Original subtitles

This movie is dedicated to the memory of JEAN FALLOUX

Bosquier Institute, boarding school.

Good morning, Mr Director.

Good morning, Mr Director.

Take this in carefully. It's for my wife's birthday.

Yes, Mr Director. -No, it doesn't sting.

Don't damage it.

Mr Director, the students received their results.

More than 80% passed. You should be happy. It's a record.

So, if I understand correctly,

you're telling me with a smile that 20% didn't pass.

You're never happy, Mr Director.

We have to strive for the maximum. Our school's reputation's at stake.

I'm only teasing you. A glass of champagne?

Gentlemen, to your health, hard work, skills and teaching qualities.

Our task is noble. It reunites us in good days and bad.

Your eldest son's marks are on your desk, Mr Director.

To your health, Mr Director.

Charles, it's beautiful. You spoil me. -Where's Philippe?

In his room. Why?

Philippe? Philippe? -Yes?

Come here for a moment, please. -I'm coming.

Charles, did he do something bad? -No, something silly.

What's happening?

Look.

I had the average for English. -One.

But a 1 for English isn't good. -I'm not good at languages.

You will be. -You'll catch up during your holiday.

My son failing? Great promotion.

I have an idea. -I have a better idea.

You'll go to England for a month. -But daddy, I made plans.

I don't care. I'll exchange you with the daughter of the whisky merchant.

You go there, she comes here. She learns French, you English.

Your father's right. It's a great idea.

I'm lucky to have him. Brilliant, disciplined, dedicated.

And top of his class.

What is it, my good boy?

Booze in the dormitory, they're fighting...

...and they've locked the supervisor in the toilet.

Thank you. I'll look after it. Here, son.

I'll continue working on my essay. I reached the crusades.

He'll be a great help, later in life. -A great pain in the neck, you mean.

Philippe, don't be vulgar.

Good, I'll check on the supervisor.

This is the boat. Not bad, is it?

My dad left it for me. We'll go to Le Havre and make trips.

How good is the engine? -It's a brand new 12HP.

Have a look. -My parents are sending me to England.

What? -That can't be true.

You're the only one who can sail the boat.

Tell that to my dad.

Guys, we have to think of something. Otherwise, there'll be no trip.

Have a nice holiday. He has to be a bit more...

It was touch and go, wasn't it? -Such a high percentage. A record.

No, madam, it's a tradition.

Are you happy with my son Christophe? -He's one of the best 3, but barely.

Do your best a bit more. And you too. Can I talk to you?

The registration fee at the start of the quarter, not at the end, please.

Countess.

Where's our darling? -Here he is.

With his intelligence and some tutoring, he'll be one of our brightest students.

He's worthless. -He's shy.

When under pressure, people can lose their concentration during exams.

Can't they, Isolde? -Get stuffed.

He's right. -He's such a sensitive boy.

And so proud. Like all the St. André d'Anvilles.

I don't like to drive at night. -We're leaving, Jacques.

Countess.

We'll do the impossible, won't we?

I still say he's worthless. -What's wrong?

Brought pyjamas and your yellow shirt? -Of course.

I'll just put it in. -Fold it neatly, guys.

Don't be so difficult. -And, do you agree?

Yes, but I'm not sure. -Don't chicken out now.

Do you want to go to England or not? -Of course.

Grab your chance then. Your parents are never there during the holidays.

I know that. It's because of their meetings.

Here's a postcard. You'll send one a week.

And your ticket. Tomorrow morning at the airport.

I won't get into trouble, will I? -Not at all.

My parents don't even know the parents of the girl.

That happens often during exchanges. -As long as we're not caught.

THE BIG VACATION

Bosquier Institute. Boarding school.

"I + J" = "J + I" = cosine...

"J2" = 1. Do you follow?

Also "I + J" = "J + I" = cosine "E + A".

Understood?

Well, Bargin? Is something bothering you?

Yes, sir. Can I go outside?

Is it really necessary? -Yes, sir, it's urgent.

Go then. -Thank you, sir.

But hurry.

I repeat.

Can I help you?

What did you say?

Yes, but give me a kiss first?

First... and after.

Dad? -Yes?

Come here. -What is it?

What's wrong? -That English girl.

She just arrived by car and she stopped and they're all over her.

Are you kidding me?

No. -Yes.

Back inside immediately. Write the formula a 100 times. Give me that.

What's going on here?

You got dirty. Allow me?

What's this? You'll pay for this, Mr Chastenet.

At what time can you come to my office?

In half an hour? -When we have tea.

I'm Mr Bosquier. -How are you, Mr Bosquier?

Did you have a good trip? -Excuse me?

Trip, journey... -Very good, thank you.

You must be tired. -Excuse me?

Tired, so tired. -I'm in good shape.

Is this your first time in France?

No, the second time, but...

You should speak French to me. -Yes.

I want to learn everything with French. -This is going to be funny.

Let's go to your room. That way.

This is my eldest son's room. I hope you'll like it.

Nice.

There's our little English girl. -Mrs Bosquier.

You will have to adapt to the schedule of the house.

Lunch at 12:30 pm. Dinner at 7:30 pm.

Explain a bit to her, because I think that...

And she can work on her French. -But she's on holiday.

She can still have some discipline. Especially a young girl...

...trusted to me by her daddy. My son, Gérard.

He has a nice herbarium. You have a nice herbarium, don't you?

Come on, herb man.

Help her get comfortable. I'm going to my office.

Give me that.

I now visit Versailles? -Now? But of course.

Only talk to police men. -What?

Relax.

An 18 year old girl can go shopping without a chaperone.

Besides, she'll be back at 6 pm. -I know.

She has to wear something else. And she can't go close to classrooms.

You could teach her a lot.

She wants to visit museums, attend seminars, go to good concerts.

Discover French culture.

She can go out once a week, can't she?

Yeah, well. Gérard, come here. -I'm classifying the leaves.

It's cowslip. That's very rare in this season.

He's so cute. Come here, my little boy.

See, daddy, it's a primula officinalis.

And how did you find her? -Behind the storage area.

That's not what I mean. I mean Shirley MacFarrell. How do you like her?

Oh, me and girls, you know. -Tell me anyway.

Not really special. The less I see of her the better.

As of today, you'll see her every day. -Me?

Yes, museums, seminars, cinemas... You'll take her everywhere.

That's a big ask. -My darling.

While he's there, nothing will happen.

What time is it? -8:30 pm.

They're still not home. Where did they go?

To the Carnavalet museum and the Galliera museum.

There you are.

Did the museums make you look like this?

No, there was a lot of pushing going on in the subway.

Power failure. -You're kidding.

People were panicking a bit.

But I thought you went by car.

I don't understand a word. What's that? -She wanted to see the subway.

The subway's not always like this. Go get changed.

At what station did it happen? -I wasn't paying attention.

It'll be in the paper tomorrow morning.

So many things happen. They can't print everything.

I have to have a shower. -Yes, you'd better.

Tell me. -Yes?

Was the Carnavalet interesting? -Yes, dad.

Can I come in? -Yes.

What did you learn about the Carnavalet, my little boy?

Carnavalet? -Carnavalet!

It has the famous statue of Louis XIV, by Coysevox.

And an invaluable collection of engravings and books...

...with 4 centuries of Parisian history. -Plus electric guitars and wigs.

And the rags belonging to hysterical creatures from outer space.

Are you pulling my leg? Get under!

That's cold! -Is it too cold? Now it's ice-cold!

That's enough, thanks.

Drink your coffee. It gets cold. -That won't hurt.

Such a drama about something perfectly normal.

Dad, I'm taking Shirley to the St. Clotilde Chapel.

Great combination with Big Joe Williams. -Charles, please, it's Sunday...

...and they want to go to church. -Yes, nothing's more normal.

Go, my little ones. Right, to church.

Where are you going? -To St. Clotilde.

Driving on the right is too hard for me. Could you take the wheel?

Can't you drive? -Do you think I'm a fool?

The little bastards!

Are we going swimming? -What about St. Clotilde?

I know a good spot on the Seine. Shall we go there?

Let's go! -Change of direction.

It's a one-way street.

Come on, hurry up.

You've got plenty of room.

Damn.

Loser. -Is he totally insane?

I'm going to beat him up.

Just wait, my piglets.

This time, I've got you. Get out.

Get out! I'll show you.

Excuse me, sir. I thought this was my son's car.

That's not smart, grandad. What do you want from me?

Nothing, It's just... -Everybody can make a mistake, grandad.

But don't start again or you'll have a problem, agreed?

Or you'll have a problem, agreed? -Agreed.

This engine's a mess. -We're not going to stay here, are we?

Can't we use the sails? Why do we need an engine?

We'll need one when there's too much wind and we'll be thrown on the rocks.

Let's have a beer.

Shall we go there?

Gérard! -What?

We'll see each other in 5 minutes. -The first dance is for me.

Run, Philippe! -Don't act like an idiot.

Stop joking. Hide. Gérard's here.

Gérard, where? -There! Gérard!

What are you waiting for, Philippe?

Princess, you can change over there.

Philippe, what are you doing here? Weren't you in England?

Tell dad and I'll dump you in the Seine! -With a brick around your neck, alright?

I promise I won't say anything. -Come along.

Maybe you should have gone to England.

Hello, I'm Shirley MacFarrell. -Michel Fayard.

How are you? -Very well, thank you.

Stéphane Michonnet. Excuse me, I have to check the engine.

I told you we need Bargin. His father's a mechanic.

He's doing a refresher course. -We'll smuggle him out.

He'll go back afterwards. Nobody'll be any the wiser.

And who will do that? -I don't know...

I'll go get him. Is that alright with you?

You can't do that. -Why not? Go swim, little one.

Had a nice day? -Fine, dad.

That pleases me.

You're making fun of me.

I've had enough. Enough! -Calm down.

We'll be very good from now on.

You're driving my students crazy with your extravagant clothes.

You've driven my son crazy. You almost turned him into a murderer.

Don't understand. -I don't care.

I was almost strangled by a beast! -No way!

I hope you can forgive me my bad mood. Go to sleep.

You go to bed too.

And check up on the traffic rules.

He's a coward, I hate that type.

Charles, you shouldn't have. -You have to keep them on a short leash.

To bed you. -Me too?

What are you doing? -I'm fed up with your dad.

School's over. -You're not leaving with Bargin?

I'll tell dad.

Sweet, very sweet!

Let me out of here!

Can you come with me? -Can I? Yes, yes.

Where are we going? -That's a surprise.

Come on, guys. Lift the anchors.

Wait for me. -No way, you go back.

No. -Where are you going?

I haven't been working all night just to see you leave.

One phone call to my parents and I'll be back.

Can I come with you? -You're all mad.

I'll work in the kitchen, I'll do the laundry, I'll clean the deck.

If you don't go back, we'll have a drama and I don't want that.

What are you waiting for? All hands on deck, guys.

It's not going away, doctor. It hurts there!

Sir! Phone call from London.

From London? -In English. I didn't understand a word.

I want to say to you...

...not serious.

I don't want to upset you, but come here maybe better.

...he's hurting. -What?

My son, Philippe? What did he do?

He's hurting more. -He's what...?

I don't understand... Listen, I'm coming right away.

Your son made a scene in London. I'm going to check it out.

I'm coming too. -No, no need.

By the time you're ready, we'll be in the evening plane.

I don't have time. Leave me alone.

He's been hurting people... he's young. All young people are rowdy.

That's better than being sick. -He is sick.

Sick. -He's sick? I hadn't understood that.

Faster, please.

It's not serious, I hope? -Well, I don't know.

Faster, please.

What's wrong with him? -Indigestion.

From what? -Mushrooms.

What? Mushrooms?

Why did you give him mushrooms? Why did you make him eat mushrooms?

Always "I don't know".

Philippe, what a surprise. Your dad's visiting you.

My dad? I don't want to see him. Send him away.

What's wrong with him?

What happened to him? -Don't worry. He's gotten better.

What's he doing under there? -He's afraid you'll get him.

No no, come on.

What's wrong? -What's wrong?

Where's Philippe? -I don't know.

Where's Philippe? -I don't know!

Michonnet! -Michonnet? What does that mean?

That dates back to when he was young.

Besides, back then, he was already this fat!

We'll leave you alone. See you later, michonnet.

Michonnet. We'll see each other when school starts again.

In the meantime, you stay here. -No.

Yes and don't tell them a thing. If they find out...

...it would be a scandal. So don't say a word!

What's this? -Oysters, Parisian style.

They're oysters in milk soup.

Amazing.

It's delicious! Eat, my son, eat.

That's very good.

Eat, come on.

That's the pie, isn't it? -No, that's fish. It's haddock.

And that? -Those are little mandarins.

And these. -These are cherries.

And this? -The sauce. A mayonnaise with mint.

Mint's very good.

Delicious. Eat, my son, eat.

That's dessert. -No, that's the meat.

With whipped cream. -That's amazing.

Really amazing.

Delicious! Eat, my son.

You have to finish your plate.

Do you like English cuisine?

Thank you, you're a gentleman.

Michonnet, you have to eat it. Go on!

Finally, I was getting worried. Why didn't you call?

Add a plate for the gentleman. -I had lunch on the plane.

You have to try my Breton crepe with blackberries.

No, go to sleep. -But it's 12 in the afternoon.

Go have a nap then. -But I haven't had lunch.

Eat afterwards. -After my nap?

Yes. -It will be dinner time then.

And after dinner we all go to sleep. -But I wouldn't have had lunch.

Well, what do we do -Go to sleep!

Know who was there instead of Philippe? -Stéphane Michonnet.

Indeed. Half poisoned... You knew? -After you left, Gérard told me.

You too? You knew? Where's Philippe? -I don't know.

You told me he left with his friends on a boat.

To go where? -To Le Havre.

To Le Havre? -The problem is Shirley joined them.

Not possible. -Yes it is.

MacFarrell's coming here to see his daughter.

It takes 4 days to get to Le Havre. They'll be easy to find.

Let's call the water police. -And why not the press, television...

...and the missing people agency? -Right.

What did you say? -You're right.

What does the boat look like? -It's got sails.

Which colour? -Big sails with red and black stripes.

Big red and black striped sails. -That would look good.

Go get a map, you. You, calm me down.

Better than that.

The little bastards.

You there, on the boat.

Stop! That's an order!

Stop! It's dad. He's here.

Bastards!

What are you doing in my chicken coop? -I have to stop that boat.

Can your car go on the water? You should rent a boat.

A boat? Where? -At the yachting club, 6 km from here.

You'll find it. There's a sign. -Thanks, I'll go there.

- Yachting club -

Sir, can I rent that boat? -It has already been reserved. Sorry.

It's only for 2 minutes. -It's impossible.

I don't care, I'll take it. -I'm telling you it's been reserved.

Gotcha!

Excuse me.

This time you're asking for it, grandad.

Wait until I get you.

You're looking for your son, right? -Yes, I am.

Into the water, grandad. -No.

Good for a crazy man like you. -No.

How did you get here? -By boat.

Then I'll go with you. Yes, I'll go with you.

Come on.

Don't let me see you again.

Hey, stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Philippe, hey, Philippe!

He's got guts.

With a remote-controlled boat!

Guys, do you see what I see? Those two girls from earlier.

No way, it's them again. They don't give up.

Full speed, Bargin. -Yes, come on.

I'm not ruining my engine over a few girls.

I have an idea. Let's try to shake them in the bends.

Careful, they're turning right.

A bit of jenever will get you back on your feet.

Your pants are almost dry.

Did you see a boat with red and black sails, with young people on it?

Listen, I have to get off right away. -It's not that easy.

You can get off at the next sluice.

My pants!

Have you been to England -No, but I almost went there.

It's really beautiful there. -I don't doubt that.

Would you like to meet my dad? -Why not? But not now.

I think he already has a guest. -I hate him already.

I'm fed up! -You can't judge the whole family.

We have to turn the meat.

Not bad. They've agreed to tow us to Le Havre. What do you think?

Ask the mechanic. -He's all for it.

Food and drinks for you. -Thank you.

Good luck. -Thanks.

Bye, gentlemen. And thanks for everything.

Excuse me, madam. Are you a cab driver? -My husband is, but he's not in today.

Do you need to go far? -Yes, to Le Havre.

Are you catching a boat? -Yes, using force.

I'll take you. Get in. Here, for... -We don't have time.

What's happening? Car problems? -No, a delivery.

Will it take long? -If you help me, it'll go faster.

Straight ahead, a car!

What a bastard!

Quick, we're not there yet. -Well, he's in a hurry.

Are you going to Le Havre? -Yes, get in.

Yes, get in. -Move over, you.

Where do you want us to drop you off?

At the harbour. -Where? Where did he say?

At the harbour.

Are you comfortable? -Yes.

His name is Kaiser. -How cute...

Don't be afraid. he rarely bites. But don't make any sudden movements.

And don't breathe into his nose. He hates that.

Give the gentleman a paw.

Tell him he's beautiful. He likes compliments.

Here you are. -Thank you, ladies.

He's heavy, isn't he?

Come, doggie. -Move over, move over.

I think we'd better leave. -Why? Isn't it nice here?

Come, let's dance.

Do you dance? -Sorry, this dance has been reserved.

That's enough!

Don't treat me like an idiot. I'll smash your skull.

Let him go. Let the boy go.

I'm asking you to let go. Let him go!

Stop harassing the boy. Let him go and get out!

No problem, guys. Never any problems here. Well, keep playing.

Where are our friends? -On the boat.

Come, let's find them.

Come on, guys. We'll all go there.

Another one, come with us. -I don't understand you.

I don't care. Leave me alone.

No! No!

Philippe! Philippe!

The bastards, the assholes!

Hello, police? It's Rose. Come quickly. It's urgent.

No, not in 20 years time. They're ruining the place.

Yes, and be quick!

Hurry up, hurry up!

But... they're all here. Wait... -Careful, Mr Director!

Take them all in. No exceptions!

Take them. In the car. Come on.

- Urinating prohibited -

Mother, the Director's down and out. -Isolde, you don't make sense.

It is hallucinating.

Careful, it's hot.

The others aren't back yet. -They had to show ID.

Good that we could escape.

We can't let them down. I'll go get them.

I'm coming.

Caught! What's that, Michonnet? -Excuse me, Mr Director.

We'll discuss it later, Michonnet. Follow me.

If he has to come, I'll come too. -But of course.

Bargin, good old Bargin. -Mr Director.

I hope you'll do us the pleasure of joining us.

Have a nice holiday, little ones.

Don't move.

What are you doing? To the dorms. And you to. Go!

Little bastards. Come, you.

Get changed. But make sure to dress as a librarian.

It's me! -No, it's not you!

It's me. -Yes, its you! No, it's not you.

Charles, why are you dressed like this?

Talk to MacFarrell. He has to take his daughter and return Michonnet.

But Charles. -Keep him busy. Tell him anything.

But Charles... -Smile.

I you saw in Le Havre. -Me? Impossible.

I know but... the same as you, in a costume of...

Sailor. Very funny.

What do I do with this?

Get out. Go to sleep. -What do I do with it?

Get your luggage. Your dear daddy's waiting.

I just started on Shakespeare. Can I stay another day or two?

Of course.

He can't stay here. He must leave!

I'm fed up with the Bosquiers.

Bosquier, you're tense. Don't you like it?

Yes, I do. I do, but... understand?

If someone came in, I'd mind that...

He trusts you completely.

I'm very thirsty, aren't you? -I don't know... I have a dry throat.

That's better. Thank you.

I'm so tired.

Unbelievable... I'm so... I'm so tired..

What's happening? What happened?

How's your English going? -Very well.

Listen!

Your son slept with my daughter.

You understood?

Come right away.

The Bosquier name has been dishonoured. -What?

You slept with MacFarrell's daughter.

With the help of Michonnet. -You must be joking.

But I know Shirley. It's impossible. -Fat Michonnet!

It's not true! -Tell MacFarrell everything!

You admit everything, and we beg for his forgiveness...

...and if he strangles you, I can't blame him.

Bosquier!

My son, Philippe. He'll explain. -Never mind.

I sent a friend in my place. Stéphane Michonnet.

I forbid you to push my son. You should keep an eye on your daughter.

Michonnet didn't sleep with the girl. -Dad, you're exaggerating.

We have to settle this. -We're in the same boat.

Were you in the same bed?

It's you! Leave me alone! -Leave me alone. I'm fed up.

Tell me everything. -You make me come here...

...to take your place and now you're giving me hell.

You'll tell the truth. -Let me be.

Are you Philippe Bosquier?

You were jealous, weren't you? -You didn't do it, did you?

No, but I'm glad you were jealous. I'm jealous too.

What's the idea behind this?

I was angry with dad, so to get back at him... and then...

-Is it true? -Of course it's true.

That's enough. We're going outside!

Do you know what to do? Yes, tell the whole truth.

Michonnet, little bastard, get out.

What did she say? -It was a joke. Nothing happened.

One moment. Swear on the bible. -I swear, Mr Director.

Nothing happened.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

It's my fault. Totally my fault.

Have you gone mad? You'd ruin everything!

Stop that. Everything could go wrong.

What's wrong? -This! And this time it's your son!

And maybe there's more. But not with my daughter!

War!

War? But why? Michonnet!

Translate this for me quickly. I don't understand it.

Well?

What is it?

Daddy, Philippe and I love each other and we're getting married. Farewell.

The little bastard. -But I didn't do anything!

We'll see each other during the new school year.

So in your bloody Scotland, minors can get married without parental consent?

Not at all. Only during the Festival of Gretna Green.

An old Scottish tradition. -Congratulations.

Why are they chasing them? -The parents pretend they're against it.

Our parents wouldn't be pretending. -The blacksmith lives on the outside.

That's where we dress in old costumes.

We're approaching Gretna Green.

It started. We're here. Land somewhere.

I can't land just anywhere.

Hurry, quickly!

I was in the air force during the war.

You're more dangerous than the Germans.

Faster!

Pull it up!

Come on!

Careful of the sheep. Pull it up.

Careful.

What's that? -Out of fuel.

Impossible! -Let me do.

I'm jumping. -Leave that closed!

Land on the road. On the road.

Yes! -No!

On that bus. -No!

Give me.

Careful.

They're there. In there.

They're there.

They're there. Both of them.

I don't understand you.

Philippe! It's him.

What is it? -To get in, we have to...

...wear clothes of that period. -But I don't have any.

Excuse me, ladies.

There are no pants.

Let me through.

Our fathers.

We're in big trouble. -I don't care! Son!

We failed. -MacFarrells never give up.

Neither do Bosquiers! Follow me.

This way, come. Through the window.

There they are. Go, quickly.

Where are they going? -To the whisky distillery.

What are they doing there? -They can get married in the village.

It's alright. Go on. Quick, quick.

Shut up!

Not that way. It's there. -This way's shorter.

No, stop. It's dangerous.

But stop! -I can't.

Well, sir, your shortcut...

God, I'm sorry. I won't oppose the marriage anymore.

Me too, God.

That's my whisky! Help me!

I'm French, sir. I don't mind drowning in Beaujolais...

...but not in an ocean of Scottish whisky.

I want to die on my old boat.

No, we have to persevere.

Dad, I'll promise to work on my English. We'll get married later.

Go away. Get married! Go to town hall.

Get out. Get married. Bastard.

Get out, bastard!

Do you like my whisky? -Yes, but it's better on that side.

Here, try this. -Give me that, thank you.

To the children. -To the children.

We have to decide where they'll live. -That's up to you.

No, you decide. -No, you.

At my place. My place's better. -No, in my house. In mine.

Where are you going, little one? -I'm accompanying that young girl.

She's English and wants to learn French. -How sweet of you.

I know her father very well.

He owns a distillery.

That's it. From now on, you'll only spend time on your herb collection.