Original subtitles

"And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end."

That's all there is. Are you ready?

Hit me.

Which of the following

best expresses the theme of the passage?

A: Violence breeds violence,

B: All things must end,

C...

B. I'm going with B.

We haven't had a B in forever.

This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots.

Please pay attention.

A low score could seriously harm

your chances of getting into college.

Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off.

This isn't meant to be easy, you know.

It's a rite of passage.

Well, is it too late to join a tribe

where they just pierce something or cut something off?

Buffy, please concentrate.

Roll!

(growling) What?

(grunting)

Hmm. I broke my number two pencil.

We'll have to do this again sometime.

C: All systems tend towards chaos.

I just know that us and the undead

are the only people in Sunnydale working this late.

MAYOR: I appreciate you coming.

I realize it is early...

for you...

but I think you'll agree

that this matter is urgent, also... delicate.

I'm a very delicate person.

So you feel you can handle this?

It's a little out of my element,

but I can get you what you need.

I know a beast who knows a guy.

Are you sure that subcontracting is the way to go here?

Well, this guy's worked your town before,

and if he lives up to his rep,

this place will be in flames.

I've made certain deals to get where I am today.

This demon requires his tribute.

You see, that's what separates me

from other politicians, Mr. Trick.

I keep my campaign promises.

(sniffs)

Where'd I put that Scotch?

(wolf howling)

*

And then I was being chased by an improperly filled-in

answer bubble screaming, "None of the above!"

Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams.

Probably not.

Hey you know, I took it last year.

I could help you get ready.

There's this whole trick to antonyms, but...

uh, well, this isn't the place.

Oz is the highest-scoring person

ever to fail to graduate.

Isn't she cute when she's proud?

She's always cute.

We could work on it tonight.

Work on what tonight?

Oh, God. Are we killing something again?

Only my carefree spirit.

Buffy SAT Prep.

Oz is helping. He's the highest-scoring--

We know. We did the impressed thing already.

I hate they make us take that thing.

It's totally fascist, and personally,

I think it discriminates against the uninformed.

Actually, I'm looking forward to it.

I do well on standardized tests.

What? I can't have layers?

So, Buff, study tonight?

Uh, yes on the studying, no on tonight.

I'm putting in Mom time.

She's been drastic ever since I got back,

and Giles is even worse.

I'm supervised 24-7.

It's like being in the Real Wor house, only real.

Hmm. Ooh, candy bars!

Lots of 'em!

Principal Snyder, thank you!

You weren't visited

by the Ghost of Christmas Past, by any chance?

It's band candy.

Let's hear it for the band, huh? Very generous.

You will sell it to raise money for the marching band.

They need new uniforms.

Yeah. Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh?

But they go with everything.

BUFFY: I'm sure we love the idea

of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band.

And if I'd handed you a trombone,

that would've been a problem, Summers.

It's candy.

Sell it.

But you're not in the band.

And yet.

Buffy, what would I do with 40 chocolate bars?

You could hand them out at the gallery.

"Buy something pre-Columbian, get a free cavity."

20.

You're a good mom.

I'm the best.

No, I'm pretty sure the best moms

let their daughters drive.

And yet.

Oh, come on!

Look, let's not have this conversation.

But I took the class.

I watched the filmstrips with the blood

and the death and the corpses. I'm prepped.

Honey, you failed the written test.

They wouldn't even let you take the road test.

That was a year ago, and I don't test well...

she said, two days before the SATs.

I spend enough time not knowing where you are.

I don't want to add to that the possibility

that you're on the highway to Chicago.

I can't believe you.

I'm not taking off again.

Besides, if I wanted to,

I could just get on a bus.

Stop. Don't.

I just don't want you driving, okay?

I want you here.

I'm here. Hmm? See me here.

Mm-hmm

Mmm... I got to go.

What, you're going out?

Giles. Slay-study double feature.

Could be late.

Again? Honey, don't you think Mr. Giles

is monopolizing an awful lot of your time?

And does he ever say he's sorry?

Ow!

Sorry.

Why do I put up with this?

Because it is your destiny...

and because I just bought 20 "Cocorific" candy bars.

Okay, you're just doing this to take funny pictures of me.

I'm doing it to test your awareness

of an opponent's location

during a fight in total darkness.

Now, wait five seconds,

and then throw the ball at me.

You ran out of new training ideas about a week ago, huh?

Okay.

Five, four, three, two, one.

It's not that simple, is it?

Ow. (clears throat)

Yes, well, very good.

Thanks.

W-Where are you going? We have to patrol.

I can't. Mom's in hyperdrive.

She wants me home tonight. I told you.

But I...

I know, I know. She's out of control.

Enjoy the candy.

*

Buffy.

I didn't know you could do that.

I-I'm feeling better.

Angel

Let's get you inside.

It's late.

How'd you get away?

Oh, it was easy.

Started a fire in the prison laundry room.

Rode out in the garbage truck.

Oh.

I'm joking.

No garbage.

Smell me.

How is uh... Scott?

Scott?

Oh, um... boyfriend Scott.

Uh... actually, he's not...

He's fine.

Uh, that's for you.

Uh... it's fresh from the butcher.

Thanks.

(clears throat)

You're being careful, right?

With Scott?

The slaying.

Oh. Uh, yeah. Of course.

Full of carefulness.

I worry about you.

I worry about you.

I'm getting stronger.

Yeah, pretty soon you won't even need me.

That'll be better.

Yeah.

Hey. Uh,

sorry I'm late.

You know Giles-- all slay, all the time.

Hello, Buffy.

Do you guys want to watch some television?

I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on.

JOYCE: Buffy, you lied to us,

and you made us into your alibis.

That's playing us against each other,

and that's not fair. I called Willow.

You also lied to her about your whereabouts.

We were all concerned.

Oh, thank you.

Look, I'm sorry, but I had to...

Were you at The Bronze?

What was happening there that was so important?

Bronze things.

Things of bronze.

You're acting really immature, Buffy.

I know I'm not your parent, but I am responsible for you.

I think your mum's right.

Okay, fine. I'm acting like a child.

Maybe that's because

you're both treating me like a child.

Buffy

You're both scheduling me

24 hours a day.

Between the two of you,

that's 48 hours.

I just want to be able to make

a few decisions on my own.

The last time you made a decision on your own, you split.

Yeah, and I took care of myself.

I don't need this much active parenting.

You can't really be trying to use this summer

as a reason you should be trusted.

You can't babysit me all the time.

I need you to back off a little.

All right, come-come on. Let's not, uh, freak out.

"Freak out"?

Hmm? Uh, I think you should go to bed.

Um, we're all tired.

Oh, she just drives me crazy.

(sighs)

I just want to protect her.

Don't all parents want that?

Yeah, but at least most parents have some idea

what to protect their children from.

Yeah. And I think we should both be especially careful.

Mmm.

(mechanical whirring)

Trust me.

You don't want to eat that.

Dude, think fast.

(sighs)

I heard that there was a secret rule

that if a teacher is more than 10 minutes late,

we can all leave.

It's Giles' turn to watch study hall.

He'll be here.

He's allergic to late.

He i wound a little tight.

I had this philosophy book

checked out from the library for, like, a year,

and he made me pay the fine, even though it was huge.

I was sad to return it.

It was perfect for starting conversations with college boys.

Of course, that was B.X.

B.X.?

Before Xander. Clever.

XANDER I like chocolate.

There is no bad here.

You still have some left?

I went to, like, 4 houses, and they were gone.

It's like trick-or-treating in reverse.

I know. These things are selling like hot cakes,

which is ironic, 'cause the hot cakes really aren't moving.

And it's uh, (clears throat) fun to sell chocolate.

And we're raising a lot of money for the band.

The band. Yeah.

They're great.

They march.

Like an army.

E-Except with music instead of bullets,

and... usually no one dies.

I can't believe this.

(thumps loudly) Where is Giles already?

I'm bored, and he's not here to give me credit for it.

The big pinhead librarian didn't show up,

and I don't want to do it.

You do it.

All right, fine. I'll do it.

Everybody expects me to do everything around here

because I'm the principal.

It's not fair.

Hey!

We're all stuck here, okay?

So now let's just sit quietly and...

and pretend we're reading something

until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone.

Then we're all out of here.

Does anyone else want to marry Ms. Barton?

Get in line.

I guess Giles isn't coming.

I guess not.

Buffy.

Uh... sorry.

I-I was just worried.

You were a big not-there in study hall,

and after your lecture to me on not ducking out--

and what is my mother doing here?

We had an opportunity for a--

you might say-- a summit meeting.

It took priority over study hall.

I called in.

Oh.

We decided that

you made a good point earlier, honey.

I did.

Yeah.

Which was...?

About us over scheduling you.

Pulling you in two directions--

your home life and your duties as a slayer.

Oh. That was a good point.

We're working out a coordinated schedule for you.

It'll be tight, but we think we can fit in

all your responsibilities.

Sounds nice and structured.

We've got more work to do here, honey.

Why don't you give us a little more time?

Um...

take the car, and, um, Mr. Giles can drive me home.

What?

(chuckles) Excuse me, I meant what?!

Keys. Take them.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Actually, you did,

but... bye!

Bye, honey. Drive careful.

Uh-huh!

Do you think she noticed anything?

No way.

WILLOW: Tell me again how it happened.

Told my mom I wanted to be treated more like a grown-up,

and voila-- driviness.

(tires screeching)

Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere.

Considering my mom and Giles are planning my future,

I think it's easier for them to live my life

if I'm not actually there.

Do you know that you have the parking brake on?

Uh-huh

(releases parking brake)

Are-are you sure about The Bronze?

I mean, the SATs are tomorrow.

I can study at The Bronze.

A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying.

You know what we need?

(switching radio channels)

Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!

(music playing)

You got good albums.

Yeah, they're okay.

* And the colors of the sea *

Do you like Seals and Croft?

* And you touch the distant beaches *

Yeah. Me, neither.

Thanks.

So how come they call you Ripper?

Wouldn't you like to know.

Hmm, wait a minute. Listen to this bit.

(guitar solo playing)

It rocks.

It's good.

Man, I got to get a band together.

Hey, Ripper, you want to watch TV?

I know how to order pay-per-view.

No, let's go out and have some fun...

tear things up a bit.

Okay. We could go to The Bronze.

Not bloody likely. That place is dead.

(rock music playing)

(shouting)

MAN: You guys rock!

Hey, they're digging us, man.

* The strangest things always know *

* Saves me every time

* Darkened things

* Have overgrown...

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Maybe there's a reunion in town

or a Billy Joel tour or something.

Ms. Barton?

Buffy? Whoa!

Are you okay, Ms. Barton?

Oh, I'm cool, Willow.

Willow-- that's a tree.

(laughs) You're a tree.

Yeah, uh...

Are there any nachos in here, little tree?

Are you sure you don't need some fresh air, Ms. Barton?

(laughing hysterically) Okay.

Okay, this is not normal.

But maybe that goes without saying.

Hey, gang!

This place is fun city, huh? (laughs)

Principal Snyder?

Call me Snyder.

Just a last name, like Barbarino.

Ooh! I am so stoked!

(sighs

Hey, did you see Ms. Barton?

I think she's wasted.

I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review

'cause... 'cause I'm the principal!

I don't like this. They could have heart attacks.

Well, maybe there's a doctor here.

(whooping) Yeah!

I think that is my doctor.

He-he's usually less topless.

I got a commendation for being principal...

from the mayor.

Shook my hand twice.

That's nice.

(inhales deeply)

Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight!

What's happening?

I don't know,

but it's happening to a whole lot of grown-ups.

They're acting like a bunch...

They're acting like a bunch of us.

I don't act like this.

MR. TRICK: Demand's high.

I thought it might be.

That's the reason I love this country.

You make a good product,

and the people will come to you.

Of course, a lot of them are gonna die,

but that's the other reason I love this country.

Hey!

Don't sample the product.

But I didn't.

(groans)

Okay. Uh, how did you know he was...

I don't. But now I know no one else will.

We're getting close.

Keep it flowing.

It's almost feeding time.

Something's definitely changing them.

A spell?

They're teenagers.

It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?

You've got great hair.

(group of men singing "Louie Louie")

* Louie louie

* Oh, baby

* We gotta go

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Louie louie

* Oh, baby

* We gotta go

It just gets more upsetting.

* Louie louie

* Oh, baby

* We gotta go

No vampire has ever been that scary.

* Louie louie

* Oh, baby...

Fight!

Fight!

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *

We've got to figure out what's going on.

This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it.

Hey, where are we going?

Wait up, you guys!

Hey! You guys aren't trying to ditch me, are you?

OZ: We should find Giles.

He'll know what's going on, right?

Sure. Except for all we know, he's sweet 16 again.

He's with your mom at his place.

I said wait up!

OZ: Uh, Snyder...

No time. He's coming with us.

(tires squealing)

SNYDER: Whoa, Summers!

You drive like a spaz.

(engines revving)

(tires squealing)

(laughs)

It'll be okay when we get to Giles'.

Of course. I mean, even if he's 16,

he's still Giles, right?

He's probably a pretty together guy.

Yeah. W-Well...

What?

Giles at 16?

Less "together guy,"

more "bad magic, hates the world,

ticking time bomb guy."

Well, then I guess your mom's in a lot of trouble.

Must be exciting being from England.

Not particularly.

You cold?

Nah-uh. I feel special,

like I'm just waking up, kinda.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, like getting married

and having a kid and everything was just a dream,

and now things are back like they're supposed to be.

Yeah?

That's cool!

Very Juice Newton.

You fancy it?

Yeah, but the store's closed.

(alarm blaring)

(giggling)

(whooping)

Oh, Ripper!

Wow! That was so brave!

Hold it!

This is great!

Let's do doughnuts in the football field, huh?

Oh, my God, look out!

Ooh.

Copper's got a gun.

You'll never use it, though, man.

Will so.

Ripper, be careful.

(grunting)

Told him he'd never use it.

You are so cool.

(laughs)

You're like Burt Reynolds.

(gasps

Sorry. Gotta go. (laughing)

Oh, God.

Are you guys okay?

Is anybody else all creeped out and trembly?

(indistinct conversation)

Oh, Buffy, your mom's gonna kill you.

Something's weird.

Something's not?

No grown-ups.

Hey, baby!

No one's protecting their houses.

Everyone's just wandering.

Hey!

Hey, give it!

Defenseless.

Come on! That's mine!

So where are all the vampires?

SNYDER: Hey! He stole my candy!

Soup's on, but no one's grabbing a spoon.

Something's happening someplace that's else.

I'm gonna say something big.

That guy took my candy!

The candy. It's got to be the candy!

It's cursed. A curse?!

I've got a curse.

Oh, my God... using candy for evil.

My parents ate a ton.

Who's behind it?

I don't know.

It came through the school board.

If you knew that crowd...

Where did it come from?

Do you know where to get it?

Yeah. You guys get Xander and Cordelia.

Go to the library and look it up.

Candy curses?

Disturbing second childhood.

Got it.

Ratboy and I are going to the source.

(shouting)

Mom?

Giles?!

Go away. We're busy.

Mom! Hey!

Where did you get that coat? Never mind. Listen...

Back off.

Giles, think about this. You want to fight me,

or you want to let me talk to my mother?

Mom, look at me.

Do you know who I am?

Of course. You're Buffy.

Hey, look.

They're giving away candy. You want some candy?

No, I don't, and you don't need any more, either.

I'm fine. I can have more if I want.

You are not fine. You need to go home.

(sighs) Screw you.

I want candy.

Mom!

You want to slay stuff,

and I'm not allowed to do anything about it.

Well, this is what I want to do, so get off my back.

Mom, please. Oh, for God's sake.

Just let your mum have the soddin' candy. Come on, Joyce.

Mom, look at your car.

Look at that dent the size of New Brunswick.

I did that.

Oh, my God.

What was I thinking when I bought the geek machine?

(laughing)

Listen to me. You need...

No, you listen to me.

I'm your watcher, so you do what I tell you.

Now, sod off!

Take her home.

Joyce.

(grunting)

Mom!

Hey!

Hey! You leave her alone!

Hey, Brit-face! Wait up!

Stay.

It smells so chocolatey.

This is far out.

Yeah, I been out there. Town's wide open.

You guys can go anytime.

Ethan Rayne.

Might want to hurry.

Ethan.

Ripper.

CORDELIA: At first it was fun, you know?

They seemed like they were in this really good mood--

not like parents-- and then...

Badness?

Mom started borrowing my clothes.

There should be an age limit on lycra pants.

And Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom

with old copies of Esquire.

XANDER I don't get this.

The candy's supposed to make you feel

all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton,

and I don't feel any dif...

Never mind.

I'll take that one.

CORDELIA: You want to swap?

What? Swap?

You want to swap? This book is really thick,

and I'm not sure it's in English.

*

(panting) Where... Bloody Hell!

That's what smoking will do to you.

Now be quiet.

Well, where'd the bastard go?

Shh!

What?

Look, a box full of farm-fresh chicken.

Do you suppose they're okay?

Mm-hmm.

So...

are you two kinda...

like, um...

going steady?

(sighs)

(sighs)

So, Ethan, what are we playing?

We're pretty much in a talk-or-bleed situation.

Your call.

Hit him.

I-I'd just like to point out

that this wasn't my idea.

Meaning...?

I'm subcontracting. It's Trick you want.

I'm just helping him collect a tribute...

for a demon.

He's lying. Hit him!

I don't think he is, and shut up.

You're my slayer. Go knock his teeth down his...

Giles!

What demon?

I don't remember.

(grunts)

Yes!

Lurconis. Demon named Lurconis.

They wanted a way to get the tribute away from people.

So you're just diversion guy?

More than a diversion.

They said the tribute was big,

so big that people would never let them take it.

People... had to be out of it.

And later on, when the candy wore off,

they'd blame themselves.

Hence, land of the irresponsible.

So, where's Trick?

I don't know exactly.

Go on. Hit him again.

No! I-I-I really don't know.

Delivering the tribute.

Which brings us to the bonus question,

and believe me when I say

a wrong answer will cost you all your points.

What's the tribute?

(television playing, phones ringing)

(buzzer beeping)

(babies crying)

Right. Ow. Lurconis.

Lurconis, a demon. What's his deal?

See if it says anything about a tribute.

A tribute? Like what?

I don't know.

My source

is all tapped out.

She whooped you good, huh?

Pow! Pow!

I can do that.

I took tae kwon do at the Y.

(grunting)

No, no. It's definitely a demon.

A big one.

(gun clicks) I wouldn't.

Giles, give me the gun.

Giles..

now.

Uh, it's um, it's Willow. She wants you real bad.

Uh-huh?

Okay, Oz just found it.

The tribute to Lurconis is made every 30 years.

It's a ritual feeding.

And this one's late,

so it's probably, you know, a big meal.

Oh, and... Oh.

Lurconis eats babies.

Come on.

What about that man?

Uh, see if you guys can find something to tie him up with.

Um--

Never tell me.

WOMAN: I didn't see anything.

I don't know where they are.

Something's gonna eat those babies?

I think that is so wrong.

She says she never saw who took them.

Dowsey cow.

I know who took them.

Well, then let's do something.

Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it.

Is that what happens now?

Yeah, if we knew where they were.

"Lurconis dwells beneath the city,

filth to filth."

What?

Ooh, I know this.

Uh, I knew this.

"Lurconis" means...

"Glutton."

And we'll find it, um...

in the sewers.

The sewers?

Uh, good.

You go do that thing with the demon,

and I'll stay here in case the babies, you know, uh...

find their way back.

The babies must be so scared.

You filthy little ponce.

Are you afraid of a little demon?

If you want to splash around in the poo,

you're the filthy one!

Okay, you know what? Everybody just stop it.

Okay, listen to me.

I need help, okay?

Giles, I need grown-ups.

These children are gonna die

if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly.

There is no room for mistakes.

Besides which,

you guys are just wigging me out.

GILES: Sorry.

We'll behave.

BUFFY: Good.

Snyder, go home.

I can do that.

Giles, we're going to the sewers.

And don't do that!

(chanting in Latin)

(babies crying)

Come on, big guy.

They're not getting any fresher.

(crying continues)

Carol. Hi.

Yeah, call Dave on the public works committee tomorrow

about sewer maintenance and repair.

I have some concerns regarding exposed gas pipes,

infrastructure, ventilation.

And, uh, cancel my 3:00.

Hi.

(snarling)

(grunting)

(crying continues)

(rumbling)

What the hell's that?

(hissing)

Lurconis, I'm thinking.

TRICK: Ordinarily, I like other people

to do my fighting for me,

but I just gotta see what you got.

Just tell me when it hurts.

Come on, baby.

Giles, no!

(rumbling)

(gas hissing)

(screeching)

TRICK: You and me, girl...

There's hard times ahead.

(sighs) They never just leave.

Always got to say something.

(babies crying)

Can we go home now?

(sighs) Yeah, we can go home.

I've got the SATs tomorrow.

Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note.

No, it's okay.

JOYCE: Poor babies. Come here.

And your friend?

Paid him.

The man did his job.

No reason to burn that bridge.

This didn't turn out the way I had planned.

Where's the downside?

You just got yourself one less demon

you have to pay tribute to.

The way I see it, I did you a favor.

I guess you did.

In the future...

I'd be very careful

how many favors you do for me.

(indistinct chatter)

(school bell ringing)

Hey, Snyder. Heard you had some fun Friday night.

Have you come down yet?

That's Principal Snyder.

And that's a big "yep."

You look like four young people

with too much time on your hands.

Not really.

Busy like a bee, actually.

Bee-like.

Good. It seems we had some vandalism Friday

on school property, and I was just looking

for some... volunteers

to help clean it up.

"Kiss rocks"? Why would anyone want to kiss...

Oh, wait. I get it.

Let's get you some paint remover.

It was just too much to deal with.

It was like nothing made sense anymore.

The things that I thought I understood were gone.

I just felt... so alone.

Was that the math or the verbal?

Mostly the math.

Well, if you scored low,

then you can always take them again.

More SATs?

Ugh. Was there really a point?

I could die before I even apply to college.

Then it very possibly might not.

Well, let's just keep hope alive.

Hello.

Hi.

I say, your car seems

to have had an adventure, doesn't it?

Uh, Buffy assures me

that it happened battling evil,

so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan.

BUFFY: Uh, hey...

the way things were going,

be glad that's the worst that happened.

At least I got to the two of you

before you actually did something.

Right. Indeed.

Yes.

Grr. Argh.