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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,177 --> 00:00:04,395 I'll go 20. 2 00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:06,267 I call. 3 00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:08,921 I'll see your 20, and I raise you 20. 4 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:12,229 40 cents? Too rich for my blood. 5 00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:15,493 Oh, hey, Al. 6 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:16,494 Hello. 7 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,018 Uh, what are you guys doing? 8 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:19,932 We're teaching Hazel how to play poker. 9 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,151 It's easy. Want to learn? 10 00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,066 Oh, I lived with Marines for six years. 11 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,764 I know how to play, but for me gambling is haram. 12 00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,331 That means forbidden. 13 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:29,159 I figured it out. 14 00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,639 Poker's not gambling. 15 00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:31,901 It's a game of skill. 16 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,034 That's why I have all Freddy's money. 17 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,644 Maybe I'm hustling you. 18 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,776 No, you're not.I know. 19 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,778 It's to you, Hazel. 20 00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,084 I'll call. 21 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,999 Show them.Two aces. 22 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,523 Three nines.Ooh! 23 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,177 Dang it. I bought you a bike for Christmas. 24 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:49,049 Treat me better.[laughs] 25 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,529 Good job, baby.Ante up. 26 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:57,448 I'm feeling eyes on my cards and breath on my neck. 27 00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,711 Sorry. 28 00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:01,322 Check.Check. 29 00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,411 50 cents. 30 00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:05,543 I'll raise you 50. 31 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,545 I got nothing. 32 00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,808 Except you, and that's everything. 33 00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:12,333 I fold. 34 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:13,943 It's to you. 35 00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:16,728 He's bluffing. 36 00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,948 Everyone can hear you. 37 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:23,561 Fine. I raise a buck. 38 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:24,997 Raise more.Do you want to play? 39 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,261 I want you to play better. 40 00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:30,002 Big mistake. I'm not bluffing. 41 00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:33,093 Two bucks. 42 00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:35,965 Dad? 43 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:39,925 Damn it. How many times did I drive you to the airport? 44 00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,753 [laughter] 45 00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,146 Good guess, Uncle Al. 46 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,582 It was not a guess, Hazel Jaan. 47 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,062 Reading people is my superpower. 48 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,238 That is why I was such a good interpreter. 49 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:51,023 I had to know in an instant if someone was hiding something. 50 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,242 So, what's my tell? 51 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,985 Oh, when you bluff, you go like this. 52 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,903 Sweet maple syrup, I do do that. 53 00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:02,078 You got a hell of an eye. 54 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,820 It is my gift.[cards shuffling] 55 00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,736 Which I suppose means that it is a skill... 56 00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,259 I said that, like, a minute ago. 57 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:12,175 Therefore not gambling, and not haram. 58 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,438 I bet you a buck he's gonna play. 59 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,136 You got it. 60 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:19,530 Surely, playing a hand or two wouldn't harm anyone. 61 00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:20,966 [laughs] Pay up. 62 00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:23,317 This is not my night. 63 00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:26,320 ♪ 64 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,148 ♪ Oh! 65 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,987 Wow. You're good. 66 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:43,815 Would you think more or less of me 67 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,121 if I told you 68 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,123 I came last night to practice? 69 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,125 You practiced for our date? 70 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,909 I didn't want to embarrass myself 71 00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,259 in front of a real artist. 72 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,913 Smart. This vase I'm making, 73 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,567 gonna sell it 74 00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,830 for $300,000. 75 00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:02,007 Oh, darn, I only have $100,000 on me. 76 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,923 Oh, this is awkward. I thought I was dating a rich guy. 77 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,447 No. 78 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,753 You ever think about doing this professionally? 79 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:11,452 I did, for a long time, but... 80 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,758 honestly, I'm worried it would lose some of the joy 81 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:16,544 if it were my job.That makes sense. 82 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:17,936 Besides, I... 83 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,764 kind of like working for my dad, 84 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,245 but if you tell him, I'll deny it. 85 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,378 That's great that you have that self-awareness. 86 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:25,683 Most people are oblivious. 87 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,294 Oblivious? 88 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:30,732 Is that your professional assessment as a psychologist? 89 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,517 Uh, no. The-the technical term is "stupid." 90 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,085 I was just trying to class it up. 91 00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,782 What are you into outside of work? 92 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:38,870 Well... 93 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,655 doing pottery with pretty girls 94 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,091 is kind of my thing right now. 95 00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:44,136 Uh-huh. And there's my punk band. 96 00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,443 You have a punk band? Yes. 97 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,271 You? Yes. 98 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,752 I may look like a mild-mannered college professor, 99 00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,754 but every Thursday at 4:00 p.m., 100 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,843 I am a guitar-smashing maniac. What? 101 00:03:54,886 --> 00:03:56,018 I don't actually smash it. 102 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,715 I just kind of lift it above my head, 103 00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,630 then put it down gently. 104 00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:02,329 And what is this pretend band called? 105 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,721 It is not pretend. 106 00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,984 It is me and several other psychology professors, 107 00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,900 and we are called "Rage Against the Dean." 108 00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:12,687 And do you wear punk makeup? 109 00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,819 Eyeliner, blue lipstick? 110 00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:17,431 No, just a little zinc oxide on my nose 111 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:18,867 when we play outside. 112 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:22,262 Oh, and a hat. I have a really cool hat. 113 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,831 Check. 114 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:27,963 I raise ten. 115 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:30,748 Mm... Come on, Al, 116 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,620 what you gonna do? 117 00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:33,969 You have nothing. 118 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,318 I'm not touching my eyebrow. 119 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,754 You have a new tell. I'll let you know 120 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,147 what it is after I take your money. 121 00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:40,845 You're cute, but have nothing. 122 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:43,239 He's not wrong. 123 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,677 And... you think you have a good hand, 124 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:48,636 but I'm letting you know, as a friend, 125 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,115 you're in trouble. 126 00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:51,769 Guy's been playing, like, 12 minutes. 127 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,249 He thinks he's Maverick. [chuckles] 128 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,338 You know Maverick, right? Top Gun? 129 00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,906 I'll tell you later. 130 00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,430 Raise ten.You can read 131 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,258 these civilians, 132 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,913 but not me. Call. 133 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,219 I'm out.Yeah, me, too. 134 00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:09,004 Two pair.Full house. 135 00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:11,441 No! 136 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,356 You never listen. 137 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,879 Hey, Al, what's my tell? 138 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:17,708 Oh, you smile when you have a good hand, 139 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:20,798 and you frown when you have a bad one. [clicks tongue] 140 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:23,105 He's not wrong. 141 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,501 [laptop chiming] 142 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:30,068 What you doing?Video poker. 143 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,722 I'm playing Mississippi Stud. 144 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,289 That was my nickname in high school. 145 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,160 Yeah, it was. 146 00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,248 [laptop chiming] 147 00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,076 Wow, you are really into this. 148 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,469 You can't read people online, 149 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,037 but they still have tells in the way they bet. 150 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,604 Hey, aren't you supposed to be in class? 151 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:46,781 No, no, my class is not for another... two hours ago. 152 00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:49,697 It's not like you to blow off school. 153 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,394 Oh, he missed one class. 154 00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:52,874 You would've put me in the Christmas letter 155 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,266 if I only missed one class. 156 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,268 Yeah, well, this guy's my A student, okay? 157 00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,096 Before him, I didn't have anything to put on the fridge 158 00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,751 that wasn't a court summons. 159 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,797 Cut him some slack. He doesn't drink, 160 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,233 he doesn't smoke, 161 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,017 if he snores, he wakes up and apologizes. 162 00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:08,933 Oh, did I snore last night? I'm so sorry. 163 00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,413 Well, you just be careful. 164 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,894 This kind of thing can be a slippery slope. 165 00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:15,331 I had a buddy, lost his house 166 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,550 playing blackjack. 167 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:19,074 Eh, he was a gambler. I'm not a gambler. 168 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,598 Either way, the man lives in a tent. 169 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,600 Huh. 170 00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:26,603 Okay, how was your date? 171 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:29,606 Tell me everything.We made pottery, 172 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,435 walked through the park, fed ducks. 173 00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,306 Well, I fed ducks, 174 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,657 he was a little unnerved by the quacking. 175 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,659 It was cute.[chuckles] 176 00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:39,877 And then? 177 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,531 Then we had ice cream 178 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:44,360 and did impressions of the people in the store. 179 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,318 There was this one guy who was like, 180 00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:47,972 "Can I try that?" 181 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,236 You had to be there. 182 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,109 Come on, Lizzie, get to the good stuff. 183 00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:56,807 Yeah... Yeah, that's the thing... 184 00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:59,549 Oh, no, what happened? 185 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,072 I messed up.[chuckles] 186 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:03,118 I mean, we were having this amazing time, 187 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,772 and he walked me to the door, 188 00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:06,469 and I was thinking about kissing him, 189 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:09,341 and I'm sure he was thinking about kissing me. 190 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:10,908 And...? 191 00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,607 And I gave him finger guns 192 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:17,175 and said, "Night, pardner," like I was in an old Western. 193 00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:21,658 That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. 194 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,139 I know, and it came out of my face. 195 00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,009 [laughs] 196 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,490 So, what did he do?Well, 197 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:28,970 he was thrown, clearly, 198 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:31,494 but he's such a sweet guy 199 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,104 that he gave me finger guns back 200 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,411 and said, "Night, ma'am. Pow, pow." 201 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,847 [chuckles] 202 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,501 So, you froze? 203 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:41,025 Instead of a scene from a romantic movie, 204 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:44,246 it was "Lizzie Dugan, Virgin Gun Slinger." 205 00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:46,727 Are you attractedto him? 206 00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,685 Yes. That's the weird thing. 207 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:51,166 That's the weird thing? 208 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,516 In that moment, I thought, 209 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,735 "Would Michael like this guy? 210 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,824 "Why am I even asking myself that? 211 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:58,521 Am I cheating on Michael?" 212 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,523 Sweetie, this is normal. 213 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:01,959 It's been three years. 214 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,178 It could be a hundred years. 215 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:06,050 Your feelings are your feelings. 216 00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:08,531 You have to go at whatever pace feels right, 217 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,751 and until then... 218 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,796 Pow, pow, pow. 219 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:16,713 [chuckles] 220 00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,254 Nice day for gambling. 221 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,908 Oh, no. 222 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,084 Poker is not gambling. 223 00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:42,260 It is a game of skill. 224 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:44,436 Hey, high roller, what'll you have? 225 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,657 I'll take a slippery slope, two olives. 226 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:55,926 You look ridiculous. 227 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:58,276 You look like a winner. 228 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,800 I raise you 229 00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:02,280 $1 billion. 230 00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:04,108 She's bluffing. 231 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,067 Bottle of haram for the gentleman. 232 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,200 Oh, I ordered a slippery slope. 233 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:10,375 This is compliments 234 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,334 of the devil. 235 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,381 Bottoms up. 236 00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:17,687 FREDDY: This is hell? 237 00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:20,298 Who did I give my keys to? 238 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:23,475 No, no, none of this is haram. This is not gambling. 239 00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:28,219 I raise you... and you turn out like this? 240 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,047 Mother? 241 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,614 You've cast a shame on our whole family. 242 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:32,702 When did you learn English? 243 00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:35,183 Don't change the subject. 244 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,489 Not cool, dude. Not cool. 245 00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,971 I got us Penn and Teller tickets. Are we going or what? 246 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,148 Fold! 247 00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:46,107 [panting] 248 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,499 Bad dream? 249 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,197 Eh... 250 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,720 It's nothing. 251 00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:52,069 You want to talk about it? 252 00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:54,681 No, because I'm not doing anything wrong! 253 00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:59,424 Unless I was snoring, in which case, I'm sorry. 254 00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:10,653 You do good work, Mr. Dugan. 255 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:11,915 Oh, thank you,my dear. 256 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,309 Kitchens are my favorite thing to build. 257 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,528 I didn't know that. How come? 258 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,269 It's the center of the home, 259 00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,141 where the hearth used to be. 260 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,795 Sacred gathering place, 261 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,449 where families comes together to make each other miserable. 262 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,277 Over food? 263 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:27,670 Over food. 264 00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:30,281 Hello! [grunts] 265 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:31,456 Well, nice of you to join us. 266 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,632 Sorry we're late. 267 00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,590 We went for a little trip last night. 268 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,418 Well, I couldn't sleep, so we went for a drive. 269 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:37,680 To a casino. 270 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,551 Are you kidding me?RILEY: Don't worry, 271 00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:41,292 this guy won big. 272 00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,164 $87! 273 00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,122 [cheers] 274 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,342 So, you managed to miss class for the first time ever, 275 00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:49,692 and now you show up late to work for the first time ever. 276 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,999 He also tried crab legs for the first time ever. 277 00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:55,611 The sign said "all you can eat," but they didn't really mean it. 278 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,353 Al, you need to slow down. 279 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,703 [chuckles] That's what they told you at the buffet. 280 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:01,791 [chuckles] 281 00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,750 Here's what you need to do, stop. 282 00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,273 Thank you for your concern, 283 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:07,710 but I do not have a problem. I can stop whenever I want. 284 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,277 Great. Start now.Tomorrow. 285 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,540 No, now now. One week, no poker. 286 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:12,541 Easy. Five days. 287 00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,238 A whole week. 288 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,371 Oh, the weekend, too? 289 00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,155 Okay, that was not clear to me. 290 00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,942 [knock on door] 291 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:29,558 I never doubted you for a second.Oh, yes, you did. 292 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,081 Sure did. 293 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,082 Come on in. 294 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,214 I don't want to impose, 295 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:34,476 I-I was just in the neighborhood 296 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,912 with my bass. 297 00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:36,783 [door closes] 298 00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,741 There's an amp in my car. 299 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,874 I'm glad you stopped by. 300 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,310 Can I get you something to drink? 301 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,051 Uh, do you have coconut water? You know what? 302 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,880 That's a weird thing to ask for. Forget it. 303 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:51,101 Listen, I need to talk to you about something. 304 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,842 Okay, what's up? 305 00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:56,106 I feel bad about our date. 306 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,196 Yeah, I've always been freaked out by ducks. 307 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,720 I... 308 00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:04,854 Oh, you mean the finger guns. Yeah... 309 00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:05,725 Yeah. 310 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,509 Just when we got to my door, 311 00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:10,686 I thought about my fiancé and... 312 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,427 [imitates explosion]I get it. 313 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,559 Grief is complicated. 314 00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,997 I just might need to take things slow 315 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,781 for a while. 316 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:22,132 Well, good news, I am the most patient man alive. 317 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:25,440 I did a two-year study on rat sleep cycles. 318 00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:28,573 I watched rats sleep for two years. 319 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:29,879 What did you learn? 320 00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:32,229 Inconclusive. I have to do it again, 321 00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:33,970 and I don't mind one bit. 322 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,453 Thanks. 323 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:41,282 I didn't know dating again would be so scary. 324 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,588 How about we don't even call it dating? 325 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,808 We could just say we're in a band together, 326 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,462 and if we ever break up, 327 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,116 we can blame it on the fact that 328 00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:52,467 you're a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll. 329 00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:55,818 You know, I play a little keyboard. 330 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:58,821 Why am I just finding this out now? 331 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,997 What's with the bass? 332 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,259 We're starting a band. 333 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,348 Can I be in it?Do you play an instrument? 334 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,742 Drums, probably. 335 00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,093 You're in. 336 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:14,881 What should we call ourselves? 337 00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,404 "Hazel and the Old People"? 338 00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:19,320 Let's keep thinking. 339 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,713 That's the one to beat, though. 340 00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,502 Got any threes? 341 00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,504 [sighs] 342 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,549 Yes. 343 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,464 Really? 344 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,857 You couldn't go a single day? 345 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,337 Oh, it is not poker, Mr. Art. 346 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,686 It is "Going Fish." 347 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,949 There's no skill, there's no stakes. 348 00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:41,908 It doesn't matter if you win or lose. 349 00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,171 It doesn't matter if you live or die. 350 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:47,609 You want to run errands with me, Hazelnut, 351 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:49,524 or do you want to watch a grown man go bananas? 352 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,134 I was enjoying the bananas. 353 00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:52,962 Get in the car. 354 00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:58,054 Oh, Riley, I feel like I found the great love of my life, 355 00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,926 and I only got to have her for a few days. 356 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,928 I think you're being a little overdramatic. 357 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,321 And did I mention I am going straight to hell, hmm? 358 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,802 Satan is making up a garage for the two of us right now. 359 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,718 What did I do?Oh, come on. 360 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:13,374 You found a new thing. It was fun. You miss it. 361 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,679 I do miss it. 362 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:17,291 When I'm playing, I-I feel in control. 363 00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,554 I'm so focused on the cards and reading other people, 364 00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,904 everything else just falls away. 365 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,645 I feel you. 366 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:26,778 Great, let's go to Las Vegas. 367 00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:29,477 That's like a 30-hour drive. 368 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,913 You sleep, I'll drive. 369 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,220 No, no, hold on, hold on, hold on. 370 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,831 You can do this. You're stronger than you think. 371 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,267 No, I'm not. 372 00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,226 [sighs] Let me show you. 373 00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:43,143 If you can actually do that, I would be very grateful. 374 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,753 Remember you said that. 375 00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:47,016 Take off your pants and meet me in the backyard. 376 00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,975 Huh? 377 00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:53,414 [both breathing heavily] 378 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,807 Oh, Riley, you look tired. 379 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,766 I think we should stop. [laughs] 380 00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,072 If you're making jokes, 381 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,377 you're not working hard enough. [grunts] 382 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:01,639 All you should be thinking about 383 00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:02,945 is how much this sucks. 384 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:05,600 Oh, I'm thinking about how much I hate you. 385 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,080 You're tough. You're strong. 386 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,169 You're tough. You're strong. You're tough. You're strong. 387 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,953 Learn new words. 388 00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,955 If you get through an hour of this, 389 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,348 second hour will be easier. 390 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:16,219 [laughs] Second hour? 391 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:18,439 [groans] 392 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,223 Okay, squats. 393 00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,051 [grunts]Deeper. 394 00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:23,661 There it is. 395 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,663 Why are you smiling like a sociopath? 396 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,622 Ooh, I live for this, baby. [groans] 397 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,580 Marines put me through SERE school-- 398 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:32,757 survival, evasion, resistance, escape. 399 00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,629 We didn't eat for five days. 400 00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,544 All I could think about was cheeseburgers. 401 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,676 I even dreamed about cheeseburgers.[laughs] 402 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,288 And then one freezing cold night, 403 00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:42,680 they lined us up, 404 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,813 I wasn't thinking about cheeseburgers anymore. 405 00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:46,989 Well, what were you thinking about? 406 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,295 The hose. 407 00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:50,645 [screams][whoops] 408 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,690 I dare you to think about poker right now. 409 00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,997 Okay, thank-thank you. I'm cured. 410 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,956 Okay, now you do me. 411 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,134 [grunting] 412 00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,659 Hey, Grampy, they got weirder! 413 00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,014 Here you go.Oh, thank you. 414 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,494 Yeah. 415 00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:16,018 I think you really froze the demons out of me. 416 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,063 [both laugh] 417 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,586 I'm proud of you, buddy. 418 00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:20,805 I'm proud of me, too. 419 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:23,504 Can I have more cocoa? 420 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,375 Sure, pal. 421 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:28,248 Ooh, with whipped cream? 422 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,076 Coming up, champ. 423 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,996 [phone chiming] 424 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,392 [sighs] 425 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,400 [offbeat drumming] 426 00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,840 Never had a lesson. 427 00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:58,104 So, great. Uh, for fun, 428 00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:00,454 maybe you could try keeping a beat. Sort of, uh... 429 00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:03,196 [on-beat drumming] 430 00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:04,936 That's what I was doing, but okay. 431 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,765 And, uh, Lizzie, can you give me sort of a... 432 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,767 [vocalizing] 433 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,074 [playing keyboard] 434 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,947 Love it, love it. Okay. 435 00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:17,688 You guys ready to blow the lid off this dump? 436 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:21,127 I'm sorry. It's actually-- It's a lovely house. 437 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,433 One, two, three, four. 438 00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:25,522 [all playing] 439 00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:44,715 Whoo! 440 00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:47,979 Thank you, Columbus! We are Hazel and the Old People! 441 00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,503 ♪ 442 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,987 Captioning sponsored by CBS 443 00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,645 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 28312

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