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Previously on Young Sheldon... Arrested?

Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine,

and-and they're gonna need cash.

What the hell?

What are you doing here?

I'm saving you.

Well, damn.

Look, you're just a kid, okay?

You don't understand what's going on here.

I know my mom lost her job and got kicked out of the church

because you won't marry my brother.

Where you going?

To dance.

I didn't think you Baptists did that.

We don't drink, neither. Ooh.

The kids asleep? Yup.

You want to... fool around?

Are you messing with me?

I'm hoping to.

Well, hot diggity dog.

Hey.

Oh, thanks for coming.

Sounded important. What's going on?

Walk with me.Okay.

You know that money I owe you?

Oh, you got it?

Yes and no.

Uh, well, which is it?

Yes, I got it,

no, I'm not giving it to you.

I want to give you

a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Well, I'd prefer my money.

Do you see any unoccupied machines here?

No.Exactly.

We are at capacity. It's time to expand.

Where?

The video store right behind that wall

just lost its lease.

Aw, heck. I was gonna pick up the new John Candy.

Well, as my partner in this enterprise,

you can get that new John Candy for free.

So you're gonna buy a video store?

Video store in the front,

video poker in the back.

Where are you getting the poker machine?

Biloxi, Mississippi.Oh. You didn't learn a lesson

when you got arrested at the border? Yes.

I learned not to smuggle contraband

with my idiot grandson.

But there's nothing illegal about buying poker machines.

Till you plug 'em in.

Well, sure.

Come on. What do you say?

You and me, a panel truck, Biloxi or bust?

So I'm gonna be your partner in an illegal gambling room?

Hidden by a legal video store.

Connie. Gee... Come on. You said you want to drive around

in an RV, see the country.

This is that, but exciting.

We could go to jail.

That's the exciting part.

Hello, Mom.

It's your son, Sheldon.

Hello, my son, Sheldon.

I have an 8:00 a.m.

class tomorrow, and I was wondering

if I could spend the night in my dorm. That's fine.

Now before you answer, hear me out.

I have a list of reasons why this is a good idea.

Number one... Sheldon,

I know that you're safe there. It's fine.

That's reason number four. Please don't skip ahead.

Honey,

I trust you. Just go to bed at a reasonable hour

and call if you need anything.

Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Number one: I'm not...

Goodbye, Sheldon.

Who hangs up on a list?

What's his problem now?

Nothing. He wants to spend the night at the dorm

so he can get to an early class.

Really? And you said okay?

He is old enough

to have an overnighter, and...

it might be nice for us to have a little alone time.

Ooh. What about Missy?

She's having dinner with a friend.

So, the house to ourselves.

I like it.

Hold on.

Hello? SHELDON: Number two...

I have my own bathroom. Number...

Boy, that's a lot of plates.

What do you want, Georgie? I just talked to Meemaw.

She says she's gonna be out of town for a couple days.

Yup, she told me.

Patty melt. Good choice.

Okay. Enjoy.

I'm just worried about you being all by yourself

in that big house. I'll be fine.

What if there's a tornado?

Did Meemaw ever show you where her hidey hole is?

Georgie, I'm really busy right now.Sorry.

I'll swing by Meemaw's later, maybe bring some takeout.

Don't bother. They send me home with plenty of food.

Great. Score me a patty melt, would you?

I won't.I'm gonna go now.

What are you doing? Kissing our baby.

You want one, too?

No.

Bye-bye.

I'm home.

Anybody here?

Missy? Yeah.

You're home early.

It's 7:00.

Is it?

Are you sleeping?

Yeah.

Where's Dad?

I'm here.

Ugh.

We were both just real tired.

Please stop talking.

What on earth is going on?

Aah! No skateboarding in the hallway.

Aah!

This childishness cannot be allowed to continue.

Hello. I need to tattle.

What?

Is your room on fire?

No.

But I see smoke.

Okay.

You need to know there's people skateboarding

and playing loud music in the hallways.

What do you want me to do about it?

You're the resident advisor.

It's your job to enforce the rules.

I'll get right on it.

Thank you.

The system works.

Ugh.

Oh, I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow.

So, how'd you hear about these poker machines?

I know a guy.

What kind of guy?

A guy who knows a guy.

Well, what do you know about that guy?

He owned a riverboat casino.

He owned?

He might be dead.

Dead?

He might not be.

They never found the body.

Oh, my God.

Exciting, huh? No.

It's upsetting. Oh, now, come on.

You've been in the sporting goods business long enough.

Haven't you ever sold a bunch of shoulder pads

that fell off the back of a truck?

Absolutely not.

I buy 'em from a reputable company named Tuffy.

Boring.

I smell your shampoo.

Aw, damn it.

How long have you been sitting out there?

All night. And why?

Are you familiar with Arkham Asylum from the Batman comics?

No.Well, it's a madhouse,

as is my dormitory after the sun goes down.

Sheldon, I am the president of this university.

I don't handle noise complaints.

That's why there's a resident advisor.

Oh, I went to him. And?

You saw me sleeping on the bench like a hobo.

What do you think? Can't you just...

I don't know... chalk this up as

part of the college experience?

Yeah, the clown college experience.

I'm sorry. I'm cranky.

I've compiled a list of reasons

why I should be appointed the dormitory R.A.

Number one... Fine. You're the R.A.

Okay. "Number one: I love rules..."

"Creating them, following them,

and most fun of all, enforcing them."

You're the R.A., Sheldon.

Excellent. "Number two... punishment

for rule infractions must be both fair and merciless."

Hmm.Ooh. Eggs and pancakes.

That's what a lumberjack gets for chopping all that wood.

I'll be Paul Bunyan,

you can be my babe, the blue fox.

George.

Ugh. Still?

Morning, honey.

What is happening with you two?

What do you mean?

Is one of you dying?

No one's dying.

Sometimes, married people kiss.

On TV maybe, not here.

Well, young lady, how do you think you came into this world?

Okay, you're freaking me out.

Here you go, as advertised.

All right. Those look good.

Wait. Hold on. How do we know they work?

What kind of operation you think I'm running here?

Well, I don't know. The word "sketchy" comes to mind.

Be cool.

Uh, you mind if we plug a couple in?

Mind if you show me the money?

Sure. Turn around.

Why?

You want the money or not?

Okay, go ahead.

Yeah.

Okay.

20 grand.

Light 'em up.

That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Really?

Well, I just took my pants off.

Attention, residents of Bower Hall.

My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm your new R.A.

The age of chaos is over.

I repeat, the age of chaos is over.

Please take a moment

to familiarize yourself with the dormitory rules

posted on the bulletin board.

Ignorance of these rules is no excuse, and violators will be...

New rule. Unauthorized use of my bullhorn is forbidden.

- I repeat. Unauthorized... - Shut up.

Anybody home?

Oh, good. You're here.

Hey.

Check it out. I got this video about childbirth.

I thought we could watch it tonight.

That sounds awful.

Well, it does say "contains graphic images"

right there on the box.

Maybe some other time, Georgie.

No worries. I also picked up Look Who's Talking,

which is just about a baby who says stuff.

If you're trying to make this, like, a date night

or something, it's not happening.

Oh, who said anything about a date?

It's just us having dinner and watching a movie.

Last time we did that I wound up pregnant.

Mm, that was a good date.

Well, that's not happening tonight.

I get it. Nothing romantic.

Just two future parents watching the miracle of childbirth

or a movie that got two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert.

And not only that.

Then someone defaced my rule sheet

with a drawing of testicles.

Well, that is so immature.

I agree. Simply naming me dorm R.A. isn't enough

to command respect.

I need a physical symbol of my authority,

like the way a king had a scepter.

So, you want a scepter?

No, that could be used against me.

Ooh, how about a badge?

I'd be like a Texas Ranger

who patrols the halls of a dormitory.

Well, these all just such terrific ideas but,

um, how about an official letter from my desk

with a handwritten note attesting to your position?

All right. "To the students of Bower Hall."

That's your handwriting?

"This document

"bestows on Sheldon Cooper all the powers

and privileges of resident advisor."

"Bestows." I like it.

Sloppy, but I like it.

Nope.

Well, I got to tell you,

that was pretty exciting.Mm. I told you.

For a while there, I felt like Bonnie and Clyde,

without all the murder and mayhem.

Well, the night's still young.

So at the risk of sounding more like Bonnie than Clyde, uh,

where do we stand in our relationship?

You're the one who broke up with me.

Oh, maybe I've rethought the situation.

So you were wrong.

I don't believe there's any right or wrong here.

Say it. Say you were wrong.

I do regret it.

Because... you were...

wrong.

Yes.

So what do you say... you want to give it another chance?

Hang on.

Just give me a straight answer.

I'm a big boy. I can take it.

I think we're being followed.

What?

No.

The pickup truck?

The orange Pinto.

I saw it when we gassed up.

It's been two cars back ever since.

I'm gonna speed up and see what happens.

We're being followed.

Are you still excited?

No, I'm upset.

Good.

Then we're on the same page.

Open up. It's the R.A.

Yeah?

It's quiet hours. You have to turn the music off.

Says who? Me, the R.A.

You probably didn't hear me over the music.

Maybe this will convince you.

Her cursive is maybe questionable,

but trust me, my authority is not.

Joke's on you. I have Scotch tape.

I don't see him anywhere. Do you?

Nope. Oh, man.

Well, now that that's over, I'm starting

to feel the excitement again.

Crazy, right? I think that's the way danger works.

Oh, it's like a roller coaster.

Well,

ain't this a coincidence.

Oh, come on.

What's up? Mom and Dad are being weird.

Can I hang out here?

Actually, ain't a good time.

Come on in, Missy.

Dang it.

Sucker.

Good.

Ooh, Look Who's Talking.

Classic. Hey, did you know

the baby is the guy from Die Hard?

No.Yeah.

He can do everything.

I was sitting there.

Yeah, well, now you're not.

I'm being nothing but nice here.

I don't know why you got to give me a hard time.

Why? I'll tell you why.

You ruined my life. Is that enough "why" for you?

Hey, you weren't so innocent.

If I recall, you provided alcohol to a minor... me.

That's illegal.

You lied about your age. You lied first.

Okay, you know what? Let's not do this in front of your sister.

It actually feels normal. Keep going.

And let's not forget, I only lied 'cause you're hot.

Oh, my God. We don't need

to watch a movie about a talking baby.

You're right here.

Ooh, lock the door, lock the door.

No one's home. Just in case.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.Mmm. Mmm.

I have a wild and crazy idea. Ooh,

I like where this is headed.

Let's make a baby.

You're kidding, right?

I don't know. It might be fun to start over.

Fun? What house you been living in?

I'm serious. We've been getting along so great,

and I have all this extra time on my hands.

Uh, let's take advantage.

Your son's about to have a baby. You can take care of that one.

No, my mother called dibs.

Your mother's a million years old.

You think she's gonna be changing diapers

in the middle of the night?

I'll tell you what your problem is.

You got kicked out of your church,

your-your kids are grown up,

you're feeling sorry for yourself, and,

yeah, you think a baby'll solve the problem.

Well? Say something.

You make me so mad.

Where you going?

We can still do it mad.

So what do you want, uh...

Dennis.Right.

Dennis. Tough name.

So what do you want... Dennis?

Couldn't help noticing you got Texas plates on that truck.

Operating poker machines ain't legal in Texas.

So what are you, a cop?

No, no, I'm just a guy who might call the cops, you know,

if we don't come to an arrangement.

Can I take your order?

Thank you, honey.

You know, I got a hankering for chicken fried steak.

Gravy on top, but only if it's cream gravy.

And the mashed potatoes with more cream and gravy on top.

And, uh, ice tea when you can.

No gravy on that.

And how about for you two?

I'm gonna use your restroom.

He knows what I like.

You're leaving? Uh-huh.

I got to tinkle.Uh.

Uh,

I guess I'll have the waffles,

and the lady will have, um...

...also waffles.

So, what do you think?

Well, Dennis, I'm not the guy to talk to.

Uh, why don't we wait for the boss to finish tinkling?

But I do got to tell you, this is my first shakedown.

Don't think of it like that.

It's just a business arrangement.

Well, I've been a businessman for 38 years,

and I don't think I've ever been threatened before.

What kind of business you in?

Hello? Huh?

What kind of business you in?

Groomer.Hmm.

Dog groomer, yeah.

Cats if you make me, but I pretty much love the doggies.

You ever do birds?

No. Mm-hmm. Birds got feathers,

and they're... they're self-grooming, pretty much.

Yeah, I always thought cats were self-grooming.

Well, people think that, but, no. No, you got to...

You got to dip a cat once in a while.

Well, okay then.

Where are you going?

Dennis, I am really sorry about this.

May I help you?

There's no hot water.

There is for rule followers.

You can't just turn off the hot water.

Yeah.Yeah.

If you want the benefits of civilization,

you have to behave in a civilized manner.

The decision is yours.

I don't need a pen and paper to take names.

You. What's your name?

You know I'll find out and there will be consequences.

Hey, what are you...

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