Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

What's with the suit?

You got a "Men In Black" audition?

Ha-ha-ha!

No, actually, I'm wearin' this for my big job interview

today with Campbell Limited.

Oh, Campbell's?

Shawn, I love their alphabet soup.

It's my favorite.

I like spellin' dirty words with it.

It's not that Campbell.

This place does high-tech government research.

- Ew! - I'm not doing any research.

I'm just tryin' to get a job in marketin'.

Oh, well, if you're gonna be doing some marketin'

pick me up some more chips and some soda.

'Cause I'mma be runnin' a little low in a minute.

Thank you, baby.

Yo, man, what's with all the snacks?

You got the munchies or something?

No, well, you better recognize

it's "Good Times" weekend on cable.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah.

Oh, my God, why didn't you tell me that. That's this week?

Marlon, that was our favorite show, man.

Remember we used to watch it when we was kids

remember the mother, she was real dramatic with no neck?

O-oh, James.

[laughs] Yeah, I love that show.

You know...don't forget the best part of the show.

(both) Thelma's booty.

Paw!

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright. Cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Ouch!

Marlon, have you seen Shawn?

He's upstairs on the 16th floor

interview at Campbell's Limited or something.

Campbell's! Whoo! That's my favorite.

I like to spell dirty words in their soup.

Not that Campbell's, pop.

It's some place that does

high-tech government research.

Ooh, that's my boy.

Always tryin' to get over, so he can make that paper!

This is his fourth interview this month, huh?

Yeah, Dee, he gettin' turned down more than you.

Hey, but you know what they say, if at first you don't succeed

you gotta try, try, try again.

Ouch!

That's what you tell losers

so they won't kill themselves.

- What's up, ya'll! - Hey!

- 'Hey, yo, guess what, pop?' - What?

I got that job.

- Oh, what? - Wow!

I knew it, I knew it.

It's like I always said, son.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Oh, man, that's good, man. You got the job?

They're gonna pay you good money?

- Great money. - Oh, really?

Happy for your success, man.

- Keep doin' that. - 'Oh, stop.'

- 'Stop it!' - Ow!

Stop! Stop it!

Keep makin' your money! Keep makin' your money!

Congratulations.

Yeah, Dee, yeah.

Tell us about the interview, son.

Oh, my God, pop, I ripped it.

I sold myself so well that they didn't even have

to look at my resume.

- 'Mm!' - What about the newsstand?

Oh, I'mma still keep that.

The only reason I'm taking this job

so I can find out how, like

the big corporations operate.

Oh, well, then this is perfect for you.

Hey, well, you know what that means.

I'mma be runnin' the newsstand.

- I'll be my own boss. - Yeah.

Make my own hours.

I'mma give myself a raise.

[laughing]

And this is the bullpen, Shawn.

The heart of our operation.

Ooh, yeah, this is sweet.

Ooh, two computers!

Yeah, your desk is over here.

I guess supplies hasn't gotten around

to give me a terminal, yet, huh?

Everything you need is right here.

Oh, man, there's a lot of reading.

But I guess that's why you guys hired me over everybody else.

Slow down, tiger. You don't have to read those.

You're gonna punch holes in 'em.

Don't get me wrong, but you know they do

sell three-hole punched paper.

I can go to the drug store and get some--

Oh, now, don't worry, Williams.

A week from now, you'll have a whole lot

more important things to do.

[telephone ringing]

Hello, Shawn Williams speakin'.

Hey, Mr. Morton, how's it goin'?

Oh.

Yeah, sure, I'll..

...I'll check for you.

Yeah, the hot dog man's standing outside.

Just the man I'm looking for.

Williams, I wanted to personally give you your first paycheck

and tell you what a wonderful job you're doing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Nice and sharp.

Hey, yo, Mr. Morton.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Um, I've been workin' here for about a week now, and, uh..

You know, all I've doin' is sharpenin' 'em pencils

and, uh, punchin' holes in paper.

Not that there's somethin' wrong with it.

You know, my forearms are gettin' mad buff.

You know, feel my handshake. Strong, huh?

It's just that, you know, I was hopin' to get

like a bigger assignment, you know.

That's what I like about you, Shawn.

Your "Go, get 'em attitude."

You're gonna go far.

- 'Hi, son.' - What's up, pop?

- What's the deal, Shawn? - What's the matter, son?

They cheated you on your first check?

No, just the opposite. They paid me too much.

Shh, hurry up and cash it before they catch on.

You know what, they didn't overpay me

it's just, I feel like I didn't earn it

because all I've been doin' is sharpenin' 'em pencils

and lickin' envelopes.

Damn!

Well, a-as your brother

I'll be more than happy to a-leave you of this burden.

- Ooh! - Okay.

All of this for one week of work?

You sure envelopes is all you lickin'?

Lemme see that.

Ooh-ooh!

With money like this you can get you some

Ill Na Na from Foxy Brown.

I don't understand it, pop.

I've been workin' there a week and I haven't done anything yet.

That's like the perfect job for me.

Son, why they givin' you all this grunt work?

Yeah, you're too smart for this.

Maybe Mr. Morton don't think I'm smart enough

to handle any other work.

Oh! Don't you go believin' that now.

'Cause we all know how smart and responsible you are.

That's right, and smartness

and responsiblitiness

runs in our family.

And you're gonna prove yourself to Mr. Morton.

How?

I already tried to get a bigger assignment

from Mr. Morton and he peace me out.

By showin' him what all bosses love to see.

Yeah, Shawn.

Show him your breasts.

No, Marlon.

- Not breasts, initiative. - That's true.

Uh-uh. Now, one mornin' I came early

and I caught somebody stealin' toilet paper.

Baby, I slammed him to the floor

and knocked him over the head with my flashlight.

I got a promotion.

And I got a concussion.

Well, nobody told you to steal no toilet paper.

But if you had kept your mouth shut

I was gonna give you half of it.

[indistinct shouting]

[shouts] What's the point?

The point is..

..if you do something that is never expected of you..

...you will impress him.

I got it, Mr. Morton's secretary

got these files on her desk.

I could take those and cross reference 'em into the computer.

And that way he'll know I have some other skills.

- Yeah. - You got it.

Go on, baby. Go on, go on.

Why don't you get up early Monday mornin' and do it?

Why wait till Monday? I'mma go do it now.

Alright. Alright.

I'm bored, man.

Why don't you go xerox your butt?

That's stupid.

I did that already.

As you can see, it's my good side.

Ew!

Here, take these highlighters and go color your butt in.

Hmm, thanks, Shawn.

Shawn..

Shawn, you might wanna take a look at this.

Marlon, I already seen you color before, you suck.

You should really take a look at this here.

- Tsk! - Check it out.

[sighs]

"After finally hiring an African-American employee

"Shawn Williams, Campbell Limited has met

"its minimum requirement of minority workers

to qualify for government contract."

I'm just a token.

[instrumental music]

You know what, pop? It all makes sense to me now.

All the little stupid errands, the sharpenin' the pencils.

You know, he would've hired anybody

as long as he was a brother.

You should quit and keep your dignity.

Well, for once I agree with your father.

- It's about time. - Shut up.

You're too intelligent, responsible and strong

'to go through that nonsense, baby.'

I know, grandma, but if I quit, all they're gonna do

is hire another brother, and still get the contract.

So what're you gonna do, swallow your pride

and make their paper punchin' holes?

Who punched a ho?

Man, people punchin' hoes now!

This violence gotta stop, man.

Hoes is people too.

Shawn..

...the days of us having to settle

for what they give us is over.

Hey, uh, calm down, Angela Davis.

What are you knittin', a black Paolo skirt?

- Listen, grandma.. - Marlon, this is serious!

Grandma, I am serious!

Look, if they're gonna use me, use 'em back.

It's a eye for a cockeyed.

A tooth for a gold tooth. Okay?

This decision can affect your character

for the rest of your life.

It's not a easy choice to make.

Yeah, Shawn, let me tell you somethin'.

That money, that money is evil.

And if you spend it, you're gonna hate yourself.

So give it to me.

Marlon, your brother's goin' through a difficult situation

and the only thing you can do is think of yourself!

You're still gonna lend me that 50, right?

Hey!

Get away from my baby!

He don't need you two hoverin' over his wallet.

Hey, woman, just let my arm go.

- You don't know me, I'm crazy! - Yeah?

All you can do is get knocked out around here.

What's wrong with you? You better take your field.

- You better shut up! - Take this woman off me..

- Knock her.. Knock her out! - Pop, stop!

You gotta stop, don't give me a headache, man.

Yo, take that outside, pop.

- Okay, baby. - Come on.

We'll call you later and check on you.

Yeah, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Man! Hey, look, man.

So you sure you don't wanna go roll with me?

You know, I got these two girls waitin'.

No, kid, I'mma just chill right here.

I-I got a headache and I gotta think about some things.

I'm just gonna sit back and watch the "Good Times" marathon.

Oh, you better take that from me

'cause I got this date with Sania.

Man, Shawn, she's lookin' good, man.

I'm tellin' you.

Saved up enough money..

...now she got her second implant put in.

Paw!

You go knock yourself out.

- Yeah, yeah. - Have a ball!

And you noticed.

["Good Times" theme on TV]

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Good times ♪

[singing continues]

- Hey, Thelma. - Hey, Michael.

Look here, Thelma.

You've been stirrin' that Kool-Aid

for three hours now, girl.

Hurry up. I'm thirsty.

It'll be ready in a minute, tall, dark and scrawny.

Tall, dark and scrawny?

Go on, get on out of here, you old apple punk

baby hair face!

Get on. Get on gone.

Hey, you reached here stirrin' that Kool-Aid?

It's not my fault, daddy.

You know it takes a long time for that

free government sugar to dissolve.

- Say, JJ.. - Hey, Michael.

Hey, JJ, you know that government's sugar

is all a part of the man's conspiracy to rot our teeth?

So this way, when it's time for a revolution

we can't fight, because our teeth hurt.

Where do you get that nonsense, boy.

Daddy, boy is a white racist word.

Don't you know I'll whip your behind?

See, that's a slaves mentality there.

[knock on door]

- I'll get it. I'll get it. - I got it. I got it.

- I got it! - Junior!

Dad's gettin' the door.

(Pops) Hold on, I'm comin'.

Hope you've come here to fix that hole in the wall.

Last night a no-neck monster with a short afro

was in my bedroom!

James, you knew that was me.

No, I didn't come to fix the hole.

I heard the stirrin' of Kool-Aid.

And I figured I'd stop in for a taste.

How about I give your backside a taste of my boot?

Hey, I'll fix it right now.

James, you have to learn to control your temper.

Don't tell me about controllin' my temper!

I just got fired for the blasted fifth time this month!

[thuds]

Daddy, I think you got high blood pressure.

And you know hypertension is the number two killer

of all Afro-American men in America?

What's the number one killer, Michael?

East coast west coast beef.

Don't worry, daddy, now that you got your GED

you'll get a better job.

[telephone ringing]

- Oh, I got it. - Get off the damn..

[grunting]

Oh, get off the damn phone!

Get on out of here, mole head face!

Chello! Casanova of the ghetto speakin'.

Yes, this is the-the Evans' residence.

Uh-huh. Michael!

Uh!

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh!

Dad!

That was the car wash.

Mr. Thomas called

and said, you're fired.

- Dad! - Dad!

Wait a minute.

They already fired me this morning.

They said they were just makin' sure.

Hi, y'all!

Willona, I told you about comin' here like that

I'mma bust a cap in your ass.

I'm sorry, dear, but I had to come out here

and tell Florida news!

Willona, what is it?

Honey, the supermarket has finally put pork rinds on sale.

[all cheering]

- JJ. - Pork rind.

JJ, I can't believe I'm ashamed of y'all.

I can't believe I'm part of this family.

Look at y'all actin' like simple Negros over some pork.

JJ, do you know the man is settin' us up?

- How is he settin' us up? - Yeah, Michael?

Thelma, the man knows pork

is high in cholesterol which causes strokes.

And, daddy, he puts it on sale

so that poor people can buy.

And, mama, after a few years

when we find your neck

'you're gonna die of a heart attack'

and the man will turn the projects into condos

for him and his little pink children who live here.

Oh, Michael.

Between you and JJ, your family is bound

to move out of the projects.

I know.

Once they accept the Vincent van Gogh

of the ghetto into art college

and I put that money together

with the Chicken Shack check

I'mma get us all out of the project.

I hope you're right, JJ.

'cause I'm tired of these roaches.

Oh, don't worry about that, old gorilla face.

Once I sell this paintin' right here

there's no way they could turn me down.

I call this one, "The Ghetto Olympics."

[telephone ringing]

- Hey, I got it, JJ. - I got it!

[indistinct shouting]

Get off the phone, get out of here.

Godzilla meets Mothra face!

Get on out of here, girl.

Get on, eh, get out of here, Michael.

Chello. Casanova of the ghetto speakin'.

Oh, hey, Mr. White from the Art Institute and Design.

- Oh! - Oh!

Shh!

Get on out of here!

Now, just get off! Come on.

Why can't his name be Mr. Black?

(Shawn) 'Get on out of here!'

Why can't his name be Mr. Black?

Why can't his name be Mr. Black?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh!

Thank you very much.

What's the matter, JJ?

Did the art school turn you down?

Damn! Damn!

[screaming] Damn!

Damn, ma!

No, I got accepted, Thelma.

What's the matter, JJ?

Yeah, JJ, why are you sittin' there lookin' like

that deaf kid that fell down the elevator shaft?

Boy, you better hurry up and tell me what's wrong.

Yeah, JJ, is the man up to his tricks again?

Let me explain somethin' to you, my little militant midget.

After the last interview, they told me that

they needed to see my art work.

Now, they call me and tell me

that I'm accepted without even lookin' at my portfolio.

Well, maybe they heard how good you were.

(all) Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Nah, little sis.

Maybe they heard how black I am.

(all) Ooh!

So what?

What's important is that you got in.

I hear they got a good cafeteria.

Sorry, buffalo-butt

but I want to be accepted 'cause of the colors on my canvas

and not the colors of my skin.

Amen!

Preach on, brother.

JJ..

...whatever you decide to do..

...remember, try to make a difference.

And, Junior, if you decide to go to that art school

remember, every stroke you paint

is a stroke for freedom.

Speakin' of strokes..

...who wants pork rinds?

Hey! Someone say pork rinds?

[all cheering]

Hey, hey, everybody!

Hey, everybody!

It doesn't matter if I'm black or white..

...I'mma make a difference

'cause I'm King Don Omar!

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

That's it.

That's it. I got it.

I'll make a difference.

Get security in here right away.

Mr. Morton, I need to talk to you.

I'm too busy right now.

Somebody threw out all my papers

and I can't find any of my documents.

Here they are.

And if you wanna see the master list

just hit this key.

You did that, Williams?

Yeah, I did that.

I'm not only good for punching holes

I can punch a keyboard too.

I see that.

Yeah, well, if you would've looked at my resume

half as long as you looked at the color of my skin

you'd have known that.

And just what are you implying, Mr. Williams?

Hey, cut it out, look, stop, alright?

Don't even try.

I know all about the contracts.

You wouldn't even give a brother a shot

even if he was qualified.

Look, Williams, you shouldn't

have broken into my computer.

You'll be lucky if I don't press charges.

Learn the rules first, then you can play with the big dogs.

I thought the rules were supposed

to be fair for everybody.

Alright, so we hired you

to qualify for a contract.

You got an easy thing here. Why rock the boat?

Because if I don't rock the boat nothing's gonna change.

Oh, now, relax, Williams, we can work this out.

No, peace out.

I'm outta here.

I came here for experience, but not this kind.

Well, have it your way.

All I gotta do is hire somebody else.

You know what drives me crazy?

It's that every single week you guys receive a ton

a ton of resumes from qualified minorities.

Anyone of those people could do a good job here for you.

You're way out of line here, Williams.

Why? Because I'm right?

You don't dictate to me.

Now, excuse me, I gotta hire somebody

to replace you so I can qualify for that contract.

You know what, I knew a little weasel

like you would say something like that.

And that's why I brought you Mr. Thomas Cook.

Oh, who is this, your lawyer, Williams?

Huh, you wish!

This is the man you applied to

for the government contract.

So, remember, Mr. Morton..

...learn the rules if you wanna play with the big boys.

I'm out, baby.

♪ Keeping your head in the water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary lay offs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip offs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Rollin' into.. ♪

♪ Good times ♪

[indistinct]

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say "Cheese."