All language subtitles for Tales.From.the.Crypt.Demon.Knight.1995.720p.BluRay.x264-x0r

(thunderclap,
hinge squeaking)

(creepy music)

(screeching)

(squealing)

(howling)

(squeaking)

(screeching)

(eerie whispering)

(maniacal laughter)

(Eerie voice): Tales from the Crypt!

(thunder rumbling)

(Woman): I did it, Jack.
I did it.

And you know what?
It got me hot.

No, I'm not kidding.

You should have seen
the look on Carl's face

when I buried
that axe in his chest.

(moans) Killing him was
almost better than sex.

I said almost, didn't I?

(moans) We are going
to have so much fun

spending all of his money,
aren't we, baby?

(moans) Just thinking
about it gets me all

hot and squishy.

You mean right now?

He's in the basement
cooling off.

What took you so long?

Jesus, Jack,
what kind of cologne...?

(gasps, screams)

Cut!

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!

What the hell are you doing?

You call that ''hack-ting''?

Well, yes.

As a matter of fact
I do call it acting.

Well, let me tell
you something, pal.

You're no ''Gorey'' Cooper.

You ain't even a
Robert ''Deadford.''

Another take like that and
it'll be back to bit parts for you.

And I won't say what bits
I'm talking about.

Hmph! Alright,
everybody, reset!

(Man): Reset, guys.

Director?

Where the hell did
they dig this guy up?

I give and I give and I...
Oh!

Hello, kiddies.
So glad you could join me.

Your old pal the Crypt Keeper
has gone Hollywood in a big way.

Care to see what
I've been working on?

So if you're ready, creeps,
fasten your drool cups

and hold on to
your vomit bags.

We're going to the movies!

Frights! Camera!
Action!

I call this one Demon Knight.

(tires screeching)

(engine knocking)

(engine dies)

(tires screech)

Come on!

Son of a bitch!

Come on,
you son of a bitch!

Oh, shit!

Damn!

(thunder rumbling)

(panting)

Whatcha doin', mister?

- Are you stealing my daddy's car?
- Stealin'?

No, I was testing the lock.
Seems to be working just fine.

Hey, kid, you want a quarter?

How about a shiny new quarter?
You want one?

Come on.

Dad, there's a guy outside
stealing your car!

Hey, Dad, hurry up.
Get out here!

- Homer, go, go, go--
- He's gone!

(moaning)

(thunder rumbling)
Boy, listen to that thunder.

God's doing some
serious thinking tonight.

(laughs)

(groans)

I'll bet he's saying,

''On second thought,

maybe I should have given
it all to the monkeys.''

Maybe it's not to late.

I always hate drinking alone.
You want a taste?

Sure.

(thunder rumbling)

To the monkeys.

(coughs)

It ain't very subtle,
but it does the trick.

You wouldn't happen
to know of a place

where I could bed down
for the night, would you?

Well, it just
so happens I do.

(Woman on police radio):
That's two cars, Sheriff?

That's right, Mavis.

Yeah, one of 'em's
got Maryland plates,

and the other one's
from New Jersey.

- Ten-four.
- Ten-four.

You were right, Sheriff.

Them sons of bitches must have
been doing well over a hundred

to make a mess like this.

Well, Bob, it's too late
to give them a ticket.

But if it'll make you
feel any better,

you can shoot their ashes.

What the...?

Holy shit!

Hey, mister,
get away from there.

- Where the hell you come from?
- This is my car.

Was my car.
Did you see him?

Walking into town,
the guy I was chasing?

Air bags, gotta love 'em.
Did you see him?

- We didn't see anybody.
- Now wait a minute.

Are you telling me
that guy over there

walked out of here too?

Hey, where the
hell are you goin'?

You got a few
questions to answer.

Look, officers, the man
I'm chasing now is dangerous.

If he's in your town,
you got a problem.

Now if we stand here arguing
about a traffic accident...

Do you mind?

Something awful's about
to go down... over there.

Is that where we're going?
It looks like a church.

That's it.
Used to be a church.

Ain't a church no more.

They decommissioned it
in the '50s

due to lack of interest.

Just the place
I've been looking for.

Gangway, I'm bringing
in business.

What kind of business?

Well, I think he's looking for
a room of his own, Cordelia.

- You been drinking, Uncle Willy?
- You must be kidding.

- I'm clean as a whistle, Irene.
- How long you wanting the room for?

I don't know.

One night, maybe two.
Depends.

I never rent short-term,
and I don't rent to strangers.

But I can make exceptions.

(Irene): Okay.

Enjoy your stay,
Mr...

Mr. Smith.

Jeryline! Jeryline!

Jeryline, I mean now!

Look, Irene, I'm trying
to clean your stove.

Alright, now do you expect
me to get my work done

if you keep bothering me?

You've been working so hard
with them clean rubber gloves?

Show Mr. Smith
up to number five.

(scoffs, mutters)

And then fix him some dinner.

And after that, I got
a few more jobs for you.

This time I'm gonna
watch you.

I want it right
the first time,

and that's
all there is to it.

It's my way
or the highway.

Yeah, yeah.
Whatever.

(clears throat)

Alright, let's see.
What do I need to tell you?

What am I looking at?
Which way is town?

Town is that way,
and you're looking at nothing.

But I'm sure you didn't come
here for a view, now did you?

But here's your key.

And the concierge will bring up
your bags momentarily.

(Cordelia): I don't see how
they could fire you, Wally.

You didn't do anything.

(Wally): That's what I told them
but they don't listen to me.

Cordelia, I don't know what
happened to all that mail.

As far as I know it just disappeared,
but they won't believe me.

God! It's so humiliating.
Do you know what he did?

- Uh-uh.
- Postmaster comes in...

and he rips my name tag
right off my shirt.

Right in front
of everybody.

And like that's not bad enough,
he took my Mr. Zippy patch.

You should have told your
damn boss to go screw hisself.

Stupid post office.
Ain't the only job in town, you know.

The hell it ain't.
If you had any sense, Wally,

you'd crawl back to him
on your hands and knees

and beg for the job.

Yeah, well,
I already tried that.

He said no.

Oh, poor Wally.

Where is that girl?
Jeryline!

- What is it?
- Are my sheets done yet?

They're downstairs.

And I couldn't get all
those stains out, either.

Damn guacamole.

Would you just
be a sweet thing

and put them
on my bed for me?

Why can't you do it yourself?
You know I'm busy.

Jeryline,
get her sheets, will you?

No, I just started that stove

and I can't do
everything at once.

I'll get them for you,
Cordelia.

Good.
Damn.

That's very sweet of you,
Wally.

- Put them on your bed?
- Thanks.

Oh, poor guy.

Maybe I should
give him a freebie.

Just what he needs,
someone else screwing him.

(Man): To be perfectly honest,

I wasn't really watching
the speedometer.

(Cop): Exactly why
were you chasing him?

He's a thief.

What the hell did he steal

that had you going over
100 miles an hour?

Must have been
pretty valuable.

It is.

- (Woman on radio): Sheriff?
- Yeah, Mavis, go ahead.

We just got a call from
Homer over at the café.

He says somebody
tried to steal his car.

Okay, we're on it.

(siren wailing)

(thunder rumbling)

- You want some?
- Hell, no.

I was just thinking
how much better

that stuff looked
when it was roadkill.

(chuckles)

Why don't you shut up?
You eat it.

- She loves me.
- You hurry up and finish and...

I'll take care of dessert.

- (cat meows)
- Ah, don't worry.

Good Cleo knows better
than to eat that slop.

Goddamn it! Get that
pussy off the table.

I meant the cat.

Cleo!

Didn't I tell you
to put him out?

I did. I don't know how
she got back in here.

(Irene): You finish
cleaning the stove,

or you too busy
shooting the breeze?

Irene, for Christ's sakes,

I'll finish cleaning it tomorrow.

I want it clean tonight.

Remind me of that
program you're on.

It's called
''work release,'' ain't it?

I swear that girl ain't got
no goddamn gratitude.

If I hadn't made
a place for her,

she'd be behind
bars or dead.

- Lucky kid.
- Mm-hm.

(car horn honking)

You expecting somebody,
Mr. Smith?

Evenin', motel people.

(Cordelia): You kept
me waiting, Roach, honey.

(Roach): I'll tell you
the reason I'm late.

Somebody tried to steal Homer's car.

You're kiddin'?
That old hunk of junk?

Yeah.

Right out of the
diner parking lot.

Sheriff and Deputy Dipshit
showed up too.

- Damn, you look sweet.
- Thank you, honey.

(Roach): You know, I've been
looking forward to this all week.

That makes two of us, honey.

Hey, what are those
panties you got on there?

I got the cherry flavor.

Are those edible panties?

You know, I want pieces
of panty in my salad later.

Oh, Roach,
you're so dirty!

Why don't you set the basket
by the steps, Wally?

She's gonna be needing
clean sheets soon enough.

Your boy did the right thing,
ma'am, you should be very--

Okay, Homer,
that about covers it.

We'll let you know
if we hear anything.

(Mavis on radio):
Sheriff, you there?

Go ahead, Mavis.

I just got a call from
Irene at the mission

about that fellow
you're looking for.

- Let's go, Sheriff.
- Get in.

(moaning, panting)

(moaning continues)

He's really holding on tonight,
isn't he?

- (moaning, screaming)
- Okay.

So what were you in for?

I'm not passing judgment.

- Stealin'.
- 'Kay?

(sirens wailing)

Good evening, Irene.
Where is he?

(Irene): That's him,
in the dining room.

Excuse me, mister.

We'd like to have
a word with you

about the little fender
bender on the highway.

Sheriff, you better
watch it. He's armed.

Told you.

- Drop the guns, or I'll kill her.
- Don't!

- I said, drop your goddamn guns.
- He won't do it.

The hell I won't.

I know this man, Sheriff,
and he absolutely will not do it.

Drop the knife.
Drop the goddamn knife!

Her blood's on your head,
asshole.

(hammers clicking)

(clears throat)

Spread 'em!

Well, well, well.
Mr. Brayker.

Pleased to make
your acquaintance.

You lyin' son of a bitch.

Said his name was Smith.

Call it in, Bob.

I believe you'll find what
I'm looking for in there.

What's he got
to do with this?

I'm... I work for a
collection agency.

(Sheriff): It's empty.

Really?
That can't be.

Well, then I guess that means
it's somewhere in the house.

- Keep him away from me!
- Shut up!

Where is it?

I don't know what you're
talking about.

Don't give me that shit!
Where is it?

Maybe it's up in his room.

I mean, what you
guys looking for?

What the hell are we
looking for anyway?

A piece of antiquity.

A relic...
in the shape of a key.

- Bob!
- Yeah?

- Search his room.
- It's number five.

(man talking,
woman laughing)

(Roach): Come on, give it to me.
Come on.

Give it to me.
Come on.

Come on.
Crank me up.

Come on.
God!

- Freeze!
- Ohh!

Jesus Christ, Bob,
you son of a bitch!

- Turn it off! Turn it off!
- I'm sorry, Baby.

Oh! My nipples are smoking!

Get your clothes on.
Now!

- (Sheriff): Good work, Mavis.
- Looky, looky.

I didn't find anything
in the perp's room,

but I sure found something
in the room down the hall.

Thanks, Mavis.

Sorry to drag you
folks down here,

but we'll sort this thing out

and then you can get
back to your business.

I am assuming it was
personal business, Cordelia.

Actually, Sheriff...

It was kind of like a
tune-up and lube job.

- Shut up, Bob!
- I don't want to hear about it.

You know how it is
when you get your car--

I don't want to hear it.

Shut up, Bob.

Now, Bob,
this Brayker fella's

getting more interesting
by the minute.

According to the computer,

Frank Brayker died over
five years ago.

Who the hell are you?

What's your name?

Maybe if you cool your heels
in a jail cell for a few days,

you'll be a little more chatty.

Come on, Bob.
Help me get him to the car.

Before you drag him off,

I'd appreciate getting back
what he stole from me.

That way I can
get on my way,

and you can give this lowlife
what he deserves.

Why don't you tell us
where you put it?

You make it easy for me,
I'll make it easy for you.

Mind you, you're off
to a pretty bad start.

I know where it is!

Damn, it just occurred to me.

Hell, I watched him stash it
and didn't even know it.

- Willy, no!
- Relax!

I'm sorry, mister.

I'd like you
to put it inside.

(phone ringing)

Look what he's done.

He's gone and put
somethin' awful inside there.

Would you mind dumping that out
before you place it inside?

Sure.

No, don't do it.
He's not what he says he is.

Willy! Willy!

He's just...
Just pop that lid.

I'll take that, Willy.

Bob, would you
escort Mr. Brayker,

or whatever the hell
his name is, out to the car?

Sheriff, I have to say
I am much obliged

for your assistance
in apprehending this--

Don't bother.
You're coming with us.

See, both those
cars were stolen.

We're going down
to the station

and we're going
to sort this shit out.

Sheriff, you're making
a big mistake.

It won't be the first time.

Sorry for the inconvenience,
everyone.

Really, like the man said,
if you knew who I was--

We'll find out soon enough.

(sighs)
Why wait?

(screaming)

Give me the keys!

Give me the goddamn keys!

Ah, come on!
Get off me!

(screams)

Shit!

Heads up!

(screams)

(Man): Humans! You're not worth
the flesh you're printed on!

Fuck this cowboy shit!

You fuckin', hodunk Podunk,
well, then, motherfuckers!

All you had to do was
give me the goddamn key!

Then we could get on
with our lives.

Alright, this property...

is hereby... condemned.

(Brayker): Shit!

What is that?

- Oh, my God!
- Shit!

(snarling)

(squeaking)

(groans)

(moaning)

(squealing)

(screeching)

Oh, great.

What the hell happened
with the lights?

That's just what we need.

They're gone.

Everybody, back!

Where do you suppose
they went?

What's that smell?

- (snarls)
- (all scream)

(Roach):
Let's get out of here!

(Irene): There's more of them!
There's more of them!

Yeah, shoot 'em.

(Jeryline): We'll go
out the back door.

Come on.
Let's go, come on.

Hurry up.
Hurry up.

- Man, talk about ugly.
- (screeching)

(roaring)
(screaming)

Oh, that is disgusting.

What the hell is that shit?

I don't see them.

- Do you see them?
- No.

Where the fuck did they go?

Cordelia, stay away
from the door!

You see what I mean?
We can make it to my truck.

No, Roach,
I don't think so.

Listen! You can stay here
and die if you want to.

I sure as shit ain't.

(Irene): Roach, be smart
for once in your life.

Cordelia!

- Roach, wait.
- Just come on, would ya?

(snarling)

- Fuck me!
- Cordelia, I'm coming!

I'm sorry.
(screaming)

Give me that gun!

Hey, fuck-face!

(grunts)

(chuckles)

Get the eyes!
Get the eyes!

Oh, Wally.
Wally. Oh, God.

Need a hand?
(gasps)

Give me the key, Brayker.
For cryin' out loud!

Braker? Braker,
this is gonna get ugly.

Wally? Wally.
Please don't die, Wally.

Wally?

Oh!
(panting)

Cordelia!

(Irene): Brayker,
what the hell are those things?

Demons or something?

Worse.
Demons.

That's sweet.
That's just fuckin' sweet!

And they want to kill us
because of you?

Who's going to protect us?
You?

Deputy Bob?
Or the headless horsemen?
We'll be alright.

Just stay inside
and stay together.

We just have to make
it through the night.

And that stuff's
gonna keep them out?

There are only two things
we can use against them.

- The blood that's in this key...
- It's blood?

And anything that
destroys their eyes.

Frees their tortured souls.

- This is crazy!
- Deal with it!

No, you deal with it, man.
They got no quarrel with us.

They just want you and
that thing you're carrying.

I say we give it to them.

I say they'll
kill you anyway.

Or possess you.

Or use you to get
to the rest of us.

Like it or not,
we stick together.

My cat's outside.
I gotta get my cat.

You go out,
you stay out.

Is that so?
What are you gonna do?

- Shoot us?
- Right in the eyes.

Stay down here.

I'm going to seal
the upstairs.

(gasps)

(screaming)

- Damn it!
- What are you doing up here?

I thought I told you
to stay downstairs.

Damn!

I just thought you
might need some help.

(sighing)

Look, I'm...
I'm sorry about your cat.

And about before, with the knife,
I wasn't gonna hurt you.

(snickering)

Funny thing is that
I knew you weren't.

I just had a feeling
about you.

- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah?

Who are you, really?

I'm just an old man...

running out of time.

Well, well, well.
Isn't this sweet?

Soiled dove and her
square-jawed postal clerk.

You're a bastard,
you know that?

I ain't the one who
tried to kill you.

Shithead, you left me
out there.

Who in the hell told
you to follow me?

You're absolutely right.
Nobody.

At least now I know
who my friends are.

Whores ain't got no friends.

(Brayker): That's all the
doors and window sealed.

Any other ways in
or out of this place?

Aside from the
doors and windows?

Got some place you
want us to put him?

Jeryline, let's go
make some coffee.

Looks like we're in
for a long night.

Where did you
get that from?

It was my husband's.

- (cat meows)
- Cleo! Hi, baby.

You let the cat in.
She just appeared.

Brayker, what are you doing?

Animals aren't immune.

They can be possessed
just like people.

Give me the cat, come on.
Give me the cat! Shit.

(Roach): What the
hell's going on?

The cat.
The cat.

Brayker, please,
my cat is not possessed

by some demon from hell.

We'll see.

- Listen.
- What?

Wally, I gotta talk
to you for a second.

No, I got nothing
to say to you, Roach.

Look, I just gotta talk
to you for a second.

No, I don't want to talk to you
for a second or a minute.

Just go bother
somebody else, okay?

Damn it,
just for a second.

Okay, fine,
you want to talk?

Let's talk about how you
abandoned Cordelia out there.

How you left her to die.
Huh?

I hope you're ashamed
of yourself, Roach.

Not particularly, no.

Everybody's got to
look out their selves.

Now I'm for
getting out of here.

No one's going anywhere
till Mr. Brayker says so.

Hey, fuck him!
This is his fight.

(Roach): You may want to
die in this motel, but I don't.

I want to get that key,

and I want to give it
to those things out there.

Hey, Roach.

Haven't you caused
just about enough trouble?

Excuse me.

I'm trying to have a conversation
with my friend Wally here.

He's not your friend.
Assholes don't have friends.

Excuse us.

Can I talk to you
for a second, please?

Jesus, Roach!

So... you got yourself
a new boyfriend.

You get in my fucking
way and I'll kill you.

Why don't you just keep
it in your fucking pants

for a change, Roach?

I'm warning you, bitch.

You know,
I'm not afraid of you.

- No?
- (gasps)

You better be
afraid of me.

Come here, girl.
Come on.

Cleo, come on.

Cleo?
Come to mommy.

Come on.
Come here, girl.

Come here, Cleo.
Come on.

- (cat hissing)
- (gasping)

I got you, girl.
Come on, Brayker.

See, I told you.

Hey, look...
where she came from.

(wind blowing)

A breeze.

(sobbing)

(gasps)

(thunder rumbling)

(Man): Poor Cordelia.

Seems downright criminal

to treat such a
pretty girl that way.

Did I say pretty?
I meant beautiful.

'Cause you are.
You are beautiful, Cordelia.

Inside and out.

Maybe nobody here can see it,
but I sure can.

I understand you.

I know what you want.

I know what you need.

Guys like Roach,
they think...

just because they're
paying for it

that they can
treat you like shit.

If they spend the same
money on dinner and a movie,

they can call you ''girlfriend''
instead of ''whore.''

Whore, what a
horrible word that is

to use on someone
who's really just

a sad girl who's looking for love.

Tender, warm,
unconditional love.

I can give you that love,
as much as you can take.

All you have to do
is let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in.

Cordelia?

Cordelia?

Cordelia?
You okay?

- Hello, Wally.
- Hello, Cordelia.

I realized something awful
about myself tonight, Wally.

My whole life, I've avoided
the guys who really loved me.

Like you.

You really love me,
don't you, Wally?

Yes, Cordelia,
I really love you.

I've always loved you.

From the very first time
I delivered your mail.

Well, don't just do it
with your eyes, Wally.

- It's some kind of tunnel.
- It's a mine shaft.

Not surprising.

The whole area's
riddled with them.

Then this means that
this is a way out, right?

I mean, shit,
we can get to town

before those things even
find out that we're gone.

No.

No, it's too risky.

- What?
- Now, listen.

What the hell
are you saying?

Trust me.
You're safer in this house.

(screaming)

- Shit!
- (screaming continues)

What was that?

- (screaming)
- What's going on?

- Oh, God!
- (Jeryline): What's in there?

(screaming continues)

- Cordelia?
- Ahhhh!

Oh, man!

- (Roach): Shoot it, damn it!
- I can't! I can't!

Fuck that!
Shoot 'em both!

(roaring)

Stop it, stop it!

(bone snaps)
(Irene screams)

Irene!

(gasping)

Go ahead.
(moaning)

(screams)
Give it to me!

- Shit! It's still bleeding.
- Here.

We've got to get her
out of here, alright?

If she stays here any longer
she will bleed to death.

(Bob): I'm with Jeryline.

We've got to take
our chances in the mines.

You know,
if my memory's right,

the spur that runs under
here comes to a head

in about a mile or two.

- I say we do it.
- Fuck, yeah.

Nobody's going anywhere.

What makes you think
they haven't found the mines?

Is it just me or has
everybody fuckin' had it

with you tellin' us what to do?

If we want to go out the mines
then we're going out that way,

and we don't need your
fuckin' permission to do it.

I got an idea that's gonna
save us that walk.

I say wee give those goddamn
demons what they want.

Mr. Roach...

I'm not gonna give you the key.
You're gonna have to take it.

Then I'm gonna have
to kill you, right?

Right?

- If you say so.
- I say so.

Now listen to me,
all of you.

You don't know
what you're up against.

Go down there,
I can't help you.

You've been doing a real
fine job of helping us so far.

Last I looked, we were missing
Wally and Cordelia...

and half her arm.

So fuck you!
I'm going.

Let's go.

(screams)

(grunting)

Hey, Brayker.
Don't worry. I'll save you.

(grunting)

- No!
- (snarling)

(shrieking)

Hey, handsome,
age before beauty.

Yeah, and pearls before swine,
shithead.

Oh, jeez!

(coughing)

- You know something, Willy?
- Huh?

You're so dried up,

the demons will
probably throw you back.

(chuckling) Well, the sons of
bitches ain't gonna get us.

I know these mines.
Used to own the damn place.

I'm gonna find that north spur
and get us the hell out of here.

Shit, now!

(Bob): Irene?

Irene?

(Roach): You sure this
is the way out, old man?

Hey, no doubt about it.
This here's the north spur.

Course,
if we're heading west...

then the other one is north.

Why don't we just sit down
here and wait for them?

That way!
Let's do it.

(Willy): Yeah, this is it.
The north spur's just ahead.

(Roach): Man, I don't know how
anybody ever worked down here.

Smells like a big ol'
pile of doo-doo.

(Boy): Help me.

(Willy): It's the bat shit.
You get used to it.

I remember the first time
we struck pay dirt down here.

(child laughing)

(laughing)
(Boy): Mommy.

Hello?

Danny, is that you?

Danny, how the hell
did you get down here?

Come on. Come on, Danny.
I'm not gonna hurt you.

I promise.
Come on. Come on.

- You alright?
- (snarling)

(snarling)

- (Danny): Mom?
- Shit!

(gasping, screaming)

They're here!
The demons are here! Run!

Let's go! Let's go!
Move, move, move, move!

(shouting)

(shouting continues)

(grunts)

(snarls)

(snarling)

Thanks, Chief.

Don't worry.
They can't get past the seal.

(snarling)
(Roach): Homer.

This is for four years
of minimum wage, you asshole.

- No!
- No! Stop!

(coughing)

(all coughing)

Uh-oh...

You broke the seal.
Run!

(screaming)

Danny, go upstairs!
Come on, move it!

(snarling)

(snarls)

Guess you got an
''I told you so'' coming to you.

Next time.

At least we're all
in one piece.

- Sorry about that, Irene.
- It's okay. Vodka's kicking in.

- So what's the boy's name?
- Danny.

Hey, Danny.
How you doing?

Listen, what were you doing
down in the mines?

Well, the man,
he came back.

Yeah.

He got my parents.

I ran away.

Brayker!

It's alright.

I just have to check.

It's good to see you again,
Danny.

Hey, Bob.
How we fixed for ammo?

Oh, not too good.

Yeah, I'm down to four.

How 'bout shotgun shells?
Not up here.

(Roach): Oh, man,
this is hopeless.

Fuckin' hopeless.

(gunfire)

(screams and explosions
in background)

(explosions)

- Sons of bitches.
- (groans)

They drew us right into
a goddamn ambush!

What are you doing?

- We gotta get outta here.
- The real battle is ahead.

Sir, I don't understand.

Now take it.

(roaring)

No!

(screaming)

(screaming continues)

(Voice):
You're the one, Brayker.

You're the one.

Hey. You got us
into this mess.

What the hell are you
gonna do to get us out of it?

We just have to
survive the night.

That's all
I can tell you.

That's bullshit.

We're entitled to know
what's going on here.

When I came here tonight,
I thought you'd be safe.

There are only five of you.
They need seven.

And then he came
with Bob and the sheriff.

It's like tumblers in a lock.
Everything has to line up.

- Seven stars, seven people...
- Yeah, yeah.

Goddamn it, I'm not
making these rules up!

And I didn't...
I didn't ask for this!

Alright?

You wanna know what's going on?
Shall I tell ya?

In the beginning...

God created the
heavens and the earth.

You're talking Genesis.
That beginning?

And the earth was
a formless void...

and darkness covered
the face of the deep.

But the darkness wasn't empty.

It was full of creatures.
Full of demons.

And they had seven keys
formed into a circle...

to focus the power of the cosmos
into their hands...

until God stepped
forth and said...

''Let there be light.''

And there was light.

And He scattered the demons...
and He scattered the keys...

all across the universe.

Then we fast-forward about
two or three million millennia.

Now the demons are back.

They got six of the keys.

And one day they find
the seventh key here on earth.

To save it, God filled it
with the blood of a carpenter

who was being crucified
by the Romans...

and gave it to a thief
named Sirach.

The blood ins...inside...
is that...

Some of it.
Yeah.

It gets used, you see.

Sirach had to refill it.

Bad neck wound.

Talon caught
the artery here.

Most of what's in
here now belonged to

a soldier named Dickerson.

Gave it to me in France.
August 23, 1917.

Funny how you remember
the big dates.

Jesus, that...
would make you, uh...

What happens when you
run out of blood?

- They bring back the darkness.
- Just like that?

Just like that.

So...

now you know.

You feel better?

(sighs)

God, I wish I had
that bottle of vodka now.

I guess I owe you
an apology, Brayker.

You really got
some balls, man.

You're a fucking hero.

Where's Danny?

What?

Find him.
Find him now.

(Jeryline): I'm gonna
check in my room.

(Willy): I'll look in my room.

- (Jeryline): Danny!
- (Roach): I'll stay here.

Danny?

(Willy): Danny?
You in there?

Danny?

(Man): Do me a favor.
Don't scream.

Just hear what I've gotta say.
And then scream.

You're so young.

You've got so much to live for
and yet where the hell are you?

You're stuck in this house.
You're stuck in this town.

There's a great big world
out there, Jeryline.

You should travel.
You can see it all.

I can help you.

You want Paris, Rome, Athens?
You got it.

Course, if you don't help me,
well, that's a whole other picture.

Come on, let's be real.

Brayker isn't gonna get you
out of here, okay?

Brayker can't even
get himself out.

Little secret:
The man's dead meat.

And if you stick with him,

you're gonna end up
the same way.

(gasping)

Here, check this out.

I hate to even think about it.

It's a simple deal, Jeryline:
You let me in, I let you out.

- Horrible, isn't it?
- (gasps)

You know, it doesn't
have to be unpleasant.

Hell, I'd rather it wasn't.

Alright, I know
what you're thinking.

You give up your soul.

You turn into a demon.
You look like shit.

Where's the payoff, right?
I'll make you a little promise.

Just give me what I want,
and nothing will happen to you.

Has anyone ever told you
how pretty you are?

I know that sounds like a line.
Lord knows I've used it.

But I mean it.

You know, I can see to it
that you stay pretty.

Forever.
Think about that.

All you have to do
is say yes.

Do we have a deal?

Something tells me
you don't trust me.

That's alright.
We'll work on that.

You will give me what I want.
That's just the way it is.

And the sooner you
figure that out, the better.

- Any sign of him?
- Haven't seen him.

This doesn't make sense.
Anything?

Where's Uncle Willy?

I haven't seen
his wrinkled butt neither.

Come on, Bob.

(radio playing)

(sniffing)
Willy, you son of a bitch!

(sputtering)
Hey, I found the kid.

I bet he found you.

Probably wanted to know
what the smell was.

I forgot all about this place.

Willy, you get
downstairs right now.

You take the kid with you.

You tell Brayker to get his ass
and the key up here now!

Let's go.

- Go on! Go on!
- (panting)

(groaning, panting)

(muttering)
Okay. Okay.

Leave the bottle.

Party poopin' old bitch.

(snarling)

(hacking)

(snarls)

Hey...
they hate that.

Brayker!
You in here?

Holy shit!

Hi, Uncle Willy.
Poor Uncle Willy!

You look like you've
had a long, hard day.

Oh, my goodness!

I bet you could use
a long, hard one.

I know I could.

(giggling)
Here you go, Uncle Willy.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, Jesus!
- Try mine.

Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my God!

Uncle Willy,
are you okay?

(All): Try mine.
Try mine.

Try mine.
Try mine.

Suck this one down,
Uncle Willy. Long hard one.

Nothing gets you fucked up
faster, am I right, girls?

(laughing)
Am I right?

(laughing continues)

Here's lookin' at you,
Uncle Willy.

There you go.
There you go.

Have another.

Knock yourself out.

Come on.
Drink more.

Jesus Christ!

Those post office
folks were right.

Son of a bitch!

This guy was
reading all our mail.

(gasps)
What the hell?

Shit! Wally was
crazier than I thought.

Give me your light, Bob.

Oh, God!

He was planning to take out
the post office for Cordelia.

Well, if he was...

he didn't have
any bullets to do it.

Whoooo-eee!

Then again...

Willy?

- Danny?
- Ahhh!

- (snarls)
- No! Stop it!

Oh, yeah, we got a
whole lot of trouble!

- Jeryline! Help!
- (Danny): Let go!

- Jeryline! Jeryline!
- You will give me what I want.

Jeryline, help me!

Hello!
I'm your waiter, Skip.

Our special today is a
lovely poached appendage.

Market price, of course.

For starters,
I recommend the finger food.

Want your arm back, Irene?
I can make it happen.

- Is that a yes?
- No.

That's me giving you
the finger, asshole.

I'll get back to you.

- Willy, don't make me do this.
- (Brayker groaning)

- (Willy laughs)
- Willy.

(Danny): Stop!
Please stop, mister!

Please don't
make me do this.

- (snarling)
- Put him down!

Hello?

Hello?

- (demons snarl)
- (gasps)

(humming)

Mr. Roach!
What have you got there?

I want out of here,
and I'm lookin' to cut a deal.

- Well, let's talk about it.
- Put him down!

(distorted laughter)

- (Danny): Stop!
- Jeryline.

You wouldn't hurt
your old Uncle Willy.

now would you, baby?

(snarls, laughing)

(laughing, groans)

- (sighs)
- (groans)

Jesus!
Oh, man!

- Shit!
- (grunts)

- Get the eyes!
- I heard that.

- Get the eyes!
- Get away!

Ew!

(roars)

- (sighs)
- (Danny): Oh, boy.

How do I know you
ain't gonna kill me?

You have my word.

Frankly, we've been
counting on you, haven't we?

The world needs more people
like you, Mr. Roach.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Of course, you don't mind
if we kill the others, do you?

Hey, if it makes you
feel good, do it.

''If it makes you
feel good, do it.''

Exactly.

First things first,
of course.

The blood seal.

(demons snarling)

Listen,
on a personal note.

Be sure and kill Brayker.
He's a bossy asshole.

Isn't he, though?

(demons snarling)

- Thank you.
- That's it?

That's it.

You know,
you ain't such a bad fellow.

You aren't so bad yourself.

Oh, a pleasure doing business
with you, Mr. Roach.

Well... you know this...
''hell on earth'' business?

Big fucking deal!
I got hemorrhoids.

Vaya con Dios.

And a vaya con diablos
to you too, sir.

Roach, there's just one more
thing I forgot to mention: I lied.

(screaming)

(screaming,
groaning continue)

(humming)

(singing)
Anybody home?

Come on out, everybody!

It's time to play!
Hello?

Or not.

(demons screaming)

Come on, Brayker,
move your ass.

Grab the case and
get on over here.

Let's go.

Cleo!
Come on, baby.

(meows)
Yeah.

(snarling)

Go.

I want you all up
in the steeple now!

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna cover the rear.

Get your asses up there!
Go!

Up. Up, up, up!

This is my house,
and I make the rules!

Now get up there!

(gunfire continues)

Shit!

(snarling)

(snarling continues)

Supper time.

(explosion, screams)

Only enough
for one entrance.

Is that all there is?

That's all.

The window.

What did you do that for?

(sizzling)

Take it.
What?

Out of the seven,
you're the only one left.

You're the chosen one.

That's what I came here to do.
Give you this key.

(hissing)

Can I have it?

(snarling, grunting)

(screaming)

- Danny, no!
- (screams)

Danny!
Stop it!

Let him go right now!

(snarling)

- No!
- (screaming)

- Danny, no!
- (groaning)

(shrieks)

(panting, gasping)

Shit!
Oh, Jesus!

Brayker, I'm so sorry.

Don't be.
You killed him, right?

(panting)
That's all that's important.

You're ready.

Ready for what?

For the key.
Give me the key.

(groaning, panting)

Brayker, look,
I can't do this, alright?

I'm not the right kind
of person for this shit!

He tried to seduce you,
didn't he?

(panting)
He tried.

You're exactly the
right kind of person.

Give me your hand.
I can't, Brayker.

He's still down there.
Come on!

(gasping)
(rumbling)

(groaning)

When the stars line up
you'll know what to do.

I can't tell you how long.
Maybe a lifetime.

Maybe several.

And on that day
you'll fight.

And when that night is over,
you'll do what I just did.

Watch your back,
Jeryline.

(gasping)
Watch your back.

(crying)
Brayker?

Don't you leave me!

Brayker! Wake up!

Come on.
Wake up.

(sobbing)

(sizzling, crackling)

(sizzling, crackling)

(rattling)

(sighs)

See that, Jeryline?

I was right
about Brayker.

He's dead.

You, you're still here,
aren't you?

I'm not gonna hurt you
unless you make me.

(Jeryline): You just
stay where you are.

Personally, I was hoping
we could avoid this.

Just pour the blood out.

Save yourself the
years of running.

I mean, really,
what's the point?

It all ends up
the same way.

Look at you.
You must be in exquisite pain.

All covered with blood.

That's right.

(screaming)
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Oooh!
- It's not my blood.

Bitch!

(screams)

It's curtains for you, baby.
Come on!

(grunts)

I'm sure you're familiar
with the relationship

between cleanliness
and godliness.

Well, let me
tell you something.

That's the first thing
I'm gonna change.

(singing) You wash and
you wash behind the ears.

You rinse and you rinse
till it comes out clear.

- No, you don't.
- (screaming)

(bones breaking)

How was that?
Good.

(distorted scream)

(laughs)

I liked those too.
Damn!

Guess Brayker didn't have time
to tell you everything, huh?

That eyeball shit only works
on low-level demons.

I know.
Who makes up all these rules?

Upsy-daisy!

This is a special day
for me, Jeryline.

I waited a long time
for this promotion,

and I have to tell you,

You know,
I'm glad that it's you

who could
share it with me.

(groaning)

Don't feel bad about
giving up the key because

by the time your race
finds out what happened,

well, they'll look like
last week's leftovers anyway.

(panting)
So... cheer up.

(moaning)

Thanks.

I warned you.
I told you what would happen.

- (groaning)
- You didn't believe me.

I forgive you.

I know what you're thinking:

''He's got the key. What else
could he possibly want now?''

I want you.

You know, no one's ever
brought a demon knight

over to the other side before.

Well, not in one piece,
anyway.

Honey, you'd be the first.

There'd be a period
of adjustment, of course.

I'm very easy to live with,
I'm clean, I don't drink much,

and I know my folks
are gonna love you.

(grunting)

I notice you're not
saying anything. Hmm?

Is that because you're
thinking of something to say?

What the hell is there
to think about?

There was a time
when a coy silence

was appreciated in a woman.

Well, this is not
one of those times,

and you're really starting
to piss me off!

(laughing)
Down, boy!

(panting)

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean
to get angry. I...

Jeryline.
Jeryline...

I'm gonna say something to
you I haven't said to anyone.

- Jeryline, I lo... you.
- (grunts)

Jeryline, I lo... you.

Jeryline, do you think you could
ever find it in your heart

to possibly lo... me?

(panting)

Didn't think so.

Alright, let's...
Ah, fuck it!

You will die, but at least
we'll be together forever.

If I can't have your soul,
I'm gonna take your heart.

(grunts, screams)

(gasping, groaning)

(screaming)

(screaming continues)

(sighs)

(bus approaching)

(Man): Thank you.

(driver mutters)

- Thank you.
- Hold on.

No.
It's okay.

I'll wait for the next one.

(whistling Tales from
the Crypt Theme)

(rat squeaking)

Ahhh!
I love ''scarnations.''

You'll be happy
to know, kiddies,

that Jeryline lived
happily ever after.

In fact, I even got a
''ghostcard'' from her.

She's traveling the world
and having a fabulous time.

As for me, I'm afraid
I've got to hurry.

Tonight's our big
''screamiere.''

(orchestra)

(cheering)

Hello.

Hello, hello.

Ah, the whole
fan club is here.

Hello,
baby-booby-bubby.

(cheering continues)

Uh-oh! I think my producers
are trying to tell me something.

Well, what do you know!

I asked for final cut,
and I got it!

(laughing)

Now that's ''inter-tainment''!

(maniacal laughter)

(humming Tales from
the Crypt Theme)

Oh, still here, creeps?

What's the matter?

Didn't get your minimum
deadly allowance

of murder,
madness and mayhem?

Then look out
for my next motion picture,

Dead Easy, coming very soon
to a theater near you.

(laughs)