Original subtitles

Toby Fleishman awoke in the middle of the night

to the sound of knocking at the door.

Bubbles! Keep it down.

Hey, who is it?

It's me. Open the door.

What? What's going on? What time is it?

I have to talk to you.

What? Did you not go home?

No, I have to talk to you. Your phone was off.

Sorry, keep it down. The kids are sleeping.

I saw her.

- Who? I don't understand. You... - I saw Rachel.

- Yeah. - What?

You did? Jesus.

After I left here,

I went downtown just to,

I don't know, like walk around

and I saw her just, like, sitting there on a park bench.

Hmm.

I'm surprised, honestly...

And so I told him what happened.

I told him about Rachel, where she was, where she'd been.

It was like seeing a ghost.

I had left her that evening,

with her sleeping,

and a doctor's appointment scheduled for the next morning.

Hmm.

So, that's it?

"That's it"?

Yeah.

I have work in a few hours, Lib.

- Sorry, did you hear what I just said? - Mmm-hmm.

That I saw Rachel and she was in the park and...

No, I heard you. Yeah. But we all knew she was around.

She was napping in the park. She was fucking her best friend's husband.

She was bound to turn up. It's a small town.

No, Toby. She had a nervous breakdown.

I know. That sounds stressful.

Okay. All right, I got to get the kids to camp in the morning.

I also have a new boss and a patient that's going off life support.

Sorry. What is happening right now?

She had a nervous breakdown.

That's where she's been.

She didn't abandon her kids.

Yeah, of course she did. Where is she?

I mean, she's not here. I don't see her. Do you?

- Sure. But she had a nervous breakdown. - Yeah, I know. I heard you.

She had a nervous breakdown. Don't have to say it again.

She needs help, Toby.

She can hire help.

She... Who are you?

Seriously, who am I talking to right now?

This is the mother of your children.

Yes, exactly. But she is not my wife anymore, okay?

She has, like, no relation to me.

I don't have to care about her. She's not my problem.

- Not your problem? - No.

Oh, my God.

Remember, it's divorce, that means never having to say you're sorry.

- Yeah. - What?

I've been through her breakdowns, Libby. Do not worry about her, okay?

She'll make it work for herself.

She'll come back monetizing the whole thing.

She'll run a bank by the time she's done with this.

I don't think that you understand, okay?

Yeah.

She's lost time, like full weeks. She's lost everything.

She didn't lose anything. She lost, like, a client.

And she spent a few extra days at a spa

when her best friend's husband decided to stop fucking her.

You know what? You're right. Sorry. I'll make her lasagna.

Toby, Jesus.

Hey, you were supposed to be on my side, okay?

- You were supposed to be my friend. - I am your friend.

You're waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me this

now that I finally found a way to move on with my sad, broken children.

Because she had a nervous breakdown.

- Yeah, I said stop saying that. - Okay, fine. I won't use that word.

Okay, what do you want me to say? She can't handle her life.

She's collapsed. She can't take care of her own children

because she needs to put her own fucking oxygen mask on first.

Actually, actually that thing about oxygen masks

is about airplanes, all right?

It's really about adult tolerance for oxygen deprivation.

It's not a metaphor. It's not supposed to be like a lifestyle.

I'm so... I'm just like shocked.

I am not going to be the prisoner of my mistakes.

This is what our ancestors died for.

The right for us to be middle-aged,

and bored and miserable.

Yeah and shocked, okay?

I'm going back to bed.

Go home, Libby.

I could tell you what happened to Toby then.

I could tell you that the next morning,

when he arrived back at the hospital

to meet with the committees over Karen Cooper's brain activity

and to help David Cooper move toward a decision,

he was full of remorse for his anger at the poor guy.

What had happened to Toby to make him so cold-hearted

that he would lash out at a man who had just effectively lost his wife?

All he could think was that he was never like that before.

But also he had to leave room for the fact that maybe he was.

Maybe, like the Wilson's itself,

everything we are is dormant and inside us all along.

What I could tell you is that Toby was always reactive and angry

and ready to blame everyone else for his problems.

And he was also someone

who held even the unpreventable failures in his heart,

and who did not ever let a basic and consistent fact of his job,

which was death,

become regular to him.

I could tell you that in his darkest recesses,

Toby had some relief

that he got to keep his job the way that it was.

That he fundamentally didn't understand

why you would have to stop doing what you loved

in order to get ahead

when it felt like it was ahead to do what you loved.

I could tell you that Toby was focusing on making good

on his promises to his children.

And so, the way the world looks is different,

depending on how you look at it.

The electron cloud is uncertain,

- but the nucleus is always fixed. - Okay.

Which means it's always in the same place.

It's the things around it that move around.

Now, sir, please look into the stereoscope.

Okay.

There are two realities.

There is the cloud of electrons surrounding the nucleus,

which is a solution of the Schrödinger equation.

That's the box they're in.

And there's the physical locations of each individual electron,

which can only be determined by measuring them directly

by opening the box.

And both things are true.

And that is what I want to say about superposition.

That is so good.

That is so good.

Do you think I'll win?

I can't imagine anyone has anything better thought out,

or a smarter, harder-working son.

That is excellent work.

Oof. Jesus.

I could tell you he never got the blinds fixed.

And despite three separate calls to the super,

the air-conditioner was still broken.

Dad, we're gonna be late.

What? For what? Oh, crap. Solly, here.

Solly, come on. We have to go.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Sorry I'm late.

Class went over a few minutes.

No, of course. Of course. Thank you.

Hannah, how are you doing with your haftarah?

Cantor Timberman says you're doing very nicely on it.

Oh, yeah, she's been studying every day.

- Really? - Mmm-hmm.

You don't hear that a lot.

So what we could do is just go over some logistics.

I know that you're going to want to bestow honors on your family,

opening the Ark... aliyah to the Torah, etcetera.

- And I know you're planning on speaking. - Uh-huh.

And Rachel too, I presume.

- That is still a question. - Okay.

Hannah, you understand that you are engaging in a tradition

that goes back thousands of years.

You are accepting the yoke of responsibility

for your family and your community,

and all the commandments of the Torah.

And you're taking it upon yourself

that it is your turn to try and fix this world.

The world is upside down right now,

and we need all the smart, thinking girls to help fix it.

Right. Okay.

And you're gonna carry this torch

for all of the Fleishmans and all of the Jewish people.

Right.

Well, then I think we're set.

I think I'm not gonna do this.

Hmm?

Hannah?

I don't think I should do this.

Hannah.

- I'm just... - Well, let's just take a minute.

- Yeah. - I'm just not doing it.

The bat mitzvah. Can we go?

Hannah... She did this study.

She did all the studying. I'm sorry. I don't know what this is. Hannah?

I'm gonna go.

Thank you, Rabbi. And I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I'm so... This came as a complete surprise to me.

I know your family has been going through a lot.

Yeah. Let me go speak with her. Is that...

- Yeah. - Okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- Solly, come on. - Take your time.

Hannah, hey, what's going on?

I wanted to see what it would be like up here.

You'll have another chance in November.

Dad, I'm not doing it. For real.

Is this about what happened at camp?

Because I can promise you that by the time November rolls around,

like, no one will remember it.

It's not.

Is it about your mother?

It's not that.

Listen, I know it's been hard with her gone,

but we're still Jews, and this is what we do.

But why? Why do we do it? I...

I don't even know if I believe in God.

Yeah, well, that's actually not what this is about.

This is about becoming an adult in your community.

This is about taking on my traditions as yours,

you can pass them along to your family.

I guess I just don't understand why I would do it.

We do it because that's what we do.

We're the Fleishmans and we're Jews.

It doesn't seem smart to me.

What has it given us?

How has it even helped the world?

We're a mess, Dad.

The Fleishmans are a mess.

You're being too literal I think.

- No, no, I'm not. - No?

You always tell me to think for myself

and not to be corrupted by the people around me,

but I want my own traditions.

I want my own life and I wanna make my own decisions.

I don't want to have to fix anything.

I haven't even broken anything.

I'm only 11.

I could tell you that Toby looked at his daughter just then,

his wise, beautiful daughter,

who had been put through too much recently,

and realized that she was right.

You know, another great tradition is forging your own path

and being better than your parents.

Here, come here. Come here, my sweet girl.

Now, you stand here.

And if a bat mitzvah is also a coming of age,

then he had to agree that Hannah did not need a ceremony to do that.

She'd grown up right in front of him,

slowly and then all at once.

May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.

May God bless you and protect you.

May God show you favor and be gracious to you.

May God, may God show you kindness,

and grant you peace.

I could tell you that after weeks of starts and stops,

that was the moment that the Fleishmans understood

that a divorce was an earthquake for two people who used to be in love.

But it was a chronic condition for the children

who had to somehow survive it.

I could tell you that the Fleishmans found themselves again

at the Vantablack exhibit,

which was in its last days.

They decided to go in and see it,

to really finally face the void together.

Ready?

But I could not tell you what Toby did next.

I had my own shit going on.

What had happened to me was that

at the beginning of the summer, before Toby called me,

I was heading into my second year of being a stay-at-home mom

and my thirteenth year of marriage

and my fifth year in a suburb and my forty-first year of life.

But none of that changed who I essentially was,

which was a magazine writer with no assignment.

That didn't stop me from pontificating all over the suburbs.

You know what I think?

I think that the men of this generation, they are all like really good feminists,

but they haven't actually thought about what it means to be equal.

They're so fragile all the time.

We just spend all of our time reassuring

and fellating every insecurity out of them.

Do you ever think that those Future Is Female shirts,

they're like Free Beer Tomorrow?

You know, it's the future is always in the future.

Do you really think that they would let us wear those shirts if it were true?

I think it's just a shirt, Lib.

I gotta go make dinner.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm riding with you?

And then into that morass, I bumped into Michelle.

Libby! Hi!

Michelle?

Oh, my God, look at you.

You look amazing.

Yeah, well, I'm getting a divorce.

- What? - Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's crazy. What happened?

It's a long story, but it's good.

I'm actually seeing someone, my boyfriend from college.

What?

We reconnected on Facebook. I know, what a cliché, right?

I'm going to move to the city. Jonathan will stay here

and we'll take turns staying with the kids.

I'm just so, I'm so surprised, you guys, you always seemed so happy.

We were just very good friends, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

God. Okay, I'm sorry. I wanna understand, like, all of this.

Please start from the beginning.

So we had just come back from this amazing vacation...

It was the third divorce I'd heard about in a month.

I started thinking about divorce all the time.

Not divorce, but clean slates and new starts.

I feel like I'm me again.

We're gonna get a place on the Upper West Side...

"Me again."

I had somehow fallen for it.

Some dream of safety that I hadn't understood

would never reconcile with who I was, which was a free and independent person.

I'd taken all my freedom and independence

and pushed them across the poker table and said,

"Here, take my jackpot. Take it all.

"I don't need it anymore. I won't miss it ever."

God, how hot I used to be for life.

Larry Feldman was the first guy I ever kissed.

He was the first guy I ever... A lot of things.

Oh, my God.

Libby Slater? Wow.

How much I used to feel.

How much I didn't feel any more.

Larry Feldman!

What is going on with you?

I just remembered you

and realized that I didn't know what became of you.

You know, I remember you very often.

Oh, yeah? That's funny.

I just saw that you're friends with everyone from school,

and I don't know how I missed being a part of that.

I remember when you and I were in that basement

at Melissa Cooperman's bat mitzvah after-party,

and I think about when you let me put my...

Oh, God. Gross.

Later that night,

I heard from a friend I hadn't spoken to in a dozen years.

- Toby Fleishman? - Elizabeth Slater.

Epstein. It's Epstein now. Yeah, but yes. Hello.

It was so nice to be back with people

that I never had to explain who I was to.

I'd been trying to return to the most authentic version of myself,

but it wasn't that dipshit porn-dog Larry Feldman

who knew me when I was most myself.

It was Toby.

I began to feel less unmoored.

But I was living this life that wasn't mine anymore.

And then I was living a life that hadn't ever been mine.

Toby Fleishman! Hot damn!

I did finally go home that night

after I went to Toby's house to tell him about Rachel.

After I hadn't been in contact with my own family for days.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

- Mom, you're making breakfast? - Hi.

I have been helping a friend with something,

but I'm back.

I made pancakes.

- I want to hear everything. - I don't eat breakfast anymore.

What does that mean?

That's why we get you lessons, bud.

I'm never going to pass.

I'm not going.

- What's going on? - I'm not taking the swimming test.

Miles, you can't learn this stuff unless you learn this stuff.

What's the problem? You have to take the swimming test.

- I got this. - I'm not going.

I'm not taking any more lessons.

- Okay, Miles, I know you don't-- - I got this.

- It kind of seems like you're-- - We're gonna be late.

- I made breakfast for everybody. - We get breakfast on the way now.

I already called in an order at the bagel place.

I've got court today. Come on, we're late. We're late. Let's go.

Bye.

It went on like that for a while.

Me doing penance.

Me staring out into the Vantablack, wondering how this would get resolved.

I wasn't speaking to Toby anymore.

Seth wasn't speaking to either of us.

And I've tried to wedge myself back into my life

before anyone noticed I'd been gone.

Fifty of the nation's most senior

Republican national security officials

have published a letter declaring that Donald...

Sasha, what are you doing?

Hi, Mom.

Well, is this a party?

No, it's a barbecue. Dad's in the back.

- Dad's in the back? - Yeah.

I need ten kids, but so far I have three.

So fun.

Maybe Libby will do it.

Well, look who came out of the woodwork.

- Libby. - Hi.

I thought you couldn't make it. Adam said you couldn't make it.

Oh. Uh, I think we just got our signals crossed.

- Here. - Thank you.

I was thinking of doing that one week drama camp for the girls before school.

Do you think Sasha would want to?

I don't actually know if she's still into doing drama, I have to ask her.

I'll ask Adam.

Sorry, can you just... Can I...

I'll be right back. One second.

...military. It's so dark that it's dangerous.

You know, people, they see and they freak out.

"They freak out," run screaming?

Yes. No, I'm telling you. It's...

They have to leave because they, like, lose their footing.

- Oh, hey, Libby. Hi. - Hey.

Hi.

Did we talk about this?

- About this barbecue? - Yeah.

I don't know. It was in the family calendar.

Sure, but I mean this morning, when we were talking,

did we talk about this?

I don't know, Libby. I can't keep track of you.

Okay. I've been home. That's not fair.

Adam, you're coming over later for the game?

You know it.

You better bring that queso.

What game?

Really?

People watch the game now?

You eat queso?

He makes the best queso I've ever had.

- You make queso? - Yeah.

I make queso.

Excuse me.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah. Now's... Now's not good.

"Now's not good." Wow. Okay.

- We're at a fucking barbecue. - Oh, my God.

Can you please just stop being so fucking passive about everything.

Please. Please, please. I just wanna have, like, a regular conversation.

You are incapable of having just a regular conversation, please.

Okay. I know.

I'm terrible. Okay?

I'm sorry.

So just please talk to me.

About what? There's nothing to talk about.

You do whatever you want.

And I could not be a more thoughtful, considerate husband to you.

You are merciless lately.

Miserable all the time, sarcastic.

What do you think it means to me, to the kids,

that you walk around so unhappy?

I have no idea what's happened to you lately.

God, I didn't want to get into this.

Okay, look. You're right.

I have been terrible.

You are wonderful.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I keep trying to figure it out.

I feel like I'm...

Like, I'm not alive anymore.

Well, you know what?

I'm happy, okay? We have friends.

- We have-- - Okay. These are not friends, though.

Like, they're not. I can't talk to any of these people.

They treat me like I'm a fucking oddity.

They just talk about their kids and their houses all the time.

We have two wonderful children.

We have income and safety and health

and the enormous privileges of our class.

We are the kinds of people who are invited to barbecues.

And if you gave these people a chance, you would find they are filled

with the same kind of ambivalence that you have.

They're not. I promise you, they are not.

No. They are. They are, okay?

They are all trying to figure it out.

- Just like you. Just like me... - It's not true!

- If you wanted to know. - It's not true though, Adam.

They love it here. All they talk about is how wonderful it is all the time.

It's like we've died and these houses are our headstones.

We chose this.

Libby, you chose it, marriage, children.

Every single bit of it, we chose it.

I know, I know. I know. I don't know, though,

because, honestly, I feel like a few years ago I was a person, right?

And then I looked up,

and I just, I have no idea

when everything started to feel... so the same.

Don't talk to me about your burdens.

The kids are always with the babysitter lately,

and you barely even look at me anymore.

Okay. I am trying to figure it out, though. I really am.

You could bother looking at me while you try to figure it out, right?

I could be a part of your figuring it out.

This is about you, all of a sudden? It's so not about you, Adam.

Are you sleeping with Toby?

Am I what?

You slept over at his fucking house, Libby.

No, of course I'm not sleeping with Toby. Are you crazy?

- That's all you have to say? - I don't even know why I did that, okay?

I just... You expect me to know everything.

To have all of the answers. I don't have the answers.

- I don't have them. - No, I expect you to come home at night.

Is that so crazy?

I have to go.

- Sorry, you have to go? - Yes.

I was asked to peel the corn at this barbecue,

which you knew about and which was in the family calendar.

And when I say I'm gonna be somewhere and do something, I do it.

Yeah, so I converted the garage into a bar.

The best move I ever made.

Yeah, you can't do that in Brooklyn.

Did you get a French drain?

You know, actually, we just pitched the soil, so there's no flooding anymore.

Well, your house is on top of that hill, that makes sense.

The guy looks at me with a totally straight face,

and he says, "You seem nice, but you're not my type."

Get in the shower, and then... Hurry up.

You just staying in bed today?

My alarm, I forgot to set it.

I just had the craziest dream.

I guess I'm taking the kids to camp.

Kids, kids, come on, we're late. Let's go.

Okay.

- We're always late. - Let's go!

Glenn? Hi.

Hey, I thought you'd want to know...

Archer died.

Wait. What?

No, that's, that's so crazy.

I, like, literally just had a dream about him.

What happened?

In my dream, I had been asking Archer for advice.

I can't remember on what,

but he kept asking if we'd ever slept together.

Like, in life, I kept reminding him who I was and how much I admired him.

And his response to that was,

"What does that have to do with me?"

Goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

Hey, can we pretend we talked this all through and just move on?

I'm having a party on Saturday.

It's really important to me that you come.

Dress nicely, please.

The three of us are having a slumber party,

but we're gonna tell Sophie that she has to start using deodorant.

The situation has gotten out of control.

Puberty, man.

I'm gonna call Susannah,

see if she can watch them on Saturday night.

Why? I'll be home.

No, uh, Seth,

he's asked us to a party. He's having a party.

But I can't not go.

He specifically said that it was important to him that I be there so...

I hope you have a good time.

I'll have a negroni, please. Thanks.

You know what's going on here, right?

- God damn it. - Yeah.

- I never thought I would see this day. - I know.

That... What a fucking idiot!

What a stupid dipshit.

Oh, God.

Could I have everyone's attention?

- Just for a moment. Thank you. - Thanks.

Thank you for coming. Thank you.

Uh, I just wanted to say that I've had a lot of parties throughout the years,

and I used to have theme parties

that I would call learning parties,

and we would dress up as historical figures

or have somebody come and give a math lecture.

Really, they're just excuses to get drunk.

But I was always trying to make sense of the world,

understand it and make peace with it.

And I thought if I could just do that,

then I could start to live my life.

Uh...

Today, I am here to tell you I give up.

I will never understand it.

And so I should do...

what every part of my body is telling me to do.

And that is to ask the prettiest girl in this room if she would marry me.

It's all a lot simpler than I ever thought it would be. I...

I just want to wake up every day and see her face.

What do you say, Vanessa Lipschitz-Finklestein?

Can I make you Vanessa Lipschitz-Finklestein-Morris?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I told her we were here for my mother's birthday.

Are you crying?

I just... How could he...

Ugh, how could he possibly think that this is a good idea

after spending the entire summer listening to us?

I know. I mean, I guess in Seth's story,

we're just the co-stars who help him make this big decision.

Sorry, Lib.

I am, too. I really...

You know, it doesn't even matter. I'm... I'm sorry, too.

Well, that's it.

Our boy is finally a man.

What can I say?

Life is a process in which you collect people

and prune them when they stop working for you.

The only exceptions are the friends you make in college.

- Hi. - Hey.

Congratulations.

I'm really happy for you.

I'm so glad you came.

I'm sorry that we fought, Seth.

I take you very seriously.

You are a real person.

Yes, you are extremely real. I feel like I could touch you.

I bet you have a social security number.

Now, don't actually... Don't actually... Don't actually.

Do you think I'm an idiot for doing this?

No.

No, I think maybe marriage is like that quote about democracy, you know,

"It's the worst form of government in the world,

"except for all the other forms."

- You know? - Nice.

Listen, we love you.

We're here for you. It's gonna be great.

Well, that's a rare nice thing you just said to me.

- Thank you. - Yeah, no, I'm happy for you.

- We're both very happy for you. - Yes.

May your... May your

most virile sperm

make their odyssey through her fallopian tubes

and conquer her ovaries, bringing you sons.

- Sons... - Sons!

By conquering the ovaries.

Did you even take freshman bio?

- Why is that not how it... - No.

- Is that not how it works? - May your sons

marry the daughters of finance bros,

and with ever-greater dowries and stock options,

in Tesla and Apple.

You know, everything the beggar woman said came true.

She said, "You were never gonna be happy with what you were given.

"You're gonna always want something different."

She said you were gonna heal the world.

Yeah, but that was only when I had money to give her.

We're all good, right?

It feels like something is ending. I can't take an ending right now.

No, it's not. It's not. We're all good.

- Yeah, we're good. - Seth?

Gotta go.

My fiancée is calling me!

Hi.

I heard Archer Sylvan died.

Yeah. Yeah.

He died as he lived.

Practicing autoerotic asphyxiation

- in a hotel in Thailand... - Oh, boy.

...surrounded by prostitutes.

- Really? - Yeah. Yeah.

It was very, very weird, though. Like, I had this dream about him.

And my editor calls me and he told me that he died.

- That's crazy. - Yeah.

It took them, like, a week to find the body.

- That's terrible. What? The smell? - No, no, no.

He was on a story and he was late, you know, or later than usual, so...

The magazine's paying for the funeral and everything

because he didn't have anybody.

- That's so sad. - Yeah.

We're lucky we have people.

You're lucky. You know that, right?

- I think so. Yeah. - Okay.

I just...

I'm just lost. I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

What do you mean, what you're doing with your life? It's done.

You're loved, Elizabeth.

Please, please tell me you understand how special that is, right?

Yes, I just don't...

I guess it's just not enough for me.

Oh, God. Okay, I know.

Honestly? It might not be enough for you either, so.

No, no, it would be. It definitely would be.

I know that you fantasize that it would be

because you have had such a struggle all these years.

But you really have no idea how you would feel

if you got the thing that you wanted.

You don't.

And contentment breeds quiet,

which breeds complacency, which breeds unrest.

Maybe you should go back to work.

Yeah, I think I might.

I think I might write a book.

- A book? That's good. About what? - Hmm.

About life,

and marriage

and money and dissatisfaction

and lifelong friendship.

And like, how all these things coalesce in middle age, right?

And make you miserable right at the exact point

that you're supposed to have everything set.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Yeah, it'll be about everything.

- Everything? - Everything.

Hmm. That's heavy.

Maybe, or maybe what's the point of writing about anything,

- if it's not gonna be about everything? - Yeah.

That's what Archer did.

That's good. No, you should,

- you should go be like Archer. - Yeah.

Maybe I'll be better than Archer.

You know, I'll tell a really good story,

but I'll tell all the other sides of it, too,

not just the ones that I like.

All right. So what, what happens in the book?

Well, um, a newly divorced man wakes up one morning,

to find that his ex has dropped off the kids

- and does not appear to be coming back. - Okay.

And so then he's left to figure out where she is

and why life seems to have gone so wrong for him.

- I hate this story. - Yeah.

No, but sorry, how are you gonna write it though? I mean, it has no ending.

- There's no ending yet. - I don't know.

This, maybe this, this is the ending.

This. Okay. Well, imagine that.

No, don't end it here. This is not a good ending.

Engagements are not good endings.

Weddings are worse, but engagements are bad.

Okay, then maybe, maybe it ends with her returning.

You know, like the whole thing was just this terrible blip.

So she just comes back?

Maybe.

Why? Why does she come back?

She comes back because she was always gonna come back.

For a while, she wasn't sure,

because being sure would have made

the whole thing feel, you know, less dangerous.

It is possible that, like, a person needs a little bit of danger

in order to feel like she knows what matters.

That doesn't sound like Rachel.

She's aware she behaved terribly. But it's like she's...

It's like, she was outside her body, you know,

like watching herself the whole time.

And the problem wasn't even her marriage.

It was just like her marriage was a witness

to all of her other failures,

like a comorbidity to how she was just getting old.

Hmm.

And so then, in the end, when she comes home...

she realizes that she really, really needs to figure out her life.

Because, yeah, her marriage is not perfect.

But like...

It's not like not being married is ever gonna make her young again.

And nothing could make her unmake the choices

that she made.

She just didn't know when she was making the choices,

that they were gonna limit all the other choices

that she could make in the future.

It's not even her decisions...

It's just how can you live when you used to have unlimited choices,

and you don't have them anymore?

I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no, no. Please continue.

So... Sorry. What happens?

She comes back, she comes back and it turns out it was just a mistake?

Like, it was just, like, a misunderstanding or something?

Yeah, maybe she's just like, she just, she...

- She just appears. - Just appears.

Okay, and then what?

It's raining. It's raining.

It's a rain that breaks this terrible heat wave.

Mmm-hmm.

And you're at home in your apartment

and you're thinking about your life,

and you're thinking about moving on, right?

- But then you hear the key in the lock. - Okay.

- And the creak of the hinge. - That's nice.

And you'll turn around and, suddenly,

she's just there in the doorway.

And then?

And then the book ends.

Yeah, but I mean what happens after that?

I don't know. I really don't think I have the imagination for that.

That's okay.

God, I love you so much.

You know that, right?

I haven't been a good friend to you lately.

It's okay.

You've been going through a lot.

But I want you to know...

you are still you.

I can see it all. I can see your darkness.

And I can see your goodness.

It is still there.

Like the day we met, okay?

- It's okay. Well done. - Thank you.

May God grant them happiness.

May God grant them happiness.

- You want to walk back uptown together? - Sure.

All right. I'm just gonna run to the bathroom.

Okay. I'll be outside.

Hi, can you take me to New Jersey? I'll pay double the meter.

Sure.

Hey, sorry. I've found a cab, so I'm gonna head home.

We fall in love

and we decide to marry in this one incredible moment.

What if everything that happens after that

is about trying to remember that moment?

- What? That did not... - It's true. Are you listening?

Maybe that's what all these divorces were about.

We watch ourselves and our spouses change,

and the work is to constantly recall

the reasons why you did this in the first place.

You mistake the person closest to you for your misery.

You think, "Maybe if I excised this thing, I'd be me again."

But you're not you anymore.

You haven't been you in a long time.

And it's not his fault.

It was always going to happen.

And what were you gonna do with the fact

that time was gonna march on anyway?

What were you gonna do with the fact that you couldn't win this fight.

That was the problem.

You were not ever going to be young again.

You were only at risk for not remembering

that this was as good as it would get in every single moment.

That you are right now as young as you will ever be again.

I can't tell anymore...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now...

And now, and now, and now, and now...

And now...

And now...

Oh, my God.

It's so cold.

And now...

You're home?

I ran home.

Because I love you so much I think I'm gonna die from it.

I'm sorry I'm late.

It's okay.

You always come back.

Toby Fleishman headed home that night

and waited for the panic to rise in him again.

The same panic that washed him in sweats every time he contemplated the future.

But it didn't.

He was healing.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi, how were they? - They were fine.

- Yeah? - Solly won Monopoly.

Oh, no, that bodes well.

Thank you so much, Faith.

- Thank you. - Yeah, great.

It's really pouring. You have an umbrella or something?

- I got one. - Okay, great.

- Thanks. Have a good night. - Yeah, you too.

How could you be so desperately unhappy

when you were so essentially happy?

How could you know so much and still be this baffled by it all?

The heat wave in Manhattan was finally broken.

Toby would survive this.

In a hundred different ways, he already had.

He would start looking for a new apartment tomorrow.

One where everything worked.

He looked out the window and he saw his reflection,

but then he also saw beyond himself.

He saw the people in the windows in the city

all living their own separate, distinct lives.

"God," he thought, "You could die of the loneliness.

"But you could die of hope, too."

The way it blinded you a little.

The way it lead you to try again,

despite what you knew.

Time would move forward,

but tonight, briefly,

he had logged some optimism into his block universe.

It would stay there forever.