Original subtitles

Woo-hoo! Yee-hoo!

Ride it, Dee.

Alright!

(Dee) 'Ya-hoo!'

Alright, now. Hey!

Yeah!

Yeah, ride it, girl.

You better ride that bull.

I want a cowboy.

- Oh-haa! - Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Damn, Dee, that's 11 burgers in a hour.

Baby, if you keep up this promotion

I'll never have to pay for food again.

Ah-ha!

Ooh!

Look at the player.

Oh, that's pretty hot.

- You look a'ight. - 'A'ight.'

Well, you know I had to throw on a little somethin', somethin'

special 'cause I am goin' out with Tanya tonight.

Oh, again? You've been seein' a lot of her lately.

You're right. And that's why I gotta ask Pops something.

Aww!

I remember when I used to go to my father for advice

and now you're coming to me.

What do you need, son?

That $20 I loaned you.

- I thought she was rich. - She is, Pop.

But every time we go out, Tanya pays for everything.

I'm starting to feel like Stedman.

Every time y'all go out, she pays for everything?

I gotta get me a rich girl.

All my girls, they try and get all up in my pockets.

You know, now they talking about supersizing it.

What, they think I'm rich?

Anyway, I'm a little nervous y'all.

I mean, I am supposed to be meeting Tanya's pops tonight.

I just hope he's cool with her dating a dude

who owns a newsstand.

Shawn, you don't have to worry about that.

You a fine young man.

I don't know about that, Dee.

Word around town is

that every time Tanya get serious with a guy

her father scares him off.

Well, that's not gonna happen to you.

You come from a good family

and y'all haveclass.

- Aww. - True that, Dee.

Ugh!

Alright, y'all, I gotta bounce, yo.

Tanya's sending a limousine to pick the brother up.

Ooh! 'Scuse me.

A limousine!

Damn, bro, you hit the jackpot.

Man, see, now what you need to do is get the broad pregnant.

This way you can always borrow money from her.

Call her and be like..

The baby need milk.

The baby need diapers.

The baby need a Porsche.

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful guys. Dynamite.'

[theme music]

[door bell dings]

(Tanya) 'Coming.'

Shawn.

I was worried, I've been waiting for half an hour.

Well, now we're even

'cause I've been waitin' for you my whole life, girl.

Hmm!

For a minute there, I was beginning to think

you were too scared to meet my father.

Oh, no, that ain't it.

It's just that the security is so tight in this place

your doorman just tried to give me a cavity search.

Shawn, we don't have a doorman.

What?

No, wai-wai-wait, wai-wai-wait!

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Girl..

Damn, girl, this place is fat.

Whoo! Nice art.

(Tanya) 'Oh, you're a fan of Monet.'

Oh, yeah, I love Monet.

Monie Love.

[indistinct]

Stop that. I mean, Monet, the impressionist.

- Oh, the impressionist. - Mm-hm.

I bet you he couldn't do "Seinfeld."

[imitating Jerry Seinfeld] Why is there so many colors in this painting?

I don't understand it.

I don't care how much money NBC throws at me

I am not coming back to my show.

Yadda-yadda-yadda.

I'm talking about the impressionist.

Do you know he actually grew that garden

just so he could paint it?

Wow! I heard of people growing a garden

just so they could smoke it.

I'm gonna go get my coat and then we can leave.

- You do that, girl. - Alright.

Damn, look at that booty.

'Look like you hidin' two football helmets back there.'

Arigato.

Hei!

You must be Shawn.

And you must be the guy from "Mission Impossible."

I'm Tanya's father, Lionel Cooper.

How you doing?

Tanya's told me a lot about you.

I see, you admire fine art.

Oh, yeah. Uh, I love this Mowet over here.

I mean, uh, Monet. Monet.

Here, I can't believe this guy actually grew his own garden

just so he could paint it.

So you're an art connoisseur.

I don't know about all that. But I am a big fan of his.

I'm especially impressed with his use of his, uh..

...of his...garden.

Yes, you can practically smell the fertilizer.

Ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Yeah, fertilizer-joke, I got it.

(Lionel) 'Have a seat.'

How old are you, son?

Well, I'm 25, goin' on 26

and after that I'll be 27.

When I was 25

I was already worth ten million.

Did you hit the lotto?

No.

So what do you do?

Well, I like to look at myself

as pretty enterprising.

I um.. I own my own newsstand.

And one day I hope to be as successful as you, sir.

With a newsstand?

Good luck.

That, uh..

- Hey, daddy. - What's up, sweetheart?

Oh, I see, you two already met.

Uh, yeah.

Daddy, were you messin' with Shawn's head?

Of course.

As a matter of fact, I am giving a little dinner party

tomorrow evening for some patrons of the arts.

- Why don't you come? - 'Yeah.'

A'ight, I'll be there.

Good. It's settled then.

Okay. Well, nice to meet you.

Gotta be going.

Oh, one other thing.

Bring your folks.

My folks?

If you're going to be dating my daughter

I wanna meet your family.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you know.

Unless the tree's on a hill.

Then the apples can roll, bro.

[laughing]

Um, well, wh-what I'm trying to say is that, uh

th-they can't come.

- Maybe next time. - Yeah.

Oh, that'd be great.

- Bye, daddy. - Bye, sweetheart.

- Okay. - Have a good time.

A $100.

Hey, look, here, Mr. Cooper, um

no disrespect to you, but we don't need your money

to have a good time.

Just in case, Chuck E. Cheese

don't take credit card.

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Dee. - Hey, what's up, Dee?

What are you readin'?

Uh, just got this new book.

"One Hundred Ways To Get A Rich Girl."

And if that doesn't work

I got this one.

"Macking Hos With Hypnosis."

Oh! Oh, but you know what, wait a minute now.

I read in "Vibe"

that rich girlslove

Dee, don't listen to nothin' that stupid magazine says.

They got Sinbad on their best dressed list.

Please. Now, what are you reading?

Oh, I'm reading a book on history of the art

for Mr. Cooper's party tonight.

You are studying for a party.

Man, that ain't no party.

Party's when you could have a fifth of Hennessy

and you're knockin' boots with Al Green on the 8-track.

I'm talkin' about.. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Party.

Dang. That ain't no party, that's a orgy.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, cutie.

What are you doing on this side of town?

Well, doin' a little shopping.

Well, did you see anything you like?

Oh, I do, now.

I missed you.

- I missed you. - Ha-ha-ha. I missed you, too.

Oh, please.

Be careful with this one, we don't know

where his mouth has been.

If you keep pattin' me on my nipple like that

I'm, uh...show you where my mouth's about to be.

You know, I'd like to stay Shawn but I've got to get things

ready for my father's party tonight.

So, I'll see you around 6:00.

Okay. Fine.

Uh, bye, Pops.

Maybe you can make it to the next party.

- Bye. - See you later.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Eh! - Huh! What?

Don't be looking at her butt.

I-I wasn't. She had a purse there.

What did she just say?

Was I invited to the party?

Uh, yeah, she mentioned her father inviting you to a party

in, in a vague kind of way.

And you said I couldn't come?

Well, pop, th-there's a dress code, man.

So. What is it?

Nothin' you got.

I thought so, player-hater.

Pop.

Come on, man.

Hmm!

Hey, yo, pop, man, look, I just didn't think

you would fit in with that crowd.

What makes you think I won't fit in?

Come on, pop, man, look I already have enough pressure

on myself tryin' to fit in with that rich crowd.

I don't want to have to worry about you coming up in there

dressed like Yosemite Sam.

What are you trying to say, my favorite ex-son?

What I'm trying to say is..

Well, all I'm trying to say is, pop--

Let-let me.. Shawn, allow me.

Look, pop, what Shawn is tryin' to say

is that you're cheap, tacky and couth-less

and he don't want your old ghetto behind

at the party embarrassin' him.

Thank you, stupid.

Hey, you got it, baby. That's what brotherhood is all about.

Look, pop, I was just only lookin' out for you, man.

You're lookin' out for me?

You're lookin' out for yourself.

Shawn, why don't you admit it?

You're ashamed of me.

Why? 'Cause he's black?

Hey, yo, man, what the deal?

What happened to the golden girl?

Mrs. Thomas was going for her third batch of fries

'cause you know they're soft.

And she had left her teeth at home

'and she couldn't nibble 'em.'

The machine threw her off

and she busted her ribs up on

the cigarette machine over there.

The tragic thing is, she broke her good arm

now she can't pick her nappy grey Afro.

Don't worry, Mrs. Thomas, I got you.

You gonna look fine.

Now, if you need your diaper changed

don't worry, pop'll do it for you, okay.

Yeah, man, that's messed up.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Now I can't get any Kools out of the cigarette machine.

That was my bestseller.

You feel better now, okay?

So sad, man.

It's just a sad thing, Shawn.

It's just a sad..

Damn you.

What's up, Pops?

Come on, man.

Don't play me, Pops.

What's-what's with the weird energy?

Look, man.

I just wanna apologize

for not inviting you to the party.

Look, man, I just had this crazy image in my head

of you doing somethin' to embarrass me

in front of all those rich people.

What have I ever done to embarrass you?

What about that time we went to Disneyland

and you beat up Mickey Mouse?

I'm telling you for the fifth time

whoever grabbed my ass only had four fingers.

And your momma was nowhere around.

I'm just trying to make a good impression on Tanya, that's all.

You know what, Marlon..

...I have half a mind to just go to that party.

Maybe we should go.

That'll give me a chance to work out my rich girl techniques.

- Yeah. Yeah. - You know what I'm saying.

Except Shawn's probably right.

- I'll embarrass him. - Hm.

You know, Pops..

...I could teach you etiquette.

You know, how to act around rich people.

Ah-haa-ha!

What you know about being around rich people, Miss Minimum Wage?

Huh?

Is this the same lady that got her

rent-to-own furniture repossessed?

Hello.

I'll have you know that I went to charm school

to prepare for "Miss Pink Champale" pageant, okay?

I went for five intensive days.

[choking]

(Dee) 'Okay..'

A beautiful woman walks into the room.

And puts her hand out. What does it mean?

She wants some money.

No.

You're supposed to kiss it.

Now, go ahead and do it.

I ain't kissin' that thing.

Look, it look all dry and ashy.

Like some Somalian beef jerky.

- Pop, kiss it. - Hm.

You got all that grease on your lips.

Go ahead, make it happen.

Well, I'll kiss it.

But take the glove off first.

You know, I don't have any glove on.

Now, somebody better go ahead and do

before this hand turns into a fist.

O-okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll kiss it.

Damn, it's dry.

Now, let me just get this a little damp right here.

Ugh!

What's wrong?

Ugh! Ugh!

What's wrong?

I got some fur from your knuckles, caught in my throat.

Whoa! That's it. I'm outta here.

It is clear to me that

you two will never have any class.

Oh, Dee. Please, don't go, Dee. Come on, I need you.

I wanna prove to Shawn that

I won't be an embarrassment to him.

Dee, get your ass back in here.

Is that how you talk to a lady?

Dee, please get your ass back in here.

(Shawn) Actually, it's a little known fact, uh..

Pay attention, Jada.

It's a little known fact that this guy grew his own garden

just so he can paint it.

- Hmm! Mm-hm! - Yeah.

I never knew you knew so much about art.

- I am so impressed. - Oh, yeah.

Well, maybe later on I'll

get a bottle of champagne

and show you my masterpiece.

Alright.

Huh-ha! Aha!

Wow.

It's a diddy.

Yeah, this place is rich.

Look, pop, they even got white butlers.

Don't mind if I do.

This is for my dear, homies.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That'll be all, thank you.

Appreciate that, baby. You know what I'm sayin'?

Represent. Represent.

Well, pop, hope we remember to act all elegant

like Dee taught us.

Yeah.

Ooh, pop, look, scrimps.

(Marlon) 'Come on, baby, help me get at those scrimps.'

Whoa, what are you doin' here?

Uh, me and pop just came and check out the party.

Pops is here too?

Look, Shawn, he wanted to prove to you that

he wouldn't embarrass you in front of all this rich people.

Oh, man.

I've seen pop work a party before.

All he does is go walkin' up to people

and ask them to pull his finger.

Man, look at all these rich girls who need a roughneck.

Where you think you going?

I know you hear me.

Well, Pops, I-I guess you must have cancelled that trip

that you were supposed to go on, huh?

Ooh! And I wouldn't have missed this party for the world.

Can I talk to you for a second, Pop?

- Excuse me. - Pardon.

Look, pop, Marlon explained to me what you're trying to do.

I just wanna tell you, you don't have to go through with this.

Oh, I haven't the slightest idea what you mean.

Look at you..

Talkin' all funny you sound like Pepe Le Pew.

And you're dressed like Mr. Monopoly.

Shawn, Shawn, Shawn.

I don't have time to bicker with you.

I have a party to attend.

Shawn, join us for a glass of wine.

Your father tells me he is a connoisseur

and he can tell what it is just by tasting.

Yeah, he is a drunk.

Uh, I mean, he, he has drunk a lot of wine in his day.

Absolutely delightful.

Nice legs.

True, but can you identify it?

Garcon, more wine.

Slight oak taste..

I would say a 1967 Chateau Lafite du Rothschild.

Wow, pop, that's unbelievable.

Yes, it is.

It's also wrong.

That's what I meant, pop, that's unbelievable

that you'd get that wrong.

Oh! Zima.

Uh, no.

Uh, Mad Dog 20/20.

No.

Then, it's Cisco.

Le voris.

Stop it, daddy.

Mr. Williams, you don't have to do this.

Sweetheart, I'm just having a little fun.

Hey, look, pop, maybe we should be going.

Oh, not yet.

Mr. Williams, are you into the arts?

Oh, yes, I dabble in kung fu.

Hoo! Ha!

Phut! Phut! Phut! Phut!

No, I meant paintings.

Oh, I have some beauties.

I got a buck naked Afro chick on a motorcycle.

I got black Jesus drivin' a Eldorado.

Limited edition, see, it glows in the dark.

You are delightful.

Yeah, so, you know, when I was a baby my momma

left me in the trash.

I just went from orphanage to orphanage

smelling like hot garbage, you know.

But...I'm telling you, snowflake.

You don't wanna get involved with me.

I ain't nothin' but trouble.

You know, I got people looking for me right now.

Really?

What you trying to do, get me smoked?

Girl, you're trying to get me smoked, ain't you?

No. I don't wanna get you smoked.

White girl, white girl.

I want to be your man!

- Follow me. - Okay.

Won't you give it up, get off of my back, what's wrong with you?

You walk three paces in back of me.

I see, you read the book too, brother.

Chapter seven. Uh-ha, chapter seven.

I can't help but notice this magnificent Steinway.

Don't tell me you play the piano, too?

Oh, no, no. No, I don't play piano.

Thank God.

Actually, I play the violin.

I have a Stradivarius.

Stradivarius?

Well, if that's all you got.

Uh-uh. Well, actually my father would love to play for you guys

but see, his, his arthritis been acting up again.

Right, pop?

Oh, we wouldn't ask him to play long

just a few bars.

Wouldn't everyone love to hear Mr. Williams play?

(in unison) Yes.

Alright, alright, that is enough.

Pops, you don't have to do that.

Yeah, pop, you don't have to play yourself for these people.

Yo, look, Mr. Cooper, maybe my father doesn't know

about the wine and the arts.

But he does know about the finer things in life

like bein' a good father.

[violin music]

[music continues]

Mr. Williams..

...I misjudged you.

I apologize.

Please join me on the patio for cognac.

No, thank you. I'd rather go home and sip on some Ripple

and watch the "Cleopatra Jones" film festival.

Wow, Brozart.

I didn't know you could play the violin like that.

There are lot of things you don't know about me, son.

Well, there's one thing I do know about you.

You're just as good as any of these people in here.

- Hey, can I roll with you, man? - Sure, I'd like that.

Hey, can I come too? I love "Cleopatra Jones."

Oh, come on, the Ripple's on me. Let's go.

Why don't we all watch upstairs in my media center?

No, I don't think so, daddy.

Yeah, it wouldn't be the same unless we watch it on

my pop's illegal cable system.

Please don't believe him.

- Thank you. - Thank you for coming.

When you was playing that violin, brother

you sound like one of those guys in the Titanic before it sank.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, uh, Colonel Sanders, I need my jacket.

M-Marlon!

What are you doin' in here?

Pops!

Pops?

I thought you were an orphan.

Uh-uh, I-I, I am.

I was just seeing if that was my Pops.

Pops?

Pops!

I can't believe I fell for your bull.

Come here, you. Where you going?

Yeah.

You are gettin' very sleepy.

You love me, don't you?

You love your Mandingo warrior.

Check this out, it says the number one way

to nab a rich girl is to be a roughneck.

Pop, that's perfect for me.

Ya-mee-sha! Ya-mee-gop!

Yo no mee-sha. Yo no mee-sha.

How are you gonna be a roughneck

you still pee in the bed.

Uh! Oh, come on, now, pop.

I ain't done that in years.

Okay, a year.

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say cheese.