Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Spare change.

Hey, hey, hey, look here.

This ain't Kosher. You got to go somewhere else.

You're chasin' my customers away.

I could stand where I want to.

It's a free country.

Of course, I might feel like standin' somewhere else

if I had some positive reinforcement.

Well, here. Maybe that'll help you out.

Oh, will you look at that.

A whole nickel..

...and Canadian too.

Yeah, now, I could buy two of them shirts you got on.

[both laughs]

Dee, Dee, do your job.

Alright. Alright, let's move it along.

I've kicked you out of here three times already.

Go!

Wow, Dee, I'm impressed.

Why, 'cause I was so professional?

No, 'cause you didn't try and give him your number.

Uh, is that a two or a seven?

Seven! Get out of here.

What you lookin' at?

That was the number

for the homeless shelter.

- Yeah. - Oh, it's cold out there.

What's the deal, y'all?

- Hey. - Hey, man.

I got this big audition for this Martin Scorsese film

and, Shawn, my agent said the role is perfect for me.

Really, I didn't know Scorsese was doing a film

about a 23-year-old virgin.

[laughs]

- Ha ha ha. - Ha ha.

No, it's for homeless snitch.

I'm telling you, this is supposed to be a big movie

so, I'mma have to do a lot of research

in order to get this role.

Well, baby boy, if you want, if it'll help you any

I could always throw you out of the apartment.

So you can get a good feel for the road.

[laughs]

Hey, hey, hey. No, wait a minute.

These tables are for paying customers.

Okay, don't let me drag you out of here again, come on--

Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, Dee, don't throw him out.

Hold on. Shawn, I can use that brother for research.

That there, is my little dirty ticket to stardom.

Hey, don't be treatin' this brother like he's some animal.

He's a human being.

That's right. I'm a human being.

Finally found somebody that, that cares.

Hey, get up off of me, man.

What the hell is that?

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪

♪ Gimme a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys. Dynomite.'

[hip-hop music]

[instrumental music]

- Hey, what's up, kid? - What's up, son?

How'd it go down at the shelter?

Oh, man, that place is sad.

It's all run down, filled with ugly people

who'd nowhere to go and nothing to do.

That sounds like pop's diner.

Look at you, man, you must be learnin' a lot.

I mean, you got to look down.

Look at you, you got your little hair all nappy, little crust

crust inside your eye and white around your mouth.

You're doing a really good job with your make up.

Boy, this ain't no damn make up.

Oh, my bad.

Come on.

Let's sit down and get to know each other a little better.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, not that much better, brother.

Here you go.

Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Paying.

Alright, man, look, just give me a soda.

Alright, big ass bow tie?

And you gotta order too.

I'll have some hot water.

- Hot water, huh? That's all? - Yeah.

You know, with hot water we give a free side of soap.

Listen, Richie, man, let me ask you some questions.

Um, when you rummaging through garbage and stuff

how do you know what's good garbage and bad garbage?

- You know.. - Oh.

It's all about survival, kid.

See, you-you take whatever you could..

...you could wear, eat or sell.

I feel you.

So, uh..

Is it true, that to keep warm, you--

- Marlon. - Hmm?

- Come here. - What?

Shawn, I-I didn't steal your five dollars..

Marlon, I hope you're paying this guy

to be your little lab rat.

Hey, shh. What are you tryin' to do, man?

- Be quiet before he hears you. - You're not paying him?

I can't believe you're not paying him, Marlon.

Hey, you think they paid the outbreak monkey?

That brother sittin' around going..

[imitating a monkey]

...money.

I'm telling you, man, look, Shawn..

Besides, it's all a part of being a good Somalian.

That's good Samaritan.

- What? - Good Samaritan.

No, that brother is hungry with flies all around him.

It's Somalian.

Marlon, I'm tellin' you, what you're doing ain't right, kid.

I'm tellin' you, listen, you're using, Marlon.

Y-y-you're using him, man. You're pickin' his brain.

And you ain't givin' him nothin'. Come up.

Come up, man, Don't do that.

Alright, man.

Hey, uh, Richie, man, uh..

...how would you like me to treat you a nice hot meal?

See, now, that's a nice gesture right there.

Be at our place at 7 o'clock.

What? Come here, stupid!

I didn't mean for you to invite him at our place.

Oh, what's the matter?

I ain't good enough to eat at your place?

Why, 'cause he's black?

No, him being black has nothin' to do with it.

Besides, you don't know if he's black for sure.

Underneath all that dirt he might be white.

[laughs]

Well, dag, man, I know the brother's funky

but how many stick-ups are you gonna put up?

Hey, Marlon, trust me, when Richie walks up in here

smelling like a old navel..

...and some homogen cheese..

...and that funk come up in the air and hitch you all

up in here, you gonna thank me, bro.

Yeah. He's so sticky he make the roof of my mouth itch.

He-ey! Richie-e!

Right there, brother. Right there.

Hey, I got, I got y'all brothers a present.

I didn't know whether y'all was fixin'

chicken, fish or beef.

A-ha!

Ooh! Thunderbird.

What doesn't go with Thunderbird?

Well, I see you, uh, tasted it for us already.

Thank you, Richie.

Hey, uh, Richie

since you got us a little present

it's only fair that we get you on, uh, here you go..

- Oh. - It's from me and Marlon.

There you go.

Oh, you didn't have to do that.

Oh, yes, we did.

Get it all up in there. Alright.

Uh, so did you have to bring your house with you?

Somebody might steal somethin'.

Uh, just in case..

[car alarm beeps]

There's a whole lot of low-lifes in this neighborhood.

Hey, Richie, come here.

- Let me take your coat, man. - Okay.

- Here you go. - Hey, nice belt.

- Yo, man. Yo, that's fly. - Oh, you like that?

No, you got flies in your jacket.

Come on, man, let's sit down and, uh, have a seat right here.

Ah, here you go, Richie.

- Whoo! Ha! - Richie.

- Lot better. - Yeah.

Come on, man.

Alright.

Well, let's eat while it's still hot.

Hold on, hold on.

I wants to say grace.

Okay.

[laughs]

Heavenly father..

[choking]

...bless the hands

that had prepared this hot meal

and the kind hearts that has brought me

to this humble hut.

Hold on.

Time out, Lord, time out.

Lay it, man.

You can't be sayin' all them

damn "H" words, alright?

Instead of "Have" say "Gots."

Brother, you ever heard of a after-dinner mint?

Well, we can't wait that long.

Go on.

We, we don't always..

...we don't always appreciate the small things in life..

...until they're gone.

So, let's be thankful for the little that we got.

Amen.

- Amen. - Amen, man.

Come on, Richie, I don't mean to be diggin' all up

in your business, but, uh, here you go, brother.

That's for you.

But, uh, how did you become homeless?

I mean, how you let yourself ass out like this?

Oh, that-that, that ain't important that..

- Here you go. - Tha-that's a long story.

Hey, brother, we got time.

Ain't like you got to work in the morning.

You see, I, see I had a lot of dreams.

But I-I never went to college.

So I would sponge it off my family for a while

until they got sick of me.

Hey, that sounds like you, Marlon.

You know, after a while, you know..

...they got tired of me, so they kicked me out

and, and I hit rock bottom.

I've been livin' on the streets.

I've been livin' here ever since.

But wait, why you asking me so many questions?

- That's for his character. - What?

Uh, for my-my character as a human being.

You know, I'm just tryin' to grow spiritually, brother.

[speaking in foreign language]

You know, what I'm sayin'?

But, uh, lemme ask you this, man.

What do you use for toilet paper?

FIVE magazine.

- You too? - Yeah.

Oh, man!

You gotta watch out for that stable.

Oh, man, whoa, will you look at the time?

Aah! It's gettin' late, man.

Guess it's time for you to be headin' back home.

I, I ain't goin' nowhere.

Marlon said I can stay today.

He did what?

Uh-huh.

Would you like some Thunderbird?

[instrumental music]

(Shawn) Oh, he's not my problem.

Look, Shawn, it's my house too, okay?

If he goes, then I go.

'Yeah.'

Send me a postcard from Skid Row.

I was just actin', there see.

He goes and I go.

Shawn, look, now, man, please, I need him to research.

I got him, Shawn, I gotta study him for this audition.

Look, I promise, as soon as my audition's over

he'll be gone.

For real.

Alright. He can stay one night.

I want him gone in the morning.

- Alright. - One night.

Thanks, Shawn.

Get off me. You smell like him.

Hey, man.

Hey, man, y'all ain't got no man-sized drawers?

Boy, you better gimme my drawers, man.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, man, I, please tell me you did not take my toothbrush

and polished your shoes with it.

You think I'm some kind a of an animal?

Of course, not. I brushed my teeth.

Ew! What were you eatin', soot pops?

No, go ahead, man, you keep that.

Well, you know, if y'all don't mind

um, I'mma go hit the hay.

You know, and I got to let you all know that, uh

I sleeps in the nude. So no tricks.

No spoonin'.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You sleepin' in your nude is your business

but you sleepin' in nude in my bed, ain't gonna happen.

You better go sleep on the floor.

Hey, Shawn, come on, man, don't do that.

Shawn, don't do that, this man hasn't had..

He hasn't slept in a bed in years, man. Come on, Shawn.

Have a heart. Come on be a humanitarian.

Alright.

Alright, man, you got the couch.

That's my bed. What the hell is that?

Hey, humanitarian? You think of somethin'.

Oh, that's cold blooded, man, that's cold.

Guess I'd just sleep in that cart.

[alarm blaring]

[instrumental music]

Marlon, what are you doing, man?

And why does my apartment look like a scene

out of "12 monkeys?"

I'm just doin' a little bit of research.

Marlon, I asked you to get rid of one bum

I come home and his twin sisters are here.

- The double-mint bums. - Shawn..

The thing is, I-I just wanted to see what it would be like

to be with a woman of the streets.

I mean, to look through her crusty soul.

Look into her yellow jaundice eyes.

And know that inside she's just like any other woman.

Did you hit that?

It was research, man. It was research, Shawn.

I know this guy, who'll buy us a sourdough Jack

just to play him with our feet. Come on.

(Shawn) 'I can't believe you, Marlon, I can't believe you continued'

to use this guy for your own selfish need.

Just to get this part, man.

Usin' me?

Hey, hey, Marlon..

...what the hell is he talkin' about, man?

He's just trippin', that's all.

Tell him, Marlon.

- Come on, Shawn. - Tell him.

[sighs]

I ain't been exactly usin' you, he's..

Alright, look, it's like this, man.

Richie, the reason why I invited you up here

and been all nice to you and everything is because

I've been studyin' you.

See, I got this big audition I'm goin' up for and..

...well, the guy in the movie is a..

Homeless?

Yeah. He's homeless.

Look, black, I'm sorry, man, I-I didn't mean nothin' by it.

Yeah, Marlon, I thought you was my friend.

Well, I'mma go to my room, man.

Um, Marlon, do what you gotta do.

- Handle your business, kid. - Yeah.

Hey, Richie, man, look, I'll make it up to you.

If you come with me down at my audition

I promise I'll pay you.

Well, you think, you think I would sell my soul?

Degrade myself for you?

- I'll give you five dollars. - Cool.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Richie..

...I just wanna thank you for coming down

to my audition with me, man.

I mean, especially after the way I've treated you and everything.

Yes, this is my first payday in years.

There's no problem.

Hey, well, I just wanna say I'm sorry anyway.

We're cool?

Alright, come here.

[laughs]

Alright.

Hey, egg, what are you doing?

- Marlon Williams? - Yes, that's me.

We're just going to do the first set of sight.

You'll be reading with me.

Oh, that'd be great. Great, great, great.

Hey, good luck.

Thanks.

Whenever you're ready.

Ba ba ba ba.

Ba ba ba ba.

Mi mi mi mi.

Mi mi mi mi mi mi-i-i-i.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Scene.

"Listen, Lenny, you're going to have to move along."

So that's how it is, huh?

Always gots to be comin' down..

...on the little guy.

The little guy that don't have...nothin'.

That's right, nothin'.

Rhymes with muffin.

It's stuffin'.

And days are roughin'.

Like Roxanne and Mally Mall said

You ain't really owe me nothin'.

This gonna be ahit.

Ahit-uh.

Tonight..

Alright.

(Marlon) This is my neighborhood.

Those are my crackheads.

My prostitutes.

My government cheese.

My government cheese.

And you, you trespassin'.

Now you, you get on, you get in..

...get, get out.

Get, get out.

G-I-T!

Scene.

- Thank you, Marlon. - Oh, thank you.

- Thank you. - We'll be in touch.

- Really? - No.

Come on, man, let's get outta here.

These stupid people don't know talent.

Wait, Marlon. Marlon, come on, man.

Did you forget everything that-that I taught you?

I mean, what was you doing rubbin' you-your hands together?

Oh, I was pretending to be cold.

It looks like you're puttin' on lotion.

Marlon, when it's cold outside, your whole body it..

...it aches. You got to show th-the pain in your face.

And you never, you could never forget that agony

that you gotta live with for 24 hours a day.

It's in you.

That's the last you're gonna get out of me.

This is my neighborhood, and you trespassin'.

Now, go on.

Get out.

Did you see that?

- Yes. - This is the man for your part.

That boy got talent.

You're right. Mr. Scorsese will love you.

And the brother brings his own wardrobe.

With fleas.

- Hey, thanks, Marlon. - Oh, you got it, man.

I guess, I'm the only one who got somethin' outta this.

Oh, no, man. I got a lot outta it too.

You opened my eyes to a lot of things, Richie.

Like I'm never gonna look down at a homeless person again.

You the coolest bum I know.

- Alright. - Do your thing, baby.

Keep shinin'.

- By the way, Marlon.. - Yeah.

You could work a little more harder on being more believable.

Help a brother out. Spare change.

Uh, help a brother out.

Sister, I know you gave me a dollar

but the things I'll do for five.

There's a article in here by Richie, the bum.

It says just from the heat he's gettin'

from this Scorsese film alone

he's lined up for his own sitcom on the WB.

That is funny, isn't it?

You were tryin' to help Richie get on his feet

now the homeless guy is livin' in a lap of luxury

and you're still a newsboy with hardly

a penny to your name. Huh.

It makes you think, doesn't it?

What do you mean?

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say "Cheese."