All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S01E02.Diversity.Day.WEBRip.x264-FGT

(THEME MUSIC)

Hey, can I, uh,
help you out here?

Oh, I'm all set.
Thanks.

Gotcha.

Good.

Go with the rose.

That's a good idea.

Today is Diversity Day.

And someone's gonna come in
and talk to us about diversity.

It's something that
I've been pushing,

that I've been wanting
to push for a long time.

And corporate mandated it.

And I, I never actually
talked to corporate about it.

Um, they kind of
beat me to the punch.

Uh, those bastards.

Um, but-- but I was going to.

And I think it's very
important that we have this.

And I'm very, very excited.

That's the thing.

It's very sturdy paper.

And on the back it says
100% post consumer content.

So.

What?

Hello?

Uh huh.

Wait, what?
I'm sorry.

Mr. Deckard, I think
I'm, I think I'm

lo-- I think I'm losing you.

Hello?

Hello?
(MACHINE SHREDDING)

Yeah.
Hold on one second.

I don't know.

Hold on one second.

Do you really have
to do that right now?

Yes, I do.

I should have done this
weeks ago, actually.

Mr. Deckard.
I'm sorry about that.

What were you-- can
you hold on one second?

Yeah.

Just one second.
Thanks.

Hello?

Oh, that's it.

Perfect.

So what I was saying--
(DIAL TONE RINGING)

Hello?

Thanks, Dwight.

Retaliation.

Dit for tit.

That is not the expression.

Well, it should be.

(MACHINE SHREDDING)

This is my biggest
sale of the year.

They love me over
there for some reason.

I'm not really sure why.

But, uh, you know, I make one
call over there every year just

to renew their account.

And that one call ends up
being 25% of my commission

for the whole year.

So, you know, I buy a
mini bottle of champagne

and celebrate a little.

And this year I'm pushing
recycled paper on them

for 1% more.
I know.

I'm getting cocky, right?

Solitaire?

Yeah, FreeCell.

-Six on seven.
-I know.

I saw that.

So then why didn't you do it?

I'm saving that cause I
like it when the cards go

(IMITATING CARD SOUNDS).

Who doesn't love that?

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Oscar.

How you doing, man?

All right.

So you have a good
weekend going there?

-It was fine.
-Oh, yeah.

I bet it was fun.

(LAUGHS) Oh, hey.

This is Oscar.

Mar-- Martinez.
MICHAEL: Right.

See?
I don't even know.

First name basis.
-Great.

Uh, we're all set.

Oh, hey.

Well, diversity, everybody.

Let's do it.

Oscar works in here.

Jim, can you, uh,
wrap it up, please.

Yeah.

Uh, Mr. Deckard, please.

I-- it's Diversity Day, Jim.

I wish every day
was Diversity Day.

Um, you know what?

Um, I'm actually gonna
have to call you back.

Thank you.
Sorry about that.

-Thank you.
-Come on, people.

Let's get them in.
-Thank you.

Great.
-Getting the cards.

Getting the cards.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.
OK.

Thanks for filling these out.

And I promise this
will be quick.

At Diversity Today our
philosophy is about honesty

and positive expectations.

We believe that 99% of the
problems in the workplace

arise simply out of ignorance.
-You know what?

This is a colour free zone here.

Stanley, I don't look
at you as another race.

Uh, see, that, this is
what I'm talking about.

We don't have to pretend
that we're colour blind.

Exactly.

That's fighting ignorance
with more ignorance.

--more tolerance.

-No, with more ignorance.
-Ignorance.

Right.

Exactly.

Uh, instead we need to
celebrate our diversity.

-Let's celebrate.
-OK?

Right.
OK.

Celebrate good times.

Come on!

Let's celebrate diversity.
Right?

Yes, exactly.

Now here's what
we're going to do.

Uh, I've noticed that, uh--
-You know what?

Here's what we're going to do.

Why don't we go around and
everybody, everybody say a race

that you are
attracted to sexually.

I will go last.
Go.

I have two.
MICHAEL: Nice.

White and Indian.

MR. BROWN: Actually, I
prefer not to start that way.

Michael, uh, I would love
to have your permission

to run this session.

Can I have your permission?
-Yes.

Thank you very much
and it would also

help me if you were seated.

OK.

Thank you.

OK.

Now at the start
of the session I

had you write down an
incident that you found

offensive in the workplace.

Now what I'm going
to do is choose one,

and we're gonna act it out.

A few of the ground
rules, just real quick--

Hey, hey, why don't you run it
by me and I'll run it by him.

OK.

Can we steer away
from gay people?

Uh.
DWIGHT: I'm sorry.

It's an orientation.

It's not a race.

Plus a lot of other races are
also intolerant of gays, so.

Paradox.

MR. BROWN: Well, we
only have an hour.

DWIGHT: Save time.

Why don't we just
differ to Mr. um?

Mr. Brown.

Ah.

Oh, all right.
OK.

First test.

I will not call you that.

Well, it's my name.

It's not a test.

OK?

Um, so looking through the cards
I've noticed that many of you

wrote down the same
incident, which is ironic

because it's the
exact incident I was

brought in here to respond to.

Now how many of you are familiar
with the Chris Rock routine?

Very good.
OK.

How come Chris Rock can
do a routine and everybody

finds it hilarious
and groundbreaking.

And then I go and do
the exact same routine,

same comedic timing.

And people file a
complaint to corporate?

Is it because I'm white
and Chris is black?

So we're going to reenact this
with a more positive outcome.

I will play the Chris Rock guy.

(GROANING)

I would like to see
someone else pull this off.

Well, let's have
someone who wasn't

involved do the reenactment.

OK.

I will play guy listening.
-Great.

Guy listening.
OK.

Uh, anyone else remember?

KEVIN: I remember.
MR. BROWN: Great.

You're the Chris Rock guy.

And you're guy listening.

OK.

Kevin is a great guy.

He's a great accountant.

He is not much of
an entertainer.

Basically there are two
types of black people.

And black people are actually
more racist because they hate

the other type of black people.

See, every time
the one type wants

to have a good time then
the other type comes in

and makes a real mess.
-OK.

I'm, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He's ruin-- he's butchering it.

I'm-- could you just let me.

Every time, every time
black people wanna

have a good time, some (BLEEP).

I take care of my kids.

(BLEEP)
-Wait, wait.

You don't need to do that.
That's-- please stop it.

Stop it--

Always want credit for
something they supposed to do.

MR. BROWN: Stop it!

What you want?
A cookie?

(PHONE RINGING)

MR. BROWN: Now this
is a simple acronym.

Hero.

At Diversity Today we believe
it's very easy to be a hero.

All you need are
honesty, empathy,

respect, and open-mindedness.

DWIGHT: Uh, excuse me.
-Yeah?

DWIGHT: I'm sorry, but that's
not all it takes to be a hero.

OK.
Well, what is a hero to you?

A hero kills people,
people that wish him harm.

MR. BROWN: OK.

A hero is part human,
a part supernatural.

A hero is born out
of a childhood trauma

or out of a disaster
that must be avenged.

OK, um, you're
thinking of a superhero.

We all have hero in our heart.

MR. BROWN: Now I need
you to take these forms.

This is, it kind of expresses
the joint experience, uh, we

had today.

And I want you to look
them over and sign

them as kind of a group pledge.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I don't think I can sign this.

Um, I can't leave until you do.

Well, OK.

I, it says here that
I learned something.

And I knew all
this stuff already.

So I could-- you know, I
could sign something that

says that I taught something.

Or that I helped
you teach something.

So, Pam?

Where is she?

Pam, could we change
something on this?

Um, Michael, can I-- can
I talk to you candidly?

Sure.

MR. BROWN: We both know that I
am here because of the comments

that you made.

Here's the thing,
this office, I

think is very advanced in
terms of racial awareness.

And, uh, it's probably more
advanced than you're used to.

Um.

That's probably throwing
you off a little.

It's not throwing me.

I need your signature.
-OK.

Well, I know.
You told me that. several times.

MR. BROWN: Yes, but you're
not listening to me.

Yours is the only
signature I need.

Oh, OK.

Those are my instructions
from the corporate offices

to put you through this seminar
for the comments that you made.

And the only reason why I
make copies for everyone

was so that you
wouldn't be embarrassed.

Well, here I am thinking
that you actually

cared about diversity training.

And you don't.

-Don't worry about dating.
-All right.

Well.

OK.
Thank you.

Yeah.

I regret my actions.

I regret offending my coworkers.

I pledge to bring my best
spirit of honesty, empathy,

respect, and open-mindedness--
open-mindedness,

is that even a word?

Um, into the workplace.

In this way I can
truly be a hero.

Signed Daffy Duck.

(LAUGHS)

He's gonna lose it
when he reads that.

Yeah, hi.
Is Mr. Deckard around?

Oh, well, could you just
have him call me after lunch?

Thank you.

I pledge to always keep an
open mind and an open heart.

I do believe in that part of
the pledge that I just read.

But a pledge?
Come on.

I mean, who are we?
The Girl Scouts?

No.

Look, the, um, the
guy, Mr. Brown,

uh, he got us halfway there.

He got us talking.
Well, no.

I got us talking.

He got us nothing.

He insulted us.

And then he abandoned us.

You call that
diversity training?

I don't.

Were there any connections
between any of us?

Did anyone look each
other in the eye?

Was there any emotion going on?

Were-- no.

Where was the heart?

I didn't see any heart.

Where was my Oprah moment?

OK.

Get as much done as you
can before lunch because,

uh, afterward I'm going
to have you all in tears.

(DIAL TONE RINGING)

All right.
Everybody pretty?

Come on.
Here we go.

It's time.

Let's do some good.

Hey, we're not all gonna sit in
a circle Indian style, are we?

(LAUGHTER)

Get out.

-Sorry.
-No.

This is not a joke.

OK?

That was offensive.

And lame.

So double offensive.

This is an environment
of welcoming.

And you should just get
the hell out of here.

OK.
Let's go.

Let's do it.
Come on.

Let's have some fun everybody.

Here we go.

Take a seat.

Cop a squat.

And, um, thank
you for coming in.

Um, diversity is the
cornerstone of progress,

as I've always said.

But don't take my word for it.

Let's take look at the tape.

Hi.
I'm Michael Scott.

I'm in charge of Dunder
Mifflin Paper Products

here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

But I'm also the founder
of Diversity Tomorrow

because today is almost over.

Abraham Lincoln once said
that if you're a racist,

I will attack you
with the north.

And those are the
principles that I

carry with me in the workplace.

OK.

Questions?

Comments?
Anybody?

Jim?
-Uh, is that it?

Uh, yes.

I only had an hour
to put it together,

but I'm gonna add
on to it later on.

It was kind of hard to hear.

Uh, yes.

That probably had something
to do with the camera work.

Anybody else?

Um.

I have a customer meeting.

Yeah, well, if you leave
we'll only have two left.

Yes.

Enjoy.

Absolutely.

Namaste.
OK.

Well, since I am leading this,
let's get down to business.

And why don't I just
kind of introduce myself.

OK?

Um, I am Michael.

And I am part English,
Irish, German, and Scottish.

Sort of a virtual
United Nations.

But what some of
you might not know

is that I am also part
Native American Indian.

What part Native American?

2/15.

2/15?

That fraction doesn't
make any sense.

Well, you know what?

It's kind of hard
for me to talk about.

There's suffering.
So who else?

Let's get this popping.
Come on.

Who's going?
Who's going?

Uh, let's go here.
Oscar.

Right here.

You're on.

OK, Michael.

Uh, both my parents
were born in Mexico.

Oh, yeah.

And, uh, they moved
to the United States

a year before I was born.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

So I grew up in
the United States

and my parents were Mexican.
-Wow.

That is, that is a great story.

That's the American
dream right there, right?

Thank you.
Yeah.

Um, let me ask you, is
there a term besides Mexican

that you prefer?

Something less offensive?

Mexican isn't offensive.

Well, it has
certain connotations.

Like what?

Like, I don't--
well, I don't know.

But what connotations, Michael?

-No, no, no.
-You must have meant something.

MICHAEL: No.
Now remember--

I'm just curious.

Honesty.
OSCAR: Yeah.

Um, empathy,
(PHONE RINGING)

Respect.

Jim?

Jim?

Hello?

Hello?

I have something here.

I want you to take a card,
put it on your fore--

don't look at the card.

I want you to take the card.

And I want you to put
it on your forehead.

And take a card.

Take a card, any card.

Um, and I want you to treat
other people like the race

that is on their forehead.

OK?

So everybody has
a different race.

Nobody knows what their race is.

So I want you to really go
for it because this is real.

You know, this isn't
just an exercise.

This is real life.

And I have a dream that you
will really let the sparks fly.

Get er done.
Why?

Because Martin Luther
King is a hero of mine.

There's this great
Chris Rock bit

about how streets named
after Martin Luther

King tend to be more violent.

I'm not going to
do it, but it's--

-Oh, this is a good one.
-Um, hi.

How are you?
-Fine.

How are you?
-Great.

MICHAEL: Push it, Pam.

Push it.
-Um,

I admire your culture's
success in America.

Thank you.

MICHAEL: Good.

Bum-ba-bum-bum.
Come on.

Olympics of
suffering right here.

Slavery versus the Holocaust.

Come on.

So what am I supposed to be?

It's gonna percolate.

No, no, no.

Well, that, that
was inadvertent.

We didn't actually plan that.

Lots of cultures eat rice.

That doesn't help me.

Um, shalom.

I'd like to apply for a loan.

That's nice, Dwight.

OK, do me.

Something stereotypical so
I can get it really quick.

OK.
I like your food.

Uh, Outback Steakhouse.

I'm Australian, mate.
-No.

Pam, come on.

I like your food.
No.

Come on.
Stir the pot.

Stir the melting pot, Pam.
Let's do it.

Let's get ugly.

Let's get real.

OK.

If I have to do this based on
stereotypes that are totally

untrue, that I do
not agree with,

you would maybe not
be a very good driver.

Oh, man.

Am I a woman?

You'll notice I didn't
have anybody be an Arab.

I thought that would
be too explosive.

Uh, no pun intended.

But I just thought
too soon for Arabs.

Maybe next year.

Um.

You know, the ball's
in their court.

What are you watching?

"Chappelle's Show."

-Really?
-Yeah.

I downloaded it on her computer.
I hope she doesn't mind.

She just had a lot
of extra space.

No way.
No.

I think she really
likes this stuff.

Great.

She's cute, huh?

Yeah.

You know, she's engaged, but

Oh, no.

The girl on the sketch.

Oh, yeah.
She's hot.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

You want to go to the beach?

Sure.

You want to get high?

No.

-I think you do, mon.
-Stop it.

OK.
All right.

No.
It's good.

It-- you just, you,
you need to push it.

You know, you need to
go a little bit further.

Uh, all right.

OK.

(INDIAN ACCENT):
Kelly, how are you?

I just had the longest meeting.

Oh, welcome to my
convenient store.

Would you like
some cookie cookie?

Oh, I have some very
delicious cookie cookie.

Only $0.99 plus tax.

Try my cookie cookie.

Try my cookie cookie.

Try my cookie cookie.

Try my--

All right.

All right.

Yes.

That was great.

She gets it.

Now she knows what it's
like to be a minority.

Mr. Deckard, we didn't lose
your sale today, did we?

Excellent.
OK.

Let me just get
your-- what's that?

No.
We didn't.

We didn't close last time.

I just need your, uh-- oh.

What, what code were you given?

Oh, OK.

Yeah, no.

That's actually
another salesman here.

Yeah.

I can redo it if
you want to do that.

Oh, he gave you a discount.

No, I don't blame you.

I just hated it when
that guy was in here.

Mr. Brown, if that
was his real name.

I mean, he had never
met any of us before.

And here he was telling
us how to do our thing.

I just want-- I just
wanted to do it our way.

You know?
On our own.

Man, I should have
gotten some food.

Maybe some spaghetti?

MICHAEL: OK, Kevin.

You can take off that thing.

OK?

That would have really, really
shown him up, wouldn't it?

If I had brought in some
burritos or some coloured

greens, or some pad thai.

Love pad thai.

STANLEY: It's collared greens.
MICHAEL: What?

It's collared greens.

That doesn't really make
sense because you don't

call them collared people.
That's offensive.

Hmm.
OK.

Well, it's after 5:00.

So thank you very much.

Buena vista, Oscar.

Thank you.

Good job.

Ah, my man.

Thank you, Brazil.
Nice.

Hey.

Hey.

We can go.
-Sorry.

-That's fine.
-OK.

Uh, not a bad day.