Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLATTER)

(AIRCRAFT PASSES OVERHEAD)

♪ CREAM: I Feel Free

♪ I feel free

♪ I feel free ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Oh, great night!

What are we doing now? Getting some sleep?

Yeah, well, Jimi, we need to talk about next week.

Oh, right. -He's' tired. Come on. -Bye, Mike.

(GIRLS LAUGH)

Oh, he's tired after his tour. (GIRL LAUGHS)

I can't wait for you to see it.

Look. Wow!

It's cool, isn't it? Handel, man! That's outta sight!

He was a beautiful cat. You're gonna love it.

(DOOR CREAKS) I'm vibed, man!

-I know. -If I have to play Hey Joe one more time,

-I'm gonna go crazy. -Stop it! (CHUCKLES) Come on.

Let's go to the Chelsea -hotdog stand. -Yes, yes, yes!

-On me, is it? -Yes! Yeah. Thank you, diver.

As always. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

(CARRIAGE RATTLES)

(HARPSICHORD PLAYS)

(HORSE WHINNIES OUTSIDE)

(MUSIC PLAYS OVER RADIO)

And who said an album has to be all three-minutes track?

Yeah.

(BIRD CHIRPS) Ta-da! (LAUGHS)

Wow! Ohh!

Yeah, I got all your amps in. (LAUGHS)

(BIRD CHIRPS) Wow! (LAUGHS)

They! Who are these guys?

I thought this one could be Wah-Wah. Oh, I like that.

And he's Flange. Yeah.

Oh! Aw!

There's tea and Rich Tea.

Oh...this is good!

Hmm.

(CHURCH BELLS CHIME)

(HORSE WHINNIES OUTSIDE)

Oh, you're up.

Don't you wish to rest before the performance tomorrow?

No, I'm better.

There's so much to do.

I...saw Mr Wyatt, sir.

Wanting more tickets, no doubt.

I hope you set him straight, we're full.

He was returning his tickets.

Ja?!

Perhaps he is afflicted with the clap.

Perhaps. He is something of a bed swerver.

No?

No joy, sir? No.

(SIGHS)

(BIRDS CHIRP) We need more speakers.

Surround ourselves with sound.

You need sleep.

Get away from all those people for a bit.

You wanna take off the guitar? (LAUGHS)

Well, I don't know about that. (SIGHS)

(SIGHS SOFTLY)

You all right?

It's so quiet.

Great, isn't it?

(BIRDS CHIRP) A bit too quiet.

(POP MUSIC PLAYS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh! Lulu!

It's just pop. The birdies like it.

It sounds kinda declawed.

I guess that's part of the deal.

(RADIO OFF)

(LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES)

Mmm.

Did you order the pigeon pies for Kitty and Goupy?

The pies, the ham and the pudding are all arrived.

Such great pies!

The pastry! Hmm.

Such a pity! Yes, it is a pity, sir,

but you'll feel better if you abstain.

Ja, ja...the cabbage soup.

Emergency for the health, I know.

And the company of good friends will be nourishment enough.

Damn! Is it not enough to be old and ugly?

But to have this itching!

Perhaps, sir, -I should treat the wig. -Hmm.

I presume a louse.

Again?! I'll boil it.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(CHURCH BELLS CHIME)

(SIGHS)

(HARPSICHORD PLAYS)

(MUTTERS)

Was?! No bun!

Even at 11? Sir, your gout. Your hand.

(SIGHS) Who was at the door?

Erm, Mrs Phillips.

She has the clap as well? A cold.

She can't come. Oh, good.

I hate people -coughing over my music. -Yeah.

Miss Trotwood, Mr Cardew, and a few more also have colds.

Believe me, I am not an idiot.

They cannot all have colds. No.

No. Well?

In fact, they object to you staging The Messiah

in a theatre with people like Kitty Clive, actresses.

They say it's blasphemy.

It should be in a church and you should cancel.

(SIGHS) How can it be blasphemy when it came to me

direct from God himself.

If this was wrong, he would give me a sign!

Ah. The carrot is disgusting!

I want proper German cake!

(HOOVER HUMS) And Mike, man, you know, he's all,

"Burn the guitar. Do the teeth." It's stupid!

Maybe I should see a dentist. (HOOVER HUMS)

I think it's clean now. Yeah.

Well done. (MUSIC PLAYS OVER RADIO)

Hey, let's go shopping. Really make the pad a place to dream and create.

But you need to rest. Mmm!

Baby, we need oranges and bananas.

Fresh fruit. Towels and linen.

Hey, where can we go that's really funky?

John Lewis.

(SIGHS)

(MUTTERS)

300?!

Fuck!

I'm ruined! What, sir?

Tickets returned, you idiot!

Perhaps you could announce -a change of programme. -Shut up!

Any joy with your...movement?

Oh, leave me alone. Yeah.

(HE PLAYS)

(MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS)

I can't believe you had to buy your own LP.

Do they not send you one? Well, apparently it's mixed in mono.

Did Mike say that?

Melody Maker. (TUTS)

Let's try it on, then.

OK.

Hmm. (CHUCKLES)

It's gorgeous. (BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe it's too Sgt Pepper. (BOTH LAUGH)

All right, our Kath. (CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES) Now you look like Ena Sharples.

Foxy!

Foxy lady! (CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS) Hey, wanna go out?

No... I wanna stay in.

(SIGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

Maybe we should have got matching? Shh!

Listen. (MUSIC SWELLS)

This is incredible!

It's a bit doomy.

Well, it's righteous! Otherworldly!

I wanna do something like this, you know,

with real scale and so forth.

Stop being a clown.

What are you talking about? You're brilliant.

It is brilliant!

I'm sure of it. (LAUGHS)

Lord, are you still there?

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Scheisse! Shite! Ohh!

Peter!

(SOBS)

They're doing it again! Why?

Sir, I'm sorry, I don't know. (SOBS)

Shall I cancel Kitty and Goupy? -We could have a quiet evening. -No.

No, they will cheer me up.

Of course. (SOBS SOFTLY)

And when the show's finished, perhaps we should

go for a cure at the hot springs?

(Perhaps.)

(CORONATION STREET THEME PLAYS)

(HE PLAYS ALONG)

(LAUGHS) Kathy, it's starting. Coming.

(DIALOGUE PLAYS QUIETLY ON TV)

Mmm! Mash(!)

I miss ribs.

Baby back ribs, you know?

So hot and tasted of home.

Oh, for God's sake! That took bloody ages!

Hey, relax. Well, if you wanted meat,

you should've gone out for a steak.

Or cooked. (LAUGHS) I did vacuum.

That doesn't take long, does it? Actually, it does the way you do it.

Hey, why's the phone off the hook?! Because I took it off.

Are you serious?! -What possessed you, man? -Hmm.

So we could have a bit...of peace, you know?

Slag off my cooking, gripe about -Lulu. -Well, I need to be connected.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello. Oh, hey, Mike.

Yeah, the phone was off the hook. I can't hear Corrie!

Well, Kathy knocked it off.

Well, I don't know, maybe she wants me all to herself.

A TV appearance? I just got back, man.

Lulu?

You want us to do Happening For Lulu? Really?

(LAUGHS) I don't know, I'm gonna need some time to...

Hey, I'll call you back.

Kathy?!

Kathy?!

(DOOR SLAMS / BUS BELL PINGS)

(ENGINE IDLES)

(AIRCRAFT PASSES OVERHEAD)

(HORSE HOOVES CLOMP / CROW CAWS)

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Goupy, you are wicked.

Drawing Walpole on the potty. Look!

I'm sorry, Kitty, it's not funny. Yes, it is.

Obviously, the Messiah's brilliant, but you've upset the clergy.

They're creating a stink. What about changing venue?

Why should I? It's not an opera. There's no costumes, no frou-frou.

Just singing God's Word!

God is everywhere for everyone!

Even in the playhouse. Which is more important,

your fortune if nobody comes, or your reputation if they do?

Clearly, his reputation will be sorted by my heavenly voice.

Of course, I'm happy to sing more solos.

Boring oratorios like The Messiah in church,

fun operas in the playhouse with the actresses and the whores.

Sharing my talents is neither boring nor whoring,

unlike your behaviour, Goupy, which is both.

I must write.

The muse has seized me.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

All right, all right!

(KNOCK AT DOOR / WOMAN LAUGHS)

All right!

I thought you were calling me back?

Well, I didn't need to, you're here. (LAUGHS)

Chris is gonna take a few publicity shots.

We need you to look prettier for the girls,

cos that's where the money is. Yeah? Right, we'll go up.

Come on, then. Let's crack these open. Come on.

(CROW CAWS OUTSIDE)

(CROW CAWS)

(LAUGHTER) Well, you know, she doesn't even let Maurice smoke.

Poor little Bee Gee. (LAUGHS)

No wonder his voice hasn't broken. (LAUGHS)

Listen, Mike, man,

I'm not so sure we should be doing Happening For Lulu.

What d'you mean?

Well, I mean, is something really happening for her?

(LAUGHS) I don't give a shit

if something's happening for Lulu or not,

what I do give a shit about

is a car's gonna pick you up, take you to the BBC,

and you're going to play an agreed song at an agreed time...

as per the agreement.

Three, four...five.

(GIRLS GIGGLE)

See...it's not hard.

Oh, Lulu wants to do Hey Joe as a duet.

Hey, that doesn't sound too cool, -man. -Hmm. And do the teeth.

Yeah?

I'm kidding. (LAUGHS) Right, come on then, girls.

Let's do this.

Where d'you want me? (LAUGHS)

Oh, oh.

She lives like this, you see.

Look at this one!

(LAUGHTER)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(GIRL LAUGHS)

(GROANS SOFTLY)

(GROANS SOFTLY)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Leave it wet.(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(LAUGHS) I mean, obviously, it's fine. (GIGGLES)

Hmm. Take your coat off.

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

Yeah, that's it. Imagine you're about to...

Yeah. Oh, right.

(LAUGHTER) The sun don't shine

♪ The moon don't move

♪ Child... (LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(HUMS)

Mmm!

♪ The moon don't move... Lay back for me.

(COUGHS)

(LAUGHS) Relax!

(MOANS SOFTLY) Yeah!

I mean, you are the one with the dong.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, come on, man!

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHS)

Come on.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Yeah! What planet are you from?

She's from Dagenham

and I'm from Planet Love.

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

What are you doing?!

Baby!

Out!

Now. Get out!

A pig?!

How could he do this?

Well, you were in the pantry, sir. Could Goupy have seen?

Am I disgusting?!

No, you're a genius!

I love you.

Oh!

Ohh! (SIGHS)

Thank God! Yes, thank God!

(SIGHS)

Maybe I should cancel?

What do you think? I don't know, sir.

You need to rest.

Sweet... Jesus!

A sign...

..I beg you!

Baby, it's work. It's not my idea. Can we stop smoking for a minute?

What, and get sacked? Huh? Leave the scene and raise pigs?!

Maybe in 20 or 30 years, I might. I'm not waiting 20 years

to do something normal. Jesus!

(LAUGHS) Lulu? God, you're such a yes man!

It's the circus, it's what I signed up for.

Well, maybe I should've stayed home playing backup in bars,

but I chose the cellophane cage!

(LAUGHS) Yeah, but Lulu?

I can't deal with your juju right now!

(SIGHS)

Handel?!

Jesus?!

(Ja!)

Thank you!

(SIGHS)

Now I know.

Be true to yourself...

..and your art.

(THE MESSIAH PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS)

(THEY PLAY IN UNISON)

They're sing for you now the song

that absolutely made them in this country, Hey Joe.

♪ Hey, Joe

♪ I said, where you going with that gun in your hand?

We'd like to stop playing this rubbish.

(JIMI PLAYS THE GUITAR RIFF TO CREAM'S I FEEL FREE)

We're being put off the air.

Motherfuck it!

(APPLAUSE)

(BEEPING)

Subtitles by Sky AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk