Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:02,909
CAPTAIN KIRK: The Enterprise is preparing
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,838
to leave Beta III
in star system C-111.
3
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:10,129
Sociologist Lindstrom
is remaining behind
4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,461
with a party of experts
who will help restore
5
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,763
the planet's culture
to a human form.
6
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:17,549
SPOCK:
The Late Landru, Captain.
7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,600
A marvelous feat of engineering.
8
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,935
A computer capable
of directing the lives
9
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:22,978
of millions of human beings.
10
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,977
But only a machine, Mr. Spock.
11
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,275
The original Landru programmed
it with all his knowledge,
12
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,853
but he couldn't give it
his wisdom, his compassion,
13
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,734
his understanding, his soul.
14
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:34,783
I prefer the concrete,
the graspable, the provable.
15
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,360
You'd make a splendid computer,
Mr. Spock.
16
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,030
That is very kind of you,
Captain.
17
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:44,371
That's humorous, because Spock
is half human and half Vulcan.
18
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,794
But he's ashamed
of his human side.
19
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,837
That's why I
identify with him.
20
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,796
- Good luck.
- MEEMAW: I gravitate a little more towards Kirk.
21
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:53,967
Why?
22
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,087
(imitating Shatner):
Be-cause... everything
23
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,672
he says...
24
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,766
he makes sound
so im-portant.
25
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,560
I should hope so...
he's the captain.
26
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,012
Sheldon.
27
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,268
Do me a favor.
28
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,598
Go help your brother study
29
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:08,934
for his math test tomorrow.
30
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,768
Is that really a
good use of my time?
31
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,649
Come on. I'm asking nice.
32
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,072
If he doesn't pass, he
won't be able to play football.
33
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,241
You realize
he's often mean to me.
34
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,991
So? Your mother's mean to me.
I still try to be helpful.
35
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:22,705
Does she break
wind on your head?
36
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,657
Because that's what
Georgie does to me.
37
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,414
Can you help me out here?
38
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,716
I'll do it if you take
me to the train store.
39
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:34,667
You got it.
40
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,756
And buy me
whatever I want.
41
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,056
Connie, what are you doing?
42
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,425
(imitating Shatner):
Just providing
43
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:46,479
my grandson
with financial guidance.
44
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,897
(quietly):
Don't mock the captain.
45
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,729
If Georgie passes his test,
I'll get you whatever you want...
46
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,105
under 20 bucks.
47
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,272
Deal.
48
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,109
Why?
49
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:03,113
I guess I like him
better than you.
50
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,874
- (knocking)
- Georgie?
51
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:07,950
- What?
- Dad told me
52
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,957
to help you study
for the math test.
53
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,538
I don't need your help.
Get lost.
54
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,418
GEORGE SR.: Georgie,
let him help you!
55
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,715
Fine. Come in!
56
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,418
(rock music playing on stereo)
57
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,594
Oh, dear.
58
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,795
What's your problem?
59
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,847
No problem.
I'll just...
60
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,678
tidy while we talk.
61
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:25,556
Help yourself.
62
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,307
Before we start, I'd
like to get a sense
63
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,980
- of how much algebra you know.
- 'Kay.
64
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,020
Do you understand
solving and graphing
65
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,943
- linear inequalities?
- Sure.
66
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,813
Great. Explain it to me.
67
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,735
Uh...
68
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,066
first you solve 'em...
69
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,405
and then you graph 'em.
70
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,863
And how do you do that?
71
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:45,829
Uh, you know,
72
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,122
carefully.
73
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,375
Excuse me.
74
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:50,956
(door closes)
75
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,545
$20 isn't gonna do it.
76
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:54,918
(chuckles)
77
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,961
♪♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪♪
78
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,842
♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪
79
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,549
♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪
80
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,306
♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪
81
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,980
♪♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪♪
82
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,323
So you collect all
the terms linear in X.
83
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,524
See? Simple.
84
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,984
Maybe for you.
85
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,069
No, it's simple for everybody.
86
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,120
Now you collect all
the terms linear in Y.
87
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,623
I don't get it.
88
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,076
Try this.
Close your eyes.
89
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,453
- 'Kay.
- Can you see
90
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:37,006
the slope of the line given
by the coefficients of X and Y?
91
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:38,924
No.
92
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,547
What do you see?
93
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:41,843
Darkness.
94
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,470
Try harder.
95
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:45,681
Wait.
96
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,519
I see Elle Macpherson
in a bikini.
97
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,353
Ooh, it just fell off.
98
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,566
- Dad!
- I'll make it $40! Keep going!
99
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,481
Maybe the problem is
you're not a good teacher.
100
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,522
Unlikely. Regardless,
I am your only hope.
101
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,774
What do you see
when you close your eyes?
102
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,364
I see quadrant one as red,
103
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,487
quadrant two is
soft and plush...
104
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,574
(sniffs) quadrant three
smells like lavender,
105
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,580
and quadrant four is overlaid
with a Fibonacci spiral.
106
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,836
That's really weird.
107
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,168
No. What's really weird
is doing simple algebra
108
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,591
and thinking
about a girl in a bikini.
109
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,006
I disagree.
110
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,170
Dad!
111
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,675
GEORGE SR.:
Keep going.
112
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:27,882
SHELDON:
And when you divide
113
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:28,841
by a negative number,
114
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,767
you have to reverse the
direction of the inequality.
115
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,470
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
116
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,726
But we're not done.
You're going to fail.
117
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,396
I get enough of what you said.
I'll be fine.
118
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,398
ADULT SHELDON:
It was at that moment I decided
119
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,445
I was not cut out for teaching.
120
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,238
I consoled myself
with the knowledge
121
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,612
that I was wonderful
at everything else.
122
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,068
♪♪♪ ♪
123
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,869
Take one
and pass it back.
124
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,410
Take one and
pass it back.
125
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,324
As you all know,
this test'll count
126
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,626
for 25% of your final grade.
127
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,248
Be sure to show all your work.
128
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,875
If you get stuck on a question,
129
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,956
move on and come back to it
at the end.
130
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,587
And I shouldn't have
to say this,
131
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,302
but if there's any cheating,
I will see it.
132
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,551
I got eyes in the back
of my head.
133
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,382
I got more eyes than a potato.
134
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,599
(chuckles)
135
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:11,801
Ms. Ingram?
136
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,137
- Yeah, Sheldon.
- I'm done.
137
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,312
What?
138
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:16,514
I enjoyed it very much.
139
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,065
I'll take another
if you have one.
140
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,108
No, I don't have
another one.
141
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,357
J-Just read ahead
in the textbook.
142
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,813
Oh, boy.
143
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:29,864
ADULT SHELDON:
Seeing my brother struggle
144
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,696
was difficult for me.
145
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,075
As his tutor,
I took his failure personally,
146
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,159
almost as if I had failed.
147
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:41,123
Which was odd,
because I knew how dumb he was.
148
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,924
Georgie, how'd you do
on that math test today?
149
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,046
It was tough.
150
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,093
I don't know.
151
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,840
I'm sorry I wasn't more help.
152
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:48,887
Me, too.
153
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,844
That's all right, baby,
you tried.
154
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,595
Yeah. It's okay, baby.
155
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,270
I don't understand
what went wrong.
156
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,273
Is there any chance
you drank alcohol
157
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,725
when you were pregnant
with Georgie?
158
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,147
No!
159
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,478
Well, don't be
so high-and-mighty.
160
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,938
I drank when
I was pregnant with you.
161
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,397
You turned out fine.
162
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,857
These days everybody's like,
163
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,157
"Don't drink, don't smoke."
164
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,658
I swear. Texas is
turning into California.
165
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,285
You realize there's nothing
I can do if you fail.
166
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,286
You're off the team.
167
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,332
I know.
168
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,876
Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus
169
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,545
to help you get
a good grade on that test.
170
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,582
Shouldn't you have asked him
before he took it?
171
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,963
The man rose from the dead...
I think he can fix a test
172
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,294
after the fact.
173
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,879
You know, I hear you
say things like that,
174
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,841
and I wonder if maybe I did have
a few too many whiskey sours
175
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,641
when you were in my belly.
176
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,272
(sighs, clicks tongue)
177
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,859
Not me, but not bad.
178
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,314
I would say "A" for effort,
179
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,616
but... that's an "F."
180
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,489
What? How bad is it?
181
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,119
You got a "B."
182
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,206
Are you kidding?
183
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,087
I don't believe it.
184
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,464
Me, neither.
185
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:06,707
Me, neither.
186
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,169
(whistle blows)
187
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,046
So, I guess I have
to rethink my abilities.
188
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,097
Clearly, I'm
a wonderful teacher.
189
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,218
Georgie didn't pass
because of you.
190
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,848
What do you mean?
191
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:20,854
He cheated.
192
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,562
He had the answers written
on the bottom of his shoe.
193
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,358
He wouldn't do that.
194
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,982
When you cheat in school,
you only cheat yourself.
195
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,772
Where'd you get that?
196
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,529
An inspirational poster
outside the boys' room.
197
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,656
I saw what I saw, Sheldon.
198
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,158
Well, if this is true,
199
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,990
he needs to turn himself in.
200
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,576
That'll never happen.
He'll get kicked off the team.
201
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,252
I'm sorry, I can't
accept this.
202
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,375
There mustbe
another explanation.
203
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,502
If you don't believe me,
look at his shoes.
204
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,582
I will.
205
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,761
(grunting quietly)
206
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,099
(strained grunt)
207
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,476
This is quite a workout.
208
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,817
♪♪♪ ♪
209
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,059
♪♪♪ ♪
210
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,567
(whispers):
You dirty bird.
211
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,281
What are you doing in here?
212
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,653
You cheated.
213
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,360
No, I didn't.
214
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,039
I'm holding the evidence.
215
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,286
Let me see that.
216
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,247
(spits)
217
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,291
I don't see nothin'.
218
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,964
(gasps):
That's obstruction of justice,
219
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,587
as well as disgusting.
220
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,386
Oh, relax. By passing that test,
I get to play football,
221
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,464
and you get to go
to the train store.
222
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,844
Everybody wins.
223
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,301
But what about the truth?
224
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:22,801
What about it?
225
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,978
It's supposed to set us free.
226
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,518
Who told you that?
227
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,564
The Bible.
228
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,810
Since when do you care about
what's in the Bible?
229
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,154
When it helps me
win an argument.
230
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,358
The Bible also says honor
thy father and thy mother.
231
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,159
And if you open your mouth,
you're gonna make them sad.
232
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,953
ADULT SHELDON:
He had me.
233
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:44,328
Somehow, the mullet-headed
simpleton had me.
234
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:46,332
This isn't over.
235
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,251
Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?
236
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,793
All right, maybe it's over.
237
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,386
SHELDON:
Meemaw?
238
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:07,145
I assume you've read the
Surgeon General's report
239
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,723
on the dangers of smoking?
240
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,979
I'm gonna wait
till they turn it into a movie.
241
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:12,981
Is that your new train?
242
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:17,156
Yes. It's my reward for helping
Georgie pass the math test.
243
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,324
You don't seem too happy
about it.
244
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,652
I don't feel like I earned it.
245
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:22,952
Why not?
246
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,534
Can you keep a secret?
247
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,742
Well, at my age, the question
is can I remember one.
248
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:28,955
Try me.
249
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,130
(whispers):
Georgie cheated on the test.
250
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:34,582
Oh.
251
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,133
And nothing bad happened.
252
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,551
He gets to stay
on the football team,
253
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:38,673
Mom and Dad are proud of him;
254
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,675
I even got a train for helping.
255
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,136
So you're feeling guilty.
256
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,637
Very much so.
257
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,388
Well, that's
a real conundrum.
258
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,222
Have you been reading the
Word of the Day calendar
259
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,023
I gave you for
your birthday?
260
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,522
Indubitably.
(chuckles)
261
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,731
So what do you think?
262
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,279
I don't think you should
let it bother you very much.
263
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,281
I mean, there's always gonna be
people in this world
264
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,614
who are playing fast and loose
with the rules.
265
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,286
And your brother's one of them.
266
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,878
That's how Captain Kirk is
on Star Trek.
267
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,832
Well, there you go, and he's,
like, the main guy on that show.
268
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,508
No, Mr. Spock is the main guy.
269
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,131
I stand corrected.
270
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,474
Although Kirk is usually the one
who saves the Enterprise.
271
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,935
Because he doesn't
always follow the rules?
272
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,519
He even cheated on a test
when he was a cadet.
273
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,191
The Kobayashi Maru.
274
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,062
The what?
275
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,064
Kobayashi Maru.
276
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,986
Kirk is a legend because of it.
277
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,612
(chuckles)
Ko-Kobayashi Maru.
278
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,072
Sounds like something
you eat at Benihana's.
279
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,494
Have you ever been
to one of those?
280
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,536
They make you sit
with strangers.
281
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:47,955
It's crazy.
282
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,918
Do you think a Spock
could become a Kirk?
283
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,329
Well, in my experience,
284
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,540
most people stay
the miserable bastards they are
285
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:58,875
their whole entire life.
286
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,209
But...
287
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,007
I have seen some folks change.
288
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,298
Hmm.
289
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,224
All right. Well, I'm gonna
go play with this train.
290
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,854
You do that.
291
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:28,988
(sighs)
292
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:29,989
(knocking on door)
293
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:30,823
SHELDON:
Georgie?
294
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:31,740
Go away.
295
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,246
I need to ask
a favor.
296
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,247
What?
297
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,294
It's private. Can I come in?
298
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,213
(sighs)
Come on.
299
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,380
Ugh.
300
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,595
What do you want?
301
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,343
It occurs to me
you have something in common
302
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,639
with Captain Kirk.
303
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,183
We both have cool hair?
304
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,351
In order to succeed,
305
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,804
you both play fast and loose
with the rules.
306
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,106
Yeah, I suppose we do.
307
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:59,151
When you cheated on the math
test, what was your strategy?
308
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,395
Well, I guess the most
important part
309
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,027
was not stepping on anything wet
before the test.
310
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,823
And not getting an "A."
311
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,780
Why wouldn't you want an "A"?
312
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,450
'Cause that would
raise suspicions.
313
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,073
Who would believe I got an "A"?
314
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:13,661
Wow.
315
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,162
Tell me more.
316
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,540
Okay, when you're telling a lie,
317
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,792
it's important to throw in
some details.
318
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,091
Like, when I was wanted to spend
the night at Ricky's house,
319
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,960
and Mom asked me if his mom
and dad were gonna be home,
320
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,044
I said, not only
321
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,425
are they be
gonna be home,
322
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,551
his dad was gonna teach us
323
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,883
how to cook turkey legs
in the smoker.
324
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,968
I like turkey legs.
Were they good?
325
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,349
There weren't any turkey legs,
you dope.
326
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,181
His parents were in Branson.
327
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,234
That's incredible.
I totally believed you.
328
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:41,901
Details.
329
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,526
Now get out of here,
I got to finish reading this.
330
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,700
Thank you, Georgie,
that was very helpful.
331
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,027
(man speaking on TV)
332
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,487
Did you hear that?
333
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:52,495
What?
334
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:53,697
Sounds like Georgie
and Sheldon
335
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,032
are getting along.
336
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:55,911
Really?
337
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,792
That can't be right.
338
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:58,994
I just heard it.
339
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,129
Maybe there's hope
for those two after all.
340
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,503
Or it's a sign of
the apocalypse.
341
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,380
Honey, I'm-I'm watching this.
342
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,341
(exhales)
343
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,303
So you'll have to
find someone else
344
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,350
to hold your ankles
in P.E. today.
345
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,848
I'm sorry, what?
346
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,180
I've suffered a terrible injury
347
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,855
and won't be able to attend.
348
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:19,932
What happened?
349
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,482
See for yourself.
350
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:27,402
"Dear Coach Wilkins,
please excuse my son, Sheldon,
351
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,528
"from P.E.
352
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,030
"He has experienced
a testicular hernia,
353
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,862
"and needs to rest for the next
six to eight weeks.
354
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,698
Sincerely, Mary Cooper."
355
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,038
Testicular hernia?
356
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,586
That's called details.
357
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,170
Ooh, that's rough.
358
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,208
Hmm.
359
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,133
How'd it happen?
360
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,677
It's hard to say,
361
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,173
but some risk factors include:
heavy lifting, a chronic cough
362
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,679
and repetitive straining
during bowel movements.
363
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,392
I've been there.
364
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,186
Hmm. All right.
365
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,562
Guess I'll see you in...
six to eight weeks.
366
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,562
("Bad to the Bone"
by George Thorogood playing)
367
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,982
ADULT SHELDON: I don't know
if other supervillains
368
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,237
started their careers
369
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,239
by getting out of P.E.,
370
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,824
but that's where I began.
371
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,406
Emboldened by my faux hernia,
372
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,493
I started taking books
out of the library...
373
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,412
without getting
the cards stamped.
374
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,712
You didn't check
out those books.
375
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,914
I know.
376
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,425
Before you judge me
too harshly,
377
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,673
I always brought them back
on time.
378
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,547
I was a rule-breaker,
not a lunatic.
379
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:36,683
But perhaps my most
satisfying transgression
380
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,601
was duping my sister
381
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,556
into relinquishing control
of the TV.
382
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,266
Hello.
383
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,268
What's that for?
384
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:50,110
Oh, this? I was just digging
for money in Meemaw's backyard.
385
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,944
There's money there?
386
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,447
Oh, yes. I already
found 75 cents.
387
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,282
Who do you think left it?
388
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,113
If I were to guess,
389
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,198
I'd say pirates
with holes in their pockets.
390
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,535
Can I use your shovel?
391
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:04,957
Be my guest.
392
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,506
MISSY: Oh, baby,
I'm gonna be rich.
393
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:13,629
Today, we're going to learn
about Sir Isaac Newton.
394
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,297
Hello, old friend.
395
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,973
...one of the world's
greatest scientists...
396
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:18,926
(school bell rings)
397
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,561
(grunts)
398
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:22,637
See you tomorrow, Wayne.
399
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,393
You have a good one, George.
400
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,441
Hey, how's your son doing?
401
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,559
Georgie?
402
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,148
No, the smart one.
403
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,026
He's fine. Why?
404
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,903
What about the hernia?
405
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,241
What hernia?
406
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,319
The one your wife said he had.
407
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,749
Happened to me
while I was in the Army.
408
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,169
I was in a bar in Georgia,
tried to lift up this big gal.
409
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,047
Swear I could hear something
pop down there.
410
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,590
Sheldon gave you this note?
411
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:51,757
Yeah.
412
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,255
I didn't write this.
413
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,257
You sure?
414
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:55,636
Looks like your
handwriting.
415
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,259
It's got that little
swoopy thing going on.
416
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:58,340
I didn't write it.
417
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,097
And I think I'd know
if my son had a hernia.
418
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:04,225
So what, Sheldon forged a
letter to get out of P.E.?
419
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,689
Looks like it.
420
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,307
How about that.
421
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,977
Don't be proud of him.
422
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,896
Can't help it. First time
he ever seemed like my kid.
423
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,232
Do you have any idea
424
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,567
what's gotten into him?
425
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,194
I might.
426
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,786
Well?
427
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,119
Have you ever heard of...
428
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,869
Mobokachi Kaboom?
429
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,044
Wait.
430
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,664
Koshimaki Magoo.
431
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,920
Wait a minute,
I'm gonna get this.
432
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:37,888
"Dear Professor Proton,
433
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,715
"I would very much
like to meet you,
434
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,517
"and I only have
three weeks to live.
435
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,220
"Please come visit me here
in Medford, Texas.
436
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,896
"Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper.
437
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:49,145
P.S. My Meemaw makes
excellent brisket."
438
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,020
MARY:
Sheldon.
439
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,818
Would you like
to explain this note?
440
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,230
Well?
441
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,235
I was trying to be
442
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,406
more like Georgie.
443
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,904
That's a dumb idea.
444
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,737
We don't want Georgie
to be like Georgie.
445
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,453
Well, let me start by saying
how very sorry I am.
446
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,798
ADULT SHELDON:
Despite my explanation
447
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,377
that I was embracing
my inner Kirk,
448
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,340
my mother had me make amends
for all my misdeeds.
449
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,882
Starting in the library,
450
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,139
where I had to reshelve
hundreds of books.
451
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,896
Well, to be honest,
that one was a hoot.
452
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,560
The amends got worse when Coach
Wilkins made me climb the rope.
453
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,816
Lacking any
upper body strength,
454
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:38,320
I hung there like a salami
in a deli window.
455
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,198
And finally, I had to apologize
to my meemaw,
456
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:46,532
who was an unfortunate victim
of my sister's treasure hunt.
457
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:47,366
(shouts)
458
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,496
(thuds)
32237
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.