Original subtitles

- Hey, guys. - Hey, what's up, Dee?

- Hey. - 'How you doin'?'

What'd you two do last night?

Nothin', just chilled in the crib.

We rented "Romeo and Juliet".

Oh, I love that movie.

That girl is so pretty. What's her name?

Leonardo DiCaprio?

I wanna see what's behind his little iron mask.

[Dee laughing]

Excuse me. What did you think of "Romeo and Juliet?"

It was alright, you know, I just didn't like all that

thee, thy, thou, doth, forsooth stuff.

Yeah, it's like Shakespeare took our languages

and messed it all up.

It was like white Ebonics.

He got the characters speaking so ignorant, man.

You know, but that gunfight was off the heezy fo sheezy

up in that beezy beezy.

Hell , yeah.

That's it. That's the last straw.

Oh, my bad, Pops.

I wash it off if you want me to.

- Oh, no, stop! - Hey, man!

'No, no, no, son.'

Rick's from Rick's Cajun Kitchen down the street.

He's trying to put me out of business again.

What's the matter, he reported you

for frying your chicken in [indistinct]

No, worse.

"Pop's Diner uses giraffe meat in meat loaf?"

Oh, man, don't worry about that.

Nobody gonna believe that, Pops.

Well, well, you're right.

But just in case, you boys come and help me get

this ten foot neck bone out of my freezer.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright. Cut and print.

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[static]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

I don't believe it, all my customers

went to Rick's Cajun Kitchen.

Both of them?

Hey, yo, Pop, you and Rick need to leave

each other alone and put an end to this feud.

[glass shattering]

What? End the feud? Never!

Come on, Pop, man.

It's time to forgive and forget.

I mean even the East Germans knocked down the wall.

What?

They knocked down The Great Wall of China?

Pssh! Man, the Japanese gonna be mad.

Now where do they go write their graffiti?

You know what, I bet you this whole thing

started off with somethin' real stupid.

Oh, no, Shawn, no, no, no.

Look, Rick and I started our business

at the same time.

I wanted to call my restaurant

"Rick's Cajun Kitchen."

When I went down to register

that backstabbing Rick

beat me to it.

Negro, your name ain't Rick!

Whose side are you on?

Hey, look, all I'm sayin' is

it's dinnertime and this place

is emptier than a Somalian grocery store.

Bro, I'm not worried.

I'm not going to go out of business.

I got a base core of customers

and friends who would never let me down.

Never betray me.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Rick does sure make some good chili.

And now every night is Mardi Gras night.

Whoo!

[Dee laughing]

- Rick's? - Mm-hmm.

Dee, how can you sell me out like that?

- Easy, the food's better. - Give me that.

Wait a minute.

[laughing]

- Good, huh? - 'This is my chili.'

Rick stole my recipe.

This calls for payback, son.

I want you boys to disguise yourself, go over to Rick's

see if you find a way we can sabotage his business.

Ah, come on, Pop, I'm tired of this sabotage stuff, man.

Why don't you just improve your food?

Stop talking this nonsense, Shawn.

You gotta help me, you're my oldest son.

Uh, to the best of my knowledge.

It's about the integrity of the family, son.

Integrity? Is this the same man

who pawned our toys to buy some white shoes?

Mm!

Alright, alright, this is the last time.

Now, good, here, take this over there.

Now, what's that?

A pregnant mouse to put in his kitchen.

- Oh, man. - Oh, no!

(Rick) Enjoy your meal.

(Marlon) Man, it was a good idea

of me showin' up like George Bush.

(Shawn) You stupid. That's Richard Nixon.

Didn't he play for the Lakers?

That's Norm Nixon.

Oh, that's right. It must be his brother.

Hey, this is stupid, man. I can't believe we're doing this.

Yeah, and I can't believe that pregnant mouse

ran back in Pop's Diner.

Look over here, man, it's like

RuPaul's bachelor party.

[Marlon laughs]

What's with the camera, stupid?

Uh, duh! It's called spy stuff.

Now, shh! Be quiet, man. We gotta be on the DL.

Shh, shh!

Say cheese, y'all!

Hey, bro, when you're done, Prince wants

his pillowcase back.

[instrumental music]

(Shawn) 'Hey, there, beautiful.'

How would you like to be an intern?

[laughs] Yeah, girl.

You know, my fortune cookie was right.

It said today was gonna be my lucky day.

And I think you got exactly what I need.

I'm sorry. I'm all out of breath mints.

Aah-hah-ha-ha!

Breath mint, ha-ha!

That's pretty funny, heh.

[sniffs] Aha-ha-ha. Ha.

You wild, girl.

So let me ask you a question.

Does your feet hurt?

Why? 'Cause I've been runnin' through your dreams?

No, because that bunion's busting out

the side of your shoe.

[laughs] Ha-ha.

Ha, ha, yeah, I got you.

Handsome and funny.

- 'That's right.' - I like that.

Yeah? What else you like?

Hey, Phantom of the Ghetto.

Let me take a picture of you.

Alright, cool.

Well, damn!

Ooh!

Back up for that ass.

I need a panoramic camera.

Marlon Williams?

What are you doin' here?

Wait, wait, hold on, Uncle Rick.

Say cheese.

'No!'

[screams]

Shawn! Shawn!

Shawn, we gotta go. We gotta go.

Okay, uh, come by the Neidermeyer Buildin', okay?

Don't forget. Alright?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to stain your dress.

Now, get yourself a crib.

Hey, stop!

[Marlon screaming]

[woman screaming]

(Pops) 'Hey, hey.'

Mouse or no mouse, you still gotta pay your bill.

I know where you came from. From that damn Rick!

Shawn, what did you find out, Shawn?

Where's he weak?

How can I get my revenge?

Oh, um

uh, pop, he recognized us, man

so we had to run out.

I was countin' on you, son, how

can you come back empty handed?

Well, pop, he did.

I didn't.

Bam! See.

Look what we've got here.

We got his menu.

His pictures.

And here's Rick's heart medicine.

I never thought I'd ever say this but, Shawn

you gotta be more like your brother.

[sobbing]

[blows a raspberry]

Thank you, father.

O-oh, look at this, look at this.

Rick is up to his old tricks again.

- Look at this, "Fresh food." - Uh.

"Clean kitchen. Forks."

The man is diabolical.

I gotta go think up some sabotage tactics.

Alright, goodbye, Pops.

Thanks, my favorite son.

Can you believe that?

Pops is more proud of me than you.

How does it feel to be Jazzy Jeff?

Ha, ha, ha!

- Who's this? - Marlon.

- Give me, give me the.. - Relax, hey.

- Give me the, give me.. - Let me see.

Hey, hey, take it, man. Oh, hey!

Say, it's just a photo, wow.

Yeah, well, I've seen what you could do

to a photo of a woman.

Besides, it ain't no normal photo.

This girl.. There's something special about this girl.

Man, that is Rick's daughter J'Leeta.

You better leave that alone.

- Word? - 'Yeah.'

Oh, snap, I didn't know

that little hood-rat grew up to be so cute.

Yeah.

I don't care how fine she is..

...you better leave her alone 'cause if Rick don't kill you..

...Pops will.

Now, this is who you should be messin' with.

See, that's Lafrika Smith.

Man, when she put her seven kids to bed

it'd be on, son.

[instrumental music]

J'Leeta?

Yo!

Where you at, girl?

Mmm, right here, cutie.

Ew, not you, Miss James.

Oh, you like some young girls, huh?

Why you want grape juice when you could have wine?

'Cause alcohol makes me vomit.

Forget you then.

You shouldn't be so choosy

makin' a booty call this late.

You couldn't handle all this good stuff. No way.

I could give it to you

but, wh-what you gonna do with it?

I'mma spray it with holy water.

J'Leeta?

[stone clanking]

J'Leeta?

[glass shattering]

Sorry.

What are you doing here?

My father's gonna kill you.

I don't care, I had to see you.

- I have to go. - No, no, no.

Wait, please, J'Leeta, please.

'Uh, I have something I wanna say to you.'

See, girl..

"...when I'm alone in my room..

"...sometimes I stare at the wall.

"But in the back of my mind

"I hear my conscience call.

"Telling me I need a girl

"that's as sweet as a dove.

"And for the first time in my life

"I think I need love.

I need love."

Negro, please.

That's LL Cool J.

Will you mind your business, Della Beast?

Don't worry about her, Shawn.

Look, I know what you're sayin'

and I feel the same way

but the fact is I can't take sides

against my family.

[sighs] J'Leeta, we need

to forget about this stupid feud.

Just follow your heart. I know I'mma follow mine.

(Rick) 'J'Leeta, where are you?'

My father, you have to go.

- Okay, I'll call you later. - Okay.

Okay, and get a elevator, girl.

Psst! Psst!

Come on up to 3-B. And bring a dollar.

Yo, my man. Apartment 3-B.

Here's a dollar. Go get 'em drawers.

(Pops) 'Thanks for letting me come over and pick up the roaches.'

Oh, I can't wait till the health inspector find

these in Rick's meat locker.

- Ha, ha, ha. - Ditty-dee.

Hey, there's a bunch of roach eggs

underneath the sink if you want.

- What? - Yeah.

(Marlon) 'And where you been?'

Oh, I just got back from J'Leeta's crib.

Yo, kid, she's mad cool, man.

Hey, yo, check this out.

She got the softest lips.

You kissed Rick's daughter J'Leeta?

You kissed Rick's daughter J'Leeta?

Oh, Shawn, forgot to tell you

Pops is in the kitchen so keep quiet.

Thanks.

Shawn, how could you disrespect the family like that?

After all the terrible things Rick's done to us?

You gotta remember, he's the enemy.

No, pop, he's your enemy.

Me and J'Leeta have nothin' to do with this.

Of course, you do.

Now you're gonna have to choose

between her or us.

And what if I choose her?

Then you're out of the family forever.

Come on, Marlon, my favorite son.

Grab the roaches.

Bye, Tito.

[instrumental music]

Are you okay?

You haven't said a word to your father all day.

I know, Dee. I'm still a little mad about this J'Leeta thing.

I mean it's unfair that I can't see her

just because she's Rick's daughter.

Well, as Shakespeare says

"A rose by any other name

would smell just as sweet."

I don't know about all that.

I'd sure like to tap that ass.

Well, if you really care about her

you should forget about this stupid feud

and go on and see her.

Pssh. Are you crazy?

Pops will beat me like apinata

at a Mexican birthday party.

Well, why don't you write her a letter

and and tell her you'll meet her

outside the neighborhood?

I'll deliver it and Pops would never know.

- That's a good idea. - Yeah.

- Write the letter. - Alright.

- Go on. - Alright.

Um..

My darling, J'Leeta.

Oh, I miss you so much, it hurts.

- Hey, that's good. - Yeah. Go on put that.

- Alright. - Alright.

- I, I miss you so much. - Mm.

Meet me at 9 O'clock.

Yeah, at the Wonder Wheel. At Coney Island.

- Uh, at the Wonder Wheel-- - Yeah.

- Ah, ow! - Okay.

Alright, good, good. Ohoo-hoo.

- ...Wheel at Coney Island. - Yeah.

Pay your own way.

And I will give you the money

back later.

- Dependin' on-- - No, look, look, look!

Look, love, love, come on.

- Love, Shawn. - Alright.

- Okay. - Love, Shawn.

- Yeah! - Yeah, alright.

I got a letter like that once.

Oh, what a romantic! Huh-huh.

Really, you still seein' him?

I will, when he gets out on parole.

- Mm-hm. Oh, right here-- - Alright.

Whoa, alright, let me go change.

Okay, I'll deliver this

after I've made my last rounds.

- Alright, you do that. Okay. - Okay. Alright.

Come on. Oh! Oh! Yeah.

♪ Hee heehee heuh ♪

♪ When I hit the lotter-y-y-y ♪

♪ You won't see a lot of me ♪

♪ Oh I'm gonna have the new baby ♪

♪ When I hit the lottery ♪♪

What the hell is this?

"My darling, J'Leeta.

I miss you so much, it hurts."

Oh, you think it hurts now? Wait till she reads this.

[clears throat]

Dear, J'Leeta.

I wonder if "stank-hoe" is one word?

J'Leeta?

J'Leeta!

Yo!

Stop all that screaming out there.

Some folks is trying to sleep. Huh.

Got the drawers, dawg.

You better get out of here.

J'Leeta, what happened to you?

Why wasn't you at Coney Island?

Didn't you get my letter from Dee?

Yes. How could you write this about me?

What?

"Your breath smells like

Al Sharpton's flip-flops."

Pssh. I would never write nothing like that.

I would've said Al Sharpton's do rag.

That's much funnier.

[scoffs] What?

This is my father's handwriting.

He wrote this to try and keep us apart.

How do I know you're telling the truth?

See, the way he crossed out "Pops"?

Look, J'Leeta, my letter said

"I'm going crazy not being able to see you."

I feel the same way.

Look, I think it's time for us to put an end

to this feud once and for all.

That's a good idea, let's go.

First, let me get some more sugar.

Whoa, ho-ho! Slow down, girl.

Make 'em pay their phone bill first.

Pops, I just found the letter

that Shawn wrote to J'Leeta in the trash.

What did you do?

- Nothin'. - Sure you did, Pop.

You re-wrote it and called her a stank-hoe.

[gasps]

You should be ashamed

of putting your own selfishness

in front of your own child's happiness!

Huh!

Ah!

Dee, I didn't mean to do all that.

I was just mad at Shawn, I don't

ever want to do anything to hurt him.

Oh, Pops, Pops.

What you need to do is end this stupid feud!

Well. Well, I guess you're right.

I guess it's gone on l-little long.

Hey, hold on, Pop, you-you can't end the feud.

Come on, man, it's the first time

you like me more than Shawn, Pop.

Marlon, Marlon, Marlon.

Marlon.

I never liked you more than I liked Shawn.

I was faking.

Oh. Oh.

I...I knew you were faking.

I-I was, I was faking too.

Huh!

- Ha, I got you! - Okay.

Let's end this feud, let's get outta here.

Let's close up.

[Marlon sobbing] 'I love..'

Alright, let's go.

Okay, that's it!

- I'mma kill him! - Yeah, Pop, kill him.

- I'mma kill him! - Come on..

Wreck yourself, fool. Represent.

- What's up now? - Oh, yeah.

- Come and get it. - Now, get him, Pop.

- Oh, now, wait a minute.. - Get him, Pop.

What's up, light-skin? Wassup, wassup, wassup?

A plunger? Who do you think you are, a cop?

En garde! Ha! Ha!

Touche.. Menage toi..

[Marlon grunting]

Your name.

Guh! Guhh! Uh.

Got to move

plunger out of my f-face.

It smells like ass.

Hyah! Come on!

Ola!

Huh!

Hey, I got you. Surrender here. Heh, ha.

Yeah! Ah! What!

[instrumental music]

Huh.

Huh, ha. Ha-ha.

[screams] Oh.

[grunts]

[glass shattering]

(Pops) 'Marlon, help me, please. Help me, please.'

(Marlon) Whoopidoo.

[screaming]

Sh-o-o-ot!

Ow!

Not me, you fool! Him!

Sh-o-o-ot!

(Marlon) Take that over there.

[screaming]

- Pops! - Well, stop this! Let him go!

- Man, look what you've done. - My baby, I hurt my baby.

Somebody call the doctor.

Oh, Lord, wh-y-y? Lord, wh-y-y-y?

Lord, take me to an angel of death.

Take me to her. Carry me to her, Lord.

[shouting] Wh-y-y-y?

I want you..

Why don't you just "weave" her alone, Lord?

Just "weave" her alone.

'Lord, she was'

just, uh, countin' her blessings, son.

'Countin' her blessings.'

And then wham!

You just changed her life, Lord. You changed her life.

[sobbing]

Why couldn't you spare her life, Lord?

Instead you just strike her down.

[mumbling]

[Marlon sobbing]

Oh, all this black on black crime, Lord.

They fight and fight and fight. And black on black.

With the white people in the middle.

Salt on everything. There's salt on everything.

And I hope you resurrect them, Lord.

[indistinct mumbling]

It just don't add up to me, Lord.

It just ain't adding up.

Baby!

See, all because of your stupid fight, man

someone really got hurt.

Shawn's right, Pops.

We gotta stop this feud now.

Well, you're right.

We gotta let bygones be bygones.

And Shawn, I'm sorry for trying to get in..

...way of your happiness.

You wanna be with J'Leeta

it's alright with me.

Oh, Lord, just crucify me, Lord.

Crucify me!

[sizzling]

- Aah! - Marlon.

Bring your ass.

Time to go, Lord.

[instrumental music]

Don't make me take my belt off.