Original subtitles

(insects trilling)

(distant gunshot)

(bird cawing)

(distant gunshot)

(distant gunshot)

(distant gunshot)

(gunshots continue, growing louder)

-(booming gunshot) -(wings flutter, birds chirp)

("the braids" by mystikal playing quietly)

♪ you can't drop me, you can't block me ♪

♪ who stop me? It's outside ♪

♪ you should've known better ♪

♪ or is it 'cause I flow better? ♪

♪ they kept me in the shade ♪

♪ but now I'm back, motherfucker ♪

♪ it's the nigga with the cannon for the two ♪

-♪ swingin' with the braids ♪ -(chuckles softly)

♪ don't fuck, don't fuck with the braids ♪

♪ they can't fuck, they can't fuck with the braids ♪

(music growing louder): ♪ don't fuck, don't fuck with the braids ♪

♪ they can't fuck, they can't fuck with the braids ♪

♪ woof, woof, woof, braids ♪

♪ woof, woof, woof, braids... ♪

(gun clicking)

-(music stops) -(phone vibrating)

(birds continue chirping)

(audio muffled)

(muffled gunfire)

(loud gunfire)

(birds cawing)

("mind playing tricks on me" by geto boys playing)

got-dang! Whoo!

♪ at night I can't sleep, I toss and turn ♪

♪ candlesticks in the dark ♪

♪ visions of bodies bein' burned ♪

♪ four walls just starin' at a nigga ♪

♪ I'm paranoid, sleepin' with my finger on the trigger... ♪

-(gun cocks) -(song stops abruptly)

(birds chirping, cawing)

(birdcalls continue)

(water drizzling)

(sighing)

yeah, all right.

Okay.

(sighs)

my favorite. (chuckles softly)

that's real nice.

(birdcalls continue)

(lock clicking)

(muffled hip-hop playing over stereo)

-(engine shuts off, music stops) -(door opens)

(door closes)

(beep, lock clicks)

(door opens, bell jingles)

(mellow music playing faintly over speakers)

-(sighs) -(sets basket on floor)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(grunts)

you find everything okay today, big fella?

Actually, man, no.

Uh, do y'all sell, uh, cast-iron skillets here?

Well, if you don't see any on the shelf,

then we don't have 'em in stock.

But I'll check, just to be sure.

All right.

Uh, do y'all sell, uh, animal repellant here?

(spits)

did you see it on the shelf?

-Nope. -(paper rustling)

(long, raspy sigh)

no, we don't have any s...

Nope, we don't have any skillets in stock,

but, um, I can order one in for you.

Be here in a couple weeks.

No, man, that's... It's all good, man.

I'll just get it somewhere else.

I appreciate it, though.

You're just gonna order it on amazon, aren't you?

No, man. No.

(chuckles)

(insects trilling)

(distant birdcalls)

(panting)

(thumping)

oh, shit.

(chuckles)

(blows) shit.

(sighs)

(twangy music playing on video)

hey, guys. It's your boy, "these backhoes ain't loyal."

thanks for coming out to my channel today.

-(grunting) -if you want to see more backhoe tractor content,

make sure you hit that "subscribe" button.

(groans): Ah, shit.

-You can even give this video a thumbs-up. -(phone vibrates)

so, what we're gonna do today is we're gonna get

-down and dirty... -(alfred grunting)

...And we're gonna change the oil in this tractor.

-But before I get under this hoe... -(grunts)

-...We're gonna make sure that all the wheels are secure. -God... (grunting)

but I've done told you, these backhoes ain't loyal.

They'll roll over you in a second.

I'm serious, dudes.

I lost two uncles this way.

Oh, shit, shit, shit!

Shit. (gasps)

shit.

(chuckles)

(laughs) oh, shit!

("freak" by ty dolla $ign featuring quavo playing)

-(food sizzling) -♪ she don't like my white bitch ♪

♪ say I act too light-skinned ♪

♪ dolla, don't be trifling, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm dirty in the streets, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ in bed she a freak ♪

-(loud banging in distance) -♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ kiss my feet, take this meat... ♪

(shuts off music)

-(insects trilling) -(banging continues)

(banging continues)

hello?

(banging continues)

(owl hooting)

hey!

Whatever's in there, you better squawk or chirp

or sing a fucking song

with your little furry friends or something.

(banging continues)

boo, motherfuck...

Oh, goddamn, man.

-Get... -(squishing)

oh, goddamn!

(sighs)

shit!

Clyde: Hmm.

Oh, god.

Go.

-Go back just one. -Go back one?

Yeah.

Oh, boy, this is bad.

(sniffs)

you got feral hogs.

-Okay. -Yeah.

So, what I need, hog repellant or something?

No, not as simple as that. Here, give me that.

-Let's see. -(sighs)

yeah. Shit, you can thank the explorer hernando de soto

for this bullshit.

(sighs) were the turds wet or dry?

I do not know.

Well, did they crumble in your hand?

Can you just tell me how to get rid

of these damn things, please, man?

I don't want to stand here all day

talking to you about dookie and shit.

All right, well, uh, clearly, they're coming after

whatever it is you're growing.

Now, I-I can't make it out from that photo,

so what kind of crops are these?

Corn.

-Oh. (sighs) yeah. -Yeah, man, lots of... Lots of corn.

Oh, they love that stuff. They love that stuff.

Um... Okay.

Here's what I'd do if I were you.

(sighs)

you take a bunch of that corn, right?

Set it out in an open area.

Now, soon as that dirty hog shows up

and starts chowing down on it,

you line up your shot, take it out.

-Okay. -All right.

Now, if he starts to run, you aim for the nose

and you don't stop firing till that fucker goes down.

-Mm-hmm. -Yeah, then you move in close.

-Head shot. -Okay.

-Yeah. -Right.

Uh, can I just poison it or something, man?

(mutters, sighs)

I don't think you understand.

This is serious.

Now, these things,

they ain't no bedtime story animals, you know?

I mean, they don't deserve no sympathy.

They are aggressive, they are invasive,

and they will not stop

until they destroy everything you have.

You got to kill them before they kill you.

-(laughing) -what?

Before they kill me? Okay.

(laughing)

the hogs?

(alfred continues laughing)

a pack of hogs killed a woman in texas about a year ago.

Just outside of houston.

Chewed her ass up.

(laughing)

okay.

All right, but this isn't funny.

No, man, yeah, it is, man. Bedtime story animal.

All right, guys, now that we got

all that old, dirty oil out of there,

I'm gonna show you what some fresh, new,

healthy oil looks like here.

And this is where it goes.

Now, check back next week,

and I'm gonna show you how to replace a carburetor.

Thank you, guys, for stopping by.

Make sure you hit that "subscribe" button.

(grunts)

(sighs): Okay, baby.

Let's do this, mama. Let's go. Come on.

(engine whining, sputtering)

come on, baby, come on.

(engine sputtering, clanking)

(sighs, mutters)

(engine whining)

oh, shit. (yells)

(sighs)

all right, let's see.

All right.

Oh, fuck!

Come on, man. Come on, man.

God!

(panting)

all right, man. All right.

All right.

(sighs): All right, man, all right.

All right.

All right, man, come on.

(muttering)

how big is this motherfuck...

(panting)

fuck!

(yells) fuck!

(panting)

(shudders) okay.

-(whirring) -(alfred panting softly)

(sighs, grunts)

-(bangs) -all right, baby.

(sighs)

yep.

(sighs): Yeah.

♪ because-a in-a me eyes there is red like blood ♪

♪ and I been moving around like a human flood ♪

♪ smoke outta me mouth and outta me nose... ♪

alfred: I'm gonna avenge you.

I promise.

(breathing heavily)

gonna roast this motherfucker.

Dinner's served, motherfucker.

Come and get it.

♪ under me sleng teng, me under me ♪

♪ because it's way in my brain, no cocaine ♪

♪ I don't wanna, I don't wanna go insane ♪

♪ way in my brain, no cocaine ♪

♪ I don't wanna, I don't wanna go insane ♪

-♪ oh, no ♪ -(electrical buzzing)

♪ it's way in my brain ♪

♪ it's way in my brain ♪

♪ it's way in my brain ♪

♪ I said me smoke it and me pass it through the window ♪

♪ and me give it to my next-door neighbor... ♪

bear grylls (over tv): If the chicks don't feed

within 36 hours, they'll starve.

-(alfred snoring) -(cheeping)

(dramatic music playing over tv)

(snoring continues)

-(loud clattering) -(squealing in distance)

grylls: Incredibly, it survives.

But it's stunned.

-(clattering) -oh, shit!

(insects trilling)

(sighs)

(sighs heavily)

-(insects trilling) -(birds chirping, cawing)

(engine sputtering)

(sputtering)

oh, come on, mama. Let's do it.

(engine sputters)

(sighs)

(sputtering continues)

(engine whines, starts)

(engine idling)

whoo!

Yeah, baby!

Whoo!

Yeah, mama... (grunts)

that's what I'm talking about!

All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, okay.

Okay, okay. (laughs)

okay. Okay. Push down.

Okay. All right, o-okay.

Come on, baby. Oh...

(laughing)

yeah, man.

(shouts excitedly)

whoo!

(laughing): Oh, we outside!

♪ shoo-bob, shoo-bob, doo-ooh ♪

♪ shoo-bob, shoo-bob, doo-ooh ♪

♪ are you rolling ♪

♪ down the same street that I'm going ♪

♪ up the same stream that I'm folding ♪

oh!

♪ on the new ride? ♪

♪ shoo-bob, shoo-bob, doo-ooh ♪

♪ high is high ♪

(yelps)

♪ low is low ♪

♪ everybody wanna go to heaven ♪

♪ but nobody wants to die ♪

♪ nobody wants to ♪

♪ are you rolling ♪

♪ down the same street that I'm going ♪

♪ up the same stream that I'm folding... ♪

(song fades)

-(banging) -oh, shit!

-Oh, shit. -(turns off engine)

(softly): All right.

Shit.

(grunts)

(sighs)

goddamn.

(gasps)

(grunting)

(panting)

(clunking, creaking)

oh, shit!

-(insects trilling) -(birds chirping)

(gasps)

(groans)

(groans)

(groans)

(grunts)

(whimpers)

(panting)

oh, sh... (yells)

ah, shit!

Oh, fu...

(groans)

oh, shit!

(groans, whimpers)

(panting)

(grunts) fu...

(yells)

(pained grunting)

(screams)

fuck, fuck, fuck!

(panting, groaning)

oh, shit.

(panting)

(grunting, panting)

oh, shit.

(grunting)

(pained yelling)

god.

(panting)

(insects trilling)

(panting)

(grunts, groans)

(panting, grunting)

(pained grunt)

(whimpers)

(distant birdcalls)

(insects trilling)

(insects trilling)

(alfred grunting quietly)

(pained grunting)

(whimpering, panting)

oh, thank god.

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Oh, come on, bitch, I know you see me.

Hey, hey, hey!

Shit! (yells)

help me!

("texas man" by the chicks playing over headphones)

-(muffled yelling in distance) -♪ if you got the strength I do ♪

♪ then sign me up ♪

♪ if I'm not too much for you ♪

-(camera clicks) -♪ then sign me up ♪

-alfred (muffled): Help! -♪ sign me up ♪

-♪ I'm a little bit unraveled... ♪ -hey!

Hey!

(panting)

hey, fuck! Help!

Hey, help me!

-Hey, shit! Help! -(backup alarm beeping)

(gasping): Help. Help me, plea...

Help.

Fucking help.

(panting)

oh, bitch, fucking please.

(panting)

(pained grunting)

(panting, grunting)

(pained grunting)

(groans)

(panting heavily)

(groans)

(skillet clangs on ground)

(panting)

(quiet snorting nearby)

(snorting continues)

(snorting continues)

-(panting) -(hog continues snorting)

(hog snorts, squeals)

(squealing)

(screams) oh, shit!

Fuck! What the fuck?

Fuck off!

(screaming)

get the fuck off me! (grunts)

(screaming)

(hog squealing)

(clattering)

(grunting): Fucking...

(screams)

shit!

(grunting)

(pained squealing)

(grunting, muttering angrily)

motherfucker, die! Motherfucker, die!

-(grunting) -(pained squealing)

let go!

-Fucking die! (yells) -(hog stops squealing)

-(panting) -(skillet clangs on ground)

(whimpering)

get the fuck off me. (panting)

(mutters): Get the fuck off me.

(whimpers)

(electrical buzzing)

(panting)

(cell phone vibrating)

(pained grunting, panting)

(groans)

(panting, coughing)

(vibrating stops)

-yo. -Earn (over phone): Hey, hey.

What's up, man?

Chillin', man. Chillin'.

Yeah, I hope so. I hope so.

-What's up? You need something? -It's in my email, okay?

Yeah, um, the lawyer sent over that contract. It looks okay.

I still have some questions about the dates, though.

Oh.

We'll get it sorted. Don't worry.

How is it out there? Is it boring?

Yeah. Yeah.

You-you sound tired, man.

Nah, man. Nah, man.

I'm straight. I'm good. I'm straight.

Just send it to me. Send it to my email,

and my assistant will worry about it, okay?

Thank you so much.

Hey, look, can I call you back tomorrow, bruh?

Uh, yeah, yeah. You good?

Mm-hmm.

All right, man. I-I'll talk to you tomorrow.

-All right. Peace. -Peace.

-(sighs) -(phone drops to floor)

(breathing deeply)

(sizzling)

(birds chirping)

(grunting softly)

(cell phone ringing)

yo.

Alfred: What's up?

What's up, man?

Are you eating bacon and drinking whiskey?

Hibiki, bro.

Cheers, nigga.

(laughs) breakfast of champions.

Yo, man, it's the farm life.

Yeah, what was going on yesterday?

What were you doing?

What happened to your face?

I don't know, man, it's just...

Hey, I was out there with that tractor.

I got that up and running, right?

And, um, just did some shooting.

You know. This-this ain't nothing.

Look, man, I know this is your safe farm and all that,

but you got to be careful out there, okay?

Farms are dangerous as fuck.

Okay, and you're over there by yourself, too, man.

If something happens to you, you fall on a rake headfirst,

no one's gonna know it for like weeks.

Message received, bruh.

You know, the whole point of this farm is to have options.

If you don't like it, you don't have to keep it, you know.

You can go back to the city.

At-atlanta's not going anywhere, you know.

It's all good, man.

It's pretty much slow motion around here.

Yeah. Ain't got to worry about me.

Only thing I need to worry about is this damn neck, man.

Every time I move it, it feels like

I'm on pins and needles and shit. (groans)

were you outside for a long time yesterday?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think y-you're sunburnt.

(alfred laughing)

no, no.

(laughs): Yes.

You ever been sunburned before?

Nigga, look at me. Do I look like...

Hell no, I ain't been sunburned.

Black people can't get sunburned.

What you talking about?

Yes, yes, they can.

White people can get ashy.

Black people can get sunburned. It's-it's a fact.

So, you telling me wesley snipes can get sunburned?

(laughing): Yes, wesley snipes can get sunburned.

(stammers) okay, all right, what about... What's...

Uh, what's-his-name... Uh, "kiss from a rose"?

He can get sunburned, too?

Yes. Yes, seal can get...

Dark niggas can get sunburned, bruh.

I don't know, man. All right, hold up.

What about captain phillips? Come on.

-I'm gonna assume you mean the somalian pirate... -Yeah.

-...Not tom hanks. -Yeah. Yeah.

And it doesn't matter, 'cause they can both get sunburned.

Nigga, I would... Who-who's going to be a pirate on the sea

under the sun the whole day if they can get sunburned?

I know this shit ain't true, man. It's just not true.

♪ don't let the sun catch you crying ♪

(laughing)

♪ crying at my front door ♪

♪ you done daddy dirty ♪

♪ he sure don't want you no more ♪

♪ don't let the sun catch you lying ♪

♪ lying at my front door ♪

♪ daddy's done turned salty ♪

♪ and, baby, you made him so sore ♪