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♪ Sing, sing a song
2
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♪ Sing a song of songs ♪
3
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,969
♪ Sing it out ♪
4
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:40,204
♪ Sing it strong ♪
5
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:44,842
♪ Yeah ♪
6
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:49,380
♪ Honey, yeah ♪
7
00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:55,920
♪ Call the sun ♪
♪ in the dead of the night ♪
8
00:00:55,955 --> 00:01:00,391
♪ And the sun's gonna rise ♪
♪ in the sky ♪
9
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:05,997
Neil Diamond,
Hot August Night, 1972.
10
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:09,000
That concert rocked.
And rolled.
11
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:11,102
I know, 'cause I was there.
12
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,409
That's me.
13
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:22,780
My water broke.
14
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:26,651
Ever since then I've had
this cosmic connection with Neil.
15
00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:28,853
But this story isn't about Neil.
16
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:32,390
It's about me and my two
pals, Darren and J.D.
17
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,460
Best friends since fifth grade.
18
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,330
That's J.D.
19
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,965
He's lactose intolerant.
20
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,337
And he's not very bright.
21
00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:48,439
Uh, that's Darren Silverman.
22
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,174
He's the romantic.
23
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:54,078
But when it comes to women,
he's incredibly gullible.
24
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,154
That's me, Wayne.
25
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:05,056
I'm loyal to my friends.
26
00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:06,891
If you weren't a girl,
I'd beat you up.
27
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:08,059
Me, too!
28
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,827
Ooh!
29
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:12,530
Don't!
30
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:20,738
After that,
I started working out.
31
00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:22,840
We stayed best friends
throughout high school.
32
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:26,777
Yep, I was
the third-string quarterback.
33
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,681
J.D. became
the school mascot.
34
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,617
♪ Hey, what you say?
35
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,819
♪ I don't remember ♪
♪ that I hear you ♪
36
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:38,890
♪ Yeah, yeah, you, yeah, ♪
♪ you yeah, you, yeah, you ♪
37
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,959
And Darren joined
the cheerleading squad.
38
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,632
Uh, that's Sandy.
39
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,501
Yeah, Darren's always
had a thing for her.
40
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,937
When you're
up against the Warbird,
41
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,540
you're upside down!
42
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,208
Oh, that's Coach Norton.
43
00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:00,945
He was a big influence in our lives.
He taught us many things.
44
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,614
Two things you got
to remember, boys.
45
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:07,518
Number one,
stay away from women.
46
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,421
All they want from you
is your man juice.
47
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:16,260
Now, if you get any urges that you
can't suppress with hard liquor,
48
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:17,728
use this.
49
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,231
Oh, and number two?
50
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:23,267
Sportsmanship!
Sportsmanship!
51
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,736
Sportsmanship!
52
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,741
Healy! You fairy
wimp fruit bag!
53
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,410
You suck!
54
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:37,715
Lefessier!
Get out there!
55
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,585
I just gotta get my helmet.
56
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,854
Hey, guys! Guys…
Guys, I'm in!
57
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,692
He's in! Wayne!
58
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,560
Go, Wayne!
Go, Wayne!
59
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,034
Hike!
60
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,209
Oh!
61
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,379
But now we're all grown up.
62
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:19,757
J.D. is rapidly working his
way up the ladder at Subway.
63
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:23,628
You're fired!
64
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:26,764
You suck!
65
00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:30,368
Darren is the social
director at a retirement home.
66
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:31,736
"D-17."
67
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:32,903
Bingo.
68
00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,473
Bingo.
69
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:39,844
Abe, pull your pants up
or no more Matlock.
70
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,346
Oh!
71
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,115
Yoo-hoo!
72
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,316
Good mornin'.
73
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,818
And, uh, I started
my own business.
74
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,689
Okay, what are
we dealin' with here?
75
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:54,325
I don't know what it
is, but it sounds big.
76
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:57,962
Stay back.
I'm goin' in.
77
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,169
Careful, sonny.
78
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:13,544
Hey, so you're causin'
all this trouble, huh?
79
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:15,680
Come here. Hey there.
80
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:16,947
Hello.
81
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:20,685
You poor little thing, yeah.
82
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,821
Here's your ferocious beast.
83
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,924
Who is your mommy?
84
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,344
Is it dead?
85
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:51,015
No, but she is
in one deep coon coma.
86
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,660
Oh!
87
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:06,964
Don't! Don't!
Stop it!
88
00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:09,533
But we all have
one mystical thing in common,
89
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,035
our love for Neil.
90
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,637
That's our band,
Diamonds in the Rough.
91
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,975
♪ Cherry, baby, ♪
♪ she got the way to groove me ♪
92
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:27,551
♪ No, we won't tell a soul ♪
♪ where we gone to ♪
93
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:32,923
♪ Girl, we do ♪
♪ whatever we want to ♪
94
00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:38,095
♪ Ah, I love the way ♪
♪ that you do me ♪
95
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:44,735
♪ Cherry, babe, ♪
♪ you really get to me ♪
96
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:47,271
♪ She got the way ♪
♪ to move me, Cherry ♪
97
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:49,774
♪ She got the way ♪
♪ to groove me ♪
98
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,410
She got the way ♪
♪ to move me ♪
99
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:53,544
♪ Cherry, baby ♪
100
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,579
♪ She got the way ♪
♪ to groove me ♪
101
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:09,627
Hi.
Hi.
102
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,462
Hey, uh, I'm Darren.
103
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,763
Sophie.
104
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:15,499
I was wondering, maybe do you
want to grab a drink with me?
105
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,135
I'm sorry, I'm involved.
106
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,070
With a real entertainer.
107
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:31,782
I can't believe I got
blown off again.
108
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:33,384
I'm never gonna find
the right girl.
109
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:35,986
Dude, you don't want a
chick who would do a mime.
110
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:39,957
Dude, what does a mime look like
when he's having sex anyway?
111
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:44,328
It's probably like,
"Oh, oh, I'm a mime.
112
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,363
"I'm a mime."
113
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,265
Hey. Mimes don't talk.
114
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,304
They do when they're off duty.
115
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:57,575
It's not her.
It's… It's all women.
116
00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:01,579
I'm really afraid that there's
nobody out there for me.
117
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:06,183
The only girl I ever loved
walked out of my life years ago.
118
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,285
Sandy Perkus.
119
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,720
Remember her?
120
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:11,989
Her family was with the circus.
121
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,757
Her dad was the strong man.
122
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,893
Her mom was the bearded lady.
123
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:17,995
And her brother was
the dogfaced boy.
124
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,531
Bye, Darren!
125
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:22,466
Before I could muster the
courage to ask her out, she moved away.
126
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,802
Remember?
127
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,737
You know, guys, I truly believe
128
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:31,475
that there is a one-and-only
someone for everyone.
129
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,377
And Sandy.
130
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:35,012
Sandy Perkus
131
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,816
was my one and only.
132
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,384
Man, that is so romantic.
133
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:44,922
Oh, my God! Look at that
juicy, succulent peach.
134
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,828
What do you think of her?
135
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,396
Who?
Right there.
136
00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:55,032
In the red? Oh.
137
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,501
Yeah, she's gorgeous.
Go talk to her.
138
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,470
No. Okay, I'll do it for you.
139
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,338
What? Hey, wait!
140
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,374
Wayne!
141
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:04,975
Hi! I'm Wayne.
142
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,243
No!
143
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:09,046
No, you don't understand.
I'm not hittin' on ya.
144
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,180
Back off.
145
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,217
I just want to tell you
about my buddy, Darren.
146
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:15,986
He's smart. He's sensitive.
I don't care.
147
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,422
I think he'd make a wonderful husband.
I don't want to meet him.
148
00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:19,790
Great!
149
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:26,597
Dude, she wants you. She thinks
you're really cute. Really?
150
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:31,235
Yeah, she's like, "I'm so excited
to meet him," and everything.
151
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:32,269
Are you sure?
152
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,172
Totally. Get down there
and make your move.
153
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,440
Oh, I don't know.
154
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,742
Come on!
Yeah?
155
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:40,911
All right. Okay,
I'll do it.
156
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,080
Yes!
157
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:45,049
Yes.
158
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:48,986
Hi!
159
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:51,789
I'm Darren.
160
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,758
Darren. My, uh…
161
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,028
My friend said
you wanted to meet me.
162
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,063
He lied.
163
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,432
That's, uh, that's a good one.
164
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:05,202
No, seriously, I don't want to meet you.
165
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:15,879
Well, um, my friend
must have been mistaken.
166
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,950
I'm really sorry to bother you.
167
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,523
Let me guess.
168
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:30,561
That jerk tried to get in your
pants with some tacky pickup line.
169
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,830
I'm not like that.
I use magic.
170
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:35,499
Beat it, baldy.
171
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:38,369
Okay, good stuff.
Tough crowd. I like that.
172
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:43,340
I have here
two ordinary metal rings.
173
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,242
You, me.
174
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:50,280
Hello. Hello.
I "ruv" you.
175
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,983
Sorry. I forgot my beer.
176
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,787
This is my boyfriend, Darren,
so hit the bricks, porky.
177
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,556
Okay. Nice to meet you,
Darren.
178
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,125
Satan.
179
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,765
I'm really sorry about
hitting on you before, I…
180
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,733
You should be.
I am. I am.
181
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:13,070
I just…
I wasn't thinking, and, um…
182
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,874
You're so beautiful,
and I, um…
183
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,277
I'm sorry.
184
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,180
So make up for it.
Buy me a drink.
185
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,250
Yeah, okay.
I'll have a scotch.
186
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,185
Excuse me. Can you give
the lady a scotch,
187
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,586
and I'll have another beer.
188
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,822
Oh, he'll have a gin and tonic.
Make that a gin and tonic.
189
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,457
You got it.
190
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:39,530
Can you believe he hooked up
with the queen of all hotties?
191
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:42,399
Hey, they're just
havin' a drink together.
192
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,636
It's not like they're goin'
steady or anything.
193
00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:47,137
Right.
194
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:51,809
It's midnight.
Know what that means?
195
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,877
No. What?
196
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,113
It's our six-week anniversary.
197
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:57,848
Oh.
198
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,249
Did you get me anything?
199
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,184
No.
200
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,454
That's okay. That's okay.
No big deal.
201
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:07,191
But I,
202
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,626
got you a little something.
203
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:14,398
Thanks.
That's really nice.
204
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,805
You know,
I, I… I've been thinking.
205
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,507
We've been…
206
00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:26,176
Well, we've been together
for a while now,
207
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:30,447
and it seems like
maybe it's time
208
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:34,418
we get a little…
A little more intimate.
209
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,988
Are you saying
you want to have sex?
210
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:41,725
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
211
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,427
I don't believe in
premarital sex.
212
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:45,562
I'd rather not cheapen
what we have together.
213
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,166
Of course. Of course not.
Me neither.
214
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:51,435
So I think it's best to wait.
I think you're right.
215
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:54,037
I think…
I mean, you're…
216
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,706
It's best. Yeah.
217
00:12:55,741 --> 00:13:02,679
But that doesn't mean that we can't
pleasure each other in other ways.
218
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,586
Oh! I…
219
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,458
That was really great.
220
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,326
Thanks.
221
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,597
That got me pretty excited.
222
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:25,068
God! I'm so inconsiderate,
I'm sorry.
223
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:28,205
No, that's fine.
224
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:32,976
Have fun.
225
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,516
Watch your head.
This place is a dump.
226
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,352
I really don't want to do this.
227
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:45,222
No. No, come on.
It's gonna be great.
228
00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:48,525
It's our Sunday ritual, and I
want you to be part of it.
229
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,394
I want you to get
to know these guys.
230
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:52,763
You're gonna love 'em, honey.
You're gonna love 'em.
231
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:57,467
Yeah! Buddy!
What's up, dude?
232
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,902
What's up, J.D.?
233
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:02,105
Judy, awesome to meet you.
234
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:03,607
Judith.
235
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:04,842
Judith.
236
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,844
And a beer bong for the lady?
237
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:07,845
Uh, no.
238
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,148
Totally cool.
No peer pressure.
239
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,789
Judith rules!
240
00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:20,791
Sorry. Come on in.
241
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:22,659
Dude, Darren.
Check it out, chewy.
242
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,461
Yo.
243
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:26,163
You want a drink?
Hey, man.
244
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,431
Um, scotch on the rocks.
245
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:28,932
No problem, you
want ice with that?
246
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,802
I'll help him. I'll
help you with that.
247
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:35,138
Hey, Judith, can I give you
the grand tour? Uh, sure.
248
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:38,242
Let's start right here
in the Hall O' Neil.
249
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:42,312
This is Neil, '74.
Uh, check this out.
250
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:46,583
This is a set list from
the millennium concert. Look.
251
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,786
Signed by Neil.
Got that on eBay.
252
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,488
Looks like a Xerox.
253
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:54,324
No. This cost
a lot of money.
254
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,060
Check this out.
I think you got taken.
255
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,696
Ready? This shirt… Phew!
256
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,998
Was worn by Neil…
257
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,334
In concert.
258
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,670
Check it out.
We snuck backstage,
259
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:10,574
and totally stole it from him
while he was takin' a whiz.
260
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:13,577
Well, in my profession, we call
your obsession with Neil Diamond
261
00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:16,546
a delusional projection fantasy.
262
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:17,948
Yeah, sure,
263
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:21,318
but he's America's greatest
songwriter, and he's our hero.
264
00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:23,954
And he's playin' the forum
in two weeks. Yeah.
265
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,657
Of course, we can't go 'cause
of the whole, you know,
266
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:28,358
restraining order thing.
267
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:39,136
Neil, I love you!
268
00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:40,904
Come here! You again!
269
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,042
Neil! Neil! Neil!
270
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:46,810
Neil, hey!
Where ya goin'?
271
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:51,148
I wanna party with you!
I wanna party with you!
272
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:53,684
Right. Game's on. Game's on!
273
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,456
What?
I want to leave.
274
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:01,124
Sweetheart, we just got here.
275
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,160
These guys are pigs.
276
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,495
Come on.
No, they're… they're not that…
277
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:08,465
Hey. Hey!
What are you doin'?
278
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,903
Dude, if you get the nachos stuck
together, that's one nacho.
279
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:15,906
Uh, okay, look, why don't we
just stay for a little bit?
280
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:18,308
Just a little while, huh?
281
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,844
Oh, take mine.
Take mine. Take mine.
282
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,446
Give her the old sweep-a-roo.
283
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:26,683
Yep, old Ethel. We've been
through a lot of games together.
284
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,485
Enjoy.
285
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,720
Let me help you with her.
286
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,655
She's got multiple
reclining positions.
287
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,123
That's okay.
I can just sit forward.
288
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,424
Nah, that's all right.
It's a little stuck.
289
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,226
No, no, it's fine.
Takes a little muscle.
290
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,595
Come on, you
freaking piece of…
291
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,164
I don't need… I prefer…
I got it. It's no trouble.
292
00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:47,270
I'm sorry.
That hardly ever happens.
293
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:49,539
You know what? I think it's… Yep.
294
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,242
It's the lug nut.
Fixed it.
295
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:53,777
Please, have a seat.
296
00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,579
I'll stand.
297
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,581
I'm a…
298
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,817
Sorry.
299
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,886
Get me something.
Yeah.
300
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:09,559
So Darren tells me
you're a psychologist?
301
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,728
That's right.
302
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:14,698
It's interesting.
I'm in a related field.
303
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,099
Really? What's that?
304
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,301
Pest and rodent removal.
305
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:20,237
How is that related?
306
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,572
We both help people.
307
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:25,509
While you help them deal with their
emotional and intellectual needs,
308
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:29,479
I protect them from gophers,
coons, roaches, silverfish…
309
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:32,215
He launched it.
All right, touchdown!
310
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,697
I don't want you to see Wayne or J.D.
ever again, Darren.
311
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,599
What? But they're
my best friends.
312
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:54,204
You're getting new friends, and
you're quitting that bull… band.
313
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,406
I know you're upset.
I… I do,
314
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,708
but I'm not dropping
Wayne and J.D.,
315
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,311
and I'm not quitting the band.
316
00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:04,047
Okay, fine, no more sex.
317
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,182
What?
318
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,416
No, Judith, please…
319
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:09,219
Don't make me take away your
masturbation privileges.
320
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:17,260
♪ My baby is loving me, ♪
♪ yes, yes, she does ♪
321
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,030
♪ Oh, she tells me ♪
♪ all the time, oh, Cherry ♪
322
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,431
♪ All the time ♪
323
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,567
♪ She says she's going to be ♪
♪ showing me tonight ♪
324
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,403
♪ Oh, Cherry, what are you ♪
♪ going to show me? ♪
325
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:27,771
♪ Oh, baby ♪
326
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:31,608
♪ You got the way to be ♪
♪ moving me, oh, Cherry, baby ♪
327
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:33,310
You go, boys.
You sing this song.
328
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:34,544
You know it.
Come on, boys.
329
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,913
Come on! Sing it!
Sing it!
330
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,415
This blows, man!
331
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:42,018
Judith's out of control.
We gotta do somethin'.
332
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:45,055
Dude, besides ruining the
band, what else has she done?
333
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:49,292
What? Ever since she moved in with
him, she's controlled his life.
334
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:53,029
She didn't like how his ass looked.
Made him get butt cheek implants.
335
00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:00,704
I thought his ass
looked tighter.
336
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,206
Check this out.
Last night,
337
00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,442
torched his Neil Diamond albums.
338
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:07,811
She torched Neil?
339
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:08,945
Oh!
340
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,852
You're right.
The woman's a monster.
341
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,120
Two, three, four.
342
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,156
♪ Bop, bop, ba, da, da, ba, ♪
♪ da, da, ba, bop, bop ♪
343
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,825
♪ Bop, bop, ba, da, da ♪
♪ ba, da, da, ba bop, bop ♪
344
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:25,595
♪ Bop, bop, ba, da, da ♪
♪ ba, da, da, ba bop, bop ♪
345
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,308
Hey!
Yes!
346
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,110
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
347
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,478
It's all right.
348
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,613
I only have a minute. I have to
get back and wax Judith's legs.
349
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,749
We miss you.
We never see you anymore.
350
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:48,051
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry, I am,
351
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:50,620
but I've just been so happy
spending time with Judith.
352
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:54,324
You know? Plus, with my
relationship counseling sessions…
353
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,193
Counseling?
Yeah, yeah.
354
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,261
I go two hours,
three times a week.
355
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:00,063
Oh. Who's your counselor?
356
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:01,398
Judith.
357
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,000
Look. We don't think
she's right for you.
358
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,368
Break up with her.
359
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:08,104
She's ruining our lives
and yours.
360
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,340
And this graph should
illustrate our point. Look.
361
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:15,245
Before Judith, our fun level
was at an all-time high, 93.
362
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,980
It is now an eight.
363
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,282
Band numbers have plunged
dramatically as well.
364
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:22,085
Girls, never very high, at nine,
365
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,421
but look now. Two.
366
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:26,890
This has obviously led
to increased whacking off.
367
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:28,124
I'm chafing.
368
00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:31,494
I have to get home
and heat the wax.
369
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:35,265
Uh, guys, listen.
Thanks for your concern.
370
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,467
Really. And I miss you, too.
371
00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:39,703
But it was great seein' ya,
all right?
372
00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:48,912
That guy's in serious trouble.
Yeah.
373
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,548
We need to save him.
374
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,619
Sorry to bother ya.
375
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,354
What are you doing here?
376
00:20:57,389 --> 00:21:00,423
Well, first, we want to
apologize for the beer shower.
377
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,392
And the salsa bath.
That was bad.
378
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,393
Get the hell out of here.
379
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:05,996
Whoa. Wait. Just give
us a minute, okay?
380
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:08,031
My rate is $200 an hour.
381
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,667
Do you have any money?
382
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:12,836
I got some of that.
383
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,806
Just give me the big bills.
384
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,442
Six. Is that
all you have?
385
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:21,177
37, 38.
386
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,916
Two and a half minutes.
387
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:30,453
Okay, look, we don't want
you seeing Darren anymore.
388
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:31,621
We don't think
you're right for him.
389
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:32,856
The band needs him.
390
00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:35,525
But we're prepared
to buy you off.
391
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,027
With what?
392
00:21:38,063 --> 00:21:41,031
My house.
Okay? Look.
393
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:43,700
My grandma here?
394
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:47,037
She was born in this house,
is buried in the backyard.
395
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:51,708
There's my mom. There's
my dad, and there's me.
396
00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:54,344
My dad was droppin' me
on my head.
397
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:57,547
But we're willing
398
00:21:57,582 --> 00:21:59,549
to sign this over to you,
399
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:02,085
if you just agree
not to see Darren.
400
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:05,522
I don't want your old house
or your dead grandmother.
401
00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:07,190
I'll throw J.D. in.
402
00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:10,927
He doesn't look like much, but girls
call him the human power tool.
403
00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:12,896
It's true.
404
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:16,366
Look, Darren's mine. There's
nothing you can do about it.
405
00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:18,568
I own him.
He does whatever I say.
406
00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:20,103
I'm in complete control of him.
407
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:23,473
He's my puppet,
and I'm his puppet master.
408
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,175
You're not takin'
Darren away from us!
409
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:26,810
Just try to stop me.
410
00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:30,847
One round.
Winner takes Darren.
411
00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,215
You're on.
Kick her ass.
412
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,249
Go.
413
00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:35,985
You've got quite a grip.
414
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,421
You must play
a lot of pocket pool.
415
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:41,858
My guess is…
Three times a day?
416
00:22:41,893 --> 00:22:43,660
Start off with a big bang.
417
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,995
Before you know it, you're limp.
418
00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:48,898
Hey! I win. You lose.
Now get out.
419
00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:50,500
God!
420
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:51,835
God!
421
00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:02,045
Hey, check it out.
422
00:23:04,182 --> 00:23:06,449
Hey, baby.
423
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,618
Hello, ladies.
424
00:23:10,188 --> 00:23:11,821
So, uh, how much?
425
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:15,725
50 bucks for you
and 200 for your friend.
426
00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:19,462
Okay.
All right.
427
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:21,898
I want you to be laughin'
like he just said somethin'…
428
00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,802
Perfect!
429
00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:28,605
Yeah you… Slap his ass!
430
00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:32,976
That's not sexy.
431
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:40,850
Yeah!
432
00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:44,287
That's not cool.
433
00:23:48,326 --> 00:23:50,126
Look it. Look it.
434
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:52,729
That is perfect.
435
00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:55,265
Slide it in there.
436
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:56,833
This is the one.
437
00:23:57,702 --> 00:23:59,169
Nice.
438
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:02,772
- Hurry up. Let's go.
- Okay.
439
00:24:02,808 --> 00:24:05,041
Okay, mailed.
Check. Let's go.
440
00:24:05,076 --> 00:24:06,276
Don't look back!
441
00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:09,045
Hurry up! Come on!
442
00:24:09,848 --> 00:24:11,514
Hey, Judith.
How's it goin'?
443
00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:14,851
Not so good.
Look at these.
444
00:24:17,823 --> 00:24:20,223
Oh, my God.
Oh!
445
00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:24,727
He's sick.
He's perverted.
446
00:24:24,763 --> 00:24:26,129
And he's cheatin' on you.
447
00:24:26,164 --> 00:24:27,997
With two chicks.
448
00:24:28,033 --> 00:24:30,533
I don't know.
I guess I'd dump him?
449
00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:31,701
Oh, totally.
450
00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:33,203
Right?
Yeah!
451
00:24:33,238 --> 00:24:36,206
Do you guys think there's anything
weird about these photos?
452
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:39,175
Mmm, no. No, that's
Darren, all right.
453
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,044
Hey!
454
00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:44,280
Darren doesn't have a tattoo.
455
00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:47,450
Nice try, idiots.
456
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:50,587
If I ever see either one
of you near Darren again,
457
00:24:50,622 --> 00:24:51,821
I'll kill you.
458
00:25:01,266 --> 00:25:02,398
Hey, hey.
459
00:25:02,434 --> 00:25:03,533
Hey!
Hey.
460
00:25:03,568 --> 00:25:05,134
Thanks for meeting me here.
461
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:08,271
I have something really
important to tell you guys.
462
00:25:08,306 --> 00:25:10,406
Aw, man, you broke up.
463
00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:14,744
No, no, no, no.
Out of the blue,
464
00:25:14,779 --> 00:25:17,413
Judith proposed to me.
We're engaged.
465
00:25:17,449 --> 00:25:19,516
What?
Dude, congratulations.
466
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,217
Ow!
467
00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:24,854
Yeah, yeah, starting next week, I'll
be known as Mr. Darren Fessbeggler.
468
00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,557
Oh, right, 'cause you're gonna
take her last name, huh?
469
00:25:27,592 --> 00:25:29,292
Yeah.
Wow.
470
00:25:29,327 --> 00:25:33,263
Judith feels, and I think she's
got a really good point here,
471
00:25:33,298 --> 00:25:36,766
that it's sexist for the woman
to take the man's last name.
472
00:25:36,801 --> 00:25:38,701
Huh. Yeah, and anyway,
it's too late
473
00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:42,305
to make any changes because we've
already ordered the monogrammed towels.
474
00:25:42,340 --> 00:25:43,640
Right.
Yeah.
475
00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:45,341
Darren.
476
00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:48,478
Sandy? Sandy Perkus.
477
00:25:48,513 --> 00:25:50,580
Oh, my God. Darren!
Wow! Hey!
478
00:25:50,615 --> 00:25:53,883
It's been so long.
Yes, it has.
479
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:55,585
Hey, it's Wayne.
480
00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:58,187
High school, remember?
You remember?
481
00:25:58,223 --> 00:25:59,923
♪ You can dance ♪
♪ if you want to ♪
482
00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,624
♪ You can leave ♪
♪ your friends behind ♪
483
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:04,227
♪ Because if your friends don't ♪
♪ dance and if they don't dance ♪
484
00:26:04,262 --> 00:26:08,097
Oh, right,
the senior talent show.
485
00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:12,402
Yeah, you were booed
off the stage.
486
00:26:12,437 --> 00:26:13,570
That was me.
487
00:26:13,605 --> 00:26:16,739
Yep, Sandy, remember me,
J.D. McNugent?
488
00:26:16,775 --> 00:26:22,111
I was the guy who went to the prom with
the tuxedo painted on my naked body.
489
00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:24,480
Oh, I… I guess I missed it.
490
00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:29,052
I spilled a drink, and the paint
ran, and everyone could see my dong.
491
00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:32,021
It doesn't ring a bell.
492
00:26:32,057 --> 00:26:35,258
Oh, oh, oh! Remember that
time in science class,
493
00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:40,029
I was lighting farts with a Bunsen
burner, and I singed my ball sack?
494
00:26:40,065 --> 00:26:42,231
Oh. No.
495
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:46,502
Man. I still can't
grow hair on my left nut.
496
00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:48,171
It sucks.
497
00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:50,907
So how are ya?
498
00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:54,477
Oh! Great. Great.
I… I just moved back to town.
499
00:26:54,512 --> 00:26:56,045
Oh, wow, that's great.
500
00:26:56,081 --> 00:26:59,248
Sandy! Oh, gosh,
I have to go, but…
501
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:00,984
It was… It was great
seeing you.
502
00:27:01,019 --> 00:27:03,786
Yeah, same here.
Me, too.
503
00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:05,955
Bye.
Bye.
504
00:27:05,991 --> 00:27:08,524
Take care.
Yeah. Okay, bye.
505
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,394
Awesome.
Yeah, bye! Bye.
506
00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:13,830
Wow.
507
00:27:13,865 --> 00:27:16,633
Oh, my God!
This is it!
508
00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:18,167
What?
509
00:27:18,203 --> 00:27:21,437
It's your big chance. Sandy Perkus
has just walked back into your life.
510
00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:24,874
You even said so yourself. She
was your one-and-only someone!
511
00:27:24,909 --> 00:27:26,175
She used to be.
512
00:27:26,211 --> 00:27:28,878
Now Judith is
my one-and-only someone.
513
00:27:28,913 --> 00:27:31,514
Okay, I'll… I'll talk
to you guys later, okay?
514
00:27:32,584 --> 00:27:35,451
Isn't one-and-only like one…
515
00:27:36,788 --> 00:27:38,721
And only?
516
00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:48,031
Here's your drink.
Where's the lemon wedge?
517
00:27:48,066 --> 00:27:50,600
Sorry. We were out of lemons,
but I could run to the store.
518
00:27:50,635 --> 00:27:54,470
Forget it. I want you to
meet two exciting people.
519
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,507
Brett is a tax attorney,
and Clayton's a CPA.
520
00:27:57,542 --> 00:28:00,276
Wow. That… That is…
That is exciting.
521
00:28:00,311 --> 00:28:02,145
This is my fiancé, Darren.
522
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:03,680
Pleased to meet you. Same here.
523
00:28:03,715 --> 00:28:05,148
Congratulations.
Thank you.
524
00:28:05,183 --> 00:28:07,083
Oh, excuse me. I'll get that.
525
00:28:11,823 --> 00:28:12,855
Hi.
526
00:28:12,891 --> 00:28:14,891
Hi. Is, uh,
Darren here?
527
00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:17,694
I think he left
his Vespa helmet.
528
00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:18,961
What's goin' on?
529
00:28:18,997 --> 00:28:20,496
We're having
our engagement party.
530
00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:26,035
Oh, then I guess our invitations
must have been lost in the mail.
531
00:28:26,071 --> 00:28:29,272
No, I think it's very
possible, Wayne,
532
00:28:29,307 --> 00:28:32,308
that she didn't even
send us invitations.
533
00:28:33,511 --> 00:28:34,744
Thanks for stopping by.
534
00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:36,546
Who's Darren talkin' to?
535
00:28:36,581 --> 00:28:38,347
Those are his new friends.
536
00:28:40,485 --> 00:28:41,751
Oh, hey, guys.
537
00:28:41,786 --> 00:28:44,487
Oh, good. I'll have a merlot.
I'll have a spritzer.
538
00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:45,722
We don't work here.
539
00:28:45,757 --> 00:28:49,492
Fooled me. Okay, my name is
Brett, and this is Clayton.
540
00:28:49,527 --> 00:28:50,359
And this is Darren.
541
00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:53,563
Yeah, we know
who he is, Clayton.
542
00:28:53,598 --> 00:28:55,865
Darren's our friend, Brett.
543
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:59,535
We knew him first.
Die, replacement friend!
544
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:01,170
Eat this, fake Wayne!
545
00:29:14,519 --> 00:29:16,152
Get out of here!
546
00:29:22,727 --> 00:29:24,160
Hey! This isn't over yet!
547
00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:27,363
We're not givin' up on Darren!
Yeah!
548
00:29:27,398 --> 00:29:30,099
Come on! Yeah, ha!
549
00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:36,906
She thinks this game is over.
550
00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:38,941
It's not over! No!
551
00:29:38,977 --> 00:29:41,444
We are taking
this into overtime!
552
00:29:41,479 --> 00:29:43,179
Come on! Yeah, ha!
553
00:29:43,214 --> 00:29:45,815
Yeah! Okay,
strategy session.
554
00:29:45,850 --> 00:29:47,750
Okay, our enemy is wicked.
555
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,285
Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
556
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,154
Damien.
Dude, she's Vader.
557
00:29:51,189 --> 00:29:53,022
No! She's the Emperor!
558
00:29:53,057 --> 00:29:54,624
Yeah, but with
really great tits.
559
00:29:54,659 --> 00:29:57,693
Okay, now, Sandy, that
girl, she's a nice girl.
560
00:29:57,729 --> 00:29:58,795
Oh, yeah.
561
00:29:58,830 --> 00:30:00,696
She's a sweetheart.
Dude, a saint.
562
00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:02,031
She's a goddess.
A princess.
563
00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:05,134
Know what, she's kind
of like Mother Teresa.
564
00:30:05,170 --> 00:30:06,669
Yeah, but with way better tits.
565
00:30:06,704 --> 00:30:10,973
And Darren loves Sandy, no
matter what he says. Definitely.
566
00:30:11,009 --> 00:30:13,242
That is why we have to intervene…
Yep.
567
00:30:13,278 --> 00:30:15,111
And fix the problem!
Definitely!
568
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:17,513
All right! Yeah!
569
00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:20,550
We're gonna kidnap Judith
and set Darren up with Sandy.
570
00:30:20,585 --> 00:30:22,251
Yeah!
571
00:30:23,955 --> 00:30:25,254
What?
572
00:30:30,762 --> 00:30:33,663
The bat is leaving the cave.
573
00:30:34,098 --> 00:30:36,265
Roger that.
574
00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:47,276
Gaw…
575
00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:48,711
Uh?
576
00:30:52,784 --> 00:30:56,219
Alarm system has been deactivated. Out.
577
00:30:56,254 --> 00:30:59,155
Roger that.
578
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:00,690
Dude, you don't
have to do the…
579
00:31:00,725 --> 00:31:01,791
Sound.
580
00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,759
It already does that. Out.
581
00:31:03,795 --> 00:31:06,362
Copy that. I'm not gonna make the
582
00:31:06,397 --> 00:31:09,065
sound after I say stuff
from now on.
583
00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:12,735
J.D. McNugent,
over and out.
584
00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,738
That was the last one.
585
00:31:26,784 --> 00:31:28,918
I'm scared. What if we get caught?
586
00:31:28,953 --> 00:31:30,319
Not gonna happen.
587
00:31:36,494 --> 00:31:38,127
I'm hungry.
588
00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:40,029
We'll eat later.
589
00:31:40,064 --> 00:31:41,964
Could we go to Happy Burger?
590
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,066
Yes, after the kidnapping.
591
00:31:44,102 --> 00:31:46,569
I'm gonna get a Chubby Checker with…
Shh!
592
00:31:48,506 --> 00:31:49,572
With cheese.
593
00:32:06,557 --> 00:32:07,623
What?
594
00:32:15,967 --> 00:32:18,167
You go downstairs.
I'll check upstairs.
595
00:32:18,202 --> 00:32:20,403
Do the Navy SEALs signals.
Come on.
596
00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:23,639
I only know
the Air Force signals.
597
00:32:23,675 --> 00:32:26,776
I'm gonna be on lookout.
Shh! God.
598
00:32:35,353 --> 00:32:37,253
I haven't located her yet.
599
00:32:37,288 --> 00:32:38,821
Me neither.
600
00:32:38,856 --> 00:32:40,256
Keep checking.
601
00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:44,560
Wait a second, I think I see something
in the back of the refrig…
602
00:32:45,330 --> 00:32:47,630
In the back of the closet.
603
00:32:47,665 --> 00:32:49,198
Check it out.
604
00:32:49,233 --> 00:32:51,600
Nope. Coast is clear.
605
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:53,602
I'm gonna keep lookin'
down here, buddy.
606
00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:55,838
You keep an eye peeled up there.
607
00:33:11,689 --> 00:33:14,490
Ow! Oh!
608
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,326
What is it?
609
00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:19,895
I'm hit.
I need backup.
610
00:33:21,099 --> 00:33:22,531
I'm comin'.
611
00:33:25,670 --> 00:33:26,702
What happened?
612
00:33:51,729 --> 00:33:52,862
Ow!
613
00:33:53,831 --> 00:33:55,664
Help!
614
00:34:11,182 --> 00:34:13,215
Dead leg.
615
00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:17,853
Help me, Wayne!
616
00:34:24,195 --> 00:34:25,594
Oh, my God!
617
00:34:37,508 --> 00:34:40,910
Get the door. Get the door.
618
00:35:05,002 --> 00:35:06,402
Judith?
619
00:35:09,574 --> 00:35:10,639
Judith?
620
00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:15,778
"Darren, I'm leaving you.
We're finished. Done.
621
00:35:15,813 --> 00:35:17,980
"Don't call, write,
e-mail or fax.
622
00:35:18,015 --> 00:35:21,717
"I never want to see your face
or your fake butt again."
623
00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:54,316
Okay, get down there.
624
00:35:54,352 --> 00:35:56,585
Dude, wait. Why me?
625
00:35:56,621 --> 00:35:58,787
Because you're in charge
of guarding Judith.
626
00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:00,890
I'm dealing
with Darren and Sandy.
627
00:36:00,925 --> 00:36:02,358
But when we let her go,
628
00:36:02,393 --> 00:36:04,026
she'll be able to identify me.
629
00:36:04,061 --> 00:36:07,997
No, she, uh, won't be able to,
'cause you'll be wearing this.
630
00:36:08,032 --> 00:36:09,532
But after we let Judith go,
631
00:36:09,567 --> 00:36:11,834
the cops will be looking for
a guy dressed in a bird suit.
632
00:36:11,869 --> 00:36:14,503
So? So what am I
gonna wear to work?
633
00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:16,038
Your work clothes.
634
00:36:16,073 --> 00:36:18,741
But tomorrow's casual Friday.
635
00:36:18,776 --> 00:36:20,843
Get downstairs!
636
00:36:27,618 --> 00:36:29,351
Who the hell are you?
637
00:36:43,334 --> 00:36:46,035
Hi.
Hey, Sandy!
638
00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:48,871
Hi.
Hi, yeah.
639
00:36:48,906 --> 00:36:51,907
Thanks for meeting me. I know I
just called you out of the blue.
640
00:36:51,943 --> 00:36:53,008
That's okay.
641
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:55,377
I love catching up with
old high school friends.
642
00:36:55,413 --> 00:36:57,613
Yeah.
Are you single?
643
00:36:57,648 --> 00:36:58,948
Yes.
644
00:36:58,983 --> 00:37:02,551
Great. Look, I wanted to talk
to you about Darren Silverman.
645
00:37:02,587 --> 00:37:04,086
He's a really good guy. Ah.
646
00:37:04,121 --> 00:37:07,356
You know what? He works
with the elderly.
647
00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:08,958
Really!
Yeah.
648
00:37:08,993 --> 00:37:10,092
That is so sweet.
649
00:37:10,127 --> 00:37:11,994
You know, he still talks
about you all the time.
650
00:37:12,029 --> 00:37:13,762
Oh, Wayne, there's
something I need to…
651
00:37:13,798 --> 00:37:15,698
He even writes poems about you.
652
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:19,301
In fact, I think he loves you.
653
00:37:19,337 --> 00:37:22,004
Wayne, I'm going
to become a nun.
654
00:37:22,039 --> 00:37:23,172
Huh?
655
00:37:23,207 --> 00:37:24,273
Yeah.
656
00:37:24,308 --> 00:37:26,475
In a week I take my final vows.
657
00:37:26,510 --> 00:37:29,812
I didn't even know
that you were religious.
658
00:37:29,847 --> 00:37:31,814
Oh, well, I wasn't
in high school.
659
00:37:31,849 --> 00:37:36,318
But after I graduated, I went and I
joined my parents in the circus.
660
00:37:36,354 --> 00:37:38,120
And I became a trapeze artist.
661
00:37:39,557 --> 00:37:42,258
I fell in love with
my partner, Luigi Panini.
662
00:37:42,293 --> 00:37:46,528
Ladies and
gentlemen, the fabulous Luigi!
663
00:37:46,564 --> 00:37:49,531
Everything was perfect, until…
664
00:37:49,567 --> 00:37:51,900
Well, there were these
talent scouts in the audience.
665
00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:54,236
Luigi wanted to impress them.
666
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,871
He was a great trapeze artist,
667
00:37:55,906 --> 00:37:57,606
but he was completely vain.
668
00:37:57,642 --> 00:38:00,676
And now Luigi will
attempt the most dangerous stunt
669
00:38:00,711 --> 00:38:02,678
in the history of trapeze,
670
00:38:02,713 --> 00:38:04,947
the Quadruple Bierman.
671
00:38:20,898 --> 00:38:22,965
Luigi!
672
00:38:25,369 --> 00:38:27,336
Wow.
Yeah.
673
00:38:27,371 --> 00:38:31,707
After Luigi died, I knew I
would never love again.
674
00:38:31,742 --> 00:38:36,912
That's when I decided to devote my life
to serving the Lord and helping others.
675
00:38:36,947 --> 00:38:41,150
So you haven't taken your
final vows yet, right?
676
00:38:41,185 --> 00:38:42,084
Right.
677
00:38:42,119 --> 00:38:46,221
So, technically,
you're not a nun yet.
678
00:38:46,257 --> 00:38:48,724
Well, no.
I mean, not yet.
679
00:38:48,759 --> 00:38:52,094
So why not just have
lunch with Darren?
680
00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:56,732
I just can't figure out
why Judith left.
681
00:38:56,767 --> 00:38:58,634
It doesn't make any sense.
682
00:38:58,669 --> 00:39:00,235
She didn't even
take her clothes.
683
00:39:00,271 --> 00:39:02,738
Maybe she went someplace
where she didn't need clothes,
684
00:39:02,773 --> 00:39:04,440
like a nudist colony.
685
00:39:04,475 --> 00:39:07,209
I don't think so.
Maybe she got kidnapped.
686
00:39:07,244 --> 00:39:08,444
You think?
687
00:39:08,479 --> 00:39:10,646
No, no. Definitely not.
688
00:39:10,681 --> 00:39:12,481
That's impossible.
That's like…
689
00:39:12,516 --> 00:39:15,150
Why would that happen
in a world?
690
00:39:16,220 --> 00:39:17,653
Hey!
691
00:39:18,456 --> 00:39:20,222
Guess who I bumped into today?
692
00:39:20,257 --> 00:39:24,560
Who? Sandy Perkus, and
she wants to see you.
693
00:39:24,595 --> 00:39:26,362
I'm engaged to Judith, Wayne.
694
00:39:26,397 --> 00:39:27,830
She dumped you, dude.
695
00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:30,999
Just have lunch with Sandy.
What's it gonna hurt?
696
00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:34,203
No way.
Judith's coming back.
697
00:39:34,238 --> 00:39:35,637
Yeah, what if she doesn't?
698
00:39:35,673 --> 00:39:39,007
As long as Judith's alive,
I'll never give up on her.
699
00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:40,542
Okay? Okay?
700
00:39:45,816 --> 00:39:48,584
I got it. Crowbar me.
701
00:39:52,189 --> 00:39:53,922
Oh, my God.
What is it?
702
00:39:53,958 --> 00:39:56,692
This dead chick
is really stacked.
703
00:40:02,133 --> 00:40:03,832
Okay, go, go, go.
704
00:40:04,969 --> 00:40:07,236
What are you doin'?
Jacket's caught.
705
00:40:07,271 --> 00:40:08,537
Well, take it off.
706
00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:10,572
I love this jacket!
707
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:12,207
Lose it!
708
00:40:15,479 --> 00:40:18,647
Oh, why, why, why?
709
00:40:28,893 --> 00:40:32,928
Damn. That was
my favorite jacket.
710
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,835
A bizarre incident last night. Local
resident, Judith Fessbeggler,
711
00:40:39,870 --> 00:40:42,871
was incinerated beyond
recognition when her BMW
712
00:40:42,907 --> 00:40:45,107
careened off a cliff
into a rocky gorge.
713
00:40:45,142 --> 00:40:46,975
Investigators have
declared it an accident,
714
00:40:47,011 --> 00:40:49,445
and no foul play is suspected.
715
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:55,083
And in unrelated news, the body of
deceased local resident Joan Snerd
716
00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:57,786
was dug up in an apparent
grave robbing last night.
717
00:40:57,822 --> 00:41:00,422
Police have arrested
three Cuban nationals.
718
00:41:11,569 --> 00:41:12,935
Why are you doin' this?
719
00:41:12,970 --> 00:41:15,571
So you can eat and have
somethin' to wear.
720
00:41:15,606 --> 00:41:17,473
No, why did you kidnap me?
721
00:41:17,508 --> 00:41:18,874
I'm not supposed to tell ya.
722
00:41:18,909 --> 00:41:22,311
Oh, I get it.
The other guy is the boss.
723
00:41:23,914 --> 00:41:26,381
No, I make decisions, too.
724
00:41:27,251 --> 00:41:28,750
I suggested that.
725
00:41:29,453 --> 00:41:31,153
An outhouse. Clever.
726
00:41:31,188 --> 00:41:32,020
Thanks.
727
00:41:32,056 --> 00:41:34,089
You must be very well-educated.
728
00:41:34,124 --> 00:41:35,157
I suppose.
729
00:41:35,192 --> 00:41:36,258
Ivy league?
730
00:41:36,293 --> 00:41:37,192
More or less.
731
00:41:37,228 --> 00:41:39,361
Oh, which one?
Yale, Harvard, Princeton?
732
00:41:39,396 --> 00:41:40,629
SU.
733
00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,097
Oh, Stanford University?
734
00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:46,335
Subway University.
735
00:41:46,370 --> 00:41:48,871
Oh, yeah, wait. I know
someone who went there.
736
00:41:48,906 --> 00:41:50,506
Did you know
J.D. McNugent?
737
00:41:50,541 --> 00:41:52,140
No, no.
738
00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:54,343
Never heard of
such a person ever!
739
00:41:54,378 --> 00:41:55,844
Oh, well.
740
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,479
Well, see you
later, J.D.
741
00:41:57,515 --> 00:41:58,981
Take it easy, Judith.
742
00:42:00,718 --> 00:42:02,651
Goddamnit!
743
00:42:02,686 --> 00:42:04,152
She knows who we are?
744
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:06,054
Dude, there was nothin'
I could do.
745
00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:08,524
She used her super
intellect on me, man.
746
00:42:08,559 --> 00:42:09,758
She's like Hannibal Lecter.
747
00:42:09,793 --> 00:42:11,760
Great. Now we can't
let her go.
748
00:42:11,795 --> 00:42:13,662
So what are we gonna do?
749
00:42:15,165 --> 00:42:16,932
Coach! Coach! Hey!
750
00:42:16,967 --> 00:42:19,234
Well! If it ain't my favorite
third-string quarterback.
751
00:42:19,270 --> 00:42:22,137
And the best damn mascot
Wheaton High School ever had.
752
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,606
He's still got it.
753
00:42:24,642 --> 00:42:25,741
All right.
754
00:42:25,776 --> 00:42:27,309
It's good seein' you boys.
755
00:42:27,344 --> 00:42:29,478
I want to thank you
for comin' to my trial.
756
00:42:29,513 --> 00:42:30,913
Oh no problem, Coach.
757
00:42:30,948 --> 00:42:33,148
We were happy to act as
witnesses on your behalf.
758
00:42:33,183 --> 00:42:36,218
Yeah, that ref blew.
He deserved what he got.
759
00:42:39,857 --> 00:42:41,189
Touchdown!
760
00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:44,359
No touchdown! No touchdown!
He's out of bounds!
761
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,094
What?
Out of bounds!
762
00:42:49,700 --> 00:42:51,400
Oh!
763
00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:55,871
Whoops.
764
00:43:00,444 --> 00:43:02,978
Coach, do you think
after you get out of prison
765
00:43:03,013 --> 00:43:05,480
they'll let you get
your old job back?
766
00:43:05,516 --> 00:43:08,183
Well, boys, I don't think so.
767
00:43:08,218 --> 00:43:10,552
So when are they
gonna let you out?
768
00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:12,421
Well, I've got
an appeal pending,
769
00:43:12,456 --> 00:43:14,089
but it doesn't look good.
770
00:43:14,124 --> 00:43:17,492
The victim's whiny
family's protesting.
771
00:43:17,528 --> 00:43:19,661
What's their damn problem?
772
00:43:19,697 --> 00:43:21,997
So what brings you boys
up here today?
773
00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:24,399
Well, Coach,
we need your advice.
774
00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:25,834
Okay, shoot.
775
00:43:25,869 --> 00:43:28,604
Darren fell in love
with this girl Judith.
776
00:43:28,639 --> 00:43:30,706
And we kidnapped her.
777
00:43:30,741 --> 00:43:32,140
Kill her.
778
00:43:32,176 --> 00:43:34,509
Okay, just wait a minute.
Let me finish.
779
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:38,413
So, we screwed up, 'cause
now she knows who we are.
780
00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:41,783
We can't let her go,
or she'll turn us in.
781
00:43:41,819 --> 00:43:43,585
Is that it?
That everything?
782
00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:45,153
Yeah.
783
00:43:45,189 --> 00:43:46,388
Hmm.
784
00:43:46,423 --> 00:43:47,556
Kill her!
785
00:43:47,591 --> 00:43:50,425
Well, we can't kill her.
786
00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:51,860
Sure, you can!
787
00:43:51,895 --> 00:43:53,929
You're Wheaton Warbirds. You can
do anything you put your minds to.
788
00:43:53,964 --> 00:43:55,597
Yeah, but, Coach, come on.
789
00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:57,799
We can't actually kill a person.
790
00:43:57,835 --> 00:44:00,569
What is it that I always said?
791
00:44:00,604 --> 00:44:03,438
If you can dream
it, you can do it.
792
00:44:03,474 --> 00:44:04,473
Exactly!
793
00:44:04,508 --> 00:44:05,874
You have the dream.
794
00:44:05,909 --> 00:44:08,844
All you have to do is
turn it into reality.
795
00:44:08,879 --> 00:44:10,579
Okay.
Attaboy!
796
00:44:10,614 --> 00:44:12,681
Now go on home and snuff her!
797
00:44:12,716 --> 00:44:14,082
Come on, move.
Thanks, Coach.
798
00:44:14,118 --> 00:44:16,218
Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!
799
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,257
Where's your bird suit?
800
00:44:22,292 --> 00:44:25,227
I don't need it,
because we're…
801
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:28,797
Because we're
gonna kill you, right?
802
00:44:28,832 --> 00:44:29,998
Right.
803
00:44:31,368 --> 00:44:33,301
You guys aren't gonna shoot me.
804
00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:35,637
Oh, yeah?
What makes you say that?
805
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,838
Because you're not killers.
806
00:44:36,874 --> 00:44:38,273
Sure, we are.
807
00:44:38,308 --> 00:44:39,975
You've never killed anyone.
808
00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:41,843
I killed a man once.
Oh, really?
809
00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:43,378
Yeah.
Who?
810
00:44:43,414 --> 00:44:45,080
Kevin Beckley.
811
00:44:45,115 --> 00:44:48,083
You didn't kill Kevin Beckley.
He died in a car wreck.
812
00:44:49,319 --> 00:44:51,753
She doesn't know that.
God damn it.
813
00:44:51,789 --> 00:44:55,157
You see? You guys have never killed
anything in your entire lives.
814
00:44:55,192 --> 00:44:57,526
Oh, yeah?
One time I was drivin',
815
00:44:57,561 --> 00:44:59,428
and this squirrel
ran out in the street.
816
00:44:59,463 --> 00:45:00,729
And I ran over him.
817
00:45:00,764 --> 00:45:02,631
He didn't die right then,
but he was limpin' and stuff.
818
00:45:02,666 --> 00:45:04,466
I'm pretty sure he
died right after that.
819
00:45:04,501 --> 00:45:06,034
Look.
820
00:45:06,070 --> 00:45:08,236
It doesn't matter whether
we've killed anybody or not.
821
00:45:08,272 --> 00:45:10,906
We're gonna do it
right now! Ready?
822
00:45:10,941 --> 00:45:12,174
Ready!
823
00:45:13,977 --> 00:45:15,277
Well, do it.
824
00:45:15,312 --> 00:45:17,212
I can't!
God!
825
00:45:17,247 --> 00:45:18,613
God damn it!
826
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,458
Okay, it's Tuesday!
827
00:45:29,493 --> 00:45:30,392
So?
828
00:45:30,427 --> 00:45:32,828
So you're meetin'
Sandy for lunch.
829
00:45:32,863 --> 00:45:34,329
Can't you see I'm in mourning?
830
00:45:34,364 --> 00:45:36,698
Right, but you promised
you'd be there.
831
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:38,333
You gave her your word.
832
00:45:38,368 --> 00:45:40,102
I didn't even talk to her.
833
00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:42,871
Okay, I gave her your word.
834
00:45:42,906 --> 00:45:44,439
For God sakes, Wayne.
835
00:45:44,475 --> 00:45:47,676
When are you gonna give up on this
idea that I'll go out with Sandy?
836
00:45:47,711 --> 00:45:49,945
When you go out with Sandy.
837
00:45:51,515 --> 00:45:53,315
Now come on.
838
00:45:54,485 --> 00:45:56,351
Come on…
839
00:45:56,386 --> 00:45:59,154
come on…
840
00:45:59,189 --> 00:46:03,825
Hey! Come on.
Come on…
841
00:46:03,861 --> 00:46:07,629
come on…
842
00:46:07,664 --> 00:46:09,464
Alright!
Come on!
843
00:46:11,368 --> 00:46:13,001
Darren. Hi.
844
00:46:13,036 --> 00:46:16,738
Sandy, hey! Wow.
You're wearin' the…
845
00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:19,074
I'm training to become a nun.
846
00:46:19,109 --> 00:46:22,077
A nun?
Well, that explains it.
847
00:46:22,112 --> 00:46:24,079
I hope it doesn't freak you out.
848
00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:27,415
No, it doesn't.
Actually, I'm relieved.
849
00:46:27,451 --> 00:46:31,620
I think Wayne was tryin'
to set us up on a date.
850
00:46:31,655 --> 00:46:34,890
Oh, yeah. He's
got some crazy ideas.
851
00:46:34,925 --> 00:46:39,928
Yeah. Now that I know
that you're unavailable,
852
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:41,797
it makes this easier.
853
00:46:41,832 --> 00:46:42,998
We can just be friends.
854
00:46:43,033 --> 00:46:45,634
Yeah.
Exactly, friends.
855
00:46:45,669 --> 00:46:47,135
Please.
856
00:46:47,171 --> 00:46:49,604
Oh, uh, thank you.
Sure.
857
00:46:50,774 --> 00:46:51,907
So how are your parents?
858
00:46:51,942 --> 00:46:53,408
Oh, great.
859
00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:55,644
They're making a fortune
on the Internet.
860
00:46:55,679 --> 00:46:59,014
They started their own
website, circusfreak.com.
861
00:46:59,049 --> 00:47:00,916
Wow. Good for them.
862
00:47:00,951 --> 00:47:02,751
So, how are you?
863
00:47:02,786 --> 00:47:04,986
Me? I'm… I'm great.
864
00:47:05,022 --> 00:47:08,623
Yeah, everything's been
really good, you know?
865
00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:09,691
Yeah.
866
00:47:11,528 --> 00:47:13,762
Well, my fiancée died.
867
00:47:13,797 --> 00:47:15,997
She died?
Yeah, she's dead.
868
00:47:16,033 --> 00:47:18,066
I am so sorry.
Don't be.
869
00:47:18,101 --> 00:47:19,968
Please don't be sorry.
870
00:47:20,003 --> 00:47:22,370
It's… It's nothing.
871
00:47:24,007 --> 00:47:26,274
So how do you feel about…
872
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:30,345
Oh.
873
00:47:31,582 --> 00:47:34,883
Oh, no. Oh, gosh.
874
00:47:34,918 --> 00:47:36,818
Just cry.
Okay.
875
00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:38,053
Let it out.
Uh-huh.
876
00:47:38,088 --> 00:47:41,423
I'm here for you, okay?
I'm here for you.
877
00:47:41,458 --> 00:47:42,457
Thank you.
878
00:47:43,794 --> 00:47:48,663
♪ Hello, my friend, hello ♪
879
00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:52,701
♪ It's good to need you so
880
00:47:52,736 --> 00:47:54,836
Wait a minute. Wait.
881
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:56,805
You're a Neil Diamond fan, too?
882
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,007
Oh, the man's a genius.
883
00:47:59,042 --> 00:48:05,013
Yeah, he's… he's the greatest
songwriter/performer of this or any generation.
884
00:48:05,048 --> 00:48:06,147
I know.
885
00:48:06,183 --> 00:48:09,618
♪ It's good to love you ♪
886
00:48:09,653 --> 00:48:11,319
♪ Like I do ♪
887
00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:13,455
♪ And to feel this way ♪
888
00:48:13,490 --> 00:48:16,458
♪ When I hear you say ♪
889
00:48:16,493 --> 00:48:18,393
♪ Hello ♪
890
00:48:18,929 --> 00:48:20,996
Oh, God. Wow.
891
00:48:21,665 --> 00:48:23,498
I could've been free.
892
00:48:24,368 --> 00:48:25,400
Hey.
893
00:48:27,905 --> 00:48:29,571
I brought you some more videos.
894
00:48:29,606 --> 00:48:32,307
You got your choice,
porno or monster trucks.
895
00:48:32,342 --> 00:48:34,409
Oh, and I got one that's both.
Thanks, J.D.
896
00:48:34,444 --> 00:48:37,612
Hey. I really appreciate
you taking care of me.
897
00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:39,247
My pleasure.
898
00:48:39,283 --> 00:48:42,851
Hey, you strike me as
a pretty responsible guy.
899
00:48:42,886 --> 00:48:44,085
Uh, thanks.
900
00:48:44,121 --> 00:48:45,153
Yeah, that's why I'm surprised
901
00:48:45,188 --> 00:48:48,056
that you let Wayne
boss you around.
902
00:48:49,326 --> 00:48:51,459
Wayne's not…
No… He…
903
00:48:51,495 --> 00:48:54,329
No one bosses me around.
Wayne's not the boss of me.
904
00:48:54,364 --> 00:48:58,800
Yeah, I think that you seem
depressed and confused.
905
00:48:58,835 --> 00:48:59,768
You think?
906
00:48:59,803 --> 00:49:01,136
Not to mention, I think
you're suffering from
907
00:49:01,171 --> 00:49:03,171
a self-defeating
personality disorder.
908
00:49:03,206 --> 00:49:05,073
Whoa.
Mmm-hmm.
909
00:49:05,108 --> 00:49:06,808
Have you considered therapy?
910
00:49:08,445 --> 00:49:11,379
And ever since then, I've been
afraid of toilets. Right.
911
00:49:11,415 --> 00:49:13,982
What else can I tell you
about the second grade?
912
00:49:14,017 --> 00:49:15,984
You know what J.D.?
Let's fast-forward.
913
00:49:16,019 --> 00:49:18,486
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Yes.
914
00:49:19,089 --> 00:49:20,255
No.
915
00:49:20,290 --> 00:49:23,625
Have you ever fantasized
about having sex with a man?
916
00:49:23,660 --> 00:49:25,093
Which man?
Any man.
917
00:49:25,128 --> 00:49:26,661
You mean like a tall man?
918
00:49:26,697 --> 00:49:27,796
Sure, whatever.
919
00:49:27,831 --> 00:49:29,331
'Cause I don't like tall people.
They bother me.
920
00:49:29,366 --> 00:49:30,799
Okay, how about a short man?
921
00:49:30,834 --> 00:49:32,067
How short?
922
00:49:32,102 --> 00:49:35,370
Sometimes people can be too short.
That's weird. Like…
923
00:49:35,405 --> 00:49:38,039
Have you ever fantasized about
having sex with any man?
924
00:49:38,075 --> 00:49:39,441
Any man at all?
925
00:49:39,476 --> 00:49:42,677
Does that include celebrities?
926
00:49:42,713 --> 00:49:46,448
I remember in high school, you
were really into helping people.
927
00:49:46,483 --> 00:49:48,917
At parties, you were always
the designated driver.
928
00:49:48,952 --> 00:49:52,387
Right. And I remember you
were a really good dancer.
929
00:49:52,422 --> 00:49:56,324
And strong, too. You used to be
able to lift me up over your head.
930
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,259
Mmm. Still can.
931
00:49:58,295 --> 00:49:59,894
Oh, really?
Mmm-hmm.
932
00:50:00,630 --> 00:50:02,797
Ready? And…
933
00:50:02,833 --> 00:50:04,399
Whoa! Whoa!
934
00:50:07,137 --> 00:50:08,770
Oh, Darren!
Help me!
935
00:50:08,805 --> 00:50:10,338
Are you okay?
936
00:50:10,374 --> 00:50:12,974
I can't…
Just hang on.
937
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:14,743
Swim.
I can't swim.
938
00:50:31,528 --> 00:50:35,230
Darren! Darren!
Are you okay?
939
00:50:35,265 --> 00:50:38,933
Thank you.
Thank you for saving me.
940
00:50:38,969 --> 00:50:41,736
No problem.
941
00:50:51,314 --> 00:50:55,316
Let it out now.
There you go.
942
00:50:57,387 --> 00:51:00,255
Come on.
Let's go, okay?
943
00:51:03,693 --> 00:51:06,327
You're a lot stronger than
you were in high school.
944
00:51:06,363 --> 00:51:09,764
Yeah, well, the convent's
got a great gym.
945
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:11,533
Oh.
Yeah.
946
00:51:13,003 --> 00:51:17,005
I always knew I was different,
and now I know why!
947
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,641
I'm gay!
948
00:51:19,676 --> 00:51:23,611
You're the only person who's
ever truly understood me!
949
00:51:23,647 --> 00:51:25,547
I know. It's okay.
950
00:51:25,582 --> 00:51:29,384
Just let it out.
Everything's gonna be okay.
951
00:51:29,419 --> 00:51:32,020
It's all gonna be okay.
952
00:51:32,055 --> 00:51:33,655
It's gonna be just…
953
00:51:48,038 --> 00:51:49,137
Oh!
954
00:51:49,172 --> 00:51:50,438
Hey!
955
00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:02,317
Hey! Stop!
956
00:52:02,352 --> 00:52:04,919
Wayne?
957
00:52:06,256 --> 00:52:07,755
Wayne!
958
00:52:12,162 --> 00:52:14,028
Judith escaped!
959
00:52:14,931 --> 00:52:16,598
Durr!
960
00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:22,837
Get to the truck.
961
00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:33,448
Judith?
962
00:52:38,188 --> 00:52:40,855
Okay, she can't be far.
963
00:52:42,225 --> 00:52:43,358
I see her!
964
00:52:43,393 --> 00:52:46,027
Where? Okay, steady!
Steady!
965
00:52:48,231 --> 00:52:49,664
I missed her.
966
00:52:53,770 --> 00:52:54,602
Gah!
967
00:52:54,638 --> 00:52:56,638
Now, let's go, go, go!
968
00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:59,407
You go this way! I'll go that way!
All right!
969
00:53:05,348 --> 00:53:06,414
Hey!
970
00:53:06,449 --> 00:53:09,317
Open up!
I've been kidnapped!
971
00:53:11,388 --> 00:53:13,154
Hold your goddamn horses.
972
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:15,056
Oh, thank God.
Hurry up.
973
00:53:15,091 --> 00:53:16,591
Oh.
974
00:53:19,329 --> 00:53:21,863
Tonight Mr. Chang gets lucky.
975
00:53:23,767 --> 00:53:26,367
Young lady,
so horny, so impatient.
976
00:53:31,107 --> 00:53:33,141
Oh, scrotum!
977
00:53:34,945 --> 00:53:38,479
Dude, she's stealing
the truck! Come on!
978
00:53:41,918 --> 00:53:42,884
Now! Do her!
979
00:53:42,919 --> 00:53:43,985
I got her!
980
00:53:44,754 --> 00:53:46,154
I got her!
981
00:53:55,498 --> 00:53:57,599
Okay, Judith, it's over.
982
00:53:57,634 --> 00:54:01,102
You might as well turn this thing
around and head back to the house.
983
00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:02,070
Now, come on…
Hey!
984
00:54:09,312 --> 00:54:10,411
Ah!
985
00:54:14,351 --> 00:54:16,017
Oh, thank God.
986
00:54:38,241 --> 00:54:41,242
Hi, officers.
You're safe.
987
00:54:41,278 --> 00:54:45,446
I'm Cowboy Wayne. I just
bagged me one of them
988
00:54:45,482 --> 00:54:49,817
killer goats
that escaped from the zoo.
989
00:54:51,054 --> 00:54:52,754
Good job.
Yeah.
990
00:54:52,789 --> 00:54:55,156
Okay, then.
I'll see you later.
991
00:54:55,191 --> 00:54:56,190
All right.
992
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,338
There. That should
hold you for tonight.
993
00:55:12,042 --> 00:55:13,508
Don't!
994
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,781
Hey, what the hell happened?
995
00:55:19,816 --> 00:55:23,685
Well, Judith was
givin' me some therapy
996
00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:26,554
and helped me realize I was
gay, and the next thing…
997
00:55:26,589 --> 00:55:28,489
Wait. What?
998
00:55:28,525 --> 00:55:31,326
I see what happened.
999
00:55:31,361 --> 00:55:33,294
She messed with your head.
1000
00:55:33,330 --> 00:55:34,962
Wayne, I'm gay.
1001
00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:39,100
No, you're not. You're just
unsuccessful with women.
1002
00:55:39,135 --> 00:55:40,668
No, I'm gay.
1003
00:55:40,704 --> 00:55:43,237
Judith got me in touch
with the inner J.D.
1004
00:55:43,273 --> 00:55:44,472
How'd she do that?
1005
00:55:44,507 --> 00:55:46,240
She listened,
1006
00:55:46,276 --> 00:55:49,043
unlike other people who've
known me for years
1007
00:55:49,079 --> 00:55:51,312
and have ignored
all the tell-tale signs.
1008
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:52,680
Like what?
1009
00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,649
Like my obsession
with Bette Midler.
1010
00:55:54,684 --> 00:55:56,451
My preference
for track lighting.
1011
00:55:56,486 --> 00:55:58,453
Oh, and the fact
that I like sucking…
1012
00:55:58,488 --> 00:56:01,089
What?
You've done that?
1013
00:56:01,124 --> 00:56:03,424
No, but remember when
I bought that book on yoga?
1014
00:56:03,460 --> 00:56:04,792
Dude, that…
1015
00:56:04,828 --> 00:56:05,860
That's enough. I don't
want to hear anymore.
1016
00:56:05,895 --> 00:56:09,230
Look, you wanna be gay?
Fine, no problem.
1017
00:56:09,265 --> 00:56:11,999
But from now on, I'll take
care of Judith myself.
1018
00:56:12,035 --> 00:56:13,501
Okay?
Okay.
1019
00:56:18,475 --> 00:56:20,341
You want to be gay with me? No!
1020
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:21,609
All right.
1021
00:56:25,615 --> 00:56:27,715
Come on, come on.
Go. Come on.
1022
00:56:27,751 --> 00:56:29,650
All you, all you.
All you, 11.
1023
00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:31,686
Okay. One more.
One more. Come on.
1024
00:56:31,721 --> 00:56:33,788
One more, one more.
Come on.
1025
00:56:33,823 --> 00:56:37,058
Feel the burn.
Come on now.
1026
00:56:37,093 --> 00:56:39,961
11.
1027
00:56:41,197 --> 00:56:42,864
What's the matter, dear?
1028
00:56:42,899 --> 00:56:46,701
You never used to be so
winded after only five sets.
1029
00:56:46,736 --> 00:56:48,936
Well, Mother Superior,
1030
00:56:50,206 --> 00:56:55,276
I'm having some second
thoughts about becoming a nun.
1031
00:56:55,311 --> 00:56:57,078
Oh, don't get me wrong.
1032
00:56:57,113 --> 00:57:00,748
This is a terrific convent,
but I…
1033
00:57:00,784 --> 00:57:03,584
But?
Well, I…
1034
00:57:04,521 --> 00:57:07,188
I'm having these feelings.
1035
00:57:08,191 --> 00:57:09,757
What kind of feelings?
1036
00:57:12,028 --> 00:57:13,361
Um, I, uh…
1037
00:57:13,396 --> 00:57:15,930
You mean sexual feelings?
1038
00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:19,133
Yeah. Yeah, but it's so
much more than that.
1039
00:57:19,169 --> 00:57:20,635
Yes, well…
1040
00:57:21,271 --> 00:57:22,703
My dear…
1041
00:57:22,739 --> 00:57:26,641
You're the only one who can decide if
this is the life you want to live.
1042
00:57:26,676 --> 00:57:29,577
But, once you take
your final vows,
1043
00:57:31,481 --> 00:57:34,515
there is no going back.
1044
00:57:34,551 --> 00:57:38,286
Now, let's go bust out
some power squats.
1045
00:57:51,968 --> 00:57:55,470
There. That should keep
you from escaping again.
1046
00:57:55,505 --> 00:57:56,871
And this…
1047
00:57:59,242 --> 00:58:00,808
This…
1048
00:58:00,844 --> 00:58:02,810
This should keep you
from biting.
1049
00:58:03,813 --> 00:58:06,714
How am I gonna eat?
I thought of that.
1050
00:58:07,717 --> 00:58:09,250
What is that?
It's breakfast.
1051
00:58:09,285 --> 00:58:12,420
It's pancakes, sausage, uh,
hash brown, Pop-Tart, pureed.
1052
00:58:12,455 --> 00:58:14,922
I'm not eating that. I want
a Big Montana. A what?
1053
00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:17,558
A Big Montana from Arby's
with curly fries.
1054
00:58:17,594 --> 00:58:19,193
No. I'm not gonna
get you one.
1055
00:58:19,229 --> 00:58:22,597
If you don't wanna eat what I made
for you, then you can starve.
1056
00:58:22,632 --> 00:58:24,799
Why are you doing this?
1057
00:58:24,834 --> 00:58:26,667
It's the only way
to save our friendship.
1058
00:58:26,703 --> 00:58:28,135
It doesn't seem like
a friendship to me.
1059
00:58:28,171 --> 00:58:30,171
It seems like you're
in love with Darren.
1060
00:58:30,206 --> 00:58:31,439
Bull…
1061
00:58:31,474 --> 00:58:34,041
I am so un-gay.
1062
00:58:34,077 --> 00:58:36,544
Okay, fine. Let's pretend for a
second that you're straight.
1063
00:58:36,579 --> 00:58:38,379
When's the last time
you got any?
1064
00:58:38,414 --> 00:58:40,181
That's none of your business.
1065
00:58:40,216 --> 00:58:42,049
So, it's been years?
1066
00:58:42,085 --> 00:58:43,651
I'm waiting for the right woman.
1067
00:58:43,686 --> 00:58:45,253
There is no right woman
for you, Wayne.
1068
00:58:45,288 --> 00:58:47,355
My guess is, if there ever
was, you've already met her.
1069
00:58:47,390 --> 00:58:50,358
And she's either killed
herself or become a lesbian.
1070
00:58:50,393 --> 00:58:52,460
Up yours!
Go to hell!
1071
00:58:52,495 --> 00:58:54,328
Skank!
Eunuch!
1072
00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:56,964
Stealer Of my friend!
1073
00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:04,805
Hi.
Hey, hi.
1074
00:59:04,841 --> 00:59:06,641
What happened to your head?
1075
00:59:06,676 --> 00:59:09,744
Oh, um, well,
1076
00:59:10,446 --> 00:59:12,480
I saw Judith.
1077
00:59:12,515 --> 00:59:13,948
Judith's dead.
1078
00:59:13,983 --> 00:59:18,319
Yeah, but… I could
have sworn it was her.
1079
00:59:18,354 --> 00:59:20,521
I was, uh…
You poor thing.
1080
00:59:20,557 --> 00:59:22,990
You're still not over her death.
1081
00:59:23,026 --> 00:59:26,394
Maybe we shouldn't
be seeing each other.
1082
00:59:26,429 --> 00:59:28,396
No. No, no.
1083
00:59:28,431 --> 00:59:29,997
No, God, I'm fine.
1084
00:59:30,033 --> 00:59:33,200
And look, I can
deal with this. Okay?
1085
00:59:33,236 --> 00:59:34,735
Okay.
Okay.
1086
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:39,941
So, what are you having?
Uh, let's see.
1087
00:59:39,976 --> 00:59:41,609
Ah, there's the duck.
1088
00:59:41,644 --> 00:59:43,511
That was always
Judith's favorite.
1089
00:59:43,546 --> 00:59:44,745
I'm sorry.
I should leave.
1090
00:59:44,781 --> 00:59:46,380
No, you shouldn't.
I'm so sorry.
1091
00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:50,618
God, uh, I will never mention
Judith's name again, really.
1092
00:59:50,653 --> 00:59:53,120
I swear. I swear.
1093
00:59:53,156 --> 00:59:58,025
Hey, uh, would you
excuse me for just a moment?
1094
00:59:58,061 --> 01:00:00,661
Uh, please,
I'll… I'll be right back.
1095
01:00:00,697 --> 01:00:03,497
Okay? In a… In a moment.
1096
01:00:08,638 --> 01:00:11,238
Oh! Damn it!
1097
01:00:15,278 --> 01:00:18,045
- What do you want?
- Wayne, it's me, Darren.
1098
01:00:18,081 --> 01:00:19,280
Look, there's a problem.
1099
01:00:19,315 --> 01:00:22,883
I'm with Sandy, but I can't
stop talking about Judith.
1100
01:00:22,919 --> 01:00:25,553
Okay. I'll be right there.
1101
01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:39,767
Okay.
Open up your shirt.
1102
01:00:39,802 --> 01:00:41,235
Why?
Just do it.
1103
01:00:42,505 --> 01:00:44,071
What is this?
1104
01:00:44,107 --> 01:00:47,908
Okay. Now…
1105
01:00:47,944 --> 01:00:49,944
Here's what's gonna happen.
1106
01:00:51,914 --> 01:00:54,915
I'm going to listen
to your conversation.
1107
01:00:55,785 --> 01:00:57,785
Now…
1108
01:00:57,820 --> 01:01:01,355
If you say anything
about Judith,
1109
01:01:01,391 --> 01:01:04,025
or so much as mention her name,
1110
01:01:04,060 --> 01:01:06,827
then, I'm gonna
give you a little shock.
1111
01:01:06,863 --> 01:01:08,896
Ow!
1112
01:01:08,931 --> 01:01:11,866
Perfect.
Ow! Ow.
1113
01:01:11,901 --> 01:01:13,734
I don't think I'm comfortable
1114
01:01:13,770 --> 01:01:15,670
having these things
on my nipples, okay?
1115
01:01:15,705 --> 01:01:17,605
I can put 'em on your balls.
1116
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,440
The nipples are fine.
1117
01:01:19,475 --> 01:01:21,942
Nipples work.
Okay.
1118
01:01:22,845 --> 01:01:24,545
Hi. Sorry,
sorry, sorry.
1119
01:01:24,580 --> 01:01:26,380
I'm back. I am back.
1120
01:01:26,416 --> 01:01:28,916
It was a talkative men's room…
Mmm.
1121
01:01:28,951 --> 01:01:32,053
Attendant.
That's okay.
1122
01:01:45,668 --> 01:01:47,068
Excuse me.
Hey.
1123
01:01:47,103 --> 01:01:49,370
This table's reserved, sir.
Do you know what?
1124
01:01:49,405 --> 01:01:52,473
I come here all the time, and I
spend a lot of money in this place.
1125
01:01:52,508 --> 01:01:55,409
So, why don't you just
leave me the hell alone?
1126
01:01:57,313 --> 01:01:59,547
I don't mean to be pushy, but
1127
01:01:59,582 --> 01:02:02,349
if this relationship
is gonna get serious,
1128
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:04,919
then I have to give up
becoming a nun.
1129
01:02:04,954 --> 01:02:07,688
And I'd have to decide
soon because…
1130
01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:10,357
I'm taking
my final vows on Sunday.
1131
01:02:10,393 --> 01:02:12,860
Yeah, that thought
had occurred to me.
1132
01:02:12,895 --> 01:02:16,030
And if I do that, I need to know
1133
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,400
that you want
marriage and a family.
1134
01:02:20,336 --> 01:02:21,569
Absolutely.
1135
01:02:22,872 --> 01:02:27,108
I never thought I'd say this to
anyone after Luigi died, but…
1136
01:02:27,977 --> 01:02:30,077
I love you, Darren.
1137
01:02:31,714 --> 01:02:33,247
Wow. Wow.
1138
01:02:33,282 --> 01:02:35,082
I love you too, Judith.
1139
01:02:35,885 --> 01:02:38,652
Ow! Ow.
Judith!
1140
01:02:38,688 --> 01:02:41,088
I mean, Sandy.
I mean.
1141
01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:43,491
Let's dance.
Okay?
1142
01:02:52,568 --> 01:02:57,171
You're out of here. Hey! Put me down!
I haven't ordered yet.
1143
01:02:59,609 --> 01:03:03,677
Time for an attitude
adjustment, mister. Ooh! Ow!
1144
01:03:04,814 --> 01:03:08,115
Oh!
Hey. Nice move.
1145
01:03:12,789 --> 01:03:14,288
Ooh!
1146
01:03:15,558 --> 01:03:17,558
Damn, he's good.
1147
01:03:17,593 --> 01:03:19,460
Darren!
1148
01:03:24,500 --> 01:03:27,802
Oh, my God.
Oh, geez. Oh, my…
1149
01:03:30,373 --> 01:03:33,841
Oh, my…
Are… Are you okay?
1150
01:03:33,876 --> 01:03:36,577
Yeah.
It was a little weird.
1151
01:03:45,688 --> 01:03:47,188
Wait for me!
1152
01:03:47,223 --> 01:03:50,224
Darren. Darren, Darren, Darren.
What's going on?
1153
01:03:50,259 --> 01:03:54,094
Okay, I can explain.
See, it's aversion therapy.
1154
01:03:54,130 --> 01:03:56,697
See, Wayne was trying
to help me get over Judith.
1155
01:03:56,732 --> 01:03:58,799
Judith? I had these
things on my nipples…
1156
01:03:58,835 --> 01:04:02,369
Oh, my God. It's so much
worse than I thought. No.
1157
01:04:02,405 --> 01:04:06,240
No, you're obviously not
ready for this relationship.
1158
01:04:07,109 --> 01:04:08,976
No, I am!
Sandy, wait!
1159
01:04:09,011 --> 01:04:11,111
Sandy… Okay…
1160
01:04:11,647 --> 01:04:13,047
Damn it!
1161
01:04:14,750 --> 01:04:17,852
Sandy! Sandy,
wait… wait, Sandy!
1162
01:04:17,887 --> 01:04:21,055
Sandy!
Wait, Sandy!
1163
01:04:24,327 --> 01:04:25,693
Sandy.
1164
01:04:30,333 --> 01:04:31,565
Sandy.
1165
01:04:33,002 --> 01:04:35,836
Darren! Oh, my God!
1166
01:04:35,872 --> 01:04:37,905
Darren, what happened to you?
1167
01:04:37,940 --> 01:04:40,808
Oh, I ran here from the nightclub.
But that's 30 miles!
1168
01:04:40,843 --> 01:04:42,076
Yeah, I know, I just…
1169
01:04:42,111 --> 01:04:45,479
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
1170
01:04:45,514 --> 01:04:47,414
I'm sorry. Can you
ever forgive me?
1171
01:04:47,450 --> 01:04:51,118
Oh, yeah. 'Cause the whole Judith
thing and the nipple clamps…
1172
01:04:51,153 --> 01:04:52,586
It's crazy and…
Yes!
1173
01:04:54,056 --> 01:04:55,689
Really?
Yes.
1174
01:04:55,725 --> 01:04:56,757
Just like that?
1175
01:04:56,792 --> 01:04:59,994
Yeah, well, I am training to
become a nun, you know.
1176
01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:02,296
Forgiveness is just
sort of my thing.
1177
01:05:02,331 --> 01:05:04,031
I love you.
Really?
1178
01:05:04,066 --> 01:05:05,833
I love you!
I love you.
1179
01:05:05,868 --> 01:05:07,534
Love. Love.
1180
01:05:25,521 --> 01:05:28,289
Happy?
You didn't have to do that.
1181
01:05:28,324 --> 01:05:31,358
Well, I just happened
to be by an Arby's,
1182
01:05:31,394 --> 01:05:34,028
and they were throwin' out
some old food so, you know,
1183
01:05:34,063 --> 01:05:35,863
I thought, why not?
1184
01:05:35,898 --> 01:05:38,399
Either way, that's nice of you.
1185
01:05:43,039 --> 01:05:44,338
Hey,
1186
01:05:45,875 --> 01:05:47,141
I was wondering.
1187
01:05:49,078 --> 01:05:51,612
Why Darren?
What do you mean?
1188
01:05:51,647 --> 01:05:55,149
You just don't seem like the type that
goes for a sensitive guy like Darren.
1189
01:05:55,184 --> 01:06:00,621
You seem more the kind of woman that
needs an assertive type of guy.
1190
01:06:06,195 --> 01:06:08,162
Before I met Darren, I was…
1191
01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:13,400
I was engaged
to a guy like that.
1192
01:06:13,436 --> 01:06:15,502
His idea of a fun weekend
was to fly to Thailand
1193
01:06:15,538 --> 01:06:17,604
and compete
in a kickboxing tournament.
1194
01:06:18,941 --> 01:06:20,774
U.S.A.! Go, Josh!
1195
01:06:21,711 --> 01:06:22,876
Yeah!
1196
01:06:28,417 --> 01:06:29,850
No!
1197
01:06:31,420 --> 01:06:33,887
No!
1198
01:06:42,565 --> 01:06:45,165
After that I decided
no more tough guys.
1199
01:06:45,201 --> 01:06:47,735
Hmm. Yeah, and then
you found Darren.
1200
01:06:48,137 --> 01:06:49,503
Yeah.
1201
01:06:49,538 --> 01:06:51,305
So do you even love him?
1202
01:06:51,340 --> 01:06:53,207
Well, I think there's
all different types of love.
1203
01:06:53,242 --> 01:06:55,009
Ah, I knew it!
1204
01:06:55,044 --> 01:06:58,345
Look, sometimes you have to
make cold, rational decisions.
1205
01:06:58,381 --> 01:07:01,615
You can't always follow your heart.
Yeah. Whatever.
1206
01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:06,086
Although I will admit there's something
sexy about a man who takes charge.
1207
01:07:06,122 --> 01:07:08,355
Like you kidnapping me.
Mmm-hmm.
1208
01:07:08,991 --> 01:07:10,457
That took balls.
1209
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,193
Big balls.
1210
01:07:14,130 --> 01:07:16,230
I gotta say it turned me on.
1211
01:07:17,833 --> 01:07:20,768
It did?
Mmm-hmm.
1212
01:08:00,609 --> 01:08:03,310
Oh. Oh.
1213
01:08:03,345 --> 01:08:05,179
Chain.
1214
01:08:05,781 --> 01:08:07,681
Goddamn these chains!
1215
01:08:11,287 --> 01:08:13,854
Give it a little key,
little key…
1216
01:08:13,889 --> 01:08:16,723
Wait! What am I doing?
I can't let you go!
1217
01:08:16,759 --> 01:08:19,359
Just give me one free hand, and
I promise it'll be worth it.
1218
01:08:19,395 --> 01:08:21,929
Okay.
1219
01:08:21,964 --> 01:08:23,530
Okay, give me the fries.
1220
01:08:26,869 --> 01:08:28,302
Okay, okay, okay.
1221
01:08:31,006 --> 01:08:34,908
Wow. Hey…
1222
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:40,347
Just wait one minute, okay?
1223
01:08:44,386 --> 01:08:45,552
Dude!
Dude!
1224
01:08:45,588 --> 01:08:47,488
Why didn't you answer the door?
I'm eatin'.
1225
01:08:47,523 --> 01:08:49,189
So? I don't answer the
door when I'm eatin'.
1226
01:08:49,225 --> 01:08:50,424
Since when?
Since always.
1227
01:08:50,459 --> 01:08:51,959
I never knew that.
1228
01:08:51,994 --> 01:08:54,161
You didn't know a lot of things.
You didn't know I was gay.
1229
01:08:54,196 --> 01:08:55,863
Is there anything else
you wanna tell me?
1230
01:08:55,898 --> 01:08:57,431
I got three balls.
1231
01:08:57,466 --> 01:09:00,267
Shut up! God!
1232
01:09:00,302 --> 01:09:03,070
Dude. Dude.
1233
01:09:04,306 --> 01:09:06,807
Hi, Coach. Coach! What
are you doin' here?
1234
01:09:06,842 --> 01:09:09,743
Retrial. Got a judge
that's a sports fan.
1235
01:09:09,778 --> 01:09:11,778
Congrats.
What are you gonna do now?
1236
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:15,048
That's why I'm here. Need a place to crash.
Get my together.
1237
01:09:15,084 --> 01:09:17,851
Figure out my next move. I knew
I could count on you boys.
1238
01:09:17,887 --> 01:09:20,220
Of course. Coach, our house is your
house, We gotta talk about it.
1239
01:09:20,256 --> 01:09:21,688
You stay as long as you like.
1240
01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:24,224
Great! Where's the bathroom?
I gotta take a dump.
1241
01:09:24,260 --> 01:09:26,326
We don't use the toilet anymore,
1242
01:09:26,362 --> 01:09:28,996
'cause we're cuttin' down
on the water bill.
1243
01:09:29,031 --> 01:09:30,330
What the hell do you do?
1244
01:09:30,366 --> 01:09:33,500
Well, we just use the lawn now.
1245
01:09:33,536 --> 01:09:36,904
Smart thinkin'.
Oh, God.
1246
01:09:36,939 --> 01:09:38,939
You've been pinchin' loaves
on the lawn, man?
1247
01:09:38,974 --> 01:09:40,040
I play croquet out there!
1248
01:09:40,075 --> 01:09:42,509
What, are you crazy?
The coach can't stay here.
1249
01:09:42,545 --> 01:09:44,778
We've got a woman
locked in the garage.
1250
01:09:44,813 --> 01:09:46,079
Oh, yeah.
1251
01:09:51,020 --> 01:09:53,020
You boys got any T.P.?
1252
01:09:53,055 --> 01:09:53,921
No!
1253
01:09:53,956 --> 01:09:56,657
That's all right.
I'll find something.
1254
01:10:02,097 --> 01:10:05,265
Be cool. We'll find some way
to get rid of him. Okay.
1255
01:10:05,301 --> 01:10:08,068
How about this? We tell him
we've got dates tonight.
1256
01:10:08,103 --> 01:10:09,770
He can't be here
'cause we're gettin' laid.
1257
01:10:09,805 --> 01:10:12,239
Nah, he'll never believe that.
Oh, yeah.
1258
01:10:12,274 --> 01:10:14,241
Okay, we'll tell him
we've got ghosts.
1259
01:10:14,276 --> 01:10:16,476
Oh, boys!
What's for supper?
1260
01:10:16,512 --> 01:10:18,345
Uh, listen, Coach…
We have ghosts.
1261
01:10:18,380 --> 01:10:19,479
What?
1262
01:10:19,515 --> 01:10:20,747
Uh, we were thinkin' that maybe
1263
01:10:20,783 --> 01:10:22,983
you stayin' here is
not such a great idea.
1264
01:10:23,018 --> 01:10:24,117
Yeah.
Nonsense.
1265
01:10:24,153 --> 01:10:27,688
It'll give us a chance to get
to know one another again.
1266
01:10:27,723 --> 01:10:30,157
By the way, did you boys
take care of that bitch
1267
01:10:30,192 --> 01:10:31,458
that was gonna marry Silverman?
1268
01:10:31,493 --> 01:10:36,697
Uh, yeah. Yeah. We snuffed
that broad just like you said.
1269
01:10:36,732 --> 01:10:38,665
Good.
How'd you do it?
1270
01:10:38,701 --> 01:10:41,401
Uh, we…
Ate her.
1271
01:10:41,437 --> 01:10:43,670
You ate her?
Yeah.
1272
01:10:43,706 --> 01:10:45,472
We ate her.
Alive.
1273
01:10:45,507 --> 01:10:48,408
My hat goes off to you.
You boys are smart.
1274
01:10:48,444 --> 01:10:50,510
That's the perfect crime.
1275
01:10:51,313 --> 01:10:53,347
Wonder what's on the tube.
1276
01:10:53,382 --> 01:10:55,649
No! Coach!
1277
01:10:55,684 --> 01:10:56,850
What the hell have we got here?
1278
01:10:56,885 --> 01:10:59,152
Some kind of public access
show or something?
1279
01:10:59,188 --> 01:11:00,621
Yeah.
1280
01:11:00,656 --> 01:11:03,023
Wait a minute. That's your
kidnap victim, ain't it?
1281
01:11:03,058 --> 01:11:04,124
You didn't kill her.
1282
01:11:04,159 --> 01:11:06,159
No, Coach. Listen…
1283
01:11:06,195 --> 01:11:08,929
Oh, for Pete's sake!
Look, she's gettin' out!
1284
01:11:08,964 --> 01:11:11,665
Go chop her head off
or somethin'!
1285
01:11:12,868 --> 01:11:16,103
There's no fight left in you boys.
You're nutless!
1286
01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:19,840
Don't worry about a thing, boys.
I'll take care of that broad.
1287
01:11:20,542 --> 01:11:24,044
No, no.
No! Hey!
1288
01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:26,413
Hey!
1289
01:11:26,448 --> 01:11:28,282
Who the hell are you? WAYNE:
Judith, don't worry! I'm comin'!
1290
01:11:28,317 --> 01:11:32,653
Let's just say I'm a friend of the
boys, and I'm here to kill ya.
1291
01:11:32,688 --> 01:11:34,888
You don't mind if I try
to defend myself, do you?
1292
01:11:34,923 --> 01:11:37,691
Of course not.
I love a good challenge.
1293
01:11:58,681 --> 01:12:00,047
Are you okay?
1294
01:12:06,488 --> 01:12:07,387
Dude…
1295
01:12:13,362 --> 01:12:14,861
Watch your step.
1296
01:12:16,031 --> 01:12:17,064
Got it?
1297
01:12:19,401 --> 01:12:20,600
Hmm.
1298
01:12:20,636 --> 01:12:23,236
I'm so happy.
Oh, me, too.
1299
01:12:26,508 --> 01:12:28,942
Does this couch fold out? Mmm.
1300
01:12:29,411 --> 01:12:30,610
Mmm.
1301
01:12:37,653 --> 01:12:39,286
Oh, Sandy.
1302
01:12:39,321 --> 01:12:41,688
What the hell is going on here?
1303
01:12:41,724 --> 01:12:43,690
Wha… Wha… Judith!
1304
01:12:43,726 --> 01:12:45,992
Yes. Yes!
You're alive!
1305
01:12:46,028 --> 01:12:47,260
Judith?
1306
01:12:47,296 --> 01:12:49,096
Who is this tramp?
1307
01:12:49,131 --> 01:12:50,397
I'm not a tramp!
1308
01:12:50,432 --> 01:12:53,967
Actually, until yesterday I
was training to become a nun.
1309
01:12:54,002 --> 01:12:56,737
I'm gone for a week,
and you're screwing a nun?
1310
01:12:56,772 --> 01:12:59,673
No, no.
We're in love!
1311
01:13:00,275 --> 01:13:01,775
I thought you were dead.
1312
01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:05,112
Really? I'm not dead.
I was kidnapped, okay?
1313
01:13:05,147 --> 01:13:06,213
It was a living hell.
1314
01:13:06,248 --> 01:13:07,714
I was beaten and tortured
1315
01:13:07,750 --> 01:13:10,684
and treated like
a friggin' farm animal!
1316
01:13:10,719 --> 01:13:12,119
And the entire time,
1317
01:13:12,154 --> 01:13:15,422
the only thing that kept me
alive was the thought
1318
01:13:15,457 --> 01:13:19,659
that somewhere out there,
my sweet Darren still loved me
1319
01:13:19,695 --> 01:13:21,995
and that one day
we'd be together again.
1320
01:13:24,833 --> 01:13:26,633
It was so horrible.
1321
01:13:34,610 --> 01:13:35,742
Where are we going?
1322
01:13:35,778 --> 01:13:38,044
Where? I don't know. We've
gotta find her. Come on!
1323
01:13:38,080 --> 01:13:41,281
Let's go! Okay, where to?
Where to?
1324
01:13:41,316 --> 01:13:43,216
Go left!
I'm goin' right!
1325
01:13:43,252 --> 01:13:46,219
They kept me in a dark
closet for days,
1326
01:13:46,255 --> 01:13:47,921
and they fed me, like,
1327
01:13:47,956 --> 01:13:50,557
crushed potato chips
under the door.
1328
01:13:52,194 --> 01:13:55,395
Um, maybe
1329
01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:57,464
I should go.
1330
01:13:57,499 --> 01:14:01,501
Oh, no. Sandy…
Sandy, no.
1331
01:14:01,537 --> 01:14:03,904
Please, please, uh, don't.
1332
01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,872
Don't… Don't…
Don't leave.
1333
01:14:05,908 --> 01:14:07,474
Well, but, I mean,
1334
01:14:07,509 --> 01:14:12,379
Judith's alive, and
she is your fiancee.
1335
01:14:12,414 --> 01:14:15,348
Yeah, uh, I know. You're right.
You're right.
1336
01:14:15,384 --> 01:14:18,018
But, um, but you can't go,
1337
01:14:18,053 --> 01:14:20,053
because I, um…
Because what?
1338
01:14:20,088 --> 01:14:22,522
Because I… I, um…
Why, Darren?
1339
01:14:22,558 --> 01:14:24,391
Yeah?
See, you, uh…
1340
01:14:24,426 --> 01:14:26,526
Yeah? Yeah?
Well, we… Because…
1341
01:14:26,562 --> 01:14:29,229
Sweetheart, we pledged
our love to one another.
1342
01:14:29,264 --> 01:14:32,199
Spare her the pain
of seeing us together.
1343
01:14:32,234 --> 01:14:35,969
You! Run along,
back to the nunnery.
1344
01:14:39,208 --> 01:14:42,576
Sandy, uh, she's right.
1345
01:14:42,611 --> 01:14:46,413
I mean, I did pledge.
1346
01:14:48,584 --> 01:14:50,016
Okay.
1347
01:14:53,121 --> 01:14:54,421
Bye.
1348
01:14:56,925 --> 01:14:58,558
He's here!
Hey, Darren?
1349
01:14:58,594 --> 01:15:00,126
Sandy, hi.
Look, I can…
1350
01:15:00,162 --> 01:15:03,830
Darren! Sorry.
Darren, look, uh…
1351
01:15:03,866 --> 01:15:05,599
I understand that
you're really upset,
1352
01:15:05,634 --> 01:15:07,968
and I probably look
like a really…
1353
01:15:08,804 --> 01:15:11,004
Dude? Dude!
1354
01:15:11,039 --> 01:15:14,474
Dude.
Okay. I deserved that.
1355
01:15:14,510 --> 01:15:16,343
But now, let me explain.
1356
01:15:20,716 --> 01:15:25,552
Okay, I guess I deserved that one,
too, but now we're even, okay?
1357
01:15:29,424 --> 01:15:31,925
Darren, stop!
1358
01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:33,894
We only did it
because we love you.
1359
01:15:33,929 --> 01:15:35,929
Oh, right.
Because you love me.
1360
01:15:35,964 --> 01:15:39,299
Oh. Yeah, man. Come on.
Give me a hug.
1361
01:15:52,548 --> 01:15:55,315
Freeze! Freeze!
Don't move!
1362
01:16:04,159 --> 01:16:06,159
Darren!
1363
01:16:06,194 --> 01:16:09,129
Don't think that my presence
here means I've forgiven you.
1364
01:16:09,164 --> 01:16:12,499
I… I just wanted to
tell you guys, in person,
1365
01:16:12,534 --> 01:16:15,268
that Judith and I are
getting married tomorrow.
1366
01:16:15,304 --> 01:16:18,371
You don't wanna
marry Judith! Admit it.
1367
01:16:18,407 --> 01:16:21,041
Of course I do.
Okay.
1368
01:16:21,076 --> 01:16:23,376
Then look into
my eyes and say it.
1369
01:16:23,979 --> 01:16:25,812
I wanna marry Judith.
1370
01:16:25,847 --> 01:16:30,617
Look into both our eyes
at the same time and say it.
1371
01:16:30,652 --> 01:16:33,520
I'm out of here.
Darren!
1372
01:16:33,555 --> 01:16:36,690
Come on.
We're sorry, okay?
1373
01:16:36,725 --> 01:16:38,858
What we did was wrong.
1374
01:16:42,564 --> 01:16:44,564
We gotta stop that wedding.
1375
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:46,132
Dude, how?
1376
01:16:47,235 --> 01:16:51,304
Let's go, you maggots!
Kill! Kill! Kill!
1377
01:16:53,976 --> 01:16:56,977
Hello! Hey, Coach. Yeah,
it's Wayne and J.D.
1378
01:16:57,012 --> 01:16:59,813
Look, we need your help.
I'd do anything for you boys.
1379
01:16:59,848 --> 01:17:01,781
You're like sons to me.
Name it, you got it.
1380
01:17:01,817 --> 01:17:04,451
Well, we need you
to post bail for us.
1381
01:17:04,486 --> 01:17:06,419
It's, uh, 10,000 apiece.
1382
01:17:06,455 --> 01:17:07,587
No way!
1383
01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:11,124
Come on, Coach.
We need your help.
1384
01:17:11,159 --> 01:17:13,927
Jail life is real tough.
They're…
1385
01:17:13,962 --> 01:17:17,163
They're making us
their girlfriends.
1386
01:17:17,199 --> 01:17:20,166
What? They're making you
wear dresses in there?
1387
01:17:20,202 --> 01:17:22,902
Yeah. Oh, my God,
that's horrible.
1388
01:17:22,938 --> 01:17:25,205
Don't worry about it.
I'll get you out of there.
1389
01:17:26,375 --> 01:17:27,974
Great. We're in.
1390
01:17:28,010 --> 01:17:29,609
You're somebody's girlfriend?
1391
01:17:29,645 --> 01:17:31,945
Who? I want to meet him.
1392
01:17:31,980 --> 01:17:34,514
What is that?
1393
01:17:34,549 --> 01:17:37,250
Sounds kinda like my truck.
1394
01:17:37,285 --> 01:17:38,485
Yeah.
1395
01:17:43,025 --> 01:17:46,126
Come on, boys.
Let's go!
1396
01:17:46,161 --> 01:17:48,762
Get the lead out, boys!
Hut, hut, hut!
1397
01:17:48,797 --> 01:17:51,164
Come on. Move it!
Ha, ha!
1398
01:17:51,199 --> 01:17:54,701
You're free!
Now, where to, boys?
1399
01:17:55,771 --> 01:17:56,936
Go left!
1400
01:17:56,972 --> 01:17:59,439
Yee-ha! Charge!
1401
01:18:02,210 --> 01:18:05,879
Sandy Perkus,
do you vow to lead a life
1402
01:18:05,914 --> 01:18:10,550
of poverty, chastity,
obedience and silence?
1403
01:18:10,585 --> 01:18:13,553
Wait! Wait!
1404
01:18:13,588 --> 01:18:16,256
Uh, sorry.
Sandy… Sandy…
1405
01:18:16,291 --> 01:18:18,925
Sandy, look you can't do this.
1406
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,327
You love Darren, right?
Well, yeah.
1407
01:18:21,363 --> 01:18:23,797
Well, Darren loves you.
Really?
1408
01:18:23,832 --> 01:18:26,933
Darren's her boyfriend, but
he's got this other girlfriend,
1409
01:18:26,968 --> 01:18:28,234
and he's gettin' ma…
1410
01:18:28,270 --> 01:18:30,370
Look, so what are you gonna do?
1411
01:18:32,007 --> 01:18:34,340
Go, my child.
1412
01:18:34,376 --> 01:18:37,277
Okay. Come on! We've got
a wedding to crash!
1413
01:18:37,312 --> 01:18:41,614
- Go, go, go, go!
- Bye, everybody!
1414
01:18:42,184 --> 01:18:43,516
Damn!
1415
01:18:43,552 --> 01:18:44,684
Lost another one.
1416
01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,152
Son of a bitch.
1417
01:19:01,269 --> 01:19:03,803
Oh, I can't believe
I'm doing this.
1418
01:19:03,839 --> 01:19:06,773
Oh, here.
We got you some clothes.
1419
01:19:06,808 --> 01:19:10,143
Uh, where did you get these?
1420
01:19:10,178 --> 01:19:12,579
Uh, J.D.'s sister.
She's a stripper.
1421
01:19:12,614 --> 01:19:14,614
And a hooker.
Oh.
1422
01:19:31,566 --> 01:19:32,565
Let's go. Go.
1423
01:19:37,873 --> 01:19:40,640
Oh, my gosh.
Neil Diamond!
1424
01:19:40,675 --> 01:19:42,542
What the hell is going on?
1425
01:19:42,577 --> 01:19:43,810
Neil, let me explain.
1426
01:19:43,845 --> 01:19:45,812
You're the guys who've been
sending me all those letters
1427
01:19:45,847 --> 01:19:47,881
and tapes and naked pictures.
1428
01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:51,851
What? We never sent you
any naked pictures.
1429
01:19:51,887 --> 01:19:53,253
Dude.
Sorry.
1430
01:19:53,288 --> 01:19:56,723
Look, Mr. Diamond, you gotta
help us save our buddy, Darren.
1431
01:19:56,758 --> 01:19:58,424
He's gonna marry
the wrong woman.
1432
01:19:58,460 --> 01:20:00,927
Look, Sandy and Darren,
they broke up.
1433
01:20:00,962 --> 01:20:03,129
Love on the rocks.
Ain't no big surprise.
1434
01:20:03,165 --> 01:20:05,565
But you gotta help us
get them back together.
1435
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:06,599
I don't know.
1436
01:20:06,635 --> 01:20:08,735
Come on Neil, turn on
your heart light.
1437
01:20:08,770 --> 01:20:12,906
Judith brainwashed him. Darren was in
love with me, but I never knew it.
1438
01:20:12,941 --> 01:20:15,141
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
1439
01:20:15,177 --> 01:20:17,911
Hold on!
And did I mention I was gay?
1440
01:20:17,946 --> 01:20:21,381
I've spent my whole life writing songs
about the healing power of love.
1441
01:20:21,416 --> 01:20:24,184
But, up until right now,
they've only been words.
1442
01:20:24,219 --> 01:20:28,421
This may be my chance to prove that
those words really mean something.
1443
01:20:28,456 --> 01:20:30,757
Now, you say that
if Darren marries…
1444
01:20:30,792 --> 01:20:33,426
Judith. Judith he's
gonna be miserable.
1445
01:20:33,461 --> 01:20:36,196
Right.
I believe in happy endings.
1446
01:20:36,231 --> 01:20:38,531
And if Neil Diamond has
anything to do with it,
1447
01:20:38,567 --> 01:20:40,800
this love story's
gonna have one.
1448
01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:43,369
Come on! Yeah! Ha!
1449
01:20:43,405 --> 01:20:46,206
We got Neil Diamond
on board! All right!
1450
01:20:46,241 --> 01:20:47,240
Where are we goin'?
1451
01:20:47,275 --> 01:20:49,576
The park on America Avenue.
1452
01:20:50,178 --> 01:20:52,145
Five-oh!
What?
1453
01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:54,480
Cops! Caprice.
Five cars back.
1454
01:20:54,516 --> 01:20:59,786
Goddamn heat. One little prison
break and they're all over you.
1455
01:20:59,821 --> 01:21:03,790
Whoa, Coach. Whoa. No matter what
happens to me, don't look back.
1456
01:21:03,825 --> 01:21:07,026
Just get this sweet little gal to
the man who loves her. Pronto!
1457
01:21:07,062 --> 01:21:09,329
I'd rather be cut down
in a hail of gunfire
1458
01:21:09,364 --> 01:21:11,764
than to go back
to the big house.
1459
01:21:11,800 --> 01:21:13,666
Nice meetin' you,
Mr. Diamond.
1460
01:21:14,803 --> 01:21:15,869
Hey! Wha…
1461
01:21:18,373 --> 01:21:20,073
♪ Far ♪
1462
01:21:20,108 --> 01:21:22,141
♪ We've been traveling far ♪
1463
01:21:22,177 --> 01:21:23,543
Coach, look out!
1464
01:21:24,846 --> 01:21:28,114
They're not cops!
1465
01:21:28,149 --> 01:21:30,383
♪ But not without a star ♪
1466
01:21:31,019 --> 01:21:33,186
♪ Today ♪
1467
01:21:33,221 --> 01:21:34,921
Hey, we're comin' to America.
1468
01:21:34,956 --> 01:21:36,022
♪ Today ♪
1469
01:21:36,057 --> 01:21:40,660
♪ They're coming ♪
♪ to America today ♪
1470
01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:43,129
Dearly beloved, we
are gathered here today
1471
01:21:43,164 --> 01:21:44,764
to join Darren Silverman
1472
01:21:44,799 --> 01:21:48,701
and Judith Fessbeggler
in holy matrimony.
1473
01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:52,138
If anyone has any
objections, speak now.
1474
01:21:52,173 --> 01:21:54,574
- I do!
- What?
1475
01:21:54,609 --> 01:21:55,508
Neil?
1476
01:21:55,543 --> 01:22:00,546
♪ Hello, my friends, hello ♪
1477
01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:03,917
Neil! Neil. Get to the
part where we say, "I do."
1478
01:22:03,952 --> 01:22:07,520
♪ It's good to need you so ♪
1479
01:22:09,157 --> 01:22:14,227
♪ It's good to love you ♪
1480
01:22:14,262 --> 01:22:16,930
♪ Like I do ♪
1481
01:22:16,965 --> 01:22:20,366
♪ And to feel this way ♪
1482
01:22:20,402 --> 01:22:24,137
♪ When I hear you say ♪
1483
01:22:24,172 --> 01:22:25,538
♪ Hello ♪
1484
01:22:25,573 --> 01:22:29,609
♪ Hello, my friends, hello ♪
1485
01:22:29,644 --> 01:22:32,045
Say, "I do."
No.
1486
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:33,880
Say, "I do."
1487
01:22:33,915 --> 01:22:35,782
I can't because I…
1488
01:22:35,817 --> 01:22:38,918
♪ I think about you ♪
1489
01:22:38,954 --> 01:22:41,020
I love Neil and
1490
01:22:41,056 --> 01:22:42,855
I love Sandy.
1491
01:22:44,426 --> 01:22:46,626
You're in love with this slut?
1492
01:22:46,661 --> 01:22:48,962
I am not a slut.
1493
01:22:48,997 --> 01:22:51,631
Sandy is my
one-and-only someone.
1494
01:22:51,666 --> 01:22:53,700
♪ Hello ♪
1495
01:23:01,409 --> 01:23:02,742
Oh!
1496
01:23:04,980 --> 01:23:06,446
What about me?
1497
01:23:06,982 --> 01:23:08,881
Who's my someone?
1498
01:23:08,917 --> 01:23:14,721
♪ Hello again, hello ♪
1499
01:23:16,091 --> 01:23:21,627
♪ It's good to need you so ♪
1500
01:23:22,430 --> 01:23:24,430
♪ I think ♪
1501
01:23:27,135 --> 01:23:29,669
You ruined my life!
1502
01:23:29,704 --> 01:23:31,671
But I saved Darren's!
1503
01:23:31,706 --> 01:23:35,408
Just because I lost Darren
doesn't mean I'm crazy enough
1504
01:23:35,443 --> 01:23:37,176
to hook up with you!
1505
01:23:42,017 --> 01:23:44,050
Hey! Why can't you
just admit
1506
01:23:44,085 --> 01:23:46,019
that when you
kissed me you liked it?
1507
01:23:46,054 --> 01:23:49,889
You're right. I have a weakness
for incompetent morons.
1508
01:23:58,666 --> 01:24:00,166
Admit it!
1509
01:24:01,369 --> 01:24:04,737
I'm the strong-willed,
assertive man that you need,
1510
01:24:04,773 --> 01:24:08,608
and you're the hardcore bitch
that I've always dreamed of.
1511
01:24:13,281 --> 01:24:17,116
♪ And I know it's late ♪
1512
01:24:17,152 --> 01:24:19,752
♪ But I just couldn't wait ♪
1513
01:24:20,388 --> 01:24:23,689
♪ Hello ♪
1514
01:24:29,064 --> 01:24:30,630
What about you?
1515
01:24:30,665 --> 01:24:32,198
When are you gonna get hitched?
1516
01:24:32,233 --> 01:24:34,767
Actually, I'm not.
I'm gay.
1517
01:24:35,703 --> 01:24:37,070
Me, too.
1518
01:24:37,105 --> 01:24:38,905
Really?
1519
01:24:38,940 --> 01:24:41,674
By the power vested in me
by the state of Washington,
1520
01:24:41,709 --> 01:24:45,378
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1521
01:24:45,413 --> 01:24:46,979
You may kiss the bride.
1522
01:24:49,284 --> 01:24:52,552
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1523
01:24:52,587 --> 01:24:54,654
You may kiss the bride.
1524
01:24:56,691 --> 01:25:00,493
I now pronounce you man and man.
1525
01:25:00,528 --> 01:25:02,962
You may kiss the man.
1526
01:25:14,209 --> 01:25:15,741
♪ Sing ♪
1527
01:25:18,813 --> 01:25:20,012
♪ Sing ♪
1528
01:25:23,451 --> 01:25:24,717
♪ Sing ♪
1529
01:25:24,752 --> 01:25:26,652
Come on.
We need you for this one!
1530
01:25:28,690 --> 01:25:29,355
♪ Sing ♪
1531
01:25:29,390 --> 01:25:31,557
♪ Sing a song ♪
1532
01:25:33,261 --> 01:25:35,862
♪ Sing ♪
♪ Sing a song of songs ♪
1533
01:25:35,897 --> 01:25:37,363
♪ Sing ♪
1534
01:25:38,266 --> 01:25:40,867
♪ Sing ♪
♪ Sing it out ♪
1535
01:25:41,903 --> 01:25:43,703
♪ Sing it strong ♪
♪ Sing it ♪
1536
01:25:43,738 --> 01:25:45,338
Yeah.
♪ Sing it ♪
1537
01:25:45,373 --> 01:25:47,840
Yeah. Yeah!
♪ Sing it, sing it ♪
1538
01:25:47,876 --> 01:25:49,375
♪ Yeah ♪
1539
01:25:52,747 --> 01:25:54,013
♪ Yeah ♪
1540
01:25:57,652 --> 01:26:00,987
♪ Call the sun ♪
♪ in the dead of night ♪
1541
01:26:01,022 --> 01:26:04,123
♪ And the sun's ♪
♪ gonna rise in the sky ♪
1542
01:26:04,159 --> 01:26:07,193
♪ Sun's gonna rise ♪
1543
01:26:07,228 --> 01:26:10,630
♪ Touch a man ♪
♪ who can't walk upright ♪
1544
01:26:10,665 --> 01:26:14,167
♪ And that lame man, ♪
♪ he's gonna fly ♪
1545
01:26:14,202 --> 01:26:17,136
♪ He's gonna fly ♪
♪ And I fly ♪
1546
01:26:17,172 --> 01:26:19,338
♪ Fly ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
1547
01:26:19,374 --> 01:26:22,475
♪ Yeah, and I fly ♪
1548
01:26:25,947 --> 01:26:31,984
♪ Holly holy love ♪
1549
01:26:35,256 --> 01:26:41,627
♪ Dream of only you ♪
1550
01:26:44,666 --> 01:26:48,568
♪ Holly holy, Holly ♪
1551
01:26:48,603 --> 01:26:50,970
♪ Holy song ♪
1552
01:26:55,510 --> 01:26:57,476
♪ Holly holy, Holly ♪
1553
01:26:57,512 --> 01:27:02,481
♪ Holy rain ♪
1554
01:27:10,225 --> 01:27:11,624
♪ Yeah. ♪
1555
01:27:14,996 --> 01:27:16,128
♪ Yeah. ♪
1556
01:27:26,541 --> 01:27:32,678
♪ I believe in happy endings ♪
1557
01:27:32,714 --> 01:27:37,717
♪ Starry skies ♪
♪ and dreams come true ♪
1558
01:27:38,953 --> 01:27:45,024
♪ I've believed it ♪
♪ since I first met you ♪
1559
01:27:51,266 --> 01:27:56,168
♪ I believe in new beginnings ♪
1560
01:27:57,372 --> 01:28:02,908
♪ Extra innings, ♪
♪ brand new starts ♪
1561
01:28:02,944 --> 01:28:08,748
♪ Loving hearts that care ♪
♪ the way I do ♪
1562
01:28:13,855 --> 01:28:21,594
♪ All these things ♪
♪ and happy endings too ♪
1563
01:28:25,633 --> 01:28:28,534
♪ Sad songs ♪
1564
01:28:28,569 --> 01:28:32,838
♪ Bring me right down ♪
♪ with the blues ♪
1565
01:28:37,312 --> 01:28:39,979
♪ Glad songs ♪
1566
01:28:40,014 --> 01:28:43,849
♪ Take me ♪
♪ wherever I choose ♪
1567
01:28:43,885 --> 01:28:46,819
♪ And I choose to be there ♪
1568
01:28:46,854 --> 01:28:52,458
♪ So that I can declare that ♪
1569
01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:58,064
♪ I believe in happy endings ♪
1570
01:28:58,099 --> 01:29:02,968
♪ You're the reason ♪
♪ love's the way ♪
1571
01:29:03,004 --> 01:29:09,875
♪ And I'll believe it ♪
♪ till my dying day ♪
1572
01:29:14,916 --> 01:29:20,653
♪ I know the cost ♪
♪ of tears and trouble ♪
1573
01:29:20,688 --> 01:29:25,624
♪ Some get lost, ♪
♪ some make it through ♪
1574
01:29:25,660 --> 01:29:32,665
♪ Me, I made it ♪
♪ 'cause I always knew ♪
1575
01:29:36,537 --> 01:29:43,542
♪ That you believed in ♪
♪ happy endings, too ♪
1576
01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:18,911
♪ Sad songs ♪
1577
01:30:18,946 --> 01:30:23,115
♪ Bring me right down ♪
♪ with the blues ♪
1578
01:30:27,355 --> 01:30:30,022
♪ Glad songs ♪
1579
01:30:30,057 --> 01:30:33,926
♪ Take me ♪
♪ wherever I choose ♪
1580
01:30:33,961 --> 01:30:36,762
♪ And I choose to be there ♪
1581
01:30:36,798 --> 01:30:42,101
♪ So that I can declare that ♪
1582
01:30:42,136 --> 01:30:47,506
♪ I know the cost ♪
♪ of tears and troubles ♪
1583
01:30:47,542 --> 01:30:52,278
♪ I got lost ♪
♪ but I got through ♪
1584
01:30:52,313 --> 01:30:59,418
♪ And I made it ♪
♪ 'cause I always knew ♪
1585
01:31:03,224 --> 01:31:10,296
♪ That you believed in ♪
♪ happy endings, too ♪
1586
01:31:14,769 --> 01:31:17,203
♪ You and me ♪
1587
01:31:17,238 --> 01:31:23,275
♪ And happy endings ♪
1588
01:31:23,311 --> 01:31:28,781
♪ Too ♪
113024
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