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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,319 (MAC AND KELLY MOANING) 2 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,919 MAC: Okay, it's happening. It's spontaneous. 3 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,479 This... Who saw this coming? I did not see this coming. 4 00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,799 Okay, okay, okay. Okay, let's do it. 5 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,319 Okay. It's happening. It's totally happening. 6 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,479 BOTH: Whoo! 7 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,679 What a twist. Oh, yeah. Okay. 8 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,479 This is so spontaneous. 9 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,679 We're having sex one minute... 10 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,159 Who knows what's gonna happen next? 11 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,759 Who knows what we'll be doing in 10 minutes? 12 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,919 - Okay. - This is crazy! 13 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:07,999 We're doing this on the dining room... 14 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,879 I've never had sex on a dining room chair in my whole life. 15 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,359 - (MOANING) - This is amazing. 16 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,639 I'm taking you to Boner Town, bitch. 17 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,639 - Don't call me "bitch!" - Okay. I'm sorry. 18 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,159 I'm taking you to Boner Town, love. Okay. 19 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,469 (CONTINUES MOANING) 20 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,062 Baby? Baby? 21 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:23,359 She's totally fucking looking at us. 22 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:24,599 Hey, baby. 23 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,759 She knows what's happening. 24 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,839 She totally knows what's happening. 25 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,839 (LAUGHS) She can't see anything. She just sees shapes. 26 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,759 She sees shapes fucking each other, is what she sees. She can... 27 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,639 She's fine. She just sees shapes. 28 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:36,719 It's like bouncing balls. 29 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,319 My bouncing balls. 30 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,959 - She's fine. She's fine. - You know what? 31 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,479 Let me turn her around. Let me turn her around. 32 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,599 Okay. Okay. 33 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,839 Hey, sweetie. Hey, little girl. 34 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,559 Gonna turn around now. Gonna look at the wall now. 35 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,679 Let's go. 36 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,660 Okay. There you go. Love you, sweetie. Okay. 37 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,199 Okay! Let's do it. 38 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,359 We're back. We're back in business. 39 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,399 Okay. Okay. 40 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,879 We are back. It's happening. Okay. 41 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,159 (BOTH MOANING) 42 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,719 MAC: Oh, God. She keeps turning... Turn around. 43 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,079 Just look that way. Just turn around. 44 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,199 Why is she... Okay. 45 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,679 I think it's over. 46 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:12,759 We still did that. 47 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,599 Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. We still did that. 48 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,559 Hello. 49 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:18,719 What are you doing in your Jumperoo? 50 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:19,879 This never happened. 51 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,719 - We're gonna finish that. - We will finish that. 52 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,559 FYI, we're gonna do it in every room. 53 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,559 And this time, I'm going to ejaculate. 54 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,319 Just because we have a house and a baby 55 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,959 doesn't mean that we're old people. 56 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,399 No. Fuck old people. 57 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,079 Old people don't fuck like we just did. 58 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,719 Baby, I nearly came. 59 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,239 This is like The Brady Bunch. 60 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,479 I know! What's nice about the house 61 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,559 is that it looks like every penny we have is inside of it. 62 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,999 So, at least it looks like it. 63 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,399 It's legitimate, right? 64 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,425 - Neighbors. Hey. - Hi. 65 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,599 - Hey. - Oh. Gay couple. 66 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,439 - There's a gay couple. - Gay couple. 67 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,439 - They seem like a nice couple. - They're so happy. 68 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,959 - That's awesome! - Dream! 69 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,799 It is. Well, it's the second dream. 70 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,079 First dream, Taco Bell opens next door. That would be fucking dope. 71 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,759 - Hi! - Hi! 72 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,831 Hey. It's a fabulous neighborhood. 73 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,639 (STELLA CRYING ON BABY MONITOR) 74 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,399 - Oh, she's awake. - Really? 75 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,159 - She's awake. - Okay. 76 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,319 - Okay. - Uh... Well, bye. 77 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,479 Okay. Bye. Love you. 78 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:12,559 Love you. Bye. Have a good day. 79 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,639 Can I come? 80 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:14,839 (LAUGHS) Kidding. 81 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,661 No, we'll have a great day! We'll have a great day. Okay. Bye! 82 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,301 I love you! 83 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,119 BILL: Uh-oh. Mac attack. 84 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,239 MAC: Hey! 85 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,319 Hey, there he is. 86 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,439 Hey. 87 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,679 I need that Mendelson file by 4:00. 88 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,959 Okay, yeah. 89 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,279 And this is not your bro, this is your boss talking. (CHUCKLES) 90 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,879 I'll have it to you by 3:30. How's that? 91 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,439 - Mac! - Okay. 92 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,559 Mac! 93 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:37,639 What? 94 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,471 Wait. Hold on. 95 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,759 Whoo! 96 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,307 Okay! 97 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,319 (PANTING) Oh, jeez, it's so far. 98 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,999 Hey, we gotta go work on that thing we were discussing. 99 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,079 - What thing? - What's going on? 100 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,479 We have to go work on that joint file. 101 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,759 Of course. The joint file. 102 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,199 You guys are doing a joint file? 103 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,319 We have a joint file together. 104 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,959 JIMMY: Yeah. We're pretty deep into it. It's tight. 105 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,839 - It's pretty thick. - It's a big file. 106 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,759 - Pretty fat file. - It's dank. 107 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:05,999 - We should blaze through it, probably. - Yeah. 108 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,319 Yeah, we gotta file that for the THC Corporation. 109 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,799 Okay. 110 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,631 Because we are in the weeds. 111 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,999 - How's Stella? - She's a cute baby. 112 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,039 It's nice. 113 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,639 I think I realized for the first six months, everything is fucked. 114 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,079 - Everything changes completely. - Yeah. 115 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,799 You're like, "My life is over! Everything's different! 116 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,399 "Everything I could do, I can't do anymore." 117 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,359 But now, I realize that that's all gonna go back to normal. 118 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,359 - You sure about that? - She can start drinking soon. 119 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,159 They make these little strips that test your tit milk for alcohol. 120 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,519 She puts them on her tits? 121 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,639 Yeah, she puts them on her tits. Her tits are huge right now. 122 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,159 - Are they really? - But I can't touch them. 123 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,079 She won't even let me see them, is what's fucked up. 124 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,159 - What? - When we have sex, 125 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,679 she leaves a wife-beater on. 126 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,479 It's like having sex with Tony Soprano. 127 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:45,559 You're the goomah in this situation. 128 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:46,679 Yeah, it's fucked up. 129 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,879 You are the only one of our friends that has a house and a kid. 130 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,959 Yeah. 131 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,279 It's like you're, like, 10 years older than everyone, you know? 132 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,479 You're divorced. 133 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,981 The point is... 134 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,959 It's Jimmy time. You know what I mean? 135 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,599 And the girls, when you're dating... 136 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,039 - Yeah? - Holy shit! 137 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,999 See, we missed out on the whole, kind of, 138 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,919 sex-tech bubble, you know what I mean? 139 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:09,719 Now they got Sex Book and Fuck Friends and... 140 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,559 There's this thing called Grindr, which is just... 141 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,039 Your phone beeps when there's someone horny near you. 142 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,519 It's kind of amazing. 143 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,466 It's mostly guys, but I'm gonna find a girl pretty soon. 144 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:21,719 JIMMY: You're up. 145 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,039 Oh, oh! Oh! 146 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,159 Hey. 147 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,661 What are you guys doing out here? 148 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,359 - There are the girls. - KELLY: Hi. 149 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,239 - How's it going, sweetie? - Good. 150 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,559 What's happening? 151 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,159 There you go. 152 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,959 She's excited to see you. 153 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,919 Wait, wait. Hey. 154 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,070 (BABBLES) 155 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,519 Man, parenting is easy. Look at that! 156 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,919 Yeah, two hours a day. 157 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,421 Yeah. 158 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,279 This is delightful. This is awesome, this thing. 159 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,119 We should get one of these above our bed. 160 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,951 - (CELL PHONE RINGING) - BOTH: Oh! 161 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,599 - Hello? - Hey! 162 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,959 Oh, my God. You guys have to come out with me. 163 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,199 I haven't seen you in forever. 164 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,599 Yeah. What's going on? 165 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,199 Okay. My friend is spinning at the Royalton tonight. 166 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,159 There's a rumor that Prince might perform. 167 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,759 I really need to get out of the house. 168 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,719 I have not been out since Jimmy and I got divorced 169 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,399 and I really need you there. Please? 170 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,039 How do we do this? Do I call the babysitter bunch? 171 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,399 I don't know about that. Let's just... 172 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,799 - It's too late. We'll... - Okay. 173 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,119 Why don't you drop it at the fire station? 174 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,439 We can't leave her at the... 175 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,079 What are you talking about? That's not how it works. 176 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,319 The baby drop. 177 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,439 Okay. No. 178 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,519 I'm kidding. 179 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:33,799 What are you, like, having a baby, 180 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,959 you, like, lost your sense of humor? 181 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,079 What are you doing? 182 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,599 I am using the little box in the Face Time to put makeup on. 183 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,319 You're not even looking at us, are you? 184 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,999 No. Who looks at the other people when they Face Time? 185 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,239 Why are you guys not coming out? Is fucking Jimmy there? Jimmy? 186 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,799 No, Jimmy's not here. 187 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,439 - We don't have a babysitter, so... - Yeah. 188 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,159 Hello. Fucking bring her. 189 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,319 (SCOFFS) 190 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,879 No... 191 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,679 Yes? 192 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,319 No. Yes? 193 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,390 What are you doing? What are you thinking? 194 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:04,999 Let's just do it! 195 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,639 This could be, like, a doorway to 196 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,159 a whole new life, where we have it all. 197 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,879 - We have fun and a baby. - That's fantastic! 198 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:10,959 - This is the moment! - I need this! 199 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,679 - This is the moment. Let's do it. Okay. - I need to go out! 200 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,799 - Let's go! - Let's go! 201 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,439 All right. I'm down. Little chicken. Come on! 202 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,199 - Baby's first rave. - Baby's first rave. 203 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,759 - Baby's first rave. - (BOTH IMITATING DANCE MUSIC) 204 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,639 Baby's first rave. 205 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,711 (ALL IMITATING DANCE MUSIC) 206 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,199 - Baby's first rave! - Baby's first rave! 207 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,319 (ALL CONTINUE IMITATING DANCE MUSIC) 208 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,039 Wait. Shit! Diaper bag! It needs to be restocked. 209 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,359 - I gotta get more shit. Okay. - Okay. 210 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,919 You know what? She needs an extra Onesie in case she craps herself. 211 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,039 I think I better pump. 212 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,239 - You gotta pump? - I think I need to pump. 213 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,639 She wants your necklace. Give me your necklace. Now, go pump. 214 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:44,999 We should get the cooler. 215 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,239 Okay, here we go. 216 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,919 Wait. If we're bringing the swing, let's just bring the Jumperoo. 217 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,599 We have room. I think we have room. 218 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,959 - Butt Paste. - I don't know where the Butt Paste is. 219 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,039 I don't know where it is. 220 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,639 - Binky, Binky, Binky. - I don't know where the Binky is. 221 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,790 Binky's over here. I got Binky. 222 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,230 - (BABBLING) - Huh? 223 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:01,719 - We fell asleep. - Let's go. Let's go. 224 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,799 - Okay, let's go. - We'll go now. 225 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,399 Wait. Shit! Another video. 226 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,279 Best night ever. 227 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,439 Look at how much food I just ordered. 228 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,919 I'm not even hungry. It's so wasteful! 229 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,581 We missed it. 230 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,119 Shit. Don't hit me. 231 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,399 I'm so tired. 232 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,550 I know. Let's just go to sleep. 233 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,662 (SIGHS) Tomorrow's a new day. 234 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,185 (MUFFLED) Love you. 235 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,469 - Good night. - Good night. 236 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,540 (FARTING) 237 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,064 Excuse me. Sorry. 238 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,959 They're actually really good. They taste like vanilla, kinda. 239 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,439 They're awesome. 240 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,359 Pudgie, what do you got there? 241 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,199 - Moving truck. Moving truck. - (HORN HONKING) 242 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,799 - There's a moving truck. - Wow. 243 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,399 - Who do you think... Come on. - Oh, my God. 244 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,106 Look, look, look. 245 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,631 What do we got? 246 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,143 Gay couple? Gay couple? 247 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,959 What is this? What are they doing? 248 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,359 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 249 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,305 And what are these kids in the pink shirts? 250 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,181 KELLY: Is that a fraternity? 251 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,279 Yeah, they got big Greek letters. 252 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,350 Looks like a fraternity. 253 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,279 Oh, my God. Look at that guy. 254 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,319 That guy's the sexiest guy I've ever seen. 255 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,664 He looks like something a gay guy designed in a laboratory. 256 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,519 KELLY: Look at his arms. 257 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,679 Oh, my God. They're like two giant, veiny dicks. 258 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,159 It's like a gun show. 259 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,719 Look at the blonde. 260 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,759 I don't see which one you're... 261 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:31,879 Oh, you don't know who I'm talking about? 262 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,919 That blonde dude with the red sleeves? He's a handsome guy. 263 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,999 - What do we do? - Okay, okay. I know what we do. 264 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,319 They're gonna be loud, obviously. 265 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,519 And they're gonna fucking party a lot. 266 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,239 Baby, this is a fucking nightmare! 267 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,839 I agree. We need to go over there. 268 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,839 We need to fucking tell them not to do that. Right now. 269 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,599 As soon as they move in, they know this 270 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,279 neighborhood doesn't stand for that shit. 271 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,839 And we're fucking grown-ups, we have a baby, and they need to be cool. 272 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,559 - They need to be cool to us, okay? - Yeah, yeah. 273 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,559 But... Okay, wait. Maybe we don't come on strong, though. 274 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,439 Maybe we come on... We act cool. 275 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,199 - We come on like peers. - Yeah. Yes. 276 00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,239 Totally, we be cool. We take them a joint. 277 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,359 Yeah. We be cool. 278 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,439 - Right? - Ooh! We roll them a joint. 279 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,839 - Roll them a spliff. - Give that to them. 280 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,919 Then we seem cool. They're thinking... 281 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,359 - We're hip. - "Oh, they're like us. 282 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,679 "This could be us in a few years." 283 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:09,039 Yes, respect. 284 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,599 - They'll want us to like them. - Yeah. 285 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,879 Then we say, "By the way, keep it down." 286 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,799 Exactly. Well, we won't say it like that. We'll just... 287 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,719 - No, of course not. - I'll say it. Like, we'll just... 288 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,839 You know, "Keep it down." 289 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,239 You're doing it a little weird. 290 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,519 - Do it again. Do it normal. - Yeah. Like... 291 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,599 - I'll throw it away. - Just throw it away. 292 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,359 Just like, you know, "If you could just keep it down." 293 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,039 - Just say it normal! - I can get it! 294 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,199 It's an important, key phrase here. 295 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,359 All right, you do it. You do it. 296 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,199 Okay, watch. I'm just gonna do it like this. 297 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,919 "Keep it down." 298 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,239 Lift it! Come on! 299 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,519 Come on! 300 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,431 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 301 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,639 Wicca-wazzup? 302 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,599 - Hey! How's it going? - Hey! 303 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,239 - Are you our new neighbors? - We're your new neighbors! 304 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,399 Yeah! 305 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,759 BOTH: All right! 306 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,399 - TEDDY: What's up? - (WHOOPING) 307 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,902 I'm Teddy. This is Pete. 308 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,831 (ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY) 309 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,746 What's going on? And who's this little lady? 310 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,359 Oh, that's so sweet. No one ever knows she's a girl. 311 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,119 What? Of course she is, because you're a little princess. 312 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,279 So, you're the little princess. 313 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,359 You're a little... 314 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,639 Oh, she just scrunched her little nose! 315 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,869 So cute. 316 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,279 What's her name? 317 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,599 - Stella. - Stella, yeah. 318 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,839 That's the best name ever. Are you kidding? 319 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,639 She's a little flirt. 320 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,199 Oh, like her mom, I bet. 321 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,559 PETE: Mmm. 322 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,599 Cool. 323 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,319 Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know 324 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,719 that in this neighborhood, we don't keep off the grass. 325 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,279 - What? - You know what I'm saying? 326 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,319 No way! 327 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,039 Legalize it, y'all. 328 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,479 A joint. Thank you, guys. 329 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,439 Also, if you could maybe, just sometimes... 330 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,465 Keep it down! 331 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,141 All right. 332 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,799 Well, I mean, if you guys ever need anything, 333 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,359 or we get too noisy, just talk to me, or talk to Pete. 334 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:01,679 - We'll take care of it. - Same with us. 335 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,479 - I mean, we get pretty loud over there. - Yeah, yeah. 336 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,199 Game of Thrones, we get loud. 337 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,399 - When Khaleesi comes on, I'm like... - (BOTH YELLING) 338 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,079 Yeah. It's crazy. 339 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,025 (BOTH LAUGHING AWKWARDLY) 340 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,639 - All righty. - Well... 341 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,719 - Dope. - PETE: Cool. 342 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,919 All right. 343 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:16,999 - We're okay. - Cool. 344 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,831 - Later! - See you, guys. 345 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,308 - All right. All right. - Nice. 346 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,479 Welcome to the neighborhood. 347 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,319 Take it sleazy. 348 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,679 GIRLS: Bye, Stella! 349 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,386 BOYS: Bye, Stella! 350 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,079 And now, as President of Delta Psi... 351 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,999 And Vice President, we call... 352 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,639 Our first official meeting in the new house to order. 353 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,559 ALL: Chivalry above self! 354 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,999 Much like Scoonie's cock, 355 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,919 this year is going to be legendary. 356 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,599 (ALL CHEERING) 357 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,999 I don't know if you guys are aware, 358 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,559 but Delta Psi is simply responsible 359 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,279 for the most epic party moments in history. 360 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,839 (CHEERING CONTINUES) 361 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,104 Gentlemen, take a look at the wall. 362 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,679 Travel back in time with me to 1930. 363 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,159 (1930s MUSIC PLAYING) 364 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,391 Delta Psi puts on a production of Julius Caesar. 365 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:11,067 A girl in the audience unexpectedly hands one of our brothers a beer. 366 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,159 And after that one fateful sip, 367 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,879 the toga party is born! 368 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,399 Hold that gam steady, Pete. 369 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,981 (ALL CHEERING) 370 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,679 - The year is 1971. - (1970s ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 371 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,751 The US plays Red China in ping-pong. 372 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,399 Meanwhile, back at Delta Psi, our brothers 373 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,879 play a little ping-pong of their own. 374 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,702 An errant ball lands in a brother's beer, 375 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,066 and he just drinks it. 376 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,479 (WHOOPING) 377 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,879 (ALL CHEERING) 378 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,079 I give you beer pong! 379 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,070 (CHEERING CONTINUES) 380 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,159 The year is 1985! 381 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,159 - (1980s POP MUSIC PLAYING) - Sebastian Cremmington and his brothers 382 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,519 are at the school pep rally. 383 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,079 They've been drinking since the butt-crack of dawn. 384 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,759 Sebastian knows he has to throw up, but he wants to keep partying. 385 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,519 What does he do? Does he puke, or does he drink? 386 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,399 Why not do both? 387 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:17,064 I give you the boot and motherfucking rally! 388 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,385 (ALL CHEERING) 389 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,519 So many party inventions. 390 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,307 So many party discoveries. 391 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,239 How are we supposed to stand on the shoulders of giants? 392 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,279 Tell 'em, Teddy. 393 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,111 I'll tell you how. 394 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,067 Do you see that empty space on the wall? 395 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,788 Let's fill it with dreams. 396 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:48,747 We are gonna end the year with the most legendary rager of all time. 397 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,759 I'm talking even bigger than last year's White Trash Bash. 398 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,959 ALL: No, no, no! 399 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,239 Seems like an impossible feat. 400 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,239 But when we do it, 401 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,519 we will get our faces on that wall, 402 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,959 amidst the rest of these legends! 403 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,700 (ALL CHEERING) 404 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:06,959 Yes! 405 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,919 Pete, do you want to tell us about your first summer as a Delta? 406 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,399 My parents got divorced. 407 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,479 - And where did you go? - Right here. 408 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,839 - And what happened? - I cried. 409 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,119 Why did you cry? 410 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,679 Because I felt safe. 411 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,959 Because I was surrounded by my brothers. 412 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,079 Brothers have a bond that goes beyond friendship. 413 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,439 We are the family you get to choose, and we don't get divorced! 414 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:29,799 - No, we don't. - We don't. 415 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,959 To believe in the life of love... 416 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,479 ALL: to walk in the way of honor, 417 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,439 to serve in the light of truth. 418 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,839 This is the life, the way, the light of Delta Psi. 419 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,359 This is the creed of our fraternity. 420 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,479 ALL: (SINGING) Can you take me higher? 421 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,199 (WHISPERING) Delta Psi. 422 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,959 Delta Psi. 423 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,479 Delta Psi, Delta Psi! 424 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,959 Delta Psi! 425 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,439 Delta Psi! Delta Psi! 426 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,079 Delta Psi! Delta Psi! Delta Psi! 427 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,199 - (BOTH GROANING) - (MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE) 428 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,543 - Christ! - What the fuck? 429 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:02,879 They're so loud. 430 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,159 They're gonna wake Stella. What do we... 431 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,399 What do you think we should do? 432 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,639 We should call the police. 433 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,879 No, no, no, no, no. 434 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,199 We can't do that. 435 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,559 We should go over there, okay? And talk to them. 436 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,879 They'll listen to us if they think we're cool, you know? 437 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,879 Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay. 438 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,239 Okay. 439 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,026 Grab the baby monitor. 440 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,919 Hey, Mac, Kelly. What's up? 441 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:26,159 We hate to be these guys, but do you mind just, like, kind of... 442 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,279 Just keep it down. 443 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,399 Just a little bit. A little bit. 444 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,439 The music? 445 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,759 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, just a tiny bit. 446 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,159 First off, my bad. 447 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,919 Yo, guys! Music check! 448 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,839 We have neighbors, for Christ's sake! 449 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,039 - Come on. - Thank you. 450 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,159 That's a big bong. 451 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,399 Is that a two-story bong? 452 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,599 I really appreciate you guys coming by. 453 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,879 Out of control. 454 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,919 Awesome, man. Well, thank you so much. 455 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,079 That's all we wanted. 456 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,105 - Cool. - Great. 457 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,839 See you guys around. 458 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,079 Okay, thanks, man. Dope. Cool. 459 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,820 - Sweet. - Yeah. 460 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,759 I think we should invite the old people in. 461 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,039 They're old and lame. 462 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,439 I mean, yeah, I like their baby, 463 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,759 but this is no place for a baby. 464 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,199 Yeah, I know. But they're our neighbors. 465 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,359 They can make our lives a living hell. We need them on our side. 466 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,942 If we're cool with them now, they'll be cool with us. 467 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,439 Hey, slow down! 468 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,599 Hey, there they are! 469 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,799 Where you going? 470 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,879 Do you guys want to come in? 471 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,439 You don't want us to come back in. 472 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,599 I mean, no, we can't. We couldn't possibly. 473 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,719 No, no, no. 474 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,799 Are you serious? 475 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,319 - I think you should. - Come on. 476 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,439 - No, we've got the baby, so... - We've got the baby. We can't. 477 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,719 Come on. Just real quick. 478 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,359 You have the baby monitor right there. 479 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,559 We do, it's working. 480 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,639 It works perfectly. 481 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,199 You're, like, 10 feet away. Come on. 482 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,279 Super quick tour. 483 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,119 - Just the tour, maybe. - PETE: Just the tour. 484 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,599 - Just the tour. Cool. - TEDDY: Oh, it's so exciting! 485 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,148 Oh, yeah! Magic mushrooms! 486 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,559 Slow down. 487 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,879 What the fuck is gonna happen? 488 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:42,146 I've been doing mushrooms since before the fucking Internet existed. 489 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,999 That's a weird phone! 490 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,719 No, it's my baby monitor. 491 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,159 You should look, you can see her. 492 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,679 GIRLS: Aw! 493 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,228 BOYS: Peekaboo! 494 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,671 He's done. 495 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,744 - Peekaboo! - BOYS: Oh! 496 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:00,759 (MONITOR BEEPING) 497 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,159 Oh, no, no. The monitor is not working. 498 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,679 I gotta get back. Gotta get back, gotta get back. 499 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,159 I'm gonna throw up. 500 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,991 BOYS: Whoa... 501 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,679 I can't... 502 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,039 Right there. Yeah, yeah! 503 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,759 No, no, no! 504 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,864 (ALL HUMMING) 505 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,879 Do you guys want to see something amazing? 506 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,199 Yes, I want to see something amazing. 507 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,199 - BOYS: Yeah. - What is it? 508 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,861 (LAUGHS) 509 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,679 I know you're all wondering why I brought you here. 510 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,261 Behold. 511 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,705 (ALL CHEERING) 512 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,399 - Wow! - Good job, man. 513 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,231 Yeah, take a bow. 514 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,359 MAC: (PANTING) Wait. Wait. 515 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,271 (BOTH SIGHING) 516 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,079 Welcome to the lion's den, my friend. 517 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,319 Yes! 518 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,079 This is my room. Off limits during parties. 519 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,919 This is where we keep all the important shit. 520 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,399 Alcohol, drugs, passports, ping-pong paddles. 521 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,199 Those things are always fucking disappearing. 522 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,999 Yeah, dude. My bros is always stealing my paddies. 523 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,159 Right? What the fuck? 524 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,879 Holy shit! That's a lot of fireworks. 525 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,079 Can we light some of those off right now? 526 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,239 No. 527 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,079 Man, literally, the last time we lit those off, we burned the house down. 528 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,359 (CHUCKLING) 529 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,227 It's not funny. That was really bad. 530 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,679 Check this out. Watch the yard. 531 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,261 - Ready? - Yeah. 532 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,506 (ALL CHEERING) 533 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,079 That's awesome. 534 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,759 Welcome to paradise. 535 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,919 Hey, who's Batman to you? 536 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,199 Like, when you think of Batman, who's Batman? 537 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,279 Are you kidding me? 538 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,679 - Christian Bale? - Christian Bale. 539 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,944 Michael Keaton is Batman to me. 540 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,911 (IMITATING BALE AS BATMAN) "Where is she?" 541 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,799 (LAUGHS) Michael Keaton's Batman was like, 542 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,559 (IN RASPY VOICE) "Hey, I'm Batman." 543 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,079 "No! Hey, I'm Batman!" 544 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,479 "No, dude, no. I'm Batman. This is what Batman sounds like." 545 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,879 "I'm counting on it!" 546 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,599 "No, I'm counting on it. I'm Batman." 547 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,719 We actually met in college. Yeah. 548 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,919 GIRLS: Aw! 549 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,359 Yeah, I was here for an exchange program. 550 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,439 I was only supposed to stay a semester, 551 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,439 but then he convinced me to hang around. 552 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,479 - ALL: Aw! - Yeah. 553 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,479 What's cool is we're almost roommates. 554 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,679 Dude, we are almost roommates. 555 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,319 Our rooms are, like, 10 feet away from each other. 556 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,559 Dude, we can have walkie-talkies, 557 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,759 - actually. - (GASPS) 558 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,199 It would just work all the time. It would be awesome. 559 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,799 Let's get walkie-talkies and talk to each other all the time. 560 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,559 - Walkie-talkies and earpieces and shit. - Oh, my God. 561 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,719 That would be so dope. 562 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,839 It'd be so fun. 563 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,959 So, how did you meet Teddy? 564 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,542 I saw him. He saw me. 565 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,479 Yeah. 566 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,399 It's a really romantic story. 567 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,919 Hold on to this moment, man. Seriously, enjoy this. 568 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,599 Because soon, you fucking blink, 569 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,279 and you're the oldest guy at the party, 570 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,599 and it's terrible. 571 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,439 You don't seem old. 572 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,341 You seem like a senior that took a year abroad. 573 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,863 - Really? - Yeah, man. 574 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,345 Bottom of my heart. 575 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,865 You want to swordfight? 576 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,071 Absolutely. 577 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,071 ALL: Aw! 578 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,239 MAC: Epic night! 579 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,479 Crazy! I owe you, man. 580 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,039 - KELLY: I really needed that. - MAC: Thank you so much. 581 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,959 Yeah, again, if you can just generally 582 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,799 kind of, you know, keep it down. 583 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,959 Just keep it down. 584 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,319 - Just keep it down. - Low. 585 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,599 That would be... That would be fucking... That would be trill. 586 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,879 You really want us to keep it down? 587 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,079 Yeah, like, every night. 588 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,759 Yeah, try to keep it down. 589 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,759 I'll give it the old college try. 590 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,999 - Nice! That was good. - Nice. 591 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,359 - Cool, cool. - How is that? 592 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,279 Just make sure if we're too noisy, you call me first. 593 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,599 Don't call the cops, okay? 594 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,759 - Okay. Yeah, for sure. - Yeah. 595 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,119 - Do you promise? - I promise. 596 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,399 Do you promise? 597 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,639 I promise. We promise. 598 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,719 You promise? Okay. Because a promise is a big deal to me. 599 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,199 - Okay. - Okay. 600 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,359 - We promise. - Thank you so much, guys. 601 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,279 I hope you guys come over and try and hang with us some more. 602 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,759 - Yeah, dope, dope. Cool. - It was a good time. 603 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,999 I'll go tell them to shh! 604 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,159 MAC: Yeah. 605 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,599 See you guys. 606 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,386 Great night! 607 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,799 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 608 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,439 Hey, Teddy. It's Mac again. Your neighbor. 609 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,879 You said to call if it was ever too loud. 610 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,399 So, we're calling. It's too loud. 611 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:29,839 Can you please keep it down? 612 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,279 It's 4:00 in the morning, our baby's awake. She's freaking out. 613 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,519 Thank you. 614 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,679 Ten times. 615 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,599 I've called him ten times. What do we do? 616 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,439 If we actually go over there and tell them to keep it down, 617 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,479 we're gonna seem so lame. 618 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,559 We're gonna have to call the cops. 619 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:42,599 - We call the cops? - Yes. 620 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,599 He told us not to call the cops. 621 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,839 Do it anonymously. 622 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,079 They do our dirty work for us. 623 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:50,439 We're cool, they shut up, she goes to sleep. Done. 624 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,879 We have no blood on our hands. 625 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,239 We're innocents. We're innocents in all this. 626 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,599 - It's a good idea. - It's a good system. 627 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,625 - Let's do it. Okay, I'm doing it. - Let's do it. 628 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,239 MAC: Here we go. Here we go. 629 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,159 Here they are. 630 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,119 Okay. 631 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:08,351 I feel so lame. I can't believe we called the cops. 632 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,879 They can't tell it's us. 633 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,719 They don't know it was us. Could've been anyone. 634 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:14,959 - Could have been anyone. - Any one of these people could have called. 635 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,439 We're not gonna get caught for this. 636 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,944 Anyone would do this. This isn't because we're old. 637 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,559 - Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - Oh! 638 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,999 - Oh, shit! - Oh, no! 639 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,319 MAC: Oh, no! Oh, fuck! 640 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:27,479 KELLY: Oh, no. 641 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,159 He sold us out. 642 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,519 Fuck, they're coming up the driveway. Oh, shit, they're coming. 643 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,639 - Oh, shit. They're right there. - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 644 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,159 - MAC: Just go, you answer it. - KELLY: You answer it. 645 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,119 You answer! You are gonna answer. 646 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,319 You do it. You do it. You do it. 647 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,799 We're just getting dressed! I'm naked! 648 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,599 - No, I see you guys right there. - One moment. 649 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,359 Act like you just woke up. 650 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,799 (BOTH YAWNING) 651 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,506 Hey. 652 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,826 WATKINS: Hello, are you Mac? 653 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,879 Yeah. What's happening? 654 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,950 You called about your neighbors? 655 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,820 No. 656 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,119 No. 657 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:02,199 I have a call, it's from Mac Radner. That's you. Right? 658 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,359 Yeah. How do you have that information? 659 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,181 We have caller ID. We're cops. 660 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,839 Everybody has caller ID. You're Mac Radner. 661 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:10,919 Okay, yes. 662 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,959 You called us. Why did you call us? 663 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,359 I called the cops because you were being noisy, man. 664 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,039 And I tried to get you to stop, and you wouldn't stop. 665 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,199 They won't stop partying! 666 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:20,319 Officer, you know how it is. 667 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,399 We're just trying to get to sleep. 668 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:22,879 - We have a little baby. - We have a baby. 669 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,839 - Mac's working in the morning. - We got jobs. 670 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,679 They were at the party with us just last night. 671 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,719 - Did you party with this kid? - We don't party with them! 672 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,759 We shouldn't be in trouble. We haven't done anything wrong. 673 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:31,879 We have a baby. We're parents. 674 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,984 Well then, what do you call these? 675 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,599 I'm too fucked up! Ahhh! Ahhh! 676 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,559 WATKINS: Well, it looks like you guys were partying with him. 677 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,839 You party pretty heavy. 678 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,199 That's a joke photo! 679 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,399 - It's a joke? - That's a joke! 680 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,679 It's not a good joke. 681 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,999 Okay, you know what? Let's end this. 682 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,039 I'm sorry. I rescind the complaint. 683 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,159 You can go. No noise complaint. 684 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,199 You know the boy who cried wolf? 685 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,399 You're that boy. 686 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,559 - Okay, I cried wolf. - Never call us again. 687 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,108 Never call you again? You're the fucking police. 688 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:01,599 Look, man, we're sorry. 689 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:02,759 You were being noisy. 690 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,319 We tried to call you. I don't know what to say. 691 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,079 We called you five times, you didn't answer us. 692 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,759 You made a promise to me last night. 693 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,159 We were pissing. We crossed streams. 694 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,759 Don't worry about it, you know? 695 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,319 "Hey, I'm Batman." You know? Right? 696 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,559 No, we're done with that, bro. 697 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,359 - We're still cool, man. We're still cool. - We're sorry. 698 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:19,199 I'm not mad. 699 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,279 I'm just disappointed. 700 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,748 Hey, come on. Wait, let's just... 701 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,301 MAC: What's that? 702 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:29,959 Those are for you. 703 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,679 What the fuck? 704 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,420 Oh. 705 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,639 TEDDY: You shouldn't have called the cops, bro! 706 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,426 Okay. 707 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,719 - (ALL SHOUTING) - Okay, very good. 708 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:42,799 Very good. 709 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,559 - KELLY: Okay. - Congratulations. 710 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,159 You better put that in the recycling bin. 711 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,661 - All Of it. - All Of it. 712 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,639 PETE: It's like Edward Scissorhands. Do you like it? 713 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,319 It's a really expensive bush! 714 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,719 I'm sorry, I felt inspiration. What was I supposed to do? 715 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,039 I'm about to rip this shit out of the ground. 716 00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,239 (GRUNTING) 717 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,919 - Fuck this bush! - Fuck that bush, man! 718 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,559 - Fuck this bush! - Fuck that bush! 719 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,839 Harder, man. Yeah, really get in there. 720 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,559 - Oh! Oh! - God damn it! Kelly! 721 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,119 Whoa. Hey, man, buy him dinner first. 722 00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,621 Fuck this bush! 723 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,679 (GROANS) 724 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:12,839 - ALL: Oh! - Shit! 725 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,439 Okay. Ha-ha. 726 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,863 Sorry, man. Sorry my ball just got in your face. 727 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,866 (BOTH MOANING) 728 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,663 - I love you. - Baby. 729 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,159 Oh, God. 730 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,105 I can't believe this is happening. 731 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,079 It's finally happening. 732 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,866 (ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 733 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,439 - What the fuck? - Oh, my God! 734 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,279 Oh, no! Oh, no! 735 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,199 We can't be the only people in the neighborhood 736 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,359 who are sick of this bullshit, you know. 737 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,919 We've gotta get everyone on our side. 738 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,199 We could lead a revolution. 739 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,701 Oh, no. 740 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,319 They're buying off the whole neighborhood with their slave army. 741 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,983 Oh! Mrs. Haywood, you're better than that. 742 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,479 I can't sell your house. 743 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:57,639 - Why? - Well, 744 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,510 because the only people who would want to live next to a frat house 745 00:27:00,511 --> 00:27:01,999 is a frat house. 746 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,959 Oh, the university might be interested. 747 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,879 I know the Spanish department is looking for a new building. 748 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,639 Only thing, if you sell to the university, 749 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,199 I'd say, optimistically, you're looking 750 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,039 at losing about half your investment. 751 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,399 MAC: Half of all of our... 752 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,919 - We put all of our money in. - This is all of our money. 753 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,079 We can't lose half. 754 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,559 But you keep half. 755 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,239 We don't need that! What is that? 756 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:23,479 Sold! 757 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,239 And you keep making money no matter what! 758 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,039 Real estate is a fickle bitch. 759 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,319 Okay, maybe it's best you just go. 760 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,719 - Thank you for coming. - Okay. 761 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:31,919 That was not helpful. 762 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,706 Well, okay. 763 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,479 - What are you wearing? - What is this? 764 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,119 - What are you doing? - Yeah. 765 00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:39,270 We're throwing a Robert De Niro party. 766 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,479 Should be pretty fucking loud. 767 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,119 It's probably gonna go pretty fucking late, too. 768 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:46,559 I'm Taxi Driver De Niro. 769 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,399 Yeah, I'm Meet the Fockers De Niro. 770 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,799 I'm watching you. I'm watching you. 771 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,799 Who painted that mole on your face? Did you do that yourself? 772 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,999 Yes, I did. Yes, I did, Focker. 773 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,359 Who are you? 774 00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:00,864 Oh, I'm Sam Jackson, you know, from Jackie Brown. 775 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,199 Hoo-ah! 776 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,719 ALL: Hoo-ah! 777 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,199 - That's Al Pacino. - That's not even... Yeah. 778 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,359 Scent of a Woman. 779 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,100 ALL: Hoo-ah! 780 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:09,879 There's no consistency here. 781 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,639 You're all over the place with your references. 782 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:12,799 You're upsetting Jinxy cat. 783 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,399 Just stop doing this stupid shit! We're sorry. 784 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,039 Hey, when you called the cops, you violated the circle of trust, Focker. 785 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,542 We're sorry we called the cops, okay? 786 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,559 Are you talking to me? 787 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,759 - MAC: Yes. - KELLY: Yes. 788 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:24,839 Are you talking to me? 789 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,959 - Yes! - Yes! 790 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,119 No, you talking to me. 791 00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:28,479 - Are you talking to me? - Are you talking to me? 792 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:29,799 I don't see anyone else here. 793 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,039 I don't see anyone else here, either! 794 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,239 We're trying to talk to you. 795 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,679 "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides..." 796 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,719 What the fuck are you doing? That's the wrong Sam Jackson speech! 797 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,639 Are you talking to me, or are you talking to him? 798 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:41,759 (OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS) 799 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,759 - Just get off! - Are you talking to me? 800 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:44,919 Shut the fuck up! 801 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:45,999 You get the fuck out of here. 802 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,501 Stop it! 803 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,599 Hey. What's nice is in a few years, 804 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,999 we'll have a third person to help us do this. 805 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,581 Hey. 806 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,829 What do you got there, sweetie? 807 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,026 Is that a balloon? 808 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,991 Did you find a balloon? 809 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,919 Oh, shit! That's not a balloon! 810 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,159 - Oh, Jesus! - (SCREAMS) 811 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,879 Oh, God! Oh, no! 812 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,359 Help! Help! 813 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,599 Get the fuck... Get out of my way! Move! 814 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,909 - Doctor! Doctor! - Oh, God! 815 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,185 - All right. - Hey. 816 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,864 Your baby 817 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,399 has HIV. 818 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,679 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 819 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,103 Is how bad this could have gone. 820 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,799 The condom was unused. 821 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,159 (MURMURING) Are you fucking kidding me? 822 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,584 Who the fuck says that to a couple of parents? 823 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:36,839 Hey! Ma'am! 824 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,079 Chill out, chill out! 825 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,519 They are dangerous to the neighborhood! 826 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,919 There's a clear focus going on here. 827 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,359 I heard they burned down their last house. 828 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,359 And they were reprimanded for that. 829 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,679 We have a very strict three-strike policy at this school. 830 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,679 So, they have one strike. If they get two more, then they're out. 831 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:51,839 A strike? 832 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:53,839 Well, listen, the way I do my job is, 833 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,359 you know, I'm always thinking about the headlines, right? 834 00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:01,239 So, "Duke Lacrosse Team Rapes Stripper." Bad headline. 835 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,119 "Fraternity Keeps Couple Awake"? 836 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,359 That's not really even a headline. 837 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,559 I don't even think it would make the local police blotter. 838 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,559 Get ready to read the headline of the century. 839 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,719 Extra, extra! "Baby Swallows Condom!" 840 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,559 - That's disgusting! - Exactly! 841 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,119 - It's the frat's condom! - That's the frat's condom! 842 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:17,799 I have a headline for this. 843 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,159 "Fraternity Practices Safe Sex." 844 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,559 That's a good headline. I could get a raise off that headline. 845 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,119 I got a headline for you. 846 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:29,479 "Mean Dean Doesn't Realize That Frat ls Bad For Everyone." 847 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,719 It's really not. 848 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,119 It's very poorly worded. I don't think that would ever make it to print. 849 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,439 I don't know where you went to school. 850 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,959 I went here, okay? That's why I'm dumb! 851 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,159 You know what? I just thought of another headline. 852 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,903 "Negligent Parents Allow Baby to Swallow Condom." 853 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,504 - What'd you say? - It's not a good headline. 854 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,119 Here's a headline. How about, "Go Fuck Yourself"? 855 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,279 That's what you get. 856 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,559 - This is our home! - It's our home! 857 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,919 This is our little cub on our lawn with a condom in her mouth. 858 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,919 Oh, my God. I'm a mama bear. 859 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,119 - Yes, you are. - You know what? 860 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,039 I'm gonna act all docile and then... 861 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,519 (BOTH ROARING) 862 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,102 My claws are out! I'm gonna fucking get them! 863 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,679 - (HISSING) - Fuck these fucking guys! 864 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,359 They don't know who they are fucking with. 865 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,279 They think I'm just a regular dad 866 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,079 and then you know what happens? 867 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,439 Boom! Boom! 868 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,039 Teddy's dead! Pete's dead! Scoonie's dead! 869 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,279 - Fuck you! - No, no. 870 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,799 - I'll fucking kill them! - No, no. 871 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,479 - Boom! - No. 872 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,079 - I'm buying a fucking gun! - No, you're not! 873 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,439 I'm not buying a gun! You're right, it's a bad idea. 874 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:23,519 Bad call. 875 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,679 What about one of those small prostitute guns? 876 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:26,519 No. You're not buying a gun. 877 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,759 (EXHALES) Fuck! 878 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,119 What can we do? That fucking Dean. 879 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,559 What woman is named "Dean"? 880 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,479 She's not named "Dean." That's her job. 881 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,479 - What? - That's what "dean" is here. 882 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:36,639 - No. - Yeah. 883 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,159 - Really? - What did you think? 884 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,559 - I thought that was her name. - No. 885 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,759 Oh, no. 886 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,799 - What do they call it in Australia? - "Chancellor." 887 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,719 No, she's the chancellor. 888 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,839 Oh, my God. I was so rude to her. 889 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,839 - I don't know what to do. - What do we know? 890 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,159 What didn't we have in college? 891 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,839 I didn't have any money. 892 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,079 - I had no money either. - We had no money. 893 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,319 They're broke. They don't have any money. 894 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,159 We fuck with their house. They can't afford to fix it. 895 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,639 - Yes. - They have to move. 896 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:58,999 - Yeah, fuck them! - Fuck them! 897 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,279 - We're gonna fucking fuck them! - Fuck them! 898 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,703 - We are going to fuck them! - Fuck them! 899 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,181 (BOTH SCREAMING) 900 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:22,999 (ALL GROANING) 901 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,959 - So the water came out of here? - Yep. 902 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,519 This is gonna ruin us. 903 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,359 I mean, the foundation is flooded. We can't pay for this shit. 904 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,039 They're gonna condemn the house. 905 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,519 Okay, well, on that note, 906 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,159 maybe we should clean up and not 907 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,185 stand here with our dicks in our hands. 908 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,464 "Dicks in our hands." 909 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,949 Dicks in our hands. 910 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,029 Dicks in our hands. 911 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,549 Dicks in our hands. 912 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,799 Dicks in our hands. 913 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,239 Teddy, how much time we got? 914 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,559 Just a couple minutes, and then we pour in the latex. 915 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,142 We've got Delta Psi dildos we can merchandise. 916 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,782 Oh, God, I can't keep my boner much longer. 917 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:08,359 We're supposed to have boners? 918 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,399 Yeah. Nobody wants a limp dildo. 919 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,159 You don't know that. People could want it for after. 920 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,759 Like, for cuddling, and it's like a love... 921 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,599 Okay, you're right. It's just a limp dick. 922 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,399 Hey, you boys have to go digital. 923 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,039 Look at that 3-D printer go. 924 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:25,159 Look at it go! 925 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,599 That's awesome. 926 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:27,759 ELECTRONIC VOICE: Penis completed. 927 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,439 Now I can go to class while my dick prints. 928 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,559 Where did you get that? 929 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,239 Got it at my architecture lab. Pretty cool, right? 930 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,679 - Wow. - Man, you should go to class sometime. 931 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,039 We have excellent facilities that, like, no one uses. 932 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,159 All right, let's pull these bad boys off and see what we've got. 933 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:40,279 - We're good? - Yeah. 934 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:41,479 GARF: Let's do it. 935 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,519 - This is like Christmas. - Oh! 936 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,101 - Wow. - Whoa. 937 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,719 Hey, you know, I think the clay is stuck to my pubes. 938 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,585 Why do you have pubes? 939 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:52,959 Wait. You guys shaved? 940 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,759 Dude, I texted you. I said, "Shave." 941 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,919 I thought we were taking pictures. I cleaned up a little, but... 942 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,467 Not your face. 943 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,799 Oh, God. 944 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,039 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 945 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,439 - Don't worry about it. - I'm gonna enjoy this. 946 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:04,599 It's not gonna come off. 947 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,959 I'm just gonna leave it on. 948 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,559 I'm gonna drill a hole, I'm gonna pee. I can get bigger pants. 949 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,439 Look at me. You trust me, right? 950 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,479 I'm gonna pull this thing off. 951 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:12,639 Come on, just relax. I got you. 952 00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,039 Stay the fuck away from me! 953 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,799 Calm down. Count of three. 954 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,439 - Teddy... - One. 955 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:18,479 Look at my eyes. 956 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,311 - Two! - (SHRIEKS) 957 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,639 That was so much worse than I thought. 958 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,559 SCOONIE: Ladies, I need a single-file line. 959 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:33,919 There will be no cutting in this line, 960 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,399 and if you're in the back, it is approximately a 20-minute wait. 961 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,639 - Hey. - Hi. 962 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,999 - Um... I'll take a Teddy. - Cool. How about a Pete? 963 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,319 Oh, no. 964 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,639 I was just kidding, anyway. 965 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:43,999 So weird. 966 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,119 Holy shit, guys. I think we made $10,000. 967 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:48,999 Hey, you guys, if my calculations are correct, 968 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,919 not only can we fix the water damage, 969 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,583 but we can get the biggest hot tub in the world! 970 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,799 - (CHEERING) - And outdoor speakers! 971 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,999 - Yes! - Yeah! 972 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,799 Delta Psi! 973 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,439 ALL: (CHANTING) Delta Psi. 974 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:06,519 Delta Psi! Delta Psi! Delta Psi! 975 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,039 Dildo Psi! 976 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:11,111 Dildo Psi! Dildo Psi! 977 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,065 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 978 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,239 This is fucking ridiculous. 979 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:18,439 This is ridiculous. 980 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,519 Their dicks bought a hot tub? My dick couldn't buy a hot tub. 981 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,879 Hey. 982 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,543 Your dick could buy more than a hot tub. Your dick bought me. 983 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,159 Thank you very much. 984 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,799 I'm not a sizeist. 985 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,064 That's a little patronizing. 986 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:33,706 (MOUTHING) 987 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,470 I don't get it. Who would even buy one of those dildos? 988 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,319 Bros before hos. 989 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,399 Why? Because your bros are always there for you. 990 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,199 They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out. 991 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,559 "Bros before hos." 992 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,319 And you were nothing but great to your ho. 993 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,879 And you told her that she was the only ho for you, 994 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:03,543 and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. 995 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,062 Bros before hos. 996 00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:09,239 Fraternities. They live and die on the concept of brotherhood. 997 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:10,319 I know. 998 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,359 The only way to break it apart is to get in there, 999 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,079 infiltrate a party, and get them to put hos before bros. 1000 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,439 Hos don't go before bros. It just doesn't work like that. 1001 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:19,919 A ho has never gone before a bro. 1002 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,199 Maybe I have been a ho who's taken down some bros. 1003 00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,919 - Ho, no, you haven't. - I'm just saying. 1004 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,119 You have? That is messed up. 1005 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:27,519 I'm saying, that's the only way. 1006 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,279 We've got to get in there, we gotta infiltrate. 1007 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,039 Get those little motherfuckers, turn them against each other. 1008 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:33,239 - Okay. - I'm serious. 1009 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:34,519 Just ease up. 1010 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,759 Sorry. 1011 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,879 She's on the fast road to her first word being "cunt." 1012 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,679 - It's not cool here. - Sorry. 1013 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,399 We're gonna make them put hos before bros. 1014 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,471 Step one, lock down a babysitter. 1015 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,199 Get this one taken care of. 1016 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:47,439 - Yeah? - Right? 1017 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:48,559 - Yeah? - Right? 1018 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,903 - Yeah. - We're gonna get these guys. 1019 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,279 - Yo. - I've been waiting forever. 1020 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:53,479 - Yeah, glad you made it. - Whoa, whoa! 1021 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,639 - What is she doing here? - Wait. What is he doing here? 1022 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,079 Look, we're friends with both of you. 1023 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,479 Fucking just learn to deal with it, okay? 1024 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,119 This is an abomination. 1025 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,959 You... Right now, both of you have to make a choice right now. 1026 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,239 Me or her, choose. It's up to you. You choose. 1027 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:07,279 Shut the fuck up. 1028 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,225 We're on a mission. 1029 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:11,265 Yes, ma'am. I was just kidding. 1030 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,159 Yo. 1031 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,519 You here to ask us to turn the music down? 1032 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:15,999 Because that's not gonna happen. 1033 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,184 No, we're here to tell you to turn it up. 1034 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,159 Shit, homie, we've been beefing for too long. 1035 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,185 We just want to squash this like a bug. 1036 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,399 That's all my weed, and it's really hard for me to get weed. 1037 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,981 Oh, shit. 1038 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,159 Okay, you guys can come in. 1039 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:32,839 No 'shrooms for you, mister. 1040 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:33,999 Don't worry about it, man. 1041 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,626 All right. 1042 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,945 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 1043 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,879 Okay, Teddy's fucking Brooke, but Brooke wants to fuck Pete. 1044 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,639 But she's afraid because Pete and Teddy are best friends. 1045 00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,119 We've gotta get Brooke to hook up with Pete publicly. 1046 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,639 Then Teddy is gonna want to kill Pete 1047 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,505 and the whole frat will implode. 1048 00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:14,439 Paula, flirt with Scoonie. Keep him talking and distracted. 1049 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,959 Okey-dokey. 1050 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,559 Jimmy, isolate Whitney. 1051 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:18,719 Okey-dokey. 1052 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:20,159 What do I do? Do I get to do something? 1053 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,879 You're on Teddy patrol. Keep him close. 1054 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,079 He's gotta see them hooking up. 1055 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,399 Otherwise, this plan won't work. 1056 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:25,719 And remember, once they start kissing, 1057 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:28,999 we've only got a few minutes before they go upstairs and start fucking. 1058 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,759 - Okay, let's do it. - Okay? 1059 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,307 - Let's go. - Go team. 1060 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,559 What? What? 1061 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,159 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. 1062 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,639 Cutting through. 1063 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,719 What it is, y'all. 1064 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,719 What's up? 1065 00:38:44,720 --> 00:38:46,239 What's this, a dance-off? 1066 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,559 I don't know, bitch. Is it a dance-off? 1067 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,559 - You tell me. - I think it's a dance-off. 1068 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:51,639 GARF ON SPEAKERS: Oh, Shit! 1069 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,999 Dance-off! 1070 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,309 (ALL CHEERING) 1071 00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:01,079 Jesus Christ, not another dance-off. 1072 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,719 He likes them. 1073 00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:04,399 How about some shots, guys? 1074 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:05,839 Okay, yeah! 1075 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,671 Sure! 1076 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,590 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 1077 00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:43,479 - Cheers. - Here we go. 1078 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,266 Cheers. Here we go. 1079 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,904 - Another one! - Another one! 1080 00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:53,279 One more, one more, one more. 1081 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,191 - I can't. - No. 1082 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:56,919 I don't want to. 1083 00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:58,399 Oh, shit. 1084 00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,919 I think I'm drunk. 1085 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,159 You guys are so cute together. 1086 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:03,319 - No! - No! 1087 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:04,879 No. She's my... 1088 00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:05,999 - I'm with Teddy. - She's with Teddy. 1089 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,519 So you guys have never hooked up? 1090 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:08,919 No! 1091 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,199 You're blushing. 1092 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,350 - No, I'm not. - You are. 1093 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,591 You guys have gotta relax. 1094 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:26,386 Shit! 1095 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,519 You're so cute. You're like a little possum. 1096 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,479 - Look at you. - I'm a possum. 1097 00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,220 I'm a possum. 1098 00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:47,879 No... 1099 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,031 No! No, no, no, okay? No! 1100 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,621 Just a little taste, a little taste. 1101 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,319 That was sexy. Can I make out with someone now? 1102 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,799 What are you doing? We have 60 seconds before they go upstairs. 1103 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:14,999 Get in the dance circle. 1104 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,119 Okay, okay. I'm winning, by the way. 1105 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,145 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 1106 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,664 (BROOKE MOANING) 1107 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,079 - Hey, man. - BOTH: Oh, shit! 1108 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,184 I think Teddy saw you. 1109 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:22,599 What? No. 1110 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,307 No, no, no. Shit. Shit. 1111 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:29,639 Hey, what's up, man? 1112 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:30,719 Hey, man. 1113 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:31,999 What's up? 1114 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,479 What's up? You good? 1115 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:35,919 Yeah, I'm good, man. How's it going? 1116 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,919 - Everything's good. - Fucking great party. 1117 00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,239 - Great party, right? - Awesome party. 1118 00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:40,319 Yeah? 1119 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,106 - Yeah, man. - Yeah. 1120 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,639 And we got a fight over here! 1121 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,551 (PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY) 1122 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,023 - Fuck, are you okay, man? Dude, I'm so... - (YELLS) 1123 00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:56,959 (SQUEAKS) 1124 00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:58,599 CROWD: Oh! 1125 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,864 Is that how people fight now? What are they doing? 1126 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,467 Let go, let go. 1127 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,039 I'll never let go. 1128 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,827 I'll hold onto your balls forever. 1129 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,399 What are you thinking about? 1130 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:16,231 Why are you so calm? 1131 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,039 (SCREAMS) What the fuck? Ew! 1132 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,479 So gross! 1133 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,359 I never wanted to have to use that on you! 1134 00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:24,479 What the fuck, man? 1135 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,199 It's a blessing and a curse! 1136 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,719 Get the fuck out of here! You're so gross! 1137 00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:30,199 (TEDDY CONTINUES SCREAMING) 1138 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,145 God damn it. 1139 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:34,719 Throw shit off the porch! 1140 00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:37,879 ALL: (CHANTING) Throw shit off the porch. Throw shit off the porch. 1141 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,065 Let's throw shit off the porch! Whoo! 1142 00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,439 - Yes! - Come on, Delta Psi! 1143 00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,590 ALL: Whoa! 1144 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,624 (CROWD GASPING) 1145 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,220 Holy fuck. 1146 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:06,822 Somebody call 911! 1147 00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,559 (GROANS) 1148 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,039 He's still alive. 1149 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:11,639 He's still alive! 1150 00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:13,079 ALL: (CHANTING) He's still alive. 1151 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:14,639 Oh, shit. 1152 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:15,999 We didn't kill anyone. We didn't kill anyone. 1153 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,239 PAULA: Hey, guys! 1154 00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:19,039 What do you think of my new necklace? 1155 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,905 It's a choker. 1156 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:22,905 (EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK) 1157 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,119 I fucking did it! I totally did it. 1158 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,781 We couldn't have planned it better. 1159 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,223 That was incredible! 1160 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:32,266 We're celebrating. 1161 00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:33,759 Fuck it. I'll pump and dump. 1162 00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:35,671 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 1163 00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,267 We fucking did it. 1164 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:55,039 - Baby. - Yeah. 1165 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,719 Baby, let's be spontaneous. Let's go fuck on the kitchen floor. 1166 00:44:57,720 --> 00:44:58,919 - Yes! - Come on. 1167 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,439 - Let's do that shit. Whoo! - Let's do it! 1168 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,199 - Let's do something we've never done. - Okay. 1169 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,159 I don't know. Hit me with something. 1170 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:06,799 - Okay. - Smack me. 1171 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,199 Let's be crazy. 1172 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:09,599 - Okay. - Ow! Fuck! 1173 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,879 Fuck! Hey! Shit, stop! Stop! I don't like it, I don't like it! 1174 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,399 - I like it. - I don't like it, stop! 1175 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:14,759 - This is turning me on. - I don't like it. 1176 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,119 - I like it. - Don't do that! 1177 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,159 - Sorry. - It hurts. 1178 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:18,279 - Okay. - Okay. 1179 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,679 Let's do something crazy. 1180 00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:21,830 Why don't I stick something up your ass? 1181 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,599 No, not tonight. Not tonight. 1182 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:25,719 Can I stick something up your ass? 1183 00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:26,799 No, I'm not that drunk. 1184 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:27,999 Oh, I'm gonna come soon. 1185 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,519 Okay, I'm not even close. 1186 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,959 - I'm gonna come. - Come, baby. 1187 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,159 - I'm coming. - Are you close? 1188 00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:34,799 Come on. 1189 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,679 And... I'm too drunk to come. 1190 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,479 I'm not gonna come. 1191 00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,639 - It's gone mushy. - Thank you, sire. 1192 00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:44,319 (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I will take the gentleman's route out and call it a day, 1193 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:48,559 for no ejaculation will be occurring due to over-intoxication. 1194 00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,186 Thank you. 1195 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,159 (IN NORMAL ACCENT) That's how adults do it. 1196 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:55,279 I love you, baby. 1197 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:56,919 Baby, I love you. 1198 00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,159 We're a great team. 1199 00:45:58,160 --> 00:45:59,866 Baby, we're a hot team. 1200 00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:03,423 My boobs really hurt. 1201 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,799 I think I should probably pump. 1202 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,879 My boobs are feeling really full. 1203 00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,119 I like 'em like that. 1204 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:13,100 I like 'em full, baby. 1205 00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,199 - We did it. - We did it. 1206 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,799 That's a beautiful thing. 1207 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,679 Bros before hos, motherfucker. 1208 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:26,519 That dude forgot the golden rule. 1209 00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,519 I feel like shit. 1210 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,679 But I love it. 1211 00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,670 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1212 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:33,359 Oh, my boobs. 1213 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:34,759 Oh, God. 1214 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,879 - I gotta feed Stella. - Okay. 1215 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:40,224 Is she awake? I'm more milk than woman. 1216 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:42,399 I gotta get this out of me. 1217 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,390 Get it out of you. 1218 00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:48,399 Wait. Wait, wait, wait! 1219 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,439 Wait. Wait, no! Wait! 1220 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:53,559 Wait. Wait. Wait. 1221 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,119 Whoa. Wait. Wait. 1222 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,119 - No, no, no! - What? What? 1223 00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:58,719 Don't slap my boob. 1224 00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,587 There's booze in your boobs. There's booze in your boobs. 1225 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,439 It's poison. It's alcohol. 1226 00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,624 There's alcohol in there. 1227 00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,799 It's like a White Russian. Lay down, sweetie. 1228 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:11,239 KELLY: Oh, it fucking hurts! I need this milk out of me. 1229 00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:13,868 - Okay, we'll get that milk out. - Get the pump. Ow! 1230 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,199 Okay, I got it. 1231 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,199 - Fuck me! - Fucking idiot! 1232 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:19,639 - What are you doing? - I'm sorry. 1233 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,119 Fuck. Oh, no. Okay, relax. 1234 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,439 I'm sorry. What the fuck? 1235 00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,599 It broke. I totally broke it. 1236 00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,799 I don't even know what the fuck to do with this. 1237 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:28,959 Oh, no. 1238 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,586 Oh, shit! 1239 00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:32,999 Oh, they're Hulking out! They're gonna blow. 1240 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,759 What is happening to me? 1241 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,628 Oh, gross! They look like my grandma's legs. 1242 00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,759 Okay, let me call my mom. She'll tell us what to do right now. 1243 00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,279 Do not call your mother! 1244 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,799 Jesus! You Jews and your fucking mothers! 1245 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,039 What do I do? 1246 00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,199 - Milk me. - What? 1247 00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:49,439 You're gonna have to milk me. 1248 00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,479 - I don't want to milk you. - Well, you're gonna have to. 1249 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,279 I don't fucking want to! What do you mean "milk you"? 1250 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:54,439 You don't have a choice! 1251 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:55,679 Be a man and milk me. 1252 00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:57,959 Milk yourself! Try milking yourself! 1253 00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:59,039 I can't... 1254 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:00,719 Ow! (SOBBING) 1255 00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:02,239 Oh! I'm sorry. Okay. 1256 00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,759 Get on your hands and knees. We need a pail or something. 1257 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,719 - What? - You gotta get on your hands and knees. 1258 00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:09,039 - I'm not a cow! - Well, how else do you do it? 1259 00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:10,159 Just, normal. 1260 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,319 There's no normal way to milk a human woman. 1261 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:13,981 - Okay, okay! - Come on! 1262 00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,639 Ow! 1263 00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,199 I can't do it. Don't yell, just try to... 1264 00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:19,986 - Come on! Ow! - I'm sorry. 1265 00:48:20,240 --> 00:48:21,519 It's not working. 1266 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,079 - (GROANING) - (GRUNTING) 1267 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,559 - (SCREAMS) - Oh, fuck! 1268 00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,199 - Oh, fuck. - Oh, God. 1269 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,999 - Yeah! - (GRUNTS IN RELIEF) 1270 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,279 Boo-ya! 1271 00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:30,639 Okay. 1272 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,346 Whoo! 1273 00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:34,439 We are not high-fiving. 1274 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,919 Oh, God. 1275 00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:37,279 It tastes funny. 1276 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,319 They say it tastes good to the baby. It tastes funny to me. 1277 00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,709 - Just relax. Just settle down. - Okay. 1278 00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:45,348 I got, like, four pails out of you. 1279 00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:47,119 We should go mom tipping later. 1280 00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,879 - (LAUGHING) - Hey, too soon. 1281 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:50,519 - Okay, too soon. - Way too soon. 1282 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,944 Yeah, I agree. I'm just trying to lighten the moo-ood. 1283 00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,919 Moo-ood. 1284 00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:58,639 - Stop it. - I know. 1285 00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:01,029 I'm gonna move back to Australia if you don't stop. 1286 00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,199 Now I can't stop thinking of them. 1287 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:04,719 - Okay. - Mac... 1288 00:49:04,720 --> 00:49:06,879 That was udder-ly traumatic. 1289 00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,159 Please stop. 1290 00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:11,550 How much of you is traumatized? 2%? 1%? 1291 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,079 That was a cheesy one. 1292 00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,399 - That was good. - You like that? 1293 00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,159 You did it. See? (LAUGHS) 1294 00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:17,519 Yeah? 1295 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,359 But you know what? You hear that? 1296 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:20,719 It's victory. 1297 00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:22,039 We can finally go back to our lives. 1298 00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:23,780 It's over. 1299 00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:26,039 What the heck are you guys doing here? Where's Pete? 1300 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:27,679 I don't know. At some job fair or some shit. 1301 00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,359 What the heck's more important than this? 1302 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,199 Hey, I just wanna let you guys know 1303 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,599 that I ate a whole pot brownie before coming in here 1304 00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,039 - and I am really starting to feel it right now. - Yeah. 1305 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,639 Why would you do that? 1306 00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,399 Guys, don't talk. Please let me handle this. 1307 00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:41,519 Okay. 1308 00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,399 - (CLEARS THROAT) - (WHISTLES) 1309 00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:47,586 "Fraternity Severely Injures Economics Professor." 1310 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,159 What is this? 1311 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,439 It's a headline. 1312 00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,479 Is it a good one, or a bad one? 1313 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:53,639 It's a bad one. 1314 00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:55,279 Yeah, it's a really bad one. 1315 00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:56,879 It's a bad one. 1316 00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,399 I promise you, as the President of Delta Psi, 1317 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,039 that we will find a way to right this wrong. 1318 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,746 (LAUGHING) 1319 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,500 Very sorry about this. 1320 00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,039 You know what? That's it. 1321 00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,159 That's two strikes. 1322 00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,079 You're on probation until the end of the year. 1323 00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,359 Okay? You so much as throw a party, 1324 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:17,359 generate a noise complaint, or end up on any sort of headline, 1325 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,919 and you are out. 1326 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,319 Please don't put us on probation. 1327 00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,119 What about the end-of-the-year bash, Teddy? 1328 00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,479 I mean, we have to get on the wall, plus we bought the kegs. 1329 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,439 What, is she gonna reimburse us for those kegs? 1330 00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,159 - Are you gonna reimburse us for those kegs? - No. 1331 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,230 Scoonie. Not now. 1332 00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,501 Get out! 1333 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:34,799 I'm so sorry. 1334 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,039 Mmm-hmm. 1335 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:39,119 I just want to let you know, I ate a pot brownie before coming in here. 1336 00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:42,279 I'm the opposite of the person you say that to. 1337 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:45,784 That could have been two strikes, right there. 1338 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,950 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 1339 00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,791 Oh, there he is. 1340 00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:52,239 Holy shit. 1341 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:54,199 I'm just kidding. Sort of. 1342 00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:55,559 What's up, man? 1343 00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:57,079 Thanks for missing our meeting, Mr. VP. 1344 00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,679 I had this job interview, so... 1345 00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,159 No, no, clearly you had more important things to do. 1346 00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:03,359 Yeah. 1347 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:04,919 So, how'd the meeting go? 1348 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,159 Oh, it went great. It went great. 1349 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,999 We're on probation. We can't party. 1350 00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,423 - Shit. That's a bummer. - Mmm-hmm. 1351 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:18,079 So, are we cool with what happened last night? 1352 00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,399 Bros before hos. Right? 1353 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,947 - Yeah. - Right? 1354 00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:23,479 Yeah, man. 1355 00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,391 Junk before trunk. 1356 00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:27,719 All right, balls before dolls. 1357 00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:30,519 Compadres before I sleep with tu madres. 1358 00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:32,439 Brad Pitt before grab clit. 1359 00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,079 Deez nuts before skinny sluts. 1360 00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:35,879 Masturbate before I ask her to date. 1361 00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:38,519 Beef stew before watching The View. 1362 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,279 Male erection before One Direction. 1363 00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:44,559 Mario and Luigi before Thelma & Louise-ee. 1364 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,359 Bert and Ernie before squirtin' spermy. 1365 00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:51,519 Man purses before regular purses. 1366 00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:52,639 - Makes sense. - Yeah. 1367 00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:53,679 - Okay. - It does. 1368 00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:56,999 Sports before genital warts... No, fuckin'. That's bad. 1369 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,039 - That was a little weird. - I'm fading a little bit. 1370 00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,985 John Madden before... 1371 00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,879 - Jasmine from Aladdin! - Jasmine from Aladdin! 1372 00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:04,919 Yes! 1373 00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,149 We just said it at the same time! 1374 00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:08,679 All right, man, I should probably... 1375 00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:09,839 But, I'll see you back at the house, yeah? 1376 00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:10,879 See you, brother. 1377 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,381 - All right. Good talk, man. - Later. 1378 00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:15,759 Hey! You Delta Psi? 1379 00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:17,399 Yeah. Are you a Delta? 1380 00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,870 No, my roommate was. I used to wear his ties to get girls. 1381 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:23,425 You interested in working for AT&T? 1382 00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,665 What do you guys do? 1383 00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:30,039 We're a giant telecommunications corporation. 1384 00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:31,719 - Cell phones. - Oh. 1385 00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:33,199 What's your GPA? 1386 00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:34,906 Like, low twos. 1387 00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,662 I'm just kidding. High ones. 1388 00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:40,879 We're actually looking for candidates 1389 00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:42,719 that are a little more academically inclined. 1390 00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:45,239 So, you have a nice day. 1391 00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:46,741 What does that mean? 1392 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,910 It means you're too dumb. 1393 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:51,679 Good luck, bro. 1394 00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,227 Okay. 1395 00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,599 PETE: I hope we can "build" a great future together. 1396 00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,101 Architecture joke. 1397 00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,261 I know! 1398 00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,759 I like to have fun with it. 1399 00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,500 Lame. 1400 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,079 - Big Mac! - Yo! 1401 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:13,879 - There he is. - Hey! 1402 00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,319 - Hey. - Hello. 1403 00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,959 You know, I was just thinking, 1404 00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,719 it would be great to have you and Kelly 1405 00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:23,559 and your little princess over for a play date. 1406 00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,559 - We'll put it on the books. - Okay, cool. Great. 1407 00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,279 Sometime soon. I'll just... I'll get back to you. 1408 00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:28,781 - Yeah. - Great. 1409 00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:34,519 "And the dog goes, 'Woof, woof, woof, woof! 1410 00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:38,422 "'Woof, woof, woof!"' 1411 00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,959 - Oh, hi, baby. - MAC: How's it going? 1412 00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,479 Oh, good. Yeah, I'm good, I'm fine. 1413 00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:44,599 I'm fine. 1414 00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:46,479 I'm a bit bored, but I'm fine. I'm fine. 1415 00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:47,839 Yeah, I'm bored, too. 1416 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,639 My boss just invited us for a play date, 1417 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,239 so we can both just kill each other. 1418 00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:52,479 (STELLA CRYING ON MONITOR) 1419 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,999 I kind of miss the rush of messing with the frat. 1420 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,679 I have to go. She's awake. 1421 00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,989 Okay, call me after. Call me soon. 1422 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,665 TEDDY: Hey, neighbor. 1423 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:09,279 Ooh! 1424 00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:10,906 (ALL LAUGHING) 1425 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:14,519 Okay. Are you ready? 1426 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:16,199 Me and Kelly, we have found a way 1427 00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:17,999 to give the frat their last strike. 1428 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,719 - Get them out of here forever! - Out! 1429 00:54:19,720 --> 00:54:22,239 Why are we doing this? Didn't we already win? Remember? 1430 00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:24,599 "Bros before hos," that whole thing? It's over! 1431 00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,719 They're still fucking there! There's beer cans on the lawn. 1432 00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:27,799 They're barbecuing. 1433 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:28,999 - So? - "So?" 1434 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,359 It smells delicious in here. 1435 00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,999 Try living next to it. Try living next to it! 1436 00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,679 Hey, you guys don't want to go back to your 1437 00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,319 boring ass lives as parents. That's what it is. 1438 00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,319 I'm surprised and shocked, honestly, 1439 00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,039 that it is so hard to convince you, 1440 00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:40,679 of all people, that this is a good idea. 1441 00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:41,879 What? 1442 00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:46,039 One of those childs is having sex with your wife. 1443 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,199 It's fine. We're divorced. 1444 00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:50,039 - Jimmy! Wake up! - Wake up, man. 1445 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:51,199 His dick is this big! 1446 00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,359 "Hey, homie. I'm gonna fuck your wife with my giant dick." 1447 00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:54,879 "Oh, my God, this is amazing." 1448 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,319 "Oh, my God, homie. It feels so good." 1449 00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:57,599 - "Oh, homie." - "Wow. Oh, my God." 1450 00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,239 - "It feels so good, homie." - "What are you doing later?" 1451 00:54:59,240 --> 00:55:00,399 "Oh, homie, let's do it. Oh, God, homie." 1452 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:01,519 "That's amazing." 1453 00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:03,799 Okay, enough! Stop imitating! 1454 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,959 I get it! He's got a huge dick! 1455 00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,119 And her vagina, "Bye!" It's ruined! 1456 00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:08,279 MAC: Destroyed. Gone! 1457 00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:10,039 It's like when you lend a fat friend your shirt, 1458 00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,799 and it comes back, and it's all stretchy and flappy! 1459 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:16,065 Sagging all over the place! It'll be like this. 1460 00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,199 - I'm in! - MAC: Yes! 1461 00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,239 Nice! Nice! Great! Awesome, awesome! 1462 00:55:21,240 --> 00:55:22,679 - What's the plan? - Okay, okay. 1463 00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,239 We've been thinking. What gets frats 1464 00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:26,185 kicked out of schools more than anything? 1465 00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:27,866 Rape! 1466 00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,799 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 1467 00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:33,199 - Hazing scandals. - Hazing scandals! 1468 00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:34,239 - Yes! - Hazing scandals! 1469 00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:35,319 - Hazing scandals! - Yes! 1470 00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:37,199 You should've said it before you let me answer. 1471 00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,639 We need all that equipment you bought to spy on Paula. 1472 00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,711 I didn't... (LAUGHS) What? 1473 00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:44,599 Just stop. 1474 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,439 MAC: Look, you just take these spy glasses. 1475 00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,279 They look totally like normal glasses. 1476 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:49,719 You wear them into the frat house. 1477 00:55:49,720 --> 00:55:51,279 Teddy's gonna start pushing you around 1478 00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:52,759 and fucking with you, like he always does. 1479 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,439 Like I've seen him do a million times. 1480 00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:56,919 At that moment, you just push back. 1481 00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:58,879 Okay? Just push back. 1482 00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:00,559 The rest will take care of itself. 1483 00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,199 He'll haze the fucking shit out of you. 1484 00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,959 It'll all get caught on this camera. 1485 00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,542 Delta Psi is gone, you're a free man. 1486 00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:07,999 Those guys are my brothers. 1487 00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:09,119 KELLY: Your brothers? 1488 00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:11,159 Do you think your brothers would really treat you like that? 1489 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:12,439 Think about what they've done to you. 1490 00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:13,799 They dehumanized you. 1491 00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,799 - They treated you like shit. - They degraded you. 1492 00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,439 - JIMMY: You're an animal. - They called you Assjuice. 1493 00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:18,599 Assjuice. 1494 00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:20,079 - KELLY: Assjuice. - MAC: Assjuice. 1495 00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:21,839 - JIMMY: Subhuman. - KELLY: Assjuice. 1496 00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:23,759 ALL: Assjuice. Assjuice. 1497 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,959 Assjuice. Assjuice. 1498 00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:29,359 Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice! 1499 00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,879 You better eat this fucking dog food, now! 1500 00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,427 (SCREAMING) 1501 00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:35,199 PETE: What's the lesson? 1502 00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,599 BOYS: Don't go to sleep! 1503 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,864 This is your destiny, Assjuice. 1504 00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:42,519 Assjuice! 1505 00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,959 ALL: (CHANTING) Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice! 1506 00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:46,639 Assjuice! Assjuice! 1507 00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:47,679 I don't know. 1508 00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:48,999 JIMMY: Everyone breaks, bro. 1509 00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,279 Biology. 1510 00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,111 That's from Zero Dark Thirty. 1511 00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,670 You guys don't get it. 1512 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,679 I've gone through hell. 1513 00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,839 I'm not gonna throw that all away now. 1514 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:02,627 You know how many BJs I've been promised? 1515 00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:04,319 Infinite BJs. 1516 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,719 Infinite. Infinite. 1517 00:57:06,720 --> 00:57:08,710 Infinite BJs. 1518 00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:12,510 Delta Psi forever, ya bish. 1519 00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:18,759 We'll give you $1,000. 1520 00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,519 Okay. I'm in. 1521 00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:22,039 Nice! 1522 00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,039 - Nice! That was good! - JIMMY: That was good. That was really good. 1523 00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,030 That was good. That was sexy, too. 1524 00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:28,319 He looks like J.J. Abrams. 1525 00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,999 MAC: You look good. It looks okay. I think it's okay. 1526 00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:32,159 You're never gonna forget this! 1527 00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,159 Move, elephants! Move! Keep marching. 1528 00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:36,959 March! 1529 00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,879 March, march, march, elephants. 1530 00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,199 I'm not doing this anymore. 1531 00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:41,279 Get back in line, Assjuice! 1532 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:42,519 Get back in line! 1533 00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:44,599 Fuck you. I am not an elephant! 1534 00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:45,759 What did you just say to me? 1535 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:47,319 I am not an elephant! 1536 00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:48,719 He's doing it. He's doing it. 1537 00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,559 I'm a human man! I have dignity! 1538 00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,559 - We all have dignity! - Yes, Assjuice, yes! 1539 00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:57,479 Our names are not Fuckhead, or Jizzface, or Lea Michele. 1540 00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:58,839 - Lea Michele from Glee? - That's actually funny. 1541 00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:00,119 Yeah, that's really funny. 1542 00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,667 It's Evan. 1543 00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:05,231 And Brendan. 1544 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:06,559 And Juan. 1545 00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,599 So, fuck you. 1546 00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:10,399 Haze me. Say it. 1547 00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,399 - Say it! Come on! - Say it, Teddy. 1548 00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,079 I will haze you until your fucking face falls off! 1549 00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:17,423 ALL: Yeah! 1550 00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:19,879 - That's great. Okay, okay. - We did it. 1551 00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,119 You're in so much fucking trouble. Come with me, pledge. 1552 00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:23,621 ASSJUICE: Oh, fuck. 1553 00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,106 Fuck him up, Teddy. 1554 00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:30,948 I'm sorry. I'll do anything. 1555 00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,341 What's going on, Gary? 1556 00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,239 Are you okay, man? You seem distraught. 1557 00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:41,919 "You seem distraught"? 1558 00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,279 I mean, you've always been, in my opinion, like, our strongest pledge, 1559 00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:45,599 and now you're talking back. 1560 00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:46,999 - ASSJUICE: I'm scared. - You're scared? 1561 00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:50,239 I'm fucking scared, man. I'm tired all the time. 1562 00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,439 Fucking tired. I miss my mom. 1563 00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:54,279 - Oh, no, Assjuice. - Breaking? The guy was right. 1564 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,319 Everybody breaks. 1565 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:56,799 Okay. I'll tell you what. 1566 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,399 You go up to my room. 1567 00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,119 Lock the door, draw yourself a bath. Relax. 1568 00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,679 - (GASPS) - "Draw yourself a bath"? 1569 00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,839 Catch up on some Z's, okay? Take a nap. 1570 00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:06,399 Full season of Girls up there in the DVR. 1571 00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:07,919 We never planned for nice. 1572 00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:09,599 Thanks for talking to me, brother. All right? 1573 00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,501 You can always come to me with this kind of stuff, all right? 1574 00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,439 You're doing a great job. See you upstairs. 1575 00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,385 (BOTH IMITATING EXPLOSIONS) 1576 00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,860 I'm sorry, guys. He's too good of a dude. 1577 00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:27,985 - No! - Teddy! 1578 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,999 - What's up? - Yeah, one more thing. 1579 00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,119 No more thing! 1580 00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:34,359 These glasses, there's a camera in them. 1581 00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:35,519 ALL: No! 1582 00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:36,759 Oh, my God! 1583 00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:37,999 The asset's gone rogue. 1584 00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:39,079 Shit, he's still talking. 1585 00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:40,159 ASSJUICE: Your neighbors got me to wear them, 1586 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,479 so they could film you hazing us, 1587 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,039 so the fraternity would get dissolved. 1588 00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:46,199 And this isn't the first time. No, no, no, no. They flooded the basement. 1589 00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,431 They got Brother Pete to hook up with Sister Brooke. 1590 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,239 I'm so sorry, man. 1591 00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:52,679 - It's okay. - They've been after us for weeks. 1592 00:59:52,680 --> 00:59:54,199 - No! - He's telling him everything! 1593 00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:55,919 - Oh, my God! - Jesus Christ, guys! 1594 00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:57,785 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 1595 00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,101 MAC: Wait. 1596 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:02,359 He's looking at us. 1597 01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,703 - What are you doing? - He's looking at us. 1598 01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,424 You guys just crossed the fucking line. You're dead. 1599 01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:09,999 We're dead? 1600 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:11,159 (YELLS) 1601 01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:13,199 - Oh, God! Oh, my God! - That was scary. 1602 01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:14,879 - Come on, guys. - Jesus. 1603 01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,999 How do you turn these off? 1604 01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,865 ASSJUICE: It's on the side. 1605 01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,199 (SINGING) We're gonna go to the shops 1606 01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,719 Then we're gonna go to Mommy and Me 1607 01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:29,199 And see all those bitches that I hate 1608 01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:33,159 It's gonna be really boring 1609 01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,867 But we'll get out of the house! 1610 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:47,839 KELLY: I think the frat has broken into the car and stolen all of the airbags. 1611 01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,399 - Airbags? - Yeah. 1612 01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:51,239 That's so weird. Is anything else missing? 1613 01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:53,105 - No! - Okay. 1614 01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:54,919 Why would they just break in and steal the airbags? 1615 01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,910 I don't know. We should file a police report... 1616 01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:00,991 (GROANING) 1617 01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:04,105 What the fuck? 1618 01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,306 Oh, shit! 1619 01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,671 Found the airbags! 1620 01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,746 There's three left! 1621 01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,159 Fuck! 1622 01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:16,741 - Two left! - (JIMMY GROANING) 1623 01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:19,270 Jimmy, are you okay? 1624 01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:20,759 I'm fine! 1625 01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:23,759 It wasn't as bad as it seemed. I'm fine. 1626 01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:25,879 Delta Psi has the upper hand! 1627 01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:28,906 We went too far now. This is dangerous. 1628 01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,639 We did not go too far. 1629 01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:32,679 Now is when we get them back even more. 1630 01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:34,599 Do you see what they fucking did to me? We don't stop now! 1631 01:01:34,600 --> 01:01:36,919 So, what it's gonna be next? They're gonna break into the house? 1632 01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,039 No. No. 1633 01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:40,959 You need to grow up, okay? Our family is in danger. 1634 01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:42,799 - I need to grow up? - Yes, you need to grow up. 1635 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:44,999 One of us has got to be the adult in this relationship. 1636 01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,279 You should take responsibility. 1637 01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,719 That's not only offensive, but it's fucking stupid. 1638 01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:50,639 It's offensive that I'm saying that you should be smart? 1639 01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:53,479 Yes, it's offensive that I have to be the smart one all the time! 1640 01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:54,999 I'm allowed to be just as irresponsible as you. 1641 01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,399 Well, that's how it works! I'm the dumb guy, 1642 01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:58,919 and you're the woman who's supposed to 1643 01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,439 stop the dumb guy from doing dumb shit! 1644 01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:02,599 Haven't you ever seen a fucking Kevin James movie? 1645 01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:04,839 We can't both be Kevin James. I'm Kevin James! 1646 01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:06,679 I have a little bit of Kevin James in me. 1647 01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:07,799 Well, we can't both... 1648 01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:10,119 Clearly, you're the one who knows better, so you should know better. 1649 01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:13,319 You know that I'm not like that, and I've never been like that. 1650 01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:14,999 - Well, maybe you should be. - That's never been me. 1651 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,519 Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean 1652 01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:18,079 that I'm gonna change who I am. 1653 01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:19,319 Well, just because I'm a father, 1654 01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:22,999 it doesn't mean I can stop doing mushrooms with teenagers. 1655 01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,119 - Fine! - Fine! 1656 01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:25,159 - Good. - Good, then. 1657 01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:27,159 Okay, Kevin, I don't think we're a good team anymore. 1658 01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,319 - The team is breaking up. - Yep. 1659 01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:30,359 This worked before we had Stella, but... 1660 01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:32,159 - Now it doesn't. - It doesn't work anymore. 1661 01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:33,519 Yeah, because someone refuses to grow up. 1662 01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:34,599 - Fine. Okay. - Fine then. 1663 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:36,519 You go find your nagging wife that you 1664 01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:38,319 want to find, and I'll go find a real man. 1665 01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:39,879 - Fine! Good to know. - Fine. 1666 01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:42,319 I don't feel safe here, just in case you didn't know. 1667 01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:43,559 Well, that's crazy. 1668 01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:44,719 I'm gonna take our child and go. 1669 01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:46,079 Oh, yeah? Well, that's ludicrous, 1670 01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:49,239 because this is perhaps the safest place on the planet, 1671 01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:50,479 just so you know! 1672 01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:51,999 - You're kidnapping our baby! - Asshole! 1673 01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,639 Don't kidnap our baby! 1674 01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:55,519 I'm gonna put out an AMBER fucking Alert! 1675 01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:57,559 Enjoy the house by yourself, you child! 1676 01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:59,505 This is safer than the White House! 1677 01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:01,711 (GROANING) 1678 01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:03,559 Dude, we missed the airbag! 1679 01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:05,639 Kelly, there's one left! 1680 01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,665 It could be anywhere! 1681 01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:09,791 Ow! 1682 01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:16,559 Hey, man, do you think, maybe we're going, like, way too far with this? 1683 01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,679 I mean, as a child of divorce, I just... 1684 01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,399 I can't help it, I sympathize with them. 1685 01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:25,063 Well, my parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious. 1686 01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:43,431 (SCREAMS) 1687 01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:45,421 Fuck! 1688 01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:48,421 Fuckers! Fuck! 1689 01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:18,627 Shalom, Mac. 1690 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,639 Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. 1691 01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:23,879 - How's it going? - I'm sorry. 1692 01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:25,479 I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. 1693 01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:26,719 I love you so much. I'm so sorry. 1694 01:04:26,720 --> 01:04:27,879 I love you, I'm sorry. 1695 01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:29,279 I was so stupid. 1696 01:04:29,280 --> 01:04:31,119 What a stupid fucking fight to have. 1697 01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:32,439 No, I was stupid. I'm really, really sorry. 1698 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:33,799 I'm so sorry. It was so dumb. 1699 01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,479 - It was really dumb. - I love you so much, okay? 1700 01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:36,839 - Do you still like me? - I miss you. I love you. 1701 01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,079 - Do you still like me? - Yes, I still like you. 1702 01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,184 - Okay, good. I love you. - Okay. 1703 01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:41,719 She's so crazy. 1704 01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:43,426 She's still behind you. 1705 01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,509 - Hey. - Hi. 1706 01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,145 Lame, isn't it, Pete? 1707 01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:01,999 Whoa. 1708 01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:05,106 You're really villaining out in here. 1709 01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:07,669 What's lame? What's going on? 1710 01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,388 Lame that we're on probation. 1711 01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,319 We're not gonna end up on this thing. 1712 01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:16,199 That is kind of lame, but also kind of meaningless, right? 1713 01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,639 What the fuck are you talking about? 1714 01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,999 No, man. I just mean, like, you're the President, you know? 1715 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,119 If you want to be up there so bad, just put your picture up. 1716 01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:24,159 No one's gonna stop you. 1717 01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,788 Because then I didn't earn it. 1718 01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,199 It doesn't mean anything if you don't earn it. 1719 01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:32,145 Who cares? 1720 01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:34,185 "Who cares?" 1721 01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:37,384 Are you kidding me? 1722 01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:42,029 You're the VP, man. 1723 01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:44,679 We have wanted this since we were freshmen. 1724 01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:47,079 Dude, that was four years ago, okay? 1725 01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,359 We were fucking virgins. All right? 1726 01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:51,519 We're about to be, like, adults now. 1727 01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:53,039 In two weeks, none of this is even gonna matter. 1728 01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:54,479 What the fuck are you talking about? 1729 01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:57,879 I mean, you do realize that all this stuff, it's all bullshit, right? 1730 01:05:57,880 --> 01:05:59,319 It's all made up. 1731 01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:02,839 Like, my brother's fraternity also thinks they invented beer pong. 1732 01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:04,039 Well, your brother is a liar. 1733 01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:06,110 All right, let's put that down. 1734 01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:08,879 Dude, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, 1735 01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:10,719 but I think you're freaking out 1736 01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,439 about what you're gonna do next year. 1737 01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:13,919 What? 1738 01:06:13,920 --> 01:06:15,399 I'm trying to be your friend, okay? 1739 01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,439 But I don't know why you try to hide this stuff from me. 1740 01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:19,279 I'm a psychology minor, you know that. 1741 01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:20,599 "I'm a psychology minor." 1742 01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:22,599 Dude, why do you think you're so obsessed 1743 01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:24,559 with that old couple next door, all right? 1744 01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:26,399 It's because they remind you of the future. 1745 01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:27,679 I'm sorry, but it's true. 1746 01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:29,239 What the fuck are you talking about? 1747 01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:30,679 - You're trying to be my friend? - Yes! 1748 01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:32,719 Well, why don't you go fuck my girlfriend again? 1749 01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:34,119 - What? - Yeah. 1750 01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:35,759 I thought we were over that. What are you... 1751 01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,559 How the fuck could I be cool with that, man? 1752 01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,319 You had sex with my girlfriend! 1753 01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:41,319 What are you... We said all those things, all right? 1754 01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:42,999 They rhymed! What the hell was that? 1755 01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,839 We said some shit that rhymed? Are you crazy, man? 1756 01:06:45,840 --> 01:06:47,519 How the fuck would that make me feel better? 1757 01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:51,119 You don't think I was clearly trying to mask how I really felt, 1758 01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:52,479 so I tried to bro out with you? 1759 01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:54,279 I don't know! You're a good actor! 1760 01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:56,079 What the fuck am I supposed to think? 1761 01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,599 Get the fuck out of here! 1762 01:06:57,600 --> 01:07:00,159 God! Dude, take your shit out on someone else, all right? 1763 01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:01,759 - This isn't about me. - Okay. 1764 01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:04,103 That's right, Pete. Walk away. 1765 01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:06,599 - Bitch. - Oh, my God. 1766 01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,226 Ahhh! 1767 01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:10,239 Scoonie put his dick in your mouth 1768 01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,105 while you were sleeping, bitch! 1769 01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:14,226 Uh-uh. I wasn't asleep. 1770 01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:21,359 (DOOR CLOSES) 1771 01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:23,021 (GROANS) 1772 01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:33,959 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1773 01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:35,621 One sec! 1774 01:07:36,120 --> 01:07:38,079 Get your knees in there. 1775 01:07:38,080 --> 01:07:39,820 There you go. 1776 01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:44,620 Hey, neighbor. 1777 01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:46,639 What the fuck do you want, man? 1778 01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,439 Hi, how's it going? 1779 01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:49,999 - What do you want? It's over. - Yeah. 1780 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:51,679 You won. There's nothing else. 1781 01:07:51,680 --> 01:07:52,799 We're just getting started. 1782 01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,839 I know what you might be thinking. 1783 01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:56,359 "Teddy is gonna graduate this year 1784 01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:57,919 "and everything's gonna be fine." 1785 01:07:57,920 --> 01:07:58,999 But it won't. 1786 01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,946 Because in a few weeks, when school ends, so does our probation. 1787 01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:07,507 There's gonna be hundreds and thousands of Teddys living next door to you for all time. 1788 01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:11,159 Because "Teddy" is just an idea. 1789 01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:12,239 - It's over. - It's over, man. 1790 01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:13,319 Okay? It's done. 1791 01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:14,679 It's over? Okay, it's over, it's over, it's over. 1792 01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:16,159 I just have one thing I wanted to say. 1793 01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,159 This entire time, your daughter is gonna be growing up 1794 01:08:19,160 --> 01:08:22,039 watching all these young, shirtless men next door, 1795 01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:24,359 and we're gonna be watching right back. 1796 01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:26,879 You're a bad boy! Get off our porch. 1797 01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:28,479 - Delta Psi, bitch. - Now! I'm gonna call the police! 1798 01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:29,981 Get off! 1799 01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:32,679 We are not moving. 1800 01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,103 No. They are. 1801 01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:36,999 The problem is that they're on probation. 1802 01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:38,239 - I know. - They're being careful. 1803 01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,799 They're never gonna do anything ridiculous, 1804 01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:41,279 because they're watching themselves. 1805 01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:45,227 What would be great is if they didn't think they were on probation. 1806 01:08:48,440 --> 01:08:52,879 Our probation's been lifted! Our probation's been lifted! 1807 01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:54,711 Our probation's been lifted! 1808 01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:57,159 Yeah, this is amazing. 1809 01:08:57,160 --> 01:08:59,519 I want a baby. I'm gonna have a baby. 1810 01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:01,559 - You don't want a baby. - Oh, I do. 1811 01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:02,959 Would you be my surrogate, Kelly? 1812 01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:04,839 - No! - Dude, don't ask that. 1813 01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:08,230 Don't be so fucking offended. It's not like we're gonna have sex. 1814 01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:10,399 - I would masturbate into her. - MAC: That's not how it works. 1815 01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:11,479 That's not what you would do. 1816 01:09:11,480 --> 01:09:12,799 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) I don't want to talk about this. 1817 01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:13,959 Oh, shit. Teddy just tweeted. 1818 01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:15,399 What? 1819 01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:17,239 Tomorrow night, party's on. 1820 01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:18,399 Free party tonight. 1821 01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,879 There'll be food, blankets. It's gonna be great. 1822 01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:22,039 (ON RADIO) We're back on the air with Dirty Boy. 1823 01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:23,079 And Romie the Homie. 1824 01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:24,959 ROMIE: Right, right. So let's take a few calls. 1825 01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:26,119 DIRTY BOY: All right, caller, what's your name? 1826 01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,199 Hey, dude. 1827 01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,879 This is Nutsack calling over from Delta Psi. 1828 01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:31,239 ROMIE: What's up, Nutsack? 1829 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:32,759 We're having a huge rager tonight. 1830 01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:35,262 You know what brings people to a party more than anything? 1831 01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:37,239 Celebrities. 1832 01:09:37,240 --> 01:09:39,399 This is Mark Wahlberg. If you don't come to this party, 1833 01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:41,079 I'm gonna give you a world-class knuckle sandwich. 1834 01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:43,359 Oh, my gosh. This is Anne Hathaway. 1835 01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:47,359 I want to ask you to the party this weekend that I'm having with friends. 1836 01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:49,942 Hello. This is Julia Child. 1837 01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,279 - Ho! - Hey, babe, you want to party? 1838 01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:54,439 The question is, do you want to party? 1839 01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:55,679 Right there. 1840 01:09:55,680 --> 01:09:57,119 You, too, Deadwood. There you go. 1841 01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:58,559 See you guys. 1842 01:09:58,560 --> 01:10:02,119 Hey, it's Ray Romano. What are you doin'? 1843 01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,159 - No, this is Ray Romano and... - No, this is Ray Romano... 1844 01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:06,310 Who is Ray Romano? 1845 01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,639 This is President Barack Obama, 1846 01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:11,799 telling you to come to a great party 1847 01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:14,879 this evening at 2203 West Olmstead. 1848 01:10:14,880 --> 01:10:16,506 Peace, nigga. 1849 01:10:17,280 --> 01:10:19,748 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 1850 01:10:35,400 --> 01:10:37,919 Gentlemen, we are fortunate members 1851 01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:41,902 of a prestigious lineage of extraordinary gentlemen. 1852 01:10:42,640 --> 01:10:45,479 We are Delta Psi Beta. 1853 01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,391 ALL: Delta Psi! 1854 01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:55,466 Now, there is no higher honor in Delta Psi than making it onto the wall. 1855 01:10:55,520 --> 01:10:59,999 And this year, we will make it on that wall. 1856 01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:01,999 People have hot-boxed showers. 1857 01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,319 They've hot-boxed cars. 1858 01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:05,639 Attics. Caves. Fire trucks. 1859 01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:07,839 Porta-Potties. Private planes. 1860 01:11:07,840 --> 01:11:10,679 But tonight, forget the hot-box. 1861 01:11:10,680 --> 01:11:14,343 I give you the hot house. 1862 01:12:29,880 --> 01:12:31,759 MAC: Holy shit. 1863 01:12:31,760 --> 01:12:33,759 - (CAR ALARM BLARING) - This party is getting out of control. 1864 01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:35,199 - This is strike three. - This is crazy. 1865 01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:37,039 - Strike three. - Yes! 1866 01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:40,119 JIMMY: Yes, hello. This is the President of the neighborhood watch. 1867 01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:44,919 There is a giant party at 2203 West Olmstead right now. 1868 01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:48,439 They're yelling and fighting. The ringleader's name is Scoonie. 1869 01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:50,199 He's a little scrawny piece of shit with a giant dick. 1870 01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:51,919 - Come on, come on. Stay on message! - I'm sorry. 1871 01:12:51,920 --> 01:12:53,079 They are sending the cops. 1872 01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:56,719 DISPATCH ON RADIO: We have a disturbance at 2203 West Olmstead. 1873 01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:57,839 10-4. 1874 01:12:57,840 --> 01:12:59,671 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 1875 01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:02,639 What is this? Is this our flyer? 1876 01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:05,039 No, we do everything online! 1877 01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:06,799 Who makes flyers anymore? 1878 01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:08,119 Fucking old people! 1879 01:13:08,120 --> 01:13:09,479 Old people? 1880 01:13:09,480 --> 01:13:12,824 Thumbsucker! Let me see the letter from the school, man! 1881 01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:19,479 Our school's insignia is in Latin. 1882 01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,119 This is in Jewish! 1883 01:13:21,120 --> 01:13:22,799 - What? - We're not off probation! 1884 01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:24,119 The old people have the upper hand. 1885 01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:25,319 We got to get everyone out of here! 1886 01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:26,439 We got to get everybody... 1887 01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:28,704 BOTH: Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo! 1888 01:13:29,840 --> 01:13:31,319 TEDDY: Guys! 1889 01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,663 DELTA PSI BROTHERS: Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo! 1890 01:13:41,240 --> 01:13:42,519 Shit, they're hootie-hooing! 1891 01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:44,039 - What? - They're fucking hootie-hooing. 1892 01:13:44,040 --> 01:13:45,159 KELLY: What does that mean? 1893 01:13:45,160 --> 01:13:46,519 That means they know the cops are coming. 1894 01:13:46,520 --> 01:13:48,359 - I don't get it! - MAC: It's from an Outkast song. 1895 01:13:48,360 --> 01:13:50,079 BOTH: (SINGING) Born and bred up on the street top 1896 01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:52,279 Get the money and the sweet spot And forever hollerin' 1897 01:13:52,280 --> 01:13:53,799 - Hootie-hoo - When we see cops 1898 01:13:53,800 --> 01:13:55,519 Yo, cops be robbing niggaz blind With the dollars... 1899 01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,239 - Okay, okay, we fucking get it! - I get it. I get it. 1900 01:13:57,240 --> 01:13:58,879 - That's the song. - How could they know that's happening? 1901 01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:00,119 How do they know something's wrong? 1902 01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:01,199 It's because of the Hebrew. 1903 01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:04,319 I put a little Hebrew in the school sign, you know, like a coded game. 1904 01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,679 - What? - What? 1905 01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:07,199 Check this out. Inside the school seal, 1906 01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:11,599 I put sof hamisschak, which is Hebrew for "game over." 1907 01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:14,359 What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Why did you do that? 1908 01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:15,519 - Stop hitting me. - MAC: That's so stupid! 1909 01:14:15,520 --> 01:14:16,879 No! No, no! It's like a wink, you know? 1910 01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:18,559 Like at the end of a heist, you leave your calling card. 1911 01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:20,239 It's like, "They got us again." 1912 01:14:20,240 --> 01:14:22,159 One big difference, the heist isn't done! 1913 01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:24,424 We're mid-fucking-heist, genius! 1914 01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:34,905 (ALL PROTESTING) 1915 01:14:36,320 --> 01:14:39,199 Everybody out! Party's over! 1916 01:14:39,200 --> 01:14:41,519 Let's go! This is not a fucking drill! 1917 01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:43,559 Stop standing around! Let's go! 1918 01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:47,143 Drinks down! No alcohol outside! Get the fuck out of here! 1919 01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,902 Party's over! Dirty Santa, let's go! 1920 01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:51,719 - Everyone's clearing out. - Oh, my God! 1921 01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:53,346 Everyone's leaving! 1922 01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:56,319 This isn't a strike! It's not a strike if everyone's leaving! 1923 01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:57,821 Shit! 1924 01:14:58,760 --> 01:14:59,999 It's Watkins. 1925 01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,559 Looks like the party shut down. 1926 01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:04,391 (SIREN WAILING) 1927 01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:06,079 Cops are here. 1928 01:15:06,080 --> 01:15:08,759 Fuck me! Shit! They're sending Garf out to talk to him. 1929 01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:10,599 He's so charming, he'll get the cop to leave. 1930 01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:11,919 WATKINS: Yo, is there a party going on around here? 1931 01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:14,279 No, no. There was, but I shut that down. 1932 01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:16,159 You got nothing to worry about, officer. 1933 01:15:16,160 --> 01:15:17,839 That's really responsible of you guys. 1934 01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:19,599 You must've heard we were coming. 1935 01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:22,759 Look, we're in a nice neighborhood. We want to be good neighbors. 1936 01:15:22,760 --> 01:15:24,039 It's the least we could do, you know? 1937 01:15:24,040 --> 01:15:25,919 We appreciate that, man. 1938 01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:27,199 - I'm gonna go now. - No. 1939 01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:28,759 You're not trying to get rid of me, are you? 1940 01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:31,262 No. No. 1941 01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:33,279 We've got to save... Come on, we're so close! 1942 01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:35,119 - We gotta save this. What do we do? - Okay, okay, okay. 1943 01:15:35,120 --> 01:15:36,959 Teddy's room. We got to sneak into Teddy's room. 1944 01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:38,799 Fuse box. We'll turn the party back on. 1945 01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:40,359 - Get the party going again. - Get the party started. 1946 01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:41,799 - Let's go. - Get the party started! Come on! 1947 01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:43,381 Grab the monitor. Grab the monitor. 1948 01:15:43,400 --> 01:15:45,439 - What are you doing? - I'm sneaking. 1949 01:15:45,440 --> 01:15:46,999 What the fuck? 1950 01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:48,639 Don't worry about it. 1951 01:15:48,640 --> 01:15:50,239 Is that your real name? Garf? 1952 01:15:50,240 --> 01:15:51,559 Well, Garfield. 1953 01:15:51,560 --> 01:15:53,359 - Garfield. - Garfield, yeah. Yeah. 1954 01:15:53,360 --> 01:15:54,479 - Oh. - Yeah. 1955 01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:56,119 - Like the cat. - My father... Yeah. 1956 01:15:56,120 --> 01:15:58,079 "I hate Mondays!" 1957 01:15:58,080 --> 01:15:59,919 "I hate Mondays!" 1958 01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:01,359 "I love lasagna!" 1959 01:16:01,360 --> 01:16:03,464 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1960 01:16:05,440 --> 01:16:09,706 Do some cat stuff real quick. Be sarcastic or lick yourself. 1961 01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:13,301 Okay. All right. 1962 01:16:14,840 --> 01:16:16,239 (LAUGHING) 1963 01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:18,151 (MEOWING) 1964 01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:21,822 I love fucking with you when you high, man. 1965 01:16:27,320 --> 01:16:28,839 PETE: Get the hell out of here. 1966 01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:32,159 Everybody out! Hootie-hoo! Let's go! 1967 01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:35,279 All right, fellas, get a move on. Hootie-hoo! 1968 01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:38,279 What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What the... 1969 01:16:38,280 --> 01:16:40,599 That was, like, a distraction so they couldn't see what was going on. 1970 01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:41,679 - Grow up! It worked. - Okay. Okay. 1971 01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:42,919 Yeah. There wasn't anything behind it. 1972 01:16:42,920 --> 01:16:44,439 You used so much tongue! 1973 01:16:44,440 --> 01:16:46,704 PETE: Upstairs clear! 1974 01:16:51,480 --> 01:16:54,479 Hey. Do not let anyone upstairs, you got me? 1975 01:16:54,480 --> 01:16:56,279 Yes, sir. 1976 01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:58,020 (CREAKING) 1977 01:17:04,880 --> 01:17:06,870 Holy fuck. 1978 01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:12,159 What was that? 1979 01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:15,630 Shaggy, Scooby, Jizzface, let's investigate! 1980 01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:19,709 It's open. It's open. 1981 01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:31,479 (EXHALES) 1982 01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:33,239 He's right there! He's right there! 1983 01:17:33,240 --> 01:17:34,999 What do we do? What do we do? What do we do? 1984 01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:36,919 - We got to get him out of there! - Distraction. 1985 01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:38,079 Okay, distraction. What? What do we do? 1986 01:17:38,080 --> 01:17:39,159 Distraction, distraction. 1987 01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:41,344 - I'm gonna jump off the balcony. - What? 1988 01:17:42,760 --> 01:17:45,159 - No, no, why? Why? - No! What? 1989 01:17:45,160 --> 01:17:46,279 (JIMMY GROANING) 1990 01:17:46,280 --> 01:17:48,079 JIMMY: Oh, God! 1991 01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:50,070 (JIMMY SCREAMING) 1992 01:17:50,480 --> 01:17:53,187 Fuck! Shit, shit. Go! 1993 01:17:55,440 --> 01:17:57,305 What the fuck? 1994 01:18:00,440 --> 01:18:01,599 Nice. He's gone. 1995 01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:03,147 He's gone. 1996 01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:05,879 - Come on, come on! - Damn it! 1997 01:18:05,880 --> 01:18:07,879 One, two, three? 1998 01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:08,919 No! 1999 01:18:08,920 --> 01:18:11,599 JIMMY: Oh, God! Oh, God! 2000 01:18:11,600 --> 01:18:13,119 My God, Jesus! 2001 01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:14,319 What the hell, bro? 2002 01:18:14,320 --> 01:18:15,559 What up, Teddy? 2003 01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:16,679 What the fuck? 2004 01:18:16,680 --> 01:18:17,759 "Boobs" upside down! 2005 01:18:17,760 --> 01:18:19,999 I can't do "boob." I can do "Bob." 2006 01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:21,919 I can do "cock." I can do "C-O-K." 2007 01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:22,959 Sixty-nine? 2008 01:18:22,960 --> 01:18:24,079 Sixty-nine? There's three numbers! 2009 01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:26,399 What other stupid number combinations are there? 2010 01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:29,959 I'll never talk! I'm unbreakable! 2011 01:18:29,960 --> 01:18:31,279 Jesus! 2012 01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:33,748 I'm not a distraction. 2013 01:18:34,240 --> 01:18:35,479 It's a distraction? 2014 01:18:35,480 --> 01:18:36,639 No! No! 2015 01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:39,984 I got it, I got it. I got it. 2016 01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:44,039 Four-twenty? 2017 01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:45,239 Victory. 2018 01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:46,639 Boom! Yes! 2019 01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:49,142 BOTH: Yes! Yes! Yes! 2020 01:18:49,800 --> 01:18:52,462 (CHUCKLES) Yes. I'm gonna kill you. 2021 01:18:52,840 --> 01:18:54,830 - Go, go. - Okay. 2022 01:18:55,120 --> 01:18:57,748 Don't open this door no matter what you hear! 2023 01:18:57,800 --> 01:18:59,079 TEDDY: This is it. 2024 01:18:59,080 --> 01:19:01,079 Mano y mano. 2025 01:19:01,080 --> 01:19:02,879 You are not getting through this door. 2026 01:19:02,880 --> 01:19:05,667 Jesus. Okay. 2027 01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:08,599 Fuck, these kids locked everything! 2028 01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:09,679 God damn it. 2029 01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:11,999 I've been wanting this. I've got your number. 2030 01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,479 Ready? 2031 01:19:13,480 --> 01:19:14,839 Yeah, I'm ready. Are you ready, huh? 2032 01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:15,919 Oh? 2033 01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:17,501 - Oh? - Huh? 2034 01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:19,599 - Old man. - Oh, my nuts! 2035 01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,511 Why the fuck do you keep fighting? 2036 01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:23,359 (GROANING) 2037 01:19:23,360 --> 01:19:25,519 (YELLING IN DELIGHT) 2038 01:19:25,520 --> 01:19:27,359 Yes, that felt good! 2039 01:19:27,360 --> 01:19:29,100 - MAC: I hit him, Kelly! - Fuck! 2040 01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:32,039 Oh, yeah! 2041 01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:33,871 (INHALING DEEPLY) 2042 01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,679 Okay, let's just relax for a second. 2043 01:19:37,680 --> 01:19:38,839 Baby, let me in! 2044 01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:42,199 I can't let you in yet. I haven't figured out how to open it! 2045 01:19:42,200 --> 01:19:43,701 Okay, fuck me! 2046 01:19:48,480 --> 01:19:50,027 Stay! 2047 01:19:52,360 --> 01:19:53,519 (LAUGHS) 2048 01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:55,067 What the fuck? 2049 01:19:55,880 --> 01:19:56,999 (GROANS) 2050 01:19:57,000 --> 01:19:58,119 How'd you even do that? 2051 01:19:58,120 --> 01:19:59,279 No idea. 2052 01:19:59,280 --> 01:20:01,669 - Come here! - No! 2053 01:20:02,160 --> 01:20:03,399 What the fuck? Damn it! 2054 01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:05,345 Who still has waterbeds? 2055 01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:12,826 (PANTING) 2056 01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:21,181 Let's do this shit. 2057 01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:29,425 Suck my dick! 2058 01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:32,065 Suck my dick. 2059 01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:36,759 Yeah, suck it! Suck my dick. 2060 01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:38,500 No, no! 2061 01:20:42,120 --> 01:20:44,748 So gross! Ew! 2062 01:20:44,760 --> 01:20:47,228 That was very immature! 2063 01:20:51,920 --> 01:20:53,501 I'm Batman! 2064 01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:55,864 Oh! Fuck! 2065 01:20:57,440 --> 01:20:59,021 I'm Batman! 2066 01:21:00,520 --> 01:21:02,260 Ahhh! 2067 01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:03,781 Oh, shit! 2068 01:21:04,440 --> 01:21:06,226 Fuck me! 2069 01:21:15,160 --> 01:21:16,821 God damn it! 2070 01:21:18,680 --> 01:21:21,639 Good luck with all your problems, officer. 2071 01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:23,346 Really. 2072 01:21:32,120 --> 01:21:33,799 Get off of me! 2073 01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:35,426 God damn it! 2074 01:21:35,640 --> 01:21:37,426 - No, no, no! - Yeah! 2075 01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:39,479 Oh, shit! 2076 01:21:39,480 --> 01:21:41,141 Kelly! 2077 01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:42,946 Kelly, honey. 2078 01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:45,584 - He's coming. - Kelly, it's over! 2079 01:21:45,920 --> 01:21:47,359 Kelly, he's coming! 2080 01:21:47,360 --> 01:21:49,828 Fuck! Shit! 2081 01:21:50,080 --> 01:21:52,150 So long, neighbor. 2082 01:21:54,520 --> 01:21:56,260 (SCREAMING) 2083 01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:58,944 - (PEOPLE SCREAMING) - (TIRES SCREECHING) 2084 01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:01,381 (LAUGHING) 2085 01:22:03,320 --> 01:22:06,790 I need backup at 2203 West Olmstead! 2086 01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:09,639 Delta Psi is attacking me! I'm under fire right now! 2087 01:22:09,640 --> 01:22:11,266 I need backup! Over! 2088 01:22:11,960 --> 01:22:13,359 Well played, motherfuckers. 2089 01:22:13,360 --> 01:22:14,639 What the fuck are you looking at? 2090 01:22:14,640 --> 01:22:16,301 What the fuck are y'all looking at? 2091 01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:19,663 - Well played. - What the fuck? 2092 01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:23,399 You can't tell anyone I showed you this. Okay, baby? 2093 01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:24,599 Oh, my God. Shut up, Scoonie. 2094 01:22:24,600 --> 01:22:25,839 I'm sorry, baby. 2095 01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:27,705 (ALL CHEERING) 2096 01:22:31,120 --> 01:22:34,159 No, guys! Hey, hey! 2097 01:22:34,160 --> 01:22:35,279 Oh, shit! 2098 01:22:35,280 --> 01:22:36,519 Holy shit! 2099 01:22:36,520 --> 01:22:37,799 My brothers need me. 2100 01:22:37,800 --> 01:22:39,461 (LAUGHING) 2101 01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,581 Holy shit. 2102 01:22:58,560 --> 01:23:00,107 (JIMMY GROANING) 2103 01:23:00,480 --> 01:23:02,982 Holy shit! Did you break your leg? 2104 01:23:03,200 --> 01:23:04,799 Baby broke his leg! 2105 01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:06,719 I'm not a baby. 2106 01:23:06,720 --> 01:23:08,479 - Oh, no? - I'm a fucking man! 2107 01:23:08,480 --> 01:23:10,199 My God, Jimmy! 2108 01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:11,839 He's so light. He's all dick. 2109 01:23:11,840 --> 01:23:13,580 Thank you. 2110 01:23:13,680 --> 01:23:15,759 Keep your dick away from my wife! 2111 01:23:15,760 --> 01:23:17,519 (WHOOPING) 2112 01:23:17,520 --> 01:23:19,385 YOLO! 2113 01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:23,145 This is who I am. 2114 01:23:23,480 --> 01:23:25,948 Jimmy fuckin' Blevitz. 2115 01:23:26,520 --> 01:23:28,101 You want this? 2116 01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:30,751 Oh, my leg. 2117 01:23:33,560 --> 01:23:35,266 Let's make a baby. 2118 01:23:36,800 --> 01:23:37,919 That'll solve all our problems. 2119 01:23:37,920 --> 01:23:39,467 Yeah. 2120 01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:43,223 (BOTTLES SHATTERING) 2121 01:23:46,200 --> 01:23:47,679 We are fucked, man. 2122 01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:49,591 Yeah. We're fucked, man. 2123 01:23:49,720 --> 01:23:52,439 I guess we're all going down in a blaze of glory, huh? 2124 01:23:52,440 --> 01:23:55,319 What? No way, man. Get out of here. 2125 01:23:55,320 --> 01:23:57,279 Dude, all that shit I was saying the other day 2126 01:23:57,280 --> 01:23:59,119 about you and the fraternity... 2127 01:23:59,120 --> 01:24:01,159 Fuck that, all right? I was out of line, man. 2128 01:24:01,160 --> 01:24:02,279 This stuff is important. 2129 01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:03,399 I know. 2130 01:24:03,400 --> 01:24:06,719 Regardless of anything, we're brothers for life. 2131 01:24:06,720 --> 01:24:09,159 This is on me. I took it too far. 2132 01:24:09,160 --> 01:24:10,759 That's why you got to go. 2133 01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:12,119 - (SIRENS WAILING) - You got a bright future, kid. 2134 01:24:12,120 --> 01:24:14,190 You're the smartest person I know. 2135 01:24:14,440 --> 01:24:15,919 I'm the President of a fraternity. 2136 01:24:15,920 --> 01:24:17,559 You could be President of the United Nations. 2137 01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:19,679 There is no President of the United Nations. 2138 01:24:19,680 --> 01:24:22,879 Yeah, but see, that's my fucking point! You know shit like that, man! 2139 01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:24,119 This is all my fault. 2140 01:24:24,120 --> 01:24:25,239 You're not taking the heat for this. 2141 01:24:25,240 --> 01:24:26,679 I fucking will, man. 2142 01:24:26,680 --> 01:24:28,679 - Brothers don't get divorced. - Yeah, I know. 2143 01:24:28,680 --> 01:24:31,119 I'm a supernova. Burn bright, die young. 2144 01:24:31,120 --> 01:24:32,519 I fucking love you, man. 2145 01:24:32,520 --> 01:24:34,988 - I love you, dawg. - I love you. 2146 01:24:35,160 --> 01:24:37,079 I fucking love you, man. Get out of here. 2147 01:24:37,080 --> 01:24:39,867 Be in this moment! Live in this shit with me! 2148 01:24:40,480 --> 01:24:42,079 - I love you! - I love you, too, man. 2149 01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:43,279 I love you! 2150 01:24:43,280 --> 01:24:45,305 - I fucking love you, Pete. - I love you! 2151 01:24:46,640 --> 01:24:50,428 I love you, too, but... Get out of here, man! Just go! 2152 01:24:51,680 --> 01:24:53,279 Delta Psi. 2153 01:24:53,280 --> 01:24:55,270 Delta Psi, man. All right? 2154 01:24:56,960 --> 01:24:59,119 Go! Get the brothers out of here now, man! 2155 01:24:59,120 --> 01:25:00,639 - Go, go! - All right! Hey! 2156 01:25:00,640 --> 01:25:04,781 T-Bone, Gerbil, Jizzface, let's get the fuck out of here! Let's go! 2157 01:25:13,760 --> 01:25:15,989 Delta Psi forever! 2158 01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:19,079 - (GROANS) - Delta Psi this shit! 2159 01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:23,141 You've been a bad boy. I'm gonna spank you. 2160 01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:25,385 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 2161 01:25:42,040 --> 01:25:43,719 KELLY: That's our baby. 2162 01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:45,559 She's so sweet. 2163 01:25:45,560 --> 01:25:47,141 Look at her. 2164 01:25:49,600 --> 01:25:51,465 We're a family. 2165 01:25:51,640 --> 01:25:53,585 We are. 2166 01:25:56,400 --> 01:25:58,186 I love you. 2167 01:26:00,080 --> 01:26:01,661 (BOTH GASP) 2168 01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:07,399 (BOTH EXHALE) 2169 01:26:07,400 --> 01:26:09,279 - Holy shit. - That was close. 2170 01:26:09,280 --> 01:26:11,359 - I could not deal with that right now. - Fuck, no way. 2171 01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:12,919 - Jesus. - I'm exhausted. 2172 01:26:12,920 --> 01:26:15,159 - That would be a fucking disaster. - Oh, Jesus. 2173 01:26:15,160 --> 01:26:16,239 We did it! 2174 01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:17,679 We did it. We fucking did it. 2175 01:26:17,680 --> 01:26:18,879 We did it. 2176 01:26:18,880 --> 01:26:20,119 - We did it. - (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 2177 01:26:20,120 --> 01:26:21,439 Come on. 2178 01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:22,719 We fucking did that shit. 2179 01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:24,679 We totally did it. 2180 01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:29,230 I think I was near one of those oil drums for too long. 2181 01:26:29,440 --> 01:26:31,839 I think I might be really quite stoned. 2182 01:26:31,840 --> 01:26:33,501 Me, too. 2183 01:26:34,040 --> 01:26:35,239 Life's crazy. 2184 01:26:35,240 --> 01:26:36,359 It is crazy. 2185 01:26:36,360 --> 01:26:38,359 I milked you. 2186 01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:42,103 You're a human being, and I fucking milked you. 2187 01:26:42,520 --> 01:26:45,879 We made a baby. Things have changed. Everything has changed. 2188 01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:47,199 Part of our life is just totally over. 2189 01:26:47,200 --> 01:26:48,479 Yeah. 2190 01:26:48,480 --> 01:26:50,279 - Just gone. - Yeah. 2191 01:26:50,280 --> 01:26:52,239 - It's never coming back. - No. 2192 01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:57,143 We'll never not be responsible for someone until we're so, so old. 2193 01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:00,639 I think I like old people shit better than young people shit now. 2194 01:27:00,640 --> 01:27:01,959 I love brunch. 2195 01:27:01,960 --> 01:27:03,119 Oh, it's the best! 2196 01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:06,559 And I get really excited when I smell freshly ground coffee. 2197 01:27:06,560 --> 01:27:07,919 Me, too, because it's awesome. 2198 01:27:07,920 --> 01:27:10,359 Like, way too excited. 2199 01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:12,519 I want a tomato garden. How's that? 2200 01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:15,799 I love going to The Container Store and buying containers. 2201 01:27:15,800 --> 01:27:16,999 Me, too. 2202 01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:19,759 I love our hand soap that's shaped like seashells. 2203 01:27:19,760 --> 01:27:20,999 Why? 2204 01:27:21,000 --> 01:27:22,159 It smells like lemongrass. 2205 01:27:22,160 --> 01:27:23,799 Me, too. 2206 01:27:23,800 --> 01:27:26,119 Do you think we'll be good parents? 2207 01:27:26,120 --> 01:27:29,464 I think we'll be good at it and bad at it. 2208 01:27:30,200 --> 01:27:32,987 BOTH: Whoa! (LAUGH) 2209 01:27:33,440 --> 01:27:37,079 You know, when we had Stella, I was afraid of missing the party, 2210 01:27:37,080 --> 01:27:40,902 but then I realized that we are the party. 2211 01:27:41,120 --> 01:27:43,588 This is the only party I want to be at. 2212 01:27:44,720 --> 01:27:46,279 You're gonna make me cry. 2213 01:27:46,280 --> 01:27:48,111 Don't cry. 2214 01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:53,591 Oh, my God. 2215 01:27:54,840 --> 01:27:56,830 Where did you get that? 2216 01:27:57,360 --> 01:28:00,022 I brought it into bed with us. 2217 01:28:01,240 --> 01:28:03,663 I also got some ranch dipping sauce. 2218 01:28:04,200 --> 01:28:05,959 - Oh, my God. - Mmm-hmm. 2219 01:28:05,960 --> 01:28:07,599 That's the best idea. 2220 01:28:07,600 --> 01:28:09,306 Yeah. 2221 01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:11,706 Mmm! 2222 01:28:17,800 --> 01:28:19,719 TEDDY: Welcome to Abercrombie. 2223 01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:22,143 Come inside. Check out some board shorts. 2224 01:28:22,200 --> 01:28:24,270 Hey, Mac! 2225 01:28:24,760 --> 01:28:25,879 - Hey, dude. - What's up, man? 2226 01:28:25,880 --> 01:28:27,039 - What up, man? - How's it going? 2227 01:28:27,040 --> 01:28:28,719 - Good to see you. - Good to see you, too. 2228 01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:30,039 You're one of those guys! 2229 01:28:30,040 --> 01:28:31,359 - I am, yeah. - Yeah. 2230 01:28:31,360 --> 01:28:33,319 - It's a pretty good gig. - Yeah. 2231 01:28:33,320 --> 01:28:35,599 You'd be surprised, I actually meet a shit-ton of girls here. 2232 01:28:35,600 --> 01:28:36,839 Not that surprised. 2233 01:28:36,840 --> 01:28:38,399 Your body basically looks like a giant arrow 2234 01:28:38,400 --> 01:28:39,799 pointing right towards your dick. 2235 01:28:39,800 --> 01:28:41,839 - Oh, my God. Thank you. - No problem, man. 2236 01:28:41,840 --> 01:28:43,919 - I think that's a compliment. - It is a compliment. 2237 01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:45,239 We went nuts. 2238 01:28:45,240 --> 01:28:46,519 It escalated very quickly. 2239 01:28:46,520 --> 01:28:50,263 It escalated to a really crazy place. That was really nuts, man. 2240 01:28:50,360 --> 01:28:51,919 How are the guys? 2241 01:28:51,920 --> 01:28:53,759 They're all great. They got a big house off campus. 2242 01:28:53,760 --> 01:28:56,759 Pete's a fancy architect, designing buildings and stuff. 2243 01:28:56,760 --> 01:28:59,279 How's the rest of post-college life treating you? 2244 01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:00,999 It's good, man. I'm having fun. 2245 01:29:01,000 --> 01:29:03,919 I realize I probably should have studied a little bit more. 2246 01:29:03,920 --> 01:29:05,359 Little bit. (LAUGHS) 2247 01:29:05,360 --> 01:29:08,999 But I'm going to night school to get my degree, so... 2248 01:29:09,000 --> 01:29:11,264 - Awesome, man. - Yeah. 2249 01:29:11,680 --> 01:29:13,759 Well, it's still really good to see you, man. 2250 01:29:13,760 --> 01:29:14,919 Great to see you too, buddy. 2251 01:29:14,920 --> 01:29:16,119 - All right, brother. - Good to see you. 2252 01:29:16,120 --> 01:29:17,479 Bring it in for the real thing. 2253 01:29:17,480 --> 01:29:19,679 Nice, okay. Good to see you, dude. 2254 01:29:19,680 --> 01:29:22,103 You know what? While I'm here... 2255 01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:24,479 I've always wanted to do this. 2256 01:29:24,480 --> 01:29:27,159 All right. Wow, you're really going for it. 2257 01:29:27,160 --> 01:29:28,839 - I'm doing it. - Oh, man. 2258 01:29:28,840 --> 01:29:32,799 So, is it our posture? Why do we look so different? 2259 01:29:32,800 --> 01:29:33,959 I don't know, man. Just be free. 2260 01:29:33,960 --> 01:29:35,479 - Just kind of let it out. - Okay. 2261 01:29:35,480 --> 01:29:37,141 I feel free. 2262 01:29:37,440 --> 01:29:38,941 (LAUGHS) 2263 01:29:39,720 --> 01:29:42,519 Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch. Can we take your order? 2264 01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:43,759 Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch. 2265 01:29:43,760 --> 01:29:45,919 Abercrombie, Fitch. 2266 01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:47,279 - Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch. - How you doing? 2267 01:29:47,280 --> 01:29:48,599 Can we take your order? 2268 01:29:48,600 --> 01:29:50,119 - We're a great team. - Thanks. 2269 01:29:50,120 --> 01:29:52,031 You make the store more approachable. 2270 01:29:52,120 --> 01:29:53,639 What does that mean? 2271 01:29:53,640 --> 01:29:54,679 (STAMMERS) 2272 01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:56,839 It's like, I make... 2273 01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:59,279 I'm a more obtainable goal. 2274 01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:00,959 Yeah, you're like the relaxed-fit jean guy. 2275 01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:03,144 Yeah. I'm the relaxed-fit jeans. 2276 01:30:06,680 --> 01:30:08,959 I made some blue meth. It's Gatorade. 2277 01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:10,159 Oh, perfect! Great. 2278 01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:11,599 She's all ready to go. 2279 01:30:11,600 --> 01:30:13,639 This is gonna be the best calendar yet. 2280 01:30:13,640 --> 01:30:14,839 Look at that, sweetie. 2281 01:30:14,840 --> 01:30:16,359 All right. Let's do it. 2282 01:30:16,360 --> 01:30:18,359 Who's my little Heisenberg? You are! 2283 01:30:18,360 --> 01:30:19,639 She's a little meth head. 2284 01:30:19,640 --> 01:30:20,799 No, she just makes it. 2285 01:30:20,800 --> 01:30:22,586 - (COMPUTER RINGING) - Oh... 2286 01:30:24,360 --> 01:30:26,479 - Hey. Look who it is. - JIMMY: What's up, dude? 2287 01:30:26,480 --> 01:30:28,159 We're at Burning Man! 2288 01:30:28,160 --> 01:30:29,839 Burning Man! 2289 01:30:29,840 --> 01:30:31,159 KELLY: Hey! 2290 01:30:31,160 --> 01:30:32,519 You guys should come here. 2291 01:30:32,520 --> 01:30:34,519 - Bring Stella! You can bring kids! - Bring Stella! 2292 01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:36,839 - MAC: No. - No, we're making a Stella calendar. 2293 01:30:36,840 --> 01:30:38,039 Yeah, we got six months left. 2294 01:30:38,040 --> 01:30:39,199 She's Heisenberg. She's Walter White. 2295 01:30:39,200 --> 01:30:41,319 - KELLY: See? - You're such a lame-o! 2296 01:30:41,320 --> 01:30:43,319 - Don't be so fucking lame! - Totally lame. 2297 01:30:43,320 --> 01:30:44,399 It's awesome! 2298 01:30:44,400 --> 01:30:45,879 It only gets better and better! 2299 01:30:45,880 --> 01:30:49,589 I feel completely comfortable missing that party. Okay. 2300 01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:51,359 - We gotta go, okay? - KELLY: We gotta go. 2301 01:30:51,360 --> 01:30:54,079 Yeah, have a good one. Try not to die. 2302 01:30:54,080 --> 01:30:55,439 What should we do next? 2303 01:30:55,440 --> 01:30:57,039 - Don Draper. Yeah. - MAC: Yeah, Don Draper. 2304 01:30:57,040 --> 01:30:59,224 Let's get the leading men out of the way. 2305 01:30:59,760 --> 01:31:01,864 - I love you. - I love you. 2306 01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:04,079 - We love you. - We love you. 2307 01:31:04,080 --> 01:31:06,264 - Little Walter White. - Baby. 2308 01:36:35,800 --> 01:36:39,304 JIMMY: Sof hamisschak. It means "game over."166210