Original subtitles

Would you get down from there?

You're gonna fall and break your neck or something.

I'm so glad you're finally done babysitting Sara.

Do you ever get tired of dropping everything for her?

I became a mom when I was 22.

And I've just gotten to this point where I don't want anyone

to need anything from me anymore.

Why were you and Sara sleeping like that?

Girls aren't supposed to do that.

God, Mom, I know.

I think we should just go back to being friends.

Are you serious?

What's wrong?

Can I stay in here with you?

About 40,000 gallons of crude oil spilled...

Hey, a few of us are gonna watch

the Flames game later tonight, if you wanna come.

Oh, uh, I can't. I have plans.

It'll take about a week to clean up.

The oil spill conditions in Rochester County...

Store manager to aisle six. Store manager to aisle six.

You want to hear a joke about paper towels?

Okay.

Never mind. It's tear-ible.

So, you're not gonna tell me?

No, like, it's tear-ible...

Like, tear.

Even though these beautiful species

are declining in numbers,

they are still found throughout the oceans of the world.

The migration paths are often disturbed

by whalers and by the sound of ocean vessels.

Try doing that with any other brand.

You'll receive two extra-large rolls...

for the rock bottom low price of 14.99.

That's two rolls for 14.99.

And an extra two... absolutely free.

Hi, Dad.

Can we come in?

Uh, yeah.

Hey, come on. Patrick is leaving.

Okay, seriously?

What's wrong?

I'm just tired.

You've been tired for a month.

Are you depressed?

Mom, stop.

Well, forgive me for showing concern about your mental health.

How about this? If I need your help, I'll call the crisis line.

Okay. Well, it's good to see that whatever's going on with you

isn't interfering with your ability to be rude.

Get up.

Do you have a baby carrot?

What?

Yeah, that was a long shot.

Um, arms. I need arms.

Um, can I borrow your stick?

What stick?

The one up your ass.

Is there anything you wanna talk about?

Did Mom tell you to ask me that?

No, it's just...

I don't know.

I feel like I wanna help you, but I don't know what to do.

I'm fine.

Have you ever seen a snowman before?

Why is his torso so long?

He has a swimmer's body.

I'm getting sticks.

I wanna remind you guys that, uh, we have the auditions

for this year's play coming up this week.

Uh, it's one of my favorites, 12 Angry Men...

- Oh, my God. - ...and Women.

Oh, and I'm sure the women are what, prostitutes?

- Or housewives? - Yeah.

Well, actually, the characters, uh, don't have any names,

just numbers.

Juror One, Juror Two, and so on.

So anyone, any gender, can audition for any part.

- I'm not hungry. - Come on. You have to eat.

I'll get it.

Hello?

- Sara? - Hi.

I knew it.

Everybody says you two are so hard to tell apart,

but I know you weren't Tegan.

Hi, Maya. Hang on.

It's for you.

Hello?

Are you serious?

No, you didn't.

What? I can't believe I missed it.

Hello?

Hi.

Hey, I was just thinking about you.

- You were? - Yeah.

Um, do you remember that time that Stacy got her hair caught

in the tent zipper and then you had to cut a chunk out

of her hair to free her?

- Yeah. - Yeah. It was crazy.

I didn't know if I should call or could call or whatever.

Of course you can.

I'm glad you did.

Me too.

We should hang out.

Sure. Saturday?

Oh, um, I can't, I'm busy on Saturday.

But Sunday? We could meet downtown.

- Yeah, that would be... - And tell Tegan to come too.

- Okay. - Okay. Cool.

I got to go, but I'll see you Sunday.

- Bye. - Bye.

Just don't turn into an asshole.

I'm not gonna change, but it can't not have an impact

- on who I am. - What are you guys talking about?

I got the lead in 12 Angry Men.

I'm pretty sure there's not a lead in 12 Angry Men.

The whole point is that it's like, um...

- An ensemble. - Thank you.

Whatever. I had an idea of how we could celebrate

my inevitable superstardom and bring Sara back from the dead.

- What does that mean? - Sara.

You've been moping around for what feels like years.

And I, for one, I can't take it anymore.

We've got to bring you back to the world of the living.

And I have just the thing. There's a rave on Saturday.

- Wait, Calgary has raves? - Oh, yeah.

- And we're going. - Who's we?

Do you not know how "we" works?

It's all of us.

Yeah. That could be cool.

No, no way. Raves are illegal. Mom's never gonna let you go.

Besides, I have plans with Maya on Saturday.

- You can bring Maya. - Yeah.

And honestly, just tell your mom that you'll be at my place.

She wouldn't let us do that either.

- She doesn't know you. - Well, she can get to know me.

Come on.

Fine.

But I still don't think it's a good idea.

Nice.

Hi, Mom.

- Hi, Mom. - Hey.

Wait a second. You're their mom?

But you're like a cool, hot supermodel.

Yeah, yet, uh, somehow I manage to have it all.

- I'm Simone. - I'm Natalie.

- Hi. - I'm sorry.

I don't mean to distract you.

They told me that you were hard at work on your thesis,

which sounds so cool, by the way.

But I was like, "I can't be a guest in your house

without introducing myself to your mom."

- Can you imagine? - Yeah, I can, actually. Yeah.

So how do you guys know each other?

Oh. Sara and I are in drama class together.

- Oh. - And not to brag,

but I did kind of just get the lead in a school play,

so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be scouted, moving to Hollywood soon.

Well, I'm glad that Tegan and Sara got to know you

before your meteoric rise to fame.

But unfortunately I will have to leave them behind once I've made it.

Yeah. That's my endgame too.

Well, I should get back to work. It was very nice to meet you.

You can come back anytime.

- Thank you. - I'll walk you out.

Awesome.

Well, she seems pretty unhinged,

but I do enjoy her.

Yeah, Natalie is really cool.

It's been so great making a friend like her.

- Good. - I was actually wondering

if me and Tegan can stay the night at her house on Saturday.

- Both of you? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. That's... that's great. That's fine.

Cool. Thanks.

Guys, is there anything that we should know?

- What do you mean? - Like, is it dangerous?

Is there a rave code or something?

What's a rave code?

If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be asking.

Don't worry about anything.

You're gonna have so much fun, your face is gonna explode.

Especially because

I got us some little gifts to have once we get there.

What is this?

That's the thing you said you never wanted to try.

- Here, I'll take yours. - Nuh-uh. This is mine.

What? You've been pressuring me like a bad kid on Degrassi

- and now you don't want me to? - No, I do. You're gonna love it.

I wish I had a sister to corrupt.

Is Andrew meeting us there?

Um, we just broke up.

Shit. I'm sorry.

- It's fine. - I didn't know.

It's more than fine. He was boring.

- You think everyone's boring. - Well, they are.

What about you?

Are you dating anyone?

Guys, which eye do you like better, this one or this one?

Oh, my God. Neither. Here, let me fix it.

This breaks a lot of Mom's rules about safety.

Shall we?

I will later.

I wanna make sure you're good first.

Oh, she'll be great.

Whoa!

There's Maya.

Sara, I'll find you later.

Oh, hell yeah!

Come on.

Take off your backpack.

Come on, dance!

Whoo!

Yes!

Whoo!

Ali?

Natalie?

Excuse me.

I'm gonna get water.

Sara.

Your dance moves were transcendent.

Are you making fun of me?

I would never, ever make fun of you.

Where did he get a sandwich?

I think it was in his toque all night!

I saw him just take it out and take a bite.

That was so casual!

That's actually amazing.

Sandwich toque guy is a god.

I love that your criteria for "god" is "carries a sandwich in his hat."

And?

Okay. So two of us can take my bed,

and the other two can take my brother's old room.

Do you guys have a preference?

It's whatever you think.

Well, Ali and I can take my bed.

Or unless it's a type of thing where you guys are always together

and you want a break?

And Sara can sleep with Ali and I can sleep with Tegan,

or, you know, whatever.

Uh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, that's fine.

Oh, shit.

Sorry.

Yeah, we're sorry.

We didn't want to lie to you.

We just knew you would say no,

and since we weren't going to be doing anything bad...

Yeah, it was just dancing.

That's all.

We were being really safe.

Where are you going?

Our house is that way.

I'm taking you to your father's.

I can't even look at you right now.

So you're dumping us off so you don't have to deal with us anymore?

Real mature, Mom.

Yeah, I know when you're lying to me, but I look past it.

But tonight, this... this is just... it's insulting.

You knew that I wanted you to be happy.

You knew I wanted the two of you to spend time together,

- and then you, what, you exploited that? - No.

Yeah! Yeah, that's exactly what you did.

You have no idea what I have to deal with every day.

And the last thing I need is to be used and manipulated by you two.

Your bullshit is never-ending,

and you seem to do everything but the things I ask you for.

I'm so... I'm so sick of it!

Oh, my God, Mom. Relax.

- Get out. - What?

Get out of the goddamn car. You don't want a mom,

and I really don't want to be one right now, so get out.

You're walking the rest of the way.

Get out!

Well, we're screwed.

I knew we shouldn't have done that.

I'm sorry.

Whatever.

Hi, Dad.

Can we come in?

Yeah.

You will not leave this house for anything other than school.

Sorry you got grounded.

The only thing that really sucks is not getting to hang with you as much.

But on the flipside,

it makes school something I'll actually look forward to.

Tegan, come in here.

Look.

Whoa.