Original subtitles

- Jess, it's this way. - Oh, sorry.

What time are you thinking for lunch?

- Uh, one, maybe? - Okay.

Hey.

Yeah?

Yeah, I know, it looks just great. Love it.

Hey. Here you go. Thanks.

Hi. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Quiet, please, everyone. Hey.

- Standby to roll, guys. - Okay.

Okay. That's it.

Let's get slate in.

Here you go.

And action!

Hey, I'm just gonna check on her.

I've never seen anything like it!

Heavens above, Gromit!

Hi. I'm... I'm Mira. It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too. I'm Danielle.

- Everything okay? - Mm-hmm.

Should we get started?

Yeah.

So, Mira.

I don't know if you remember me from drop-off?

I babysit Iris and Sadie.

- Oh, um... - Yeah.

- I'm not sure, I... right. - Yeah. So, um...

Well, I believe Jonathan told you

a bit about my study, in general?

- Um... - Well, it's for my PhD in Gender Studies and Psych

- at Tufts. - Oh, okay.

I'm looking at how evolving gender norms

- affect monogamous marriages. - Okay.

Okay. Um...

So, to complete the formalities, just confirming your pronouns?

He, him, his.

- She, um... - She, her, hers.

Great. Mine are she/her, too.

Um... okay.

So, yeah.

The first question is pretty open,

it's for either one of you.

How would you define yourself?

- Define? - I dunno...

Def... Like, describe?

- Well, define. - Right.

I'm... I'm actually interested in the...

- the elements... - Mm-hmm.

...that constitute your self-definition.

The elements that constitute...

- Go first. - ...your self-definition.

That's, um...

Well, you could think of it like this.

What, um, attributes

couldn't you imagine yourself without?

That's interesting.

Uh, okay. Let me think.

Actually, if it's okay,

just say whatever comes to mind.

Okay. Uh, I'm a man.

I'm Jewish.

That's weird, right?

- That's so weird. - That's strange.

I went blank, that's the first thing

- that came into my head. - Great, yes.

- That's exactly the idea. - Yes. Right. Okay.

- Um, I'm, uh, a father to Ava... - Mm-hmm.

...who's four years old, as you know.

Um... I'm an academic.

Uh, I should've said that first, actually.

- Mm-hmm. - It's a big part of my

- self-definition. - Mm-hmm.

- I teach in the philosophy department at Tufts. - Mm-hmm.

Um...

What else? I'm, uh, 41.

- I'm a Democrat. - Yeah.

I'm an asthmatic.

Whoa. You feel your asthma defines you?

- Yeah. - Really?

Yeah. Well, if you go through your whole life

threatened with the possibility of suffocating, then yeah,

you know, it becomes part of your self-definition.

- Okay. - What?

No. Nothing, babe. It's... it's interesting.

- Really. - Is it?

- Yes. - Okay.

Cool.

And Mira, how would you...

Right. I... Okay. Me.

I am a woman.

- I'm married. - Correct.

I am a mother.

- Mm-hmm. - I am 40.

I... Not quite, but that's definitely

my self-definition, 40.

I'm, uh... in tech.

I'm, uh, VP of product management at Horizon.

I know that doesn't mean much to most people,

- but, you know... - She's a big shot.

- Trust me. - Yeah...

Um, okay, what else?

I'm a mother, obviously.

You said that, don't worry.

Oh, good.

Is that enough?

Um...

unless there's anything else you'd like to add?

- Oh, no. I'm good. - Yeah.

I wonder, for instance, if you'd like to add something

um, about how you divide

household and caregiving responsibilities...

- Right. Yes. Um... - ...in that context?

So, I forgot to mention she's interested in couples

where the woman is the primary provider.

- Yeah. Well, um... - Oh.

- Right? Is that... - Yeah, I wouldn't exactly...

- put it that way, but it's... - Oh, yes. Sorry.

I'm not... I'm not... I'm not trying to give away your thesis.

That's... that's fine.

Uh, anyway, yes. So, for the most part,

I do take care of Ava during the week.

- Um... - Well, uh...

Well, being in academia, as you know,

I have very flexible hours and I can work from home.

Mira, she works long days and...

- has to travel for work. - And I make it up to them on the weekends.

- Yeah, and you make it home for bedtime, when you can. - Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And has this always been your arrangement, in terms of childcare?

- Yeah, pretty much. - Well, yeah. I had...

Well, I had to take

- an extra-long maternity leave. - Yes.

And, um, you know, I'm still paying for it at work.

Of course. Yeah.

And my company is going public later this year,

- so that's why there's so much extra travel. - Yeah, and it's also, like,

I'm not making a big, uh, heroic sacrifice or anything.

No. - We have our babysitter, Veronica,

and she does extra hours, uh, on the, you know,

on the days that I'm underwater at work.

- Sure. - And look, it'd be great

if academia paid as well as tech does,

- but it doesn't... - It doesn't, no.

...so this arrangement makes perfect sense.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

It sounds like we're apologizing for it. Maybe.

- No, not at all. - Yeah. No, we're proud of it.

Babe. Don't.

Okay. So, at this point, I'd like to...

hear a little bit about your history.

I know that you've been married for almost ten years.

Yes.

How long were you together before that?

It's like two years and change, maybe?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Twelve years total.

- Mm-hmm. - And how did you meet?

- You should be the one to tell the story. - No.

It's way more entertaining. Come on.

Is... Can you tell me how this is part of the study?

Um, well, it's valuable

in the context of the gender perceptions

you had at the beginning of the relationship.

Okay. I just... I've...

I was under the impression that this is gonna be

more like multiple choice.

Sorry, no.

Okay.

I'll tell it. It's actually... It's a good story.

- And, uh... - Mm-hmm.

You can just interject when I get melodramatic.

Sure.

So, we met at Columbia.

Um, we went there, we were in a seminar together,

English lit.

So, um, we spent three hours a week in a tiny little room,

uh, but at this point, there was no way

- that we would have ever... - No.

I should mention that I was still Orthodox at the time.

- Oh? - Yeah. Yes.

I, uh, I grew up in a Modern Orthodox

- Jewish family. - Mm-hmm.

So up until that point, up until college, my education

had been mostly single-sex, I'd never touched a woman.

So the whole thing was pretty overwhelming,

um, me with my black yarmulke and white button-down shirts,

and all these young women in their little tank tops.

And Mira specifically was like a campus celebrity.

She was dating a member of a big rock band at the time,

that needless to say I'd never heard of.

No, they were... They weren't really rock,

and they weren't big.

You've probably heard of them, Saraband? Lucas McRae?

- Oh, wow. - Uh, yeah.

I just thought... I thought of Mira as kind of a...

- A what? - No, no, no.

- No. Tell me. I wanna... - Yeah, it... it...

It's just that you were as far away from my world

as it... as it got, you know.

And anyway, I was already engaged to a girl

that I grew up with near Long Island.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- So how did it happen? - Uh, well, she just...

just walked up to me one day and, um...

This part you should tell.

Um, okay. So I was in a, um...

a theater group in school,

and we were doing this one play by Bashevis Singer, and...

An adaptation of Enemies, A Love Story.

- Hmm. - Right.

And, um, so I was doing all this research on Orthodox Jews.

I was very serious about acting in college.

- Oh, yeah. - And so I just went up to him

one day after class, and I asked if I could talk to him,

- and he just... he seemed completely horrified... - I was, yeah, paralyzed.

Yeah. But I was very committed to this role.

Absolutely.

So committed that she got completely naked

- halfway through the play. - No! Not completely.

And I'd already started the process

of, uh, leaving my religion.

But, uh, no, that... that...

That show was definitely a milestone.

Mm. You mean you actually started dating?

Oh, no, no, no, no. Not until years later.

Yeah. Yeah, I was already here in Boston,

and I was, uh,

...creeping around on her Myspace page,

and I saw that she was moving here

and that she was looking for an apartment share.

So we became roommates.

And from there, it progressed.

And who initiated that?

I think it was both of us?

- Yeah. - Right?

Yeah.

Both.

I had just come out of a series of relationships

which were...

borderline abusive.

And I guess that I was addicted to that,

and I... and I was...

stuck.

Uh, I had a job that I could care less about.

Mm.

And Jonathan was the complete opposite.

Uh, he was everything that I wanted to be.

He had values, and purpose.

- It's true. - Yeah, well. Yeah, I...

It's ironic because this was

at the height of my existential dread.

After I left my religion,

I just had these years of loneliness and...

So... when did it happen?

Well, it happened...

thanks to the asthma, actually.

The asthma?

Yeah. There was this one time we were coming back from the ER,

I'd had a very severe attack, and the, um, the doctor...

...he mistook us for a married couple,

and, uh... we liked it,

and we came home and we kept playing at it.

And, um...

and then it happened.

That's great. That's perfect.

So... All right.

- Now, I'd like to hear... - It's almost over.

...a bit about, in your opinion,

what is the primary factor

contributing to the success of your marriage?

Hmm.

- Hmm. - I... I'll let you take this.

Interesting. Interesting.

Could you actually tell us what the definition of success is

that you're working with?

Yeah. Well, uh, first of all,

it means that you're still together.

- Uh... - That's a low bar.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, does our ten years make us statistical outliers?

Mm-hmm.

Well, if we ignore all the socioeconomic

and race parameters, then yes.

The average marriage in the US is 8.2 years.

Okay. Well then

shouldn't you ask first if subjectively that...

If we perceive our marriage to be a success at all?

Well, um, sure. Yeah, if you can...

Yeah, I'm only saying that because I feel like

that word, "success,"

is kind of emblematic of a larger

cultural misconception about marriage.

Hmm.

- Yeah. - It's become this project, right?

This thing that you work on, "We're working on our marriage."

- It's this... - Mm.

...multibillion-dollar industry.

There's, you know, self-help books,

- and couples therapy... - Right.

-...and workshops, and podcasts,

and apps, and TV shows.

It's a huge business.

Mm-hmm. And you see that as a problem?

Look, maybe it's because of my background,

but I just think it's so obvious that... that...

Western culture, consumer culture,

has very purposefully created

these completely irrational expectations

that marriage must, at all times, be based

on passion, on sex,

on relentless emotional intensity,

when it's so obvious that these things stem from novelty,

so the whole concept's a complete fallacy.

- Right. Okay. - Mm.

So then, well, what is...

What's your concept?

I think... I think we both see marriage as a means.

It's not an end.

Right? I think we see it as a platform...

- Mm-hmm. - ...where we both can, uh...

that allows us to develop as individuals.

We're both really passionate about the work we do, and...

and our partnership gives us

the safe ground to do it, and to...

raise a daughter and have a family.

Yeah.

Mira, what about you?

Um, sorry, what was the...

The question was about your perception...

Right. Our success.

Um, well, I agree with what Jonathan said.

I mean, we... we come...

- Hi. - Hey, honey.

- Hey, oh. What is it? - Whoa!

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm Danielle. Remember me? - Who's that?

- What's wrong, honey bunny? - It's over.

Oh. Okay.

- Sorry, give us a second. - Of course.

Come on. I'll put another one on for you, okay?

- Take your time, no worries. - Why can't I watch it

here with you on the iPad?

- We'll be right back. - Because, silly goose,

we're having a little meeting, but then... It's okay.

I'm just... I'm gonna stay with her and watch.

I got it, I got it. I got it, sweetie.

- No, I'm gonna... - You're in the middle of your answer.

Yeah, but I'm dying to get this over with. Come on. I'm...

I know, but it's just gonna be a little longer.

- She said an hour at the most. - Daddy.

Okay, sweetie, I'm gonna put it on.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Have fun.

Okay. Just one second, patience.

- Sorry about that. - No, no, it's fine.

- I know exactly how it is. - Yeah.

I'm so grateful to you both for doing this.

It's so hard finding subjects for research,

especially straight men, actually.

Well, lucky for you, Jonathan loves

- talking about his theories. - Hmm.

Well, what's yours?

Well, um...

I think about it in terms of...

an equilibrium.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah. I think that

in marriage, there is this very delicate equilibrium

and that, um, you have to maintain it together.

And what do you mean by equilibrium?

Well, you know, at the beginning of a relationship,

everything's thrilling and it's new

and you feel as a couple that nothing can hurt you.

Right.

And then you gradually start to realize that actually,

anything can hurt you.

Mm-hmm.

Uh...

- I'm gonna go check on them. - Okay.

- I'll be right back. - Sure.

- Hey. - Good? Yeah.

Sorry, the Wi-Fi was, uh, messed up.

It wasn't loading.

Hi.

We have another half an hour while she watches this one.

- Perfect. - Okay. All right.

Okay. Great.

Thank you.

So...

Yes, I'd like to hear about your attitudes towards monogamy.

Um, to what extent do you see yourselves committed

to each other exclusively?

Well, what do you mean?

I mean sexually.

I would say it was very unexpected.

Well? What did I miss?

- Oh, God. - Basically, she asked

if they're fucking other people.

- That's a little intrusive, no? - Yeah.

- Why? - Well, maybe not for you,

but how did you agree to do this?

I didn't. Jonathan agreed, and he dragged me into it.

I didn't drag you into it.

- You did. Yes. - No, I didn't.

You did. He met her at Ava's preschool.

- Hmm. - Yeah.

For the twins, she takes care of the twins that go there.

So she told him all about it,

and he couldn't help advancing his theories

on how capitalism ruins marriages.

It's true.

- Jonathan. - Word needs to get out.

Getting friendly with the younger women at pickup?

- Come on. - Uh-huh.

- That is true. - He's taking advantage of his sexy dad factor.

She's a student. She's a student. Please.

But, wait, what is the research about?

I'm kidding. I'm totally kidding.

I think that... I think

her thesis is basically that

when the woman is the primary provider

and the man is the primary caregiver,

the marriage has a greater chance of "success."

- Mm. - Really?

Yeah.

Apparently, there's research that says that the woman's

level of satisfaction is the crucial element

in determining the long-term stability of a marriage.

Huh. You hear that, Kate?

Loud and clear.

Anyway, why is she choosing

to follow long-term monogamous couples?

I would expect more out of a millennial psych student.

Yeah, apparently, uh,

divorce has been researched to death, so...

Yeah, but there's so many other relationship models.

I mean, it's a new era.

Take us, for example.

- She should have met with us. - Yeah. Well, you know, I'm happy to give her your number, Peter,

if you're interested, as she's desperate for research subjects.

By all means. I think she could benefit a lot from us.

Wait. But she's interested in successful marriages.

I think that rules us out, baby.

That's...

I don't think that's true.

Okay. Hey. I'm sorry.

Wait. So how was, uh, how was Boulder?

- Oh, yeah. - It was good.

We... we won the pitch.

- Hey, that's great. - No!

- Cheers. Congrats. Fantastic. - Thank you, guys.

Yeah, actually, we killed it.

You know, I don't think they were, uh,

looking for a boutique company,

but they fell in love with Kate's demos.

Of course they did. She's a genius.

There's no better web designer on the entire East Coast.

- No. - I've said that

- multiple times. - No argument here.

And, you know, I didn't fuck up the presentation too badly, so.

- Well, good. Good on you. - You sure? You sure?

We were a well-oiled machine.

That's great, guys. I'm jealous of you.

I am. I get jealous of them. I just think that, like,

a couple that can work together is...

Don't be too jealous.

No, I'm sure it's not always easy, but when it works,

- that's like the paradigm. - Easy? I mean, the fact that

we got through Boulder without killing each other is a miracle.

Let's not do this now, Kate.

- Why not? What's the problem? - This is not the time for it.

Okay. So, when we're alone, it's not the time either.

Maybe you can give some thought to when the right time might be.

- Just stop, okay? - Okay. Fine.

Okay. Let's go home.

- No! What are you talking about? - We're playing make-believe.

- Kate. Let's not ruin it. - Don't leave.

- What's going on, Peter? - It's nothing important,

it's just the usual drama about...

Don't say it's not important. No. Fuck you.

Okay.

What's going on...

is Nathan broke up with me,

and I'm extremely depressed about it.

Peter can't deal with it. He won't talk about it.

So that's what's going on. And...

- Kate. Cut it out. - Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Cut it out? You cut it out. All of these...

I'm so sick of this social fascism.

- Social fascism. - All these bullshit empty conversations.

I'm allowed to talk about everything

but the most important thing going on in my life.

I'm not gonna do it anymore.

Maybe they don't really feel like hearing about it,

- have you considered that? - No, no.

You're the only one that doesn't wanna hear about it.

Because you'd rather wallow in your passive-aggressive bullshit resentment,

you can't admit that you're hurting,

that it hurts,

- and just talk to me about it. - Yeah, I'm hurt, okay?

I'm very hurt. I admit it. Okay.

- Can we end this now? - Okay. No, we can't end this.

And I won't live like this. Okay?

When we started this, we said

that we would talk about everything, and I was there

through all your shit with Alana, Grace.

I accepted that. I dealt with that.

And now suddenly when I'm the one that's going through something,

it's like my feelings aren't legitimate.

I never fell in love with anyone else.

That's the difference.

Okay.

So what if I... fell in love?

That was supposed to be a part of the risk we both accepted.

I'm not leaving, I'm here, I'm dealing with it.

- Sorry. - It's okay. No, no, no.

- Oh, God. - It's all right.

So you care more about what they think about you

than what I'm going through right now.

- You're so pathetic. - I think it's a real competition

as to who's most pathetic right now.

Let's take a break. I'm gonna go upstairs.

Why don't you come upstairs with me?

I'm gonna call a car. You do whatever you want.

- Hey. - I'm sorry.

- No, no. - I couldn't hold it together anymore.

- I get it. - That whole dinner, he was just...

I know.

It's been like this all week since I talked to you.

I'm sorry I haven't been here.

- When did your flight get in? - Last night.

Do you have an Advil? My head's killing me.

In my bathroom. I'm just gonna check on Ava for a second.

I'll be right there.

Revisionist history, you know?

She was a mess, I was holding things together.

- Did you find it? - Yeah.

So, it ended with Nathan, completely?

Yeah. For good.

I'm sorry.

Oh, girl. Yeah. He said he's exhausted

from living a double life.

The irony is a double life's the only life

I know how to live.

Right.

Mira, this past week, I can barely get out of bed.

Literally. It's not getting any better.

And Peter just sulks all day like a child. And...

When he's not doing this phony chipper thing

that makes me wanna strangle him.

And then I have these outbursts of hatred for him

where I'm just...

I find myself in bed...

thinking of the craziest ways to torture him

and then fucking kill him.

- I don't know. - Mm-hmm.

Perhaps it's time to reconsider this arrangement.

This arrangement?

I'm...

You gotta remember this whole thing started

so Peter could justify his cheating.

This is just... It doesn't matter how it started.

This is the way that we found to, you know, get through it,

and I don't regret it.

Mm.

I don't.

- I don't... Kate. - It's been good for us.

I don't remember ever wanting to fuck Peter

as much as when I was with Nathan.

I'm serious. I wore him out.

- Okay. - Do you know how good it felt

to actually want my husband?

You know, this is real.

This is my life, Mira. It's not some whim.

I mean, what I had with Nathan,

I don't remember ever feeling so alive.

And so, okay, it also means feeling this terrible pain.

It's part of the deal.

You're really suffering though, honey.

Hmm.

What would be better?

There were at least three years

when I didn't have sex with Peter.

- I know. - Yeah.

Does that seem reasonable to you?

Life without any passion, right? Kind of like...

Well, passion, okay, it's awesome,

uh, but, you know, it's not sustainable.

We're not 16 anymore. You can't...

What does 16 have to do with anything?

Did you renounce passion at the age of 16?

No, I'm not saying that I renounced it.

Don't start quoting Jonathan's theories

- about marriage. - I'm not quoting him.

No, I... I'm saying that, okay, this open relationship

- comes at a price for everybody. - Of course it does.

And... it can't be easy for your kids, right?

Well, it's not easy for any kid, Mira.

I mean...

Honestly, in the long run, I think that it's actually...

very empowering for them

to see me always searching for freedom and happiness.

I don't know, self-actualization?

It's absolutely something that I want to model for them.

Especially Anna.

Okay.

I'm not judging you, honey. I'm not.

Yeah.

And I'm on your side always. You know that, right?

I know. I do.

I'm sorry. Here.

- Mm. - No, no, no.

Hmm.

Oh, this day. It's just, like, it's so much. It's...

Wait, is something wrong?

No, it's just, uh...

It's just a lot of pressure, so.

What kind of pressure?

No, it's nothing. Forget it.

What?

Nothing, I just... I'm sorry I lost it.

I think it's okay. That was crazy.

Girl.

- You're such a good friend. Hey. - Aw.

And you're stunning.

I don't...

Not sure where what came from.

I think I'm pretty drunk.

Um...

- Okay. You good? - Yeah.

- Do you wanna go downstairs? - Okay.

Mm. Yeah.

Hang on.

- Okay, come on. - Okay.

Oh, no, no, no, you got it backwards.

It was... it was... it was she who made the sale.

I get that, but you did your fair share of the work.

She is a ball buster.

- She can be really fucking scary. - Oh my God.

And she's a... She's a true artist, right?

- I'll call a car. - She's a certifiable genius. She's gorgeous.

I'm just gonna clean up a bit.

I don't know why she even ever let me between her legs,

this paragon of perfection.

Hi. I need a car

at 206 Abbottsford Road in Brookline.

When I sleep with other women, it's because, uh,

it's only because it makes me feel...

You know, it's... It has nothing to do

with falling in love. It's the only way...

It's the only way that I can, uh...

No, it does...

You know, I know... I know I'm the one who...

Peter, I called us a car. Neither one of us can drive.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Do you want coffee or anything?

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm good. Yeah.

Yeah, I was just, uh...

I was just trying to explain to him

how you and I decided to, uh...

And I, you know, I was saying that just ignoring the fact

that you have options doesn't make them go away.

- Right? Right? - Yeah.

You know, or another way of saying it is,

you know, if the only reason that you're faithful

is because it's like a rational decision,

- well, that's not sustainable. - Why not?

Well, because it's just a matter of the right woman, right time

- when it finally happens, right? - Oh, okay.

So I don't have a choice in the matter?

No, you don't.

Because, I mean, this force...

- I'm tired. - ...call it Eros or whatever,

you know, it's far more powerful than your own will.

The car is on the way.

You better start getting ready, okay?

Just a second. You understand what I'm saying?

It depends on who you are.

- No, it doesn't! It doesn't! - Shh. Peter.

- Quiet. - I'm sorry.

I think it's just... It's a longer conversation.

No, tell me, I wanna hear.

I think maybe it's just because of the way that I was raised.

- What do you mean? - Well, you know, in...

the first 20 years of your life,

you're taught to conquer your desires,

- not surrender to them. - Dude.

- What? - That's grotesque.

Maybe.

I mean, that level of repression,

it's like from the Middle Ages.

I'm not defending it.

I'm just saying that it's ingrained in me.

Hey, babe, where is your jacket?

- Just a second. - We need to get ready.

You really need to start shaking that off.

- Or it's gonna take a major toll on you. - Peter.

Not just mentally, I mean,

physically and spiritually, and...

- The car is almost here. - Yeah, I heard you!

- He can wait a minute! - Shh.

Shit.

- Here. - I'm sorry.

- I'm really sorry. - I call you tomorrow.

- Mira, I'm sorry. - Yeah.

I'm sorry. I apologize.

- Bye. Night. - No worries. It's all right.

- Is she mad at me? - Peter, let's go.

It's fine. It's fine. It's just a long day.

All right, guys. Thanks for coming.

- Okay. - Don't worry about it.

So we'll come back for our car tomorrow?

- Uh, is it that one? - No, it's across the street.

You're welcome. Bye.

I'll be right there.

Sorry I left you down there.

It's okay, sweetie.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Yeah, he was really drunk.

It was tragic.

Tragic, why?

Why?

Yeah. It's not like we haven't seen that before.

She's really suffering. I'm telling you.

Yeah, I could see that, but...

The sad thing is they're basically a good couple

if he hadn't roped her in all his adolescent bullshit.

Yeah?

You sure it's him that roped her?

Oh, come on. It's not who she is,

this whole polyamory thing.

I think they both get to...

feed off of the drama, you know?

Mm. Well, you get a kick out of it, don't you?

You must admit, darling, it is diverting.

Whatever.

What is it?

Oh, don't look so scared.

I'm not.

What's going on?

I'm pregnant.

- What? - Yeah.

Wow.

Mira.

How?

Uh, well, that weekend. The Cape.

Yeah, I forgot my pills, so I missed a couple days.

Why didn't you tell me you forgot your pills?

Well, I didn't think that it mattered if we...

Well, it shouldn't be so easy to get knocked up at my age.

I took a...

Well, I was late for my period,

so I took a test this afternoon, and there was a faint blue line.

Okay, so it's a faint line, so maybe...

No, I took a picture of the stick

and sent it to my doctors.

I'm pregnant.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- Wow. - Yeah. I've got an appointment

with her next week. Dr. Varona.

Okay.

- Are you happy? Yeah? - Yes, of course. I'm happy. Yes.

I'm just a little... I'm stunned.

God, me too.

I mean, I have no idea what to do.

What do you mean?

Nothing. Nothing. I just... I don't know. It's...

If we do this, so much is gonna fall on you.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, what do you feel?

Well, I don't know. I wanted to know how you felt.

No, no, forget about me for a second.

What do you feel?

I don't know.

Okay.

Well, try to think about how you felt

the second that you realized.

- Try to remember. - Fine.

I felt shocked.

And, um, then I had to...

come downstairs for that interview,

so I buried it. And now...

I guess I...

I don't know.

Come on. You can be honest with me.

Anything that you feel is legitimate.

I don't know how I feel.

How am I supposed to be honest about that?

Sorry.

Just trying to figure out how this could have happened.

Yeah.

Maybe the sex had something to do with it.

Yeah.

Hey, what if... what if we think about this in,

I don't know, like a slightly more...

...deterministic way?

You know, like, it's the Lord's doing, right?

- What? - Not in a religious sense.

- Not in a religious sense. - Okay.

I just mean, like, I mean, you know, okay,

you forgot your pills.

Uh-huh.

And you still...?

Yeah.

And you immediately got pregnant.

So is it possible that there's a part of you that...

Wanted this or thought that we should have this?

Where is this coming from?

- It's so... - I know, I know.

I mean, if you're... If you're trying to say

that you want to keep it, just say that.

Well...

I...

I... It's what we talked about originally.

Yeah. But originally, it was completely abstract.

I mean, it was...

before we knew anything about anything,

it was before Ava,

before we knew what it was actually like.

What?

You...

- You wanna keep it, right? - I think so. Yeah, I think so.

I think we can handle it, but only if it's something

that you really, really want and would be happy about.

I think so.

I think I might.

Ava will be thrilled.

Yeah.

And your parents.

Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah.

So, are we going for this? Oh, my God.

Um... yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah. Come here.

- Okay. - Come here.

You okay?

Here.

Don't...

Don't look at me like that.

This is... This doesn't mean anything.

Right.

- It only means you're panicking. - It doesn't mean I'm panicking.

- I had a lot to drink. - Yeah, hmm.

But you know what, even if I was panicking, so what?

This is a really big deal, okay?

This is irreversible, what we're talking about here.

Mm-hmm.

What?

You know, it just sucks that neither one of us

could be completely happy and confident about this...

Yeah, but... that's because I see how ambivalent you are about it.

- Well, yeah. Of course I'm ambivalent. - Yeah.

I mean, you remember those first two years with Ava?

- Yeah. - Thinking about jumping back

into that nightmare.

Yeah. I was there too. I remember.

I know you were. I know you've been an amazing partner,

but you don't... You couldn't, like...

I couldn't... I couldn't be

- where you were. - No, you could not.

I couldn't be in your place. I know.

You tried and...

But you couldn't.

I took that out on you. I took it...

I was just awful to you. I was awful.

We... we talked about it,

and I understood where that came from.

- You know? - I know you understood,

but you were also hurt.

That's why you become distant, and I hated you

for being distant, and I hated myself even more for...

being so shitty to you.

- I felt like a terrible mom. - Oh, sweetie, I...

That was a nightmare for you.

It was a nightmare for both of us.

Yeah.

And it took so long to, like...

feel like myself again, you know?

And now we're good, and...

And Ava's so good, and...

Especially when she's with you, she's...

- Aw, come on. - Kidding.

It's just like I finally...

returned to my life.

I feel so guilty about what I'm saying.

Sweetie, you shouldn't feel guilty.

It makes perfect sense, you know?

Yeah.

It's like, um...

all of a sudden, everything is unreal.

Everything that we had,

you, you're not real.

Ava isn't. It's just... It's this thing.

It's this pregnancy. It's the only thing that's real.

- It's... - Hey, Mira.

Yeah.

- Babe. - What?

Mm.

It's painful wanting something and not wanting it

at the same time. You know?

Yeah, yeah.

But think about it.

- Yeah. - When Ava was a baby, we had no perspective at all.

We thought it was gonna be like that forever.

- Right. - And now we see that it passes, right?

It gets better. Right?

- That's true. - Yeah.

You know, Ava's totally obsessed with having a little sister.

- Yeah. - If it's...

a boy, that'll be rough.

Well, it'll have to be a girl then.

We'll raise it a girl, regardless.

Either way, they're gonna want their own rooms eventually.

Mm-hmm.

But it should be a pretty easy renovation, you know,

to divide Ava's room in half.

We'll have to steal a little square footage from the hallway,

put up a little drywall, right?

Sure.

I love you. You know that, right?

Yes, I do.

- Yup, come in. - Hi? Sorry. Am I late? I'm late.

It's fine. We just, uh... We're just starting out.

- Sorry. Sorry. - Yeah, no problem.

- Nice... nice to see you. - Good to see you.

So, I was just starting to explain

- the procedure to Mira. - Great.

As I said, you'll take the mifepristone here today,

and that blocks your progesterone,

effectively ending the pregnancy.

And then I'll send you home with four pills of misoprostol,

and that'll bring on contractions.

- Mm-hmm. - So that can be not so fun.

You'll have cramping and heavy bleeding.

You'll pass some large clots,

and you might have nausea,

vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, and in rare cases, fever.

It's like a stomach virus.

Great.

So that's all normal.

But if you have any side effects that worry you, just call.

Does it still seem like what you wanna do?

Yeah.

While you're here,

do you wanna talk about contraception,

since the pill wasn't your friend this time?

Yeah, I was just saying to Jonathan

that I was amazed that, um,

could still have an accident at my age.

You'll be...

- 40 in November, right? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. That's gonna keep

- getting less likely. - Yeah, totally.

But in the meantime...

So there are a bunch of long-term options.

There's Implanon, which is an arm insert.

- I could place that here today. - Mm-hmm.

And there are IUDs, the ParaGard,

which is plain copper,

or the Mirena,

which is very popular, it's a hormone-releasing IUD.

Maybe the copper one.

It would be nice to give my body a break

- from all those hormones. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, I can place that at your follow-up.

- And, uh, you can think about it a little more. - Okay.

For now, just throw out your current package of pills

and start a new one tomorrow.

- Okay? - Yeah.

Any questions?

Nope.

Okay. I'm gonna go get the medicine.

Okay.

She has to warn us about the symptoms,

but it's, uh, it's the simplest procedure.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know.

I'm gonna get us something to drink.

Diet Coke, is that good?

No, I don't need... I don't need anything.

No, I'll get us one. There's a vending machine

right outside the door.

Um, yeah. I'll be right back, okay?

Uh, fine.

Hey? I'll be right there.

Okay.

Hey. So, they only had Pepsi.

- Is that okay? - That's fine.

- It's all right? - Mm-hmm.

I'm sure there's, like, a cup

around here somewhere.

No, it's fine. I'll just drink it straight from the can.

I'm sure there's something. Maybe here.

Jonathan.

Oh, I think there's something here.

Come here for a second.

Oh, fuck, it's a urine sample cup.

Okay. Come over here. Sit down for a second.

Look at me.

Are you okay?

- Yeah. - Are you mad?

Am I mad? No. Why would I be mad?

Are you having second thoughts?

No.

- No? - No, no, no, no. I...

- I don't... - I'm just...

I don't why I'm feeling like this.

I didn't expect to feel like that.

No, it's okay, honey.

- It's fine. - Yeah.

You know, I'm... it's not easy for me either.

No, no, no, no, no. Of course. Of course. Uh...

Sorry, I'm not, um, trying to make... No, yeah.

I know you... you're the one that has to... has to go through it.

We're making the right decision here.

We talked about it.

I don't think there's a single angle that we haven't covered

over the last ten days.

Yeah, I don't... I don't think there is.

Yeah.

You know, I was thinking

we could still go ahead with the renovation.

- You know? Like... - No.

Yeah. Like, we can move Ava's play area into her room

and, you know, make your study back the way that it was before.

That's never gonna work.

She's gonna reclaim it within hours.

Well, then we use the attic. I mean, we always said that

we were gonna get to that eventually.

I'm okay. I'm good where my office is.

- I don't need... - Well, I have a vision.

- Just, you know, leave it to me. - Okay, okay. Okay.

- You're gonna thank me. - Okay. Okay.

Oh.

- Sorry about that. - It's okay.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Okay. And here's the misoprostol

that you will take at home tomorrow.

Mm-hmm.

Take some ibuprofen about an hour before you put

the tablets in your cheek, okay?

All right. Here you go.

- Mm-hmm. - See you in a couple weeks.

- Okay. - Thank you.

Oh.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

I feel a little nauseous.

I'm fine. It's fine.

I'm sure, um, it's just the power of suggestion.

Just rest until it passes, okay?

If you do vomit, you'll have to take the medicine again.

I'll ask the nurse to check in on you in a bit.

- Okay. Feel better. - Hmm.

- You okay? - Mm-mm.

Okay.

I feel awful.

I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow.

Why don't you go home to Ava?

- I'll take a car home. - No, no. No way.

I'm staying here.

- Veronica's with Ava. She's... - Jonathan, I...

What?

I'd like to be alone for a little bit. Is that okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Of course. Of course.

Here, I'll leave this right here, okay?

Yup. You're not...

- You're sure it's fine? - Yes, of course, sweetie.

It's fine. It's fine. I'm totally fine, yeah.

- I'll go do a little work in the waiting... - Mm-hmm.

...room over there, okay? And you just come out

- whenever you're ready. - Yeah, just...

- It won't be long. - Yeah. Take your time.

- I've got my phone, so... - Okay.