Original subtitles

Anti-gravity kit, did it in sixth grade.

Chemical laser, cute.

Oh, baking soda volcano without irony.

Good for you, Sheldon.

Sizing up the competition?

Please Jake,

now that Felix is away, nothing can stop me from winning

the Lakewood Science Expo.

It will be bitter sweet.

Sweet in that I will be declared the genius that I am.

Bitter in that second place receives a coupon

for free blueberry pancakes

at Dr. Tesla's Laboratory of Breakfast.

The syrup really drowns out the taste of defeat.

I just don't get science.

I give you this year's Science Fair Winner,

the "Skunk Butt."

Maybe I do get science.

I will replicate the chemical reaction in a skunk

that creates its odiferous defense mechanism.

You mean stink spray?

Yeah, that.

This experiment has everything:

chemistry, biology and universal comedy appeal of butts.

Methyl...butan...eth...iol?

Isn't this a dangerous chemical?

Yes! Very dangerous?

I'm proud of you for knowing that, Jake.

I admit that the skull and cross bones and the words:

"Dangerous Chemical" gave me a clue.

The key to handling this is precision.

Oh, hey, that reminds me!

These three guys were at the Five One Five Diner

Five....

on Seventh around Nine.

They each had a Number Four

Four...

and a Number twelve.

Twelve...

I couldn't believe how much they ate!

Nine, ten, eleven...

It's gonna blow!

Awesome!

No! It's very bad.

I don't know how something so beautiful as a skunk's butt

exploding could go so horribly wrong.

Fire in the hole!!

Ahhhhh!!!!!

What the?

Oh. that's just nasty.

[coughs]

Well, I'm glad I didn't go with my first choice:

nucleared power shark.

[coughs]

[small growl]

You're lucky to get this after the performance you turned in.

What kind of tiger are you?

[small growl]

[growls]

Etienne, what you did

was totally irresponsible and unacceptable!

You cannot be mixing volatile chemicals around the students!

It is way too dangerous for everyone!

I'm sorry, Mr. Stockley.

I feel like a failure.

Don't be sorry.

It's a brilliant experiment.

Principal Nuss expects me to discipline you,

but I can't help but appreciate your genius.

I'm not a genius.

This is the last straw!

You are on my list young man

and you do not want to be on my list!!

You just passed the four kids

that toilet-papered my house last weekend.

One more stunt like this

and you'll be suspended,

No, not really,

I wouldn't suspend you.

You're my best student.

That's crazy.

I don't know what happened!

I was careless or maybe I'm just losing my edge.

I peaked too early.

That's ridiculous, young man!

You're a wonderful student and a fine person!

I mean, I would like to say that but I can't.

Now, get out of my sight!

What up, Stockley?

Yeah, mom...

Stop worrying, please.

Have fun on your trip.

Bye.

Whatever did this seems to be long gone.

My mom feels guilty leaving me alone for a day and a half

while she goes for her annual laser-hair removal treatment.

Day and a half?

Is she that hairy?

You know that picture of her in a sweater above the fireplace?

Uh-huh.

It's not a sweater.

Okay, let's get to work.

What do we know?

A giant tiger stands on this, plays on it all day,

barely a scratch.

So whatever took a bite out of it

is a lot tougher than a tiger.

Also, scorch marks.

Fire breather. Nice.

Hey!!!

[cracks whip]

What are you kids doing here?

Carnie, good, maybe he can help.

Carnie?!

Carnies are toothless grifters

who smell like funnel cakes and jail.

I'm a tent monkey.

Pardon?

Circus people, a far cry from freaks and bearded ladies.

Don't talk about her Mom like that!

Jake, she's not a bearded lady, okay?

It's more of a back hair problem.

So, what happened here?

I was in my weekly clown meeting when I heard a noise,

and ran out and saw everything on fire

and our tiger, Stripey 47, missing.

Now, you kids better get out of here.

It's not safe.

I gotta go paint stripes on Stripey's understudy.

[donkey sounds] Hee-haw!

Okay, Daisy, let's get this over with...

Hey, look over here.

Oh no.

We've got a Doom Hound.

Doom Hound?

That's great!

Great?

These things have thick armor, huge jaws

and breathe fire.

Hound equals dog, and dogs love me!

You wanna know why?

I don't know. Why?

Because I'll throw the stick as many times as they want,

and I never fake the throw.

Dogs hate it when you fake the throw.

Good. Now, we've got the "throw stick plan."

We still need a Plan B.

[bell ringing]

Oh sorry, Etienne, that's reserved.

For who?

Someone who didn't blow us up!

It was an accident!

You're still not sitting

with the league of extraordinary students.

You mean the nerd table?

Yes, this is our table and we say

who comes and goes around here.

All of you, beat it.

Not you.

Are you going to hurt me?

Gulp.

You know you said "gulp"

but you didn't actually gulp, right?

Mouth too dry.

You scared the saliva right out of it.

Please, put this on so I can stand to look at you.

Whoa, this is nice.

What's that smell?

Coolness.

Get used to it.

And the guy I took it from seriously loved onions.

Have a seat.

You're gonna be my new project.

I'll get someone smart to talk to

and you get someone to boss you around.

Win, win.

I don't know...

You're going to do it, Etienne.

Not because it's fun, even though it is.

And not because it's good for you, even though it will be.

You're going to do it because I want you to do it.

So, let me get this straight:

We're officially hanging out?

No, we're hanging out.

But not-- "hanging out".

So, we're chillin?

Maybe one day, we'll hang out?

We'll see.

So Jake, just chillin' with Cadence.

Hey, Cadence.

Etienne.

Jake, we really don't have time to talk,

we've got important Mime Club business.

Right.

You two are hanging out?

We'll see.

Potentially.

But I thought we were potentially hanging out.

I didn't get any potential phone calls to hang out,

so I guess not.

Want to go spit on stuff?

Always.

Well, that hurls.

I know, since Felix went off to International,

we need someone with his science skills

to help hunt the Doom Hound.

No way...him?!

You're forgetting our secret weapon.

The differential Atomizer Ray?

No!

The fact that dogs love me!

I know you think it's crazy, but it's totally gonna work.

I just have to get a really big squeaky toy.

Come on.

Carnies!

[growls]

Alright, you want it.

[growls]

Whoa!!!

[screams] Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!

[roars]

We're potentially hanging out.

This is my crew; TBD, Angry Dude and Giggles.

How you doing, giggles?

You must be hilarious once you get going.

I used to deliver that magazine.

Big mistake.

Gulp.

I'm telling you, your Mom wants you to have a party.

Why else would she leave you home alone?

Because she trusts me, okay?

And maybe she wants to see if I'm mature enough.

Errr....

They yell at you for the police coming and the lawyer bills

and the water damage,

but inside they're happy you're partying.

You just want me to have a party

so you can invite Cadence, aargh!

What are you talking about?

We're not hanging out anymore.

Besides, she's potentially hanging with Etienne now,

which is fine.

You're totally jealous!

No, I've thought about this all day

and I realized I don't care.

Yeah, whatever.

Look we need to focus on getting the doom hound, okay?

So focus.

Here boy!

Come on out and play.

[squeaky sounds]

Jake, it's not that kind of dog.

It got in a fight with a cat and chewed a ball

that sounds like a dog to me.

Jake...

Jake, would a dog do this?

[loud roars]

Who's a big boy?

Who wants a squeaky toy?

[loud roars]

[laser fire]

It's a tough dog!

It's a not a dog, it's a monster!

[loud roars]

[snarls and growls]

I didn't want to have to do this,

You want the stick, boy?

You want it?

Get the stick, boy!

See?

They hate it when you fake the throw!

You guys have to go back out there

and get this thing right away.

It's territorial and will attack again.

Now, the Doom Hound has thick armor

and shrugs off most weapons,

but it does have a weakness.

It's one of the few monsters that can be condensed

into a safe form.

Cool, so we just Cadence it.

Condense.

Uh-huh.

You said "Cadence."

No, I didn't.

I don't think about Cadence at all.

Or Etienne hanging out with her.

Not one bit.

Yeah, we get it.

You spend a ton of time not thinking about Cadence.

So, compressing the Doom Hound:

You'll need this.

Jake's in charge of the Compressor.

Why me?

Because I called it.

Jake, she called it.

Move on.

Fine. I'm in charge.

Once you've compressed the Doom Hound,

you can't leave it alone...

ever.

It'll wiggle right out of its bonds and be very mad.

Now, I see why she called it.

You like that jacket.

I really do.

I don't know if it's because I look so good in it

or because you gave it to me.

Wow, that's kind of charming.

But, you've seen my crew,

so the bar's pretty low for charming.

Just trying to work my way from "chillin" to "hanging out."

Want to see how I got it?

Okay.

Hi.

Give me your jacket.

Jacket! Now!!

Wow!

That was-- well, illegal and very wrong,

but also pretty exciting!

Thanks.

Those guys held me upside down in sixth grade so many times

my nickname was The Bat!

That and I hadn't grown into my ears yet.

Right. Whatever.

Now you try.

Me?

You want me to do that?

Go.

Hey, guys.

I'm going to need to borrow that jacket for a quick sec.

Ahhh!!!

You're more of a challenge than I thought.

No challenge here.

I'm a tough guy, a loose cannon.

Hey, I'm bleeding.

Tough guys bleed!

That's how we...

Jake, how are you doing?

Almost there!

Now, Hayley!

Throw the ring!

You're not so tough now, are you?

[whimpering]

Awwww...

I can't stay mad at him.

Awww...

We have to keep him in hand at all times,

or else he's gonna try to wriggle out of his sweater.

So you're in charge.

What?! No!

I called it.

That's not fair!

Jake, it's Mr. Stockley.

Hayley called it. Move on.

Oh, man!

A tiny dog in a sweater.

Isn't there some high-tech gizmo we can use

to man it up a bit?

The doom hound extra strength from direct sunlight,

so...

That helps.

He's so lost.

Happens to me all the time.

To be fair, all the lockers look the same.

I mean, pretending to be a tough guy.

Poor Etienne.

Yeah, whatever.

We've got to get him away from Cadence.

Great idea.

For his own good!

So babe, honey, Lauren....

We need to talk.

Can't talk now.

I'm late for breaking some rules.

[whimpering]

Having a dog as an accessory is so last year.

Just so you know, this happens to be a really tough dog.

Excuse me.

Etienne, you're not a bully, okay.

You're a genius.

I was a genius.

Now I don't know what I am anymore.

But Cadence is helping me figure that out.

And, come on, how cool do we look together?

Anyone would look cool with Cadence,

but that's not the point.

She's dragging you down.

You're the best scientist I've ever seen!

Right.

Fill in the blank: "Albert Blank-stein."

Frankenstein had a first name?

I thought he was just "Monster."

See? Being the best scientist you know

isn't really that bit of an honor.

The Etienne you knew is gone.

I'm a tough guy, a ruffian!

Real ruffians don't say "ruffian."

You just need a friend to talk to.

My Mom's going out of town:

We can clean closets, bake cookies

and talk about your crisis.

Cookies?

Tough guys eat cookies, Etienne.

Think about it.

[bell ringing]

Hey, I'm a tough guy!

I like cookies!

[whimpering]

Well, well, well.

Look who's been abandoned by his Neanderthal friends.

Where are they, Etienne?

Diggin' up bones to gnaw on?

Just me today, fellas.

Enjoy your tater tots.

Oh, we will.

[laughter]

Ha! You didn't get me, did you smart guy?

[laughter]

Yes!

Etienne!

You nailed it, dude!

Oh, it was just simple chemistry.

The combination of chemicals and--

I knew if I let you do it your way, you'd come through.

That was amazing.

Welcome to the crew.

[cheering]

Guys, guys, guys. Let's celebrate!

Do something totally crazy, steal golf carts

and drive them into a pond.

Or go to the mall and throw detergent into the fountain.

Let's mess something up!!

Great! Yeah!!

Oh no, I can't!

Hayley's mom is out of town and she invited me to come over

and bake cookies and then--

Throw them at the police.

Home alone?!

What?

No, no, no, no.

Party at Hayley's!

[cheers]

No, no, no, no...

You guys, wait.

[doorbell]

Hey.

Hey, Etienne.

I'm so glad you came! Come on in.

I'm a little less glad.

You're never going to--

What's going on?

Yeah, these're some kids who wanted--

--to party in a house without parents!

Etienne said it'd be cool.

Did he?

It doesn't matter who said what to who, does it?

Actually, it kinda does and you know why,

My mom didn't give me permission to have a party.

Get off the couch!

You're not having a party, princess, I am.

And we already texted a lot of kids, so it's on.

Where do you keep your trampoline?

My trampoline?

Coming through. Sorry, sorry.

They break it, You buy it.

Got it? Good!

And for the record, I never invited---

Yahhhhh!!!!

Hello?

Hayley? Etienne?

So I just happen to be in the neighborhood...

with this cookie dough, on the off chance you guys were...

You guys better stop bouncing on the couch!

Seriously get off!

Etienne, you better do something about this!!!

Someone forgot to tell me they were having a party.

Jake, it's not a party, okay!

It's an invasion!

Help me get these people out of my house.

No offense, but it was a mistake to invite them

in the first place.

Invite them?

I didn't invite them, though!

Well, here they are and so am I.

None of us invited.

Explain that.

Oh, Jake!

Did you make a little sweater for your friend?

I'm secure enough to hold a tiny dog in a tiny sweater,

with a parasol...

Okay, I'm starting to feel insecure.

No, don't!

I'm not going to hurt your little dog, Jake.

You guys, let's just leave the dog alone, okay?

Help me out. Say something.

For all the fun times we've shared?

Nothing?

Don't!

Give me that!

What are you doing?

Give it back!!!

Cadence no!!!!!

[loud roar]

Ahh!!!!

Uh oh.

This is going to be bad.

[load roars]

[load roars]

Closet now!!!!

Yeah!!

Go, go, go!!!!!

What is that thing?!

I told you it was a tough dog.

You really want to get into that now?

Who are you people?

We're ordinary teenagers.

Do you keep a blaster in the house?

A blaster?!

No, no, no.

Jake, we are not using a blaster in my house!

[loud roars]

Yeah, that might mess it up.

No weapons and a dangerous beast running around.

We need an inventor fast!

Sorry, guys, that's not me anymore.

You made one mistake, get over it!

Do you know how many times I've gotten stuck

in a revolving door?

Listen Etienne, you're a scientist.

Even when you were being a tough guy

and blew up the ketchup bottles,

you were using science.

You were mixing the right chemicals.

You were writing out the equations.

Chemicals!

Maybe I can make something...

All we need is the proper deflagration

and decomposition chemical materials,

with the appropriate stability to--

We can blow it up!

Great!

Let's do that!

Hayley, I'm going to need non-aerosol deodorant,

oven cleaner and two different types of syrup.

Jake, find a mixing bowl and a whisk.

Let's move people!

Today, today, today!!!!

[loud roars]

Okay, you get one shot.

It's got to go in his mouth.

Want to get the toy?

Want to play?

[loud roar]

[explosion]

Oh, no, no, no, my house!

My house, it's ruined!

You were awesome!

Where can I get one of those exploding things?!

Maybe this is a good time for us to go somewhere and...

hang out?

Yeah, we're still at chillin'.

Everybody, check this out!!

Okay, everybody nothing to see here.

Everybody out the back...now.

Nothing to see here.

What am I doing here?

Wait, am I at a wild party?

Yes.

Awesome!

There's a lot of cleaning up to do,

so I'm going to leave you in charge of it.

No, no, no.

You're going to help me clean!

Hayley, I called it, move on.

What? No, no, no!!!!

It's Mr. Stockley.

Jake called it. Move on.

Hayley! I'm back.

Oh, no!

Good luck!

Later!

You can't just leave me, no, no, no!

Mom...

Hayley!!

I'm so glad you finally had a party.

You're grounded.