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Every morning, millions of New Yorkers
leave their crowded apartments...
2
00:01:03,959 --> 00:01:07,123
and head out to the even more
crowded streets, on their way to work.
3
00:01:07,191 --> 00:01:08,947
Today, I was one of them.
4
00:01:09,015 --> 00:01:11,219
Sometimes, a girl just needs a new start.
5
00:01:11,287 --> 00:01:14,767
I had a new do, a new mortgage,
and, therefore, a new job.
6
00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:19,988
I had just submitted
my first freelance article...
7
00:01:20,055 --> 00:01:22,837
for one of the most relevant
and provocative magazines...
8
00:01:22,902 --> 00:01:25,619
on the newsstands today, at least to me.
9
00:01:26,102 --> 00:01:27,312
Vogue.
10
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:30,478
Also known as Mecca, where I belonged.
11
00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:32,243
This isn't Vogue.
12
00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:35,124
You didn't like it?
13
00:01:35,189 --> 00:01:36,750
No one is saying that.
14
00:01:36,822 --> 00:01:39,243
I am. I didn't like it. There, I said it.
15
00:01:39,317 --> 00:01:43,245
What Enid is trying to say, Carrie,
is that you wrote a wonderful first draft.
16
00:01:43,317 --> 00:01:44,265
That isn't Vogue.
17
00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:47,505
There it was, the article
I'd put my heart and soul into...
18
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:48,783
and it was bleeding.
19
00:01:48,853 --> 00:01:51,155
Your spin on the idea is very clever.
20
00:01:51,221 --> 00:01:54,155
Different types of men
as the new accessories for Fall.
21
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:55,955
A Prada...
22
00:01:56,692 --> 00:01:59,692
"A Prada dress should always be worn
with an investment banker."
23
00:01:59,765 --> 00:02:00,844
That's wonderful.
24
00:02:00,916 --> 00:02:04,658
Julian, the assignment
was 500 words on accessories, not men.
25
00:02:04,884 --> 00:02:07,567
And I'm not convinced
she knows anything about purses.
26
00:02:07,859 --> 00:02:10,893
- Or, for that matter, men.
- Enid, for the love of God...
27
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,778
Ms. Bradshaw, what you've handed us here
is essentially...
28
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:16,462
your newspaper column
with the word "style" jammed in...
29
00:02:16,532 --> 00:02:18,320
where the word "sex" used to be.
30
00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:20,842
We're not looking for Vogue
according to your agenda.
31
00:02:20,979 --> 00:02:23,118
- No one cares about your agenda.
- That's not true.
32
00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:25,608
Forgive me. I don't care about your agenda.
33
00:02:25,842 --> 00:02:27,369
I care about designers.
34
00:02:27,475 --> 00:02:30,289
Oscar de la Renta, Chanel, Dior.
35
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:33,868
I want less Carrie Bradshaw and more...
36
00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:36,524
"Carry this bag with these shoes."
Do you see what I mean?
37
00:02:36,595 --> 00:02:38,700
You're a writer.
You should be writing this down.
38
00:02:38,771 --> 00:02:42,119
I was trying to find a way
to introduce the bags and the bracelets...
39
00:02:42,194 --> 00:02:43,503
with a little humor.
40
00:02:43,634 --> 00:02:45,673
Kind of, "Men are the new black."
41
00:02:48,018 --> 00:02:51,084
- It was supposed to be funny.
- It was supposed to be bags.
42
00:02:53,393 --> 00:02:56,328
I didn't really bring a writing implement.
43
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,465
Okay. Bags.
44
00:03:01,425 --> 00:03:04,425
An hour later,
Enid had to leave for a lunch date...
45
00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:07,243
presumably to devour another writer.
46
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:10,030
Don't let Enid get to you.
She just came back from Paris...
47
00:03:10,097 --> 00:03:12,846
and apparently humor and irony
are out this season.
48
00:03:15,953 --> 00:03:17,414
Billie Holiday...
49
00:03:18,129 --> 00:03:21,390
the only woman I can think of
in more pain than you right now.
50
00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:24,971
Come on, cookie, chin up.
51
00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:27,528
In publishing, you need two things...
52
00:03:27,728 --> 00:03:28,972
a tough hide...
53
00:03:30,383 --> 00:03:31,758
and a dry martini.
54
00:03:32,303 --> 00:03:35,020
Martinis in the morning. Is this allowed?
55
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,800
- Is it Vogue?
- Only in absolute emergencies.
56
00:03:38,671 --> 00:03:43,144
Last time I broke this out was when I heard
that fun-fur was making a comeback.
57
00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:48,873
Look at this mess.
58
00:03:50,607 --> 00:03:52,101
Why was I even hired?
59
00:03:52,175 --> 00:03:54,825
I'm afraid you've got me to blame for that.
60
00:03:55,406 --> 00:03:58,341
My daughter introduced me to your column
about a year ago.
61
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,493
I thought you'd be a natural at Vogue.
62
00:04:00,686 --> 00:04:03,402
- I guess you thought wrong.
- Haven't been wrong yet.
63
00:04:03,726 --> 00:04:06,889
Vogue is all about vision.
And you, cookie, have got vision.
64
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,247
We just have to find a way
to hide your vision from Enid's vision.
65
00:04:10,477 --> 00:04:13,259
A little less you, a little more purse...
66
00:04:14,317 --> 00:04:15,265
Come on.
67
00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:17,601
Drink.
68
00:04:18,893 --> 00:04:19,841
Cheers!
69
00:04:22,189 --> 00:04:24,131
One and a half martinis later...
70
00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:27,882
And the sad thing is, this is what I do best.
71
00:04:27,949 --> 00:04:30,338
- I mean, look at it.
- Cookie, you're drunk.
72
00:04:32,428 --> 00:04:33,705
Cookie's drunk.
73
00:04:34,636 --> 00:04:36,424
I'm drunk at Vogue.
74
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,685
How can anyone get so drunk
on one and a half martinis?
75
00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:43,782
I didn't eat breakfast and I'm a size two,
which should make me perfect for Vogue...
76
00:04:43,852 --> 00:04:46,088
but, nope, I'm drunk...
77
00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:48,459
and a failure at Vogue.
78
00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:50,311
I feel awful. This is my fault.
79
00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:51,328
Julian...
80
00:04:51,979 --> 00:04:54,281
I came in here today so cocky...
81
00:04:54,347 --> 00:04:56,070
I thought I knew it all.
82
00:04:56,203 --> 00:04:59,137
I had my men jokes...
83
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:01,316
and my purse puns...
84
00:05:01,387 --> 00:05:04,703
You heard her.
What do I know about purses? Nothing.
85
00:05:05,194 --> 00:05:06,852
What do I know about men?
86
00:05:08,234 --> 00:05:09,182
Oops!
87
00:05:11,403 --> 00:05:12,646
I spilled.
88
00:05:13,674 --> 00:05:14,983
I spilled at Vogue.
89
00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:16,675
Okay.
90
00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:20,132
Maybe we better just take you home.
91
00:05:20,201 --> 00:05:21,892
I can't go out there.
92
00:05:22,346 --> 00:05:23,393
I'm drunk.
93
00:05:24,745 --> 00:05:26,174
I'm drunk at Vogue.
94
00:05:33,449 --> 00:05:35,587
Left, right.
95
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:37,829
Now look at me.
96
00:05:37,929 --> 00:05:40,449
Pretend I'm saying something fantastic
about corsets.
97
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:41,952
Excuse me.
98
00:05:42,505 --> 00:05:45,668
- Please tell me that wasn't Anna Wintour.
- It wasn't. Now just...
99
00:05:45,801 --> 00:05:47,710
- Left, right.
- Right.
100
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:55,868
So sorry.
101
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,717
That night, at a more appropriate
cocktail hour...
102
00:05:59,848 --> 00:06:02,914
Come on, there must be something you want
for your birthday.
103
00:06:02,984 --> 00:06:06,017
What I want for my birthday
is not to celebrate it this year.
104
00:06:06,087 --> 00:06:07,942
What if I want to celebrate it?
105
00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:11,105
That would be celebration enough.
Besides I have everything I need.
106
00:06:11,175 --> 00:06:12,899
It's not about needing something.
107
00:06:12,967 --> 00:06:17,604
It's about wanting something just for fun.
Something decadent, something naughty.
108
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:19,903
May I tempt you with dessert?
109
00:06:19,974 --> 00:06:22,625
- How was everything this evening?
- Delicious, thank you.
110
00:06:22,695 --> 00:06:23,873
Alexa.
111
00:06:23,943 --> 00:06:26,659
I took the liberty of pre-ordering
our chocolate souffl�...
112
00:06:26,726 --> 00:06:29,509
for you and Ms. Jones,
if you want something sweet.
113
00:06:29,670 --> 00:06:31,906
Always.
Thank you for keeping an eye on us.
114
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,250
I couldn't help it.
115
00:06:33,318 --> 00:06:35,838
You're the most attractive couple
in the restaurant.
116
00:06:41,093 --> 00:06:43,002
I know what I'd like for my birthday.
117
00:06:43,077 --> 00:06:46,143
An all-night, nonstop,
championship fuck fest with you...
118
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,707
Then consider your candles blown.
119
00:06:48,837 --> 00:06:49,917
...and Alexa.
120
00:06:51,493 --> 00:06:52,573
You asked.
121
00:06:53,093 --> 00:06:56,388
Is a three-way with a 21-year-old
a bad idea for Richard's birthday?
122
00:06:56,452 --> 00:06:57,946
What about next year? A four-way?
123
00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:00,802
He won't be monogamous.
He'll cheat with or without me.
124
00:07:00,868 --> 00:07:04,130
- Happy birthday to you.
- He didn't ask me to get him a hooker.
125
00:07:04,196 --> 00:07:06,465
- These are the options?
- It's someone we know...
126
00:07:06,532 --> 00:07:08,703
and at least this way, I'm part of the fantasy.
127
00:07:08,772 --> 00:07:12,634
The fantasy being that he's attracted to
someone young enough to be his daughter.
128
00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:16,188
He is, Charlotte, that's the problem!
Richard's in his fucking prime.
129
00:07:16,259 --> 00:07:18,593
Men look better as they get older
and women get...
130
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:20,383
Three-ways, apparently, or...
131
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:24,128
a Marc Jacobs ultra-mod little notebook.
132
00:07:24,484 --> 00:07:27,615
Evidently, I'm recommending it
to Vogue shoppers.
133
00:07:27,843 --> 00:07:29,566
Just be careful.
134
00:07:29,635 --> 00:07:32,156
When a man has a fantasy and you fulfill it...
135
00:07:32,226 --> 00:07:34,812
there's the chance
that the relationship could blow up.
136
00:07:34,883 --> 00:07:38,396
Then you're the idiot who did it
with him on the golf course, or something.
137
00:07:38,498 --> 00:07:41,182
- Was it you and Trey?
- No, it's a "for instance."
138
00:07:41,346 --> 00:07:44,695
Sorry I'm late. I was shopping for a stroller.
139
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:47,418
I shouldn't be here.
I should be out doing the things...
140
00:07:47,490 --> 00:07:51,199
I'm supposed to, before the baby comes,
and I'm unable to leave my apartment.
141
00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:53,305
Like what? Jujitsu and off-track betting?
142
00:07:53,378 --> 00:07:55,069
Like buying a crib.
143
00:07:55,394 --> 00:07:58,427
I'm to go to Crib World,
because it's a whole world of cribs.
144
00:07:58,497 --> 00:08:00,352
I guess Crib City wasn't big enough.
145
00:08:00,417 --> 00:08:03,068
Why isn't there a store
called "This Is The Crib For You"?
146
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:04,446
They have one great crib.
147
00:08:04,513 --> 00:08:07,131
They deliver it and assemble it,
and help raise the child.
148
00:08:07,201 --> 00:08:10,462
- You don't have a crib yet?
- No, I have a job instead.
149
00:08:10,529 --> 00:08:14,238
I'm sorry, but when am I supposed
to find time to prepare for this baby?
150
00:08:14,304 --> 00:08:17,021
I don't have a vague idea
how I'm going to do any of it.
151
00:08:17,088 --> 00:08:18,910
I don't have a Vogue idea, so hello.
152
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:21,529
- Why don't you let One-Ball help you?
- I tried that.
153
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,415
He starts acting all father figure,
and I get territorial...
154
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,203
the salespeople get confused.
155
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,574
Trust me,
it's too complicated for Crib World.
156
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,720
Let me help you.
157
00:08:29,792 --> 00:08:32,956
You said you didn't want a baby shower,
but you can change your mind.
158
00:08:33,024 --> 00:08:34,966
- I hate baby showers.
- Who doesn't?
159
00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:38,422
The games, the finger sandwiches,
all that enforced oohing and ahing.
160
00:08:38,496 --> 00:08:40,732
I don't know,
and I don't care who's having a baby.
161
00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:44,061
Think of the gifts. It'd be a great way
to get all the stuff you need.
162
00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:46,974
- Without going to Crib World.
- Who would I invite besides you?
163
00:08:47,039 --> 00:08:49,178
All the bitches that made you go to theirs.
164
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:53,021
It's your shower. You can invite
or not invite whoever you choose.
165
00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:55,156
You really want to throw me
a baby shower...
166
00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:57,335
after all you've been through this year?
167
00:08:57,726 --> 00:09:00,476
Yeah, I think it would be good for me.
168
00:09:02,686 --> 00:09:05,501
Okay, but no cutesy, storky shit.
169
00:09:05,822 --> 00:09:08,571
Just an adult,
dignified lunch with presents...
170
00:09:08,638 --> 00:09:12,150
- which I will open after everyone leaves.
- You have to open the presents.
171
00:09:12,221 --> 00:09:15,702
No opening of presents, no games,
no crustless bread.
172
00:09:15,774 --> 00:09:18,010
- And I want fried chicken.
- Fried chicken!
173
00:09:18,077 --> 00:09:19,571
But it's not Super Bowl Sunday.
174
00:09:19,645 --> 00:09:22,165
It's my shower, and I'll fry if I want to.
175
00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:26,998
- What should we do for our gift?
- Let's just stick to the registry three-way.
176
00:09:27,677 --> 00:09:31,637
The next day, Charlotte decided
if she was going to host a baby shower...
177
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:35,219
she should hide the evidence
that she had wanted one of her own.
178
00:09:40,445 --> 00:09:44,852
Later that week, I had a meal
with the perfect dinner accessory, Julian.
179
00:09:44,924 --> 00:09:48,306
My wife is a former dancer.
She was with the Martha Graham Company.
180
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,925
And the first time I saw her on stage,
I fell in love with her.
181
00:09:52,219 --> 00:09:54,226
She pli�d and I plotzed.
182
00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,834
It'll be 24 years next September.
183
00:09:58,907 --> 00:10:00,914
So you got married
right out of grade school.
184
00:10:01,019 --> 00:10:03,506
I knew there was something
about you that I liked.
185
00:10:04,923 --> 00:10:06,133
What about your life?
186
00:10:06,203 --> 00:10:08,691
Is there a man in your life?
Is it a great love?
187
00:10:11,066 --> 00:10:13,106
I just broke up with somebody.
188
00:10:13,658 --> 00:10:15,960
And yes...
189
00:10:16,762 --> 00:10:19,446
it was a great love.
190
00:10:19,546 --> 00:10:22,328
But he went there.
191
00:10:22,650 --> 00:10:24,853
- I went there.
- And there you have it.
192
00:10:26,777 --> 00:10:30,389
So, the reason
that I asked you to dinner tonight...
193
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:33,141
- Was because you knew I would pay?
- Besides that.
194
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:37,683
I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate
your interest in my article...
195
00:10:37,849 --> 00:10:40,499
but I've decided not to finish it.
196
00:10:40,568 --> 00:10:42,095
So you're just going to quit?
197
00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:44,144
I don't let my kids quit.
198
00:10:44,216 --> 00:10:47,893
Technically, I'm not one of your kids.
I'm just a girl you get drunk sometimes.
199
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,684
All right, forget about me.
200
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,084
What would your father say
about you quitting?
201
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:56,691
He wouldn't have a lot to say about quitting.
He quit my mother and me when I was little.
202
00:10:57,016 --> 00:10:59,504
- Sorry.
- Thanks. I mean a long time ago.
203
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,463
- I was 5.
- Why did he leave?
204
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,855
No idea, never said.
205
00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:07,342
And that's the name of that tune.
206
00:11:12,023 --> 00:11:14,838
- What?
- No, it's interesting.
207
00:11:15,735 --> 00:11:17,523
Your father leaves without any answers...
208
00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:20,341
and you spend your life
asking questions about men.
209
00:11:21,142 --> 00:11:24,044
It's 20 years of analysis. Forgive me?
210
00:11:24,278 --> 00:11:25,904
- Yes.
- Okay, Vogue.
211
00:11:26,646 --> 00:11:29,363
What if I could fix it
so that you only deal with me, and...
212
00:11:29,430 --> 00:11:33,521
Enid spends less time hating your writing
and more time hating Tom Ford's line?
213
00:11:33,719 --> 00:11:36,947
- Julian...
- Come on, cookie, you're no quitter.
214
00:11:37,142 --> 00:11:39,892
And we get to work on this together.
What do you say?
215
00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:41,681
Why are you being so sweet?
216
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,120
Martini guilt.
217
00:11:45,014 --> 00:11:48,177
Later that night,
I got to thinking about fathers...
218
00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:49,684
or the lack of them.
219
00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:53,075
Some say a daughter's relationship
with her father is the model...
220
00:11:53,141 --> 00:11:55,694
for all her subsequent
relationships with men.
221
00:11:55,765 --> 00:11:58,994
Is that just pop psychology,
or is there some truth to it?
222
00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:01,613
And if you were given
a less-than-perfect model...
223
00:12:01,685 --> 00:12:04,368
does it mean a life
of less-than-perfect relationships?
224
00:12:04,437 --> 00:12:06,128
I couldn't help but wonder.
225
00:12:06,197 --> 00:12:09,393
How much does a father figure figure?
226
00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:13,937
Gentlemen, I understand your concern,
but I'm looking at the contract right now.
227
00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:17,681
I'm sorry, could you hold for a moment?
228
00:12:18,164 --> 00:12:19,757
I'm on a conference call here.
229
00:12:19,955 --> 00:12:22,192
Charlotte York says it's an emergency.
230
00:12:24,755 --> 00:12:27,089
- What's wrong, you okay?
- I'm fine.
231
00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:30,057
I'm looking at your registry.
There are some things you forgot.
232
00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:31,854
- Like a Manhattan Whoozit.
- A what?
233
00:12:31,923 --> 00:12:34,639
It's a learning toy.
Active toys make for passive children.
234
00:12:34,707 --> 00:12:37,162
- There's a philosophy on it.
- I don't have the time.
235
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:40,944
- I'm on a conference call with London.
- What about a Peek-A-Ball?
236
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:44,745
- Jesus, I have to get back.
- One more quick thing.
237
00:12:44,818 --> 00:12:48,298
You said no storks, but I saw the most
gorgeous centerpiece, in the shape...
238
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:50,607
- I'm at work.
- We have to order it by noon.
239
00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:53,423
Its feathers are white Fiji mum.
240
00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:55,083
- What did I say?
- No storks.
241
00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:58,864
But these people are giving expensive gifts,
and will want to see a little baby.
242
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:02,606
No storks, no present opening,
no cutesy baby stuff. We agreed.
243
00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:04,462
What about a marzipan baby carriage?
244
00:13:05,137 --> 00:13:08,715
It has a white chocolate, peanut butter baby
inside, and you can eat the baby.
245
00:13:13,808 --> 00:13:17,965
The next day, Samantha
made a conference call of her own.
246
00:13:18,512 --> 00:13:21,512
Ms. Jones, welcome.
Will Mr. Wright be joining you for lunch?
247
00:13:21,585 --> 00:13:24,781
No, actually,
it's Richard's birthday this weekend...
248
00:13:24,913 --> 00:13:27,912
and I'm trying to put together
a little celebration for him.
249
00:13:28,272 --> 00:13:30,727
Would you like to reserve
one of our banquet rooms...
250
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,095
That won't be necessary.
It's a very small party.
251
00:13:34,223 --> 00:13:37,606
A very small private party of three.
252
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:41,253
Just Richard, myself, and a third...
253
00:13:42,127 --> 00:13:43,786
if you have any openings.
254
00:13:44,655 --> 00:13:47,306
- I'm wide open.
- Lucky me.
255
00:13:47,983 --> 00:13:50,918
And now that Charlotte's house
was ready for the baby shower...
256
00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:53,991
she wanted to make sure
Miranda's house was ready for the baby.
257
00:13:54,063 --> 00:13:57,478
The bassinet can go over here by the bed.
258
00:13:57,551 --> 00:14:00,104
So that when you get up for feedings,
he's right there.
259
00:14:00,175 --> 00:14:02,825
Unless you're planning
to have him sleep in bed with you.
260
00:14:02,894 --> 00:14:05,098
- Can't I go to jail for that?
- No.
261
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:08,428
In fact many cultures believe
it's safer for the baby's breathing.
262
00:14:08,622 --> 00:14:11,688
Except for the risk of rolling over
and smushing him while asleep.
263
00:14:11,757 --> 00:14:15,554
But that almost never happens.
But if you want to err on the side of safety...
264
00:14:15,661 --> 00:14:17,549
I'll just put him in the thing.
265
00:14:17,741 --> 00:14:19,651
The bassinet? Great.
266
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:23,938
And then when he's big enough,
you can put the crib here.
267
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,495
- Is that what you were thinking?
- I hadn't thought about that yet.
268
00:14:27,565 --> 00:14:29,540
You need to start thinking
about these things.
269
00:14:29,613 --> 00:14:32,776
There are a million questions to answer
before the baby gets here.
270
00:14:32,845 --> 00:14:35,910
Do you have a birthing plan?
What kind of mother do you want to be?
271
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,891
I plan to be a good mother.
272
00:14:39,148 --> 00:14:41,668
But a marsupial mom or a stroller mom?
273
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:45,893
Will you be breastfeeding or bottle-feeding?
And what about babyproofing?
274
00:14:45,964 --> 00:14:48,233
'Cause with all the sharp edges
around here...
275
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,536
I mean, this place is a deathtrap!
276
00:14:50,604 --> 00:14:53,866
- Okay, you need to back off.
- I'm just trying to help.
277
00:14:53,932 --> 00:14:57,445
This is your idea of helping?
Pointing out all the things I do badly?
278
00:14:57,707 --> 00:15:00,009
- I'm not pointing out...
- You are.
279
00:15:01,675 --> 00:15:04,642
You need to try
to let other people in a little...
280
00:15:04,715 --> 00:15:07,529
because once you have that baby,
it's not just you anymore.
281
00:15:07,595 --> 00:15:09,961
You're not gonna be able
to control everything.
282
00:15:10,155 --> 00:15:13,668
Look, I just want to enjoy the fried chicken
and be done with it.
283
00:15:15,178 --> 00:15:17,862
I had to rethink the fried chicken...
284
00:15:17,931 --> 00:15:20,036
because only you wanted all that breading.
285
00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:23,881
So instead we're having mesclun greens
and a lovely puttanesca...
286
00:15:23,946 --> 00:15:28,005
- with a Fiji mum centerpiece.
- A Fiji mum stork centerpiece?
287
00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:32,351
- One stork. I think you can deal with one...
- Two storks. I saw the invitation!
288
00:15:32,426 --> 00:15:34,662
That's not a stork! That is a duck.
289
00:15:34,729 --> 00:15:38,591
That duck is smoking an "It's A Boy" cigar.
That's not for children.
290
00:15:38,665 --> 00:15:40,999
That duck is fucked!
This whole shower is fucked!
291
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,007
You can't have a shower without baby stuff!
292
00:15:43,081 --> 00:15:45,285
You continue,
you'll have a shower without a mommy!
293
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:46,695
- Fine!
- Fine!
294
00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:51,138
Miranda, you better show up.
295
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,564
I am not getting stuck with some lawyers,
who, if they're like you...
296
00:15:54,632 --> 00:15:57,120
won't even appreciate
a beautiful puttanesca!
297
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:59,555
Watch out for the sharp edges!
298
00:16:03,048 --> 00:16:04,903
Thanks for coming down and talking.
299
00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:08,863
I really didn't have a choice.
You couldn't make it up the stairs.
300
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,758
There, you feel better?
301
00:16:11,015 --> 00:16:15,139
The back, yes. The other stuff, no.
I'm gonna be a terrible mother.
302
00:16:15,784 --> 00:16:16,798
I am!
303
00:16:17,031 --> 00:16:20,860
I have no maternal instincts, no patience.
The way I yelled at Charlotte...
304
00:16:20,935 --> 00:16:24,230
She was just trying to point out
what needed to be childproofed.
305
00:16:24,967 --> 00:16:26,723
- Oh, my God.
- What?
306
00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:29,373
I'm what needs to be childproofed.
307
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,554
You wanna quit?
308
00:16:31,622 --> 00:16:35,005
Come on, I'll quit the magazine.
You quit the baby. We'll be two quitters.
309
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,901
We'll live happily ever after.
310
00:16:37,286 --> 00:16:40,635
- Can I tell you a secret?
- You're not pregnant? It's water weight?
311
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,815
I dropped my niece on her head.
312
00:16:42,886 --> 00:16:45,853
I was babysitting when I was 13,
and I got bored.
313
00:16:45,990 --> 00:16:50,245
I was doing my homework,
she slid down the couch.
314
00:16:50,438 --> 00:16:53,885
- Two stitches.
- Get off my stoop!
315
00:16:54,853 --> 00:16:57,024
How is this kid ever gonna make it?
316
00:16:57,381 --> 00:17:01,090
A type-A mother, who works
50 hours a week, and no father figure.
317
00:17:01,157 --> 00:17:03,524
- He has a father figure.
- Steve.
318
00:17:04,069 --> 00:17:05,410
I meant you.
319
00:17:06,053 --> 00:17:07,678
- Really?
- Yeah.
320
00:17:07,748 --> 00:17:09,636
I do like those Yankees!
321
00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:18,655
- Second date, dinner and a movie.
- I hate them.
322
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:24,606
Do you think it's as simple as,
"My father walked out...
323
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:27,490
"therefore I'll always be
messed up about men?"
324
00:17:27,555 --> 00:17:30,043
My father came home every night
at 7:00 on the dot...
325
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,984
- and I have no clue about men, either.
- So it's a crapshoot.
326
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:36,409
Do I have to go to my own baby shower?
327
00:17:36,611 --> 00:17:39,775
- I R.S.V.P.'d to a duck with a cigar.
- All right.
328
00:17:39,843 --> 00:17:42,974
- You're going.
- It's late. I've got to catch a cab.
329
00:17:43,043 --> 00:17:44,930
Wait, let me get you a forklift.
330
00:17:46,723 --> 00:17:48,632
- When you're ready.
- Okay.
331
00:17:49,059 --> 00:17:50,204
Go.
332
00:17:52,578 --> 00:17:54,040
- Thank you.
- You did good.
333
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,128
You, too.
334
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:58,687
The next day, Miranda decided
not to duck her own shower.
335
00:17:58,754 --> 00:18:00,128
You showed up.
336
00:18:01,410 --> 00:18:04,409
Bring on the ladies in hats,
and let's get this over with.
337
00:18:05,089 --> 00:18:08,384
- Where'd you put all the storks?
- You said you didn't want any storks.
338
00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:10,173
I know, but...
339
00:18:13,633 --> 00:18:16,764
- What did you do?
- It's your shower.
340
00:18:18,017 --> 00:18:18,999
Can you get that?
341
00:18:19,072 --> 00:18:22,138
I have to get the sandwiches,
which have all of their crusts.
342
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:25,339
Nothing cute. No ridiculous,
over-the-top baby stuff allowed.
343
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:29,879
- Hey, Momma!
- Why are you opening the door?
344
00:18:29,952 --> 00:18:32,669
Shouldn't you be sitting on a lily pad
being worshipped?
345
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,207
What is that?
346
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,596
It's a four-tiered baby cake
made entirely of diapers.
347
00:18:37,663 --> 00:18:39,932
- I baked it myself.
- We ordered it online.
348
00:18:40,064 --> 00:18:41,525
What am I supposed to do with it?
349
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,218
- How would we know? Didn't you want one?
- No.
350
00:18:44,287 --> 00:18:48,149
We're not taking it back. We've already
been seen carrying it down Park Avenue.
351
00:18:48,223 --> 00:18:49,783
Definitely not Vogue.
352
00:18:49,855 --> 00:18:51,895
Charlotte said it was the shower gift.
353
00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:54,454
I told you we should've gotten
the massage certificate.
354
00:18:55,327 --> 00:18:58,556
One hour, two platters of chicken,
and 13 lawyers later...
355
00:18:58,623 --> 00:19:01,689
all talk had turned to babies. Almost all.
356
00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:04,541
She may be 21,
but I have 21 years of experience.
357
00:19:04,606 --> 00:19:06,973
- I could fuck her under the table.
- Good to know.
358
00:19:07,038 --> 00:19:09,558
Because in a three-way situation,
it could come to that.
359
00:19:09,630 --> 00:19:13,078
- I have tricks she hasn't even seen.
- Those Trix aren't for kids.
360
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,183
And whatever happens,
she's just renting him. I own.
361
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:19,450
- Exactly.
- Although, I don't really own.
362
00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:22,524
- So it's more of an illegal-sublet type thing?
- Yeah.
363
00:19:22,589 --> 00:19:23,538
Wow!
364
00:19:27,422 --> 00:19:28,763
It's a breast pump.
365
00:19:30,557 --> 00:19:33,372
I didn't want you coming to my office
to borrow mine.
366
00:19:34,717 --> 00:19:36,375
You know what? I have to pee.
367
00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:38,962
Wait. Here.
368
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:40,853
You take Charles.
369
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,674
Have fun, Mom.
370
00:19:44,028 --> 00:19:47,825
All right. Keep it coming, ladies.
Let's keep the presents...
371
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,361
- Miranda!
- Yeah?
372
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,678
Nothing.
373
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,580
Something tells me this one's Tiffany.
374
00:19:55,548 --> 00:19:57,009
That's from me.
375
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:01,329
- That is elegant.
- Oh, my God.
376
00:20:01,820 --> 00:20:05,365
That's exactly like the rattle Trey gave me
when we first...
377
00:20:07,483 --> 00:20:11,160
- You okay?
- I'm fine. Sorry, everybody.
378
00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:13,527
Excuse me.
379
00:20:16,027 --> 00:20:17,336
What happened?
380
00:20:18,235 --> 00:20:19,544
What did I do?
381
00:20:25,178 --> 00:20:27,000
I just need to be alone right now.
382
00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:28,878
Okay.
383
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:34,643
Except, you know,
you've got 20 people in the other room.
384
00:20:46,105 --> 00:20:48,952
- I'm sorry I ruined your shower.
- You didn't.
385
00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:52,694
And there wouldn't even be a shower to ruin
if it weren't for you.
386
00:20:54,265 --> 00:20:56,948
Look, I know this is hard.
387
00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:01,872
And I really appreciate you trying to be okay
with me having this baby...
388
00:21:03,417 --> 00:21:05,140
because I need you.
389
00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:10,103
I mean, let's face it.
You're the only person in my life...
390
00:21:11,736 --> 00:21:15,892
who knows how important it is to have
a cake made entirely out of diapers.
391
00:21:17,975 --> 00:21:21,139
- There's lotion in there, too.
- Oh, yeah?
392
00:21:23,319 --> 00:21:25,807
And baby bottles...
393
00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:28,470
and a receiving blanket.
394
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,028
See?
395
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,006
I would never have known that.
396
00:21:34,966 --> 00:21:36,460
You would've figured it out.
397
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,468
And just like that, Miranda realized...
398
00:21:39,670 --> 00:21:42,452
she might be a good mother figure, as well.
399
00:21:45,558 --> 00:21:46,736
Hello.
400
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:50,324
Somebody better go check on
Mommy in the guest bath...
401
00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:52,910
'cause little bits here has wet himself.
402
00:21:53,238 --> 00:21:55,125
And myself, I might add.
403
00:21:55,637 --> 00:21:59,085
- I happen to have four tiers of diapers.
- Good.
404
00:21:59,157 --> 00:22:01,426
Ladies, can we cut the cake
and get out of here?
405
00:22:01,493 --> 00:22:03,435
I have a three-way to go to.
406
00:22:04,437 --> 00:22:05,746
That's my earring.
407
00:22:05,813 --> 00:22:10,003
That night, at the birthday three-way,
Samantha made sure it happened her way.
408
00:22:10,068 --> 00:22:11,595
Just so we're clear...
409
00:22:12,213 --> 00:22:15,474
tonight is just about sex, not love.
410
00:22:15,988 --> 00:22:18,541
So there will be no kissing on the mouth.
411
00:22:18,740 --> 00:22:21,872
Richard's lips are off-limits
to anyone but me.
412
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,466
What if he kisses me?
413
00:22:24,084 --> 00:22:26,953
- Who's up for champagne?
- I'm up for anything.
414
00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:42,599
Hey!
415
00:22:43,443 --> 00:22:44,720
Easy, Sam.
416
00:22:45,171 --> 00:22:47,310
There's more than enough of me
to go around.
417
00:22:47,443 --> 00:22:48,817
You tell her, Daddy.
418
00:22:48,882 --> 00:22:51,435
The one thing Richard
didn't want for his birthday...
419
00:22:51,506 --> 00:22:52,913
was to feel older.
420
00:22:52,978 --> 00:22:55,247
- Get rid of her.
- I'm on it.
421
00:22:58,802 --> 00:23:01,901
It was time for the fledgling
to leave the love nest.
422
00:23:04,722 --> 00:23:07,405
Anything else you want for your birthday?
423
00:23:08,081 --> 00:23:09,674
No, this is great.
424
00:23:10,513 --> 00:23:12,040
Just you and me.
425
00:23:14,513 --> 00:23:16,401
What about my three-way?
426
00:23:16,593 --> 00:23:18,862
I have a busboy arriving at midnight.
427
00:23:21,521 --> 00:23:23,463
Seriously, let's try this.
428
00:23:24,625 --> 00:23:26,152
Just you and me.
429
00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:28,174
Nobody else.
430
00:23:31,472 --> 00:23:32,519
Okay.
431
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:35,749
By giving Richard
what he thought he wanted...
432
00:23:35,824 --> 00:23:38,507
Samantha finally got what she needed.
433
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:39,622
Monogamy.
434
00:23:40,464 --> 00:23:44,108
The following night, with a little
after-hours help from my favorite editor...
435
00:23:44,176 --> 00:23:45,670
I finished the impossible.
436
00:23:45,744 --> 00:23:47,337
My first Vogue piece.
437
00:23:47,408 --> 00:23:50,539
And now, my favorite part
of the writing process...
438
00:23:51,248 --> 00:23:52,360
print.
439
00:23:52,624 --> 00:23:56,235
Congratulations, cookie.
Five hundred beautifully written words...
440
00:23:56,303 --> 00:23:58,987
and some of them even include
the Carrie Bradshaw agenda.
441
00:23:59,055 --> 00:24:02,350
- Cleverly hidden, of course.
- It's a literary Where's Waldo?
442
00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:05,158
When I finish a piece, I usually celebrate...
443
00:24:05,231 --> 00:24:08,526
by opening a bottle of Ch�teau La Tour.
How do you celebrate?
444
00:24:08,783 --> 00:24:10,790
By buying shoes and purses.
445
00:24:11,407 --> 00:24:15,301
In that case, have you ever heard
of the Vogue accessories closet?
446
00:24:20,174 --> 00:24:21,450
Oh, my God!
447
00:24:22,541 --> 00:24:24,265
It's too good!
448
00:24:24,526 --> 00:24:25,835
I'm sorry, but it's...
449
00:24:27,053 --> 00:24:28,428
It's too good!
450
00:24:28,942 --> 00:24:31,276
You're just like a kid
in a couture candy store.
451
00:24:31,341 --> 00:24:32,901
This is too much!
452
00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:35,203
How can this be?
453
00:24:35,405 --> 00:24:38,056
Designers send these things,
and we photograph them.
454
00:24:40,237 --> 00:24:41,349
Oh, my God!
455
00:24:42,893 --> 00:24:46,024
- Do you know what these are?
- We're not even supposed to be in here.
456
00:24:46,092 --> 00:24:49,289
Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes.
457
00:24:49,357 --> 00:24:51,691
I thought these were an urban shoe myth.
458
00:24:51,756 --> 00:24:55,465
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'll be pillaging the men's side.
459
00:24:55,532 --> 00:24:57,670
Okay. Oh, my God!
460
00:24:58,156 --> 00:25:01,320
These are authentic patent leather.
461
00:25:01,388 --> 00:25:05,130
And if they don't fit,
so help me, I'm gonna wear them anyway.
462
00:25:06,667 --> 00:25:07,616
Crap.
463
00:25:08,843 --> 00:25:11,080
They almost fit.
464
00:25:12,491 --> 00:25:16,168
- Tell me what you think of these Versaces.
- Okay. All right!
465
00:25:23,338 --> 00:25:25,477
- What do you think?
- Oh, my...
466
00:25:26,218 --> 00:25:28,673
- What are you doing?
- I'm just showing you these briefs.
467
00:25:28,746 --> 00:25:30,819
Well, don't.
468
00:25:31,242 --> 00:25:32,868
Julian, pull your pants up.
469
00:25:33,802 --> 00:25:36,737
- Look at you in those Mary Janes!
- Stop.
470
00:25:37,482 --> 00:25:40,198
What happened to your wife, the dancer?
471
00:25:40,266 --> 00:25:43,015
She's having an affair with her friend,
the chiropractor.
472
00:25:44,234 --> 00:25:46,176
- What?
- I find you adorable.
473
00:25:46,537 --> 00:25:50,945
- You're old enough to be my father.
- Hardly. Would your father wear Versaces?
474
00:25:51,113 --> 00:25:54,244
- Pull your pants up, now.
- All right. But, cookie...
475
00:25:54,313 --> 00:25:58,241
as someone who cares about you, let me
say, I think you have some issues with men.
476
00:25:58,313 --> 00:25:59,873
I do right now.
477
00:25:59,945 --> 00:26:03,742
An older man can help you work through
some of those father issues, cookie.
478
00:26:03,817 --> 00:26:07,045
Okay, don't "cookie" me, Freud. Pants up!
479
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,244
Show some respect. This is Vogue!
480
00:26:10,312 --> 00:26:13,181
It turns out Julian had an agenda, as well.
481
00:26:13,256 --> 00:26:15,776
But it was cleverly hidden, of course.
482
00:26:16,775 --> 00:26:19,426
From then on, once a month,
when I went to Vogue...
483
00:26:19,496 --> 00:26:21,984
I thought it best
to work exclusively with Enid.
484
00:26:22,056 --> 00:26:25,798
This new piece shows improvement,
but still positively reeks of you.
485
00:26:25,864 --> 00:26:28,962
This magazine doesn't care what
Carrie Bradshaw says about shoes.
486
00:26:29,031 --> 00:26:31,104
What does Carrie Bradshaw
know about shoes?
487
00:26:31,175 --> 00:26:33,662
With all due respect...
488
00:26:34,247 --> 00:26:35,971
men, I may not know...
489
00:26:36,199 --> 00:26:37,792
but shoes...
490
00:26:38,246 --> 00:26:40,188
shoes, I know.
491
00:26:44,006 --> 00:26:46,395
- I'm walking.
- I'm walking, too.
492
00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:49,569
I admit it's tempting
to wish for the perfect boss...
493
00:26:49,638 --> 00:26:52,289
or the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit.
494
00:26:52,358 --> 00:26:55,391
But maybe the best any of us can do
is not quit.
495
00:26:55,462 --> 00:26:59,520
Play the hand we've been given,
and accessorize the outfit we've got.
40593
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