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1
00:00:20,436 --> 00:00:21,896
[playground noises]
2
00:00:21,979 --> 00:00:24,941
[Eddie] When I was ten,
my family moved to America.
3
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:28,694
Shortly thereafter, I learned
a valuable lesson about love.
4
00:00:30,154 --> 00:00:31,155
Hey, new kid.
5
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,741
You wanna play a card
came called 52 pickup?
6
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:36,911
[cards falling]
7
00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:37,995
Pick it up,
8
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,205
dick for brains!
9
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:42,667
[tender music]
[footsteps approaching]
10
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,301
She was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen.
11
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,680
I fell instantly
and madly in love.
12
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,932
♪ Take a look ♪
13
00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:01,644
♪ At me ♪
14
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,148
Then she broke my heart.
15
00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:09,610
I vowed never to
let love hurt me again.
16
00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:11,612
Today
17
00:01:11,779 --> 00:01:13,364
I'm a master of love.
18
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,324
Your book '52 Pickup'
19
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,578
is basically a how-to
guide for men to pick up women,
20
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,454
-is it not?
-It is, yeah.
21
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,125
And you claim that your book
22
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,794
will help men pick
up a different woman
23
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,880
every week, for a year?
24
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,174
Yeah, it's really that simple.
25
00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:32,925
All they have to do is follow
26
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:34,552
my three simple
rules of engagement.
27
00:01:34,635 --> 00:01:36,220
That is, trigger her interest
28
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,346
play indifferent
29
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,682
and then go for the kill.
30
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,603
Are you aware how
degrading that is to women?
31
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,521
I mean, some
could say it reduces us
32
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,691
to mere objects who could
be easily tricked into bed?
33
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,611
I mean, how would you
respond to such allegations?
34
00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:52,778
How do I respond?
35
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,615
[fast-paced music]
36
00:01:55,656 --> 00:01:57,241
Guilty as charged.
37
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,576
[moaning]
[music continues]
38
00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:00,411
♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪
39
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,956
♪ It goes all night long ♪
[moaning]
40
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,336
♪ Clang, clang, clang ♪
[moaning continues]
41
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,297
♪ Do that siren song ♪
42
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,007
[grunts]
[moaning]
43
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,551
♪ Are you feeling nervous? ♪
44
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:19,305
♪ She doesn't feel that way ♪
[grunting]
45
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,973
[electronic beeping]
46
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,142
[bang]
[upbeat music]
47
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,310
[sighs]
48
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:28,064
[music slows]
[sighs]
49
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,322
Oh, what the hell is that?
50
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,784
What is this stuff!
51
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:42,328
[muttering]
52
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:46,040
[music continues]
53
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:50,711
[music continues]
[lawnmower whirring]
54
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,139
-Hey, what's up, Ruben?
-Hey, what's... whoa.
55
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,517
-Take it easy, brother.
-Sorry, dude, we just met here.
56
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,560
All right.
57
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,311
Don't get chopped off.
You're early, aren't you?
58
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,437
You got it, bro.
59
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,524
[upbeat music]
[traffic sounds]
60
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,240
Thank you. How's it going? Good?
61
00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:21,284
[paper rustling]
[music continues]
62
00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:22,326
Very well.
63
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,828
There you go. Good luck.
64
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,996
Good.
65
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,247
And enjoy it.
66
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,665
[woman] Next in line.
67
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,878
[music continues]
68
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,046
So good to meet you.
69
00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,464
Well, thank you for coming.
70
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,633
Dude, you've changed my life.
71
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,218
That's the whole point.
72
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,470
I used to live in
my parents' basement
73
00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:42,972
and only thing I'd score
74
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,390
was my Xbox.
75
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,309
But now...
76
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:48,352
I'm scoring with ladies.
77
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,647
That's great. Go get them.
78
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,774
[both laugh]
79
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:54,817
[woman] Next.
80
00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,777
Holy shit.
81
00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,696
-Hi.
-Hi.
82
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,489
I can't believe it's really you.
83
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,574
It's really me.
84
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,326
I owe you so much.
85
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,287
Your book, has
helped me overcome this.
86
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,706
Tiny penis?
87
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,749
What?
88
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:10,917
No!
89
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,003
I'm talking about
my lack of style.
90
00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:16,339
That's... I meant
your tiny lack of style.
91
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,882
-Yes.
-I don't know why I said penis.
92
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,967
That's exactly,
I don't know why I said penis.
93
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,636
-You're an asshole.
-I'm sorry.
94
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,388
I'm... I'm sure
you're packing. I didn't...
95
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,765
Baby's arm holding an apple.
96
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:26,807
Yeah.
97
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,394
-What are you doing?
-I don't know. It just came out.
98
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,022
Hi.
99
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,399
[music continues]
[traffic sounds]
100
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,443
What a collection
of losers today, huh?
101
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,903
-Worse than usual.
-Yeah.
102
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,655
OK. Those 'losers'
103
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,114
are the reason you live
in a million dollar house
104
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,783
and wear custom-made suits.
105
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,868
Hey, it's OK,
I still love them, though.
106
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,495
Hence the term, 'lovable loser'.
107
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,080
Yeah. And hey,
hey, you know what?
108
00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,165
You should show the man
a little more respect here.
109
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,709
OK? He's making your company a
lot of green and you know what?
110
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,212
We haven't signed the contract
for that third book yet. So...
111
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,296
-Don't touch me...
-OK.
112
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,339
It's OK, Steve.
113
00:04:58,422 --> 00:05:00,299
Polly here has a
right to her opinion.
114
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,425
OK, it's Molly.
115
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,303
But Steve is right.
116
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,430
I was out of line.
It won't happen again.
117
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,515
It's all good, babe.
118
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:08,599
It's all good, Molly.
119
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:11,686
We sold over a hundred copies.
120
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,020
That's great, Nana.
121
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,107
Yeah, those losers
really eat this shit up. Ha!
122
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:17,859
What?
[both laugh]
123
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,027
Here. I wrote my number in it.
124
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:23,197
You want to get with a
real woman, give me a call.
125
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,282
[growls]
126
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,034
[men laugh]
127
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:28,160
What the...
128
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,538
Don't even think about it.
129
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,458
[music fades]
130
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,878
Hey, hey, listen.
I almost forgot.
131
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,337
They asked me if
you want to participate
132
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,131
in this charity fashion show.
133
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,174
-Really?
-Yeah.
134
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,467
-How much would it pay?
-Nada. It's for charity.
135
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,219
But all the models
are gonna be celebs.
136
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:46,762
-Oh, interesting.
-Yeah. Yeah.
137
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,222
It's gonna be
some big names there.
138
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,307
You know what?
139
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,017
Might allow me to
broaden my fishing pond.
140
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,185
[both laugh]
141
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,061
And you've got
quite the pole, huh?
142
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,480
-Dude.
-I know.
143
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,899
-That was...
-I know.
144
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:58,941
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
145
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,067
-We won't--
-Don't worry.
146
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,028
I regretted the second
it came out of my mouth.
147
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,071
Oh.
[car engine roars]
148
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,406
Hey! Wait a minute.
149
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:08,326
Hey, don't forget about
this release party tonight!
150
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,744
-Huh?
-I said don't forget...
151
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:10,369
[car engine roars]
152
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,996
You're an asshole.
[Eddie laughs]
153
00:06:12,079 --> 00:06:13,080
Asshole!
154
00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:14,498
You hear that?
155
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,126
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, get out of here.
156
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,794
Fancy car piece of shit.
157
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:22,048
[upbeat music]
158
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,895
Take care of it, buddy.
159
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,023
[music continues]
160
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,209
-Edison Greenleaf.
-Jesus.
161
00:06:58,876 --> 00:06:59,877
Whoa.
162
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,128
What?
163
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:02,922
Hello.
164
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,090
Hello.
165
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,717
Do I know--
How do you know my name?
166
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,427
Does it really matter?
167
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,224
Of... I'm a fool.
Of course, from the
jackets of my book. OK.
168
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,768
-You want an autograph?
-Look, Eddie...
169
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,021
I'm here to ask you something.
170
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,483
Yeah... you see,
I don't really carry cash.
171
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,402
I don't want your money.
172
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,778
Then what do you want?
173
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,739
You don't really
respect women, do you?
174
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,950
I'm sorry, what?
[laughs]
175
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,536
I-- did Steve Burns put
you up to this? Where is he?
176
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,329
Women are nothing but notches...
177
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,957
-on your bedpost!
-Yeah, my bedpost.
178
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,002
In fact, I don't even
have bedposts on my bed, so...
179
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,297
That's a metaphor, Eddie.
180
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,132
A metaphor...
181
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,092
Oh, I get...
182
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,802
I'm being punked, aren't I?
183
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:50,845
This is brilliant!
184
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,472
Where? Where are they?
All right, you can come out
now. Where's the film crew?
185
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,766
There's no film crew, Eddie!
186
00:07:56,809 --> 00:08:00,271
All right. You know, I'm tired
of this. No more games, OK?
187
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,273
Then give me what I'm here for.
188
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,025
And what are you here for?
189
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,359
Kiss me.
190
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,069
Jeez, I don't think
that's gonna happen.
191
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,364
Prove to me that you can
see the beauty in all women.
192
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,033
The beauty beneath the surface.
193
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:13,910
-Kiss me!
-All right.
194
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,953
No offense,
you crazy old bat, but
195
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,997
I'd rather my dick
dropped off, all right?
196
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,000
-What a--
-Suit yourself.
197
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,836
[mysterious sound]
198
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,964
[contemporary music]
199
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,313
Yeah, so, ah, Molly, listen.
200
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,898
-I, uhh--
-Too close.
201
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941
OK.
202
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,652
You're doing that thing kids
do when they like each other--
203
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,694
No.
204
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029
Well, OK, then.
205
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,197
How about we talk business.
206
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,324
Maybe a few
strawberry daiquiris,
discuss that third contract.
207
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,325
What do you say?
208
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,409
[groans] Oh, god.
209
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:59,080
[music continues]
210
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,960
And then, two of
my eight cats, they got
in this really big fight.
211
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,378
-All right.
-It was just horrible.
212
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,338
I ended up having to
take Mr. Muggles to the vet
213
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,465
and then we had to put
him down. Sorry, I can't talk.
214
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,967
All right, I'm
really happy for you.
215
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:14,095
[music continues]
216
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,975
I thought super-models were
required to be anorexic, but
217
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,269
you look just so
goddamn healthy.
218
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:22,937
Wait.
219
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,730
Are you saying that I look fat?
220
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,440
No, no, that's
not what I'm saying.
221
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,276
I'm saying you
look really healthy.
222
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,944
Oh my god.
223
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,864
I shouldn't have eaten
this puffy cheese thing.
224
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,199
Don't be so hard on yourself,
you know. You're only human.
225
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,492
Humans are flawed.
226
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,370
Wait, are you
saying I have flaws?
227
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,746
No, I'm saying that
228
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,290
I think you're gorgeous.
229
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,750
Just don't worry about what
anybody else thinks about you.
230
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,961
Wait. You say people
are talking about me?
231
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,505
Well, you know what
these bitches are like.
232
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,591
[music continues]
233
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,098
We should think about,
getting out of here soon.
234
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,683
It's getting a little, umm...
235
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,351
a little toxic, I think.
236
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,644
Tell me about it.
237
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,062
-Uhh.
-Umm.
238
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272
Uhh?
239
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,356
Hey, umm...
240
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,400
would you like to
come back to my place?
241
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,110
It's like five minutes away.
242
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,404
Really, uhh...
243
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:14,822
Oh...
244
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,782
Early start in
the morning, uhh...
245
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,284
Oh, please?
246
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,203
Well...
247
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,580
I promise to make
it worth your while.
248
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,874
[fast-paced music]
249
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,626
Well, if you insist.
250
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,127
[chuckling]
251
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,546
Let's get out of here quick.
252
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,633
[fast-paced music]
253
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,301
[loud moans]
254
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,598
No. On the bed.
255
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,038
[music continues]
256
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,861
[gasps]
What the fuck?
257
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:38,197
[mysterious music]
258
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,240
[gasps]
259
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,367
Oh my god.
260
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,577
Can't be.
261
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,206
[mysterious music]
262
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,583
I must be dreaming.
263
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,171
[groans]
264
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,467
[gasps]
265
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,430
[rustling]
266
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,100
[door creaking]
267
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,898
Where are you going?
268
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,775
[light switch clicks]
[gasps]
269
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:16,819
[door closes]
270
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:20,531
[cellphone buzzing]
271
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,617
Come on, come on.
272
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,952
[cellphone buzzing]
273
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,748
[grunts]
274
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,752
[sighs]
275
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,046
Hello?
276
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,380
Steve!
277
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,216
You need to get to
my place right away.
278
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,509
Who is this?
279
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,552
It's Eddie, dumb-ass.
280
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,930
Really? Who is this?
281
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,264
Umm...
282
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,683
you just need to get to Eddie's
place as soon as you can.
283
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,768
Why?
284
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,353
Uhh...
285
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,272
because he wants you
to join us in a threesome.
286
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,982
Really?
[grunts]
287
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,735
He's never asked me that before.
288
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,320
Are you in or what?
289
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,364
I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!
290
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,490
I'm in.
291
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,116
[sighs]
292
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,285
[sighs]
293
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,580
[fast-paced music]
294
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,643
[music fades]
295
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,407
[knocks on door]
296
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,449
About time.
297
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,993
[knocking on door]
298
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:49,871
[knocking on door]
299
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,622
[door opens]
300
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,665
What?
301
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,875
[laughs]
302
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,835
Wow.
[door closes]
303
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,086
Huh, look at you.
304
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,504
Well.
305
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840
Your stud service has arrived.
306
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:02,466
Huh?
307
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,593
I studied Goju Kai karate.
308
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,635
Ha!
309
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:05,720
Kai,
310
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,054
by the way.
311
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,973
Yeah. Uhh...
312
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,474
So, where is he?
313
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,642
Where's Eddie?
314
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,186
Funny thing about that.
315
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:14,979
Eddie?
316
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,647
You back here?
317
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:18,649
So where's he?
318
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,026
It's me, Steve. Eddie.
319
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,153
[laughs]
OK.
320
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,487
Yeah?
321
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,614
Eddie?
322
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,656
You back here?
323
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,326
Uhh, he's standing
right in front of you.
324
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,952
OK. I get it.
325
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,204
You're hot.
326
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,539
I don't know
what's going on here, but
327
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,541
but if you don't
tell me where Eddie is
328
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,876
I'm gonna have to call the cops.
329
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,377
OK, listen to me, Steve.
330
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,421
I really don't
know what happened.
331
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,965
Last night I fell
asleep and when I woke up
332
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,300
I was this.
333
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,344
Have it your way.
334
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:49,514
Beth McDonald.
335
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851
What was that?
336
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,478
Your crush in middle school.
337
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,688
Beth McDonald,
the one that got away.
338
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,857
OK. Eddie's the
only one who knows that.
339
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:00,942
See?
340
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,236
All that proves is
that he told you about her.
341
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,279
OK, how about Jessica Levine?
342
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,074
You lost your virginity
to her in tenth grade
343
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,867
and cried like a little baby.
344
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,953
That's cause she bit my dick!
345
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,748
Wait. OK,
what's go-- Did... did...
346
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,875
Did he tell you
my whole life story?
347
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,544
Steve. It's me.
348
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:22,338
Eddie. Stuck
inside a chick's body.
349
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,381
[sighs]
350
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,590
Come on.
351
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,008
[sighs]
352
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,052
OK.
353
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,179
Fine. If you're
Eddie, tell me this
354
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,306
Two years ago,
we took a trip to Vegas.
355
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600
We got really drunk
with some strippers
356
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,978
and they dared us to do
something really disgusting.
357
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,354
The next day we swore...
358
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,357
we swore we would
never talk about it again.
359
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,526
-Really?
-Yeah.
360
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:44,861
Really, Steve?
361
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,405
You're gonna make
me say this out loud?
362
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,489
Hey.
363
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,699
If you're Eddie...
364
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,993
well, you'd know all about it.
365
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:53,953
[sighs]
366
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,497
OK, we gave
each other hand jobs.
367
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,082
Uhh...
368
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,625
excuse me, what was that?
369
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,838
We gave each other hand jobs.
370
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,006
Are you happy?
371
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,048
What?
372
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,258
Eddie?
373
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,802
I just puked in my mouth.
374
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,721
Wait a minute.
375
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,930
Wait a minute. Eddie.
376
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,891
This is impossible.
I mean, how...
377
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,350
[muttering]
378
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,560
How did this happen?
379
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,228
I don't know.
380
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,689
Like I said, I fell
asleep at Alexa's last night
381
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,107
after banging her up and down
382
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,400
and when I woke up
383
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,735
I was a chick.
384
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,533
Well...
385
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,410
at least you're hot.
386
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:35,828
Shut the fuck up.
387
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,455
Wait.
388
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,790
-You think I'm hot?
-Oh yeah, I do.
389
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,043
So you would have
sex with me, knowing it's me,
390
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,085
Eddie,
391
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,253
inside this body?
392
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,756
Hey, after Vegas,
what have I got to lose?
393
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,050
-Good point.
-Right?
394
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,260
So, if you don't mind, can I...
395
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,387
-See the whole package, maybe?
-What?
396
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,889
You know, minus the clothes.
397
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,807
Dude, I am not taking
my clothes off for you.
398
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,184
OK, fine. Be that way.
399
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,352
I have to say
400
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,145
my breasts are really perky.
401
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:04,315
[dream music]
402
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,361
Steve!
403
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,656
[music continues]
404
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,283
Steve!
405
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,410
[slap]
[screams]
406
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,578
I'm a First Dan.
407
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,205
[slap]
OK.
408
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,624
I said, we need to
figure out what happened to me.
409
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,667
OK.
410
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,669
Jesus.
411
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:30,967
OK.
412
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,343
Let's figure this out.
413
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,887
Let's think about
the last 24 hours, yeah?
414
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,931
-You had the book signing.
-Yeah.
415
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,933
You had the release party.
416
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518
You had sex with a super-model.
417
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,561
Nothing unusual.
418
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,645
OK, then.
419
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,896
-Wait.
-What?
420
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,773
The homeless woman.
421
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,191
You had sex
with a homeless woman?
422
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,526
No, dumb-ass.
423
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,237
I was outside the
building before the party.
424
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,030
And this homeless
woman came up to me.
425
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,574
She knew my name, said...
426
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,158
said, I don't respect women,
427
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,786
didn't see their inner
beauty, some shit like that.
428
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,913
Then, she asked me to kiss her.
429
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,164
Wow, how was that?
430
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,626
That's the thing.
I mean, I blew her off.
431
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,295
She was fucking hideous.
432
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,632
I would've fucked her.
433
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,510
Twice.
434
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,555
She must have put a spell on me.
435
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,223
That's the only
thing that makes sense.
436
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,308
OK.
437
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:21,475
OK. So...
438
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,020
we are looking
for a homeless woman
439
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,688
with magical powers.
440
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,274
I mean...
I don't know. I guess so.
441
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,817
Maybe she was a witch.
442
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,694
-A witch?
-Did she have a broom?
443
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,154
-No.
-OK.
444
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,572
But...
445
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,908
she did have a
really big walking stick.
446
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:37,992
Her magic wand!
447
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,161
Kind of magic wand, yeah.
448
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,245
Right. Well...
449
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,290
with all these magical powers,
why was she still so ugly?
450
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,833
-What?
-I mean, the first thing you do
451
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,084
is make yourself hot, right?
452
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,586
What's that got
to do with anything?
453
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,087
Ah. Wait a minute. No!
454
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,297
Because if she was hot
455
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,090
it would have been
easy for you to kiss her.
456
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,383
My god, this lady is slick.
457
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,677
Gotta tell you, if she was
here, I'd give her some props.
458
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,762
You're an idi--
459
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,890
-That's it.
-What?
460
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:02,767
We have to find her.
461
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,435
I mean, if she
turned me into a chick
462
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,229
then she can turn me back again.
463
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,438
Wait a minute. Listen to me.
464
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,233
You know how hard
it's gonna be to find
a homeless woman in this city?
465
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,068
Like trying to find
a virgin in a whorehouse.
466
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,402
OK, listen to me, Steve.
467
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,570
We either find her
468
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,073
or I'm stuck as a chick
for I don't know how long.
469
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,157
Maybe forever.
470
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,409
Doesn't worry me,
because you're kind of hot.
471
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,494
Dude!
472
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,620
Me and you
473
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,913
not gonna happen.
474
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,915
[upbeat music]
475
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,000
Not until I slip
you a few mickeys.
476
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,670
I still say, if
she had magic powers
477
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:32,171
she'd use them
not to be homeless.
478
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,383
Or, maybe searching
for her in homeless
shelters is part of the test.
479
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,051
Yeah, but not the fun part.
480
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,179
[music continues]
481
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:46,811
Can I help you?
482
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,105
Yeah, hi, we're trying
to find a homeless woman.
483
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,773
This is a homeless shelter.
484
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,024
We have about 40 of them.
485
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,234
She's really old.
486
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:54,861
There's about 30 of them.
487
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,070
She's really ugly.
488
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,073
Look, this is really important.
489
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:00,950
You see...
490
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,536
I think she took
something of mine.
491
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,580
So let me get this straight.
492
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,207
Some poor old homeless woman
493
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,459
who's probably
struggling to survive
494
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:12,003
took something from you.
495
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,255
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
496
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,132
So what do you want me to do?
497
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,676
I make our clients
line up so you can pick her out?
498
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,219
Oh my god,
that would be so great.
499
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,304
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
500
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,722
[shelter worker laughs]
501
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,183
Have you ever
heard of sarcasm, skippy?
502
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,729
That shit ain't happening.
503
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,647
Well, can we
at least have a look around?
504
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,608
No, you can't be
looking around in here.
505
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,318
OK, what do you expect us to do?
506
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,861
What I expect you to do
507
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,696
is to take your skinny
508
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,948
sorry asses and
get up outta here before I--
509
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,033
Tonya...
510
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,993
what's going on here?
511
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,998
These two claim that a
homeless woman stole from them.
512
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,417
And they want us
to line up our clients
513
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,461
like a bunch of criminals
so they can pick her out.
514
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,338
Well, that's not exactly true.
515
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,548
Hi, I'm Jess White.
516
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,674
I'm the manager.
517
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,759
Hi, I'm Ed...
518
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,802
...na Greenleaf.
519
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,680
So why don't you tell
me what's going on here?
520
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,642
OK, the other night,
I ran into this homeless
woman on the street.
521
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,060
She was really ugly.
522
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,811
Anyway,
523
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,022
I think she might have
taken something of mine.
524
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,065
I see.
525
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,316
Yep.
526
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,528
And, what would that be?
If you don't mind my asking.
527
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,241
-It was, uhh...
-Her identity.
528
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,285
She took your identity?
529
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,497
Oh, it's...
kind of hard to explain.
530
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,041
You... you mean your ID?
531
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,459
That's right. Her ID.
532
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,504
Oh, well, I guess I can
see why you'd want that back.
533
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,130
-Yeah, I know, right?
-So, umm...
534
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:39,465
can you describe her for me?
535
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:42,176
Yeah, umm, she's
about 80 years old, with this
536
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,346
wild, grey hair, and
this really big crooked nose.
537
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,722
Tell her about
the walking stick.
538
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,891
Oh yeah, she had this
massive wooden walking stick.
539
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,184
Yeah, like a magic wand.
540
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,187
-Like a magic wand?
-Uhuh.
541
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,106
What a plain Jane, huh?
542
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,899
Yeah, I know.
You should have asked her out.
543
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,359
What? She was a five at best.
544
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,111
Yeah, but
together you'd make a ten.
545
00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:01,279
You're an asshole.
546
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,156
Five shelters
and no sign of her.
547
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,908
Buddy, I've got
to tell you I'm starvin marvin,
548
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,118
you know what I'm saying?
549
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,078
This may be
harder than I thought.
550
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,248
[sighs]
[door closes]
551
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:13,291
Look, uhh...
552
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:16,252
maybe we should eat something.
Maybe get a little Thai food?
553
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,295
-Maybe, just a--
-What?
554
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,297
Some Thai food.
Man, I'm starving, come on.
555
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339
Sure. Whatever.
556
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:23,134
OK.
557
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,969
OK.
558
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,139
Look. Listen to me.
559
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,433
We will find
this homeless woman.
560
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,601
This witch.
561
00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:33,769
Whatever it is you think
she is, we will find her.
562
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,605
Yeah, but what
do I do until then?
563
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:36,939
I'm a chick, Steve.
564
00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:40,193
[sighs]
565
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,154
Well, you know what?
566
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,406
-Embrace it.
-Embrace it?
567
00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:46,574
Yes, Eddie.
568
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:47,950
Embrace it.
569
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,703
I mean, come on,
Eddie, think about it.
570
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,956
A chance for you to see what
it's like on the other side.
571
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,334
Right? Embrace that!
572
00:22:58,252 --> 00:22:59,253
And, hey...
573
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:03,674
it may be a good time
to do a little research
for your third book.
574
00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,511
Yeah.
575
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:07,720
-Hmm.
-There you go.
576
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:08,888
Yeah.
577
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,556
I'm starving. Going to eat.
578
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:13,643
[fast-paced music]
579
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,156
Good morning.
How can I help you?
580
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,366
Hey, guys. Ma'am.
581
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,700
Umm, look.
582
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:31,827
We're here to get my
sister here some chick clothes.
583
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,539
He, she needs
a little of everything.
584
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:37,416
Fabulous.
You've come right place.
585
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:38,793
What is size?
586
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,086
Uhh, 32 regular.
587
00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:42,547
Ha, just kidding.
588
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:43,714
Umm...
589
00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:44,799
I'm a size...
590
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,926
-Two?
-Yeah, sure, two.
591
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:48,010
Great.
592
00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,053
OK.
593
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:52,181
[music continues]
594
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,102
So, uhh...
595
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,646
you guys are from Russia, right?
596
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,314
Da, Moscow.
597
00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:02,358
[laughs]
Da . Cool.
598
00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:04,235
In winter
599
00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,736
is so cold
600
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,572
we pray, global warming.
601
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:08,656
[laughs]
602
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:09,907
Hell, no.
603
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,409
Oh, something wrong?
604
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,203
Yeah, this is messed up.
605
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,454
Wrong size?
606
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,081
You tell me.
607
00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:19,125
[sighs]
608
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,252
Holy shit.
609
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,962
Looks a good fit.
610
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:27,091
So it's supposed to feel
like someone's cutting you in
half with a rusty butter knife?
611
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,217
Da, pretty much.
612
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,761
I mean, I have to admit...
613
00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,848
I do like how this
displays the goods.
614
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,933
Perky, like pair of chipmunks.
615
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,602
[nervous laugh]
616
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,562
Steve, what do you think?
617
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:40,897
Marry me.
618
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,356
Oh, shut the fuck up.
619
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,816
No, I'm serious. Marry me.
620
00:24:43,858 --> 00:24:45,735
Because you and I,
we make a great couple.
621
00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:47,445
What happens when I
go through the change?
622
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,280
I'm not giving you
any more hand jobs.
623
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:52,783
[sputtering]
She's really not my sister.
624
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,285
Americans.
625
00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:57,496
No, no, no, she's actually
a little more like my brother.
626
00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:58,581
I'm sorry, Eddie.
627
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:01,584
But, you mind turning
around and give me a
little bit of that rusty butter?
628
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,586
You're an idiot.
[music continues]
629
00:25:04,295 --> 00:25:05,296
OK.
630
00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:08,633
[fast-paced music]
631
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,182
♪ Oh my, oh my ♪
632
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,320
♪ You really got my attention ♪
633
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,450
♪ You made me stop
What I was doing ♪
634
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,580
♪ You made me
Look in your direction ♪
635
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:40,665
♪ Yeah ♪
636
00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:42,083
[music fades]
637
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,293
Hey, Eddy.
638
00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:45,795
How're you doing, man?
639
00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,547
-Yeah, good to see you.
-Nice to see you.
640
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,007
Eddy, Ed... Edna. Edna, Eddy.
641
00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,468
Edna, my pleasure.
Ooh, firm handshake.
642
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:55,054
Buddy, she needs
the works. What do you think?
643
00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:56,722
I mean, give her
the works and put your--
644
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:58,724
We don't need to do
much. We'll just do her hair.
645
00:25:58,766 --> 00:25:59,767
Right, right.
646
00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:02,061
I got an amazing
hair stylist, my wife.
647
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:03,145
-Your wife?
-Your wife?
648
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:06,399
She's the best.
Yeah, she's amazing.
You will be more than happy.
649
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,526
That's wonderful, Eddy,
thank you. Thank you so much.
650
00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:09,610
Sweetie.
651
00:26:09,986 --> 00:26:11,946
Come on out, baby.
Someone to meet somebody.
652
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,323
You snapped.
You know what that means?
653
00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:15,783
-I know, I know.
-Excited.
654
00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:16,868
Right?
655
00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,745
Edna, this is James.
656
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,247
Edna, James.
657
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,457
-The best.
-Welcome to our salon.
658
00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,585
-Only the best.
-Eddy James he starts, I finish.
659
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:26,794
Always a happy ending.
660
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:28,379
Well... [laughs]
661
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:30,590
So are we doing
anything with him?
662
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:31,674
I'm fine.
663
00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,218
-It's all about her.
-It's her today, baby.
664
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,054
-No, no, no.
-Don't.
665
00:26:37,138 --> 00:26:39,140
-Come on, not today.
-Don't even, start with it.
666
00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:40,183
Me, not today?
667
00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:42,643
You snap and look at him,
the way you just looked at him-
668
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:44,645
-No, it's really about her.
-Yeah.
669
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,023
Which is why
I'm having a co-- ex--
670
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,566
-a conversation--
-I'm sorry.
671
00:26:48,649 --> 00:26:49,650
with my husband.
672
00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:50,693
You're flirting.
673
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,905
Oh, no, I'm not, babe.
You know you're the one for me.
674
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,575
-Anyways.
-I'm sorry.
675
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,076
Yes, that's what I need.
676
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,286
And enough of that.
677
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,996
Sweetheart, listen,
let's get you started.
678
00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:03,998
Don't worry about this.
That's between him and I.
679
00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:05,374
We'll take care
of you just fine.
680
00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:08,169
You're in good hands,
magic hands. Come with me.
681
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:09,462
Do your magic.
682
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,546
You know I do.
683
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:12,715
[sighs] So...
684
00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:14,759
when the husband snaps
685
00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:17,553
I have magic to perform. So...
686
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,639
I am gonna give you a little...
687
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,015
Oh, gosh, I don't know.
688
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,183
You know what I'm gonna do?
689
00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:23,226
I'm gonna give you more waves
690
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,685
than a Hawaiian surf
competition,
691
00:27:24,769 --> 00:27:25,937
how does that sound?
692
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,940
[hair dryer whirring]
693
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,108
-Steve!
-Yo?
694
00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:32,527
What do you think?
695
00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:35,988
That's hot. Hot.
696
00:27:36,447 --> 00:27:37,657
It is hot, Steve.
697
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,158
I mean, look at her
698
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:40,576
but then look at you.
699
00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:43,204
How about I do
you next, handsome?
700
00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:44,705
OK, I'm good.
701
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,333
-Come on, Steve.
-Come on, Steve.
702
00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:48,793
Let James work his magic.
703
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:49,836
I'm good.
704
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:50,920
Steve...
705
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:52,547
I promise I won't hurt you.
706
00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:53,798
-[nervous chuckle]
-Ah!
707
00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,383
Unless you want me to...
708
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:56,676
OK.
709
00:27:58,052 --> 00:27:59,095
Is it gonna hurt?
710
00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,388
Oh, don't worry.
711
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,515
It's like giving
head to a babushka.
712
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:03,683
Hmm? OK.
713
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:05,226
One.
714
00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:06,519
Two.
715
00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:07,353
Three!
[ripping sound]
716
00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:08,020
[Edna screams]
717
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:09,146
[screams]
718
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:12,233
[fast-paced music]
[panting]
719
00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,282
He-- she deserves it.
720
00:28:19,490 --> 00:28:21,200
[music continues]
721
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:35,798
[door opens]
722
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,216
OK.
723
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,178
Last time I'm
shopping with you, pal.
724
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:42,346
Here we go.
725
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:44,640
[sighs]
726
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,517
Look, I gotta get
back to the office.
727
00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:47,602
But listen to me.
728
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:50,354
I'm meeting Molly
at the GC Marketplace.
729
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:53,191
We're gonna discuss the
contract of your third book, so
730
00:28:53,274 --> 00:28:55,401
if you care to
join us for a drink...
731
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:57,570
I'm not hitting on you.
732
00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,530
-Right...
-Eddie, look, I get it.
733
00:28:59,572 --> 00:29:01,532
You're Eddie, you're
not Edna. I get that.
734
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:02,617
-Uhuh.
-I mean...
735
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:04,619
I must have lost my mind, I mean
736
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:05,870
you think about it.
737
00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,122
The situation's
a little scary, right?
738
00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:10,791
-Yeah, you can say that again.
-OK, so...
739
00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:13,211
we talked about
this. Embrace it.
740
00:29:13,294 --> 00:29:14,295
-Uhuh.
-Maybe
741
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:15,963
see what it's like
on the other side.
742
00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,215
-OK, you're right.
-Cool.
743
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,299
And maybe...
744
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:20,426
wear the slinky black dress with
the high heels and the thong.
745
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,096
[fast-paced music]
746
00:29:33,481 --> 00:29:36,484
[men whooping]
747
00:29:36,567 --> 00:29:39,654
[upbeat music]
748
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:04,011
[music continues]
749
00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:11,519
[music slows]
750
00:30:20,236 --> 00:30:21,237
[locker opens]
751
00:30:35,084 --> 00:30:36,085
Hello.
752
00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:37,920
Hi.
753
00:30:38,713 --> 00:30:39,755
Are you new here?
754
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,675
Yeah, I'm all new.
755
00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:46,262
I've never seen you here before.
756
00:30:46,804 --> 00:30:48,806
Can you put some lotion on my
back, please?
757
00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:49,891
OK.
758
00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:53,728
Rub me really good.
759
00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:56,856
[fast-paced upbeat music]
760
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:13,289
[panting]
761
00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:18,586
-Problem with the machine?
-No, problem with these.
762
00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:21,797
-Not used to running with them.
-You just get them done?
763
00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:25,426
-Yeah, you can say that.
-Well kudos to your doctor.
764
00:31:25,510 --> 00:31:27,512
-They look totally natural.
-You think so?
765
00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:28,888
Yeah, yeah.
I mean that I’d have to feel
766
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,973
-them to know for sure.
-Excuse me?
767
00:31:31,349 --> 00:31:32,725
Yeah.
What do you say after work out,
768
00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:36,437
-we go back to my place, huh?
-Unbelievable.
769
00:31:37,438 --> 00:31:40,900
-Come on, babe.
-I have a penis!
770
00:31:40,983 --> 00:31:41,984
[fun music]
771
00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,628
[Frank] Well, so,
I end my set.
772
00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:03,589
I walked off the stage and
started looking for this
young lady.
773
00:32:03,673 --> 00:32:07,468
Well, she’s sitting at this bar,
just like you.
774
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,554
And then I walked up holding
775
00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:13,349
this panties, and I say,
"I think this belong to you."
776
00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:18,521
And she says, "Actually,"
but starts laughing though,
777
00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:22,275
"Actually, they are gift
for my grandmother."
778
00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,986
So after taking a look at
them, I realized--
779
00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:27,572
-They are granny panties.
-Yeah, big ones.
780
00:32:29,907 --> 00:32:31,284
Well anyway, you’ve got
my number.
781
00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:33,786
Alright, so give me a call.
I’ll see you, gorgeous.
782
00:32:36,414 --> 00:32:38,082
Wait a minute, aren’t you
Frank Stallone?
783
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:39,166
Sure, kid.
784
00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:42,253
-Who is that guy?
-Frank Stallone.
785
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,463
Right. I knew it.
He doesn’t remember me.
786
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,757
We had this night, I mean,
it was dark and he...
787
00:32:47,133 --> 00:32:50,720
he was... he-- he--
I'll tell you about it some
other time.
788
00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:52,013
Back to business, beautiful.
I just--
789
00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:55,558
-Not gonna happen.
-As in not gonna happen?
790
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:58,895
-Ever.
-As in never?
791
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:01,814
Ever. Ever. Ever.
792
00:33:03,316 --> 00:33:05,234
-So I guess that’s a no.
-I would rather die.
793
00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:08,571
Okay.
Get to the point next time.
794
00:33:08,863 --> 00:33:10,615
[upbeat music]
795
00:33:26,506 --> 00:33:29,884
-Holy shit!
-Hi, Molly Morrison.
796
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,220
-Edna Greenleaf.
-Greenleaf?
797
00:33:32,803 --> 00:33:35,973
-Yeah, I am Eddie’s sister.
-Oh!
798
00:33:36,974 --> 00:33:39,560
-Nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you.
799
00:33:39,644 --> 00:33:43,231
She is great, great, great.
What the fuck did you do?
800
00:33:44,398 --> 00:33:46,025
What happened sweetheart?
Just a little...
801
00:33:46,108 --> 00:33:47,485
I had a little bit trouble,
you know?
802
00:33:47,527 --> 00:33:50,238
-A little bit?
-Don’t wear makeup much?
803
00:33:50,738 --> 00:33:54,325
It’s my first time.
I mean, me and Eddie,
804
00:33:54,617 --> 00:33:57,036
-we are from Amish country.
-More like clownish country.
805
00:33:57,995 --> 00:34:00,331
-Again.
-Interesting.
806
00:34:00,414 --> 00:34:03,876
No. Hey, look.
What is interesting, ladies.
807
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,711
We don’t care about you.
Go this way.
808
00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,922
Okay, umm...
what are we doing?
809
00:34:10,174 --> 00:34:13,135
You ever heard of Van...
D... Gogh.
810
00:34:14,595 --> 00:34:16,472
He’s got no ears!
What do you know.
811
00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:19,559
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Hey dreamboat.
812
00:34:21,352 --> 00:34:23,187
NO, not you, shipwreck.
I was taking to...
813
00:34:23,271 --> 00:34:24,272
[music continues]
814
00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,786
-What took you guys so long?
-Rome wasn’t built a day.
815
00:34:38,911 --> 00:34:40,872
What the fuck does that have
to do with anything?
816
00:34:41,873 --> 00:34:45,459
Rome. I like that show.
I watch that show.
817
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,128
Drink?
Let me get the drink.
818
00:34:52,925 --> 00:34:56,053
Hey, isn’t that chick
from homeless shelter.
819
00:34:56,637 --> 00:34:59,765
-Jess something.
-Yeah. I think so.
820
00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,478
-I wonder why she is here alone.
-Who cares?
821
00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:07,899
-I think I am gonna go say hi.
-Wh-- why?
822
00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:12,695
-To be polite.
-You? I mean, yeah.
823
00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:15,698
Go ahead.
And I am outta here, ok?
824
00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:17,408
-Sounds good.
-Yeah, me too.
825
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:21,204
Wait a minute.
How would you like a ride?
826
00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,955
-I think I am going right--
-No.
827
00:35:24,415 --> 00:35:26,334
Okay. How about you give me a
ride home
828
00:35:26,417 --> 00:35:30,046
-because I don’t have a car.
-No.
829
00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:35,343
You know,
I saw this article today.
830
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:38,387
-[Edna] Hi.
-Hi.
831
00:35:38,846 --> 00:35:39,972
[Edna] Do you mind
if I join you?
832
00:35:41,057 --> 00:35:42,600
-Do we know each other?
-Yeah, we met at
833
00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:44,727
the homeless shelter.
I was looking for that
834
00:35:44,810 --> 00:35:47,813
-homeless woman took my ID.
-Oh, that’s right.
835
00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:52,652
-Your name was... Edna.
-Yeah, Edna.
836
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:55,738
-Sure, have a seat.
-Thanks.
837
00:35:56,948 --> 00:35:58,407
-It’s Jess, right?
-Yup.
838
00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:00,785
So you here alone?
839
00:36:02,161 --> 00:36:04,080
-No.
-Alright.
840
00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:09,001
-You want some?
-I’m good, thanks.
841
00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:12,338
So did you ever find that
woman you were looking for?
842
00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:15,508
-Not yet.
-You got...
843
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,428
-What?
-You got something here.
844
00:36:21,138 --> 00:36:24,267
-Thank you.
-There. All gone.
845
00:36:29,897 --> 00:36:31,440
-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah. Sure.
846
00:36:32,441 --> 00:36:34,861
-Are you hitting on me?
-I am sorry.
847
00:36:35,403 --> 00:36:38,447
I mean, I am flattered and all.
But...
848
00:36:39,115 --> 00:36:41,284
-I am straight.
-Yeah, so am I.
849
00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:45,288
Oh. Oh my gosh.
I am so sorry.
850
00:36:45,663 --> 00:36:47,957
No, it’s fine.
Don’t worry about it.
851
00:36:48,291 --> 00:36:50,376
Well, in fact,
it’s been a while since...
852
00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:52,378
-since anyone hit on me.
-Really?
853
00:36:52,962 --> 00:36:54,338
It’s hard to believe.
854
00:36:56,465 --> 00:36:58,593
Ok. It’s all about confidence.
855
00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,678
You have to believe you are
the most attractive,
856
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:04,098
-desirable person in the room.
-Yeah, that’s not me.
857
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:08,394
Okay, well, there’s always
liquid confidence.
858
00:37:09,937 --> 00:37:11,439
-Liquid confidence?
-Mhm.
859
00:37:13,691 --> 00:37:14,567
Thank you.
860
00:37:18,529 --> 00:37:19,530
[fun music]
861
00:37:33,127 --> 00:37:34,879
Ok, Jess.
Do you see that guy
862
00:37:34,921 --> 00:37:35,922
over there at the bar?
863
00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,093
I want you to go over
and talk to him.
864
00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:46,307
Nope.
No way.
865
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:47,934
Come on.
What is the worst that’s
866
00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:48,976
gonna happen?
867
00:37:49,477 --> 00:37:53,856
I’ll try to flirt, and he'll
laugh so hard that he...
868
00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:57,276
he falls off his chair,
bangs his head,
869
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,445
and he is in coma.
870
00:38:00,988 --> 00:38:03,658
Wow, you’ve got quite
an imagination.
871
00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:07,537
-I'm just saying, I can’t.
-Come on, Jess.
872
00:38:07,954 --> 00:38:08,955
Come on.
873
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,337
You are a smart,
confident woman.
874
00:38:16,379 --> 00:38:19,382
That guy, he would be so lucky
to date you.
875
00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:23,511
I'm a smart, confident woman...
876
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,722
-Ok.
-Ok. Wait.
877
00:38:27,807 --> 00:38:29,100
Do you need those glasses?
878
00:38:30,601 --> 00:38:33,646
-Only to see.
-OK. That’s fine.
879
00:38:34,605 --> 00:38:36,148
-Okay.
-You look great.
880
00:38:41,487 --> 00:38:42,488
[growls]
881
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:44,740
[music continues]
882
00:38:54,542 --> 00:38:56,544
-Hi.
-Hey.
883
00:38:58,462 --> 00:38:59,547
Watching the game?
884
00:39:00,089 --> 00:39:01,757
Yeah, I am watching the game.
885
00:39:04,302 --> 00:39:06,137
-I’m Jess.
-Dylan.
886
00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:11,684
So, Dylan, you come here often?
887
00:39:13,060 --> 00:39:16,606
Look. I bet you are really
nice person,
888
00:39:16,898 --> 00:39:20,109
but I have girlfriend, and I’m
a little bit busy right now.
889
00:39:20,276 --> 00:39:23,696
-So I am sorry.
-I am really sorry.
890
00:39:25,198 --> 00:39:28,492
Friggin’ Dodgers.
Biggest payroll in baseball
891
00:39:28,534 --> 00:39:30,161
and they're playing like minor
leaguers.
892
00:39:30,453 --> 00:39:31,704
Tell me about it.
I know.
893
00:39:32,496 --> 00:39:33,915
I bet you can hit better
than Bradley.
894
00:39:34,665 --> 00:39:38,336
-And look better doing it.
-Dylan.
895
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,922
-Edna.
-Edna, can I buy you a drink?
896
00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:42,924
-Yeah, sure.
-What would you like to have?
897
00:39:44,634 --> 00:39:47,470
Dirty martini.
Extra dirty.
898
00:39:48,638 --> 00:39:53,518
Papa, can I get a dirty martini.
Extra dirty, please.
899
00:39:54,393 --> 00:39:56,312
So, Edna, how come I’ve never
seen you?
900
00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:59,899
-It’s me first time in here.
-I guess this is my lucky day.
901
00:40:00,316 --> 00:40:01,609
I guess it’s mine too.
902
00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:03,569
Thank you.
903
00:40:05,530 --> 00:40:07,740
-Can I ask you a question?
-Sure. Shoot.
904
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,078
-Are you single?
-As matter of fact, I am.
905
00:40:12,703 --> 00:40:13,704
I see.
906
00:40:16,290 --> 00:40:17,291
[drink splatters]
907
00:40:18,501 --> 00:40:20,169
-What the hell?
-Come on, Jess.
908
00:40:20,253 --> 00:40:22,463
We are going.
He is a right wanker anyway.
909
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:24,841
[laughing]
910
00:40:30,304 --> 00:40:32,849
-That was awesome.
-It really was.
911
00:40:33,057 --> 00:40:34,433
You shot that guy down.
912
00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,478
Down to the ground.
913
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:38,521
[Jess snorts]
914
00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:41,440
-You just snorted.
-Oh, I am sorry.
915
00:40:41,732 --> 00:40:43,484
Come on.
It’s really cute.
916
00:40:43,693 --> 00:40:47,405
-Why are hot guys like that?
-What do you mean?
917
00:40:47,905 --> 00:40:51,367
-You know like-- ow!
-I am sorry, Jess.
918
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:55,121
-Like superficial dirt bags.
-I know, right.
919
00:40:55,913 --> 00:40:59,876
-Why do you think that is?
-I-- I don’t know.
920
00:41:00,209 --> 00:41:02,461
-I mean, men right?
-Men.
921
00:41:02,962 --> 00:41:05,923
Do you want me to give you
a ride back to mine?
922
00:41:08,384 --> 00:41:09,468
Jess, are you ok?
923
00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:12,847
You all right?
924
00:41:13,389 --> 00:41:14,390
[heaving]
925
00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:20,021
Look. It’s cheese fries.
[chuckling]
926
00:41:20,396 --> 00:41:21,981
I mean, are you all right?
927
00:41:23,065 --> 00:41:24,317
I’m going to take you back
to mine.
928
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:25,401
[upbeat music]
929
00:42:11,739 --> 00:42:13,074
Welcome to adult warehouse.
930
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,201
[together] The paradise
for sexually-active adults.
931
00:42:15,743 --> 00:42:18,663
Um, hi.
I was kinda, you know,
932
00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:20,790
wandering outside, and thought
I’d come in have a look.
933
00:42:20,873 --> 00:42:22,166
Don’t worry,
nothing in here bites.
934
00:42:22,250 --> 00:42:25,253
-Unless you want it to.
-Good one.
935
00:42:25,545 --> 00:42:27,421
-Do you have any questions?
-We are here to serve you.
936
00:42:27,505 --> 00:42:29,715
Yeah.
You guys have anything
937
00:42:29,757 --> 00:42:31,759
you recommend if you wanna,
you know.
938
00:42:31,884 --> 00:42:35,680
-Get your Amelia Earhart on?
-I’m sorry?
939
00:42:36,097 --> 00:42:38,933
She means fly solo.
Yeah, yeah, that.
940
00:42:39,141 --> 00:42:40,768
-Wonderful.
-Right this way.
941
00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:50,278
This is where you’ll find your
beaver buzzers,
942
00:42:50,319 --> 00:42:52,572
magic wands, pussy plungers,
hamburger helpers
943
00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:53,781
and wacky wobblers.
944
00:42:54,115 --> 00:42:56,325
Personally, I like
the butterfly.
945
00:42:56,701 --> 00:42:58,202
It really makes me squirt!
946
00:42:58,244 --> 00:42:59,954
And I like the butterfly too.
947
00:43:00,037 --> 00:43:01,873
You can even get
one with a butt plug.
948
00:43:01,956 --> 00:43:04,125
It makes you wonder
why you put up with
guys and all their games.
949
00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:05,209
It really does.
950
00:43:07,962 --> 00:43:08,963
Hey!
951
00:43:09,797 --> 00:43:12,216
That blow-up doll is
for display purposes only!
952
00:43:12,341 --> 00:43:14,135
Yeah, we're talking to you, pal!
953
00:43:15,636 --> 00:43:16,637
[both sigh]
954
00:43:16,929 --> 00:43:18,764
[together] School principals.
955
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,226
Well... have fun.
956
00:43:22,393 --> 00:43:24,020
Find us if you have
any more questions.
957
00:43:24,228 --> 00:43:27,315
[upbeat music]
958
00:43:28,191 --> 00:43:29,442
Holy shit!
959
00:43:29,483 --> 00:43:32,570
[music continues]
960
00:43:40,161 --> 00:43:43,164
[clattering]
961
00:43:47,335 --> 00:43:48,836
[chuckles]
Need some help?
962
00:43:49,045 --> 00:43:50,046
Yeah, thanks.
963
00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:51,964
[grunts]
[Edna chuckles]
964
00:43:52,590 --> 00:43:53,591
Never been here before.
965
00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:56,344
Well, I think
they have a, a policy.
966
00:43:56,427 --> 00:43:58,221
You knock it to
the floor, you bought it.
967
00:43:58,429 --> 00:44:00,097
Well, I guess I'll have
to throw a party, then.
968
00:44:00,139 --> 00:44:01,307
[chuckles]
I'm Matt.
969
00:44:02,099 --> 00:44:03,726
-Edna.
-I'm here to...
970
00:44:04,185 --> 00:44:05,561
find a gag gift for my...
971
00:44:06,062 --> 00:44:07,313
my buddy's bachelor party.
972
00:44:07,605 --> 00:44:09,106
Wow, if you're
looking to gag someone
973
00:44:09,232 --> 00:44:10,274
I think this might do the trick.
974
00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:11,817
Wow.
975
00:44:11,859 --> 00:44:13,110
Think they
modeled that on someone?
976
00:44:13,194 --> 00:44:14,820
[laughs]
Yeah. Sea Biscuit.
977
00:44:15,696 --> 00:44:17,782
[laughs]
978
00:44:17,865 --> 00:44:19,283
A girl who knows her horses.
979
00:44:19,325 --> 00:44:20,785
That's really unusual.
980
00:44:20,868 --> 00:44:21,869
Yeah.
981
00:44:22,203 --> 00:44:23,871
-I'm pretty unusual.
-Really?
982
00:44:24,956 --> 00:44:27,583
OK, I... I know this might
seem forward and all, but...
983
00:44:27,959 --> 00:44:30,294
what would you think
about meeting me for
a cup of coffee some time?
984
00:44:31,587 --> 00:44:33,506
Now, you don't
have to decide right now.
985
00:44:34,257 --> 00:44:35,216
Here's my card.
986
00:44:35,758 --> 00:44:36,759
You get thirsty,
987
00:44:36,843 --> 00:44:37,802
you give me a call.
988
00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:38,886
All right.
989
00:44:40,096 --> 00:44:42,181
And, it doesn't have
to be coffee. It could be tea.
990
00:44:43,432 --> 00:44:44,809
Whatever you like. It's on me.
991
00:44:45,351 --> 00:44:48,437
[music continues]
992
00:44:50,231 --> 00:44:51,983
I think I'm gonna
fix him up with Jess.
993
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:53,401
Uhuh.
994
00:44:54,485 --> 00:44:56,153
-An investment banker.
-Uhuh.
995
00:44:56,195 --> 00:44:58,114
-Not bad.
-He's pretty good looking, too.
996
00:44:59,323 --> 00:45:00,950
OK. Is that
Eddie or Edna talking?
997
00:45:01,033 --> 00:45:02,410
-Umm...
-I'm just saying.
998
00:45:02,660 --> 00:45:03,953
[chuckles]
999
00:45:04,370 --> 00:45:05,746
So, uhh... wow.
1000
00:45:06,622 --> 00:45:07,707
Where'd you meet him?
1001
00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:09,959
Where?
1002
00:45:10,376 --> 00:45:12,253
Yeah, where?
What is it, a secret?
1003
00:45:12,378 --> 00:45:13,546
[chuckles]
Nope.
1004
00:45:15,464 --> 00:45:16,465
So where'd you meet him?
1005
00:45:16,549 --> 00:45:17,550
[Edna sighs]
1006
00:45:20,052 --> 00:45:21,387
Adult Warehouse.
1007
00:45:21,596 --> 00:45:24,307
I mean, I had to get out of here
before I wore out my nipples.
1008
00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:26,100
Oh, really? Yeah,
I get that. The question is
1009
00:45:26,350 --> 00:45:27,685
did you buy anything...
1010
00:45:29,020 --> 00:45:30,021
What?
1011
00:45:30,229 --> 00:45:31,606
-I mean...
-Eddie!
1012
00:45:32,148 --> 00:45:33,983
I mean, really?
I said embrace it, but...
1013
00:45:34,483 --> 00:45:36,152
-I just...
-This, this will kill you.
1014
00:45:36,736 --> 00:45:39,030
I thought it might be useful
for my third book, you know?
1015
00:45:39,322 --> 00:45:41,032
Third book?
Third and final book.
1016
00:45:41,073 --> 00:45:42,325
What are you
doing to yourself here?
1017
00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:43,618
My god.
1018
00:45:43,701 --> 00:45:44,702
-Yeah...
-I mean...
1019
00:45:45,119 --> 00:45:46,162
you embraced it.
1020
00:45:47,455 --> 00:45:49,207
OK, I just gotta tell you.
1021
00:45:49,248 --> 00:45:51,250
This, the whole
thing, I'm not feeling
1022
00:45:51,792 --> 00:45:53,169
too good about, this.
1023
00:45:53,211 --> 00:45:55,463
Well, I just wanted to
test my female parts, you know?
1024
00:45:56,005 --> 00:45:57,006
I'm out of here, pal.
1025
00:45:57,048 --> 00:45:58,216
You've got your
own-- you're home now.
1026
00:45:58,883 --> 00:45:59,967
That's just too much.
1027
00:46:00,051 --> 00:46:03,095
[drum music]
1028
00:46:08,726 --> 00:46:10,811
[buzzing]
1029
00:46:12,146 --> 00:46:14,649
Don't worry, OK? We'll find a
place for you to sleep tonight.
1030
00:46:14,899 --> 00:46:17,026
Even if you have to
come home and stay at mine.
1031
00:46:17,276 --> 00:46:18,319
-OK?
-OK.
1032
00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:19,820
[laughs]
So sweet.
1033
00:46:20,738 --> 00:46:22,281
-Edna. Hi.
-Hi, Jess.
1034
00:46:22,323 --> 00:46:23,991
Why don't you go
wait by there? OK, then?
1035
00:46:24,742 --> 00:46:26,994
Just stopping by,
cause I found you a date.
1036
00:46:27,578 --> 00:46:28,579
You did?
1037
00:46:28,913 --> 00:46:32,124
He's nice-looking,
successful, good sense of humor.
1038
00:46:32,208 --> 00:46:33,209
What do you think?
1039
00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:34,585
I don't know...
1040
00:46:34,669 --> 00:46:37,505
Oh, come on, Jess, you asked
me to introduce you to someone.
1041
00:46:37,797 --> 00:46:38,798
I know.
1042
00:46:39,215 --> 00:46:40,258
So, what's the problem?
1043
00:46:40,591 --> 00:46:41,592
It's just...
1044
00:46:41,717 --> 00:46:44,220
I don't think I can take any
more rejection right now, OK?
1045
00:46:44,554 --> 00:46:47,640
[soft music]
1046
00:46:51,269 --> 00:46:53,980
There are a few things we could
do to improve your chances.
1047
00:46:54,856 --> 00:46:55,898
What do you mean?
1048
00:46:56,190 --> 00:46:57,191
Do you trust me?
1049
00:46:58,818 --> 00:46:59,819
Yes...
1050
00:47:00,152 --> 00:47:01,612
[fast-paced music]
Sweetheart, listen.
1051
00:47:03,114 --> 00:47:04,699
When I get done with you...
1052
00:47:05,283 --> 00:47:06,701
you are going to attract
1053
00:47:06,826 --> 00:47:09,203
more men, than
pre-menopausal Madonna.
1054
00:47:09,579 --> 00:47:11,664
-Oh, you really think so?
-I know so.
1055
00:47:11,998 --> 00:47:12,999
You see these hands?
1056
00:47:14,709 --> 00:47:16,419
These are magical hands.
1057
00:47:16,502 --> 00:47:19,505
And they should be
registered with the
Magicians' Guild of America.
1058
00:47:19,672 --> 00:47:21,215
Trust me, Jess, he's the best.
1059
00:47:21,382 --> 00:47:22,717
That's what he said.
1060
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,801
[Jess chuckles]
1061
00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:24,844
Uhuh.
[snaps fingers]
1062
00:47:26,888 --> 00:47:27,889
[upbeat piano music]
1063
00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:29,724
OK, here I come.
1064
00:47:29,765 --> 00:47:32,810
[music continues]
1065
00:47:35,188 --> 00:47:36,189
Wow.
1066
00:47:36,689 --> 00:47:39,734
You've become beautiful moth.
1067
00:47:39,942 --> 00:47:41,152
Don't you mean, butterfly?
1068
00:47:41,485 --> 00:47:42,486
Whatever.
1069
00:47:43,696 --> 00:47:45,990
Are you sure it's not
a little, too revealing?
1070
00:47:46,115 --> 00:47:47,241
No, no.
1071
00:47:47,783 --> 00:47:50,077
It's the, uhh,
perfect amount of revealing.
1072
00:47:50,745 --> 00:47:53,164
Now you are ready,
become trophy wife.
1073
00:47:53,247 --> 00:47:55,541
Oh, that's not my goal.
1074
00:47:57,293 --> 00:47:58,878
All you have to
do is be yourself.
1075
00:47:59,420 --> 00:48:01,172
I mean, there's a lot to like.
1076
00:48:01,839 --> 00:48:02,840
You think so?
1077
00:48:03,466 --> 00:48:04,717
More than you know.
1078
00:48:04,884 --> 00:48:06,052
[music continues]
1079
00:48:06,427 --> 00:48:07,428
Can I ask you something?
1080
00:48:08,304 --> 00:48:09,972
-Sure.
-How come...
1081
00:48:10,515 --> 00:48:12,225
you haven't tried to
fix me up with your brother?
1082
00:48:12,975 --> 00:48:14,310
-With Eddie?
-Uhuh.
1083
00:48:14,644 --> 00:48:15,645
Umm...
1084
00:48:15,811 --> 00:48:16,812
Uhh...
1085
00:48:17,772 --> 00:48:19,398
Because I don't know
when he's coming back.
1086
00:48:19,649 --> 00:48:20,650
Where did he go?
1087
00:48:21,067 --> 00:48:22,068
Eddie...
1088
00:48:22,151 --> 00:48:23,152
went to prison.
1089
00:48:23,236 --> 00:48:25,988
[music continues]
1090
00:48:26,030 --> 00:48:27,949
[laughs]
[snorts]
1091
00:48:28,074 --> 00:48:29,075
Shut up.
1092
00:48:29,367 --> 00:48:31,744
[music continues]
1093
00:48:32,161 --> 00:48:33,162
Oh my gosh.
1094
00:48:33,913 --> 00:48:34,914
I'm so sorry.
1095
00:48:35,248 --> 00:48:36,249
It's OK.
1096
00:48:36,582 --> 00:48:38,084
It must be really
hard on your family.
1097
00:48:38,292 --> 00:48:39,502
Yeah, it is.
1098
00:48:41,254 --> 00:48:42,463
Can I ask what he did?
1099
00:48:44,423 --> 00:48:45,466
Eddie's a fraud.
1100
00:48:46,467 --> 00:48:48,469
I mean like,
he committed a fraud.
1101
00:48:49,136 --> 00:48:50,513
Wow. Really?
1102
00:48:51,347 --> 00:48:54,350
[music continues]
1103
00:48:55,643 --> 00:48:57,520
-Crazy white people.
-Tell me about it.
1104
00:48:58,187 --> 00:48:59,480
I think this one is a lesbian.
1105
00:48:59,647 --> 00:49:00,648
Really?
1106
00:49:00,898 --> 00:49:02,149
Strange vibe.
1107
00:49:02,567 --> 00:49:05,069
Maybe you should fix
her up with your cousin.
1108
00:49:05,194 --> 00:49:07,655
She doesn't like white chicks.
1109
00:49:07,697 --> 00:49:10,783
[both laugh]
1110
00:49:18,666 --> 00:49:21,169
I'm thinking of taking Eddie's
place in the fashion show.
1111
00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:23,588
It's for a good cause, right?
1112
00:49:24,839 --> 00:49:26,632
No, I was out with Jess.
1113
00:49:27,216 --> 00:49:28,676
We went and got pedicures.
1114
00:49:29,552 --> 00:49:31,637
My feet have
never looked so good.
1115
00:49:32,889 --> 00:49:33,890
What?
1116
00:49:34,182 --> 00:49:36,684
I am not sending you
a picture of my feet.
1117
00:49:37,268 --> 00:49:38,436
Goodbye, Steve!
1118
00:49:40,980 --> 00:49:41,981
I mean
1119
00:49:42,023 --> 00:49:43,482
what's the big
deal with this thing?
1120
00:49:43,858 --> 00:49:46,611
[upbeat music]
1121
00:49:47,153 --> 00:49:48,154
Damn.
1122
00:49:49,238 --> 00:49:52,241
[buzzing]
[music continues]
1123
00:49:56,954 --> 00:49:58,873
OK, remember.
If you and Matt hit it off
1124
00:49:58,956 --> 00:50:01,459
just say the code word and
I'll make an excuse to leave.
1125
00:50:01,834 --> 00:50:02,835
Bananas. Hmm?
1126
00:50:03,419 --> 00:50:04,504
All right, we're here.
1127
00:50:05,087 --> 00:50:08,090
[sophisticated music]
1128
00:50:08,341 --> 00:50:09,342
-Hi.
-Hi.
1129
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,344
I hope you don't mind, I...
1130
00:50:11,677 --> 00:50:12,762
brought along a friend.
1131
00:50:12,929 --> 00:50:13,930
This is Jess.
1132
00:50:14,514 --> 00:50:16,182
-This is Matt.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
1133
00:50:16,224 --> 00:50:17,225
Nice to meet you.
1134
00:50:17,558 --> 00:50:19,101
So, what would
you guys like to drink?
1135
00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:20,770
No, no, no. Let me get this.
1136
00:50:20,811 --> 00:50:22,897
No, no. You guys chat
and get to know each other.
1137
00:50:22,980 --> 00:50:23,981
I'll go get the drinks.
1138
00:50:24,690 --> 00:50:26,317
-OK.
-A cappuccino.
1139
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:27,401
Cool.
1140
00:50:27,777 --> 00:50:30,780
[music continues]
1141
00:50:36,869 --> 00:50:38,037
-Here you go.
-[indistinct]
1142
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,123
[music continues]
1143
00:50:41,916 --> 00:50:44,544
-What can I get started for you?
-Uhh, two cappuccinos, please.
1144
00:50:46,838 --> 00:50:47,839
Here you go. Hey.
1145
00:50:48,464 --> 00:50:49,465
That's for you.
1146
00:50:51,217 --> 00:50:52,218
[chuckles]
1147
00:50:52,343 --> 00:50:55,847
You gotta get those
young ladies used to
getting flowers, you know?
1148
00:50:55,972 --> 00:50:57,890
That's true, that's true.
1149
00:50:57,974 --> 00:50:59,892
It's not gonna be
the last time, hopefully.
1150
00:51:00,852 --> 00:51:01,894
Hopefully not.
1151
00:51:02,311 --> 00:51:03,312
Can I get your name?
1152
00:51:03,729 --> 00:51:04,730
And your number?
1153
00:51:06,524 --> 00:51:08,401
What? What do
you need my number for?
1154
00:51:08,776 --> 00:51:09,777
So I can call you later.
1155
00:51:10,319 --> 00:51:11,320
OK, look.
1156
00:51:11,821 --> 00:51:12,822
I'm a dude.
1157
00:51:13,698 --> 00:51:14,699
You're a dude.
1158
00:51:14,991 --> 00:51:15,992
Yeah, that's right.
1159
00:51:16,826 --> 00:51:18,160
What're you playing?
Hide the banana?
1160
00:51:18,244 --> 00:51:19,287
Yeah, something like that.
1161
00:51:20,288 --> 00:51:21,289
You could've
just said no, thanks.
1162
00:51:22,957 --> 00:51:24,208
You're a fine-ass dude, though.
1163
00:51:25,042 --> 00:51:28,087
[music continues]
1164
00:51:31,465 --> 00:51:33,467
-There you go.
-Oh, thank you.
1165
00:51:33,551 --> 00:51:34,552
Cappuccino.
1166
00:51:36,345 --> 00:51:38,890
Did you know that
Matt volunteers at
a homeless shelter?
1167
00:51:38,931 --> 00:51:40,975
-No.
-Yeah, it's no big deal. I...
1168
00:51:41,392 --> 00:51:43,769
I was raised by a family
who believe in giving back.
1169
00:51:44,270 --> 00:51:45,271
Oh.
1170
00:51:45,646 --> 00:51:48,024
Actually, he's gonna volunteer
at my shelter this weekend.
1171
00:51:48,482 --> 00:51:49,483
Really?
1172
00:51:49,525 --> 00:51:52,236
Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part
no matter which shelter I'm at.
1173
00:51:52,445 --> 00:51:53,446
OK.
1174
00:51:53,738 --> 00:51:55,823
So at what shelter
do you normally volunteer at?
1175
00:51:56,032 --> 00:51:57,491
Uhh, you...
1176
00:51:57,867 --> 00:52:00,036
probably wouldn't know.
It's on the other side of town.
1177
00:52:00,244 --> 00:52:01,245
Actually...
1178
00:52:01,454 --> 00:52:03,456
I know pretty much
every shelter in town.
1179
00:52:03,539 --> 00:52:05,416
-Right.
-[both chuckle]
1180
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:06,501
Go on, give me a try.
1181
00:52:07,084 --> 00:52:08,085
Uhh...
1182
00:52:08,628 --> 00:52:10,004
OK, umm...
1183
00:52:10,379 --> 00:52:11,714
Well, it's... umm...
1184
00:52:12,882 --> 00:52:13,883
it's on...
1185
00:52:14,342 --> 00:52:17,136
Edna, did you
happen to see if the, umm...
1186
00:52:17,595 --> 00:52:18,763
if they have any bananas?
1187
00:52:19,096 --> 00:52:20,097
I'm sorry?
1188
00:52:20,473 --> 00:52:22,183
You know, bananas.
1189
00:52:22,808 --> 00:52:24,268
My banana's gone AWOL.
1190
00:52:25,311 --> 00:52:26,312
What?
1191
00:52:26,687 --> 00:52:28,814
[music continues]
1192
00:52:29,315 --> 00:52:30,399
I mean, our bananas.
1193
00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:32,610
They don't have any bananas.
1194
00:52:33,486 --> 00:52:34,487
Oh...
1195
00:52:34,529 --> 00:52:37,823
Uhh, I'd be happy to
split my cup cake with you.
1196
00:52:38,533 --> 00:52:40,493
-Oh god.
-Thank you, that's so sweet.
1197
00:52:40,826 --> 00:52:42,537
You know, I'm
gonna really have to go.
1198
00:52:42,870 --> 00:52:44,455
I've got something really
important to take care of.
1199
00:52:44,872 --> 00:52:46,082
-Oh, really?
-Uhuh.
1200
00:52:46,249 --> 00:52:47,291
Yeah, but you guys,
1201
00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,001
you guys have fun.
Get to know each other.
1202
00:52:50,378 --> 00:52:51,379
Is that OK with you, Jess?
1203
00:52:51,462 --> 00:52:52,463
I'd like that.
1204
00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:53,923
Great.
1205
00:52:55,049 --> 00:52:56,050
See ya.
1206
00:52:56,175 --> 00:52:57,176
Yeah.
1207
00:52:59,178 --> 00:53:00,179
So...
1208
00:53:00,763 --> 00:53:01,889
tell me a little about yourself.
1209
00:53:02,098 --> 00:53:03,766
Well, umm, as you know I work...
1210
00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:06,310
-You're jealous.
-No, I'm not.
1211
00:53:06,394 --> 00:53:07,395
Bullshit.
1212
00:53:07,687 --> 00:53:09,689
Look, I'm just
a little worried about her.
1213
00:53:10,022 --> 00:53:11,774
Why? You're the one
who set them up, right?
1214
00:53:12,108 --> 00:53:13,317
I thought it'd be different.
1215
00:53:13,818 --> 00:53:16,153
Different? Why? What
do you mean? Like what?
1216
00:53:16,654 --> 00:53:18,072
Different than us.
1217
00:53:18,281 --> 00:53:19,282
What?
1218
00:53:19,949 --> 00:53:22,368
Look. Maybe it's my
female hormones talking, but...
1219
00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:25,997
the idea of tricking
women to get them
into bed, it just seems...
1220
00:53:26,998 --> 00:53:27,999
wrong.
1221
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:29,125
Is there any other way?
1222
00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:30,376
[groans]
1223
00:53:30,626 --> 00:53:32,587
Besides, you're the one
who wrote the how-to manual.
1224
00:53:32,670 --> 00:53:34,505
-I know.
-Actually, two manuals
1225
00:53:34,714 --> 00:53:36,799
-the blog, the article--
-I said I know.
1226
00:53:37,592 --> 00:53:39,177
-Touchy.
-Hey, you're the one who told me
1227
00:53:39,218 --> 00:53:41,804
I should start looking at stuff
from a female's perspective.
1228
00:53:43,014 --> 00:53:44,140
Damn, I did, didn't I?
1229
00:53:44,515 --> 00:53:47,643
Umm, I'm just starting
to realize there's more
to life than one-night stands.
1230
00:53:47,727 --> 00:53:48,728
Is there?
1231
00:53:49,562 --> 00:53:52,648
I mean, haven't you ever thought
about being in a relationship?
1232
00:53:53,232 --> 00:53:54,525
You know, like getting married?
1233
00:53:55,484 --> 00:53:56,986
Dude, that's messed up.
1234
00:53:57,236 --> 00:53:58,237
Is it?
1235
00:53:58,279 --> 00:53:59,572
I mean, come on, Eddie.
1236
00:54:00,406 --> 00:54:03,075
Please, you're
starting to sound like
an old woman, or an old man
1237
00:54:03,242 --> 00:54:05,536
or, whatever it is that you are.
1238
00:54:06,579 --> 00:54:08,623
-OK, maybe you're right.
-No, I am right.
1239
00:54:09,540 --> 00:54:10,541
It's just...
1240
00:54:10,791 --> 00:54:13,503
you know, Jess,
she's different to
the other girls I've been with.
1241
00:54:15,046 --> 00:54:16,339
What is that
supposed to mean, Eddie?
1242
00:54:16,506 --> 00:54:19,050
She's kind, she's
smart, she's vulnerable.
1243
00:54:19,217 --> 00:54:22,261
And when she laughs,
she does like, you know,
this sort of snort thing.
1244
00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:23,846
It's really cute.
1245
00:54:24,639 --> 00:54:25,640
Oh shit!
1246
00:54:26,390 --> 00:54:27,433
You're falling for her.
1247
00:54:27,558 --> 00:54:28,809
-That's crazy.
-Is it?
1248
00:54:29,268 --> 00:54:31,354
-Hey, we're up next!
-You know I'm right.
1249
00:54:31,521 --> 00:54:32,980
-Yeah?
-I know you're an idiot.
1250
00:54:33,105 --> 00:54:35,024
Yeah, I'm an idiot, but
you're in love with Jess.
1251
00:54:35,191 --> 00:54:36,984
[singing] You're
in love with Jess.
1252
00:54:37,151 --> 00:54:38,653
[singing] You're in love with--
[groans]
1253
00:54:39,070 --> 00:54:40,071
[loud thud]
1254
00:54:43,241 --> 00:54:44,325
You're an idiot.
1255
00:54:44,867 --> 00:54:47,870
[upbeat music]
1256
00:54:49,288 --> 00:54:50,289
[door opens]
1257
00:54:51,499 --> 00:54:52,500
-Hi.
-Hi.
1258
00:54:52,583 --> 00:54:54,001
I was just
actually running a bath.
1259
00:54:54,377 --> 00:54:56,003
Oh. I can go and come back.
1260
00:54:56,087 --> 00:54:57,213
Don't be silly, come on in.
1261
00:54:57,380 --> 00:54:59,257
I can pour you some wine,
we can talk while I soak.
1262
00:54:59,507 --> 00:55:00,716
Oh.
[door closes]
1263
00:55:00,758 --> 00:55:01,843
Something wrong?
1264
00:55:01,926 --> 00:55:02,927
Uh, no.
1265
00:55:03,177 --> 00:55:04,345
Good. So, red or white?
1266
00:55:04,470 --> 00:55:06,138
Uhh, red. Red would be great.
1267
00:55:06,222 --> 00:55:07,223
Red it is.
1268
00:55:07,932 --> 00:55:09,141
This is my kitchen.
1269
00:55:09,225 --> 00:55:10,810
Oh, very nice. I like it.
1270
00:55:10,852 --> 00:55:12,061
Sorry, it's a
little bit of a mess.
1271
00:55:12,144 --> 00:55:13,145
No, no.
1272
00:55:13,938 --> 00:55:15,815
Oh, this is all that's left.
1273
00:55:19,861 --> 00:55:20,862
Oh.
1274
00:55:21,153 --> 00:55:22,154
Thirsty?
1275
00:55:22,864 --> 00:55:23,865
Yeah.
1276
00:55:24,657 --> 00:55:25,741
All right, then.
1277
00:55:26,325 --> 00:55:27,326
Follow me.
1278
00:55:27,577 --> 00:55:30,663
[sophisticated music]
1279
00:55:31,998 --> 00:55:33,165
[door closes]
Have a seat right there.
1280
00:55:34,542 --> 00:55:35,751
I'd invite you
to join me, but...
1281
00:55:35,835 --> 00:55:38,838
[laughing hysterically]
1282
00:55:40,006 --> 00:55:41,215
Are you all right, Edna?
1283
00:55:42,383 --> 00:55:43,384
What?
1284
00:55:44,343 --> 00:55:45,344
I'm good.
1285
00:55:45,928 --> 00:55:46,929
OK.
1286
00:55:46,971 --> 00:55:50,016
[music continues]
1287
00:55:51,434 --> 00:55:53,060
So, you said you wanted to talk?
1288
00:55:53,561 --> 00:55:56,981
Yeah, yeah, I'm just
kind of curious about
how things with you and Matt go.
1289
00:55:57,231 --> 00:55:58,232
Really well.
1290
00:55:58,357 --> 00:55:59,859
We've been talking
every day on the phone.
1291
00:55:59,942 --> 00:56:01,152
Oh, so you're
gonna see him again?
1292
00:56:01,569 --> 00:56:03,487
Tomorrow, when he
volunteers at the shelter.
1293
00:56:03,821 --> 00:56:04,822
Right.
1294
00:56:05,114 --> 00:56:07,450
You know,
he seems like a great guy.
1295
00:56:08,326 --> 00:56:10,745
Yeah, I mean, he does
seem that way, doesn't he?
1296
00:56:11,162 --> 00:56:13,581
Plus, he is so dreamy.
1297
00:56:13,831 --> 00:56:14,832
OK, Jess.
1298
00:56:15,124 --> 00:56:16,542
Promise me you'll
be careful again.
1299
00:56:16,918 --> 00:56:17,960
What do you mean?
1300
00:56:18,127 --> 00:56:20,171
I just don't
know Matt that well.
1301
00:56:20,379 --> 00:56:21,631
And sometimes, guys...
1302
00:56:22,048 --> 00:56:23,257
they can be snakes.
1303
00:56:23,716 --> 00:56:24,717
You're so sweet.
1304
00:56:24,842 --> 00:56:25,843
Yeah.
1305
00:56:26,093 --> 00:56:27,220
I'm a lot of things.
1306
00:56:27,845 --> 00:56:30,723
So, how come you didn't
go after Matt yourself?
1307
00:56:31,474 --> 00:56:32,642
He's not really my type.
1308
00:56:33,059 --> 00:56:34,560
-No?
-Nah.
1309
00:56:35,019 --> 00:56:36,020
Plus...
1310
00:56:36,354 --> 00:56:37,939
kind of have my
eye on someone else.
1311
00:56:39,023 --> 00:56:41,150
Oh, is it that guy you
came by the shelter with?
1312
00:56:41,275 --> 00:56:42,318
-Steve?
-Yes.
1313
00:56:42,944 --> 00:56:44,529
No. He wishes.
1314
00:56:45,071 --> 00:56:46,072
Nah, not him.
1315
00:56:47,198 --> 00:56:48,199
Someone who...
1316
00:56:48,449 --> 00:56:50,117
doesn't really know
how I feel about them.
1317
00:56:50,826 --> 00:56:52,203
Then why don't
you just go for it?
1318
00:56:52,286 --> 00:56:55,289
[music continues]
1319
00:56:55,414 --> 00:56:56,749
-Edna.
-Umm...
1320
00:56:57,792 --> 00:56:58,793
I can't.
1321
00:56:59,377 --> 00:57:00,378
Come on.
1322
00:57:00,628 --> 00:57:02,213
You're a smart, confident woman.
1323
00:57:02,547 --> 00:57:04,006
Any guy would be
lucky to date you.
1324
00:57:04,131 --> 00:57:05,800
[Edna chuckles]
Touché.
1325
00:57:06,592 --> 00:57:07,593
[both laugh]
1326
00:57:09,262 --> 00:57:12,348
[upbeat music]
1327
00:57:19,397 --> 00:57:20,398
[door opens]
1328
00:57:20,481 --> 00:57:21,482
So I said,
1329
00:57:21,649 --> 00:57:23,025
"How about a little notice."
1330
00:57:23,401 --> 00:57:25,236
-What a concept.
-I know, right?
1331
00:57:30,575 --> 00:57:31,576
Excuse me.
1332
00:57:33,786 --> 00:57:35,955
I noticed you came out
from Lewis, Brown and Anderson.
1333
00:57:36,163 --> 00:57:37,957
-Yeah?
-Do you know Matt Flannery?
1334
00:57:38,249 --> 00:57:39,625
-I work for him.
-You do?
1335
00:57:39,834 --> 00:57:40,835
Yeah, why?
1336
00:57:40,877 --> 00:57:43,045
I met him the other
day and he asked me out.
1337
00:57:45,173 --> 00:57:46,841
-He asked you out?
-Yeah.
1338
00:57:47,049 --> 00:57:49,135
-I don't think so, honey.
-What do you mean?
1339
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,346
-Matt's happily married.
-With three kids.
1340
00:57:53,181 --> 00:57:56,225
[fast-paced music]
1341
00:58:00,271 --> 00:58:03,232
[Steve laughs]
How do you know
the guy was married?
1342
00:58:03,316 --> 00:58:04,609
I talked to his secretary.
1343
00:58:05,276 --> 00:58:06,360
Damn, you're good.
1344
00:58:06,527 --> 00:58:08,404
Yeah? And Matt's a scumbag.
1345
00:58:09,572 --> 00:58:10,573
Huh.
1346
00:58:10,865 --> 00:58:11,866
What?
1347
00:58:12,033 --> 00:58:13,701
Come on, you gotta give
this guy some props, right?
1348
00:58:13,784 --> 00:58:14,869
It's quite
the scam he pulled off.
1349
00:58:14,952 --> 00:58:16,704
I'd like to give him
something, but it ain't props.
1350
00:58:16,787 --> 00:58:18,539
Well, you know what? Old
Eddie would have been impressed.
1351
00:58:18,623 --> 00:58:21,000
Yeah, well, new Eddie would
like to kick old Eddie's ass.
1352
00:58:21,042 --> 00:58:23,961
Yeah? I'd put my
money on old Eddie, cause
new Eddie seems a little gay.
1353
00:58:25,505 --> 00:58:26,589
You're an idiot.
1354
00:58:27,715 --> 00:58:28,716
I know.
1355
00:58:30,218 --> 00:58:31,219
[sighs]
1356
00:58:33,846 --> 00:58:34,847
This is complicated.
1357
00:58:34,931 --> 00:58:37,975
[fast-paced music]
1358
00:58:45,191 --> 00:58:48,194
[music fades]
1359
00:58:51,864 --> 00:58:52,865
Oh, Edna!
1360
00:58:52,949 --> 00:58:54,909
Hi, Jess, you made it.
1361
00:58:55,034 --> 00:58:56,202
Thanks for inviting me.
1362
00:58:56,702 --> 00:58:58,704
-And for the backstage pass.
-Sure.
1363
00:58:59,747 --> 00:59:00,748
Did you come alone?
1364
00:59:01,415 --> 00:59:04,669
Yeah, I invited Matt,
but he, uhh, he had to
go out of town for work.
1365
00:59:04,919 --> 00:59:06,045
-Really?
-Yeah.
1366
00:59:06,546 --> 00:59:08,422
OK, you're all set. You should
report to the staging area.
1367
00:59:08,506 --> 00:59:09,507
OK, thanks.
1368
00:59:09,757 --> 00:59:12,426
Edna, I have to tell you,
Matt is such a great guy.
1369
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:13,886
After we got done at the shelter
1370
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:16,472
he took me for
a ride on his motorcycle.
1371
00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:19,559
And then, after
dinner, we stopped
by his boat for a nightcap.
1372
00:59:19,642 --> 00:59:20,643
He has a boat?
1373
00:59:20,935 --> 00:59:22,937
Well, actually Matt
says it's called a sloop
1374
00:59:23,271 --> 00:59:24,522
because it has three masts.
1375
00:59:24,647 --> 00:59:25,731
Damn, he's good.
1376
00:59:26,274 --> 00:59:27,275
Well, I wouldn't know that.
1377
00:59:27,316 --> 00:59:29,193
I have this rule,
no sex until the third date.
1378
00:59:29,569 --> 00:59:32,113
But, I will say
he is a very good kisser.
[chuckles]
1379
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,073
OK, listen, I need to
tell you something, Jess.
1380
00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:35,575
What is it?
1381
00:59:36,617 --> 00:59:37,827
OK, how do I put this?
1382
00:59:38,119 --> 00:59:39,120
Just say it.
1383
00:59:39,453 --> 00:59:41,080
Matt is, umm...
1384
00:59:41,706 --> 00:59:42,707
Yeah?
1385
00:59:42,832 --> 00:59:43,833
married.
1386
00:59:44,625 --> 00:59:46,627
-You're wrong.
-I spoke to his secretary.
1387
00:59:47,420 --> 00:59:48,546
Why are you doing this?
1388
00:59:48,629 --> 00:59:49,922
To protect you, Jess.
1389
00:59:50,214 --> 00:59:52,717
You deserve to be with someone
who really cares about you.
1390
00:59:52,884 --> 00:59:54,343
Not someone
who's running a scam.
1391
00:59:54,927 --> 00:59:56,137
I knew it! You're a lesbian!
1392
00:59:56,262 --> 00:59:59,015
What? No, I'm not a lesbian.
1393
00:59:59,348 --> 01:00:01,434
I am just a man
trapped in a woman's body.
1394
01:00:01,475 --> 01:00:02,476
What?
1395
01:00:03,144 --> 01:00:05,938
Look, I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but the thing is...
1396
01:00:06,731 --> 01:00:08,191
I ran into a
homeless woman the other day.
1397
01:00:08,482 --> 01:00:09,650
She asked me to kiss her.
1398
01:00:10,484 --> 01:00:13,029
Said it would
prove that I could see
the beauty in all women.
1399
01:00:13,571 --> 01:00:16,199
I refused. The next day
I wake up, I am no longer Eddie.
1400
01:00:16,365 --> 01:00:17,366
I am Edna.
1401
01:00:18,159 --> 01:00:19,452
And so, I need to find her.
1402
01:00:19,493 --> 01:00:20,661
Because all I can figure is,
1403
01:00:20,703 --> 01:00:22,538
you know, she's put
some kind of spell on me.
1404
01:00:22,997 --> 01:00:24,081
And so, once I find her
1405
01:00:24,123 --> 01:00:26,167
she can change me
back into being Eddie.
1406
01:00:28,961 --> 01:00:30,338
Come on, say something.
1407
01:00:31,547 --> 01:00:33,216
I don't ever
want to see you again.
1408
01:00:34,008 --> 01:00:36,511
-What?
-Don't call me, don't
1409
01:00:36,719 --> 01:00:38,763
text me, don't
just stop by and see me!
1410
01:00:39,096 --> 01:00:40,473
You're a sick, sick person!
1411
01:00:41,098 --> 01:00:42,517
Just, leave me alone.
1412
01:00:43,559 --> 01:00:44,644
Jess, come back!
1413
01:00:44,810 --> 01:00:47,897
[melancholic music]
1414
01:00:53,945 --> 01:00:56,989
[sobbing]
[music continues]
1415
01:01:06,415 --> 01:01:07,416
[screams]
1416
01:01:11,504 --> 01:01:14,549
[music continues]
[bottles clinking]
1417
01:01:22,014 --> 01:01:25,017
[music fades]
1418
01:01:28,688 --> 01:01:29,689
The thing is,
1419
01:01:29,856 --> 01:01:32,316
ever since the show
I haven't been able
to control my emotions.
1420
01:01:32,775 --> 01:01:35,194
Like, someone cuts me
off, I bawl my eyes out.
1421
01:01:36,404 --> 01:01:39,031
Ketchup spills on my
shirt, I bawl my eyes out.
1422
01:01:39,824 --> 01:01:40,867
That's messed up.
1423
01:01:41,659 --> 01:01:45,079
I'd rather be a little
bit emotional than a cold,
heartless bastard like you.
1424
01:01:46,539 --> 01:01:47,540
Ouch.
1425
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:49,041
Oh shit.
1426
01:01:49,292 --> 01:01:50,293
I'm sorry.
1427
01:01:50,710 --> 01:01:51,794
That's all right.
1428
01:01:52,336 --> 01:01:53,588
I was born out of wedlock.
1429
01:01:54,422 --> 01:01:56,716
I mean, I know I've been
hurting over Jess, but this...
1430
01:01:57,341 --> 01:01:58,759
this feels like more than that.
1431
01:01:59,260 --> 01:02:00,928
Hey, maybe it's
your female hormones.
1432
01:02:02,346 --> 01:02:03,347
Yeah, maybe.
1433
01:02:03,806 --> 01:02:05,016
Well, hey,
look. It's still early.
1434
01:02:05,099 --> 01:02:06,767
What do you say we
go out, hit a club or something?
1435
01:02:07,143 --> 01:02:08,853
While I'm an emotional wreck?
1436
01:02:09,353 --> 01:02:11,689
How self-centered
can you be, Steve?
1437
01:02:12,523 --> 01:02:13,524
I mean... what?
1438
01:02:14,483 --> 01:02:15,484
What?
1439
01:02:16,152 --> 01:02:17,778
You'd think we're
fucking already or something.
1440
01:02:22,158 --> 01:02:23,159
[sighs]
1441
01:02:28,164 --> 01:02:29,457
[sighs]
1442
01:02:31,709 --> 01:02:33,336
-Shit, I did it again.
-Uhuh.
1443
01:02:34,462 --> 01:02:36,047
[sighs]
I really have a problem.
1444
01:02:36,506 --> 01:02:37,507
Yeah?
1445
01:02:37,590 --> 01:02:38,591
Well...
1446
01:02:38,633 --> 01:02:41,594
My best friend has
turned into a really hot chick
1447
01:02:41,677 --> 01:02:44,013
and every night I've been
having sex dreams about him.
1448
01:02:44,722 --> 01:02:45,973
[laughs] Her.
1449
01:02:46,807 --> 01:02:48,893
See, you're not the only
one with problems here, pal.
1450
01:02:49,810 --> 01:02:51,103
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
1451
01:02:51,729 --> 01:02:53,523
Yeah, well, I'm not
too proud of that one.
1452
01:02:53,856 --> 01:02:54,857
[sighs] Right.
1453
01:02:56,859 --> 01:02:58,861
Come on, Eddie, let's
just change the subject.
1454
01:02:58,945 --> 01:02:59,946
Yeah.
1455
01:03:00,029 --> 01:03:02,198
Do me a favor,
pass me the controls, maybe
there's a game on or something.
1456
01:03:05,535 --> 01:03:06,536
[sighs]
1457
01:03:06,869 --> 01:03:08,120
[TV playing]
1458
01:03:08,829 --> 01:03:10,331
-You know what?
-What?
1459
01:03:11,249 --> 01:03:12,834
-Let's do it.
-Do what?
1460
01:03:13,584 --> 01:03:15,169
Like, let's do it.
1461
01:03:15,211 --> 01:03:16,212
[sputters]
1462
01:03:18,381 --> 01:03:20,758
-Are you fucking serious?
-Yes, I'm fucking serious.
1463
01:03:21,050 --> 01:03:24,512
I mean, I should
really take my female
equipment out on a test drive.
1464
01:03:25,012 --> 01:03:26,848
And who better
to lose my virginity to
1465
01:03:27,014 --> 01:03:28,975
-than my best friend?
-Because I can drive!
1466
01:03:30,059 --> 01:03:32,728
I can drive. And you are
serious. You are serious, right?
1467
01:03:32,812 --> 01:03:35,273
I'm as serious as
pink on a pregnancy test.
1468
01:03:35,356 --> 01:03:36,482
OK, that's great!
1469
01:03:36,858 --> 01:03:38,734
That is great. That is so sweet.
1470
01:03:39,193 --> 01:03:41,028
Don't be fucking with me, cause
if you're fucking with me...
1471
01:03:41,487 --> 01:03:42,864
Mate, I'm being serious.
1472
01:03:43,239 --> 01:03:44,282
I'm gonna go and freshen up.
1473
01:03:44,657 --> 01:03:45,658
Afterward...
1474
01:03:45,992 --> 01:03:46,993
me and you...
1475
01:03:47,243 --> 01:03:48,244
are gonna do the nasty.
1476
01:03:48,744 --> 01:03:49,829
I love the nasty.
1477
01:03:49,912 --> 01:03:51,247
[upbeat music]
1478
01:03:51,330 --> 01:03:52,456
I love the nasty.
1479
01:03:53,332 --> 01:03:55,209
Wait a minute. You
do have a vagina, right?
1480
01:03:55,751 --> 01:03:56,919
-Yes.
-Good.
1481
01:03:57,086 --> 01:03:58,087
Important.
1482
01:03:58,504 --> 01:04:00,548
For the old in and outie.
[whistles]
1483
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,885
[music continues]
1484
01:04:08,347 --> 01:04:09,348
[sighs]
1485
01:04:12,602 --> 01:04:13,603
[sighs]
1486
01:04:13,686 --> 01:04:14,687
OK, umm...
1487
01:04:15,146 --> 01:04:16,939
You, like, make
yourself comfortable.
1488
01:04:18,441 --> 01:04:19,442
I'll be right back.
1489
01:04:19,525 --> 01:04:22,528
[music continues]
1490
01:04:30,244 --> 01:04:31,245
[slap]
1491
01:04:34,707 --> 01:04:37,752
[farting]
1492
01:04:42,256 --> 01:04:43,257
Ugh.
1493
01:04:47,053 --> 01:04:48,763
-[Edna screams]
-[Steve shouts]
1494
01:04:51,891 --> 01:04:52,892
What's wrong?
1495
01:04:56,312 --> 01:04:57,313
You OK?
1496
01:05:00,942 --> 01:05:03,194
Oh! What the fuck? What...
1497
01:05:03,402 --> 01:05:05,071
what, what, what did you do?
1498
01:05:05,279 --> 01:05:06,489
I think I'm dying!
1499
01:05:06,531 --> 01:05:08,032
There's so much blood, Eddie!
1500
01:05:08,282 --> 01:05:09,742
Call 911!
1501
01:05:10,117 --> 01:05:12,662
[grunting]
[vomiting]
1502
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,164
Hey. Hey, excuse me.
1503
01:05:15,748 --> 01:05:16,749
Thanks for the tampon.
1504
01:05:17,166 --> 01:05:19,418
[emergency sirens]
1505
01:05:24,841 --> 01:05:25,842
[sighs]
1506
01:05:27,176 --> 01:05:29,262
-Well, that was embarrassing.
-Yes.
1507
01:05:30,221 --> 01:05:31,222
Yes, it was.
1508
01:05:31,514 --> 01:05:34,225
-Umm... thanks for the...
-No problem.
1509
01:05:34,767 --> 01:05:35,726
No problem.
1510
01:05:36,811 --> 01:05:37,812
OK.
1511
01:05:38,521 --> 01:05:39,522
OK.
1512
01:05:41,274 --> 01:05:42,900
So you know that thing
that we were gonna do--
1513
01:05:42,984 --> 01:05:44,819
Don't worry about that.
Do not...
1514
01:05:45,236 --> 01:05:46,445
worry about that. I am...
1515
01:05:46,529 --> 01:05:49,198
I, I, I will not be having any
more of those kind of dreams.
1516
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:50,241
[chuckles] Right.
1517
01:05:50,324 --> 01:05:52,034
Yeah. I'm, uhh...
1518
01:05:53,578 --> 01:05:54,787
I'm totally cured.
1519
01:05:55,371 --> 01:05:56,372
I get it.
1520
01:05:57,373 --> 01:05:59,417
Yeah, I'll tell you
what, I should get going.
1521
01:05:59,625 --> 01:06:01,043
Got to get back
to the office. I've got to...
1522
01:06:01,627 --> 01:06:02,628
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1523
01:06:04,005 --> 01:06:05,298
I'll, uhh... I'll uhh...
1524
01:06:05,506 --> 01:06:07,466
I'll, I'll talk to you later.
1525
01:06:08,551 --> 01:06:10,761
-See you later, Steve.
-I'm good. I'll see you.
1526
01:06:11,387 --> 01:06:14,390
[upbeat music continues]
1527
01:06:15,975 --> 01:06:17,685
Oh, wait. Do I have
something on my face?
1528
01:06:17,935 --> 01:06:18,936
I'll see you.
1529
01:06:19,020 --> 01:06:22,023
[music continues]
1530
01:06:25,109 --> 01:06:28,446
Look, how many times
do I have to tell you?
I don't do full-frontal.
1531
01:06:29,405 --> 01:06:30,948
What? How much does it pay?
1532
01:06:31,699 --> 01:06:32,742
Oh yeah. I'm in.
1533
01:06:33,284 --> 01:06:34,285
Call me back.
1534
01:06:34,577 --> 01:06:35,578
Can I help you?
1535
01:06:35,620 --> 01:06:37,955
Yeah, I'll have
a small latte, and uhh...
1536
01:06:38,164 --> 01:06:39,874
let me get whatever the
young lady here would like.
1537
01:06:39,957 --> 01:06:40,958
No thanks.
1538
01:06:41,042 --> 01:06:43,878
I insist. I'm trying to live
my life by paying it forward.
1539
01:06:44,212 --> 01:06:46,797
OK, that's great
and all, but I'd rather
just pay for my own drink.
1540
01:06:47,465 --> 01:06:48,466
Come on, babe.
1541
01:06:48,633 --> 01:06:49,800
It would really make my day.
1542
01:06:50,218 --> 01:06:51,844
OK, look, I know
what you're doing.
1543
01:06:52,386 --> 01:06:53,804
I used to be just like you.
1544
01:06:54,222 --> 01:06:55,932
So trust me when
I say, scamming women
1545
01:06:55,973 --> 01:06:58,935
to get them into
bed is a shallow,
meaningless way to live.
1546
01:06:59,227 --> 01:07:00,269
At the end of the day
1547
01:07:00,478 --> 01:07:01,938
it's love that really matters.
1548
01:07:02,188 --> 01:07:03,189
Uhuh.
1549
01:07:03,523 --> 01:07:04,524
You go, girl.
1550
01:07:04,982 --> 01:07:06,859
[musical flash]
I'll be damned...
1551
01:07:08,319 --> 01:07:09,320
Dude...
1552
01:07:09,779 --> 01:07:10,780
you just dodged a bullet.
1553
01:07:11,489 --> 01:07:12,615
Chick is hiding a banana.
1554
01:07:14,033 --> 01:07:15,826
She's got, balls.
1555
01:07:15,910 --> 01:07:18,913
[fast-paced music]
1556
01:07:37,765 --> 01:07:40,810
[music fades]
1557
01:07:42,562 --> 01:07:44,272
-Wow.
-I know, right?
1558
01:07:44,981 --> 01:07:46,566
It's a little different
to your first two books.
1559
01:07:46,858 --> 01:07:48,568
Well, I mean,
I'm a little different.
1560
01:07:48,609 --> 01:07:49,610
True.
1561
01:07:50,736 --> 01:07:52,822
-True.
-So, what do you think?
1562
01:07:53,197 --> 01:07:55,283
I don't know, Eddie.
I don't know, I mean...
1563
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:57,660
all this stuff about intimacy
1564
01:07:57,743 --> 01:07:59,245
respect, romance...
1565
01:07:59,453 --> 01:08:02,665
I mean, come on. You really
think sex is better between
two people who are in love?
1566
01:08:03,291 --> 01:08:04,542
Yeah. I do.
1567
01:08:06,252 --> 01:08:07,253
Hm.
1568
01:08:08,296 --> 01:08:09,547
Love is the answer, pal.
1569
01:08:13,134 --> 01:08:14,594
Your ass is the answer, Eddie.
1570
01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:16,846
Edna. God, I gotta stop.
1571
01:08:16,888 --> 01:08:19,932
[fast-paced music continues]
1572
01:08:29,734 --> 01:08:31,569
[mystical sound]
1573
01:08:32,195 --> 01:08:33,196
Hey!
1574
01:08:34,322 --> 01:08:36,699
You don't
respect elders, do you?
1575
01:08:37,074 --> 01:08:38,117
[coins clink]
1576
01:08:38,159 --> 01:08:39,160
Fuck off.
1577
01:08:39,243 --> 01:08:40,369
You...
[music continues]
1578
01:08:42,371 --> 01:08:44,040
[mystical sound]
1579
01:08:46,959 --> 01:08:49,712
[music fades]
1580
01:08:57,261 --> 01:08:58,262
[grunts]
1581
01:09:01,557 --> 01:09:03,226
[yawns] Yeah.
1582
01:09:04,018 --> 01:09:05,061
[urine spraying]
1583
01:09:05,811 --> 01:09:08,731
Oh! Shit! Shit! Shit!
1584
01:09:09,273 --> 01:09:10,775
[laughs] Shit!
1585
01:09:11,192 --> 01:09:14,570
Shit! Shit! [laughs]
1586
01:09:14,904 --> 01:09:17,156
[laughs] Yeah!
1587
01:09:17,281 --> 01:09:19,116
Fuck, yes!
1588
01:09:19,450 --> 01:09:20,743
Yes! Phone!
1589
01:09:21,035 --> 01:09:22,036
Phone.
1590
01:09:22,662 --> 01:09:23,955
Phone. Come on.
1591
01:09:24,497 --> 01:09:25,790
OK, OK.
1592
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:28,167
[upbeat music]
1593
01:09:28,417 --> 01:09:29,585
Steve! It's Eddie.
1594
01:09:29,877 --> 01:09:30,920
Listen to me, it's Eddie.
1595
01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:32,547
I'm back, man. I'm back!
1596
01:09:32,964 --> 01:09:34,173
Fuck yes!
1597
01:09:34,215 --> 01:09:37,260
[music continues]
1598
01:09:42,473 --> 01:09:44,308
[music fades]
1599
01:09:45,476 --> 01:09:48,521
[tender music]
1600
01:09:55,862 --> 01:09:58,322
I think Chapter Seven,
you'll really like it.
1601
01:09:58,573 --> 01:09:59,574
[woman] Next.
1602
01:09:59,615 --> 01:10:00,616
All right. Bye.
1603
01:10:02,326 --> 01:10:03,703
-Hello.
-Hi.
1604
01:10:05,246 --> 01:10:07,957
Can I just say,
you are the perfect man.
1605
01:10:08,374 --> 01:10:10,668
Well, that's very
kind of you, but I am...
1606
01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:12,086
far from perfect.
1607
01:10:12,378 --> 01:10:15,089
I don't know. You
understand and respect women.
1608
01:10:15,756 --> 01:10:17,341
Plus, you're so damn handsome.
1609
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,511
[chuckles]
That's very kind of you.
Thank you very much.
1610
01:10:21,179 --> 01:10:22,597
I appreciate that. I do.
1611
01:10:23,139 --> 01:10:24,140
Thank you.
1612
01:10:24,599 --> 01:10:25,600
Thank you.
1613
01:10:25,975 --> 01:10:27,810
Thank you.
Steve Burns, I'm his agent.
1614
01:10:28,978 --> 01:10:30,897
-I always introduce myself.
-Next.
1615
01:10:32,398 --> 01:10:33,399
-Hi.
-Hi.
1616
01:10:34,650 --> 01:10:35,651
Right here.
1617
01:10:36,444 --> 01:10:38,529
You really liked it?
That was good.
1618
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,448
Here he is. Hey, pal.
1619
01:10:40,573 --> 01:10:41,574
Hey, buddy.
1620
01:10:41,657 --> 01:10:43,618
Hey, listen. We've
got to get going. We've got a...
1621
01:10:43,951 --> 01:10:47,121
dinner reservation
tonight to celebrate our
six-month anniversary, actually.
1622
01:10:47,205 --> 01:10:48,873
-Six months already?
-Yeah.
1623
01:10:49,165 --> 01:10:51,042
-Wow, congrats.
-Thank you.
1624
01:10:51,501 --> 01:10:53,586
Are you sure you won't let me
set you up with my roommate?
1625
01:10:53,628 --> 01:10:55,796
Yeah... no, no...
1626
01:10:56,589 --> 01:10:57,965
I really think
you'd hit it off.
1627
01:10:58,007 --> 01:10:59,759
[chuckles]
1628
01:10:59,842 --> 01:11:01,802
I appreciate the
offer, but no, thank you.
1629
01:11:02,512 --> 01:11:04,180
All right, if you change
your mind, let us know?
1630
01:11:04,222 --> 01:11:05,389
-Will do.
-OK?
1631
01:11:05,473 --> 01:11:06,766
-Go on.
-If you change your mind.
1632
01:11:06,891 --> 01:11:08,726
-If I change my mind. Have fun.
-See you, pal.
1633
01:11:08,768 --> 01:11:09,769
See ya.
1634
01:11:09,852 --> 01:11:12,855
[tender music]
1635
01:11:14,440 --> 01:11:17,235
[emotional music]
1636
01:11:17,568 --> 01:11:18,528
Eddie.
1637
01:11:19,820 --> 01:11:20,821
Jess.
1638
01:11:22,031 --> 01:11:23,699
-Hi.
-Hi.
1639
01:11:24,951 --> 01:11:26,494
Wow, you look amazing.
1640
01:11:26,786 --> 01:11:28,412
Oh. Thanks.
1641
01:11:30,581 --> 01:11:31,707
So, umm...
1642
01:11:32,583 --> 01:11:33,960
Uhh...
1643
01:11:34,418 --> 01:11:36,087
-Read your book.
-You did?
1644
01:11:36,462 --> 01:11:37,463
Uhuh.
1645
01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:39,882
-I really liked it.
-I'm glad.
1646
01:11:41,926 --> 01:11:43,135
You dedicated it to me.
1647
01:11:43,553 --> 01:11:44,554
Yeah.
1648
01:11:44,887 --> 01:11:47,348
Well, you know, you played
a big role in helping me change.
1649
01:11:49,016 --> 01:11:50,476
Yeah. About that.
1650
01:11:51,602 --> 01:11:52,603
So...
1651
01:11:52,812 --> 01:11:54,814
you and Edna...
1652
01:11:54,856 --> 01:11:55,940
One and the same.
1653
01:11:56,983 --> 01:11:57,984
Oh.
1654
01:11:58,234 --> 01:11:59,694
-Wow.
-Crazy, huh?
1655
01:12:00,570 --> 01:12:01,571
Yes...
1656
01:12:02,864 --> 01:12:03,865
and no.
1657
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:06,534
You know, I've got an idea.
1658
01:12:07,785 --> 01:12:10,079
Why don't we start
this thing all over?
1659
01:12:10,580 --> 01:12:11,581
[clears throat]
1660
01:12:12,623 --> 01:12:13,624
Hello.
1661
01:12:13,708 --> 01:12:14,709
I'm Eddie Greenleaf.
1662
01:12:15,042 --> 01:12:16,544
-Jess White.
-Jess White?
1663
01:12:16,752 --> 01:12:17,753
-Uhuh.
-Wow.
1664
01:12:18,504 --> 01:12:19,547
So are you seeing anyone?
1665
01:12:20,339 --> 01:12:21,340
Uh, no.
1666
01:12:21,757 --> 01:12:24,260
Not since I discovered the last
guy I was dating was married.
1667
01:12:24,510 --> 01:12:25,970
-I'm sorry to hear that.
-Yeah.
1668
01:12:26,554 --> 01:12:28,556
A friend tried to warn
me, but I wouldn't listen.
1669
01:12:29,098 --> 01:12:30,766
In fact, I was
really mean to her.
1670
01:12:31,767 --> 01:12:32,977
You know, I think
she forgives you.
1671
01:12:36,397 --> 01:12:38,608
So, how about you? Are you...
1672
01:12:39,817 --> 01:12:40,818
seeing anyone?
1673
01:12:40,985 --> 01:12:41,986
Actually...
1674
01:12:42,570 --> 01:12:45,656
I kind of fell in love for the
first time in my life last year.
1675
01:12:47,533 --> 01:12:48,534
You did?
1676
01:12:48,784 --> 01:12:49,785
Yeah.
1677
01:12:49,952 --> 01:12:52,288
The timing, though,
it wasn't right, unfortunately.
1678
01:12:53,998 --> 01:12:54,999
Well...
1679
01:12:55,249 --> 01:12:56,876
maybe you should
give it another shot.
1680
01:12:58,002 --> 01:13:00,046
I was just thinking
exactly the same thing.
1681
01:13:02,006 --> 01:13:03,090
So, can I buy you a latte?
1682
01:13:03,674 --> 01:13:04,926
-I'd really like that.
-Yeah?
1683
01:13:05,009 --> 01:13:06,886
-Yeah.
-Let's get out of here then.
1684
01:13:06,969 --> 01:13:09,972
[fast-paced music]
1685
01:13:16,270 --> 01:13:19,315
[upbeat music]
1686
01:13:31,494 --> 01:13:32,495
[crew chattering]
1687
01:13:33,287 --> 01:13:34,288
[crew] Mark.
1688
01:13:35,581 --> 01:13:36,832
-You had the book signing.
-Uhuh.
1689
01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:37,917
The release party.
1690
01:13:38,125 --> 01:13:40,753
-Sex with a homeless model--
Oh fuck, a homeless model.
-[woman laughs]
1691
01:13:41,462 --> 01:13:43,214
[indistinct chattering]
1692
01:13:43,923 --> 01:13:44,882
[indistinct chattering]
1693
01:13:45,633 --> 01:13:47,593
[laughs]
1694
01:13:47,969 --> 01:13:49,512
I love the
homeless kind of look.
1695
01:13:49,595 --> 01:13:50,596
It's just, you know...
1696
01:13:50,638 --> 01:13:51,722
The book signing.
1697
01:13:51,973 --> 01:13:53,933
Sex with a homeless-
Oh for fuck's sake!
1698
01:13:54,016 --> 01:13:55,351
That homeless
woman's in my head.
1699
01:13:55,643 --> 01:13:56,936
Buddy, let me
tell you something.
1700
01:13:56,978 --> 01:13:58,437
I'm, I'm starving, ok.
1701
01:13:58,813 --> 01:14:00,106
This may be
harder than I thought.
1702
01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:03,985
OK, we might
have to go back to [indistinct]
1703
01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:05,820
[door rattling]
1704
01:14:06,279 --> 01:14:07,280
Knock, knock!
1705
01:14:07,488 --> 01:14:10,533
[music continues]
1706
01:14:16,038 --> 01:14:18,082
[together] This is where you
find your beaver buzzers
1707
01:14:18,165 --> 01:14:21,669
magic wands, pussy
punchers, hamburger
helpers and wacky wobblers.
1708
01:14:22,128 --> 01:14:24,255
Personally,
I like the butterfly.
1709
01:14:25,548 --> 01:14:26,549
Fuck.
1710
01:14:26,924 --> 01:14:30,011
[music continues]
1711
01:14:48,821 --> 01:14:49,947
-Well?
-This stuff is good.
1712
01:14:50,031 --> 01:14:51,240
-Not bad, right?
-Yeah, what is it?
1713
01:14:51,407 --> 01:14:52,909
-[pronounces] Bocelios.
-Hmm.
1714
01:14:53,326 --> 01:14:54,327
[crew pronounces] Dos celios.
1715
01:14:54,368 --> 01:14:55,661
This stuff's good. What is it?
1716
01:14:55,870 --> 01:14:57,163
[pronounces] Dos selios.
1717
01:14:58,664 --> 01:14:59,957
This stuff is good.
1718
01:15:00,082 --> 01:15:01,083
What is it?
1719
01:15:02,835 --> 01:15:03,836
[both laugh]
1720
01:15:04,378 --> 01:15:07,423
[music continues]
1721
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,011
[sighs] The thing is...
1722
01:15:13,304 --> 01:15:14,639
Oh. For fuck's sake.
1723
01:15:14,931 --> 01:15:16,474
Yes, I'm fucking serious.
1724
01:15:16,682 --> 01:15:19,352
I mean, I really should take
my female equipment out with...
1725
01:15:19,936 --> 01:15:21,270
-What am I doing?
-[both laugh]
1726
01:15:23,105 --> 01:15:24,315
Hey, hey. Hey, excuse me.
1727
01:15:24,774 --> 01:15:27,151
Thanks for the cond--
Not the condom, fuck.
1728
01:15:27,443 --> 01:15:28,444
[all laugh]
1729
01:15:29,195 --> 01:15:32,198
[music continues]
1730
01:15:35,576 --> 01:15:36,577
[panting]
1731
01:15:37,203 --> 01:15:38,204
Come on.
1732
01:15:40,164 --> 01:15:41,165
OK.
1733
01:15:42,375 --> 01:15:43,376
Eddie!
1734
01:15:43,751 --> 01:15:45,336
No, I'm fucking Eddie. Fuck!
1735
01:15:45,378 --> 01:15:46,379
Back.
1736
01:15:46,754 --> 01:15:47,755
[crew laugh]
1737
01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:49,674
Make yourself
comfortable and I'll...
1738
01:15:51,342 --> 01:15:52,343
be right back.
1739
01:15:52,593 --> 01:15:55,555
[laughs]
1740
01:15:56,180 --> 01:15:57,640
Yes! [laughs]
1741
01:15:58,057 --> 01:16:01,102
[music continues]
1742
01:16:04,397 --> 01:16:06,065
She must have put a spell on me.
1743
01:16:06,274 --> 01:16:07,942
That's the only
thing that makes sense.
1744
01:16:08,568 --> 01:16:09,986
OK. So...
1745
01:16:10,528 --> 01:16:11,988
we're looking for this magical
1746
01:16:12,780 --> 01:16:14,574
mystery kind of
homeless woman, right?
1747
01:16:14,866 --> 01:16:16,367
I mean, I don't
know. I guess so.
1748
01:16:17,702 --> 01:16:18,703
OK.
1749
01:16:19,579 --> 01:16:20,621
Maybe she was a witch.
1750
01:16:20,872 --> 01:16:22,456
-A witch.
-All right, did you see it yet?
1751
01:16:22,540 --> 01:16:23,541
Because the gig's up.
1752
01:16:23,583 --> 01:16:24,750
[crew laugh]
1753
01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,544
Can I ask you a question?
1754
01:16:27,336 --> 01:16:28,337
[laughs]
1755
01:16:28,504 --> 01:16:29,505
[both laugh]
1756
01:16:34,302 --> 01:16:35,303
[snorts]
1757
01:16:37,638 --> 01:16:38,639
I'm so sorry.
1758
01:16:39,515 --> 01:16:41,767
[beeping]
1759
01:16:41,851 --> 01:16:42,852
Not in.
1760
01:16:45,813 --> 01:16:46,814
Uhuh.
1761
01:16:48,107 --> 01:16:49,901
[crew laughing]
1762
01:16:49,984 --> 01:16:53,070
[ending music]
111439
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