Original subtitles

Farah, I need help, please.

Where are you?

I'm at the Ridgely Building in Springsborough--

What are you doing there?

I'm sorry.

I snuck out.

I'm in trouble.

Please hurry.

Okay, I'm on my way.

Lydia, what kind of trouble are you in?

Farah, don't it's a-- (LINE GOES DEAD)

Lydia!

Lydia!

(BRAKES SCREECH)

Not good.

Not good at all.

(GRUNTING/GROANING)

Of course.

Of course, of course, of course, of course.

Nice! Okay. A mouse, I'm a mouse.

Stupid mouse.

I really think someone should open up this door right now.

Someone should open up--

(WHISPERS) Open this door.

I need you to open this door right now.

(WHISPERS) Right...now.

(GRUNTS)

Not... to... day!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(THUMP)

LYDIA: Farah. Help me, Farah.

Farah, help me.

(STRAINING)

Patrick Spring.

Crazy to see it up close, right?

So much money, and then...

Where's the head?

We're keeping it separate.

You can see it if you'd like.

Didn't you say you were from Missing Persons?

I thought this was a Major Crimes case.

Lydia Spring is a missing person.

That's our case.

- Her father's death fits in. - Can you prove that?

Soon.

Where are the other two bodies?

- Other two bodies? - From the crime scene.

The tattooed men, one was bitten in half.

Oh, they're gone.

Two human corpses are gone?

Well, they're not here.

They haven't stopped existing.

Oh. Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)

Where are they existing currently?

I think they were just transferred out to an FBI lab this morning

for testing.

Something to do with the weapon.

Yeah. Yeah. We were wondering about that.

Yeah, some sort of chomping device,

a saw or something?

The bite wounds are a match to the teeth of an adult specimen

of Sphyrna mokarran.

Sfeerna mokoron?

What the hell is that?

DIRK: The Great Hammerhead Shark.

A hammerhead shark killed Patrick Spring?

How is that possible?

DIRK: Yes, it's interesting, because hammerhead sharks

aren't usually aggressive towards humans.

Yeah, and they aren't generally found in hotel rooms.

Right? That too!

It was good of you to contact me, Todd.

Excellent work as my assistant.

I'm not your assistant.

And yet, here you are, assisting.

I just--

what you said about things being connected,

it just seemed like the right thing to do.

And you're certain the person you saw was Lydia Spring?

Yeah, I am. I'm sure.

Then perhaps you'll admit, solely for my edification,

that there is another connection, however evanescent,

between you, me, and the Patrick Spring murder case?

I mean, surely, her disappearance and his murder

- shortly thereafter-- - I just found a dog.

I don't think it means anything.

Look, I have to go. Okay?

Why are you in such a rush?

You're unemployed. Technically.

I, um...

found something.

In the hotel. It's a--

What am I doing? Why am I doing this?

What is-- Is that a lottery ticket?

Yeah, okay, I found it, and--

Is that blood on it?

No.

- Maybe. I don't know. - And is it a winner?

Yes.

(SPLUTTERING)

It's only for 10 grand.

I can pay for Amanda's medication.

I can fix my apartment, my car...

I can... try and start to... fix things.

And you seriously think that's just a coincidence?

I told you

the universe would congratulate you for helping me solve

the Patrick Spring murder case.

Are you taking credit for me finding a lottery ticket?

No, it's just a coincidence.

But you just said--

(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING)

TODD: Goddammit!

DIRK: That's the man? The... guy?

That's him, yeah.

Well, he doesn't look so tough.

I've got a good feeling about this.

About what?

Shouldn't we call the police? I mean--

Here, quick, give me the lottery ticket.

Hey! What the-- Hey!

TODD: Hey!

(CAR ENGINE BANGS)

(ENGINE SPUTTERS AND DIES)

What happened?

The car turned off.

You're not gonna try and fix it?

If the car turned off here, this is where the car turned off.

I'm sure it'll start up again when it's meant to.

Cars are like that,

always turning off and on again,

breaking down, and then fixing themselves.

No, they aren't.

Buddy, get out.

How come nobody's come looking for you?

What?

I have your phone, remember?

Nobody's called. It's been over a day now.

Someone will call.

Oh, yeah? Who?

My...

girlfriend.

(SCOFFS)

Right. Her.

She seems real.

Who was that?

Who was that guy with the tats and the shotgun

that I killed at the power station?

- What were you doing there? - Why are you doing this to me?

Doing this to you?

Answer the question.

Who was the guy that I killed at the power station?

Look, I'm just...

I do power systems.

Okay? I'm an electrician, technically,

look, but people, organizations, individuals,

they hire me to do... stuff.

Illegal stuff.

Look, they hit me up online,

they wanted me to build some power converter

to leech off a larger network.

Okay? I'd never seen anything like it.

All right, I was halfway through programming that...

you showed up.

Thanks for tellin' me all that, Ken.

Way my life works,

that's the most anybody's said to me in over five years.

It's mostly just screaming and begging.

It's nice to listen to somebody else talk.

Ain't nobody coming, chump.

(MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES)

At least nobody who ain't supposed to die.

TODD: You psychopath!

You total asshole. I can't believe you did this to me!

I can't even believe you did this to yourself!

Looks like our suspect's undergone a profound change in attitude.

"Gordon Rimmer."

Interesting.

And look at all this stuff.

This guy really likes Lux DuJour.

You ever listen to any of his music?

- A bit loud for me. - Where's the clicker?

Look,

Lux DuJour sucks, and I'm getting out of here now.

Can't open the garage door. Too loud.

Besides, we have to investigate the house.

Wasn't there--

Didn't Lux DuJour disappear?

I vaguely recall it being a big story at the time.

Maybe he's in there!

I am not investigating anything!

Then how will you get your lottery ticket?

Are you insane?

Shh.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

(ENGINE REVS)

(ENGINE REVS)

(ENGINE REVS) (LIGHT SHATTERS)

(POP METAL MUSIC PLAYS) (BARKING)

(BARKS)

(WHIMPERS & BARKS)

(BARKING)

Would you let me finish? (WHINING)

Go sit over there! God!

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Hang on.

Hang on!

GORDON: Well, we find them too.

It's the two guys from the hotel. They're obviously in on it.

The giraffe and the gorilla.

You'd be upset too if a giraffe tried to kill you!

Get back!

She's right here with me now.

Uh-huh. Yeah...

Yeah. Well, where is he?

What? I don't--

I don't care where she is, 'cause that's not my problem.

Okay? And then what about--

What about Red, way out in the middle of nowhere?

What about him?

There's probably one of them still out there,

and if that's the case,

then that's not good for any of us.

Uh-huh. Yeah, well, no.

And-- and we have to go to the animal transfer unit.

There was a goddamn shootout. Bodies everywhere!

- We've got to clean it up! - Did he say "bodies"?

...Very simple thing.

That should have been very super easy...

This is really bad, Todd!

I would never have done this alone!

But you were right! That's Lydia Spring!

This is a huge breakthrough!

But it's possible we're going to die.

God, I am so sorry.

Oh, damn, we're really living on the edge here, man.

I don't care that Rainey is dead!

Rainey is not the Supreme Soul!

I am the Supreme Soul! I am running things!

Yes!

...And I'll tell you another thing.

Someone-- Someone is watching us.

I can feel it.

Oh, yeah, we're going to do something about it.

We're going to take back control.

We're going to take back control,

and we are going to purify the situation.

He has a gun!

What?

(BLOWS LANDING)

(TASER DISCHARGES)

She broke the nose.

Yes. It is.

Hello, friend.

We are Ed, Zed, and Fred.

These are not our real names.

What a relief. Those names are so stupid!

This is one of our machines.

It's a very good machine.

Your dead friend over there had a bone saw.

He told me he was going to cut my face off.

Yes, Ned liked to do that.

Some people like to cut other people.

Where is Lydia Spring?

Why are you doing this to Patrick?

We are not doing anything to the man Patrick Spring.

His energy...

out into the universe.

You... you killed him?

He is dead.

That is a fact, yes.

And you were the person hired to protect him.

Him being dead seems to me an oversight on your part.

In fact, it's quite the opposite condition

of the one you would like him to be in.

Where is the kitten?

How was Patrick Spring in two places at once?

Who killed this man?

ZED: She's not saying anything, Ed.

Okay... Zed,

will you expose her to the light?

Yeah. Okay, Ed.

(POWER SURGES)

Well, nothing left here.

Call the crime scene guys to come and clean it up.

Oh, and thank you for covering for me the other day.

Oh, it's no problem.

I know you're going through some stuff, so...

I'm figuring it out. Step by step.

Divorce is hard, Weedle, let me tell you.

It's like becoming a whole other person.

Right.

How's it going with Sammy?

Oh...

it's complicated. It's very complicated.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Look who it is.

Estevez and Zimmerfield.

- Nathan. Agent Weedle. - Hello.

We were relieved you were still in town,

worried you'd skipped out onto the next case.

Well, the opiate ring that Dorian Rothlighter was running

still exists, with or without him,

so as long as your boy, Todd Brotzman,

remains a person of interest in your case,

I'd say he's a person of interest in ours, right?

How about the other guy? What happened to him?

The other guy? Dirk Gently?

Word came from on high to let him go.

- Active state interest. - What, like, the CIA?

- Something like that. - Exactly like that.

Wow. You guys really

have your hands full in Missing Persons.

Maybe Major Crimes should take a crack at it,

give you two guys a break. (LAUGHS)

We're here about the bodies.

Bodies? What bodies?

Men with tattoos,

heavy tattoos all over.

You didn't--

You didn't transfer the bodies from the Patrick Spring case?

- No. What would we want with them? - We do not want bodies.

No, we don't.

ESTEVEZ: So you're saying there was no transfer?

The FBI didn't...

We gotta go.

Bye.

Idiots.

Assholes.

All that matters is the girl.

Patrick Spring is dead,

but we can still save Lydia, yeah? That's our job.

Hey, buddy!

Think I figured out your problem.

(GRUNTS)

It's this carburetor. I think I can fix it up,

- but... it's gonna take a bit of time. - Okay. Great, thank you.

You don't think there's a chance that you could, you know,

call a cab for me or something like that?

We're lucky we met.

Look at this. This road's empty.

- Plenty of people die out here. - Hah! Right.

No. You wouldn't. Or won't. Die. Nobody's gonna die ever!

Some people will die, but that's just nature.

It's all just nature.

Isn't it great that we're out here in nature together?

Thank you. Thank you.

You guys on drugs?

No!

A cab? Really?

Why didn't you just ask him to fly you in a private jet?

- You want some raisins? - No.

Yes.

I haven't eaten for over 24 hours.

When I was a kid, I was part of a...

I don't know what it was.

A few others like me, though.

Others like you? Assassins?

I dunno. I never got to meet 'em.

I heard about 'em, though.

I think about them sometimes.

Lot more people talking to me back then.

So... Who is Dirk Gently?

He came to me in a dream I had.

The world will take me where I need to go.

I'm like a leaf in the stream of creation...

until I find Dirk Gently, whoever or whatever that is,

and then I'm a piranha.

In the stream of creation.

Speaking of, I should really kill this guy.

No, no, no. Wait, wait--

Wait. wait.

- What? - Sorry.

We can't murder him.

Why not?

He's helping us!

Okay. If you say so.

There must be a way to get Lydia out of here,

and then we can--

Will you shut up for a minute, please?

(SQUEAK)

It's just you, and you were already here.

I don't know why I was startled, actually.

(WHIMPERS)

This is all my fault. Look, I--

I have to tell you, okay?

I'm sorry about what I did before.

With the lottery ticket.

I think it was, in sight of hind,

fairly messed up.

GORDON: No. It's going to be a beautiful thing, you'll see.

(TOY SQUEAKS)

Shh!

GORDON: No, it's going to be beautiful.

All right? This is just a speed bump.

Oh, it's a big speed bump. Yeah, thanks, Tips.

I know that, but you know what else?

Technically, we're winning!

Uh-huh! (WHIMPERS)

Well, we kill them, of course. It's what we do.

...Both, yes, both. Why one? That doesn't make sense.

(BARKING) Shh!

(GROWLING)

(BARKING) Go away!!

GORDON: Rapunzel, what the hell are you doing in there?

(PHONE RINGING)

What the hell was that?

You didn't silence your phone?

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

- You! - Me! It is.

Wait, do I know you?

Shit!

(GUNSHOTS FIRING, PHONE RINGING)

Rapunzel, what the-- (BARKING)

(SCREAMS)

(YELLING)

(BARKING)

TODD: Hey, it's Todd. Leave a message.

Hey, Todd, it's me.

Um... I know that this might sound crazy,

but... your friend, or your boss,

or your acquaintance, or the detective guy...

He didn't mention having any guys, like, following you,

or anything like that, did he?

'Cause... uh, there's this, um...

You know what, never mind. (BEEPS OFF)

(ENGINE REVS)

What? What? What do you want?

(SHIVERING)

(SOBBING)

(GLASS SMASHING)

(ENGINE REVS)

Okay...

ESTEVEZ: All right, Creepy,

we want answers, and we want them n--

Yes? Can I help you?

That's not him.

Where's the other guy?

"Other guy"?

The other guy! The other guy! Where's the other guy?

I'm sorry. I'm the only coroner on duty today.

What department did you say you were from?

Missing Persons. We had an appointment this morning.

- This morning? - Yeah.

- What time? - 9:00 a.m.

- He wasn't here yet. - That's what he's about to say.

I wasn't here yet.

Someone is screwing with us.

Dirk Gently. Todd Brotzman.

Smoke and mirrors, man.

I mean...

something's for real actually goin' down.

We are on our way now.

So when the cops said "anything suspicious..."

Right.

Now, we follow up on this,

that doesn't make us their bitch, right?

I don't think so.

'Cause that...

that seems suspicious.

We could just call them.

And say what?

- Yeah, we're not their bitch. - Right?

Let's roll.

(STARTLING)

Got the dog.

What? Why?

The dog is important.

Lots of animals in this case, it seems.

The dog, the shark, the kitten--

What-- What kitten?

Wait, no. Screw that. Never mind.

How did you even hear about the shark?

Mm? What are you talking about?

Hours ago, in the bushes,

before we were trapped in that guy's house,

you said Patrick Spring was killed by a shark.

You've got a great memory.

How do you even know about the shark?

- The hotel room? - I didn't know about that.

No, never mind. Never mind.

I-I-I did my duty.

- I helped you steal a dog? - Ish.

You did your duty-ish!

You didn't even do a full half of a duty, you lazy man, Todd!

You tricked me into breaking into a house with you.

- You could've waited outside. - Someone shot at us!

Hey, he only shot at me.

And the house was even more mysterious,

and we learned about that rock star, Lux DuJour.

When did we learn about that?

And this man, Gordon Rimmer, it's all very suspicious.

(DOG BARKS)

He called the human Lydia "Rapunzel,"

ergo, vis a vis, I forward a theory!

Are you Lydia Spring?

(BARKING)

You are?

TODD: I want to go home,

but I know you'll just be there now, so it's like--

What we're dealing with here appears to be a criminal,

or perhaps a group,

that specializes in hypnotizing humans into believing they're specific dogs,

and hypnotizing dogs into believing they're specific humans.

I just want to go cash in my lottery ticket,

- call my sister back, and-- - Todd, focus.

What could Patrick Spring have done to anger an evil enclave

of uncommonly specific dog hypnotists?

They're not dog hypnotists!

Ah! You're about to forward a theory! Excellent! I'm listening!

She clearly wanted to be there.

She wasn't hypnotized, she wasn't tied up,

there weren't bars on the windows,

- and she seemed happy-- - Yes, like a happy dog.

Just call the police.

At this point, I can't explain why I was there,

and I'm already in deep crap with them,

so just-- just call them. Do it. Okay?

I'm done, so you handle it now.

You're still wearing the shower curtain!

Hey, you think I like this?

Isn't this your job?

You're a detective. Don't you--

Because I'm trying to do the right thing,

don't you understand?

It's always...

all these horrible things,

and I get dragged right up next to them.

Couldn't you just--

I mean, you could just walk away,

- take whatever Spring paid you and-- - No. It's...

The world will lead me where I need to go.

I'm a... a leaf in the stream of creation,

right up until I find

whoever or whatever killed Patrick Spring.

And then it will just...

take me somewhere new.

What's with all your crap about taking control of your life?

Just because you know you're playing a game

doesn't mean you don't choose your moves.

The cases I end up on--

if I don't solve them,

no one does.

(TEXT ALERT CHIMES)

Oh dear.

"We have your friend," and then a picture of a woman.

Who's it from?

The man, I assume, the bad man.

How did he get your number?

- I gave him my cards. - You gave him your card?

No, my cards, all of them. Self-defense.

I do a lot of things, and then later I'm like--

You don't happen to know this woman, do you?

(WHISPERS) Open this door.

(TEXT ALERT CHIMES)

DIRK: "Give us the dog or we will kill her. Eastgate Bridge. Midnight."

Ha! See? I told you the dog was important!

(BARKING)

TODD: This is bad.

This isn't going to work. This is a bad idea.

Nonsense. This is the perfect opportunity

- to get some answers. - The man shot at us.

What if he just pulls a gun?

Aha, that's why I brought... this.

What's that supposed to do?

Well, you know what they say about bringing a knife to a gun fight...

That it's...bad?

Oh, bloody hell, is that what that means?

(HORN HONKING)

DIRK: That's him. The man.

What do we do?

Well, I think...

Aw...

- Check this out. - All right.

What have we got?

Holy shit. That's the guy. That's... that's Todd Brotzman.

And Dirk Gently. Full house.

Missing Persons was actually onto something.

We bring them in as soon as whatever this is is done.

Got it.

Is that the woman?

I don't know her.

Right, but that is a woman.

What are you even talking about?

GORDON: Get on your knees.

Give me the dog,

or I'll kill her!

Give us the her

or we'll throw the dog off the bridge!

- What? - I'm bluffing,

but if he shoots her, throw the dog off the bridge.

- Why did you attack us? - We didn't!

- How do you know who we are? - We don't.

- Where is the kitten? - What kitten?

Who's that woman?

- You don't know her? - Do you?

- Why did you burn my house down? - I burnt your house down?

- Where's Lydia? - She's not here.

(DOG BARKS) Bring me the dog.

- Why do you want it? - Why did you take it?

- We don't know! - Why did you kill Patrick Spring?

- We didn't. - Did you?

GORDON: Just...just bring me the dog!

What the hell are they talking about?

Dogs? Cats? I don't know.

These are the stupidest goddamn people alive.

What do we do?

I... I don't know.

I'll kill her! I swear!

Todd... Todd, wait! Maybe...

TODD: Let the woman go.

No, no, no, no, no. She stays with us.

- That wasn't the deal. - There's no deal.

Shit! He's right!

Bring me the dog!

GORDON: What are you doing? What are you doing?

- No! - Let the woman go or I drop it.

Just let her go now!

You are poking a bear, my friend!

We will burn the soul out of your body for what you've done to us.

What are you talking about? What did we do to you?

- Don't drop my dog! - Let her go now or I drop it, I swear to God--

- Let her go! - No, no, no, no, no.

(GIRL'S VOICE) No!

Help me!

(SCREAMING)

No!

Holy shit! It's going down.

(SCREAMING)

I'm coming! (SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING) (WEAPON CHARGING)

Todd! Men!

(FIRING)

(GUNSHOT)

No!

Nathan!

Put that down-- (GUN FIRES)

(GRUNTING)

DIRK: Todd, what happened?

TODD: I saw a human face on the dog!

(GRUNTING)

Rapunzel!

(GROANING)

(ACCELERATING)

(SCREAMING)

(GORDON CURSING)

- Did you find the dog? - No.

And what the hell happened? Who shot Fred?

There were two men hiding under the bridge.

One we released from his body, the other still lives.

They threw the goddamn dog off the bridge.

Did you see it come out of the water?

No. Very busy.

It's in control. Everything's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.

Wait a second, there's two guys. You said you got two guys.

Who were those two guys?

I don't know. They had these.

What the hell is this? What the...

FBI?

You gotta be goddamn kidding me.

And this one's still alive?

He is.

How would you like to be a secret agent?

(LAUGHS)

GORDON: All right. All right. All right. Let's go.

(SLAMMING HOOD)

That'll do it.

Sorry it took longer than I thought.

You should go.

What?

Run!

You realize I'm gonna take the car.

Take the car? What? What? Why?

You must be--

hell, you must be the tenth couple we've found out here.

We shoot you in the head,

cut you up,

sell the car for pieces...

cut that up too.

What? Wait, wait, wait. Listen, listen, listen.

I'm listening.

Look, man, you're the one that's in danger, okay?

Can I kill him now?

You're embarrassing yourself.

Yes? (MAN LAUGHS)

(GUNFIRE)

(GUN CLICKS)

(CLICK)

Okay?

(GRUNTS)

There goes that.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Jesus Christ!

Did you just dodge a bullet?

No. Bullet dodged me.

I can't be hurt, universe won't allow it.

Only constants are me and gravity.

I'm special that way.

You're insane.

See?

(CLICK)

(GUNSHOT)

(CLICK)

(GUNSHOT)

(CLICK)

(GUNSHOT)

(CLICK)

Ho...ly...

Whaddya know?

You said you kill whoever you meet.

That's right.

I'm still here.

You haven't killed me yet.

That's true.

I guess that must mean you're special too.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Would you get in the car?

They'll see you now, sir.

Thank you for coming, Colonel.

Where's General Kinsey?

You don't report to him anymore. You report to me.

I'm Wilson.

This oversight committee has been reviewing

Project "Black Wing."

Then you know that I've been operating

under an extremely limited budget.

- Given Black Wing's significance... - Significance?

While you did discover some interesting phenomena,

your research was inconclusive and without definable results.

Mistakes were made.

And worse is that you failed to keep the subjects contained

and recover them from the initial breach.

Now we have potentially dangerous individuals at large--

over 30 of them.

And currently, we only have budget to surveil one...

"Icarus."

The one currently going by the name "Dirk Gently."

The fact is, Ma'am, there's a reason

that we haven't tried to bring in suspects after 15 years.

They cannot be contained.

I believe that we have an undetermined threat out there,

and I don't like it.

Not one bit.

You claim that you have unique insight into these subjects?

Well, I am giving you one last chance, Colonel.

Bring them back in yourself, because right now,

they are merely another loose end that needs to be snipped.

We have many threats to deal with.

Too many. Do you understand?

- Surely you're not proposing-- - And if you fail again,

the former Black Wing subjects will be eliminated,

starting with Dirk Gently.

I think you're overestimating your ability to--

All of them.

Eliminated.

(POP METAL PLAYS)

(PLAYS DRUMS)

(ENGINE REVS)

(GAGGED PROTESTS)

God, how is your place so much nicer than mine?

Pounds to the dollar, I think. Exchange rate. Maths.

Hey, hi.

What... what happened?

We got you away from those--

the other guys,

so just...

lay here,

and I'll get you a glass of water?

Thank you for helping me through that.

I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been there.

Yeah, well, I was there.

You're really brave, sort of.

Like crazy brave. Or maybe just stupid, but wow.

And also surprisingly incapable.

How've you survived this long?

Well, that's why I needed you.

Ha! God, how crazy was that?

Those guys are total nutjobs.

You think they're the ones who killed Patrick Spring?

I'm not sure yet.

Well, it's got to be connected, right?

I mean, maybe they're part of the same group.

The guys at the hotel,

the corpses-- the ones who weren't Spring--

they had the same tattoos we saw tonight.

It is connected.

Dirk...

I saw something...

Crazier than the dog, something else. I don't know how to describe it, but--

(MEOWING)

TODD: Whose cat is that?

Oh, it's the one from the crime scene. The one everyone's been looking for.

(MEOWING)

What? Um, hold on--

Dirk?

Hi, Farah.

- You know her? - Well, I--

So when they said that they have your friend,

they meant your friend?

More of an acquaintance, really.

Mother...

(PLAYING DRUMS)

(ENGINE REVS)