Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC)

Hey, can I, uh, help you out here?

Oh, I'm all set. Thanks.

Gotcha.

Good.

Go with the rose.

That's a good idea.

Today is Diversity Day.

And someone's gonna come in and talk to us about diversity.

It's something that I've been pushing,

that I've been wanting to push for a long time.

And corporate mandated it.

And I, I never actually talked to corporate about it.

Um, they kind of beat me to the punch.

Uh, those bastards.

Um, but-- but I was going to.

And I think it's very important that we have this.

And I'm very, very excited.

That's the thing.

It's very sturdy paper.

And on the back it says 100% post consumer content.

So.

What?

Hello?

Uh huh.

Wait, what? I'm sorry.

Mr. Deckard, I think I'm, I think I'm

lo-- I think I'm losing you.

Hello?

Hello? (MACHINE SHREDDING)

Yeah. Hold on one second.

I don't know.

Hold on one second.

Do you really have to do that right now?

Yes, I do.

I should have done this weeks ago, actually.

Mr. Deckard. I'm sorry about that.

What were you-- can you hold on one second?

Yeah.

Just one second. Thanks.

Hello?

Oh, that's it.

Perfect.

So what I was saying-- (DIAL TONE RINGING)

Hello?

Thanks, Dwight.

Retaliation.

Dit for tit.

That is not the expression.

Well, it should be.

(MACHINE SHREDDING)

This is my biggest sale of the year.

They love me over there for some reason.

I'm not really sure why.

But, uh, you know, I make one call over there every year just

to renew their account.

And that one call ends up being 25% of my commission

for the whole year.

So, you know, I buy a mini bottle of champagne

and celebrate a little.

And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them

for 1% more. I know.

I'm getting cocky, right?

Solitaire?

Yeah, FreeCell.

-Six on seven. -I know.

I saw that.

So then why didn't you do it?

I'm saving that cause I like it when the cards go

(IMITATING CARD SOUNDS).

Who doesn't love that?

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Oscar.

How you doing, man?

All right.

So you have a good weekend going there?

-It was fine. -Oh, yeah.

I bet it was fun.

(LAUGHS) Oh, hey.

This is Oscar.

Mar-- Martinez. MICHAEL: Right.

See? I don't even know.

First name basis. -Great.

Uh, we're all set.

Oh, hey.

Well, diversity, everybody.

Let's do it.

Oscar works in here.

Jim, can you, uh, wrap it up, please.

Yeah.

Uh, Mr. Deckard, please.

I-- it's Diversity Day, Jim.

I wish every day was Diversity Day.

Um, you know what?

Um, I'm actually gonna have to call you back.

Thank you. Sorry about that.

-Thank you. -Come on, people.

Let's get them in. -Thank you.

Great. -Getting the cards.

Getting the cards.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. OK.

Thanks for filling these out.

And I promise this will be quick.

At Diversity Today our philosophy is about honesty

and positive expectations.

We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace

arise simply out of ignorance. -You know what?

This is a colour free zone here.

Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.

Uh, see, that, this is what I'm talking about.

We don't have to pretend that we're colour blind.

Exactly.

That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance.

--more tolerance.

-No, with more ignorance. -Ignorance.

Right.

Exactly.

Uh, instead we need to celebrate our diversity.

-Let's celebrate. -OK?

Right. OK.

Celebrate good times.

Come on!

Let's celebrate diversity. Right?

Yes, exactly.

Now here's what we're going to do.

Uh, I've noticed that, uh-- -You know what?

Here's what we're going to do.

Why don't we go around and everybody, everybody say a race

that you are attracted to sexually.

I will go last. Go.

I have two. MICHAEL: Nice.

White and Indian.

MR. BROWN: Actually, I prefer not to start that way.

Michael, uh, I would love to have your permission

to run this session.

Can I have your permission? -Yes.

Thank you very much and it would also

help me if you were seated.

OK.

Thank you.

OK.

Now at the start of the session I

had you write down an incident that you found

offensive in the workplace.

Now what I'm going to do is choose one,

and we're gonna act it out.

A few of the ground rules, just real quick--

Hey, hey, why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him.

OK.

Can we steer away from gay people?

Uh. DWIGHT: I'm sorry.

It's an orientation.

It's not a race.

Plus a lot of other races are also intolerant of gays, so.

Paradox.

MR. BROWN: Well, we only have an hour.

DWIGHT: Save time.

Why don't we just differ to Mr. um?

Mr. Brown.

Ah.

Oh, all right. OK.

First test.

I will not call you that.

Well, it's my name.

It's not a test.

OK?

Um, so looking through the cards I've noticed that many of you

wrote down the same incident, which is ironic

because it's the exact incident I was

brought in here to respond to.

Now how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine?

Very good. OK.

How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody

finds it hilarious and groundbreaking.

And then I go and do the exact same routine,

same comedic timing.

And people file a complaint to corporate?

Is it because I'm white and Chris is black?

So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome.

I will play the Chris Rock guy.

(GROANING)

I would like to see someone else pull this off.

Well, let's have someone who wasn't

involved do the reenactment.

OK.

I will play guy listening. -Great.

Guy listening. OK.

Uh, anyone else remember?

KEVIN: I remember. MR. BROWN: Great.

You're the Chris Rock guy.

And you're guy listening.

OK.

Kevin is a great guy.

He's a great accountant.

He is not much of an entertainer.

Basically there are two types of black people.

And black people are actually more racist because they hate

the other type of black people.

See, every time the one type wants

to have a good time then the other type comes in

and makes a real mess. -OK.

I'm, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He's ruin-- he's butchering it.

I'm-- could you just let me.

Every time, every time black people wanna

have a good time, some (BLEEP).

I take care of my kids.

(BLEEP) -Wait, wait.

You don't need to do that. That's-- please stop it.

Stop it--

Always want credit for something they supposed to do.

MR. BROWN: Stop it!

What you want? A cookie?

(PHONE RINGING)

MR. BROWN: Now this is a simple acronym.

Hero.

At Diversity Today we believe it's very easy to be a hero.

All you need are honesty, empathy,

respect, and open-mindedness.

DWIGHT: Uh, excuse me. -Yeah?

DWIGHT: I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero.

OK. Well, what is a hero to you?

A hero kills people, people that wish him harm.

MR. BROWN: OK.

A hero is part human, a part supernatural.

A hero is born out of a childhood trauma

or out of a disaster that must be avenged.

OK, um, you're thinking of a superhero.

We all have hero in our heart.

MR. BROWN: Now I need you to take these forms.

This is, it kind of expresses the joint experience, uh, we

had today.

And I want you to look them over and sign

them as kind of a group pledge.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I don't think I can sign this.

Um, I can't leave until you do.

Well, OK.

I, it says here that I learned something.

And I knew all this stuff already.

So I could-- you know, I could sign something that

says that I taught something.

Or that I helped you teach something.

So, Pam?

Where is she?

Pam, could we change something on this?

Um, Michael, can I-- can I talk to you candidly?

Sure.

MR. BROWN: We both know that I am here because of the comments

that you made.

Here's the thing, this office, I

think is very advanced in terms of racial awareness.

And, uh, it's probably more advanced than you're used to.

Um.

That's probably throwing you off a little.

It's not throwing me.

I need your signature. -OK.

Well, I know. You told me that. several times.

MR. BROWN: Yes, but you're not listening to me.

Yours is the only signature I need.

Oh, OK.

Those are my instructions from the corporate offices

to put you through this seminar for the comments that you made.

And the only reason why I make copies for everyone

was so that you wouldn't be embarrassed.

Well, here I am thinking that you actually

cared about diversity training.

And you don't.

-Don't worry about dating. -All right.

Well.

OK. Thank you.

Yeah.

I regret my actions.

I regret offending my coworkers.

I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy,

respect, and open-mindedness-- open-mindedness,

is that even a word?

Um, into the workplace.

In this way I can truly be a hero.

Signed Daffy Duck.

(LAUGHS)

He's gonna lose it when he reads that.

Yeah, hi. Is Mr. Deckard around?

Oh, well, could you just have him call me after lunch?

Thank you.

I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart.

I do believe in that part of the pledge that I just read.

But a pledge? Come on.

I mean, who are we? The Girl Scouts?

No.

Look, the, um, the guy, Mr. Brown,

uh, he got us halfway there.

He got us talking. Well, no.

I got us talking.

He got us nothing.

He insulted us.

And then he abandoned us.

You call that diversity training?

I don't.

Were there any connections between any of us?

Did anyone look each other in the eye?

Was there any emotion going on?

Were-- no.

Where was the heart?

I didn't see any heart.

Where was my Oprah moment?

OK.

Get as much done as you can before lunch because,

uh, afterward I'm going to have you all in tears.

(DIAL TONE RINGING)

All right. Everybody pretty?

Come on. Here we go.

It's time.

Let's do some good.

Hey, we're not all gonna sit in a circle Indian style, are we?

(LAUGHTER)

Get out.

-Sorry. -No.

This is not a joke.

OK?

That was offensive.

And lame.

So double offensive.

This is an environment of welcoming.

And you should just get the hell out of here.

OK. Let's go.

Let's do it. Come on.

Let's have some fun everybody.

Here we go.

Take a seat.

Cop a squat.

And, um, thank you for coming in.

Um, diversity is the cornerstone of progress,

as I've always said.

But don't take my word for it.

Let's take look at the tape.

Hi. I'm Michael Scott.

I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products

here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

But I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow

because today is almost over.

Abraham Lincoln once said that if you're a racist,

I will attack you with the north.

And those are the principles that I

carry with me in the workplace.

OK.

Questions?

Comments? Anybody?

Jim? -Uh, is that it?

Uh, yes.

I only had an hour to put it together,

but I'm gonna add on to it later on.

It was kind of hard to hear.

Uh, yes.

That probably had something to do with the camera work.

Anybody else?

Um.

I have a customer meeting.

Yeah, well, if you leave we'll only have two left.

Yes.

Enjoy.

Absolutely.

Namaste. OK.

Well, since I am leading this, let's get down to business.

And why don't I just kind of introduce myself.

OK?

Um, I am Michael.

And I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish.

Sort of a virtual United Nations.

But what some of you might not know

is that I am also part Native American Indian.

What part Native American?

2/15.

2/15?

That fraction doesn't make any sense.

Well, you know what?

It's kind of hard for me to talk about.

There's suffering. So who else?

Let's get this popping. Come on.

Who's going? Who's going?

Uh, let's go here. Oscar.

Right here.

You're on.

OK, Michael.

Uh, both my parents were born in Mexico.

Oh, yeah.

And, uh, they moved to the United States

a year before I was born.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

So I grew up in the United States

and my parents were Mexican. -Wow.

That is, that is a great story.

That's the American dream right there, right?

Thank you. Yeah.

Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican

that you prefer?

Something less offensive?

Mexican isn't offensive.

Well, it has certain connotations.

Like what?

Like, I don't-- well, I don't know.

But what connotations, Michael?

-No, no, no. -You must have meant something.

MICHAEL: No. Now remember--

I'm just curious.

Honesty. OSCAR: Yeah.

Um, empathy, (PHONE RINGING)

Respect.

Jim?

Jim?

Hello?

Hello?

I have something here.

I want you to take a card, put it on your fore--

don't look at the card.

I want you to take the card.

And I want you to put it on your forehead.

And take a card.

Take a card, any card.

Um, and I want you to treat other people like the race

that is on their forehead.

OK?

So everybody has a different race.

Nobody knows what their race is.

So I want you to really go for it because this is real.

You know, this isn't just an exercise.

This is real life.

And I have a dream that you will really let the sparks fly.

Get er done. Why?

Because Martin Luther King is a hero of mine.

There's this great Chris Rock bit

about how streets named after Martin Luther

King tend to be more violent.

I'm not going to do it, but it's--

-Oh, this is a good one. -Um, hi.

How are you? -Fine.

How are you? -Great.

MICHAEL: Push it, Pam.

Push it. -Um,

I admire your culture's success in America.

Thank you.

MICHAEL: Good.

Bum-ba-bum-bum. Come on.

Olympics of suffering right here.

Slavery versus the Holocaust.

Come on.

So what am I supposed to be?

It's gonna percolate.

No, no, no.

Well, that, that was inadvertent.

We didn't actually plan that.

Lots of cultures eat rice.

That doesn't help me.

Um, shalom.

I'd like to apply for a loan.

That's nice, Dwight.

OK, do me.

Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.

OK. I like your food.

Uh, Outback Steakhouse.

I'm Australian, mate. -No.

Pam, come on.

I like your food. No.

Come on. Stir the pot.

Stir the melting pot, Pam. Let's do it.

Let's get ugly.

Let's get real.

OK.

If I have to do this based on stereotypes that are totally

untrue, that I do not agree with,

you would maybe not be a very good driver.

Oh, man.

Am I a woman?

You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab.

I thought that would be too explosive.

Uh, no pun intended.

But I just thought too soon for Arabs.

Maybe next year.

Um.

You know, the ball's in their court.

What are you watching?

"Chappelle's Show."

-Really? -Yeah.

I downloaded it on her computer. I hope she doesn't mind.

She just had a lot of extra space.

No way. No.

I think she really likes this stuff.

Great.

She's cute, huh?

Yeah.

You know, she's engaged, but

Oh, no.

The girl on the sketch.

Oh, yeah. She's hot.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

You want to go to the beach?

Sure.

You want to get high?

No.

-I think you do, mon. -Stop it.

OK. All right.

No. It's good.

It-- you just, you, you need to push it.

You know, you need to go a little bit further.

Uh, all right.

OK.

(INDIAN ACCENT): Kelly, how are you?

I just had the longest meeting.

Oh, welcome to my convenient store.

Would you like some cookie cookie?

Oh, I have some very delicious cookie cookie.

Only $0.99 plus tax.

Try my cookie cookie.

Try my cookie cookie.

Try my cookie cookie.

Try my--

All right.

All right.

Yes.

That was great.

She gets it.

Now she knows what it's like to be a minority.

Mr. Deckard, we didn't lose your sale today, did we?

Excellent. OK.

Let me just get your-- what's that?

No. We didn't.

We didn't close last time.

I just need your, uh-- oh.

What, what code were you given?

Oh, OK.

Yeah, no.

That's actually another salesman here.

Yeah.

I can redo it if you want to do that.

Oh, he gave you a discount.

No, I don't blame you.

I just hated it when that guy was in here.

Mr. Brown, if that was his real name.

I mean, he had never met any of us before.

And here he was telling us how to do our thing.

I just want-- I just wanted to do it our way.

You know? On our own.

Man, I should have gotten some food.

Maybe some spaghetti?

MICHAEL: OK, Kevin.

You can take off that thing.

OK?

That would have really, really shown him up, wouldn't it?

If I had brought in some burritos or some coloured

greens, or some pad thai.

Love pad thai.

STANLEY: It's collared greens. MICHAEL: What?

It's collared greens.

That doesn't really make sense because you don't

call them collared people. That's offensive.

Hmm. OK.

Well, it's after 5:00.

So thank you very much.

Buena vista, Oscar.

Thank you.

Good job.

Ah, my man.

Thank you, Brazil. Nice.

Hey.

Hey.

We can go. -Sorry.

-That's fine. -OK.

Uh, not a bad day.