Original subtitles

I always feel bad for the silver-medal winner

in the Olympics.

I mean, how do you live with that the rest of your life?

People are gonna keep asking, "How much did you lose by?"

"I don't even know. It was like: now to now.

"Like, now to now. Now. It was like, now, now!

"Now, now.

"It was like...

"And that was it, I lost.

"I trained, I worked out, I exercised.

"I did everything. I was doing pushups, sit-ups.

"I never did anything but exercise

"and work out for 20 years.

"I flew halfway around the world:

"Da-da-da.

"And that was that.

"And that was that.

"It was a photo finish.

"Silver, gold.

If I had a pimple, I would have won."

JERRY: I can't believe you write for this J. Peterman catalog.

Get this one:

"I packed my rod and reel.

"Thirty hours later, lost in the fjord,

"a welcoming smile.

"Thank God she spotted the epaulets

on my Norwegian ice-fishing vest."

This catalog is all about

how to score in a foreign country.

Yeah. What do you do all day?

Not that much. Uh-huh.

I thought that new promotion

was supposed to be a lot more work.

Yeah, when the season starts.

Right now I sit around pretending that I'm busy.

Right now I sit around pretending that I'm busy.

How do you pull that off?

I always look annoyed.

Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time,

people think that you're busy.

Think about it.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[SIGHS]

Yeah, you do. Yeah.

He looks busy. He looks very busy.

I know what I'm doing.

In fact, Mr. Wilhelm gave me

one of those little stress dolls.

All right.

Back to work.

[SIGHS]

[LAUGHING]

So did you come up with a little stupid story

for the Himalayan walking shoe yet?

No, I'm completely blocked.

In fact, I'm gonna work on it tonight.

Oh-- Oh, no.

Oh, I can't.

I got that marathon runner coming in tonight.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

What marathon runner?

You know, this guy, Jean-Paul?

Jean-Paul. I met him when I was working at Pendant,

editing a book on running.

Oh, wait. Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul.

Yes.

Isn't he the guy--?

He overslept at the Olympics four years ago,

missed the marathon.

missed the marathon.

Yeah, that's him.

He's from, uh, Trinidad and Tobago, right?

Yeah, yeah. He's Trinidadian and Tobagan.

[GIGGLING]

How do you oversleep at the Olympics?

Oh, I know. I know.

I mean, it's like the biggest event of your life.

You think you'd have, like, six alarm clocks.

Paying off little kids in the village

to come banging on your door.

Yeah. Well, he was pretty devastated.

I mean, this is his first race in three years. Hm.

That's a big responsibility on your hands.

What responsibility? I don't have any responsibility.

What responsibility? I don't have any responsibility.

What, you gotta wake him up.

Oh. He'll get up.

Hi, Judy.

Hi, Elaine, how are you?

I'm fine. Heh.

I've seen her in your building. Yeah.

I didn't know she was married.

[WHISPERS] She's not.

And the guy just took off.

Don't say anything to anybody.

Who am I gonna tell?

I know. It's just something you have to say.

[FLY BUZZING]

[FLY BUZZING]

George...we just got the final budget numbers.

We went over budget on some of the items,

but I don't think there's gonna be a problem.

I'll let you get back to work, George.

[FLY BUZZING]

JERRY: He overslept and missed the whole race.

Isn't that amazing?

I'll tell you what happened.

I bet he got the a.m.-p.m. mixed up.

I bet he got the a.m.-p.m. mixed up.

Hm. My money's on the snooze.

I bet he hit the snooze for an extra five,

and it never came back on.

[DOOR OPENS]

Imagine, your whole life riding on an alarm clock.

Alarm clocks. I never use them. Don't trust them.

What do you do?

Oh, I have a, uh, mental alarm.

I set my head for quarter to 7 and...

[MAKES POPPING NOISE]

...I get up.

Always works?

Oh, it never fails.

See, it's based on your body clock.

See, your body has an internal mechanism.

It knows what time it is.

Mm-hm. What's with the bucket?

Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.

[CLICKS]

Hot tub?

Yeah, it's in my living room.

I just gotta fill it.

You put a hot tub in your living room?

Oh, it's a beauty.

It's got these high-volume accusage jets,

oscillating and pulsating,

soothing your every aching muscle.

That water's gonna get over 120 degrees.

[CLICKS]

Is that tolerable?

Oh, it's tolerable.

Isn't that the same temperature

of the coffee that scalded you?

Oh, I think it's a little cooler than that.

He, uh, doesn't have any running water?

I don't ask those kind of questions anymore.

Jerry. Jerry, this is Jean-Paul.

Ah, hi, Jean-Paul. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry about the Olympics.

Me too.

Listen, listen. I'm gonna go call work,

see if I can get my deadline extended.

I-I can't come up with anything for this thing.

Oh. Catalog-writer's block?

Oh. Catalog-writer's block?

Yeah, that's funny.

So, what happened?

The snooze alarm, wasn't it?

No, man, it wasn't the snooze.

Most people think it was the snooze.

But no. No snooze.

A.m.-p.m?

Man, it wasn't the a.m.-p.m.

It was the volume.

Oh, the volume.

Yes, the volume.

Yes, the volume.

There was a separate knob for the radio alarm.

Oh, separate knob.

Yes, separate knob.

Why separate knob? Why separate knob?!

Some people like to have the radio alarm

a little louder than the radio.

Oh, please, man. Please!

Don't worry. It's not gonna happen again.

Not if I have anything to say about it.

Elaine, what's the alarm clock

situation at your house?

Jerry--

It's a simple question.

I've got an alarm, okay?

I've got an alarm, okay?

That old one? Didn't I once

miss a flight to Cleveland because of that alarm clock?

Flight to Cleveland?

It works.

Elaine.

It works.

"Singing duo, Captain and..."?

[GROANS]

[SNAPS]

Tenille!

Come on.

Ahhh!

[POUNDING PEN ON NEWSPAPER]

George. Uh...

I think you may be

taking work a little too seriously.

Well, I've got a lot to do!

George, I'll tell you what I'd like you to do.

I-I'd like you to drop everything.

I have this fun little assignment I think you'll enjoy.

There are some, uh, reps in from the Houston Astros

for talks on that Interleague Play.

And I want you to show them a good time.

[GROANS]

Hey.

Sorry I'm late.

You're 40 minutes late.

What happened?

What happened?

I got held up.

Do you mind if I heat this muffin up?

No.

What? What is the problem?

Well, you said you were gonna be here a certain time...

and you weren't.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And this all means, uh, what?

Well, it means that a man has come from very far away

to compete in a very difficult race.

He's put his faith in you. And frankly, I'm a little concerned.

Oh, are you?

Yes, I am. Uh-huh. Hey.

I'm not running in the marathon. He is.

Yeah, I know that.

I got enough to think about

just trying to come up with some load of crap

just trying to come up with some load of crap

for that Himalayan walking shoe.

I mean, I've given him a place to stay,

I'll set an alarm, but I'm not gonna turn my life

completely upside down for this guy.

I'm not talking about upside down.

I'm talking about waking him up.

Hey, Jean-Paul.

Hey, Jean-Paul, how was your soak?

Was it a good soak?

Oh, man, very good soak.

The soak of the year.

What's burning?

Oh! My muffin.

Oh, shoot.

What happened?

What happened?

Oh, I don't know.

I set this thing for 20 seconds.

Oh, this was set for two minutes, see?

Don't say anything.

Don't say anything!

You mis-set the timer?

Jean-Paul, it's not my microwave, okay? Okay?

All right, listen, let's just go.

Come on, Jean-Paul, let's go.

Let's go. Okay.

All right. We'll see you at the race, okay?

Yeah, I hope so. Oh, that's cute.

Kramer, I'm telling you,

Elaine doesn't know what the hell she's doing.

Elaine doesn't know what the hell she's doing.

I gotta take over this whole operation.

Jerry, look how tense you are.

You need to take a soak.

I'm not taking a soak

in that human bacteria frappe you got going there.

Oh, no, I'm telling you, it's great.

I opened up all the windows.

The air is cold,

the tub is boiling hot.

It's like Sweden, man.

Swee-den.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Oh...

yeah.

Ahh!

Till this bastard over here says:

"Let's call the sons of bitches,

go visit them in New York."

[ALL LAUGHING]

Well, we're certainly so glad that you could make it.

I like your organization, George. Heh-heh.

We've been talking to a real friendly

son of a bitch in the front office.

son of a bitch in the front office.

Wilhelm, I think his name is.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Mr. Wilhelm, yeah.

He told us that George Costanza's

gonna be taking us bastards

out on the town.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I said, "That son of a bitch

doesn't know what he's got in store for him."

[ALL LAUGHING]

Finish your drink?

Oh, yeah, al-almost. Almost.

Well, let's get that bastard

to bring us another round. Come on, now.

You a big drinker, George?

Well, maybe not as much as this bastard.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I can hold my own.

[KRAMER SHIVERING]

[SHIVERING LOUDLY]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMS]

Jean-Paul, I asked you down here this morning

because I am concerned.

Concerned that tomorrow is perhaps the biggest race

of your entire career.

And the person with whom you have chosen to stay...

is, uh...

What are you saying?

I'm saying, get the hell out of there!

Let me put you in a hotel. You'll be comfortable.

You'll be near the starting line.

And most importantly,

you'll have a wake-up call, Jean-Paul.

A wake-up call.

Wake-up call.

Wake-up call.

These people never fail.

They sit in a room with a big clock all night long,

just waiting to make that call.

No, I will stay with Elaine.

it would be rude.

Hey, you bastards.

Hey, so how was the meeting?

You know, I really like those sons of bitches.

Sons of bitches? Yeah.

That's how they talk, you know.

Everyone's a either bastard or a son of a bitch.

Yeah, it's like, uh,

"Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, huh?"

Really? GEORGE: Yeah.

That's how they talk in the Major League.

Oh.

Oh, boy.

Hey-hey.

How many sweaters you got on?

Oh. Four.

Yeah, could I have a cup of tea?

Boiling hot.

What's going on?

[SIGHS]

I fell asleep in the hot tub,

and the heat pump broke.

Water went down to 58 degrees.

I can't get my core temperature back up.

Your core temperature?

Here, feel my hand. Yeah, feel.

Here, feel my hand. Yeah, feel.

This son of a bitch is ice cold.

[PHONE RINGING]

GEORGE: Hello.

Is that you, George?! [LAUGHING]

Yeah, it's me. Is this Clayton?

Well, listen, you son of a bitch,

you know where we are?

Thirty thousand feet above your head, you bastard. Woo!

What are they doing letting you bastards on an airplane?

Don't they know that's against FAA regulation?

Hush up now. I can't hear him.

Listen, I want you guys to send along those agreements

the minute you land.

Our boys can't wait to kick your butts.

When's that bastard coming to Houston?

When's that bastard coming to Houston?

Hey, Zeke wants to know

when you Yankee bastards are coming to Houston?

You tell that son of a bitch,

no Yankee is ever coming to Houston.

Not as long as you bastards are running things.

Now, now, speak up, George. I can't hear you.

[SHOUTING] You tell that son of a bitch

no Yankee is ever coming to Houston!

Not as long as you bastards are running things.

George!

Get ahold of yourself.

Mr. Wilhelm. What's the matter with you?

Well, I--

ELAINE: It was a cold winter's night in Timbuktu.

ELAINE: It was a cold winter's night in Timbuktu.

Oh!

This stinks.

[GROANS]

Come on. Come on.

[GROANS]

God!

Hello. Hello.

I'm a friend of Elaine's.

Oh, hi.

Oh. Look at that

cute little bastard.

You are mommy's

little bastard, aren't you?

little bastard, aren't you?

[LAUGHS]

What the hell are you doing harassing my tenants?

Oh, come on, you son of a bitch.

I'm just trying to be friendly.

All right, that's it. Let's go.

What? Man, I got a race tomorrow.

Whoa. It's like a furnace in here.

What the hell is going on?

Yeah, I turned up the heat.

Turn up the heat in your own apartment.

I'm freezing.

I just need to get my hot tub running.

I'm waiting for my new heat pump.

Well, what's in this giant box out in the hall?

Well, what's in this giant box out in the hall?

Huh? Oh, that must be it.

Yeah? It's huge.

Yeah, yeah. I got the biggest one they had.

Yeah, it's industrial strength. Sixteen thousand Btu's.

[RINGS]

Hello.

Yeah. I can be there in 10 minutes.

You can count on me.

What?

I got the call.

Jean-Paul?

Jean-Paul.

JERRY: Very lucky to find this hotel, Jean-Paul.

Man, I just want to get some sleep.

All right. Let's check out the clock.

Notch good.

6:50.

Volume check.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

What kind of music you wanna wake up to?

Top 40? Classical?

Man, whatever.

How about adult contemporary?

Fine, adult contemporary. Just pick one!

All right.

All right.

We're going with adult contempo.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

[TURNS OFF]

And now the fail-safe.

The wake-up guy.

Yes, yes, the wake-up guy.

MAN: Front desk.

Yes, this is room 419.

I would like a wake-up call for 6:50 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Yes, sir.

That's room 419, 6:50 a.m.

Four, one, niner.

Yes, I got it, sir.

You only had to say it once.

You only had to say it once.

I know, but it's a very important wake-up call,

and I don't wanna take any chances.

Every wake-up call I make is important.

You're no more important than any of our guests.

Well, I just don't wanna get into a whole thing

with you here, but--

Are you through?

Yeah, I am. But, I just--

[DIAL TONE]

Hm.

What is it?

I think I offended the wake-up guy.

No, no.

No, no, I did. I think he's got it in for me.

Man, he doesn't have it in for you.

Man, he doesn't have it in for you.

What if he doesn't call now out of spite?

It is his job.

I'm not comfortable.

For God's sake.

Jean-Paul?

Hey, Jean-Paul?

Jean-Paul?

Jean-Paul?

Jean-Paul?

Oh, man.

Oh, machine.

JERRY: I'm not here. Leave a message.

Jerry. Jerry, Jean-Paul's missing.

He's alone in the city. Call me back.

Judy, hi. Listen--

You know, you have got some nerve, Elaine.

I told you about that baby in confidence.

Oh, I didn't tell anyone.

[SCOFFS]

Well, your friend certainly seemed to know all about it.

Well, your friend certainly seemed to know all about it.

Jerry.

I feel much better here at my home base, Jean-Paul.

It's a controlled environment.

It's a marathon, you know, 26 miles.

I need to get some sleep.

Hey, believe me,

if I had been with you there in Barcelona...

you'd be polishing that medal right now.

I left a comfortable hotel bedroom for this.

That wake-up guy was trouble.

All right. I'll be right back.

[MOTOR CHURNING]

Man, that thing is noisy.

Yeah, yeah. We're cranking along pretty good!

We're almost up to 80 degrees!

Yeah. Listen. Do me a favor.

Set your mental alarm for 6:30 and give me a call.

Yeah. Okay. Wait--

[MAKES POPPING NOISE]

Done.

[JERRY'S VOICE] He's put his faith in you. He's put his faith in you.

[JERRY'S VOICE] He's put his faith in you. He's put his faith in you.

[JEAN-PAUL'S VOICE] I trust Elaine. She is my friend.

I trust Elaine. She is my friend.

[JERRY'S VOICE] Frankly, I'm a little concerned.

[ELAINE'S VOICE] Ugh. I'm exhausted.

I've been on this street 1000 times.

It's never looked so strange.

The faces...so cold.

[BABY CRYING IN DISTANCE]

In the distance, a child is crying.

Fatherless.

A bastard child, perhaps.

A bastard child, perhaps.

My back aches.

My heart aches. But my feet...

My feet are resilient.

Thank god I took off my heels and put on my...

Himalayan walking shoes!

[MOUTHS] Yes!

[JEAN-PAUL SNORING]

[MOTOR CHURNING]

[ELECTRICITY HISSING]

[GASPS]

4:02?

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

[FRANTICALLY] 8:47! Jean-Paul, wake up! Wake up!

Jean-Paul. The electricity went out.

Wake up, wake up. We've gotta go!

It's 8:47!

8:47?

Come on. Just put your clothes on.

You'll get dressed in the car.

Idiot, I trusted you!

Kramer, what happened in the building?

The electricity went out.

Yeah, the heat pump blew all the fuses.

What happened to your mental alarm?

Well, I guess I hit the snooze.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Make way. I've got-- I've got a runner here.

Get out of the way.

Make way, make way.

Make way. He's a contender.

Hey. Hold it.

I'm late, man. I'm in the race.

Go ahead.

Thank you, Jerry. A wonderful driver.

Fantastic route, man.

All right, go. It's a race! Come on!

All right, go. It's a race! Come on!

You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?

Yes, George. Come in, come in.

George, word has it you've been cracking under the pressure.

Can't cope, can't stand the heat. Spit the bit.

Oh, Mr. Steinbrenner, I can explain--

We all get a little cuckoo sometimes.

I used to be like you.

Berating personnel, calling managers during a game.

Threatening to move the team to New Jersey

just to upset people.

And then I found a way to relax.

I've got two words to say to you, George:

hot tub.

I'm telling you, I never told anyone about that baby.

I'm telling you, I never told anyone about that baby.

I never even went near your building.

Then how did she find out, Jerry?

Maybe you should check with the rabbi.

You want some hot tea?

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh. There's some runners. Here they come.

[CROWD CHEERING]

There's Jean-Paul. He's out front.

He's leading!

Go, Jean-Paul!

Yeah! Come on!

Woo!

[KRAMER AND ELAINE WHOOPING]

One mile to go, Jean-Paul.

Go Jean-Paul!

Go Jean-Paul!

[HEART PUMPING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CHEERING]

[JEAN-PAUL SCREAMING]

How are you enjoying it, George?

Melts that tension away, doesn't it?

You gotta get that jet on the good spot.

Oh, oh, ooh, ooh.

Yes, that feels good. Yes, that's real good.

Oh, yeah, that's where I keep all my tension.

Right under that chicken bone.

Sometimes I'll get my wife to just stick her thumb

right in there like a screwdriver.

You know, the Phillips head, not the flat one.

Oh, God. Those flat ones frustrate me.

You got it in, but it slips out.

You put it in again, it slips out again.

You a single man, George?

Well, I-- I just recently--

If you wanna get something wild going on in your life,

you get a girl and bring her in one of these things.

you get a girl and bring her in one of these things.

It's like four shots of Wild Turkey.

She'll think you're Hopalong Cassidy.

Terrible about that Mickey Mantle, wasn't it?

You know, we used to talk.

I don't think he liked me very much, you know.