Original subtitles

Plesiosaurs, or sea serpents, are gigantic reptiles

that lived in the seas of the world over during the Mesozoic Era,

or the Age of Reptiles.

Plesiosaurs, like their contemporaries the sea and fish lizards,

became extinct at the close of Cretaceous time,

when the dinosaurs likewise disappeared from the lands.

They were replaced by the primitive, ah, but more intelligent mammals.

This way, please.

Sorry, I'm late!

Oh, you finally managed to get here.

- You're late, as usual, of course. - No, I...

Our appointment was for 11:30. It's practically noon now.

I'm sorry, John. Have I kept you waiting long?

No, I just got here myself.

Oh, well, then I don't feel so bad. That's beside the point.

I don't like to be kept waiting, and since you're never on time,

I always come late on purpose.

I expect you to be there when I arrive.

Waiter?

Bring me the potage Saint-Germain.

And while you're at it... bring me some fresh rose.

It's not my table yet.

Well, when does it become your table?

At twelve o'clock.

Then at precisely twelve o'clock, bring me the soup, piping hot,

and fresh rose.

Scotch and soda, please.

Stanley, you're drinking at... 11:56 and 39 seconds.

Just look at yourself. What did you do?

Go without sleep again?

No, I ran to be here on time.

But you were late. Just look at yourself, yawning.

Running doesn't make you yawn.

My head is a little thick.

- You reek of alcohol. - It's true. I do have a slight hangover.

It's the same every Sunday morning, not to mention the other days of the week.

No, it's much less frequent during the week because of the office.

Stanley, stop looking for approval from a woman

who's feeding lox to a cat, and just lock at yourself.

I know, I look hungover.

Where is your tie?

Oh, well, I got soap in My eyes this morning.

What did you do? Lose it last night during an orgy?

I... I wet my clock.

You're talking gibberish.

Close your eyes.

Come. Come on.

Open.

- Put this on. - Thank you, John.

Take this comb.

Your hair is all over the place.

You haven't shaved. Just look at yourself.

Oh, my tongue is all coated.

You're heading straight for cirrhosis, my friend.

You can keep the tie. I have plenty more.

And look at your shoulder.

- What about my shoulder? - Have you been leaning against the wall?

- Do...? - No, I don't carry a brush.

It would make my pockets bulge.

Oh, turn around, turn around.

It's a positive disgrace.

I'm ashamed to be your friend.

Thank you, John.

You're very hard on me, John.

I have to be.

I understand it's because you're my friend,

but if you only knew how bored I was with the work I'm doing

eight hours a day, week after week.

When Saturday night comes around, I'm exhausted

from having done nothing with my life.

I need some kind of lift. Some kind of diversion, so I drink.

You're lacking in willpower, and I am not!

I have willpower!

And there's one reason why I admire you so much,

but not everybody has that much willpower, John.

I tell you, I can't get used to it.

I just can't get used to life.

Where did your debauch take place last night?

At our friend Henry's birthday party.

Our friend Henry's birthday party?

Nobody invited me to our friend Henry's birthday party.

What kind of friend can he be?

What's that noise?

You know I hadn't been invited because if I had been invited,

I would've called you earlier in the day to tell you

that I wouldn't be caught dead at our friend Henry's birthday party.

- What's that noise? - It's a rhinoceros.

Oh, it's a rhinoceros!

Hey, un rinoceronte.

- Si, si, a rhinoceros! - Well, of all things!

A rhinoceros charging full blast down the avenue!

Well, of all things.

Well, of all things.

Imagine a thing like that.

Well, what do you think of that?

It certainly did make a lot of noise.

But you must admit, it was extraordinary.

I'll have another, please.

Double.

A double? You're incorrigible.

It's unbelievable. It was a rhinoceros.

All right, it was a rhinoceros.

It's probably blocks from here by now. But don't you see it's fantastic?

A rhinoceros loose in this part of town, and you don't bat an eyelid.

That's the crime of the time we live in, and all you can say is--

Cover your mouth when you cough!

- Someone should call the police. - The police? The mayor.

- What's the mayor there for? - Maybe it escaped from the zoo.

- You're dreaming. - Or from the circus.

- What circus? - I don't know.

Maybe it was hiding under a rock.

You're trying to be witty? You're seriously mistaken.

You're just a bore. You can't talk seriously.

Just today because...

I just can't stand it when you're trying to make fun of me.

I would never allow myself to--

Yes, you would. You just allowed yourself.

- But how could you possibly think--? - I think what's true.

- I assure you. - That you were trying to make fun of me.

You can be so damned obstinate sometimes.

You're calling me a mule into the barn.

- It never would've entered my mind. - Because you have no mind!

That's why when fantastic things happen, you just act complacent.

You pretend that it's nothing.

You let a rhinoceros go racing down the street,

particularly on a Sunday afternoon,

with little children playing all over the street!

All right, I agree. It shouldn't be allowed.

But it's certainly not something that we should get into a fight over.

But to get into a fight over some perissodactyl

that happens to pass some stupid quadruped,

it's just...

Oh, forgive me, John.

Here's to you, John.

Don't touch that drink.

- I'm gonna have to pay for it, anyway. - Put it down! Put it down.

Down! Down!

Oh my God, it's Daisy.

Here, pretend this is your drink.

You've ruined my tie.

- I'm terribly sorry. - Oh, oh, it's unforgivable. Unforgivable.

This is what comes from your drinking.

You can't control your movements anymore.

Give me your tie.

Why should that girl make you act in such a fashion?

She seemed a nice person from what I can see,

looking through those cakes.

- I'm very sorry, John. - It's all from drinking. No coordination.

You're digging your own grave, my friend.

You... You're destroying yourself.

I hate the taste of alcohol, but if I don't drink, I feel awful.

I'm frightened. I drink so I won't be frightened anymore.

Frightened of what?

Oh.

- Stanley? - Hmm?

Frightened of what?

I don't know exactly. It's a kind of anguish.

I feel-- I feel out of place in life among people.

I don't feel that I belong.

I'm indifferent to life,

so I take a few drinks, and then it doesn't bother me anymore.

John?

- Stanley? - John?

You don't even carry a handkerchief.

I'm tired. I've been tired for years.

It's become exhausting just to drag the weight of my own body around.

I'm conscious of my body all the time.

As if I were dragging another person around on my back.

I just can't seem to get used to myself.

Sometimes, I don't even know if I'm me.

Stanley, you're being fanciful. Look at me.

I think I weigh more than you do, and yet, I feel light.

Light as a feather.

You are strong.

Yes, I am strong. I'm strong for several reasons.

In the first place, I'm strong because I have natural strength.

I'm also strong because I have moral strength.

I'm also strong because I'm not brimming over with alcohol.

I do not wish to offend you, Stanley.

As your friend, I feel I must tell you that what weighs so heavily upon you

is nothing more nor less than alcohol.

- What happened? - Here, put this on.

Now, here's another syllogism. All cats die. Socrates is dead.

Therefore, Socrates is a cat.

And he's got four paws too.

That's true because I had a cat named Socrates.

Stanley?

Psst.

Why don't you sit down?

I wanted to see if she had come in here.

Oh, you don't want her to see you in your present state,

which proves that you're not indifferent to life.

You seem to be very fond of her.

She works in my office.

How can you expect her to be attracted to a drunkard?

I think she has her eye on somebody else, anyway.

Oh, who?

- Norman. - Has four paws.

He has a desk next to mine at the office.

There you are, you see.

He's a CPA.

Well, how do we know that?

The boss thinks a lot of him, whereas I have no future.

I just don't stand a chance.

So you're giving up? Just like that?

What else can I do?

Turn yourself into a keen and brilliant intellect.

How do I do that?

Well, it's not easy.

It's not easy.

On the contrary, it's very simple.

It may be simple for you, but not for me.

- Concentrate. - Concentrate.

- Exercise your mind. - Exercise your mind.

I really don't see how.

- You have to be told everything. - You have to be told everything.

This is what you must do.

When you walk out of the door, emulate me.

Put on a hat.

Wear a tie like this, a well-cut suit,

highly polished shoes.

Carry a cane.

And to top it all off, add this.

No, I think there are several possible solutions.

- Tell me. - All right, suppose I look like you.

Then what? Tell me.

- I'm listening. - I'm listening.

You're a timid creature, but you're not without talent.

What talent?

Put yourself into the picture.

Keep abreast of the literary and cultural events of the day.

Take an adult education course.

- How do you mean? - By visiting museums.

Read the literary periodicals

like The United States News & World Report,

National Observer, Popular Mechanics .

In four weeks, you'll be a cultured person.

Maybe you're right.

Do you know anything of the avant-garde theater?

Have you ever seen the plays... of Eugene Ionesco?

I never had the time. I was a phys ed major.

I suppose you're right. I have to do something.

This afternoon, I'll go to the museum. Will you go with me?

No, I've already been to the museum today.

Well, will you go to the theater with me this evening?

I sincerely hope you'll keep up your good resolutions,

but this evening, I'm meeting some friends for a drink.

For a drink?

I promised to go. I always keep my word.

You're going out drinking?

Drinking is not a habit with me. It isn't the same as with you.

- Why isn't it? - Because I'm not an alcoholic.

Well, even with no paws at all, a cat must catch mice.

- That's its nature. - I never said you were an alcoholic.

What's going on?

Oh, it's a rhinoceros!

It's smashing all the shop windows!

A rhinoceros!

Well, of all things.

Well, of all things.

Something it just made up, sensationalism.

Carl, you read it yourself. It says so right here.

They do that sort of thing to build circulation.

Never believe the press. They're all liars.

"The second time the pachyderm charged,

it wrecked a phone booth,

broke the front window of a restaurant, and killed a small cat.”

Nonsense. I hardly believe what I see with my own eyes.

That's why I became an accountant 20 years ago,

and why I have enjoyed it for the past 19 years.

Because it's precise, and I have a methodical mind.

Well, Carl, I was there,

and I thought the newspaper stated it quite precise.

I thought so too, Daisy.

And besides, what does a methodical mind have to do with it?

You call that precise, huh?

What exactly does he mean by "a pachyderm"?

What doesn't he understand about pachyderms?

And what does he mean by "a cat"?

Everybody knows what they mean by "a cat.”

Really? What sort of cat? A female cat? A male cat?

- What breed? What color? - Carl.

The issue of color is something I feel very strongly about.

You--

I hate it.

What does color got to do with it, Carl?

Well, you can't deny the color problem exists, Mr. Nicholson.

It's one of the vital issues of our time.

We all know that, Carl, but it has nothing to do

with what we're discussing here at the moment.

Please, Norman, you can't dismiss it too lightly.

History has shown us that racial prejudice inevitably leads--

Racial prejudice has nothing to do with it.

Well, I'm not so sure.

It is not the issue here.

Well, perhaps, but a person should never pass up a chance to denounce it.

Carl, I'm sure nobody here is in favor of racial prejudice,

but you're obscuring the issue.

This is simply a case of a cat being run over by a pachyderm,

and I saw it happen.

You mean you actually, with your own eyes, saw a rhinoceros strolling through town?

Not strolling, Mr. Nicholson, running.

It was running down the avenue.

Well, actually, I didn't see it myself, but I have a friend who did--

- Oh, please, believe me! -...and he told-- Carl!

The press just made it up. They do these sort of things to sell papers.

I am surprised at you, Norman.

A certified public accountant believing such... garbage.

- Oh, faux! - Carl, I saw it. I will swear to that.

Oh, come now, Daisy. I always thought you were a sensible girl.

I am sensible, and I can see straight,

and besides, there were plenty of other people watching.

Sure, a lot of loafers with nothing else to do but stand around.

- Yesterday was Sunday, Carl. - So what? I work on Sunday too.

1 take work home.

I don't listen to priests that try to get you to church

and make you stop working and earning a living.

I resent that. That insults religion.

Oh, don't misunderstand me, Mr. Nicholson. I--

Just because I happen to despise religion doesn't mean I--

I don't hold it in the highest esteem.

Do you know what a rhinoceros looks like?

- Of course. It's a big, ugly animal. - Aha! Well, it so happens--

All right, time to go to work. It's past 9:00.

It's too bad about the latecomers.

Psst!

- Morning, Daisy. - Good morning, Stanley.

Does Mr. Nicholson know I'm late?

- I think so. - Oh, pissy poo.

So you're here.

Even in accounting offices--

There's ignorance to be found today in accounting offices, even among CPAs!

Oh, stop it, Carl!

Mostly because of universities

and the fact that there's no clear thinking in the universities anymore.

That's quite enough, Carl.

So, Stanley, did you, by any chance, see the rhinoceros?

All you find in the universities is a bunch of effete intellectuals

with no practical knowledge of the world as it is.

Yes, Mr. Nicholson, as a matter of fact, I did.

- Ridiculous. - There. You see, Carl.

I'm not so crazy after all.

Stanley's just being chivalrous.

Oh, what is so chivalrous about saying you've seen a rhinoceros?

It's understandable. Everybody's chivalrous to Daisy.

It's understandable.

Oh, you're twisting things, Carl.

Stanley didn't hear the earlier part of our argument.

He just came in... late.

Daisy and I both saw it, Mr. Nicholson.

Is it possible Stanley thought he saw a rhinoceros?

After all, you know-- anything's possible with him.

I wasn't alone, Carl. There was a restaurant full of people.

We saw it. Maybe I should say we saw them.

Now he doesn't know how many he saw.

It was a rhinoceros with one horn.

Well, that's good enough for me, Daisy.

Flying saucers, that's what it sounds like to me.

UFOs.

Well, I happen to believe in UFOs.

All right, people, now, you're not paid to waste your time

arguing about rhinoceroses and flying UFOs.

I insist we get to work, and work quietly.

I'll leave my door open so I can hear.

- Thank you for backing me up, Stanley. - It was a pleasure, Daisy.

You know what it is? It's just a lot of propaganda, that's all.

- What propaganda, Carl? - Never mind. You know what I mean.

I'm not in the pay of any radical organizations.

I just realized Bingham isn't here.

- Did he call in sick? - Not so far as I know, Mr. Nicholson.

Hmm, if this doesn't stop, I'll have to fire him.

All those tax records locked in his desk.

Anyone have the key to his desk?

Mrs. Bingham!

Are you all right, Mrs. Bingham? Good morning.

- Good morning, Mr. Nicholson. - Good morning.

- What's wrong, Mrs. Bingham? - Please forgive me.

- I just-- - Sit down.

- No, no, here. Bring her in my office. - Here we go. Aw, shh, shh, shh.

No!

Oh! Oh!

Don't crowd the woman. Give her air!

Now, Mrs. Bingham, what's wrong? Where's Mr. Bingham?

Um-- Oh, please. Oh, please, forgive me.

He went to visit his family for the-- for the weekend,

and he-- and he seems to have a touch of the flu.

Oh, you could've called. He could've called.

No, no, he said you-you-you-- you needed this-this-this key.

He-He-- He called to tell me that.

- That was very conscientious of him. - Oh.

Could I have-- Could I have some water?

Water. Water. Get her some water. Water.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you.

What is it, Mrs. Bingham?

She's hysterical because her husband has the flu!

No! I was chased all the way here by a rhinoceros.

- Mrs. Bingham? - Huh?

How many horns did it have?

He's still down there lurking at the foot of the stairs.

- It seemed to want to come up the stairs. - Ridiculous!

It's a hoax!

...around and around. I think it's in pain.

Wait a minute. He looks like he's looking for something.

Carl? Carl, can you see him now?

- Yes, yes, I can see him! - That is obviously a rhinoceros.

- Is that what you saw yesterday, Daisy? - Definitely.

Well, people, we can all see what it's doing to this staircase.

Run, Daisy!

Oh, it's directly below our feet.

Okay, Daisy.

“ Oh.

Hold still, Stanley.

- Don't look down! - Come on.

- Hold still. - Don't let go of my arm, now. Och.

- All right. All right, Daisy. - Easy.

Easy. Easy. Easy. Easy.

There you are.

Well done.

Good girl, Daisy.

That was very heroic, Stanley.

I know.

Well, anyone given the chance would've done the same thing.

Oh, it's destroyed our staircase. Now, how are we gonna get out of here?

I will take you in my arms and leap out the window,

and together we'll float to earth.

- Oh, Mr. Nicholson. - Ha, ha, ha!

You see how the ruling classes behave under stress?

Oh, I was just trying to make a joke.

What is going on down there?

Oh! Oh, dear God, no, it can't be true!

- Oh. - But that's-that's-- It's my husband!

- Oh, no, Mrs. Bingham, I doubt it's your-- - Oh, yes, yes it is. Oh, you poor thing.

What-What has happened to you? Mwah.

Mrs. Bingham, are you sure it's your husband?

Uh, yes.

Yeah, those-- those are his glasses and-and-and-- and his eyes.

- Don't you-- Don't you recognize him, huh? - Well, yes and no.

Yes and no? Well, I do. I recognize-- I recognize you, my darling!

Mwah!

This is the last straw. This time, he's fired for good.

- Bingham? You're fired! - No, no, no, no!

- Mr. Nicholson. Mrs. Bingham? - Huh? Huh? What? What?

- Mrs. Bingham? - What?

- Was he insured? - I understand it completely now.

As a matter of fact, how do you collect insurance on a case like this?

- Oh my God. - Carl!

- Stanley, catch her. - Oh!

Oh, Mrs. Bingham.

Mrs. Bingham, now don't-- don't upset yourself, Mrs. Bingham.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

- Mrs. Bingham. - Huh?

Maybe it can all be straightened out.

- What can be done legally? - She should call an attorney.

It's sheer madness! What a society.

You can be sure of one thing, Mr. Nicholson.

- I'm gonna report this to my union. - Shh!

I'm not one to stand by and see you desert a fellow union member in a time of need!

- Oh, hush up! - Oh, don't tell me to hush up!

It could be hushed up.

Oh, my poor darling. I can't just leave him at a time like this.

My poor darling.

He's calling me!

He's calling me! He's calling me!

This is the worst possible time to lose Bingham, just at tax time.

- Mr. Nicholson, who cares about that now? - My poor darling.

The question is, how do we get out of here?

- My poor darling. - We'll just have to go out the window.

- It's too high. - We could call the fire department.

Yes, Daisy, call the fire department, quickly.

- Yes, sir. - Oh, use-- Use my office.

- It's much quieter in there. - I cannot just desert him.

- Mrs. Bingham. - Huh?

If you should want a divorce, you'd be perfectly justified.

- Yes, yes, you are the injured party. - A divorce? Oh, no, no, no.

At a time like this? That poor thing? No, I cannot just abandon him!

Stanley, stop her!

Don't let her go! Don't go!

Don't! No, don't jump, Mrs. Bingham!

Mrs. Bingham, what are you doing?

Call a priest!

Lean in towards the window!

Don't do anything foolish, Mrs. Bingham.

I'm coming, my darling. I'm coming!

I'll never leave you, my darling! Never!

- She landed right on his back. - Look at her ride!

Oh, oh!

Oh, yes. Oh! Yes, yes! Yes, yes!

- Oh, yes! - Actually, she rides very well.

Stanley?

Stanley, what are you doing out there holding a purse?

Well, Mrs. Bingham jumped on her husband's back and rode away.

- Stanley. - How lovely!

It's so rare these days to find a marriage like that.

Stanley, come on.

Where's the fire department, I ask you?

- I had trouble getting them. - Stanley.

The firemen have all been busy with all other rhinoceroses.

- Oh! - You mean there are more?

They were only seven this morning,

but now they've had confirmed sightings of at least 30 more.

They always exaggerate.

Well, they'll be here as soon as possible, Carl.

All right, people, let's get back to work.

Idle hands are the devil's workshop.

All right, Carl. Carl. You still deny that Daisy was right, huh?

And the newspapers were right, huh? Huh?

- I've never denied it. Never! - Mm-hmm.

I simply wanted to find out what it all added up to.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I never denied it.

I understand it completely now.

Well, Carl, I wish you'd explain it to us.

Yes. Yes, I wish you'd explain it, Carl.

I wish someone would explain it.

- I'll explain it, all right. - Well?

We're all waiting for your explanation.

I...

I know the whys and wherefores of this whole business.

I also know the people who are involved.

I know the purpose and the meaning behind this whole plot,

and I'm not the only one who understands.

Even the man-- the man on the street knows about it.

You'd have to be a hypocrite to pretend not to understand.

Oh, thank heaven.

Yeah, and I'll tell you something else.

Big, big, big changes are going to be made in the way

that such things are investigated.

Up here, fireman!

Bear in mind that we're all due back here this afternoon.

- I'll see that the stairs are fixed. - You first, Daisy.

- There you are. - Let's go, miss.

- Go. - All right, Carl,

I'm going as fast as I can.

Hey, you others can climb down yourselves, huh?

- See you later, Daisy. - Bye, Norman.

Thank you for saving me, Stanley.

It was a pleasure, Daisy.

It was.

...stand by at Staten location.

I must do a time study of this for the purpose of salary.

I'll have to do a little study of my own.

I thought it was all perfectly clear to you, Carl.

Don't worry, it soon will be!

Then I'll confront the whole world

with positive and concrete evidence of your treason!

You're not afraid of heights, are you?

No.

- Do you want me to help you? - You don't touch me!

Back!

All right, Stanley, am I on the ladder? Yes.

- You get too worried. - Oh, now, Stanley!

You can't let me do this alone. Come here.

- Make a little room. - All right.

- Oh! - I'm sorry.

Sorry? I loved it.

Stanley?

- Ow! Yes? - What--?

What do you want to do after we finish this?

Wanna go to a motel?

Norman, don't you think it's a little frightening?

- What? - All this rhinoceros business?

Well, I'm sure once it's explained, Stanley.

I know, but aren't we taking it too lightly?

- What? - People are changing into rhinoceroses.

No, no. Not-Not-- Not people.

We only saw one. I mean, actually only one.

You can't generalize to say "people."

- Rhinoceros! - Rhinoceros!

Rhinoceros!

- Rhinoceros! - Rhinoceros!

Rhinoceros!

- Rhinoceros! - Rhinoceros! Rhinoceros! Rhinoceros!

Oh!

Yes? What is it?

Hello, John. It's me, Stanley.

Oh, sure. Where are you?

I'm downstairs in my apartment. I have to talk to you.

May I come up to see you?

What time is it?

Well, it must be, uh, a little after 2:00.

Why aren't you at the office?

Well, I'll explain that when I see you. I'd like to apologize to you.

Of course. But give me... Give me five minutes.

All right.

You know, John, there are some things going on.

I don't know how to explain them, but I know you'll be able to help me.

Stanley?

John?

John?

- Hello, John. - How are you, Stanley?

I'm sorry if I woke you.

Funny. I didn't recognize your voice.

I didn't either. I mean, your voice. Aren't you feeling well?

Oh, yeah. I... 1 feel all right.

I wanted to apologize to you.

It was stupid of me to get so upset yesterday over a thing like that.

About... what thing?

- Yesterday. - What yesterday? What yesterday?

What yesterday?

Don't you remember that miserable rhinoceros?

What rhinoceros?

That miserable rhinoceros we saw.

I mean, those two miserable rhinoceroses that we saw.

How do you know they were so miserable?

- It's just a figure of speech. - Waell, let's not talk about it anymore.

- That's very nice of you. - And that's that.

Except that I'd like to tell you how sorry I am for being so angry.

I acted like an idiot. - That wasn't so surprising, was it?

Well... Anyway, I'm sorry.

I, uh... I don't feel well.

Probably why you're in bed.

Um, but you know, John, as it turns out, we were both right.

About what?

About those rhinoceroses.

It's been proven there are some in town with two horns and some with one.

Close the door! I'll catch a draft!

I don't feel like-- I don't feel like talk--

What do you think is wrong with you?

I don't know, but there's something wrong somewhere.

Do you feel weak?

- I don't know! - Dizzy?

No, no, on the contrary.

I feel-- I'm... full... of... beans.

You mean it comes and goes? That happens to me sometimes.

It never happens to me.

Well, then, you're too healthy.

You know, too much energy is as bad as too little, John.

It could mean that something is wrong with your nervous system.

My nervous system is in perfect order and sound of mind and body!

I come from a long line of--

Maybe you've got the flu. It's been going around lately.

Yes, maybe. My head aches.

Would you feel better if I left you alone?

You're not bothering me.

- Your voice is hoarse, John. - Hoarse?

Yes, a little.

My voice isn't hoarse.

My voice hasn't changed.

Your voice has changed.

- Mine? - Why not?

Well, I don't know. I suppose it's possible.

- I hadn't noticed. - Actually...

Actually, it's my forehead that aches.

- Did you fall? - I must have--

Maybe you dreamed that you bumped 1

I never dream.

We all dream, John. Only sometimes your subconscious mind--

My mind doesn't wander. I think straight.

I always think straight.

What?

I'm sorry, John.

I didn't mean to excite you. I didn't express myself well.

Then express yourself better

and don't bother to make any of your unpleasant observations again.

The only-- The only point I'm trying to make is if you really bumped your head,

then you would have a bump.

You do have a bump.

A bump? Really?

It's just a little one.

- Where? - There, above your nose.

There's no bump. We have no bumps in our family.

Look for yourself.

What? Well, I'll be. What?

What?

Well, I'll be. There-- There is something.

I'd better go take a good look.

I--

I do have a bump!

So you see?

I did bump myself. John?

Yes?

Excuse me for saying it, but you look a little gray.

Today's your day for saying unpleasant things.

Did you take a good look at yourself lately?

1 didn't say it to upset you.

That's hard to believe.

Does your--? Does your throat hurt?

Why--? Why should my throat hurt?

But if your throat hurts, it... It could be your tonsils.

I've-- I've never had any trouble with my tonsils. Ooh.

Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Let me feel your pulse.

- What? - Come on the sofa

and let me feel your pulse.

What's the matter with you? It doesn't hurt.

- You're an adult. - No.

John, would you come and sit on the sofa and let me feel your--

- No. - Oh, don't be a baby, now.

Are you playing games with me?

- No. - Come on. Let me feel your pulse.

It won't hurt.

That's it. Yes.

- No. - Oh, come on, you silly.

Would you come on the sofa and let me feel your pulse?

- You won't hurt me? - No, I'm not gonna hurt you.

- Ow. - That's it. Aw.

That's it.

It-- It will pass.

Your pulse is normal. No need to worry.

- Why should I worry? - A few days of rest, you'll be fine.

I'm hungry! Hungry!

Hungry, good. That's a good sign.

Ugh.

But you should get some rest.

Have you called the doctor?

Why should I call a doctor?

Let me call one for you.

I don't want you to call a doctor because I don't want a doctor.

But you should get some competent medical advice.

Doctors invent illnesses!

But they do it in good faith.

They invent illnesses, I tell you! They invent them!

I must go buy some food.

Anyway.

Anyway, the only doctors I trust are veterinarians.

- John? - Huh?

- Your veins are jutting out. - Yes.

- It's a sign of virility. - Oh, even so.

What are you doing?

Scrutinizing me as if I was some strange animal.

Skin.

What's my skin got to do with it? I don't want to talk about my skin.

Do I talk about your skin? Well? Well, do I?

It's just that it's changing color.

It seems to be getting gray, and it's getting harder too.

Stop mauling me! I told you to stop scrutinizing me.

What's the matter with you? You're getting on my nerves.

John, I'm gonna call a doctor.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no.

- No. - We have to.

- Now call your doctor. - It was for your own good.

I know better than you-- what's-- good for me.

John, you're breathing very hard.

- That's the way I breathe. - I breathe the best I can.

You don't like my breathing?

I don't like your breathing.

You breathe-- as if you're gonna drop dead any-- second.

John, John, don't get angry. I'm only trying to be your friend.

I don't want your friendship, and I don't believe in friendship.

- Oh. - I don't want it.

That's a silly thing to say.

You're certainly in a misanthropic mood today.

Yes, I'm misanthropic.

Very misanthropic indeed, and I enjoy being misanthropic.

If you're still angry about yesterday, I've admitted it was my fault.

- It was just a silly quarrel. - What silly quarrel are you talking about?

About the rhinoceros.

It's not that I hate people. I'm just indifferent to them.

Let's say they disgust me,

and they better stay out of my way,

or I'll run them down!

I have an aim in life.

And I'm going straight for it!

Maybe you're going through an identity crisis.

My clothes... My clothes are uncomfortable!

My pajamas itch. They itch! They itch!

I just can't understand what's happening to your skin.

There you go about my skin again!

It's getting grayer and grayer.

You have a color mania today!

Have you been drinking again?

No, not at all.

Then it's the result of your past debauches.

I've made you a promise, and I've kept it.

I haven't touched a drop in spite of everything I've seen today.

Who cares what you've seen? Who cares?

- What did you say? - I said...

John, do you know what happened to Bingham?

- Who? - You know, Bingham, from my office?

What happened to Bingham?

He turned into a rhinoceros.

Oh, stop being funny, John.

I can say blah if I feel like it. This is my apartment.

- Well, I didn't say that you couldn't. - And you better not!

Oh, I... I feel... I feel hot.

Hot! Hot!

I feel hot! Hot!

Hot!

I must cool off. I must cool off.

Maybe you've got a little fever.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't I go and get a doctor?

Oh.

So old Bingham turned into a rhinoceros, did he?

Ooh!

He was playing a joke on you, disguising himself,

and you fell for it.

He looked pretty serious about it to me.

Well...

that's his business.

I don't think he did it on purpose, John.

I don't think he wanted to change.

And what if he did do it on purpose?

- Ooh! - Oh.

That's really funny. Isn't it funny?

The-- The damage. Isn't it funny?

I shouldn't make you talk so much, John. It seems to upset you.

On the contrary. It relaxes me.

Wouldn't you like me to call the doctor?

I absolutely forbid it.

I hate obstinate people.

He obviously enjoyed turning into a rhinoceros...

...or he would've resisted it.

It's just not normal for a human being to turn into a dumb animal.

It's not as bad as all that.

After all, rhinoceroses are living creatures too,

and there's no reason to call them dumb!

Well, don't you think that there's a little difference in the mentality?

Are you under the impression that our way of life is superior?

No, but I think that we have a few moral standards

which might conflict with the standards of these animals.

I'm sick of you and your moral standards!

Well, what do you put in their place?

Nature!

The laws of nature!

The laws of nature can lead to the laws of the jungle.

That would suit me fine, just fine!

Yes, you say that, but I know that deep down you don't believe it.

You must realize a new foundation!

We must get back to primeval integrity!

I don't agree with you at all.

What is it?

I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Stanley, open the window. Stanley, I can't breathe.

I can't breathe!

- Better. Better. - John, listen to me.

You have to admit that we have values and philosophies

which it's taken centuries of human civilization to build up.

When we've demolished all that, we'll all be better off!

You're joking, aren't you?

I know you don't mean that.

John.

John, if mankind is to survive, we have to fight.

Don't talk to me about mankind.

You know what I mean. I don't mean mankind.

I mean... I mean the human individual.

The human individual? He's all washed up.

You're just a-- a ridiculous sentimentalist!

But the mind, John.

The human mind.

Clichés! You're talking in clichés!

Rubbish! Rubbish!

Rubbish! Rubbish!

- Time for a change! - I don't understand.

You were always so conservative.

I don't even recognize you anymore.

Hot! Hot!

Hot! Hot!

Close it!

Quiet! Quiet!

What are you doing?

I've got to get to the river!

John, listen to me. Stand still and look at me. Can't you hear me?

I can hear you perfectly well.

I can... I can see you very well.

John, what are you doing? You almost ran me over.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, John, I can't leave you like this.

You're my friend.

I know how you feel, but I have to get a doctor.

It's an absolute necessity.

You mustn't call the doctor!

I have to, John. I have to.

I'll trample you. I'll trample you!

I'll trample you down!

Oh.

Eh? Is that you, Stanley?

Yeah!

Ha-ha!

Rhinoceros!

Rhinoceros!

- Who's that? - Stanley?

- Is that you, John? - No, it's me, Norman.

Oh. Just a minute, Norman.

- What are you doing? - I'll explain in a minute.

But listen, Norman--

Has my voice changed?

- No, why should it change? - Doesn't sound in any way hoarse?

Let's hear it again.

No. No, but you're acting very silly, Stanley.

- Come in, Norman. - Stanley. Stanley.

What's--? What's the mat--? Stan--

- Do you see a bump on my head? - No.

I can't get over it. I just can't get over it.

Stanley, what's the matter with you?

I don't want to change, Norman.

Do you want to change?

- Oh, that. - Yes, that.

My friend, John. You met him upstairs.

He changed right in front of my eyes.

I can't get over it.

Wait a minute!

Shh!

I think he's gone.

I haven't heard anything for over 24 hours.

He must've gone to join the herd.

You should've seen him, Norman.

He grew so wild and furious.

Oh, I'm sure you feel very let down, but you gotta try not to think about it.

How can I not think about it?

He was more than an upstairs neighbor.

He was my friend for years.

Such a warmhearted person.

But if you had seen the expression on his face...

It's a shame you had to see a thing like that, Stanley.

He was so tough on me because he cared so much about me.

He wanted me to live up to a certain standard.

A certain standard of human civilization.

He was the one person I thought I could count on not to switch.

I trusted him more than myself.

Stanley, you're making too much of this.

Look, as for John, well, frankly, now, I found him overbearing.

I mean, he was too wild and-and crazy.

I mean, well, he's just an isolated case.

You think so?

- Well, what about Bingham and the others? - Well...

What about Bingham?

You know there are herds running around out there.

Herds, did you know that?

- Here, give me a hand with this, will you? - Yeah.

Well, you know, Stanley, the theory I subscribe to

is the one that says this is a-- a curable epidemic.

It'll probably peak soon.

Oh, yeah? I'm not so sure.

Don't you think we have to fight it?

John talked about that.

He said I was complacent. He was right.

If I fought it from the start...

If I'd helped him to fight it...

We've gotta steel ourselves, Norman!

We've gotta steel ourselves and find a way to fight this thing!

Would you like a drink?

No, but you're drinking yourself into oblivion.

I'm doing it on purpose!

Yeah, but you just said something about steeling ourselves.

I'm not an alcoholic, Norman!

Stanley. Sta-- Stanley.

Here.

- All right? - Yeah.

Hey, look, Stanley. Look, sit down.

Look, Stanley, why don't you go out, huh?

I mean, cooped up in here with the windows closed and the curtains drawn.

Why don't you go out and get you some fresh air, huh?

I don't want to have to see them. I don't want to have to see them.

Just the sight of them... it does something to me.

I know. I know.

I know, I know. But they won't attack you.

I mean, if you ignore them, well, they just won't bother you.

I just walked right up the street with a smile on my face.

I know, but just the sight of them...

gives me a tight feeling... right inside my heart.

Well, that's because you have no sense of humor. Hmm?

- You think so? - Yes.

You see, you've got to learn to detach

-and-- and see the funny side of it. - Hmm.

- Well, maybe you're right. - Sure.

I didn't used to feel so involved.

I just...

I can't seem to take my humanity for granted anymore.

Well... that's because you think everything revolves around you.

I mean, you think that everything that happens concerns you.

- That's right. - I mean, you know, Stanley?

You are not the center of the universe.

If only this had happened someplace else.

Across an ocean, like...

-...starvation in India. - Yeah.

- Or a war in Asia. - Yeah.

We could watch it on television and-- and be saddened by it.

And there'd be all kinds of special reports, TV coverage,

you know, and...

panel discussions.

- We'd sit and watch it. - Yeah.

Could've been very, very interesting.

Yeah. Well...

- It just didn't work that way. - I know.

I know.

The plague is here, and I just can't get over it!

Stop it, Stanley. Stanley.

I couldn't, either... at first.

They're at it again.

I can't accept it!

I can't sleep at night without having nightmares.

I can't stay awake without drinking.

- I just can't accept it. - It's a fact. You have to accept it.

I don't want to accept it! I want to attack it!

I've got to act! Everyone has to act! You can't be complacent, Norman.

The plague is here! The plague!

Why am I screaming at you, Norman?

It was nice of you to drop by and see how I was.

By the way, did Nicholson get my application for sick leave?

I know the mails are a mess right now.

Oh, don't worry about that. The office still hasn't gone back to work.

Why? Aren't the stairs fixed yet?

No, they're working on it. It's going very slowly.

You know, it's hard to get good help these days.

But it's the actual structure,

the structure of the office itself that is in a shambles.

I mean, with Bingham gone and Nicholson resigning--

Nicholson resigned? That's impossible.

He's been hovering over his retirement plan for the last 20 years.

Well, actually, he didn't resign. He switched.

Oh, Norman.

Nicholson became a rhinoceros?

I tell you, there are things going on around here

that are just beyond our scope.

I don't think either of us has the intellect to deal with them.

But I know somebody... who does.

What is that thing?

- I don't know. - Maybe it's John.

But rhinoceroses don't knock so softly.

How do you know?

Hi, anybody home?

Daisy. Why'd you come up that way?

Have you seen your stairs? You can't get near the lobby.

Now they're in the lobby.

They're just walking around in the lobby.

I heard you weren't feeling well, Stanley.

- You certainly are a good friend, Daisy. - That's just what I am, a good friend.

It was nice of you to come by, Daisy.

You obviously have a warm heart.

Just a good friend, that's all.

I have some news for you both.

- Carl is a rhinoceros. - Carl?

Carl was against it. You heard him, Norman.

He denounced it as treason.

What he said was, "We have to move with the times."

- Those were his last human words. -"Move with the times."

Should have known I'd find you here, Daisy.

If you wanted to see me, Norman, all you had to do was call my number.

You know what really irritates me about Carl?

Is that after years and years of listening to his diatribes

about the evils of management, 24 hours later,

he went and followed the boss' example.

You know-- You know my friend John upstairs, Daisy?

He became a rhinoceros too.

- It's heartbreaking. - I know.

I have a cousin in New Jersey now who's a rhinoceros.

Oh, I'm sorry.

And I heard about a man who does the late news

becoming a rhinoceros right in the middle of the weather report.

Well, they haven't taken over yet, right, Daisy?

It's sure to spread though.

Oh, I'm sure it'll spread from-- from Mexico to Canada before long.

But we're still the majority.

We have to fight it.

We have to fight complacency.

As long as there's one rhinoceros left on one avenue,

then the whole city's cursed.

We have to fight complacency, don't we?

You're right.

But let's eat something first.

Care to join us in a bite, Norman?

No. Three is a crowd.

That's a cliché.

Oh, come on, Norman.

Don't be a silly.

Here.

Well, Daisy, you certainly know where things are around here.

I had a lot of trouble finding food.

So many places had been demolished.

There was even one place that had a sign in the front that said--

"Closed due to transformation.”

But they have to be fought.

Well, that's easier said than done, Stanley.

Anyway, what would you do with them?

Well, I suppose you'd round 'em up first.

Then you'd put them in some kind of enclosures.

No. The ASPCA would give you some trouble about that.

Not to mention the civil liberties people.

Listen to what I'm talking about.

It's horrible. Horrible.

Besides which, practically everybody now has a friend or relative who's become one.

It's gonna be harder than you think, Stanley.

But they have to be fought. They have to be.

Oddly enough, you get used to it.

Oh, Daisy, please, let's not talk about getting used to it.

Let's just eat.

Is something wrong with the food, Stanley?

I don't feel like eating.

Well, you can't drink all day on an empty stomach.

I know. You're right.

I need some rest.

- I'd like to lie down for little while. - Mm.

Don't get up. Stay, both of you.

Enjoy yourselves.

I'm just gonna take a little nap.

I admit it.

I think I've had a little bit too much to drink.

Here. Let me tuck you in.

Wish I had somebody to do that for me.

Thank you, Daisy.

Please stay. I'll be all right.

What are you doing? Do I have a bump on my head?

Of course not, silly. That just goes with tucking you in.

Oh.

Come on, Norman, let's eat.

And if they come by, we simply won't pay any attention to them.

All right, Daisy.

What? What did you say, Norman?

I just said, "All right, Daisy."

Oh.

Eat. Eat, Norman.

You're just picking at your food.

I don't like meat very much.

I'd rather eat outside... on the grass.

Don't go out there, Norman. Don't let him go out there, Daisy.

You can't force people, Stanley.

People must do as they please.

Norman.

Man is--

...is superior to the rhinoceros.

♪ I know that the wind must blow ♪

♪ And the storm must pelt ♪

♪ And the rain must fall ♪

♪ But look at yourself ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, what ♪

♪ Did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ I know that the times are hard ♪

♪ And you've an empty shelf ♪

♪ And your butter's lard ♪

♪ But look at yourself ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, what ♪

♪ Did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ Why did you let yourself go like that? ♪

♪ Like some gutter rat? ♪

♪ Your baby's left you, I know ♪

♪ But why did you let yourself ♪ ♪ Get so low? ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ That love's a lie ♪

♪ But so's a fairy elf ♪

♪ You can believe it if you try ♪

♪ Just look at yourself ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, what ♪

♪ Did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do-ooh? ♪

♪ What did you do? ♪

♪ Ooh, why did you let yourself go ♪ ♪ Like that? ♪

♪ Like some kind of gutter rat? ♪

♪ Your baby's left you, I know ♪

♪ Why did you let yourself ♪ ♪ Get so low? ♪

♪ I know, I know, I know ♪

♪ That love's a lie ♪

♪ But so's a fairy elf ♪

♪ You can believe it if you try ♪

♪ Just look at yourself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, what ♪

♪ Did you to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do-ooh? ♪

♪ Ooh, what did you do to yourself? ♪

- Daisy. - Oh, Stanley. Stanley!

What?

I'm sorry, Stanley, but I had to waken you.

Oh, Daisy.

Daisy. Oh, Daisy.

Oh, Daisy. You're still human.

Of course I am, silly.

But you've gotta stop drinking, Stanley.

Oh. Yeah.

I gotta stop having nightmares.

Where's Norman?

Well... I'm afraid he's gone.

Are you sure you didn't want to go along with him?

If I had, I wouldn't be here.

Do you think that you can be happy with me?

Why not?

Dearest Daisy.

Oh, Daisy, I never dreamed I could feel such emotions.

It's funny how things worked out.

The way things worked out,

there was never any point in Norman and Carl arguing all the time, was there?

Let's just forget them. I'm here with you.

We have no right to interfere in other people"s lives.

Well, you're certainly interfering in mine.

That's different. I wasn't in love with Norman.

I know what you mean.

I suppose if Norman had stuck around, he always would've been an obstacle to us.

Oh, happiness is such an egotistical thing.

You have to fight for happiness.

- Don't you agree? - Yes.

I adore you, Daisy. I adore you.

And I admire you as well.

Maybe you won't say that-- when you get to know me better.

No, the more I know you, the better you seem.

Oh, you're so beautiful, Daisy. You're so beautiful.

Especially compared to them.

I know that may not seem like a compliment to you,

but they make you seem even more beautiful.

- I hope you'll stop drinking, Stanley. - I will.

All right, then. You can have one little nip.

Oh.

Now, where's the bottle?

I kept it out of the way of temptation. - Oh, you're making progress.

And I'm gonna make more, Daisy, now that you're here.

And here... is your reward.

- Thank you. - Yes.

- What would I do without you? - You don't have to do anything without me.

I know, that's the wonderful part. I keep thinking about it.

- We can read books together. - Go for walks.

- Listen to music and everything. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'll be strong, Daisy. I'll be strong and I'll protect you.

Oh.

There's nothing to protect me from.

Who could that be?

Don't answer it.

Why not?

I don't know. My intuition tells me you shouldn't.

But maybe it's John.

Maybe John has had second thoughts, Daisy.

- I doubt it. - Well, it could be the police.

What if the police are calling to tell everyone that the crisis is over?

I doubt that very much, Stanley.

I've gotta find out.

I've got to.

Hello?

John?

John, is that you?

Now, if you're not gonna talk to me, then I don't wanna talk to you.

Would you leave me alone? Now, just leave me alone!

Pull the phone out of the wall!

Well, I don't think the telephone company lets you do that.

Well, if you're afraid of the phone company, Stanley,

I don't see how you expect to protect me.

I'm sure we can find out what's going on through the television.

Oh. They've taken over the television stations.

It's getting very serious.

You don't understand them, do you?

Well, not yet, but... you have to try.

We have to try to learn their language.

What language? Can you honestly say that that's a language?

Can you honestly say it isn't?

You're not a language expert.

Now, you're not gonna let this get you down, are you, Daisy?

It's because of your courage that I admire you so much.

You said that before.

Daisy, I love you.

I love you so much.

You keep repeating the same thing...

over and over.

Listen to me. I have an idea.

Listen, Daisy. You know what we could do?

I'll tell you what we could do. We could have children.

And our children would have children.

And after a little while... we could regenerate the human race.

- Regenerate the human race? - Why not?

It doesn't take much.

Happens automatically with a little time and patience.

I don't want to have children, Stanley.

It's a bore.

Oh, Daisy, what a terrible thing to say.

After all...

maybe we're the ones who should be saved, Stanley.

Maybe we're the abnormal ones.

You're not to talk that way, Daisy.

They look so happy.

They don't look insane. They look normal.

They were right to do what they did.

Daisy, listen to me.

Think about our love. Our love, Daisy.

I feel a bit ashamed of what you call love, Stanley.

This-This morbid feeling, this male weakness,

and female too.

It just doesn't compare with the ardor and tremendous energy

that emanates from those creatures all around us.

Oh, you want to see energy? I'll show you energy.

Oh. I never would've believed it.

Daisy, I'm sorry. Forgive me, please.

I don't know what could've gotten into me to do such a thing.

Apparently, you've run out of arguments.

Oh, Daisy.

In the space of a few minutes,

we've gone through 25 years of married life.

I pity you, Stanley.

And I understand you all too well.

You're probably right.

I have run out of arguments.

But do you really think they're stronger than me?

They are. Oh, they are, Stanley.

Maybe. But I'll never give in, Daisy.

Never.

Listen. They're singing!

- Singing? They're screaming. - Oh, no, they're singing.

I'm telling you that they're screaming, Daisy.

You're crazy. They're singing.

Well, you can't have a very musical ear.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh, they're beautiful!

They're disgusting, Daisy. Take a good look at them.

Now, don't be jealous, dearest.

He isn't very nice anymore.

I don't think that men are so bad-looking.

Grant you, uh...

I'm not a particularly handsome specimen.

But compared to them...

Daisy?

Daisy?

Daisy?

Please, don't leave me alone!

I'm all alone now.

Poor Daisy.

What'll become of her?

Well, it's obvious things weren't working out.

This was a broken home.

But to go without even saying good-bye.

Or leaving me a note.

My God, they're in the hall.

I have to convince them.

I have to convince them!

Convince them of what?

How can I change them back? I'd have to be able to talk to them.

I have to learn their language.

What language do I speak?

1 speak English.

Am I speaking English?

It must be English.

Well, I can call it English if I want to. Who's going to tell me it isn't English?

I'm the only one who speaks it.

What are you saying?

Do you understand what you're talking about?

What a funny-looking thing.

What is that?

What?

You're not good-looking.

I'm not good-looking.

They're the good-looking ones. I was wrong.

I have no horns.

A smooth brow is so ugly.

A couple of horns.

A couple of horns would give my sagging face a nice little lift.

Maybe one will grow.

Then I wouldn't have to feel ashamed.

I could go and join them.

Who are you kidding?

It'll never grow.

My skin is too soft.

Why couldn't I have a hard skin with that nice gray color?

That's charming.

What a charming song.

It's a little raucous, but... it certainly does have charm.

I wonder if I could do that?

That's no good. That's too feeble.

I have to get a little drive behind it.

I'm not trumpeting. I'm just bellowing.

Why didn't I go with them while there was still time?

Now it's too late.

Now I'm a monster.

I'm just a monster.

I'm so ashamed, I can't stand the sight of me.

I want to change, but I can't.

You understand me? I want to change, but I can't!

I just can't!

Too bad.

That's all. That's too bad.

I'll never join them.

I don't understand them.

I'm staying the way I am.

I'm a human being.

I'm just a human being... that's all.

There's nothing wrong with that.

People who try to hang onto their individuality

always come to a bad end.

Too bad, that's all. That's just too bad.

I'll just have to fight them all.

I just have to take on the whole pack, that's all.

I never thought I'd have to take on the whole pack.

I'll just have to take on the whole pack.

I'm just gonna have to fight them all.

I never really had to fight before.

I'm the last man left.

The last man...

and I'm staying that way...

till the end.

I'll never capitulate.

Are you listening?

Are you listening?

I'll never give in!

♪ I'll never give in! Never give in! ♪

♪ Give in! In, in, in! ♪

♪ I know that the wind must blow ♪

♪ And the storm must pelt ♪

♪ And the rain must fall ♪

♪ But look at yourself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, what ♪

♪ Did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ I know that the times are hard ♪

♪ And you've an empty shelf ♪

♪ And your butter's lard ♪

♪ But look at yourself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, what ♪

♪ Did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ Why did you let yourself go like that? ♪

♪ Like some gutter rat? ♪

♪ Your baby's left you, I know ♪

♪ But why did you let yourself ♪ ♪ Get so low? ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ That love's a lie ♪

♪ But so's a fairy elf ♪

♪ You can believe it if you try ♪

♪ Just look at yourself ♪

♪ Oh, oh, whoa, what ♪

♪ Did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ Oh, what did you do? ♪

♪ Did you do? ♪

♪ What did you do? ♪

♪ What did you do to yourself? ♪

♪ What did you do? ♪

♪ What did you do-ooh-ooh? ♪