Original subtitles

This programme contains very strong language

from the outset, and throughout.

That's a real nice suit you're wearing.

It's beautiful. You can feel the quality.

-Is that Italian? -Uh, yeah.

Did you know Giorgio Armani started out as a window-dresser?

No. I didn't.

I read it in Newsweek.

You see, a window-dresser has got to know how

to get someone's attention.

Now, you may think it's a shitty job, but to persuade someone

to give you their money?

It's absolutely vital.

It's a bit like Joe here. Now, Joe.

-He's got a shitty job, too. -No shit.

But without his salesmanship,

I wouldn't make nearly as much money either.

Thanks, boss.

Now, where the fuck is my money?

I'll have it by the end of the week. It pains me to hear that,

because it's not what we agreed. And do you know what that means?

You gonna shoot me?!

(THEY LAUGH)

You think we're gonna...! (LAUGHS)

He thinks we're gonna shoot him!

Why would we wanna do that?

(THEY LAUGH)

I was thinkin'...!

(TABLE RATTLES) It means you're gonna get some motherfuckin' cash

-and pay us today. -And if you don't...

..I'm gonna break your fucking legs.

But where am I gonna find $500?

You ain't gonna find $500.

It's $5,000!

And if we don't get it by 5pm...

-It doubles. -But...

..come on, man. It's my daughter's -birthday this afternoon! -Oh.

Well, that's nice!

Hey, don't we got a little something for our friend here, too.

We sure do, boss.

Go on.

Open it.

What am I gonna do with this?

It's a Sunday, nowhere's open! You work it out.

Get my money, by 5...

..and you'll be singing Happy Birthday at your little girl's party.

And if I don't? Then you may never show up.

Now, get the fuck...outta here.

Motherfucker, move!

-MAN ON PHONE: -So, I think if we...

GRACE: Where's my money from the Corinthia gig?

-They're refusing to pay. -Then, I refuse to perform there again!

They don't want you back! Speak up, I can't hear you.

-Watch where you're putting that! -They banned you for indecent exposure.

I flashed my breasts at a doorman. So what?

He wouldn't let me in to my own show. Grace, please, stay still.

It was the wrong room. You disrupted a Bar Mitzvah.

The kid's traumatised. It was a coming of age party.

It was probably the highlight of his night.

What kind of teenage boy can't handle a pair of tits?

Um, next time, just do me a favour and tone down the crazy a little.

Who crazy? Crazy? I tell you what's crazy.

Doing a job and not getting paid!

Next time, get me my money upfront or I'm not performing.

(PHONE CLATTERS) Fucking moron!

Well done, now the phone's probably broken.

Back off, or you'll be next!

Hm...

(SNIFFS)

Watch where you're putting the brush. It tickles!

Stay still, hold your arabesque.

How much longer will this take? Process cannot be rushed.

I am moulding your body into a work of art.

Well, this work of art is tired!

We aren't all trained ballerinas, you know.

Everyone has a ballerina in them somewhere, my dear.

But most ballerinas don't have paint running down their ass crack!

Yes, $5,000.

And they're gonna kill me.

Man, I know I already owe you $50.

Nah, forget it!

Hey, Sheri B! Hey, baby

I'm real good, how you doing?

Yeah, now look, look. I got this business proposition, right?

You know you wanna open a salon? Yo, I found a salon.

I just need a little bit of cash. I only need like $5,000.

Yeah, just 5,000.

Sheri? Sheri?

Hey, Tony. Hey, hey.

I'm good, baby. How you doing? Look, Tony,

I need to borrow a little more cash. I promise you

I'll get you that cash back in, like, two weeks from now.

-Hello? -Hey!

The hell you doing, boy?

Get yo' ass outta here, take that shit somewhere else!

Little bitch.

Motherfucker!

(MUSIC PLAYS - HEART OF GLASS BY BLONDIE)

♪ Once I had a love and it was a gas

♪ Soon turned out...

Grace, focus. Keep your head still. This ball is heavy.

Doesn't the place feel quiet after last weekend?

Oh, thank God. Please, keep your back leg straight.

Didn't you like having a full house? Don't be absurd.

They laughed at my paintings and deliberately smeared their lunch

-all over my sketches. -It was not deliberate. They're toddlers!

They're little shits. We agreed, -we're glad to be rid of them. -Hey!

That is not what I think of my nieces and nephews.

Oh, yes, Grace! That is lovely, really beautiful. Hold it.

Oh, yes, Grace. You got it, baby!

You don't know how sexy you are when you are aroused.

What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm not aroused!

I'm trying to have a serious conversation.

And I am trying to capture that fiery spirit.

Jean-Paul. You're so talented and passionate.

Don't you think it would be nice for us to have a son or daughter

-to share that with? -Why all this talk about children? They cause chaos,

running around, breaking things. Seriously? Se...!

(BALL THUDS) Perhaps you might feel different if it were your own child!

Why would I want a child when I already have you to deal with?

♪ ..soon turned out, had a heart of glass...

(MUSIC CONTINUES IN THE BACKGROUND) Oh, my God. Fuck, man!

Shit!

(MUSIC GETS LOUDER)

(GRUNTS) Lost inside

♪ Adorable illusion and I cannot hide

♪ I'm the one you're using, please don't push me aside

♪ We coulda made it cruising, yeah...

(MUSIC FADES)

(CAR HORNS BEEP)

Can I help you?

Hey, sis.

Help a brother out?

I'm...

I'm looking for a way in.

You work here or something? I live here.

OK, then. Well...

Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to...

..ask you to...

-..stick 'em up. -Excuse me?

Your hands! And you best not move or make a sound.

Or...

..I'll shoot.(GASPS)

(SCREAMS) No, no! Shh!

I said, don't scream!

(GASPS)

Shit!

(GASPS)

Grace?

What have you broken now?

And must you always stomp, stomp, stomp so heavily?

Hey, lady!(YELPS)

Hey, come on, lady. Please open the door!

(DOOR RATTLES) Hey. Fuck it.

Yo, this motherfucker's coming down!

(SCREAMS) Oh, no!

Grace, no. Not the new bathroom fittings!

Shit!

OK, look. I did not intend to break your door.

Give me all your cash and -I'll leave.No. -Please, come on!

-What is going on? -Hey, you. Sit down!

Yeah, but that is not a real gun.

Jean, please!

(GRUNTS)

Oh, be careful with that. Oh, nonsense!

This is a cigarette lighter. The trigger...(BANG!)

Do you really think I'd be in here with a stranger

if that was a fake gun? The fuck is wrong with you?

Look, I don't wanna hurt anybody, just give me all your cash!

And don't give me no small change, I need at least $5,000.

OK, uh, I keep money for emergencies in the bedroom safe.

The combination is... That's gone!

I spent it last week on the pygmy statues.

$1,000?

-On those?Right? -You said they were welcoming!

-Where else?! -Uh, there is an old truck in the attic.

-I spent that months ago. -There is a cigar box in the living room.

-That's gone, too. -You spent that? On what?

-The little rugs! -But we already have rugs in every room!

But those rugs are old, these are new!

Come on, man. Please help me out! There is a bread bin

full of traveller's cheques tucked away in the kitchen cupboard,

hidden way out high. Not high enough.

You cashed my traveller's cheques? I needed new clothes!

You need a better hiding place. I mean, if you can reach it,

-I definitely can. -Oh, I hope it -was worth it. -Sit the fuck down!

Shit!

I'm taking a look around.

Don't do anything stupid.

(SIGHS)

Where is he?

You let this crazy man into our home?

Do you think I'm stupid? He came in through the terrace!

Oh, did you leave the doors open -again? -I have never left

-those doors open. -You do it -all the time. -I do not!

When did I leave the doors open? You did it last week,

and that nasty little dog from next door came in and pissed

all over my Louis Quinze rug. Then it's a good thing

I bought all those new rugs.

Look. Forget about how he got in.

We need to get out of here!

Maybe the neighbours heard me screaming and they're sending help.

Grace, you're always screaming.

Nobody will find that out of the ordinary.

(SIGHS)

Shit!

OK...

Hey, lady.

Are you that famous singer?

Yes.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, man!

Barbara fuckin' Walters is gonna be bitching about me,

on ABC motherfuckin' news! Well, you should have said no.

You two, get up. Come on, move. In there!

Shit!

(CHORTLES)

Come on, Jean. This is not funny! I'm sorry,

it's just, it's like in the movies!

Hey, hey! Come on, man, my speakers!

Shut up, man!

He gave us one instruction, to stay quiet,

and you can't even manage that. Grace, my love, I'm not the one

making all the noise. You are. God, will the two of you

shut the fuck up? Shut up, already!

Tell me where your valuable shit is now.

The photograph of the girl balancing champagne on her ass. Take that!

Are you seriously suggesting giving away my work for free?

-If it's valuable, why not? -I need something I can sell by 5pm.

-Why 5pm? -Cos there are men who will kill me

if they don't get paid by then! OK. Let me think.

(PHONE RINGS)

-Who is it? -I don't know. (ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS)

Hey, girls. Deborah here. So, I've been thinking...

Fuck! Is somebody in the apartment? No, no, it is an answering machine.

I've been thinking the garage.

It's gonna be a perfect place to hold your baby shower.

I'm thinking you walking in on a catwalk.

Maybe some dwarves in stilettos running around. You know, whatever.

Whatever you fancy.

Oh, if Andy calls, ignore him.

He's batshit crazy.

Ciao for now, bella.

-BOTH: -You're pregnant?!

If I say yes, will you let me go?

Shit!

(MUTTERS)

-Are you OK? -Nah, man. Look, I need to use your phone.

-Where is it? -Oh, of course. It's in the studio.

Eh, eh, be careful. It's very expensive!

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, sweetie!

Hey. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Uh, how's the party?

Of course I'm still coming.

Your momma said what?

Listen, you tell that woman that... No, no. Babe, I'm sorry.

Look, Daddy's just under a bit of pressure, a'ight?

Of course I'm still coming.

Listen, I'm bringing you the dopest gift you've ever seen.

(INHALES)

I love you too, girl.

OK.

Bye.

So, you told Debbie before me? She was the first person I saw

when I found out. I swear, nobody else knows!

This is crazy. You party too much to be a mother.

Well, that's not true!

I've already quit the Quaaludes. Oh, Jesus Christ!

Is the baby even mine? Who else's would it be?

I don't know, I'm not with you all the time.

(FOOTSTEPS) Let's get this over with.

I need to be somewhere now!

(GASPS) Ooh!

Ooh... Hey, lady, you OK?

Yeah... I think I'm OK.

Who was that, on the phone?

It's my daughter. It's her birthday today.

I should be at her party right now!

Uh, how old's your daughter gonna be?

12. Can you believe that?

Did you get her anything nice?

(RUMBLING)

-Charming. -It's called a Little People doll.

Is that what a 12-year-old -really wants? -Hey!

I know what my daughter likes. Of course you do.

Shit, I just wanted to do things right today.

You know, make the girl -feel special. -So, you decided

to fit in a burglary on your way. See? Grace, not everyone

is cut out to be a father. I still got a gun here!

So, better show me some respect. Otherwise, your brains will be

Jackson Pollocked all over this wall!

Yeah. I heard of Pollock, motherfucker.

Look, I gotta be in Queens in two hours, so give me

something valuable now! Or someone round here's gonna die!

(PHONE RINGS) Who the fuck is calling now?!

(BEEPS) Grace, this is Andy. We have to talk urgently.

Debbie has some whack idea that she's organising your baby shower.

Hold on.

Will you fuck off already? Absolutely. Once you sign these.

Seriously?

Grace, you do not want Debbie to do this. It would be so...predictable.

I have some great ideas. We can start by going...

That's not your signature.

Screw this. I'm coming over.

(PHONE HANGS UP) So, you told Andy as well?

Man, I haven't got time for this. Shit, I should just...

No, no, don't, don't!

Andy won't turn up. What makes you so sure?

You heard him, he's a busy guy! Who else have you told?

Honestly, other than Andy, I'm not sure.

Maybe Arnold, but that's it! Schwarzenegger knows?!

Grace, that man cannot keep a secret to save his life.

He will tell Travolta, who will tell Olivia

and before you know it, the whole cast of Grease will be singing it.

You know Schwarzenegger? And John Travolta?

Shit!

Sure. I know them.

I know a lot of people.

You know Michael Jackson?

Sure, I do. I know all the Jacksons.

MJ, Tito, Jermaine...

..the other two.

And you saw me on the TV?

Yeah, on Merv Griffin. Yeah!

-You sing real nice. -Oh!

(GIGGLES)

Why, thank you!

These guys said if they don't get paid, they gonna kill me!

But if you only borrowed $500,

-why do you need $5,000? -Interest. Can you believe that?

I would advise against taking such high-interest loans in the future.

Ghetto loans don't exactly work like that.

(KNOCKING) Grace.

I know you're in there, I can see your fox-fur fanny pack

-in the hallway. -Shit, it's Andy.

What? You said he wouldn't come here!

I, I know, but you better get that. Andy can be very persistent.

You did lock the door, didn't you?

Hey, keep the gun hidden!

Andy's been shot once before and guns really freak him out.

Oh, shit! (GROANS)

Grace ain't here. Who the fuck are you?

Uh, I'm the house-sitter. Who the fuck are you?

-I'm Andy Warhol! -Huh?

You know, the soup guy. Man, we didn't order any soup!

What? Where's Grace? Wait a minute...

Yo, I had enough of this shit. I gotta go now!

What about drugs, huh? Big celebs like you

must have a stash somewhere. We take drugs, we don't keep them.

Come on, man! Y'all gotta give me something.

-Jean, please! -Uh, why don't I photograph you?

The picture could be worth a lot of money one day soon,

given the circumstances. If a brother's trying to commit

a motherfuckin' robbery, does that sound the kind of situation

he wants his photo taken in?! Wait. I do have some money.

There's a box on top of the cupboard.

Over there? Thank you. -Unless? -No!

The fuck is this? Oh, it's German money.

About $4,000, there's an exchange place right on the corner.

I'm taking these myself. Oh, anything but those!

I'm OK with that.

OK. Yeah, I'm gonna split now.

And I'm taking this for my daughter. But you can't leave us tied up.

Nobody will find us for days!

OK, lady, I'll untie you. But only if you promise not to untie him

till I have enough time to get away.

-Grace! -How long do you need? One hour?

I was gonna say 20 minutes, but...fuck it.

(GRUNTS)

You're welcome.

Would you sign this for me? It's my daughter's birthday today.

Sure.

I hope she has a great day.

Thank you! Thank you, I hope you have a great day.

Sorry about those doughnuts!

Asshole.

I think it's safe for you to untie me.

Absolutely not, I made a promise. Oh, to a burglar!

A promise is a promise.

Unless you've changed your mind about the baby?

Oh, it's a lot to take in.

What about your career?

Your body?

Our art, the birth?

-The birth will be beautiful. -Hm.

The arrival of our own little masterpiece.

Oh, I won't be at the birth. I would never be able to

sleep with you again. That's what you're afraid of?

Oh, you're unbelievable!

-Ugh!You asshole! -Grace?

Grace?!

Grace?

Hey, come back here.

Untie me at once!

Grace!

(THUDDING) Ah! Fuck!

♪ Driving down those city streets

♪ Waiting to get down

♪ Won't you get your big machine

♪ Somewhere in this town?

♪ Now, in the parking lot garage

♪ You'll find the proper place

♪ Just follow all the written rules

♪ You'll fit into the space

♪ Pull up to my bumper, baby

♪ In your long black limousine... ♪

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