the whole movie,

it would allow me to keep my wedding band on

"because it's just too soon."

ROCCO URBISCI: There's a period of healing

you have to go through, and then you realize,

you know, you're still here.

And they would want you to do what you do.

That's a gift you were given, and for you not to do it

would be a sin.

So George did what he always did,

went home...

(LIGHT TAPPING)

...and wrote.

♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE: Religion tries to tell us

that there's meaning and that there's purpose

and there's design, and there isn't.

It is all chaos and random and chance.

Religion takes a basic impulse we all have,

which is a spiritual yearning.

To be reunited somehow with the universe.

And that's what religion exploits.

They call it God.

They say he has rules, and I think it's cruel.

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

GEORGE: I have pulled away and I now reside out

where the Oort cloud is, where the comets gather.

I finally decided that I would dissociate myself,

view all of this as an absurd, tragic comedy,

and really have a point of view that allowed me

to say anything that felt right,

that expressed how I was reacting to all of this,

and how it made me feel.

I sort of gave up on the human race

and decided that I didn't care about the outcome.

"Not caring about the outcome." What do you mean by that?

Right. Not having an emotional stake

in whether this experiment with human beings works.

I really don't care. I love people as I meet them

one by one. People are just wonderful as individuals.

You see the whole universe in their eyes

if you look carefully.

But as soon as they begin to group,

as soon as they begin to clot, when there are five of them

or ten, or even groups as small as two,

they begin to change.

They sacrifice the beauty of the individual

for the sake of the group.

I decided it was all under the control of groups now,

whether it's business, religion, political people or what.

And I would distance myself from wishing for a good outcome.

Let it do what it's going to do

and I'll enjoy it as an entertainment.

And not reflect on what it is on its own?

And when you say to yourself, "I don't care what happens."

It just gives you a broader perspective

for the art, for the words to emerge.

JON: The only other person

that I had a similar feeling about was Kurt Vonnegut,

who struck me as incredibly humanistic.

Someone with great care for the individual,

of great empathy, but of a real mistrust of institutions.

When you'd talk to him, everything was so rational.

If that was his spirituality, I think,

it was in the rational mind.

But I think he also felt outside of life.

JERRY: He would never talk like, "Oh, I'm going to die,"

but I think he felt that way, that his days were numbered.

There are so many dates that I had to cancel

because George had to go to the hospital.

So I know he was afraid of it.

And what George needed, you know, he couldn't be alone.

He didn't... It was a funny combination,

he didn't really want to interact with people,

but he wanted somebody around.

You know, if he was going to get on the phone

after a show and call and talk about his show,

he wanted somebody to pick up the phone.

And, you know, he could throw the I love you's around,

but what I think he really wanted

was to say, "Hey, I tried that joke."

♪ (PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JERRY: And then he met Sally.

SALLY WADE: One day, I went to the bookstore

with my dog, Spot.

And the only two people in there were George and myself.

I told myself, if he bent down to pet Spot,

that I would say hello to him.

And he bent down and pet Spot right away.

Our conversation at the time was,

he was trying to transform from being--

from doing into being

and he was tired of always doing

and he wanted to just be who he was.

He walked me out to my car

and said that he'd call me in eight months.

He wanted to wait.

He wanted to honor the marriage that he'd lost.

And it would take eight months for it to be a year.

I figured I'd never see him again. And eight months later,

he called and asked me if I wanted to go get a bagel.

My instincts told me that he was a really nice guy.

And my instincts were wrong. He was much nicer than that.

He was sweeter than that.

I mean, he was the sweetest person

I think I've ever met.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Thursday, 3:46 a.m.

GEORGE: Hi, baby. How are you doing?

Well, it's over. It went very well.

A lot of laughs. They were a good audience.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Saturday, 6:51 p.m.

GEORGE: We're on the air today from Connecticut.

How do you like that?

A special broadcast to one person.

A fine, fine girl. Her name is Sally Wade.

Wow-ee, I say, "Wow, look at that Sal',

she is some dish. Wow-ee."

SALLY: We just started writing notes to each other.

And those evolved into us being from a different planet,

and that we were just a couple of five-year-olds

writing as very astute kids from Jupiter.

GEORGE: The Jupiterian king is out there goofing.

I'm out there goofing.

We were weird. And our weirdness connected.

So we married ourselves.

We didn't have the proper paperwork,

but we didn't think we needed that.

Saturday, 5:18 a.m.

GEORGE: ♪ As the sun Comes up in Baltimore ♪

♪ And the ships Sail out to sea ♪

♪ I get out of bed And stretch my balls ♪

♪ And I take a fucking pee ♪

There's a lovely tune for you. I love you. Goodbye, baby.

(RECEIVER CLATTERS)

KEVIN: So, we were sitting around,

doing rehearsal. It was me, him, and Ben.

And he started talking about Sally and he talked about,

he's like, "I love it. It makes me feel young."

We play this game where we're not really a part

of this fucking world anymore,

where we enter the kingdom of the fairies

"and she's the fairy queen and I'm the fairy king."

And he went on this, like, very eloquent,

very uncharacteristic of George Carlin,

you know, almost fucking Ren Fest-y explanation.

I wanted to wave him off and be like,

"Not in front of Affleck."

Um, because as soon as we left,

Ben just immediately cornered me and was just like,

"Did you hear the part where he's the fairy king?"

♪ (CALM MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ALLEY MILLS-BEAN: He seemed like a little boy.

(CHUCKLES) I mean, I don't know George from before,

so I don't know what he was like as a man earlier in his life,

but I felt like... both of them were like children.

GEORGE: I'm so in love...

ALLEY: You could just see the way

that George looked at her. He was madly in love with her.

GEORGE: ...Best baby doll in the whole wide world,

and I love you so...

ALLEY: I never saw him angry. I only saw him happy.

FILM CREW MEMBER: George Carlin promo.

-B-roll, b-roll. -SALLY: That's me.

There you go. What's your name?

-SALLY: I'm Findlay. -No, you're not.

-SALLY: Yes, I am. -GEORGE: Findlay?

-SALLY: Yes, that's me. -Findlay, Ohio.

GEORGE: Artists are on a journey.

They don't know where it is going.

They just know there's something else.

There's something more.

There's more in me. There's more to talk about.

-(LAUGHS) -Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that's good. It does look real.

Pablo Casals, the great cellist.

He was in his nineties, and someone said to him,

"Master Casals, why, at your age,

do you bother practicing three hours a day?"

Hello.

"And he said, "Well,

I'm beginning to notice some improvement."

It's interesting and it's true.

And that's the thing that's in me.

I notice myself getting better at this.

Statistics show that every year, a million people commit suicide.

That's 2,800 a day. One every 30 seconds.

-(FILM CREW LAUGHS) -You know?

It's up to-- you sort of--

It's the viewer's interpretation of that.

Like, "Is that an invitation to them?"

-FILM CREW 1: Yeah. -FILM CREW 2: Marking.

SALLY: The only thing I didn't know in all of this,

until he ended up in the hospital,

was that he did have heart problems.

I didn't know that in the beginning.

There were a few times when he needed stents in his heart

and a few times when I had to drive through every red light

there was to get to the hospital in time.

And we were just able to manage that somehow.

The closer you get to death,

the more you think there's something there.

He didn't believe in a sky God,

but he was spiritual in a way that meant magic

and positive things happening.

Like, he always had a stage crystal with him.

And I think most people would agree...

SALLY: So, when he was performing,

he had that kind of magic in his pocket.

And he could draw from that.

...I'll bet you can have an all-suicide channel

-in this country. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I bet you. Well, shit, they got all-golf.

-What the fuck? Goddamn. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JEFF: George was having health problems,

checking himself into hospitals with heart conditions.

And I remember seeing George at the Comedy & Magic Club.

He pulled into the parking lot at 7:00.

I pulled in like at 7:01.

So our cars were there at the same time.

I go, "George, how you doing?"

He goes, "Oh, I just came back from the doctor."

And he lifted up his shirt...

and it looked like a science project.

It looked like something out of Alien.

It was black and blue with scars, and this is a man

who had his chest open a number of times.

Oh, what he went through.

We're gonna start at the bottom with the homeless people

because nobody gives a fuck about them.

Ain't nobody got no money for them.

They have no plans. They got no ideas.

They got nobody. Five hundred thousand of them are veterans,

and they still don't give a fuck about these people...

KELLY: I hadn't seen him for about three months.

And by the way, there's another bunch of homeless coming soon

when the housing bubble bursts and the dollar gets devalued

and you get a lot of middle-class homeless assholes,

and they'll be in there too.

KELLY: And he is going to do this big HBO special.

And he never let me see his HBO stuff

before the actual taping.

And I walk into his dressing room

and his back is to me and I see this person

standing in front of me and I think,

"Who's that elderly man?" First thought in my head was,

"Who's that-- Who's this this old guy

in my dad's dressing room?"

And he turns around and he is noticeably shorter,

and he is puffy,

and he's having difficulty breathing.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

KELLY: I thought to myself, "There's no way

he's about to go on stage and do an HBO special.

"There's no way he's going to make it through it."

Assassination.

You know what's interesting about assassination?

Well, not only does it change those popularity polls

in a big fucking hurry,

but it's also interesting to notice

who it is we assassinate.

Do you ever notice who it is? Stop to think who it is we kill?

It's always people who've told us

to live together in harmony and try to love one another.

Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy,

Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers,

Malcolm X, John Lennon.

They all said, "Try to live together peacefully." Bam!

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Right in the fucking head.

It did go really dark.

He didn't think it went really dark.

He went really dark. And he lost me a bit at the end.

It was too dark for me.

I like things that are excessive.

I like excessive behavior, excessive language,

excessive violence. It's fun. It's interesting. It's exciting.

I like it when nature is excessive.

That's why I like natural disasters.

All these natural disasters that have been going on,

I fucking love them. I can't get enough of them.

If it's a bit, then God bless him.

For... Or whatever. Nothing bless him, as he might prefer,

but to pursue that level of darkness...

in the hope that actually it would point

toward something hopeful

is expecting a lot from your audience.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Because all you're stating is the dark part.

For centuries now, man has done everything he can

to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature,

so when nature strikes back and smacks man in the head

and kicks him in the nuts, I enjoy that.

I have absolutely no sympathy for human beings whatsoever.

None.

You know what makes me happy?

Watching my species destroy itself.

I really, I take it as a sport, as a kind of a hobby

and I root for the complete destruction of this culture

that we live in.

I root for underdogs, I root for nature.

Because on this planet, at this time,

nature is the underdog.

You know the best thing I can hear on television?

-"We interrupt this program." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

You know the worst thing I can hear? "No one was hurt."

George's next special, November 17th on HBO Live.

What are you calling it?

I Kinda Like It When a Lot of People Die.

No, he did not like it when a lot of people died.

He did like it when a lot of people died.

GEORGE: I kinda like it when a lot of people die.

Some people like needlepoint, some people like miniature golf,

doing the mambo, shit like that.

-Me, I like a nice train wreck. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I always hope things are going to get worse.

Don't you? Don't you secretly hope

that everything gets worse?

When you see a big fire on TV, don't you hope it spreads?

Are you on the verge of losing your temper or are you...

-You're shaking your head. -No, it's not that.

It's-- It's a contempt.

I really think this species is a foolish,

failed species that has organized itself poorly.

And I think this culture in particular leads the way.

I think we have put property ahead of people,

we have put competition ahead of cooperation,

and I don't think the balance can ever be

brought back into line.

You know, philosophers say, "Why are we here?

What is this all about?" I'm here for the entertainment.

Fuck these humans. Let them do their thing.

I'll watch. It's fun. I'm out here.

I have no stake in the outcome anymore.

I don't care what happens to you.

I don't care what happens to your country.

I don't care what happens to your species.

You can go get fucked.

Because it's fun to watch you destroy each other.

-It's entertaining. Look at... -(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

You got any dates you want to push?

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -GEORGE: Yeah, right.

I'm not interested in the budget.

I don't care about tax negotiations.

I don't want to know what country

the fucking pope is in,

but you show me a hospital that's on fire,

and people on crutches are jumping off the roof,

and I'm a happy guy!

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) -I'm a happy guy!

HASAN: One of the things I'm still trying to figure out is,

was Carlin ultimately a nihilist or was he an actual optimist

who was using comedy to display a nihilist worldview?

Sirens, flames, smoke, bodies, graves being filled,

parents weeping, exciting shit, my kind of TV...

-HASAN: Is he the Joker? -I just want some entertainment,

It's just the kind of guy I am!

-It's the kind of guy I am! -HASAN: Is he happy?

(CHUCKLES) Like, shit is unraveling in front of our eyes.

Most people won't admit to those feelings.

Most people see something like that on television,

they'll say, "Oh, isn't that awful? Isn't that too bad?"

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Lying asshole.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -Lying assholes.

GEORGE: This is what I root for. This is my joy.

Wait till I do my next show, you got to see the next one.

Two years from now, tune in. It's called Fuck Hope.

That was fun. Try to use a lot of that.

(FILM CREW LAUGHING)

GEORGE: You know, it's just, it's how I am.

It's how I feel. It's so real. You could tell.

It was really evident from the first time I met him

that he was fully committed

to, like, whatever that fuse was that he lit.

Probably back in high school, if not before,

that he never ever stomped out. And then over the years,

I just watched that, sort of, get overtaken by a ferocity.

You know, it wasn't really just a bitterness.

It was just a ferocity. It was just like,

"This world is fucked up

and no one's doing anything about it,"

and like, "I've tried to explore"

the human condition, and I've come up fucking empty."

♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -GEORGE: Gertie, Gertie.

Good girl. Yes.

The movie star Gertie. Oh, you is a good girl.

I know you want to say, "Is he goofy?"

SALLY: People have different aspects of themselves.

And they have different identities.

GEORGE: Gertrude says, "I got to go now.

I got business downtown."

He would express all this anger on stage,

and then walk off. That's it.

That's my anger. Here's a big pile of it.

You guys deal with it.

I'll be your guide to this tape.

One of the patients here has been wanting me

to make a tape for a long time.

A lot of people like to say he got bitter when he was old

and all that shit.

Bullshit. He got tired of the fucking people,

the fucking stupidity,

and the just hopelessness of expecting anything from them.

He gave up. He gave up.

I'm not a shrink. (CHUCKLES) I'm not a fucking shrink,

but I sensed the disappointment in the human race.

And it hurt him, I'm sure.

KELLY: It was rare moments in our life

when he would be settled, fully present,

but we had these breakfasts we would have,

and he would put the world aside.

I'd been wrestling a lot

with his darker take on humanity.

And, I finally just said to him, I said,

"Dad, if you've really given up,

then why the fuck do you get on stage?

Why do you bother? Like, really?

Like, is this just an ego thing? Like, is this just about you

"satisfying yourself? Clearly not."

And I felt like he had to fess up to me.

He was like, "You know, you've got me there."

I really believe that he was always

trying to be in service of some way

to this species, and it is hard. It is really hard

keeping your heart open for that.

When I listen to your comedy, I don't get the feeling that,

you know, that you have that no hope thing.

-I get just the opposite. -GEORGE: Really?

HOST: I think you've got a big defense thing going

because you really are the hopeful guy.

I think you really are the guy who really believes

-all the good of humanity. -I do that. I do that.

-HOST: I know. It's all the opposite of what you think. -I believe as an individual.

HOST: You're coming in a mirror way.

I know you're coming in the back door.

All comics do it,

but I think you are a very high spiritual person.

Well, they say if you scratch a cynic,

you'll find a disappointed idealist.

-HOST: Right. -And I do cop to that.

I am that. And you're right.

That's a very intelligent analysis.

And I've gone through that without using the words

you used. I've gone through that myself.

Thought about myself in those terms,

but it's more fun this way.

STEVEN WRIGHT: He's on the Mount Rushmore

of creative artists in this country.

Any kind of art.

And he was always nice. He was always very supportive.

You felt like he was your buddy.

And you were a comedian, he's a comedian.

You're two guys doing this thing.

You were in the same boat with him. You were with him.

He would even mail me a joke.

He'd write it down and mail it to me,

but he's like a... you know, like a great painter.

Like a Rembrandt of comedy. You know, there's Rembrandt

and then this guy's doing a postcard of a sailboat.

(LAUGHS)

GEORGE: This is workshop night for me.

Roll with it. Just listen to the words.

That's what I want you doing.

I'm reading and I'm kind of fucked up on where I'm going,

just listen to the words, because this shit, I love it,

but I don't know it all yet, okay?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

If you follow your heart, if you do the right thing,

if you do what's on your mind,

and in your heart, and in your brain,

or whatever you want to say about it,

good things will happen from it. Good things will come.

By the way, I'm not trying this stuff out on you.

I'm not trying it. I don't do that.

The audience doesn't really figure into my plans.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Here's the way I look at it, I'm here for me,

you're here for me and no one's here for you.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -Okay?

By just doing what pleased me in these shows, I had an effect.

The kind of effect that I can't have on people in Darfur.

Even if I give money, if I send all my old sweaters to Darfur,

it will not have the effect on them

that one person sitting and listening

when he's 12 years old,

and I've heard them from people of all ages,

and I've heard them from parents.

I've heard parents say, "My kid saw that show.

This and that. His marks got better."

I swear to God. I hear this kind of shit.

And that gave me such power.

I don't mean power to use, power to have.

Gave me such a feeling of, "Yeah, man.

I'm okay. I'm fucking okay."

DIRECTOR: Okay. We're still rolling, guys.

And we're in the shot. And, George.

Now, the last time I rolled through these parts,

and I do roll through with some frequency,

I'm a little bit like herpes, I keep coming back,

but since the last time

I might have seen some of you folks,

I've had my 70th birthday.

So I'm now 70 years old, and I like 70.

Not as much as I like 69.

Well, 69 was always my favorite number,

but now I figure I'm 69 with one finger up my ass.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

GEORGE: What I am is an old fuck.

It's like a fat fuck.

Fat fuck, tall fuck, skinny fuck, short fuck,

but now that I'm an old fuck, I'm beginning to notice

there are some advantages to putting on a few extra years.

The first one is,

you never have to carry anything heavy ever again.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Everybody wants to help an old fuck.

If you got a big suitcase or something like that,

you just kinda go like this a little bit.

You say, "Yeah, could you help me with this?"

They say, "Yeah. Hey, how far are you going?" "Indianapolis."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I still refer to him all the time, which for a comic,

I mean, you know... Comedy is so ephemeral in so many ways.

It takes him out of the class of pop star

and puts him in the class of, like, Bach and Beethoven,

and classicists.

People that created something that was timeless,

because it wasn't based on the moment,

it was based on a deeper truth.

But the best thing about getting old is,

you're not responsible for remembering things anymore.

Even important things.

"But it was your daughter's funeral."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-I forgot. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Oh, every time there's some weird psychopathic news story

that happens, people are like,

"Oh, I wish George Carlin were here to talk about that."

(CHUCKLES) It almost seems like the weirder things get in life,

the more you want to hear the voice of George Carlin

talking about it.

Even God can go on sensory overload.

That's why he wanted one day off a week.

Christians gave him Sunday, Jews gave him Saturday,

Muslims gave him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I mean, we all love Lenny Bruce,

but nobody's sharing a Lenny Bruce bit to explain

anything that's happening in the culture right now.

You know, there's lots of comedians

from even ten, 15 years ago

where we're sort of done with their things

as being relevant to now.

There's enough bullshit as it is...

W. KAMAU BELL: He was still a comedian

that the culture as a whole cared about

up until his last special.

...there's just enough bullshit

to hold things together in this country.

Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation.

Where would we be without our safe,

familiar, American bullshit?

♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE: America's leading industry

is still the manufacture, distribution, packaging

-and marketing of bullshit. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

This country was founded by a group of slave owners

who told us that all men are created equal.

That is what's known as being stunningly full of shit.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: There's a reason education sucks,

and it's the same reason that it will never,

ever be fixed.

Because the owners of this country don't want that.

This country is owned by eight or nine hundred people

who run everything, do everything,

control everything. It's all one big ownership class

in this country.

We're led to feel free

by the exercise of meaningless choices.

Ice cream flavors, what do you want? We got 31.

Got the flavor of the week, got the flavor of the month.

But political parties, we're down to two.

Politicians are put there to give you the idea

that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have owners.

They own you.

They own and control the corporations.

They've long since bought and paid for the Senate,

the Congress, the state houses, the city halls.

They got the judges in their back pockets,

and they own all the big media companies,

so they control just about all of the news

and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls.

It's a big club...

and you ain't in it.

Nobody questions things in this country anymore.

Americans have been bought off and silenced by toys and gizmos

with our microwave hot dogs and plastic vomit,

fake dog shit, and cinnamon dental floss,

and lemon-scented toilet paper,

and sneakers with lights in the heels.

-♪ (UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(CROWD CLAMORING)

GEORGE: Millions of semi-conscious Americans

day after day, shopping and eating.

It is the new national pastime.

Fuck baseball. It's consumption.

So, where do people think these politicians come from?

They come from American parents

and American families, American homes,

American schools, American churches,

American businesses, and American universities,

and they're elected by American citizens.

This is the best we can do, folks.

This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces.

-Garbage in, garbage out. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GEORGE: If you have selfish, ignorant citizens,

you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders.

Machine gun bacon.

GEORGE: That's what the owners count on.

They want obedient workers. People who are just smart enough

to run the machines and do the paperwork,

and just dumb enough to passively accept

all these increasingly shittier jobs

with the lower pay, the longer hours,

the reduced benefits, the end of overtime

and now, they want your fucking retirement money.

-They want it back. -(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

So they can give it to their criminal friends

-on Wall Street. -♪ (MUSIC BUILDS) ♪

GEORGE: Of course, there's a reason why

we're all drugged.

The drug companies want it that way.

The drug industry has us taking things to get awake,

things to go to sleep, things to pep up,

things to forget about the grief you had from something.

"There's a drug problem in this country."

Where do you hear that? At the drugstore.

-(ALL LAUGH) -(MISSILE BLASTS)

GEORGE: You don't have to be a political scientist

to see the bigger dick foreign policy theory at work.

It goes something like this,

"What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them."

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -(BOMB BLASTS)

GEORGE: That's our new job in the world,

bombing Brown people.

Isn't that roughly our job everywhere?

We kind of free people and whip industry on them

so that they can have all the benefits of industry

that we have come to love.

Wasn't there something noble they could do

to be helping this planet heal?

Mother Earth raped again. Guess who.

Hey, she was asking for it.

You know there's another bunch of homeless coming soon

when the housing bubble bursts and the dollar gets devalued,

and you get a lot of middle class homeless...

I said a long time ago, when fascism comes to America,

it won't wear jackboots and brown shirts.

It'll have on a smiley face and a T-shirt

and designer jeans and Nikes.

CROWD: (CHANTING) Black lives matter!

GEORGE: You know what they ought to do?

They ought to have two new requirements

for being on the police. Intelligence and decency.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

GEORGE: You never can tell. It might just work.

It certainly hasn't been tried yet.

-Come on! You're full of shit! -(SCREAMS)

CROWD: Black lives matter! Black lives matter!

GEORGE: That's all you ever hear about in this country,

is our differences. Race, religion, sexuality.

That's the way the ruling class operates in any society.

They try to divide the rest of the people.

Anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other

so that they can keep going to the bank.

(INDISTINCT CHANTING)

GEORGE: But I'll tell you what they don't want.

They don't want a population of citizens

capable of critical thinking. They're not interested in that.

That doesn't help them. That's against their interests.

They don't give a fuck about you.

They don't give a fuck about you.

They don't care about you at all. At all.

The table is tilted, folks. The game is rigged.

(GRUNTS, SHOUTS)

GEORGE: Land of the free. Home of the brave.

-(OFFICER SCREAMING) -GEORGE: All men are equal.

-OFFICER: (SCREAMING) Help! -GEORGE: Justice is blind.

-The good guys win. -CROWD: USA! USA!

GEORGE: And everything is going to be just fine.

CROWD: USA! USA! USA!

♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪

GEORGE: It's called the American dream

because you have to be asleep to believe it.

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

(WAVES CRASHING)

KELLY: My last memory of my dad is,

I went to Hawaii and I drive up to the Napili Kai,

which is where I had my parents sign the UN peace treaty.

And there's no angst there, there's no chaos,

there's no bad memories. It's just pure, pure love.

So I call my dad, and my dad never picks up his phone,

and he picks up the phone,

and he says, "Hey, kiddo." I'm like, "Hey, Dad,

I was just at the Napili Kai, and I want to tell you that

everything that happened to us 40 years ago,

all the pieces of ourselves that we left there,

I've brought them home,

and it's done, and it's really, really over, Dad.

It's done. There's no more.

There's no more pain inside of me about this

"or suffering or any of that."

I can tell my dad's very choked up

on the other end of the phone. He can barely speak.

And, um, and he's like,

"That's... that's great." You know.

And it was one of these moments, it was just incredible.

I'd felt like on the phone with my dad...

like we had met each other in this place

that we had never met each other before.

And I knew this was so important to him

because I knew the biggest regret he had

of his entire life about everything

was what those years did to me.

And, we had this beautiful conversation.

♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

SALLY: He was going into the hospital early on a Sunday.

He wasn't feeling bad.

He was just going in to get an adjustment for his heart.

And then the hospital called me... (SNIFFLES)

...and said... (CLEARS THROAT)

..."Come in as soon as you can."

And, uh... he kept telling me he was sorry.

Which he didn't have to do. He didn't have to apologize.

And, then he stopped breathing.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

GEORGE: Uh, y'all people, this is the afterlife sergeant.

A couple of notes for you.

Just things where people are curious about.

Hitler. Hitler is in heaven.

Listen, don't blame me. I don't make the rules.

Technically, he was a Catholic.

He got absolution before he died.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Yes, you're all... you're all going to die.

Didn't mean to remind you of it, but it is on your schedule.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Comedians don't want to die.

It's only a metaphor, but it's so true of all of us.

We don't want to die out there. The comics wanna die.

I don't want to die. Geez, I was dying out there.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Of course, if the comedian doesn't die,

you know, if he succeeds,

if he makes you laugh, then he can say,

-"I killed them." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-"I killed them." -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

So it's either me or you, you know?

See, I don't worry about the little things.

I think we're part of a greater wisdom

than we will ever understand.

A higher order. Call it what you want.

You know what I call it? The big electron.

The big electron. Whoa.

-Whoa. Whoa. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

It doesn't punish. It doesn't reward.

It doesn't judge at all.

It just is, and so are we, for a little while.

Thanks for being here with me for a little while tonight.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

GEORGE: Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself,

and take care of somebody else. Thank you. Goodnight.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

♪ ("BRING ON THE LUCIE" BY JOHN LENNON PLAYING) ♪

♪ We don't care What flag you're waving ♪

♪ We don't even Want to know your name ♪

♪ We don't care Where you're from ♪

♪ Or where you're going ♪

♪ All we know it that you came ♪

-♪ Free the people now ♪ -♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, Do it, do it now ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

-♪ Free the people now ♪ -♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, Do it, do it now ♪

♪ Well, we were caught With our hands in the air ♪

♪ Don't despair, Paranoia's everywhere ♪

♪ We can shake it with love When we're scared ♪

♪ So let's shout it aloud Like a prayer ♪

-♪ Free the people now ♪ -♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, Do it, do it now ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

-♪ Free the people now ♪ -♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, Do it, do it now ♪

♪ We understand your paranoia ♪

♪ But we don't wanna Play your game ♪

♪ You think you're cool And know what you're doing ♪

♪ 666 is your name ♪

-♪ Free the people now ♪ -♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, Do it, do it now ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

-♪ Free the people now ♪ -♪ Do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

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