All language subtitles for Queer.as.Folk.US.S03E08.Hunter.for.Love.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.x264-NTb_track3_eng

- * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR

* ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX *

* SHAKE IT, DUDE

*

* ONE, TWO, DO IT

*

* ONE, TWO, THREE

* FOUR, FOUR

- HEY, I GOT A NICE
TIGHT ASS, DADDY.

YOU WANT A NICE TIGHT ASS?
YOU WANT TO FUCK ME?

- HEY, YOU CAN DO MY FRIEND
AND ME FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.

C'MON, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- YOU LIKE YOUNG DICK?

YOU COULD SUCK ME
FOR 50 BUCKS.

- WHAT DO YOU DO FOR 50?
- I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

- THAT'S ALL I GOT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

- FUCK YOU!
- NO DISEASE!

- SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[laughs]

- YEAH, YOU LOOK GOOD.
ARE YOU WORTH IT?

- YEAH, YOU WANT IT.
YOU KNOW YOU DO.

- COME ON OVER,
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

- YOU WANT TO FUCK
A NICE HOT ASS, MAN?

I'M REALLY TIGHT.
- DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME, MAN.

HE'LL JUST TAKE YOUR MONEY.

- YOU DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT.

- ARE YOU ASLEEP?

- ARE YOU KIDDING?

I FEEL LIKE OUR BED'S
ON THE STREET.

- HUH. OR THE STREET'S
IN BED WITH US.

- YEAH, GO BACK
TO YOUR WIFE THEN.

- YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT FRESH?
- THAT DOES IT.

- NO, MICHAEL, MICHAEL.
MICHAEL, HEY.

HEY, SAVE YOUR SHOES,
ALL RIGHT?

THAT ONLY WORKS
ON CARTOON CATS.

- WELL, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

- [sighs]

- WORTH EVERY PENNY.
- I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT.

[overlapping chatter]
- WHOO!

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS!

UH, YOU MIND?

PEOPLE ARE, UH--
ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.

- YEAH?
DO--DO YOU MIND?

WE'RE TRYING TO WORK HERE.

- YOU CAN SUCK IT
FOR A BILL.

- LOOK, UH, I'M--
I'M NOT TRYING

TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE,
OKAY?

I'M JUST TRYING
TO ASK YOU NICELY TO PLEASE

FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE
TO DO YOUR BUSINESS.

- HEY, I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU FIND
SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SLEEP?

- [laughs]
- FINE. FINE.

WE'LL SEE WHAT THE COPS
HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT.

- COPS?
- COPS! FIVE-OH!

[tires screeching]
- MOTHERFUCKER!

YOU JUST COST ME 100 BUCKS.

- YEAH, LIKE SOMEONE
WOULD PAY A BILL

FOR THAT PIECE OF CHICKEN.

- BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT UP
TO ME.

- HOW OLD ARE YOU?

- HOW OLD DO YOU
WANT ME TO BE?

- YOU CAN'T BE MORE THAN 16.

- YOU LIKE YOUNG DICK?

YOU COULD SUCK IT
FOR A BILL.

FOR TWO YOU CAN FUCK ME--

WITHOUT A CONDOM.

- I'M YOUNG AND I'M HUNG.

COME HERE, BUDDY, DON'T--
DON'T DRIVE AWAY.

- NO, NO.
THANKS.

- IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

- COME ON, HUNTER.

[Too Late For Me]

*

- * YOU'RE HAPPIER
THE LESS YOU SEE *

* BLISSFUL IGNORANCE

* YOU DON'T SPEND
ANY THOUGHTS ON ME *

* NO SURPRISE,
JUST THE USUAL THING *

* IT'S THE THOUSAND-MILE
STARE *

* OR KEEP
YOUR CURTAINS DRAWN *

* NOT REALLY
MUCH OF A CHOICE *

- HEY.

WANT SOME PEACH YOGURT?

- NO, THANKS.

- IT'S JUST THAT
IT'S A LOT HEALTHIER

THAN ALL THOSE CIGARETTES
YOU'RE CONSUMING.

[sighs]
YOU--YOU'VE BEEN DEPRESSED

FOR PRACTICALLY
THE ENTIRE FIRST MONTH'S RENT.

- I'M SORRY,
I'M A LOUSY ROOMMATE.

I'LL MOVE OUT
IF YOU WANT ME TO.

- DID I SAY THAT?

LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU
TO CHEER UP.

- I CAN'T HELP IT.

I CAN'T STOP
THINKING ABOUT HIM.

- YEAH.
- LAST NIGHT,

I DREAMT ABOUT HIM AGAIN.

HE SOMEHOW LEARNED
HOW TO LEVITATE

AND WE WERE FUCKING,
MID-AIR.

- I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS.

- PROBABLY THAT I
SHOULD SEE A SHRINK.

- IT'S ONLY NATURAL
THAT THESE THINGS TAKE TIME,

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT
TO SOMEHOW GET OVER HIM.

MOVE ON.

TELL YOURSELF
ETHAN'S HISTORY.

- WHO'S TALKING ABOUT ETHAN?

I'M TALKING ABOUT BRIAN.

- BRIAN?

- BUT I-I THOUGHT
YOU WERE OVER HIM.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.

- I THOUGHT I WAS TOO.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU REALIZE

YOU MADE THE BIGGEST
FUCKING MISTAKE

OF YOUR PATHETIC,
STUPID LIFE?

- BURY IT
IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS

AND FORGET ABOUT IT?

- OBVIOUSLY,
THAT'S NOT WORKING.

- WELL, THEN DEAL WITH IT.

TELL HIM
YOU STILL LOVE HIM.

- YEAH, RIGHT.

HE'D FUCKING LAUGH
IN MY FACE.

- WRITE HIM A LETTER.

- HE'D TEAR IT UP.

- I DON'T KNOW,
ATTEMPT SUICIDE?

- [chuckles]
HE'D LET ME DIE.

- OKAY, DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT I DID

WHEN I WAS MADLY,
PASSIONATELY IN LOVE

WITH BILLY HAUSER?

- MADE AN IDIOT OF YOURSELF.

- NO, NO.
[laughs]

I SIGNED UP FOR EVERY CLASS
HE WAS IN.

I WENT TO--
I WENT TO SWIM PRACTICE.

I GOT INVITED TO EVERY SINGLE
PARTY I KNEW HE'D BE AT.

WHEREVER HE WENT,
THERE I WAS.

HE COULDN'T AVOID ME.

- WHOA, LOOK AT YOU.

- WHAT? I PUT ON
THE WRONG THING, DIDN'T I?

I SHOULD'VE WORN THE BURGUNDY,
SHOULDN'T I HAVE?

I'M GOING TO PUT ON
THE BURGUNDY.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
YOU LOOK GREAT.

I'D BUY A PAINTING FROM YOU
ANY DAY.

- DID GUS EAT?

- YEAH, ALL DONE.
- WHAT'D YOU GIVE HIM?

- A SPANISH OMELET WITH, UH,
LOTS OF PEPPERS AND ONIONS.

- YOU DIDN'T!
- OF COURSE I DIDN'T.

MOMMY MADE YOU
YOUR FAVORITE, HUH?

OATMEAL AND RAISINS.

- HE LOOKS A LITTLE FLUSHED.

DOES HE LOOK FLUSHED TO YOU?

- NO, HE DOES NOT
LOOK FLUSHED.

NOW YOU BETTER
GET A MOVE ON.

I'M GOING TO DROP HIM OFF
AT DAYCARE

ON THE WAY TO MY OFFICE.

- BYE, BABY.
MMM.

OH, I'M GOING TO MISS YOU,
PUMPKIN.

- MAMA.

- I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU
ALL DAY, LAMBSKIN.

- THIS IS THE GREATEST GOOD-BYE
SINCE RHETT AND SCARLETT.

- OH, I CAN'T HELP IT.
I'VE BEEN WITH HIM

PRACTICALLY EVERY MOMENT
SINCE HE'S BEEN BORN.

- WELL, YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO LET HIM GO

WHEN HE TURNS 18 ANYWAY,
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL

START GETTING USED TO IT.

I MEAN, COME ON.
YOU WANTED THIS JOB.

- I KNOW, I'M JUST
A LITTLE NERVOUS.

- YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.

YOU'RE INTELLIGENT.

YOU'RE ACCOMPLISHED.

YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING
AND ANYBODY.

NOW, YOU GO OUT
IN THAT WORLD

AND YOU TAKE A GREAT BIG BITE
OUT OF IT.

- THANKS.
[horn honks]

OOH!
- OH.

- OKAY. MM.
BYE.

- MAMA.
- SAY BYE-BYE.

- [moaning]

- GO, HERE WE GO.
OH, COME ON.

DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,
DOWN, DOWN. GOOD.

OKAY, COME ON.
COME ON, BABY,

AND YEAH, YOU GOT IT.
OH.

GOOD. AHH.

THAT'S NICE. NICE.

OKAY, ONE MORE.
COME ON, BABY.

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD, BABY.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

- [panting]

[moaning]

- OH, PERFECT!

- AHH.

[grunts]
- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

- [panting]

- WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT
IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN YOU COME,

I'M AMAZED YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN EVICTED.

- IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO MOVE ANYWAY.

- YUP,
YOUR FRIEND STOCKWELL

CHASED ALL THE HUSTLERS
OFF LIBERTY AVENUE,

AND NOW THEY'RE RIGHT UNDER
OUR BEDROOM WINDOW.

- SAY WHAT YOU WILL
ABOUT CITY LIVING,

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T BEAT IT
FOR THE CONVENIENCE.

- SOME OF THEM LOOK 14.

TOO YOUNG EVEN FOR YOU.
- [chuckles]

- I CANNOT STOP THINKING
ABOUT THIS ONE KID.

HE SAID FOR 200 BUCKS

THAT I COULD FUCK HIM
WITHOUT A CONDOM.

- YOU SHOULD HAVE.

AT LEAST HE'D HAVE ENOUGH
FOR HIS PROTEASE INHIBITORS.

- WAIT, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
TED!

- CHRIST.
DOES HE HAVE TO ANNOUNCE IT?

- TED, WE HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU IN WEEKS.

- COULDN'T WAIT TO GET HERE.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT IT TOOK.

- HEY.

- I REALLY HAVE TO HAND IT
TO YOU, THEODORE.

YOU KNOW, MOST GUYS
WHO HAD JUST LOST EVERYTHING

AND BEEN HUMILIATED
IN ALL THE MAJOR MEDIA

WOULD HAVE TOO MUCH
SELF-RESPECT THAN

TO SHOW THEIR FACE IN PUBLIC,
BUT NOT YOU.

- I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SAY
"THANK YOU" OR "FUCK YOU."

- PEOPLE FORGET
ABOUT THESE THINGS.

BY NOW THEY'RE ON
TO THE NEXT HEADLINE.

- YEAH,
"FORMER PORN KING HOMELESS."

- NO, YOU WILL BE BACK ON
YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

- I BETTER BE, MY MORTGAGE
ISN'T GOING TO PAY FOR ITSELF.

- IT WON'T HAVE TO.

I HAVE DECIDED
TO GET A SECOND JOB.

- NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, I-I GOT MYSELF

INTO THIS MESS,
I'LL GET MYSELF OUT.

- THAT IS VERY NOBLE,
BUT WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.

NOW I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.

- THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

- HEY, COME ON, LET'S, UH--
LET'S GET CHANGED

AND HIT THE STAIRMASTER.

- AND WORK UP A SWEAT.
- YEAH, RELEASE THOSE

ENDORPHINS,
BURN OFF SOME LACTIC ACID.

COME ON, COME ON!
- YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

EXERCISE IS PROBABLY
JUST WHAT I NEED.

[joints pop]

[grunts]

- TEDDY, TEDDY, WHAT IS IT?
- [grunts]

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- MM-MM.

- IS IT--
- TED?

- DID YOU TURN YOUR--
- NO.

- IS IT THE THING WHERE THE--
- NO. [grunts]

- CONSTANCE DALYEAU
WAS A PROSTITUTE

TOULOUSE LAUTREC DISCOVERED

AT ONE OF THE BROTHELS
HE FREQUENTED.

THE LEGEND GOES THAT
WHEN HE WENT TO HER ROOM,

SHE WAS NAKED AND PAINTING.

INSTEAD OF MAKING L'AMOUR,

HE INSISTED THAT
SHE FINISH HER CANVAS.

HE THEN INTRODUCED HER WORK
INTO THE SALONS OF PARIS,

MUCH TO THE HORROR
OF THE CRITICS.

- HM.

- SHE'S RELATIVELY UNKNOWN
TODAY.

BUT IF SHE HAD BEEN A MAN,
YOU CAN BE SURE

SHE'D BE AS RENOWNED
AS DEGAS OR MANET.

- WHAT A REMARKABLE STORY.
- MM-HMM.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?

- I USED TO TEACH
ART HISTORY,

AND I'M ALSO
A PAINTER MYSELF.

- AH, WELL, YOU'VE SOLD ME.

- WONDERFUL.

WELL, WE'LL WRITE UP THE ORDER
AND HAVE IT DELIVERED

TO YOU JUST AS SOON
AS THE SHOW IS OVER.

[exhales]
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.

- THE PLEASURE
IS ENTIRELY MINE.

- OH, ALFRED.
- HELLO, SIDNEY.

THANKS TO THIS CHARMING
YOUNG WOMAN,

I NOW OWN A DALYEAU.

- A SPLENDID CHOICE.
- HM.

- WHAT A NICE MAN.

- HE'S BEEN COMING
TO THE GALLERY

FOR OVER TEN YEARS--

NEVER BOUGHT A THING.

HOW'D YOU DO IT?

- IT--IT WAS EASY.
I LOVE ART AND I LOVE PEOPLE.

- HMM.
DO YOU ALSO LOVE PARTIES?

- OH, I ADORE PARTIES.
[chuckles]

- GOOD.

THEN YOU CAN DEAL
WITH FLORINDA ZECKENDORFF,

FORMERLY HITLER'S MISTRESS,

CURRENTLY PLANNING
OUR OPENING.

SHE'LL BE STORMING
IN HERE TOMORROW

TO DISCUSS
THE FINAL DETAILS.

- SOUNDS LIKE A HANDFUL.

- OH, SHE REMINDS ME
OF MY EX-WIFE.

I BREAK OUT IN HIVES IF I STAND
WITHIN TWO FEET OF HER.

- PERHAPS I NEED
A BIT MORE EXPERIENCE

IN ORDER TO, UH, TAKE ON
SUCH A FORMIDABLE TASK.

- I'M SURE IF ANYONE
CAN WITHSTAND

THE ASSAULT OF A PANZER DIVISION
SINGLE-HANDED,

IT'S YOU.

ENJOY.

- NICE WORK ON THE STOCKWELL
CAMPAIGN, BARB.

- OH, THANK YOU, MR. KINNEY.

- BUT, UH, LIGHTEN UP
ON THE AIRBRUSH.

YOU'RE MAKING HIM
LOOK YOUNGER THAN ME.

- OKAY.

- MURPH?

WHERE THE FUCK'S THE LAYOUT
FOR MIGHTY MINTS?

- OH, I KNOW, I PROMISED THAT
TO YOU THIS MORNING.

- ANY WAY I CAN HELP
SPEED THINGS UP?

SALARY CUT?
PINK SLIP?

- [chuckles]
YOU'LL HAVE IT BY NOON.

AND STARTING TODAY, THINGS
SHOULD GO A LITTLE FASTER.

WE'RE HIRING
A NEW STUDENT INTERN TO

HELP WITH THE BUSY WORK.
OH, BRIAN.

THIS IS JUSTIN TAYLOR,
OUR NEW INTERN.

JUSTIN, THIS IS MR. KINNEY,

ONE OF THE PARTNERS
IN THE AGENCY.

- NICE TO MEET YOU,
MR. KINNEY.

I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU.

- WHEN?

- AFTER I GOT THE JOB.

- OH, YOU DON'T HAVE THE JOB
UNTIL I SIGN OFF.

AND I DON'T SIGN OFF
UNTIL I ASK

THE POTENTIAL CANDIDATE
A FEW QUESTIONS, SUCH AS,

"WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

- AS PART OF OUR
DEGREE CANDIDACY,

WE'RE REQUIRED TO GET
THREE CREDITS

OF PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE
IN OUR CHOSEN FIELD.

SO I WROTE A LETTER

TO THE HEAD OF YOUR
ART DEPARTMENT

SAYING I WANTED TO INTERN,
SUBMITTED MY TRANSCRIPT,

SAMPLES OF MY WORK,
AND HERE I AM.

- HERE YOU AREN'T.

THERE ARE OTHER AGENCIES
WHERE I DON'T WORK.

- THAT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.

VANGARD'S THE BEST.

WORKING HERE WILL LOOK GREAT
ON MY RESUME.

I'LL MAKE IMPORTANT CONTACTS.

I'LL LEARN THINGS
THAT I WOULDN'T LEARN

IN THE CLASSROOM.

- LEARN THEM SOMEPLACE ELSE.

- THAT'S NOT FAIR.

I WAS ACCEPTED BASED SOLELY
ON MY MERIT.

IT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.

- [chuckles]
TO SEE YOUR FACE EVERY DAY?

- I HAD NO IDEA THAT
OUR FORMER RELATIONSHIP

WAS STILL A PROBLEM FOR YOU.

- WHO SAID IT WAS A PROBLEM?

AND WHO SAID THAT WE WERE EVER
IN A RELATIONSHIP?

WELL, THEN I CAN SEE NO REASON
THAT YOU WOULD OBJECT

TO MY COMPLETING
MY EDUCATION

THAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR.

- WELL, JUST DON'T EXPECT
ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT.

- I NEVER HAVE.

- HERE, HONEY.
YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN AND EAT

LIKE A CIVILIZED
HUMAN BEING?

- UH-UH.
I GOT TO GO TO THE FRAMERS,

THEN TO THE PRINTERS,
THEN TO THE BANK. UGH.

THIS JOB MAKES TAKING CARE
OF GUS LOOK LIKE CHILD'S PLAY.

[both chuckle]

- THAT'S IT,
ONE STEP AT A TIME.

- [groans]

- JESUS CHRIST.
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

- HE INJURED HIS BACK
AT THE GYM.

- [grunts]
- OOH, THAT COULD BE SERIOUS.

A FRIEND OF MINE
SLIPPED A DISC AND HAS BEEN

IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN
EVER SINCE.

- WONDERFUL!

- OKAY, LET'S SIT DOWN.

THAT'S IT, SLOWLY.

- [grunting]

- DOES IT HURT, HONEY?

- THERE YOU ARE.

NOW, LET'S, UH--
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE LUNCH,

STARTING WITH
A VICACET APPETIZER.

- I DON'T BELIEVE IN DRUGS.

I'LL TAKE MY PAIN
STRAIGHT UP.

- SHAME YOU CAN'T
STAND THAT WAY.

- WOULD YOU BRING ME A SCOOP
OF BUTTER PECAN, DEBBIE?

WHENEVER WE WANTED, UH,
OUR DOG FETCH

TO TAKE A PILL, WE'D ALWAYS
HIDE IT IN THE ICE CREAM.

- GOT IT.

- DO YOU REALLY THINK I COULDN'T
HEAR WHAT YOU JUST SAID?

- FETCH HEARD EVERYTHING
WE SAID TOO,

BUT HE COULDN'T RESIST
THE BUTTER PECAN.

- I HAVE TO RUN, YOU GUYS.

THERE'S A NEW SHOW
AT THE GALLERY.

MR. BLOOM PUT ME IN CHARGE.

I EVEN HAVE TO MEET WITH
THIS PARTY PLANNER TOMORROW.

- PARTY? DID SOMEONE SAY PARTY?
[chuckles]

LINZ, UM,
YOU KNOW I WOULD,

NEVER ASK A FRIEND
FOR A FAVOR.

IT'S--IT'S--IT'S MANIPULATIVE,
IT'S UNFAIR,

IT'S DOWNRIGHT BAD MANNERS.

HOWEVER, UM, DO YOU THINK

YOU MIGHT NEED A WAITER?

VALET?
HATCHECK GIRL?

- WELL, I--
- IT--IT'S JUST, UM...

- [grunts]
- EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED,

WE COULD REALLY
USE THE CASH.

- I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

- THANKS.

both: BYE.

- OOH, UH, WOULD YOU
HAND ME A MENU, SWEETIE?

- [groaning]

ALL RIGHT, TO HELL
WITH THE BUTTER PECAN,

JUST GIVE ME THE PILLS.

[ Right Here and Now]

*

[indistinct cheering]

*

- * I TRY TO EXPLAIN

* BUT YOU NEVER SEE

* I'M SO ALONE
WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME *

* YOUR BODY'S HERE
BUT NOT YOUR SOUL *

* 'CAUSE IT AIN'T ABOUT LOVE

* IT'S ABOUT CONTROL

* DO THIS AND THAT
IT'S ALL YOU KNOW *

* PLAYING A GAME
WITH NOTHING TO SHOW *

- VODKA TONIC.
- COMING RIGHT UP.

- * GET IT THROUGH
YOUR HEAD SOMEHOW *

- BRIAN.

- THE UBIQUITOUS
JUSTIN TAYLOR.

- FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.

- FANCY THAT.

WHERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?

- I DON'T DO BOYFRIENDS.

- SINCE WHEN?
- SINCE WE BROKE UP.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOVE
THAT WAS GOING TO LAST

FOR AN ETERNITY?

- ETERNITIES AREN'T AS LONG
AS THEY USED TO BE.

BUY YOU A DRINK?
- MM.

- MM. OH,
I LOVE THIS SONG.

DO YOU LIKE THIS SONG?

- IT FILLS THE VOID.

- I HAVEN'T DANCED
IN FOREVER.

- KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

- NO RUSH.

I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.

- DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE AT WORK
IN THE MORNING?

- SO DO YOU.

- YEAH,
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS,

I DON'T HAVE
TO IMPRESS MY BOSS

SO HE DOESN'T FIRE MY ASS.

THANKS FOR THE DRINK.

*

- WE HAVE THIS NEW VILLAIN,
ICE TINA.

SHE'S THIS EVIL DRAG QUEEN

WHO FREEZES RAGE
WITH THIS DIRTY LOOK.

AND JUST WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE
RAGE IS GOING TO SPEND

THE REST OF HIS DAYS
AS A FROZEN TV DINNER,

J.T. DEFROSTS HIM

WITH THE WORLD'S
HOTTEST BLOW JOB.

BEN? BEN!

- OH. I'M SORRY.

WERE YOU SAYING SOMETHING?

- WELL, NO WONDER
YOU WEREN'T ANSWERING ME.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST PREOCCUPIED.

- NO, NO.
FORGOT TO TAKE THESE EARPLUGS

OUT OF MY EARS
WHEN WE WOKE UP.

REALLY CUTS DOWN
THAT STREET NOISE.

- YEAH, AND PESKY BOYFRIENDS
WHO WON'T SHUT UP.

- OH. MM-KAY.

YOU CAN REPEAT IT TO ME
ON THE WAY TO THE BUS STOP.

I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU
MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

- CHRIST.
IS--IS HE DEAD?

- NO, NO.
HE'S SLEEPING.

- WAKE HIM UP,
TELL HIM TO MOVE.

- HELLO? HELLO?

- HEY.

- HUH. WHAT?
- WHOA.

OH, JEEZ.

YOU'RE THAT KID--
KID FROM THE OTHER NIGHT,

THE ONE WITH
THE "CONDOMS OPTIONAL" POLICY.

- OFFER STILL STANDS.
- [scoffs]

- I ALSO GIVE TWO-FOR-ONE
DISCOUNTS.

- WHAT ARE YOU, THE Q-MART?

WE'RE NOT INTERESTED.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU
SLEEPING

IN FRONT OF MY DOOR,
SO GET LOST.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AROUND
HERE AGAIN, YOU UNDERSTAND?

- YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
FUCK YOU TOO.

- HEY, KID--
- YEAH, "DON'T COME BACK,"

I GOT IT.
- NO, I WAS GOING TO ASK, UM--

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU ATE?

- BEEN A WHILE SINCE
YOU EATEN, HUH?

MYSELF, I LOVE TO COOK.

IT'S THE ITALIAN IN ME.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOM?

SHE LIKE TO COOK?

BET SHE MISSES YOU.

ME, I GO A DAY WITHOUT
SEEING MY MICHAEL, I'M A WRECK.

RIGHT, BABY?
- MOM, DON'T.

- HE RAN AWAY ONCE
WHEN HE WAS TEN.

I WAS WORRIED OUT OF MY MIND.

IT'S A ROTTEN THING TO DO
TO YOUR MOTHER.

- YOU EMBARRASSED
THE SHIT OUT OF ME

BY SHOWING UP
AT THE LITTLE LEAGUE

IN THAT COACH'S UNIFORM
YOU BOUGHT AT THE GOODWILL.

- I FELT BAD.

HE WAS THE ONLY KID ON HIS TEAM
WITHOUT A FATHER.

- SOME KIDS HAVE ALL THE LUCK.

- SOUNDS LIKE YOU AND YOUR DAD
AREN'T TOO CLOSE.

- HE'S DEAD.

- WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

- IN JAIL, FOR KILLING HIM.

- WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMEPLACE
YOU COULD GO,

A NICE FOSTER FAMILY.

- YEAH, IT'S BETTER
THAN THE STREETS.

- YEAH?

AT LEAST MY CLIENTS
PAY TO FUCK ME.

- HEY. HEY,
WATCH THE LANGUAGE.

THAT'S MY MOM
YOU'RE TALKING TO.

- OKAY, WHAT ABOUT

THE GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER
YOUTH SHELTER?

- YEAH, THEY EVEN GOT
A BACK-TO-SCHOOL PROGRAM.

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- RIGHT ON.

I'LL BE SURE
TO CHECK THAT OUT.

- HEY, BRIAN.

- IT'S MR. KINNEY.

WHERE IS EVERYONE?

- THEY'RE OUT TO LUNCH.
- HM.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD THAT
SOME PEOPLE CAN AFFORD

THE LUXURY TO EAT
WHEN EYE-CONIC OPTICS

WILL BE HERE IN TWO HOURS
AND THESE BOARDS ARE FOR SHIT.

- CAN I HELP?

- CAN YOU HELP?

UM, YEAH, YOU CAN TELL THEM
I WANT ONE CELL PER BOARD,

20-BY-30, IN BLACK FOAM CORE,
AND, UH,

CENTURY FONT IN 16--

NO, MAKE THAT 20.

YOU WANT TO WRITE THAT DOWN?

- ONE CELL PER BOARD, 20-BY-30,
BLACK FOAM CORE,

CENTURY FONT IN 16--

NO, MAKE THAT 20.

- [scoffs]

SO HOW'S IT GOING, TAYLOR?

- GOOD.

EVERYONE'S INCREDIBLY NICE,

AND I'VE ALREADY LEARNED
MORE THAN I WOULD

IN AN ENTIRE SEMESTER
OF SCHOOL.

- THAT'S GREAT.

- WHICH SAYS A LOT ABOUT YOU,
ACTUALLY.

- ABOUT ME?

- YEAH, THEY SAY THE TONE
OF THE WORKPLACE

IS ESTABLISHED
FROM THE TOP.

SO IT'S A GREAT COMPLIMENT
TO YOU THAT YOU HAVE

SUCH A DEDICATED
AND HARDWORKING STAFF.

- WELL, MAYBE
I WAS A LITTLE HARD ON YOU.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK.

- YES, MR. KINNEY.

- NOW, WE'LL HAVE
THE BAR THERE,

THE BUFFET THERE,

AND THE DESSERT TABLE THERE.

- EXCUSE ME.
- YES, DEAR?

- WELL, WOULDN'T IT BE NICER
TO HAVE WAITERS

CIRCULATING AMONG THE GUESTS
WITH TRAYS OF FOOD?

THAT WAY EVERYONE
CAN ENJOY THE SHOW.

- IT'S JUST EASIER
TO LET THEM SERVE THEMSELVES.

BESIDES, SIDNEY APPRECIATES
KEEPING THE COST DOWN.

NOW, FOR THE MENU,
WE'LL HAVE THE USUAL,

MINI-QUICHES,
FINGER SANDWICHES.

- MINI-QUICHES?

- IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG,
DEAR?

- WELL, I WAS HOPING
FOR SOMETHING A BIT MORE...

IMAGINATIVE.

- WHAT HAPPENED
TO THAT NICE GIRL

WHO USED TO WORK HERE?

- OH, THAT GIRL WAS 65.

SHE RETIRED.

- WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD
ANY COMPLAINTS BEFORE.

PERHAPS I'D BETTER GO OVER
THESE DETAILS WITH SIDNEY.

- MR. BLOOM PLACED ME
IN CHARGE.

- WELL, THEN PERMIT ME
TO INFORM YOU

THAT I HAVE BEEN DOING
THESE EVENTS FOR OVER 15 YEARS.

- MAYBE IT'S TIME
TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

- OH, AND WHAT
WOULD YOU SUGGEST?

- SOMETHING SPECIAL,
UNIQUE,

THAT REFLECTS THE THEME
OF THE EVENING.

OH, I DON'T KNOW,
FOR INSTANCE,

COOKIES WITH MINI
IMPRESSIONIST PAINTINGS.

- IMPRESSIONIST COOKIES.
OOH!

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL SIDNEY.

AND WHILE I'M AT IT,
I'LL TELL HIM

THAT HIS OFFICE GIRL SHOULD

BE ANSWERING PHONES
AND TAKING MESSAGES,

NOT INTERFERING
WITH THE WORK

OF HIGHLY RESPECTED
PROFESSIONALS.

- OH, YOU NEEDN'T BOTHER
TELLING HIM ANYTHING,

MS. ZECKENDORFF BECAUSE...

YOU'RE FIRED.

- [scoffs]
YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.

I'VE KNOWN SIDNEY
FOR YEARS.

HIS EX-WIFE
AND I ARE LIKE THIS.

- YES, HE TOLD ME.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
DEAR,

I HAVE TO GO HANG A MONET.

- TO INTRODUCE
EYE-CONIC OPTICS' NEW LINE

OF EYE CANDY, WE DECIDED
TO GIVE THE BUYER

SOMETHING TO REALLY LOOK AT.

- A DELIGHT TO THE EYES.

A FEAST FOR THE SENSES.

AN EYE-POPPING ARRAY
OF COLORS AND IMAGES

TO DELIVER THE MESSAGE
THAT WHEN YOU WEAR

EYE-CONIC OPTICS' EYE CANDY,

YOU SEE THINGS
YOU DON'T WITHOUT THEM.

- UNLESS YOU HAPPEN
TO BE A VOYEUR.

- [chuckles]

- WOULD YOU BUY A PAIR
OF THESE SUNGLASSES

IF YOU SAW THIS AD?

- OH, SURE.

- HMM.

I DON'T LIKE THE LETTERING.

- THE FONT CAN ALWAYS
BE CHANGED.

- UH, IT'S NOT THE FONT,
IT'S THE COLOR.

- OUR ART DEPARTMENT
RESEARCHED IT.

IT'S WHAT THE FOCUS GROUPS
MOST RESPONDED TO.

- WELL, THEY MAY BE RESPONDING
TO IT TODAY,

BUT WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW,
IN SIX MONTHS?

- YOU'LL BE AHEAD OF THE WAVE,
NOT RIDING IT.

- ORANGE.

- WHAT WAS THAT?

- NOTHING.
- NO, NO, NO.

YOU SAID ORANGE.

- EVERYONE AT ART SCHOOL
SAYS ORANGE IS THE NEW BLUE.

IT'S THE OPPOSITE
OF COOL TONES.

IT'S SOMETHING HOT.

- HMM.

I WANT ORANGE.

- THEN ORANGE IT'LL BE.

RIGHT, BRIAN?

- YOU GUYS HAD
BETTER BE CAREFUL,

OR THIS KID'LL
HAVE YOUR JOB.

- YOU REALLY DON'T MIND
WATCHING SPIDER-MAN AGAIN?

- NO, NO, NO.
NOT AT ALL.

WE'VE ONLY WATCHED IT
NINE TIMES.

- YOU PIECE OF SHIT
MOTHERFUCKER!

TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY TRICK.

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

- BEN, DON'T.
IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS!

- I'LL TEACH YOU
TO STEAL MY TRICK!

- HEY, YOU PUNKS
WANT TO FIGHT?

- PLEASE, BE CAREFUL!

- YOU FIGHT ME, OTHERWISE
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

- WE'LL BE BACK, BASTARD!

[overlapping shouting]

- [grunts]

WHO DIED AND MADE YOU
SUPERMAN?

[coughs]

- SHE WAS SO CONDESCENDING.

"YES, DEAR.
WHAT, DEAR?"

IF SHE CALLED ME "DEAR" ONE
MORE TIME, I'D HAVE CLOCKED HER.

- [chuckles]

AS YOUR WIFE
AND YOUR ATTORNEY,

I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T.

- SO INSTEAD, I FIRED HER.

- NO.

- YUP, I FIRED SOMEONE.

ME!

- OH, SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD
EVERY REASON TO NAIL THE BITCH.

WHAT'D YOUR BOSS SAY?

- OH, HE OFFERED
TO GIVE ME A RAISE.

SAID HE'S WANTED
TO CAN HER FOR YEARS,

BUT JUST
DIDN'T HAVE THE NERVE.

- OH, THERE YOU GO!

- EXCEPT THERE'S
STILL A PARTY TO GIVE

IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS,
AND NO PARTY PLANNER TO GIVE IT.

I'VE TRIED EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THE HELL
I'M GOING TO DO.

[sighs, mumbles]

- THERE'S THESE TWO WOMEN
I KNOW,

PLANNED THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WEDDING,

BUT EVERYTHING WENT WRONG,
AND THEY WERE

EVEN GOING TO CANCEL IT.

BUT THEN ALL THEIR FRIENDS

POOLED THEIR TIME
AND TALENTS

AND THEY CAME UP

WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
CELEBRATION

THAT YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE

IN LESS THAN A DAY.

IS ANY OF THIS
RINGING A BELL?

- TED?

[classical music]

TEDDY?

- DOWN HERE.

- OH-HO, YOU ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH, AS LONG AS I SPEND

THE REST OF MY LIFE
ON MY BACK.

- IT'S ALWAYS BEEN
A DREAM OF MINE.

- [chuckles]
- DID YOU TAKE YOUR PAIN PILLS?

- YES, MOTHER.

- NOT WITH THAT, I HOPE.

YOU KNOW WHAT COMES FROM
TOO MUCH PILLS AND LIQUOR.

- [exhales]
WELL,

AT LEAST I'M OUT OF PAIN.

- THAT'S GOOD NEWS.

- OH, THERE MAY BE MORE.

I'M WAITING TO HEAR
FROM FIELD AND STEEN.

- ABOUT THE NEW FISHING ROD
YOU ORDERED?

- WELL, THAT'S
FIELD AND STREAM.

THIS IS AN ACCOUNTING FIRM.

I HEARD THEY HAD AN OPENING,

SO I CALLED ALAN FIELD--
HE'S AN OLD FRIEND--

AND HIS ASSISTANT
SAID HE'D RETURN.

- [chuckles]

[phone ringing]
AH.

WELL, LOOK AT THAT,
LIKE I TOLD YOU.

MAYBE THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

- UH, AT LEAST I AM.

- THEODORE SCHMIDT RESIDENCE.

EMMETT, IT'S LINZ.

- OH, HI.
- HOW'S TEDDY?

DOING LOTS BETTER.
- THAT'S GOOD.

LISTEN, YOU REMEMBER THAT PARTY
I TOLD YOU ABOUT?

- AT THE, UH, ART GALLERY.

OH, HONEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT YOU
ON THE SPOT.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU UP
ON YOUR OFFER.

- REALLY?

I'M GOING TO WORK
LINZ'S PARTY.

- OH.
- SO DO YOU WANT ME TO, UM,

POUR THE CAB
OR PARK THE CARS?

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD!
[laughs]

OH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!

OKAY!
[chuckles]

- THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT
OF GRATITUDE

JUST TO SAY "SHRIMP BALL?"

- ACTUALLY, I WON'T BE WAITING
AT THE EVENT.

I'LL BE GIVING IT.

- OH-H.

- "ORANGE IS THE NEW BLUE."

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

- SHE ASKED ME.

- WELL, WHO TOLD YOU
TO ANSWER?

- I WAS JUST TRYING
TO BE HELPFUL.

- AH, BY UNDERCUTTING ME
IN FRONT OF THE CLIENT?

YOUR JOB WAS
TO PUT UP THE BOARDS,

WHICH YOU COULD BARELY DO,

AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

- I'M SORRY.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

- YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT
IT WON'T.

YOU'RE THROUGH.

- ARE YOU FIRING ME?

- YOU WANTED ON-THE-JOB
EXPERIENCE, RIGHT?

LESSON ONE:
YOU FUCK UP, YOU'RE GONE.

- BUT YOU GOT THE ACCOUNT.

- AND SHE GOT MY BALLS,
THANKS TO YOU.

- BRIAN--

MR. KINNEY?

I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF
YOU'D GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE.

- I NEVER SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU
THE FIRST ONE.

NOW PACK UP YOUR SHIT
AND GO HOME.

- I GUESS I SHOULD'VE
EXPECTED THIS.

AFTER ALL, YOU NEVER WANTED ME
HERE TO BEGIN WITH,

DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SEE
MY FACE EVERY DAY

WHEN YOU CAME IN TO WORK.

ALTHOUGH I GUESS A PART OF ME
WAS KIND OF HOPING

THAT EVENTUALLY
YOU WOULDN'T MIND IT,

MAYBE YOU'D EVEN
GET USED TO IT.

- [chuckles]
YEAH.

- I GUESS I WAS WRONG,
TO THINK THAT--

MM.
AH, FUCK IT.

NEVER MIND.
- WHAT?

THAT WHEN YOUR
LITTLE ROMANCE WITH

PAGANINI JUNIOR WAS OVER,

YOU COULD COME RUNNING BACK?

- YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- SORRY.

- I KNOW.
IT'S STUPID.

- ALMOST AS STUPID
AS FALLING

FOR HIS BULLSHIT
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

BUT YOU'RE YOUNG
AND INEXPERIENCED.

- WHAT, AND YOU'RE SO SMART?

IF YOU HAD ANY FUCKING BRAINS
AT ALL,

YOU NEVER WOULD'VE
LET ME LEAVE.

YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME
I WAS MAKING

THE BIGGEST
MISTAKE OF MY LIFE,

THAT I WOULD LIVE
TO REGRET IT,

THAT WHAT YOU GAVE ME
WAS WORTH 1,000--

A MILLION TIMES MORE

THAN ANYTHING
HE HAD TO OFFER.

YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME
THAT YOU LOVED ME,

THAT YOU WOULD GO ON LOVING ME,
EVEN AFTER I WAS GONE.

- IS THAT WHAT YOU
WERE WAITING TO HEAR?

- YES.

BUT AS USUAL,
YOU NEVER SAID IT,

SO IT'S JUST AS WELL
THAT I GO.

- THAT IS SO LIKE YOU.

YOU DON'T HEAR WHAT YOU WANT,
SO YOU LEAVE.

TRY STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF
FOR A CHANGE.

HAVE SOME BALLS.

[indistinct chatter]

- COME ON, WE'RE NOT
CALLING THE POLICE, MICHAEL.

- BUT I-I DON'T WANT THEM
HANGING OUT

IN FRONT OF OUR APARTMENT.

WHAT IF ONE OF THEM
HAD A KNIFE OR A GUN?

YOU COULD'VE BEEN
SERIOUSLY INJURED,

OR EVEN KILLED.
- THEY'RE JUST KIDS.

- THEY'RE NOT KIDS.
THEY'RE HUSTLERS.

THEY'RE DRUG ADDICTS
AND THEY'RE DANGEROUS.

AND NOW THERE'S ONE
IN OUR GODDAMN BATHROOM.

- I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE HIM
OUT ON THE STREET

TO GET THE SHIT KICKED
OUT OF HIM.

- WELL, WHAT ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO?

- I THOUGHT
HE COULD STAY HERE.

- WHAT?
- FOR JUST ONE NIGHT.

- ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
NOT FOR ONE MINUTE.

NOT FOR ONE SECOND.
- COME ON, IT'S CHRISTMAS.

- IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS.

- WELL, THEN SHOW
A LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT,

A LITTLE LOVE
TOWARDS YOUR FELLOW MAN.

- WHAT IF HE RIPS US OFF?

OR MURDERS US
IN OUR BEDS?

- WHAT IS HE GOING TO TAKE,
THE CD PLAYER?

[door opens]

- OKAY, WHO WANTS
TO FUCK ME FIRST?

- THAT'S NOT WHY
WE BROUGHT YOU UP HERE.

- WELL, THEN
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- FOR YOU NOT TO GET KILLED.

- BIG LOSS IF I DID.

- [exhales]

- I'M GOING BACK TO WORK.

- NOT WITH THAT.

- SOMEONE SHOULD PROBABLY
LOOK AT IT.

- I'LL TRY TO PICK UP
A DOCTOR.

- UH-UH.
YOU'RE STAYING HERE TONIGHT.

ALONE.

NOW PUT THIS ON
AND FOLLOW ME.

- [sighs]

- OKAY.

- WANT A GOOD TIME?

WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUDDY.

- OKAY, THAT'S TOO HIGH.

NOW THAT'S TOO LOW.

- OKAY, GIRLS, LINE UP!
[snapping]

- OOH, THERE'S THE MAN
IN CHARGE.

- OKAY.

- I THINK YOU CAN DO
THE SAME WITH THAT ONE.

[indistinct chatter]

ONE, TWO, THREE.

- WHO, OR SHOULD I SAY WHAT,
ARE THOSE PEOPLE?

- MR. BLOOM, I CAN EXPLAIN.
YOU SEE--

- HONESTLY,
PUT OUT A CALL

FOR DRAG QUEENS,
NOT DREG QUEENS.

- MR. BLOOM,
THIS IS EMMETT HONEYCUTT,

THE NEW EVENT PLANNER.
- HOW DO YOU DO?

UH, MAY I JUST SAY--
- NO.

MAY I JUST SAY
THAT I TOOK A GREAT RISK

IN ENTRUSTING YOU
WITH TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I CERTAINLY HOPE,
FOR YOUR SAKE,

YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE DOING.

- I LIKE YOUR BOW TIE.

- GET OUT OF MY WAY.

- I LOVE A MAN
WHO'S FORCEFUL.

- TESTY, ISN'T HE?

- OH GOD, EM,
PLEASE TELL ME

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT

AND I HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

- EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT.

YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

- GOOD.
[glass shatters]

[gasps]

OH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S FUNNY?

[deep breath]

I REALLY WANTED TO GET BACK
INTO THE WORLD

AND PROVE MYSELF, AND NOW,
ALL I WANT TO DO

IS BE HOME WITH GUS,
CHANGING HIS DIAPER.

- SAME WITH ME AND TED.

YEAH, EXCEPT FOR
THE DIAPER THING.

- IN FACT, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY PEOPLE

WOULD EVER WANT
TO LEAVE THEIR HOUSE.

- WHEN IT'S SO MUCH SAFER
JUST TO CLOSE THE DOOR.

- BUT IF YOU CLOSE THE DOOR,

NOTHING'LL EVER HAPPEN,
WILL IT?

- WELL, YOU'LL JUST SIT THERE
IN YOUR SAFE LITTLE ROOM

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,

WONDERING WHAT MIGHT'VE BEEN.

- WHAT TIME IS IT?

HOW LONG DO WE HAVE
TO DO THIS?

[both sigh]

[indistinct chatter]

- OKAY, GIRLS, LET'S, UH--
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

- OKAY.

- NOW, THAT'S TOO LOW.

THAT'S TOO HIGH.

- HE'S STILL ASLEEP.

MUST'VE BEEN EXHAUSTED.

- I'M SURE,
WITH THE HOURS HE KEEPS.

- YOU KNOW, TO LOOK AT HIM--

THERE YOU GO.

YOU'D THINK HE WAS LIKE
ANY OTHER TEENAGER.

- WELL, HE'S NOT...

AND HE'S NEVER GOING TO BE.

- JESUS, MICHAEL,

WHERE IS YOUR SENSE
OF COMPASSION?

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU
TO BE SO UNCARING.

- IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW
WHERE THIS IS HEADING.

"GEE, MOMMY,
CAN I KEEP POOCHIE?

"I'LL WALK HIM.
I'LL FEED HIM.

HE WON'T BE ANY TROUBLE,
I PROMISE."

WELL, THE ANSWER'S NO.

WE'RE NOT TAKING IN A STRAY.

- DID I ASK YOU TO?

- LOOK, I LOVE
HOW GOOD-HEARTED YOU ARE...

- AS LONG AS I DON'T
ACT ON IT.

- BUT ONE NIGHT IS ENOUGH.

- SO WE SHOULD JUST TOSS HIM

BACK ON THE STREET,
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?

- HE DOESN'T EVEN
WANT OUR HELP.

HE'LL BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU.
- WELL, HE'S WRONG,

BECAUSE THE WAY HIS LIFE
IS GOING, IT'LL

BE OVER BEFORE HE'S 20.

- WHAT TIME IS IT?

- IT'S ALMOST NOON.

- OH, FUCK.

WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME?

- FIGURED YOU COULD
USE THE SLEEP.

- WHAT I COULD USE IS CASH.

- A LITTLE EARLY
TO OPEN UP SHOP, ISN'T IT?

- LUNCH HOUR'S
ONE OF MY BUSIEST TIMES--

ALL THE MARRIED BUSINESSMEN.

- OKAY, UH, AT LEAST HAVE
SOMETHING TO EAT BEFORE YOU GO.

- YEAH, YOU CAN'T
EXPECT TO DO

YOUR BEST WORK
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

- LISTEN, IF YOU
NEED SOMETHING,

OR YOU JUST WANT TO TALK,

HERE'S OUR NUMBER.

- [sighs]

- AND, UH,
PUT THIS SOMEPLACE SAFE,

IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY.

- [sighs]

- WE DID MORE FOR HIM
THAN MOST PEOPLE.

- WHAT WE DID WAS BUY OFF
OUR CONSCIENCE FOR 100 BUCKS,

HALF THE PRICE OF FUCKING HIM
WITHOUT A CONDOM.

[indistinct chatter]

[classical music]

*

- [chuckles]
YES, I AM A NATURAL BLONDE.

*

- YES, IT'S WONDERFUL.
HERE'S MY CARD.

- THANKS, ELEANOR.

[rapid classical music]

*

- TRY ONE OF THESE,
MONSIEUR.

- OH, NO, NO, I COULDN'T.

- SURE YOU CAN-CAN.
- [chuckles]

- [laughs]

- THIS IS AMAZING.

I CANNOT BELIEVE
WHAT EMMETT ACCOMPLISHED.

- WELL, HE'S BEEN WORKING
LIKE A DOG--

I MEAN, UN CHIEN.

- WE'VE NEVER HAD
AN OPENING LIKE THIS.

MY CLIENTS ARE RAVING.

AND I HAVE YOU TO THANK.

SO HOW MUCH IS IT
GOING TO COST ME?

- YOU'LL BE HAPPY
TO KNOW THAT

EMMETT IS VERY RESOURCEFUL.

- MMM, THEN BOOK HIM FOR
THE SURREALIST SHOW IN JUNE.

BUT HURRY, IT LOOKS LIKE
HE'S GOING TO BE BUSY.

- [chuckles]
- EXCUSE ME.

- I FEEL LIKE THE TOWN SLUT
ON PROM NIGHT.

[chuckles]
AGAIN!

[laughs]

LOOK AT ALL THESE CARDS.
- WOW.

- I'M PROUD OF YOU, EM.

- OH, THANKS, BABY.
- CAREFUL ON THE BACK.

- OH, SORRY.

SO, UM, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SHOULD WE BRING OUT
THE PASTRIES?

- YOU'RE THE PLANNER.

- WELL, THEN I SAY,
FOLLOW ME, TROOPS.

IT'S TIME THOSE NAPOLEONS
MET THEIR WATERLOO!

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- OKAY.

IT'S FUNNY, USUALLY WHEN
WE GO TO THESE EVENTS,

IT'S FOR MY BUSINESS
AND LINDSAY'S THERE

TO SUPPORT ME,

BUT TONIGHT,
I'M THE WIFE.

- YEAH.

GUESS I AM TOO.

[indistinct chatter]

- CHECK ME OUT, MAN.

- COME ON, I THOUGHT YOU
WANT A HOT ASS.

- HEY, COME ON BACK HERE.

I'VE GOT WHAT YOU WANT.

- YOU WANNA PLAY?

- BEN?

- WANNA HAVE SOME FUN?
- YOU GOTTA PAY.

- HEY, DADDY, COME HERE.

- I MASHED UP SOME FRESH GARLIC
IN THE POTATOES.

- OH, SMELLS GREAT.

[laughter outside]

- HEY, NO DISEASE.
I'M CLEAN.

- DADDY, YOU WANT
A NICE TIGHT ASS?

- HEY, SEXY.
- YOU WANNA FUCK ME?

[knocks]

- MR. KINNEY?

- TAYLOR.

COME IN.

SIT DOWN.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

- I GAVE IT SOME THOUGHT.

I DECIDED YOU SHOULD
TAKE ME BACK.

- OH?

- EVEN THOUGH
I HAVE MADE A FEW MISTAKES,

I THINK YOU'D BE MAKING
AN EVEN BIGGER ONE

NOT TO GIVE ME
A SECOND CHANCE.

- I SEE.

- 'CAUSE NOW I UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT IS YOU WANT OF ME.

AND I KNOW WHAT I CAN EXPECT
FROM YOU.

- YOU ALSO UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU'LL BE REQUIRED

TO WORK LONG, HARD HOURS,

SOMETIMES DEEP
INTO THE NIGHT?

- IT'LL BE A PLEASURE
TO WORK UNDER YOU, SIR.

- AND YOU'RE NEVER

TO PLAY VIOLIN MUSIC
IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN.

- I PROMISE.

- GOOD.

WELL, THEN.

YOU CAN START...

IMMEDIATELY.

[Broken Social Scene's
Lover's Spit]

*

- * ALL THESE PEOPLE
DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT *

* THEY SIT AROUND AND CLEAN
THEIR FACE WITH IT *

* AND THEY LISTEN TO TEETH
TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT *

* TIED TO A NIGHT
THEY NEVER MET *

* YOU KNOW IT'S TIME

* THAT WE GROW OLD

* AND DO SOME SHIT

* I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY

* I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY

* ALL THESE PEOPLE
DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT *

* SWALLOWING WORDS
WHILE GIVING HEAD *

* THEY LISTEN TO TEETH
TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT *

* TAKE SOME HANDS
AND GET USED TO IT *

*

* ALL THESE PEOPLE
DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT *

* THEY SIT AROUND AND CLEAN
THEIR FACE WITH IT *

* YOU KNOW IT'S TIME

* THAT WE

* GROW OLD
AND DO SOME SHIT *

* I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY

* I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY

*