Original subtitles

WARNING:

We would like to inform the viewer, that for the sake of parity,

the title of this film contains as many vowels as consonants.

Unleash the dogs!

It was a long time ago...

Adelaide and Norbert, accompanied by Raoul, their faithful servant...

Engaged in what should've been, an innocent walk with friends...

Over there, a boar with its little ones!

Eight yellow vests, zero boars.

There, a pheasant!

I'll take care of it!

On this day, Adelaide Chateau-Tétard, who hated walking,

went from a horse to a wheelchair.

Flashforward 20 years later...

This is Adelaide Chateau-Tetard. The little whore is going out.

I think we've got her this time.

The scene we just watched, can't be totally understood...

without knowing the beginning of this story.

And to do that, let's take a little flashback...

It was last August, in this upscale neighborhood.

Yes, our story started here.

That could be in this private mansion

or in this one, or maybe in this one.

It doesn't matter.

Since opaque grids, make these houses identical to each other.

From time to time, an Amazon delivery person rings the doorbell.

That is the only intrusion, from anyone outside the family.

Well, maybe not the only one, as we're about to see...

Oh, I forgot to mention, we're in the midst of a taxi strike.

That's it for the surface.

Now, let's go underground.

Let's take someone, randomly.

We could follow this young woman.

But, let's focus instead...

On this one. Ava.

- Hello, Ava. - Hello.

No. Come on, good luck, Ava.

Hi. I work here, I forgot my badge.

Yeah, and I was talking to the queen of England earlier.

- Will you pay your fine right away? - Check if you want! I have my chip.

Cash, credit card? We also have contactless payment.

There you go! All done. Thanks.

Hello!

Sorry for earlier, you should've insisted.

I can't get you your money back, NFC payments goes directly to central.

Anyway, rules are rules. You need to show a transport badge.

Otherwise I'll have to make a file for the syndicate.

It's all good. It's just to know who we're dealing with.

Can I write "naive" next to your name?

Paul, was a good boy. He didn't have one ounce of malice in him.

There's no taxi!

He had resisted the charm of all heiresses, his mother presented him for 20 years.

Excuse me! Where is the ticket counter?

How do I get on the plane? I'm going to Antibes.

- Antibes... - Yes, Mom is there with Raoul and the dog!

My plane takes off in 40 minutes, what do I do?

You need to take a taxi, or an Uber.

I can't! There's a strike, the ring road is blocked, we're held hostage!

I want to buy a ticket, how much?

You've never taken the subway in your life?

It's my first time, I hope I don't get attacked.

A first time for everything!

I'll sell you a ticket, but you'll never catch your plane.

Do you have a plan?

You couldn't give it to me by the door?

There's a camera to fire me, if I break the rules!

Here. Oh, no!

- Don't move, I'll call mom. - Is she a locksmith?

Mom, I've missed my plane.

There's no taxis in Paris, and I don't even know how to take the subway.

So tomorrow?

Or the day after.

- Could I invite you to accompany me? - Where?

We could go to Bagatelle? It's just outside.

I know it's not original, I don't have much imagination.

It had been 8 days since Ava started working there. But it felt like years.

Ava, who already saw herself in future unemployment,

opted for a stroke of madness, and a life full of adventures.

Ava, decided to be free.

While Madam Chateau-Tetard, Raoul, and the Rolls Royce...

awaited Paul's arrival at the villa in Antibes.

What is he doing?

- Maybe he met a neighborhood girl. - Why not the queen of England?

Don't talk nonsense, Conchita!

Raoul, get the Rolls! We're going back to Paris.

Let's have a sorbet.

You'll see, with a good tip, I'll leave my suitcase with them, while we walk.

- That's too much for an ice cream. - Keep the rest!

No. I know you rich people!

In 5 minutes you'll ask me to keep your suitcase, thanks to these 100 Euros.

And tomorrow, I'll have to look after the brat on the swing.

So your 100 euros? I don't want it.

Rest assured, I won't ask you for anything in return.

It's not a gift, it's a donation.

Do you like romance?

I admit, I've never asked myself that.

Do you know how to swim?

What do your parents do?

I have no parents.

I grew up in the Public Assistance.

Ah yes, of course, I see.

The social assistance established by the welfare state.

Come dry off at home.

Miss, please climb up.

Let it steer you.

I'll be right back.

- You're not going to pick up? - No, it's mom.

No, don't! That's mom's chair.

- You live with your mom? - Yes, well...

Mom needs help, she's in a wheelchair.

Hence, the elevator.

We've shared this mansion since the death of my dad.

The ground floor is mom's, I have the upstairs...

And we share the entrance, and the dining room...

So we can talk at the table.

- Can I get you a drink? - Uh... Yeah, if you want.

My dad died 15 years ago. He was an inventor.

Did he travel a lot?

Not at all. He posed with his invention.

He invented...

In your opinion, what can move a... Piano, for example.

- Music! - No, no.

Wheels!

This, is what my dad invented...

Wheeled luggage.

And before wheels...

We climbed the social ladder thanks to elevators.

My grandfather made a fortune in elevators.

All the elevators of the Eiffel Tower, are made by Chateau-Tetard.

- Everything's here. - Oh yeah, the Eiffel tower!

My grandfather was an inventor, just like my great-grandfather.

Who invented revolving doors.

But my grandfather got rich in the war...

By selling his elevators to the right people.

Nothing illegal about that! It was in accordance with the law.

- Oh, Chile! - That's who we served best!

A business my dad had personally taken care of

when General Pinochet was detained in England, by a Spanish judge.

We were asked to equip his villas and presidential palaces...

With wheelchair elevators,

in just 5 days. And we succeeded!

My dad's stroke of genius, was to propose used equipment...

which looked like it had been there for 10 years.

It was the first time we sold used equipment more expensive than new one.

All knowingly. Nothing illegal about that.

When the medical inspectors of the court, went to his house...

they found the elevators to be proof of his health condition.

They found that the general was exactly as bedridden as he said he was.

He couldn't be prosecuted.

"Senile."

He returned to Chile on his plane, in his wheelchair.

He then got better, which gave us immense publicity.

We then uninstalled everything, and on that topic...

The elevator you rode downstairs belonged to the general.

But, the general, wasn't he a dictator?

That's not what everyone says.

Some say dictator, some say...

Anyway, this type of regime is never bad for business.

These people support freedom of enterprise.

You heard me right...

Freedom.

Don't you feel hot?

By the way, my name is Ava.

Nice to meet you, I'm Paul.

- I'd like to marry you. - Oh, good idea!

What, don't you want me to be happy?

And me? You think I wanted to marry your dad?

Don't you understand, that we have to marry between us?

These arguments serve nothing.

Your swimming pool subscription, 5000 euros a year.

That's too expensive to end up in the subway.

I should've given the money to Conchita.

Just a metaphor, Conchita.

It's not so hard to understand!

Bring some joy to the house.

Someone with a Rolls Royce, marries someone who rides the subway...

In your opinion, who wins?

Everyone!

Because the owner of the Rolls, will finally get what he couldn't buy!

Love!

I want Ava.

Oh, my son.

I think you've lost your senses.

The marriage took place.

Apart from Notre-Dame, which had burned down,

nothing stood in the face of the ceremony.

Even the priest couldn't stop it

in fear that Paul, goes to worship elsewhere.

Ava's happy days, began with Paul's

and with the opening of a bank account, which meant freedom.

It was the perfect love.

But, quickly, Paul stopped accompanying Ava on her outings.

Then, he no longer waited for her, when she came back from shopping.

Gaining her independence, Ava had the brilliant idea...

of redecorating the residence of Chateau-Tetard.

My dear child,

if you'd talked to the maid, she would've told you, we never move anything here.

In addition, your escapades have made us spend money uselessly.

Understand this, once and for all; here, the furniture doesn't move.

Conchita and I, we're the same, We don't like working for nothing.

Especially Conchita gets tired quickly.

So don't forget to give her a tip, she needs it.

- But I thought that... - You thought wrong.

Paris is beautiful.

It depends on the area, Ma'am.

However, know that Adelaide, your mother-in-law...

She's a priority, for Rolls Royce.

Yeah, yeah.

Where are you closing the window?

No, Ava! The elevator isn't allowed for you.

You're not in a wheelchair.

Give me that. Give it!

Put this on there.

It'll prevent you from knocking it over, if you trip over with your heels.

Turn it on, since it amuses you so much.

There you go!

Dog!

- Raoul! Let's go. - Yes.

It's been now 18 months, since Ava became Madam Chateau-Tetard,

and since she started sharing her existence, between her husband,

the outings in the Rolls, Raoul,

and the one she soon started calling: "The Queen Mother".

Ava watched her life turn into a routine.

But one night, an extraordinary event happened.

They did it!

"Wealth tax abolished."

No need to twist anymore, huh. Let's apply the president's policy!

We'll have some drinks,

and tomorrow, we spend all the money we saved on taxes!

- Ava... - Hello.

I present to you: "The Smooth and Go".

It was runner-up in the Lépine competition this year.

Sit.

Up.

Sit.

Up.

Sit.

- Up. - It's enough.

Walk.

Stop. Turn.

Turn.

You can pilot mom if you want.

Absolutely not! Raoul, take the remote.

Faster, I'm not bedridden.

Careful.

Be careful!

Let me do it!

I'm a professional driver!

It's going too fast! It's going too fast!

- Mom! - Help.

The "extraordinary" event the day before, had no importance on Ava's life.

The runoff had its gutters.

She expected more.

That's why, on that day, she went on an adventure...

Ava loved the end of the summer.

She enjoyed the fresh, sunny days of September,

to pass the time.

Occasionally, a man catches Ava's eyes.

And he gets denied on the spot.

What she wanted, is to enjoy the sun, do nothing, and feel alive.

These flowers are beautiful!

Do you want to eat flowers with your salad?

Ava, do you know the game called 'Exquisite corpse'?

- No. - It's very simple.

Someone starts a sentence, and the other finishes it.

Listen...

"Conchita didn't clean the dust, so..." Paul?

But I did, Madam!

It's a game, Conchita.

"Conchita didn't clean the dust, so...".

"So..."

"We sneezed all day."

Yes, yes! Sometimes it gives very funny sentences.

Come on, let's start.

"As the meal was served, I wanted..."

You turn, Ava.

- "That we'll go..." - No!

"That *we go*" Watch your grammar!

Example: "After each meal, he wanted that *you fold* your towel."

You lost, Ava.

Are you doing everything necessary to have a child?

Are you doing everything necessary to have a child?

Are we still playing?

No, we're not playing, Ava, don't play dumb.

When you are going to start making this baby?

Mom, these aren't things you ask at the table.

So we can't talk at this table anymore? It gets worse every time.

Mom, the incident is closed.

The weather's nice.

What a weird thing to say!

Apparently, I talk about topics that cause incidents.

So I'll talk about rain and weather.

The weather is nice.

Ava, what did you do today, in this nice weather?

Oh, not much.

Since when do we laugh at the table?

Your wife had a very peculiar look, when I asked her what she did.

Ava, what did you do today?

"Oh not much!"

No, "Not much..."

Or more like...

"Not much."

I didn't notice that tone at all.

Well I noticed that today, she went on an adventure, way beyond Boulevard Flandrin.

According to her purchases.

She's done that many times.

I wonder what she finds there, going so far.

This daughter-in-law you've always wanted...

The Queen Mother, deployed all her nuisance abilities.

She talked about putting her under curatorships, or worse.

She was determined to hurt her.

We must have her committed, doctor.

Across the whole medical spectrum.

Anyway, she's a nobody!

- How is that? - She has no family.

- We need a DNA test. - DNA test? For what?

Imagine...

If she has poverty genes.

Yes...?

And what does that mean?

If the poor don't make it out, over several generations, it's not for nothing.

We, for example, we're rich from father to son. That means something.

- So, you examine her, and you tell me. - What about medical secrecy?

Ava was far away from thinking about the drama that was brewing.

Actually, she wasn't thinking at all.

She was enjoying the moment.

That's what she loved, about this new life: A present, full of surprises.

Hi.

You know, it was the rules. You know what I mean?

For me, rules are rules.

I had to. It was the rules.

Look who's back.

Paul, are you really happy with this Ava?

I've never asked myself that. Anyway, I'm not unhappy.

- Good walk? - Very good.

It's 7:58, Ma'am.

Perfect, we'll be at the table, in 2 minutes.

Ava, my child, tell me...

When you go upstairs, you don't use the Pinochet?

- The Pinochet? - The elevator.

Ah, no! You've already told me not to use it.

That's it. Have fun, little one.

What do you want? Hey, what do you want?

Sir?

Yes, you. Come here.

Hi, my name is Ava. You?

Uh... Jero...

- Jerome. - Jerome, would you like an ice cream?

So?

I have a husband who's so well behaved, I get bored with him.

Every day feels the same.

He often tells me: "A life of routine, makes you feel you've lived longer ."

What do you think?

I do nothing in life, I just go out.

- What do you do? - Different things.

I finished my education.

And now I'm looking for work.

I've experienced that, some years ago.

Not eating your ice cream?

English people!

- They're driving opposite ways. - Navigation isn't their strong suit.

- Bye. - Bye!

- Should we kiss? - Here, like this?

It's them.

- They're gone. - We got them good, didn't we?

Let's swim.

Our clothes should be dry.

With this heat, we'll soon be dry too!

Could we meet again?

- Is this really a good idea? - Yes.

- Tomorrow, at Lutetia, for example. - At the hotel?

Oh yeah, the hotel. Yes of course.

I was thinking of the restaurant, but...

This slight flirtation, was enough to excite Ava.

She hadn't thought of it, further than a love affair with no consequences.

But the prospect of the exclamation: "At the hotel?"

Put an ugly idea in her head.

Which opened up an unimagined horizon.

An antidote to the paralysis of a young, rich woman, who had nothing in life.

I'll go fetch our clothes.

Our stuff got stolen!

- Are you sure? - Yeah, all good. Get in.

Ouch!

Jerome...

What are you doing?

Ava, I found out who stole our clothes, I'll go get them.

- Why am I not moving? - Don't worry, I did karate.

That's mine.

Oh, there it is!

Jean-Denis!

We found it!

Excuse me...

- Do you know where the orchestra is? - They've gone to a private concert.

You're not going? Aren't you the violinist?

No, I'm the violist. Nothing to do with it.

It's a lot harder than violin.

I'm waiting for the singer, I've never seen him. I hope he recognizes me.

It's not you, by any chance?

- My dear Adelaide! - My dear Éloïse.

- Is life beautiful? - No, it's ugly, even worse when the weather is beautiful.

And this daughter-in-law? Your social profiteer...

- Still no heir? - My God, I'm making her life hard.

It's so fun, It'll teach her not to get pregnant.

Where did this singer go?

- Who are you? - It's me.

- Where are we? - Long story.

What are you doing here?

Who are you?

- I'm the singer. - It's you? We looked for you everywhere.

Thank you, my friends, thank you!

Since we have found our latecomer, lost upstairs...

We'll open our concert with a piece from 'La Vie Parisienne' by Offenbach.

The famous tune of 'French Cancan'.

- What? - That sucks!

It was a joke.

We're going to interpret some Mendelssohn Bartholdy for you!

'Songs Without Words', To which we will add some words.

'Songs Without Words' (Felix Mendelssohn)

At least we have something serious.

And intelligent.

I'm here!

I'm here! What happened?

Look, in the instrument, a naked woman!

You saw her right?

My daughter-in-law, Ava, she was completely naked!

I'm not crazy, I saw her, she was naked!

- And then, the piano lashes at me, can you believe it? - Yes, Ma'am.

I got locked under its cover. But that's not the craziest thing.

Ava?

What did you do today?

I went for a walk.

Oh yeah, where?

I'm asking, because we saw you at the concert.

- Right, Conchita? - Yes, Ma'am.

What are you talking about, mom? Ava went for a walk, right honey?

I saw her go out naked, out of the case of a bass.

I thought you were inside a piano? Are you kidding, mom?

You know, it's normal to have hallucinations, being hit by a piano...

It wasn't a hallucination, I saw her!

- I'll take you to your room. - You're useless.

Raoul will take care of it. Raoul!

It's worrying. I'm worried about her head.

Should we have her committed, to see if she gets better?

We can bring Doctor Anigo.

Maybe it's her way of looking for attention?

I need attention too, you know.

I'm sensing a funny evening coming! Lucky everyone's asleep, eh?

Oh, my back...

It's not getting better.

Raoul!

Whose are these black dogs?

One of our guests brought them for a walk.

Ava, what did you do today?

Madam...

Thank you, Conchita. You pulled me out of a horrible nightmare.

Thank you sir. Put it in the room, I'll be there in 10 minutes.

- Are you going out tonight? - No, we never go out in that house.

Paul plays games on his phone, Mother ruins her husband's sweaters.

And Raoul does things in his room.

Raoul doesn't just play cards, especially with Madam.

I'll tell you about it another time.

What are you doing tomorrow?

We'll meet right? I can't stand the boredom anymore.

Jerome, I want more.

Oh. I must go to Dalac, at the agency.

At the agency?

Yes, the agency...

The employment agency.

If things were simple for Ava, having a lover,

For Jerome, it was a very complicated problem,

Jerome wondered, what a mess he was getting himself into.

After all, he invented a lie.

It's very useful as a way out.

Except that the way out, can be a revolving door sometimes.

So he makes another door.

And in the end, all the doors lock us inside a lie.

It all started when he saw this woman, in the office of Inspector Dalac.

A bundle of money!

Dalac was that kind of private detective, who loved to make quotes.

He liked to wield his revolver, and great authors.

What motivated Madam Chateau-Tetard to visit Dalac?

The little whore.

Surely it was the oldness of the house, and the seriousness he radiates.

There you go.

He'll appear when I tell you.

This is... Uhh...

- Jerome. - Jerome, that's it.

Come here, Jerome. I present to you, Madam Chateau-Tetard,

From the elevators, with the same name.

You can say hi to him, free of charge.

No?

Jerome is going to deal with your little problem.

Isn't he a little young?

Absolutely not! On the contrary. Here, the younger, the less suspicious.

As Racine said:

"To well-born souls, valor does not wait."

- Corneille? - Yes, that's what I said. - No.

- Anyway, it's the same. - No.

My little Jerome, let me explain.

You must not mistake Corneille.

You know Corneille? Madam likes him a lot.

Madam has a son, who has a wife...

And it's this wife we'll pay you to follow, Okay?

I'll let you discuss it, with your intern.

You're wrong, he's no longer an intern, since before yesterday.

Of course. That's it, cut your timer.

What do I have to do?

Find the lover. Here's the address of Chateau-Tetard...

Surveillance, lover, report, fees.

Find the lover.

And here's the wife, Ava.

Holy cow!

Woah! Beautiful chick.

First thing to do, check her bank account.

See if there's anything suspicious in her spending.

- How are we gonna get her statements? - I have my ways.

Don't forget that I'm a detective. You know the rest.

On his first day, Jerome got caught by Ava.

On his second day, he slid Ava, naked inside a bass case.

And on the third day, they both slid naked, inside a bed.

So Jerome, now needed to find an exit door.

Here, read this...

You already have the bank statements of little Chateau-Tetard?

- This is a medical file! - That's all the banker could give me.

How? There is a DNA test here, this looks very personal.

Personal data gets sold, didn't you know?

Banks ask for them, for loans.

If everyone gives their bank info, it will end up in someone's hands.

There's even the number of boyfriends she had before the marriage!

People who come from humble backgrounds are afraid to piss off their banks.

They're like this, the poor. They obey their banks.

- You're exaggerating, not everyone. - But then it becomes a revolution.

The bourgeois also obey.

Yeah, but for them, when they disobey...

It causes a coup d'état. Like in Chile, for example.

Anyway, what did you get from following her?

Nothing worth noting.

How is that?

- You didn't get caught, did you? - No.

- She went to the museum. - Which museum?

There are tons of museums in Paris, so I don't know... Beaubourg? Orsay?

- Yes, Orsay. - What did she do?

Did she look at paintings, eat ice cream...?

Yeah, that. She had an ice cream, after looking at the paintings.

What kind of paintings?

You know, all paintings look the same.

I followed her, and there was nothing to report.

- Hello, it's me. - Hello, Madam Chateau-Tetard.

- "It's incredible she..." - What?

- Naked in a bass case? - "The little whore".

- Excellent! - "I'm not crazy".

No, she went to the museum, saw some paintings.

You know, all paintings look the same.

Then she ate some ice cream...

Nothing to report!

"The museum? I don't understand."

Decidedly...

The investigation stalls.

- Is it art that gives you this look? - Art does what?

What are you talking about? Art doesn't interest Ava.

Didn't you go the the museum, the other day?

The museum? No. To do what?

You're getting more and more derailed.

- What did you do this morning, Ava? - I went to see my goddaughter in Epinay.

Remember my friend Noemie? You saw her one time, but you didn't like her.

- Of course I remember, she was black. - I went to see her, since she can't come.

Madam Chateau-Tetard was blown away, by such a lie.

She almost spilled the beans, that she had her followed...

That she knew she was at the museum. But she held it.

She promised to make her swallow her lies.

This disgusting little whore.

That she would bring this lie, of museums, and goddaughters, to light.

Weird, I thought you had nothing to do with your goddaughter.

I would never say that, she's my only family.

- She's not, there's us. - Yeah, us. We don't count?

I love roast.

I hate meat in the evening, Let's skip to coffee.

Mom, you know Ava never takes coffee in the evening.

That's true, I forgot. Then she finished her meal.

Conchita, bring me two desserts, I'm starving.

Actually, I'll take the roast after all.

Go serve Paul.

Paul, don't forget, you have the BOD of Chateau-Tetard & Sons tomorrow.

- The what? - Board of Directors.

- You're the CEO. - Yeah, but...

I get bored every time.

- I don't wanna go. - It's important.

You have to make an appearance, honey.

It's Dalac, we have a problem,

The girl claims she was at her goddaughter's, not the museum.

We have to find out why she's lying to her mother-in-law.

If it's too much I can give you another case.

No, don't change anything.

- I know this beast too well by now. - Be discrete.

Thanks to a wall of morality, his parents built around him...

Jerome felt uncomfortable sleeping with Ava, while being paid union wage.

Not counting overtime.

He knew that by confessing everything, he would lose everything.

Ava, I have to tell you something.

- It has to do with my job... - Ah yes, take this, since you're jobless.

- What? I'm not a gigolo. - Not like that, it's just a runoff.

Paul explained that term to me.

Don't tell me you found a job, and that we can't meet anymore.

If you only knew how boring life is, at the house.

- Sexually? - Are you crazy? We never talk about it.

Darn, I have to go.

I'm not going, I don't want to be bored with these little guys from the BOD.

Mom, are you gonna pick up?

Mom, answer the phone!

Yes, Paul Chateau-Tetard himself.

Long live the stairs! To hell with the Pinochet!

I see that you enjoy it, you little Rascal!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

- I got fired! - I'm stuck, fix it.

- This is worse. - I'm trying to set you free.

Mom, I got fired, the BOD fired me!

They dared? I'm gonna settle this.

Dog, stand up!

Come here, dog. We're gonna go scare them straight.

Sit down dog, Sit!

Adelaide!

- Mom! - She's still moving.

She's dead!

You're very nice, Ava.

I like waking up to the scent of a flower.

And you smell good too. You're a good person.

My son had the courage not to marry for money.

I suffered a lot of pressure to impose it on Paul.

Ava, I love you very much.

I love you too.

- I made you coffee, the way you like it. - How lovely, my child.

Will you come with me in the Rolls, this afternoon?

I want to introduce you to my best friend.

And maybe we could invite your goddaughter.

- The one who's beautifully black. - Yes, with pleasure!

You don't have to worry, you know?

Paul and I are doing everything to have a child.

And if it's a girl, we'll name her after you.

I noticed the Pinochet was malfunctioning.

It will be repaired next week.

How about going to Seychelles, or Vichy, while it's being repaired?

That's a good idea!

Look.

I can get up!

I can walk.

It's a miracle!

Thank you, Conchita.

You pulled me out of an appalling nightmare.

Always this recurring dream with Ava.

It's traumatizing.

- Babe will you open? I made breakfast. - No, I want to sleep.

I'm not in the mood, I think I've got the flu.

Dog...

Something wrong?

Paul gave me the flu. I've been vomiting all morning.

- Flu doesn't cause vomiting. - It's a stomach flu.

What if it's food poisoning?

- What museum was it today? - It's Tuesday, all museums are closed.

So... Vincennes zoo?

In this weather? Is she crazy?

I feel sorry for you. Surveillance in this weather...

- Must've been horrible. - It wasn't great.

Are you sure there isn't a man, under all of this?

No...

I got it.

Don't you see?

- No. - Think hard.

No idea?

It's quite obvious.

What if...

It was a woman.

You're wrong inspector, if there's a lover, it's a man.

And there isn't one. I would know.

This is boring.

Could it be someone from inside the family?

There's Raoul, he has relations with our Chateau-Tetard.

What? You're only telling me this now?

Calm down, I'm talking about the mother. Your client.

- How do you know this? - I'm a detective.

Dalac...

Heaved a big sigh, then picked up the phone...

Madam Chateau-Tetard? This is Dalac.

"To Vincennes zoo, in this weather? It's unthinkable."

But it is...

The truth.

I read at the barbers the other day, That sugary food gives girls.

And salty food, boys.

On the condition of being pregnant, of course.

Instead of grapefruit, I asked for mushrooms.

Some 'Bouchée à la reine'.

You don't like mushrooms?

Are you afraid that they might be poisonous?

You look a bit nervous, Ava.

You had the courage to go out in this weather?

- Yes. - Where did you go?

I visited the Louvre.

The Louvre... are you sure?

Yes, as I told you, the Louvre.

The Louvre, on a Tuesday?

- It wasn't too crowded, at least? - Oh, it was full of people.

You could barely move, I couldn't see anything.

I don't doubt that, especially since the museum closes on Tuesdays.

Ah...

That's strange, I didn't notice.

Now that you mention it, there were some completely empty rooms.

But how did you get in?

I stayed outside.

I watched the museum from the windows.

Then I visited the park.

The famous zoological park of the Louvre.

So that's when you went to the zoo.

Uh no...

There wasn't one.

- Did you hear that? - Hear what?

She lies as she breathes. It doesn't bother you? Think about it!

I noticed the contradiction.

- Sorry but I'm tired of investigations. - Good, because that's not your job.

For the honor of this family, I hired a private investigator.

Ah?

- And what's the verdict? - The verdict?

Your wife went to the zoo, when it was raining.

And she says that she was a the Louvre.

She's lying about trivial things.

It doesn't hurt anyone, if she likes seeing monkeys more than the Mona Lisa,

And when she actually goes to a museum, she says she went to see her goddaughter.

Sorry, but the only explanation to this behavior, is that she's crazy.

A mythomaniac!

Paul, we have to sort this out. And there aren't 36 solutions.

You want to have Ava committed?

Doctor Anigo will see me tomorrow, about my back.

I'm going to ask him about your wife's behavior.

- Dr Anigo? - Raoul!

You trust him?

Baby, we need to talk.

I'm sleeping, I get up early for the museum tomorrow.

I'll tell you tomorrow.

That's all? Tell me since you already woke me up.

Listen, my mom...

She's driven by the affection she has for you, I'm sure.

Have you noticed you had a bodyguard, or a guardian angel, lately?

You know what I mean?

I don't understand your gibberish!

You didn't notice anyone following you? Like a detective.

So?

So, nothing. I mean, there's...

- A little problem. - I can explain, Paul. I love you!

- I'm sorry, it was a misunderstanding! - You have nothing to be sorry about.

It has no importance, but...

You have to stop lying, babe.

When you go to the zoo, like this evening, just tell us.

When you visit a museum, you can tell us.

Why say all that nonsense?

He didn't say anything else, this detective?

What do you want him to say? There's nothing.

Understood? No more lies?

- I know life isn't always fun with mom. - No, we never go out.

Listen, since you love museums, tomorrow, I'll take you somewhere.

Come see this bas-relief, it has lost all its relief.

Come see this 15th century virgin on polychrome wood, which lost all it's color.

What a naughty piece!

When I think about Jerome...

Are you okay?

What happened?

I don't know, a little anemia, maybe.

- You're already back? - Ava isn't feeling well.

Lucky doctor Anigo is still here.

Do your thing, doctor.

What do you see?

Nothing.

And now?

Still nothing.

Are you sure? Not even a skull, or a vagina?

"And then, I defused the bomb" "Did you know how to?"

Have you been vomiting?

Yes, do you think it's the food?

Yeah, something typical. A stomach flu, or appendicitis.

"So I'm in the wagon, and I see a suspicious face."

- So? - I'm bound by professional secrecy.

Your daughter-in-law is completely sane.

As for the rest, I'll let her tell you herself.

What about you, mom, are you okay?

You're not having hallucinations anymore?

No, I've never had hallucinations! I saw her naked!

Ava, where are you going?

Going back to Cluny museum, since our visit yesterday was cut short.

- It doesn't bother you to go alone? - No, don't worry babe.

Is your nausea better?

Yes, yes. Don't worry babe!

Ava, are you going to the museum again?

- I told you not to use the Pinochet! - I'm not using it.

- I'm taking the Rolls today. - Not using it either.

I'm going to the BOD.

And that's it. Here we are. Surely you remember this scene?

We've made some detours, but it needed explanation.

Inspector Dalac? It's Adelaide. The little whore is going out.

I think we've got her this time.

Good, have you picked up the pieces? So, let's get to the next part...

Jerome!

- Jerome! - What's going on?

You took the wrong stairs, go around the top.

I'm being followed, I changed clothes to lose the tail.

A private is following me.

- A private what? - A private cop!

The old Chateau-Tetard is having me followed.

We have a detective on our tails.

He's such a moron, he might as well be following someone else...

Or he's a fraud faking reports at home.

I have more news...

I'm pregnant.

What, that's your reaction?

- Are you sure? - That I'm pregnant?

- No, that you're being followed. - Paul told me.

"Mom loves you so much that she hired someone to follow you."

"Do you have anything to tell me?"

He told me I went to the zoo, when I was at the hotel with you.

And I'd told him I was at the Louvre 10 minutes prior. You see the mess?

It's crazy that we never noticed this guy!

- I wonder what he looks like? - The baby?

No, the detective!

I don't feel well, I must've caught your flu. That vaccine doesn't work.

It wasn't the flu, nor food poisoning, I'm pregnant!

I'm gonna leave Paul, and Queen Mother. It's your baby.

Let's settle together, with the baby.

Wait, let me think...

My salary is 1200 euros. I pay 800 euros for rent, plus taxes...

Plus 400 euros for food, plus a baby, a nanny, diapers...

My future is behind me, if I go on like this.

- My life is screwed. - Where is he going? Where are you going?

An appointment I forgot about! It's for a job.

Jerome!

Do you have any idea what you did?

Geoffroy, the clause.

Master Geoffroy Crépin is going to read you a clause that concerns you all.

It's a footnote of the administrative regulations.

Article 5 C, paragraph 4.2...

"If the president is fired during a BOD,

if the vote takes place in his absence...

"Madam Chateau-Tetard would replace them until a new president is appointed."

"In the absence of this new president, the voters..."

"...must be residents of France, for tax purposes."

Ladies and gentlemen, I am you new president.

Inspector?

Inspector?

Anybody here?

Fat man?

Bacon head!

Turn around, bastard!

You have to learn to draw faster, If you want to last in this business.

Since when do we need a weapon for our investigation?

Anyway, what are you doing at the office when you should be working?

- I finished the investigation. - What?

I finished the Chateau-Tetard case.

Ava Chateau-Tetard is Raoul's mistress. The driver.

No way!

Oh, the rascal! He's screwing the mom, and the daughter-in-law!

We will now start a vote, to decide our next president.

Unless you want to be taxed in France?

Good, since everyone agrees, who votes for my son Paul Chateau-Tetard.

As president of Chateau-Tetard & Sons?

It's a show of hands...

Perfect, you made the right choice.

This is Inspector Dalac, Madam Chateau-Tetard, of the elevators?

I'm in the middle of a BOD, what is it?

I have the name of the lover. Come in a taxi.

Let's go. Dog.

Raoul!

Thanks. You can go, I'll take a taxi.

A taxi? Adelaide, is there a problem?

On the contrary, everything is good. See you tonight.

Come by for some champagne.

Taxi! Taxi!

Taxi!

We caught the little whore? It's been a productive day!

I have a feeling you're going to appreciate the news.

Come, come!

Raoul?

Madam Chateau-Tetard?

Madam Chateau-Tetard?

Hello?

Madam Chateau-Tetard?

Wake up!

Madam Chateau-Tetard, wake up!

Wake up!

Come on.

Raoul!

Why did you cheat on me with the little whore?

Adelaide, what are you talking about?

I would never do that!

- Bastard. - She's not my type at all!

Adelaide, please! I don't like young women.

- Please, calm down! - You're gonna pay!

Adelaide, It's not true!

Please calm down!

Calm down!

I'm going to fire you! You won't come back to this house ever again.

- Open the door! - I'm begging you, calm down!

Think for a second! I didn't cheat on you!

You're mistaken about my masculine side!

Adelaide, please!

Think for a second! Calm down.

Don't throw it all in the trash like this.

Where is he?

Paul!

- Paul! - Mom!

I'm gonna be a dad! I'm gonna be a dad, mom!

Ava... You're so proud of me!

I mean, I'm so proud of you!

Raoul!

Raoul, did you hear the news? Raoul!

Dad and president on the same day!

What a manly day!

Raoul? Raoul!

My hat...

My h...

We will miss Raoul.

It's going to be weird.

Leaves a big void, right?

Conchita, will you bring me a cigarette and a lighter?

I apologize, Madam.

Mr. Paul doesn't want us to smoke in the presence of Madam, who is pregnant.

You won, little one. You're stronger than I thought.

But it's still Raoul, I feel the most for.

Raoul, how we will miss you.

At least you'll be far away from her.

Away from the little whore.

Jerome dumped me, I'm pregnant...

The father doesn't want the baby, but my husband wants to be a father.

Things have arranged as they should be.

What could be more natural? Jerome.

Watch out for your little belly, my treasure.

No, don't cry!

Actually, yes, cry. Don't worry, it's hormones.

You want a drink to lift you up? Yeah?

Jerome, I'll feel so bored without you.

When the baby's born, I'll play with it. Yes, but what until then?

I'll take care of its room, it's little clothes...

The baby will cure my boredom!

Paul, you need a driver!

Don't you wear that, it's vulgar!

- It's the law, I have to! - I'm ordering you to disobey!

Mom, you're underestimating me!

Tell me, Jerome...

Look at this. I couldn't understand a thing.

It's a bank statement.

They're in a red zone, I wouldn't want to be in their place.

You won't be, soon. It's the statement of our agency.

- Am I fired? - Well what do you want, huh?

It's the socialists' fault. They're the ones in charge.

- What socialists? - All of this is...

You're not what we're looking for, You're too straight.

Good day!

You two... Thank you gentlemen.

Hello, sir. Geoffroy Crépin, I'm a lawyer.

- Did you come for the announcement? - Yes.

Here's my letter of recommendation.

- Do you have any flaws? - Flaws?

Greed, gluttony, anger, laziness, solidarity?

Uh...

Any good qualities?

Do you feel integrated into society?

I mean with this job, I imagine I can climb up in the social scale.

Not too high, though.

Anyway, you won't be working with me personally...

I'm only here to pick, make a judgment.

Aren't you a lawyer? You judge too?

Any idiot can judge!

You just look at the person, how they looks...

the way they talks, the we they dress, and it's judged!

You know how to drive?

Do you know how to drive?

- You know how to drive? - Yes.

Hello, Paul Chateau-Tetard.

You're hired, you will be our new driver.

You start tomorrow. We're going to Antibes.

Be careful, my wife is expecting a baby.

You know how to drive a Rolls?

Mom? Our new Raoul is here!

As if we could replace Raoul...

Raoul is the father, eh?

Why is doctor Anigo here?

Is he here for Ava again?

I told you to be careful!

What about me?

- What about me? - Are you okay, my dove?

I can't come down alone, I need help, come help me!

This is insane!

Who are these people? Who are you?

What are you doing? What is happening?

Doctor, what's going on?

I saw her come out naked, out of a bass case!

I'm not crazy! I am not crazy!

- Neither am I, ma'am. - Dr Anigo!

Let's move, Raoul.

What do you think of our new Raoul?

"...and they had a lot children"

♪ Subtitles by: HAUTBASFRAGILE ♪