Original subtitles

Radio Host >> It'll be no surprise to any of our

listeners that the Explosive Playmaker of the Week is...

Cody Stenhammer.

Here's a young man, six foot three, 245 pounds who can

run down the fastest receiver and still take hits

from the biggest linemen. This guy's an opposing

coach's nightmare. He's fast, he's strong,

he's unstoppable. The only thing between

Cody Stenhammer and the Hall of Fame

is Cody Stenhammer.

He's going to have a lot of things coming at him now.

People know he's...

>> HUH!

Oop! Oof!

UH! ARGGHGHHH...

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Mr. Stockley >> Don, that's all very helpful information, Don.

In fact, Don, I think we're dialoging really well here, Don.

Jake >> So why is Mr. Stockley talking like that?

>> He went to a Super Persuasion Techniques

seminar last weekend. Felix >> He was telling us

about it. It's like, say the guy's name

a lot or talk about how good your conversation's going.

>> Sounds kind of dumb. Does it work?

>> I wasn't really listening.

>> So what kind of monster are we looking for, Felix?

>> We'll have to check the data before we can say for certain

but it's definitely a Class One Burrower.

>> But I'll call Animal Control, Don and we'll get it

all taken care of. You mind if I borrow

your pen, Don?

>> Hey, guys. It's time for the snark.

>> The who? >> The snark.

Don't you think it's weird that we're surrounded by monsters

but no one ever remembers seeing one?

>> I wanted to ask about that. >> It's a snark!

Its song erases memories. Put in your earplugs.

>> Okay, girl, go ahead and sing.

* *

>> Well, Don, sorry your friend went to Mexico and left you

with all this work. Thanks for the tour, Don.

Highly educational. Right, guys?

Felix >> I learned so much. Hayley >> Oh, thank you.

It was a blast. >> Any time.

>> Yeah...no.

>> Still not seeing it, man. >> Because it grows in blonde

like a surfer. Trust me, it's there.

Jake >> Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

What's up? >> Felix ID'd our monster.

>> Mongolian Death Worm, exactly what I suspected.

>> Dang. >> Precisely.

Big and deadly. >> Hey, it's blind but very

sensitive to vibrations. It was probably attracted

to the jackhammer. >> So maybe we can

set a trap for it. >> Dude, I had the same thought.

We're like, completely in sync.

>> Hey, whatever we do, it's got to be fast.

>> Senior Shakedown. The Death Worm likes to dance?

>> No. It's tonight and the thumping

from the speakers will be like a Death Worm magnet.

>> Luring it to a buffet table full of delicious seniors.

>> So, I guess we'll have to sneak in since we're freshmen.

>> Oh no, we're already going. Brad Johnson asked me

last week. It's our first date so I really

want it to be special. My dress is totally stunning

and it's...

>> What about you? I thought all seniors hate you.

>> I know, and I've tried everything, riddles,

magic tricks... I make funny lyrics

to popular songs and they still hate me.

What don't they like about this?

Huh? Rubber pencil. >> Give me that.

Felix >> No. >> Then what are you

doing there? Felix >> I'm setting up

the audio equipment with the A.V. Club.

It's pretty sweet since we get all the discarded refreshments.

Hayley >> If we don't destroy this Death Worm first,

he'll have to go, too, which means...

you need a date. >> Yeah, right.

>> Who's going to ask me to the Senior Shakedown.

Student >> Hey, everybody, here she comes!

>> Brittany Ledbetter's free.

***

>> We're getting this worm before the dance.

So this is your great invention?

Felix >> Sometimes greatness comes from seeing the ordinary

in a fresh way. Hayley >> Yeah, then

attaching explosives.

Jake >> You're sure your Mom won't mind us

blowing up her washing machine? >> She says she wants me

to play outside more. She can't have it both ways.

What! >> Okay, Jake, look.

When Felix and I get back to the Battle Cruisers,

turn the machine on and then run back.

When the worm goes for the vibrations,

Felix will blow it up by remote.

***

>> Wait! How come I have to turn it on?

Hayley >> You're still the new guy!

Jake >> Whoo.

It's not very loud, is it? >> You didn't set it on

spin cycle. Have you never washed

your own clothes?

***

>> Like that?

>> Jake, come back! Come back!

>> What?

***

Oof!

>> Freeze, Jake!

No vibrations.

***

>> Plug it in!

Felix >> It's heading toward the washing machine!

>> Come on, come on, come on.

NOW, FELIX!

Felix >> Ah ha, yes! What did I tell you?

Easy as pie. >> You're sure it's dead?

Hayley >> Hey, you know, in science class, we cut up

these earthworms but pieces stayed alive.

>> That's adorable, Hayley.

But we're dealing with a Mongolian Death Worm

not a Nightcrawler. >> Felix, I think you better...

>> Shush.

It's okay, Jake. Just thank me for getting

you out of the senior dance.

Um...you can thank me later. Ha.

***

Principal Nuss >> Why on earth would I want

to postpone the Fall Fling? Mr. Stockley >> Well, Barry...

Nuss >> Principal Nuss. >> But, Principal Nuss...right.

Well, Principal Nuss, I'm sure if you close your eyes

and vision with me you'll see that next week...

Nuss >> This conversation is over.

Mr. Stockley >> This has been a very dynamic

interchange, Barry.

Principal Nuss?

One of the things that they said to us in class is that

persuasion isn't about results.

It's about getting to results.

Jake >> Wouldn't it be a lot simpler if we just said,

"Hey, if you don't postpone this dance, monsters

are probably going to eat the entire graduating class."

>> People can't handle monsters that's why we say,

we're in a Mime Club not a Monster Hunting Troop.

>> Yeah, and it's why we have to use a Snark.

>> Guys, we need to focus. There are three Mongolian Death

Worms loose and if we don't destroy them tonight this

whole town's in big trouble. >> What about electricity?

>> My thought exactly. That's why we're best friends.

>> What? >> Hm! We'll fry them

but we all need to be at the dance to make this work.

Hayley >> Yeah, which means Jake needs a date.

>> I can get a date, no problem.

>> This is a senior dance. A senior needs to ask you.

>> You know, I might be able to find somebody for you.

She won't be the smartest girl or nice or even pleasant

but she'll get you in the door.

>> As great as that sounds, maybe I can just sneak in

with the A.V. Club.

>> I might be able to hook you up.

Get it, hook you up?

We make jokes like that all the time.

And, parody songs. >> I can't.

>> Look, I know it's a high price to pay

but you'll be saving lives.

>> Fine.

>> Welcome to the A.V. Club.

>> Yay.

Felix >> So guys, I know there's been a lot of confusion

about who my best friend is.

I just thought - full disclosure -

you should probably know it's Jake.

>> Huh? Etienne >> No, Felix,

I thought it was I. >> Guys, it's okay,

Felix belongs to everyone. >> Jake...

It's best they know.

I like you all very much but Jake and I have a special bond.

>> We're in Mime Club. >> You don't even

look like a mime. >> He's very good.

>> Show us something then.

>> Man in a box. >> Seen it.

Fail.

Lamest mime I've ever seen. Felix >> Come on, guys.

This isn't why I brought him here.

Jake is very passionate about audio.

>> I am. >> And video.

>> Um-hum.

>> I just thought it'd be nice for him to help us work

the senior dance tonight, huh?

>> Ha ha...ha.

Can I have a word with you for a second?

>> What?

>> Are you mad? It's the Senior Shakedown.

If this noob messes up, the seniors are going to kill us.

>> He's not going to mess up.

He's there to observe our work and get us supplies and stuff.

>> Cheese puffs? >> I can get you cheese puffs.

No problem. >> Ha. Trick question.

I'm allergic to cheese. >> Come on, Etienne.

>> Fine. Jake can be the assistant.

Jake >> Great. Thanks.

>> As long as he answers this simple question.

How do ground an 18g9 cable?

***.

>> No TV for a week.

No? >> Nice best friend, Felix.

***

Brittany >> You two, out! Now!

Jake >> Brittany, hi.

There's something I really wanted to ask you earlier.

But I know it's probably useless, and honestly,

I won't be upset if you say no. So whatever your first

gut impulse is... >> Hey, Jake wants to know

if you'll take him to the senior dance.

>> You know, like I said, if you have any doubts,

I completely understand. >> I accept.

>> Yes! Okay, bye, guys.

See you later. >> Um...Hayley.

Brittany >> I'm not sure what you're up to, but I have

a feeling you're just using me to get to this dance.

>> What? I...I would never.

>> But I'm using you to get to the dance, too, so it works out

for both of us.

>> Okay, good. So I guess I'll see you tonight.

>> Hang on...partner. This is my senior dance.

I want flowers.

Nice ones. >> Totally appropriate.

>> And you need to comb your hair.

>> Yes, I was going to. >> And I want you to dress up.

Make sure you're wearing this. >> Really? Wow.

Is there anything else? >> Yes.

I don't want people to think I'm taking you because

I'm desperate so you'd better look like you're really

into me tonight.

>> Okay. >> Okay what?

>> Okay... sir?

You'd better have a cuter

nickname for me than that by tonight.

>> Whoo...

>> So? >> So I assumed the Mongolian

Death Worm was going to be the scariest thing at this

dance but I guess not.

Hayley >> All right, are you guys ready?

This is a dangerous mission. >> Especially if I have

to slow dance with Brittany. >> Dude, I meant the worms.

>> Just be careful in there. Nobody get hurt tonight.

Oh, and no dirty dancing. I will suspend you.

>> I still need to finish wiring the speakers.

Plus, I need to attach the Tesla Amplifier with the mixing

board so we can get enough juice to cook those worms.

I just wish we could stall this dance for an hour.

>> What if Hayley convinces the DJ not to play anything

too vibration heavy until you're ready.

>> But what about my date? Brad needs attention, too.

>> Let's try and keep Brad from becoming worm food.

Felix >> Right. When the worms get here, I'll

handle the fireworks, you guys are in charge of crowd control.

Scott >> Hey, hey. Felix >> Hey, Scott.

>> Tango 1-2-3, come in, Nerd Base.

I have located a female. Request backup, over.

>> That's, that's pretty good but that's not really a toy.

>> Nerd Base, come in. This is Felix.

I'm being harassed by a rad dude named Scott who I think

is really awesome! >> Give it!

Here you go. Felix >> Thank you.

>> Freshmen are WEESERS!

Phlep.

>> I hate seniors so much. Brittany >> Hi.

>> Oh, my gosh, Brittany, you look beautiful.

>> Isn't that what you're supposed to say?

>> I was about to. >> Yeah, yeah, come on.

Let's light this candle.

Hayley >> Yeah.

* *

>> So... the big dance.

Good punch.

>> You will find, Herr Mueller, that it's a punch with a kick.

>> Did you just say, "It's a punch with a kick?"

From, Fists of Fire Annual #15? That's my favourite

comic book, ever. >> Mine, too.

Jake, I find there's two kinds of people in this world.

Those who love Fists of Fire and those who are

wasting their lives.

Brad >> Hey, freshman! You see where Hayley went?

>> Sorry, Brad, I haven't seen her.

>> Ah, useless. >> Your disrespect grows

tiresome, Fire Face. >> Prepare for annihilation!

>> Shouldn't we be dancing? >> What issue is that from?

>> No. Shouldn't we be dancing?

>> Oh. Yeah.

***

>> Come on, Etienne. Just play a couple more

smooth jazz songs. >> Excuse me?

I have been entrusted with a playlist specifically designed

to create peaks and valleys in the dance emotion.

I can't just tamper with it and ruin...

>> Etienne. That's a French name, isn't it?

>> Indeed it is. >> J'adore le francais.

***

>> M-maybe...one more slow one.

>> Merci, Etienne. J'adore aussi le smooth jazz.

***

>> Oh.

***

That, did not just happen.

>> Eek.

Scott... Dude, I am so sorry.

I'm just representing the A.V. Club, trying to please

the seniors with a truly excellent dance experience.

>> As a representative of the Senior Class,

this does not please me.

>> Maybe some more nerd command jokes?

>> Sorry, bud.

Okay, here we go. All right, you're going down.

Felix >> A.V. Club, Code 25!

A.V. Club, Code 25!

Scott, you don't know what you're doing.

Scott >> Wow, that is snug. Felix >> Are you an Eagle Scout?

Uh...Scott. Scott, Scott, don't go.

- Don't, don't go! - Scott!

You need me!

I hate seniors.

* *

Etienne >> Are you sure you like this stuff?

My parents don't even listen to this.

>> What's going on? >> Hey, hey, hey, Brad.

>> Why have you been ignoring me?

>> She made me plays this, okay?

I've never seen her before. Please don't kill me.

>> You know what? This music is terrible.

Put on something better. I knew it was a mistake

asking a freshman to DJ.

>> She made me play it.

>> Oh, Brad...

Brad.

Why are boys such babies?

* *

Jake >> So, because the universe is folded like that,

the Centurion can travel across space AND time.

Brit >> Oh, that makes sense. Hey, would you ever consider

helping me write a comic book? I've got a lot of ideas,

but I'm a terrible artist. >> I've never collaborated

with anyone before but I've never met anyone

who wanted to. Yeah, why not?

>> Great. Hey, what would you think of

a story about a group of high school kids who hunt monsters

in their spare time?

>> Sounds kind of far-fetched but I guess anything goes

in a comic book. Brittany >> Yeah.

* *

Good! That slow dancing was

making my hands sweaty. >> Me, too.

>> Did you hear something?

>> Um...would you excuse me a minute?

***

You heard it, too? >> Of course! Where's Felix?

>> I saw him working on the speakers and then he was gone.

Felix >> Hello? Anyone there? Please help.

I'm in here. I'm tied up.

Someone call Security. Please!

Stupid seniors.

* *

***

Hayley >> We've got to calm them down!

Jake >> Got it!

Everybody stay calm!

>> Get next to the wall and stand perfectly still.

>> This is just like my comic book.

For real!

>> There's no such thing as Mime Club, is there?

>> Nope, not that I haven't tried to get a real one going.

***

>> Whatever you're doing, do it fast!

***

Etienne >> OH!

***

Felix >> Seniors! We have some very dangerous

creatures beneath us. They are immobilized by this

frequency but it's only temporary.

Do as I say and you'll all be safe.

No matter what happens, stay away from the speakers.

Etienne >> Oh! >> Now in a moment, I will

change the music and my colleagues and I will

obliterate the worms.

I need you to put your hands up in the air.

And wave them like you just don't care.

Now say, "Freshmen rule". All >> Freshmen rule.

>> Felix rocks. All >> Felix rocks.

>> Just the ladies! Ladies >> Felix rocks.

>> Felix!

>> Sorry. Now, brace for impact.

***

***

Etienne >> Do something, Felix!

Students >> Fe-lix! Fe-lix! Fe-lix! Fe-lix!

Fe-lix! Fe-lix! Fe-lix!

Fe-lix! Fe-lix! Fe-lix!

***

>> Wait, wait! Do we have to snark them?

>> Well, I don't want to do it either.

Principal Nuss just admitted he should have postponed the dance

and that my suits are better than his

but, rules are rules.

Students >> Fe-lix! Fe-lix! Fe-lix! Fe-lix!...

* *

>> It was a simple plumbing leak.

Sorry it ruined the dance but you all need to go home.

>> Ew.

>> Great, now I go back to being plain old Felix.

Nobody will remember what happened here today.

>> I will.

>> I had a great time, too, Brad.

And yes, I will go out with you again.

>> That would be...great.

***

>> Brittany. >> Yeah, what do you want?

>> I just wanted to give you this.

The new Fists of Fire. My comic book guy gives them

to me a couple of days early. >> Thanks.

>> See you around.

***