Original subtitles

(dramatic tone)

(suspenseful music)

(explosion rumbles)

(dramatic music)

- Now this is something quite spectacular.

It's from Brazil.

(dramatic music)

- Come on.

(horn blares)

Come on. (tires screech)

- Isn't that an absolutely exquisite piece?

- Yeah, but I was looking for something a bit more

suspenseful.

(tires screech) (suspenseful music)

- All right, nobody move! (screaming)

Purse on the counter, lady!

Come on.

You wanna be dead?

Here's the chance of a lifetime.

- Please don't. - On the floor, grandma.

(screaming)

- You, on the rug.

- Ah, you cheap old bitch.

- Quit dickin' around, Smitty.

- Come on!

(bashing)

You idiot.

(gunshots) (screaming)

- What are you doing?

- Just lookin'.

(gunshots) (screaming)

- You asshole.

- Shut your mouth and fill the bag.

(lively music)

(thumping with rhythm)

- Doug-

Doug.

Doug.

- What?

- I thought that we were going plain clothes today.

Why didn't you tell me we were going undercover?

- You didn't ask.

Why, what's the matter, Rog?

- I look like an FBI agent on a Rose Bowl float.

- You look great, man, relax.

- [Dispatcher] Five Adam 38.

- Doug-

- Five, Adam, 38. - Doug.

Dispatcher.

- [Dispatcher] Five Adam 38, please respond.

- Five Adam 38, what?

- [Dispatcher] 2-11 in progress at Melrose Place.

Proceed immediately.

- You didn't say, "May I."

(tires screech) (exciting music)

Woo! (honking)

All right, kick-ass Dirty Harry.

- Hate to lose 'em this time.

- Roger, Roger, but you can't get 'em if you're dead, man.

(dramatic music)

(tires screech)

- Good morning, Detective.

Got a bit of a situation here.

- That being? - 2-11.

Perps in the jewelry store with automatic weapons.

We're gonna take 'em when they exit the premises.

- Couldn't have said it better myself, Lieutenant.

- [Burglar] Come on, come on.

- Think it's our cash and dash boys?

- I wouldn't know.

- Who else would pull a clown-ass stunt like this, Roger?

- How much you figure is here?

- Too much, leave it.

(dramatic music)

- Freeze, drop your weapons!

(gunshots)

(screaming)

(gunshots)

(groans)

(screaming)

" [Burglar] Ahh!

(grunts)

- [Police Officer] Ah, ah!

- Ahh!

(screaming)

(shots firing)

(glass shatters)

(gunshots)

(distant shouting)

- Hey Roger, a little too early in the morning for this,

isn't it?

(shots firing)

- Why aren't these guys dead?

We've hit 'em about 50 times each.

- Maybe they're just flesh wounds.

- Will you cover me, please?

Can I borrow your car, Lieutenant?

- Absolutely not!

(shots firing)

- Come on.

Come on, come on!

(shots firing) (glass shattering)

(moans)

(tires screech)

(yells)

(gunshots)

(tires screeching)

Come on, you!

Shit!

(gunshots)

(grunts)

(metal clinks) (dramatic drum music)

Uh oh.

(explosion rumbles)

(dramatic music)

(metal and glass smashing)

- [Woman] Get a doctor.

- You're under arrest.

You have the right to remain disgusting.

- Are you sure that's necessary?

- You can't be too careful.

(sirens blaring)

- Mortis!

You're the craziest, stupidest, most dumb fuck-stunt

I ever saw.

- No, please, don't thank me, Lieutenant.

I get my thanks from helping others.

- You better believe the Captain's gonna hear about this.

- Gee, you think he'll want a word with us?

- Unauthorized use of a city vehicle.

Reckless endangerment of property and lives.

Use of a non regulation firearm.

- That was me, not Bigelow, Sir.

- Disrespectful conduct,

flippant and tasteless verbal remarks.

- That was me.

- And 18 parking tickets so far this month.

Need I point out that you guys are already

on probation twice?

And that this morning's cowboy adventure

puts both of you on the endangered species list,

and that your badge is going to the shitter

if you screw up just one more time.

- Captain, this man deserves a medal,

and I think I deserve one for saving his life.

- Look, I couldn't help noticing

that in spite of Herdzog's whining,

you guys did the job, he didn't.

So, I'm prepared to cut you a little slack.

- Thank you, sir.

- But it would be nice if you could earn it

by nailing the rest of these cash-and-dash fuckers

to the wall with a 12-inch rail road spike.

- We're working on that, sir.

- Work harder!

- Fine man, Captain Mayberry,

make a really good gym teacher.

- Just be glad we're still employed.

- (chuckles) Call me Thursday. (phone ringing)

I love this job, Roger.

I love the power, I love the little badges,

I love being a human target for anyone within sniping range

of a donut shop.

- It does have its perks.

- So what have you learned from this

little adventure, Dorothy?

- Well, so far we've had six robberies.

Three banks, two jewelry stores, and a goldsmith shop.

All in the past three weeks

and all in the same nine-block radius.

- A Beverly Hills jewelry store robbery

ended in bloodshed today,

part of what police are calling the most violent string

of robberies in city history.

Six incidents in the last two weeks

have been linked to these so called cash-and-dash gang,

which has thus far eluded capture, although two of its

alleged members were killed in today's battle with police.

- Hey Roger, how many you think are in the gang?

- It's hard to say.

Descriptions are always different

so there's gotta be a bunch of 'em.

Maybe they take turns.

- Yeah, you sure it's the same folks?

- The MOs are the same.

Perpetrators are heavily armed and work in pairs,

often striking in broad daylight

in reckless disregard for their personal safety.

- Yeah, and if you shoot 'em, they don't die.

Ahuds)

- Some drugs do that.

PCP users can shrug off all sorts of physical trauma.

- Yeah, but bullets, Rog?

- It's possible.

- Eh, that's bullshit man.

(phone rings)

- Mortis.

- [Woman] It's Smythers, I've got something for you.

Get clown to the morgue as fast as you can.

Ahuds)

- Do you ever wonder about your death day, Roger?

Let's say your death day was,

I don't know, April 23rd, and somehow you knew that.

You could have a death day party.

- You have passed weird, Bigelow.

You're approaching degenerate.

- You can get totally ripped, man.

Pig out, invite all your friends,

get yourself a beautiful lady, right?

And right in the heat of passion, just as you're--

- Sorry, did I interrupt last night's conquest?

- [Roger] Hardly.

- Hi, Roger.

- Hello, Rebecca.

So how have you been?

- I have a home phone, Roger.

Using the mutilated remains of street scum

as an excuse to ask after my health is not exactly

what I would call thoughtful.

- And you call me degenerate.

(distant intercom speaking)

- So what's the story on these John Does?

What's so unbelievable?

- [Rebecca] I'll show you.

- Hey, nice shot, Rog.

- Thanks, is there enough here to identify?

- I wondered that myself.

The teeth and fingerprints are practically worthless,

but I noticed one thing.

- What?

- Stitches.

You can see where the out was made,

traversing the sternum (suspenseful music)

and incised with an electric saw.

- They had surgery?

- Nope,

they had autopsies.

They've been here before, fellas.

I certified them myself.

I even took pictures.

- [Intercom] John Doe number 87, and Jane Doe number 243

awaiting pick up...

- Well, we all make mistakes, Dr. Smythers.

- Dr. McNab, I am not in the habit of signing

a death certificate for someone who just doesn't feel well.

- Well I would hope not,

but the fact remains that either you screwed up

or these two boys got up after you were done

and strolled out of here.

- I never forget a body, Doctor.

(heels clicking away)

- Well, in five years she'll be damn good, but right now,

she's too quick to jump to fanciful conclusions

without really digging for the truth,

and that, gentlemen, is what autopsies are all about.

- Asshole.

- I beg your pardon? - It's fascinating.

- Yes, isn't it? - Well you've got to admit,

it is very strange.

- Strange, yes.

- [Roger] Excuse me.

- Hey, Doctor, what is this for anyway?

(laughs)

- You wouldn't wanna know.

(clears throat)

- Knock knock.

- Come to read me my rights?

- Was that one sugar or two?

- Two, but I gave it up.

- I thought we gave those up, too.

- Yeah, well I kicked one bad habit

and picked up another.

- Whoa, hey.

I came in here to give you some moral support.

(taps)

Don't you believe in fish that swim?

- No, they're just as pretty and I don't have to feed them.

What about those corpses, do you believe me?

- There's definitely something very weird going on here.

- I'll say.

- Look, is there anything else

that you find strange about these guys?

- You mean besides the fact that they won't stay dead?

- Yeah. - Yes,

I did turn up something unusual in their skin tissue.

- Like what?

- Trace quantities of sulfathiazole,

a drug once used in bacterial infections.

It's pretty severe stuff.

- Dante Pharmaceuticals.

- Recent purchaser of 5O kilos of sulfathiazole.

- You do the talking, Roger, I'm not sure

how to phrase this. (suspenseful music)

- Well let's just tell the truth.

We're looking for someone who hijacks dead bodies

and brings them back to life to rob jewelry stores.

Good afternoon.

Police detectives Mortis and Bigelow.

Good afternoon, police detectives Mortis and Bigelow.

- Sorry to interrupt your erection, pal,

but we'd like to speak with the management of this facility.

- Miss James at the front, please.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

(suspenseful music) (heels clicking)

- What can I do for you?

- I'm Detective Mortis and this is Detective Bigelow, LAPD.

Do you manage this facility?

- I'm in charge of public relations.

Randi James.

- How do you do?

- What's this all about, officer?

- Well we're not at liberty to disclose the details,

Miss James, but we are interested in a recent purchase

you made of a drug called sulfathiazole.

- And if you know any zombies.

' B99 your pardon?

- What's the drug typically used for?

- Quite a number of things.

Let me show you our basic product line.

Most of our products are over-the-counter items,

not terribly interesting to the layman.

Cosmetics, personal hygiene, toiletries, and so on.

Items everyone uses but nobody likes to talk about.

- Tampons, hemorrhoid cream, stuff for crabs.

- Among others.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- I'm gonna do some research, Roger.

- Right this way, gentlemen.

- All of our products are thoroughly tested

before release to general public.

- Great, the dog gets skin cancer so we don't have to.

- You were telling us about sulfathiazole.

- Oh, yes.

Nothing really special about it.

It was widely used up until the 40s when it was replaced

by other compounds, and well, we still use it

as an antiseptic agent and an herbal skin ointment.

- I hope I don't offend you, but

you ever seen these guys before?

- [Randi] Ugh.

Never.

No, I can't say I regret it either.

- Hey, what's that?

(suspenseful music)

- Sad, but necessary.

When we have to kill an animal, it goes in here.

The room is airtight

and a piston evacuates the air in a period of a

few seconds.

The animal perishes quickly and quietly.

- Didn't I see one of these at Disneyland?

- Well, that's just about it, gentlemen.

I don't know if I've been any help to you.

- Hey, what's in here?

- Toxic waste products.

Properly disposed of, I assure you.

- I think that's all we need to see.

- You know, Miss James,

I gotta take a leak so bad my teeth are floating.

Is there a little boy's room around here?

I just gotta pee Pee-

- Down the hall.

- Just give me a sec.

No admittance my ass.

(electricity zaps)

(suspenseful music)

What the hell is this?

(suspenseful music)

(squeals and growls)

- Ah!

(smacks) (growling)

(groans)

- Well, thanks for all your help, Miss James.

- Not at all.

- Listen, about my partner, he's--

- A neanderthal?

- Yes, but a nice neanderthal.

- (chuckles) It's all right.

The world's full of them.

(suspenseful music)

(gunshots)

No! (gunshots)

- Excuse me!

(suspenseful dramatic music) (sirens)

(growling)

(smash) (groans)

- [Man] Huh! Hey!

' [Woman] Wait!

(gunshots) (growls)

(gunshot)

(growling)

What is this thing?

- Very ugly-

(suspenseful music)

(smack)

(groans)

(scuffling and grunting)

(beeping)

(beeping)

(pounding)

' Doug!

Doug!

(suspenseful music)

(beeps)

(beeps)

Help!

(incessant beeping)

(Smacks) (Q runts)

(incessant beeping)

(Smacks) (Q runts)

(Smacks) (Q runts)

Doug!

(pounding)

Doug!

(smacking) (grunting)

(Whimpers)

Douq

(incessant beeping)

(knocks)

Doug!

(suspenseful music)

(gunshots)

(groaning)

(Whimpers)

(heart thumping)

' ROger!

(distant walkie-talkie voices) (cameras clicking)

- What's going on here, Doug?

I heard on the radio there was a shooting.

Doug, where's Roger?

- He, uh,

got locked in the decompression room.

Died the way dogs are supposed to die.

If I had just got that fucking door open.

- I have to see him, Doug.

(sad music)

- God, Roger, you thought you were indestructible.

What exactly happened here, Doug?

- Forget it, Becky, you wouldn't believe me.

- Try me.

(suspenseful music)

(machine rings)

They must use the sulfathiazole as some sort of preservative

until they get them on here.

- Becky, can we just get the hell out of here, please?

(suspenseful music)

(machine ringing)

- This is how they do it, Doug.

This is how they resurrect the dead.

- Get outta here.

(machine ringing)

(dramatic music)

- Looks like he's in remarkably good condition.

- He's dead, Becky.

- It doesn't matter, Doug.

Someone has found a way to revitalize dead tissue,

the way a starfish grows new limbs.

After all, what really separates life from death?

- But the soul, Becky, what about the soul?

- Looks like they may have found a way around that too Doug.

- What if he wakes up like some mindless idiot?

- Then I hope you'll shoot him in the head.

- Thanks a lot.

(machine blasts)

(fast-paced thumping)

- Hi guys.

- You're alive!

- Of course I'm alive.

I must have taken a hell of a shot there.

- Hey, uh, Roger,

Roger how you feeling?

- I feel...

Hey, what is this place?

What are you doing here, Rebecca?

- Roger, we'll explain that to you later,

but please just tell us how you feel.

- Well, come to think of it I,

I feel terrific.

I feel incredible.

Woo, it's great to be alive!

(laughs)

- Mortis, I thought you were dead!

- Oh, sorry to disappoint you, Doctor.

- What's the last thing you remember?

- Well, we were uh...

We were at the research place and we were looking around.

And Doug was fighting this thing.

I got locked in that room and,

I guess I must'veve blacked out.

It was like I was rushing toward this

weird light or something.

Then I looked down and I saw myself.

My body.

Just lying there.

But when I reached out to touch it, it was

like I got hit with 1 O thousand volts.

- Well, it's uncommon but it's happened before.

Clinically dead people reviving in the last possible moment.

- Roger was dead for an hour.

- What?

- Don't you see, we literally brought him back.

Oh my God.

- What is it?

- I'm not getting a heartbeat.

- (laughs) Don't be ridiculous.

May I borrow those, please?

(dramatic music)

Well, obviously there's something wrong with this thing.

- [Dr. McNab] Would you give me that damn thing.

Something wrong it.

(mysterious music)

You're faking it.

He's faking it.

I don't know what's going on here

but I want Mortis back in the lab for some tests.

- He doesn't need tests, he's, he's dead.

- Dead! (laughs)

That's ridiculous.

- Becky, we've both seen this guy shit faced.

He's looked a hell of a lot worse.

- Listen, this is crazy, I never felt better in my life.

- Without a heartbeat, that's hard to believe.

- Dr. Smythers, I have two corpses in the next room

that I doubt are going to make a comeback.

Now, you know where I am

after you finish with this nonsense.

Gee.

- My god, you're cold.

(glass shatters) - Ow!

(suspenseful music)

What the hell is this?

I cut the artery, how come I'm not bleeding?

(incredulous laugh)

Now, wait a minute.

I'm no deader than you are.

- Roger, it's the resurrection machine.

- I still don't believe it.

I'm sorry, Doug, I just don't believe it.

- Minute by minute, Roger, that's the only way to take this.

It's the only way to live, anyhow.

- Easy for you to say.

- Roger, you haven't heard the worst of it.

- I'm dead, Rebecca, how much worse can it get?

- I've been scanning the lab report.

The resurrection process has an unfortunate side effect.

- Which is what?

- Progressive decay of reanimated tissue.

Irreversible cell damage.

You've got 10 to 12 hours tops.

- And then what?

- All of the cells of your body will dissolve

into a kind of organic stew.

- Becky, can't you just pop him back in for a recharge?

- This thing isn't a toaster oven, Doug.

Come back to the lab, maybe we can do something.

- The most important thing for me to do right now

is to nail whoever did this to me.

You understand that, don't you?

- Personally rip his heart out with my bare hands, Roger.

Hold the heart in the palm of my hand

and we'll watch it stop beating together.

- That's good, Doug, but let's find him first.

- Where do we start?

- Let's find Randi James.

- [Rebecca] Roger.

- We'll meet you at the lab.

- 1O to 12 hours.

Don't throw it away.

- You know the weird thing is,

I feel fine.

I feel like I could run in the Boston Marathon.

- No, you couldn't, Roger, it's not open to dead people.

- You think they check?

- Oh, they're very strict now.

- Oh shit.

- What's the matter?

- Find me a drugstore.

I gotta fix my face.

- So, what color'd you get?

- Uh...

Mulberry wine.

- It's a good choice.

Brings out your eyes.

- Go to hell.

(mysterious music)

- [Doug] Missed a spot.

' [Roger] Where?

- [Doug] Right there.

- [Roger] Don't touch it, I almost got it straight here.

- [Doug] I love it when you get angry.

- How do women do this?

- I don't know, tribal memory I guess.

(laughs)

(suspenseful music)

Looks guilty to me.

(thumps)

You left without saying goodbye.

- Let go of me.

- Going on a trip? - Is it any of your business?

- What happened to you?

- Cut myself shaving.

Mind if we ask you a whole lot of questions?

- Look, I don't know anything about

what happened in there today.

I, I got scared and I left, okay?

- Let's talk about it inside.

- Hey, nice pad.

- Now, would you mind telling us

what this is all about?

- I told you!

I'm their public relations person.

At least I was until you two showed up.

- How about if I work her over a bit?

- Oh, I get it (sneers)

You're the tough cop

and your partner here, he's the nice cop

because he's not too scary with lipstick on.

- Miss James, I got locked in that room

where they kill the animals and some nutcase

decompressed me, so I am not in a very good mood.

Now, all I want is to find him.

- I'm truly sorry

but I can't help you.

I don't know anything.

Hey, get out of there!

- Oh, looks like the lady's going somewhere.

Extra panties.

Dead giveaway.

- [Roger] Where were you headed, Miss James?

- Away from here.

- Hey, what's this?

- That's personal.

- [Doug] Must be a tape machine around here somewhere.

Geh-eh.

There we go.

We have something on the monitor, Captain.

- Princess.

This may be the last time that I ever talk to you

and I want you to know certain things that I was unable

to say until now.

(gunshots) (dramatic suspenseful music)

(glass breaking)

- Are you all right?

- Yeah!

- Remember the good old clays when guns killed people?

- You're just jealous, that's all!

(gunshots)

Go for the door!

- When?

' NOW!

(dramatic suspenseful music) (gunshots)

(glass shatters)

- Where's this go'? - Out back to the patio!

(dramatic music)

(Wham)

(loud crashing)

(scuffling and grunting)

(smacking)

- Shit.

(smacking and grunting)

(wood and metal crashes)

(big splash)

(screams)

(dramatic music)

(fleshly scrunch)

(screams)

That's really disgusting.

(suspenseful music)

(electricity whizzing)

- What the hell is going on?

- It kind of looks like somebody wants you dead.

Just about managed it, too.

- But why, I didn't do anything!

- Maybe it's what you know.

- I don't know a god damn thing.

I play tour guide and I write press releases.

- Roger, you were underwater in that jacuzzi

for five straight minutes.

- That's right, I was.

- Can you teach my girlfriend how to do that?

- Damn.

They're dead.

They always die on me.

- I'd say there were extenuating circumstances.

- Oh, you don't understand.

The blue damsels are my favorite.

My favorites always die.

- Princess, I hope you understand what I am trying

to tell you.

- Yeah, I recognize that guy.

- Further questions, just contact my lawyer

and always remember how,

how very special you are.

- That's Arthur Loudermilk.

Didn't he just die?

- Two weeks ago.

He's my father.

Hey, why aren't you dead?

Or even hurt?

- Kind of a long story.

They can't kill me.

I'm dead already.

I'm a walking corpse just like those killers.

- This is nonsense, I can't deal with this.

- Well you're gonna have to deal with it!

(dramatic tone)

Look, Miss James,

we need your help

and I think that you need ours too.

Please.

- All right.

Dante Pharmaceuticals was my father's private think tank.

Anything that interested him from

mosquitoes to micro chips, they researched it for him.

- So he bankrolled the resurrection process?

' No!

He wouldn't. - Use human leftovers

to rob jewelry stores?

- Go ahead.

- Well, last week I did deliver some

sulfathiazole to a guy named Thule in Chinatown.

- Where in Chinatown?

- Would you like me to write it down?

- You don't have to, you're coming with us.

- Oh, forget it, I know my rights.

- Are you sure?

Let me remind you just in case.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can be used against you.

- What are you doing?

- Right now, you are our primary suspect.

Now, would you rather come with us

or cool your heels in jail?

- All right.

- Hey Roger, maybe you oughta get yourself

a change of clothes.

Being dead isn't something you should advertise.

- I might have something in my closet.

- Something for that unexpected overnight guest, Miss James?

- From an ex-boyfriend, Mr. Bigelow.

A very ex.

(screeches)

- Ah!

- [Doug] You okay in there, Roger?

- Great.

Fabulous.

Not a word.

How many tickets is that this month so far?

- What the hell do you care?

- Good point.

- Rog, there's a place here that's got great egg rolls.

- Doug. ' E99 TOO young?

- Doug, let's talk to this guy first and eat later, okay?

- I'm dying for some chop suey.

This is great, I am starving.

- Good afternoon, police detectives Mortis and Bigelow.

We'd like to speak to Mr. Thule, please.

Good afternoon, police detectives Mortis and Bigelow.

We'd like to speak with Mr. Thule, please.

- Yaa-Hah! (thump)

- Listen Mongo, we're cops,

and if Thule's not out here in 1O seconds,

we're gonna kick some honorable ass.

(eerie music)

- Aw, Miss James.

Always a pleasure.

- Mr. Thulee, something terrible has happened.

- Yes I know.

Are these your friends, the police detectives?

- Got it right the first time, Pops.

- We're looking for the man who takes deliveries

from Dante Pharmaceuticals.

- You have found him.

How may I help you?

- What did Dante send you?

(knife rasps) (suspenseful music)

- Nothing of any importance.

- Maybe more important than you think.

- Your friend takes one more step, he'll find himself dead.

- Life and death are both expressions

of the same eternal spirit.

- You oughta write fortune cookies, pal.

- Let me illustrate.

(thunderous roar)

- Ah!

(smash) (suspenseful music)

(machine whirring)

(chicken clucking)

(pig oinking)

(dramatic music)

(chicken clucking)

(metal clanging)

(Dig squeals)

(eggs cracking)

- I don't know what it is

but suddenly I've lost my appetite.

(Pig squealing)

(dramatic suspenseful music)

(Dig roars)

(duck quacks)

- [Roger] What's this, what is this?

- [Randi] Ow! (dlJCkS quacking)

- That's it, from now on I'm a vegetarian.

(Pig squealing)

All right.

This little piggy's going to market.

(gunshot)

That's gross.

- Get off!

(groaning)

- [Butcher] Hiyah! (blade slicing)

Yam QUWshQQ

- You're kidding.

Just one shot?

- They're not all zombies, Doug.

(loud clanging)

(suspenseful music)

(thudding)

- How do you fight this thing?

- Maybe we could drown it in A1 sauce.

(gunshots)

- Oh no.

(wailing and growling)

(gunshots)

(loud electricity buzz)

(gunshots)

(whirring)

(suspenseful tone)

(squeaking)

(quacking)

(thumping)

(sizzling)

- Okay, now I'm gonna puke.

- Thule's gone.

- Guy makes one hell of a diversion, doesn't he?

- Hey, you're hurt.

- Lady, I'm fucking dead.

- Well, that doesn't give you the right to be rude.

(crashes)

- You know, you can never find anything good

until you really trash a place.

(shattering)

- Stumbling over any clues, detectives?

(quacks)

- Zombie duck heads.

What a concept.

- This could replace the whoopee cushion.

- Imagine what you could do with a search warrant.

- Hey, Doug-

Doug.

Take a look at this.

- Dates and initials.

What do you think it means?

- I don't know, but that last one, APL?

Arthur P. Loudermilk.

- My father.

Oh god, you're right.

He died on June 12th.

- This is a list of death dates.

These folks are all recently deceased.

- Who do you think they were?

- One way to find out.

You're quite the seamstress.

- Just hope it doesn't get infected.

(chuckles)

- Yeah, well I'll take my chances.

After you.

- [Randi] Thank you.

- So this is what a library looks like, huh?

You know, I've never seen one of these things

from the inside?

- Okay-

These should cover the dates in question.

- I got dibs on March.

It's amazing that people who died in the last three months

are people I never even heard of.

- [Randi] Here's one.

George Nelson Canfield, the denim king.

Inventor of sweat-to-fit blue jeans.

Died February 12th.

" [DOUQ] Oh crap.

- [Roger] What is it?

- The Lakers won yesterday

but they didn't make the point spread.

I had 1 O bucks riding on that game.

- Here's another one.

Oliver Lang, microchip wizard.

March 4th.

- Here's another.

Howard Davison, commodities broker, April 3rd.

You see any pattern?

- They all sound like a bunch of wussies to me.

- Guessing they all had a nice hunk of disposable cash

when they kicked off.

- So, rich dead people, what does it mean?

- I'm not sure

but it looks like your father was one of the victims.

- That's crazy.

- Well, this is not what you'd call a routine case.

I guess they can have their obituaries back.

(eerie music)

- Hey, Rog, what's up man?

You look all freaked out all of a sudden.

- These obituaries.

They're writing new ones all the time.

They're writing mine.

- Hey now, take it easy.

- Roger Mortis.

Beloved husband of nobody, father of none,

who always thought he'd go out in a blaze of glory.

- Roger.

- I gotta get out of here.

- Roger.

(dramatic music)

Roger!

' [Man] Hey!

" [DOUQ] Roger!

(suspenseful music)

Hey, Rog, that was quite a chase.

Not bad for a guy in your condition.

I guess being dead agrees with you.

Come on, Rog, we don't got time for this.

- I can't do it.

I can't live a lifetime in six hours.

- Nobody's got all the time they need, Roger.

Nobody

You remember when we were in training?

They always told us you can't be a good cop

if you're a dead cop.

Here's your chance to prove 'em wrong.

You're good

and you're dead.

- I'm good and I'm dead.

- Come on, Rog.

Let's go find those suckers and trash their ass, man.

Come on, Rog.

- It's asses, it's plural.

- It's plural?

- You know what I heard once?

- What's that?

- I heard that the population of the world is so big now

that half of all the people who ever lived

are still alive today.

- Come on. - It's true.

If you took all the people who've died since the beginning

of history and all the people who are alive right now,

be about the same number.

(horn blows)

So if anybody ever asked ya when you're gonna die,

you can just say, well, I don't know,

so far it's only happened to half of us.

- Not only that, if you multiply the population

of Rhode Island by the square root of my ex wife's weight...

- Well, you two sure know how to show a girl a good time.

- Don't mention it.

' ROger!

I think I may have some good news.

- Rebecca Smythers, Randi James.

- Hello. - Well, you work here?

- Yes, actually I do.

- Rebecca's an expert in all sorts of forensic pathology.

- My, what a unique accomplishment.

- Brr, chillier than usual in here today.

- Wherever did you find the time to make such

a nice new friend?

- Randi was head of PR for Dante Pharmaceuticals.

- I see.

- So what's the big news, Becky?

- Sit up on the table.

Some shirt.

Unbutton it.

Roger you've been shot!

- Oh yeah, I meant to tell you about that.

- It's amazing you lived as long as you did.

So how you feeling?

- Great.

Picture of health.

- Subject Mortis comma Roger.

Post-mortem follow up July 6th approximate time, 18:45.

- Do you have to talk into that thing?

This is not an autopsy.

- Hey, Rog, you are dead.

This is a morgue.

She is a coroner.

- Thanks.

- 87.2 degrees Fahrenheit.

Since you died you've been steadily cooling off.

- So what's the verdict?

How long have I got not to live?

- Well, decomposition is progressing more rapidly

than I'd hoped.

It's even starting to show in your face.

I'd say maybe three or four hours.

- What the hell am I doing here?

- Roger, I think I can buy you a chance.

I found something in Dante's files

about a special process they've been testing

to extend the resurrection period beyond 12 hours.

- Can you guarantee that?

- No.

- Then I can't take that chance.

But Becca, it's my job.

- Your jab?

Christ!

Haven't you learned anything?

You spent 1O years out on the street risking your neck

and now you're dead and it's still not enough.

- Well, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

- So you two, what's next?

- I'm gonna take a look at Loudermi|k's grave.

Why don't you pay a call on Loudermi|k's lawyer?

We'll hit the cemetery and meet you back at Randi's.

- If you don't mind, I think I'll skip the trip

to my father's resting place.

- Oh I mind very much.

I want you where I can see you.

- Miss James.

That chick digs me.

- I could tell.

- I'm not giving up hope, Roger.

- You go ahead man, I'll catch up with you later at Randi's.

- Okay-

- Hey, nice wheels.

There must be a lot of money in carving up dead people.

- A little early for your post-mortem aren't you, Detective?

- Just stopped by to reserve a body bag.

- Oh, that's (laughs).

(tires screech)

- I love that guy.

- I can tell.

(tires screech)

(suspenseful music)

- Just over there on the right, Roger.

- [Roger] Maybe I should pick one out.

I wonder if they take Mastercard.

Nice place to spend the rest of your life.

Swaying palms and smell of jasmine,

quiet neighbors.

- Very funny, Roger.

(suspenseful music)

Roger!

What is it?

- Shooting star.

- So now what?

I haven't got a key.

- Allow me.

- Isn't that illegal? (clicks)

- Yeah. (gunshot)

(eerie music)

(door squeaks)

Looks like he's resting comfortably.

What's your real relationship with Loudermilk, Randi?

- What do you mean?

- Outside it says Arthur P. Loudermilk,

beloved husband of Loretta.

It doesn't mention any darling daughter.

(suspenseful music)

(sighs)

- All right.

I met him in the hospital.

I was there for drug rehab and he took me under his wing.

- [Roger] The daughter he never had?

- Yeah.

Yeah, and he got me that great house

and set me up with a job at Dante and,

and I, I bet he never even knew what kind of snake hole

he was dropping me in. - So this whole zombie thing

came as a complete surprise to you?

- I swear.

You believe me, don't you?

(suspenseful music)

- [Roger] Looks like he left something for us.

Doug oughta be back my now.

- [TV Narrator] He knew how desperately his brother tried to

reach him... - Home sweet home.

- Doug must've left the TV on. - ...all about what happened

in Mrs. Phillip's apartment.

- [Man on M I found Joe Journals, Mrs. Phillip's.

He's been dead for five months.

- [Mrs. Phillips] And he didn't steal a Phillip's safe.

- [Man on TV] No, he didn't, but you cou|d've stolen it.

- [Roger] I'll see if he's in the kitchen.

- [Mrs. Phillips] How dare you.

- [Man on TV] You knew who I was when I came here today

but you were surprised to see me alive, weren't you?

But I'm not alive, Mrs. Phillips.

Sure, I can stand here and talk to you,

I can breathe and I can move, but I'm not alive

'cause I did take that poison, and nothing can save me.

- [Mrs. Phillips] What are you going to do?

- [Man on TV] I kill you now, I have nothing to lose.

- [Mrs. Phillips] No, no you've gotta listen to me.

You've gotta give me a chance.

- [Man on M But I didn't have a chance.

(gasps)

(dramatic tone)

- Oh god.

Roget

(suspenseful tones) It's Doug.

(bubbling)

- Let's get him down.

(footsteps)

(knocks)

Randi?

Randi?

- I'm sorry, Roger.

I didn't wanna tell you.

I didn't think you'd understand.

- What are you talking about?

- I, uh,

lied about the drugs.

I was in the hospital because I was

dying too.

I was dead.

- What do you mean?

- They brought me back, Roger, just like you,

only they said I'd have a normal lifespan

as long as I helped them.

- Helped who?

- They lied to me.

- Who, Randi?

(eery music)

(dramatic suspenseful music)

(gasps)

- [Randi] I'm sorry, Roger.

(horrified gasps)

(discordant tones)

(dramatic discordant trumpet tones)

(suspenseful music)

ahuds)

(bouncing thuds)

- Ugh.

- I'm sorry, Roger.

Please forgive me.

(escalating suspenseful music)

ahuds)

(gasps for air)

(dialing phone beeps)

(phone rings)

- [Rebecca] Hello, this is Rebecca.

- Rebecca, listen.

- [Rebecca] I'm not here to take your call

but leave me a message and I'll get back to you later on.

(machine beeps)

- Rebecca, Doug's dead.

Randi's dead.

I wish...

Well, I Wish--

(machine beeps)

(dial tone)

(suspenseful tone)

Wait a minute.

(suspenseful music)

Numbers to letters, numbers to letters.

B-

O.

ED-

Y.

Bod%

(low suspenseful tone) Damn, that's it!

(tires screech)

(dramatic escalating suspenseful music)

(quiet suspenseful music)

(hums)

(gun cocks)

' ROger!

What are you doing here?

- What do you think, McNab?

- You'd have to be more specific than that.

- Okay, you want specific, here it comes.

You killed me,

and you killed Doug, and maybe you didn't kill Randi,

but you shoulda had the decency to let her stay dead.

- What on earth are you talking about?

- Revenge, McNab, and you're on the receiving end

unless you come up with some real fast answers.

- But, but this doesn't make any sense, I was helping you.

- I don't think so.

Loudermi|k's think tank built a machine

for resurrecting people

and you've been trying it out, haven't you?

- (sneers) That's absurd.

Oh, of course, Roger, you're losing your mind.

Your brain is deteriorating.

- When you buried him alive,

Loudermilk wanted to point the finger at you,

but he was afraid to write "it's McNab"

in case you came back and erased it,

so he tried something just a little bit subtler.

It's a coded message

using the numbers to letters scheme found on any telephone.

Here's what it spells.

Body doc.

Sounds a bit like you, doesn't it?

(forced laughter)

- Well, that's what happens when you die, Roger.

Your synapses misfire, leading to all sorts of

demented conclusions.

- My mind, McNab, has never been sharper.

(gunshofl (suspenseful tone)

Neither has my aim.

- Son of a bitch.

- How many others have you buried alive, McNab?

Canfield, the blue-jeans king,

Oliver Lang, Howard Preston?

You take their money and you brick them up, is that it?

- That's a lie!

- Nice watch.

Nice ring, too.

I got a hell of a hunch, if we wanted to,

we could trace 'em both back to those jewelry store holdups.

- (yells) Hey, hey, hey!

Give me that!

- When you resurrected those robbers, you wanted to test it.

So you sent 'em out to do what they do best, rob something,

and when I stumbled onto all this, you murdered me.

- Circumstantial evidence.

Wouldn't hold up in any court.

- I'm not waiting for any courts, McNab.

- Roger, Roger!

I can help you.

- Like you helped Randi James?

(gunshon (scuffling)

- Good evening, doctor.

- Well, it's about time!

Where the hell you been?

This bastard almost killed me!

Now give me my diamond ring.

(groans)

You see, Roger, every job has its little perks.

It just takes a while to discover them.

- No amount of money's gonna make up for

what happens to you, McNab.

(groans)

- It seems our detective is in rather poor condition.

- Not as poor as you'll be, Thule.

- Silence him. (groans)

(smashes)

Thank you.

How do you wish this man killed?

- Roger, I've come to love you like a son.

You're honest, trustworthy, dependable

like a friggin‘ Boy Scout.

Ironic isn't it, Roger?

You're gonna spend your last moments on earth,

inches from freedom,

right here in front of the county morgue.

- For this very reason, doctor, we should waste no time.

- Yeah, yeah, put him in the van!

Lock him to the side rail.

(scuffling)

(smashes)

I hope you don't mind sharing the bed space.

(dramatic tone)

Yes, I know it's a nuisance,

but then Smythers was always a nuisance.

- I'll send you to hell, McNab.

You can't keep me here! (grunts)

- This van is lined in stainless steel, soundproof

in case you're thinking of calling for help,

and it's custom-made.

The perfect place to disintegrate,

which I figure will happen in precisely 45 minutes.

- Let's go, doctor.

We're expected back at the lab.

- Yes, yes, yes, get the door.

Get the door.

Happy trails, Roger.

(door slams)

(scuffling and grunting)

- Well, Rebecca, I always thought we'd end up together,

but never like this.

Rebecca,

you and I

are going for

a ride.

(rumbles) (suspenseful music)

(crashes)

(sirens sound)

(up-tempo suspenseful music)

Oh, wow.

This is gonna be great.

(crashes)

(faster-paced suspenseful music)

(cars honking) (tires screeching)

- [Man] Holy shit!

- Ohhhhh

yeahhh!

(crash explosions)

(explosion bursts)

(sirens sound)

- [Man] You guys, come on.

Give me a hand, give me a hand.

- [Man] A little bit more line over here.

- [Man] A hot spot over there, yeah?

- [Man] Got it.

- [Man] People, you gotta stay back.

(walkie-talkie dialogue)

(suspenseful music)

- Jesus H Christ.

- Take it easy, mister, you're not well.

(dissonant straining music)

- [Man] Hold it.

- That's far enough.

(suspenseful music)

- Detective Mortis, homicide.

- You're, you're a cop.

- Surprise!

I need your gun, officer.

Thank you.

(motorcycle revs)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

last week all of us were shocked and saddened

by the news of the untimely death of Arthur P Loudermilk.

I would like to take this opportunity

to review his many accomplishments.

But wait, why not let Arthur tell you himself?

Ladies and gentlemen, Arthur P Loudermilk.

(suspenseful music)

- Friends and associates,

how nice to see you again.

- I saw you buried, Arthur.

Damnit I saw you buried!

- Oh, I'm afraid you have been mislead, Walter.

The man in my grave is a um,

volunteer, personally selected by Dr. McNab.

As you will see, ladies and gentlemen,

the demonstration that you are about to witness

makes burial somewhat unnecessary.

(escalated suspenseful music)

Did you become the world's largest jet manufacturer

just so that you could leave your fortune to a wolf pack

of scavenging relatives? (fly buzzing)

Gertrude Bellman, are you prepared to become

a memorial plaque on the cornerstone of a library building?

- We all die, Arthur.

- Rest assured Gertrude, that you can afford not to.

- How many of those rich bozos do you suppose

he's got in there in tonight, eh?

- Isn't it frustrating, all of that money,

all of that raw power just within your grasp,

and then it's all gone, poof!

Suddenly, you're six foot under,

and the mob of money-grubbing nobodies are devouring

all that is yours, like rodents after a lump of cheese.

Isn't it sad?

Everybody dies, rich and poor.

Death doesn't discriminate.

At least not until now.

- [Man] This is ridiculous.

- Well, let's face it.

Poor people are supposed to die

but the same rule doesn't apply to us.

We're rich.

God wants us to live forever

and even if he doesn't,

we can always buy him off. (chuckles)

It'll cost all of you half of your fortune

but you have forever to make it back.

(suspenseful music)

(motorcycle revving)

(glass shatters)

(gunshots)

(quiet suspenseful music)

Think of what I'm offering, Seth.

Life without end.

Your personal savings compounded daily

for a million glorious years.

- What's your gimmick, Arthur?

- No gimmick.

Eternal life.

- Bullshit.

- Well, I know that it's absurd,

impossible, but aside from the proof of my being here,

I've planned for you a very graphic little demonstration.

This man has been dead for hours.

Come on, inspect him for yourself.

(dramatic music)

(gunshots)

- Sit down.

- Well, now that you are satisfied with this poor man's

unfortunate condition,

I would like to treat you to a little product demonstration.

Dr. McNab, if you would?

- Of course.

- This model incorporates all of our most

advanced refinements.

The first to afford eternal life without any limitations.

(dramatic suspenseful music)

(bleeps)

(machine whirs)

(gunshots) (groaning)

(machine whirs)

(gunshots) (quiet suspenseful music)

(gunshots)

(beeps) (suspenseful music)

(explosion)

- That's okay.

Don't get up.

- Get him, get him, get him!

(gun cocks)

(gunshots)

(fast-tempo dramatic music)

(yells)

(moans)

- I told you not to get up.

(fearful outcry)

(gunshots)

(suspenseful music) (gunshots)

(loud thud) (machine alarm buzzing)

(dramatic suspenseful musical accent)

(gun cocks)

- What do you want?

- Not you, old man.

I want him.

You're dead, McNab.

You're even deader than I am.

- Oh, I don't think so.

- Doug. (mysterious music)

(suspenseful eery music)

Doug, you're alive.

- He can't understand a word you said, Roger.

He's been brain dead too long

which means that he's mindless

and totally obedient.

Kill this guy, would you?

- Kill this guy, would you?

(dramatic musical accent) - Now Doug, stop.

Doug, it's me.

It's me, Roger.

- Kill this guy, would you?

- Doug, Doug don't.

- Kill this guy, would you? - Doug.

(painful grunts) (suspenseful music)

Hey, Doug.

Do you realize that we both have the same death day?

Doug, you know what we could do?

We could throw a death day party.

We could invite all our friends,

get really ripped.

- Well do something!

- Kill him, come on, you brain-dead son of a bitch!

‘ Doug!

Remember the lipstick?

Mulberry wine?

Brings out my eyes?

‘ ROger?

Roger!

(thumps)

(suspenseful tone)

- Hi, Doug.

Welcome to zombie land (chuckles).

- Roger.

He said I should...

He said I should hurt you.

(suspenseful music)

But I'm gonna hurt him.

- Kill that guy, would you?

- [Dr. McNab] Oh no.

(suspenseful cadence) (gunshots)

- Kill him!

Why can't you kill him?

- Shut up, you old fart!

(gunshots)

Oh no, you bastards aren't gonna take me.

(gunshon (QUShy burst)

- You cheated me.

God damn you McNab, you cheated me!

- It's over, Rog, forget it, man.

- Not just yet.

(warbling suspenseful music)

(keyboard clacks)

(loud dramatic music)

(machine whirs)

Hi, Doc.

You wanna see what happens when you resurrect

somebody twice?

- Not really.

- Oh no, no, no! (screams)

(explosion)

- But wait,

save the machine!

It's short circuiting!

We can fix it.

I can make you normal again.

Immortal!

I'll give you anything you want!

Money, power, eternal life,

riches beyond your wildest dreams!

Just save the machine!

(gunshots)

No, no, stop!

Stop!

Wait!

Wait, you don't understand.

You'll live forever.

Forever!

(explosion)

- Man Roger, you are a mess. (upbeat music)

I've seen meatloaf that looks better than you.

- You're not exactly a Forest Lawn poster child

yourself, Doug.

Hey,

we really trashed their ass, didn't we?

- [Doug] That's asses, Roger.

Hey Rog, you think we'll be reincarnated?

- [Roger] As what?

- [Doug] I don't know, maybe you get a choice,

you can be whatever you want.

- [Roger] Oh, you mean like a statesman, or a president,

or a prize-winning novelist?

- [Doug] Personally, I'd like to come back

as the seat on a girl's bike.

- [Roger] Now, that is truly inspiring.

- [Doug] Thank you.

- [Roger] You know, Doug?

' [DOUQ] What's that?

- [Roger] This could be the end of beautiful friendship.

(whir of airplane flying by)

(explosion)

J1 Just an ordinary drive

J1 On just another day

J1 Cruising down that road

D Nothing standing in your way

J1 Well better open up your eyes

J1 There's danger right behind

J1 And if you don't move fast

J1 You'll never see the finish line

J1 It's a dead heat

J1 Get a res against time

J1 You don't want to cash it in with your life on the line

J1 You're in a dead heat

J1 And it's too close to call

J1 If you don't get there first

J1 You won't get there at all

J1 You running in a dead heat

J1 Not an exit on the road

J1 You got no place to hide

J1 But if you crash and burn

D At least you might enjoy the ride

J1 So push the needle to the red

J1 And watch the world go by

J1 You know you can't slow down

J1 You either speed it up or die

J1 You're in a dead heat

J1 And you keep losing ground

J1 The devil is closing fast

J1 Better not turn around

J1 It's a dead heat

J1 But no one really cares

J1 Nobody said that life was gonna be fair

J1 Keep running in a dead heat

J1 Keep running in a dead heat

J1 Running in a dead heat

J1 In a dead heat

J1 In a dead heat

J1 It's a dead heat

J1 Get a res against time

J1 You're gonna cash it in with your life on the line