Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:37,876 --> 00:00:39,034
Here we are!
2
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,267
Your place... your place...
3
00:00:43,508 --> 00:00:46,209
La maison... de la femme...
4
00:00:47,049 --> 00:00:49,339
El casa del signorita...
5
00:00:52,825 --> 00:00:54,210
Das haus die Frau...
6
00:00:57,564 --> 00:00:58,564
Good night!
7
00:00:59,071 --> 00:01:01,611
I'll just walk you to the door.
8
00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,678
- There's no need.
- That's okay.
9
00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:10,690
So...
10
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,534
I guess this is "arrivederci".
11
00:01:15,303 --> 00:01:17,303
I'd quite fancy a cup of tea though.
12
00:01:19,656 --> 00:01:20,933
A glass of water maybe.
13
00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:24,516
Perhaps a little lie down.
14
00:01:24,579 --> 00:01:25,589
Look...
15
00:01:26,146 --> 00:01:27,757
I have to tell you something.
16
00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:28,750
What?
17
00:01:28,751 --> 00:01:31,085
I wanted to tell you
in the restaurant but...
18
00:01:31,256 --> 00:01:33,580
it... a good time
never came up and I...
19
00:01:33,696 --> 00:01:35,993
- I wasn't gonna say it but...
- Say it.
20
00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:37,835
I have to.
21
00:01:41,097 --> 00:01:42,097
What?
22
00:01:42,449 --> 00:01:44,060
You've got shit on your head.
23
00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:48,959
What?
24
00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:51,883
There's some shit on your head.
25
00:01:51,964 --> 00:01:52,964
What?
26
00:01:53,028 --> 00:01:54,754
Where? Where?
27
00:01:55,386 --> 00:01:56,804
It's been there forever.
28
00:01:56,892 --> 00:01:59,123
Oh God! Oh God!
29
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:02,989
It's chocolate!
30
00:02:03,245 --> 00:02:04,049
It's chocolate!
31
00:02:04,050 --> 00:02:05,050
It's not shit!
32
00:02:05,095 --> 00:02:05,948
It's not shit!
33
00:02:05,949 --> 00:02:06,949
It's..
34
00:02:07,447 --> 00:02:08,447
It's my dessert.
35
00:02:09,402 --> 00:02:11,360
I don't know
how it got there but uh...
36
00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:12,416
It's on my fingers.
37
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:14,110
It's not shit!
38
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,324
Thank God for that!
39
00:02:18,526 --> 00:02:21,121
You know,
I just spent the last hour
40
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,243
thinking you were some sort
of disgusting tramp.
41
00:02:24,324 --> 00:02:25,626
Oh no!
42
00:02:27,377 --> 00:02:28,377
That's funny!
43
00:02:30,545 --> 00:02:32,471
- Oh God look!
- What?
44
00:02:32,571 --> 00:02:34,989
It's chocolate!
45
00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:39,555
How about that cup of tea now?
46
00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,844
I was a perfect gentleman last
night from beginning to end
47
00:02:45,845 --> 00:02:48,939
but she can't see past a little
bit of shit on my forehead!
48
00:02:48,962 --> 00:02:50,450
I thought you said
it was chocolate.
49
00:02:50,485 --> 00:02:52,531
Yes, chocolate, yes!
I meant chocolate.
50
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,591
I forgot to turn this thing on.
51
00:02:56,813 --> 00:02:57,813
Hello, IT...
52
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,098
Hi, uh, something's wrong
with my computer.
53
00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:03,565
Have you tried
turning it off and on again?
54
00:03:03,566 --> 00:03:05,179
Oh No! No, oh Dear, thanks.
55
00:03:05,713 --> 00:03:06,828
You're welcome then.
56
00:03:08,037 --> 00:03:09,082
It's typical.
57
00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:12,079
The one time I manage to
bamboozle a girl in the building
58
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,302
into going out with me
and this happens.
59
00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:16,275
She's gonna tell everyone!
60
00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:20,114
Oh come on! She's a receptionist,
she'd hardly gossip.
61
00:03:21,391 --> 00:03:23,107
Besides it's a boring story.
62
00:03:23,396 --> 00:03:25,181
Yeah... that's boring.
63
00:03:25,499 --> 00:03:27,443
It's boring, she
won't tell anyone.
64
00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:40,294
Hello.
65
00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:48,562
Sorry guys.
66
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:56,332
She might have told Jen.
67
00:03:59,677 --> 00:04:01,392
No, that's what I'm saying.
68
00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:02,642
It wasn't. It was...
69
00:04:02,985 --> 00:04:04,929
It was chocolate.
It was chocolate.
70
00:04:05,836 --> 00:04:07,489
I don't know...
I don't know... it...
71
00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:09,494
it got on my fingers
and then I must have...
72
00:04:09,495 --> 00:04:10,651
Listen...
73
00:04:10,731 --> 00:04:12,568
how did you even hear
about this, mom?
74
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,794
Moss... Moss,
there's a spider in my office.
75
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,302
Could you deal with it?
I just hate spiders.
76
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:27,272
I'm not overly fond of them
myself there, Jen.
77
00:04:28,108 --> 00:04:29,223
How...
78
00:04:31,395 --> 00:04:34,765
How big is... Whoa! Hey now!
79
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:36,290
I'll tell you what.
80
00:04:36,325 --> 00:04:39,300
I actually recommend
my good friend Roy there
81
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,578
as the go-to guy on anything
82
00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:43,686
with more than 7 eyes.
83
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:46,924
He's on a very brief
personal call right now.
84
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,098
Come, Moss. Don't be silly.
85
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:50,284
You're right, I'm being silly.
Wrap it up, Roy!
86
00:04:51,118 --> 00:04:52,844
It's just a spider. It's fine.
87
00:04:53,942 --> 00:04:57,001
Oh look! It seems to have left
of its own volition.
88
00:04:57,102 --> 00:04:58,394
Oh, be a man, Moss!
89
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,928
You're right, I'll be a man.
I'm a man.
90
00:05:02,518 --> 00:05:04,018
Please don't shut the door.
91
00:05:05,529 --> 00:05:06,529
I won't.
92
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:07,974
Goodbye, Jen.
93
00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:14,012
That was my mother.
94
00:05:14,286 --> 00:05:15,841
How did she hear about this?
95
00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:18,223
Oh, was that the woman
who phoned earlier?
96
00:05:18,289 --> 00:05:20,343
'Cause I've just been
telling everybody.
97
00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:23,247
Why would you want to go out
with Patricia anyway?
98
00:05:23,299 --> 00:05:26,267
I mean, her last boyfriend
was Simon from 3rd.
99
00:05:26,654 --> 00:05:28,187
- Jen!
- Hey, you!
100
00:05:28,713 --> 00:05:29,713
Hello there.
101
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,534
Have you caught it yet?
102
00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:33,173
Not quite, Jen.
103
00:05:33,814 --> 00:05:35,980
The spider's managed
to walk behind me.
104
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,553
And it's between
me and the door.
105
00:05:40,178 --> 00:05:41,609
So I can't get out.
106
00:05:43,082 --> 00:05:45,304
Simon from 3rd
is the one with the hair.
107
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,854
Oh, him! Oh, he's awful.
108
00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:51,113
He once ate
a copy of Loaded for a bet.
109
00:05:52,988 --> 00:05:54,983
- She liked him?
- Apparently.
110
00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:56,780
That explains everything!
111
00:05:56,854 --> 00:06:00,020
She likes the kind of big
obnoxious guy who eats Loaders.
112
00:06:03,105 --> 00:06:04,105
Hello, Daniel.
113
00:06:04,756 --> 00:06:05,561
How are you?
114
00:06:05,562 --> 00:06:07,016
I'm great, thanks. How are you?
115
00:06:07,017 --> 00:06:08,017
I'm great.
116
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,934
Well, can either of you tell me...
Okay... Okay...
117
00:06:11,354 --> 00:06:15,734
who wrote Missa Brevis in D minor?
Was it Mozart or Beethoven?
118
00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:19,978
That was a certain Mr. Mozart,
I think you'll find.
119
00:06:20,148 --> 00:06:22,687
Oh right, do you know a lot
about classical music?
120
00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:25,047
- Petit pois.
- Oh, right.
121
00:06:26,934 --> 00:06:28,848
Mozart, Beethoven, 50/50 ain't it?
122
00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:33,270
Actually, no, you were right.
It was Mozart.
123
00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:34,398
Well it's... It was...
124
00:06:34,416 --> 00:06:36,482
Okay, so, let's try another one.
125
00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:40,379
Okay. Here we go.
In what year did Mozart die?
126
00:06:40,463 --> 00:06:43,304
- Was it 1780 or 1791?
- 1791.
127
00:06:44,143 --> 00:06:47,783
Yes! Yes! Bang on! Good!
128
00:06:48,837 --> 00:06:50,892
God!
I hope he doesn't come in again!
129
00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:53,200
- Jen!
- Yes!
130
00:06:53,695 --> 00:06:57,139
Is Roy off the phone yet?
The spider is now upon my person.
131
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,604
You guys don't mind me
chilling out in here, do you?
132
00:07:09,686 --> 00:07:11,436
No. Chill out!
133
00:07:12,762 --> 00:07:14,936
So did you see the match last night?
134
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,094
- Oh yeah!
- Oh yeah!
135
00:07:17,179 --> 00:07:18,262
- God!
- Did we?
136
00:07:18,862 --> 00:07:20,130
What a match!
137
00:07:21,938 --> 00:07:24,345
All of the players running up...
138
00:07:24,826 --> 00:07:25,573
the pitch...
139
00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:28,871
and running down it again.
Such athleticism!
140
00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,392
What was Rooney thinking over there?
141
00:07:32,378 --> 00:07:35,020
Who knows! That's Rooney!
142
00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:38,197
He is a foolish boy!
143
00:07:39,996 --> 00:07:43,308
Yeah but... that referee... I'm
sorry the referee is just an idiot.
144
00:07:43,366 --> 00:07:46,877
Yes, he was certainly
the villain of the piece.
145
00:07:48,504 --> 00:07:49,936
Daniel, you're still here.
146
00:07:50,314 --> 00:07:52,360
Yeah, just...
just having a little break.
147
00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:54,027
Do you wanna come and join me?
148
00:07:55,318 --> 00:07:56,205
Stop it!
149
00:07:57,931 --> 00:08:00,973
Well, I'd better...
I'd better... hit this way.
150
00:08:01,174 --> 00:08:03,873
Oh by the way, guys, if you need
any help with any more spiders,
151
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,586
just give me a call, okay?
152
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:07,794
Yeah, we'll be fine, I think, thanks.
153
00:08:07,872 --> 00:08:09,563
Actually, do you have a card?
154
00:08:10,604 --> 00:08:12,647
That is good. See you.
155
00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:18,422
You like him!
156
00:08:19,525 --> 00:08:20,484
Who?
157
00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:23,865
Oh, that good looking man
with "Security"
158
00:08:23,912 --> 00:08:25,146
written on his shoulders? Yes!
159
00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:26,334
Yes, I do.
160
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,156
He seems really nice.
161
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:29,775
Nice!
162
00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:32,911
'Cause that's what you women want!
Nice guys!
163
00:08:33,645 --> 00:08:34,547
Hello, IT! .
164
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,325
What are you talking about, Roy?
165
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,657
If my date last night proved anything,
it's that you, ladies,
166
00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:41,309
you don't want nice guys.
167
00:08:41,344 --> 00:08:43,115
I think if your date proved anything,
Roy,
168
00:08:43,116 --> 00:08:46,282
it's that women like men
without poo on their foreheads.
169
00:08:46,816 --> 00:08:48,032
That's our type.
170
00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:50,811
That has nothing to do with this.
171
00:08:50,858 --> 00:08:53,758
She clearly just didn't want
a gentleman in her life.
172
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,979
I hate to generalize, you know that.
173
00:08:56,228 --> 00:08:58,694
But all women just want bastards.
174
00:09:00,035 --> 00:09:03,662
That women liking bastards thing
is a total myth.
175
00:09:03,729 --> 00:09:07,322
I've tried turning it off and
on again and nothing happened.
176
00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:08,946
Is it definitely plugged in?
177
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:11,201
Oh, let me have a look.
178
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,505
Oh, sorry, that's it,
thanks very much.
179
00:09:13,506 --> 00:09:14,561
You're welcome then.
180
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,835
It's just not true.
181
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,691
Women don't want gentlemen,
they want bullies and thugs.
182
00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:22,060
I'll prove it to you.
183
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,894
How will you prove it to me, Roy?
184
00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:25,967
Oh! Okay.
185
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,863
I'll put a...
I'll put on a classified ad online.
186
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,021
A classified?
187
00:09:31,022 --> 00:09:34,127
Yeah, like a lonely hearts thing
but I'll make it sound psychotic.
188
00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:36,430
And I still bet
I'll get a bezillion replies.
189
00:09:36,431 --> 00:09:37,378
Oh, dear God.
190
00:09:37,379 --> 00:09:38,379
Come on. How much?
191
00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:43,566
Okay. Yeah, I'll give you
20 quid if you get 1 response.
192
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:44,494
You're on!
193
00:09:44,611 --> 00:09:45,618
Oh my God, no!
194
00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:49,695
It's all about body fluids
with you, isn't it?
195
00:09:52,379 --> 00:09:54,131
Come on, Moss!
We need to get to work.
196
00:09:54,132 --> 00:09:55,084
Work?
197
00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:58,307
Yeah, we need to post a classified
lonely hearts ad online
198
00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:00,800
that makes me sound like a psycho
so that I can prove to Jen
199
00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:03,909
that all women love bastards
and therefore win 20 pounds.
200
00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:06,884
Thank God!
I thought that thing was broken.
201
00:10:12,152 --> 00:10:15,058
"Shut up! Do what I tell you!
I'm not interested!"
202
00:10:16,606 --> 00:10:20,717
These are just some of the things you'll
be hearing if you answer this ad.
203
00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:24,826
"I'm an idiot and I don't care
about anyone but myself."
204
00:10:25,781 --> 00:10:27,502
"PS: No dogs."
205
00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,299
- That's good.
- What's yours?
206
00:10:32,076 --> 00:10:33,567
Mine doesn't look any good now.
207
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:34,688
Go on.
208
00:10:35,546 --> 00:10:37,222
"I'm going to murder you."
209
00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:41,576
"You bloody woman!"
210
00:10:44,414 --> 00:10:46,663
Might want to play
a bit hard to get.
211
00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:50,737
If you were a murderer,
what would your nickname be?
212
00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:52,047
Mine would be "The Gardener",
213
00:10:52,094 --> 00:10:55,252
'cause I'd always leave a rose
at the scene of the crime.
214
00:10:55,775 --> 00:10:57,760
What would your
murder weapon be?
215
00:10:58,730 --> 00:10:59,730
A hammer.
216
00:11:02,033 --> 00:11:03,033
Hey, Moss.
217
00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:08,308
"Would you like to go
for dinner with me?"
218
00:11:09,678 --> 00:11:12,344
"And then maybe
back to my place?"
219
00:11:13,499 --> 00:11:16,711
I'd love to, Jen, but I'm actually
helping Roy at the moment.
220
00:11:16,712 --> 00:11:20,049
No. No, no, no.
Who does this remind you of, yeah?
221
00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:22,706
"Do you wanna go on
a date with me?"
222
00:11:25,244 --> 00:11:26,289
Gandhi?
223
00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:30,422
No, no, the other one. Bono.
224
00:11:31,961 --> 00:11:33,629
No, no, I was doing Roy.
225
00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:35,990
Yes, yes, it's like
there was 2 of me.
226
00:11:36,847 --> 00:11:39,124
Come on.
Get your money ready. 20 pounds.
227
00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:41,939
Hey! Hello.
228
00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:46,392
It's security.
229
00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:49,021
I hope I'm not in any danger.
230
00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:50,224
Oh my God!
231
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,622
It's not shit!
232
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:55,827
On my head, it's not shit!
233
00:11:56,256 --> 00:11:57,607
It's chocolate spread.
234
00:11:57,931 --> 00:11:59,047
- Taste it!
- No!
235
00:11:59,082 --> 00:12:00,021
Look!
236
00:12:00,103 --> 00:12:01,137
Look!
237
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:06,053
Ringo Starr?
238
00:12:07,653 --> 00:12:09,922
I'll be wondering
about that all night!
239
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,507
How do you know
about this site?
240
00:12:11,508 --> 00:12:12,508
I'm a member.
241
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:17,114
Really?
You do the whole lonely hearts thing?
242
00:12:17,878 --> 00:12:21,047
I'm a 32-year-old IT man
who works in a basement.
243
00:12:21,831 --> 00:12:24,053
Yes, I do the whole
lonely hearts thing.
244
00:12:27,192 --> 00:12:30,405
So, as you can clearly
see, it wasn't...
245
00:12:32,045 --> 00:12:34,078
excrement, it was chocolate.
246
00:12:34,256 --> 00:12:36,310
I was playing a joke.
It was chocolate.
247
00:12:36,311 --> 00:12:38,811
Jen, it's okay, I've got it.
Don't worry about it.
248
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:41,002
Listen, what are
you doing tonight?
249
00:12:42,616 --> 00:12:44,838
- I've got a response!
- That was quick!
250
00:12:44,867 --> 00:12:47,388
Yeah,
why is it taking so long to download?
251
00:12:47,447 --> 00:12:49,414
Something happened
with the router this morning.
252
00:12:49,449 --> 00:12:51,262
We're back to
pre-broadband speed.
253
00:12:52,327 --> 00:12:53,327
Dear...
254
00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:01,782
But we're on the phone now.
255
00:13:01,842 --> 00:13:03,445
Why can't you just ask me now?
256
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,116
Can't Jen, trust me.
257
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:06,895
Why should I trust you?
258
00:13:06,896 --> 00:13:08,840
Because I know
what's good for you.
259
00:13:10,844 --> 00:13:14,484
Listen, you have to be home between 8
and 9 tonight, are you gonna be home?
260
00:13:14,531 --> 00:13:16,445
Okay, this sounds exciting.
261
00:13:16,471 --> 00:13:19,207
It might not happen, okay?
But hopefully it will.
262
00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:21,192
Now I don't know
if this is exciting or not...
263
00:13:21,238 --> 00:13:23,395
Jen... Jen, it's exciting!
264
00:13:27,503 --> 00:13:30,504
"...would be very interested in
meeting up and talking it over."
265
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,505
"Love, Rebecca."
266
00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:33,597
Oh my God!
What did we write again?
267
00:13:33,707 --> 00:13:35,151
It started with "shut up".
268
00:13:36,707 --> 00:13:37,912
There's more.
269
00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,867
"I attached a photograph
for your approval...
270
00:13:40,868 --> 00:13:42,641
"or not!" Exclamation mark.
271
00:13:42,804 --> 00:13:45,637
All right, let's have a look at you,
you mad thing.
272
00:13:49,418 --> 00:13:50,669
Nice hair so far.
273
00:13:51,819 --> 00:13:54,764
- Eyebrows seem normal.
- Two eyes.
274
00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:57,271
That's the best amount of eyes.
275
00:13:58,535 --> 00:13:59,681
Nice eyes too.
276
00:14:00,484 --> 00:14:03,092
It has to go around.
She must have a shite nose.
277
00:14:05,826 --> 00:14:07,790
Do you remember the Internet
at this speed?
278
00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:09,831
Up all night and
you'd see 8 women.
279
00:14:12,809 --> 00:14:14,753
- Good nose.
- That is a good nose.
280
00:14:14,864 --> 00:14:19,030
The mouth has to be wrong. There's gotta
be something wrong with her mouth.
281
00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:21,172
Now that's a good
looking woman.
282
00:14:22,024 --> 00:14:23,857
Should I tell Jen
we got a reply?
283
00:14:25,226 --> 00:14:26,226
Roy?
284
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,284
Roy?
285
00:14:29,989 --> 00:14:30,989
Roy!
286
00:14:32,642 --> 00:14:33,642
Roy!
287
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:43,258
Hello, Daniel! I mean, hello.
288
00:14:44,153 --> 00:14:48,096
Jen? Hello, it's Chris Tarrant from
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
289
00:14:48,159 --> 00:14:50,672
Oh my God! Oh my God!
290
00:14:50,719 --> 00:14:52,072
Chris Tarrant, hello!
291
00:14:52,574 --> 00:14:55,298
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
292
00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:57,628
Jen the next voice you hear
is gonna be Daniel's...
293
00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,077
- Daniel's, Ok.
- But before I put you on with him,
294
00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:02,078
he's asked me to ask
you a question.
295
00:15:02,180 --> 00:15:03,513
Okay, you can ask
me a question.
296
00:15:03,581 --> 00:15:07,848
Yeah, he wants to know if you'll go out
for dinner with him tomorrow night.
297
00:15:08,561 --> 00:15:10,799
Oh really? Yes!
298
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,393
Yes, of course, I will!
Of course! Oh yes! Yes!
299
00:15:13,463 --> 00:15:14,463
Yes, of course!
300
00:15:15,826 --> 00:15:17,346
Yes, that's great, Jen.
301
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:19,725
Now let me fill you in
on what's happening.
302
00:15:19,726 --> 00:15:23,114
Daniel's doing very well although
he has just used his 50/50.
303
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:25,632
Now, here's Daniel.
Daniel, you got 30 seconds.
304
00:15:25,726 --> 00:15:27,466
Starting from... now!
305
00:15:27,632 --> 00:15:29,037
- Okay, Jen.
- Hi, Daniel.
306
00:15:29,038 --> 00:15:30,939
Yeah, hi Jen, Jen, uh, okay...
307
00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:32,914
who composed The Wooden Prince?
308
00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:35,409
Was it A) Bartok, B) Chopin?
309
00:15:41,404 --> 00:15:43,830
Did you see
"I'm a Millionaire" last night?
310
00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:46,285
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
it's called. No, I didn't.
311
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,832
Well, you are not going to
Adam and beliEVE this.
312
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,175
Okay, do these make me
look like a bastard?
313
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,399
Why do you wanna
look like a bastard?
314
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,852
I've got that date tonight,
she's expecting a monster.
315
00:15:56,853 --> 00:15:58,857
Do these me make
look like a bastard?
316
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,385
They make you look
like an idiot.
317
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,116
- Anyway, did you see it?
- What?
318
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,489
"Do you want to be a Millionaire?"
319
00:16:04,816 --> 00:16:07,195
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
320
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,682
"Who wants to be a
person who is wrong?"
321
00:16:12,819 --> 00:16:14,040
What's happened?
322
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,443
- If I may...
- Sure.
323
00:16:15,781 --> 00:16:17,503
Guess who was on it last night!
324
00:16:18,132 --> 00:16:20,073
- You!
- No, Daniel.
325
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,550
- King of men.
- Daniel was on "Millionaire"?
326
00:16:22,551 --> 00:16:23,606
Indeed he was, sir.
327
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:26,003
And it was the
"Do you want to phone a friend"...
328
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:27,987
- It's just "Phone a friend".
- Anyway.
329
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:30,027
She was the "phone a friend"?
330
00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,821
- She was the "phone a friend".
- You're the "phone a friend"!
331
00:16:32,822 --> 00:16:33,818
What was the subject?
332
00:16:33,819 --> 00:16:37,207
Classical music is the extraordinary
answer to that question.
333
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,481
So who of course is Daniel, our estimed
temp security guard, going to phone
334
00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:43,204
but Jonathan Miller over here.
335
00:16:43,593 --> 00:16:47,644
Think Daniel was on Millionaire.
Too bad it wasn't 50/50.
336
00:16:48,539 --> 00:16:49,539
It was.
337
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,796
- And?
- I got it wrong.
338
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,314
I cost 31,000 pounds.
339
00:16:55,404 --> 00:16:56,930
It isn't funny though.
340
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,655
Now I have to go on
a date with him.
341
00:16:58,656 --> 00:17:00,652
Wow! The rules on that show
have really changed!
342
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,025
No, you don't understand.
343
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:05,616
He asked me out...
on the show...
344
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:07,577
before I got the question wrong.
345
00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:10,213
It was all very romantic.
346
00:17:10,579 --> 00:17:11,579
But now...
347
00:17:11,975 --> 00:17:13,888
I don't think he likes me now.
348
00:17:14,426 --> 00:17:17,182
And I don't wanna go out with
the biggest loser in England...
349
00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:18,648
There you are!
350
00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:19,833
Daniel...
351
00:17:20,684 --> 00:17:21,684
- Hello.
- Hi.
352
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,092
- Gonna go for this meal then.
- Yeah.
353
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:27,685
Yeah, I can't wait.
354
00:17:27,732 --> 00:17:30,492
I'm gonna take you to one
of my favourite restaurants.
355
00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:31,561
Right.
356
00:17:35,252 --> 00:17:36,252
I'll pay.
357
00:17:37,073 --> 00:17:39,432
- It really is the least I can do.
- Oh yeah...
358
00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:45,638
Oh my God!
359
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:47,456
Did you see that look?
360
00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:50,835
I have a dinner date with that man.
361
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,910
If I'm not here tomorrow,
I want you to call the police.
362
00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:57,083
Maybe not the best time to mention it,
but also you owe me 20 quids.
363
00:17:57,084 --> 00:17:59,246
What? You got a response?
364
00:17:59,644 --> 00:18:01,532
With the one that ended:
"No dogs"?
365
00:18:01,795 --> 00:18:02,795
Yep.
366
00:18:02,797 --> 00:18:04,461
Oh my God, brilliant!
More money gone!
367
00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:06,950
Now the money that Daniel lost
wasn't really yours, was it?
368
00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,395
It would have been
if I'd married him, Moss.
369
00:18:10,808 --> 00:18:12,109
I need a good restaurant.
370
00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:15,776
Maybe if he likes the food,
he won't beat me to death with a shoe.
371
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,455
I thought you said you'd take him
to one of your favourite restaurants.
372
00:18:19,502 --> 00:18:20,957
Haven't you got it yet?
373
00:18:21,338 --> 00:18:22,484
That's what I do:
374
00:18:22,683 --> 00:18:23,683
I lie...
375
00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:26,101
I lie and I lie and...
376
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,190
I lie!
377
00:18:28,098 --> 00:18:30,258
Well, I went to a
good place recently.
378
00:18:30,346 --> 00:18:32,189
Nice atmosphere. Food's great.
379
00:18:32,401 --> 00:18:34,299
- Really?
- Yes. Why?
380
00:18:34,802 --> 00:18:37,255
Sorry, I just didn't have you down
as a restaurant person.
381
00:18:37,256 --> 00:18:38,411
I'm a restaurant person.
382
00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:40,147
Why wouldn't I be a
restaurant person?
383
00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,310
Cheese string?
384
00:18:42,294 --> 00:18:43,463
No, thanks.
385
00:18:43,529 --> 00:18:44,675
What's this place called?
386
00:18:44,676 --> 00:18:45,676
Messijoes.
387
00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:48,314
- Is that French?
- French? No, it's English.
388
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,738
Okay, thank you, Moss.
Yeah, I'll uh...
389
00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:52,850
I'll give that a go.
390
00:18:53,287 --> 00:18:55,709
Okay, I need a place
to bring this girl
391
00:18:55,993 --> 00:18:58,465
that says: "I'm a bastard."
392
00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:00,761
Well, I went to a
good place recently.
393
00:19:01,002 --> 00:19:03,901
Nice atmosphere. Food's great.
It's got a bit of an edge.
394
00:19:03,902 --> 00:19:05,007
Yeah? What's it called?
395
00:19:05,008 --> 00:19:06,008
Messijoes.
396
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:07,507
What is that? Spanish?
397
00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:11,288
No! Spanish? It's English. Messijoes.
398
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:33,995
Okey dokey,
you get the firecracker nachos.
399
00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:37,861
And you are getting
the prawn bites with spicy salsa.
400
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:46,081
This seems an unusual place
for someone like you to want to meet.
401
00:19:48,728 --> 00:19:49,728
Yeah but...
402
00:19:50,831 --> 00:19:54,502
everyone needs a place to come
to be alone.
403
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,846
Look at me! Yeah! Look at me!
404
00:20:01,336 --> 00:20:03,261
Get a clown over here, please!
405
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,056
You're a loner?
406
00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:07,894
I'm a loner all right.
407
00:20:09,596 --> 00:20:10,805
I'm just a...
408
00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:13,404
lonely loner
409
00:20:14,216 --> 00:20:16,294
on a lonely road.
410
00:20:18,570 --> 00:20:19,826
Alone.
411
00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:23,029
Do you always wear shades?
412
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:24,487
Always.
413
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,586
They help me hide the fact
414
00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:29,192
I'm always lying
415
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,001
to women.
416
00:20:39,209 --> 00:20:43,272
Everyone is having
having fun, fun, fun.
417
00:20:43,466 --> 00:20:45,966
'Cause everything is nice
and everyone is friendly.
418
00:20:45,967 --> 00:20:48,320
Lots of friendly faces
having fun, fun, fun.
419
00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:50,928
'Cause everything is nice
and everyone is friendly.
420
00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:53,633
- Smile and the world will...
- Excuse me! Excuse me!
421
00:20:53,634 --> 00:20:56,967
It's just... It's not... Sorry, it's
just not appropriate at the moment.
422
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,013
You're that bloke off the telly!
423
00:21:20,703 --> 00:21:23,708
And you must be the woman he phoned!
Brilliant!
424
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,816
Funniest thing I've seen in ages.
425
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,105
God! I'm a bastard!
426
00:21:40,147 --> 00:21:42,187
Yes. So you keep saying.
427
00:21:42,715 --> 00:21:44,899
Trouble... It's basically what I am.
428
00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:49,211
Thank you.
429
00:21:52,414 --> 00:21:53,469
You know something?
430
00:21:54,869 --> 00:21:56,980
I don't think you're
a bastard at all.
431
00:21:57,428 --> 00:21:58,428
I am so.
432
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,783
I am a complete tool.
433
00:22:03,201 --> 00:22:04,176
Oh my God!
434
00:22:04,258 --> 00:22:06,466
No don't, don't! Don't hit him!
435
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:12,289
I know her.
436
00:22:16,789 --> 00:22:18,417
Hey! What's going on?
437
00:22:18,544 --> 00:22:20,033
Stay out of this, Fonzy!
438
00:22:20,085 --> 00:22:21,447
You're fighting in front of kids!
439
00:22:21,494 --> 00:22:22,410
I don't care!
440
00:22:22,433 --> 00:22:23,455
You're a brute!
441
00:22:23,478 --> 00:22:25,122
This bloke just insulted me!
442
00:22:25,707 --> 00:22:28,654
Hey! Bit more careful
with the clown shoe there, Mister.
443
00:22:33,859 --> 00:22:35,421
Just hold your head back.
444
00:22:37,865 --> 00:22:39,086
Oh God!
445
00:22:43,173 --> 00:22:44,561
He caught me by surprise.
446
00:22:46,755 --> 00:22:48,340
When I see him tomorrow...
447
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,789
- That was his last day.
- Thank God!
448
00:22:52,132 --> 00:22:53,759
Oh my God, look!
449
00:22:53,836 --> 00:22:55,789
If you're coming,
can you just bloody hurry up!
450
00:22:55,790 --> 00:22:57,546
- I'm coming! I...
- God's sake!
451
00:22:57,547 --> 00:22:59,380
I just need to take my shoes off.
452
00:23:00,432 --> 00:23:01,888
They look like such fruits.
453
00:23:06,409 --> 00:23:08,488
- I'll call you a cab.
- No, no, no, it's fine.
454
00:23:08,511 --> 00:23:09,866
- Taxi!
- I'll get my bus.
455
00:23:09,867 --> 00:23:11,811
Don't be stupid, it's cold. Taxi!
456
00:23:12,317 --> 00:23:13,522
- Here.
- Oh God.
457
00:23:13,779 --> 00:23:15,529
Here you can have your 20 back.
458
00:23:15,588 --> 00:23:19,180
I don't really think the bet
proved anything. Taxi!
459
00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:34,246
Thanks, Roy.
460
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:36,601
- I just want...
- Nice date!
461
00:23:40,311 --> 00:23:43,658
Just a lonely loner
walking a lonely road.
462
00:23:48,576 --> 00:23:49,576
Hi, girls.
463
00:23:49,621 --> 00:23:52,805
My name is Maurice Moss.
Or Moss for short.
464
00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:54,517
Sorry about the sound quality
465
00:23:54,552 --> 00:23:57,394
but I'm having to do this
in the toilet of my mom's house.
466
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,011
She's watching
Diagnosis Murder at full volume.
467
00:24:00,173 --> 00:24:01,642
And it drives me up the wall.
468
00:24:02,658 --> 00:24:06,435
Don't worry, though. I'm sitting on
the toilet but I'm not using it.
469
00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:08,666
What?
470
00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:09,667
- Moss?
- Yes?
471
00:24:10,012 --> 00:24:11,214
What you doing in there?
472
00:24:11,215 --> 00:24:13,135
Number 2s, leave me alone!
473
00:24:13,670 --> 00:24:15,321
Don't forget to flush the toilet.
474
00:24:15,322 --> 00:24:17,021
Don't clog it up like you usually do.
475
00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:20,287
I know! Just stop doing this!
You're always doing this!
476
00:24:20,327 --> 00:24:22,049
You're making it going back in!
477
00:24:24,485 --> 00:24:25,807
Now, my type...
34161
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
