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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:34,260 (RUMBLING, WHOOSHING) 2 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:44,330 REPORTER: We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea. 3 00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,630 The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough 4 00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:49,540 to reach the West Coast of the United States. 5 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,110 Today, an official of the United Nations 6 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:55,640 tried to tell the world... So there will be no mistake... 7 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:59,110 That we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler. 8 00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:02,580 A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition. 9 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,350 - Kim Jong-un. - Kim Jong-un. 10 00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:06,720 We are talking about Kim Jong-un. 11 00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,260 Good evening. 12 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,160 I'm Dave Skylark. 13 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:13,760 Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner, 14 00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:16,130 Oscar-winning songwriter, 15 00:02:16,230 --> 00:02:18,570 Detroit's own Eminem. 16 00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:21,140 He'll speak with us about his new album, 17 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,840 which has been mired in controversy 18 00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:27,740 concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly. 19 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,540 Tonight... 20 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,280 on "Skylark Tonight." 21 00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:43,390 And... action. 22 00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:44,760 "It's hell to be Shady. 23 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:47,330 "Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult 24 00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:49,330 "at an elderly lady. 25 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:52,770 "Then I asked her how it felt to be 80. 26 00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:55,840 "'F' word a senior citizen. 27 00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,410 Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 28 00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,340 - (CHUCKLING) - "Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 29 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,580 It's funny. 30 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,610 "And why you drive so slow for? 31 00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:06,380 "Don't you want to get where you're going faster 32 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,450 "since you'll probably die tomorrow, you old whore? 33 00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:12,420 "Die, old bitch, die, 34 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,260 before I murder you." 35 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,190 What do you mean by this, Em? 36 00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:18,230 Well, first of all, I feel like, when I rap, 37 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:21,660 like, people twist my words. 38 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,360 Okay, but can you see 39 00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:26,270 how an old person might say, "I think 40 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:30,510 "what this guy is telling me... this Eminem... is that I should 41 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,840 go kill myself, and I... you know, I don't like that." 42 00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:36,340 I mean, I don't 43 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,810 necessarily rap about the things that I hate. 44 00:03:39,910 --> 00:03:42,420 It's more about... the things that I fear. 45 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,620 - I get you. - You know, it's like, 46 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,690 - if I say something about women or whatever... -Yes. 47 00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:49,350 I think a lot of that is more or less me 48 00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:51,490 just dealing with issues with... 49 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,530 you know, old issues with my mom or whatever. 50 00:03:53,630 --> 00:03:54,930 With your "mutha." 51 00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:57,300 Yeah, or-or... you know, 52 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,720 when I say things about gay people 53 00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:00,400 or people think that my lyrics are homophobic, 54 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,470 - Mm-hmm. - You know, it's because I'm gay. 55 00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:04,640 Um, when I rap about violence 56 00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:07,410 - Wait... -or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence, 57 00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:09,710 I think that, uh... you know, 58 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:11,650 - it's more or less because... - What? -What, what, what? 59 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,830 You know, it's kind of... it's kind of about me just, 60 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,450 you know, confronting it. 61 00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:16,920 - What did he just say? - Wait, can we play that...? 62 00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,650 - He said he was gay. - Did he just...? Dave? Dave? 63 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:19,990 - Did he just say he was gay? - We're pretty sure 64 00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:21,990 in the booth we just heard him say he was gay. 65 00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:25,430 Em, let's just... back it up a moment. 66 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:28,400 You... just said 67 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,460 that you were gay? 68 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,600 Um... and I'm just curious 69 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,700 what you meant by that exactly. 70 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,670 I mean I'm gay. 71 00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:40,810 Uh, I'm just a little confused here, because "gay" 72 00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:42,410 can mean a lot of things. 73 00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:43,810 I am a homosexual. 74 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:48,820 Meaning...? 75 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,880 I like men. 76 00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:54,590 What the fuck just happened? 77 00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:56,590 Eminem just said he was gay... four times. 78 00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:58,290 That's what the fuck just happened. 79 00:04:58,390 --> 00:04:59,430 - Holy shit. - Holy shit. 80 00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:00,690 Eminem's gay on our show. 81 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,700 - Eminem's gay on our show! - Oh, my God! 82 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,300 - (PHONES RINGING) - Camera two! Camera two! 83 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,500 Gay Twitter! Gay Twitter's blowing up. 84 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:06,880 - Holy shit. - Change the chyron. 85 00:05:06,970 --> 00:05:08,440 "Eminem Gay?!" Question mark, exclamation mark. 86 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:11,040 Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking. 87 00:05:11,140 --> 00:05:12,870 - Oh, my God. -Holy shit. Push in on gay Eminem! 88 00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,650 This is the greatest moment in gay history! 89 00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:17,910 Are probably shocked by what you're saying right now. 90 00:05:18,010 --> 00:05:20,850 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet. 91 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,450 I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo. 92 00:05:23,550 --> 00:05:24,890 Gay peekaboo. 93 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,320 Yeah. But, um... 94 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:27,650 AARON: Shit. Camera one. Camera one. 95 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,390 - This interview is over. Shut it off. -No! 96 00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:30,890 - Shut it off. -Get the fuck out of here, Darryl. 97 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:32,630 I am Marshall's publicist, and I'm telling you, 98 00:05:32,730 --> 00:05:34,030 - pull the fucking plug right now. -No. This is gold. 99 00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:35,630 I am not cutting this interview off. 100 00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:37,000 This is the best interview we've ever done. 101 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,630 - What happens if I just do this? - No, get out. 102 00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:41,540 - (CLAMORING) - Shut it off! Shut it off! 103 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,470 Get him out of here! Get him the fuck out of here! 104 00:05:43,570 --> 00:05:44,870 I will murder you and everyone you love! 105 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,040 Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics. 106 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:48,510 Say what I say: 107 00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:51,550 What did you mean when you rapped... 108 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:53,750 "I said nice rectum, I had a..." 109 00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:55,480 "...vasectomy, Hector. 110 00:05:55,580 --> 00:05:57,750 "So you can't get pregnant 111 00:05:57,850 --> 00:06:00,890 if I bisexually wreck ya." 112 00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:02,960 I've pretty much just been leaving a... 113 00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:04,830 bread-crumb trail of gayness. 114 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,660 - I see that now. - You know. 115 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:07,900 But yeah, actually Hector... 116 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,760 Hector was a... was a real person. 117 00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:12,030 Hector and his rectum were real? 118 00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:14,430 - Holy shit. -It's real! Hector rectum is real! 119 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,770 - Yes! Yes! -Oh, I knew it! - Slim Shady, everyone! 120 00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:18,640 - (BELL RINGS) - AARON: Dude! Dude! 121 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:20,380 Aaron, bring it in. 122 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,440 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Bring it in, big boy! 123 00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:23,820 - (DAVE LAUGHING) - Oh, my God... 124 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,850 - Oh...! - Oh, my God! 125 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,420 What the heck just happened? 126 00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:28,850 The real Slim Shady just stood up. 127 00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:30,520 - DAVE: Oh! -That's what the fuck just happened. 128 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:32,790 This is like Spike Lee just said he's white. 129 00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:34,170 I can't believe what's happened. 130 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:36,120 - You da man! You da man! - You da man! 131 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:37,390 You're the best. 132 00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:38,990 You're the best. You're the best. 133 00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:40,630 - Unreal. -All right, listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off. 134 00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:41,830 I want you to meet me downstairs. 135 00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:43,100 I got something to show you. 136 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,400 AARON: Dude, just... where are we going? 137 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,400 I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend, man. 138 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,870 - No, no, no, no, no, no... - What is this place? 139 00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:51,810 We're just, you know... just hanging out. 140 00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:54,070 - Okay. -All right, all right, all right. 141 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,940 It's a surprise party... for you. 142 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,850 What? Why? Why did you just tell me that? 143 00:06:57,940 --> 00:06:59,410 Yes! I... 'Cause I'm so excited. 144 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:01,420 This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. 145 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,680 I don't understand what's happening. 146 00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:04,720 ALL: Surprise! 147 00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:06,150 All right, all right. I already told him. 148 00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:07,860 I already told him. Come on, come on. 149 00:07:07,950 --> 00:07:09,560 You're best in the world, you fucking cocksucker. 150 00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:11,430 All right, not now, Malcolm. Not now, not now. Come on. 151 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,530 - Come on. -Thank you. Why... why is this happening? 152 00:07:13,530 --> 00:07:15,100 DAVE: You've been with us 153 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,630 for 1,000 episodes. 154 00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,770 - Are you kidding me? - Ten years, baby! 155 00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:20,130 - Are you fucking... - Come on. 156 00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:22,170 I really do. It's, uh... I appreciate it. 157 00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:23,840 - DAVE: All right. - AARON: Okay. 158 00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:25,440 All right, now, 159 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:29,610 I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun. 160 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:32,610 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip. 161 00:07:32,710 --> 00:07:34,980 I'm gonna talk about Aaron. 162 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,450 Before we started working together, 163 00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:39,920 my show barely broke the top 15. 164 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,920 So I called up this professor that worked 165 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:43,820 at the Columbia School of Journalism that I... 166 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:45,590 I was having sex with, and I said, 167 00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:49,060 "I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment. 168 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,130 I need a real journalist." 169 00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:54,900 Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee 170 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,040 to my Frodo Baggins. 171 00:07:57,140 --> 00:08:00,610 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins. 172 00:08:00,710 --> 00:08:03,780 But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make, 173 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,150 this is the most important: 174 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,620 - I'm Gollum... - (MIC FEEDBACK SQUEAKS) 175 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,220 and you're my precious. 176 00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:15,890 Smeagol needs Aaron. 177 00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:17,890 "One Ring to rule them all, 178 00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:20,500 and in the darkness bind them." 179 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,230 Now, get up here! Get up here! 180 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:25,700 - Come up here, buddy. I love you. -Okay. Okay. Okay. 181 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,670 - I fucking love you. - Oh... 182 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,840 (LAUGHING) 183 00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:33,770 Hey. 184 00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:36,040 Hey! 185 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,050 (CHUCKLING): Hey. 186 00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,810 Yeah. Like, what's that? 187 00:08:40,910 --> 00:08:41,920 Come on, man. What's happening? 188 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,650 - Hey, yeah. - Hey, yeah. 189 00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,190 - Wh-What's happening? - How's it going, dude? 190 00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:47,920 We haven't seen each other since graduation, right? 191 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:50,120 - Yeah. Probably. - Wow. And, uh... 192 00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:52,190 Wait. Am I wrong? Are you, like, a... 193 00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:54,530 you're a junior producer on "60 Minutes," right? 194 00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:55,760 I'm now a senior producer. 195 00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,160 - No way, man. - Yeah. Yeah. 196 00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:58,700 - That's awesome. - Thank you. 197 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,840 Look at us... both producing news for television. 198 00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:03,000 (CHUCKLING): Yeah. 199 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,670 - What was that? - Nothing. 200 00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:07,840 It was clearly something. What's the joke? 201 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:09,540 No, I mean, like, you've got your job, 202 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,110 I got mine, but they're different, you know? 203 00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:12,580 Yours is cool; mine's just 204 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:13,950 a little bit more serious, you know? 205 00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:16,120 What are you saying? We have the same job. 206 00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:19,250 I report real news... you know, stuff that matters... 207 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,620 and then you report on all the cool 208 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,720 "who's getting new boobs" and, like, 209 00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:24,260 the fun eating disorder stuff. 210 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,130 You really helped build up "60 Minutes," too, right? 211 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,760 They'd be nothing without you. 212 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,260 It's only been on for 80 fucking years. 213 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,830 Look, I... I'm sorry. 214 00:09:30,930 --> 00:09:32,230 I'm sorry... look... I shouldn't say this, 215 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:34,170 but we got an opening over at "60 Minutes," 216 00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:36,140 and we could use somebody like you. 217 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,770 Are you serious? 218 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,570 I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You? 219 00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:41,780 At where I work? You'd be eaten alive at our office. 220 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,710 Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys, 221 00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:44,910 but cheers, man. 222 00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,150 Congrats... or whatever. 223 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,720 When did the hair begin to go? 224 00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:55,220 - I would say... - (AARON SIGHS) 225 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,920 around "The Outsiders." 226 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:02,090 When you're ready. 227 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:05,000 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but... 228 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,130 - Oh, wig's coming off. - Oh. 229 00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:14,080 Whoa. 230 00:10:14,170 --> 00:10:15,740 Oh, Jesus fuck. 231 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,750 Why does he keep the long pieces? 232 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,610 His head looks like somebody's taint. 233 00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:21,880 - You barely look different. - Thanks, man. 234 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:23,620 You... you said you were bald. 235 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,290 I... I see a little stuff on top. 236 00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,150 - It's so freeing! - Rob... 237 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:32,030 is there anything that you would like to say to America? 238 00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:35,100 (LOWE SIGHS) 239 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:37,930 Good evening. 240 00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:39,030 I'm Phillip Sterling 241 00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,940 with a UBS News Special Report. 242 00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:42,170 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 243 00:10:42,270 --> 00:10:43,870 Kim Jong-un's military forces 244 00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:46,310 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island 245 00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:49,310 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM. 246 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:50,940 Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore. 247 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,850 - They just cut our feed. - We're off the air? 248 00:10:52,950 --> 00:10:55,880 Goddamn it! Rob, would you just put your fucking wig on? 249 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:57,650 They fucked us! Goddamn it! 250 00:10:57,750 --> 00:10:59,190 Somebody tell me what's going on? 251 00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:03,720 DAVE: Dude... seriously, what is up with you? 252 00:11:03,820 --> 00:11:06,060 You know how I'm good at picking up energies? 253 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,800 Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now. 254 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,360 What's going on? 255 00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:12,000 We have millions of viewers every night 256 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,730 watching our show, and what do we do? 257 00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,270 We just shovel shit into their faces, man. 258 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,070 We could be doing something positive. 259 00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:20,980 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians. 260 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,980 That's what people want. "Give us some shit. 261 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,810 "Mangia. We're the people. Give us the shit. 262 00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,680 Mangia, mangia, mangia." 263 00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:30,220 Dude, I wanted to cover actual news, not Nicki Minaj's vagina 264 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,720 fuckin' flopping out at the Grammys. 265 00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:33,070 You don't like that brown sugar? 266 00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,690 Nothing to do with brown sugar. 267 00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,150 I just can't keep doing this, okay? 268 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,320 We have to change. 269 00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:42,960 - Fine. - Are you serious right now? 270 00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:44,930 - Yeah. - Do you promise you'll do this? 271 00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:48,100 I promise if you promise you'll never leave. 272 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,770 If you promise, then I'll promise. 273 00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:51,300 - Well, then, same time. - One, two, three. 274 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,410 - Promise. - Promise. 275 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,510 - Okay. - Okay. 276 00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:54,940 That's all we had to say. 277 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,440 - Fine. - Don't put me through that. 278 00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:59,150 - Okay. - I hate it when we fight. 279 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,380 No, this is not a joke, okay? 280 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,150 Well, I think you're being kind of condescending. 281 00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,420 - Look! Look, look, look... - What? Yeah... one second. 282 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,150 Shut up. I'm on the phone. 283 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,890 - Okay? Uh... - (GLASS SHATTERS) 284 00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:10,990 Dude, what the fuck, man? That was John Kerry's office. 285 00:12:11,090 --> 00:12:12,260 Forget that oak-tree-looking fuck. 286 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,390 This tops it. "The Times" printed it 287 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,860 about... about North Korea. Read the bottom. 288 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,470 After all the... the death camp shit. 289 00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:21,370 "Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people 290 00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:23,270 "with cries for the destruction 291 00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:25,440 "of the United States of America, he is known 292 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:28,210 "to be an avid consumer of American entertainment. 293 00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:31,140 His favorite shows are 'The Big Bang Theory...'" 294 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,080 And...? 295 00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:35,450 "...and 'Skylark Tonight.'" 296 00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:37,220 Oh! Boom! 297 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,090 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 298 00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:40,390 This is great! 299 00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:42,220 This is what you were talking about. 300 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,320 I interview this guy. 301 00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:45,990 Are you joking me, man? He's the most 302 00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:47,190 reclusive leader on the planet. 303 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:48,800 It's not gonna happen. 304 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,760 He lives in North Korea. We can't go there. 305 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,900 Dave Skylark... gets in anywhere. 306 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,800 You remember that club? 307 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,170 Three-month waiting list. 308 00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:58,840 (GRUNTS) First night. 309 00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,040 I don't think it's quite the same thing. 310 00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:03,180 Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there. 311 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,450 It's impossible, Dave. 312 00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:05,810 Here's what we're gonna do. 313 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,410 We're gonna do that interview, 314 00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:11,020 everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously, 315 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,520 and then you're never gonna leave me. 316 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,460 North Korea's in the Olympics, right? 317 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,490 I bet they have an office that is 318 00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:19,190 set up to communicate with the Olympic Committee, 319 00:13:19,290 --> 00:13:20,430 so there's probably 320 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:22,360 some infrastructure for communicating with 321 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:24,060 the outside world through that. 322 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,800 Good idea. Those wheels are turning. 323 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,470 - If I leave a message for that office... -Yeah. 324 00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,340 - then maybe, if they're a fan of the show, -Mm-hmm. 325 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,140 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - That can actually work. 326 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,210 - We could interview the most famous man on the planet. -Yeah. 327 00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:34,940 - That would be the biggest interview ever. -Yeah... 328 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,480 Guys, guys, guys, guys! I don't know if you've 329 00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:38,260 heard this, but some pictures just came out 330 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,880 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat. 331 00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:42,220 - Whoa. "McConaughey Goat Fuck"? - Ew... 332 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,950 McConaughey Goat Fuck. 333 00:13:44,050 --> 00:13:45,390 - AARON: Uh... - (DAVE WHIMPERS) 334 00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:48,020 Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that, 335 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,460 so... we should put that together. 336 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,360 But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay? 337 00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,260 - First thing tomorrow. Okay. - Book him, though. Book him. 338 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,000 - Get him, get him, get him! Get the goat! -I'm on him. 339 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,830 Get the goat! 340 00:13:56,930 --> 00:13:58,830 I got some questions for that goat. 341 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:04,840 (PHONE LINE RINGING, ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) 342 00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,370 Hello. This is Aaron Rapoport from "Skylark Tonight." 343 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:09,280 We heard your Supreme Leader is a big fan 344 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,380 of our show, and we'd love to have him on. 345 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,010 Uh, please get back to me and let me know. 346 00:14:14,110 --> 00:14:16,150 I'm about to head to an important meeting, 347 00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:17,990 but, uh, I'll be around in the morning. 348 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,370 - Hope to hear from you. - (BEEP) 349 00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:22,060 Ooh! Yeah. 350 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,560 - Hi. - Hey. 351 00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:27,560 Uh, Mercer and Spring, please. 352 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:29,560 Whoo! 353 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,570 (PHONE RINGING) 354 00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:38,040 Hello? 355 00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,440 Hello. Who dis? 356 00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:41,270 MAN: I am trying to reach Aaron Rapoport. 357 00:14:41,370 --> 00:14:42,610 You got Aaron Rapoport. 358 00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,880 - Who dis is? - You left word 359 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:46,110 with our office regarding an interview. 360 00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,580 AARON: Look, Dave, is this you? 361 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,050 'Cause if it is, 362 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:51,420 you're doing a terrible Asian accent. 363 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:52,950 Me so "solly." 364 00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:55,120 Me gots to go now, son. 365 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,090 I am from the office of Sook-yin Park, 366 00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:58,890 Secretary of Communications 367 00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:01,070 with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. 368 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,030 Oh, my God. Uh... 369 00:15:03,130 --> 00:15:04,630 Shit. Uh, me so solly. 370 00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:06,900 I mean, I'm so solly. I mean, I-I'm so sor... 371 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,970 I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 372 00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:12,640 MAN: We would like to discuss the possibility of a meeting 373 00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:15,040 between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark. 374 00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:16,240 Security concerns dictate 375 00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,440 that the matter be discussed in person. 376 00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:21,080 Uh, okay, great. Where... where do you do that? 377 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:24,490 We will meet at latitude 40.1326, 378 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,390 longitude 123.9889. 379 00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:29,220 Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar 380 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,490 with my longitudes and latitudes, 381 00:15:30,590 --> 00:15:32,190 where is that again? 382 00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:35,630 50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China. 383 00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:37,460 Did you just say "China"? 384 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,470 And did you just say "dong"? 385 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,270 (SIGHS) 386 00:15:44,370 --> 00:15:46,310 (CHUCKLES QUIETLY) 387 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:48,310 Going to motherfucking China, y'all. 388 00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:53,250 ♪ ♪ 389 00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:05,660 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 390 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,360 Excuse me, can I get in there? 391 00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:09,130 Thank you. 392 00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:10,600 Hi, there. 393 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,270 (SPEAKING MANDARIN) 394 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:14,200 No, thank you. 395 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:17,440 I'll just get it through secondhand smoke. 396 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,410 Selfie! 397 00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,510 (LAUGHTER) 398 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,560 (PANTING) 399 00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:44,300 (GPS BLIPPING STEADILY) 400 00:16:48,330 --> 00:16:49,700 (THREE RAPID BEEPS) 401 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,440 Well, where the fuck are they? 402 00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:54,370 What the fuck? 403 00:16:58,510 --> 00:17:00,510 (HELICOPTER APPROACHING) 404 00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:10,420 No, no! 405 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,640 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 406 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:30,110 No! No! 407 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,750 I'm an American journalist! 408 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:32,840 Aaron Rapoport! 409 00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:33,910 I was invited here! 410 00:17:33,910 --> 00:17:35,250 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 411 00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:36,550 I come in peace! 412 00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:37,680 I'm here for interview! 413 00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:41,350 Please don't kill me! 414 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:56,500 Mr. Rapoport, I am Sook-yin Park. 415 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,070 The Supreme Leader will grant a one-hour interview 416 00:17:59,170 --> 00:18:01,380 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea. 417 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,310 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself. 418 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,650 Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide. 419 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:10,650 - That's it? - Yes. 420 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,720 Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone? 421 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,660 Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype? 422 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:16,520 Do you have Skype here? Okay. 423 00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:18,420 Well, look, can you give me some water? 424 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,390 That guy has water! 425 00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,500 Please give me a ride somewhere! 426 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,530 I didn't pack well for this trip! 427 00:18:24,630 --> 00:18:26,400 I packed like a fool! 428 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,740 Like a goddamn fool! 429 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:31,800 Please! Please! 430 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:34,140 Whoa. 431 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,810 (GROANING) 432 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,820 (SIGHS) 433 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,820 (GROANING) 434 00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,420 Damn, she was sexy. 435 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,820 The fucking helicopter landed. 436 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:53,460 I'm in the middle of nowhere. 437 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,130 Two soldiers jump out. 438 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:56,390 I think I'm gonna get killed. 439 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,730 Then, out comes Sook. 440 00:18:58,830 --> 00:18:59,830 I told you about her. 441 00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,370 She comes out of the helicopter. 442 00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:03,240 - She's hot, super sexy. - How hot? 443 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:04,910 - Did you get in there? -Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter. 444 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,310 My fucking man! 445 00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,880 No, I didn't do that, dude. No! 446 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,780 - Okay. -She said we couldn't ask any of our own questions. 447 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,180 They were gonna write all the questions. 448 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,310 We can't do it. 449 00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:15,580 We're essentially letting him 450 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,150 interview himself with your mouth. 451 00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:19,450 Look! 452 00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:20,620 Look at this buttfuck! 453 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,860 He's got a whole parade of nukes. 454 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,220 He's ready to use them. 455 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,390 When you score a bin Laden 456 00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:29,400 or a Hitler or an Un, 457 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,860 you take it by the balls! 458 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,600 It's the first rule of journalism. 459 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,600 You give the people what they want. 460 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:36,900 That's not the first rule of journalism. 461 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,280 I think that's the first rule of, 462 00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:39,850 like, circuses and demolition derbies. 463 00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:42,880 This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon. 464 00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:44,880 - Frosty Nixon? - I mean, in ten years, 465 00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:47,250 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this. 466 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:48,480 We do this, we can interview 467 00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:51,390 any president on the planet. 468 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,190 And then you can ask them the real questions. 469 00:19:54,290 --> 00:19:57,360 This is like eating our vegetables. 470 00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:58,590 Once you eat those, 471 00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:00,390 then you get to eat the steak. 472 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,500 And we know Aaron wants his steak. 473 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,370 This is like... 474 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:06,500 "The Lord of the Rings." 475 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,270 Okay? 476 00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:11,710 I'm actually like Frodo Baggins. 477 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,680 (GENTLY): And you are my Sam. 478 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:17,940 My Samwise. 479 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,910 I can't do it without you. 480 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,650 - Okay. - Come with me. 481 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:23,280 To Mordor. 482 00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:24,950 Okay, let's fucking do it. 483 00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,690 - Yeah? - Yeah. 484 00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:32,830 As always, I'd like to thank my guest, 485 00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:34,460 Joe Gordon-Levitt. 486 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,730 And before we go, 487 00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:38,570 I have a very special announcement. 488 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:41,800 With the help of my outstanding producer, 489 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,800 Aaron Rapoport, I've secured the most important interview 490 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,240 of the 21st century. 491 00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:49,280 Three weeks from tonight, 492 00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:52,350 I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea, 493 00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:56,350 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview 494 00:20:56,450 --> 00:20:58,420 with President Kim Jong-un. 495 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,850 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored 496 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,430 to accept this most awesome responsibility. 497 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,860 Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing 498 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,830 the dictator of North Korea. 499 00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:11,900 100 bucks Skylark thinks 500 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,830 he's the guy from "Gangnam Style." 501 00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:16,600 Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator. 502 00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,440 This is a man who tortures, 503 00:21:18,540 --> 00:21:20,670 terrorizes and starves his own people. 504 00:21:20,770 --> 00:21:23,440 - Skylark is beneath despicable. - Fuck this. 505 00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:25,510 Meeee-ow. 506 00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:28,050 What a fucking bitch, am I right? (CHUCKLES) 507 00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:29,720 No, you're not right. 508 00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:31,720 He's not being a bitch. He's completely right. 509 00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:35,520 He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous. 510 00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:37,020 - He's not jealous. - He's putting 511 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,030 KY jealous all over his dick. 512 00:21:39,130 --> 00:21:41,030 What is there to be jealous of? 513 00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,060 Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us. 514 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,730 They hates us 'cause we "anus"? 515 00:21:44,830 --> 00:21:46,710 What the fuck does an anus have to do with this? 516 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,070 They hate us 'cause they ain't us. 517 00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:50,800 That's not what it is. 518 00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,340 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 519 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,710 They hate us 'cause we is us, 520 00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:55,810 and what we is doing is fucking terrible. 521 00:21:55,910 --> 00:21:57,710 They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us. 522 00:21:57,810 --> 00:21:59,750 - Stop saying that. They don't - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 523 00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:01,820 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 524 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,680 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us. -I'm used to it. 525 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:05,780 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. - Stop it. Stop it. 526 00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:08,060 - Don't say it again. - Shh. 527 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,660 Baby. 528 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,620 Haters gonna hate. 529 00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:12,930 (SIGHS) 530 00:22:13,030 --> 00:22:14,560 And ain't-ers gonna ain't. 531 00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:17,060 That is not an actual thing people say. 532 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:18,930 This is what you do to haters. 533 00:22:19,030 --> 00:22:21,840 You just smile. 534 00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,070 (SPLUTTERING) 535 00:22:23,170 --> 00:22:24,840 (SMACKING LIPS) 536 00:22:24,940 --> 00:22:26,370 (JABBERS GOOFILY) 537 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:27,910 (GULPS) 538 00:22:28,010 --> 00:22:29,940 What is that? 539 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,950 The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life. 540 00:22:43,690 --> 00:22:45,690 (SNORING) 541 00:22:51,930 --> 00:22:53,470 (KNOCKING) 542 00:22:53,570 --> 00:22:55,000 (GROANS): Oh... 543 00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:57,070 Oh, what the fuck? 544 00:22:57,170 --> 00:22:58,670 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 545 00:22:58,770 --> 00:23:00,370 Okay. 546 00:23:00,470 --> 00:23:01,540 (COUGHING) 547 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:02,740 Okay, I'm coming. 548 00:23:08,450 --> 00:23:09,950 Oh, shit. 549 00:23:10,050 --> 00:23:11,690 (KNOCKING CONTINUES) 550 00:23:11,780 --> 00:23:13,550 Oh... oh, God. 551 00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:17,420 Mr. Rapoport. 552 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:18,890 I'm Agent Lacey 553 00:23:18,990 --> 00:23:20,130 with Central Intelligence, 554 00:23:20,230 --> 00:23:21,700 and this is my partner, Agent Botwin. 555 00:23:21,790 --> 00:23:23,600 DAVE: Aaron, whoever that is, 556 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:24,860 tell them to fuck off. 557 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:26,700 Dave, it's, uh, 558 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,840 - it's not... -Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night, 559 00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:32,170 but I got some stink dick. 560 00:23:32,270 --> 00:23:35,180 Yo, my dick stinks! 561 00:23:35,270 --> 00:23:37,780 So weird how you, like, 562 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,050 just want to keep smelling it, though. 563 00:23:40,150 --> 00:23:42,480 Yo, you got to come over and smell this shit. 564 00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:43,720 Yo, come smell this. 565 00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:44,850 You got to identify this. 566 00:23:44,950 --> 00:23:46,050 I don't know what it is. 567 00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:47,820 Excuse him. 568 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,160 He has stink dick. (CHUCKLES) 569 00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:51,430 It kind of smells like guacamole. 570 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,130 May we come in? 571 00:23:53,230 --> 00:23:55,430 Would you, um, 572 00:23:55,530 --> 00:23:58,600 like a drink or some of Aaron's cocaine? 573 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:00,630 This is not our cocaine. This is... 574 00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:02,070 LACEY: No, I'm sure it's not. 575 00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:05,500 So, uh, how can we, uh, what can we do you for? 576 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,140 - Yeah, to what do we owe THE PLEASURE? -AARON: Yeah. 577 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,670 Well, Aaron, Dave, 578 00:24:08,770 --> 00:24:09,840 as I'm sure 579 00:24:09,940 --> 00:24:11,610 you know already, 580 00:24:11,710 --> 00:24:12,880 Kim Jong-un is now capable 581 00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:16,180 of nuking all of the West Coast. 582 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,780 The point is we're talking about nuclear nations 583 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:20,790 at war with each other. 584 00:24:20,890 --> 00:24:22,160 Nuclear. 585 00:24:22,250 --> 00:24:23,560 He does have one 586 00:24:23,660 --> 00:24:25,890 tactical advantage over the West. 587 00:24:25,990 --> 00:24:28,900 He's more than willing to let millions and millions 588 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,460 of his own people die. 589 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,700 Ba-bam. Explosions. All over my face. 590 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,900 I'm sorry, we had kind of a long night last night. 591 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,070 Why are you telling us 592 00:24:37,170 --> 00:24:38,970 - all this information? - Well, 593 00:24:39,070 --> 00:24:41,980 well, we're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen 594 00:24:42,070 --> 00:24:43,910 are going to be in a room alone with him, 595 00:24:44,010 --> 00:24:45,480 and congratulations, by the way. 596 00:24:45,580 --> 00:24:46,910 That's right! 597 00:24:47,010 --> 00:24:48,690 Which is part of the reason why we're here. 598 00:24:48,750 --> 00:24:50,180 The CIA would love it 599 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,550 if you two could... 600 00:24:52,650 --> 00:24:54,550 take him out. 601 00:24:56,050 --> 00:24:57,790 Hmm? 602 00:24:57,890 --> 00:24:59,530 - Take him out. - Take him out? 603 00:24:59,630 --> 00:25:01,190 - Like, for drinks? - No, no, no. 604 00:25:01,290 --> 00:25:03,060 - Take him out. - Take out. 605 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,900 - Like, to dinner? - Take him out to a meal? 606 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,200 Take him out. 607 00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:07,900 - Like, on the town? - Party? 608 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,900 No, uh... 609 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,070 take him out. 610 00:25:12,170 --> 00:25:15,740 You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea? 611 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,680 - Yes. - What...?! 612 00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:20,140 If we kill him, won't they just get 613 00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:21,730 another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo 614 00:25:21,780 --> 00:25:23,120 to come in and replace him? 615 00:25:23,220 --> 00:25:25,750 - Exactly, exactly. -And then the same thing happens? 616 00:25:25,850 --> 00:25:27,620 Uh, actually, we're aware of a small faction 617 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,090 in the existing leadership that already wants him gone. 618 00:25:30,190 --> 00:25:32,590 They want change; they're too scared to act alone, 619 00:25:32,690 --> 00:25:33,990 and they need you two to go in there... 620 00:25:34,090 --> 00:25:35,260 Hmm... 621 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:39,130 remove Kim, embolden them to revolt 622 00:25:39,230 --> 00:25:41,100 and take over. 623 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,540 Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved? 624 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,640 I am going to be in your ear, 625 00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:51,110 by your side, every step of the way. 626 00:25:51,210 --> 00:25:53,980 Then I have one answer. 627 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,920 No more Kim. 628 00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:57,750 AARON: Uh, you know what? 629 00:25:57,850 --> 00:25:59,050 Actually, I think we should talk about it more. 630 00:25:59,150 --> 00:26:00,790 - Okay, all right. - Okay, let's just... 631 00:26:00,890 --> 00:26:01,860 - We're just gonna talk. - We're just gonna talk. 632 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:02,960 By all means. 633 00:26:02,990 --> 00:26:03,990 Just for the record, 634 00:26:03,990 --> 00:26:05,990 I don't have stink dick. 635 00:26:06,090 --> 00:26:08,330 DAVE: Come over here, come here, come in here... 636 00:26:08,430 --> 00:26:11,130 I think we need to do this. 637 00:26:11,230 --> 00:26:13,670 She is so cool. 638 00:26:13,770 --> 00:26:15,810 You don't see what's happening, and it's so obvious. 639 00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:16,900 - It's crazy, man. - What? 640 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,670 They're honeypotting us. 641 00:26:18,770 --> 00:26:19,850 - What? - It's an attractive 642 00:26:19,910 --> 00:26:21,270 spy woman who lures men 643 00:26:21,370 --> 00:26:22,780 into doing shit they're not supposed to do. 644 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,010 How can you not see that? 645 00:26:24,110 --> 00:26:26,750 - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? 646 00:26:26,850 --> 00:26:27,850 - This is 2014. - Dude... 647 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:29,220 Women are smart now. 648 00:26:29,310 --> 00:26:31,080 Do you actually think she just so happens 649 00:26:31,180 --> 00:26:32,990 to have everything you find attractive? 650 00:26:33,090 --> 00:26:35,820 Bangs, giant tits, glasses? 651 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:36,920 They're fake, man. 652 00:26:36,990 --> 00:26:38,290 Fake glasses? 653 00:26:38,390 --> 00:26:40,160 How could the CIA come up with such a thing? 654 00:26:40,260 --> 00:26:41,930 Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat. 655 00:26:42,030 --> 00:26:44,800 Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly 656 00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:46,330 and when we're horned up might not be... 657 00:26:46,430 --> 00:26:47,330 - Horned up? - You are horned up. 658 00:26:47,430 --> 00:26:48,840 Oh, please! 659 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,040 You got half a fucking chub right now! 660 00:26:52,140 --> 00:26:53,810 - Take your hands away. - Hmm-mm. 661 00:26:53,910 --> 00:26:55,310 - I saw the boner. - I'm not taking my hands away. 662 00:26:55,410 --> 00:26:56,980 Move your fucking hands. 663 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,210 Fine, you want to see it? 664 00:26:58,310 --> 00:27:00,010 - Yeah. - Feast your eyes. 665 00:27:00,110 --> 00:27:01,080 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 666 00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:02,420 I'm gonna poop out these drugs. 667 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:03,680 You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. 668 00:27:03,780 --> 00:27:05,320 If we both still want to talk 669 00:27:05,420 --> 00:27:07,950 about this afterwards, then we can, but not until then. 670 00:27:08,050 --> 00:27:11,020 Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off. 671 00:27:13,390 --> 00:27:15,700 LACEY (VOICE-OVER): In three days, 672 00:27:15,790 --> 00:27:17,860 you will fly from New York to Beijing, 673 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,230 where you will transfer to a commercial airline 674 00:27:20,330 --> 00:27:22,640 that takes you directly to Pyongyang. 675 00:27:22,740 --> 00:27:24,140 I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated, 676 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,640 but, um, what happened to your glasses? 677 00:27:28,810 --> 00:27:31,810 Oh, I... I got LASIK. 678 00:27:31,910 --> 00:27:33,350 Between the time I saw you and now? 679 00:27:33,450 --> 00:27:35,850 - Yes. - Okay. 680 00:27:35,950 --> 00:27:37,980 Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here, 681 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,950 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. 682 00:27:41,050 --> 00:27:43,290 So, preceding the interview, 683 00:27:43,390 --> 00:27:45,360 you are going to shake Kim's hand, 684 00:27:45,460 --> 00:27:48,830 administering a fatal dose of poison 685 00:27:48,930 --> 00:27:51,400 with this, a transdermal time-delayed 686 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:52,900 ricin strip. 687 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,370 When you shake his hand, 688 00:27:54,470 --> 00:27:57,740 the poison will be absorbed into his skin, 689 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,740 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. 690 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,740 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. 691 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,380 No one will know? 692 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,780 The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. 693 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,120 - Total deniability? - Obviously. 694 00:28:12,220 --> 00:28:13,850 - This isn't what I pictured. - What did you picture? 695 00:28:13,950 --> 00:28:15,750 I walk in there like a fucking gangster 696 00:28:15,850 --> 00:28:17,920 and blow his little fucking ass away 697 00:28:18,020 --> 00:28:19,260 on television. 698 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:22,400 This is a major television event. 699 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:25,100 You don't want to blow it with offscreen death. 700 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,000 Okay? 701 00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:30,740 Look, in porno, we call this the money shot. 702 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,710 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it, 703 00:28:32,810 --> 00:28:35,410 and then right before they finish, you cut to black 704 00:28:35,510 --> 00:28:36,940 and say, "Oh, don't worry, 705 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,010 12 hours later, they came all over each other." 706 00:28:39,110 --> 00:28:40,910 No! We want 707 00:28:41,010 --> 00:28:42,280 the all-over close-up. 708 00:28:42,380 --> 00:28:43,150 All over his face. 709 00:28:43,250 --> 00:28:45,490 The end! 710 00:28:45,580 --> 00:28:47,350 Ah... 711 00:28:48,350 --> 00:28:49,820 Bam! 712 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,060 What kind of porn are you watching? 713 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:52,520 What happens when all of his guards 714 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,730 start firing back at you for killing their leader 715 00:28:54,830 --> 00:28:56,160 right in front of them? 716 00:28:56,260 --> 00:28:58,030 - That's a good question. - My bulletproof vest... 717 00:28:58,130 --> 00:29:00,230 No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. 718 00:29:00,330 --> 00:29:02,840 - You don't have one of those. - I will dodge those bullets. 719 00:29:02,940 --> 00:29:04,970 What happens after you escape the compound, Dave? 720 00:29:05,070 --> 00:29:06,340 I look back over my shoulder. 721 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,240 I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand. 722 00:29:08,340 --> 00:29:09,840 We run out into the woods. 723 00:29:09,940 --> 00:29:12,810 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. 724 00:29:12,910 --> 00:29:14,310 We exit said tunnel. 725 00:29:14,410 --> 00:29:17,450 At a designated spot, SEAL Team Six 726 00:29:17,550 --> 00:29:19,920 swoops in, puts us on one 727 00:29:20,020 --> 00:29:22,790 of those inflatable motorboats, we hit the water, 728 00:29:22,890 --> 00:29:25,160 we're out of there, on our way to you. 729 00:29:25,260 --> 00:29:27,760 If you did try to do this, what would kill you first? 730 00:29:27,860 --> 00:29:28,900 Sub-freezing temperatures. 731 00:29:28,930 --> 00:29:30,200 I don't like the cold. 732 00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:33,000 - Okay, we... - Starvation, starve to death. 733 00:29:33,100 --> 00:29:34,800 You telling me the CIA doesn't have 734 00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:36,940 North Face jackets and some Pirate Booty? 735 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,470 Cap'n Crunch? 736 00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:39,940 What about Siberian tigers? 737 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,980 - Did you think about that? - What? 738 00:29:42,070 --> 00:29:43,380 You're not going to shoot him. 739 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,840 There's not going to be a bulletproof vest, 740 00:29:44,940 --> 00:29:46,350 and nobody is going to know 741 00:29:46,450 --> 00:29:48,250 that you had anything to do with this. 742 00:29:48,350 --> 00:29:50,120 That's it, that's the plan. 743 00:29:50,220 --> 00:29:51,280 - Period. - DAVE: Okay. 744 00:29:51,380 --> 00:29:52,890 Two years later, 745 00:29:52,990 --> 00:29:54,990 I come out with my bestselling tell-all. 746 00:29:55,090 --> 00:29:56,360 "An Unexpected Journey: 747 00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:59,490 Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea." 748 00:29:59,590 --> 00:30:01,130 You can't write a tell-all. 749 00:30:01,230 --> 00:30:02,900 "We were an oddly-shaped gray room 750 00:30:03,990 --> 00:30:04,860 "at the CIA headquarters. 751 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,000 The titillating Agent Lacey..." 752 00:30:06,100 --> 00:30:07,230 Stop doing that. 753 00:30:07,330 --> 00:30:08,970 - Why? - There's no tell-all. 754 00:30:09,070 --> 00:30:11,240 "'There's no tell-all, ' Agent Lacey said. 755 00:30:11,340 --> 00:30:13,040 "She looked at him. 756 00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:16,440 She trembled with rage, or was it passion?" 757 00:30:16,540 --> 00:30:18,850 - Stop it. - I just want everybody to know 758 00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:21,150 that I know what you did to me 759 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:23,220 - With the glasses? - What? 760 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,420 - Honeycombed me. - What does that even mean? 761 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,190 You honeypotted him. It's honeypot. 762 00:30:27,290 --> 00:30:29,010 - You honeypotted me. - You honeypotted him. 763 00:30:29,090 --> 00:30:30,890 - No, I didn't. -He's said a lot of stupid shit 764 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,060 in the last ten minutes, but for reals, 765 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:33,530 you did honeypot him. 766 00:30:33,630 --> 00:30:35,560 I bet you got him in here as a honey dick 767 00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:37,300 just in case I'm gay, but I'm not, 768 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,130 but if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. 769 00:30:39,230 --> 00:30:41,530 - You honey dicking? -Look, she's not honeypotting you, 770 00:30:41,630 --> 00:30:43,540 - and I'm not honey dicking him. - It's very offensive, 771 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,540 'cause basically if you think about what you're saying to me, 772 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,010 you're saying because I'm a girl, 773 00:30:47,110 --> 00:30:48,880 and because I'm attractive, 774 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:52,010 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. 775 00:30:52,110 --> 00:30:53,410 I think it's offensive, too. 776 00:30:53,510 --> 00:30:55,070 And that's exactly what I said to Aaron. 777 00:30:55,110 --> 00:30:56,920 I said that bitch is blind as a bat. 778 00:30:57,020 --> 00:30:58,420 Can we please move on? 779 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,090 We have a dictator to kill. 780 00:31:01,190 --> 00:31:03,220 When handling the ricin strip, 781 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,590 operate with extreme caution. 782 00:31:05,690 --> 00:31:08,490 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. 783 00:31:08,590 --> 00:31:11,560 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. 784 00:31:11,660 --> 00:31:13,630 After it passes the blood-brain barrier, 785 00:31:13,730 --> 00:31:16,370 your heart rate would shoot up to 160. 786 00:31:16,470 --> 00:31:18,340 Your body will strain to reject the poison 787 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,570 by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting. 788 00:31:20,670 --> 00:31:21,950 Within minutes, you will be dead. 789 00:31:22,010 --> 00:31:23,380 - Okay. - Got it? 790 00:31:25,710 --> 00:31:28,450 LACEY (VOICE-OVER): Aaron peels off the film marked A, 791 00:31:28,550 --> 00:31:31,180 exposing the adhesive coating. 792 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,520 He then applies the strip to Dave's palm. 793 00:31:33,620 --> 00:31:36,220 - Okay... -Aaron will then remove the film marked B, 794 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,220 exposing the ricin. 795 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:39,320 - Clear. - Okay, clear. 796 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,590 - Okay. - Okay. 797 00:31:40,690 --> 00:31:42,230 Dave needs to appear casual 798 00:31:42,330 --> 00:31:44,330 as he is transferred from his room 799 00:31:44,430 --> 00:31:46,300 - Okay. - To the broadcast facility. 800 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,270 It is critical that he keeps his hand open 801 00:31:49,370 --> 00:31:50,500 and touches nothing. 802 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,300 (CHUCKLES) 803 00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:53,940 Dave Skylark. 804 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:55,240 - (EXHALES) - Mr. Kim... 805 00:31:55,340 --> 00:31:57,140 Just shaking hands. 806 00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,210 Hi. 807 00:31:59,310 --> 00:32:00,650 Nice to meet you. 808 00:32:00,750 --> 00:32:02,680 LACEY (VOICE-OVER): Dave will bow to Kim 809 00:32:02,780 --> 00:32:04,120 then shake his hand, 810 00:32:04,220 --> 00:32:06,150 immediately disposing of the strip 811 00:32:06,250 --> 00:32:08,490 in his jacket pocket, which will be lined 812 00:32:08,590 --> 00:32:12,090 with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison. 813 00:32:30,780 --> 00:32:32,180 (SNEEZES LOUDLY) 814 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:33,950 - (ALARM BLARING) - Oh, no! 815 00:32:34,050 --> 00:32:35,310 Hey! Hey! 816 00:32:35,420 --> 00:32:36,650 Agent Lacey! 817 00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:38,420 - What's this mean? - You're dead. 818 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,240 All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll just place 819 00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:42,460 the ricin case in this pouch here. 820 00:32:42,550 --> 00:32:43,590 It will magnetically seal, 821 00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:45,290 and then you're good to go. 822 00:32:45,390 --> 00:32:47,960 So you want me to carry this bag? 823 00:32:48,060 --> 00:32:49,160 This is the bag. 824 00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:50,660 This is a douche bag. 825 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:54,070 LACEY: The watches conceal an array of tactical functions. 826 00:32:54,170 --> 00:32:57,000 It's how you stay in contact with me and the command center. 827 00:32:57,100 --> 00:32:58,400 - Aaron to Dave. - All radio communication 828 00:32:58,500 --> 00:33:00,410 should be done using call signs. 829 00:33:00,510 --> 00:33:01,670 - Cool. - Dave, 830 00:33:01,770 --> 00:33:03,140 you are "dung beetle," 831 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,140 - What? - And Aaron, you are "aardvark." 832 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,440 I can't even carry this thing! 833 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:07,610 What do you mean you can't carry it? 834 00:33:07,710 --> 00:33:08,720 Aerodynamics are all off. 835 00:33:08,810 --> 00:33:09,610 It's hitting my leg. 836 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,320 It's, like, bulky. 837 00:33:11,420 --> 00:33:14,390 Please remember, gentlemen, you are entering into 838 00:33:14,490 --> 00:33:18,020 the most dangerous and unpredictable country on Earth. 839 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,590 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator. 840 00:33:20,690 --> 00:33:23,460 His people revere him as a god. 841 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,100 They'll believe anything 842 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,240 he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins 843 00:33:29,330 --> 00:33:31,240 or he doesn't urinate and defecate. 844 00:33:31,340 --> 00:33:32,710 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 845 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,040 You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poop? 846 00:33:35,140 --> 00:33:36,310 I'm telling you he does, and he lies 847 00:33:36,410 --> 00:33:37,310 to his people and they believe him. 848 00:33:37,410 --> 00:33:38,750 Everybody pees and poops. 849 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:40,650 Where would it go otherwise? He'd explode. 850 00:33:40,750 --> 00:33:42,180 But he does talk to dolphins. 851 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:43,750 (SIGHS) 852 00:33:43,850 --> 00:33:46,320 ♪ ♪ 853 00:34:01,730 --> 00:34:03,670 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 854 00:34:03,770 --> 00:34:05,340 DAVE: All right, how do I look? 855 00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:06,740 Fucking awesome? 856 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,370 Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice. 857 00:34:08,470 --> 00:34:10,340 - Yeah. - And that just... 858 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,340 What the fuck is this? 859 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:13,750 - It's my bag. - It's wonderful. 860 00:34:13,850 --> 00:34:15,750 That's just not the bag the CIA gave you. 861 00:34:15,850 --> 00:34:17,220 Oh, that bag? 862 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,550 Yes, that bag! 863 00:34:18,650 --> 00:34:20,210 That bag was Fugly with a capital "Fug." 864 00:34:21,220 --> 00:34:21,750 Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison 865 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,560 that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country. 866 00:34:24,090 --> 00:34:25,360 Kim is a super fan. 867 00:34:25,460 --> 00:34:27,160 He knows I take fashion risks. 868 00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:28,290 Look, I show up with that other bag, 869 00:34:28,390 --> 00:34:29,460 Kim's gonna be like, 870 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:30,760 (IMITATING KOREAN ACCENT): "Oh, no. 871 00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,670 "You got ugly bag? 872 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,170 "You no Skylark, you secret agent. 873 00:34:34,270 --> 00:34:35,500 Terminate him." 874 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,070 Where's the fucking poison strip? 875 00:34:37,170 --> 00:34:40,170 I put the strip in a pack of gum. 876 00:34:40,270 --> 00:34:41,640 They'll never find it. 877 00:34:41,740 --> 00:34:42,740 I am not cool with this. 878 00:34:42,810 --> 00:34:44,510 - It's showtime. - Showtime? 879 00:34:44,610 --> 00:34:46,250 It's not showtime. 880 00:34:46,340 --> 00:34:47,510 - What are you doing? Stop. - "Dave Skylark Tonight!" 881 00:34:47,610 --> 00:34:48,650 Stop walking! 882 00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,120 - Stop walking. - Hello. 883 00:34:50,220 --> 00:34:51,550 We are going to North Korea. 884 00:34:51,650 --> 00:34:52,820 Yo, Skylark, which side 885 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,520 of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? 886 00:34:54,620 --> 00:34:56,520 I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say 887 00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:58,690 I might give him something special with my hand. 888 00:34:58,790 --> 00:35:00,260 You gonna jerk him off? 889 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:01,790 What? No. That's a double entendre. 890 00:35:01,890 --> 00:35:03,260 Shut the fuck... Shut up! 891 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:04,330 - I'm foreshadowing! - Shut up! 892 00:35:04,430 --> 00:35:05,700 Shut up! Get in the fucking car! 893 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,670 Shut up! Shut up! 894 00:35:07,770 --> 00:35:10,440 Why would you say that? Why would you say that? 895 00:35:14,570 --> 00:35:16,210 (CABIN BELL CHIMES) 896 00:35:16,310 --> 00:35:17,680 All right, here we go. 897 00:35:19,410 --> 00:35:20,810 What's that noise? 898 00:35:20,910 --> 00:35:22,350 - I don't know. - Do you hear that? 899 00:35:22,450 --> 00:35:23,580 Yeah. 900 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,590 (MUSIC PLAYING OUTSIDE) 901 00:35:31,420 --> 00:35:33,430 (AARON CHUCKLES) 902 00:35:33,530 --> 00:35:34,660 Wow. 903 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:35,760 (LAUGHS) 904 00:35:35,860 --> 00:35:37,160 This is crazy. 905 00:35:38,330 --> 00:35:41,170 - Hello, North Korea! - Wow. 906 00:35:41,270 --> 00:35:42,270 - (DAVE WHOOPS, BARKS) - AARON: This is crazy. 907 00:35:42,370 --> 00:35:43,740 Okay, okay. 908 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,600 - DAVE: North side! - Okay. 909 00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:49,310 Hi. Sorry about... what he's doing. 910 00:35:49,410 --> 00:35:51,440 DAVE: Hello! (LAUGHS) Wow... 911 00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:53,450 I like your style. 912 00:35:55,210 --> 00:35:57,180 Good to see you again. How are you? 913 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:58,620 - Hi. - Hello. 914 00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,220 - Hello. - This is great. 915 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,590 Uh, Dave, this is, uh, Sook-yin Park. 916 00:36:02,690 --> 00:36:03,890 - Sook? The Sook? - Yes, yes. 917 00:36:03,990 --> 00:36:05,460 That you won't stop talking about? 918 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,390 That's not true. 919 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,750 We are different people. 920 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,950 We speak different languages. 921 00:36:28,050 --> 00:36:29,780 Huh? 922 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,420 We have different faces, 923 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,250 but inside 924 00:36:35,350 --> 00:36:37,690 we are same-same. 925 00:36:37,790 --> 00:36:40,660 Same-same, but different. 926 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,660 But still same. 927 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:43,900 (AARON LAUGHS ANXIOUSLY) 928 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:45,360 Oh, thank you. 929 00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:46,930 Konichiwa. 930 00:36:47,030 --> 00:36:49,500 You know, I'm very, 931 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,270 very interested in the history of your young nation. 932 00:36:52,370 --> 00:36:53,710 I hear that 933 00:36:53,810 --> 00:36:56,340 absolutely everyone here is-is starving to death. 934 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:57,740 No. 935 00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,910 It's quite all right. 936 00:37:00,010 --> 00:37:01,510 This is a common misconception. 937 00:37:01,610 --> 00:37:03,820 Oh, okay. 938 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:04,920 See for yourself. 939 00:37:08,050 --> 00:37:09,860 Oh, wow! It's a grocery store. 940 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:11,660 Looks like the Whole Foods around the corner from my place. 941 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,730 Yep, guess no one's hungry here after all. 942 00:37:14,830 --> 00:37:17,100 We have an abundance of food here. 943 00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:18,930 DAVE: And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid! 944 00:37:19,030 --> 00:37:20,730 Hi, little fatty! 945 00:37:20,830 --> 00:37:22,940 Hi. Mm-mm! 946 00:37:23,030 --> 00:37:26,670 We have many fat children in North Korea. 947 00:37:26,770 --> 00:37:27,770 The Supreme Leader 948 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,270 believes it is a hallmark 949 00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:31,010 of prosperity and self-sufficiency. 950 00:37:31,110 --> 00:37:32,840 I don't know about all that, 951 00:37:32,940 --> 00:37:34,810 but this one is one that I heard. 952 00:37:34,910 --> 00:37:36,680 I heard he doesn't pee or poo. 953 00:37:36,780 --> 00:37:40,390 He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside. 954 00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:42,690 You-You're telling me my man doesn't have to take a poo? 955 00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:43,960 Does-does he have a butthole? 956 00:37:44,060 --> 00:37:45,890 He does not have a butthole. 957 00:37:45,990 --> 00:37:47,990 He has no need for one. 958 00:38:01,770 --> 00:38:03,780 ♪ ♪ 959 00:38:24,860 --> 00:38:26,900 Whoa! 960 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,630 Ho-ho! Damn, son! 961 00:38:28,730 --> 00:38:29,800 Damn... 962 00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:31,470 SOOK: Right this way. 963 00:38:36,610 --> 00:38:38,810 AARON: I get it. Fucking stop it. 964 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,660 These are Officers Koh and Yu. 965 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:56,860 They are the heads of 966 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,900 our Supreme Leader's personal security. 967 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,370 They have been with him since he was a little boy. 968 00:39:02,470 --> 00:39:03,940 They will search you one last time 969 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,770 before entering our Supreme Leader's home. 970 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:11,580 Just a Gucci bag. 971 00:39:20,090 --> 00:39:22,050 What's this? 972 00:39:22,150 --> 00:39:24,060 DAVE: Uh... 973 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:25,060 gum. 974 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,390 That is gum. 975 00:39:31,700 --> 00:39:33,900 - (GROANS) - Oh, you fucking tried it? 976 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,830 This gun has no flavor. 977 00:39:35,940 --> 00:39:37,900 - If you don't like it, just spit it out. -Just spit it out. 978 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,440 We wouldn't be insulted if you just spat it out. 979 00:39:39,540 --> 00:39:40,670 (DAVE LAUGHS ANXIOUSLY) 980 00:39:40,770 --> 00:39:42,140 Your gum taste like shit. 981 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:44,540 - Okay. - (KOH SPEAKING KOREAN) 982 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,750 You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home. 983 00:39:52,950 --> 00:39:54,150 This room 984 00:39:54,250 --> 00:39:56,150 - for Mr. Skylark. - AARON: Cool. 985 00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:58,160 Thanks. 986 00:40:00,230 --> 00:40:02,090 This room for Mr. Rapoport. 987 00:40:02,190 --> 00:40:03,500 Ooh, lovely. 988 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:04,830 - Thank you. Quaint. - Cute. 989 00:40:04,930 --> 00:40:05,930 - (CHUCKLES) - You know, I'm tired. 990 00:40:06,030 --> 00:40:07,700 How are you feeling? 991 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,570 - We go now. - AARON: Okay. 992 00:40:09,670 --> 00:40:11,440 (WHISPERING): Dude, what the fuck? 993 00:40:11,540 --> 00:40:13,140 Hey, uh, you know, 994 00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:14,910 - how's your tummy feeling? - You should have some Tums. 995 00:40:15,010 --> 00:40:15,980 AARON: Maybe you should have some tea. 996 00:40:16,070 --> 00:40:17,110 (WHISPERING): Fuck. 997 00:40:17,210 --> 00:40:18,210 - Shh. - Shh. 998 00:40:18,210 --> 00:40:19,610 They could be recording. 999 00:40:19,710 --> 00:40:21,880 - Oh, the thing. - The thing, all right, go. 1000 00:40:21,980 --> 00:40:23,750 - DAVE: Oh, uh... - Lovely room. 1001 00:40:23,850 --> 00:40:25,550 - Yeah. - Oh, yes. 1002 00:40:25,650 --> 00:40:26,920 Lovely. I'm gonna go take a shower now. 1003 00:40:27,020 --> 00:40:28,890 DAVE: Okay, I'll take one with you. 1004 00:40:28,990 --> 00:40:30,520 Why would you take one with me? 1005 00:40:30,620 --> 00:40:31,560 I'm just making up fake conversation. 1006 00:40:31,660 --> 00:40:32,660 Shut up. Shut the fuck up. 1007 00:40:32,690 --> 00:40:34,060 (DAVE SIGHS) 1008 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:37,160 What... the... fuck... dude? 1009 00:40:37,260 --> 00:40:39,970 He ate it. He fucking ate it. 1010 00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:41,670 - You're not even supposed to touch it. -And he ate it. 1011 00:40:41,770 --> 00:40:44,170 - Chewing. Chewing it! - Shit! Fuck. 1012 00:40:44,270 --> 00:40:45,800 Shit, he's gonna die. 1013 00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:47,510 Look, look, look, look... 1014 00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:50,010 He's probably, like, Kim's trigger man, okay? 1015 00:40:50,110 --> 00:40:51,790 He's probably killed, like, tons of people. 1016 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,150 He's probably worse than Kim, 1017 00:40:53,250 --> 00:40:55,010 and we're okay with killing Kim, right? 1018 00:40:55,110 --> 00:40:56,650 (SOFTLY): Yeah. 1019 00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:58,550 How the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way? 1020 00:40:58,580 --> 00:40:59,750 We don't have any poison anymore. 1021 00:40:59,850 --> 00:41:01,590 What happened to it? 1022 00:41:01,690 --> 00:41:03,090 - Somebody ate it. - Someone ate it? 1023 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,060 Why the fuck did you switch bags? 1024 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,890 - Yeah, Dave! - All right, all right! 1025 00:41:06,990 --> 00:41:09,060 I shouldn't have switched the bags. I'm sorry. 1026 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:10,660 - AARON: I told you. - Listen, just sit tight. 1027 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,200 I am going to contact you. 1028 00:41:12,300 --> 00:41:14,100 Do not fall asleep. 1029 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,170 I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this. 1030 00:41:16,270 --> 00:41:17,700 Thanks. Why'd you tell her? 1031 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:18,900 Tell her what? Because it's the truth. 1032 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:19,970 Why'd you tell her that he ate it? 1033 00:41:20,070 --> 00:41:21,170 Because he did! 1034 00:41:21,270 --> 00:41:24,540 Dude, that was a cock block. 1035 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,910 Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base. 1036 00:41:43,130 --> 00:41:44,730 ♪ ♪ 1037 00:41:52,940 --> 00:41:56,610 ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes. 1038 00:41:58,580 --> 00:42:00,300 LACEY (VOICE-OVER): We have a bird en route. 1039 00:42:00,350 --> 00:42:03,150 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes. 1040 00:42:03,250 --> 00:42:04,550 Aardvark, 1041 00:42:04,650 --> 00:42:06,650 your watch will transmit the coordinates 1042 00:42:06,750 --> 00:42:08,150 to guide in the package. 1043 00:42:08,250 --> 00:42:10,620 You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover 1044 00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:11,690 where you can't be detected. 1045 00:42:11,790 --> 00:42:13,160 Okay? 1046 00:42:13,260 --> 00:42:14,960 What-what-what...? Lacey, why do I have to do it? 1047 00:42:15,060 --> 00:42:16,230 Why you? 1048 00:42:16,330 --> 00:42:18,060 Because if Dung Beetle gets caught 1049 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,570 or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore, do we? 1050 00:42:20,670 --> 00:42:22,300 You really think I could get caught or killed? 1051 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,070 Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now 1052 00:42:25,170 --> 00:42:26,610 and make sure that you are 1053 00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:28,310 at least 20 yards away from the building. 1054 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,750 Approaching launch zone. 1055 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,590 - (THUNDER RUMBLING) - (AARON BREATHING DEEPLY) 1056 00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:40,920 You ready? 1057 00:42:41,020 --> 00:42:42,320 I think so. 1058 00:42:42,420 --> 00:42:44,100 I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay. 1059 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:45,590 - Okay, okay. - I think I can do it. 1060 00:42:48,090 --> 00:42:49,690 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna cherish 1061 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,600 - all the memories we have. - Don't do this! 1062 00:42:51,700 --> 00:42:53,330 - What? -Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay? 1063 00:42:53,430 --> 00:42:55,330 - I'm gonna be fine! - All right. I know. 1064 00:42:55,430 --> 00:42:57,140 I'm trying to psych myself up here; you're bringing me down. 1065 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,640 I will love your mother like she was my mother. 1066 00:42:59,740 --> 00:43:01,010 - Just shut up. Shut up. - Okay. 1067 00:43:01,110 --> 00:43:02,140 Shh. 1068 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,180 It's really scary out there. 1069 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:08,750 Yeah, super-duper scary. 1070 00:43:08,850 --> 00:43:10,370 - Be careful. - Okay, good. You got me? 1071 00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:12,120 - I got you. I will not drop you. - Okay. 1072 00:43:12,220 --> 00:43:13,350 - Yeah, just don't drop me. - I got you. 1073 00:43:13,450 --> 00:43:14,890 - I got... Oh! - (SCREAMS) 1074 00:43:14,990 --> 00:43:16,290 - (THUDS) - (GROANS) 1075 00:43:16,390 --> 00:43:17,620 (GASPING) 1076 00:43:17,720 --> 00:43:19,290 Aardvark, are you all right? 1077 00:43:19,390 --> 00:43:21,060 (AARON COUGHS) 1078 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:22,760 I'm fine. Shut the fuck up. 1079 00:43:22,860 --> 00:43:24,160 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 1080 00:43:24,260 --> 00:43:26,970 Aardvark is hot. 1081 00:43:27,070 --> 00:43:30,030 I REPEAT: Aardvark is H-O-T hot. 1082 00:43:30,130 --> 00:43:32,040 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 1083 00:43:40,310 --> 00:43:42,050 - This is so scary. - LACEY: Aardvark? 1084 00:43:42,150 --> 00:43:43,820 You're being extremely brave. 1085 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,080 Everybody here is very proud of you. 1086 00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:48,390 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet. -Aardvark, 1087 00:43:48,490 --> 00:43:50,360 I'm gonna rub your tummy when you get back, don't worry. 1088 00:43:50,460 --> 00:43:52,060 Just a few more feet, okay? 1089 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,160 Just five to ten more feet. 1090 00:43:54,260 --> 00:43:55,390 AARON: I got to keep going? 1091 00:43:55,490 --> 00:43:56,790 I don't want to keep going. 1092 00:43:56,900 --> 00:43:58,330 Fuck. 1093 00:43:58,430 --> 00:44:03,130 Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom. 1094 00:44:03,230 --> 00:44:05,700 LACEY: Package is inbound. 1095 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,710 Arrival time, two minutes. 1096 00:44:09,340 --> 00:44:10,780 Just five more feet. 1097 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,810 Five more feet, and you're on your mark. 1098 00:44:12,910 --> 00:44:14,180 Hey, hey, 1099 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,080 hey, don't move. 1100 00:44:16,180 --> 00:44:18,120 I think I see something. 1101 00:44:18,220 --> 00:44:20,350 - Huh? - There's something out there. 1102 00:44:20,450 --> 00:44:22,250 What do you mean, there's something out there? 1103 00:44:22,350 --> 00:44:24,020 What is it? Can you zoom in on that? 1104 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,720 What do I do? 1105 00:44:25,820 --> 00:44:27,430 Comm One, are you seeing this? 1106 00:44:27,530 --> 00:44:28,390 Zoom in one that thing. 1107 00:44:28,490 --> 00:44:30,290 What is that? 1108 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,120 There's something crawling towards Aardvark. 1109 00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,170 What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me. 1110 00:44:34,270 --> 00:44:37,200 I'm seeing four legs connected to one body. 1111 00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:39,440 What the fuck are you seeing? I'm not seeing anything. 1112 00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:41,240 Dog, big dog. 1113 00:44:41,340 --> 00:44:43,840 - Big dog? - It's like Clifford size. 1114 00:44:43,940 --> 00:44:45,840 We're talking Falkor in "The Neverending Story." 1115 00:44:45,940 --> 00:44:47,110 It's like a dragon dog. 1116 00:44:47,210 --> 00:44:48,310 This is like a dragon dog. 1117 00:44:48,410 --> 00:44:50,980 Is that a fucking... 1118 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:52,280 Guys, what am I looking for? I don't know... 1119 00:44:52,380 --> 00:44:53,920 It's like a big dog 1120 00:44:54,020 --> 00:44:55,150 that's orange. 1121 00:44:55,250 --> 00:44:56,720 - (LOW GROWL) - It's got stripes. 1122 00:44:56,820 --> 00:44:59,120 It's like a big, orange, stripey dog. 1123 00:44:59,220 --> 00:45:00,730 (DEEP GROWLING) 1124 00:45:04,060 --> 00:45:06,000 There's a tiger. 1125 00:45:06,100 --> 00:45:07,400 It's a fucking tiger. 1126 00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:08,870 (WHISPERING): It's a fucking tiger. 1127 00:45:08,970 --> 00:45:10,040 Yes. 1128 00:45:10,130 --> 00:45:11,470 A tiger. 1129 00:45:11,570 --> 00:45:14,010 You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch? 1130 00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:15,210 I told you there were tigers there. 1131 00:45:15,310 --> 00:45:17,010 Guys, I'm very unhappy right now. 1132 00:45:17,110 --> 00:45:18,010 Look, it's really dark out there. 1133 00:45:18,110 --> 00:45:19,240 He probably doesn't see you. 1134 00:45:19,340 --> 00:45:21,780 - Oh, it fucking sees me. - (TIGER SNARLS) 1135 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,350 - It ha... it has night vision. - They have night vision? 1136 00:45:24,450 --> 00:45:26,320 That tiger has night vision goggles? 1137 00:45:26,420 --> 00:45:27,920 It doesn't have night vision goggles. 1138 00:45:28,020 --> 00:45:29,860 It just naturally has night... 1139 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,260 - (SHOUTING) -Listen, just keep the line clear, 1140 00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,420 Dung Beetle, please? 1141 00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,260 Aardvark is in trouble. 1142 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,890 What do I do? What do I do? 1143 00:45:35,990 --> 00:45:37,300 (OVER RADIO): Talk to me, talk to me. 1144 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,930 I didn't want it to come to this, 1145 00:45:39,030 --> 00:45:40,170 but you're gonna have to fight that tiger. 1146 00:45:40,260 --> 00:45:42,270 No, do not! Do not fight the tiger! 1147 00:45:42,370 --> 00:45:44,770 Do not be a gentleman, you go right for the fucking balls. 1148 00:45:44,870 --> 00:45:46,170 (WHIMPERING): I don't see its balls. 1149 00:45:46,270 --> 00:45:47,870 Do not fight the tiger! You will lose! 1150 00:45:47,970 --> 00:45:50,180 If that's a girl tiger, you got to cunt punt that bitch. 1151 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,440 - Dave, shut the fuck up. - Cunt punt that fucking bitch! 1152 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,180 Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea. 1153 00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,280 Please, please don't try to fight the tiger. 1154 00:45:56,380 --> 00:45:58,820 (SNARLING, GROWLING) 1155 00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:00,050 I'm gonna make a run for it. 1156 00:46:00,150 --> 00:46:01,150 LACEY: Do not run for it! 1157 00:46:01,220 --> 00:46:02,220 You will die. 1158 00:46:02,220 --> 00:46:03,460 It's coming. (SCREAMS) 1159 00:46:04,890 --> 00:46:06,360 You go, go, go, buddy! Go, buddy! 1160 00:46:06,460 --> 00:46:07,790 Look out, look out! It's coming after you! 1161 00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:08,930 It's coming after you! 1162 00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:10,830 (SCREAMING CONTINUES) 1163 00:46:10,930 --> 00:46:12,900 (TIGER GROANS) 1164 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:16,500 (PANTING) 1165 00:46:18,370 --> 00:46:19,970 (EXHALES) 1166 00:46:21,470 --> 00:46:23,480 - Oh, God, I'm alive. - Aaron! 1167 00:46:23,570 --> 00:46:25,480 - I'm alive. - (SIGHS) 1168 00:46:25,580 --> 00:46:26,820 Are you in the tiger, Aardvark? 1169 00:46:26,910 --> 00:46:28,080 Are you inside the tiger? 1170 00:46:28,180 --> 00:46:29,180 LACEY: Are you okay? 1171 00:46:29,180 --> 00:46:30,320 Do you have the package? 1172 00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:32,950 This is Aardvark. 1173 00:46:33,050 --> 00:46:35,010 I think the package just killed the fucking tiger. 1174 00:46:35,020 --> 00:46:37,960 Fantastic. You have to secure the package. 1175 00:46:38,060 --> 00:46:39,490 Secure the motherfucking package. 1176 00:46:39,590 --> 00:46:42,260 (AARON GRUNTING WITH EFFORT) 1177 00:46:45,530 --> 00:46:47,870 He's got the package. He has the package. 1178 00:46:47,970 --> 00:46:49,270 I got it; what do I do with it? 1179 00:46:49,370 --> 00:46:50,400 Aardvark, there are people coming. 1180 00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:51,940 You have to act now. 1181 00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:53,570 Secure the package, secure the package. 1182 00:46:53,670 --> 00:46:55,310 - What do I do with it? -They're coming right towards you. 1183 00:46:55,410 --> 00:46:56,510 They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it. 1184 00:46:56,610 --> 00:46:57,540 You got to hide that little missile. 1185 00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:58,910 I have to hide it somewhere? 1186 00:46:59,010 --> 00:46:59,980 Where the fuck do I hide it? 1187 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:01,410 (SIGHS) 1188 00:47:01,510 --> 00:47:04,850 What do I do with it? What do I do with it? 1189 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,420 What if you hide it in your butt? 1190 00:47:11,020 --> 00:47:13,530 I don't want to stick it in my ass. 1191 00:47:13,630 --> 00:47:15,290 You got to put it in your butt, Aardvark. 1192 00:47:15,390 --> 00:47:16,360 Comm One, please tell me I don't have 1193 00:47:16,460 --> 00:47:17,430 to stick this think in my ass. 1194 00:47:17,530 --> 00:47:18,960 Okay, you're right. Just give us 1195 00:47:19,060 --> 00:47:20,430 one second to come up with a better plan. 1196 00:47:20,530 --> 00:47:22,870 Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it? 1197 00:47:22,970 --> 00:47:24,870 I think he should put it in his asshole. 1198 00:47:24,970 --> 00:47:26,170 We don't have a better plan. You're going to have 1199 00:47:26,270 --> 00:47:27,310 to stick it in your ass. 1200 00:47:27,410 --> 00:47:29,270 No! No! 1201 00:47:29,370 --> 00:47:30,540 No! 1202 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,480 I've never done that. 1203 00:47:32,580 --> 00:47:34,080 I've been there before. It looks huge. 1204 00:47:34,180 --> 00:47:36,620 That tiger blood will lubricate it. 1205 00:47:36,710 --> 00:47:38,280 This will mess up my asshole! 1206 00:47:38,380 --> 00:47:40,420 Aardvark, there-there are people there. 1207 00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:41,990 They are closing in on you. 1208 00:47:42,090 --> 00:47:43,090 They have guns. 1209 00:47:43,190 --> 00:47:45,420 You need to secure the payload 1210 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:46,890 and you need to secure it in your ass. 1211 00:47:46,990 --> 00:47:47,890 DAVE: Just stick it in your butt. 1212 00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:49,290 Okay, fine, fine. 1213 00:47:49,390 --> 00:47:50,930 I'm there with you, bro. 1214 00:47:51,030 --> 00:47:52,970 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice. 1215 00:47:53,070 --> 00:47:54,070 Just breathe. 1216 00:47:54,170 --> 00:47:55,330 Oh, it's cold. 1217 00:47:55,430 --> 00:47:56,630 DAVE: Just let everything go loose. 1218 00:47:56,730 --> 00:47:57,570 Oh, I don't like it! 1219 00:47:57,670 --> 00:47:59,340 The tip is... 1220 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:00,940 it's the worst part. 1221 00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:02,310 Trust me on this. 1222 00:48:02,410 --> 00:48:03,570 - DAVE: Inhale as you do it. - (AARON SQUEALS) 1223 00:48:03,670 --> 00:48:06,410 (FEEDBACK SQUEALS) 1224 00:48:06,510 --> 00:48:08,110 The tip of the package is secure. 1225 00:48:08,210 --> 00:48:09,950 Comm One, that thing is in his butt. 1226 00:48:10,050 --> 00:48:12,050 Owie, owie. 1227 00:48:12,150 --> 00:48:14,190 You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark. 1228 00:48:14,290 --> 00:48:15,350 Just take it home. 1229 00:48:15,450 --> 00:48:18,320 (GROANS, GASPS) 1230 00:48:23,530 --> 00:48:25,200 The package is secure. 1231 00:48:25,300 --> 00:48:26,430 LACEY: You are a hero. 1232 00:48:26,530 --> 00:48:28,230 You are a goddamn hero. 1233 00:48:28,330 --> 00:48:29,370 - (MEN SHOUTING) -All right, they're coming, they're coming. 1234 00:48:29,470 --> 00:48:31,240 I got to go. Over and out. 1235 00:48:31,340 --> 00:48:33,040 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 1236 00:48:33,140 --> 00:48:34,510 Hi! Aah! Don't shoot me. 1237 00:48:34,610 --> 00:48:35,440 Oh, God! 1238 00:48:35,540 --> 00:48:38,140 (BARKING) 1239 00:48:38,240 --> 00:48:39,950 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 1240 00:48:42,450 --> 00:48:44,350 (SCREAMING) 1241 00:48:45,350 --> 00:48:47,150 Don't hurt me, please! 1242 00:48:48,250 --> 00:48:49,250 See? There's nothing in here. 1243 00:48:49,350 --> 00:48:50,350 There's nothing in here. 1244 00:48:50,390 --> 00:48:52,390 What? 1245 00:48:52,490 --> 00:48:53,690 Oh, God, no! 1246 00:48:53,790 --> 00:48:56,130 Ow! 1247 00:48:56,230 --> 00:48:57,300 Come on! 1248 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:58,500 What the fuck? 1249 00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:00,630 Why? Why'd you do that? 1250 00:49:00,730 --> 00:49:01,730 Why'd you do that?! 1251 00:49:01,770 --> 00:49:03,230 Is this what you want? 1252 00:49:03,340 --> 00:49:05,000 There! You like it?! 1253 00:49:05,100 --> 00:49:06,570 You like it?! 1254 00:49:06,670 --> 00:49:09,110 It's all yours, fuckers! 1255 00:49:09,210 --> 00:49:10,290 Stay in the room, American. 1256 00:49:10,380 --> 00:49:11,410 (SPEAKS KOREAN) 1257 00:49:13,010 --> 00:49:14,980 (DOG BARKS, GUARDS MUTTER IN KOREAN) 1258 00:49:18,720 --> 00:49:21,990 Hey, they're gone. Did they look in your butt? 1259 00:49:22,090 --> 00:49:24,120 - No, they didn't look in my butt. -It's still in there? 1260 00:49:24,220 --> 00:49:26,090 - Yes, it's in there. - Wow. Must be deep. 1261 00:49:26,190 --> 00:49:28,130 - It is. - Get it out. 1262 00:49:28,230 --> 00:49:29,590 I'm gonna fucking get it out. 1263 00:49:29,690 --> 00:49:31,430 I'm here to help. 1264 00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:51,120 - (TOILET FLUSHES) - Hey. 1265 00:49:51,220 --> 00:49:53,420 - How'd it go? -One ricin strip with your name on it. 1266 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:54,520 Got it. 1267 00:49:54,620 --> 00:49:56,750 All right. 1268 00:49:56,860 --> 00:49:58,120 See, not so bad. 1269 00:49:58,220 --> 00:49:59,690 Yeah, not so bad. 1270 00:49:59,790 --> 00:50:01,160 - What?! - Yeah. 1271 00:50:01,260 --> 00:50:02,290 - That? - This. 1272 00:50:02,390 --> 00:50:03,460 - In your bu...? - Asshole. 1273 00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,460 - No! - Yes. 1274 00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:06,460 I was picturing something, like, this big. 1275 00:50:06,570 --> 00:50:07,730 Yeah, that I could live with. 1276 00:50:07,730 --> 00:50:09,170 As soon as you get home, 1277 00:50:09,270 --> 00:50:10,230 you need to see a proctologist. 1278 00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:11,420 I'm afraid to fucking look. 1279 00:50:11,470 --> 00:50:13,340 You got fucked by RoboCop, dude. 1280 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,340 (KNOCKING) 1281 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,780 Uh, who is it? 1282 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,610 It is, uh, Kim Jong-un. 1283 00:50:19,710 --> 00:50:21,150 What? 1284 00:50:21,250 --> 00:50:24,320 Kim Jong-what? 1285 00:50:24,420 --> 00:50:27,150 I am the Supreme Leader of, uh, North Korea. 1286 00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:28,350 What? 1287 00:50:28,450 --> 00:50:29,650 What the fuck? 1288 00:50:29,750 --> 00:50:31,060 - It's him. - It's fucking him. 1289 00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,220 What is he doing here? What the fuck? 1290 00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:33,360 Hide it, hide it, hide it. 1291 00:50:33,420 --> 00:50:34,420 - Put it back up. - No. 1292 00:50:34,430 --> 00:50:35,510 I'm not putting it back up. 1293 00:50:35,590 --> 00:50:37,160 No, I'm gonna hide it in my room. 1294 00:50:37,260 --> 00:50:38,460 - Okay. What do I do with this? - Go say hi to him. 1295 00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:39,430 Do I put it on right now? 1296 00:50:39,530 --> 00:50:41,170 No, then he'll die when we're still here. 1297 00:50:41,270 --> 00:50:42,230 - (KNOCKING INSISTENTLY) - Put it in your pocket. 1298 00:50:42,330 --> 00:50:43,470 - Okay, fine. - Okay, fine. 1299 00:50:43,570 --> 00:50:45,270 - Come with me. - No, I got to hide this. 1300 00:50:45,370 --> 00:50:47,110 - Aaron, just come with me. - No, no... 1301 00:50:47,210 --> 00:50:49,240 Aaron, Aaron. 1302 00:50:56,510 --> 00:50:58,750 Hi. 1303 00:50:58,850 --> 00:51:01,120 Good morning, Dave. (LIGHT CHUCKLE) 1304 00:51:01,220 --> 00:51:02,520 Good morning. 1305 00:51:02,620 --> 00:51:04,360 Hi. 1306 00:51:04,460 --> 00:51:06,520 Dave Skylark, ah. 1307 00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:08,130 (CHUCKLES) It's crazy. 1308 00:51:08,230 --> 00:51:09,760 (LAUGHS) 1309 00:51:09,860 --> 00:51:11,300 Oh, I have a gift for you. 1310 00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:12,430 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 1311 00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,100 This. 1312 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,170 Oh, oh, this is me. 1313 00:51:17,270 --> 00:51:18,270 It's you. (CHUCKLES) 1314 00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:19,600 Oh, that's great. 1315 00:51:19,700 --> 00:51:22,240 I always wanted one of these... a bust. 1316 00:51:22,340 --> 00:51:23,670 Dave Skylark. 1317 00:51:23,780 --> 00:51:24,780 Hey! 1318 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:26,310 - Thank you. - You like that? 1319 00:51:26,410 --> 00:51:27,780 So you really like the show? 1320 00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:29,780 No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out. 1321 00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:31,150 You're like a superfan. 1322 00:51:31,250 --> 00:51:32,720 I really am. 1323 00:51:32,820 --> 00:51:34,120 Yeah. 1324 00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:35,690 That's so cool. 1325 00:51:35,790 --> 00:51:38,120 Don't say something stupid, Kim. 1326 00:51:38,220 --> 00:51:40,690 (SIGHS) Okay, so I, uh, 1327 00:51:40,790 --> 00:51:44,130 thought you might enjoy, uh, breakfast 1328 00:51:44,230 --> 00:51:45,730 and a tour of my home. 1329 00:51:45,830 --> 00:51:47,800 I'd absolutely love to. 1330 00:51:49,270 --> 00:51:52,370 You know, I have to admit, before I came here, 1331 00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:54,540 I thought this place was gonna be a dump. 1332 00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,210 KIM (WRY LAUGH): Of course. 1333 00:51:56,310 --> 00:51:58,580 For decades, you've heard the false rumors: 1334 00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:00,580 "North Korea is a failed state. 1335 00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,610 We can't feed our people." 1336 00:52:02,710 --> 00:52:04,450 - Yeah. - It's all propaganda. 1337 00:52:04,550 --> 00:52:06,420 I see. Well, yeah, I mean... 1338 00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:08,290 I did see a fat kid 1339 00:52:08,390 --> 00:52:10,320 and a really nice-looking grocery store. 1340 00:52:10,420 --> 00:52:13,460 Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea. 1341 00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,460 You know, one of my favorite things to do 1342 00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:17,760 is just strolling up and down the aisles 1343 00:52:17,860 --> 00:52:20,300 to see the-the beautiful fruits of my country's land. 1344 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:21,730 I can believe that. 1345 00:52:21,830 --> 00:52:24,340 It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often. 1346 00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:25,900 Screw you, Dave. 1347 00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,470 - Hey, you want to see something cool? -Yeah. 1348 00:52:28,570 --> 00:52:30,480 ♪ ♪ 1349 00:52:39,450 --> 00:52:41,550 Holy fuck-a-moley! 1350 00:52:41,650 --> 00:52:43,720 Is that real? 1351 00:52:43,820 --> 00:52:46,490 It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin. 1352 00:52:46,590 --> 00:52:50,330 In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone." 1353 00:52:50,430 --> 00:52:52,930 You're so funny, Dave. 1354 00:52:53,030 --> 00:52:54,400 Uh, right. 1355 00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:56,570 Well, can we look inside? 1356 00:52:56,670 --> 00:52:58,340 Fuck, yeah, we can. 1357 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,600 Come on. (CHUCKLES) 1358 00:53:00,710 --> 00:53:02,340 This is so cool. 1359 00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:04,410 - A tank! - Yeah, a tank. 1360 00:53:04,510 --> 00:53:05,410 Whoa. 1361 00:53:05,510 --> 00:53:06,780 Is it still live? 1362 00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,410 I don't know. 1363 00:53:08,510 --> 00:53:10,680 Maybe we should find out. 1364 00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:13,350 Look... you have a... sound system in here? 1365 00:53:13,450 --> 00:53:17,190 Oh, no, no, no. Don't... d-don't touch. 1366 00:53:17,290 --> 00:53:20,520 (POP SONG PLAYING) 1367 00:53:20,630 --> 00:53:22,490 - Katy Perry? - Oh... (CHUCKLES) 1368 00:53:22,590 --> 00:53:25,530 Oh, uh... no, my wife must have put that in there, 1369 00:53:25,630 --> 00:53:28,200 'cause I've never heard this before in my life. 1370 00:53:28,300 --> 00:53:29,530 I love Katy Perry! 1371 00:53:29,630 --> 00:53:33,370 ♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪ 1372 00:53:33,470 --> 00:53:36,510 ♪ Come on, show 'em what you're worth... ♪ 1373 00:53:36,610 --> 00:53:37,640 I love... I mean, I have this on... 1374 00:53:37,740 --> 00:53:38,640 I listen to this all the time. 1375 00:53:38,740 --> 00:53:41,380 - Really? - I love her! 1376 00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:42,910 You know why I really like her? 1377 00:53:43,010 --> 00:53:45,320 'Cause... because she has such a strong message 1378 00:53:45,420 --> 00:53:48,620 for young women and girls across the planet. 1379 00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,460 She's a... It's so empowering. 1380 00:53:50,550 --> 00:53:52,390 Yeah. 1381 00:53:52,490 --> 00:53:56,390 You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag. 1382 00:53:56,490 --> 00:53:58,830 Drifting through the wind? 1383 00:53:58,930 --> 00:54:01,470 Wanting to start again. 1384 00:54:01,570 --> 00:54:02,930 Oh. 1385 00:54:03,030 --> 00:54:04,940 ♪ As you shoot across the ♪ 1386 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:07,840 BOTH: ♪ Sky, sky, sky... ♪ 1387 00:54:07,940 --> 00:54:09,670 Oh, good times. 1388 00:54:09,770 --> 00:54:11,580 - Yeah. - Yeah. Uh, Dave? 1389 00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,450 Do you think that margaritas are gay 1390 00:54:14,550 --> 00:54:16,410 because they are so sweet? 1391 00:54:16,510 --> 00:54:18,750 Did someone tell you that? That margaritas are gay? 1392 00:54:18,850 --> 00:54:21,490 No, it's just a question I have. 1393 00:54:21,590 --> 00:54:24,660 If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay, 1394 00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:26,690 then who wants to be straight? 1395 00:54:26,790 --> 00:54:28,490 - Not me. - Boring! 1396 00:54:28,590 --> 00:54:30,430 Margaritas are great. 1397 00:54:30,530 --> 00:54:33,700 And whoever planted that in your head is crazy. 1398 00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:36,270 Let me ask you something. 1399 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,440 Does this thing still run? 1400 00:54:43,610 --> 00:54:45,840 ♪ ♪ 1401 00:54:58,390 --> 00:55:00,890 Oh, man, this is great, right? 1402 00:55:00,990 --> 00:55:02,690 Can we fire the gun? 1403 00:55:02,790 --> 00:55:05,300 You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way? 1404 00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:06,500 - Really? - Close that shit. 1405 00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,470 - Closing the hatch. - Okay. 1406 00:55:08,570 --> 00:55:10,400 Boom, boom, boom! 1407 00:55:10,500 --> 00:55:12,370 (DAVE AND KIM EXCLAIMING) 1408 00:55:14,470 --> 00:55:16,040 Oh, shit! 1409 00:55:16,140 --> 00:55:18,310 Fuck you, tree! 1410 00:55:19,540 --> 00:55:21,510 The control room will be fully staffed 1411 00:55:21,610 --> 00:55:23,650 to insure an uninterrupted transmission. 1412 00:55:23,750 --> 00:55:25,020 All right. 1413 00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,780 This is the kill switch. 1414 00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:29,950 During the interview, if any parameters are violated, 1415 00:55:30,050 --> 00:55:32,390 I will use it and cut the signal. 1416 00:55:32,490 --> 00:55:34,360 Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here. 1417 00:55:34,460 --> 00:55:37,360 I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission. 1418 00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:39,700 Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me 1419 00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,370 when it comes to how we actually shoot the show. 1420 00:55:42,470 --> 00:55:43,940 I know. I've watched every episode 1421 00:55:44,030 --> 00:55:45,900 in preparation for this interview. 1422 00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:47,000 Wow! 1423 00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:48,040 I particularly enjoyed 1424 00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,570 the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode. 1425 00:55:50,670 --> 00:55:52,780 Oh, the camel toe episode. That was good. 1426 00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,910 I've never heard this expression before. 1427 00:55:55,010 --> 00:55:56,920 But after seeing it, it is a perfect 1428 00:55:57,010 --> 00:55:59,580 representation of her vagina. 1429 00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:01,650 It is; it looked exactly like that, yeah. 1430 00:56:01,750 --> 00:56:03,520 - It's very deep. - Very deep. Yeah. 1431 00:56:03,620 --> 00:56:04,790 She has quite a hearty moose knuckle. 1432 00:56:04,890 --> 00:56:08,360 You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos. 1433 00:56:08,460 --> 00:56:10,700 - We do it very well. - Many animal references. 1434 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,800 Oh, yes, tons. 1435 00:56:18,940 --> 00:56:22,410 Please, take this printed copy of the questions. 1436 00:56:22,510 --> 00:56:24,610 It's crucial Dave review them before the interview. 1437 00:56:24,710 --> 00:56:26,480 Officers Koh and Yu will now take you 1438 00:56:26,580 --> 00:56:28,550 to your room, where you'll be served lunch. 1439 00:56:28,650 --> 00:56:29,950 Come, American. Time to get even fatter. 1440 00:56:30,050 --> 00:56:31,550 Oh, ha-ha. Great. 1441 00:56:31,650 --> 00:56:33,620 Thanks, guys. 1442 00:56:33,720 --> 00:56:35,020 ♪ ♪ 1443 00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,720 (EXCLAIMING, WHOOPING) 1444 00:56:38,820 --> 00:56:41,130 Making you my little Korean bitch! 1445 00:56:41,230 --> 00:56:42,830 What are you gonna do? 1446 00:56:42,930 --> 00:56:44,400 You gonna drop some nukes on L.A.? 1447 00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:45,730 - Nuke your mama. - I bet they can't even 1448 00:56:45,830 --> 00:56:47,470 make it to Australia! 1449 00:56:47,570 --> 00:56:49,600 (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 1450 00:56:49,700 --> 00:56:50,870 Face! 1451 00:56:53,170 --> 00:56:56,110 Man, this is so nice. 1452 00:56:56,210 --> 00:56:58,580 Let me ask you something. 1453 00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:00,410 Now, don't take this the wrong way. 1454 00:57:00,510 --> 00:57:02,410 You can ask me anything, Dave. 1455 00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:05,450 Do you pee and poo? 1456 00:57:05,550 --> 00:57:07,190 (LAUGHS) You've heard the stories, huh? 1457 00:57:08,190 --> 00:57:09,990 Yes, I pee and poo. 1458 00:57:10,090 --> 00:57:11,460 So you have a butthole. 1459 00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:12,620 I've got a butthole, 1460 00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:14,430 and it's working overtime. 1461 00:57:14,530 --> 00:57:15,860 You are awesome. 1462 00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:18,130 You know, this is so weird. 1463 00:57:18,230 --> 00:57:20,730 You are, like, the coolest guy. 1464 00:57:20,830 --> 00:57:22,170 But a lot of people 1465 00:57:22,270 --> 00:57:24,170 say that... 1466 00:57:24,270 --> 00:57:25,870 you're bat-shit crazy. 1467 00:57:25,970 --> 00:57:28,840 They're not wrong. 1468 00:57:30,170 --> 00:57:32,140 I'm 31 years old. 1469 00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:36,050 The fact that I am running a country is bat-shit crazy. 1470 00:57:36,150 --> 00:57:37,850 Hey, what am I to do 1471 00:57:37,950 --> 00:57:39,880 when 24 million people 1472 00:57:39,980 --> 00:57:43,760 look to me as their leader, their god? 1473 00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,460 What am I to do when my father's dying wish 1474 00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,160 was for me to carry his torch? 1475 00:57:50,260 --> 00:57:51,430 DAVE: Wow. 1476 00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:55,970 You want to know what my father said to me on his deathbed? 1477 00:57:56,070 --> 00:57:57,800 What did he say, Dave? 1478 00:57:57,900 --> 00:57:59,200 "I'm disappointed, 1479 00:57:59,300 --> 00:58:01,640 because you haven't done enough with your life." 1480 00:58:01,740 --> 00:58:04,070 That is fucked up. 1481 00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:05,710 Yeah, tell me about it. 1482 00:58:05,810 --> 00:58:06,980 Jordan! 1483 00:58:08,110 --> 00:58:10,220 Oh! 1484 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,780 - They call me incompetent. - That's exactly what they 1485 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,050 - said about me when I scored this interview. -No way. 1486 00:58:16,150 --> 00:58:19,490 They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent." 1487 00:58:19,590 --> 00:58:21,190 You're handsome, competent, suave. 1488 00:58:21,290 --> 00:58:22,830 How dare they! 1489 00:58:22,930 --> 00:58:27,130 I pretend like their insults don't get to me. 1490 00:58:27,230 --> 00:58:28,900 But they do. 1491 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:32,240 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb? 1492 00:58:32,340 --> 00:58:34,270 Words. 1493 00:58:34,370 --> 00:58:38,140 And the people are jealous of men like you and me. 1494 00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:42,610 It's as though they despise us because they are not us. 1495 00:58:44,820 --> 00:58:46,820 Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 1496 00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,820 (LAUGHS) Exactly. 1497 00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:50,760 They hate us because they ain't us. 1498 00:58:50,860 --> 00:58:52,220 (LAUGHS) 1499 00:58:53,490 --> 00:58:55,690 - That's a great saying, okay? - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 1500 00:58:55,790 --> 00:58:57,290 They hate us because they ain't us. 1501 00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:59,030 (DAVE LAUGHS) 1502 00:58:59,130 --> 00:59:00,830 Kim! You got it, boy! 1503 00:59:00,930 --> 00:59:02,570 Okay. Okay. Alley-oop! 1504 00:59:02,670 --> 00:59:03,900 Oh! 1505 00:59:05,130 --> 00:59:06,770 - (KIM GROANING) - That's all right. 1506 00:59:06,870 --> 00:59:09,270 - That's all right. - Oh, my ankles. 1507 00:59:09,370 --> 00:59:11,110 - Okay. - Hey, Kim. 1508 00:59:11,210 --> 00:59:12,710 (KIM PANTING) 1509 00:59:12,810 --> 00:59:15,050 Let me ask you something. 1510 00:59:18,150 --> 00:59:22,590 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay? 1511 00:59:22,690 --> 00:59:27,730 He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine. 1512 00:59:27,820 --> 00:59:32,130 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals. 1513 00:59:35,170 --> 00:59:38,170 I don't have to worry about that anymore. 1514 00:59:38,270 --> 00:59:41,740 Because guess what I get tons of. 1515 00:59:44,170 --> 00:59:45,780 (SINGSONGY): Pussy. 1516 00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:47,980 Oh, my God. 1517 00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:50,750 ♪ ♪ 1518 01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:06,800 (BOTH EXCLAIMING) 1519 01:00:21,310 --> 01:00:22,910 Hey. 1520 01:00:23,010 --> 01:00:24,780 Dude, you just spent the fucking day 1521 01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:25,980 with Kim Jong-un. What happened? 1522 01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:27,220 Ah... 1523 01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:28,850 It was amazing. 1524 01:00:28,950 --> 01:00:30,660 - "It was amazing"? - Yeah. 1525 01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:33,060 I think it was one of the best days of my life. 1526 01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:34,730 - What? - We smoked joints, 1527 01:00:34,830 --> 01:00:36,860 played basketball, 1528 01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:38,330 fucked chicks. 1529 01:00:38,430 --> 01:00:40,130 We had the best margaritas. 1530 01:00:40,230 --> 01:00:42,130 Did you say you fucked chicks? 1531 01:00:42,230 --> 01:00:43,330 Oh, my God. 1532 01:00:43,430 --> 01:00:46,740 Kim Jong is an animal. 1533 01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:48,970 You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right? 1534 01:00:49,070 --> 01:00:52,410 I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. 1535 01:00:52,510 --> 01:00:53,810 Okay. 1536 01:00:53,910 --> 01:00:55,850 America, you know, 1537 01:00:55,950 --> 01:01:00,650 always puttin' its nose in things and screwin' 'em up. 1538 01:01:00,750 --> 01:01:03,860 The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media. 1539 01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:05,960 - Yeah. - You're the media. 1540 01:01:06,060 --> 01:01:07,730 You get what's happening here? 1541 01:01:07,820 --> 01:01:09,730 Maybe the media's manipulating you. 1542 01:01:09,830 --> 01:01:11,400 "Maybe the media's manip..."? 1543 01:01:11,500 --> 01:01:13,400 What the fuck does that even mean? 1544 01:01:13,500 --> 01:01:16,100 I'm the only one who's spent real time with him, all right? 1545 01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,100 Spent face-to-face time. 1546 01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:19,440 Dick-to-dick. 1547 01:01:19,540 --> 01:01:22,240 It's just, man, I can sympathize 1548 01:01:22,340 --> 01:01:24,880 with people that get dumped on by the media... and it sucks. 1549 01:01:24,980 --> 01:01:27,050 Well, you know what else fuckin' sucks? 1550 01:01:27,150 --> 01:01:30,720 Concentration camps, famine, firing squads... 1551 01:01:30,820 --> 01:01:31,720 I didn't see any here. Have you? 1552 01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:32,820 No. 1553 01:01:34,180 --> 01:01:36,450 Your attendance is required in the banquet room 1554 01:01:36,550 --> 01:01:38,290 of the Eternal Leader. 1555 01:01:38,390 --> 01:01:39,990 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah, seriously. 1556 01:01:40,090 --> 01:01:42,260 You are looking fantastic. 1557 01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:44,260 Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being 1558 01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:46,430 is only making me more suspicious of you two. 1559 01:01:46,530 --> 01:01:48,100 - You don't have to be SUSPICIOUS. -DAVE: Oh, no, no. 1560 01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:49,870 I just want to know what your routine is, man. 1561 01:01:49,970 --> 01:01:51,870 You look fantastic. Do you take vitamins or...? 1562 01:01:51,970 --> 01:01:53,040 - You're doin' somethin' right. - Yeah, you look good. 1563 01:01:53,140 --> 01:01:54,420 Do not ask us any more question. 1564 01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:56,910 Meet us in the banquet hall. 1565 01:02:01,210 --> 01:02:02,880 ♪ ♪ 1566 01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,800 ♪ ♪ 1567 01:02:31,510 --> 01:02:35,450 You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies? 1568 01:02:35,550 --> 01:02:37,450 (DAVE LAUGHS) 1569 01:02:37,550 --> 01:02:39,150 I think it's funny. 1570 01:02:39,250 --> 01:02:40,990 DAVE: That is funny. 1571 01:02:41,090 --> 01:02:42,820 (LAUGHING) 1572 01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:44,090 (GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES) 1573 01:02:44,190 --> 01:02:45,960 (AARON SIGHS, KOH COUGHS) 1574 01:02:48,260 --> 01:02:50,160 Oh, no. 1575 01:02:50,260 --> 01:02:52,400 It's happening. 1576 01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,870 (QUIETLY): Dave. 1577 01:03:02,070 --> 01:03:03,370 (LOUDER): Dave. 1578 01:03:06,110 --> 01:03:07,110 No. 1579 01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:20,960 - Wait, what? - Look at the fu... 1580 01:03:21,060 --> 01:03:22,830 They're good. 1581 01:03:22,930 --> 01:03:24,900 (GASPING) 1582 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,800 (QUIETLY): Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 1583 01:03:28,900 --> 01:03:30,270 Caw, caw. 1584 01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:34,910 (GASPING) 1585 01:03:35,010 --> 01:03:37,210 (MOUTHING) 1586 01:03:39,010 --> 01:03:41,210 - What do we do? - He's gonna poo. 1587 01:03:42,650 --> 01:03:45,120 (GRUNTING) 1588 01:03:45,220 --> 01:03:46,380 (GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES) 1589 01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:47,990 (YU SPEAKS KOREAN) 1590 01:03:49,220 --> 01:03:50,860 (MUSIC STOPS) 1591 01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:52,320 (KOH GASPING, GRUNTING) 1592 01:03:54,460 --> 01:03:56,830 (COUGHING) 1593 01:03:56,930 --> 01:04:00,000 - Oh, no. Oh, no. - (FARTING) 1594 01:04:00,100 --> 01:04:01,900 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. 1595 01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:03,200 (YU SPEAKING KOREAN) 1596 01:04:06,170 --> 01:04:07,900 - It's happening. - (YU SPEAKING KOREAN) 1597 01:04:08,010 --> 01:04:09,010 (GUNSHOT) 1598 01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,940 (EVERYONE GASPING) 1599 01:04:14,180 --> 01:04:17,080 (KIM SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 1600 01:04:17,180 --> 01:04:18,420 (SHOUTING) 1601 01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:22,250 (SHOUTING, SOBBING) 1602 01:04:22,350 --> 01:04:24,620 So gross. 1603 01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:27,020 (CRYING, SHOUTING) 1604 01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:29,160 - (OTHERS CRYING) - DAVE: Oh, no, no, no. 1605 01:04:29,260 --> 01:04:32,030 - (KIM SHOUTING) - Oh, no! Oh, no! 1606 01:04:34,930 --> 01:04:36,600 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 1607 01:04:36,700 --> 01:04:38,270 (SOBBING) 1608 01:04:38,370 --> 01:04:42,040 - Oh, no. Oh, no. - (DAVE SOBBING) 1609 01:04:42,140 --> 01:04:45,510 (EVERYONE WAILING) 1610 01:04:51,710 --> 01:04:54,180 (GROWLS) It's okay, man. 1611 01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:55,450 No. 1612 01:04:55,550 --> 01:04:56,890 Come on, man. 1613 01:04:56,990 --> 01:04:59,320 We just killed two innocent men. 1614 01:04:59,420 --> 01:05:00,920 Look, Dave, first of all, 1615 01:05:01,030 --> 01:05:02,990 it's not your fault that those men died. 1616 01:05:03,090 --> 01:05:04,460 Second of all, they had to go. 1617 01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:05,900 They knew we were up to something. 1618 01:05:07,460 --> 01:05:10,200 - I'm out. - What? 1619 01:05:10,300 --> 01:05:12,220 - You cannot pull out of this. - I'm pulling out. 1620 01:05:12,300 --> 01:05:13,640 - You're way too deep to pull out. -I'm pullin' out. 1621 01:05:13,740 --> 01:05:15,070 No, you are not. You are leaving it in. 1622 01:05:15,170 --> 01:05:16,540 I been pullin' out for years, son. 1623 01:05:16,640 --> 01:05:19,010 You are not fucking pulling out of this mission. 1624 01:05:19,110 --> 01:05:20,280 That's the only reason we're here. 1625 01:05:20,380 --> 01:05:21,650 We are doing this! 1626 01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:23,010 Kim is not evil. 1627 01:05:23,110 --> 01:05:24,650 He was just born into a hard situation. 1628 01:05:24,750 --> 01:05:27,690 You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave. 1629 01:05:30,650 --> 01:05:33,120 - Mm! - Ugh! 1630 01:05:33,220 --> 01:05:35,090 - Who you calling ign'ant? - You, motherfucker. 1631 01:05:35,190 --> 01:05:37,530 You're fuckin' arrogant. 1632 01:05:37,630 --> 01:05:39,400 Everything he's shown you is fake. 1633 01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,500 He's shown you what you want to see. 1634 01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:43,100 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot! 1635 01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:46,370 God, look how ready you are to betray me. 1636 01:05:46,470 --> 01:05:50,110 This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. 1637 01:05:50,210 --> 01:05:52,510 But you're just Boromir. 1638 01:05:52,610 --> 01:05:54,040 I don't know who the fuck that is. 1639 01:05:54,150 --> 01:05:55,350 "I don't know who Boromir is." 1640 01:05:55,410 --> 01:05:56,510 That's such a Boromir thing to say. 1641 01:05:56,610 --> 01:05:57,980 This is fuckin' done. 1642 01:05:58,080 --> 01:05:59,520 You are fuckin' done after this. 1643 01:05:59,620 --> 01:06:01,990 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over. 1644 01:06:02,090 --> 01:06:03,550 But you are going to kill him! 1645 01:06:03,650 --> 01:06:05,420 You've just turned me into a gun, and you're pointing me 1646 01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:06,960 at the one guy who actually gets me. 1647 01:06:07,060 --> 01:06:09,260 Well, you know what, cowboy? 1648 01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:12,360 A gun can't fire without no bullets. 1649 01:06:12,460 --> 01:06:13,730 What the fuck are you doing?! 1650 01:06:13,830 --> 01:06:17,130 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yes, yes! Yes, yes! 1651 01:06:17,230 --> 01:06:19,170 (GRUNTING) 1652 01:06:19,270 --> 01:06:20,670 Do you realize what you just did? 1653 01:06:20,770 --> 01:06:22,090 I just saved a life, you murderer. 1654 01:06:22,170 --> 01:06:24,670 - You piece of fu... - Mr. Skylark. 1655 01:06:24,780 --> 01:06:26,610 The Supreme Leader requests your presence 1656 01:06:26,710 --> 01:06:28,270 at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner. 1657 01:06:28,310 --> 01:06:31,420 He will be at your door in 30 minutes. 1658 01:06:43,560 --> 01:06:45,400 Hey, Dave. 1659 01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:48,600 Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow. 1660 01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:50,430 (SIGHS) 1661 01:06:50,530 --> 01:06:54,410 That was super-gross and fucked-up. 1662 01:06:54,510 --> 01:06:56,040 AARON: Hi. 1663 01:06:56,140 --> 01:06:58,580 Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader. 1664 01:06:58,680 --> 01:06:59,780 I'm Aaron. 1665 01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:03,710 - Aaron? - Hello. 1666 01:07:03,810 --> 01:07:07,620 Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader. 1667 01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:10,650 I just wanted to shake your hand. 1668 01:07:10,750 --> 01:07:14,660 Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine. 1669 01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:21,730 (SLOW, DISTORTED): Uh-huh. 1670 01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:29,510 (SLOW, DISTORTED): No! 1671 01:07:29,610 --> 01:07:31,280 - Don't shake that hand. - Why not? 1672 01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:32,540 Yeah, why not?! 1673 01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:34,210 Because Aaron's a Jew. 1674 01:07:34,310 --> 01:07:37,110 - Oh, gross. - Let's go, Supreme Leader. 1675 01:07:37,210 --> 01:07:38,620 Okay. It was nice meeting you. 1676 01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:40,750 Don't you know Jews are bad luck? 1677 01:07:40,850 --> 01:07:43,290 (QUIETLY): Fuck you, fuck you! 1678 01:07:43,390 --> 01:07:44,790 Friends don't kill friends' friends. 1679 01:07:44,860 --> 01:07:46,390 (HISSING) 1680 01:07:46,490 --> 01:07:47,760 (PANTING) 1681 01:07:47,860 --> 01:07:50,160 Okay. Okay. 1682 01:07:50,260 --> 01:07:52,560 Oh, fuck. 1683 01:07:53,900 --> 01:07:56,700 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1684 01:07:58,470 --> 01:08:00,400 Mr. Rapoport, we need to review some new data 1685 01:08:00,500 --> 01:08:02,670 the Leader wants included in tomorrow's interview. 1686 01:08:02,770 --> 01:08:05,080 Now's not really the best time. 1687 01:08:05,180 --> 01:08:07,380 It will only take a moment. 1688 01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:09,780 Yeah, okay. 1689 01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:11,480 - Great. - Thank you. 1690 01:08:11,580 --> 01:08:13,650 SOOK: Would you like to share a drink? 1691 01:08:13,750 --> 01:08:16,250 (MEN SPEAKING KOREAN) 1692 01:08:16,350 --> 01:08:18,090 - (MEN SPEAKING KOREAN) - DAVE: Raise your glasses. 1693 01:08:18,190 --> 01:08:19,860 Koh and Yu! 1694 01:08:19,960 --> 01:08:24,600 Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have: 1695 01:08:24,690 --> 01:08:26,800 Loyalty. 1696 01:08:26,900 --> 01:08:28,430 DAVE: I know how you feel. My dog Digby died 1697 01:08:28,530 --> 01:08:31,400 when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it. 1698 01:08:34,540 --> 01:08:37,740 Loyalty is what made my father 1699 01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:39,810 and grandfather so successful. 1700 01:08:39,910 --> 01:08:42,450 That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You. 1701 01:08:42,550 --> 01:08:44,420 KIM: Without loyalty, 1702 01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,850 a country is a lawless jungle. 1703 01:08:46,950 --> 01:08:49,750 - (JONG SPEAKS KOREAN) - (MEN RESPOND IN KOREAN) 1704 01:08:49,850 --> 01:08:52,320 Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle. 1705 01:08:52,420 --> 01:08:54,890 On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n knees. 1706 01:08:54,990 --> 01:09:00,300 How else can I prevail against so many enemies? 1707 01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:02,200 Defectors. 1708 01:09:02,300 --> 01:09:04,140 South Korean capitalists. 1709 01:09:04,230 --> 01:09:06,470 The people in this room... 1710 01:09:06,570 --> 01:09:09,470 who don't think I can fill my father's shoes! 1711 01:09:09,570 --> 01:09:12,840 These bastards deserve no humanity! 1712 01:09:14,780 --> 01:09:17,920 To those who seek to undermine me, 1713 01:09:18,020 --> 01:09:20,180 at home and abroad, 1714 01:09:20,280 --> 01:09:23,220 I cannot respond with anything less 1715 01:09:23,320 --> 01:09:26,860 than the totality of my strength! 1716 01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:30,630 If a billion people across the Earth and in my own country 1717 01:09:30,730 --> 01:09:32,730 must be burned to prove it 1718 01:09:32,830 --> 01:09:36,330 then my worthiness as a Kim 1719 01:09:36,430 --> 01:09:38,800 will be demonstrated! 1720 01:09:48,610 --> 01:09:51,180 DAVE: Um... 1721 01:09:51,280 --> 01:09:54,280 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. 1722 01:09:54,390 --> 01:09:56,190 Is that okay? I'm just feelin'... 1723 01:09:56,290 --> 01:10:00,190 Too much, uh, s-s-soju, whatever. 1724 01:10:00,290 --> 01:10:02,790 Okay. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1725 01:10:02,890 --> 01:10:04,530 I'll be back. 1726 01:10:04,630 --> 01:10:07,970 So how'd you wind up as one of the heads 1727 01:10:08,060 --> 01:10:09,830 of a, uh, dictatorship? 1728 01:10:09,930 --> 01:10:11,500 Ah. 1729 01:10:11,600 --> 01:10:13,500 One day, party officials came to my classroom 1730 01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,410 in search of a young woman 1731 01:10:15,510 --> 01:10:17,780 to serve on the Kim family personal staff. 1732 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:20,580 They selected me. 1733 01:10:20,680 --> 01:10:22,310 Over the years, 1734 01:10:22,410 --> 01:10:24,380 I grew close with Kim Jong-un. 1735 01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:27,780 When he rose to power, he took me with him. 1736 01:10:29,450 --> 01:10:31,790 And here I am. 1737 01:10:31,890 --> 01:10:34,560 Kinda have a guy like that in my life, too. 1738 01:10:34,660 --> 01:10:37,660 You've been with Dave a long time. 1739 01:10:37,760 --> 01:10:39,460 He's a hard guy to leave. 1740 01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:41,480 You just like the money and can't say no to Dave. 1741 01:10:41,500 --> 01:10:43,530 No... (LAUGHS) 1742 01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:45,800 Yes! I know you. 1743 01:10:45,900 --> 01:10:47,840 You're fuckin' awesome. 1744 01:10:47,940 --> 01:10:50,540 - No, I don't understand you. - And it's a little bit weird. 1745 01:10:50,640 --> 01:10:52,840 I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country? 1746 01:10:52,940 --> 01:10:56,350 Is that too forward of me to ask? 1747 01:10:56,450 --> 01:10:59,450 What are you lookin' at? 1748 01:10:59,550 --> 01:11:02,650 - I should leave. - Why? 1749 01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:05,960 I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you 1750 01:11:06,060 --> 01:11:08,260 will cause me to make mistakes. 1751 01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:10,330 Your feelings of attraction for me? 1752 01:11:10,430 --> 01:11:12,860 Fuck this! 1753 01:11:12,960 --> 01:11:14,600 (MOANING PASSIONATELY) 1754 01:11:14,700 --> 01:11:16,300 Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop, 1755 01:11:16,370 --> 01:11:17,840 this is all I've been thinking about. 1756 01:11:17,930 --> 01:11:19,440 Me, too. 1757 01:11:19,540 --> 01:11:21,840 (GROANING, MOANING PASSIONATELY) 1758 01:11:23,410 --> 01:11:24,410 (DAVE SIGHS) 1759 01:11:24,510 --> 01:11:25,410 (WIND WHISTLING, DOG BARKING) 1760 01:11:25,510 --> 01:11:27,410 (CATS YOWLING) 1761 01:11:31,450 --> 01:11:34,450 ♪ ♪ 1762 01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:44,560 (WIND WHISTLING) 1763 01:12:20,730 --> 01:12:23,730 ♪ ♪ 1764 01:12:26,470 --> 01:12:27,640 (LIGHT CLACKING) 1765 01:12:39,550 --> 01:12:42,020 Fake. 1766 01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:44,490 Fake carrots. 1767 01:12:44,590 --> 01:12:45,760 Fake fruit! 1768 01:12:45,860 --> 01:12:46,920 Fake! 1769 01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:50,730 Fake! 1770 01:12:50,830 --> 01:12:53,500 Fake grapefruits! 1771 01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,500 Fake! 1772 01:12:56,530 --> 01:12:58,530 Liar! 1773 01:12:59,900 --> 01:13:02,910 You liar! 1774 01:13:03,010 --> 01:13:05,440 (YELLS) 1775 01:13:05,540 --> 01:13:07,440 (BOTH MOANING) 1776 01:13:09,910 --> 01:13:11,920 Why aren't I naked yet? 1777 01:13:12,020 --> 01:13:14,120 Uh... 1778 01:13:14,220 --> 01:13:16,050 (BOTH GRUNT) 1779 01:13:16,150 --> 01:13:17,650 - Aah! - Yeah. 1780 01:13:17,750 --> 01:13:20,120 You're hairy, you're so hairy like a bear! 1781 01:13:20,220 --> 01:13:22,160 You're fucking sexy, yeah. 1782 01:13:22,260 --> 01:13:24,130 Your nipples are so pink! 1783 01:13:24,230 --> 01:13:25,230 Yes, they are. 1784 01:13:25,230 --> 01:13:26,560 I love it! 1785 01:13:26,660 --> 01:13:27,760 (GROANING) 1786 01:13:27,860 --> 01:13:29,700 Okay, no, whoa, no! 1787 01:13:29,800 --> 01:13:31,570 - No hands. - No hands? 1788 01:13:31,670 --> 01:13:32,700 I'm not into handsy shit. 1789 01:13:32,800 --> 01:13:33,800 That's how I like it. 1790 01:13:33,870 --> 01:13:34,870 Well... 1791 01:13:35,810 --> 01:13:37,980 Just take it off. 1792 01:13:38,070 --> 01:13:39,810 Okay. 1793 01:13:39,910 --> 01:13:40,910 (BOTH GRUNT) 1794 01:13:40,910 --> 01:13:41,980 You said no hands! 1795 01:13:42,080 --> 01:13:43,150 You fucking hit me with your hand! 1796 01:13:43,250 --> 01:13:44,950 How do I get it off? 1797 01:13:45,050 --> 01:13:48,090 Use your big, fat American teeth. 1798 01:13:48,180 --> 01:13:50,020 Okay, I will! 1799 01:13:50,120 --> 01:13:51,560 This is awesome. 1800 01:13:51,650 --> 01:13:53,490 (AARON GROWLING, SOOK MOANING) 1801 01:13:53,590 --> 01:13:57,190 (LAUGHING) 1802 01:13:57,290 --> 01:13:59,200 Oh, this is hard. 1803 01:13:59,300 --> 01:14:02,970 (GROWLING) 1804 01:14:03,070 --> 01:14:04,070 (MUTTERING) 1805 01:14:04,070 --> 01:14:05,070 Shit... 1806 01:14:06,570 --> 01:14:08,570 Oh, shit, what's wrong? 1807 01:14:09,970 --> 01:14:13,880 The numbers I gave you on potato output... 1808 01:14:13,980 --> 01:14:16,010 are exaggerated. 1809 01:14:16,110 --> 01:14:17,650 That's okay with me. I don't really care about that. 1810 01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:18,870 If you want, you can give me 1811 01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:20,580 the real numbers, and we can get back 1812 01:14:20,680 --> 01:14:23,490 - to what we were doing. - No, it's not just the numbers. 1813 01:14:23,590 --> 01:14:25,490 I am a terrible person. 1814 01:14:25,590 --> 01:14:26,590 No, you're not. You're the best person. 1815 01:14:26,690 --> 01:14:28,050 You were about to have sex with me. 1816 01:14:28,090 --> 01:14:29,810 That's like the best thing someone could do. 1817 01:14:29,860 --> 01:14:33,600 I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship. 1818 01:14:33,700 --> 01:14:35,600 That's an area you could improve, 1819 01:14:35,700 --> 01:14:38,130 but, you know, you don't have to dwell on it or anything. 1820 01:14:38,230 --> 01:14:42,170 He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him. 1821 01:14:42,270 --> 01:14:43,840 You knew this this whole time. 1822 01:14:43,940 --> 01:14:45,940 Why is this just bothering you now? 1823 01:14:46,040 --> 01:14:47,940 It's been bothering me for a long time, 1824 01:14:48,050 --> 01:14:50,910 and I'm not the only one, 1825 01:14:51,010 --> 01:14:54,920 but too many people see him as a god. 1826 01:14:55,020 --> 01:14:57,820 How do you prove to 24 million people 1827 01:14:57,920 --> 01:15:01,630 that their god is a murderer and a liar? 1828 01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:03,720 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - DAVE: Aaron, I need to talk. 1829 01:15:03,730 --> 01:15:05,030 (WHISPERING): Fuck, it's Dave... shit. 1830 01:15:05,130 --> 01:15:06,160 (KNOCKING) 1831 01:15:06,260 --> 01:15:07,860 You, you hide in there, I'll be back. 1832 01:15:07,970 --> 01:15:10,070 - I'll go deal with him. - Okay, go, go, go... 1833 01:15:10,170 --> 01:15:11,770 Oh, shit. 1834 01:15:11,870 --> 01:15:14,570 - Aaron, are you here? - Yeah, one sec, uh, one sec. 1835 01:15:14,670 --> 01:15:17,510 - One sec... don't come in, don't come in! -I need to talk. 1836 01:15:17,610 --> 01:15:19,180 Hey, how's it going, dude? 1837 01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:20,810 - Not good. - Uh, maybe now's 1838 01:15:20,910 --> 01:15:22,110 not a good time, maybe we should take a walk. 1839 01:15:22,210 --> 01:15:24,650 No, no, no, no, I can't walk this off. 1840 01:15:24,750 --> 01:15:25,820 I cannot walk this off. 1841 01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:27,120 I need to... 1842 01:15:27,220 --> 01:15:28,590 (GROANS) 1843 01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:29,850 I'm so fucking pissed. 1844 01:15:29,950 --> 01:15:31,110 I just want to hit something! 1845 01:15:31,150 --> 01:15:32,150 No, no! 1846 01:15:32,190 --> 01:15:33,290 No, don't punch anything! 1847 01:15:33,390 --> 01:15:34,990 (GRUNTING) 1848 01:15:35,820 --> 01:15:36,830 Breathe. 1849 01:15:36,930 --> 01:15:38,730 Just breathe, maybe pace it out. 1850 01:15:38,830 --> 01:15:40,660 Fuck, man. 1851 01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:42,000 Kim. 1852 01:15:42,100 --> 01:15:43,830 - Wha-What about him? - He's going crazy. 1853 01:15:43,930 --> 01:15:45,200 He said he's going to blow up the world 1854 01:15:45,300 --> 01:15:46,970 just to show that he's the shit. 1855 01:15:47,070 --> 01:15:48,710 And at first, I thought, 1856 01:15:48,810 --> 01:15:50,940 "All right, maybe he's just talking, you know, 1857 01:15:51,040 --> 01:15:53,680 maybe he doesn't mean it." 1858 01:15:53,780 --> 01:15:56,850 Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit. 1859 01:15:56,950 --> 01:15:57,980 What? 1860 01:15:58,950 --> 01:16:00,680 All the food in that grocery store is fake! 1861 01:16:00,780 --> 01:16:02,090 He fucking lied to me. 1862 01:16:02,180 --> 01:16:04,820 Maybe that, maybe that fat kid isn't fat. 1863 01:16:04,920 --> 01:16:08,830 I mean, oh, what about the concentration camps? 1864 01:16:08,930 --> 01:16:09,960 And the famine... maybe that's real. 1865 01:16:10,060 --> 01:16:12,030 God! 1866 01:16:12,130 --> 01:16:14,730 It is... I've been telling you that for weeks now. 1867 01:16:14,830 --> 01:16:15,970 He fucking honeydicked me. 1868 01:16:16,070 --> 01:16:18,100 He honeydicked the shit out of me. 1869 01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:20,240 - Sucks. - You still got that poison? 1870 01:16:23,340 --> 01:16:25,840 You can't speak? What the fuck? 1871 01:16:25,940 --> 01:16:27,740 I want to know if you have the fucking poison 1872 01:16:27,840 --> 01:16:30,250 - so we can kill that motherfucker. -What?! 1873 01:16:30,350 --> 01:16:31,920 Whoa, ho, spy! What the hell?! 1874 01:16:32,020 --> 01:16:33,780 - She's on our side! - Fuck's going on here?! 1875 01:16:33,820 --> 01:16:35,250 - You can trust me, I'm okay. - You can trust her, man! 1876 01:16:35,350 --> 01:16:37,750 Trust her?! Are you joking?! We got to kill her. 1877 01:16:37,850 --> 01:16:39,890 - Oh, my God, what are you doing? - Dude, I was in bed with her! 1878 01:16:39,990 --> 01:16:41,120 - What?! - We're hooking up. 1879 01:16:41,220 --> 01:16:42,630 - That's why she's here. - What?! 1880 01:16:42,730 --> 01:16:44,060 Let him go; everything is fine. 1881 01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:45,260 Now we got to kill the girl that you like. 1882 01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:46,800 This is the worst moment ever! 1883 01:16:46,900 --> 01:16:48,360 We're not killing her! 1884 01:16:48,470 --> 01:16:49,900 (BOTH GRUNT) 1885 01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:51,340 - DAVE: She's loyal to Kim. - No! 1886 01:16:51,430 --> 01:16:54,600 Dude, she was just telling me she's with us. 1887 01:16:54,710 --> 01:16:55,740 I hate Kim. 1888 01:16:55,840 --> 01:16:57,810 He is a terrible leader. 1889 01:16:57,910 --> 01:16:59,080 - See? - Okay. 1890 01:16:59,180 --> 01:17:00,810 She can help us kill him. 1891 01:17:00,910 --> 01:17:02,680 What? No, no, no killing. 1892 01:17:02,780 --> 01:17:03,780 Kim must die. 1893 01:17:03,780 --> 01:17:05,180 That's the American way. 1894 01:17:05,280 --> 01:17:08,190 How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake? 1895 01:17:08,280 --> 01:17:09,820 As many times as it takes. 1896 01:17:09,920 --> 01:17:11,390 Killing Kim won't change anything. 1897 01:17:11,490 --> 01:17:12,760 You said it yourself. 1898 01:17:12,860 --> 01:17:14,390 We got to do something, right? 1899 01:17:14,490 --> 01:17:15,930 He will be replaced. 1900 01:17:16,030 --> 01:17:17,160 He has brothers, he has other generals. 1901 01:17:17,260 --> 01:17:18,360 The people need 1902 01:17:18,460 --> 01:17:21,160 to be shown that he is not a god, 1903 01:17:21,260 --> 01:17:22,770 that he is a man. 1904 01:17:22,870 --> 01:17:24,770 Then they will be ready for change. 1905 01:17:24,870 --> 01:17:26,940 Yeah, how? 1906 01:17:27,040 --> 01:17:29,170 Interviewing him. 1907 01:17:29,270 --> 01:17:32,040 Everyone in North Korea will be watching. 1908 01:17:32,140 --> 01:17:33,940 No... the interview's scripted. 1909 01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:37,250 His people are never going to let me ask real questions. 1910 01:17:37,350 --> 01:17:39,650 Dave, I am his people. 1911 01:17:39,750 --> 01:17:40,790 She controls the broadcast. 1912 01:17:40,820 --> 01:17:43,020 I can't do political interviews. 1913 01:17:43,120 --> 01:17:44,920 I do entertainment interviews. 1914 01:17:45,020 --> 01:17:47,420 Dude, you can fucking do this. 1915 01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:49,520 - Yeah? -Yeah, you don't interview with your brain. 1916 01:17:49,530 --> 01:17:51,060 You interview with your heart. 1917 01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:53,430 - True. - Your emotion, Dave. 1918 01:17:53,530 --> 01:17:56,430 You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby 1919 01:17:56,530 --> 01:17:59,200 in front of all of North Korea? 1920 01:17:59,300 --> 01:18:00,940 They'll know he's not a god. 1921 01:18:01,040 --> 01:18:04,980 - I think I can do this. - You can do it. 1922 01:18:05,070 --> 01:18:08,350 I'm Dave Skylark and I can interview anyone. 1923 01:18:08,440 --> 01:18:09,810 Yeah, you can. 1924 01:18:09,910 --> 01:18:12,280 Let's take this motherfucker down! 1925 01:18:12,380 --> 01:18:15,280 ♪ ♪ 1926 01:18:26,160 --> 01:18:28,230 - Oh, God, oh, God! - Oh, ah! 1927 01:18:28,330 --> 01:18:30,170 - You got a lot of pent-up energy! -(SCREAMING) 1928 01:18:30,270 --> 01:18:31,270 Oh, God! 1929 01:18:33,470 --> 01:18:35,710 Okay, everything's ready. 1930 01:18:35,810 --> 01:18:36,840 Uh, you ready to rock? 1931 01:18:36,940 --> 01:18:37,970 Y-You memorize all those facts? 1932 01:18:38,070 --> 01:18:39,070 I'm ready, baby. 1933 01:18:39,070 --> 01:18:40,140 Great. 1934 01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:41,760 How many people in concentration camps? 1935 01:18:41,850 --> 01:18:42,850 200,000. 1936 01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:43,850 How many people malnourished? 1937 01:18:43,950 --> 01:18:45,050 16 million. 1938 01:18:45,150 --> 01:18:47,050 They spent $800 million on nukes last year 1939 01:18:47,150 --> 01:18:50,420 and got $200 million in food aid from the UN. 1940 01:18:50,520 --> 01:18:52,790 And I got more where that came from, baby. 1941 01:18:52,890 --> 01:18:55,260 Really good... you're going to nail this shit. 1942 01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:57,130 - I just wish we had a fucking escape plan. -Why don't we go 1943 01:18:57,230 --> 01:18:59,350 - to Japan? -Well, 'cause it's across the Sea of Japan. 1944 01:18:59,360 --> 01:19:01,030 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that. 1945 01:19:01,130 --> 01:19:02,900 - Oh, I'm a good swimmer. - It's really, really far. 1946 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:04,400 - People have done it. - Nope. 1947 01:19:04,500 --> 01:19:06,300 - Yep, Michael Phelps did it. - That's not true. 1948 01:19:06,300 --> 01:19:07,340 - (KNOCKING) - Okay. -Okay. 1949 01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:09,280 MAN: Skylark, two-minute warning. 1950 01:19:09,370 --> 01:19:10,770 Just keep me on the air as long as you can. 1951 01:19:10,870 --> 01:19:11,910 I will, man. 1952 01:19:12,010 --> 01:19:13,780 Maybe we won't get out of here. 1953 01:19:13,880 --> 01:19:15,210 No, we might die. 1954 01:19:15,310 --> 01:19:17,780 I've had a great life. 1955 01:19:17,880 --> 01:19:19,150 I had the best best friend. 1956 01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:21,890 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres. 1957 01:19:21,980 --> 01:19:23,420 And now it's time 1958 01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:25,760 for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet. 1959 01:19:27,020 --> 01:19:29,760 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all. 1960 01:19:31,230 --> 01:19:35,170 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, 1961 01:19:35,270 --> 01:19:38,170 they knew that this might be 1962 01:19:38,270 --> 01:19:40,340 the end of the long road, 1963 01:19:40,440 --> 01:19:42,440 but they also knew 1964 01:19:42,540 --> 01:19:45,240 how much they meant to each other, and even though 1965 01:19:45,340 --> 01:19:48,910 neither one could say it out loud, 1966 01:19:49,010 --> 01:19:51,480 they were both thinking... 1967 01:19:51,580 --> 01:19:54,120 BOTH (WHISPERING): I love you. 1968 01:19:55,950 --> 01:19:58,050 Okay, man, you got this. 1969 01:19:58,150 --> 01:19:59,150 Okay. 1970 01:20:02,390 --> 01:20:04,390 Showtime. 1971 01:20:04,490 --> 01:20:07,060 ♪ ♪ 1972 01:20:30,490 --> 01:20:33,360 ♪ ♪ 1973 01:20:55,610 --> 01:20:58,220 ♪ ♪ 1974 01:21:02,020 --> 01:21:04,050 Dave. 1975 01:21:04,150 --> 01:21:05,390 Kim. 1976 01:21:05,490 --> 01:21:06,620 (CHUCKLES) 1977 01:21:07,990 --> 01:21:09,430 Are you ready to share with the world 1978 01:21:09,530 --> 01:21:11,390 that gorgeous smile of yours? 1979 01:21:11,490 --> 01:21:14,460 Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see. 1980 01:21:14,560 --> 01:21:16,070 (KIM CHUCKLING) 1981 01:21:16,170 --> 01:21:17,400 I have something for you. 1982 01:21:17,500 --> 01:21:19,140 What?! 1983 01:21:21,670 --> 01:21:22,870 What's this? 1984 01:21:22,970 --> 01:21:24,210 Open. 1985 01:21:27,280 --> 01:21:29,350 (GASPS) 1986 01:21:30,580 --> 01:21:32,650 Aw... aw! 1987 01:21:32,750 --> 01:21:34,280 - (PUPPY WHIMPERS) - For me? 1988 01:21:34,380 --> 01:21:36,290 For you. 1989 01:21:36,390 --> 01:21:39,090 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...! 1990 01:21:39,190 --> 01:21:41,890 Oh, he's just like Digby. 1991 01:21:41,990 --> 01:21:43,090 Just like Digby. 1992 01:21:43,190 --> 01:21:44,430 I think I'm gonna die. 1993 01:21:44,530 --> 01:21:46,360 - Oh, my God... - Don't die, please. 1994 01:21:46,460 --> 01:21:48,430 Not till after the interview. (LAUGHING) 1995 01:21:48,530 --> 01:21:51,100 This dog is killing me with cuteness. 1996 01:21:51,200 --> 01:21:53,100 - He's crazy cute. - Can I keep it? 1997 01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:55,570 Take him home, forever and ever. 1998 01:21:55,670 --> 01:21:57,910 (SIGHS HAPPILY) Why? 1999 01:21:58,010 --> 01:22:02,610 I live a lonely life, Dave... 2000 01:22:02,710 --> 01:22:05,250 and it warms my heart to know 2001 01:22:05,350 --> 01:22:07,180 that there is someone in this world 2002 01:22:07,280 --> 01:22:10,390 with whom I can truly be myself. 2003 01:22:10,490 --> 01:22:13,390 Whatever they say about you... 2004 01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:16,530 they're wrong. 2005 01:22:16,630 --> 01:22:18,360 (QUIET LAUGH) 2006 01:22:18,460 --> 01:22:21,200 I'm just me and I do my best. 2007 01:22:21,300 --> 01:22:22,400 You're my brother. 2008 01:22:22,500 --> 01:22:24,070 (KIM CHUCKLES, PUPPY WHIMPERS) 2009 01:22:24,170 --> 01:22:25,500 KIM: You're my brother. 2010 01:22:27,500 --> 01:22:29,340 Let's get this out of the way, okay? 2011 01:22:29,440 --> 01:22:31,110 - Okay. - (CHUCKLING): Okay. 2012 01:22:31,210 --> 01:22:33,640 DAVE: And what are we gonna name you, huh? 2013 01:22:33,740 --> 01:22:35,540 You need a name? Yes, you do. 2014 01:22:35,640 --> 01:22:37,410 (SMOOCHING LIGHTLY) 2015 01:22:37,510 --> 01:22:41,480 (DAVE CONTINUES SMOOCHING, PUPPY YELPS) 2016 01:22:41,580 --> 01:22:43,720 Look, look. He looks just like Digby. 2017 01:22:43,820 --> 01:22:45,290 (DAVE LAUGHING) 2018 01:22:45,390 --> 01:22:47,360 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 2019 01:22:47,460 --> 01:22:49,630 (IN BABY TALK): We see you in a minute. Bye-bye. 2020 01:22:51,430 --> 01:22:52,530 - Okay... - KIM: Okay. 2021 01:22:52,630 --> 01:22:54,360 - Shall we begin? - Are you ready? 2022 01:22:54,460 --> 01:22:55,670 Shut the fuck up. 2023 01:22:55,770 --> 01:22:56,670 Guys, it's starting! It's starting. 2024 01:22:56,770 --> 01:22:58,370 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2025 01:22:58,470 --> 01:23:01,340 AARON (OVER INTERCOM): And we're on in five... 2026 01:23:01,440 --> 01:23:03,310 four, three... 2027 01:23:06,340 --> 01:23:08,010 Good evening. 2028 01:23:08,110 --> 01:23:09,680 And good morning to our viewers around the world. 2029 01:23:09,780 --> 01:23:11,510 I'm Dave Skylark. 2030 01:23:11,610 --> 01:23:15,520 Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history. 2031 01:23:15,620 --> 01:23:17,290 I'm with President Kim Jong-un 2032 01:23:17,390 --> 01:23:20,260 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 2033 01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:22,190 (OVER TV): We are broadcasting 2034 01:23:22,290 --> 01:23:24,360 from a station outside of Pyongyang 2035 01:23:24,460 --> 01:23:26,200 for this very special edition of: 2036 01:23:26,300 --> 01:23:28,060 "Skylark Tonight." 2037 01:23:28,160 --> 01:23:29,400 (KIM CHUCKLES) 2038 01:23:29,500 --> 01:23:31,600 (DAVE SIGHS) Thank you for joining me, 2039 01:23:31,700 --> 01:23:33,300 President Kim Jong-un. 2040 01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:35,070 It is my pleasure, Dave. 2041 01:23:35,170 --> 01:23:37,670 You know, there is so much misunderstanding 2042 01:23:37,770 --> 01:23:39,410 about North Korea 2043 01:23:39,510 --> 01:23:41,380 and, uh, me personally. 2044 01:23:41,480 --> 01:23:43,410 - Mm-hmm. - And I can't think of a man 2045 01:23:43,510 --> 01:23:45,680 with greater intelligence than you. 2046 01:23:45,780 --> 01:23:47,220 I am grateful 2047 01:23:47,320 --> 01:23:49,750 for this opportunity for my government 2048 01:23:49,850 --> 01:23:52,150 and for the international community 2049 01:23:52,260 --> 01:23:55,790 to forge a better relationship. 2050 01:23:55,890 --> 01:23:57,560 So you want to set the record straight. 2051 01:23:57,660 --> 01:23:59,030 Indeed, Dave. 2052 01:23:59,130 --> 01:24:00,560 AARON (QUIETLY): Camera three. 2053 01:24:00,660 --> 01:24:02,100 DAVE: Tensions between your nation 2054 01:24:02,200 --> 01:24:05,340 and South Korea are at an all-time high. 2055 01:24:05,430 --> 01:24:08,500 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict. 2056 01:24:08,600 --> 01:24:11,170 So, what I want to know is: 2057 01:24:11,270 --> 01:24:13,710 In these times of great stress, 2058 01:24:13,810 --> 01:24:15,580 do you do karaoke? 2059 01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:17,350 Yes, I do, Dave. 2060 01:24:17,450 --> 01:24:21,050 I believe that it is important for those in power 2061 01:24:21,150 --> 01:24:23,520 to remain in touch with the beauty in life. 2062 01:24:23,620 --> 01:24:26,660 You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you? 2063 01:24:26,760 --> 01:24:28,320 KIM: Well, how can I not be? 2064 01:24:28,420 --> 01:24:29,820 He's reading the scripted questions. 2065 01:24:29,830 --> 01:24:31,660 AARON: He lulls them and then he gets them. 2066 01:24:31,760 --> 01:24:33,260 It's his technique. 2067 01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:34,660 The beauty guides you. 2068 01:24:34,760 --> 01:24:36,230 It guides my hand. 2069 01:24:36,330 --> 01:24:38,770 This is fuckin' bullshit. 2070 01:24:38,870 --> 01:24:40,440 Let's take it to a serious tip. 2071 01:24:40,540 --> 01:24:42,270 Supreme Leader Kim, when... 2072 01:24:42,370 --> 01:24:44,140 the United States, 2073 01:24:44,240 --> 01:24:47,280 which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons, 2074 01:24:47,380 --> 01:24:52,450 insists that countries like yours have none, 2075 01:24:52,550 --> 01:24:55,480 does that feel hypocritical to you? 2076 01:24:55,590 --> 01:24:57,850 Many Americans do not realize 2077 01:24:57,950 --> 01:25:00,160 that the war in North Korea 2078 01:25:00,260 --> 01:25:02,860 was entirely the fault of the United States. 2079 01:25:02,960 --> 01:25:05,690 Damn! Kim's callin' us out! 2080 01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:07,720 - You really are still hopeful? - No, no, I'm not 2081 01:25:07,760 --> 01:25:10,170 hopeful at all. He's totally bailed on the plan. 2082 01:25:10,270 --> 01:25:12,300 America, what you done to these Koreans? 2083 01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:14,400 This is a little embarrassing. 2084 01:25:14,500 --> 01:25:17,240 So when you think of all that your country has been through... 2085 01:25:17,340 --> 01:25:20,140 The wars, the floods... 2086 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:22,680 do you think that your people should be rewarded 2087 01:25:22,780 --> 01:25:25,780 for their resilience and strength? 2088 01:25:25,880 --> 01:25:28,450 Of course, Dave. 2089 01:25:31,720 --> 01:25:33,560 Then why don't you feed them? 2090 01:25:36,790 --> 01:25:38,430 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 2091 01:25:38,530 --> 01:25:39,730 - (MURMURING) - Hmm.. -Mm... 2092 01:25:41,430 --> 01:25:45,200 KIM (OVER MONITOR): Uh... I... 2093 01:25:45,300 --> 01:25:47,200 AARON: Camera two. 2094 01:25:49,210 --> 01:25:50,910 I... beg your pardon? 2095 01:25:51,010 --> 01:25:53,280 Why don't you feed your people? 2096 01:25:53,380 --> 01:25:54,480 They are hungry. 2097 01:25:54,580 --> 01:25:56,550 Specifically, two-thirds of them? 2098 01:25:56,650 --> 01:25:58,920 Isn't that a little embarrassing, since you're 2099 01:25:59,020 --> 01:26:01,280 the one they view as a provider and a god? 2100 01:26:01,380 --> 01:26:04,350 And you spend $800 million on nukes every year? 2101 01:26:04,450 --> 01:26:05,920 And you have 16 million people 2102 01:26:06,020 --> 01:26:07,520 who are starving? 2103 01:26:13,530 --> 01:26:16,430 Are you sure you don't, uh... 2104 01:26:16,530 --> 01:26:19,170 mean to ask me about potato yields? 2105 01:26:19,270 --> 01:26:20,500 No, I want to know 2106 01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:22,170 about that other thing I just asked. 2107 01:26:22,270 --> 01:26:23,470 KIM: Okay, uh, well, uh... 2108 01:26:23,570 --> 01:26:26,310 Dave, as you have seen for yourself 2109 01:26:26,410 --> 01:26:29,180 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea. 2110 01:26:29,280 --> 01:26:31,210 DAVE: What I saw for myself 2111 01:26:31,310 --> 01:26:34,580 was a fake grocery store 2112 01:26:34,680 --> 01:26:36,890 with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it. 2113 01:26:40,560 --> 01:26:42,790 KIM: Okay, uh, this is, uh... 2114 01:26:42,890 --> 01:26:44,730 an offensive line of questioning. 2115 01:26:44,830 --> 01:26:47,260 I don't think it's offensive. I think it's super important. 2116 01:26:47,360 --> 01:26:48,500 Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions, 2117 01:26:48,600 --> 01:26:49,670 you can just get up and walk away. 2118 01:26:49,770 --> 01:26:51,730 I can't keep you from retreating. 2119 01:26:51,830 --> 01:26:53,500 - He's gonna go for the button. - He's not. He's sitting there. 2120 01:26:53,600 --> 01:26:55,470 - He's not moving. - He's going for the button. 2121 01:26:55,570 --> 01:26:57,610 He's going for the button, he's going for the button... 2122 01:26:57,710 --> 01:26:58,610 He's not. Oh, shit. He's making a move! 2123 01:26:58,710 --> 01:27:00,880 Don't move, homie! 2124 01:27:00,980 --> 01:27:02,780 Get your hand away from there! Get over there! 2125 01:27:02,780 --> 01:27:03,780 Over there! 2126 01:27:03,780 --> 01:27:04,880 Get over there! 2127 01:27:06,610 --> 01:27:07,650 I will cap you! 2128 01:27:07,750 --> 01:27:08,950 I'm exploding with energy. 2129 01:27:09,050 --> 01:27:10,590 I can't believe this is happening. 2130 01:27:10,690 --> 01:27:12,890 I feel so alive right now. This is so real. 2131 01:27:12,990 --> 01:27:15,420 He's got him. Nice! 2132 01:27:15,520 --> 01:27:16,840 - Dave! Dave... - I know you, Kim. 2133 01:27:24,800 --> 01:27:26,300 Dave... 2134 01:27:26,400 --> 01:27:28,440 perhaps the question you should ask is: 2135 01:27:28,540 --> 01:27:32,240 How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished 2136 01:27:32,340 --> 01:27:35,310 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions 2137 01:27:35,410 --> 01:27:39,380 imposed on North Korea by the United States? 2138 01:27:39,480 --> 01:27:41,950 Sanctions? Uh... 2139 01:27:42,050 --> 01:27:43,790 Don't you know that the United States 2140 01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,960 has more incarcerated people per capita than North Korea? 2141 01:27:47,060 --> 01:27:48,920 - No. But... - So, perhaps, now, 2142 01:27:49,020 --> 01:27:50,730 you would like to return 2143 01:27:50,830 --> 01:27:54,330 to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon. 2144 01:27:54,430 --> 01:27:56,470 DAVE (OVER TV): Uh... 2145 01:27:56,570 --> 01:27:58,400 - No! - (GROANING, GRUNTING) 2146 01:28:02,670 --> 01:28:04,610 AARON: Oh, shit! Go to camera one! 2147 01:28:08,880 --> 01:28:10,850 Camera three! Camera three! 2148 01:28:15,820 --> 01:28:17,890 Do not move, homie! 2149 01:28:17,990 --> 01:28:20,360 - (CRUNCHING, CRACKING) - (SCREAMING) 2150 01:28:22,460 --> 01:28:26,360 (ALL SCREAMING) 2151 01:28:26,460 --> 01:28:28,860 Give me something! Give me fucking something! 2152 01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:30,770 Okay... 2153 01:28:30,870 --> 01:28:32,700 Why?! 2154 01:28:32,800 --> 01:28:34,900 Fuck! Shit, that hurts! 2155 01:28:35,000 --> 01:28:37,510 We don't have concentration camps, Dave. 2156 01:28:37,610 --> 01:28:39,840 Have you seen one person mistreated 2157 01:28:39,940 --> 01:28:41,980 since your arrival here? 2158 01:28:45,610 --> 01:28:47,480 Oh, shit! Someone's coming. 2159 01:28:47,580 --> 01:28:48,750 Someone's coming. 2160 01:28:50,150 --> 01:28:52,390 - (ALARM BLARES) - (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2161 01:29:02,630 --> 01:29:04,370 AARON: Oh, fuck! Fuck! 2162 01:29:04,470 --> 01:29:07,370 Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo 2163 01:29:07,470 --> 01:29:08,600 of widespread hunger... 2164 01:29:08,700 --> 01:29:11,340 (YELLING, GROANING) 2165 01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:16,480 Aaron! 2166 01:29:21,620 --> 01:29:22,950 (SHRIEKING) 2167 01:29:28,090 --> 01:29:29,490 (GROANING) 2168 01:29:29,590 --> 01:29:31,490 Do not fuck with my angles! 2169 01:29:34,200 --> 01:29:35,400 (SCREAMING) 2170 01:29:43,910 --> 01:29:46,040 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 2171 01:29:47,140 --> 01:29:48,580 You're fucking up the angles! 2172 01:29:50,180 --> 01:29:51,380 Sit still! 2173 01:29:51,480 --> 01:29:53,520 Go wide, camera two! 2174 01:29:53,620 --> 01:29:55,520 Slow push! 2175 01:29:55,620 --> 01:29:57,580 (YELLING AND GROANING CONTINUES OVER KIM SPEAKING) 2176 01:30:08,460 --> 01:30:10,530 Thank you! 2177 01:30:10,630 --> 01:30:12,600 Face it, Dave, you have failed. 2178 01:30:12,700 --> 01:30:16,110 You've made wild allegations but you have proven nothing. 2179 01:30:16,210 --> 01:30:17,810 You made this long journey 2180 01:30:17,910 --> 01:30:20,080 just to show the world that they were right about you. 2181 01:30:20,180 --> 01:30:24,110 You are incapable of conducting a real interview. 2182 01:30:24,210 --> 01:30:26,750 You're a joke! 2183 01:30:29,720 --> 01:30:31,690 (SIGHS) Maybe you're right. 2184 01:30:31,790 --> 01:30:34,820 Yeah, it sucks. 2185 01:30:34,920 --> 01:30:37,030 Because I need people's approval. 2186 01:30:39,260 --> 01:30:40,730 Desperately. 2187 01:30:40,830 --> 01:30:42,100 Because I could never get it 2188 01:30:42,200 --> 01:30:44,570 from my father when I was a kid. 2189 01:30:51,910 --> 01:30:54,910 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim. 2190 01:30:56,110 --> 01:30:57,710 Your father... 2191 01:30:57,810 --> 01:31:02,590 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures. 2192 01:31:03,750 --> 01:31:06,190 He told you that margaritas are gay. 2193 01:31:06,290 --> 01:31:10,160 I have no comment on margaritas. 2194 01:31:10,260 --> 01:31:11,860 Then why don't you drink them? 2195 01:31:11,960 --> 01:31:14,630 I... don't like brain freeze. 2196 01:31:15,830 --> 01:31:17,600 KIM (ON TV): Fuck you, Dave. 2197 01:31:17,700 --> 01:31:20,670 You fucking asshole. 2198 01:31:20,770 --> 01:31:22,840 I just have one more question for you. 2199 01:31:24,740 --> 01:31:27,080 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2200 01:31:27,180 --> 01:31:29,810 ♪ Like a plastic bag ♪ 2201 01:31:29,910 --> 01:31:31,880 ♪ Drifting through the wind ♪ 2202 01:31:31,980 --> 01:31:34,620 - (SNIFFLES) - ♪ Wanting to start again? ♪ 2203 01:31:34,720 --> 01:31:36,150 (CRYING): What is that? 2204 01:31:36,250 --> 01:31:38,220 - I don't know what that is. - Oh, yes, you do. 2205 01:31:38,320 --> 01:31:40,920 No, I don't. I never heard that before in my life. 2206 01:31:41,020 --> 01:31:42,960 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2207 01:31:43,060 --> 01:31:44,890 ♪ Feel so paper thin ♪ 2208 01:31:44,990 --> 01:31:47,060 ♪ Just like a house of cards ♪ 2209 01:31:47,160 --> 01:31:48,230 (SOBS) 2210 01:31:48,330 --> 01:31:50,970 ♪ One blow from caving in? ♪ 2211 01:31:51,070 --> 01:31:52,640 (SOBBING): I don't know 2212 01:31:52,730 --> 01:31:53,730 what you're singing. 2213 01:31:53,740 --> 01:31:55,070 You know exactly what it is. 2214 01:31:55,170 --> 01:31:57,640 - No, I don't. - You don't need to lie anymore. 2215 01:31:57,740 --> 01:32:00,110 Katy Perry's your favorite! 2216 01:32:00,210 --> 01:32:01,680 Katy who? 2217 01:32:01,780 --> 01:32:03,260 I don't know who you're talking about. 2218 01:32:03,350 --> 01:32:05,050 ♪ You just got to ignite ♪ 2219 01:32:05,150 --> 01:32:07,250 ♪ The light ♪ 2220 01:32:07,350 --> 01:32:09,950 ♪ And let ♪ 2221 01:32:10,050 --> 01:32:11,550 ♪ It shine ♪ 2222 01:32:11,650 --> 01:32:13,590 - Not the chorus, please. - ♪ And own ♪ 2223 01:32:13,690 --> 01:32:15,090 ♪ The night ♪ 2224 01:32:15,190 --> 01:32:17,830 - Stop! ♪ Like it's the Fourth of July ♪ 2225 01:32:17,930 --> 01:32:20,000 - (SOBBING CONTINUES) - ♪ 'Cause, Kimmy ♪ 2226 01:32:20,100 --> 01:32:22,960 - Stop! - ♪ You're a firework ♪ 2227 01:32:23,060 --> 01:32:27,000 ♪ Go and show 'em what you're worth ♪ 2228 01:32:27,100 --> 01:32:28,240 ♪ And make 'em go ♪ 2229 01:32:28,340 --> 01:32:30,240 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2230 01:32:30,340 --> 01:32:35,080 ♪ As you sail across the sky-y-y ♪ 2231 01:32:35,180 --> 01:32:38,080 ♪ Kimmy, you're a firework! ♪ 2232 01:32:38,180 --> 01:32:39,680 No! 2233 01:32:39,780 --> 01:32:41,720 I don't need my father! 2234 01:32:41,820 --> 01:32:44,590 I am strong! 2235 01:32:44,690 --> 01:32:47,290 - (SOBBING CONTINUES) - (MEN SPEAK QUIETLY) 2236 01:32:47,390 --> 01:32:49,260 (KIM SOBBING) 2237 01:32:50,690 --> 01:32:51,830 (WOMAN GROANS) 2238 01:33:07,040 --> 01:33:08,840 (FARTS LOUDLY) 2239 01:33:08,940 --> 01:33:09,940 Excuse me. 2240 01:33:10,010 --> 01:33:11,110 Did you just shart? 2241 01:33:11,210 --> 01:33:12,610 No, I didn't. 2242 01:33:12,720 --> 01:33:14,920 It was that camera guy. 2243 01:33:15,020 --> 01:33:16,120 It wasn't me. 2244 01:33:16,220 --> 01:33:17,220 Ladies and gentlemen, 2245 01:33:17,250 --> 01:33:19,150 Kim Jong-un has just pooed 2246 01:33:19,260 --> 01:33:20,290 in his pants. 2247 01:33:24,430 --> 01:33:26,000 - (SOLDIERS SHOUTING) - (THUMPING) 2248 01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:28,060 Let's get the fuck out of here. 2249 01:33:28,160 --> 01:33:30,670 Yeah, let's go. 2250 01:33:41,040 --> 01:33:43,050 ♪ ♪ 2251 01:33:58,930 --> 01:34:01,960 (GUNSHOTS STOP, GROANING) 2252 01:34:08,470 --> 01:34:10,640 (PANTING) 2253 01:34:10,740 --> 01:34:12,340 Damn, girl. 2254 01:34:12,440 --> 01:34:14,040 You a bad-ass. 2255 01:34:14,140 --> 01:34:16,080 (CRYING): I thought you were my friend, Dave. 2256 01:34:16,180 --> 01:34:19,110 I thought you were my friend, Kim. 2257 01:34:19,220 --> 01:34:21,780 I thought everyone lied about you. 2258 01:34:21,880 --> 01:34:23,990 And then I saw that fake grapefruit 2259 01:34:24,090 --> 01:34:26,060 in that fake grocery store, 2260 01:34:26,150 --> 01:34:29,130 and I realized that you were a fake friend. 2261 01:34:29,220 --> 01:34:30,730 (CRYING CONTINUES) 2262 01:34:30,830 --> 01:34:32,930 And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up 2263 01:34:33,030 --> 01:34:35,200 just to show what a big guy you are? 2264 01:34:35,300 --> 01:34:36,700 No friend would blow up another friend's country. 2265 01:34:36,800 --> 01:34:39,230 You're just a flawed man 2266 01:34:39,340 --> 01:34:41,400 with a big old butthole. 2267 01:34:41,500 --> 01:34:43,740 And you pee and poo like the rest of us. 2268 01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:56,220 KIM: Well, tell me this, Dave. 2269 01:34:56,320 --> 01:34:58,090 (SNIFFLES) 2270 01:34:58,190 --> 01:34:59,820 Will you be so cocky 2271 01:34:59,920 --> 01:35:02,290 when I slay you in front of the whole world, 2272 01:35:02,390 --> 01:35:04,760 you Yankee motherfucker? 2273 01:35:04,860 --> 01:35:06,030 DAVE: If you shoot me, 2274 01:35:06,130 --> 01:35:09,260 you'll just be proving me right. 2275 01:35:09,360 --> 01:35:10,730 You're just a sad little man. 2276 01:35:10,830 --> 01:35:12,730 - (GUNSHOT) - (GROANS) 2277 01:35:12,840 --> 01:35:15,240 - (GASPING) - (SHRIEKING) 2278 01:35:15,340 --> 01:35:17,740 Dave! Dave! No! 2279 01:35:17,840 --> 01:35:20,740 (GASPING) 2280 01:35:20,840 --> 01:35:22,180 (SIGHS) 2281 01:35:22,280 --> 01:35:23,880 This is Dave Skylark 2282 01:35:23,980 --> 01:35:25,410 signing off. 2283 01:35:28,880 --> 01:35:30,190 (GUARDS SHOUTING IN DISTANCE) 2284 01:35:31,920 --> 01:35:33,920 Good-bye, Dave. 2285 01:35:43,030 --> 01:35:44,730 Oh, man. 2286 01:35:47,030 --> 01:35:48,800 (EXHALES) 2287 01:35:48,900 --> 01:35:49,900 (CHUCKLES) 2288 01:35:49,900 --> 01:35:51,270 (PEOPLE CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) 2289 01:35:51,370 --> 01:35:53,070 Bulletproof vest. 2290 01:35:53,180 --> 01:35:54,880 Genius! 2291 01:35:54,980 --> 01:35:56,350 (CHEERING) 2292 01:35:56,440 --> 01:35:57,950 He's alive, everybody! 2293 01:35:58,050 --> 01:35:59,050 Oh, fuck! 2294 01:35:59,150 --> 01:36:00,880 Got a bulletproof vest on! 2295 01:36:00,980 --> 01:36:03,320 I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on! 2296 01:36:03,420 --> 01:36:05,790 Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un. 2297 01:36:05,890 --> 01:36:07,290 This is Dave Skylark 2298 01:36:07,390 --> 01:36:09,360 signing off. 2299 01:36:09,460 --> 01:36:11,160 No! 2300 01:36:11,260 --> 01:36:13,460 - Aaron! (CHUCKLES) - Let's get the fuck out of here. 2301 01:36:13,560 --> 01:36:14,900 Wait! 2302 01:36:15,000 --> 01:36:16,100 The puppy. 2303 01:36:16,200 --> 01:36:18,170 Hey, what happened to your hand? 2304 01:36:18,270 --> 01:36:19,430 Someone bit my fucking fingers off. 2305 01:36:19,530 --> 01:36:20,840 That's just like Frodo! 2306 01:36:20,940 --> 01:36:23,100 - Oh, shit! - (SOLDIERS SHOUTING) 2307 01:36:23,210 --> 01:36:24,470 Don't shoot! I have a puppy! 2308 01:36:29,110 --> 01:36:31,250 (SOLDIER SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2309 01:36:34,620 --> 01:36:36,950 (ALARM BLARING) 2310 01:36:38,190 --> 01:36:39,920 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 2311 01:36:40,020 --> 01:36:41,120 Go! 2312 01:36:43,860 --> 01:36:45,130 (SHOUTING) 2313 01:36:45,230 --> 01:36:46,230 - (GUNSHOTS) - Oh, no! No! 2314 01:36:46,330 --> 01:36:47,410 - What is that?! - Oh, oh, no! 2315 01:36:47,460 --> 01:36:48,400 - (SCREAMING, SHOUTING) - Oh, shit! 2316 01:36:48,500 --> 01:36:50,130 Oh, God! 2317 01:36:50,230 --> 01:36:51,370 Oh, no! 2318 01:36:51,470 --> 01:36:53,340 AARON: Oh, shit! Oh, shit! there's more! 2319 01:36:53,430 --> 01:36:55,370 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2320 01:36:55,470 --> 01:36:56,540 You're a hero! 2321 01:36:56,640 --> 01:36:58,810 Thank you, sir! 2322 01:37:24,230 --> 01:37:26,100 (SCREAMING) 2323 01:37:27,970 --> 01:37:30,410 (GUARD WHIMPERING) 2324 01:37:52,330 --> 01:37:54,260 SOOK: That's the only way out. 2325 01:37:54,360 --> 01:37:55,260 Hey... 2326 01:37:55,360 --> 01:37:57,300 I have an idea. 2327 01:37:57,400 --> 01:37:58,430 Follow me. 2328 01:38:07,410 --> 01:38:08,540 (SCREAMING) 2329 01:38:12,610 --> 01:38:15,480 - (POP MUSIC PLAYING) - Is this Katy fucking Perry?! 2330 01:38:15,580 --> 01:38:17,490 Just leave it on! It's helping me concentrate. 2331 01:38:31,100 --> 01:38:33,070 DAVE: Oh, shit, are those fucking nukes? 2332 01:38:33,170 --> 01:38:34,240 Let me check! 2333 01:38:37,310 --> 01:38:38,510 AARON: Oh, we really fucked up! 2334 01:38:38,570 --> 01:38:40,980 He's arming his fucking nukes! 2335 01:38:43,440 --> 01:38:46,450 (SCREAMING) 2336 01:38:46,550 --> 01:38:47,580 Aah! Fuck! 2337 01:38:58,530 --> 01:39:00,530 Skylark! 2338 01:39:05,400 --> 01:39:07,970 Kim! 2339 01:39:08,070 --> 01:39:09,670 Fuck you! 2340 01:39:11,270 --> 01:39:12,410 Fire! 2341 01:39:22,550 --> 01:39:25,550 (SCREAMING) 2342 01:39:25,650 --> 01:39:27,420 I've been grazed! 2343 01:39:27,520 --> 01:39:29,260 - How's the puppy? - Puppy is okay! 2344 01:39:29,360 --> 01:39:31,130 You protect that puppy with your life. 2345 01:39:34,100 --> 01:39:36,270 (ALARM BLARING) 2346 01:39:42,100 --> 01:39:43,140 We got to do something! 2347 01:39:43,240 --> 01:39:44,540 He's gonna fucking kill us! 2348 01:39:44,640 --> 01:39:45,540 We're in a tank! 2349 01:39:45,640 --> 01:39:46,640 Shoot him back. 2350 01:39:50,050 --> 01:39:51,550 It's loaded! 2351 01:39:51,650 --> 01:39:54,580 Let's barbeque this motherfucker. 2352 01:39:58,720 --> 01:40:02,120 (ALARM CONTINUES) 2353 01:40:02,220 --> 01:40:03,130 On three. 2354 01:40:03,220 --> 01:40:04,590 (SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 2355 01:40:04,690 --> 01:40:06,160 Balls to the wall, motherfuckers! 2356 01:40:07,560 --> 01:40:09,160 Boom, boom... 2357 01:40:10,560 --> 01:40:11,700 DAVE: Boom! 2358 01:40:20,210 --> 01:40:23,180 (SLOW, DISTORTED WHIMPER) 2359 01:40:36,560 --> 01:40:39,500 ♪ ♪ 2360 01:40:51,210 --> 01:40:54,210 ♪ ♪ 2361 01:41:11,130 --> 01:41:14,130 ♪ ♪ 2362 01:41:24,210 --> 01:41:25,410 (ALARM BUZZING) 2363 01:41:37,680 --> 01:41:39,090 BOTWIN: Yes! 2364 01:41:39,190 --> 01:41:41,590 - (LACEY LAUGHS WITH RELIEF) - Yes! Yes! 2365 01:41:41,690 --> 01:41:43,160 Yes! 2366 01:41:43,260 --> 01:41:45,830 - AARON: Okay. - SOOK: Okay. 2367 01:41:45,930 --> 01:41:48,430 That way. 2368 01:41:48,530 --> 01:41:50,360 It's an old mining tunnel. 2369 01:41:50,470 --> 01:41:51,630 - Holy shit, where does that go? - West. 2370 01:41:51,730 --> 01:41:53,600 Away from Pyongyang. 2371 01:41:53,700 --> 01:41:55,300 Keep moving until you reach the coast. 2372 01:41:55,400 --> 01:41:57,210 I wish you both luck. 2373 01:41:57,310 --> 01:41:58,470 You sound like you're not coming with us. 2374 01:41:58,570 --> 01:41:59,470 - Yeah, Sook....? - What-what are you doing? 2375 01:41:59,570 --> 01:42:01,310 I have to go to Pyongyang. 2376 01:42:01,410 --> 01:42:02,780 That's going right back into the snake pit. 2377 01:42:02,880 --> 01:42:04,210 I can't leave North Korea. 2378 01:42:04,310 --> 01:42:06,110 I just helped plunge it into chaos. 2379 01:42:06,220 --> 01:42:07,720 - Yeah, yeah. -So did we. I'm okay with leaving. 2380 01:42:07,820 --> 01:42:09,380 I have to ensure that the power 2381 01:42:09,480 --> 01:42:10,920 does not transfer to the wrong hands. 2382 01:42:10,990 --> 01:42:12,590 I can't deny 2383 01:42:12,690 --> 01:42:14,490 that we have a chemistry, 2384 01:42:14,590 --> 01:42:17,190 but I have to stay here for my people. 2385 01:42:18,360 --> 01:42:19,730 Okay. 2386 01:42:19,830 --> 01:42:22,230 I'm glad to meet you. 2387 01:42:22,330 --> 01:42:23,630 Okay. 2388 01:42:23,730 --> 01:42:25,630 (QUIETLY): Kiss her. 2389 01:42:27,530 --> 01:42:29,340 Kiss her, dude. 2390 01:42:29,440 --> 01:42:30,870 Yeah, get in there. 2391 01:42:32,410 --> 01:42:34,640 (SOOK BREATHING PASSIONATELY) 2392 01:42:34,740 --> 01:42:36,480 - Ooh... - (PUPPY WHIMPERS) 2393 01:42:38,810 --> 01:42:40,280 (SIGHS) 2394 01:42:40,380 --> 01:42:43,550 I'm happy to have met you, Aaron. 2395 01:42:43,650 --> 01:42:45,550 You, too. 2396 01:42:46,690 --> 01:42:48,160 Bye, Sook. 2397 01:42:48,260 --> 01:42:50,160 Have fun with the war. 2398 01:43:01,940 --> 01:43:03,940 (PANTING) 2399 01:43:12,280 --> 01:43:14,180 - All right, it's clear. - Okay. 2400 01:43:16,780 --> 01:43:17,850 Okay, here you go. 2401 01:43:17,950 --> 01:43:19,450 - You got him? - All right... got him. 2402 01:43:19,550 --> 01:43:20,690 Yeah. 2403 01:43:20,790 --> 01:43:22,720 You out of that big, old, scary hole? 2404 01:43:22,820 --> 01:43:25,260 (GRUNTING WITH EFFORT) 2405 01:43:25,360 --> 01:43:27,300 Where are we? 2406 01:43:27,400 --> 01:43:28,730 (GRUNTING): I don't know. 2407 01:43:28,830 --> 01:43:30,270 Is this China? 2408 01:43:30,360 --> 01:43:31,670 I don't know. Looks like North Korea. 2409 01:43:31,770 --> 01:43:32,830 Yeah. 2410 01:43:32,930 --> 01:43:34,470 Man. 2411 01:43:34,570 --> 01:43:36,370 - Well, which way's the coast? - I have no idea. 2412 01:43:36,370 --> 01:43:37,710 Does that do something? 2413 01:43:37,810 --> 01:43:39,410 Dogs always run to the sea. 2414 01:43:39,510 --> 01:43:41,680 - That's not true. - You got to find the sea. 2415 01:43:41,780 --> 01:43:43,340 I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave. 2416 01:43:43,410 --> 01:43:44,850 - (SOLDIERS SHOUTING) - Shit. 2417 01:43:44,950 --> 01:43:46,980 - Shit! Shit! Shit! - Protect the puppy! 2418 01:43:47,080 --> 01:43:49,550 - Protect the puppy! - Stop! It's them. 2419 01:43:51,550 --> 01:43:52,820 Echo Romeo Five. 2420 01:43:52,920 --> 01:43:54,890 Echo Romeo Five, we have contact 2421 01:43:54,990 --> 01:43:56,760 with Dung Beetle and Aardvark. 2422 01:43:56,860 --> 01:43:58,990 Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung, 2423 01:43:59,090 --> 01:44:01,000 - SEAL Team Six. - Holy shit. 2424 01:44:01,100 --> 01:44:02,360 How'd you guys find us? 2425 01:44:02,460 --> 01:44:03,600 We tracked you using the GPS 2426 01:44:03,700 --> 01:44:04,730 - on your wristwatch. - Oh, my God. 2427 01:44:04,830 --> 01:44:05,900 Let's get you boys home. 2428 01:44:06,000 --> 01:44:07,340 Oh, my God. 2429 01:44:07,440 --> 01:44:08,500 For you. 2430 01:44:08,600 --> 01:44:09,900 Me? 2431 01:44:10,010 --> 01:44:11,340 Is it the president? 2432 01:44:11,440 --> 01:44:12,740 Mr. Obama? 2433 01:44:12,840 --> 01:44:14,710 (OVER PHONE): Nope, just me, Agent Lacey. 2434 01:44:14,810 --> 01:44:16,510 (CHUCKLES) Agent Lacey. 2435 01:44:16,610 --> 01:44:17,880 Fancy hearing from you here. 2436 01:44:17,980 --> 01:44:20,450 I enjoyed your interview, guys. 2437 01:44:20,550 --> 01:44:23,020 Now try not to fuck up your extraction. 2438 01:44:23,120 --> 01:44:25,020 Get home safe. 2439 01:44:25,120 --> 01:44:28,360 Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies? 2440 01:44:28,460 --> 01:44:30,360 - And you get all the good stuff, - Okay, let's just go. 2441 01:44:30,460 --> 01:44:32,740 - and it's nice. -Let's get out... Can we please go? Okay. 2442 01:44:43,670 --> 01:44:44,810 Get them in. 2443 01:44:46,370 --> 01:44:47,740 Take the dog. 2444 01:44:53,550 --> 01:44:56,020 ♪ ♪ 2445 01:45:11,900 --> 01:45:13,400 She honeypotted me. 2446 01:45:13,500 --> 01:45:14,970 What? What are you talking about? 2447 01:45:15,070 --> 01:45:16,300 Sook. 2448 01:45:16,400 --> 01:45:17,670 Think about it, man. 2449 01:45:17,770 --> 01:45:20,380 I mean, she researched me, she seduced me, 2450 01:45:20,470 --> 01:45:22,710 she commandeered my plans, made them her own. 2451 01:45:22,810 --> 01:45:24,450 I mean, she used me. 2452 01:45:24,550 --> 01:45:27,980 I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause, 2453 01:45:28,080 --> 01:45:29,950 but she honeypotted me. 2454 01:45:30,050 --> 01:45:31,390 Yeah. 2455 01:45:31,490 --> 01:45:32,520 Well, good riddance. 2456 01:45:32,620 --> 01:45:33,960 I hated that fucking bitch. 2457 01:45:34,060 --> 01:45:35,060 Really? 2458 01:45:36,590 --> 01:45:39,590 Nah, just thought it would make you feel better. 2459 01:45:39,690 --> 01:45:41,600 That was your one true love. 2460 01:45:41,700 --> 01:45:43,600 Now she's gone. 2461 01:45:43,700 --> 01:45:46,700 Doesn't make me feel any better. 2462 01:45:46,800 --> 01:45:49,000 - (PUPPY WHIMPERS) - Well, you have us, 2463 01:45:49,100 --> 01:45:51,010 and "we wuv you." 2464 01:45:55,010 --> 01:45:57,610 (HIGH-PITCHED): "We aw wuv each other." 2465 01:46:03,750 --> 01:46:06,120 ♪ ♪ 2466 01:46:06,220 --> 01:46:08,560 (VOICE-OVER): "And as the North Korean coastline 2467 01:46:08,660 --> 01:46:10,460 "receded in the distance, 2468 01:46:10,560 --> 01:46:13,900 "we heard the crackling of gunfire. 2469 01:46:14,000 --> 01:46:17,730 "It was the beginning of a revolution... 2470 01:46:17,830 --> 01:46:22,040 "a revolution Aaron and I started. 2471 01:46:22,140 --> 01:46:25,370 "Of course, in a tale like this, 2472 01:46:25,470 --> 01:46:27,740 "you might expect to find 2473 01:46:27,840 --> 01:46:30,640 "some hot CIA 2474 01:46:30,750 --> 01:46:32,150 "honeypot 2475 01:46:32,250 --> 01:46:34,780 bombshell..." 2476 01:46:34,880 --> 01:46:36,780 (SPEAKING KOREAN) 2477 01:46:42,060 --> 01:46:43,660 "...maybe a few drones 2478 01:46:43,760 --> 01:46:46,890 or a secret CIA watch." 2479 01:46:47,000 --> 01:46:48,400 You got Skype! 2480 01:46:48,500 --> 01:46:49,500 So good to see your face. 2481 01:46:49,600 --> 01:46:51,030 Wait, someone else wants to say hi. 2482 01:46:51,130 --> 01:46:52,450 - (DOG WHIMPERING) - (SOOK LAUGHING) 2483 01:46:52,500 --> 01:46:53,530 Guess what we named him? 2484 01:46:53,640 --> 01:46:54,900 Kim Jong-un. 2485 01:46:55,000 --> 01:46:56,740 Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no? 2486 01:46:56,840 --> 01:46:58,910 Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute, though. 2487 01:46:59,010 --> 01:47:01,410 DAVE (VOICE-OVER): "But there was none of that. 2488 01:47:01,510 --> 01:47:02,740 "No. 2489 01:47:02,840 --> 01:47:04,910 "This was a revolution 2490 01:47:05,010 --> 01:47:07,680 "ignited with nothing more 2491 01:47:07,780 --> 01:47:09,420 "than a camera 2492 01:47:09,520 --> 01:47:11,050 "and some questions. 2493 01:47:11,150 --> 01:47:13,960 "Questions that led a man 2494 01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,620 "once revered as a god 2495 01:47:15,720 --> 01:47:18,690 "among mortals to cry 2496 01:47:18,790 --> 01:47:20,960 "and shit his pants. 2497 01:47:21,060 --> 01:47:24,830 The end." 2498 01:47:24,930 --> 01:47:25,930 Thank you. 2499 01:47:25,930 --> 01:47:28,800 (APPLAUSE) 2500 01:47:38,850 --> 01:47:40,850 ♪ ♪ 2501 01:48:08,880 --> 01:48:10,880 ♪ ♪ 2502 01:48:38,570 --> 01:48:40,580 ♪ ♪ 2503 01:49:08,940 --> 01:49:10,940 ♪ ♪ 2504 01:49:38,970 --> 01:49:40,970 ♪ ♪ 2505 01:50:09,000 --> 01:50:11,000 ♪ ♪ 2506 01:50:39,030 --> 01:50:41,030 ♪ ♪ 2507 01:51:09,060 --> 01:51:11,060 ♪ ♪ 2508 01:51:39,090 --> 01:51:41,090 ♪ ♪ 2509 01:52:02,080 --> 01:52:04,080 (MUSIC ENDS) 187426