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1
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,221
Let's go, Sam! We don't have all day!
2
00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:15,015
- Okay, you literally have eternity.
- Oh, that's right.
3
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,310
Thank you for reminding me
of my endless purgatory.
4
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,062
Morning, Sam.
5
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,606
Oh. Hey! Who's this cute little guy?
6
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,809
This is my son David. Uh, hope it's okay.
My wife's out of town for a few days.
7
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,904
Ugh. Why are the good ones always married?
8
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,198
- And alive?
- Hurtful.
9
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,992
Well, we're very happy to have you, David.
Welcome to the team.
10
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,136
Should I put him on my crew?
11
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,222
- Think he's too young to hold a hammer?
- Are you mad?
12
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,498
Children under seven
aren't suitable for hard labor.
13
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,750
- Pirate!
- Pirate?
14
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:44,503
I was a delegate of
the second continental congress.
15
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:47,923
- Pirate!
- Damn my ruffled colonial garb.
16
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,134
Uh, there's nothing there, buddy,
but I love your imagination.
17
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,804
And he's off.
18
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,889
Hang on, that kid can see you?
19
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:59,434
Yeah. It's rare, but occasionally,
young children can see ghosts.
20
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,436
Sometimes, when child
has imaginary friend,
21
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,646
is actual ghost.
22
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,107
Other times, kid just crazy.
23
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,752
Once, a sweet little girl saw my arrow
and called me a monster.
24
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,570
- Oh.
- But it's okay. What am I gonna do?
25
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,364
Cry myself to sleep? For weeks?
26
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,991
- Got him.
- Oh, great.
27
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,474
Well, we'll be back soon.
We're just gonna take a quick walk.
28
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,538
As in the royal we.
29
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:23,584
Here we go, and we are going outside.
30
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,262
How many of those steps
did we get today, Sam?
31
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:36,763
Only 3,000.
32
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,741
Not pointing any fingers,
but Hetty was really dragging.
33
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,018
Well, excuse me for dying in heels.
34
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,812
Plus, I did not sleep.
You know I suffer from nerves.
35
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,665
At least when I was alive,
I could take laudanum.
36
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:46,690
What's laudanum?
37
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,942
It's a simple mixture
of alcohol and morphine.
38
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:50,485
You should try it, Samantha.
39
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,946
Oh, sure, I'll pick some up
next time I'm at the alchemist.
40
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,866
Well, I didn't always require
such elixirs.
41
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,492
When I was a little girl,
42
00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,871
an angel-voiced servant
would sing me to sleep.
43
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,247
Some footman or Butler.
44
00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,083
His name was Gordon.
I was there, as ghost.
45
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,836
I think you're right.
It may have been Gordon.
46
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,273
I don't know. We paid them
so we didn't have to remember their names.
47
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,298
Hey!
48
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,550
There's a strange jalopy in the driveway.
49
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,677
- Who's that?
- Landship!
50
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:16,845
All right.
51
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:18,305
We know, baby.
52
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,848
We know.
53
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,976
Hey, Sam.
54
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,311
This is Todd Pearlman,
55
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,772
and he's, uh... he's
some kind of historian.
56
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,440
Historian?
57
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,902
Well, I think we know where this is going.
58
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,404
Welcome, Todd.
What brings you to our house?
59
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,907
Uh, have you ever heard of alberta haynes?
60
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,700
-What? —step aside, Isaac.
61
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,577
The name rings a bell.
62
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,205
Alberta haynes was a singer,
a wonderful singer.
63
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,165
Tell us something we don't know.
64
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,959
Believe it or not,
she died right here in this house.
65
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,712
Someone died in this house? I'm shocked.
66
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,023
I'm actually writing a book
67
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,007
on alberta's life and career.
68
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,218
What? A book about me?
69
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,886
Did you hear that, Isaac?
70
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,262
Well, come on in and sit down.
71
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,181
Oh, sorry for the mess.
72
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,618
We're in the middle of turning the house
into a bed-and-breakfast.
73
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,852
Sam, stay on topic. Me.
74
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:09,064
So, uh, you study singers?
75
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,607
Jazz musicians, yes.
76
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,651
But alberta is my specialty.
77
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:16,071
I'm actually the head curator
of the alberta haynes museum
78
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,614
in altoona, Pennsylvania.
79
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,991
Wow, there's a whole museum
about you, alberta.
80
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,994
- Oh! Died. I just died again.
- Who's the nerd?
81
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,497
He is historian who's
not here to study Isaac.
82
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,623
Thank you, Thor!
83
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,500
Her life story is an inspiration.
84
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:31,336
I mean, born in Tulsa
to Jamaican parents...
85
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,130
- Mm, tell it.
- As a young woman,
86
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,048
she came to Harlem
during the great migration
87
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:39,010
with nothing but a dream in her heart
and a boatload of talent.
88
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,430
Can we record this? Whip out
that damn iPhone, Sam.
89
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,807
Oh, she sounds like an incredible person.
90
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,225
Sam, ask him about my murder.
91
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,727
Oh, no, not this again.
92
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,937
How exactly did alberta die?
93
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,482
Oh, her death is hotly debated
amongst academics.
94
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,068
I mean, the official cause
was a cardiac event,
95
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,529
but, between you and me,
96
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,156
I've always suspected foul play.
97
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,951
I told you all I was too important
to die of a heart attack.
98
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,512
Well, if you're excited
about being murdered,
99
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,537
I am excited for you.
100
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,913
Who would want to kill her?
101
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,248
Mm, it's hard to say.
102
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,833
I mean, someone as...
103
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,919
- Beautiful and as talented as alberta...
- Oh.
104
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,755
Would attract many rivals.
105
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,090
Genius. Mwah! This man is a genius.
106
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:21,470
Oh, Sam, tell Todd my old trunk's
upstairs if he wants to look at it.
107
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:24,222
You know, I-I just remembered something.
108
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,348
Upstairs,
109
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:29,478
there's this trunk. It's full of stuff
that seems like it's from the '203.
110
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,814
So maybe that could belong
to this alberta person.
111
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,275
"This alberta person"?
112
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,861
Girl, like we ain't besties.
113
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,571
Ooh, you so good.
114
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,699
Wow.
115
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,744
Sheet music, letters,
moonshine, a mink scarf.
116
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,747
That is a handsome trunk.
117
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,081
Handsome and heavy.
118
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:53,168
I remember lugging that thing over
from the motel the night I performed.
119
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,252
You didn't stay here?
120
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,797
Oh, no, wasn't allowed,
'cause, you know, racism.
121
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,132
- Ah.
- Well, if it helps, I don't see color.
122
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,843
Literally. It cost me
several games of risk.
123
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,638
This is a treasure trove.
124
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,557
I'm gonna need a good amount of time
to get through these materials.
125
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,351
Well, uh,
take all the time you need, Todd.
126
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,269
I don't want to impose, but...
127
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:14,064
Would you consider
allowing me to stay the night?
128
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,900
You said this place was a b and b,
correct?
129
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,444
Well, yeah, but it's—it's not
exactly open yet.
130
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,029
Well, I could be your first guest.
131
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,299
You know what, Todd, uh,
the rooms, they're not really ready.
132
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,117
Uh, we haven't even started
picking out those tiny little soaps.
133
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,161
I don't need any of that fancy stuff.
134
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:31,540
- I mean, this room is fine.
- Wait, hold up. This is my room.
135
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,041
I can give you $500.
136
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,419
Welcome to
the woodstone bed-and-breakfast.
137
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,675
Time for afternoon walk!
138
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,052
Oh, hadn't you heard?
Afternoon walk's been canceled.
139
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,679
- Why?
- Well, apparently,
140
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:49,015
this bearded historian fellow
is spending the night.
141
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,226
Samantha and alberta
are busy tending to him.
142
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:54,062
Okay, so we go together.
Just the two of us.
143
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,564
You and me? Alone?
144
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:58,191
- Yes!
- Yes, but th...
145
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,610
That wouldn't be the walking crew,
now would it?
146
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,654
Give us a chance to catch up.
We never talk.
147
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,990
Right. We never do.
That is a true thing you're saying.
148
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,951
I am free, you are free.
We both love walking.
149
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,119
Also true statements.
150
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,912
So really no reason not to proceed.
151
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,623
- Yes, I'm having trouble thinking of one.
- Will be fun.
152
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,708
- Okay!
- Yes!
153
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,792
Let's go!
154
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,210
- Together!
- Oh, god.
155
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,880
Friendship!
156
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:24,009
We have a stranger in our house,
and-and I think it feels weird.
157
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,136
Jay, that's sort of what
running a b and b is.
158
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,055
I mean, I understand it, theoretically,
but now that it's happening,
159
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,265
it just... it feels weird.
160
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,850
Well, I think it's gonna be fun.
161
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,184
It's a dry run.
162
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,854
This is a chance for us to prove
to ourselves we can do this.
163
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,189
You guys are gonna be great.
The main thing is
164
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,959
you want to get in good
with the travel agents.
165
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,028
Little secret. We basically run
the whole hospitality game.
166
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,405
Pete, travel agents
don't really exist anymore.
167
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,924
- What?
- Yeah, people just kind of book
168
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,283
their own travel now.
169
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:51,244
But they don't have the contacts,
the personal relationships.
170
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,622
They don't know who to fax.
171
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,665
Hey.
172
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,876
I didn't pack for an overnight, obviously.
173
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,837
So, would I be able
to borrow some pajamas?
174
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:04,591
Sure. Yeah. Jay can lend you
a t-shirt and some pajama bottoms.
175
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,301
- W hat?
- Cool.
176
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,178
Oh, and also, if I don't eat soon...
177
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,305
We're gonna have a problem.
178
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,683
I'm hypoglycemic, so it's kind of urgent.
179
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,518
We will definitely fix
something up for you.
180
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,103
Thanks.
181
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,649
He wants to put his junk in myjam-jams?
182
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,359
Jay, this is running a b and b.
183
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,337
This is what separates us
from the hotels of the world.
184
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,363
People expect a personal touch.
185
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,490
Something personal's
getting touched all right.
186
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,493
Can you focus? What do we
have that we can cook Todd?
187
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,721
There's nothing in the fridge.
We got to go to the market.
188
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,247
We don't have time for that. Uh, just...
189
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,792
Here. Cook him this.
190
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,920
This chicken expires today.
191
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,131
Those dates are just
to make you throw stuff away
192
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,092
and buy more.
I wrote a whole article on this.
193
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,718
It's a scam by big chicken.
194
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,053
- Big chicken?
- Yeah.
195
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,930
So stop acting like one and just cook it.
196
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,891
Damn, girl. I love that wordplay.
197
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,411
Okay, there's weather in Chicago
and you need a same-day change
198
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,812
to a plane ticket. What do you do?
199
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,814
It's a button on your phone.
I'm sorry, Pete.
200
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:01,982
Jiminy.
201
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:07,946
You know, it sort of feel
202
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,715
like Thor doing
all the work in conversation.
203
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,534
I tell seal story. I tell salmon story.
204
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:16,830
- I tell other salmon story...
- I'm gonna level with you, thorfinn.
205
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:20,458
You and I, we get along fine,
but we are not
206
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,545
"hang out alone together
outside the group" type friends.
207
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:24,671
And that's okay.
208
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,632
But we used to be closer.
209
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,718
What are you talking about?
210
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,761
Nothing.
211
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,848
Nothing at all. Just...
212
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,641
Return home in silence.
213
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,727
That is a good idea.
214
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:43,690
Sort of like salmon returning home
to spawning ground in springtime.
215
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,569
- Which reminds me of third salmon story.
- Maybe we can walk a little faster.
216
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,196
There was a bear and a badger...
217
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,494
Okay, that's, like, the fifth time
he's sniffed your coat.
218
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,498
Clearly, there's something off
about this fellow.
219
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,248
The man is an academic.
220
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:01,666
He's just looking for clues.
221
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,753
See, this is how you connect with history.
222
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,838
Hey, Todd. Uh, we brought you
a fresh towel.
223
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,966
And some regular-sized soap.
I'm so sorry about that.
224
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,510
- Thank you for that delicious chicken.
- Hmm.
225
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:15,513
Did you know that alberta's father
was actually a chef, too?
226
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,600
Yeah, her family lived
above the restaurant he worked in.
227
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,769
Ah, daddy could slay the stove.
228
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,189
He should've had his own restaurant,
but, again, racism.
229
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,000
Thank you for letting me stay.
It's...
230
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,777
It's, like,
a six-hour drive back to altoona.
231
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,213
What made you choose altoona
as the location for the museum?
232
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,741
Must be a new music city.
A 21st century New Orleans, no doubt.
233
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,010
Well, actually,
234
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,660
the museum is in my garage.
235
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,163
Ah, as all the best museums are.
236
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,499
Technically, it's... my mom's garage.
237
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,459
Oh, you live with your mom.
238
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,627
That makes sense.
239
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,254
Well, academics are often underpaid.
240
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,423
Just wait
till his book comes out.
241
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,008
So when does your book come out?
242
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,469
Oh, it's planned for a summer release.
243
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,513
But, really, whenever.
244
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,264
That's the beauty of self-publishing.
245
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,767
- Bro, that's not even a real book.
- Come on, Todd.
246
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,686
Hey, do you want to see
something from my, uh...
247
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,438
Personal alberta collection?
248
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,191
- Yes.
- I carry it with me everywhere.
249
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,236
It's my most prized possession.
250
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,737
Oh, god, what is this gonna be?
251
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,489
Voila.
252
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,533
Sorry, what am I looking at here, Todd?
253
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,451
It's alberta's toenail.
254
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,205
Oh, hell no! Uh-uh!
255
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,968
Out of my room. I want him out of my room.
256
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,709
- Why do you have that?
- What is wrong with you, Todd?
257
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,003
I got it online.
258
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,148
Really nothing you can't get
on there.
259
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,841
Still, why?
260
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,677
You know, in Jurassic park,
when they clone all those dinosaurs
261
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,137
from just a little bit of blood?
262
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,722
Well, maybe I could, one day,
263
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,934
make an alberta
from just a little bit of nail.
264
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,602
Dare to dream, Todd.
265
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,938
Who knows? Maybe we'd end up together.
266
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,941
No, we would not!
Oh, god. The hell we would.
267
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,110
- Well...
- Oh.
268
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,156
Time to hit the shower.
269
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,075
Oh!
270
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,451
My... god!
271
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,079
Oh. No!
272
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,747
No. Oh, god.
273
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,500
No. Oh, don't make me hate my own face.
274
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,419
Todd, you creepy nut.
275
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,757
Well, look at it this way,
from here on out,
276
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,760
all our other guests are
gonna seem normal in comparison.
277
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,346
I don't think I can handle
any other guests after Todd.
278
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,366
I mean, do you really think
we're cut out for this?
279
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,642
- Not with that attitude.
- Are you serious?
280
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,895
We turned our entire lives upside down,
281
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:29,439
and you want to bail
after one difficult guest?
282
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,732
One difficult guest?
283
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,210
That's like saying Charles manson
was one difficult neighbor.
284
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,914
Look, he's not dangerous. He's just weird.
285
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,197
And he's only gonna be here
for another couple hours.
286
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,282
We need to find a better way
to vet our guests.
287
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,243
Oh, like some sort of licensed
go-between, perhaps?
288
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,996
Oh, if he could hear me,
that would have been a powerful rejoinder.
289
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,500
Sam, I couldn't sleep a wink last night.
290
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,836
Just haunted by my own face.
291
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,632
Oh, alberta, I'm sorry. It's awful.
Nobody is happy about it.
292
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,800
Good morning, everyone!
293
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,719
Greetings and salutations.
294
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,763
Almost nobody.
295
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:06,226
Alberta, you're down here.
I could've sworn I just saw you upstairs.
296
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,685
Ha-ha. I get it, Isaac.
297
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:14,567
No, I'm sorry. That was merely your visage
on a 35-year-old man's back.
298
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,778
My mistake!
299
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:17,987
I said I get it!
300
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:21,074
You happy now?
301
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,329
Shh, shh.
302
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,165
Nap time, little one.
303
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,667
Shh.
304
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,961
Is okay.
305
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:35,546
J“ sweet little baby j“
306
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,882
j“ drift off to sleep j“
307
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,968
j“ dream of stabbing Danish men j“
308
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,178
j“ laughing while they weep j“
309
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,972
j“ when you are a warrior j“
310
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:46,140
j“ you'll be strong and tall j“
311
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,308
j“ you'll pillage j“
312
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,977
j“ villages, slit men's throats j“
313
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,100
j“ and bash their heads j“
314
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:52,021
j“ against the wall j“
315
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,358
there you go, Hetty.
316
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,235
There you go.
317
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,237
Yes.
318
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,698
There you go, David.
319
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,825
Drift off into the Netherlands,
320
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:07,745
into the dream realms, burning ships,
321
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,497
sieging villages.
322
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,587
Listen, uh, I was just having fun.
323
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,839
I apologize.
324
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,341
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, well, I probably had it coming.
325
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:24,012
Look, I know
I wasn't famous in my day,
326
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:27,307
but when Todd showed up,
for a second, I thought,
327
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:31,602
"wow, the world remembers alberta haynes."
328
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,730
But the truth is,
the only one who remembers me
329
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,108
is some creepy weirdo
with a jar full of toenails.
330
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,235
Child, that's my legacy.
331
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,655
To be fair, it was just the one toenail.
332
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:46,326
It's not just about Todd.
333
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,209
You know, my daddy
couldn't achieve his dreams
334
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,830
because the world held him back.
335
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,583
But he always told me I could.
336
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,376
That's why I wanted to be a star,
337
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:58,212
so that his struggle
would have been worth it.
338
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,381
I guess I failed him.
339
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,595
Hi. Uh, have you guys seen Sam?
340
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,388
It's Todd. I think he's dying.
341
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,075
Oh, my god.
342
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,352
What is happening?
Did anybody see anything?
343
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,079
That-that's e. Coli face.
That's the chicken.
344
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,355
Can you not? Call 911.
345
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:18,775
- What is he talking about? The chicken?
- Look, we fed him some chicken that was
346
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:19,859
at its expiration date.
347
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,195
Sam, those dates
are on there for a reason.
348
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,155
Guys, he looks really sick.
349
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,407
If he dies, he could become a ghost,
350
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,785
and I'm not spending eternity
with my stalker.
351
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,305
Yeah, and I'm not sharing a room with him.
We're doing a rotation thing.
352
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:32,747
W-Wait. Okay, wait.
353
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,083
What percentage of people
who die become ghosts?
354
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:38,169
It's actually fairly low. I would say...
Mm, like, maybe five percent?
355
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,731
- —That's not that high.
- Are you willing to take that risk, Sam?
356
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,358
'Cause, remember, he's gonna
become your problem, too.
357
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,360
- What do we do?
- We need to get him off the property.
358
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,427
Okay! I called an ambulance.
They're on their way.
359
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,073
Jay, you're not gonna like this,
but we have to drag him off the property.
360
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,098
- —What?
- Mm-hmm.
361
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,825
We cannot let him die here.
He could become a ghost
362
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,267
and we'd be stuck with him forever.
363
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,151
You mean invisible Todd,
roaming the hallways,
364
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,230
collecting everyone's toenails?
I do not like that.
365
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,773
- None of us do.
- Okay, okay,
366
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,234
but how are the two of us gonna carry him?
367
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,175
I did not sign up for this.
368
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,368
I-I need a break. This is too hard.
369
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,245
Uh-uh! Come on! No breaks!
370
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,746
You'll sleep when you're dead.
371
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,870
- Why do we sleep?
- We just do!
372
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,155
Let's go! Let's move this body.
373
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,962
Well, he's not technically a body yet.
374
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,085
You're gonna be okay, Todd.
The paramedics are here.
375
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,508
- Hey.
- Why is he out here?
376
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,871
You're not supposed to move him.
377
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,928
Sorry. We were just trying to help.
378
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,347
You're gonna be fine, Todd.
379
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,432
Ooh!
380
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,936
I really hope we didn't kill him.
381
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,021
- W hat?
- Nothing.
382
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:46,696
It was you.
383
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,323
You sang to me.
384
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:52,243
Yes. Uh, tried to teach you
to say "thorfinn,"
385
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:56,622
but eventually decide
"Gordon" pretty cute.
386
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,126
All these years,
387
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,794
why didn't you say something?
388
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:05,715
Well, I always assume,
after you die, you remember me.
389
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,176
Excited to say hi, catch up, old times.
390
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:12,221
But instead it seem you more have terror
391
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:16,184
of Thor and a lot of saying
my pelts smell bad.
392
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,315
You were so sweet to me,
393
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,193
and I have just been awful.
394
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:28,070
Thor get it. Pelts do smell.
395
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,699
Used to soak them in wolf urine
to ward off bear.
396
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:35,244
You were there for me
when no one else was.
397
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,038
Thank you.
398
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,999
Gordon miss Hetty.
399
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,627
Welcome back.
400
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,045
Mmm.
401
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,339
Oh. Yeah, that is quite pungent.
402
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,134
I just got off the phone
with the hospital.
403
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,385
He's gonna be okay.
404
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,930
Oh, we didn't kill our first guest.
405
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,431
How 'bout those livings,
406
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,017
trying to carry that creepy Todd
out on that blanket?
407
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,019
Hey, hey, who am I?
408
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,271
"Oh, no, this is too heavy.
I need to take a nap."
409
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,648
I didn't say that!
410
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,316
- —Yes.
- Yes, you did.
411
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,110
- "Expiration dates are a hoax."
- Oh, very funny.
412
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,274
Y'all, stop trying to make
me laugh. I'm still upset.
413
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:11,322
Sam, be honest.
414
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:14,051
Would it help my chances if I got
your face tattooed on my back?
415
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:16,094
- Please don't do that.
- Ah. See?
416
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,162
This right here,
this is what it's all about.
417
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,539
These little moments.
418
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,582
These are the things
we're all gonna remember.
419
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,393
No, shut up, Pete.
420
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,835
- You ruined it.
- Whomp!
421
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,713
What is going on?
422
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,466
Oh, the ghosts are throwing down
some newfound wisdom.
423
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,678
Oh, boy. Last time that happened,
our gazebo burned down.
424
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,805
They're saying the moments
you really remember
425
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,516
are the ones you spend
with the people you love.
426
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,643
Look, running the b and b will be hard,
427
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,728
but at least we get to do it together.
428
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,331
Remember, when we were back in the city,
429
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:46,941
we worked so many hours,
we barely saw each other.
430
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,277
I know. We're really
lucky to get to do this.
431
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,987
And I'm sorry. I just...
432
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,822
I kind of freaked out a little.
433
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:56,492
- —Was it the toenail?
- It wasn't not the toenail.
434
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,119
Right.
435
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,372
My buddy Neal just sent me a link.
436
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,916
"Woodstone mansion is blowing up."
437
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,960
- Currently?
- Oh! Run for your lives!
438
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,837
To the cholera pit! It's the safest place!
439
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,130
Just relax, everybody.
440
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,233
That's an Internet term.
441
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,427
- It sometimes is a good thing.
- Oh. Never mind.
442
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:18,264
Oh, please be a good thing.
Please be a good thing.
443
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,516
Oh, my god. It's Todd.
444
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,893
An exciting morning here
at Hudson valley memorial,
445
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:26,814
where a visiting jazz historian
nearly died after being poisoned.
446
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:28,399
Can you tell us what happened?
447
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,277
Well, I was staying at
the woodstone bed-and-breakfast...
448
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,571
- Oh, no.
- We're finished.
449
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:36,532
When I discovered
a very old bottle of moonshine.
450
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,658
So I drank from it.
451
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,368
Why would you do that?
452
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:43,247
I'm a curator and collector of all things
relating to jazz legend alberta haynes,
453
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,749
and I have reason to believe
454
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,877
that she was the very last person
to drink from it.
455
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,421
And I wanted to put my lips
where hers had been.
456
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,922
Okay.
457
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,884
So it turns out the
bottle had poison in it?
458
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,136
Yes, I spoke to the doctors,
and they informed me
459
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,459
they believe it was strychnine.
460
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:01,599
I've often assumed that alberta
was murdered by a jealous rival.
461
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,684
And now I know I was probably right.
462
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,996
- Back to you, Jerry.
- You know what this means?
463
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:09,357
- This means we didn't almost kill Todd.
- Todd almost killed Todd.
464
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,025
You know what this also means?
465
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,610
I was murdered.
466
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,195
Oh, yeah, look at you.
467
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,531
Hey, babe? Babe, look at this.
This has, like, 50,000 views already.
468
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,158
W-Wait, 50,000?
469
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,701
What do you mean, "views"?
470
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,620
What is views? Is that people?
471
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,538
- Yeah.
- Check out these comments.
472
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:27,182
A lot of "this guy's a creep," but, also,
there's a ton of people
473
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,009
just saying really nice things
about alberta.
474
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:32,254
"Just listened to her album.
She's incredible.
475
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,465
How did I never hear of her before?"
476
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,677
Daddy would be proud.
477
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:43,599
J“ because I'm famous! J“
478
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:47,186
Ooh!
Look at them numbers going up!
479
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,604
55,000.
480
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,272
Ooh! 56,000!
481
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,942
Oh, child, I could watch this all day!
482
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,277
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Sam, Sam, Sam.
483
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,405
What's the record? Is it me?
484
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,367
Oh, god, Todd. I love you,
you freaky bastard!
485
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,328
You did it!
486
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,706
- And she's back.
- Alberta haynes, honey!
487
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,958
Ma rainey who? Billie Holiday where?
488
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,459
Buster Smith what?
489
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,713
It's about alber—ta haynes!
490
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:24,849
J“ sweet little baby, drift off to sleep j“
491
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,892
j“ dream of stabbing Danish men j“
492
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,644
j“ laughing while they weep j“
493
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,354
No, it's creepy at this age.
494
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,524
Thor feel it, too.
Very weird, yeah.
37782
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