Original subtitles

The following programme contains sexual references

and a very strong language from the outset and throughout.

(LOUD PUMPING MUSIC)

(INDISTINCT VOICES)

Holy shit! M, are you all right?

She hit me. Outta nowhere. Just came outta nowhere.

Let's move.

MAN: Hey, you! Hey!

Let's move! Hey, get back here!

Hey, where you going?

♪ BLONDIE: Call Me

(POLICE SIREN)

Come on, M!

♪ Colour me your colour baby

Come on! Colour me your car

♪ Colour me your colour darling

♪ I know who you are

(HORN HONKS)

♪ Come up off your colour chart

♪ I know where you're coming from

♪ Call me!

♪ On the line Call me, call me any, anytime

♪ Call me...

PA: 'All the L-Line trains are running slow...'

♪ ..call me any day or night

♪ Call me... ♪

Am I bleeding?

-Motherfucker! -Hey, you're OK. Just got a little rattled.

She came outta nowhere. I didn't see.

I went to get drinks and you were fighting like cats.

How tall was she?

Five foot? Which she even five foot? Barely.

I got jumped by a frickin' pixie frickin' devil elf - great (!)

You gave as good as you got. Did you see her frickin' nails?

Nearly tore my eyes out.

Holy shit! (CHUCKLES) Like a pair of cats.

Squawking over a can of tuna in the trash.

(CHUCKLES)

And what were you in this scenario?

The tuna or the trash.

PA: 'Stand clear, please.'

(HUSHED VOICES) That's "Basqui-ay".

MAN: No, it's "Basqui-ah", "Basqui-ah".

No, it's "Basqui-ay".

No, it's French, "Basqui-ah". Yeah, "Basqui-ay".

Holy fuck, it is him. Yeah. It is, right?

Oh, my God! All right, be cool.

Ask him if it's him. Hey.

Are you him?

You are him, aren't you?

Look, man, we're big fans. Like, big fans...

Hey! Hey!

We love you!

She's just trying to say -she loves you! -Hey!

Screw you! Think you're better than us!

What a jerk!

You can't be serious. What?

You suck at being famous, man.

What do you know about being famous?

I know I wouldn't have behaved like that, that's for sure.

It turns you on, doesn't it?

Two chicks fighting over you.

I feel bad, man, you know.

I'm a peaceful motherfucker, truly.

I nearly lost an eye. You gotta make it up to me.

Come on, man, you got some arms on you.

How you gonna make it up to me? I'm serious.

What do you want? You want me to take you away?

Hawaii, Jamaica, palm trees and mangoes,

sun your nipples.

Just say, I'll take you.

I'd rather eat that tramp's ass than go away with you.

Look, so I won't come.

Take your girlfriend, a boyfriend.

You deserve it.

Working the bar like that.

You need a day off.

A week off.

Here.

Put your money away. Go on.

It's the least I can do. You think you're so fucking rich.

I am rich, I can't help it.

You think you're the rich one?

I'm the rich one. They tip you well behind that bar?

No, smartass, I'm saying I will be the rich one.

I'm gonna make more money than you could possibly dream, motherfucker.

I'm gonna make more dough than you and that jerk Warhol.

You're just pissed he gave you his coat

thinking you were the cloakroom girl.

Yeah, damn straight I'm pissed.

He treats you like Picasso.

He treats me like...

I don't even know what.

All I know is that I'm gonna be so rich

that I'm gonna buy his bullshit paintings

and hang them above my john so I can wipe my ass with them,

motherfucker. (CHUCKLES)

You're funny. That's funny.

I'm more artistic than any of those schmucks.

I'm a double threat - dancing and singing.

Actually, make that a triple threat. I'm gonna act, too.

I'm gonna be in the movies.

And save all the babies in Africa (!)

As many as I can.

I don't doubt it, baby.

I don't doubt it one bit.

I sure could do with a sub.

Just ten bucks.

You know?

Yeah? (CHUCKLES)

PA: 'Next stop Sixth Avenue.'

You going to Philadelphia any time soon?

What? Don't.

You going to Philadelphia any time soon?

Uh, I don't know, sir.

I need to get a message to Mary.

I... I need... I need to get a message...

I need to get a message... I need to get a message to...

to... Mary?

You know Mary? Geez, really?

You know Mary in Philadelphia?

No, I don't know her, sir.

But if I see her, I'll pass a message along.

Tell her I left it in the plant pot.

The plant died. I-I-I don't know what happened to the pot, sir,

but will you tell her that for me, please?

I'll tell her that, brother.

Hey, that's nice.

Do you play often?

Every day.

(INHALES)

You gotta play the colour.

In a world of black and white keys...

..you gotta play the colour.

I like that. That's uh...

Yeah. Yeah.

I like that.

PA: 'Ladies and gentlemen, Sixth Avenue.'

You know, if you... If you treat me like a jerk,

then of course, I'm going to behave like a jerk!

So...so don't you go treating me like a jerk!

Jerk! (CHUCKLES)

You shouldn't be hollering in here...

I'm not hollering. If I wanna holler, I will holler.

You know, I'm sick and tired of those bastards

trying to keep me down.

25 years I've worked for those bastards -

25 years -

and what do I have at the end of it?

He's got a bad attitude. He drinks too much.

PA: 'Due to a technical fault, L-Line trains are running slow...'

A girl?

And a guy.

You schtooking her? Hm? Who are you?

Hm? What's going on?

Hm?

Something's going on. Hm?

Something.

Mm. I know that.

Sit down. You got no business with those two.

What do you know about me?

Hey man, why don't you look at yourself?

You're that dumb man with the piano hands!

If that was a real piano,

I'd smash the lid down on your stupid fingers till they bled!

Don't touch my piano.

Don't disrespect what you don't understand.

Let's bust. Play me a song, come on!

(BURPS) 25 years I gave them!

And what do I get?

You got a bad attitude. You got a bad...bad attitude.

Where they going?

Nothing worse than two crazies on the subway, right? (CHUCKLES)

Although, they could say the same about us.

Do you ever wonder if you're insane, Jean-Michel?

You did some crazy shit at that museum.

Sprinkling water around all those old paintings.

Some voodoo shit.

I'd piss on them if I could. (LAUGHS)

I'm deadly serious.

What made you so good with them? With who?

Them crazies, you were good with them back there.

My momma.

(CHUCKLES) She'd sit for hours and...

..try to imitate the whistling of the birds.

When she got rid of everything in the house that could break...

..then she went into an institution.

I'm sorry, man.

You don't have to feel sorry, baby.

Hold my hand.

PA: 'Next stop.

Please remember to take your belongings with you.'

'Ladies and gentlemen,

we're delayed because of an investigation.

Thanks for your patience.

And to the asshole who set fire to my door,

get off my damn train, please.'

Hey, sir?

Do you have a problem with something? Don't.

I'm not gonna take his bullshit. Why bait it, though?

I'm not baiting.

Hey, sir?

Sir?

Are you wondering if I like black cock?

Is that what you're thinking about?

Well, the answer's yes.

I like black cock, and I don't care who knows.

That OK with you, sir?

I like it for breakfast.

I like it for lunch.

I like it for dinner, and if I have the energy,

I bake black cock for dessert as well.

That's baiting.

Uh, technically, she's not really a breakfast person.

You should be ashamed.

PA: 'NTA would like to apologise for the delay in service...'

'Next stop, Union Square.'

Well, this is me.

You don't live here.

I'll walk the rest.

But it's like 15 blocks to your apartment.

I like the exercise.

Bullshit. I do.

Are you seeing another girl?

Is there another dwarf out there, Sleepy, Grumpy...?

-No. -Is it Dopey in there ironing your sheets or some shit?

No um... I swear.

Then why would you get out and walk 15 blocks?

Fresh air? There's no fresh air in Manhattan.

(CHUCKLES)

You're using.

You're picking up. No, I swear, I'm not.

I told you I'm not into that drug scene. I told you.

I ain't using. You been blue for days.

Itchy, too. You need your fix. And I'm sick of this bullshit.

I don't want no trouble from the cops, M.

All right? I... I ain't using.

I swear. From the cops?

Seriously?

You're gonna get out and walk 15 blocks

to avoid the cops at First Avenue Station?

Yeah. Gimme a break.

They killed my friend, M.

They beat him up and killed him.

They beat him so bad, he was in a coma for 13 days.

PA: 'Union Square.'

Stay on the train, baby.

Stay on the train.

I can't.

(INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT)

'Please stand back from the platform as the next train is approaching.'

(TRAIN RATTLING)

PA: 'Next stop Third Avenue.'

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you her? Are you really her?

You jerk! I thought you left me.

I wouldn't leave you, baby girl.

You're gonna rule the world. I'm on your team.

I was driving myself crazy.

You were thinking about me.

That's kinda nice.

You know what I was? Like a fool.

What were you thinking about?

How you leave such enormous tips.

It's like...

punching someone.

And how your sex is...

..monochrome.

I'm not Technicolor? No, monogram.

You don't like the pretty girls. You get your kicks outta smarts.

And pain. You get hard for inner pain.

I'm a fan of the old pain.

You got me there.

(MAN PLAYS GUITAR AND SINGS IN ITALIAN)

You know this?

It's an old Italian tune. Tell me.

"Nonna, how the angels sing you to sleep when you're little

so that when you're older you can get to sleep alone."

(MADONNA SINGS ALONG IN ITALIAN)

Grazie.

There you go, sir.

What the hell are you doing behind that bar?

I will be out of there soon. How?

Well, I sent my demo to some execs,

and I'm just waiting for them to listen.

(SNICKERS)

What? What?

Quit laughing, asshole. Do you hear what I'm saying?

I made a demo, and goddammit it's good,

it's real good.

I got the slickest beats in town. (LAUGHS)

You've got the slickest...

They're gonna be knocking at my door. Just you watch.

What makes you think they're even gonna listen?

They'll listen. Why wouldn't they listen?

PA: 'Make yourselves comfortable, folks.

We're being held at a signal here for a few minutes.'

Why wouldn't they listen? People don't listen.

People don't look. People are fed.

You gotta feed them your art.

I don't need lessons from you.

I'm good. I got this. You're good?

Pouring drinks and getting into catfights with girls in bars.

OK? (CHUCKLES)

Seymour Stein has my demo,

and he's gonna listen to it next week.

My friend works in his building. Your friend is talking shit.

Fine. I'll give it to him myself. I don't care.

You won't. I will.

I'll march into his building and give it to him personally.

You're gonna hand him the tape and walk away,

just let him stick it in the trash.

No, I'll go in there and introduce myself.

Ah, rant at him like one of them crazies,

give him one of your lectures?

No, I'll go in there and introduce myself

and give him the tape next week.

Next week?

But baby, he might find a new girl by then.

You know, another Debbie Harry.

There's a lot of them about.

He's not at work until next week, smartass.

He's in surgery, heart surgery.

My friend told me.

So what hospital he at?

You really wanna be the biggest star the world has ever seen?

Yes.

Gotta go there, baby.

Gotta feed the beast.

Just turn up?

Simple as.

Introduce myself? Yeah, say, "I'm Madonna,

and I'm here to take over the motherfucking world."

And then what.

And then you sing him a song, dance him a dance.

You know, shake your ass.

I need my backing music, I need my beats.

That's a technicality.

No, I do, I really do.

It's my sound and... I gotta protect my sound.

But you got your backing tape on you?

Always. So play it for him.

On what?

Do I have to do all the thinking here?

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(BABY GURGLES)

Don't look so nervous.

I'm not nervous. You got this, girl.

I know I have. You got this.

I know.

PA: 'Next stop, First Avenue.'

Well, here I am, baby.

My stop. Oh.

Yeah, OK.

I'm gonna walk home like a big boy.

Don't let them scare you.

Will you let me know how it goes? Oh, you'll find out soon enough.

I'm sure I will.

It was quite a night.

It sure was. Mm.

Gonna make my exit now.

Better make it good.

(CHUCKLES) That's a lot of pressure.

Don't crumble now. (DOOR DINGS)

You gotta play the colour

in a world of black and white keys.

You gotta play the colour.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ KIM WILDE: Kids In America

♪ Looking out a dirty old window

♪ Down below The cars in the city go rushing by

♪ I sit here alone And I wonder why

♪ Friday night and everyone's moving

♪ I can feel the heat But it's soothing

♪ Heading down

♪ I search for the beat In this dirty town

♪ Downtown the young ones are...

Can I help you?

♪ Downtown the young ones are growing

♪ We're the kids in America whoa-oh

♪ Everybody Live for the music-go-round ♪

I'm here to see Seymour Stein.

Is he expecting you?

His whole life.

He is experiencing intensive care

following a massive myocardial infarction.

Then he'll need some entertaining.

Excuse me.

Er, yeah. I have it right here.

Um, his BP is 80.

80/60.

Um, his heart rate is 110.

His rest is 24.

Yes, get a pen. What am I, playing the lotto?

♪ We're the kids in America whoa-oh Miss? Hey, miss!

♪ We're the kids in America whoa-oh

♪ Everybody Live for the music-go-round

♪ Bright lights The music gets faster

♪ Look boy don't check on your watch

♪ Not another glance

♪ I'm not leaving now honey

♪ Not a chance

♪ Hot-shot give me no problems

♪ Much later baby You'll be saying never mind

♪ You know life is cruel Life is never kind

♪ Kind hearts don't make a new story

♪ Kind hearts don't grab any glory

♪ We're the kids in America whoa-oh

♪ Everybody Live for the music-go-round... ♪

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